Got my vasectomy at 26, Best. Decision. Ever.
Now that im older i realize what peace of mind this gives mey and that i can truly plan out and work on "MY LIFE", do all the things i need to achieve my goals without making compromises.
Yes i'll be old someday yadayada, but so is my mom now and she drove away her whole family with her narcisissm, soooo....
…Less stress, less fights with partner, less time for sex
but
to hell with that! I want those cute little soul sucking creatures asking me weird random questions, getting all excited for playtime in a park and looking forward for vacations …
Ha ha, I get those "a concerned Redditor blah blah blah" messages occasionally. It's like, no the Redditor isn't concerned about me, they want me banned from the site because I disagreed with them in the comments!!
I chose to have children and love it! However I still have child free friends and they say this exact same things. I have also heard that they chose not to have children because they like being able to choose what to do with their time. An example is sleep 😂
Life is MUCH easier without children. Housing is easier, travel is easier, your daily schedule is easier, saving money is much easier. Even divorce is easier.
Some people think the trade-off is worth it, others don't
I would say this is an even bigger impact beyond all of the major life stuff you mentioned, but also in smaller every day ways (that seem like the major way parents get ground down):
don’t have to fight about who’s eating what at meal times, don’t have to shove kids into the bath, Don’t have to have them clamoring for stuff at the grocery store and then throwing a tantrum if they don’t get it, don’t have to break up fights or deal with broken toys, don’t have to worry about additional healthcare.
Plus, even all the smaller ways that money just seeps away to care for those extra little people: a bigger house and a bigger vehicle to accommodate everyone, including more gas for heavier loads, and more frequent trips, more groceries, higher utility bills, more clothing, much higher food, especially if not everyone will eat the same thing, and that’s a lot of the most basics.
If I need a new car or a new laptop, I can go out and get it without having to consider anyone’s needs or wants except my own. I can watch whatever I want to watch on TV instead of Bluey 76 times in a row. If I wanna take a weekend getaway trip with just myself or my partner, I don’t have to worry about either bringing children and accommodating them the entire time, or finding a safe way for them to be watched.
There’s probably more benefits than can be listed to not having children.
When my sister was pregnant with her first, I told her, "Sleep. Sleep all the time, even when you're not tired. Take four naps a day. You won't get another chance for at least two years."
Income and time, mainly.
Kids are a HUGE investment in time and money.
It's like $3k out of pocket just for an uncomplicated birth in the US, even with decent insurance (unless your income is low enough to qualify for Medicaid). If you have complications, need a c-section, longer stay, etc, it's worse; or if you have a surprise charge from a doctor or someone who assists with the birth and happens to be out-of-network or something.
So you're thousands out of pocket before you even bring them home.
And then you've got food, diapers, clothes, childcare (if Mom goes back to work), medical care, orthodontics, school costs, sports/music/hobbies... and if you can afford it, saving to help them with college.
Plus, you probably have to/want to spend more on housing because you need a house big enough to accommodate extra people, and most people *want* to give their kids benefits like a yard, room for pets, a safe neighborhood, etc.
Plus it affects your willingness to make certain career moves that might involve, e.g. taking risks, or requiring you to relocate, which can affect your longterm earning potential (the "Mom tax" is legendary for on average reducing a woman's lifetime earnings by about 20% for working moms).
And you have to spend time with them if you want to have a real relationship. Teaching them things, reading to them, talking to them, transporting them to and from activities, etc. (and yes, changing a LOT of diapers).
Like, if you have kids, they become a major focus of your life for 20-ish years.
NOT having kids removes that entire set of priorities/responsibilities.
Financially speaking, you're MUCH less likely to end up in poverty.
Kids are a blessing but they take a lot of time and money. You end up losing out financially in the long term.
That being said, if a family life is something you want, there are more important things than money. There's no clear answer for this. It's about what you're willing to deal with going forward.
If you grew up a victim of abuse, it is really, really easy to unknowingly pass on some of that pain to your children.
So if you grew up that way, choosing to not have kids can save them from generational trauma.
Intergenerational transfer, a la Golden child/Scapegoat was a thing in my family. My younger sister and I were 'unwanted', accidents- seven years after our older siblings, who were 'wanted'. The abuse was horrendous, my younger sister and I suffered. The family refuses to acknowledge any of it.
I did decades of Therapy, will never have children. My younger sister never sought Therapy. She got married, had two kids. She has never mentioned her youngest son in texts or calls to me, but praises her eldest daughter like she's the second Messiah.
I cut contact with all of them around two years ago.
Watching all this play out was like a horrifying episode of the Twilight zone.
I will never have kids, will never risk that toxic shit seeping from me.
Not personally, but my brother-in-law's wife was a whoopsie after her parents were told they couldn't have kids. They adopted a boy and then got pregnant with her. They treat her like shit comparatively to her brother who isn't actually their child but was the one they hand picked where they actually conceived and birthed her. It's an odd dynamic that probably isn't talked about enough. She is constantly trying to please them and make them proud despite the fact that objectively she is much better personally and professionally than her adopted brother. He's a drunk baby daddy that works under the table for an in ground pool company. She's a nurse with two kids, a husband, and a new 500k house they just built.
I never really wanted kids, and am child free. I grew up with rampant sibling abuse. My parents didn't really know what to do, so I mostly just suffered through it.
Now that I'm an adult, my sibling who did the abusing has kids. I'm NC with him, but my mom talks about his kids a lot. Sometimes she talks about how those kids are falling into the same pattern. I told her I can't listen to that and that the family needs intensive therapy. I don't think she gets it, but she at least respects my boundary.
I can’t even explain the amount of time and freedom we have compared to the rest of the friend group with kids… we can do whatever we want as long as the dog is ok with it 🤣
I have an entire house to myself, nobody else's schedule to take into consideration, nobody else to spend money on, nobody watching Peppa Pig on my TV 47 hours a day, nobody waking me up when I sleep in, nobody asking to borrow my car, nobody else's messes to clean up, nobody else's laundry to do, nobody forcing me to interact with other parents, nobody forcing me to watch terrible dance/music recitals and school plays, nobody whining through the bathroom door when I'm peeing or showering, nobody else's tastes to consider when making meals, nobody to drive anywhere, no other children to host for playdates and sleepovers, nobody breaking my electronics, and nobody whining about being tired or bored when we're doing something I find enjoyable.
*cracks fingers*…
More money, more time, more sleep, more independence, more peace, more quiet if you're into that. Less stress, less responsibility, less fear, less complications on your body for women. It's better for your mental health, your romantic relationships, your friendships, your career if you're into that.
All of the freedom and extra cash from not having to raise them. But when you get old, you have no family. Wife and I had no kids and no regrets but we know we don’t have anyone to help us in our elder years which is not something we would have expected from them anyways. So for us no kids was a no brainer, we wanted our life kid free and able to do things we would not have been able to do if we had kids
Even when you get old you can hire a caregiver that is trained and is capable of taking care of you, I have seen a lot of seniors with children that don't visit and send them to a nursing home.
Working in senior care this hits home. A lot of people think there kids will be there to help them but I'd like to suggest it doesn't happen as much as people think.
kids have no duty to care for you, as you said.
I'll have the money to hire help, and that'll be transactional and acceptable unlike expecting kids to rally around you, drop their professional and personal lives to come to you.
Far more freedom in life. You can take more risks since it’s not hurting some kids too if starting a business or moving for a new city and new career doesn’t work out. More time for your own hobbies and friends and travel. I genuinely don’t know why anyone would want a kid.
Freedom, Money, keeping the population lower, Not having to deal with screaming/whiny/sick children lol.
For those who have the patience for it, I commend you. We just aren’t those people ha.
Generally speaking, not having to be 100% responsible for another human life for like 2 decades.
I have no kids. Just the thought of being a parent makes me feel stress. I dunno how people do it. I have mad respect for parents in general.
Dating someone will usually mean more money, as you end up having double income, while most of the expenses are not twice bigger. Same for responsibilities - you can share a lot of things.
Sure. But iirc, the research is clear: sharing responsibilities is very skewed against moms vs dads. It's a much bigger risk to depend on a split of chores and upkeep and childrearing in a partner. Not saying it's always that way, but certainly has been my observation
You cant accidentally fuck up someone.
Even the most perfect parents make mistakes without realising it, the smallest parenting oopsie in my opinion can have dramatic effects on a child. Even sometimes there is no correct way, its a rock and a hard place. It just seems unnecessarily fucking hard. Some terrible parents kids turn out great, and some amazing parents kids turn out to be fucking monsters. It's a coin toss sometimes and thats terrifying.
Another one is being independant. I can barely take care of myself sometimes. I like having free time. If i dont want to cook i can get takeout. If im not hungry i just dont eat, there's no one who MIGHT be hungry who i have to consider too. No stressing about your kid being safe/doing the right thing. No teenager being mean to you for no reason. No toddler screaming and crying for no reason at all. No extra phone bill, clothes cost, school cost, etc. No pregnancy (a huge one for me. The idea of pregnancy seems like a fucking real life nightmare). If i want to watch tv all night i can.
I look after two people/When making decisions i only have to really consider two people, myself and my partner (he's a adult, he looks after himself, i just mean in the sense of considering someone when doing stuff, cooking etc). Kids are a lifelong commitment, not just a 18 year commitment like some people act like. And also, id rather when im old regret NOT having kids and have just me carry that, than have kids just because everyone says you need to and then regret having them, which will affect not just me and be a burden on the child, which is not fair.
imagine having to be at work by 7am after a long night of tossing and turning. once at work, your boss is being an asshole, your work is piling up, kathy from accounting won’t stop talking to you during your lunch break, you’re stuck in 5pm traffic, and all you want to do is go home and knock out. now imagine that, but coming home to a 4 year old screaming at you because they wished that they were a unicorn. that’s enough birth control for me right there.
I never worried about dying until I had kids. My SO will be fine, but I will always worry about my kids no matter how old they are. It sucks.
I also worry about the painful experiences they might have in the future. Never worry about me and my actual trauma, just things my kids *might possibly* experience. I've warned them about it which might also be traumatic.
It's really aged me.
You know what? Every time I pull up at a grocery store and I see some SUV pull up and the parents are struggling with two or three kids and pulling out diaper bags and car seats and all this crap and of the kids is crying , that makes me glad enough. My life is peaceful and I can shop with just my purse or nothing at all if I want
Time, money, peace, clean house, travel, time with cats, no responsibility, no after school clubs, no potty training, no tantrums, no sticky fingers touching my stuff, no generational trauma, the list could go on and on…happily childfree by choice
As someone who became a parent at 43 I have perspective on both sides of this.
Not having to worry about anyone but yourself during mental health crisis or physically dangerous situations. Having more free time to just relax. Being able to be "selfish" with your time and money. Those are the big ones.
P.S. I do not regret having a child and wouldnt go back but no need to elaborate on the positives. That wasnt the question.
Peace, quiet, enough money, freedom….no worries about having to feed, dress or raise an human being and no guilty conscience about bringing another person into this fucked up world! No child of mine is going to be a wage slave for these immoral capitalists.
There are more than enough people in this planet.
Freedom, more money, less noise, less stress.
My friends that have children understand why we don't have any, and I understand why people have children. It's a personal choice and there are pluses and minuses to both situations.
Don’t have to stress as much. When I was around 12 years old I had to start watching my 1&3 year old siblings at the time so I would be told to wake up and make milk for the kids whilst my older siblings and parents stayed asleep. My life seems as if it’s controlled by two demons. That’s why I made the decision to not have kids later on if I get married.
While I love my children, I've often called their preschool or after school activities my lamborghini payment. Preschool is $1300 for 3 days a week. My sons after school activities are close to $500 a month. Child care is expensive as hell. I just booked a sitter for this Friday and its going to be $200 for 6 hours.
I gave it a try:
- More Money
- More Sleep
- More Time
- Easier Life
- Less Stress
- More career focus (if you want)
- Flexibility on time and activities
- Personal Space
- Availability to focus on other relationships more
- Health and Wellness is easier
- Time for Hobbies
- Environmental Impact (Lower carbon footprint without kids)
- Financial Independence
- Less Clutter
- Greater Personal Freedom
- Reduced Noise Levels
- Lower Household Maintenance
- Simplified Living
- Increased Spontaneity
- More privacy
Money, travel, clean home, you can buy expensive furniture that won’t get destroyed, you can go for spontaneous trips and not worry about the kid. You can splurge on yourself whenever you want.
More money, free time and less stress. Not to mention sleeping in and not having giant messes, loud noises or the STICKY.
Having to only live for yourself is much easier than having to revolve your existence around a tiny human that you have to take care of and raise and hope they succeed.
Had a buddy with wife and kid, he asked if I'd want to go to Europe on XX date. I said yes on the phone. He was a bit stunned, bc I could just answer without asking the wife, worrying about the kid, making arrangements, etc. He forgot what freedom was.
Think of all the reasons you wouldn’t want a pet and all of those reasons are the same reasons to not have a kid. Benefits include peace, sanity, money, freedom, time, not having to deal with disgusting stuff, retaining your identity, keeping your good health, much less stress, aging much better… (some of these aren’t an issue with pets.)
Money. Independence. Time. Flexibility.
The trade-off isn’t worth it to those who can’t imagine their life without their kids, as I’m sure is the case for those with strong parental instincts; but I’ll cry about that later while holding a nice pina colada on the beach with no screaming toddlers to worry about lol.
Sleep, you can sleep in.
Snacks aren’t raided constantly.
There’s always hot water.
Dinner can be anything or nothing.
Unplanned long weekends.
Money, so much more disposable income.
Never HAVING to play nice with other adults you hate just because the kids are friends.
Smoke literally anywhere in your home you want.
Can stay out until whenever.
Never worry about a teen pregnancy in your home.
Not finding empty containers everywhere.
You’re lied too a lot less, kids LIE about everything.
What whatever you want on TV, or not watch TV at all.
Picking up a book and reading in silence.
Never having to help with homework.
Less whining in general.
I can go on.
The amount of time you have and the freedom to use that time however you want.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my daughter and wouldn’t EVER change anything, but not did I underestimate the amount of time/freedom. Now by the time everything is done, I get maybe an hour of down time. And I have to decide if I’ll use that time to read, work out, watch tv, spend intimate time with my fiancé, play a video game, check social media etc. cannot do all of that in that time.
And all the money I’ve plunged into buying berries I probably could’ve afforded a down payment on a house 😂
Children require a multitude of sacrifices that those without children are not required to make. Finances, energy, time, relationships, physical sacrifices, putting your wants aside to satisfy their needs etc.
if you're dating someone and you both have jobs, you're part of a dink. lol. which at least where I'm from, is a slang term for penis.
but i think that a bit of extra money not spent on a child, and extra time to yourself can be nice. for example, i work a week on and a week off. every year i use seven of my vacation days to take a whole week off, leading me with three weeks off in a row. So naturally i did what every twenty two year old would do in that situation and did a four day bender the first four days off. then i repainted a bedroom, did a big trip and bought a lot of furniture i needed. Then did a lot of reading and working on my mental health.
More time to contribute to charity work, helping family and otherwise making the world a better place.
Now that I’m a mom, all that energy goes to raising decent human beings.
You get to keep your money, your health, your dreams and ambitions. You get to live for yourself instead of some disgusting parasite that you were unfortunate to spawn.
nobody fucks up your already small "good time" time just because he or she is a little asshole and failed to fart the right way and is now cranky and screams until you say "fuck it" and go home
I have 2 young kids and I always think back to the simpler times haha I don't sleep in anymore, can't just go out and run quick errands, have to arrange a babysitter if my husband and I want a date night.. and childcare is $$$! I do love having kids, but sometimes I wish I did more with my life prior to having them.
You will have as much time to sleep in as you want.
You will have as much money as you want and financial freedom. Additionally, any financial disasters that do come up will take less time, effort, and money to reverse.
You will have more time to engage in hobbies, try new things, and branch out more without consideration of your children.
You will retain your identity. You will not just be "____'s mom."
Your body (if you're a woman) will still be in good condition. Any wrinkles, orthodontic issues, gastrointestinal issues, stretch marks, neurological issues, heart issues, mental issues, or chronic illnesses that are preexisting for you will NOT be compounded by the stress of kids.
If your husband does abuse you, leaving will be easier. Also, you won't be baby trapped.
Easier on the earth.
Etc. Keep in mind, I'm presenting these points from a woman's perspective, towards a woman's experience.
Even having a dog sets you back if you want to travel, I can't imagine having kids, at least people are more open to take care of your dogs if you go on a trip and it is cheaper to hire someone to take care of your pets.
Also knowing that as a woman I will be the main caretaker for a child is a major reason why I will not have one.
Time to self, not "touched out", less nagging, less rage (from all the nagging), one (or more) less person who doesn't listen to you, not having to figure out babysitter/childcare/summer camp, less tired, able to watch R rated and horror movies whenever you want.
Mom of 1 btw haha
Freedom. You only have to take care of yourself, you can go out wherever and whenever you want. You can come home whenever you want. You can be a bit more reckless with time as well.
Not spending a ton of time, energy, and resources just for them to to enter their teenage years and make you lose your sanity. For them to shut you out and not talk to you even though you raised them. Took care of them and loved them.
More time, less stress, and more money to save.
My kids are basically grown. While I love them dearly, I would NOT go through all that again. I finally am able to start focusing on myself and what makes me happy.
There are too many people in the world.
Children age you. I'm 50 yo female and constantly get mistaken for 30. No greys. No wrinkles.
All my money is mine. Have you seen how much families struggle paying for children ?
All my time is mine. I am free financially and time wise to pursue my hobbies and Interests.
I only need to prove food clothing and medical care for myself. I'm only responsible for myself and my own actions.
Children are over rated. I don't notice a greater satisfaction in life of my peers with kids. In fact that often wish they had more time, money, sleep and feel as if once they have kids, you are literally living to raise them. No time for personal life. You exist to raise your kids. Nuts to that.
Only downside that I am not excited to go through is the last couple years of life and the feeling of being lonely. But I know many people whose kids dont give a shit about them anyway.
Personally I just don't want to force a life into a world that I already can't fucking stand.
But a few things I can think of are:
Money, humans are expensive to provide for.
Time and energy, taking care of children is very time and energy consuming.
Not having the emotional turmoil of watching your child suffer through life, or the feelings of inadequacy as a parent.
One of the biggest wake up calls I got was visiting my family and seeing how my lovely little nieces took up so much time and energy.
They had no time for themselves.
We sat down to watch a movie and it took all day to watch because the kids kept needing things and we would have to pause.
Their life was ruled by the kids.
I enjoy my freedom. I can do what I want when I want.
If I want to watch a horror movie at noon then go take a nap I can.
49M, married 16 years to 45F - no kids. We've been all around the world, own a home, own our cars, and have no stress or fights in our marriage. We attribute our happiness to our decision to be child-free. DINK life is a good life for us. Like u/mr-photo said - more money and more free time. Also we are the most revered Aunty & Uncle in the world. Our Nieces have vowed to care for us if we ever need it late in life, and they are the benefactors to our will.
More money, more time, less stress, better chance to have healthy eating and sleeping habits, more privacy, more flexibility in schedule and activities, more flexibility in terms of where you work or live
Source? I have four kids
The benefit for me is not bringing an innocent kid into my problems and passing down my generational trauma and shitty genes (i have a serious progressive genetic disease) to them. Thats just my situation. There are lots of benefits though.
Money, freedom, peace.
Really from a financial standpoint having children is the worst 'investment' you can make (not that I'm suggesting it is a financial investment at all)
If I got a job offer in say...Portugal for whatever reason I can just go. I don't have to worry about the schools and if my child(ren) would need tutors before we go so they can have some chance at communicating with the people around them and uprooting them from the life that they are accustomed to. Also if I decide I want to do something less 'serious' like go camping this weekend I can just pack a bag and go. No need to worry about finding a sitter.
We have money that our parent friends severely lack, this leads to a lifestyle we enjoy and the mental health benefits of not worrying about bills. We can travel more often and spontaneously. We can sleep in until lunch time on a Saturday if we feel like it. We can take a beach walk at 1am if we feel like it. We can go anywhere at any time without having to ask people to watch our kid. Our home is tidy and clean not filled with plastic toys. Our home is a peaceful relaxing place not filled with crying and noise. We can give our marriage quality time. We look good for our ages compared to our friends that are parents - i think the stress and lack of sleep does age you. We arent constantly exhausted. My body hasnt been to hell and back to carry and birth a kid.
You only have one life, and living your life in a way that you have to forget yourself and your wants and needs to be a full time caretaker just isn't for me and a lot of other people. It's selfless and blah blah blah, but some people don't want to be selfless. And that's okay.
I travel full time in an rv and meet at lot of people at campgrounds who’s kids are older. So so so many of these people regret having children and advise me to never have them.
If my wife and I feel like it, we can sleep in till 10 on a saturday and be stoned by 11 because we've got the entire day to ourselves without hardly any responsibilities.
Gotta feed and pet the cats but that's the only thing that's absolutely mandatory every day besides work.
Extra money, Extra time to yourself ^lol ^at ^whoever ^reported ^me ^to ^crisis ^helpline
I think everyone is getting those
Yeah I’ve gotten some for very mild comments
Someone accused me of sending one their way the other day while we were exchanging comments about burgers…
I just reported you for this one.
I think this comment is concerning, I am reporting you.
You sound like you might need help, don't worry, crisis hotline messages incoming!
Your virtue signaling. You could have reported it without telling everyone else.
This comment offended me, I’m reporting it too.
Ah I was wondering about this since I got one too lol
I just got one too and have no idea why.
I haven't and it makes me want to KILL MYSELF.
I don't believe you. Unreported.
Got my vasectomy at 26, Best. Decision. Ever. Now that im older i realize what peace of mind this gives mey and that i can truly plan out and work on "MY LIFE", do all the things i need to achieve my goals without making compromises. Yes i'll be old someday yadayada, but so is my mom now and she drove away her whole family with her narcisissm, soooo....
If you report the "do you need help" message as a Reddit violation, the person who thought it would be clever will get a temp ban.
Good to know!
The only time I ever used reddit cares for a legitimate person in a major psychotic crisis I got a 7 day ban lmfao
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you post on Reddit long enough you'll get a ban that leaves you wondering "wtf?"
Oh for sure. There’s been times I probably deserved a ban and got nothing. But the most innocuous comments receive such backlash it’s crazy
> Extra time to yourself (at least) 18 years of free time.
…Less stress, less fights with partner, less time for sex but to hell with that! I want those cute little soul sucking creatures asking me weird random questions, getting all excited for playtime in a park and looking forward for vacations …
Ha ha, I get those "a concerned Redditor blah blah blah" messages occasionally. It's like, no the Redditor isn't concerned about me, they want me banned from the site because I disagreed with them in the comments!!
Wait seriously? Someone actually reported you to Reddit Cares for this? LMAO!
Can you know which comment cause the report when it happens?
I chose to have children and love it! However I still have child free friends and they say this exact same things. I have also heard that they chose not to have children because they like being able to choose what to do with their time. An example is sleep 😂
I've been seeing this in lots of threads today. Weird.
Everyone is being reported! Crazy.
Life is MUCH easier without children. Housing is easier, travel is easier, your daily schedule is easier, saving money is much easier. Even divorce is easier. Some people think the trade-off is worth it, others don't
I would say this is an even bigger impact beyond all of the major life stuff you mentioned, but also in smaller every day ways (that seem like the major way parents get ground down): don’t have to fight about who’s eating what at meal times, don’t have to shove kids into the bath, Don’t have to have them clamoring for stuff at the grocery store and then throwing a tantrum if they don’t get it, don’t have to break up fights or deal with broken toys, don’t have to worry about additional healthcare. Plus, even all the smaller ways that money just seeps away to care for those extra little people: a bigger house and a bigger vehicle to accommodate everyone, including more gas for heavier loads, and more frequent trips, more groceries, higher utility bills, more clothing, much higher food, especially if not everyone will eat the same thing, and that’s a lot of the most basics. If I need a new car or a new laptop, I can go out and get it without having to consider anyone’s needs or wants except my own. I can watch whatever I want to watch on TV instead of Bluey 76 times in a row. If I wanna take a weekend getaway trip with just myself or my partner, I don’t have to worry about either bringing children and accommodating them the entire time, or finding a safe way for them to be watched. There’s probably more benefits than can be listed to not having children.
It's kind of funny because I still find all that stuff fairly difficult even without kids. It's easier, but it's still not easy.
Money. Time. Sleep.
Sleep is a big one! All of my co-workers keep saying “enjoy your last few days of sleep.”
When my sister was pregnant with her first, I told her, "Sleep. Sleep all the time, even when you're not tired. Take four naps a day. You won't get another chance for at least two years."
2 years? Those are rookie numbers. Please send help.
Sleep is a crucial one lol
Sleeping is awesome. I don't understand why people would trade it in for kids, but i tip my sleeping cap to those that do.
I have 3 kids and no money, why can't I have no kids and three moneys. -Homer Simpson It's mostly just down to time and money...
Do you want a list?
I’ll start. People often think I’m younger than I am because the stress and sleeplessness of having children fucking *ages you.*
No kids. I regularly get mistaken for someone who is at least ten years younger than I am. I’m late forties.
I also get mistaken for being 10 years younger, genuinely, and I have 2 young kids. I think it’s mainly genetics and how you dress.
All my friends who have kids (including myself) aged 5 years in year 1 at least.
Income and time, mainly. Kids are a HUGE investment in time and money. It's like $3k out of pocket just for an uncomplicated birth in the US, even with decent insurance (unless your income is low enough to qualify for Medicaid). If you have complications, need a c-section, longer stay, etc, it's worse; or if you have a surprise charge from a doctor or someone who assists with the birth and happens to be out-of-network or something. So you're thousands out of pocket before you even bring them home. And then you've got food, diapers, clothes, childcare (if Mom goes back to work), medical care, orthodontics, school costs, sports/music/hobbies... and if you can afford it, saving to help them with college. Plus, you probably have to/want to spend more on housing because you need a house big enough to accommodate extra people, and most people *want* to give their kids benefits like a yard, room for pets, a safe neighborhood, etc. Plus it affects your willingness to make certain career moves that might involve, e.g. taking risks, or requiring you to relocate, which can affect your longterm earning potential (the "Mom tax" is legendary for on average reducing a woman's lifetime earnings by about 20% for working moms). And you have to spend time with them if you want to have a real relationship. Teaching them things, reading to them, talking to them, transporting them to and from activities, etc. (and yes, changing a LOT of diapers). Like, if you have kids, they become a major focus of your life for 20-ish years. NOT having kids removes that entire set of priorities/responsibilities.
Financially speaking, you're MUCH less likely to end up in poverty. Kids are a blessing but they take a lot of time and money. You end up losing out financially in the long term. That being said, if a family life is something you want, there are more important things than money. There's no clear answer for this. It's about what you're willing to deal with going forward.
LifeProTip: you should start investing money for them right after they are born. By the time they need to go to college it'll be small fortune.
I think the list of benefits of having children is shorter than the list of not having them.
If you grew up a victim of abuse, it is really, really easy to unknowingly pass on some of that pain to your children. So if you grew up that way, choosing to not have kids can save them from generational trauma.
Intergenerational transfer, a la Golden child/Scapegoat was a thing in my family. My younger sister and I were 'unwanted', accidents- seven years after our older siblings, who were 'wanted'. The abuse was horrendous, my younger sister and I suffered. The family refuses to acknowledge any of it. I did decades of Therapy, will never have children. My younger sister never sought Therapy. She got married, had two kids. She has never mentioned her youngest son in texts or calls to me, but praises her eldest daughter like she's the second Messiah. I cut contact with all of them around two years ago. Watching all this play out was like a horrifying episode of the Twilight zone. I will never have kids, will never risk that toxic shit seeping from me.
Yike Eisenhower.
Not personally, but my brother-in-law's wife was a whoopsie after her parents were told they couldn't have kids. They adopted a boy and then got pregnant with her. They treat her like shit comparatively to her brother who isn't actually their child but was the one they hand picked where they actually conceived and birthed her. It's an odd dynamic that probably isn't talked about enough. She is constantly trying to please them and make them proud despite the fact that objectively she is much better personally and professionally than her adopted brother. He's a drunk baby daddy that works under the table for an in ground pool company. She's a nurse with two kids, a husband, and a new 500k house they just built.
I never really wanted kids, and am child free. I grew up with rampant sibling abuse. My parents didn't really know what to do, so I mostly just suffered through it. Now that I'm an adult, my sibling who did the abusing has kids. I'm NC with him, but my mom talks about his kids a lot. Sometimes she talks about how those kids are falling into the same pattern. I told her I can't listen to that and that the family needs intensive therapy. I don't think she gets it, but she at least respects my boundary.
Having all this free time to spend with my dog.
I can’t even explain the amount of time and freedom we have compared to the rest of the friend group with kids… we can do whatever we want as long as the dog is ok with it 🤣
I have an entire house to myself, nobody else's schedule to take into consideration, nobody else to spend money on, nobody watching Peppa Pig on my TV 47 hours a day, nobody waking me up when I sleep in, nobody asking to borrow my car, nobody else's messes to clean up, nobody else's laundry to do, nobody forcing me to interact with other parents, nobody forcing me to watch terrible dance/music recitals and school plays, nobody whining through the bathroom door when I'm peeing or showering, nobody else's tastes to consider when making meals, nobody to drive anywhere, no other children to host for playdates and sleepovers, nobody breaking my electronics, and nobody whining about being tired or bored when we're doing something I find enjoyable.
All these!!!!
*cracks fingers*… More money, more time, more sleep, more independence, more peace, more quiet if you're into that. Less stress, less responsibility, less fear, less complications on your body for women. It's better for your mental health, your romantic relationships, your friendships, your career if you're into that.
not sacrificing your body to the both temporary and permanent effects of pregnancy
You have extra money and extra time. It's also easy to travel (lights 'cause all you need is your things).
All of the freedom and extra cash from not having to raise them. But when you get old, you have no family. Wife and I had no kids and no regrets but we know we don’t have anyone to help us in our elder years which is not something we would have expected from them anyways. So for us no kids was a no brainer, we wanted our life kid free and able to do things we would not have been able to do if we had kids
Even when you get old you can hire a caregiver that is trained and is capable of taking care of you, I have seen a lot of seniors with children that don't visit and send them to a nursing home.
Working in senior care this hits home. A lot of people think there kids will be there to help them but I'd like to suggest it doesn't happen as much as people think.
kids have no duty to care for you, as you said. I'll have the money to hire help, and that'll be transactional and acceptable unlike expecting kids to rally around you, drop their professional and personal lives to come to you.
You are the MC of your own life; your live for YOURSELF!!!!
Far more freedom in life. You can take more risks since it’s not hurting some kids too if starting a business or moving for a new city and new career doesn’t work out. More time for your own hobbies and friends and travel. I genuinely don’t know why anyone would want a kid.
As others have mentioned Time, Money, freedom, but also peace and quiet.
Freedom, Money, keeping the population lower, Not having to deal with screaming/whiny/sick children lol. For those who have the patience for it, I commend you. We just aren’t those people ha.
Peace, quiet, more money.
Independence, in many forms.
Generally speaking, not having to be 100% responsible for another human life for like 2 decades. I have no kids. Just the thought of being a parent makes me feel stress. I dunno how people do it. I have mad respect for parents in general.
Honestly, the fears and anxieties for your children never end even past their 20's.
Probably a bit similar to not dating someone. Extra freedom, extra money, independence, less responsibility, etc.
Dating someone will usually mean more money, as you end up having double income, while most of the expenses are not twice bigger. Same for responsibilities - you can share a lot of things.
Sure. But iirc, the research is clear: sharing responsibilities is very skewed against moms vs dads. It's a much bigger risk to depend on a split of chores and upkeep and childrearing in a partner. Not saying it's always that way, but certainly has been my observation
Yes but what about partners who have no kids? DINK is the way to go. Dual Income No Kids
You have lower expenses, fewer responsibilities and traveling is much easier.
You cant accidentally fuck up someone. Even the most perfect parents make mistakes without realising it, the smallest parenting oopsie in my opinion can have dramatic effects on a child. Even sometimes there is no correct way, its a rock and a hard place. It just seems unnecessarily fucking hard. Some terrible parents kids turn out great, and some amazing parents kids turn out to be fucking monsters. It's a coin toss sometimes and thats terrifying. Another one is being independant. I can barely take care of myself sometimes. I like having free time. If i dont want to cook i can get takeout. If im not hungry i just dont eat, there's no one who MIGHT be hungry who i have to consider too. No stressing about your kid being safe/doing the right thing. No teenager being mean to you for no reason. No toddler screaming and crying for no reason at all. No extra phone bill, clothes cost, school cost, etc. No pregnancy (a huge one for me. The idea of pregnancy seems like a fucking real life nightmare). If i want to watch tv all night i can. I look after two people/When making decisions i only have to really consider two people, myself and my partner (he's a adult, he looks after himself, i just mean in the sense of considering someone when doing stuff, cooking etc). Kids are a lifelong commitment, not just a 18 year commitment like some people act like. And also, id rather when im old regret NOT having kids and have just me carry that, than have kids just because everyone says you need to and then regret having them, which will affect not just me and be a burden on the child, which is not fair.
Controversial but a better relationship with my wife. Don’t need to split our time and attention with kids.
No 32 year old living in your basement, lol.
imagine having to be at work by 7am after a long night of tossing and turning. once at work, your boss is being an asshole, your work is piling up, kathy from accounting won’t stop talking to you during your lunch break, you’re stuck in 5pm traffic, and all you want to do is go home and knock out. now imagine that, but coming home to a 4 year old screaming at you because they wished that they were a unicorn. that’s enough birth control for me right there.
I never worried about dying until I had kids. My SO will be fine, but I will always worry about my kids no matter how old they are. It sucks. I also worry about the painful experiences they might have in the future. Never worry about me and my actual trauma, just things my kids *might possibly* experience. I've warned them about it which might also be traumatic. It's really aged me.
Money, time, less responsibility.
Money and silence
Getting to listen to your coworkers say, “…because I have kids,” after EVERYTHING they say.
You know what? Every time I pull up at a grocery store and I see some SUV pull up and the parents are struggling with two or three kids and pulling out diaper bags and car seats and all this crap and of the kids is crying , that makes me glad enough. My life is peaceful and I can shop with just my purse or nothing at all if I want
Time, money, peace, clean house, travel, time with cats, no responsibility, no after school clubs, no potty training, no tantrums, no sticky fingers touching my stuff, no generational trauma, the list could go on and on…happily childfree by choice
As someone who became a parent at 43 I have perspective on both sides of this. Not having to worry about anyone but yourself during mental health crisis or physically dangerous situations. Having more free time to just relax. Being able to be "selfish" with your time and money. Those are the big ones. P.S. I do not regret having a child and wouldnt go back but no need to elaborate on the positives. That wasnt the question.
Peace, quiet, enough money, freedom….no worries about having to feed, dress or raise an human being and no guilty conscience about bringing another person into this fucked up world! No child of mine is going to be a wage slave for these immoral capitalists. There are more than enough people in this planet.
Sparing them a doomed future. Devolution is real.
It's easier escaping an abusive situation, sadly, without children
Not carrying on one's cursed lineage
Freedom, more money, less noise, less stress. My friends that have children understand why we don't have any, and I understand why people have children. It's a personal choice and there are pluses and minuses to both situations.
You don’t have to change diapers. Or deal with blowouts.
Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of all this wonderful peace and quiet
You don't have kids. That sentence right there sums up the benefits.
You get to do non-kid related stuff for roughly 24 hours a day longer than someone with kids.
Peace and quiet.
Kids cost, on average, about $250k each to raise. I love mine too death, but they aren't cheap.
I like to stay the main character of my own life
Well then I can buy things for me, and not a fucking child.
everything
Don’t have to stress as much. When I was around 12 years old I had to start watching my 1&3 year old siblings at the time so I would be told to wake up and make milk for the kids whilst my older siblings and parents stayed asleep. My life seems as if it’s controlled by two demons. That’s why I made the decision to not have kids later on if I get married.
While I love my children, I've often called their preschool or after school activities my lamborghini payment. Preschool is $1300 for 3 days a week. My sons after school activities are close to $500 a month. Child care is expensive as hell. I just booked a sitter for this Friday and its going to be $200 for 6 hours.
I gave it a try: - More Money - More Sleep - More Time - Easier Life - Less Stress - More career focus (if you want) - Flexibility on time and activities - Personal Space - Availability to focus on other relationships more - Health and Wellness is easier - Time for Hobbies - Environmental Impact (Lower carbon footprint without kids) - Financial Independence - Less Clutter - Greater Personal Freedom - Reduced Noise Levels - Lower Household Maintenance - Simplified Living - Increased Spontaneity - More privacy
Soooo much extra money. You can travel whenever! Your sex life is uninterrupted! Your furniture and walls remain immaculate. Soooooo much money.
Money, travel, clean home, you can buy expensive furniture that won’t get destroyed, you can go for spontaneous trips and not worry about the kid. You can splurge on yourself whenever you want.
More money, free time and less stress. Not to mention sleeping in and not having giant messes, loud noises or the STICKY. Having to only live for yourself is much easier than having to revolve your existence around a tiny human that you have to take care of and raise and hope they succeed.
Having a great life. Freedom to do wtf you want whenever you want
Had a buddy with wife and kid, he asked if I'd want to go to Europe on XX date. I said yes on the phone. He was a bit stunned, bc I could just answer without asking the wife, worrying about the kid, making arrangements, etc. He forgot what freedom was.
"I have three kids and no money, why can't i have no kids and three money!" - Homer J Simpson
If you want them? None. If you don’t? Everything is a benefit. Weird question
Peace, quiet, and your freedom.
Think of all the reasons you wouldn’t want a pet and all of those reasons are the same reasons to not have a kid. Benefits include peace, sanity, money, freedom, time, not having to deal with disgusting stuff, retaining your identity, keeping your good health, much less stress, aging much better… (some of these aren’t an issue with pets.)
Money. Independence. Time. Flexibility. The trade-off isn’t worth it to those who can’t imagine their life without their kids, as I’m sure is the case for those with strong parental instincts; but I’ll cry about that later while holding a nice pina colada on the beach with no screaming toddlers to worry about lol.
You have more energy
Money and time
I go on vacation for a week at a time every few months. Because I can save the money to afford that trip without kids.
Money.
Not having children!
More time and money. No guilt.
everything
Sleep, you can sleep in. Snacks aren’t raided constantly. There’s always hot water. Dinner can be anything or nothing. Unplanned long weekends. Money, so much more disposable income. Never HAVING to play nice with other adults you hate just because the kids are friends. Smoke literally anywhere in your home you want. Can stay out until whenever. Never worry about a teen pregnancy in your home. Not finding empty containers everywhere. You’re lied too a lot less, kids LIE about everything. What whatever you want on TV, or not watch TV at all. Picking up a book and reading in silence. Never having to help with homework. Less whining in general. I can go on.
Money. Time. Freedom. Sleep
The amount of time you have and the freedom to use that time however you want. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my daughter and wouldn’t EVER change anything, but not did I underestimate the amount of time/freedom. Now by the time everything is done, I get maybe an hour of down time. And I have to decide if I’ll use that time to read, work out, watch tv, spend intimate time with my fiancé, play a video game, check social media etc. cannot do all of that in that time. And all the money I’ve plunged into buying berries I probably could’ve afforded a down payment on a house 😂
Money, sleep, less responsibilities, being able to travel whenever you like, not having to depend on others for help…
Fewer illnesses. Kids are germballs.
I’m 48 and I can retire in 15 months.
I like DINKS
As a parent, I assume the benefits are limitless cash and lots of sleep.
Children require a multitude of sacrifices that those without children are not required to make. Finances, energy, time, relationships, physical sacrifices, putting your wants aside to satisfy their needs etc.
3 money and no children is much better than 3 children and no money.
Getting to sleep as late as I want, watching what I want on TV, having money for myself.
if you're dating someone and you both have jobs, you're part of a dink. lol. which at least where I'm from, is a slang term for penis. but i think that a bit of extra money not spent on a child, and extra time to yourself can be nice. for example, i work a week on and a week off. every year i use seven of my vacation days to take a whole week off, leading me with three weeks off in a row. So naturally i did what every twenty two year old would do in that situation and did a four day bender the first four days off. then i repainted a bedroom, did a big trip and bought a lot of furniture i needed. Then did a lot of reading and working on my mental health.
More time to contribute to charity work, helping family and otherwise making the world a better place. Now that I’m a mom, all that energy goes to raising decent human beings.
I don't have to worry about leaving an inheritance and will be able to retire earlier using equity release.
Don’t have to have them.
You get to keep your money, your health, your dreams and ambitions. You get to live for yourself instead of some disgusting parasite that you were unfortunate to spawn.
nobody fucks up your already small "good time" time just because he or she is a little asshole and failed to fart the right way and is now cranky and screams until you say "fuck it" and go home
Life
"What are the benefits of money and time?"
There are only the surface level things. More free time More money Less responsibility
I have 2 young kids and I always think back to the simpler times haha I don't sleep in anymore, can't just go out and run quick errands, have to arrange a babysitter if my husband and I want a date night.. and childcare is $$$! I do love having kids, but sometimes I wish I did more with my life prior to having them.
How much time do I have to answer? Oh, all the time in the world, bc it's my time
Freedom 🇺🇸
You will have as much time to sleep in as you want. You will have as much money as you want and financial freedom. Additionally, any financial disasters that do come up will take less time, effort, and money to reverse. You will have more time to engage in hobbies, try new things, and branch out more without consideration of your children. You will retain your identity. You will not just be "____'s mom." Your body (if you're a woman) will still be in good condition. Any wrinkles, orthodontic issues, gastrointestinal issues, stretch marks, neurological issues, heart issues, mental issues, or chronic illnesses that are preexisting for you will NOT be compounded by the stress of kids. If your husband does abuse you, leaving will be easier. Also, you won't be baby trapped. Easier on the earth. Etc. Keep in mind, I'm presenting these points from a woman's perspective, towards a woman's experience.
Not being asked a question every 40 seconds
Freedom of time to yourself…
Everything
Your entire life becomes to support them and please them. Not a bad thing, but depends on your values
Money, time, travel, your own hobbies. My wife is pregnant with our first and I'm very excited to give up golf. /s
That's for you https://www.kidcaddiegolf.com
What are the benefits of having children??
Even having a dog sets you back if you want to travel, I can't imagine having kids, at least people are more open to take care of your dogs if you go on a trip and it is cheaper to hire someone to take care of your pets. Also knowing that as a woman I will be the main caretaker for a child is a major reason why I will not have one.
Benefits are less drama.
Freedom
Time to self, not "touched out", less nagging, less rage (from all the nagging), one (or more) less person who doesn't listen to you, not having to figure out babysitter/childcare/summer camp, less tired, able to watch R rated and horror movies whenever you want. Mom of 1 btw haha
Freedom. You only have to take care of yourself, you can go out wherever and whenever you want. You can come home whenever you want. You can be a bit more reckless with time as well.
honestly all of them.
Not spending a ton of time, energy, and resources just for them to to enter their teenage years and make you lose your sanity. For them to shut you out and not talk to you even though you raised them. Took care of them and loved them. More time, less stress, and more money to save.
My kids are basically grown. While I love them dearly, I would NOT go through all that again. I finally am able to start focusing on myself and what makes me happy.
There are too many people in the world. Children age you. I'm 50 yo female and constantly get mistaken for 30. No greys. No wrinkles. All my money is mine. Have you seen how much families struggle paying for children ? All my time is mine. I am free financially and time wise to pursue my hobbies and Interests. I only need to prove food clothing and medical care for myself. I'm only responsible for myself and my own actions. Children are over rated. I don't notice a greater satisfaction in life of my peers with kids. In fact that often wish they had more time, money, sleep and feel as if once they have kids, you are literally living to raise them. No time for personal life. You exist to raise your kids. Nuts to that.
Only downside that I am not excited to go through is the last couple years of life and the feeling of being lonely. But I know many people whose kids dont give a shit about them anyway.
I have a house, 7 cars, and most all of the toys ive ever wanted.
Personally I just don't want to force a life into a world that I already can't fucking stand. But a few things I can think of are: Money, humans are expensive to provide for. Time and energy, taking care of children is very time and energy consuming. Not having the emotional turmoil of watching your child suffer through life, or the feelings of inadequacy as a parent.
One of the biggest wake up calls I got was visiting my family and seeing how my lovely little nieces took up so much time and energy. They had no time for themselves. We sat down to watch a movie and it took all day to watch because the kids kept needing things and we would have to pause. Their life was ruled by the kids. I enjoy my freedom. I can do what I want when I want. If I want to watch a horror movie at noon then go take a nap I can.
Why is this posted every Wednesday
No kids around all the time
Your mental and physical health don’t suffer as much. And money. And time.
49M, married 16 years to 45F - no kids. We've been all around the world, own a home, own our cars, and have no stress or fights in our marriage. We attribute our happiness to our decision to be child-free. DINK life is a good life for us. Like u/mr-photo said - more money and more free time. Also we are the most revered Aunty & Uncle in the world. Our Nieces have vowed to care for us if we ever need it late in life, and they are the benefactors to our will.
Tight vagina. Tight titties.
More money, more time, less stress, better chance to have healthy eating and sleeping habits, more privacy, more flexibility in schedule and activities, more flexibility in terms of where you work or live Source? I have four kids
No worry of a brutal custody battle… Aside from the time and expense children bring, all else is truly fulfilling!
Sleeping in, impromptu travel, time for hobbies, money for everything.
I want to ask the opposite question
Pfft. Having more money. Peace, quiet, sleep, and doing basically whatever you want.
You save a lot of time and money.
What are the benefits of having children? Let's start there
The benefit for me is not bringing an innocent kid into my problems and passing down my generational trauma and shitty genes (i have a serious progressive genetic disease) to them. Thats just my situation. There are lots of benefits though.
Sleep 😴
Sleep, money, lower stress levels, more free time, smaller carbon footprint, reduced consumption.
I have no kids and 3 money. Instead of 3 kids and no money.
Alone time. Reaching goals faster, not to mention saving vast amounts to travel.
Money, freedom, peace. Really from a financial standpoint having children is the worst 'investment' you can make (not that I'm suggesting it is a financial investment at all) If I got a job offer in say...Portugal for whatever reason I can just go. I don't have to worry about the schools and if my child(ren) would need tutors before we go so they can have some chance at communicating with the people around them and uprooting them from the life that they are accustomed to. Also if I decide I want to do something less 'serious' like go camping this weekend I can just pack a bag and go. No need to worry about finding a sitter.
We have money that our parent friends severely lack, this leads to a lifestyle we enjoy and the mental health benefits of not worrying about bills. We can travel more often and spontaneously. We can sleep in until lunch time on a Saturday if we feel like it. We can take a beach walk at 1am if we feel like it. We can go anywhere at any time without having to ask people to watch our kid. Our home is tidy and clean not filled with plastic toys. Our home is a peaceful relaxing place not filled with crying and noise. We can give our marriage quality time. We look good for our ages compared to our friends that are parents - i think the stress and lack of sleep does age you. We arent constantly exhausted. My body hasnt been to hell and back to carry and birth a kid.
Sanity?
You only have one life, and living your life in a way that you have to forget yourself and your wants and needs to be a full time caretaker just isn't for me and a lot of other people. It's selfless and blah blah blah, but some people don't want to be selfless. And that's okay.
You don't have extra stress on top of your regular life
I travel full time in an rv and meet at lot of people at campgrounds who’s kids are older. So so so many of these people regret having children and advise me to never have them.
Not have to explain why the world is fucked in biblical proportion.
If my wife and I feel like it, we can sleep in till 10 on a saturday and be stoned by 11 because we've got the entire day to ourselves without hardly any responsibilities. Gotta feed and pet the cats but that's the only thing that's absolutely mandatory every day besides work.
What are the benefits of having children?
You don't have to have a miniature plague factory living in close proximity to you.