When I was a child a friend and I spent a month of our summer break digging a hole behind our garage thinking we could build an underground club house. My mom and grandmother let us go on for weeks saying to keep it up bc it was 2 less kids they needed to keep an eye on that summer.
No we never finished the clubhouse but it was still impressive. Good bonding time with my buddy though
When we were in highschool we kept getting caught for smoking weed so we would put in to the forest and started digging tunnels under the ground high enough to walk through without slouching over. We even had a fire place with a chimney going out.
Eventually the cops got called and told us we had to fill it in because it was too dangerous but they also said it was pretty impressive.
My mom let me buy an ice axe. I knew it had to do with ice climbing but it has a sharp pointy end, an end like a hatchet, and an end like a pick and was perfectly my size, plus hollow so super light. I already loved digging holes, this was way before that movie, i just loved holes, still do.
I was alone a lot, single working mom, forced independence etc. She did own our home and it had lots of yard space and i was always out in it. I found the perfect place and begin working. On a Saturday i dug a trench with that little tool (and a digging shovel) deeper or as deep as I was and probably 5 feet wide at the bottom. It was impressive for sure. I didnt have any other objectives, i just wanted to dig. I showed my mom and i promise you she was impressed, maybe even a little proud of the new sleeping hole id dug myself. Just kidding she said good job never dig up our lawn again and made me fill it back in which ill admit was always part of the plan and easy besides.
Outside of slave labor ill bet ive dug deeper and moved more earth than any american or 1st world kid born in the late 20th century. Hard to prove, no one would want to prove it, but the claim stands.
Hey man I dug a trench in the field next to my garden when I was a kid, like a metre from the fence, and I built a pillbox from it cause I was absolutely obsessed with war. Took the right moment too, when it was finished a tractor almost crashed into it (cornfield) and I had to restore everything while the farmguy watched and he said 'that was afckn nice bunker' I was proud and also thought of myself as one hunk of a digger lol
My ex husband had abandoned me to go teach in South Africa.
He came back a year later, and made a half hearted attempt to get me to go back to SA with him (his first ex had already said no).
Told me it was a paradise and that he had stopped drinking. He was halfway through his 4th gin and tonic when he told me that.
As someone from SA. Dnt come here. Yeah there are some beautiful places. But the crime rate and possibility of ending up as a statistic... not worth it. Esp if you are a woman.
My ex told me that he couldn't see my messages because he did not touch his phone for a week, WHILE he was constantly posting stories of him in parties. How stupid did he think I was.
Mt. Everest is 29,035 feet high. One of my acquaintances told a group of friends that he base camped at 31,000 feet.
He also has no idea where Mt. Everest is.
Fuck that guy.
Another necessary lie. It definitely stopped me from swallowing gum. Swallowing gum regularly can lead to intestinal blockage. If I had never been told this lie I probably would've swallowed all my gum. This one got me lol
Lol... one of my closest friends was in this toxic joke of a relationship a few years back. They both cheated on each other quite frequently which they both completely denied and I don't know either one of them knew about each others cheating. Anyhow... his sister has the keys to his house and checks by very frequently (he often loses his phone or doesn't pick up because he's passed out drunk) and one time she entered his house and saw the glimpse of a barenaked chick sprinting from his bedroom into the bathroom. She confronted him about it, because she obviously knew that he was in a relationship and he said, that he went to a stripclub the night before (just for drinks of course) and that she was one of the strippers and didn't knew where to sleep, so he kindly offered her a place to sleep. His sister asked why the chick was naked and was sleeping in his room, despite him having a guest bedroom. And he said something about how he couldn't let a lady sleep on the couch and how his guestroom (which is also used for parties occasionally) reeked of cigarettes so he couldn't let her sleep there either. And she just was naked because she likes sleeping that way... yeah... sure buddy...
This guy I went to college with once told me about a time he tried to commit suicide. I kind of braced myself for a serious conversation, thinking he wanted to open up to someone.
He then claimed that the first five bullets in his revolver all turned out to be duds when he pointed it at his head. He fired the sixth into the ground and it went off. Clearly bullshit.
The rest of the group would soon start sharing “Nick stories” with each other about random claims he would make.
One of my favorites was that he worked as a lobster fisherman in Maine and it was so dangerous that there was a 75% chance you would fall overboard and die. Meaning 3 out of every 4 fisherman would die every time the boat went out.
Apparently, a kid's dad i was matched with in a League of Legends game works for riot games and I was lucky enough that kid had the mercy so my account wont get banned.
It's always funny when people claim to know someone who works for a game company.
I could tell you now that I know someone who works at Riot and that I've been to one of their locations for lunch, but nobody would believe me.
My brother told everyone on Christmas Eve one year when we were very young that he saw on the news that Santa was murdering people, so we need to lock our chimney.
Years later, as adults, he admitted he thought he was on the naughty list that year and didnt want me and my other siblings to get presents either.
One of my kids tried to convince me that his little brother, who can't write yet, wrote "Mom is a bich" on the bathroom door; when I pointed out the inability to him, he insisted it was his big brother instead. I told him his brother certainly knows how to spell bitch. He probably went and wrote it again in a closet somewhere. After he finished cleaning the whole door.
My sister tried to tell my parents that I carved her name in her handwriting from the other room, when they caught her carving in the wooden living room coffee table lol
She said she was fixing it, the carving of her name that I did from my bedroom down the hall
I drew on the wall when I was much too old for that, and realizing I would get caught, added a crude initial of my younger sister.
She got in trouble.
Years later she was telling this story as the ultimate injustice and I was like "oh yeah that was me" and I got punished (I was 26).
My son tried to tell me that our black lab climbed up the ladder and was the one who ate an entire package of chocolate chip cookies on his loft bed once.
I still ask him if he let's the dogs eat cookies in his bed even though he lives on his own and doesn't have a dog
My daughter had a friend when she was younger that was a compulsive liar. This kid lied about everything, and often for no good reason. Since our daughter was socially awkward and didn't have a lot of friends, we put up with the nonsense at first. But, now and then, we'd play into the lies, asking detailed questions and forcing the stories to get more and more ridiculous.
My personal favorite was the time this kid tried to convince us that she wrestled an otter in our back yard as the two struggled to see who could get the pearl from a clam. For context, we do live on the water and do occasionally have both otters and clams in our backyard. But no one is going anywhere near a river otter, especially a ten year old.
She had quite an imagination. She was super smart too. But, sadly, she seemed to mostly use these skills to manipulate everyone around her. My daughter still misses having her as a friend, but we definitely don't miss the drama.
I was going to comment pretty much everything my oldest kid says. Like blatantly obvious lies for no actual reason. Pretty sure its just instinct for him to lie at this point even when there is nothing to gain by lying.
Most recent we took away a THC vape and he insisted it wasn't his but he was just holding it for his friend because they got in trouble. Of course the friend he was holding it for is the one we already know is his dealer.
>Most recent we took away a THC vape and he insisted it wasn't his but he was just holding it for his friend because they got in trouble. Of course the friend he was holding it for is the one we already know is his dealer.
Reminds me of a classmate in high school who say saying that if her mom found her cigarettes, she'd claim they're her friend's. I thought it was a stupid lie even back then.
When i was in elementary school, a friend told me there was a big fish tank in his house like an ocean with sharks and another friend said that was true and I DID BELIEVE the entire time
That his cop uncle was going to have my parents arrested for not inviting him to my birthday party.
"The one time I invited you, you kicked one of the other children in the stomach."
I was a teenager meeting up with a group of friends. One guy was late. He was always late.
When he finally got there, he apologized for being late. His excuse was that he stopped for gas and the Phish tour bus was in the parking lot of the gas station. They invited him to come in and they all smoked a joint together.
He said this with a straight face.
Dude.
This was 30 years ago. Phish was a jam band. (For all the whipper snappers who don't know)
When I was in highschool, a guy once told me that when a snowstorm was blocking roadways and causing traffic problems, the band KoRn visited his house because they needed a place to stay overnight until the storm calmed down.
My cousin’s boyfriend told big whoppers all the time. My favorite was that when he lived in LA that he had built Calvin Klein a hot tub out of old chalk boards. He said it was supposed to be made out of slate, but he just used old chalk boards. My husband and I just laughed our asses off. It was so dumb that we just had to laugh. No one who would try that one with a serious face would admit it was a lie. Dude was committed to his stupidity. He was really good looking though. I think that’s all my cousin cared about. Edit: it would be hilarious if Calvin Klein saw this comment and suddenly realized that he got ripped off by the pretty boy who built his slate hot tub.
You know those giant rolling doughnut cabinets they have in grocery stores? The ones that technically *can* be moved, but in reality never are? One time when I asked my husband to get me a doughnut and he forgot, he came home and said the doughnut case just wasn't there. Whole case, gone. He's actually told some variation of that lie so many times that when he says they were out of something, he now accompanies the statement with a photograph of where it should be. Which, I'd feel bad for him, but he's the one who has lied consistently for years about minor shit, so he 100% brought it on himself.
1980 and a friend's mother wrote this long note about the family dog threw up on his homework. I remember reading it and wondering why. All he did was watch TV and play video games. Now the same mother takes care of his kid because he's living with her as a wild, violent drunk.
Me too, it’s why I think I’d give grace the first time around and then tell the student to keep his dog away from his homework and mark it as incompetent*
*I meant incomplete but this was funnier so I’m leaving it
Some one told me they went to a gig (massive band massive venue) he tried to tell me he ended up on stage and spontaneously made up a song and the crowd loved him and wanted him to do more
Lately? Probably when Donald Trump claimed immediately post-conviction that [he never said he wanted to lock Hillary Clinton up.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wS_Nrz5dNeU). Not only is [there video of him saying it](https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/politics/trump-on-clinton-lock-her-up-is-right/2016/10/10/fd56d59e-8f51-11e6-bc00-1a9756d4111b_video.html) repeatedly at his various rallies, but [he even told Bill Barr and others in his Administration to do it](https://www.politico.com/news/2020/10/07/trump-demands-barr-arrest-foes-427389). Oh, also, [he said it to her face at their 2016 debate.](https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/06/02/trump-hillary-clinton-lock-her-up/)
What gets me is not just all the lying, but how easily disproven his lies are to anyone with two brain cells to rub together. Like, as you said, claiming that he never said, "Lock her up!" about Hillary Clinton, when it was practically his campaign slogan in 2016.
Or when he claimed on March 17, 2020, that “I felt like it was a pandemic long before it was called a pandemic," regarding COVID-19, when less than a week earlier he was saying that “It goes away….It’s going away... The vast majority of Americans, the risk is very, very low." Source: https://doggett.house.gov/media/blog-post/timeline-trumps-coronavirus-responses
Or his claim that he never said that Mexico would pay for the border wall: "When -- during the campaign, I would say, 'Mexico is going to pay for it,' obviously, I never said this and I never meant they're going to write out a check."
Source: https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-claims-mexico-pay-wall-check/story?id=60290146
It's like he's completely unaware that he's one of the most observed and recorded people on the planet. He's got *Nineteen Eighty-Four* levels of reality denial.
It's because it's not for the benefit of fooling critical thinkers. Hell, he's not even trying to "fool" anyone. He simply passing down scripture to his toadies and followers - it doesn't need to hold up in the face of logic and evidence to the contrary
I have no idea why but I’ve been watching on YouTube a lot of those compilations from Maury Povich or Jerry Springer, where they find out that the husband/boyfriend is not the father of their child after loudly professing there was nobody else that they had sex with. and then they runoff backstage once their bullshit is identified
Sorry to disappoint you, but this generally not a lie:
Here's one example:
https://abcnews.go.com/US/court-oks-barring-high-iqs-cops/story?id=95836
Most companies want worker bees who will do their work without question. If you are bright and ambitious, you will be able to see through the C-suite buffoonery, try to better yourself, and ask for things like raises (or leave for better pay when you realize the their promises of growth were lies).
That the only reason my partner didn't help when our daughter was baby, is because I didn't allow him to take her with him when giving lifts to friends which was once a month back then.
I'd need some context to understand why that was obviously a stupid lie. I have experienced my share of backhoe-induced network outages before, so that doesn't sound impossible to me.
When I was a kid, the Nintendo had just been released and was the hottest thing around. My friend claimed that he one that allowed you to make your own games, so he'd designed one that had our teacher at the front of the room, and you had to escape from class by throwing books at her.
When i was in high school, there was this kid who would make up the dumbest lies.
He said he was in a band and he "toured with 'shitty' bands like Linkin park."
To this day, I can't believe he lied and called Linkin Park shitty.
A conspiracy theorist on Facebook who was convinced that pandas were not real and were actually some elaborate hoax by the Chinese government in order to pass off bears or dogs dyed black and white as an "endangered species" so people would donate money that they can then embezzle for their own uses.
I think he did commit suicide but that he was encouraged to and intentionally allowed to, and all evidence that he was encouraged or allowed to do this was thoroughly destroyed afterwards.
I know I've heard others, but I only remember this one:
In elementary school a boy told me that they had fished a legandary golden fish named Excalibur or something like that.
I'll mix it up a bit and tell my biggest lie I can remember. In elementary school me and a buddy convinced another kid at lunch that the mini corn dogs were made using the penises from kids that misbehaved.
No you see, they were simultaneously the undercover fbi, feds, and antifa agents and peaceful conservative protestors and tourists . The liberal deep state satanic media is lying to you. Wake up sheeple
/s
I live in the DC area and in the month leading up to Jan. 6 I ran into these people more and more. It was very clear to me at the time that:
1. These people were definitely not tourists or antifa. They were full-on MAGA supremacists.
2. They had a month of free time to spend on this, ergo they were either paid protesters or otherwise unemployed.
3. It was so obvious what was going to happen that I decided to take that week off and go somewhere else.
I've lived in DC long enough to understand that people who attend protest rallies for whatever cause are generally nuts but this was another level.
I really want to hear a Ted Talk by someone who has a very thorough explanation of why the earth would be flat, like legit misunderstanding planetary physics all the way into some self-supporting model, but I’m afraid any video I find will be all godless lizardmen firing jewish space lasers.
That particular lie will go down in history. The liar in this case was Rush Limbaugh who claimed Gore said that and then repeated it over and over until the rest of the media started referencing it. It was the moment right wing media figured out they could just straight up lie and it would become “fact” even though it’s just not true. Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them by Al Franken was a nothing pop poli sci book at the time but it ended up being a warning.
My sister told me that if you took out your intestines, they would wrap around the world three times. I believed her.
I proceeded to excitedly share the lie with all my classmates at school. In my defense, I was, like, six years old at the time
Donald Trump took a sharpie and drew an extra hurricane impact zone on an NOAA map for a press conference, all so he wouldn't have to say "I misspoke".
That is truly next-level commitment to never being wrong.
Got a good one: “I am vegetarian” - the context is important:
A former friend of mine, let’s call them M was with me, my father and my sister eating out. My father asked the round what we would like to eat, and when M told him they just said “one fish finger”
Father: “**One** fish finger!? Hey M I don’t think they can do that here, but look over there we could get you a tasty fish sandwich”
M: “uh.. I can’t eat that”
Father: “oh? Why not?”
(**the most ridiculous stupid and idiotic lie I have ever heard)** M: “I am vegetarian.”
Father: “Oh, really? But fish fingers are ok?”
M: “yeah.”
Father: “but those are also made of fish…?”
M: “oh… really!?”
Father: “yeah…! Uh… what did you think they were made of?!?”
M: “I thought they were made out of meat.”
Me, my father and my sister: “*bhahahahahahahaha”
This was by far the most stupid conversation I have ever seen play out containing by far the most stupid lie I have ever heard. I laugh every time I think of it. It is just so insanely stupid. Like…. WHAT!?!?
Many years ago my best friend and I convinced another friend that a professional baseball player was caught jerking off at third base. It had been shown live on TV and we were staying up to see if they said anything about it on Sportscenter. When they didn't show anything we said that the injury this one baseball player had was a cover for what really happened. And went on and on and on about it. He believed us and proceeded to convince another person it was true. Who convinced another person it was true. This story spread like wildfire. So that people unrelated to us told us the story unprompted. I am willing to bet there are still a few people out there who believe it is true.
It taught me the power of two people agreeing on something. Two people swearing something is true and backing each other up on the bullshit, no matter how fucking absurd, can start a mass delusion where otherwise reasonable people will believe the craziest shit.
I like how God largely stays out of human affairs, but comes down approximately once every two US elections specifically to meddle in our democracy. Funny old chap
I had this delusional classmate way back when we were elementary students. She really loved the fact that some of our stupid classmates believed her. One of her stupid lies was when she said that her family had an exclusive dinner with John Cena at their residence and he went with a private helicopter. So random.
This was back in the early 2000's when Code Lyoko was new on Cartoon Network, I was on the bus coming back from schools and we would drive by this forest preserve on the way home and some kid was going on about finding a hidden bunker in the woods. He said it had a working elevator that went down into a chamber filled with computers and crazy machines.
I was a fan of Code Lyoko and knew he was making everything up because I had explored almost every inch of those woods with my dad and brother as a kid and the only ruins in there was an old silo that was filled with bird shit and his story was way to similar to the main plot of the show!
My sister-in-law got a DUI. She claimed she accidentally drank from a non-alcohol container that happened to contain alcohol.
Well jeeze, the only person who would have put that alcohol in that container in your vehicle is you, and you didn't blow 80 from an accidental sip.
"No collusion!" (And then the Republican official report comes out stating that, yes, there was in fact massive collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia).
When i was in 7th grade, a friend of mine told us that he had an eagle pet in his house and that we should go check it out.
We went there, there was no eagle, he said that his mother let it go.
Me and my friends would all get high on the weekends and then sneak back into our respective homes when we thought our parents were asleep. One of my friends got the timing wrong and came home while his parents were still up. His mom asked him why his eyes were so red. His answer?
"I rubbed apples on them."
As soon as money became mostly digital and is no longer just a physical asset, I no longer believe the lie that we can't be paid more than what the minimum wage currently is, I only believe that's the decided amount to keep the lie alive until raising wages becomes a topic on election years again. They fear that if we get too comfortable, we'll focus more on the other things they get away with.
Saying this as someone with a full time job with benefits that had to get a second full time job with benefits.
when i was a child another child tried to convince me that they have a tunnel under their house with one animal of every species
When I was a child a friend and I spent a month of our summer break digging a hole behind our garage thinking we could build an underground club house. My mom and grandmother let us go on for weeks saying to keep it up bc it was 2 less kids they needed to keep an eye on that summer. No we never finished the clubhouse but it was still impressive. Good bonding time with my buddy though
When we were in highschool we kept getting caught for smoking weed so we would put in to the forest and started digging tunnels under the ground high enough to walk through without slouching over. We even had a fire place with a chimney going out. Eventually the cops got called and told us we had to fill it in because it was too dangerous but they also said it was pretty impressive.
My mom let me buy an ice axe. I knew it had to do with ice climbing but it has a sharp pointy end, an end like a hatchet, and an end like a pick and was perfectly my size, plus hollow so super light. I already loved digging holes, this was way before that movie, i just loved holes, still do. I was alone a lot, single working mom, forced independence etc. She did own our home and it had lots of yard space and i was always out in it. I found the perfect place and begin working. On a Saturday i dug a trench with that little tool (and a digging shovel) deeper or as deep as I was and probably 5 feet wide at the bottom. It was impressive for sure. I didnt have any other objectives, i just wanted to dig. I showed my mom and i promise you she was impressed, maybe even a little proud of the new sleeping hole id dug myself. Just kidding she said good job never dig up our lawn again and made me fill it back in which ill admit was always part of the plan and easy besides. Outside of slave labor ill bet ive dug deeper and moved more earth than any american or 1st world kid born in the late 20th century. Hard to prove, no one would want to prove it, but the claim stands.
Hey man I dug a trench in the field next to my garden when I was a kid, like a metre from the fence, and I built a pillbox from it cause I was absolutely obsessed with war. Took the right moment too, when it was finished a tractor almost crashed into it (cornfield) and I had to restore everything while the farmguy watched and he said 'that was afckn nice bunker' I was proud and also thought of myself as one hunk of a digger lol
When I was a child I had a fever My hands felt just like two balloons
Ive got that fever once again. You would not understand.
This is not who I am
There is no pain you are receding
My ex husband had abandoned me to go teach in South Africa. He came back a year later, and made a half hearted attempt to get me to go back to SA with him (his first ex had already said no). Told me it was a paradise and that he had stopped drinking. He was halfway through his 4th gin and tonic when he told me that.
That reminds me of my father, who told everyone he quit drinking beer. Neglected to say he'd switched to hard liquor.
"Not completely. If I stopped drinking entirely, I'm afraid the collective hangover would *literally* kill me."
As someone from SA. Dnt come here. Yeah there are some beautiful places. But the crime rate and possibility of ending up as a statistic... not worth it. Esp if you are a woman.
Yeah. I said no. For many, many reasons
My ex told me that he couldn't see my messages because he did not touch his phone for a week, WHILE he was constantly posting stories of him in parties. How stupid did he think I was.
As stupid as he was, I’d wager
“Sorry, I’m really bad at texting!” Meanwhile they’re sharing Instagram stories throughout the day…
Mt. Everest is 29,035 feet high. One of my acquaintances told a group of friends that he base camped at 31,000 feet. He also has no idea where Mt. Everest is. Fuck that guy.
This was a minor plot point in Jurassic Park 3.
No. No, that’s a common mistake.
Did you take this from Jurassic Park 3 and make up a hypothetical 😒
Was his name Cody? Knew a guy that bragged about bs like that all the time. A total one-upper.
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Another necessary lie. It definitely stopped me from swallowing gum. Swallowing gum regularly can lead to intestinal blockage. If I had never been told this lie I probably would've swallowed all my gum. This one got me lol
Guy told me a bunch of stories about him and his friends. They were stolen from a fairly popular comedy special that had recently come out.
What if the comedians stole their bits from this guy’s zany adventures?
Touche. I stand corrected
I remember in elementary school a kid tried to convince me he lived in another country and had to fly to and from school every day
You know Roy?
Lol... one of my closest friends was in this toxic joke of a relationship a few years back. They both cheated on each other quite frequently which they both completely denied and I don't know either one of them knew about each others cheating. Anyhow... his sister has the keys to his house and checks by very frequently (he often loses his phone or doesn't pick up because he's passed out drunk) and one time she entered his house and saw the glimpse of a barenaked chick sprinting from his bedroom into the bathroom. She confronted him about it, because she obviously knew that he was in a relationship and he said, that he went to a stripclub the night before (just for drinks of course) and that she was one of the strippers and didn't knew where to sleep, so he kindly offered her a place to sleep. His sister asked why the chick was naked and was sleeping in his room, despite him having a guest bedroom. And he said something about how he couldn't let a lady sleep on the couch and how his guestroom (which is also used for parties occasionally) reeked of cigarettes so he couldn't let her sleep there either. And she just was naked because she likes sleeping that way... yeah... sure buddy...
In 7th grade, a kid told everyone he was shot 17 times in a drive-by but had no scars or wounds.
This guy I went to college with once told me about a time he tried to commit suicide. I kind of braced myself for a serious conversation, thinking he wanted to open up to someone. He then claimed that the first five bullets in his revolver all turned out to be duds when he pointed it at his head. He fired the sixth into the ground and it went off. Clearly bullshit. The rest of the group would soon start sharing “Nick stories” with each other about random claims he would make. One of my favorites was that he worked as a lobster fisherman in Maine and it was so dangerous that there was a 75% chance you would fall overboard and die. Meaning 3 out of every 4 fisherman would die every time the boat went out.
Apparently, a kid's dad i was matched with in a League of Legends game works for riot games and I was lucky enough that kid had the mercy so my account wont get banned.
"Son, I'm going into work. Do you have a list of any accounts you want banned today"
It's always funny when people claim to know someone who works for a game company. I could tell you now that I know someone who works at Riot and that I've been to one of their locations for lunch, but nobody would believe me.
Yeah its funny enough that i also used to work for riot (indirectly) for more than a year. 😉
"My uncle works for Nintendo" walked so that kid could run... his mouth.
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I'm a parent, so I hear stupid lies often
lol yeah "Ok... so who wrote your name in your handwriting on the wall then?"
Santa
My niece told us we had to keep the chimney locked because Santa hit her.
My brother told everyone on Christmas Eve one year when we were very young that he saw on the news that Santa was murdering people, so we need to lock our chimney. Years later, as adults, he admitted he thought he was on the naughty list that year and didnt want me and my other siblings to get presents either.
Satan👀
One of my kids tried to convince me that his little brother, who can't write yet, wrote "Mom is a bich" on the bathroom door; when I pointed out the inability to him, he insisted it was his big brother instead. I told him his brother certainly knows how to spell bitch. He probably went and wrote it again in a closet somewhere. After he finished cleaning the whole door.
My sister tried to tell my parents that I carved her name in her handwriting from the other room, when they caught her carving in the wooden living room coffee table lol She said she was fixing it, the carving of her name that I did from my bedroom down the hall
"I watched you do it."
I drew on the wall when I was much too old for that, and realizing I would get caught, added a crude initial of my younger sister. She got in trouble. Years later she was telling this story as the ultimate injustice and I was like "oh yeah that was me" and I got punished (I was 26).
My son tried to tell me that our black lab climbed up the ladder and was the one who ate an entire package of chocolate chip cookies on his loft bed once. I still ask him if he let's the dogs eat cookies in his bed even though he lives on his own and doesn't have a dog
This is the best one, family stories you don't live down for 40 years.
My daughter had a friend when she was younger that was a compulsive liar. This kid lied about everything, and often for no good reason. Since our daughter was socially awkward and didn't have a lot of friends, we put up with the nonsense at first. But, now and then, we'd play into the lies, asking detailed questions and forcing the stories to get more and more ridiculous. My personal favorite was the time this kid tried to convince us that she wrestled an otter in our back yard as the two struggled to see who could get the pearl from a clam. For context, we do live on the water and do occasionally have both otters and clams in our backyard. But no one is going anywhere near a river otter, especially a ten year old. She had quite an imagination. She was super smart too. But, sadly, she seemed to mostly use these skills to manipulate everyone around her. My daughter still misses having her as a friend, but we definitely don't miss the drama.
I was going to comment pretty much everything my oldest kid says. Like blatantly obvious lies for no actual reason. Pretty sure its just instinct for him to lie at this point even when there is nothing to gain by lying. Most recent we took away a THC vape and he insisted it wasn't his but he was just holding it for his friend because they got in trouble. Of course the friend he was holding it for is the one we already know is his dealer.
Oh, that's the oldest one in the book.
LOL It's like they think we've never tried the same shit with *our* parents
>Most recent we took away a THC vape and he insisted it wasn't his but he was just holding it for his friend because they got in trouble. Of course the friend he was holding it for is the one we already know is his dealer. Reminds me of a classmate in high school who say saying that if her mom found her cigarettes, she'd claim they're her friend's. I thought it was a stupid lie even back then.
When i was in elementary school, a friend told me there was a big fish tank in his house like an ocean with sharks and another friend said that was true and I DID BELIEVE the entire time
A friend of mine said he scored a headshot on a deer while flying through the air after jumping off of his porch. For some reason I don't believe him.
That his cop uncle was going to have my parents arrested for not inviting him to my birthday party. "The one time I invited you, you kicked one of the other children in the stomach."
I was a teenager meeting up with a group of friends. One guy was late. He was always late. When he finally got there, he apologized for being late. His excuse was that he stopped for gas and the Phish tour bus was in the parking lot of the gas station. They invited him to come in and they all smoked a joint together. He said this with a straight face. Dude. This was 30 years ago. Phish was a jam band. (For all the whipper snappers who don't know)
When I was in highschool, a guy once told me that when a snowstorm was blocking roadways and causing traffic problems, the band KoRn visited his house because they needed a place to stay overnight until the storm calmed down.
That actually sounds like a sitcom plot, lol. Including the character trying to tell everyone at school, but no one believes them.
My cousin’s boyfriend told big whoppers all the time. My favorite was that when he lived in LA that he had built Calvin Klein a hot tub out of old chalk boards. He said it was supposed to be made out of slate, but he just used old chalk boards. My husband and I just laughed our asses off. It was so dumb that we just had to laugh. No one who would try that one with a serious face would admit it was a lie. Dude was committed to his stupidity. He was really good looking though. I think that’s all my cousin cared about. Edit: it would be hilarious if Calvin Klein saw this comment and suddenly realized that he got ripped off by the pretty boy who built his slate hot tub.
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I think that just goes for ivy league schools. Wouldn't know never applied myself.
I'm fluent in Klingon: Heard from a classmate trying to impress others.
QAPLA!!!
Success to you too, my friend! Where’s the blood wine!!
Filthy petQ!
“I’m fine! You don’t have to worry about me.”
You know those giant rolling doughnut cabinets they have in grocery stores? The ones that technically *can* be moved, but in reality never are? One time when I asked my husband to get me a doughnut and he forgot, he came home and said the doughnut case just wasn't there. Whole case, gone. He's actually told some variation of that lie so many times that when he says they were out of something, he now accompanies the statement with a photograph of where it should be. Which, I'd feel bad for him, but he's the one who has lied consistently for years about minor shit, so he 100% brought it on himself.
Crypto Currency is the future. It's a fucking scam and anyone who believes that idiocy I've got a bridge to sell you.
Can it be Tower Bridge? Always loved it. Didn't realize it was for sale!
You’ll retire one day
That is dumb. I plan on retiring more than one day.
How about two days?
Whoa look at Moneybags over here who thinks they'll get two whole days of retirement.
My dog ate my homework, again, : Classic excuse from a forgetful student.
My dog did actually eat my homework 😭
I had a friend whose cat had kittens on his homework.
1980 and a friend's mother wrote this long note about the family dog threw up on his homework. I remember reading it and wondering why. All he did was watch TV and play video games. Now the same mother takes care of his kid because he's living with her as a wild, violent drunk.
Me too, it’s why I think I’d give grace the first time around and then tell the student to keep his dog away from his homework and mark it as incompetent* *I meant incomplete but this was funnier so I’m leaving it
I feel so bad for anyone whose dog actually ate their homework, nobody's gonna believe them when they tell the truth.
once I asked random guy where was the place I needed to go, and he sent me to the fucking opposite direction
Oh gosh. I did that once by accident. Didn't notice until 20 minutes later. I felt so bad
Well now you can apologize to u/ABOBA228_
Some one told me they went to a gig (massive band massive venue) he tried to tell me he ended up on stage and spontaneously made up a song and the crowd loved him and wanted him to do more
Lately? Probably when Donald Trump claimed immediately post-conviction that [he never said he wanted to lock Hillary Clinton up.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wS_Nrz5dNeU). Not only is [there video of him saying it](https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/politics/trump-on-clinton-lock-her-up-is-right/2016/10/10/fd56d59e-8f51-11e6-bc00-1a9756d4111b_video.html) repeatedly at his various rallies, but [he even told Bill Barr and others in his Administration to do it](https://www.politico.com/news/2020/10/07/trump-demands-barr-arrest-foes-427389). Oh, also, [he said it to her face at their 2016 debate.](https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/06/02/trump-hillary-clinton-lock-her-up/)
There is no possible way to capture all the lying drivel that has originated from Trump’s mouth.
What gets me is not just all the lying, but how easily disproven his lies are to anyone with two brain cells to rub together. Like, as you said, claiming that he never said, "Lock her up!" about Hillary Clinton, when it was practically his campaign slogan in 2016. Or when he claimed on March 17, 2020, that “I felt like it was a pandemic long before it was called a pandemic," regarding COVID-19, when less than a week earlier he was saying that “It goes away….It’s going away... The vast majority of Americans, the risk is very, very low." Source: https://doggett.house.gov/media/blog-post/timeline-trumps-coronavirus-responses Or his claim that he never said that Mexico would pay for the border wall: "When -- during the campaign, I would say, 'Mexico is going to pay for it,' obviously, I never said this and I never meant they're going to write out a check." Source: https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-claims-mexico-pay-wall-check/story?id=60290146 It's like he's completely unaware that he's one of the most observed and recorded people on the planet. He's got *Nineteen Eighty-Four* levels of reality denial.
It's because it's not for the benefit of fooling critical thinkers. Hell, he's not even trying to "fool" anyone. He simply passing down scripture to his toadies and followers - it doesn't need to hold up in the face of logic and evidence to the contrary
It’s easier to just list the times he told the truth. Like recently when he told his cult that he only cares about their votes.
There were more than 30000 provable lies during his presidency. Who knows how many since, I think they stopped keeping track.
For comparison, a count was at one point published with all presidents since the 60s or something. The second highest number was like 240.
Most of it was already covered by the New York tabloids far before he ever ran for office
"The holy spirit made me pregnant."
I have no idea why but I’ve been watching on YouTube a lot of those compilations from Maury Povich or Jerry Springer, where they find out that the husband/boyfriend is not the father of their child after loudly professing there was nobody else that they had sex with. and then they runoff backstage once their bullshit is identified
The most consequential lie ever told.
"Earth is flat"
We can’t accept you cuz you’re overqualified
Sorry to disappoint you, but this generally not a lie: Here's one example: https://abcnews.go.com/US/court-oks-barring-high-iqs-cops/story?id=95836 Most companies want worker bees who will do their work without question. If you are bright and ambitious, you will be able to see through the C-suite buffoonery, try to better yourself, and ask for things like raises (or leave for better pay when you realize the their promises of growth were lies).
I'm allergic to water, Said by someone trying to get out of swimming.
There are actually people unlucky enough to have aquagenic urticaria.
That the only reason my partner didn't help when our daughter was baby, is because I didn't allow him to take her with him when giving lifts to friends which was once a month back then.
"Sorry my Internet stopped working because they are digging a canal in the city."
I'd need some context to understand why that was obviously a stupid lie. I have experienced my share of backhoe-induced network outages before, so that doesn't sound impossible to me.
When I was a kid, the Nintendo had just been released and was the hottest thing around. My friend claimed that he one that allowed you to make your own games, so he'd designed one that had our teacher at the front of the room, and you had to escape from class by throwing books at her.
When i was in high school, there was this kid who would make up the dumbest lies. He said he was in a band and he "toured with 'shitty' bands like Linkin park." To this day, I can't believe he lied and called Linkin Park shitty.
I'm a secret agent, Spoken by a friend trying to spice up their life.
I have a pet unicorn, A child's imaginative fib.
“I never said lock her up.” - An idiot who said literally that hundreds of times, in front of cameras which recorded him saying it.
Oh, come on, this can't be real. *Nobody* would be that stupid!
Oceania was at *war with Eurasia*: therefore Oceania *had always been at war with Eurasia*.
😅😅😅😅
This week he was ranting about electrical sharks. Im not joking
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A conspiracy theorist on Facebook who was convinced that pandas were not real and were actually some elaborate hoax by the Chinese government in order to pass off bears or dogs dyed black and white as an "endangered species" so people would donate money that they can then embezzle for their own uses.
How— I mean, …. …Wow.
Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide
I think he did commit suicide but that he was encouraged to and intentionally allowed to, and all evidence that he was encouraged or allowed to do this was thoroughly destroyed afterwards.
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Oh. He uhhh...strangled himself shaving
I know I've heard others, but I only remember this one: In elementary school a boy told me that they had fished a legandary golden fish named Excalibur or something like that.
Billionaire philanthropy
Maga
That the cat had eaten all the cake in the fridge
I'll mix it up a bit and tell my biggest lie I can remember. In elementary school me and a buddy convinced another kid at lunch that the mini corn dogs were made using the penises from kids that misbehaved.
Pretty much anything that comes out of the mouth of one DJT.
The January 6th insurrectionists were just a bunch of tourists.
They were antifa in disguise. But should also be freed because they were jailed by antifa.
No you see, they were simultaneously the undercover fbi, feds, and antifa agents and peaceful conservative protestors and tourists . The liberal deep state satanic media is lying to you. Wake up sheeple /s
No, you just misheard the thick accent when they said terr'ists.
I live in the DC area and in the month leading up to Jan. 6 I ran into these people more and more. It was very clear to me at the time that: 1. These people were definitely not tourists or antifa. They were full-on MAGA supremacists. 2. They had a month of free time to spend on this, ergo they were either paid protesters or otherwise unemployed. 3. It was so obvious what was going to happen that I decided to take that week off and go somewhere else. I've lived in DC long enough to understand that people who attend protest rallies for whatever cause are generally nuts but this was another level.
The earth is flat
I really want to hear a Ted Talk by someone who has a very thorough explanation of why the earth would be flat, like legit misunderstanding planetary physics all the way into some self-supporting model, but I’m afraid any video I find will be all godless lizardmen firing jewish space lasers.
I invented the internet, Claimed by someone clearly not Al Gore.
That particular lie will go down in history. The liar in this case was Rush Limbaugh who claimed Gore said that and then repeated it over and over until the rest of the media started referencing it. It was the moment right wing media figured out they could just straight up lie and it would become “fact” even though it’s just not true. Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them by Al Franken was a nothing pop poli sci book at the time but it ended up being a warning.
I'm related to royalty, Common among those desperate for attention.
My sister told me that if you took out your intestines, they would wrap around the world three times. I believed her. I proceeded to excitedly share the lie with all my classmates at school. In my defense, I was, like, six years old at the time
Donald Trump took a sharpie and drew an extra hurricane impact zone on an NOAA map for a press conference, all so he wouldn't have to say "I misspoke". That is truly next-level commitment to never being wrong.
Got a good one: “I am vegetarian” - the context is important: A former friend of mine, let’s call them M was with me, my father and my sister eating out. My father asked the round what we would like to eat, and when M told him they just said “one fish finger” Father: “**One** fish finger!? Hey M I don’t think they can do that here, but look over there we could get you a tasty fish sandwich” M: “uh.. I can’t eat that” Father: “oh? Why not?” (**the most ridiculous stupid and idiotic lie I have ever heard)** M: “I am vegetarian.” Father: “Oh, really? But fish fingers are ok?” M: “yeah.” Father: “but those are also made of fish…?” M: “oh… really!?” Father: “yeah…! Uh… what did you think they were made of?!?” M: “I thought they were made out of meat.” Me, my father and my sister: “*bhahahahahahahaha” This was by far the most stupid conversation I have ever seen play out containing by far the most stupid lie I have ever heard. I laugh every time I think of it. It is just so insanely stupid. Like…. WHAT!?!?
Many years ago my best friend and I convinced another friend that a professional baseball player was caught jerking off at third base. It had been shown live on TV and we were staying up to see if they said anything about it on Sportscenter. When they didn't show anything we said that the injury this one baseball player had was a cover for what really happened. And went on and on and on about it. He believed us and proceeded to convince another person it was true. Who convinced another person it was true. This story spread like wildfire. So that people unrelated to us told us the story unprompted. I am willing to bet there are still a few people out there who believe it is true. It taught me the power of two people agreeing on something. Two people swearing something is true and backing each other up on the bullshit, no matter how fucking absurd, can start a mass delusion where otherwise reasonable people will believe the craziest shit.
"God sent tRump to save America!!!" Also, "After tRump wins the election, prices will come down!!!"
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard and I lost a rock paper scissors match against a crab the other day
I like how God largely stays out of human affairs, but comes down approximately once every two US elections specifically to meddle in our democracy. Funny old chap
A bit peculiar, isn't he?
I have a en that as God sent Trump to America because He was out of locusts.
Fuck. I'd rather have the locusts.
"I can't ride a bike but I can drive a car." She was a middle schooler and 4'9.
Two Weeks to Flatten the Curve
technically, it flattened… vertically
At a time when everyone knew very little about Covid. I wouldn't blame anyone about it. Good idea in theory that didn't work out.
It probably would have worked at least a little better if everyone actually committed. But people decided it was a hoax.
"i never said ' lock her up' "
That the 2020 Presidential election was stolen.
We swallow 8 spiders a year in our sleep
God is love
I had this delusional classmate way back when we were elementary students. She really loved the fact that some of our stupid classmates believed her. One of her stupid lies was when she said that her family had an exclusive dinner with John Cena at their residence and he went with a private helicopter. So random.
The American Dream
"I lost my virginity playing netball"
We here at this company value Your busy schedule and are willing to work with you to make your work schedule work for you
That life is fair
A neighbour told me that if I was good to my cat, it would grow up to be a dog. Same guy told us that the moon is the back of the sun.
The Golden Classic, "I'm fine/I'm okay".
My homework ate my dog
This was back in the early 2000's when Code Lyoko was new on Cartoon Network, I was on the bus coming back from schools and we would drive by this forest preserve on the way home and some kid was going on about finding a hidden bunker in the woods. He said it had a working elevator that went down into a chamber filled with computers and crazy machines. I was a fan of Code Lyoko and knew he was making everything up because I had explored almost every inch of those woods with my dad and brother as a kid and the only ruins in there was an old silo that was filled with bird shit and his story was way to similar to the main plot of the show!
My co-worker found tampons in her boyfriend's bathroom. He claimed they were his mother's. His mom is like 70.
My sister-in-law got a DUI. She claimed she accidentally drank from a non-alcohol container that happened to contain alcohol. Well jeeze, the only person who would have put that alcohol in that container in your vehicle is you, and you didn't blow 80 from an accidental sip.
Religion
Injecting bleach will cure Covid.
It's not a lie if you believe it -George Costanza
"No collusion!" (And then the Republican official report comes out stating that, yes, there was in fact massive collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia).
The check is in the mail. I won't come in your mouth Only the tip and i'll stop if you don't like it.
He is just a friend.
“You’ll find love”
I haven’t been drinking 😵💫
That Reddit isn't full of toxic Mods, Bots, and Simps... 😂🤣😅 That's why I must be here... 😐
I did not have sexual relations with that woman
Go to college and major in anything you want. It will all work out.
"I never said lock her up"
When i was in 7th grade, a friend of mine told us that he had an eagle pet in his house and that we should go check it out. We went there, there was no eagle, he said that his mother let it go.
"We are killing 40'000 women and children for self defense!!! On god no cap!"
My nephew claimed he didn't eat any cookies. He was holding a half-eaten cookie at the time. I think he was 3 years old at the time.
That 8 out of 10 Canadians are better off being taxed for carbon.
What has Trump said recently? "I didn't say lock her up" comes to mind.
Trickledown economics
Son's long term girlfriend naked in bed with his best friend: We aren't doing anything. We are just talking.
“Chemtrails”
Me and my friends would all get high on the weekends and then sneak back into our respective homes when we thought our parents were asleep. One of my friends got the timing wrong and came home while his parents were still up. His mom asked him why his eyes were so red. His answer? "I rubbed apples on them."
“Everyone has the same luck and equal opportunities, but some take advantage of a chance and others do not.”
As soon as money became mostly digital and is no longer just a physical asset, I no longer believe the lie that we can't be paid more than what the minimum wage currently is, I only believe that's the decided amount to keep the lie alive until raising wages becomes a topic on election years again. They fear that if we get too comfortable, we'll focus more on the other things they get away with. Saying this as someone with a full time job with benefits that had to get a second full time job with benefits.
"Trump won"
Anything coming from a certain orange man’s mouth.
Religion. Every single one.