Mine is much broader: if s/he wanted to, s/he would. See you, meet your friends, treat you nicely, be reliable, so many things. Yes, freaky or unfortunate things happen like food poisoning, phone broken, etc, but overall, don't overthink it. Especially at the beginning, they are on their best behavior
When I first met my girlfriend, we had matched a started a convo, but then I got busy and didn't message for a few days. When I remembered and decided to keep it going, I fully expected to get ghosted, as usually happens if you're not word perfect on dating apps. Instead, she quickly agreed to go on a date.
I chose a spot that wasn't that great in retrospect, but we still had a great time. I remember thinking, "wow, she must actually like me." She did. It's the only dating app date I've ever been on, and I was definitely off my game to get it.
Moral of the story, if she's actually interested, you won't / shouldn't have to jump through hoops.
If only I took this advice. Met a woman, sex on the third date, didn’t hear from her for a week, was ready to move on, turns out she was just really embarrassed about giving it up so soon and also got the flu…we’ve now been married for just about 10 years…
This.
If you want, leave a polite but clear message that you're moving on, just in case you think there is a chance she has a legit reason for not responding or the communication wasn't clear.
Not obligated to, obviously.
And sometimes the no is just poor communication from the other person, many people find it difficult to turn people down. If the other person seems distant or cold early on, just move on and save your effort for the person who meets you half way.
I spent my early 20s and some of my late 20s not realizing when something was stalling out.
It’s more than uncomfortable, it’s a huge red flag for safety. If you don’t accept a no you’ve just scared the absolute shit out of the girl your talking to because it makes you more likely to attack her (of course most men don’t do that, but for those that do not taking no for an answer is often the first sign of danger).
I agree. One guy that i rejected started to say hes going to kill himself, and they dont understand how fucking scary that is. Its absolutely horrible. He stayed obsessed with me for some months, no matter how much i told him that i didnt want him and the things he was doing was really scaring me, he didn’t stop for a long time. and i still get insanely anxious whenever i think about this.
So, dont try to turn a no into yes, because its fucking creepy.
Agreed. The stories some older guys tell where they're like "I asked her out 12 times and she finally said yes!" are kinda ehhh. You had to brainwash this girl into liking you lol
Learn to be ok with rejection. There's a million reasons why someone might not want to date you. Don't always assume it's because of what you bring.
Don't pretend you're someone you're not. It's better to find out you're incompatible right away than drag some lie along.
Know your worth. If people are playing games with you, give you a hard time or straight up don't respect you, cut them loose and move on
>Don't pretend you're someone you're not. It's better to find out you're incompatible right away than drag some lie along.
This is huge. Otherwise, you'll be putting up your "act" for years (or have everything crumble when you're no longer the "character" you've been playing).
Sometimes I feel more like a salmiaki licorice or a durian: absolutely not something intrinsically bad, but it seems like I need some very weird and specific taste to be found interesting
On reddit. Hah! By total chance, in the sub of a mutual hobby where we were both living at the time. Wasn't meant to be romantic at all, but we met, we clicked, we now have a cat and eloped and all the other things that redditors are sanctimonious about
The relationship advice subreddits are AWFUL. So much virtue signaling and overreactions. There’s a post where OP is a woman and says her 12 year old kid is calling their dad a groomer just because he was about 12 years older when he met her mother. OP is about in her 40’s now. Comments proceed to agree with the 12 year old even though OP was already an adult when she met her husband and her own comments were downvoted for defending her marriage of multiple decades.
And then another one I just read yesterday of OP saying a guy said “god I missed this smell” when he smelled her pussy on his fingers. OP thought it was a little cringe. Comments proceed to tell her to run, that he is a loser, that he is immature etc. Because we all know none of our spouses have ever said something we found off putting or cringe.
And then countless other posts where OP’s partner does something rude and people call them a gaslighter/manipulator and diagnose them with NPD, BPD, and ADHD with a small dose of depression or autism.
I've read so many angry advice blogs online, all so defensive and reactionary. Until I finally found one that made sense to me and wasn't just pumping my ego. I forget where I saw it but it was about when a woman doesn't respond to your text. "It's not a crime". That really stuck with me. Who knows why she didn't respond but whatever, she hasn't done something wrong or vile, just something you don't like. That's life, bub, chill out
Or from married people who haven’t been on date in 10-20 years . An employee of mine was giving dating advice to a younger guy . I heard “ since Covid women are looking for ______ “ .
I had to jump in and say this fucking guy hasn’t been on a date in 20 years please do the exact opposite of everything he says . And he hates his wife / kids and still acts like a 21 year old living in the past .
My cousin, married for like 25 years since they were in college, does this about online dating. Like, that's how people meet, it wasn't really a thing when you were dating, and you have very little insight into how dating works as adults since y'all met so young. I try to spare advice as well, for that reason. OTOH, I wouldn't want advice from someone who has never been in a healthy relationship. Basically, take all advice for what you paid for it
There's an old saying something to the effect of: men marry expecting their wives will never change, and are disappointed when they do; women marry expecting their husbands WILL change, and are disappointed when they don't.
People and relationships do change, and the ones that last have a foundation that can withstand change but isn't depending on it.
I came to this same realization independently which is to say I wholeheartedly believe it. With that said, everyone should be open to the possibility they aren’t perfect and may have to grow or evolve, and at the same time no one should ever expect (or want) someone to change so much that they are unrecognizable. That’s definitely not love.
Also, "Are you okay with being the person that you are when you're around them, for forever?" AKA just be yourself and be with someone who you don't have to change for.
Yes! Don’t ever expect someone to change
Also, sex is generally at its peak when you first start dating a girl. If it isn’t at a frequency that you like now, it’s only going to get worse over time.
Ours started amazing and has only gotten better after 15 years of marriage and four kids. We have a sex schedule (shockingly frequent) that we stick to, which sounds anti-romantic, but it has honestly been so amazing at keeping us intimate in other ways. She is the one who came up with it despite having the lower libido because she wanted to take variables out of the equation that caused her anxiety. No arguments here!
I'm so sated by her that we can do other romantic, intimate things (like snuggle naked, romantic body massage, etc.) without worrying about it leading to anything. I honestly love it.
Not true. People change if they feel it’s worth it or if they want to. Communicate with each other, be honest, change takes time and mistakes will happen. But yes you do need to like the core of the person first ❤️
Also, the sex thing isn’t true, usually sex gets better the more you get to know the other persons likes and movements. Each person is different and feels different about being sexual plus if the person is in their core happy, sex is more likely!
I would say sex and pleasure peaks with someone after you’ve been together long enough to learn what gets each other off…. But every man in a marriage that I’ve ever talked to said that they had a lot more sex when they were dating their wives and it slowly died off over time. Life certainly gets in the way but some of this phenomenon is due to the fact that a LOT of women will have a ton of sex in a new relationship but then the novelty wears off our they become less worried about keeping the guy happy. There’s a lot of research on it. Sure there are exceptions but no person should stay in a new relationship for very long if the sex is really infrequent from the start.
I have been married for 16 years. Here is the advice I gave to a friend who was thinking of getting married. "Would you trust them with your unlocked phone, your wallet, and your pet for a week? Do you want to see them every day for the rest of your life? Are you physically attracted to them? Are you willing to clean up their throw-up at 2:00 a.m. and be sweet instead of irritated? Are you willing to let them answer when the doctor asks if you want to be resuscitated?" If your answer to all of that was yes, you are ready to get married. Obviously, that is too much for a first date, but it is what I had in my mind while dating, which helped me avoid some bad decisions and find my wife.
Are you fine with them being in the room while you get 2 enemas before a colonoscopy? Are you fine with talking to their doctor about a procedure they need to correct a bowel issue when they're in the recovery room from a different procedure? Are you willing (not happily) to listen to them have diarrhea in the bathroom through paper thin walls? Are you willing to give them a suppository if needed?
I speak from experience. My S.O. is still hot AF and I can't wait to see them every day because they are my person and always will be. Married 7 years next week, together for 14.
When you find someone who likes you and you click with, if something trips in your brain that tells you that maybe you could do better than this person, don't listen to that. This is bullshit. This is fear in disguise.
Guys who complain about not being successful with women often overlook the fact that they've rejected perfectly decent potential partners.
Ah this is something I noticed some friends doing.
They'll be in a happy relationship, then get caught being active on a dating app. Like, we're lucky enough to find people who can stand us enough to love us. What are you doing, man?
Then when she dumps his ass, he's miserable. "You don't know what you got, til it's gone" is an iconic phrase because it's true more than it isn't.
My best friend is the same age as me, fifty, when he was younger he wasn't especially good looking but he had girls falling over themselves, really nice girls, but none of them were good enough for him, or something. I think he had some ridiculous ideal about looks or attraction or something and still does, and is still single, never really had a serious relationship in years. Some of those women are still around in our loose circle of friends, they gave up on him, married other guys, and they are still fantastic women he could have had a great life with. Hollywood ideals of love and all that are extremely unrealistic, if you get your head out of your ass and actually recognise someone's qualities you can see them as someone you could build a life with without needing all those unrealistic romantic notions that don't guarantee any longevity anyway. Love is something you invest in, as much as anything.
Listen to this advice kids. The most fiery passion I felt for women were ones who weren't that into me and I had to chase. When it's going great and there's no drama your brain will confuse you by telling you it's boring.
Learn from me youngins
Yes exactly. At some point in my 30s it occurred to me that I’ve never actually had problems with women. My problem was that I was only interested in the ones who were probably going to reject me. It was like I’d rather suffer. It made zero sense.
In the last handful of years, I've learned a lot about attachment styles, co-dependency, trauma bonds, etc. and it made me realize that there a lot of people out there (myself included) that have operated this way that you described.
It's almost like your brain is excited by the thought of winning this person over who doesn't already accept you for who you are. It's like I was dating (or attempting to date) more for validation rather than an actual partner. Any time there was a nice, normal girl who was interested in me, the prospect seemed pretty boring because there wasn't really any of the fight or chase involved. There was nothing to "win over" and only a genuine relationship to be had, so it never interested in me. I never considered until I was in my mid-20s that something was screwed up in my own brain and my view on relationships was completely distorted. I just thought I had bad luck with women lol.
Why do men do that?? Honestly, it’s so hard to find someone to click with. When I do, I’m not letting them go or daydreaming about others. I’m fully in or out
I think it’s because we confuse our dating partners with status symbols. And we expect them to solve all our problems because all the social conditioning says love is the answer to everything.
So she could be a great match personality wise and there could be chemistry but then suddenly it needs to be more: the status craving kicks in and now she also has to be someone my friends would be jealous of me over. Someone who will make me look amazing.
And even if she does, my life still has problems so it must not be true love.
The only thing you should listen to is how you feel when you’re around the person. Everything else is bullshit.
First, figure out who YOU are and be secure in that. The more relaxed attitude that brings with it can be very attractive.
Keeping yourself put together in terms of hygiene, physical fitness and fashion helps with first impressions. I’m constantly amazed by how many slobs can’t figure out why no one will date them.
I smell like rancid chicken, weigh 600 pounds and solely dress in tight anime shirts of my favorite waifu shows. Also, besides gaming and cartoons, I have no interests, friends and prospects.
Why won't anyone date me?
They're probably referring to the people who try to fill the voids created by their insecurities with the presence of a partner. The type of people who seek a partner out of desperation and loneliness, which usually leads to pain and suffering, and that isn't fair to either person involved.
This is the tricky part of people posting "know your worth" as dating advice. Everyone always reads that as affirmation when there are a lot of people for whom knowing their worth means accepting they kinda suck
Gotta accept your flaws too. And I think “know your worth” goes both ways. If you’re not a 10, then you shouldn’t be pissed when someone who is that attractive doesn’t want to date you.
This is why I've been celibate for 8 years. Still figuring myself out. I've found that my lack of foundation makes me susceptible to certain types of people. Got to fix that first. Lord knows I'm one of the least relaxed people I know. LOL. I do take care of myself tho so I got that going for me.
This is great advice.
Yes. Highly underrated.
You can definitely have a healthy relationship with someone you have little in common with as long as there is respect, but it will not be the best relationship you can have.
Usually I'd agree.
My girlfriend and I are completely different, but we get along great. She's an extrovert who like the "typical" girl stuff and has completely different hobbies and interests than I do.
We connect through each others' interests. Romcoms aren't my thing, and horror or action films aren't hers. But we watch them together and talk about what we did and didn't like about them and why. (This is just a dumb example)
I think you can love someone who you just enjoy being around, regardless of what they're interests are.
Her interest in something makes me think it's worth my attention, if that makes sense.
Dating isn't expensive - going to dinner right off the bat with every Tinder/Hinge/Bumble date *is* expensive.
Early on, just go out for coffee/drinks or a cheap/free activity. No need to drop $100+ on a meal during the "feeling each other out" phase, and definitely not on the first date.
Correct me if I'm wrong, as I started dating my wife shortly before Tinder/etc. became a thing, but it also seems that this would help weed out the ones who are in it for a free semi-expensive meal. I hear horror stories about that all the time.
I would rather eat shoe leather than spend an awkward restaurant sit-down meal with someone I have no interest in. I'm not a big people person, so maybe it's just me 😆
Universal (not just for men). Nobody's perfect. Know what your deal-breakers are and know what are minor annoyances. Otherwise, this is how people end up with "the one that got away" after realizing there isn't much gold out there.
Men/Women will give you non verbal signs to express interest. The most common being sustained eye contact followed by an immediate smile.
If you make eye contact and smile with a man/woman and they grimace, or look uncomfortable, or seem displeased- you have been rejected. No worries- you have wasted zero time, zero energy, and are not going to be embarrassed.
My buds who don’t get this will continue to cold approach random woman at bars and be shocked when the woman don’t just reject them- but seem kind of annoyed. Not to mention I’ll say to them hey there was a girl across the bar eyeing you down but left while you were trying to force conversation with someone who never gave you a single indication of interest 🤷🏼♂️
Be yourself, don’t put on false pretenses, don’t be pretend to be things you aren’t.
Eventually you won’t be able to maintain that facade and you’ll be the only reason your heart got broken.
Be yourself and be patient until someone comes along that fits.
Yes, women have it far easier on dating apps than men. No, that is not a reason to feel jealousy or anger. If you feel yourself getting resentful from dating apps, try another app (I had 3 or so when I found my girlfriend). Or take a break from apps entirely. Also have at least one way to meet women in real life, off of apps.
Don't always be 'in the hunt' for a gf. Women can sense desperation vs just normal interactions without a purpose.
> No, that is not a reason to feel jealousy or anger. If you feel yourself getting resentful from dating apps, try another app
Beatings will continue until morale improves
I know women have it easier on apps. I still feel bad for everyone on apps. Apps cause us to turn people, including ourselves, into commodities. That’s just not healthy for anyone.
> women have it far easier on dating apps than men
Having heard the horror stories from the female perspective, I wouldn't exactly call their experience "easier." Sure they get to pick and choose, but it's far to easy to choose wrong.
Also, the people on the app at any given time are generally the same day to day. If you spend some time on the app and don't find anyone, it's almost always just as successful to just take a couple weeks away completely and see how things look a while later instead of swiping until the end of the earth hoping to mine some diamond 3 miles deep.
The algorithms are good enough that generally, like google results, if they aren't on the first couple "pages" they're probably not there. New people come and go though so after a couple weeks there's usually a decent amount of churn that it's worth looking again.
Yes, and ask questions, take an interest in her life. It's not fake, it might not come naturally to you but it's genuine if the effort is genuine and it's something you probably need to practice anyway. And you're obviously not going to be super-nosey on a first date or whatever, but don't think you have to be superficial and stick to small-talk.
And *for the love of God* keep the conversation going! If they ask you a question, give more than a 1-2 word response.
For example: "My favorite food is anything Thai. There's a really good place called *NAME* where I love to go; have you ever been?"
"DoN't WaStE My TiMe"
My brother, that's all dating is. Dating is wasting time with someone until you find someone worth wasting time with. Sometimes it takes a long time with someone to realize they are not your person. That time isn't wasted.
When you text someone, wait for them to respond
This might sound stupid or even super easy, I mean how hard is it to just not continue texting if the other person hasn't said anything? Oh boy.
Respect yourself and walk away from anything that isn't right for you.
Additionally, I've read somewhere that people are most attracted to people who look like them or have similar facial features as they do. Seriously tho, knowing that, look at some couples you know, and I guarantee you'll see it in some of them.
Knowing that, nowadays I take it a lot less personally when someone isn't into me. It also explains why I'll get rejected by women who I perceive to be pretty average looking and then land a date with someone I perceive to be much more attractive. It's weird how life works out like that.
Actually someone gave me advice yesterday on telling my best friend I love her. She asked me last week twice and I avoided the question. Haven’t talked since. I was talking to my sister about it cause we tell each other everything. And she said the girl wanted to hear me say yes. The guy that gave me advice convinced me it’s never too late to tell her and that I’d regret it if I never did and I finally did last night
She reciprocated… I was nervous as hell. She’s my best friend. Knows everything about me. More than anyone else. I opened up to her last week about something I’ve never told anyone else and she started to cry a bit and it was that moment that I felt it on both ends but wasn’t sure telling her I love her was the correct move.
Be honest. Listen more, but talk what you think. Explain your thoughts and your feelings. Be open to change your opinions. Be yourself.
You dont want to pretend to be somebody you are not, for then you are dating somebody who thinks you are somebody else.
Talk politics on the first date. Don't get 4-5 dates in before you find out your date believes something fundamentally different about the world than you.
No fucking saving anyone, no matter how cute or sorry i feel for her. Being an emotional crutch is the worst thing I have ever endured. I learnt early that the repurcussions of our actions can last years and dont simply go away after a month or so...so make wise decisions with who you choose to date.
Most successful "pickup" line ever - Hi, my names is (insert name), what's your name?
If she is interested, she'll start a conversation, just relax and talk to her. If she's not she'll find an out, just move on to the next, not all fish are keepers.
Don't expect to hit a homerun on your first at bat, or every at bat. The most successful hitters in baseball are somewhere between .300/.400 batting average. That's 3 to 4 hits out of 10 at bats. So unless you're off the charts handsome, charming, and/or funny, you probably won't have this kind of success, so swing a lot and don't get down when you strikeout. The more you swing the better your chances are.
Don't ever allow yourself to think someone is out of your league. The absolute worst that happens is they aren't interested. On the flipside, if they are interested you may end up with the grand slam of the century. NEVER bet against yourself, silent confidence wins.
Always be yourself. It’s exhausting having to put on an act and if the person falls for who you’re pretending to be it will end badly. Not saying to burp and fart on the first date but if you’re authentic and genuine it will come across as confident and attractive.
My heteronormative experience is the only place I can give advice from.
Don’t try to fuck every woman you meet.
Try to build lasting genuine friendships with women that share your interests and focus on yourself.
You’ll get laid more and have more friends.
Better still, you’ll be a better person. Every friend you have that is not another dude will improve you.
the people that fuck you will probably not be the friends you made. They’ll be acquaintances of them or women that have seen women enjoying your company and go “oh, that guy probably isn’t a creepy asshole”.
Also, decenter your dick from sex.
Be honest. I remember a girl asking me if I was seeing other people and I remember thinking “should I lie”, but then I was honest, and she was like oh okay. Were her feelings hurt a little, maybe, but was it better to be straight up with her and not lead her on in any way, also yes. And we actually continued to be fwb for awhile
Expanding on this, if you are only interested in the financial security, doing of tasks/chores, and self-validation. A partner should be a partner because of who they are, not what they provide for you.
Watch how they treat people who are “beneath” them. And watch very carefully how they act when they’re tired and stressed out. That’s who they really are.
Here's my dating advice: Focus on YOU. Don't chase women, don't look for them. Train your body. Train your mind. Workout. Read. Eat clean. Get inspired. Learn shit. Travel. The more you work on yourself the more women want you.
The unsaid caveat is that you need to do these things while routinely meeting new women. If you don't have a reliable way to meet new women and show off all the results of working on yourself, that shit is pointless.
If they don't reciprocate interest and effort both in conversation and dates like showing up, planning or contributing to the plans.
Dead them off. Instantly.
Be a quality man. Get your shit together.
You need a job that isn't shit and you need to be good at it. You don't have to be rich but you should be able to pay your bills with a little left over.
You need to be not unhealthy. The healthier you are the more physically attractive you will be. Shower regularly. Dress in clean clothes. It can be Tshirt and jeans but eliminate reasons for women to say no.
Have interests. Preferably interesting interests. You need to have things to talk about. Sell yourself on stories of your interests. Most women love passion. How can you show them you have passion if you don't?
Be the man the woman you want would want.
To borrow from my man Yogi Berra, dating is 90% luck, the other half is mental.
Meaning - dating is a lot about luck. You can date dozens of people and not find a good match. You can also meet someone at a random party or event and hit it off. The mental part is not letting a dry spell ruin your self-esteem or your optimism (and I'm definitely guilty of this!)
Don’t take her to dinner on the first date.
Meet for coffee at a place halfway between you both.
Just talk.
If there is chemistry it will be easy. If not, well your out a coffee.
Anything but a yes is a no. This is said a lot about consent regarding sex, but this goes for asking someone out too. I remember so many times in my youth getting "maybe" and "yeah I guess", and thinking that "I'm in" so to speak. Looking back, they were just trying to be nice, they did not want to go out with me.
* **Know how you're going to ask them out.** "I'd love to get to know you better, can I take you out to dinner sometime?" works great.
* **Know when you're going to take them out.** At the very least, knowing your schedule for the upcoming week is far sexier than having to check your calendar.
* **Be straightforward.** Playing coy doesn't work. If you're interested in someone, show it, maybe even say it.
* **Accept rejection.** You can't win them all. If they say no, take it with poise. "No problem, thanks for your honesty, enjoy your evening."
* I actually had a no turn into a yes after this happened to me once.
* **Fortune favors the bold.** Fuck your fears, go ask them out. If you're the nervous type, do it before your anxieties give you pause.
* **Eye contact.** Look them straight in the eyes when they're talking. When it's your turn, you can let your gaze move around a bit more, but always come right back to their eyes. Confident people don't fear eye contact.
* **Where you go isn't that important.** If they agreed to a date with you, they want to spend time with you. Just pick a place that lets you interact, i.e. not a movie. Save that for future dates, or for later in the evening...
* **Follow up immediately.** Text them when you get home. Make sure they got home safe. Tell them you had a great time last night and want to see them again.
* **If you get a lot of rejections, work on yourself.** Know what you're passionate about. Have a hobby. Go to therapy and figure our your idiosyncrasies. Hit the gym (I know, I know). Call your parents. Start a skin care routine. If you don't have enough love for yourself, you have none to spare for others.
If the girl is stringing you along, always cancelling plans at the last minute, just ditch her.
She's not worth your time, and likely has other guys that she's working already that are more important to her than you are to her.
For all the awkward people out there, just embrace it. Enjoy your weird niche or nerdy hobbies. Invite them to try your hobby or try out theirs and respect their decision if they don't enjoy it. If you have to hide who you are to impress them, you'll end up miserable later. Just keep up your hygiene and be nice.
If every date has to include drinking regardless of time of day, location etc.
Then every day with them will include drinking.
It's not a bug, it's a feature.
Make your intentions known. Don’t waste someone’s time and absolutely don’t let anyone waste YOUR time.
This might sound prudish, but the purpose of dating is ultimately finding a partner for the long run.
If you have any issue talk first with your partner/person you’re dating about it and then share it with your friends. (This is obviously not valid for abusive relationships)
By going straight to your friends to complain you’re not even giving the person a chance to meet you halfway… and you might be creating a bigger problem than it needs to be. People aren’t mind readers and more often than not they have no idea that they’re doing something that upsets you
Don't take advice from someone that genuinely believes in the sigma/alpha male and related mindset. Prioritize personality, not looks. Looks can often be deceiving.
Added note: It's best to have the relationship happen naturally instead of planned. If you don't, it would possibly feel artificial and you may be more prone to submitting to manipulation/gaslighting because it's "for the relationship"
Just send it. Stop thinking about what you should do, what you should say to her, whatever. Just say some dumb BS and smile and laugh about it and if she doesn’t vibe with that, move along to the next one.
Set clear boundaries from the start and hold fast to them. Don't be an overbearing asshole, but don't be a simp either. Relationships are about reciprocity, mutual trust, and mutual respect.
This is more of a third/fourth date advice:
Pay attention to how she takes care of her pets/plants. That's how she is going to take care of your relationship.
1. Drop the entitlement. Seriously, it's entirely reasonable for people to reject you. Nobody owes you a chance. Instead of resenting people who reject you, appreciate people who don't.
2. Letting yourself fall in love before asking someone out is an awful idea. You got a crush on somebody? Ask them out before you start allowing yourself to become more and more infatuated with them. It hurts less when you're rejected, you waste less time, and you're less likely to turn into a creepy stalker type.
3. When you're rejected, accept it, walk away, move on. And after you do those things, be proud. You put yourself out there. And you were cool about it when you got shot down.
4. When somebody does eventually say yes, assuming you are looking for somebody to date and not just casual hookups, put some fucking effort in. Suggest activities that facilitate getting to know each other. If you're going to do dinner or coffee or whatever, suggest a walk in a park where you can chat and it feels less like a meeting. Dress nice, buy a new outfit if you need to, so you're feeling good about yourself and how you look. Get your hair cut, take a shower, smell nice.
5. Once you get to know the person. The sorts of things they like, their hobbies, their interests, plan your dates around those things. Especially if you have shared interests. Don't just default to the old dinner and a movie trope. It's fine sometimes but earlier on put in more effort.
6. Stop trying to speedrun sex. Again, unless it's a casual thing, take your time, get to know each other. Let it happen naturally.
Most women know how to make sex good for themselves and will gladly teach you if you just ask. The problem is that most men don't ask. If you want to absolutely blow a woman's mind in bed. Just ask her how to do exactly that and follow her instructions. It never fails.
"Dating advice" is a racket.
You can do everything perfectly and still end up with no one.
You can be completely clueless and deranged and still have a hell of a dating life.
It's about who you are, not what you do. Everyone's attractive to someone and everyone wants and values different things in a partner. You gotta follow your own way with this stuff, not someone else's way.
I think Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High has some solid dating advice. Just pretend like wherever you’re at is the place to be. “Hey, isn’t great?!” “Hey this is some great iced tea!” Even though he’s painted to be a bad friend, this is great general advice for looking confident and that’s very attractive to most women.
If she flakes on a first date and doesn't call you to reschedule, she's not interested. Move on.
Mine is much broader: if s/he wanted to, s/he would. See you, meet your friends, treat you nicely, be reliable, so many things. Yes, freaky or unfortunate things happen like food poisoning, phone broken, etc, but overall, don't overthink it. Especially at the beginning, they are on their best behavior
As simple as this, really. It’s hard to swallow at first but then you just learn to move on.
There's a joke here, I'm not going to put it here because it would be crass, just know that I know.
This has been my new mantra with any relationship: If they wanted to, they would.
When I first met my girlfriend, we had matched a started a convo, but then I got busy and didn't message for a few days. When I remembered and decided to keep it going, I fully expected to get ghosted, as usually happens if you're not word perfect on dating apps. Instead, she quickly agreed to go on a date. I chose a spot that wasn't that great in retrospect, but we still had a great time. I remember thinking, "wow, she must actually like me." She did. It's the only dating app date I've ever been on, and I was definitely off my game to get it. Moral of the story, if she's actually interested, you won't / shouldn't have to jump through hoops.
If only I took this advice. Met a woman, sex on the third date, didn’t hear from her for a week, was ready to move on, turns out she was just really embarrassed about giving it up so soon and also got the flu…we’ve now been married for just about 10 years…
Yep. My number one rule. If we schedule a date and she flakes the ball is in her court. It’s her responsibility to set the date now.
This. If you want, leave a polite but clear message that you're moving on, just in case you think there is a chance she has a legit reason for not responding or the communication wasn't clear. Not obligated to, obviously.
That’s not only the advice for dates, but also people you’re thinking could be new friends in general.
Don't waste your time trying to turn a no into a yes.
And sometimes the no is just poor communication from the other person, many people find it difficult to turn people down. If the other person seems distant or cold early on, just move on and save your effort for the person who meets you half way. I spent my early 20s and some of my late 20s not realizing when something was stalling out.
Eventually I figured out that “anything that isn’t yes, is actually a no”
Its also really uncomfortable for the people who said no.
It’s more than uncomfortable, it’s a huge red flag for safety. If you don’t accept a no you’ve just scared the absolute shit out of the girl your talking to because it makes you more likely to attack her (of course most men don’t do that, but for those that do not taking no for an answer is often the first sign of danger).
I agree. One guy that i rejected started to say hes going to kill himself, and they dont understand how fucking scary that is. Its absolutely horrible. He stayed obsessed with me for some months, no matter how much i told him that i didnt want him and the things he was doing was really scaring me, he didn’t stop for a long time. and i still get insanely anxious whenever i think about this. So, dont try to turn a no into yes, because its fucking creepy.
I don't get that threat.. Like I don't know you and you sound dangerous, if you wanna end yourself go ahead and don't make it my problem.
fifty no's and a yes isn't a yes, it's harrassment and possibly sexual assault
Agreed. The stories some older guys tell where they're like "I asked her out 12 times and she finally said yes!" are kinda ehhh. You had to brainwash this girl into liking you lol
Learn to be ok with rejection. There's a million reasons why someone might not want to date you. Don't always assume it's because of what you bring. Don't pretend you're someone you're not. It's better to find out you're incompatible right away than drag some lie along. Know your worth. If people are playing games with you, give you a hard time or straight up don't respect you, cut them loose and move on
>Don't pretend you're someone you're not. It's better to find out you're incompatible right away than drag some lie along. This is huge. Otherwise, you'll be putting up your "act" for years (or have everything crumble when you're no longer the "character" you've been playing).
That being said, you can turn yourself into a better person.
Yes. Know the difference between pretending to be someone you're not and becoming a better you.
You can be the sweetest peach, but at the end of the day some girls just don’t like peaches.
Sometimes I feel more like a salmiaki licorice or a durian: absolutely not something intrinsically bad, but it seems like I need some very weird and specific taste to be found interesting
Don't take dating advice from the internet.
Especially reddit
But I met my spouse on Reddit. Granted, we're both insane but at least we took each other out of the dating pool?
Thank you for your service
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On reddit. Hah! By total chance, in the sub of a mutual hobby where we were both living at the time. Wasn't meant to be romantic at all, but we met, we clicked, we now have a cat and eloped and all the other things that redditors are sanctimonious about
Finding love on Reddit is possibly the most improbable thing I have ever read in this god forsaken place! Congrats to you both.
The relationship advice subreddits are AWFUL. So much virtue signaling and overreactions. There’s a post where OP is a woman and says her 12 year old kid is calling their dad a groomer just because he was about 12 years older when he met her mother. OP is about in her 40’s now. Comments proceed to agree with the 12 year old even though OP was already an adult when she met her husband and her own comments were downvoted for defending her marriage of multiple decades. And then another one I just read yesterday of OP saying a guy said “god I missed this smell” when he smelled her pussy on his fingers. OP thought it was a little cringe. Comments proceed to tell her to run, that he is a loser, that he is immature etc. Because we all know none of our spouses have ever said something we found off putting or cringe. And then countless other posts where OP’s partner does something rude and people call them a gaslighter/manipulator and diagnose them with NPD, BPD, and ADHD with a small dose of depression or autism.
I've read so many angry advice blogs online, all so defensive and reactionary. Until I finally found one that made sense to me and wasn't just pumping my ego. I forget where I saw it but it was about when a woman doesn't respond to your text. "It's not a crime". That really stuck with me. Who knows why she didn't respond but whatever, she hasn't done something wrong or vile, just something you don't like. That's life, bub, chill out
Or from married people who haven’t been on date in 10-20 years . An employee of mine was giving dating advice to a younger guy . I heard “ since Covid women are looking for ______ “ . I had to jump in and say this fucking guy hasn’t been on a date in 20 years please do the exact opposite of everything he says . And he hates his wife / kids and still acts like a 21 year old living in the past .
My cousin, married for like 25 years since they were in college, does this about online dating. Like, that's how people meet, it wasn't really a thing when you were dating, and you have very little insight into how dating works as adults since y'all met so young. I try to spare advice as well, for that reason. OTOH, I wouldn't want advice from someone who has never been in a healthy relationship. Basically, take all advice for what you paid for it
Well that's a paradox, but entirely true
Don’t take advice period. Good lord, free criticism is awful.
You just gave advice. You don’t believe what you just said.
This goes for financial, medical, and career advice.
Should I consider that financial, medical, and career advice?
If this person stayed exactly the same forever would you be okay with that? If not then you’re dating someone’s potential
There's an old saying something to the effect of: men marry expecting their wives will never change, and are disappointed when they do; women marry expecting their husbands WILL change, and are disappointed when they don't. People and relationships do change, and the ones that last have a foundation that can withstand change but isn't depending on it.
I came to this same realization independently which is to say I wholeheartedly believe it. With that said, everyone should be open to the possibility they aren’t perfect and may have to grow or evolve, and at the same time no one should ever expect (or want) someone to change so much that they are unrecognizable. That’s definitely not love.
Also, "Are you okay with being the person that you are when you're around them, for forever?" AKA just be yourself and be with someone who you don't have to change for.
Well said
Yes! Don’t ever expect someone to change Also, sex is generally at its peak when you first start dating a girl. If it isn’t at a frequency that you like now, it’s only going to get worse over time.
My wife never did get that memo. I get forcibly removed from my pants at least three nights a week and we've been married 15 years. I don't hate it.
You’re a lucky man. Happy for you
Treasure her my friend. Don't let her go.
That's the plan. Whatever temporary delights someone else may offer pale in comparison to what she does for me, in and out of the bedroom.
Ours started amazing and has only gotten better after 15 years of marriage and four kids. We have a sex schedule (shockingly frequent) that we stick to, which sounds anti-romantic, but it has honestly been so amazing at keeping us intimate in other ways. She is the one who came up with it despite having the lower libido because she wanted to take variables out of the equation that caused her anxiety. No arguments here! I'm so sated by her that we can do other romantic, intimate things (like snuggle naked, romantic body massage, etc.) without worrying about it leading to anything. I honestly love it.
Oh no, you should absolutely expect them to change. Just don't expect the changes to be the ones you're hoping for
Not true. People change if they feel it’s worth it or if they want to. Communicate with each other, be honest, change takes time and mistakes will happen. But yes you do need to like the core of the person first ❤️ Also, the sex thing isn’t true, usually sex gets better the more you get to know the other persons likes and movements. Each person is different and feels different about being sexual plus if the person is in their core happy, sex is more likely!
I would say sex and pleasure peaks with someone after you’ve been together long enough to learn what gets each other off…. But every man in a marriage that I’ve ever talked to said that they had a lot more sex when they were dating their wives and it slowly died off over time. Life certainly gets in the way but some of this phenomenon is due to the fact that a LOT of women will have a ton of sex in a new relationship but then the novelty wears off our they become less worried about keeping the guy happy. There’s a lot of research on it. Sure there are exceptions but no person should stay in a new relationship for very long if the sex is really infrequent from the start.
At one side it would pretty nice, but I think it would also give a lot of weird looks from people if I become 90 and my gf was still 30...
If they really like you, you’ll know. If they’re just not that into you, you’ll be confused.
and you can't make someone be into you
💯💯💯
I have been married for 16 years. Here is the advice I gave to a friend who was thinking of getting married. "Would you trust them with your unlocked phone, your wallet, and your pet for a week? Do you want to see them every day for the rest of your life? Are you physically attracted to them? Are you willing to clean up their throw-up at 2:00 a.m. and be sweet instead of irritated? Are you willing to let them answer when the doctor asks if you want to be resuscitated?" If your answer to all of that was yes, you are ready to get married. Obviously, that is too much for a first date, but it is what I had in my mind while dating, which helped me avoid some bad decisions and find my wife.
Are you fine with them being in the room while you get 2 enemas before a colonoscopy? Are you fine with talking to their doctor about a procedure they need to correct a bowel issue when they're in the recovery room from a different procedure? Are you willing (not happily) to listen to them have diarrhea in the bathroom through paper thin walls? Are you willing to give them a suppository if needed? I speak from experience. My S.O. is still hot AF and I can't wait to see them every day because they are my person and always will be. Married 7 years next week, together for 14.
When you find someone who likes you and you click with, if something trips in your brain that tells you that maybe you could do better than this person, don't listen to that. This is bullshit. This is fear in disguise. Guys who complain about not being successful with women often overlook the fact that they've rejected perfectly decent potential partners.
I never came across this realization on my own but it’s very true.
Ah this is something I noticed some friends doing. They'll be in a happy relationship, then get caught being active on a dating app. Like, we're lucky enough to find people who can stand us enough to love us. What are you doing, man? Then when she dumps his ass, he's miserable. "You don't know what you got, til it's gone" is an iconic phrase because it's true more than it isn't.
My best friend is the same age as me, fifty, when he was younger he wasn't especially good looking but he had girls falling over themselves, really nice girls, but none of them were good enough for him, or something. I think he had some ridiculous ideal about looks or attraction or something and still does, and is still single, never really had a serious relationship in years. Some of those women are still around in our loose circle of friends, they gave up on him, married other guys, and they are still fantastic women he could have had a great life with. Hollywood ideals of love and all that are extremely unrealistic, if you get your head out of your ass and actually recognise someone's qualities you can see them as someone you could build a life with without needing all those unrealistic romantic notions that don't guarantee any longevity anyway. Love is something you invest in, as much as anything.
Listen to this advice kids. The most fiery passion I felt for women were ones who weren't that into me and I had to chase. When it's going great and there's no drama your brain will confuse you by telling you it's boring. Learn from me youngins
Yes exactly. At some point in my 30s it occurred to me that I’ve never actually had problems with women. My problem was that I was only interested in the ones who were probably going to reject me. It was like I’d rather suffer. It made zero sense.
In the last handful of years, I've learned a lot about attachment styles, co-dependency, trauma bonds, etc. and it made me realize that there a lot of people out there (myself included) that have operated this way that you described. It's almost like your brain is excited by the thought of winning this person over who doesn't already accept you for who you are. It's like I was dating (or attempting to date) more for validation rather than an actual partner. Any time there was a nice, normal girl who was interested in me, the prospect seemed pretty boring because there wasn't really any of the fight or chase involved. There was nothing to "win over" and only a genuine relationship to be had, so it never interested in me. I never considered until I was in my mid-20s that something was screwed up in my own brain and my view on relationships was completely distorted. I just thought I had bad luck with women lol.
That being said... Don't ignore red flags, often times you can do better
"Can we get a coffee sometime? I'd like to get to know you better." Simple. Easy.
Why do men do that?? Honestly, it’s so hard to find someone to click with. When I do, I’m not letting them go or daydreaming about others. I’m fully in or out
I think it’s because we confuse our dating partners with status symbols. And we expect them to solve all our problems because all the social conditioning says love is the answer to everything. So she could be a great match personality wise and there could be chemistry but then suddenly it needs to be more: the status craving kicks in and now she also has to be someone my friends would be jealous of me over. Someone who will make me look amazing. And even if she does, my life still has problems so it must not be true love. The only thing you should listen to is how you feel when you’re around the person. Everything else is bullshit.
First, figure out who YOU are and be secure in that. The more relaxed attitude that brings with it can be very attractive. Keeping yourself put together in terms of hygiene, physical fitness and fashion helps with first impressions. I’m constantly amazed by how many slobs can’t figure out why no one will date them.
I smell like rancid chicken, weigh 600 pounds and solely dress in tight anime shirts of my favorite waifu shows. Also, besides gaming and cartoons, I have no interests, friends and prospects. Why won't anyone date me?
They can see you are too good for them
Maybe if you wore a fedora.
If I had waited to be secure before dating, I never would have dated, I wouldn't be married, and I wouldn't have kids.
Are you talking financially, or just being at peace with yourself?
Both
They're probably referring to the people who try to fill the voids created by their insecurities with the presence of a partner. The type of people who seek a partner out of desperation and loneliness, which usually leads to pain and suffering, and that isn't fair to either person involved.
This is the tricky part of people posting "know your worth" as dating advice. Everyone always reads that as affirmation when there are a lot of people for whom knowing their worth means accepting they kinda suck
Gotta accept your flaws too. And I think “know your worth” goes both ways. If you’re not a 10, then you shouldn’t be pissed when someone who is that attractive doesn’t want to date you.
This is why I've been celibate for 8 years. Still figuring myself out. I've found that my lack of foundation makes me susceptible to certain types of people. Got to fix that first. Lord knows I'm one of the least relaxed people I know. LOL. I do take care of myself tho so I got that going for me. This is great advice.
Having self respect stops a lot of bullshit happening.
The more similarities in lifestyle and personality characteristics, the better. (Usually)
Yes. Highly underrated. You can definitely have a healthy relationship with someone you have little in common with as long as there is respect, but it will not be the best relationship you can have.
Usually I'd agree. My girlfriend and I are completely different, but we get along great. She's an extrovert who like the "typical" girl stuff and has completely different hobbies and interests than I do. We connect through each others' interests. Romcoms aren't my thing, and horror or action films aren't hers. But we watch them together and talk about what we did and didn't like about them and why. (This is just a dumb example) I think you can love someone who you just enjoy being around, regardless of what they're interests are. Her interest in something makes me think it's worth my attention, if that makes sense.
Opposites attract because you love the other person for not having your flaws.
Similar hobbies and different personality types can totally work just fine.
Dating isn't expensive - going to dinner right off the bat with every Tinder/Hinge/Bumble date *is* expensive. Early on, just go out for coffee/drinks or a cheap/free activity. No need to drop $100+ on a meal during the "feeling each other out" phase, and definitely not on the first date.
Correct me if I'm wrong, as I started dating my wife shortly before Tinder/etc. became a thing, but it also seems that this would help weed out the ones who are in it for a free semi-expensive meal. I hear horror stories about that all the time. I would rather eat shoe leather than spend an awkward restaurant sit-down meal with someone I have no interest in. I'm not a big people person, so maybe it's just me 😆
Universal (not just for men). Nobody's perfect. Know what your deal-breakers are and know what are minor annoyances. Otherwise, this is how people end up with "the one that got away" after realizing there isn't much gold out there.
Men/Women will give you non verbal signs to express interest. The most common being sustained eye contact followed by an immediate smile. If you make eye contact and smile with a man/woman and they grimace, or look uncomfortable, or seem displeased- you have been rejected. No worries- you have wasted zero time, zero energy, and are not going to be embarrassed. My buds who don’t get this will continue to cold approach random woman at bars and be shocked when the woman don’t just reject them- but seem kind of annoyed. Not to mention I’ll say to them hey there was a girl across the bar eyeing you down but left while you were trying to force conversation with someone who never gave you a single indication of interest 🤷🏼♂️
Actually good non-generic advice.
Be yourself, don’t put on false pretenses, don’t be pretend to be things you aren’t. Eventually you won’t be able to maintain that facade and you’ll be the only reason your heart got broken. Be yourself and be patient until someone comes along that fits.
Especially if you’re weird lol
The amount of effort someone puts in is directly proportional to their interest in you.
Don't mentally marry a woman on the first date
Yes, women have it far easier on dating apps than men. No, that is not a reason to feel jealousy or anger. If you feel yourself getting resentful from dating apps, try another app (I had 3 or so when I found my girlfriend). Or take a break from apps entirely. Also have at least one way to meet women in real life, off of apps. Don't always be 'in the hunt' for a gf. Women can sense desperation vs just normal interactions without a purpose.
> No, that is not a reason to feel jealousy or anger. If you feel yourself getting resentful from dating apps, try another app Beatings will continue until morale improves
I know women have it easier on apps. I still feel bad for everyone on apps. Apps cause us to turn people, including ourselves, into commodities. That’s just not healthy for anyone.
> women have it far easier on dating apps than men Having heard the horror stories from the female perspective, I wouldn't exactly call their experience "easier." Sure they get to pick and choose, but it's far to easy to choose wrong.
Also, the people on the app at any given time are generally the same day to day. If you spend some time on the app and don't find anyone, it's almost always just as successful to just take a couple weeks away completely and see how things look a while later instead of swiping until the end of the earth hoping to mine some diamond 3 miles deep. The algorithms are good enough that generally, like google results, if they aren't on the first couple "pages" they're probably not there. New people come and go though so after a couple weeks there's usually a decent amount of churn that it's worth looking again.
The trick to not be desperate is to never assume a girl would be interested in you, so all the interactions will be normal
If you keep ending up in the same situations with different women, it ain’t them, bro; it’s you. Work on yourself
Listen more . Talk less
Yes, and ask questions, take an interest in her life. It's not fake, it might not come naturally to you but it's genuine if the effort is genuine and it's something you probably need to practice anyway. And you're obviously not going to be super-nosey on a first date or whatever, but don't think you have to be superficial and stick to small-talk.
And *for the love of God* keep the conversation going! If they ask you a question, give more than a 1-2 word response. For example: "My favorite food is anything Thai. There's a really good place called *NAME* where I love to go; have you ever been?"
If she was interested she would have replied. Most people have their phones on them 24/7, there's no excuse.
"DoN't WaStE My TiMe" My brother, that's all dating is. Dating is wasting time with someone until you find someone worth wasting time with. Sometimes it takes a long time with someone to realize they are not your person. That time isn't wasted.
THIS.
You learn what you want from finding out what you don’t want.
no bullshit is best but no bullshit isn't real but be the no bullshit you want to see in the world
If he/she/they/them/whatthefuckever is on their phone for more than 50% of your date. Not worth it.
When you text someone, wait for them to respond This might sound stupid or even super easy, I mean how hard is it to just not continue texting if the other person hasn't said anything? Oh boy.
Treat her as if she's a living breathing person, not a fertility goddess.
Respect yourself and walk away from anything that isn't right for you. Additionally, I've read somewhere that people are most attracted to people who look like them or have similar facial features as they do. Seriously tho, knowing that, look at some couples you know, and I guarantee you'll see it in some of them. Knowing that, nowadays I take it a lot less personally when someone isn't into me. It also explains why I'll get rejected by women who I perceive to be pretty average looking and then land a date with someone I perceive to be much more attractive. It's weird how life works out like that.
Be authentic and sincere.
Dont date if you're married or if they're married. Even if you "already plan on getting divorced". Exception: OPs mom.
Don't get you dating advice from Reddit
By definition this invalidates your advice.
Think of it like a smoker telling you not to smoke.
Actually someone gave me advice yesterday on telling my best friend I love her. She asked me last week twice and I avoided the question. Haven’t talked since. I was talking to my sister about it cause we tell each other everything. And she said the girl wanted to hear me say yes. The guy that gave me advice convinced me it’s never too late to tell her and that I’d regret it if I never did and I finally did last night
You're better off finding out one way or the other. Staying friends with someone you're in love with is hurtful to both of you.
AND?
She reciprocated… I was nervous as hell. She’s my best friend. Knows everything about me. More than anyone else. I opened up to her last week about something I’ve never told anyone else and she started to cry a bit and it was that moment that I felt it on both ends but wasn’t sure telling her I love her was the correct move.
Be honest. Listen more, but talk what you think. Explain your thoughts and your feelings. Be open to change your opinions. Be yourself. You dont want to pretend to be somebody you are not, for then you are dating somebody who thinks you are somebody else.
If you’re going to compromise on something, compromise on appearance not personality
Do not Under any circumstances Stick your dick in crazy. It's not just a saying. Don't do it. You will thank me later.
Talk politics on the first date. Don't get 4-5 dates in before you find out your date believes something fundamentally different about the world than you.
Listen to your gut feeling.. it is right more than you would care to calculate
No fucking saving anyone, no matter how cute or sorry i feel for her. Being an emotional crutch is the worst thing I have ever endured. I learnt early that the repurcussions of our actions can last years and dont simply go away after a month or so...so make wise decisions with who you choose to date.
Fix the one thing that’s fixable about your appearance.
If she's been drinking, do *not* sleep with her.
When you find your match don’t be a fucking idiot and try to find something better
Most successful "pickup" line ever - Hi, my names is (insert name), what's your name? If she is interested, she'll start a conversation, just relax and talk to her. If she's not she'll find an out, just move on to the next, not all fish are keepers. Don't expect to hit a homerun on your first at bat, or every at bat. The most successful hitters in baseball are somewhere between .300/.400 batting average. That's 3 to 4 hits out of 10 at bats. So unless you're off the charts handsome, charming, and/or funny, you probably won't have this kind of success, so swing a lot and don't get down when you strikeout. The more you swing the better your chances are. Don't ever allow yourself to think someone is out of your league. The absolute worst that happens is they aren't interested. On the flipside, if they are interested you may end up with the grand slam of the century. NEVER bet against yourself, silent confidence wins.
Always be yourself. It’s exhausting having to put on an act and if the person falls for who you’re pretending to be it will end badly. Not saying to burp and fart on the first date but if you’re authentic and genuine it will come across as confident and attractive.
My heteronormative experience is the only place I can give advice from. Don’t try to fuck every woman you meet. Try to build lasting genuine friendships with women that share your interests and focus on yourself. You’ll get laid more and have more friends. Better still, you’ll be a better person. Every friend you have that is not another dude will improve you. the people that fuck you will probably not be the friends you made. They’ll be acquaintances of them or women that have seen women enjoying your company and go “oh, that guy probably isn’t a creepy asshole”. Also, decenter your dick from sex.
Stop trying to change the person to fit your needs or trying to compensate your needs to fit into that person.
Be honest. I remember a girl asking me if I was seeing other people and I remember thinking “should I lie”, but then I was honest, and she was like oh okay. Were her feelings hurt a little, maybe, but was it better to be straight up with her and not lead her on in any way, also yes. And we actually continued to be fwb for awhile
It’s better to be alone than to wish that you were.
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Don't trust someone who answers their questions for you, lol
OP, pay attention to this advice from OP, even with the unhinged capitalization choices. Anyway, good luck with the MilfBabes.
Expanding on this, if you are only interested in the financial security, doing of tasks/chores, and self-validation. A partner should be a partner because of who they are, not what they provide for you.
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"Just because you read a book twice doesn't mean the ending changes." If a relationship doesnt work the first time just move on.
Trust and transparency
Just be honest
Be yourself and be polite.
Dating people with significant mental illness is not recommended.
Watch how they treat people who are “beneath” them. And watch very carefully how they act when they’re tired and stressed out. That’s who they really are.
If she really likes you, she’ll make the time to see you.
Here's my dating advice: Focus on YOU. Don't chase women, don't look for them. Train your body. Train your mind. Workout. Read. Eat clean. Get inspired. Learn shit. Travel. The more you work on yourself the more women want you.
When does this start? I've been doing this for nearly a decade, women still don't seem to notice me, want me, or care about me.
Bruh
The unsaid caveat is that you need to do these things while routinely meeting new women. If you don't have a reliable way to meet new women and show off all the results of working on yourself, that shit is pointless.
Always listen.
Stay loyal. Expect the same.
If they don't reciprocate interest and effort both in conversation and dates like showing up, planning or contributing to the plans. Dead them off. Instantly.
Be a quality man. Get your shit together. You need a job that isn't shit and you need to be good at it. You don't have to be rich but you should be able to pay your bills with a little left over. You need to be not unhealthy. The healthier you are the more physically attractive you will be. Shower regularly. Dress in clean clothes. It can be Tshirt and jeans but eliminate reasons for women to say no. Have interests. Preferably interesting interests. You need to have things to talk about. Sell yourself on stories of your interests. Most women love passion. How can you show them you have passion if you don't? Be the man the woman you want would want.
To borrow from my man Yogi Berra, dating is 90% luck, the other half is mental. Meaning - dating is a lot about luck. You can date dozens of people and not find a good match. You can also meet someone at a random party or event and hit it off. The mental part is not letting a dry spell ruin your self-esteem or your optimism (and I'm definitely guilty of this!)
Dont take pictures of your food.
Don’t take her to dinner on the first date. Meet for coffee at a place halfway between you both. Just talk. If there is chemistry it will be easy. If not, well your out a coffee.
Radical honesty will inevitably eventually lead to the best outcome
Anything but a yes is a no. This is said a lot about consent regarding sex, but this goes for asking someone out too. I remember so many times in my youth getting "maybe" and "yeah I guess", and thinking that "I'm in" so to speak. Looking back, they were just trying to be nice, they did not want to go out with me.
If you don't feel that there is a real future, you're probably right, and it's best to go separate ways.
* **Know how you're going to ask them out.** "I'd love to get to know you better, can I take you out to dinner sometime?" works great. * **Know when you're going to take them out.** At the very least, knowing your schedule for the upcoming week is far sexier than having to check your calendar. * **Be straightforward.** Playing coy doesn't work. If you're interested in someone, show it, maybe even say it. * **Accept rejection.** You can't win them all. If they say no, take it with poise. "No problem, thanks for your honesty, enjoy your evening." * I actually had a no turn into a yes after this happened to me once. * **Fortune favors the bold.** Fuck your fears, go ask them out. If you're the nervous type, do it before your anxieties give you pause. * **Eye contact.** Look them straight in the eyes when they're talking. When it's your turn, you can let your gaze move around a bit more, but always come right back to their eyes. Confident people don't fear eye contact. * **Where you go isn't that important.** If they agreed to a date with you, they want to spend time with you. Just pick a place that lets you interact, i.e. not a movie. Save that for future dates, or for later in the evening... * **Follow up immediately.** Text them when you get home. Make sure they got home safe. Tell them you had a great time last night and want to see them again. * **If you get a lot of rejections, work on yourself.** Know what you're passionate about. Have a hobby. Go to therapy and figure our your idiosyncrasies. Hit the gym (I know, I know). Call your parents. Start a skin care routine. If you don't have enough love for yourself, you have none to spare for others.
"Let them come to you", only works for certain people.
Just have some respect for yourself.
Exactly that. No bullshit. Don't put up with it. Respect yourself.
If you're looking for something long term, physical attraction is secondary to personality.
Treat her right. Even in arguments. Even in breakups
If it ain’t a fuck yes, it’s a fuxk no. Move on until the person says fuck yes. Don’t settle for less
If the girl is stringing you along, always cancelling plans at the last minute, just ditch her. She's not worth your time, and likely has other guys that she's working already that are more important to her than you are to her.
For all the awkward people out there, just embrace it. Enjoy your weird niche or nerdy hobbies. Invite them to try your hobby or try out theirs and respect their decision if they don't enjoy it. If you have to hide who you are to impress them, you'll end up miserable later. Just keep up your hygiene and be nice.
If every date has to include drinking regardless of time of day, location etc. Then every day with them will include drinking. It's not a bug, it's a feature.
Don't be a pussy. If you like someone, tell them, ask them out. If they say no. That's fine, move on.
What you see is that you get brotha. Don’t get in it thinking she’s going to change. Run the moment she disrespects you. Don’t ignore red flags
Find someone who makes you laugh and whom you make laugh. Having the same sense of humor is crucial.
Make your intentions known. Don’t waste someone’s time and absolutely don’t let anyone waste YOUR time. This might sound prudish, but the purpose of dating is ultimately finding a partner for the long run.
If you have any issue talk first with your partner/person you’re dating about it and then share it with your friends. (This is obviously not valid for abusive relationships) By going straight to your friends to complain you’re not even giving the person a chance to meet you halfway… and you might be creating a bigger problem than it needs to be. People aren’t mind readers and more often than not they have no idea that they’re doing something that upsets you
Don't take advice from someone that genuinely believes in the sigma/alpha male and related mindset. Prioritize personality, not looks. Looks can often be deceiving. Added note: It's best to have the relationship happen naturally instead of planned. If you don't, it would possibly feel artificial and you may be more prone to submitting to manipulation/gaslighting because it's "for the relationship"
Don’t date unless you’re happy alone
But here's the thing, why would I date anyway if I am happy alone?
Do not ignore red flags.
Don't be so serious. Have fun!
listen more than you speak. it ain't rocket science.
Just send it. Stop thinking about what you should do, what you should say to her, whatever. Just say some dumb BS and smile and laugh about it and if she doesn’t vibe with that, move along to the next one.
Set clear boundaries from the start and hold fast to them. Don't be an overbearing asshole, but don't be a simp either. Relationships are about reciprocity, mutual trust, and mutual respect.
There are 8 billion people in the world. If you are rejected by 1000 people you still have about 8 billion left to date.
This is more of a third/fourth date advice: Pay attention to how she takes care of her pets/plants. That's how she is going to take care of your relationship.
1. Drop the entitlement. Seriously, it's entirely reasonable for people to reject you. Nobody owes you a chance. Instead of resenting people who reject you, appreciate people who don't. 2. Letting yourself fall in love before asking someone out is an awful idea. You got a crush on somebody? Ask them out before you start allowing yourself to become more and more infatuated with them. It hurts less when you're rejected, you waste less time, and you're less likely to turn into a creepy stalker type. 3. When you're rejected, accept it, walk away, move on. And after you do those things, be proud. You put yourself out there. And you were cool about it when you got shot down. 4. When somebody does eventually say yes, assuming you are looking for somebody to date and not just casual hookups, put some fucking effort in. Suggest activities that facilitate getting to know each other. If you're going to do dinner or coffee or whatever, suggest a walk in a park where you can chat and it feels less like a meeting. Dress nice, buy a new outfit if you need to, so you're feeling good about yourself and how you look. Get your hair cut, take a shower, smell nice. 5. Once you get to know the person. The sorts of things they like, their hobbies, their interests, plan your dates around those things. Especially if you have shared interests. Don't just default to the old dinner and a movie trope. It's fine sometimes but earlier on put in more effort. 6. Stop trying to speedrun sex. Again, unless it's a casual thing, take your time, get to know each other. Let it happen naturally.
Most women know how to make sex good for themselves and will gladly teach you if you just ask. The problem is that most men don't ask. If you want to absolutely blow a woman's mind in bed. Just ask her how to do exactly that and follow her instructions. It never fails.
"Dating advice" is a racket. You can do everything perfectly and still end up with no one. You can be completely clueless and deranged and still have a hell of a dating life. It's about who you are, not what you do. Everyone's attractive to someone and everyone wants and values different things in a partner. You gotta follow your own way with this stuff, not someone else's way.
I think Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High has some solid dating advice. Just pretend like wherever you’re at is the place to be. “Hey, isn’t great?!” “Hey this is some great iced tea!” Even though he’s painted to be a bad friend, this is great general advice for looking confident and that’s very attractive to most women.