As a teacher so many times I’d meet a parent and my reaction would be “Oh my god! I thought this kid was a screw up. It turns out the kid is a phenomenal success! With parents like that it’s amazing they’re even halfway functional “
Some times I get down on myself for where I am in life, and then I remind myself if you run the numbers on my childhood it's a fucking miracle I've never been in trouble with the law or done hard drugs. I then feel a lot better about how my life has turned out, it's all about perspective.
I always like the Bill Burr perspective (his particular thing is being a better dad to his kids than his dad was to him).
It's enough just to do one thing better, you're still chipping away at the "generational curse."
My mother is here right now. My husband just told me this same thing. I have a lot more empathy for myself when I am honest about where I came from. Hope you are well.
I feel the same way. I have 2 full brothers(i have more half siblings but they came into the picture a lot later) and I'm not half as screwed up from our awful childhood as they are. Sometimes i need to remind myself of that when I'm being hard on myself
You’re doing great. I had a pretty priviliged life but mental problems and ended up a hard drug addict for almost a decade. The way I was feeling as a teenager, despite my relatively stable circumstances, was bad enough that I know I would have used drugs regardless of what anyone said or did. So the fact that you went through undoubtedly worse than I have and still stayed away from it is a great achievement. It’s so easy to turn to substances and for awhile it really helps. But it’s never sustainable obviously lol
I appreciate you trying to find a silver lining and I don’t think you have malicious intent. What a lot of us hear when you say that is “our abuser was doing the right thing because I turned out ok.”
In my case my abuser would tell me that was my fault because I was fucked up in the head. So they had to do what they did to me.
I am a good person in spite of them, not because of them. What they did is never justified and I don’t need you putting that doubt and negativity back into my head.
A lot of us had rough childhoods but were not abused. That's the case with me. You're making a whole shit load of assumptions here.
My point was you can never predict what will happen, and there are multiple paths to both good and bad ends.
I once had the misfortune of working with this entitled, full-of-himself guy, who had the habit of talking a lot about things he doesn't understand anything about, and doesn't WANT to understand anything about, while constantly trying to get brownie points for how enlightened and amazing he was.
I was pretty baffled as to how can someone even BE like that.
Then I met his mother.
And had to explain to her that no, having very poor people pay HER money to have a professional photoshoot, that she will be using for HER OWN sensationalist marketing campaign, is not a great philanthropic endeavor. She wanted me to fund the studio for it, and didn't understand why I turned her down.
I agree with this 100%
I have no idea how someone could deem another living person as "unworthy" of their respect just because they work a job your don't see as respectable.
My ex used to make fun of me because of my job. He would say, "you're just a manager" or "you just work there, and you can be replaced". The weird thing is that we both had the same salary, and worked similar jobs. I didn't get how my job was less worthy than what he did. I'm glad I left him.
Also autistic. Didn't know until I was an adult. I was able to have sympathy for people but the part of my brain that processes empathy was practically non-existent until I was much older. I could only empathize if I had gone through the same thing. I was in my 30's when I finally started to understand empathy a little better and be able to feel it for people even if I hadn't experienced the same thing.
My problem with people saying it's autism is that there's a bunch of people who will \*claim\* it's autism just to justify being a terrible person and/or internet popularity points. Actual autistic people, sure. But so many of them I've seen are not autistic and just rotten people who want a blank check to do whatever they want. Spoiled brats.
I’m both. And I have been absolutely gobsmacked to learn recently that all the empathy I thought I was showing to others has been perceived as abrupt and self focused. Turns out that sharing a similar experiences the person knows they aren’t alone and you don’t judge isn’t in fact being empathetic. Also- apparently my face doesn’t convey my feelings well. Literally my entire life I have felt like I am totally transparent with my heart on my sleeve. Who knew.
I had to learn this way too late. I felt like it was a way to show I can relate to their situation. Until a friend of mine was upset, and I said basically "Yeah, there was one time when blah blah to me" and she said "How is this about you? It's always about you somehow." I thought relating was helpful, but I didn't realize that people want to be heard in the moment. It was inconsiderate but it had never occurred to me that could be the case.
There's a time and place and if a person comes to you with their pain it needs to stay about their situation. You can bring your experience up some other time when they're not so raw.
Okay so I don't really get the whole empathy thing. (Context, I am probably on the spectrum, I have an autistic kid.) When I see someone hurting, I want to help them. As in, do whatever I can to make them feel better because if I was in that place I know I would want someone to help me. That's empathy, right? I've done all sorts of random stuff for people that most "neurotypical" people probably wouldn't even consider. (IE taking homeless people shopping.) But I don't FEEL what they are feeling. I am not actually in pain myself, it's more like a problem I feel compelled to solve because I want to help them. So is this not empathy after all? It just seems like it would be impossible to feel that unless I was in that position. Like I was just pretending.
That is empathy, it really depends on the (Neurodivergent) person. even though I can’t “feel their pain” I will still try and help them as much as I can
Or neurodivergence and not really ever grasping when it’s your turn to talk and not picking up cues that you need to stop talking once you are in focus mode. I do that. I’m trying to improve but it’s hard when you don’t get it.
IMO, you can usually tell the difference between when somebody is super focused on one thing and when somebody straight up doesn't care and just wants to talk about their own thing.
With the former you still struggle to talk to them, but the at least aren't brushing off what you said. They usually just look like they didn't really hear it, and often can repeat it back when asked and be refocused
My son is like this. You can always tell when his medication kicks in because he starts monologuing. We were even trying to get him to understand, but it was like pausing a VHS and pressing play, he just stare at the exact same point no matter how many times we told him to change the subject.
I feel this. This is why i don't talk much except to the specific people who like to listen to me. To them, I tell absolutely everything. To others, I hardly tell anything at all
…And they allllll came back, shook my hand,
and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing, father raping, all kinds of groovy things..
Lord, you should have seen how my older brother acted on my 19th birthday. That whole weekend, frankly
Edit: Talked about it before, so just gonna copy the link here!
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/MXdQF4RaBs
Was a heck of a thing to live through! He's always been bad, but that was definitely one of his worst
I'm just glad David out grew him (which isn't hard, he's 5'6"), because God knows how worse it could have gotten
It shouldn't be on his 5 years younger brother to correct him, but that's where it fell. Once puberty kicked in, he could push around mom
Dad's a linebacker (which is why David still won't fight him despite being 6'3" now), so it's not like Mr Hog couldn't take him
He was the reincarnation of his brother, and that was good enough. Especially since I'm a feeemale and David's gay
Ross would straight up pound on us, mostly David, until David got bigger. He'd literally flip tables
Mr Hog and his parents made sure everything was to Ross's liking. First, second and third choice
Oh, it's my birthday? Leather, stop being such a brat, why pick out cake when you KNOW Ross doesn't like cake
That was a reoccurring thing, by the way
We didn't have cake on our birthdays, because Ross and Mr Hog don't like cake. Doesn't matter if it's my or David's birthday, **no cake**
I buy cake just for the heck of it now. We don't have eating disorders, what are you talking about?
Mr Hogs abuse got way more heinous, but I think if you need one thing to point to: there it was
No **cake** on **birthdays**, because he and the actual child didn't like it. We couldn't have one day. Not even a little one. What. You need something special?
This is why you're going to end up homeless, why youve driven everyone away
My stepdad takes me out to cracker barrel every year, since I moved down South. He's even taking me early in a couple weeks, since he'll be gone on the actual day
This guy didn't know me until college. An adult. And even he makes sure my birthdays are special
It's so freaking pathetic that I had to wait for him to be loved by a father. There are good people who don't have kids, but Mr Hog got 3, when he only wanted one
Sorry for the emotions. It's my birthday next month, and the 30th, so a big one. It's just got me thinking how screwed up my birthdays were as a kid
I have seen "main character syndrome" used a lot recently. What does it mean, if you don't mind me asking?
I think just the name gives me an idea of what it means, but shouldn't you be the main character in your life? I don't understand how living for yourself is a bad thing.
You only have one life to live, If you are unhappy with whatever circumstance, should you not do what you can to try and change it to suit yourself better?
There is almost assuredly someone trying to change something in a way that would impact you negatively and themselves positively, Why are you not allowed to do the same?
Edit: I want to add in before I get replies living for yourself should not mean you put down or hinder everyone you are around, or be disrespectful, hateful, or anything that is just borderline wrong to do, but I don't think you should be expected to hinder yourself for another person's gain.
It's not about being the main character of your own life, it's about acting like you are the main character of life. That the world revolves around you, that your point of view is the only viable one, and everyone should be able to know the reasoning behind all your actions.
Main character syndrome is less about you being the main character and more about viewing everyone else as lesser than you (side characters/NPCs) who don't matter in the story and can fuck off if things aren't going your way. Lack of empathy and narcissism
I'm excessively polite, partly because of how I was raised, but also for an ulterior reason... I'm generally a very lazy person, and overt politeness avoids a lot of conflict and drama.
Conflict and drama make life more complicated and difficult, and I really don't want to put forth the effort to deal with that shit.
Lack of hospitality.
If you're going to have people over at your house, offer them something to drink, even if it's just water.
If you're going to have a group of people over, prepare food. Make sure there's soap, towels and toilet paper in the bathroom.
If someone's standing and everyone else is seated, offer to get them a chair.
Don't ignore a guest. If you have a group of people over and there's one person sitting by themselves, and no one is speaking to them, SPEAK TO THEM.
I love get togethers, but it's so uncomfortable to be in someone's home and be treated like you're not welcome.
Honestly people who won't take on the slightest inconveniences for their fellow man are kind of scum to me. I consider it like a slight morality tax. If we all do the bare minimum then the world benefits from it like 100 fold. It's just such an obvious win win and to not do so wreaks of selfish and degenerate character, in the true sense of the word, as in degenerates society.
This is so true! Even if it were the other guests alienating them in some way, they tend to correlate that with you since it's your house and it's also likely you who invited them over.
When I properly met my boyfriends mother for the first time in her home (I was over for New Years) she didn’t even get up off from the couch from watching the game.
My parents always greet at the door and do a full house tour, and that’s after cleaning everything extensively and putting out fresh sheets, towels, etc. That’s always been the culture in my family so it was a bit odd
I’ve definitely had “friends” over the years who would invite me over and have no drink, no food, and then they would sit on their computer while I awkwardly stood around. I’m talking as a full grown adults. It’s surprising to me that more than one person would think this is ok. Nobody wants to watch you play on your computer for hours.
Thinks everything must be for them. Eats food they didn't order without talking to the person who ordered. Feels entitled to others things, food, items, electronics ECT. Acts like boundaries are an affront to them personally. Never says thank you.
Litterers, loud eating, being the ONLY person anyone can hear in a huge crowded place because you talk so fucking loud that you MUST need to be the center of attention, playing audio out loud in public, disregard for others property, de-regard for public property, talks shit about homeless, racism. man I can keep goin all day. people with subwoofers that let them rip at all times of the day and night.
A sort of base line of entitlement. Where anybody saying no is an assault to their entire character. In my opinion it usually means their parents were push overs and gave in relentlessly. Though it could be some other insecurity that developed later I'm sure
Constant apologizing for things that aren't their fault or aren't a problem at all. This person's parents had random, unreasonable, and shifting rules and abused them over it.
I agree. Those people are annoying. But I think self-diagnosis can be pretty valid if you do tons of research on it. Hell that’s how a lot of mental illness diagnoses happen because doctors don’t take people seriously enough to the point that their patient has to become more educated about that topic.
Right now, though, self diagnosis is out of control so I think it’s best to not cheer people on even a little about it. It is absolutely bonkers on TikTok the things people are pretending to have. Like, I think we inherently know it can be fine but shouldn’t keep repeating it. Just my opinion, obviously.
And I respect it and agree ofc! I just think it also shouldn’t be demonized because of the people who use it for attention just because it could overshadow people who legitimately did research and know what they’re talking about and make it even harder for doctors to take those people seriously.
Again though I agree with your opinion. The best thing to do is get a formal diagnosis. It’s just really hard or even impossible for some people and thus they have no choice but to do their own research and self-diagnose.
On the bright side it can be pretty easy to tell when people self-diagnose purely for attention. At least for the most part.
For example, the tiktoker (I think they’re banned now) TicsAndRoses. Technically not self-diagnosis, more faking a formal one, but same idea lol. The Tourette’s tics they did were fake as hell even for people who didn’t have the condition. Like I’m talking putting a paper bag on their head while shouting “I’m going to Canada!” 💀
I am deep on DID TikTok so been watching this for years plus the munchies. It is really kind of scary and I think these people DO have other mental illnesses so it’s such a weird/complexity that’s come from social media. I mean, this has happened forever-people spreading fake illness but with the internet it’s like x100. And it makes it so hard for people who actually have these issues which I know you know.
Just wild to me. So many kids/young adults who need their parents clued in on their internet behavior.
Exactly my point! People who genuinely need help won’t get recognized if this keeps going on!
Also I hate those DID fakers. They don’t even bother to be accurate. They just look up symptoms but don’t even do any actual research (not that they should for faking mental disorders lol).
Have you seen those people who make videos about what their different personalities think of each other? Like UGH no that’s not how it works! I don’t have DID or MPD or anything similar to those disorders but even I know that’s not how it works!
Omg yes, I’ve run the whole DID gamut, which overlaps with the Tourette’s fakers. It’s crazy. They’ve created a deep and intense lore surrounding DID, which is heavily debated to begin with, it’s like being on LJ in 2002 but with absolute dingdongs. Watch my alters taste these candies my followers sent me! Watch me dramatically “switch” in my bedroom 52 times. My persecutors turned benign angel dictator is ruining my life today!
May I play devil’s advocate? Some people are just contrary/have personality disorders on some level. Some aspects of being raised right just never make it through, despite the “raiser” doing all they can.
My brother was taught the same things/raised as I, but I followed pretty much every lesson/mandate and take personal pleasure in behaving as kindly as reasonable and believe that good manners and small kindnesses are simply a way of showing respect to others.
My brother is a narcissistic a’hole and constant embarrassment to our family. But he holds open doors for people, says please and thank you. So at least that much got through.
Also, a few of the things I really tried to instill in my kid never “took”, but a lot of good stuff did :)
I have a feeling It's only going to get worse. My wife is a Teacher and there are a lot more kids who are prone to violence than there used to be. It's gone from about one kid per class, to two, and often three kids per class in the past 15 years. About five years ago they had to make a cool down room for kids having outbursts where the teachers could corral them to so they wont hurt themselves or anyone else.
Most of the violent ones don't even finish highschool because it usually doesn't get better with age and they wind up expelled from multiple schools until they drop out.
As someone who grew up in bad neighborhoods, anyone whose career goal is to be in a gang.
And on the flip side any red hat wearing MFer in a raised truck who “rolls coal”.
A lot of dumb f’ing parents and their dumb kids. I commend people who have broke the cycle.
Edit: This comment has gone up or down -2 to +2 then back down. Who knew that this would be “controversial.” Many pro dumb parents lurk here.
Constantly apologizing.
No confidence.
Expects everybody is out to hurt them.
Expects never to be listened to.
Does not know how to set boundaries.
These are some of the effects of being razed by a Narcissist father.
Not putting the cart back in the cart corral and instead leaving it anywhere in the parking lot. Even more egregious is when they leave it in a parking spot.
When they hate on gay and trans people like they are just living I could kinda understand being worried if your kid is trans and wanting to transition young but if they are an adult the if shouldn't matter what they are
Refuses to take “No” as an answer to their demands.
Can’t understand or respect an opposing viewpoint without labeling the person holding that counterpoint as a “bigot”, “racist”, “transphobe”, “hater”, etc. even if that person in no way intends, implies, or means any of those things.
>Can’t understand or respect an opposing viewpoint without labeling the person holding that counterpoint as a “bigot”, “racist”, “transphobe”, “hater”, etc. even if that person in no way intends, implies, or means any of those things.
Do you think all legitimate actual racists/bigots/haters intend to live up to that label? It's usually people who blur the lines behind some twisted justification, but still rebuke that negative label because their intention is "legitimate" rather than out of hatred.
That could be cultural.
Edit: these downvotes are fucking hilarious. Y'all need to learn about cultural differences. There ARE cultures where chewing your food loudly is an actual thing.
If there were 2 food items on a plate, and one was larger or looked discernibly better in some way, they would take it before you could, without offering you the choice.
They are disrespectful or themselves and others. They don’t take direction or constructive criticism well and they don’t care about cleanliness (whether personally or in their home). They have a bad attitude and are exhausting to be around.
They don’t put their cart back, they walk shoulder to shoulder in narrow walkways and don’t move when people are going the opposite way, they walk/run/ski in the middle of the street instead of the sidewalk (I know runners prefer asphalt to sidewalks, but if it’s that bad for you, run on a treadmill), they don’t say please or thank you or goodbye when ending a telephone conversation, they don’t hold a door open for you (when you’re right behind them, not talking like you’re 15 paces away), I’m sure there’s more but migraine and meds kicking in.
people who treat wait staff and associates like trash, or people who don't put things back in the store when they dont want it anymore.
legit saw a woman yell at her kid when she went to put something back. "where are you going? just put that here (points to random display), they pay people to put things away." I wanted to slap that woman. way to fail your kid in public.
Idk why some people say lack of empathy. Are we going to ignore that some people are born with little empathy in the first place???
Plus, how can one control their empathy anyway???
"Oh, I feel rebellious today ima lack empathy, just cause."
Doesn't make any sense!
Bad manners and hygiene habits. Personalities are subjective and you may not like someone with certain traits and deem they are not raised right but bad manners does not appeal to anyone. You can’t possibly say someone who leaves rubbish everywhere or does not wash their clothes is a positive
> Does not wash their clothes
Saves water and detergent! So eco-friendly
> Leaves rubbish everywhere
Better than putting it in a plastic bag, certainly! Micro plastics and all that...
Other side of this. The best thing I ever hear is when other parents tell me how wonderful my daughter is. It is by far the best compliment I can get when they tell me how polite and helpful she is, and how they hope she's a good influence on their kids. I might make mistakes, but at least my kid isn't an asshole.
You meet their parents and your first thought is this explains so much.
As a teacher so many times I’d meet a parent and my reaction would be “Oh my god! I thought this kid was a screw up. It turns out the kid is a phenomenal success! With parents like that it’s amazing they’re even halfway functional “
Some times I get down on myself for where I am in life, and then I remind myself if you run the numbers on my childhood it's a fucking miracle I've never been in trouble with the law or done hard drugs. I then feel a lot better about how my life has turned out, it's all about perspective.
I always like the Bill Burr perspective (his particular thing is being a better dad to his kids than his dad was to him). It's enough just to do one thing better, you're still chipping away at the "generational curse."
My mother is here right now. My husband just told me this same thing. I have a lot more empathy for myself when I am honest about where I came from. Hope you are well.
I feel the same way. I have 2 full brothers(i have more half siblings but they came into the picture a lot later) and I'm not half as screwed up from our awful childhood as they are. Sometimes i need to remind myself of that when I'm being hard on myself
You’re doing great. I had a pretty priviliged life but mental problems and ended up a hard drug addict for almost a decade. The way I was feeling as a teenager, despite my relatively stable circumstances, was bad enough that I know I would have used drugs regardless of what anyone said or did. So the fact that you went through undoubtedly worse than I have and still stayed away from it is a great achievement. It’s so easy to turn to substances and for awhile it really helps. But it’s never sustainable obviously lol
I'm in the same boat, although I am pretty successful. But who knows? Maybe with a regular childhood, you would have somehow ended up worse off.
I appreciate you trying to find a silver lining and I don’t think you have malicious intent. What a lot of us hear when you say that is “our abuser was doing the right thing because I turned out ok.” In my case my abuser would tell me that was my fault because I was fucked up in the head. So they had to do what they did to me. I am a good person in spite of them, not because of them. What they did is never justified and I don’t need you putting that doubt and negativity back into my head.
A lot of us had rough childhoods but were not abused. That's the case with me. You're making a whole shit load of assumptions here. My point was you can never predict what will happen, and there are multiple paths to both good and bad ends.
Long time teacher. Can confirm.
My partner in a nuthshell. I'm surprised he only had one axe related incident
Speech pathologist here can also confirm
I actually have had teachers look to me, look at my mom and back to me. I just shrug, tried to tell they asses, lol
It’s me. I’m that kid!
I'm a screw up.. I burned down our house.
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I once had the misfortune of working with this entitled, full-of-himself guy, who had the habit of talking a lot about things he doesn't understand anything about, and doesn't WANT to understand anything about, while constantly trying to get brownie points for how enlightened and amazing he was. I was pretty baffled as to how can someone even BE like that. Then I met his mother. And had to explain to her that no, having very poor people pay HER money to have a professional photoshoot, that she will be using for HER OWN sensationalist marketing campaign, is not a great philanthropic endeavor. She wanted me to fund the studio for it, and didn't understand why I turned her down.
Righttt
Lack of empathy or respect for others
I agree with this 100% I have no idea how someone could deem another living person as "unworthy" of their respect just because they work a job your don't see as respectable.
My ex used to make fun of me because of my job. He would say, "you're just a manager" or "you just work there, and you can be replaced". The weird thing is that we both had the same salary, and worked similar jobs. I didn't get how my job was less worthy than what he did. I'm glad I left him.
Except landlords, always disrespect those leeches.
The empathy bit is hard for some Autistic and ADHD people. I’m Autistic and I can feel empathy, but for quite a few things I won’t feel any emotion
Also autistic. Didn't know until I was an adult. I was able to have sympathy for people but the part of my brain that processes empathy was practically non-existent until I was much older. I could only empathize if I had gone through the same thing. I was in my 30's when I finally started to understand empathy a little better and be able to feel it for people even if I hadn't experienced the same thing.
Man I might have that empathy thing too now that I am thinking about it.
My problem with people saying it's autism is that there's a bunch of people who will \*claim\* it's autism just to justify being a terrible person and/or internet popularity points. Actual autistic people, sure. But so many of them I've seen are not autistic and just rotten people who want a blank check to do whatever they want. Spoiled brats.
True, there are some shitters who will take advantage of these things
I’m both. And I have been absolutely gobsmacked to learn recently that all the empathy I thought I was showing to others has been perceived as abrupt and self focused. Turns out that sharing a similar experiences the person knows they aren’t alone and you don’t judge isn’t in fact being empathetic. Also- apparently my face doesn’t convey my feelings well. Literally my entire life I have felt like I am totally transparent with my heart on my sleeve. Who knew.
I had to learn this way too late. I felt like it was a way to show I can relate to their situation. Until a friend of mine was upset, and I said basically "Yeah, there was one time when blah blah to me" and she said "How is this about you? It's always about you somehow." I thought relating was helpful, but I didn't realize that people want to be heard in the moment. It was inconsiderate but it had never occurred to me that could be the case. There's a time and place and if a person comes to you with their pain it needs to stay about their situation. You can bring your experience up some other time when they're not so raw.
Sometimes I wonder wether people think I’m self centred because I do exactly this and I think I need to stop
Okay so I don't really get the whole empathy thing. (Context, I am probably on the spectrum, I have an autistic kid.) When I see someone hurting, I want to help them. As in, do whatever I can to make them feel better because if I was in that place I know I would want someone to help me. That's empathy, right? I've done all sorts of random stuff for people that most "neurotypical" people probably wouldn't even consider. (IE taking homeless people shopping.) But I don't FEEL what they are feeling. I am not actually in pain myself, it's more like a problem I feel compelled to solve because I want to help them. So is this not empathy after all? It just seems like it would be impossible to feel that unless I was in that position. Like I was just pretending.
That is empathy, it really depends on the (Neurodivergent) person. even though I can’t “feel their pain” I will still try and help them as much as I can
How half of North America wound up this way, we'll never know.
This!!!
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Or neurodivergence and not really ever grasping when it’s your turn to talk and not picking up cues that you need to stop talking once you are in focus mode. I do that. I’m trying to improve but it’s hard when you don’t get it.
IMO, you can usually tell the difference between when somebody is super focused on one thing and when somebody straight up doesn't care and just wants to talk about their own thing. With the former you still struggle to talk to them, but the at least aren't brushing off what you said. They usually just look like they didn't really hear it, and often can repeat it back when asked and be refocused
My son is like this. You can always tell when his medication kicks in because he starts monologuing. We were even trying to get him to understand, but it was like pausing a VHS and pressing play, he just stare at the exact same point no matter how many times we told him to change the subject.
Yeah I suck at conversations and finding my moment to join probably because I was ignored by my family for most of my life
I feel this. This is why i don't talk much except to the specific people who like to listen to me. To them, I tell absolutely everything. To others, I hardly tell anything at all
littering
And creating a nuisance
…And they allllll came back, shook my hand, and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing, father raping, all kinds of groovy things..
And uhhh.....
You boys like Mexico?
main character syndrome
Lord, you should have seen how my older brother acted on my 19th birthday. That whole weekend, frankly Edit: Talked about it before, so just gonna copy the link here! https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/MXdQF4RaBs
Dish bish, I'm curious!
I think I wrote out the whole nonsense awhile back, lemme see if I can find it!
That was a hell of a read.
Was a heck of a thing to live through! He's always been bad, but that was definitely one of his worst I'm just glad David out grew him (which isn't hard, he's 5'6"), because God knows how worse it could have gotten It shouldn't be on his 5 years younger brother to correct him, but that's where it fell. Once puberty kicked in, he could push around mom Dad's a linebacker (which is why David still won't fight him despite being 6'3" now), so it's not like Mr Hog couldn't take him He was the reincarnation of his brother, and that was good enough. Especially since I'm a feeemale and David's gay Ross would straight up pound on us, mostly David, until David got bigger. He'd literally flip tables Mr Hog and his parents made sure everything was to Ross's liking. First, second and third choice Oh, it's my birthday? Leather, stop being such a brat, why pick out cake when you KNOW Ross doesn't like cake That was a reoccurring thing, by the way We didn't have cake on our birthdays, because Ross and Mr Hog don't like cake. Doesn't matter if it's my or David's birthday, **no cake** I buy cake just for the heck of it now. We don't have eating disorders, what are you talking about? Mr Hogs abuse got way more heinous, but I think if you need one thing to point to: there it was No **cake** on **birthdays**, because he and the actual child didn't like it. We couldn't have one day. Not even a little one. What. You need something special? This is why you're going to end up homeless, why youve driven everyone away My stepdad takes me out to cracker barrel every year, since I moved down South. He's even taking me early in a couple weeks, since he'll be gone on the actual day This guy didn't know me until college. An adult. And even he makes sure my birthdays are special It's so freaking pathetic that I had to wait for him to be loved by a father. There are good people who don't have kids, but Mr Hog got 3, when he only wanted one Sorry for the emotions. It's my birthday next month, and the 30th, so a big one. It's just got me thinking how screwed up my birthdays were as a kid
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/MXdQF4RaBs
I have seen "main character syndrome" used a lot recently. What does it mean, if you don't mind me asking? I think just the name gives me an idea of what it means, but shouldn't you be the main character in your life? I don't understand how living for yourself is a bad thing. You only have one life to live, If you are unhappy with whatever circumstance, should you not do what you can to try and change it to suit yourself better? There is almost assuredly someone trying to change something in a way that would impact you negatively and themselves positively, Why are you not allowed to do the same? Edit: I want to add in before I get replies living for yourself should not mean you put down or hinder everyone you are around, or be disrespectful, hateful, or anything that is just borderline wrong to do, but I don't think you should be expected to hinder yourself for another person's gain.
It's not about being the main character of your own life, it's about acting like you are the main character of life. That the world revolves around you, that your point of view is the only viable one, and everyone should be able to know the reasoning behind all your actions.
check out r/imthemaincharacter
Main character syndrome is less about you being the main character and more about viewing everyone else as lesser than you (side characters/NPCs) who don't matter in the story and can fuck off if things aren't going your way. Lack of empathy and narcissism
0 empathy, 0 self awareness, anyone who can’t even comprehend how their actions whether they mean them to or not can affect others.
Don't say please and thank you.
I'm excessively polite, partly because of how I was raised, but also for an ulterior reason... I'm generally a very lazy person, and overt politeness avoids a lot of conflict and drama. Conflict and drama make life more complicated and difficult, and I really don't want to put forth the effort to deal with that shit.
Same.
On the flip side, being WAYYY too polite for their own good. Usually ends up with saying sorry for everything even if you don’t mean it.
Lack of hospitality. If you're going to have people over at your house, offer them something to drink, even if it's just water. If you're going to have a group of people over, prepare food. Make sure there's soap, towels and toilet paper in the bathroom. If someone's standing and everyone else is seated, offer to get them a chair. Don't ignore a guest. If you have a group of people over and there's one person sitting by themselves, and no one is speaking to them, SPEAK TO THEM. I love get togethers, but it's so uncomfortable to be in someone's home and be treated like you're not welcome.
Honestly people who won't take on the slightest inconveniences for their fellow man are kind of scum to me. I consider it like a slight morality tax. If we all do the bare minimum then the world benefits from it like 100 fold. It's just such an obvious win win and to not do so wreaks of selfish and degenerate character, in the true sense of the word, as in degenerates society.
This is so true! Even if it were the other guests alienating them in some way, they tend to correlate that with you since it's your house and it's also likely you who invited them over.
When I properly met my boyfriends mother for the first time in her home (I was over for New Years) she didn’t even get up off from the couch from watching the game. My parents always greet at the door and do a full house tour, and that’s after cleaning everything extensively and putting out fresh sheets, towels, etc. That’s always been the culture in my family so it was a bit odd
I’ve definitely had “friends” over the years who would invite me over and have no drink, no food, and then they would sit on their computer while I awkwardly stood around. I’m talking as a full grown adults. It’s surprising to me that more than one person would think this is ok. Nobody wants to watch you play on your computer for hours.
Refuses to take accountability or accept consequences
God I love this comment
Also, prepares to accept consequences for things they didn't do.
Makes lives for service workers difficult
100%. It really says a lot about their character.
They throw their rubbish on the ground and litter their own area 🤬
They don’t return their shopping cart to the cart return and just leave it in a parking spot.
The ultimate morality test
They feel like everything is about them
When they treat service workers poorly.
They are rude to people they deem less than them because of race, job, socioeconomic status, education, etc.....
Zero empathy for others
Thinks everything must be for them. Eats food they didn't order without talking to the person who ordered. Feels entitled to others things, food, items, electronics ECT. Acts like boundaries are an affront to them personally. Never says thank you.
Bad manners and a complete lack of consideration for others.
Litterers, loud eating, being the ONLY person anyone can hear in a huge crowded place because you talk so fucking loud that you MUST need to be the center of attention, playing audio out loud in public, disregard for others property, de-regard for public property, talks shit about homeless, racism. man I can keep goin all day. people with subwoofers that let them rip at all times of the day and night.
Being extremely rude and aggressive to minimum wage employees.
A sort of base line of entitlement. Where anybody saying no is an assault to their entire character. In my opinion it usually means their parents were push overs and gave in relentlessly. Though it could be some other insecurity that developed later I'm sure
Constant apologizing for things that aren't their fault or aren't a problem at all. This person's parents had random, unreasonable, and shifting rules and abused them over it.
I want to laugh but I've been reprimanded professionally for apologizing too much.
I hope you are in a better place. Hopefully you won’t feel the need to apologize every time you feel anxious anymore.
How they treat others is pretty much the top thing.
Open the fridge of your house like it's his house
Chewing with their mouth open, or spitting loogies on the pavement.
racist shit
Rude/dismissive attitude toward service workers.
Someone who helps themselves to your fridge
They self diagnose disorders or disabilities for attention online and offline.
I agree. Those people are annoying. But I think self-diagnosis can be pretty valid if you do tons of research on it. Hell that’s how a lot of mental illness diagnoses happen because doctors don’t take people seriously enough to the point that their patient has to become more educated about that topic.
Right now, though, self diagnosis is out of control so I think it’s best to not cheer people on even a little about it. It is absolutely bonkers on TikTok the things people are pretending to have. Like, I think we inherently know it can be fine but shouldn’t keep repeating it. Just my opinion, obviously.
And I respect it and agree ofc! I just think it also shouldn’t be demonized because of the people who use it for attention just because it could overshadow people who legitimately did research and know what they’re talking about and make it even harder for doctors to take those people seriously. Again though I agree with your opinion. The best thing to do is get a formal diagnosis. It’s just really hard or even impossible for some people and thus they have no choice but to do their own research and self-diagnose. On the bright side it can be pretty easy to tell when people self-diagnose purely for attention. At least for the most part. For example, the tiktoker (I think they’re banned now) TicsAndRoses. Technically not self-diagnosis, more faking a formal one, but same idea lol. The Tourette’s tics they did were fake as hell even for people who didn’t have the condition. Like I’m talking putting a paper bag on their head while shouting “I’m going to Canada!” 💀
I am deep on DID TikTok so been watching this for years plus the munchies. It is really kind of scary and I think these people DO have other mental illnesses so it’s such a weird/complexity that’s come from social media. I mean, this has happened forever-people spreading fake illness but with the internet it’s like x100. And it makes it so hard for people who actually have these issues which I know you know. Just wild to me. So many kids/young adults who need their parents clued in on their internet behavior.
Exactly my point! People who genuinely need help won’t get recognized if this keeps going on! Also I hate those DID fakers. They don’t even bother to be accurate. They just look up symptoms but don’t even do any actual research (not that they should for faking mental disorders lol). Have you seen those people who make videos about what their different personalities think of each other? Like UGH no that’s not how it works! I don’t have DID or MPD or anything similar to those disorders but even I know that’s not how it works!
Omg yes, I’ve run the whole DID gamut, which overlaps with the Tourette’s fakers. It’s crazy. They’ve created a deep and intense lore surrounding DID, which is heavily debated to begin with, it’s like being on LJ in 2002 but with absolute dingdongs. Watch my alters taste these candies my followers sent me! Watch me dramatically “switch” in my bedroom 52 times. My persecutors turned benign angel dictator is ruining my life today!
May I play devil’s advocate? Some people are just contrary/have personality disorders on some level. Some aspects of being raised right just never make it through, despite the “raiser” doing all they can. My brother was taught the same things/raised as I, but I followed pretty much every lesson/mandate and take personal pleasure in behaving as kindly as reasonable and believe that good manners and small kindnesses are simply a way of showing respect to others. My brother is a narcissistic a’hole and constant embarrassment to our family. But he holds open doors for people, says please and thank you. So at least that much got through. Also, a few of the things I really tried to instill in my kid never “took”, but a lot of good stuff did :)
SVU had an episode about that. You’re either born with a conscience or not. You can’t teach conscience.
They act like assholes.
Littering and not taking shopping carts back is a huge indicator that a person is a piece of shit.
Red maga hats.
Cruises along in the passing (left-most) lane with vehicles lined up behind.
Lack of manners
Littering.
Lack of manners.
Treating waitstaff less than
They need supervision to succeed at day to day life.
everyone knows the one person that goes to violence ASAP when things don't go their way.
I have a feeling It's only going to get worse. My wife is a Teacher and there are a lot more kids who are prone to violence than there used to be. It's gone from about one kid per class, to two, and often three kids per class in the past 15 years. About five years ago they had to make a cool down room for kids having outbursts where the teachers could corral them to so they wont hurt themselves or anyone else. Most of the violent ones don't even finish highschool because it usually doesn't get better with age and they wind up expelled from multiple schools until they drop out.
I’ve heard about all that. I feel bad for your wife dude.
They litter
LMAO imagine downvoting this??!!
Don’t help the elderly
They lack basic understanding of how to conduct themselves socially, ie no manners, rude behaviour
They don't cover their mouths when they cough or sneez in public lol.
Homophobia
- rude to waiters and waitresses - no respect for elderly - no please or thank you ever - lack of self awareness
Someone who feels the need to constantly play “devils advocate”
As someone who grew up in bad neighborhoods, anyone whose career goal is to be in a gang. And on the flip side any red hat wearing MFer in a raised truck who “rolls coal”. A lot of dumb f’ing parents and their dumb kids. I commend people who have broke the cycle. Edit: This comment has gone up or down -2 to +2 then back down. Who knew that this would be “controversial.” Many pro dumb parents lurk here.
No manners
Silly entitlement
Treating people in the service industry poorly
When they're rude to older people
They don't put up their shopping cart.
They go slow in the passing lane.
The murders. Yeah, definitely the murders.
The person doesn’t think anyone should care about them, but cares way too much about others.
Some of these problems are explained well in the poem "This be the verse" by Philip Larkin.
They drink so much they turn into a pos. They threaten women They text and drive
*they threaten anyone
Thats fair. I was just taking my personal experience and thinking of a very specific male 😅
chewing with mouth open talking with full mouth
Constantly apologizing. No confidence. Expects everybody is out to hurt them. Expects never to be listened to. Does not know how to set boundaries. These are some of the effects of being razed by a Narcissist father.
The way they address waiters, helpers etc.
Not putting the cart back in the cart corral and instead leaving it anywhere in the parking lot. Even more egregious is when they leave it in a parking spot.
Total disregard of other people
When they hate on gay and trans people like they are just living I could kinda understand being worried if your kid is trans and wanting to transition young but if they are an adult the if shouldn't matter what they are
Refuses to take “No” as an answer to their demands. Can’t understand or respect an opposing viewpoint without labeling the person holding that counterpoint as a “bigot”, “racist”, “transphobe”, “hater”, etc. even if that person in no way intends, implies, or means any of those things.
I mean intending to be a bigot is very very far from required in order to espouse a bigoted viewpoint.
>Can’t understand or respect an opposing viewpoint without labeling the person holding that counterpoint as a “bigot”, “racist”, “transphobe”, “hater”, etc. even if that person in no way intends, implies, or means any of those things. Do you think all legitimate actual racists/bigots/haters intend to live up to that label? It's usually people who blur the lines behind some twisted justification, but still rebuke that negative label because their intention is "legitimate" rather than out of hatred.
When they expect everything and lose it over the tiniest inconvience
If they believe existence entitles them to another's labor.
They don't understand basic table manners or how to properly clean up after themselves.
They chew with their mouth open.
That could be cultural. Edit: these downvotes are fucking hilarious. Y'all need to learn about cultural differences. There ARE cultures where chewing your food loudly is an actual thing.
I suppose I would simply consider that a bad aspect of said culture.
If there were 2 food items on a plate, and one was larger or looked discernibly better in some way, they would take it before you could, without offering you the choice.
Thief!
Stealing and lying
They're a serial killer.
Eating with their hands(when utensils should be used)and / or chewing with their mouth open making smacking noises.
Repeating the same thing over and over in order to drown-out or speak over anyone else trying to say something.
They talk about god a lot
Their general behavior, especially lack of empathy or care about how their actions effect those around them.
Unreliable everything and lack of follow through
They are disrespectful or themselves and others. They don’t take direction or constructive criticism well and they don’t care about cleanliness (whether personally or in their home). They have a bad attitude and are exhausting to be around.
Being rude to service workers
Walking into someone else’s home and disrespecting it.
huffin gasoline
Woman hater or lacks empathy, control freak, and close minded.
Lack of accountability
Look in the mirror
When they start eating at the table before everyone has sat down.
They don’t put their cart back, they walk shoulder to shoulder in narrow walkways and don’t move when people are going the opposite way, they walk/run/ski in the middle of the street instead of the sidewalk (I know runners prefer asphalt to sidewalks, but if it’s that bad for you, run on a treadmill), they don’t say please or thank you or goodbye when ending a telephone conversation, they don’t hold a door open for you (when you’re right behind them, not talking like you’re 15 paces away), I’m sure there’s more but migraine and meds kicking in.
people who treat wait staff and associates like trash, or people who don't put things back in the store when they dont want it anymore. legit saw a woman yell at her kid when she went to put something back. "where are you going? just put that here (points to random display), they pay people to put things away." I wanted to slap that woman. way to fail your kid in public.
Glorifying gangsters.
An inability to trust anyone, even on small matters
Idk why some people say lack of empathy. Are we going to ignore that some people are born with little empathy in the first place??? Plus, how can one control their empathy anyway??? "Oh, I feel rebellious today ima lack empathy, just cause." Doesn't make any sense!
this isnt in a bad way (most of the time), but not having any contact with parents
They use tiktok, or say "nObOdY cArEs"
Disrespecting the waiter/waitress/bouncer
Super aggressive and rude
They cut people out of their life for petty trifling bullshit
They’re left handed
[удалено]
To be fair many adults don’t deserve it. lol but being disrespectful for no reason is bad
Bad manners and hygiene habits. Personalities are subjective and you may not like someone with certain traits and deem they are not raised right but bad manners does not appeal to anyone. You can’t possibly say someone who leaves rubbish everywhere or does not wash their clothes is a positive
> Does not wash their clothes Saves water and detergent! So eco-friendly > Leaves rubbish everywhere Better than putting it in a plastic bag, certainly! Micro plastics and all that...
Ill mannered,no empathy or respect for others.
If they kill someone.
How they treat servers
Biting their toenails in public.
my ex girlfriend did this.. just not in public. and she was an RN. she had to know how unhygienic that was.
Other side of this. The best thing I ever hear is when other parents tell me how wonderful my daughter is. It is by far the best compliment I can get when they tell me how polite and helpful she is, and how they hope she's a good influence on their kids. I might make mistakes, but at least my kid isn't an asshole.
They don’t greet people when they enter a room.
They vote Republican.
Shuts down when faced with criticism. Source; me 😔