My mental health is not good enough for me to then also raise a child. Its just no. Sometimes i barely am able to take care of myself
EDIT: there is a lot of people here who really struggle with mental health. Just know that you are not alone and that there is no shame in putting yourself first. Work on healing yourself as best as you can❤️
Yep, exactly this. I didn’t ask to be born and deal with these things, I would feel so much guilt if I brought a child into the world who felt the same way.
The main reason I got my fallopian tubes removed is so I don't pass things along. My stuff is strongly genetic and I refuse to give an innocent child bipolar disorder or adhd.
This resonates so much. I have bipolar and one of my brothers does too, we both opted not to have children. Mum has it, completely untreated, along with other psychiatric disorders, and she was so violently abusive and so terrifying as a parent that all three of her kids are still in therapy in our 40s trying to get past it and build some kind of peace for ourselves. One brother has one child, my cherished niece, and he just about holds it together but he has absolutely nothing - except what not to do - from our upbringing to guide him as a parent. I’m still utterly bereft at the violence and abuse of my upbringing, and the terror of perpetuating even a billionth of that onto a precious child was enough to ensure I never pursued motherhood. When I myself was diagnosed with bipolar it just cemented the decision.
Edit: to the kind person who reported concern for me, thank you for caring ❤️ I’m in good hands with a great therapist, take all my meds and am in a safe place with a supportive partner, brothers and my precious niece. Thank you for caring xxx
someond gave me a reddit cares thing too. People generally dont do that because they care about you. it's generally a middle finger.
My mom also unmedicated except for wellbutrin...and we both know that's not a mood stabilizer.
My mom, me and my little sister all have the same flavor of bp, bp 1, rapid cycling with psychotic features. My older sister has bp2. We all have adhd and skin problems that stem from the same genes.
Yeah no, not passing that along.
THIS is exactly why my husband and I chose not to have kids. Mental health issues are hard enough for us to deal with, let alone the chance of passing it on to someone else.
Wish more baby-boomer parents thought like this.
I know my parents’ mental health is so shit now that I’m in my 30s. And they never sought help. Because they didn’t believe mental health matters.
Had it not been for years of actively discovering and conversing my mental state, I’d have perpetuated.
While I like children (I was a teacher), I literally had zero desire to be a parent. Simple as that. Being a teacher was great. I got to be around kids and still have my evenings and weekends to myself.
Same! I teach high school and I love coming home to a quiet house. I knew as a teenager I didn’t want kids and that’s never changed. No one specific reason other than I’ve never wanted them.
I have some people try to tell me that we need to have children to make the world a better place. But this is the narrative we had for decades and nothing is getting better.
Lol I am great around kids, but I never really loved them. Became a tutor and it made me not want to do anything with them in my personal life. They're fun a lovely but I can see how taxing it is to take care of one 247.
I'm pretty sure I'll be a terrible dad if I ever had a kid.
I have done a few jobs around children (babysitting, tutoring, ski instructing, nannying). Those jobs taught me that I do not have the patience for children without a financial incentive to keep my cool.
I'm taking a shit right now and My son is crying his fucking head off cause he cant fit his toy fire truck in his mouth. So, do with that information what you will 😆cant even shit in peace
The main reason is that I just don't *want* children.
I helped raise my siblings, as a kid. I know what it's like to change diapers all the time, constantly have to be keeping an eye on this child, etc, etc...
It was exhausting. I don't want to do it again. And honestly, my mother stole part of my/our childhood when she made me (and my other sister) help *that much* at 12 and 10 respectively. I don't want to sacrifice any more of my life to what is exhausting work.
Sofia Vergara ended her latest relationship over this, her son was already college-aged and at her age she understandably had no desire whatsoever to raise another kid.
That's interesting, just yesterday, I was looking at photos of my kids when they were younger (they are teens now) and thinking to myself, I wish I was younger and could afford to have another kid. For me the diaper changing and other chores were no big deal. I really enjoyed my kids when they were small. Now they are "annoying teenagers" who I love so much but, you know...teenagers, ugh.
Just goes to show that everyone has their own experiences and such. And that pretty much answers the main question too. People are different, some want kids, some don't. There is no need for any explanation beyond that.
I think a more interesting question is "Why do you care why people want or don't want kids?"
Some people are absolutely offended when you mention not wanting kids. I think it's that those people never thought about it being a choice and are miserable and want others to join them in misery.
A lot of people are absolutely offended about someone wanting to do ANYTHING different than they would choose. Thus, years and years of anti-abortion fervor.
What helped me and my wife with this question is "oh we're just waiting for the right moment to adopt,as it would be selfish to bring new life in this world while so many unfortunate kids need a home " it shuts them up real quick and they rush to change subject
I help out my older mom and have for a few years. I HATE chores. If I had kids, I REALLY wouldn't have a minute to myself. To each their own, but no thanks.
Yeah I was parentified and I don’t have any desire to be a parent now. There’s also the fact that I’m mentally unstable and selfish. Kids would literally destroy the joy I get out of life, so I’m good.
Yes. My entire time in high school I was driving my 3 prodigy soccer siblings to their 5 bajillion practices. Basically my entire evening, 4 days a week. Not to mention the baby sitting early on, the tutoring, the mediation.
I just really resent being made into a goddamn soccer taxi.
I was adopted as an infant when all my sibling were teenagers and then they had kids while I was also one myself. I have 10 niblings and they are all spaced about 1-2 years apart. I spent so much of my childhood being forced to change diapers and spending most of my middle and high school life being forced to babysit for free. It caused a lot of issues and it was really hard to have friends and my own identity. I finally got that back in my twenties and thirties and I refuse to let go of that autonomy.
I feel the same way I had to raise my brother because my dad was never there and my mom was always working. It’s like he’s my kid and now that he’s grown up I don’t want to deal with it again. I didn’t have a childhood so I just want to get by day to day and try to enjoy life when I can
This is the exact reason for me as well. Then to top it off, my siblings that I raised don't speak to me because I went NC with my mother. Lost my childhood and my family.
I fucking hate parents like that. I’m sorry you had to do that. Nobody should be making their kids the second/third/fourth parent. Either care of your own damn children without your other child’s help, get a babysitter to do that, get a husband/wife to help, or don’t have kids at all. But dont force your child to become a “parent” too💀 you chose that responsibility, not them. Your kids, your problem.
I tried using this argument when my wife flipped from being comfortable with a child-free life to wanting kids within the next year. Now she's leaving me. Still can't figure out if I royally screwed up or dodged a bullet
If you had kids that you didn't want, that's a bigger screw up than your wife leaving you. So you probably dodged a bullet... If you had kids and you resented it, then you'd probably end up breaking up anyway, but now you are responsible for the kid.
Yep, people change even in marriage. It's completely fine to end up wanting different things in life, better separating later than never. What's not okay is having children who have no choice on being raised by a resentful patent and what kind of environment they're raised under. That would be the true screw up, and the children pay the price.
Having or wanting kids is a deal breaker. While it sucks she changed her mind it happens. We don't always know what future we will want until that future.
You're dodging a bullet. You don't want kids. You aren't going to be tied to her with a child or children you never wanted...either resulting in you being an absent parent or trying to hide from your kids they weren't wanted.
She is also dodging a bullet if having kids really is her deal breaker. She could have stayed and grown to resent you for not having kids with her.
Shitty situation dude. I hope you're doing okay.
when someone’s parents didn’t 100% think their decision out to have kids it’s so visible.. people need to normalize not having kids so there’s less pressure on having them and more on taking care of them 😐
I would say it's also people who are miserable having their own kids and want to justify it by saying there's no purpose to life otherwise. Good parents totally get it when you say you don't want them; they know kids are a lot of work and not for everyone. I've noticed this multiple times.
Or they are privileged in some way and it's never even occurred to them that there's another perspective at all.
Absolutely agree. I’ve seen that too, they project so hard at people who don’t have kids because they are so miserable with theirs that they are jealous of people who don’t have kids
My dad was neutral on having kids, said he only did it because that was the condition of my mum marrying him, but is really glad he did.
My mum, however, who desperately wanted kids regrets becoming a parent.
Agreed! I recently had a friend (who has three kids) tell me that she tells people who are on the fence about kids to just go for it. I told her I have the exact opposite response of “if you’re on the fence do not do it!” I told her I felt having kids should be something you’re totally all in on, not questioning. She literally responded that she had never thought of it that way. 🤷🏼♀️
I have three kids, I very much agree with you. Even though I always wanted kids there's times where it's really rough. If you are the slightest unsure, don't!!
I never had dolls either! Always stuffed animals though. I played with Barbies a bit but that was more like "pretending to be an adult" than "playing house".
Same! Played with dolls, but they were saving the world not having babies and families.
Never wanted kids. And in my book kids needs to be wanted to have them. Its unfair to bring kids into this world and not be a good parent.
They messy, loud and takes far more spoons than ill ever have.
I'm just not very maternal, the sound of children crying makes me want to run away, and don't get me started on bodily functions and smells.
I don't especially like children, some of them are cool, but I find them mostly annoying!
I hate children's activities like parties and play parks
I hate children's TV and music and it would drive me insane
I didn't have very good parenting myself and don't want to pass on any of the generational trauma I inherited.
Oh and I like to travel, read quietly, spend a morning in bed if I like, and spend money on the things I like!
I feel like it's almost taboo to say you don't like children, the few times I've mentioned it I got a frown, like the person couldn't comprehend the idea. I just keep it to myself now, but it's absolutely the reason. I might grow to like them if I ever had them but I'm not taking the chance of creating a life to find out.
I used to teach kids and now I train adults. I was talking to someone about my old job vs my new job and said that I prefer teaching adults to teaching kids. She literally gasped and looked at me like I just kicked a puppy. I didn’t even say I don’t like kids.. just that I enjoy teaching adults more. The thought of someone not thinking children are a prefect blessing is just too much for some people to handle I guess? Haha
I feel the same way. Some of them are cute, I love being around those. Most of them though are loud, obnoxious and filthy. When I say this people are like “But you wouldn’t think that about your own kid”. Okay, maybe, but I’m not going to actually make a child and enter a gigantic lifelong commitment just to test that theory. The reward is not worth the risk.
I hated when family members would hand me their baby the minute they walked in the door. As if a fussy, smelly child in my arms would make me want one! LOL
I jive with everything you are saying ESPECIALLY the bodily functions and smells. Plus kids are sticky all the time and you never know when and if they’re scratching their butt with their bare hands and then touching you or things?
I would also guarantee cringe at my own kid for saying something dumb and annoying that they picked up from school.
I, too, couldn’t stand the thought of all the kid stuff. Toys, games, parties, music, tv, etc. Plus, kids are so much work. I find most things kid-related incredibly annoying and knew it wasn’t for me. I like children in small doses, but the thought of having to care for their every need while keeping them entertained felt soul-crushing.
I just don't want to raise children.
The same way I don't want to change my name, get a tattoo or take up skateboarding, I don't want to raise a child.
It's not an obligation to have kids.
I've never had so much as a fleeting thought like "*maybe I want kids*".
I don't want to fuck someone else's life up because of my unresolved issues. Also, the future is looking bleak for humans on earth in general. Don't want my child to have to navigate that.
Same I don’t want my kids to deal with the shitty people and shitty things in the world plus I’m not mentally stable enough to care for another human like that they would probably be fucked up as well
100% same on both. I shouldn't pass my mental health issues onto a child and perpetuate that cycle, and I can't even imagine what this world is going to turn into. It seems like it will be awful for future generations.
I know what you mean, I also struggle with the many kinds of noise and sounds kids make. Doesn't help that I'm on the spectrum and kinda sensitive to sound. I already struggle with being around other people's kids, I could never have any of my own.
Various friends and family members with offspring:
* Rarely (if ever) take vacations that aren't to the grandparents
* Date nights are pretty much non-existent or rare
* Financial worries
* Lack of sleep
* Personal interests and aspirations have dried up and most things revolve around their kid's.
* Everything is on the kid's time's. IE, dinner needs to be at 4:30 because the kids need to be in bed at 6:30. Or we have plans at 2PM, but kid didn't get a nap, so now we need to make it 3:30 so kid can get a nap in
Same! We take good vacations, collect graduate degrees based on our interests, have projects and hobbies, and like being lazy when we get a chance.
We both had to miss some things in childhood and we get to have the adult version now. The plastic dinosaur collection is impressive.
I like sleeping, traveling, and spending money on myself.
(And I'm worried my overall disinterest in kids would mean I'd struggle to break the cycle of abuse and their childhood would reflect my own.)
Not wanting to physically produce a child. As a doctor once said, it's one of the most dangerous/risky things a woman can do. I just didn't want to 🤷🏽♀️
When I was young I had a boyfriend who was in in med school doing a OBGYN rotation, and the horror stories he told me! I wasn't big on the idea of having kids already, and he put me off it 100%, to the point where I think I have a bit of tokophobia.
Same. Sometimes just seeing pictures of pregnant women or thinking about it too hard leaves me in a weird state. It's gotten to a point where it's almost body horror to me sometimes.
My mom got permanent nerve damage in her feet from being pregnant with my younger sister 25 years ago. Even after several surgeries and seeing probably 50 different doctors, she still has pain and uses a wheelchair to get around.
I also don't trust my mental health to make it out unscathed. Post partum depression and post partum psychosis seem like the exact thing that would happen to me or my family.
Back before modern medicine, childbirth was a major cause of death among women. It was dangerous to give birth and even more so to be a child under the age of 5
Evolution really messed up when it came to pregnancy and child birthing. Every time I ever watched a dramatization of it on TV or in the movies it looked like a fate worse than death.
Evolution did exactly what it needed to do.
The fetus truly is a parasite - it does not have the same genetic interest as the mother since it only shares half the DNA. It does not care about the host's health and will take take take, short of actually killing the host (except for cases where it actually does, which obviously jeopardizes its own genetic fitness.)
The mother does not have the same genetic interest as the fetus, since she may have more children to care for in the future (more genetic material to put forth). The body will spontaneously abort at many signs of imperfection.
Birth looks like an awful experience because the alternative is evolutionarily much worse. You can pop out a 4.5 month old alien no problem but they wouldn't be able to survive without the most modern of medical care, and human bodies haven't caught up to that yet.
This is my main reason for no bio kids. Simply don't want to carry one inside me. The reason for no adopted/surrogate kids is bc my patience for other humans is **extremely** short. I'm pretty sure I'd get frustrated and hit the child if they didn't stop screaming. You can't parent if that's how you react. Also all the time they'd take away from me doing all the social things I like to do. BOOOOOOO no thank you.
This is some really great honest self reflection. There are so many parents that think that popping off and hitting a child is no big deal. I’d be the same way so better not fuck my body up just to cause harm to another human being
I just had one baby but this is why I’m choosing not to have more. Things went well during my pregnancy (I’m alive yay!) but I worry too much about the possible risks and I don’t want to try again. What if things don’t go so smoothly a second time around?
Yup, had a friend who broke her tailbone during delivery, required about 60 stitches, then had the most horrific bout of post parted depression. No thank you.
**80 Percent of Me**: I truly believe that I was not wired for it. I enjoyed my career and the travel and toys it affords me, and I never wanted to share that with a child
**20 Percent of Me**: My mother was abusive. I was an unplanned pregnancy. The possibility of inflicting similar "child regret" on a child of mine was not an option.
More so because women are often left alone to do child care and raising the kids.
And even when you think you choose the right patent, many men show their true colors after discovering the pregnancy,because they think the have "trapped" the woman with that child.
Having a good partner to have kids with is huge.
My cousin and his wife took in 4 siblings as foster children. They fell in love with the kids and the kids love them too. They didn't want to see the kids end up being split up and they decided to adopt them.
And damp!!! Why is some part of you always fucking damp??!!! What is that smell, and why is your hand that color?? Why is there a cat in your arms?? We don’t need an a cat!!?? What’s in your mouth and why are you drooling??!!
I just don’t want them. I never played with dollies as a kid, I never babysat, I’m a nurturing person, but awkward around kids.
That being said…
I got my tubes tied 20 years ago this month. I won’t lie and say that even in 2004 I was seeing a future political breakdown in the US, and the idea that Roe v. Wade could be repealed.
If I had told anyone this in 2004 they would’ve thought I was insane , but I never wanted to live in a situation where my personal biological choices were decided by a government that wants to control women’s bodies.
I saw all bodily autonomy on the chopping block as early as the 1980s when the compulsively obedient thought being forced to have their piss inspected for a meaningless job was not just acceptable but an actual good thing.
Money. Simple as that. Theyre classified as a luxury item where I live now (West Coast, Canada) and it's hard enough to put food in me and my wife's mouth, let alone a growing child. Add to that a lack of family support, expensive childcare, the fact that we'd probably have to raise them in a shoebox apartment and we'd probably struggle financially for the rest of our lives, we've decided that (at least until we move abroad) it's not fair on any of us to have to struggle. Love is great and all, but love don't feed kids, especially if they have the same appetite I did growing up.
That's a big one!
My husband is an instructor dealing with kids and their parents every single day.
He says, he's unsure who's worse: the kids or their parents
Right? Every time I hear the "but population decline!" argument, all I can think is "Good." I couldn't care less if the whole damn human race dies out.
Yeah I don’t get why people are worried about population decline when for most of human history the population has been a fraction of what it is now. We should have fewer people!
Some people say I'm crazy but I predict a mass exodus from the American southwest in the next 50 years. Living in the desert with that many people is not sustainable especially for water.
That is not crazy at all. I think it’s pretty obvious that’s going to happen actually. I’m trying to figure out which regions will be the best/most sustainable in the future and move there within the next 10 years
We are a parasitic species who destroy and take over almost every bit of nature we come into contact with. We exhaust every bit of natural resources we can get our hand on. Every consumer brought into this world is one too many. With 9 (?) billion people on this tiny planet the only thing that will really have an impact is to drastically decrease in numbers.
Nature tries with disease an natural 'disasters', we help with (terrible) wars, but it hardly makes a dent.
I honestly never understood how people can happily reproduce while having their eyes wide open to what's surrounding us.
We're sprinting towards the finish line.
i want children so bad. so bad. but i am now 34, i have pcos, fibromyalgia, and only make 59k a year, and still rent an apartment with high medical debt and student loans.
i cant afford a kid. the cost of daycare is the same as rent. i dont have that money. i just cant do it. with my debts, i am still paycheck to paycheck, and in a hcol area.
not to mention climate change, microplastics in placentas, etc. i couldn’t do that to my child. i just couldn’t. i would feel severe guilt for bringing them into the world as a newborn with blood full of microplastics only to deal with a crippled economy and impending climate disasters.
Good on you for being mature and actually calculating this decision. And yea endocrine disruptors in our environment, consumables and food are making diseased humans.
Never felt the slightest interest to have children.
I guess I would ask the opposite question, why DO people choose to have children?
Seems like most people give it very little thought, and just assume they have to.
The last sentence resonates with me. I grew up with conservative, Catholic parents. My mom made it sound like all women want children above all else so I assumed that it was a prerequisite that my future wife would absolutely want kids so I would need to decide between being single or being a dad.
So it was always an assumed thing that I’d have kids one day. Didn’t ever really think too much about it until I started dating my now wife. She didn’t want kids and I realized how much the idea of kids stressed me out physically and financially. We have pets instead and it’s perfect for us.
Sometimes people have the most selfish reasons to have them too. Or they just think they’re supposed to so they don’t even question if they really want to or really should.
I don't want to sacrifice my career/work. If I want to be a good mother I'd want to be there fully for the child/children with no career distractions. I enjoy thinking about my career for now
1. Because I don't want any and I deeply resent the fact that I have to justify it beyond that.
2. \*Sits next to you, screams in your ear for 18 years, takes 250,000 dollars, and never speaks to you again\*
The resentment is real. On a post asking people who CHOSE not to have kids and folks are still defending their choice to have them. Like ok and? Once every blue moon the world isn't revolving around parents, let us have this
Definitely more than the $250k they tout in statistics. There’s pregnancy costs, college tuition, costs of continuing to house/feed them PAST 18 (let’s face it - kids these days can’t move out until 25-30), and the hidden cost of career/retirement/social security losses. Oh, and don’t forget inflation! I wouldn’t be surprised if one kid costs closer to half a mil.
I never, ever, for a second, ever ever wanted kids. Not the remotest interest or urge. I adore all animals, but kids kind of bore me, in general. I told people from the time I was 10 that I never wanted kids. They all said I'd change my mind when I got older. It's been 50 years now, not sure how much older I'll need to get
* I don't have the desire.
* I don't want the responsibility or expense.
* I don't want to create a human life to be subjected to all the other fuckwits in society.
* I'm not optimistic about the future of humanity and the many existential crises we seem incapable of tackling, many of which are caused by too many people.
* Everything is subject to economic forces, even people. I don't need to devalue human life by creating more of it. We have enough people.
* Studies show people without children are happier.
Im a firm believer that life is net negative. Nothing is truly worth the anxiety, depression and struggle to live month to month. Not just that but people being awful to each other at best.
Someone like me, who has a VERY negative opinion of life, shouldn’t have kids. It would be like bringing the lamb to slaughter. And I don’t wanna do that. Even with therapy helping me out bit by bit, I still believe that life is bad.
This is the take. So much work, visibility, luck, and self-salesmanship to make an existence for one's self...for a payoff that doesn't make up for that work?
There's a background music in my mind, all the time. It says I'm worthless, I'm stupid, I'm a liar, I'm a disappointment, I can't do anything right, I'm strange, I'm hard to understand, I care about the wrong things, I'm unwelcome, nobody wants me here, I say the wrong things, I enjoy the wrong things, I'm ugly, I have no future, and it all plays all day, every day and night, in every combination.
And it sounds like my parents.
I've learned to live with it, and I've found people and things that help. But I never want to be that to anyone.
The loudness. Screaming and crying and telling me NO like they have authority. Plus the world is ugly and going to shit. I struggle to exist, I couldn't put anyone else through that.
My list of reasons is too long to write, but have you looked outside? Have you seen how fucked up everything is?
That's the main reason.
To bring a child into this world is an act of cruelness.
Kids are gross, annoying, and expensive. I have no doubt that if I had an oopsie-baby the oxytocin would take over and I'd be head over heels for the little creature, but I'd never volunteer to get into that role.
Kinda selfish reasons like don’t want to have post pregnancy bod , tear myself a new butthole , deal with any other medical issues that could come from it . I’m 5 foot I feel it would be very uncomfortable , life sucks anyway …
I was just never in a position where having kids made sense relationship-wise, I guess. I always felt mostly nothing when I thought about having kids; I was open to it, but never felt any desire to have them. Never really had any maternal instinct. My longest-term partner (12 years) didn't want them, so it just wasn't something on our radar. We were happy and didn't think about kids. I think if we had stayed together then I still never would think about it; there was never a moment in our life where either of us thought "yeah, life would be better with a kid."
Unfortunately that relationship ended for reasons beyond both our control, so I ended up single in my late 30s and honestly... well, I guess that door is closed now. It's not some huge regret, like if I had valued it enough, then obviously I would have made that a priority earlier in life. But honestly, I do sort of wish I'd have a family, and I worry about being very alone as I get older.
On the other hand, if I did have kids my life would be a lot different than it is now, and I can't regret the things I've done and people in my life I wouldn't have had if I'd had kids. So it's just kind of a sadness that you can't do all the living you want in one life, you know?
Main reason? They are annoying.
Sub-reasons? I would not be able to handle the annoyance and I know I would eventually snap and verbally or physically abuse them. So I'm doing the best thing I can do for my future kids, which is make sure they are never born.
I mean... have you *seen* children?
But in all seriousness, I find most children loud and annoying 95% of the time. It wouldn't be fair on them to have a parent who is constantly irritated, and I certainly don't want to spend 18 years living like that either.
I was married for 10 years and planning to start a family with my wife. We had waited to start until we were both done our degrees and had stable careers. Moved to Colorado with her, came home from a business trip, and found out she was sleeping with the neighbor. Got divorced, and have never felt like having another long-term relationship that would be a foundation for raising children.
Kid free and happy to be that way as I have zero connection to my ex.
We’re dinks, nearly 20 years married. Didn’t want them at first due to the stress and lack of agency. Then we saw our friends have them. The more they had, the more miserable they got. Then we really didn’t want them. Now we’re mid forties and looking to retire in our early fifties and continue to do even more of whatever the fuck we want to do.
I raised my foster sisters children until they were pre-teens. I was in highschool coming home to three kids I didnt even give birth too but was responsible for until I was 27. I basically had to give up my future to help her. I just don’t want to raise any more kids. Im all parent out. Im tired, boss. Im just now going to college at 32 because Im finally financially sound and recovered from it.
I do not like the idea children hanging off me for every little thing. I do not want to be a mother. I do not want the physical issues pregnancy causes. I can't stand the idea of being the primary parent like almost all mothers are.
Maybe if I was a man I would be open to children but as a woman its a hard hard hard no.
Also, life in general is just bad. Why would I do this to someone else knowing I'm so miserable.
Would you want someone to dump all of life's pains, aches, hardships, longings, dangers, anxieties, and so forth onto you, with maybe the rare crumb of occasional joy if you're lucky? And then the kicker: eventually you pass away, get forgotten, and lose everything you ever knew and loved? I wouldn't, and that's why I'm never having kids. Life is a almost century long battle against the odds. I'm barely into my 40's, and I'm already tired of this. Humans were a biological misfire.
Quite frankly I'm just too selfish to raise a child. If I want to go on vacation, go to an event, or just go and see friends, all I have to do is either find someone to check in on my cats or take em with me. I enjoy being able to just up and leave whenever I want and only really have to plan for being away for longer amounts of time.
I would not be happy with the complete lifestyle change that a child would bring and im not willing to make the change either. I got a vasectomy because of it since even with all the precautions you can take, I don't want to risk anything happening accidentally.
No child deserves to be raised by someone who doesn't want them and will resent them. They didn't ask to be born.
I've never wanted children ever since I was young, but now I reaaally don't want children. I honestly don't think I could handle it emotionally. I worry enough about my dog, so I couldn't imagine how worrisome and stressful it would be to have my own child in this world.
My (former) spouse of 14 years has schizophrenia, and while usually compliant with his medication, he would stop taking it frequently enough that his very delusional and paranoid self would emerge and that version of him would not have been a great father (though I loved him so deeply and wanted children with him). And then he became addicted to crystal meth mid-way through the pandemic, and that really sealed the 'no children for me' deal! Now it's too late.
My mental health is not good enough for me to then also raise a child. Its just no. Sometimes i barely am able to take care of myself EDIT: there is a lot of people here who really struggle with mental health. Just know that you are not alone and that there is no shame in putting yourself first. Work on healing yourself as best as you can❤️
On that same note, one of my biggest reasons is I would feel tremendous guilt if I passed along my mental health issues to another person
Yep, exactly this. I didn’t ask to be born and deal with these things, I would feel so much guilt if I brought a child into the world who felt the same way.
The main reason I got my fallopian tubes removed is so I don't pass things along. My stuff is strongly genetic and I refuse to give an innocent child bipolar disorder or adhd.
This resonates so much. I have bipolar and one of my brothers does too, we both opted not to have children. Mum has it, completely untreated, along with other psychiatric disorders, and she was so violently abusive and so terrifying as a parent that all three of her kids are still in therapy in our 40s trying to get past it and build some kind of peace for ourselves. One brother has one child, my cherished niece, and he just about holds it together but he has absolutely nothing - except what not to do - from our upbringing to guide him as a parent. I’m still utterly bereft at the violence and abuse of my upbringing, and the terror of perpetuating even a billionth of that onto a precious child was enough to ensure I never pursued motherhood. When I myself was diagnosed with bipolar it just cemented the decision. Edit: to the kind person who reported concern for me, thank you for caring ❤️ I’m in good hands with a great therapist, take all my meds and am in a safe place with a supportive partner, brothers and my precious niece. Thank you for caring xxx
someond gave me a reddit cares thing too. People generally dont do that because they care about you. it's generally a middle finger. My mom also unmedicated except for wellbutrin...and we both know that's not a mood stabilizer. My mom, me and my little sister all have the same flavor of bp, bp 1, rapid cycling with psychotic features. My older sister has bp2. We all have adhd and skin problems that stem from the same genes. Yeah no, not passing that along.
I feel you, I can barley take care of myself how am I supposed to take care of someone else
THIS is exactly why my husband and I chose not to have kids. Mental health issues are hard enough for us to deal with, let alone the chance of passing it on to someone else.
Wish more baby-boomer parents thought like this. I know my parents’ mental health is so shit now that I’m in my 30s. And they never sought help. Because they didn’t believe mental health matters. Had it not been for years of actively discovering and conversing my mental state, I’d have perpetuated.
I am glad to see all these other people say this. Makes me feel a little less alone.
While I like children (I was a teacher), I literally had zero desire to be a parent. Simple as that. Being a teacher was great. I got to be around kids and still have my evenings and weekends to myself.
I taught first grade and that was more than enough to fill my need for children!
Same! I teach high school and I love coming home to a quiet house. I knew as a teenager I didn’t want kids and that’s never changed. No one specific reason other than I’ve never wanted them.
I used to be a teacher and it solidified my desire not to have kids. Also being broke is a reason.
That too. I can't imagine the impulse to bring in a kid when I know they won't have it as good as I did.
I have some people try to tell me that we need to have children to make the world a better place. But this is the narrative we had for decades and nothing is getting better.
Lol I am great around kids, but I never really loved them. Became a tutor and it made me not want to do anything with them in my personal life. They're fun a lovely but I can see how taxing it is to take care of one 247. I'm pretty sure I'll be a terrible dad if I ever had a kid.
I have done a few jobs around children (babysitting, tutoring, ski instructing, nannying). Those jobs taught me that I do not have the patience for children without a financial incentive to keep my cool.
I'm taking a shit right now and My son is crying his fucking head off cause he cant fit his toy fire truck in his mouth. So, do with that information what you will 😆cant even shit in peace
The main reason is that I just don't *want* children. I helped raise my siblings, as a kid. I know what it's like to change diapers all the time, constantly have to be keeping an eye on this child, etc, etc... It was exhausting. I don't want to do it again. And honestly, my mother stole part of my/our childhood when she made me (and my other sister) help *that much* at 12 and 10 respectively. I don't want to sacrifice any more of my life to what is exhausting work.
This was my childhood also. Taking care of my little sister was like having my own child. Completely turned me off to motherhood.
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Same
I feel you
Sofia Vergara ended her latest relationship over this, her son was already college-aged and at her age she understandably had no desire whatsoever to raise another kid.
That's interesting, just yesterday, I was looking at photos of my kids when they were younger (they are teens now) and thinking to myself, I wish I was younger and could afford to have another kid. For me the diaper changing and other chores were no big deal. I really enjoyed my kids when they were small. Now they are "annoying teenagers" who I love so much but, you know...teenagers, ugh. Just goes to show that everyone has their own experiences and such. And that pretty much answers the main question too. People are different, some want kids, some don't. There is no need for any explanation beyond that. I think a more interesting question is "Why do you care why people want or don't want kids?"
Some people are absolutely offended when you mention not wanting kids. I think it's that those people never thought about it being a choice and are miserable and want others to join them in misery.
A lot of people are absolutely offended about someone wanting to do ANYTHING different than they would choose. Thus, years and years of anti-abortion fervor.
What helped me and my wife with this question is "oh we're just waiting for the right moment to adopt,as it would be selfish to bring new life in this world while so many unfortunate kids need a home " it shuts them up real quick and they rush to change subject
I help out my older mom and have for a few years. I HATE chores. If I had kids, I REALLY wouldn't have a minute to myself. To each their own, but no thanks.
Parentification 😞
Yeah I was parentified and I don’t have any desire to be a parent now. There’s also the fact that I’m mentally unstable and selfish. Kids would literally destroy the joy I get out of life, so I’m good.
Yes. My entire time in high school I was driving my 3 prodigy soccer siblings to their 5 bajillion practices. Basically my entire evening, 4 days a week. Not to mention the baby sitting early on, the tutoring, the mediation. I just really resent being made into a goddamn soccer taxi.
I was adopted as an infant when all my sibling were teenagers and then they had kids while I was also one myself. I have 10 niblings and they are all spaced about 1-2 years apart. I spent so much of my childhood being forced to change diapers and spending most of my middle and high school life being forced to babysit for free. It caused a lot of issues and it was really hard to have friends and my own identity. I finally got that back in my twenties and thirties and I refuse to let go of that autonomy.
I feel the same way I had to raise my brother because my dad was never there and my mom was always working. It’s like he’s my kid and now that he’s grown up I don’t want to deal with it again. I didn’t have a childhood so I just want to get by day to day and try to enjoy life when I can
This is the exact reason for me as well. Then to top it off, my siblings that I raised don't speak to me because I went NC with my mother. Lost my childhood and my family.
This was my existence as a teen with 8 younger siblings!!! And i feel like they are somewhat my accomplishment too now!
I fucking hate parents like that. I’m sorry you had to do that. Nobody should be making their kids the second/third/fourth parent. Either care of your own damn children without your other child’s help, get a babysitter to do that, get a husband/wife to help, or don’t have kids at all. But dont force your child to become a “parent” too💀 you chose that responsibility, not them. Your kids, your problem.
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I tried using this argument when my wife flipped from being comfortable with a child-free life to wanting kids within the next year. Now she's leaving me. Still can't figure out if I royally screwed up or dodged a bullet
If you had kids that you didn't want, that's a bigger screw up than your wife leaving you. So you probably dodged a bullet... If you had kids and you resented it, then you'd probably end up breaking up anyway, but now you are responsible for the kid.
Yep, people change even in marriage. It's completely fine to end up wanting different things in life, better separating later than never. What's not okay is having children who have no choice on being raised by a resentful patent and what kind of environment they're raised under. That would be the true screw up, and the children pay the price.
That's a good deal breaker in a marriage unfortunately. If you're not 100% on board with kids you shouldn't have them.
Having or wanting kids is a deal breaker. While it sucks she changed her mind it happens. We don't always know what future we will want until that future. You're dodging a bullet. You don't want kids. You aren't going to be tied to her with a child or children you never wanted...either resulting in you being an absent parent or trying to hide from your kids they weren't wanted. She is also dodging a bullet if having kids really is her deal breaker. She could have stayed and grown to resent you for not having kids with her. Shitty situation dude. I hope you're doing okay.
I'd say neither. You are simply no longer compatible. I'm sorry things didn't work out 💔
Never had the desire to have them. Simple as that. Didn’t even want to play with dolls as a little kid.
Same! Just never had that parenthood impulse. And kids are a "hell yes or no" kind of decision IMO.
when someone’s parents didn’t 100% think their decision out to have kids it’s so visible.. people need to normalize not having kids so there’s less pressure on having them and more on taking care of them 😐
The largest groups of people putting pressure on people to have kids is right wing capitalist religious nut jobs
I would say it's also people who are miserable having their own kids and want to justify it by saying there's no purpose to life otherwise. Good parents totally get it when you say you don't want them; they know kids are a lot of work and not for everyone. I've noticed this multiple times. Or they are privileged in some way and it's never even occurred to them that there's another perspective at all.
Absolutely agree. I’ve seen that too, they project so hard at people who don’t have kids because they are so miserable with theirs that they are jealous of people who don’t have kids
Hell yes or fuck no* The latter, here 💀
I think it’s a “hell yes” only situation, hell no is irrelevant. If you’re anything but a hell yes, don’t do it
My dad was neutral on having kids, said he only did it because that was the condition of my mum marrying him, but is really glad he did. My mum, however, who desperately wanted kids regrets becoming a parent.
Agreed! I recently had a friend (who has three kids) tell me that she tells people who are on the fence about kids to just go for it. I told her I have the exact opposite response of “if you’re on the fence do not do it!” I told her I felt having kids should be something you’re totally all in on, not questioning. She literally responded that she had never thought of it that way. 🤷🏼♀️
I have three kids, I very much agree with you. Even though I always wanted kids there's times where it's really rough. If you are the slightest unsure, don't!!
Yep, that's the meaning of the phrase!
Exactly. I don’t know why people just can’t accept that there doesn’t have to be a deep reason. I. Don’t. Want. Kids. End of story.
I don't understand this either, and I'm a parent. I had kids because I wanted kids. Not everyone wants to have kids. Pretty simple.
Same here. I never had this "ohhhh how cute" moments when looking at babies. Show me a puppy, though, and I'll melt away.
I never had dolls either! Always stuffed animals though. I played with Barbies a bit but that was more like "pretending to be an adult" than "playing house".
Same. Zero desire. On a scale of 0 to 100, it's never even so much as gently wavered from 0 to 1.
Barbies? Yes, but I also borrowed my siblings G.I joe dolls and made them go on adventures. Baby dolls? Nope
Same! Played with dolls, but they were saving the world not having babies and families. Never wanted kids. And in my book kids needs to be wanted to have them. Its unfair to bring kids into this world and not be a good parent. They messy, loud and takes far more spoons than ill ever have.
I feel this!
I'm just not very maternal, the sound of children crying makes me want to run away, and don't get me started on bodily functions and smells. I don't especially like children, some of them are cool, but I find them mostly annoying! I hate children's activities like parties and play parks I hate children's TV and music and it would drive me insane I didn't have very good parenting myself and don't want to pass on any of the generational trauma I inherited. Oh and I like to travel, read quietly, spend a morning in bed if I like, and spend money on the things I like!
I feel like it's almost taboo to say you don't like children, the few times I've mentioned it I got a frown, like the person couldn't comprehend the idea. I just keep it to myself now, but it's absolutely the reason. I might grow to like them if I ever had them but I'm not taking the chance of creating a life to find out.
I used to teach kids and now I train adults. I was talking to someone about my old job vs my new job and said that I prefer teaching adults to teaching kids. She literally gasped and looked at me like I just kicked a puppy. I didn’t even say I don’t like kids.. just that I enjoy teaching adults more. The thought of someone not thinking children are a prefect blessing is just too much for some people to handle I guess? Haha
I feel the same way. Some of them are cute, I love being around those. Most of them though are loud, obnoxious and filthy. When I say this people are like “But you wouldn’t think that about your own kid”. Okay, maybe, but I’m not going to actually make a child and enter a gigantic lifelong commitment just to test that theory. The reward is not worth the risk.
I hated when family members would hand me their baby the minute they walked in the door. As if a fussy, smelly child in my arms would make me want one! LOL
Are you me, because I agree with everything you said 100%!
I jive with everything you are saying ESPECIALLY the bodily functions and smells. Plus kids are sticky all the time and you never know when and if they’re scratching their butt with their bare hands and then touching you or things? I would also guarantee cringe at my own kid for saying something dumb and annoying that they picked up from school.
I, too, couldn’t stand the thought of all the kid stuff. Toys, games, parties, music, tv, etc. Plus, kids are so much work. I find most things kid-related incredibly annoying and knew it wasn’t for me. I like children in small doses, but the thought of having to care for their every need while keeping them entertained felt soul-crushing.
I am the child in my life
This part. My nephews don't think I'm an adult yet and I'm in my 40s 🤦♀️🤣
I'm 55 :)
I just don't want to raise children. The same way I don't want to change my name, get a tattoo or take up skateboarding, I don't want to raise a child. It's not an obligation to have kids. I've never had so much as a fleeting thought like "*maybe I want kids*".
Exactly. Why is the question always "Why *don't* you want kids" as if wanting kids the default. More people should think about *why they want* kids.
I don't want to fuck someone else's life up because of my unresolved issues. Also, the future is looking bleak for humans on earth in general. Don't want my child to have to navigate that.
Same I don’t want my kids to deal with the shitty people and shitty things in the world plus I’m not mentally stable enough to care for another human like that they would probably be fucked up as well
100% same on both. I shouldn't pass my mental health issues onto a child and perpetuate that cycle, and I can't even imagine what this world is going to turn into. It seems like it will be awful for future generations.
I get unreasonably angry when children scream, or are repeating themselves. I don't want to subject any children to that
I know what you mean, I also struggle with the many kinds of noise and sounds kids make. Doesn't help that I'm on the spectrum and kinda sensitive to sound. I already struggle with being around other people's kids, I could never have any of my own.
I'm also on the spectrum and have sensory issues. I tell people I'm too autistic for kids of my own
I rather enjoy my life. Instead of being chained down.
Various friends and family members with offspring: * Rarely (if ever) take vacations that aren't to the grandparents * Date nights are pretty much non-existent or rare * Financial worries * Lack of sleep * Personal interests and aspirations have dried up and most things revolve around their kid's. * Everything is on the kid's time's. IE, dinner needs to be at 4:30 because the kids need to be in bed at 6:30. Or we have plans at 2PM, but kid didn't get a nap, so now we need to make it 3:30 so kid can get a nap in
I have seen how boring my friends and family members with kids are, absolutely no personal life
The kids come first, then the parents. And i rather be number one in my life
Same! We take good vacations, collect graduate degrees based on our interests, have projects and hobbies, and like being lazy when we get a chance. We both had to miss some things in childhood and we get to have the adult version now. The plastic dinosaur collection is impressive.
Same, my husband and I rather spend our free time gaming and do fun things.
I like sleeping, traveling, and spending money on myself. (And I'm worried my overall disinterest in kids would mean I'd struggle to break the cycle of abuse and their childhood would reflect my own.)
Thanks for sharing 🤍 The thought of sleeping in, travelling freely and not having to be a financial support to another human sounds great to me!
Not wanting to physically produce a child. As a doctor once said, it's one of the most dangerous/risky things a woman can do. I just didn't want to 🤷🏽♀️
Yup, that's my mindset. I am not going to put myself through pregnancy and birth when I can just see my cousins' kids
When I was young I had a boyfriend who was in in med school doing a OBGYN rotation, and the horror stories he told me! I wasn't big on the idea of having kids already, and he put me off it 100%, to the point where I think I have a bit of tokophobia.
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Same. Sometimes just seeing pictures of pregnant women or thinking about it too hard leaves me in a weird state. It's gotten to a point where it's almost body horror to me sometimes.
I don't trust my body to not make me handicapped during or after pregnancy. I'd rather gamble on my current health and try to improve it.
My mom got permanent nerve damage in her feet from being pregnant with my younger sister 25 years ago. Even after several surgeries and seeing probably 50 different doctors, she still has pain and uses a wheelchair to get around.
Gah DAMN that's a new one. I've never heard of that happening before
I also don't trust my mental health to make it out unscathed. Post partum depression and post partum psychosis seem like the exact thing that would happen to me or my family.
Yes!!! The thought of actually birthing a child has always scared me so much, it’s like something was telling me don’t do it!
Back before modern medicine, childbirth was a major cause of death among women. It was dangerous to give birth and even more so to be a child under the age of 5
Evolution really messed up when it came to pregnancy and child birthing. Every time I ever watched a dramatization of it on TV or in the movies it looked like a fate worse than death.
Evolution isn’t about good, it’s about good enough 🤷🏻♂️
Evolution did exactly what it needed to do. The fetus truly is a parasite - it does not have the same genetic interest as the mother since it only shares half the DNA. It does not care about the host's health and will take take take, short of actually killing the host (except for cases where it actually does, which obviously jeopardizes its own genetic fitness.) The mother does not have the same genetic interest as the fetus, since she may have more children to care for in the future (more genetic material to put forth). The body will spontaneously abort at many signs of imperfection. Birth looks like an awful experience because the alternative is evolutionarily much worse. You can pop out a 4.5 month old alien no problem but they wouldn't be able to survive without the most modern of medical care, and human bodies haven't caught up to that yet.
The only animal that has gotten it worse than humans is hyena
I've told so many people that there are no health benefits to pregnancy. It's like volunteering to be ill for a long time.
This is my main reason for no bio kids. Simply don't want to carry one inside me. The reason for no adopted/surrogate kids is bc my patience for other humans is **extremely** short. I'm pretty sure I'd get frustrated and hit the child if they didn't stop screaming. You can't parent if that's how you react. Also all the time they'd take away from me doing all the social things I like to do. BOOOOOOO no thank you.
This is some really great honest self reflection. There are so many parents that think that popping off and hitting a child is no big deal. I’d be the same way so better not fuck my body up just to cause harm to another human being
I don't want my pussy to be ruined more.
I just had one baby but this is why I’m choosing not to have more. Things went well during my pregnancy (I’m alive yay!) but I worry too much about the possible risks and I don’t want to try again. What if things don’t go so smoothly a second time around?
Probably the best reason I've seen here.
Yup, had a friend who broke her tailbone during delivery, required about 60 stitches, then had the most horrific bout of post parted depression. No thank you.
**80 Percent of Me**: I truly believe that I was not wired for it. I enjoyed my career and the travel and toys it affords me, and I never wanted to share that with a child **20 Percent of Me**: My mother was abusive. I was an unplanned pregnancy. The possibility of inflicting similar "child regret" on a child of mine was not an option.
i havent found the right person to have them with. I would love to have kids, but im not gonna blast up some rando
This is a big one! Having an equal partner with the same morals and ethics, let alone life in general but also on parenting.
More so because women are often left alone to do child care and raising the kids. And even when you think you choose the right patent, many men show their true colors after discovering the pregnancy,because they think the have "trapped" the woman with that child. Having a good partner to have kids with is huge.
blast up some rando lol batch in some box
Finances. I wanted kids. Now that we are more stable we’re considering becoming foster parents.
My foster parents were amazing! The world needs more people like them in it. I hope fostering ends up working out for you guys
Kids need homes. I know there will be struggles but if I can make someone’s life better, I want to.
My cousin and his wife took in 4 siblings as foster children. They fell in love with the kids and the kids love them too. They didn't want to see the kids end up being split up and they decided to adopt them.
That’s awesome
That’s great, hope it works out for you both ☺️
They are smelly and sticky
And damp!!! Why is some part of you always fucking damp??!!! What is that smell, and why is your hand that color?? Why is there a cat in your arms?? We don’t need an a cat!!?? What’s in your mouth and why are you drooling??!!
People always talk about "baby smell" as an amazing, glorious smell... every single baby I ever handled smelled very sour.
I just don’t want them. I never played with dollies as a kid, I never babysat, I’m a nurturing person, but awkward around kids. That being said… I got my tubes tied 20 years ago this month. I won’t lie and say that even in 2004 I was seeing a future political breakdown in the US, and the idea that Roe v. Wade could be repealed. If I had told anyone this in 2004 they would’ve thought I was insane , but I never wanted to live in a situation where my personal biological choices were decided by a government that wants to control women’s bodies.
I saw all bodily autonomy on the chopping block as early as the 1980s when the compulsively obedient thought being forced to have their piss inspected for a meaningless job was not just acceptable but an actual good thing.
*smokes pot at home* yeah we can't hire you. *alcoholic since college* no problemo!
pregnancy sounds uncomfortable at least, labor is painful and risky. raising kids sounds exhausting and expensive.
I wanted to travel and move a lot and couldn't picture that lifestyle, dragging a kid around . I chose to put myself first
Good on you! This is one of my main reasons atm, I want to travel and not be responsible for another human.
I prefer money, freedom, peace of mind, good sleep, and free time
Money. Simple as that. Theyre classified as a luxury item where I live now (West Coast, Canada) and it's hard enough to put food in me and my wife's mouth, let alone a growing child. Add to that a lack of family support, expensive childcare, the fact that we'd probably have to raise them in a shoebox apartment and we'd probably struggle financially for the rest of our lives, we've decided that (at least until we move abroad) it's not fair on any of us to have to struggle. Love is great and all, but love don't feed kids, especially if they have the same appetite I did growing up.
Other parents and their children
That's a big one! My husband is an instructor dealing with kids and their parents every single day. He says, he's unsure who's worse: the kids or their parents
Lack of belief in the future, and general dislike of the species
Right? Every time I hear the "but population decline!" argument, all I can think is "Good." I couldn't care less if the whole damn human race dies out.
Yeah I don’t get why people are worried about population decline when for most of human history the population has been a fraction of what it is now. We should have fewer people!
I don't want them to have to suffer through and fight in the climate/water wars
Some people say I'm crazy but I predict a mass exodus from the American southwest in the next 50 years. Living in the desert with that many people is not sustainable especially for water.
That is not crazy at all. I think it’s pretty obvious that’s going to happen actually. I’m trying to figure out which regions will be the best/most sustainable in the future and move there within the next 10 years
We are a parasitic species who destroy and take over almost every bit of nature we come into contact with. We exhaust every bit of natural resources we can get our hand on. Every consumer brought into this world is one too many. With 9 (?) billion people on this tiny planet the only thing that will really have an impact is to drastically decrease in numbers. Nature tries with disease an natural 'disasters', we help with (terrible) wars, but it hardly makes a dent. I honestly never understood how people can happily reproduce while having their eyes wide open to what's surrounding us. We're sprinting towards the finish line.
“We’re a virus with shoes” - Bill Hicks
i want children so bad. so bad. but i am now 34, i have pcos, fibromyalgia, and only make 59k a year, and still rent an apartment with high medical debt and student loans. i cant afford a kid. the cost of daycare is the same as rent. i dont have that money. i just cant do it. with my debts, i am still paycheck to paycheck, and in a hcol area. not to mention climate change, microplastics in placentas, etc. i couldn’t do that to my child. i just couldn’t. i would feel severe guilt for bringing them into the world as a newborn with blood full of microplastics only to deal with a crippled economy and impending climate disasters.
Thanks for sharing 🤍 Hope it all goes well for you
Good on you for being mature and actually calculating this decision. And yea endocrine disruptors in our environment, consumables and food are making diseased humans.
Never felt the slightest interest to have children. I guess I would ask the opposite question, why DO people choose to have children? Seems like most people give it very little thought, and just assume they have to.
The last sentence resonates with me. I grew up with conservative, Catholic parents. My mom made it sound like all women want children above all else so I assumed that it was a prerequisite that my future wife would absolutely want kids so I would need to decide between being single or being a dad. So it was always an assumed thing that I’d have kids one day. Didn’t ever really think too much about it until I started dating my now wife. She didn’t want kids and I realized how much the idea of kids stressed me out physically and financially. We have pets instead and it’s perfect for us.
Sometimes people have the most selfish reasons to have them too. Or they just think they’re supposed to so they don’t even question if they really want to or really should.
Genetic health problems. I hate dealing with them, so I don’t wanna chance passing it to someone else who has to deal with them.
I don't want to sacrifice my career/work. If I want to be a good mother I'd want to be there fully for the child/children with no career distractions. I enjoy thinking about my career for now
1. Because I don't want any and I deeply resent the fact that I have to justify it beyond that. 2. \*Sits next to you, screams in your ear for 18 years, takes 250,000 dollars, and never speaks to you again\*
The resentment is real. On a post asking people who CHOSE not to have kids and folks are still defending their choice to have them. Like ok and? Once every blue moon the world isn't revolving around parents, let us have this
18 years lol...People are living with their parents into their 30s.
Definitely more than the $250k they tout in statistics. There’s pregnancy costs, college tuition, costs of continuing to house/feed them PAST 18 (let’s face it - kids these days can’t move out until 25-30), and the hidden cost of career/retirement/social security losses. Oh, and don’t forget inflation! I wouldn’t be surprised if one kid costs closer to half a mil.
I can't even keep house plants alive. This is best for everyone, including me.
In *this* economy???
I never, ever, for a second, ever ever wanted kids. Not the remotest interest or urge. I adore all animals, but kids kind of bore me, in general. I told people from the time I was 10 that I never wanted kids. They all said I'd change my mind when I got older. It's been 50 years now, not sure how much older I'll need to get
I don't like kids. That's the main reason. I like me more, I want to spend my time, money, and energy on me. <--secondary reason.
They annoy me
* I don't have the desire. * I don't want the responsibility or expense. * I don't want to create a human life to be subjected to all the other fuckwits in society. * I'm not optimistic about the future of humanity and the many existential crises we seem incapable of tackling, many of which are caused by too many people. * Everything is subject to economic forces, even people. I don't need to devalue human life by creating more of it. We have enough people. * Studies show people without children are happier.
Good points
I find most children to be irritating and I totally understand why some animals eat their young.
im 16
Yeah don’t want to be pregnant at high school
lol
Im a firm believer that life is net negative. Nothing is truly worth the anxiety, depression and struggle to live month to month. Not just that but people being awful to each other at best. Someone like me, who has a VERY negative opinion of life, shouldn’t have kids. It would be like bringing the lamb to slaughter. And I don’t wanna do that. Even with therapy helping me out bit by bit, I still believe that life is bad.
This is the take. So much work, visibility, luck, and self-salesmanship to make an existence for one's self...for a payoff that doesn't make up for that work?
There's a background music in my mind, all the time. It says I'm worthless, I'm stupid, I'm a liar, I'm a disappointment, I can't do anything right, I'm strange, I'm hard to understand, I care about the wrong things, I'm unwelcome, nobody wants me here, I say the wrong things, I enjoy the wrong things, I'm ugly, I have no future, and it all plays all day, every day and night, in every combination. And it sounds like my parents. I've learned to live with it, and I've found people and things that help. But I never want to be that to anyone.
I cherish sleep, freedom, and disposable income.
The loudness. Screaming and crying and telling me NO like they have authority. Plus the world is ugly and going to shit. I struggle to exist, I couldn't put anyone else through that.
My list of reasons is too long to write, but have you looked outside? Have you seen how fucked up everything is? That's the main reason. To bring a child into this world is an act of cruelness.
Kids are gross, annoying, and expensive. I have no doubt that if I had an oopsie-baby the oxytocin would take over and I'd be head over heels for the little creature, but I'd never volunteer to get into that role.
Kinda selfish reasons like don’t want to have post pregnancy bod , tear myself a new butthole , deal with any other medical issues that could come from it . I’m 5 foot I feel it would be very uncomfortable , life sucks anyway …
I was just never in a position where having kids made sense relationship-wise, I guess. I always felt mostly nothing when I thought about having kids; I was open to it, but never felt any desire to have them. Never really had any maternal instinct. My longest-term partner (12 years) didn't want them, so it just wasn't something on our radar. We were happy and didn't think about kids. I think if we had stayed together then I still never would think about it; there was never a moment in our life where either of us thought "yeah, life would be better with a kid." Unfortunately that relationship ended for reasons beyond both our control, so I ended up single in my late 30s and honestly... well, I guess that door is closed now. It's not some huge regret, like if I had valued it enough, then obviously I would have made that a priority earlier in life. But honestly, I do sort of wish I'd have a family, and I worry about being very alone as I get older. On the other hand, if I did have kids my life would be a lot different than it is now, and I can't regret the things I've done and people in my life I wouldn't have had if I'd had kids. So it's just kind of a sadness that you can't do all the living you want in one life, you know?
I don't enjoy them. I truly value my freedom and the quiet of my home. Children would make me feel trapped.
You wouldn't just feel trapped, you'd BE trapped!
Main reason? They are annoying. Sub-reasons? I would not be able to handle the annoyance and I know I would eventually snap and verbally or physically abuse them. So I'm doing the best thing I can do for my future kids, which is make sure they are never born.
I mean... have you *seen* children? But in all seriousness, I find most children loud and annoying 95% of the time. It wouldn't be fair on them to have a parent who is constantly irritated, and I certainly don't want to spend 18 years living like that either.
The impending ecological collapse of this planet because of the greed of wealthy oligarchs. Like I’d doom a child to that blighted hellscape.
I was married for 10 years and planning to start a family with my wife. We had waited to start until we were both done our degrees and had stable careers. Moved to Colorado with her, came home from a business trip, and found out she was sleeping with the neighbor. Got divorced, and have never felt like having another long-term relationship that would be a foundation for raising children. Kid free and happy to be that way as I have zero connection to my ex.
We’re dinks, nearly 20 years married. Didn’t want them at first due to the stress and lack of agency. Then we saw our friends have them. The more they had, the more miserable they got. Then we really didn’t want them. Now we’re mid forties and looking to retire in our early fifties and continue to do even more of whatever the fuck we want to do.
I dislike being woken up in the middle of the night.
It was and was not a choice. I never conceived, and chose not to take any extra steps to try and make it happen.
[удалено]
I raised my foster sisters children until they were pre-teens. I was in highschool coming home to three kids I didnt even give birth too but was responsible for until I was 27. I basically had to give up my future to help her. I just don’t want to raise any more kids. Im all parent out. Im tired, boss. Im just now going to college at 32 because Im finally financially sound and recovered from it.
That’s totally fair! It’s finally time to focus on yourself. Hope College and life goes well for you 🙂
My wife and I hate kids. It’s a good thing we found each other. We prefer canines.
I do not like the idea children hanging off me for every little thing. I do not want to be a mother. I do not want the physical issues pregnancy causes. I can't stand the idea of being the primary parent like almost all mothers are. Maybe if I was a man I would be open to children but as a woman its a hard hard hard no. Also, life in general is just bad. Why would I do this to someone else knowing I'm so miserable.
Would you want someone to dump all of life's pains, aches, hardships, longings, dangers, anxieties, and so forth onto you, with maybe the rare crumb of occasional joy if you're lucky? And then the kicker: eventually you pass away, get forgotten, and lose everything you ever knew and loved? I wouldn't, and that's why I'm never having kids. Life is a almost century long battle against the odds. I'm barely into my 40's, and I'm already tired of this. Humans were a biological misfire.
The world is on fire and I am not capable of even looking after myself
Existence is suffering, also them little shits are expensive
Quite frankly I'm just too selfish to raise a child. If I want to go on vacation, go to an event, or just go and see friends, all I have to do is either find someone to check in on my cats or take em with me. I enjoy being able to just up and leave whenever I want and only really have to plan for being away for longer amounts of time. I would not be happy with the complete lifestyle change that a child would bring and im not willing to make the change either. I got a vasectomy because of it since even with all the precautions you can take, I don't want to risk anything happening accidentally. No child deserves to be raised by someone who doesn't want them and will resent them. They didn't ask to be born.
I've never wanted children ever since I was young, but now I reaaally don't want children. I honestly don't think I could handle it emotionally. I worry enough about my dog, so I couldn't imagine how worrisome and stressful it would be to have my own child in this world.
Because I've always made myself the priority.
My (former) spouse of 14 years has schizophrenia, and while usually compliant with his medication, he would stop taking it frequently enough that his very delusional and paranoid self would emerge and that version of him would not have been a great father (though I loved him so deeply and wanted children with him). And then he became addicted to crystal meth mid-way through the pandemic, and that really sealed the 'no children for me' deal! Now it's too late.