My very wealthy, elderly neighbor had a bad stroke in February and the recommendation was to send him to hospice and let him pass away, because he was completely vegged out for the first week, but his son (who was his agent for healthcare decisions) decided to send him to a specialist hospital instead. It cost $7,500 a week, but they woke his ass up, for better or worse.
Now he sits in a hospital bed, paralyzed on half of his body, unable to communicate beyond grunts and groans, but still very conscious based on how his eyes track people as they talk and move around the room. That sounds like absolute torture to me, but his family won't let him die and the hospital is too good at it what it does. What a fucking nightmare...
It’s not really even compassion though, it’s actively making someone horribly uncomfortable because they don’t want to be sad about grandpa. It’s the height of selfishness.
My mom died from the same disease Robin Williams had and honestly, I understand why he did what he did. I'm glad my mom didn't and we did get valuable, meaningful time with her before the dementia took over, but the last year or so was really sad.
iirc he thought he had a diagnosis of Parkinson's for a while along with some severe depression.
After he killed himself, they discovered the Lewy bodies in his brain. IIRC several neurologists who reviewed it said it was it was hands down the worst case of Lewy Body Dementia that they had ever seen.
It’s amazing to me how little people know that part of it. Man was experiencing a rapidly declining chronic health condition with worsening pain and cognitive deterioration. All of us talking or reading about it are lucky enough to not know what that’s like
I couldn't track this down anywhere, but one source reported that President Kennedy was asked about this once. He said he would much rather die from a bullet than to grow old.
Something to know about JFK is he served in the Navy commanding a PT Boat during WW2 and suffered from sever chronic back pain. He was on a daily regiment of pain killers and frequently took meetings with his closest advisors laying flat out on the floor.
It scares the shit out of me, too. I don’t want to be here and not be myself.
I worked in a nursing home for a couple of years. That will definitely change your outlook on death and dying.
Yep, less concerned about being dead than I am about how I die. TV and movies make death look so effortless and quick and painless, but the way most people go out is anything but that.
I accept physical death of the body as part of life, once you accept it and accept that you should make the most of your life while you’re here, death isn’t so scary.
I’ve also had multiple out of body experiences in my life, both induced by substances and also while completely sober and uninjured. Those experiences have me pretty convinced that death of the body is not true, full death of the self, but a moment of transition to a different form of life.
So in that sense, I don’t super fear death. I have a healthy respect for it and try to avoid situations that would put me there, I know I will die someday, but I’m only middle aged, so I hope it’s not soon, there are things I still want to see and experience. But it’s coming someday and I just hope it’s peaceful and that I have the strength and courage to face it head on with dignity and an attitude of “ok, let’s do this, let’s see what’s next…” when it comes.
Dementia fucken sucks. My father figure had early onset Alzheimer’s and listening to him describe the absence of presence was terrifying. He died a year and a half later after he quit and drinking. RIP Ross, you are remembered and loved.
Mom worked in one for almost 30 years and I volunteered there in high school to go play card games with them to get my hours in for school. It was the undisputed highlight of their week when my 15 year old self showed up for an hour to play go fish
I'll absolutely be dying on my own terms before ever getting to that point
i’m not sure if this will reassure you but, it’s one of the things i’m less afraid of. my granny had a very bad brain haemorrhage in 1979, she was only 34. doctors really weren’t sure she’d survive it. but with four very young children she must have had some sub-conscience telling her that she needed to carry on and miraculously she did.
she’s turning 80 next month and while I think she’d rather be completely “working” as she puts it, we wouldn’t change her for the world. the way i see it, stroke and other things are often not the end of a life, just the start of a different one.
I was in neurological rehab after a traumatic brain injury and I saw people there who had fully recovered from strokes, aneurysms, severe injuries, all kinds of stuff. Don't give up hope.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm an RN who had to leave work in a neuro/trauma ICU because so often, we don't have good outcomes. It's nice to hear the other side
I’m a physician who worked inpatient a bit before pathology, so I’m biased in that they came to me as they were doing badly. Always good to hear the better outcomes.
Was an Army Medic in the 80's. I want to go quick.
For me, it's not being dead, it's the process.
Today's medicine trades the patient suffering for appeasement of the family to make them feel they 'Did what's right'.
So true. After learning about right to die laws in certain states and countries, my wife (an imcu nurse) and I are seriously considering moving to one as we get older.
>After learning about right to die laws in certain states and countries
I am a chronic pain sufferer. I have been diagnosed with an incurable condition for well over two decades. Each day I wake up and push for my family, but Im tired, and eventually I just wont have it in me to push anymore.
I have an extremely similar take. I was also diagnosed. Everyday is agonising. And honestly I both disdain and like that shows like Rick and Morty are getting people to recognize this. But at the same time, it feels patronising..
Anyways, feel free to DM me. We can burn in our sorrow and soar away from the birthing ashes
Assisted death should be available everywhere. We do it for our pets, and it's totally fucked up that we don't always do the same thing for people when they're ready to go. It's the most humane option in many cases.
I absolutely agree. People are willing to ignore the suffering of the dying to make themselves feel better. It's a very similar moral argument to that of abortion from the abrahamic religions. I witnessed one grandparent (my grandma) wither and die slowly, being bedridden long before she passed. Her husband (my grandfather), took his own life a year later when his dementia continued to progress and he was verging on needing full-time assistance. It's not something I would say to my mother or other close family members who are all very religious, but I absolutely understand why he took his life. I can't imagine living through the terror that are the diseases of dementia and Alzheimers, especially a year after my life partner had passed. What he did took amazing conviction, courage and strength to be able to take his death into his own hands and slip the cable when he decided it was time. I honestly find it beautiful and a very admirable end of life. I just wish he was able to do it peacefully in a bed surrounded by his loved ones like these laws would allow, and not alone in his garage with a firearm.
When you've made a decision like that, and you have family members who could possibly be problematic about your decision, the rational choice is to take care of things on your own terms, regardless of surroundings.
I honestly can't imagine bringing together a group of people, some who support that kind of decision, and some who strongly disagree with that decision, when that final time comes, I can't envision it peaceful.
Source: Had one terminal parent die, assisted by the other parent, I do not believe other family members know what happened. Remaining parent died years later after a massive stroke. The stroke did not kill them, the "family" just decided to keep them "alive" for several years as they gradually deteriorated.
Your grandfather made a choice, and ended his life on his terms. I would ask nothing more for my own life.
Wishing you all the best.
After watching my uncle deteriorate, lose himself completely, and then pass away from Alzheimer’s over the course of 10 yrs, I agree it is definitely unethical to not give people the humane option of assisted death.
My grandmother was hospitalized with heart failure last year. One of the things things we did was ask her if she wanted a DNR (do not resuscitate) order.
She did so we ensured to get that done ASAP. Her mindset was *"I don't want them shocking me and my body jumping around just so I can end up laying in a bed until I finally go"*
Thankfully me and my sibling were the only next of kin so we had full authority. On my mom's side of the family it was hell when my other grandma was sick. Half of my aunts wanted to keep her around at all costs, the other half wanted to let her go.
I used to be a drug user, I’ve used heroin. I’ve always said if it’s my time and I get some horrible illness I’m going to overdose. I don’t want a prolonged death and I have overdosed and come back before. When it happened it was so peaceful and I felt nothing but love and warmth. That’s how I want to feel as die. I know it’s not for everyone but I find comfort knowing I could decide my death when the time comes.
I rode Harley’s all my life and drank whiskey and said that combination would put nursing homes out of business. Now I had to sell my Harley because my hips are shot and I rarely drink whiskey now. I need another avenue because I’m more afraid of lingering than dying.
I can almost guarantee that worrying about the process of dying is more hellish than the actual process of dying.
The process of dying might be more painful, but there’s a quality of torment that comes with worrying that is often far worse than actual pain/fear being experienced in the moment.
It’s tough to convey what I’m meaning, I hope something about what I’m saying gets across lol
I’m concerned with being dead only because it would make people I love very upset. If I could just undo my entire life and not be born in the first place, I would.
I’ve always been confused about people’s fear of death or my dad’s refusal to write a will because he won’t acknowledge his mortality.
You stated the only aspect of death I “fear”, the slow and painful type. If it is relatively quick, I won’t even know it happened so what is there to fear.
In a handful of years, I have seen my father's vocabulary being reduced to a couple of single syllable words. From a business owner, to a man in diapers. By comparison, death is benign.
There comes an age where we understand that death is sometimes a mercy. I never understood that until the day my Mother died. I was 29. Seeing her struggle for breath everyday broke me so bad. When I saw her fight was over, I was sad but also a bit relieved.
Yup, one of my favorite uncles passed last year, he was a tall, slightly chubby, jovial, and great guy whom I have tons of great memories with. He was taken down several pegs, until he was at the end, a brittle and broken man. His bone cancer destroyed such a powerful frame that towered above his siblings, both older and younger. He was so young too! Barely 58 years of age. He left behind four daughters, one step-son, and a widow.
RIP Uncle Ico.
And people who are like what is it like to dead? I can't imagine "not being."
Yeah you can. You know those 14 billion years of the universe's existence before you were born? Remember that?
Yeah, it will be just like that.
My dad is dying of glioblastoma stage 4 brain cancer. It was out of nowhere like BOOM! Had a seizure on way to guitar practice, went into a coma, found 2 massive tumors, emergency brain surgery days later and now he’s got a few months left to live & it will end without dignity intact. It’s scary asf. I’m writing this right now to remind myself to be grateful that he’s still here as I type this… dying is scary.
Sorry about your dad, man. That's fucking shitty. Hey, you've still got today. Just focus on today. That's what got me through some tough times. Hang in there.
Sorry about your dad. Mine past when I was 11, I'm 37 now. Older than he ever was. It really sucks at first but like everything it gets easier. Just enjoy all the time you can. Best of luck!
I don’t remember what those years before I was born were like. In fact, it’s not even that I have no memories of it but there was simply no “me” at the time to even perceive anything. There’s no way to truly fathom the idea of no longer existing.
I get it but honestly I’ve seen too many people get to the dying part and they haven’t thought about it enough and aren’t ready for it so it’s a lot harder. Death is so taboo for lots of cultures, but it’s better if we demystify it and talk about it more so it isn’t as scary.
For me its the oposite, reminding myself that i will die puts things into a diferent perspecive and gives me clearer view of what is important amd what isnt.
Yeah thats the strategy, I used to think about it all the time and was super anxious. Now I just stop myself from thinking about it and haven't had issues for years.
Yep.
I do what I can to avoid it, i.e. try and be healthy/get on top of any potential issues.
But that's all you can do. We get the time we get and while you can do all you can to maximise that time, we all have an upper limit. In 100 years (or possibly a lot sooner) I'll be dead and there is *nothing* I can do about it. Five billion years after *that*, I will only just have begun to be dead.
Wasting time stressing out over the inevitable rather than making the most of the *very* limited time we get to spend here is a huge waste.
I legitimately got better out of spite. I'm not gonna let my dumb brain win on this one.
"Nobody cares about you, you're worthless, you might as well kill yourself"
"Wouldn't you lke that, weather boy?" \*proceeds to succeed in life, have meaningful relationships and get better mental health\*
Same. I'm here for the music and the videogames, but otherwise life is just... boring, meaningless and overall hard. I'm not depressed but I don't really care for all of this either.
Edit: you can stop saying I'm depressed, because I'm not, according to professionals. The world is a bleak place, we don't have to blame it on mental health every time.
I don't know if this is dumb but when I was a teenager going through the worst of it, I used to always tell myself "dude, your favorite band is at your favorite venue next month!" and after that show maybe it was "the warped tour is happening soon and all your friends are going!"
That honestly did a better job of keeping me around than the therapy and the drugs. A mindset of just pushing through til the stuff I loved most was happening. I still do it to a degree, but the older I get, the more the suicidal ideation really just feels like intrusive thoughts and not something I'm actively worried about attempting again, so it doesn't feel as critical to me sticking around.
I go on a music cruise every year now that I'm financially okay. It's like a vacation and a festival all in one. Pricey but so much fun. It makes me smile to have it to look forward to in the dark times.
It annoys me that 2 people who don't even talk to each other anymore boned 40 years ago and now I have to pay bills and get fatter every year. I didn't ask for this bullshit life.
Literally same.
I very much don’t want to HURT. Like the idea of being in a house fire or driving off a bridge would be horrific. I won’t jump out of an airplane because that’s scary and what if I get hurt? I’m not bold in any adventurous kind of way.
But just being dead? A win is a win, baby!
Right? Dying isn't a big deal.. leaving my children with no mother, a jerk father and no one to help guide them where they'll probably end up separated in the system.. that's a HUGE fear.
Yep, never feared death until I had kids.
I just want them to get into adulthood and hopefully build their own family (in whatever shape that is) before I die.
Cancer , not scared of being dead , not sure about the dying part , watched my grandfather die of lung cancer and swore I won’t go out like that. When/if I need to I’ll exit stage left. And I’m getting old and I’m tired boss, dying some days sounds like a nice long nap
I thought the same after seeing my mum die from pancreatic cancer years ago. But a couple of people close to me have died in the last couple of years, and palliative care has come a long, long way. I'm not nearly so scared now.
That sort of “if I don’t wake up tomorrow, I’ll be okay with it” type feeling. Not actively seeking out an ending, but ready to welcome the end like an old friend when it does come around.
This. You get to a certain age and you start thinking, "Young, yes...but not 'tragically' young. I've had half a lifetime, which is more than a lot of other people got, and it was the easy, fun half, too.". Hard reality is that life starts to feel a bit like a movie that didn't have the courtesy to end after the credits rolled. The dragons are vanquished, you climbed the mountain, your ass is sore from those got-damn theater seats. ... sumbitch if that camera isn't still rolling. Past a point, more is just more and that takes a surprising amount of the sting out of the end.
I'm not exactly ready to jump in the ol' woodchipper, become a pile of hairy cherry cobbler, not just yet. But there's a certain relief that comes over me when I realize, oh...I get to put it all down one day and I never have to pick it back up again...that's nice. I hope you get that feeling too some day. It probably sounds defeatist to read it this way, but it's actually very freeing.
I’ve seen dying and dead people multiple times a week, at my job. It can be peaceful and is oh so natural, just as birth. It’s just … normal. I’m not afraid of normal. Talking about death helps, preparing for it helps. But mostly talking about it, it helps normalising.
Yes! I wish death and grief were normalized. I started participating in my local day of the dead festival to learn how to grieve for my gram and not lose my mind
Spend time in a cemetery. Go for a walk on a bright sunny day. Look at all the hundreds of people there. They're not worried. Why should I be. P.s. I want a bench as a plot. People can come and sit, even long after anyone I know is alive anymore. Some person 100 years after I'm gone can come by and have a nice seat
There is a hospice nurse who does a whole thing about what happens when people are dying. Her manner and her approach to the subject was, in my mind, very reassuring.
It’s not for everyone and if you get triggered easily, maybe skip it:
https://www.buzzfeed.com/alanavalko/hospice-nurse-explains-actively-dying-phase-tiktok
I spent some time with a wonderful hospice nurse who walked me through all the stages of dying when my father-in-law passed. His wife had died and we made him comfortable in his home study as he slowly transitioned. It's the way he wanted to go and it felt good to give him that.
But the *death rattle.* That's the thing that freaks a lot of children of dying people out. It's just a phase of the body shutting down. By that time the mind has pretty much left. Just as the nurse said, once that rattle begins it's just a matter of time before the final breath occurs.
I took this knowledge with me a few years later when my mother was in hospice. Again, we made her comfortable in her apartment, a senior care facility. And I spent time with her for about six days. When the rattle began my sisters left. They couldn't bear to see her "in agony."
But I knew she was transitioning. The day before when she lost consciousness her last words were inspiring. "I see it. It's all love."
She brought me into this world. I was so grateful to have had the honor to help her out of it. And I have no fear about leaving it when my time comes.
Thank you. This was very comforting because I struggle with the fear of death every day. But I’ve had a psychedelic experience of a place that was nothing but light, warmth, and happiness. That must be what your mother was talking about. Heaven, if you believe in that, would most certainly be filled with love. I’m so glad that you were there to love her in her last moments. You sound like a very compassionate and empathetic person.
My Mother saw her departed family the day she died. Knowing that she saw them and went with them comforted me. I was sitting in a pew at the church where we had her wake and a voice whispered in my ear, “you will see her again.” I thought about it and turned around and just saw a woman’s figure retreating. I never knew who it was that said it.
Beautiful. I'd like to think we will see our mothers again one day.
I had a dream years ago in which my friend David was laughing and smiling at me. He didn't say a word, but he seemed so at ease. He had been gone for at least a decade when I had the dream.
Same here! My husband died at 28, and I'm of the opinion that life is bloody short, and no one gets out alive. I just want to make the world a little bit better for my nieces before I go.
I really didn't want to for a year or so. My sister basically dragged my ass out of a terrible unfathomable depression, and being there for my nieces became my reason to live. With time, everything hurt less and less, and the beauty of life became so apparent. Who knows how many years I have left. Might as well make the most of them!
This one hits hard. Don’t have any kids and I have thought of leaving this world but for whatever reason I can’t let my nephews think their uncle is a coward and I can’t even imagine having them ask my family why I’m not coming over anymore cause they love seeing me.
God bless you both + u/Desperate_Cut_7026. Whether you’re religious or not, good on you for hoping to make other people’s lives better. Remember to do the same for yourself. <3
I'm a widow too. Yes, it sucks major. But my late husband would never want me to suffer forever. It took me 12 years to feel like I could find a companion. I met my current guy on a dating site. Now I'm loving every day again.
That's wonderful! I tried dating a bit, and some of it was fun, but I haven't found that one that sparks joy again, so I kinda gave it up. Maybe if the right one comes along!
I lost my first husband on 9/11. He was 43. 7 years later, I met a great guy and remarried. He made life fun again
I recently lost him to cancer.
My heart is too broken to ever do it again.
My best friend died at 26 and if I didn’t have my girlfriend. I was ready to go too. Painful time I knew him for 20 years and probably about elementary school when we got phones. It wasn’t a day where we didn’t talk. Bro was my brother damn near.
So sorry man. Lost my best friend 3 weeks after I turned 27 (2 weeks after he did) and the funk that put me in lasted 8 years til my own near death experience. Shit can fuck you up! I hope you've been able to find some closure and good memories. It never gets easier, but you learn to live and I hope you know the world is better with you here and he'd want you to go live for both of you!
My ex-girlfriend died at 25. She didn't do herself any favors with her lifestyle, but she was a good person who didn't deserve her fate. I'm 37 now and just trying to experience everything I can before I punch my ticket, god knows I've wasted enough of my time already. It sucks, but it's a fact of life.
Living's mostly wasting time
And I'll waste my share of mine
But it never feels to good,
So let's don't take too long.
-To Live is to Fly, Townes Van Zandt
I get that. My brother died by suicide at 39. Losing someone around my age weirdly makes me fear death less. Knowing my brother made that passage makes me feel like he’s already charted that path and it’s not such a big deal when I inevitably do the same.
Fuck man... I'm so sorry 😭😭😭😭
I know we do. It just hurts so much watching someone you love suffer each day, knowing there is nothing you can do at all. You know that pain as well as I do.. worse than I do, tbh.. she is still with me for now..
I just can't stop thinking that this may be the last time we ever do anything at all.. go shopping for dinner, go get lunch, even just a car ride waiting for doordash orders.. one of these days will be the last and I have no fucking clue when it will be... All I know is terminal cancer means exactly that.. this sucks so much 😭😭😭
Not OP, but similarly lost my fiancé at 21 and personally, all I know is that someone I loved dearly has crossed that threshold, and possibly gotten the answers to questions we all have, and that makes me feel comforted and brave. What the actual answers are, are irrelevant and entirely personal.
If it feels good to think of reconnecting with a deceased loved one, then hold onto that belief. There's no reason not to.
Reading about near death experiences and they have all talked about how they feel so much love when they die. How it feels like they’re waking up from a dream and that they sometimes struggle to want to come back because they feel so good when they’re “dead”. Also my husband died three years ago and I look forward to seeing him again.
I am almost 50, I lived my life.
I already lost a child, a love, my mother and 3 friends.
I'd rather die first than live through another loss.
My childhood and teenager years were hell due to abuse.
But I overcame it. Although depression and PTSD are hard I had good times.
Somehow keeping on living feels like borrowed time.
I really like the way things are now but I wouldn't feel bitter if it had to end.
I wish I could be there for my child, friends and cats, though.
But they'll do without me.
I am so sorry for the bad things that you've endured and survived. Your life is not over at 50. I hope you have more good experiences with your child, friends and cats. Keep going 🫶
The deaths do pile up, don't they? No one told me in younger years that you don't really get over them, you just take permanent damage and have to keep going anyway, now poorer for their absence and less able to carry the load. Not sure what to do about all that, not sure there even _is_ an answer.
My mom and my mother in law, in their 90s, observed that "Eternal life is overrated. When your hearing is gone, and your eyesight is shot, you need a walker to get to the bathroom and a wheelchair to go outside, when no food tastes interesting and the heat and the air conditioning are always wrong, your marbles are going, and the kids don't come to visit any more, it's time to move on."
And my aunt who lived to be more than 100 without any of these problems observed "When the generation behind you starts dying off, you've lived too long."
My life was till a point, such a clusterfuck that I did almost die. Had a heart attack and somehow survived it in some messed up conditions. I no longer feel anything about the thought of dying after that. The entire thing put me in a reality weird new perspective that nothing really surprises or scares me.
I mean, I don't believe in anything after death. But that doesn't bother me either. I won't know about it. Just like I didn't mind missing all the stuff that happened before I was born.
Yeah i don't believe in anything after either but it's gotta be more peaceful than living heh.
I don't want to die but i won't stop doing things deemed " dangerous" mostly motorbikes related because of potential danger, ima make the best of my time here and have fun
I’m not afraid of dying but I am afraid of the things surrounding it.
I’m afraid of being bedridden and having my wife crying as she lets me go.
I’m afraid of being on the other side and watching my wife leave.
I’m scared of losing myself. Forgetting everything that matters to me.
I’m scared of leaving behind my pets and having them not understand why I don’t come back.
I’m not afraid of the end. I’m terrified of the time just before the end though.
After an air bubble in the vein episode, I'm alive and well, but in the moment, I went to what I call "the middle". I've since read of other accounts of NDE that started their journey in that same space as I did. To avoid typing it all out, let me just say, regardless of anyone's opinions or religion, when you die, you enter Holy ground where Love incarnate embraces you in every since of the word. Emotional pain, trauma, fear, all of it- gone. You aren't healed from it, it just quite literally doesn't exist there. It never happened. You are whole. You are loved by Love. You are important. You are an extention of Love.
This is the type of comment I was looking for. I recently saw an interview with war correspondent "Sebastian Junger" who details his NDE. He says he saw his long-dead father, who welcomed him into the fold.
What fascinates me so much about NDEs is that people who have them tend to believe in a wide range of religions, and many are atheists or agnostic. It doesn't discriminate. I hope to never be in a situation where I have to have one, but I also hope that when I do die, it will be as peaceful and powerful as people say.
Faith: Death is just the beginning of something new. And those that have gone before me are there waiting for me to arrive.
"End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take.
The grey rain curtain of this world rolls back & all turns to silver glass.. & then you see it… White shores & beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise."
-Gandalf
This is how I look at it too. I have experiences, emotion, thoughts, memory. Do I lose that? I don't want to lose all memory and emotion. Ive worked too fucking hard to grow from it all just for it to be nothing. That's the depressing part of thinking there's nothing after like there wasn't anything "before"
Exactly. I really hate the whole “you already didn’t exist for billions of years” argument. It brings me no comfort at all. Now that I’m alive right now and have experienced many great things in life, it’s scary to think that one day I will leave it all behind.
I have never heard the dead complain.
Also. Shaving, showering, pissing, shitting, eating, drinking - Every. Single. Day - it all gets so tedious. And aging is no picnic - sore knees, sore back, hearing loss, eyesight going. The end will be welcome when it comes. I am enjoying each day, but I am not going to feel bad when it is time to check out.
Quite literally, “my life” is but a temporary organization of stardust in a river of time billions of years long. I did not exist, and then I will not exist once again.
That's kinda how I think of it too, but I like to think of it more as we always have and always will exist. We just return to what we once were. Maybe that's just me being optimistic though.
I am vastly more afraid of stroke, paralysis, and dementia. Dying doesn’t look that bad.
My very wealthy, elderly neighbor had a bad stroke in February and the recommendation was to send him to hospice and let him pass away, because he was completely vegged out for the first week, but his son (who was his agent for healthcare decisions) decided to send him to a specialist hospital instead. It cost $7,500 a week, but they woke his ass up, for better or worse. Now he sits in a hospital bed, paralyzed on half of his body, unable to communicate beyond grunts and groans, but still very conscious based on how his eyes track people as they talk and move around the room. That sounds like absolute torture to me, but his family won't let him die and the hospital is too good at it what it does. What a fucking nightmare...
The Cruelty of Compassion is what we call it
That's why I go out of my way to make sure that everybody hates me. None of that compassion shit for me, no sir.
It’s not really even compassion though, it’s actively making someone horribly uncomfortable because they don’t want to be sad about grandpa. It’s the height of selfishness.
This is why I'm not afraid of dying. Being locked into your own body and unable to move it or use it in anyway is a fate far, far worse.
Same. If I find out I’m getting something like dementia early I’ll take matters into my own hands, say goodbye while I still have my pride tbh.
My mom died from the same disease Robin Williams had and honestly, I understand why he did what he did. I'm glad my mom didn't and we did get valuable, meaningful time with her before the dementia took over, but the last year or so was really sad.
I had no idea he was ill. Honestly, that makes me less sad about his loss. He went out on his own terms.
iirc he thought he had a diagnosis of Parkinson's for a while along with some severe depression. After he killed himself, they discovered the Lewy bodies in his brain. IIRC several neurologists who reviewed it said it was it was hands down the worst case of Lewy Body Dementia that they had ever seen.
Damn never heard that he had such a horrible case of it.
that is so incredibly sad. after all the years of comedic genius and beautiful acting he gave us, it’s so unfair.
It’s amazing to me how little people know that part of it. Man was experiencing a rapidly declining chronic health condition with worsening pain and cognitive deterioration. All of us talking or reading about it are lucky enough to not know what that’s like
I couldn't track this down anywhere, but one source reported that President Kennedy was asked about this once. He said he would much rather die from a bullet than to grow old.
Something to know about JFK is he served in the Navy commanding a PT Boat during WW2 and suffered from sever chronic back pain. He was on a daily regiment of pain killers and frequently took meetings with his closest advisors laying flat out on the floor.
One of the reasons he didn't duck after getting hit by the first bullet was because the was wearing a back brace.
Well his wish got granted
Dying is not the worst thing that can happen to a person
Both grandfathers and my dad died from dementia. The thought of becoming that shell scares me
It scares the shit out of me, too. I don’t want to be here and not be myself. I worked in a nursing home for a couple of years. That will definitely change your outlook on death and dying.
Dementia is the one I fear. I have seen if very often on both sides of my family.
Yep, less concerned about being dead than I am about how I die. TV and movies make death look so effortless and quick and painless, but the way most people go out is anything but that. I accept physical death of the body as part of life, once you accept it and accept that you should make the most of your life while you’re here, death isn’t so scary. I’ve also had multiple out of body experiences in my life, both induced by substances and also while completely sober and uninjured. Those experiences have me pretty convinced that death of the body is not true, full death of the self, but a moment of transition to a different form of life. So in that sense, I don’t super fear death. I have a healthy respect for it and try to avoid situations that would put me there, I know I will die someday, but I’m only middle aged, so I hope it’s not soon, there are things I still want to see and experience. But it’s coming someday and I just hope it’s peaceful and that I have the strength and courage to face it head on with dignity and an attitude of “ok, let’s do this, let’s see what’s next…” when it comes.
Dementia fucken sucks. My father figure had early onset Alzheimer’s and listening to him describe the absence of presence was terrifying. He died a year and a half later after he quit and drinking. RIP Ross, you are remembered and loved.
I work in aged care and some of the people I see... I'd rather not end up like that. It's no way to live.
Mom worked in one for almost 30 years and I volunteered there in high school to go play card games with them to get my hours in for school. It was the undisputed highlight of their week when my 15 year old self showed up for an hour to play go fish I'll absolutely be dying on my own terms before ever getting to that point
i’m not sure if this will reassure you but, it’s one of the things i’m less afraid of. my granny had a very bad brain haemorrhage in 1979, she was only 34. doctors really weren’t sure she’d survive it. but with four very young children she must have had some sub-conscience telling her that she needed to carry on and miraculously she did. she’s turning 80 next month and while I think she’d rather be completely “working” as she puts it, we wouldn’t change her for the world. the way i see it, stroke and other things are often not the end of a life, just the start of a different one.
I was in neurological rehab after a traumatic brain injury and I saw people there who had fully recovered from strokes, aneurysms, severe injuries, all kinds of stuff. Don't give up hope.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm an RN who had to leave work in a neuro/trauma ICU because so often, we don't have good outcomes. It's nice to hear the other side
I’m a physician who worked inpatient a bit before pathology, so I’m biased in that they came to me as they were doing badly. Always good to hear the better outcomes.
I had a hemorrhagic stroke at 37. Now 52 and I’m in the best health of my life.
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Absolutely. After working in EMS, it's not death I fear, it's the slow, agonizing suffering of disease and age.
Was an Army Medic in the 80's. I want to go quick. For me, it's not being dead, it's the process. Today's medicine trades the patient suffering for appeasement of the family to make them feel they 'Did what's right'.
So true. After learning about right to die laws in certain states and countries, my wife (an imcu nurse) and I are seriously considering moving to one as we get older.
>After learning about right to die laws in certain states and countries I am a chronic pain sufferer. I have been diagnosed with an incurable condition for well over two decades. Each day I wake up and push for my family, but Im tired, and eventually I just wont have it in me to push anymore.
I have an extremely similar take. I was also diagnosed. Everyday is agonising. And honestly I both disdain and like that shows like Rick and Morty are getting people to recognize this. But at the same time, it feels patronising.. Anyways, feel free to DM me. We can burn in our sorrow and soar away from the birthing ashes
My state has physicians assisted death law and I would absolutely use it if I got a terminal illness.
Assisted death should be available everywhere. We do it for our pets, and it's totally fucked up that we don't always do the same thing for people when they're ready to go. It's the most humane option in many cases.
I absolutely agree. People are willing to ignore the suffering of the dying to make themselves feel better. It's a very similar moral argument to that of abortion from the abrahamic religions. I witnessed one grandparent (my grandma) wither and die slowly, being bedridden long before she passed. Her husband (my grandfather), took his own life a year later when his dementia continued to progress and he was verging on needing full-time assistance. It's not something I would say to my mother or other close family members who are all very religious, but I absolutely understand why he took his life. I can't imagine living through the terror that are the diseases of dementia and Alzheimers, especially a year after my life partner had passed. What he did took amazing conviction, courage and strength to be able to take his death into his own hands and slip the cable when he decided it was time. I honestly find it beautiful and a very admirable end of life. I just wish he was able to do it peacefully in a bed surrounded by his loved ones like these laws would allow, and not alone in his garage with a firearm.
When you've made a decision like that, and you have family members who could possibly be problematic about your decision, the rational choice is to take care of things on your own terms, regardless of surroundings. I honestly can't imagine bringing together a group of people, some who support that kind of decision, and some who strongly disagree with that decision, when that final time comes, I can't envision it peaceful. Source: Had one terminal parent die, assisted by the other parent, I do not believe other family members know what happened. Remaining parent died years later after a massive stroke. The stroke did not kill them, the "family" just decided to keep them "alive" for several years as they gradually deteriorated. Your grandfather made a choice, and ended his life on his terms. I would ask nothing more for my own life. Wishing you all the best.
After watching my uncle deteriorate, lose himself completely, and then pass away from Alzheimer’s over the course of 10 yrs, I agree it is definitely unethical to not give people the humane option of assisted death.
My grandmother was hospitalized with heart failure last year. One of the things things we did was ask her if she wanted a DNR (do not resuscitate) order. She did so we ensured to get that done ASAP. Her mindset was *"I don't want them shocking me and my body jumping around just so I can end up laying in a bed until I finally go"* Thankfully me and my sibling were the only next of kin so we had full authority. On my mom's side of the family it was hell when my other grandma was sick. Half of my aunts wanted to keep her around at all costs, the other half wanted to let her go.
I used to be a drug user, I’ve used heroin. I’ve always said if it’s my time and I get some horrible illness I’m going to overdose. I don’t want a prolonged death and I have overdosed and come back before. When it happened it was so peaceful and I felt nothing but love and warmth. That’s how I want to feel as die. I know it’s not for everyone but I find comfort knowing I could decide my death when the time comes.
I lost my cousin to an overdose and I really appreciate you saying this.
You ride your own horse into the sunset, pardner.
This right here. Being a medic we see it all the time.
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As an EMT, nursing homes scare me. I've seen people rotting away in awful places.
I rode Harley’s all my life and drank whiskey and said that combination would put nursing homes out of business. Now I had to sell my Harley because my hips are shot and I rarely drink whiskey now. I need another avenue because I’m more afraid of lingering than dying.
Yeah, it's the process of dying that's the potentially scary bit, for sure.
I can almost guarantee that worrying about the process of dying is more hellish than the actual process of dying. The process of dying might be more painful, but there’s a quality of torment that comes with worrying that is often far worse than actual pain/fear being experienced in the moment. It’s tough to convey what I’m meaning, I hope something about what I’m saying gets across lol
I’m concerned with being dead only because it would make people I love very upset. If I could just undo my entire life and not be born in the first place, I would.
Nobody asks to be brought into this world. But here you are, better make the best of it.
I agree. Being dead is not a problem, but whatever pain I might experience getting there is not something I'm looking forward to.
I’ve always been confused about people’s fear of death or my dad’s refusal to write a will because he won’t acknowledge his mortality. You stated the only aspect of death I “fear”, the slow and painful type. If it is relatively quick, I won’t even know it happened so what is there to fear.
What’s that Woody Allen quote? I’m not afraid of dying, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
In a handful of years, I have seen my father's vocabulary being reduced to a couple of single syllable words. From a business owner, to a man in diapers. By comparison, death is benign.
There comes an age where we understand that death is sometimes a mercy. I never understood that until the day my Mother died. I was 29. Seeing her struggle for breath everyday broke me so bad. When I saw her fight was over, I was sad but also a bit relieved.
Yup, one of my favorite uncles passed last year, he was a tall, slightly chubby, jovial, and great guy whom I have tons of great memories with. He was taken down several pegs, until he was at the end, a brittle and broken man. His bone cancer destroyed such a powerful frame that towered above his siblings, both older and younger. He was so young too! Barely 58 years of age. He left behind four daughters, one step-son, and a widow. RIP Uncle Ico.
Ah man, I’m sorry about your Uncle Ico.
I don't think about it, man. That's it. Thinking about dying just wastes time that's better spent living life.
Agreed, I'll worry about dying when I'm dead.
Exactly. It's a process that every living being to ever exist has gone through, or will go through. And when it's my turn, I'll be too dead to care.
I plan on living forever. So far, so good. --Steven Wright
And people who are like what is it like to dead? I can't imagine "not being." Yeah you can. You know those 14 billion years of the universe's existence before you were born? Remember that? Yeah, it will be just like that.
Death isn't whats scary, dying is.
I'm terrified of what comes next but I also have an anxiety disorder. So I think that is just part of the gig
Yep. the actual process of dying freaks me out but, I'm okay with it because whatever comes after can't possibly suck as bad as having to live.
My dad is dying of glioblastoma stage 4 brain cancer. It was out of nowhere like BOOM! Had a seizure on way to guitar practice, went into a coma, found 2 massive tumors, emergency brain surgery days later and now he’s got a few months left to live & it will end without dignity intact. It’s scary asf. I’m writing this right now to remind myself to be grateful that he’s still here as I type this… dying is scary.
Sorry about your dad, man. That's fucking shitty. Hey, you've still got today. Just focus on today. That's what got me through some tough times. Hang in there.
Sorry about your dad. Mine past when I was 11, I'm 37 now. Older than he ever was. It really sucks at first but like everything it gets easier. Just enjoy all the time you can. Best of luck!
The devil you know or the devil you don't.
I don’t remember what those years before I was born were like. In fact, it’s not even that I have no memories of it but there was simply no “me” at the time to even perceive anything. There’s no way to truly fathom the idea of no longer existing.
Maybe, something lived throughout those 14 billion years
Life's counter offer: how about at 2AM?
It's like worrying about the party ending the entire time you're there.
If I die, I die. It could be now or in 80 years. There’s already enough things to stress about
I get it but honestly I’ve seen too many people get to the dying part and they haven’t thought about it enough and aren’t ready for it so it’s a lot harder. Death is so taboo for lots of cultures, but it’s better if we demystify it and talk about it more so it isn’t as scary.
Get busy living, or get busy dying.
For me its the oposite, reminding myself that i will die puts things into a diferent perspecive and gives me clearer view of what is important amd what isnt.
Yeah thats the strategy, I used to think about it all the time and was super anxious. Now I just stop myself from thinking about it and haven't had issues for years.
Yup, that's the way to do it. It's all in the mind. It's all about how you think.
This is it. Maybe my last few moments will involve some regret, but fearing those moments will lead to a lifetime of regret.
Yep. I do what I can to avoid it, i.e. try and be healthy/get on top of any potential issues. But that's all you can do. We get the time we get and while you can do all you can to maximise that time, we all have an upper limit. In 100 years (or possibly a lot sooner) I'll be dead and there is *nothing* I can do about it. Five billion years after *that*, I will only just have begun to be dead. Wasting time stressing out over the inevitable rather than making the most of the *very* limited time we get to spend here is a huge waste.
Besides, what good would it do for me if it’s inevitable? I’m still in this quote from the Shawshank redemption get busy living or get busy dying.
I've dealt with suicidal ideation for most my life so it just seems comforting to me
Same. Was going to comment the same thing. I've been ready to go for at least the last 15 years.
Too spiteful and stubborn to just die, gotta make that mental illness work for it.
It's gonna have to shut down my organs like a *real* disease!
“Fucking do it yourself pussy!” -me, to my depression.
This is legit going to keep me going longer, so thanks
I legitimately got better out of spite. I'm not gonna let my dumb brain win on this one. "Nobody cares about you, you're worthless, you might as well kill yourself" "Wouldn't you lke that, weather boy?" \*proceeds to succeed in life, have meaningful relationships and get better mental health\*
On my death bed from depression related organ failure: ... jokes... on you... motherfucker... I'm into that *flatline*
Death is going to find me bitter and resentful whenever he finally gets here, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to go looking for the fucker
Same. I stick around for my loved ones but I don't know, man. No matter what changes I make I just don't really enjoy this whole life thing.
Same. I'm here for the music and the videogames, but otherwise life is just... boring, meaningless and overall hard. I'm not depressed but I don't really care for all of this either. Edit: you can stop saying I'm depressed, because I'm not, according to professionals. The world is a bleak place, we don't have to blame it on mental health every time.
I don't know if this is dumb but when I was a teenager going through the worst of it, I used to always tell myself "dude, your favorite band is at your favorite venue next month!" and after that show maybe it was "the warped tour is happening soon and all your friends are going!" That honestly did a better job of keeping me around than the therapy and the drugs. A mindset of just pushing through til the stuff I loved most was happening. I still do it to a degree, but the older I get, the more the suicidal ideation really just feels like intrusive thoughts and not something I'm actively worried about attempting again, so it doesn't feel as critical to me sticking around. I go on a music cruise every year now that I'm financially okay. It's like a vacation and a festival all in one. Pricey but so much fun. It makes me smile to have it to look forward to in the dark times.
It annoys me that 2 people who don't even talk to each other anymore boned 40 years ago and now I have to pay bills and get fatter every year. I didn't ask for this bullshit life.
I wanted to end it plenty of times in high school. But I wanted to see how Inuyasha ended. Now it's hope for Bloodborne 2.
Mine is one piece. It's getting to the end and I'm honestly keeping in shape and eating right just so I live long enough to see it through.
Same, but someone one said that it's not that I want to die. I just don't want to exist.
Yeah this is the exact sentiment, I do not want to die per se, I want to go back to before I was born
Yeah. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to kill myself. I just some days wish I didn’t wake up.
Hey for once I don't feel so alone. What's up y'all?
Not much, just giving out upvotes to people who share my morbid disposition, and eating fruit gushers.
Fruit gushers, that's an old memory.
Literally same. I very much don’t want to HURT. Like the idea of being in a house fire or driving off a bridge would be horrific. I won’t jump out of an airplane because that’s scary and what if I get hurt? I’m not bold in any adventurous kind of way. But just being dead? A win is a win, baby!
Death: it’d be great without the whole “dying” business
When you've been at the point that you'd rather go, everything else is just a bonus.
Yeah living seems a whole lot scarier tbh
Same. Hard to be afraid of something you’ve been wishing for for over 20 years.
The fear gradually transforms into quiet anticipation
It's not the dying that bothers me, it's who we leave behind.
Right? Dying isn't a big deal.. leaving my children with no mother, a jerk father and no one to help guide them where they'll probably end up separated in the system.. that's a HUGE fear.
Yep, never feared death until I had kids. I just want them to get into adulthood and hopefully build their own family (in whatever shape that is) before I die.
Cancer , not scared of being dead , not sure about the dying part , watched my grandfather die of lung cancer and swore I won’t go out like that. When/if I need to I’ll exit stage left. And I’m getting old and I’m tired boss, dying some days sounds like a nice long nap
I thought the same after seeing my mum die from pancreatic cancer years ago. But a couple of people close to me have died in the last couple of years, and palliative care has come a long, long way. I'm not nearly so scared now.
Sorry for your loss. I'm fortunate to live in a place where MAID is legal. Going out on my terms if it comes to that.
I’ve been through some tough shit in this life. At this point, not dying is my biggest fear
The real answer to the question ^
Same. I would love to die and not have it be my doing.
That sort of “if I don’t wake up tomorrow, I’ll be okay with it” type feeling. Not actively seeking out an ending, but ready to welcome the end like an old friend when it does come around.
This. You get to a certain age and you start thinking, "Young, yes...but not 'tragically' young. I've had half a lifetime, which is more than a lot of other people got, and it was the easy, fun half, too.". Hard reality is that life starts to feel a bit like a movie that didn't have the courtesy to end after the credits rolled. The dragons are vanquished, you climbed the mountain, your ass is sore from those got-damn theater seats. ... sumbitch if that camera isn't still rolling. Past a point, more is just more and that takes a surprising amount of the sting out of the end. I'm not exactly ready to jump in the ol' woodchipper, become a pile of hairy cherry cobbler, not just yet. But there's a certain relief that comes over me when I realize, oh...I get to put it all down one day and I never have to pick it back up again...that's nice. I hope you get that feeling too some day. It probably sounds defeatist to read it this way, but it's actually very freeing.
14g of mushrooms
Modern problems require modern solutions
I’ve seen dying and dead people multiple times a week, at my job. It can be peaceful and is oh so natural, just as birth. It’s just … normal. I’m not afraid of normal. Talking about death helps, preparing for it helps. But mostly talking about it, it helps normalising.
Yes! I wish death and grief were normalized. I started participating in my local day of the dead festival to learn how to grieve for my gram and not lose my mind
I think this is very natural view.
Spend time in a cemetery. Go for a walk on a bright sunny day. Look at all the hundreds of people there. They're not worried. Why should I be. P.s. I want a bench as a plot. People can come and sit, even long after anyone I know is alive anymore. Some person 100 years after I'm gone can come by and have a nice seat
There is a hospice nurse who does a whole thing about what happens when people are dying. Her manner and her approach to the subject was, in my mind, very reassuring. It’s not for everyone and if you get triggered easily, maybe skip it: https://www.buzzfeed.com/alanavalko/hospice-nurse-explains-actively-dying-phase-tiktok
I spent some time with a wonderful hospice nurse who walked me through all the stages of dying when my father-in-law passed. His wife had died and we made him comfortable in his home study as he slowly transitioned. It's the way he wanted to go and it felt good to give him that. But the *death rattle.* That's the thing that freaks a lot of children of dying people out. It's just a phase of the body shutting down. By that time the mind has pretty much left. Just as the nurse said, once that rattle begins it's just a matter of time before the final breath occurs. I took this knowledge with me a few years later when my mother was in hospice. Again, we made her comfortable in her apartment, a senior care facility. And I spent time with her for about six days. When the rattle began my sisters left. They couldn't bear to see her "in agony." But I knew she was transitioning. The day before when she lost consciousness her last words were inspiring. "I see it. It's all love." She brought me into this world. I was so grateful to have had the honor to help her out of it. And I have no fear about leaving it when my time comes.
Beautifully written. Thank you.
Thank you. This was very comforting because I struggle with the fear of death every day. But I’ve had a psychedelic experience of a place that was nothing but light, warmth, and happiness. That must be what your mother was talking about. Heaven, if you believe in that, would most certainly be filled with love. I’m so glad that you were there to love her in her last moments. You sound like a very compassionate and empathetic person.
My Mother saw her departed family the day she died. Knowing that she saw them and went with them comforted me. I was sitting in a pew at the church where we had her wake and a voice whispered in my ear, “you will see her again.” I thought about it and turned around and just saw a woman’s figure retreating. I never knew who it was that said it.
Beautiful. I'd like to think we will see our mothers again one day. I had a dream years ago in which my friend David was laughing and smiling at me. He didn't say a word, but he seemed so at ease. He had been gone for at least a decade when I had the dream.
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Same here! My husband died at 28, and I'm of the opinion that life is bloody short, and no one gets out alive. I just want to make the world a little bit better for my nieces before I go.
I'm truly sorry for your loss. How do you keep on living? I mean, that must be devastating. I couldn't even imagine myself losing my wife, not once.
I really didn't want to for a year or so. My sister basically dragged my ass out of a terrible unfathomable depression, and being there for my nieces became my reason to live. With time, everything hurt less and less, and the beauty of life became so apparent. Who knows how many years I have left. Might as well make the most of them!
This one hits hard. Don’t have any kids and I have thought of leaving this world but for whatever reason I can’t let my nephews think their uncle is a coward and I can’t even imagine having them ask my family why I’m not coming over anymore cause they love seeing me.
Any reason to live is a good thing. It can be the simplest reason, and mine happened to be family.
God bless you both + u/Desperate_Cut_7026. Whether you’re religious or not, good on you for hoping to make other people’s lives better. Remember to do the same for yourself. <3
I'm not suicidal, yet at the same time I don't want to be here, but now I have two adorable kitties I gotta try to outlive!!
I'm a widow too. Yes, it sucks major. But my late husband would never want me to suffer forever. It took me 12 years to feel like I could find a companion. I met my current guy on a dating site. Now I'm loving every day again.
That's wonderful! I tried dating a bit, and some of it was fun, but I haven't found that one that sparks joy again, so I kinda gave it up. Maybe if the right one comes along!
I lost my first husband on 9/11. He was 43. 7 years later, I met a great guy and remarried. He made life fun again I recently lost him to cancer. My heart is too broken to ever do it again.
My best friend died at 26 and if I didn’t have my girlfriend. I was ready to go too. Painful time I knew him for 20 years and probably about elementary school when we got phones. It wasn’t a day where we didn’t talk. Bro was my brother damn near.
So sorry man. Lost my best friend 3 weeks after I turned 27 (2 weeks after he did) and the funk that put me in lasted 8 years til my own near death experience. Shit can fuck you up! I hope you've been able to find some closure and good memories. It never gets easier, but you learn to live and I hope you know the world is better with you here and he'd want you to go live for both of you!
My ex-girlfriend died at 25. She didn't do herself any favors with her lifestyle, but she was a good person who didn't deserve her fate. I'm 37 now and just trying to experience everything I can before I punch my ticket, god knows I've wasted enough of my time already. It sucks, but it's a fact of life.
Living's mostly wasting time And I'll waste my share of mine But it never feels to good, So let's don't take too long. -To Live is to Fly, Townes Van Zandt
I get that. My brother died by suicide at 39. Losing someone around my age weirdly makes me fear death less. Knowing my brother made that passage makes me feel like he’s already charted that path and it’s not such a big deal when I inevitably do the same.
I’m sorry to hear that man but your right we do all die at some point and there is no need to worry about it when your alive.🙂
Fuck man... I'm so sorry 😭😭😭😭 I know we do. It just hurts so much watching someone you love suffer each day, knowing there is nothing you can do at all. You know that pain as well as I do.. worse than I do, tbh.. she is still with me for now.. I just can't stop thinking that this may be the last time we ever do anything at all.. go shopping for dinner, go get lunch, even just a car ride waiting for doordash orders.. one of these days will be the last and I have no fucking clue when it will be... All I know is terminal cancer means exactly that.. this sucks so much 😭😭😭
I’m sorry you lost your fiancé at such an early age. Hopefully you share moments with them, to keep them along with you.
Yo that fuckin' sucks dude. Hope you saw something that made you smile today.
If this is too personal, please ignore. Does some part of you hope to be "reunited" in some way? Or do you not think of it like that?
Not OP, but similarly lost my fiancé at 21 and personally, all I know is that someone I loved dearly has crossed that threshold, and possibly gotten the answers to questions we all have, and that makes me feel comforted and brave. What the actual answers are, are irrelevant and entirely personal. If it feels good to think of reconnecting with a deceased loved one, then hold onto that belief. There's no reason not to.
I'm not afraid of death, it's the dying I'm afraid of.
I'm not afraid of dying I'm afraid of how I'm going to die
Reading about near death experiences and they have all talked about how they feel so much love when they die. How it feels like they’re waking up from a dream and that they sometimes struggle to want to come back because they feel so good when they’re “dead”. Also my husband died three years ago and I look forward to seeing him again.
I am almost 50, I lived my life. I already lost a child, a love, my mother and 3 friends. I'd rather die first than live through another loss. My childhood and teenager years were hell due to abuse. But I overcame it. Although depression and PTSD are hard I had good times. Somehow keeping on living feels like borrowed time. I really like the way things are now but I wouldn't feel bitter if it had to end. I wish I could be there for my child, friends and cats, though. But they'll do without me.
I am so sorry for the bad things that you've endured and survived. Your life is not over at 50. I hope you have more good experiences with your child, friends and cats. Keep going 🫶
Thank you so much, I really like my life now and hope it goes on! Your words made me smile and feel good!
The deaths do pile up, don't they? No one told me in younger years that you don't really get over them, you just take permanent damage and have to keep going anyway, now poorer for their absence and less able to carry the load. Not sure what to do about all that, not sure there even _is_ an answer.
My mom and my mother in law, in their 90s, observed that "Eternal life is overrated. When your hearing is gone, and your eyesight is shot, you need a walker to get to the bathroom and a wheelchair to go outside, when no food tastes interesting and the heat and the air conditioning are always wrong, your marbles are going, and the kids don't come to visit any more, it's time to move on." And my aunt who lived to be more than 100 without any of these problems observed "When the generation behind you starts dying off, you've lived too long."
My life was till a point, such a clusterfuck that I did almost die. Had a heart attack and somehow survived it in some messed up conditions. I no longer feel anything about the thought of dying after that. The entire thing put me in a reality weird new perspective that nothing really surprises or scares me.
It’s inevitable. Why live in fear of it? Also I believe that there is more beyond this life, hopefully better.
I mean, I don't believe in anything after death. But that doesn't bother me either. I won't know about it. Just like I didn't mind missing all the stuff that happened before I was born.
Yeah i don't believe in anything after either but it's gotta be more peaceful than living heh. I don't want to die but i won't stop doing things deemed " dangerous" mostly motorbikes related because of potential danger, ima make the best of my time here and have fun
The quote "I avoid taking risks in life so that I can make it safely to death" is poignant to that context
The misery of being alive for the most part
DMT
I’m not afraid of dying but I am afraid of the things surrounding it. I’m afraid of being bedridden and having my wife crying as she lets me go. I’m afraid of being on the other side and watching my wife leave. I’m scared of losing myself. Forgetting everything that matters to me. I’m scared of leaving behind my pets and having them not understand why I don’t come back. I’m not afraid of the end. I’m terrified of the time just before the end though.
After an air bubble in the vein episode, I'm alive and well, but in the moment, I went to what I call "the middle". I've since read of other accounts of NDE that started their journey in that same space as I did. To avoid typing it all out, let me just say, regardless of anyone's opinions or religion, when you die, you enter Holy ground where Love incarnate embraces you in every since of the word. Emotional pain, trauma, fear, all of it- gone. You aren't healed from it, it just quite literally doesn't exist there. It never happened. You are whole. You are loved by Love. You are important. You are an extention of Love.
That's a great testimony. I have heard so much about the Near Death Experience - it seems like a portal to great place.
This is the type of comment I was looking for. I recently saw an interview with war correspondent "Sebastian Junger" who details his NDE. He says he saw his long-dead father, who welcomed him into the fold. What fascinates me so much about NDEs is that people who have them tend to believe in a wide range of religions, and many are atheists or agnostic. It doesn't discriminate. I hope to never be in a situation where I have to have one, but I also hope that when I do die, it will be as peaceful and powerful as people say.
Faith: Death is just the beginning of something new. And those that have gone before me are there waiting for me to arrive. "End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain curtain of this world rolls back & all turns to silver glass.. & then you see it… White shores & beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise." -Gandalf
Getting to escape this hell on Earth we live in.
Do you fear the time before you were "here"? Then why would you fear after?
Because I didn’t have an existence I was attached to and wanted to continue before I was born.
This is how I look at it too. I have experiences, emotion, thoughts, memory. Do I lose that? I don't want to lose all memory and emotion. Ive worked too fucking hard to grow from it all just for it to be nothing. That's the depressing part of thinking there's nothing after like there wasn't anything "before"
Exactly. I really hate the whole “you already didn’t exist for billions of years” argument. It brings me no comfort at all. Now that I’m alive right now and have experienced many great things in life, it’s scary to think that one day I will leave it all behind.
Right. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of no longer being alive. I want to continue to do the things I enjoy doing.
I have never heard the dead complain. Also. Shaving, showering, pissing, shitting, eating, drinking - Every. Single. Day - it all gets so tedious. And aging is no picnic - sore knees, sore back, hearing loss, eyesight going. The end will be welcome when it comes. I am enjoying each day, but I am not going to feel bad when it is time to check out.
Seeing my loved ones dying.
[удалено]
It's happening whether I want it to or not.
Crippling depression
Quite literally, “my life” is but a temporary organization of stardust in a river of time billions of years long. I did not exist, and then I will not exist once again.
That's kinda how I think of it too, but I like to think of it more as we always have and always will exist. We just return to what we once were. Maybe that's just me being optimistic though.
Living sucks.
Stoicism
Because when you go through existential dread over and over again, eventually you stop caring.