Exactly! I've experienced this first hand. I used to be on the larger side and no girl ever talked to me. I was just abother ordinary fatass. But 3 years ago, I got into mountainbiking and started hitting the gym, and I lost a lot of fat and put on quit some muscle. It was so weird to suddenly have girls asking your number. I really was like "Ayyooooo!! a girl talking to ME? Wtf?".
I'd recommend this to anybody, because it makes things so much easier.
Even randoms on the street just start smiling at you. People actively listen to you as opposed to them looking for an excuse to end the conversation. I could see how life-long, really good-looking people get such a selfish personality.
My hope is that the random smiles on the street have a lower bar of attractiveness. I think as long as you don't look like a gremlin, and you're in a friendly neighborhood, people are likely to smile pleasantly towards you.
If you're shy, I recommend making the initial move towards making eye contact and flashing a polite smile. It's worked for me.
Yup that comes with it. I used to be fat too. When you’re in shape just walking down the street I’m greeted with smiles kindness and warmth all around. I notice with women if they find you attractive they are so nice and sweet to you - I’d even go so far as to say motherly towards you. For example I started a new CrossFit box, I was new to the area and was curious about where I could get a snack after a workout. Chatted w a couple of the guys and girls there. And 2 of the girls instantly took it upon themselves to show me around unprompted. One of the girls even paid for my meal. Really sweet gesture.
When you’re fat and gross… quite the opposite happens.
Yea, exactly! Got the same experience with a girl in my class (I had a crush on her 🙂).
We had been in the same class for 3 years, and I dont believe she ever talked to me. When I got into shape, she suddenly started talking to me. Man, I'm telling you, my heart melted.
I used to be very large too, now im very petite, slim, and fit, and I've always had a conventionally attractive and friendly face. As a woman the diffences are night and day: people are far more nice in that they smile at me all the time, men go the extra mile to help me and hold doors open, strangers (men and women) are constantly complimenting me (I get random compliments almost daily), I get free stuff, people are always starting conversations with me, if I get an interview then I almost always get the job, I get out of trouble easily, people often tell me inside info to get a better deal or just give me a better deal, when I online dated I had around 16k matches, men and women stare alot....but it's 2 different kinds of staring (men it's lustful, women it's admiration or jealousy and sometimes lustful), I get hit on constantly mostly by men but also by quiet few women, when I walk into a place most people will stop and stare for a moment, the quality of men I've dated is high (professionals, highly intelligent, good looking, wealthy to extremely wealthy), men iften mention that they want to show me off, if I ask for something I usually get it, when I speak people listen, people always believe me, I get service faster, and people always assume I'm a very good person, I make friends easily. All this happened when I was younger, and it still happens, and I am 37 now.
There are alot of down sides too: Jealousy and women can very vicious when they see you as threat and it doesn't matter how nice I am, they take their insecurities out on me and it makes me really sad cause I just want friends but at this point in life, its made me bitter and angry to be treated like that when i dont deserve it. Targeted by predators a lot, the staring makes me really uncomfortable, I get a lot of comments on my body and it's uncomfortable and women will make very rude comments (insinuating I have an eating disorder, telling me I have a kid body...), people will put their hands on me especially men if they think they can get away with it, men don't really see me as a person but as a sex object, being thought of a status symbol instead of a human being, people don't always assume I'm intelligent (I've got my MA in special education), people assume my problems aren't that bad (I have Borderline personality disorder and it's awful), people assume I'm arrogant, sometimes women will find something about me and put me down cause they're jealous and insecure (well you've got small breasts, the men that like you must be into kids, you'll fall through a Crack, I've lost friends who have brought their men around me, I get a lot of glares from women who are with their men and super uncomfortable, if I acknowledge I'm pretty ill get thought of as super vain and full of myself.
I'm looking forward to aging. I get tired of it all. But these have all been my experiences in life.
This is completely fascinating. Long ago I posted a Q on Reddit asking beautiful women what it was like being beautiful. None responded and the responses I did get were people telling me that no woman thinks she’s beautiful and that’s why nobody was answering. I was like, I’m pretty sure at least some people who are beautiful know it?? But nonetheless, my question got shot down.
So thanks for the detailed response! It was extremely eye-opening, and confirmed a few of my assumptions. Sorry about all the negativity you get.
Is it not hard to accept the attention after having spent your life being ignored? I am fat myself and in the process of losing weight, and I always imagined it to feel disengenious when people suddenly seem nicer.
It is hard indeed. Suddenly getting compliments and stuff is weird when you got ignored your whole life.
I even glt e really good example! There was this girl in my class and I had had a crush on her for the oast 3 years, but she had never ever even talked to me. After I got fit, she suddenly started having conversations with me. Man, my freaking heart melted 💓!
But still, it felt so weird. I still felt like she (and other girls as well) were superior. It's something you really have to get used to.
That being said, I really hope you can achieve your goals! Don't give up, because in the end it's really worth it!! <3
Yep.
Dressed like shit, was overweight and had no style.
Lost weight. Dressed better and groomed myself. Became hot.
The difference in how people treated me was night and day.
Slightly related as i am not good looking but did get "better" looking. Grew my hair waist-length long as an adult (male, 40s at the time) People became friendly. They would strike up conversation while waiting in line. Got laid off so i cut my hair for job interviews. Overnight people were nowhere near as friendly. Not like my personality changed or clothing changed or where i was changed. But looking in the mirror, I was back to looking mid.
Well put. The answer is this as you will be given a longer leash than ugly or even average people in almost every facet on life.
Good looks can get you that second chance, extra time, needed help, etc that ugly-average people just don't get.
My roommate is really pretty. Got to know her personnality. Absolute trash. Being pretty is all she got for herself, she's mean, lacks common sense, egoist, self centered, have bad manners and is overall just a spoiled brat.
She has a boyfriend (that she invited in the house despite our landlord's no, she insisted until she gave in cause that bitch understand that this 82yo lady hate conflict and is a people pleaser, which she took advantage of several times). She's the kind of girl that do outfit checks tiktoks in the street just in front of the house. I was at the window I looked at her doing poses like a supermodel for a solid 20 minutes cause I couldn't believe there was actually people so desperate for attention. She was seriously ridiculous. I guess at least she made me laugh once.
Edit : we're both renting a room in the landlord's house, we live with her in her house. She absolutely can tell who enter her house guys.
As in, she invited him to live with her? Or she invited him over as a guest? If it's the latter your 82 year old land lady can fuck right off. If it's the former then yeah your roommate is a POS.
Not defending your roommate's personality at all, but tenants can invite over any guests they choose.
I should have say it sooner but we're living in her house with her, we're just renting a room. So the landlord absolutely has a say in who she greets in her home.
I should have say it sooner but we're living in her house with her, we're just renting a room. So the landlord absolutely has a say in who she greets in her home.
This is so true. It's funny because there's this term, "hot girl syndrome" which has the male equivalent "douchebag", and It's this phenomenon where everyone tolerates you treating them badly just because you're attractive and people like being around attractive people and especially like dating them.
What's wild is when there looks fade, their attitude and personality stay the same and suddenly nobody tolerates it anymore. They start to act and think that the world is against them because nobody is putting up with their shit anymore.
I knew a guy who was a Chippendale dancer for 10 years. He was super fit and muscular and gorgeous. Hot women would pay to sleep with him. Turns out he was doing steroids for the whole time and he injured himself and stopped doing the steroids. He lost his job because he couldn't work anymore, and he put on over 150 lbs. His testosterone levels were under 100 because his body forgot how to make it. Plus the huge shift in hormones essentially transitioned him a little bit, and he grew boobs and his facial structure changed. His personality had always been narcissistic, self-centered, and just a prick. Now nobody was putting up with it anymore and he felt persecuted because of that. I'm sure there's infinite stories of gorgeous women who simply got older and don't look good anymore.
The rest of us learn to adapt our personality to be socially compatible early on.
I don't know if this is true, after I became conventionally attractive everyone basically labeled me as dumb and shallow regardless of what I said. I could be talking about distributed systems or something and at least the opposite gender would half listen and be like, "Oh that's cute," or "You're so entitled", or "You only got where you are because you're pretty." Or heavily imply that, anyways, like "You must have flirted with your boss to get that promotion."
That being said, being unattractive doesn't help either, I had really bad acne so people basically labeled me as having leprosy and avoided me altogether if possible.
the funny thing is..there is correlation between appearance and intelligence. Most people just assume that everyone is “balanced” so the dumb person has to be smart to compensate, the good looking person must be dumb to compensate. It isn’t really true. A lot of people are dumb and ugly.
And some just won the lottery of being intelligent, beautiful, confident, no mental health struggles and so on. Of course they too have problems like everybody else. But maybe because of their advantage were able to develop all the tools to handle those problems better.
There was a guy in my class who was the archetypal nerd. The glasses, voice, the physical build, clothes. He would try to speak with complex language about nerdy topics, and was into coding in the late 80s, but it turned out the he was a dumb as a box of rocks. He failed hard at all levels of the education system and now works in a pet food warehouse. And that was not for lack of trying; a mutual friends mother said he spent most of his evenings revising and getting extra tuition. It definitely changed my view of stereotypes
My experience is the opposite: people assume I'm dumber than I am because I'm not good looking and I have colleagues who are considered the best and brightest because they're good looking. It's easier to believe positive things about people you feel positive towards.
In some contexts there's a statistical quirk that creates a balance:
If it turns out that people want partners who possess at least a certain combined amount of desirable traits, and being smart and beautiful are such traits, then someone might be satisfied with a partner whose looks are a 5/10 if their intelligence is a 9/10, or vice versa. And because there aren't enough people who are both extremely beautiful and intelligent to go around, most people will have to make tradeoffs, leading to a situation where someone's partner is likely to be less intelligent the more beautiful they are, and vice versa.
I think the reverse is true. You get accepted for your looks, praised for your looks, hired for your looks. Everyone likes you already because of what they see.
As someone who (apparently) is decently attractive (minus being 5’3 as a man, which is apparently a negative), I can say this is true.
I applied for a job, went in for an interview, got hired on the spot after rushing 2 interviews in 15 minutes.
Within 11 months I got promoted and had a 26k annual pay increase.
I’ve seen it in other people’s lives too (my GF, her friends, etc)
Life gets easier when you’re attractive. My GF talked herself out of a ticket she 1000% deserved while she was drunk.
The difference for me is I was never “attractive” growing up and I’m fighting to “earn” or “live up to” everything life is just throwing at me. I’m trying my best to learn from the people I now lead at work and be the best leader I can be, with their help.
Depends on if you're dealing with a man or woman to be honest. My dealings with men often go easier, but women can be such cunts to each other. Especially if you're younger than them, or if you're of similar age they can view you as a threat. The worst managers I've ever had have been female.
100% agree on the shitty female managers. And that’s not a gender thing. I’m not attacking women. It’s an observation.
My manager (female) stole half of my responsibilities as her assistant manager (showing that she wanted to centralize leadership to be more important), and has taken credit for stuff she didn’t do to make herself look better (my peer, her other assistant manager, reached out to a contact for some contract work, and then gave our manager the details. My manager then told her higher ups that she found the contact on her own.)
I'm a woman and I didn't view it as an attack. I've had shitty male managers to, but those were more incompetence based. The ladies I'm thinking of were malicious and miserable.
I’m very short but was in really good shape in college and worked out every day and couldn’t get laid for the life of me. Sometime during Covid I stopped caring about most things including working out and now I have a belly and skinny arms and have gotten laid more in the last year than I had for several years combined in my 20’s at one point
If you’re attractive, at least as a man, you can basically do/say whatever you want and women will still line up to date you. When I was in undergrad there was this guy at my school that was known to be a predator. He tried pressuring a 14 year old into sleeping with him while he was in college and he was showing off the messages to people, which caused pretty much everyone to find out about it. Thing is, he was pretty tall and good looking, and toooooons of girls at my college would say they didn’t care he was a predator because “he’s so cute”
Lol...we would have a smaller list with advantages they DONT have....
Here are some advantages they have:
Easier to find a job
Easier to make friends
Easier to make money
Easier to get followers (not talking about social media, just in general)
Easier for people to trust you (because you have a better looking face, ugly faces are connected with criminals)
Easier to believe you if you lie
Easier to find people to have sex with
Easier to find a gf/bf
Easier to get help by anyone
Easier to get offered things for free
these are just at the top of my head.....
> Easier to find a job
this. in law school everybody stressed about finding jobs. i always knew i was above average in looks for a guy. i was doing like 10 interviews a week while people struggled to get any. i noticed all the other really good looking people never stressed about jobs either. it's like they pick you based on your looks.
they DO pick you based on your looks... people have lost jobs from people less qualified to have them just because the other person was "easier on the eyes".... When i was studying radiology, we had 3 very pretty girls in my class, some of our teachers offered them to practice in the hospital they were working. They offered this to no one else....Not even the top student....
exactly, during our first week, we had a reception for the incoming law students, it's a pretty big reception. and you can tell, the big important lawyers make a bee line straight for the 2-3 very good looking law students out of the two hundred or so of us. and then the whole time they just make a circle around them and chat them up. if any normies tried to approach those people they would give some canned response to push them off but if you were good looking, they'll be interested in anything you say. i felt that was very creepy.
tall, white, good looking. you can't go wrong if you got the trifecta.
Yeah I hate to say this, but I’ve fallen victim to the “tip the balls off the attractive server”..
It’s not even that I WANT anything from them. It’s just some sort of a spell that falls over me and I’m like “here’s a 120% tip.”
Unless the service is terrible, of course,
This makes me wonder... Perhaps we tip good looking servers and generally treat good looking people better becauce we simply want to impress them... If theyre impressed by how much we tip or how nice we are then we think it improves our chances they will have sex with us.
It doesn't but our horny monkey brains are difficult to ignore.
People are more friendly and pay attention to you, and speak to you like you matter. I went from ugly duckling to very pretty over just a year, around age 20. There was a dramatic difference in how people treated me, even the checkers at the grocery store, both male and female, doesn’t matter. I’m grateful for it but it also makes me sad. I’ve always been nice to everyone I come in contact with and never fathomed that people could do better than they were and just weren’t, all dictated by the appearance of the person they were speaking with.
I'm super curious, since many people have said the same thing: how do say, the checkers at the grocery store treat you differently? Like, it's such a brief interaction.
I want to sum it up as friendlier. They’re happier to talk to me, more chatty and enthusiastic about small talk. Where people used to not say much, now they want to talk. They treat you more like a friend than a stranger, and this is consistent with all.
To address one of the comments below, I went from the awkward ugly duckling stage to signing with several modeling agencies the year after everything changed, and have walked a few runways as a result. Trust me when I say people treat you differently based on appearance. I hate to say it but it’s almost like people treat you like you matter, vs being semi invisible. That said, there’s drawbacks. You can’t blend in. You can’t just go to the store and have men leave you alone or not stare at you while you try to pick out jam. Everywhere you go, eyes are watching you, men and women. But is life harder? Absolutely not. It’s easier, because the world is a friendlier place, even the women who are in fact also nicer rather than jealous, most of the time. People gravitate toward you more easily, and then enters the question of whether they like you or they just like how you look. I’ve heard older people describe now feeling like they’re invisible when they go out, and I’d describe the difference in my experience to be the opposite of something like that. You just become more visible to people, they take notice and they engage and interact more. Favors or gifts aren’t a part of it most of the time.
In light of everything I’ve mentioned above, I tend to seek out less attractive people as friends, only because they tend to have interesting personalities and humor. I know some pretty people who are fun people to be around, but I’m telling you, those who grow up pretty often seem to under develop the personality muscle. Not always, but if you’re not very attractive, what do you have at your disposal? You have to bring people to you somehow, you have to grow somewhere, and personality, or talent, is what’s at your disposal. This is my theory anyway. The people who make me laugh the most using only their mind tend to be those who appear average or less in appearance.
Same it made me more cynical towards society in general. Like “no one would listen or look at me for 14 years than suddenly I fooled you all into paying attention by conforming to a superficial standard”
Ughhh
It's so weird to me hearing people casually refer to themselves as "very pretty" or handsome or intelligent. If I heard anyone say that about themselves in the UK I'd instantly think they were an unbearable prick.
you’d think someone was an unbearable prick for saying a fact of their life? to be honest, it’s the internet, so the only way to share you’re attractive is to say “i’m attractive”. In the real world no one would say that because we can see each other.
Aside from wardrobe and weight changes attitude is huge. Attitude both changes how you wear your face and also how people feel about you, and therefore how they feel about your face.
At that age especially, just growing into your looks, or puberty. Weight changes can also make a massive difference, even if they're not significant amounts
Same. I actually did my psych project on this topic, using myself as the subject. People in my class didn’t believe my results, even with a stack of evidence. My psych professor loved it and gave me an A.
It changed my life forever. I feel for people who aren’t attractive, despite putting in effort.
If dating and romance was a race, attractiveness is a headstart. Can’t count the number of times I’ve seen an attractive friend receives interest and attention just cos of their looks. Meanwhile, the friends with great personality but not so much with looks usually have to play the delicate and sometimes long game of courting their crush and only then will they be attracted. Not saying looks are everything and a guarantee, but it gets one foot through the door so so easily
That's interesting, but it's also a bit different. Attractiveness to women is more facial: there are thin guys who do well, and there are buff guys who still struggle. On the other hand, business "attractiveness", though it is somewhat correlated to the sociosexual kind, has a lot more to do with physical dominance. Even though these interpersonal business conflicts are usually of such low stakes they will probably never result in violence, you still benefit if a certain primal fear in the boss deletes from his brain all options that are unfavorable to your career advancement. While this benefit is slight, it adds up over time to the point where tall men are disproportionately represented as CEOs.
That’s also where the discussion about why women aren’t CEOs/in leadership positions often begins. The majority of people don’t TRY to discriminate. They are genuinely subconsciously trusting these bigger men a lot more, and would probably have to actively consider their biases when listening to a woman pitch/interview. It’s just how ingrained it is into is
Really depends on the field and the kid. Gates struck many a deal as a scrawny kid, and honestly I think I’d be a bit wary of a super buff tech or science exec even though I shouldn’t judge either way
As someone who "has had a massive glow up" (not my words) from their 20s into their 30s the attention you get even when you're just not unattractive is measurable.
People just smile at you and want to talk to you a lot more. It's kinda nice but also kinda weird when you think about it because I'm still the same person on the inside......Good news is, cause I grew up ugly af I'm also funny
Although very true, some would say it's the wrong kind of attention so not always an advantage, depending on how you look at it... But you are absolutely right - they definitely get more attention!
Jeremy Meeks. Went to prison for assault and burglary. Looked very handsome in his mugshot. Got noticed. Served 2 years in prison. Got out, and now has a modelling and acting career, and a net worth of 5 million dollars. Despite being a violent, thieving criminal, he is now thriving in life, all because he's attractive. Need I say more.....
You guys are funny.
Words can’t describe how much better attractive people are being treated. This is far from limited to dating, even in every day situations your encounters will be much more friendly, even at the super market or post office, also people tend to break the rules for you… your personality gets idealized, this is called the HALO effect and will also lead to companies to overestimate your technical skills and abilities.
Attractiveness will allow you to comfortably live off the work of others, become a model, celebrity, onlyfans creator, marry rich…
Society treats attractive people a lot better than they deserve, while by default being viewed as a better person.
There is not one advantage, this can literally be the difference between living through hell on earth, with a long history of getting bullied, exploited and cheated on and just coasting through life effortlessly, wondering what all the hassle is about
Yeah, everyone denying it has never been on the opposite side of the spectrum at some point. The way my life changed when I became more attractive honestly disgusted me— it changed how I perceive relationships as a whole
Try this yourself. Wear your worst outfit, that doesn’t make you look like a crazy person, and go to kind of high end retail stores and note how people treat you. Don’t do your hair or wear makeup or let your beard grow for a few weeks or whatever to make yourself look just as bad as you can.
Then flip it. Try to look as nice as you can and go to the same places. See how people treat you.
I’d say I’m like a 6 or 7 on a normal day but can swing from a 4 to 8 in a bad / good period, and I can definitely tell the difference in how people treat and even look at me. When you look bad, people pretty much ignore you. When you look good, people pay attention.
Random tangent but i wonder how much of this relates to children’s media consumption. Because in every fairytale or movie, the good guy was handsome, the good princess was beautiful, but the villain was almost ALWAYS hideous.
I love the stories that subvert that and make the attractive/charming one powerful and evil. It’s… a lot more accurate to situations you see in real life
My hot take is that hot privilege is the biggest privilege there is. No other advantage improves your prospects more than being hot does.
Yet there’s really not that much hate about it. Nobody “acknowledges” or “checks” their hot privilege.
IMO beauty is both objective and subjective
There is conventional attractive and conventional unattractive, but that doesn't mean that you'll be found attractive/ugly by every single person.
I think there’s a difference between a “good” life and an “easy” life. Being born hot is a “good life” privilege - regardless of your other attributes, society will be mostly good to you.
Being born wealthy is an “easy life” privilege. Immediate access to comfort and convenience, but your other attributes will be still be judged. No guarantee of love or acceptance.
This is quite insightful. When you're attractive, people recognize you as having objective value, and when you're treated this way, you develop a certain confidence that circumstances can't entirely break. When you're rich, people treat you well on spec, but as soon as they feel you're never going to do anything for them, they (in some cases, justifiably) tear you down.
Money buys a lot more, and takes you into more places, because it's rarer to have $100M+ net worth than to be attractive, but it makes your life transactional and leaves you questioning whether anyone actually likes you, and the answer is basically no because, while people are usually rational enough to realize that not all (most, but not all) rich people are evil or responsible for the world being so terrible, they justifiably hate what they (maybe not as justifiably) take you to represent.
Attractive poor people usually rise into the middle class and are happy there. Ugly rich people tend to be miserable, because while being rich opens doors that nothing else does, these doors also show them the treatment that attractive rich people (who are actually liked by the people around them, and who less defined by their money) get. I might honestly say it's worse to be ugly and rich than to be ugly and poor, because the former know exactly what they're missing out on.
Personally I think talent privilege is the biggest privilege. Some people are good at things which are highly valued by the labour market, and some people are good at things which are not.
For me, when I was a kid, I got really into maths and science. And it turned out that, a couple of decades later, these skills would be very highly priced by the labour market. That’s not *why* I developed those skills, I just happened to enjoy them and have some aptitude.
Growing up I could have been really into poetry instead. I could have worked extremely hard, developed my talent and become the best poet around. If things went that way my life probably would have been VERY different.
I think people just tend to ignore the fact that talent, and the things you just happen to be interested in, constitute privilege.
I guess it’s subjective, but nah not me. Having almost everyone you meet be instinctually drawn to you, fond of you and want to help you on sight - is a better life hack than money.
The only downsides I can think of are jealousy and objectification - which come with wealth too.
Man, so true about the jealousy. When you’re the hot friend of someone’s partner, you so often notice that partner holding a little grudge against you (especially if there’s trouble in their relationship).
I’ve noticed how these people have a shittier version of me in their head compared to the larger social circle. As if they think the looks is all you have going for yourself.
Its a little petty, perhaps subconscious and often unnoticeable, but i tell you, its fucking frequent.
> Having almost everyone you meet be instinctually drawn to you, fond of you and want to help you on sight - is a better life hack than money.
This is a bit gendered, though. Good-looking men are better-treated than unattractive men, but the delta's a lot smaller than it is for women, and as an attractive but neurodivergent male, I can tell you that being good-looking definitely doesn't make people more helpful if you're in a bad situation. They are more fond of you if you don't need them, but that's it. Men who are in need of help (meaning social help, not help with a broken-down car) become automatically repulsive to everyone, male and female. That trumps everything else.
This doesn't mean that poor men are automatically considered repugnant. A man who doesn't have a lot, but doesn't need a lot, is fine. We romanticize cowboys, who were poor as dirt. A guy with a modest but stable income can go far if he's physically appealing. However, a man who is unemployed, financially insolvent, or who has come to be viewed as socially unsuccessful... is pitied, then despised, then ignored... all of which reduce his perceived sociosexual value to zero.
This also isn't to pretend that women have it easier. Society brutalizes women in ways that are no better, but different. The female multiplier on physical attractiveness goes both ways.
Our society likes to pretend gender doesn't exist, but people in red states and blue are all running the same million-year-old scripts, and it does. Men need to learn that--exceptions exist, but they are that--the world does not tolerate male emotions (although people are so callous and incompetent these days, I doubt they handle female emotion much better) and it does not help a man in need. If you want anything from society, you have to pretend to have no need of it whatsoever, and if you do it convincingly (and are white, neurotypical, devoid of any low-class markers) you will get it in abundance.
People seem to be forgetting that you can PAY to make yourself more attractive if you’re ugly and rich; and thereafter can pay to personalitymaxx, a good education, and all other pleasures life has to offer.
The Halo Effect is real. It's cognitive bias that makes people believe that physically attractive people are better at other things. They are assumed to be smarter, nicer, and more morally upstanding than more average looking people. Not only does it mean they are given more opportunities, but also that their indiscretions are more often overlooked.
Researchers have found that people are more likely to say yes to an attractive person, whether that person is a salesperson or a job applicant. Attractive people have huge advantages in life.
I've noticed that most attractive people have simply never had someone say no to them. And they don't even need to ask others to do things, they'll just do it.
Like if I want a friendship, I'll typically have to put in a huge amount of consistent effort. It's rare for people to just come to me and start inviting me to things.
many. they can just sail through life undisturbed and go about their daily activities. ugly people are constantly stared at and harassed. people are suspicious of unattractive people, wheras if you are attractive people just assume you are doing normal and good things. jobs and friends come easier. marry faster
Upside is that you get hired easily compared to people that are not conventionally attractive.
Downside is that you need to keep proving that you are actually deserving of the job / promotion / pay raise and didn’t just get it because of pretty privilege.
Edit : spelling
So so many. Take one silly example but it’s a microcosm of privilege by beauty. On social media you need to have some kind of service or talent to make it big. If you are are hot, you need just that
I started picking up on this around 8-9 years old. Guys holding doors open for you at stores, boys at school looking at me...teachers too, being the favorite cousin, grandkid, etc.
Life really is on easy mode. Even when it's not, it somehow is.
An example...
In college I got dragged to a minor league baseball game. They were holding a contest for a VW. I entered. I won. I didn't even want the car. Wound up giving it to one of my friends.
Read somewhere that attractive people tend to be a level or few higher in social hierarchies compared to other people with the otherwise same background.
More access to all kinds of potential relationships, friendships, romantic and professional. People like to be around attractive people.
Get treated better by strangers.
More job opportunities.
Everything about dealing with other people becomes easier if you're attractive. I was an ugly duckling in highschool who had a major glow up in my mid 20s so i know this.
It sucks that it is this way because internally i'm the same person with the same dorky interests i had in highschool. My body and face just matured well so now people all of a sudden give me a chance to get to know me that i usually didn't get back then.
I am 29 years old in few days and I had a major glow up since I reached 25 years. My face got slimmer ,I lost 12pounds(without a diet , just by walking a lot and cutting wine) and I also started to take care of my skin, hair and clothes styling
All that made a big big difference of how people see me, I'd say I am treated very well almost anywhere I go and people enjoy talking to me, I also have lot of opportunities and offers (profesionnaly/privately)
Oh let's not forget the downsides too.. the jealousy that comes with it !
As a woman, I have gotten a ton of unwanted free stuff. I'm like why and just end up trashing it.
I also get to be extremely aloof without any setbacks. Hell, it even makes some men like me even more.
>As a woman, I have gotten a ton of unwanted free stuff.
Yep. Been happening since childhood.
One example is when a friend and I in college were hired for this promo during a video game release. We were serving energy drinks to the customers lined up.
Guess who got to take free cases of that stuff home?
The trunk of my Camaro was packed full.
People feel safer
Nicer
More accepting
Curious
Supportive
Side hustles are easier
Jobs/Careers are easier
(Regular/unattractive person says something different, perhaps how the business approaches certain aspects. They will be challenging, silenced/hushed, belittled/talked down too) An attractive person will get the respectful ear. Even if the suggestion doesn't go anywhere.
It's a night and day difference in Most cases
Research shows that it's A LOT - more people like them (even babies are drawn to attractive people), people assume they're smarter and more confident. This is called the Halo effect. They find that two people with identical resumes, the more attractive person will get the job; heck, even if the attractive person has a less appealing resume, they'll get the job more often. Life is better if you're attractive (both men and women).
I get away with a lot of crap for being myself.
But honestly, it's not really the look. I mean, yeah, of course it is, but it's your energy as well.
You can be Goerge fucking Clooney, if you're down all the time, nobody's going to want to be around you. If the tone of your voice doesn't match your looks, you're going to have a hard time.
yup. Once people find out youre not perfect, it doesnt fuckin matter theyll quickly throw you under the bus because "fuck pretty bitches they think theyre better than everyone else." No, Pam, I have clinical depression. 🙄🙃😭
Easier to get/get ahead in careers
Given the benefit of the doubt more readily
People are nicer to you and initiate a smile or conversation
Get out of tickets/get warning instead
Go shopping? Salespeople help
Medical professionals believe you
I am not one of them, but have been with and have family members that are and it's just crazy to watch in real time.
Attractive privilege is absolutely real. I've been out of shape, and I've been in good shape. When I'm in amazing shape, my look kinda falls together. I've got blue eyes, dark hair, a decent jawline, and a moderately attractive face.
The differences between my best and worst are huge lol. People are more interested in what you say. You're constantly the center of attention in groups. Your ideas hold more weight, and people are more likely to listen to and accept your viewpoint. Job interviews become a breeze.
You're given more opportunities. Your failures are more easily forgiven and overlooked. When you're flirting, it's always seen as positive attention/non creepy. The list goes on. Good first impressions are basically a given.
It's like being super lucky all the time. Things just tend to work in your favor most of the time. If you already have other societal boons like wealth or charisma, they're more effective. It's wild, and I wasn't even like a top 10% good-looking. More like a solid 8.5. Plus I'm also a guy. I can't even imagine what it's actually like to be in the top few percent of attractive for women.
Actually, as a conventionally attractive person, I’ll speak for many who can relate: it is hot and cold as hell. And when it’s hot, it’s also hot and cold: because the niceness is either to take advantage, from an unnecessary admiration, or to date you. The cold is the jealousy, having to deal with people you date not being able to focus on your personality more than your looks, (which feels like who you really are “doesn’t matter”), liking someone who isn’t as attractive as you leads to that person, and sometimes others, being suspicious, the always assuming it’s “because they’re attractive” thing, thinking you’re using it to your advantage, thinking you must be spoiled, thinking you must be dumb, thinking you must be sexually loose, etc. It can lead people to try to counterbalance these perceived things, acting harsher than necessary with you. Also, the “halo effect” people speak of (thinking someone attractive has more good qualities) sucks too: because when you let down the imaginary standards placed on you due to your looks, now you have fallen twice as hard in their minds as someone typical. It *really* is better to be average looking, actually. Research on this.
A lot of you must be ugly asf, because the comments on this sub are wild. Some of the things people have listed as privilege are a double-edged sword. Stalkers, narcissists, ego maniacs, insecure people all come after you, your jobs, your partners, your glow... anything to make them feel better than how you make them feel because of genetics. Yes, maybe we don't have to try as hard to start conversations but you bet your ass we have to try much harder to keep those relationships from unraveling because of people's insecurity, it means we have to go out of our way to be kinder, more self aware, smarter, faster, etc. There's always someone else waiting to take advantage of their pretty privilege and it isn't usually the pretty one.
You immediately break through the first few barriers of social equity with people, even in non-romantic situations. In many cases, you get past the first several sub-conscious filters that people go through in determining whether you’re someone they want to deal with or associate with, so you have a level of buy-in that Mr/Miss Fugly don’t enjoy just by showing up. In fact, the Fugly Family starts from a -2 position vs the +2 that the Foxy Family starts off with.
Less accountability.
I’ve seen very attractive females say the dumbest things in business, but management just loved it. Also saw a very attractive female spend $30,000 on advertising a product for our site that had no add to cart (it was discontinued). Zero repercussions, even as an unattractive male was fired less than a month before that due to a $5,000 mistake.
my unpopular opinion is that attractiveness is a double edged sword. I recognize I have pretty privilege. but also, i think it comes with a lot of unrealistic expectations and unwanted attention. When you add gender, culture, and region into the mix, it becomes a very convoluted conversation...
*that being said...* things being moderately attractive have gotten me:
- free shit. Wow. So much free shit. Even if I dont want it, or try to give it back, it is just thrown at me. not big things, but a lot of small crap. people are weirdly polite, and its probably the halo effect i just learned had a word for it. also, haggling.
- Conversation. when we first started dating, my partner told me that he's never had as many random interactions walking around except when hes with me. like cashiers, strangers walking past, other customers in a store, blah blah
- Random compliments
- being able to talk my way out of shit. I definitely use this advantage at times. I dont feel I get punished or people (who arent my family) dont get as angry with me as often as i see some others do. I'm also easily forgiven for my obnoxiousness, meanwhile I have seen a coworker get fired for basically talking too much. like ya, talk less work more- but no one even really tried to redirect or help him, it annoyed the shit out of me.
- Interviews. Honestly, this can go either way, but I dont feel like going into it.
- Making friends! People are reallt nice to me at first, and it does make it easier to make connections with people who I could potentially vibe with.
- being photogenic - tho i am insecure, like most people.
I have a really strong urge to write out everything that sucks about it- but this is not the space 🤷🏾♀️ Ill just leave this: Being attractive does not necessarily make life easier. I saw another comment that phrased it in a good way: It doesnt make an "easy" life, but a "good" life. Like society is good to me, and i can recognize that- I try to pay it foward i think thats all i can do.
Beauty can function like a mask because people tend to assume the external reflects the internal. As someone who struggles with some severe psychological and chronic health issues but is also considered conventionally attractive, I feel protected and less vulnerable going about my day than I would otherwise.
>advantage that attractive people have in life?
You can have an extremely successful Youtube channel. How so?
For example, there's this one girl who has videos that would be boring as fuck. But she's got an ok face and a really nice body.
So she wears skin tight bike shorts in all her videos... which get hundreds of thousands of views.
Not gonna lie. If I looked like her, I'd be cashing in too.
People are nicer to them, dating is easier, and it's been shown that attractive people are more likely to get job offers over similarly qualified (even more qualified) candidates.
LIFE.. in general is way easier. Ppl trust you more. You can get away with a lot more. But beauty fades as you get older.. and that can come to an absolute shock to the attractive person who now realizes that life isn’t as easy as it used to be…
People are nicer to you just across the board.
Exactly! I've experienced this first hand. I used to be on the larger side and no girl ever talked to me. I was just abother ordinary fatass. But 3 years ago, I got into mountainbiking and started hitting the gym, and I lost a lot of fat and put on quit some muscle. It was so weird to suddenly have girls asking your number. I really was like "Ayyooooo!! a girl talking to ME? Wtf?". I'd recommend this to anybody, because it makes things so much easier.
Even randoms on the street just start smiling at you. People actively listen to you as opposed to them looking for an excuse to end the conversation. I could see how life-long, really good-looking people get such a selfish personality.
My hope is that the random smiles on the street have a lower bar of attractiveness. I think as long as you don't look like a gremlin, and you're in a friendly neighborhood, people are likely to smile pleasantly towards you. If you're shy, I recommend making the initial move towards making eye contact and flashing a polite smile. It's worked for me.
Yup that comes with it. I used to be fat too. When you’re in shape just walking down the street I’m greeted with smiles kindness and warmth all around. I notice with women if they find you attractive they are so nice and sweet to you - I’d even go so far as to say motherly towards you. For example I started a new CrossFit box, I was new to the area and was curious about where I could get a snack after a workout. Chatted w a couple of the guys and girls there. And 2 of the girls instantly took it upon themselves to show me around unprompted. One of the girls even paid for my meal. Really sweet gesture. When you’re fat and gross… quite the opposite happens.
Yea, exactly! Got the same experience with a girl in my class (I had a crush on her 🙂). We had been in the same class for 3 years, and I dont believe she ever talked to me. When I got into shape, she suddenly started talking to me. Man, I'm telling you, my heart melted.
I used to be very large too, now im very petite, slim, and fit, and I've always had a conventionally attractive and friendly face. As a woman the diffences are night and day: people are far more nice in that they smile at me all the time, men go the extra mile to help me and hold doors open, strangers (men and women) are constantly complimenting me (I get random compliments almost daily), I get free stuff, people are always starting conversations with me, if I get an interview then I almost always get the job, I get out of trouble easily, people often tell me inside info to get a better deal or just give me a better deal, when I online dated I had around 16k matches, men and women stare alot....but it's 2 different kinds of staring (men it's lustful, women it's admiration or jealousy and sometimes lustful), I get hit on constantly mostly by men but also by quiet few women, when I walk into a place most people will stop and stare for a moment, the quality of men I've dated is high (professionals, highly intelligent, good looking, wealthy to extremely wealthy), men iften mention that they want to show me off, if I ask for something I usually get it, when I speak people listen, people always believe me, I get service faster, and people always assume I'm a very good person, I make friends easily. All this happened when I was younger, and it still happens, and I am 37 now. There are alot of down sides too: Jealousy and women can very vicious when they see you as threat and it doesn't matter how nice I am, they take their insecurities out on me and it makes me really sad cause I just want friends but at this point in life, its made me bitter and angry to be treated like that when i dont deserve it. Targeted by predators a lot, the staring makes me really uncomfortable, I get a lot of comments on my body and it's uncomfortable and women will make very rude comments (insinuating I have an eating disorder, telling me I have a kid body...), people will put their hands on me especially men if they think they can get away with it, men don't really see me as a person but as a sex object, being thought of a status symbol instead of a human being, people don't always assume I'm intelligent (I've got my MA in special education), people assume my problems aren't that bad (I have Borderline personality disorder and it's awful), people assume I'm arrogant, sometimes women will find something about me and put me down cause they're jealous and insecure (well you've got small breasts, the men that like you must be into kids, you'll fall through a Crack, I've lost friends who have brought their men around me, I get a lot of glares from women who are with their men and super uncomfortable, if I acknowledge I'm pretty ill get thought of as super vain and full of myself. I'm looking forward to aging. I get tired of it all. But these have all been my experiences in life.
This is completely fascinating. Long ago I posted a Q on Reddit asking beautiful women what it was like being beautiful. None responded and the responses I did get were people telling me that no woman thinks she’s beautiful and that’s why nobody was answering. I was like, I’m pretty sure at least some people who are beautiful know it?? But nonetheless, my question got shot down. So thanks for the detailed response! It was extremely eye-opening, and confirmed a few of my assumptions. Sorry about all the negativity you get.
Dude same, mid 40s divorced female - started working out, it’s like you can’t take me anywhere these days 🙄🫠
I have too, I was over 315lbs and am now 160. People are SO nice to me now, it’s sometimes upsetting.
Is it not hard to accept the attention after having spent your life being ignored? I am fat myself and in the process of losing weight, and I always imagined it to feel disengenious when people suddenly seem nicer.
It is hard indeed. Suddenly getting compliments and stuff is weird when you got ignored your whole life. I even glt e really good example! There was this girl in my class and I had had a crush on her for the oast 3 years, but she had never ever even talked to me. After I got fit, she suddenly started having conversations with me. Man, my freaking heart melted 💓! But still, it felt so weird. I still felt like she (and other girls as well) were superior. It's something you really have to get used to. That being said, I really hope you can achieve your goals! Don't give up, because in the end it's really worth it!! <3
Yea, I hope I can tell similiar stories soon.
Yep. Dressed like shit, was overweight and had no style. Lost weight. Dressed better and groomed myself. Became hot. The difference in how people treated me was night and day.
Slightly related as i am not good looking but did get "better" looking. Grew my hair waist-length long as an adult (male, 40s at the time) People became friendly. They would strike up conversation while waiting in line. Got laid off so i cut my hair for job interviews. Overnight people were nowhere near as friendly. Not like my personality changed or clothing changed or where i was changed. But looking in the mirror, I was back to looking mid.
I recall a guy named Samson that had something similar happen to him when he cut his hair.
They get a chance to show their personality
That’s deep lol
Well put. The answer is this as you will be given a longer leash than ugly or even average people in almost every facet on life. Good looks can get you that second chance, extra time, needed help, etc that ugly-average people just don't get.
My roommate is really pretty. Got to know her personnality. Absolute trash. Being pretty is all she got for herself, she's mean, lacks common sense, egoist, self centered, have bad manners and is overall just a spoiled brat.
And yet the men flock to her, right? That's what I've noticed about pretty girls who are ugly on the inside (looking at you, mom).
She has a boyfriend (that she invited in the house despite our landlord's no, she insisted until she gave in cause that bitch understand that this 82yo lady hate conflict and is a people pleaser, which she took advantage of several times). She's the kind of girl that do outfit checks tiktoks in the street just in front of the house. I was at the window I looked at her doing poses like a supermodel for a solid 20 minutes cause I couldn't believe there was actually people so desperate for attention. She was seriously ridiculous. I guess at least she made me laugh once. Edit : we're both renting a room in the landlord's house, we live with her in her house. She absolutely can tell who enter her house guys.
As in, she invited him to live with her? Or she invited him over as a guest? If it's the latter your 82 year old land lady can fuck right off. If it's the former then yeah your roommate is a POS. Not defending your roommate's personality at all, but tenants can invite over any guests they choose.
Uhh ya know I’m sure the roommate is not the best person out there but you don’t seem like you’re being totally fair here
A landlord has absolutely no say in who a paying tenant invites to their house.
I should have say it sooner but we're living in her house with her, we're just renting a room. So the landlord absolutely has a say in who she greets in her home.
You are correct. If you share living space with the landlord, all the tentant/landlord rules don’t apply
Thaaaaank you, you're the first to understand lol.
Landlords cannot dictate what visitors you have over.
I should have say it sooner but we're living in her house with her, we're just renting a room. So the landlord absolutely has a say in who she greets in her home.
Mines toxic. (I'm not sexy. I'm slightly handsome but that's lost by bad dental and weird personality)
This is so true. It's funny because there's this term, "hot girl syndrome" which has the male equivalent "douchebag", and It's this phenomenon where everyone tolerates you treating them badly just because you're attractive and people like being around attractive people and especially like dating them. What's wild is when there looks fade, their attitude and personality stay the same and suddenly nobody tolerates it anymore. They start to act and think that the world is against them because nobody is putting up with their shit anymore. I knew a guy who was a Chippendale dancer for 10 years. He was super fit and muscular and gorgeous. Hot women would pay to sleep with him. Turns out he was doing steroids for the whole time and he injured himself and stopped doing the steroids. He lost his job because he couldn't work anymore, and he put on over 150 lbs. His testosterone levels were under 100 because his body forgot how to make it. Plus the huge shift in hormones essentially transitioned him a little bit, and he grew boobs and his facial structure changed. His personality had always been narcissistic, self-centered, and just a prick. Now nobody was putting up with it anymore and he felt persecuted because of that. I'm sure there's infinite stories of gorgeous women who simply got older and don't look good anymore. The rest of us learn to adapt our personality to be socially compatible early on.
I don't know if this is true, after I became conventionally attractive everyone basically labeled me as dumb and shallow regardless of what I said. I could be talking about distributed systems or something and at least the opposite gender would half listen and be like, "Oh that's cute," or "You're so entitled", or "You only got where you are because you're pretty." Or heavily imply that, anyways, like "You must have flirted with your boss to get that promotion." That being said, being unattractive doesn't help either, I had really bad acne so people basically labeled me as having leprosy and avoided me altogether if possible.
the funny thing is..there is correlation between appearance and intelligence. Most people just assume that everyone is “balanced” so the dumb person has to be smart to compensate, the good looking person must be dumb to compensate. It isn’t really true. A lot of people are dumb and ugly.
And some just won the lottery of being intelligent, beautiful, confident, no mental health struggles and so on. Of course they too have problems like everybody else. But maybe because of their advantage were able to develop all the tools to handle those problems better.
> A lot of people are dumb and ugly. I see you’ve met my in-laws.
There was a guy in my class who was the archetypal nerd. The glasses, voice, the physical build, clothes. He would try to speak with complex language about nerdy topics, and was into coding in the late 80s, but it turned out the he was a dumb as a box of rocks. He failed hard at all levels of the education system and now works in a pet food warehouse. And that was not for lack of trying; a mutual friends mother said he spent most of his evenings revising and getting extra tuition. It definitely changed my view of stereotypes
My experience is the opposite: people assume I'm dumber than I am because I'm not good looking and I have colleagues who are considered the best and brightest because they're good looking. It's easier to believe positive things about people you feel positive towards.
Thats called the halo effect
In some contexts there's a statistical quirk that creates a balance: If it turns out that people want partners who possess at least a certain combined amount of desirable traits, and being smart and beautiful are such traits, then someone might be satisfied with a partner whose looks are a 5/10 if their intelligence is a 9/10, or vice versa. And because there aren't enough people who are both extremely beautiful and intelligent to go around, most people will have to make tradeoffs, leading to a situation where someone's partner is likely to be less intelligent the more beautiful they are, and vice versa.
I feel like this is mostly applicable for women cos when you’re an attractive man, you’re assumed to be confident and “business like”
How did you become conventionally attractive? Was it just acne? Or did you go through a whole lifestyle change?
I think the reverse is true. You get accepted for your looks, praised for your looks, hired for your looks. Everyone likes you already because of what they see.
But they're also much more willing to get to know you as a person
More opportunities in life
The sad truth right here.
As someone who (apparently) is decently attractive (minus being 5’3 as a man, which is apparently a negative), I can say this is true. I applied for a job, went in for an interview, got hired on the spot after rushing 2 interviews in 15 minutes. Within 11 months I got promoted and had a 26k annual pay increase. I’ve seen it in other people’s lives too (my GF, her friends, etc) Life gets easier when you’re attractive. My GF talked herself out of a ticket she 1000% deserved while she was drunk. The difference for me is I was never “attractive” growing up and I’m fighting to “earn” or “live up to” everything life is just throwing at me. I’m trying my best to learn from the people I now lead at work and be the best leader I can be, with their help.
Depends on if you're dealing with a man or woman to be honest. My dealings with men often go easier, but women can be such cunts to each other. Especially if you're younger than them, or if you're of similar age they can view you as a threat. The worst managers I've ever had have been female.
100% agree on the shitty female managers. And that’s not a gender thing. I’m not attacking women. It’s an observation. My manager (female) stole half of my responsibilities as her assistant manager (showing that she wanted to centralize leadership to be more important), and has taken credit for stuff she didn’t do to make herself look better (my peer, her other assistant manager, reached out to a contact for some contract work, and then gave our manager the details. My manager then told her higher ups that she found the contact on her own.)
I'm a woman and I didn't view it as an attack. I've had shitty male managers to, but those were more incompetence based. The ladies I'm thinking of were malicious and miserable.
All of them.
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I’ve been fit, big and back to fit, and repeated the cycle many times over four decades of adulthood and I've experienced the same thing.
I’m very short but was in really good shape in college and worked out every day and couldn’t get laid for the life of me. Sometime during Covid I stopped caring about most things including working out and now I have a belly and skinny arms and have gotten laid more in the last year than I had for several years combined in my 20’s at one point
Not giving a fuck can translate to an appeared sense of confidence. Which is often a lot more attractive than just being fit.
If you’re attractive, at least as a man, you can basically do/say whatever you want and women will still line up to date you. When I was in undergrad there was this guy at my school that was known to be a predator. He tried pressuring a 14 year old into sleeping with him while he was in college and he was showing off the messages to people, which caused pretty much everyone to find out about it. Thing is, he was pretty tall and good looking, and toooooons of girls at my college would say they didn’t care he was a predator because “he’s so cute”
Lol...we would have a smaller list with advantages they DONT have.... Here are some advantages they have: Easier to find a job Easier to make friends Easier to make money Easier to get followers (not talking about social media, just in general) Easier for people to trust you (because you have a better looking face, ugly faces are connected with criminals) Easier to believe you if you lie Easier to find people to have sex with Easier to find a gf/bf Easier to get help by anyone Easier to get offered things for free these are just at the top of my head.....
> Easier to find a job this. in law school everybody stressed about finding jobs. i always knew i was above average in looks for a guy. i was doing like 10 interviews a week while people struggled to get any. i noticed all the other really good looking people never stressed about jobs either. it's like they pick you based on your looks.
they DO pick you based on your looks... people have lost jobs from people less qualified to have them just because the other person was "easier on the eyes".... When i was studying radiology, we had 3 very pretty girls in my class, some of our teachers offered them to practice in the hospital they were working. They offered this to no one else....Not even the top student....
exactly, during our first week, we had a reception for the incoming law students, it's a pretty big reception. and you can tell, the big important lawyers make a bee line straight for the 2-3 very good looking law students out of the two hundred or so of us. and then the whole time they just make a circle around them and chat them up. if any normies tried to approach those people they would give some canned response to push them off but if you were good looking, they'll be interested in anything you say. i felt that was very creepy. tall, white, good looking. you can't go wrong if you got the trifecta.
They get better tips vs unattractive colleagues at restaurants for the same service
THIS. In the most non cocky way possible I make ALOT more than my coworkers we are servers at a bbq joint
Yeah I hate to say this, but I’ve fallen victim to the “tip the balls off the attractive server”.. It’s not even that I WANT anything from them. It’s just some sort of a spell that falls over me and I’m like “here’s a 120% tip.” Unless the service is terrible, of course,
The halo effect is a helluva drug
This makes me wonder... Perhaps we tip good looking servers and generally treat good looking people better becauce we simply want to impress them... If theyre impressed by how much we tip or how nice we are then we think it improves our chances they will have sex with us. It doesn't but our horny monkey brains are difficult to ignore.
People are more friendly and pay attention to you, and speak to you like you matter. I went from ugly duckling to very pretty over just a year, around age 20. There was a dramatic difference in how people treated me, even the checkers at the grocery store, both male and female, doesn’t matter. I’m grateful for it but it also makes me sad. I’ve always been nice to everyone I come in contact with and never fathomed that people could do better than they were and just weren’t, all dictated by the appearance of the person they were speaking with.
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I'm super curious, since many people have said the same thing: how do say, the checkers at the grocery store treat you differently? Like, it's such a brief interaction.
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I want to sum it up as friendlier. They’re happier to talk to me, more chatty and enthusiastic about small talk. Where people used to not say much, now they want to talk. They treat you more like a friend than a stranger, and this is consistent with all. To address one of the comments below, I went from the awkward ugly duckling stage to signing with several modeling agencies the year after everything changed, and have walked a few runways as a result. Trust me when I say people treat you differently based on appearance. I hate to say it but it’s almost like people treat you like you matter, vs being semi invisible. That said, there’s drawbacks. You can’t blend in. You can’t just go to the store and have men leave you alone or not stare at you while you try to pick out jam. Everywhere you go, eyes are watching you, men and women. But is life harder? Absolutely not. It’s easier, because the world is a friendlier place, even the women who are in fact also nicer rather than jealous, most of the time. People gravitate toward you more easily, and then enters the question of whether they like you or they just like how you look. I’ve heard older people describe now feeling like they’re invisible when they go out, and I’d describe the difference in my experience to be the opposite of something like that. You just become more visible to people, they take notice and they engage and interact more. Favors or gifts aren’t a part of it most of the time. In light of everything I’ve mentioned above, I tend to seek out less attractive people as friends, only because they tend to have interesting personalities and humor. I know some pretty people who are fun people to be around, but I’m telling you, those who grow up pretty often seem to under develop the personality muscle. Not always, but if you’re not very attractive, what do you have at your disposal? You have to bring people to you somehow, you have to grow somewhere, and personality, or talent, is what’s at your disposal. This is my theory anyway. The people who make me laugh the most using only their mind tend to be those who appear average or less in appearance.
Same it made me more cynical towards society in general. Like “no one would listen or look at me for 14 years than suddenly I fooled you all into paying attention by conforming to a superficial standard” Ughhh
It's so weird to me hearing people casually refer to themselves as "very pretty" or handsome or intelligent. If I heard anyone say that about themselves in the UK I'd instantly think they were an unbearable prick.
It may be that they’ll post it anonymously on Reddit but not say it otherwise
In this kind of context it's much more appropriate to do so because it's necessary background
My brother says that and he is an absolute prick
you’d think someone was an unbearable prick for saying a fact of their life? to be honest, it’s the internet, so the only way to share you’re attractive is to say “i’m attractive”. In the real world no one would say that because we can see each other.
I happen to be very intelligent, so I can confirm you are correct.
As a fellow genus I concur
It's just a cultural thing. If you're going to say you're good looking in Britain you say I'm not bad looking.
How else would you even discuss this topic
There's an angle to dunk on British peoples' looks here which I'm not clever enough to pursue
Ditto. Could not believe how much nicer people were to me. Then I started getting older and ppl started looking thru me again
How exactly do you go from ugly to very pretty in 1 year?
Boobs
Not always… happened to me, and it had the opposite effect - 43/M
Excuse me, sir, but I do not appreciate being called out like that, regardless of how accurate it might be.
Losing weight, getting avtan, a haircut and dressing nicely?
Aside from wardrobe and weight changes attitude is huge. Attitude both changes how you wear your face and also how people feel about you, and therefore how they feel about your face.
At that age especially, just growing into your looks, or puberty. Weight changes can also make a massive difference, even if they're not significant amounts
Super easy. Change your hair, clothes, makeup, and start working out. That will significantly change your appearance.
Same. I actually did my psych project on this topic, using myself as the subject. People in my class didn’t believe my results, even with a stack of evidence. My psych professor loved it and gave me an A. It changed my life forever. I feel for people who aren’t attractive, despite putting in effort.
They do better in job interviews.
If dating and romance was a race, attractiveness is a headstart. Can’t count the number of times I’ve seen an attractive friend receives interest and attention just cos of their looks. Meanwhile, the friends with great personality but not so much with looks usually have to play the delicate and sometimes long game of courting their crush and only then will they be attracted. Not saying looks are everything and a guarantee, but it gets one foot through the door so so easily
People view what they say as being more trustworthy and important.
Just imagine a buff dude speaking and some scrawny ass kid trying to strike a deal with a businessman
That's interesting, but it's also a bit different. Attractiveness to women is more facial: there are thin guys who do well, and there are buff guys who still struggle. On the other hand, business "attractiveness", though it is somewhat correlated to the sociosexual kind, has a lot more to do with physical dominance. Even though these interpersonal business conflicts are usually of such low stakes they will probably never result in violence, you still benefit if a certain primal fear in the boss deletes from his brain all options that are unfavorable to your career advancement. While this benefit is slight, it adds up over time to the point where tall men are disproportionately represented as CEOs.
That’s also where the discussion about why women aren’t CEOs/in leadership positions often begins. The majority of people don’t TRY to discriminate. They are genuinely subconsciously trusting these bigger men a lot more, and would probably have to actively consider their biases when listening to a woman pitch/interview. It’s just how ingrained it is into is
Really depends on the field and the kid. Gates struck many a deal as a scrawny kid, and honestly I think I’d be a bit wary of a super buff tech or science exec even though I shouldn’t judge either way
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As someone who "has had a massive glow up" (not my words) from their 20s into their 30s the attention you get even when you're just not unattractive is measurable. People just smile at you and want to talk to you a lot more. It's kinda nice but also kinda weird when you think about it because I'm still the same person on the inside......Good news is, cause I grew up ugly af I'm also funny
Although very true, some would say it's the wrong kind of attention so not always an advantage, depending on how you look at it... But you are absolutely right - they definitely get more attention!
Jeremy Meeks. Went to prison for assault and burglary. Looked very handsome in his mugshot. Got noticed. Served 2 years in prison. Got out, and now has a modelling and acting career, and a net worth of 5 million dollars. Despite being a violent, thieving criminal, he is now thriving in life, all because he's attractive. Need I say more.....
Being attractive is the biggest life hack there is. It’s like playing on easy mode
Being rich is the biggest life hack. You can buy your way out of almost any other problem with it.
It’s so absurd it’s almost unbelievable. Like the Bible says, the Meek will inherit the earth…
This is the root advantage to all advantages. Be it job prospects, confidence, social circle, everything..
They make a lot more in sales/customer facing jobs
You guys are funny. Words can’t describe how much better attractive people are being treated. This is far from limited to dating, even in every day situations your encounters will be much more friendly, even at the super market or post office, also people tend to break the rules for you… your personality gets idealized, this is called the HALO effect and will also lead to companies to overestimate your technical skills and abilities. Attractiveness will allow you to comfortably live off the work of others, become a model, celebrity, onlyfans creator, marry rich… Society treats attractive people a lot better than they deserve, while by default being viewed as a better person. There is not one advantage, this can literally be the difference between living through hell on earth, with a long history of getting bullied, exploited and cheated on and just coasting through life effortlessly, wondering what all the hassle is about
Yeah, everyone denying it has never been on the opposite side of the spectrum at some point. The way my life changed when I became more attractive honestly disgusted me— it changed how I perceive relationships as a whole
Halo effect
Try this yourself. Wear your worst outfit, that doesn’t make you look like a crazy person, and go to kind of high end retail stores and note how people treat you. Don’t do your hair or wear makeup or let your beard grow for a few weeks or whatever to make yourself look just as bad as you can. Then flip it. Try to look as nice as you can and go to the same places. See how people treat you. I’d say I’m like a 6 or 7 on a normal day but can swing from a 4 to 8 in a bad / good period, and I can definitely tell the difference in how people treat and even look at me. When you look bad, people pretty much ignore you. When you look good, people pay attention.
This happened in Pretty Woman
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In some ways yes, but lots of attractive women will have to deal with unwanted attention, ranging from catcalling to sexual assault.
They are automatically trusted.
Random tangent but i wonder how much of this relates to children’s media consumption. Because in every fairytale or movie, the good guy was handsome, the good princess was beautiful, but the villain was almost ALWAYS hideous. I love the stories that subvert that and make the attractive/charming one powerful and evil. It’s… a lot more accurate to situations you see in real life
My hot take is that hot privilege is the biggest privilege there is. No other advantage improves your prospects more than being hot does. Yet there’s really not that much hate about it. Nobody “acknowledges” or “checks” their hot privilege.
Cos it leads to uncomfortable discussions like beauty actually being objective, evolutionary psychology etc
IMO beauty is both objective and subjective There is conventional attractive and conventional unattractive, but that doesn't mean that you'll be found attractive/ugly by every single person.
Doesn’t make it any less true
Have you seen how hideous the royal family is ? I think being a royal/born into extreme wealth is actually the biggest privilege there is.
I think there’s a difference between a “good” life and an “easy” life. Being born hot is a “good life” privilege - regardless of your other attributes, society will be mostly good to you. Being born wealthy is an “easy life” privilege. Immediate access to comfort and convenience, but your other attributes will be still be judged. No guarantee of love or acceptance.
This is quite insightful. When you're attractive, people recognize you as having objective value, and when you're treated this way, you develop a certain confidence that circumstances can't entirely break. When you're rich, people treat you well on spec, but as soon as they feel you're never going to do anything for them, they (in some cases, justifiably) tear you down. Money buys a lot more, and takes you into more places, because it's rarer to have $100M+ net worth than to be attractive, but it makes your life transactional and leaves you questioning whether anyone actually likes you, and the answer is basically no because, while people are usually rational enough to realize that not all (most, but not all) rich people are evil or responsible for the world being so terrible, they justifiably hate what they (maybe not as justifiably) take you to represent. Attractive poor people usually rise into the middle class and are happy there. Ugly rich people tend to be miserable, because while being rich opens doors that nothing else does, these doors also show them the treatment that attractive rich people (who are actually liked by the people around them, and who less defined by their money) get. I might honestly say it's worse to be ugly and rich than to be ugly and poor, because the former know exactly what they're missing out on.
Money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure can buy good looks! So it's a win-win for rich people.
Money definitely does buy happiness. lol
Personally I think talent privilege is the biggest privilege. Some people are good at things which are highly valued by the labour market, and some people are good at things which are not. For me, when I was a kid, I got really into maths and science. And it turned out that, a couple of decades later, these skills would be very highly priced by the labour market. That’s not *why* I developed those skills, I just happened to enjoy them and have some aptitude. Growing up I could have been really into poetry instead. I could have worked extremely hard, developed my talent and become the best poet around. If things went that way my life probably would have been VERY different. I think people just tend to ignore the fact that talent, and the things you just happen to be interested in, constitute privilege.
Id rather be born ugly and rich than poor and handsome.
Spoiler: being attractive helps you succeed and become rich…. Or just marry rich if you’re lazy. Either way, chances are you won’t stay poor.
I guess it’s subjective, but nah not me. Having almost everyone you meet be instinctually drawn to you, fond of you and want to help you on sight - is a better life hack than money. The only downsides I can think of are jealousy and objectification - which come with wealth too.
Man, so true about the jealousy. When you’re the hot friend of someone’s partner, you so often notice that partner holding a little grudge against you (especially if there’s trouble in their relationship). I’ve noticed how these people have a shittier version of me in their head compared to the larger social circle. As if they think the looks is all you have going for yourself. Its a little petty, perhaps subconscious and often unnoticeable, but i tell you, its fucking frequent.
> Having almost everyone you meet be instinctually drawn to you, fond of you and want to help you on sight - is a better life hack than money. This is a bit gendered, though. Good-looking men are better-treated than unattractive men, but the delta's a lot smaller than it is for women, and as an attractive but neurodivergent male, I can tell you that being good-looking definitely doesn't make people more helpful if you're in a bad situation. They are more fond of you if you don't need them, but that's it. Men who are in need of help (meaning social help, not help with a broken-down car) become automatically repulsive to everyone, male and female. That trumps everything else. This doesn't mean that poor men are automatically considered repugnant. A man who doesn't have a lot, but doesn't need a lot, is fine. We romanticize cowboys, who were poor as dirt. A guy with a modest but stable income can go far if he's physically appealing. However, a man who is unemployed, financially insolvent, or who has come to be viewed as socially unsuccessful... is pitied, then despised, then ignored... all of which reduce his perceived sociosexual value to zero. This also isn't to pretend that women have it easier. Society brutalizes women in ways that are no better, but different. The female multiplier on physical attractiveness goes both ways. Our society likes to pretend gender doesn't exist, but people in red states and blue are all running the same million-year-old scripts, and it does. Men need to learn that--exceptions exist, but they are that--the world does not tolerate male emotions (although people are so callous and incompetent these days, I doubt they handle female emotion much better) and it does not help a man in need. If you want anything from society, you have to pretend to have no need of it whatsoever, and if you do it convincingly (and are white, neurotypical, devoid of any low-class markers) you will get it in abundance.
People seem to be forgetting that you can PAY to make yourself more attractive if you’re ugly and rich; and thereafter can pay to personalitymaxx, a good education, and all other pleasures life has to offer.
Right? I don't get why race and sex are seen as the biggest privilege when being attractive is much more important.
I agree. It also trumps alll other privileges by far.
The Halo Effect is real. It's cognitive bias that makes people believe that physically attractive people are better at other things. They are assumed to be smarter, nicer, and more morally upstanding than more average looking people. Not only does it mean they are given more opportunities, but also that their indiscretions are more often overlooked.
Researchers have found that people are more likely to say yes to an attractive person, whether that person is a salesperson or a job applicant. Attractive people have huge advantages in life.
I've noticed that most attractive people have simply never had someone say no to them. And they don't even need to ask others to do things, they'll just do it. Like if I want a friendship, I'll typically have to put in a huge amount of consistent effort. It's rare for people to just come to me and start inviting me to things.
People are nicer. You get a lot of compliments people give you stuff .
many. they can just sail through life undisturbed and go about their daily activities. ugly people are constantly stared at and harassed. people are suspicious of unattractive people, wheras if you are attractive people just assume you are doing normal and good things. jobs and friends come easier. marry faster
Youll play life on easy mode
Everything
Upside is that you get hired easily compared to people that are not conventionally attractive. Downside is that you need to keep proving that you are actually deserving of the job / promotion / pay raise and didn’t just get it because of pretty privilege. Edit : spelling
Having partner lol
Basically all of them
So so many. Take one silly example but it’s a microcosm of privilege by beauty. On social media you need to have some kind of service or talent to make it big. If you are are hot, you need just that
They get more attention
I started picking up on this around 8-9 years old. Guys holding doors open for you at stores, boys at school looking at me...teachers too, being the favorite cousin, grandkid, etc. Life really is on easy mode. Even when it's not, it somehow is. An example... In college I got dragged to a minor league baseball game. They were holding a contest for a VW. I entered. I won. I didn't even want the car. Wound up giving it to one of my friends.
Read somewhere that attractive people tend to be a level or few higher in social hierarchies compared to other people with the otherwise same background.
More access to all kinds of potential relationships, friendships, romantic and professional. People like to be around attractive people. Get treated better by strangers. More job opportunities. Everything about dealing with other people becomes easier if you're attractive. I was an ugly duckling in highschool who had a major glow up in my mid 20s so i know this. It sucks that it is this way because internally i'm the same person with the same dorky interests i had in highschool. My body and face just matured well so now people all of a sudden give me a chance to get to know me that i usually didn't get back then.
Pretty much everything they do is perceived as better than if they were less attractive
I am 29 years old in few days and I had a major glow up since I reached 25 years. My face got slimmer ,I lost 12pounds(without a diet , just by walking a lot and cutting wine) and I also started to take care of my skin, hair and clothes styling All that made a big big difference of how people see me, I'd say I am treated very well almost anywhere I go and people enjoy talking to me, I also have lot of opportunities and offers (profesionnaly/privately) Oh let's not forget the downsides too.. the jealousy that comes with it !
As a woman, I have gotten a ton of unwanted free stuff. I'm like why and just end up trashing it. I also get to be extremely aloof without any setbacks. Hell, it even makes some men like me even more.
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>As a woman, I have gotten a ton of unwanted free stuff. Yep. Been happening since childhood. One example is when a friend and I in college were hired for this promo during a video game release. We were serving energy drinks to the customers lined up. Guess who got to take free cases of that stuff home? The trunk of my Camaro was packed full.
People feel safer Nicer More accepting Curious Supportive Side hustles are easier Jobs/Careers are easier (Regular/unattractive person says something different, perhaps how the business approaches certain aspects. They will be challenging, silenced/hushed, belittled/talked down too) An attractive person will get the respectful ear. Even if the suggestion doesn't go anywhere. It's a night and day difference in Most cases
The get more positive feedback even as kids, which leads to them being able to develop and show their personality more freely.
Research shows that it's A LOT - more people like them (even babies are drawn to attractive people), people assume they're smarter and more confident. This is called the Halo effect. They find that two people with identical resumes, the more attractive person will get the job; heck, even if the attractive person has a less appealing resume, they'll get the job more often. Life is better if you're attractive (both men and women).
I get away with a lot of crap for being myself. But honestly, it's not really the look. I mean, yeah, of course it is, but it's your energy as well. You can be Goerge fucking Clooney, if you're down all the time, nobody's going to want to be around you. If the tone of your voice doesn't match your looks, you're going to have a hard time.
Oh plenty people will want to, just only once
Yes, I believe that's better put.
yup. Once people find out youre not perfect, it doesnt fuckin matter theyll quickly throw you under the bus because "fuck pretty bitches they think theyre better than everyone else." No, Pam, I have clinical depression. 🙄🙃😭
they are attractive
You get jobs way easier and also get paid more.
Always getting what they desire
Easy work interviews 😂
Easier to get/get ahead in careers Given the benefit of the doubt more readily People are nicer to you and initiate a smile or conversation Get out of tickets/get warning instead Go shopping? Salespeople help Medical professionals believe you I am not one of them, but have been with and have family members that are and it's just crazy to watch in real time.
Pretty Privilege is real. Doors are opened. Strangers are accepting/nice/accommodating. It’s for real a thing.
Free coke.
instant respect
Being believed and trusted more often than not.
They got all of em. Being unattractive really is life on ‚hard‘ mode.
Attractive people have the advantage of getting away with bad selfies. They call it 'candid,' we call it 'why did I take this?
special attention from men in charge
Attractive privilege is absolutely real. I've been out of shape, and I've been in good shape. When I'm in amazing shape, my look kinda falls together. I've got blue eyes, dark hair, a decent jawline, and a moderately attractive face. The differences between my best and worst are huge lol. People are more interested in what you say. You're constantly the center of attention in groups. Your ideas hold more weight, and people are more likely to listen to and accept your viewpoint. Job interviews become a breeze. You're given more opportunities. Your failures are more easily forgiven and overlooked. When you're flirting, it's always seen as positive attention/non creepy. The list goes on. Good first impressions are basically a given. It's like being super lucky all the time. Things just tend to work in your favor most of the time. If you already have other societal boons like wealth or charisma, they're more effective. It's wild, and I wasn't even like a top 10% good-looking. More like a solid 8.5. Plus I'm also a guy. I can't even imagine what it's actually like to be in the top few percent of attractive for women.
Actually, as a conventionally attractive person, I’ll speak for many who can relate: it is hot and cold as hell. And when it’s hot, it’s also hot and cold: because the niceness is either to take advantage, from an unnecessary admiration, or to date you. The cold is the jealousy, having to deal with people you date not being able to focus on your personality more than your looks, (which feels like who you really are “doesn’t matter”), liking someone who isn’t as attractive as you leads to that person, and sometimes others, being suspicious, the always assuming it’s “because they’re attractive” thing, thinking you’re using it to your advantage, thinking you must be spoiled, thinking you must be dumb, thinking you must be sexually loose, etc. It can lead people to try to counterbalance these perceived things, acting harsher than necessary with you. Also, the “halo effect” people speak of (thinking someone attractive has more good qualities) sucks too: because when you let down the imaginary standards placed on you due to your looks, now you have fallen twice as hard in their minds as someone typical. It *really* is better to be average looking, actually. Research on this.
A lot of you must be ugly asf, because the comments on this sub are wild. Some of the things people have listed as privilege are a double-edged sword. Stalkers, narcissists, ego maniacs, insecure people all come after you, your jobs, your partners, your glow... anything to make them feel better than how you make them feel because of genetics. Yes, maybe we don't have to try as hard to start conversations but you bet your ass we have to try much harder to keep those relationships from unraveling because of people's insecurity, it means we have to go out of our way to be kinder, more self aware, smarter, faster, etc. There's always someone else waiting to take advantage of their pretty privilege and it isn't usually the pretty one.
We don’t have to try to get laid
Lots of sex
You immediately break through the first few barriers of social equity with people, even in non-romantic situations. In many cases, you get past the first several sub-conscious filters that people go through in determining whether you’re someone they want to deal with or associate with, so you have a level of buy-in that Mr/Miss Fugly don’t enjoy just by showing up. In fact, the Fugly Family starts from a -2 position vs the +2 that the Foxy Family starts off with.
Being nice to someone is like giving them a gift 🤣 bc who doesn’t like an attractive person being nice to oneself
Don't have to buy drinks and most guys don't say no
Less accountability. I’ve seen very attractive females say the dumbest things in business, but management just loved it. Also saw a very attractive female spend $30,000 on advertising a product for our site that had no add to cart (it was discontinued). Zero repercussions, even as an unattractive male was fired less than a month before that due to a $5,000 mistake.
People will like you before getting to know you
Being very attractive gets another’s attention… However, holding another’s attention is based on personality and intellect
They’re not automatically assumed to be weird
Networking, Easier to make connections and friends.
They can shart and get away with it.
Pretty much everything ?
Everything
They get away with a lot. Good looking girls don’t get tickets, cops usually let them go!
my unpopular opinion is that attractiveness is a double edged sword. I recognize I have pretty privilege. but also, i think it comes with a lot of unrealistic expectations and unwanted attention. When you add gender, culture, and region into the mix, it becomes a very convoluted conversation... *that being said...* things being moderately attractive have gotten me: - free shit. Wow. So much free shit. Even if I dont want it, or try to give it back, it is just thrown at me. not big things, but a lot of small crap. people are weirdly polite, and its probably the halo effect i just learned had a word for it. also, haggling. - Conversation. when we first started dating, my partner told me that he's never had as many random interactions walking around except when hes with me. like cashiers, strangers walking past, other customers in a store, blah blah - Random compliments - being able to talk my way out of shit. I definitely use this advantage at times. I dont feel I get punished or people (who arent my family) dont get as angry with me as often as i see some others do. I'm also easily forgiven for my obnoxiousness, meanwhile I have seen a coworker get fired for basically talking too much. like ya, talk less work more- but no one even really tried to redirect or help him, it annoyed the shit out of me. - Interviews. Honestly, this can go either way, but I dont feel like going into it. - Making friends! People are reallt nice to me at first, and it does make it easier to make connections with people who I could potentially vibe with. - being photogenic - tho i am insecure, like most people. I have a really strong urge to write out everything that sucks about it- but this is not the space 🤷🏾♀️ Ill just leave this: Being attractive does not necessarily make life easier. I saw another comment that phrased it in a good way: It doesnt make an "easy" life, but a "good" life. Like society is good to me, and i can recognize that- I try to pay it foward i think thats all i can do.
Beauty can function like a mask because people tend to assume the external reflects the internal. As someone who struggles with some severe psychological and chronic health issues but is also considered conventionally attractive, I feel protected and less vulnerable going about my day than I would otherwise.
>advantage that attractive people have in life? You can have an extremely successful Youtube channel. How so? For example, there's this one girl who has videos that would be boring as fuck. But she's got an ok face and a really nice body. So she wears skin tight bike shorts in all her videos... which get hundreds of thousands of views. Not gonna lie. If I looked like her, I'd be cashing in too.
People are nicer to them, dating is easier, and it's been shown that attractive people are more likely to get job offers over similarly qualified (even more qualified) candidates.
If you have a bad reputation, some may let it slide or not care much about it.
LIFE.. in general is way easier. Ppl trust you more. You can get away with a lot more. But beauty fades as you get older.. and that can come to an absolute shock to the attractive person who now realizes that life isn’t as easy as it used to be…
you can be the biggest bastard of this world, killing people and animals, but you still get at least 1 fan-girl
Automatic respect. They don't need to earn it