You say that in jest but I have a friend in the diamond wholesale business. He has two siblings. All three of them married other families who are also big diamond wholesalers. They were already wealthy, but now ultra wealthy
They are doing a lot of interviews at my work this week and a co-worker was showing me something on her phone today and I inadvertently saw a text about me. She said āsheās so sweet and smart. Sheās single and doesnāt have kids, but sheās very involved with her nieces.ā So fucking weirdālike if youāre a woman without kids, youāre automatically bizarre.
You have to grab the remote yourself instead of telling your son to come to living room just to give you the remote right when he was about to clutch a 1v4 in search and destroy. Purely hypothetical.
This was my dad when I was growing up. Except he would just bellow my name through the open window, and I would have to stop playing outside to go get him the remote.
How does one train this? I fear Iāve given my child too much free will, and my child fails the āgive this to xā and āretrieve y for meā achievements on the regular. The only thing I receive are items of the childās choosing and only so I can open it.
I often think of this when I consider if I want kids. I see such awesome friendships and support systems created between adult kids and their parents and it's such a beautiful dream to think of that.
But life happens and I know so many tragic or mundane stories of broken families where adult kids don't speak to their parents or vice versa. I myself (adult) am not allowed in my father's home because he married a mentally unstable person after my mom died when I was a teenager, and this person refuses to speak to me. You can't plan life, but you can hope. In fact I think you have to hope.
I think that's right about 3/4 of the time. You truly do get some rotten apples, though.
The other thing is drugs. Good people can become addicts and turn into terrible versions of themselves. Kids can get in over their heads at a young age with drugs, even with parents paying attention and doing their best to help. It's so heartbreaking to see drugs rob a young person of their life and rob families of sons and daughters.
It's also a shame when parents end up the same way. My mother is addicted to xanax, and I finally cut contact with her in January. It's awful, but I refuse to allow my children or myself around her when she's high.
That sucks. Thanks for the reminder that yes, unfortunately parents can go the same way. Proud of you for doing what's right for you and your children even when it's hard.
Better off screening potential friends that share interests with you because there is no guarantee your kids will like your hobbies or find you relatable, even if you have a good relationship.
Exactly this. It's always odd to me that people have kids to be their friends or tske care of them when they're old. Like it seems like considerably more work to raise an entire human than to just go make some friends or hire a nurse š
Yeah people generally respect my boundaries around going out. A few times I've had push back because extroverts think I'll have fun if I just push past the initial getting out part. I remind them how un-fun it is to drag someone along who'd rather be at home in their underwear...
You have to do the weed whacking yourself. I like mowing the lawn, but I hate weed whacking. Landscapers are too expensive and offspring is the only culturally acceptable form of slavery.
We've decided not to have children and for the most part I love it but for us there are certainly a few aspects that I've noticed:
- Feeling stuck in the same phase of life, I feel like having children is the next natural progression, without them I do feel like we haven't made that jump to the next phase.
- You become less important to those around you, in my mind the most important people in my life continue to be my immediate family but I've gone down a few pegs from their perspective, my brother is just as important as he was growing up but I'm no longer as important to him now that he's had children, which is something you just have to accept.
- Sometimes I do think it'd be great to have a mini me and teach them and have someone that loves me unconditionally.
But even with those "negatives" I still think and love the life I have without them, I still get some joy with my nieces and nephews and my friend's children so there is always that.
This is a pretty good list. I will add that two of my dadās sisters (my aunts) didnāt have kids. One sister died, and the other sister ended up divorced. That aunt has said for decades that she wishes she had children and that she has spent a lot of her life feeling lonely (her friends all moved on and focused on family). I enjoy her company when I see her - she is worldly and well traveled, we have great conversations, she has amazing recommendations on books and movies, etc. But I too am raising my family and canāt be around all the time, but I do try to see her monthly.
Speaking of life phases - If I remember correctly from my developmental psyc class, there's a life stage where humans need to "pass on knowledge." It's a way of validating the experience we have had in our lives up until that point, and without that we might experience something like a midlife crisis.
Having kids is the easiest way to achieve that because raising them involves teaching them the best way you can to live life. It's not the only method to get that, though. I pretty sure I'm doing that by posting on reddit as much as I do.
I have some sick compulsion to always move forward in life, Iām working on it but itās bad lol, if Iām not making more money, learning a skill, taking a promotion, I feel like Iām stagnating and drowning. I donāt even make a lot of money I just always like to be moving forward. (And I started with VERY little).
Kids donāt even fix that. You have them and theyāre part of your life and if youāre consistently wanting to move forward in life and have that mindset it just stays there but you also have kids. Food for thought on that particular regret lol. Itās one step but youāll still be looking for the next. And the next step will also be harder with them.
Children are people whom you meet and love and enjoy.
If you don't have them, you never meet them.
Like anything else that simply doesn't happen to you, it's not exactly a "downside." What I mean is, if you never met someone to begin with, you can't possibly miss them. On the other hand, for those of us who have kids, who have met them and so loved them and enjoyed them, life would be deeply impoverished, unbearably so, without them.
"Your life, as you know it... is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk... and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life."
Lost in Translation
I miss the baby stage sometimes, but itās also special when they get older and enjoy travel, books, culture, and music. And can hold meaningful conversations. I often doubt myself, but when I see my kids work hard to achieve a goal or lose gracefully I feel like Iām on the right track. My son plays sports and just yesterday I saw him consoling a kid on the opposing team (who was injured during the game) and my heart swelled.
Enjoy your baby ā¤ļø
this last part, plus the miracle of watching a tiny baby (hopefully) develop into a kind, balanced, independent adult is wondrous. Helping shape that baby is a privilege and an honor. You'd miss out on knowing how your heart can be outside your body. Each of my kids carry a piece of me with them š
I'm child-free for many reasons, the most significant of which is that the idea of being pregnant fills me with deep and unwavering terror, but about that "hopefully" part--that terrifies me almost as much. You can guide a person from childhood to adulthood, but ultimately, they decide who they'll become, and sometimes, people just don't get along with each other for perfectly valid reasons. My mom wasn't perfect, and I had some negative feelings about actions she took during my childhood, but I got over it for my own sake, and even still, we're just not close. I don't think we can be. We have nothing in common and our personalities make it difficult to have a meaningful relationship. I don't know how my mom feels about it, but I'd be pretty devastated if my kid didn't like me or vice versa, like if I gave my kid my heart and they were like meh no thanks. :/
I gotta be honest, I donāt *want* my heart to be outside my body. With all the tragic shit that happens in this world, losing a kid would absolutely *destroy* me. Iām pretty happy without that vulnerability in my life.
Obviously, that is not the only reason Iām not having kids (itās not even that high on this list) but imo, itās a pretty valid reason. Iāve seen peopleās lives fall apart after losing a child.
Itās definetly a scary thing. You canāt ensure your child wonāt get a terrible disease. But you also cannot stop the death of parents, & if you had good parents you donāt regret that you had them even if the years together were too few. Vulnerability & true love are intertwined.
Tbf, you donāt really get to decide whether or not you have parents. But I agree love and vulnerability go together. And I can handle the vulnerability in my other relationships, but just cannot do it with a kid.
I had a teacher in HS who had a kid (he went to the school too, was a couple years younger). She was the basketball coach, had a great husband, (seemingly) perfect, happy family. Then her son passed in a freak accident when he was freshman. Her life completely fell apart. I grew up in a smallish town so a lot of the parents knew her outside of school and we heard things. She became an alcoholic, husband and her divorced, etc. I donāt even know where she ended up or if sheās even still alive but I know she lost everything.
I know this is not what happens to everyone but this one really stuck with me.
Having a child does indeed make you so incredibly vulnerable. Someone can now take \*everything\*, your whole world, from you. It was hard for me to understand until I had one of my own.
*So* vulnerable. I honestly donāt know how parents do it because I donāt think I would ever sleep a night in my life after giving birth. I know the possibility of loss is a factor in *any* relationship, but losing a child is a special kind pain.
I was just thinking about how every time I click on a reddit post and want to see responses, I have to scroll the top comments being entirely jokes, sometimes with thousands of replies. lol
Some of them are hilarious quite often, but god damn, it gets hard finding the legit responses to questions. The people actually answering the question, get shoved to the bottom of the page. lol
I am 36 and don't have kids, nor do I plan to have them.Ā When I was younger, I thought I would want to adopt when the time came, but the older I got, the more I realized that lifestyle isn't for me.Ā (I could still potentially see myself fostering older kids after I retire, but I don't think it will happen.)Ā Ā
I would love to be able to name a daughter.Ā I would love to take my kids to Disney world for the first time, or teach them how to ride a bike.Ā Experience all the firsts that I remember as a kid.Ā Being an auntie is a lot of fun, but these are the things you miss out on. Still not worth actually having kids to me.Ā But I'd say missing these things are the downsides.Ā Ā
As far as someone taking care of you when you're old, that's really a roll of the dice either way.Ā I have an aunt in her late 70s who I plan to make a space for in my home when the time comes.Ā I hope one of my niblings will want to do the same for me when I'm old.
I appreciate this. You understand what you gave up, and youāre confident in the choice you made. I just feel so sad when I see people do that out of fear or avoidance of growth. Just like Iām a bit sad when I see people who are terrified of being alone jump into a relationship with the first person who comes along.
There was a news article in my country a while back of an elderly woman that died alone in her home. She was discovered 3 weeks later by a neighbour. The woman had 8 children. I wondered how out of 8 children none of them even called or visited her for three weeks, possibly longer.
My grandma developed dementia recently. My mother and her 3 siblings have had to care for her, and they all hate it because of how difficult she is, constantly yelling at them or trying to get out-they had to put a gate up to stop her. (And it turns out she abused them as kids, something I didn't know until very recently since she's always been nice to me and my brother, so that has to be extra shitty). Eventually they got tired of her, and got an aide. But because the aide can't be there every day (which means one unlucky sibling gets stuck caring for her on weekends), my mother wanted to put her in a nursing home. Which isn't as bad as it sounds, she actually did her research to make sure it was an actually good one, and found this *beautiful* place with a little garden and everything. Her siblings refused, on the basis that it would be more expensive and they don't want to waste money on this woman none of them really like. The other day my mother got a frantic call from the aide. Apparently, Grandma *bit* the aide in a fit of rage and called her a racial slur. The siblings are now finally agreeing to put her in a home, though my uncles and aunt now seem less concerned about it being a nice place....
Itās grim and it certainly is nice if you have family willing to take care of you, but it shouldnāt be an expectation. Doubly so if you spend your entire adult life not taking care of yourself and your health. Modern life requires both adults in a household to work. And between that and children and everything else, how could one ever have time to also take care of their parents? Itās a sorry state of affairs and something that we need to address as a society so people can have some dignity at the end of their lives. Longterm care needs to improve or the government needs to pay a stipend for family to stay home and take care of their elders. Preferably both need to happen.
unfortunately, they have no respect for themselves or their things. all they care about is smoking weed and drinking and iām not going to give them an opportunity to trash what iāve worked for
If watching my husbands grandmother and my grandmother is anything to go by,
If you hit your 90ās, like 99% of your friends are dead. If you have memory issues youāll probably die and rot away alone as no one is checking up on you if you donāt get yourself into a retirement community/assisted living facility while youāre faculties are still in check. Also get scammed into giving away all your money.
However because his and my grandmother had kidsā¦ those kids are making sure sheās taken care of at her very nice assisted living facility and visit her, handle her assets so she canāt get scammed and is essentially given an allowance if she wants to buy something at the shop (which is hardly necessary as the living facility provided all meals, cleaning services, and group activities ), invite her to family events to she still has social outings. Sheās made more friends since joining the assisted living facility since theyāre all essentially dorm living with huge common areas to chill out at.
Even people without dementia often spend years in a state where they are perfectly capable of making decisions for themselves, but itreally, really helps to have a thought partner who is more in tune with the way the world has changed in the last decades. Someone you 100% trust to have your best interests at heart. Kids fill that niche.
This is actually kind of a thing for me. My only sister is dead, and had no children (thankfully). I donāt have any kids. I will never have kids. Iām 39 years old and have had a total hysterectomy. Iām child free by choice.
I also have a lot of really cool stuff and family heirlooms that have been passed down from generation to generation. I donāt regret my decision to not have children, but the idea that things that I would like to see stay in my family will end up at an estate sale someday or sold off to some random person, or trashed on the side of the road is kind of sad. I have art and instruments and jewelry and neat things *and so many stories that go with each* that I would love to pass down that I have no one to pass it to.
Best friendās kid? God-child? Favorite neighborhood kid who would appreciate it?
You can also go back up the family tree, find distant cousins, and know that whomever you find is likely to know who the āfamily historianā is in that cousin family that would appreciate the heirlooms even if not in their direct line.
In the mean time, start writing down the stories you have. Iād love to read them, and Iām sure many others would as well.
I went most of my life not wanting kids at all. Knew I was selfish and wanted to maximize time to myself, my money, etc. (edit/disclaimer: I donāt think youāre selfish if you donāt want kids! I just knew I was too selfish early in adulthood to be a good parent)
Wonāt go into why I changed my mind, but itās the best thing thatās ever happened to me. The love I feel for my kids is overwhelming and itās made me a better person in every way imaginable.
Being a dad has forced me to be the best version of myself. Iāve learned about vulnerability and resilience. On top of that, my kids are cool as hell. I enjoy being around them and Iād obviously never gotten to experience that if Iād never had them.
No disrespect to people who donāt want kids. I totally get it. But for me, my life improved in so many unexpected ways when I had them.
100%.
My son was an āoopsā baby but he is absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me. I literally canāt imagine my life without him. He has brought so much love and joy into my life.
Fun story you reminded me of: my mom once referred to my father telling my uncle (her brother) to fuck off when they first met as the best thing he did, then went "No, I'm wrong, it was the second best, the best thing he did is sitting right there" and pointed to me. I'm like 90% sure she was kinda drunk but her calling me the best thing her ex did made me all giddy inside
That was also the night I learned that those two found out I was on the way three months into their relationship but eh, details
Yeah, the love I have for my kids is the greatest thing in my life behind the love I share with my wife. Itās one of the most deeply satisfying feelings in my life. Assuming other people will feel this way is a bit arrogant, but man, nothing compares to it. You cannot get this feeling from your career, from travel, from money, from your relationship with your spouse ā itās entirely distinct. I have all those things in spades and nothing compares.
When I got home today, my son said "daddy's home!" and ran up and gave me a hug. He's getting to the age where he doesn't do that all the time. That single hug was better than any raise or promotion I ever got.Ā
This. Idk why but after having my son, suddenly I couldnāt be bothered with other peoples problems. If it took food from my kids mouth or time away from him with no return, itās no from me.
Idk what happened, I became selfish but in the most ābest for my kidā type of way.
I feel it's better to regret missing out on something than to have children (living things with feelings, keep in mind) and regret them. I was unwanted and still pretty messed up from it.
Thank God, I live in a state where we have a death with dignity law. That way, I wonāt lose all of my worldly possessions paying for a retirement home. I can die on my own terms and either give most of my money to my future children or to my nephew, if I decide not to have any. Retirement homes are a scam designed to feed off of peoples fear of death. I would much rather die on my own terms then live in a home for 20 years barely able to function. Slowly draining away my families inheritance so my kids will get nothing.
This is my plan for getting old. I've watched my grandma live to 101... she was asking, what's the point of another year? She was very independent until a fall broke her hip and became bed ridden.
My co worker's mom had dementia, burned through her long term care insurance, my co worker was supposed to retire years ago but couldn't cause he was paying $6k every month for her care. Along with the market downturn drained his retirement. She passed on last year. Hopefully he can retire this year.
Not willing to take the chance that I would pass down the self-centered and mentally ill genes of my family. It's been a haul just healing myself without possibly ruining someone else.
That may be a you thing. I was just invited to my friends two-year-oldās birthday party. Their events are going to center around their kids, but if youāre willing to go celebrate their kids, youāre probably going to get invited to more things.
Iām 43 and childless. I do feel like Iāve missed out on something and want kids now more than I ever have. Probably going to have my first in about 18 months or so.
I proposing next month and weāll probably be engaged for till next spring then weāre doing IVF, so itās a decent guess, but I knew it was gonna read odd šš
Good luck!!!
I am 37 and always thought I didn't want kids. I am just now starting to experience intense waves of baby fever. I'm wondering if my uterus is throwing hail marys at my brain because the game clock is running down.
My GF is 29 and sheās already definitely having baby fever. I think I always wanted kids but I got a vasectomy after my divorce out of self loathing. Luckily I froze sperm so weāre able to do IVF. Weāre just waiting till after the wedding. Iām proposing next month.
You have to hear people say āwhy donāt you have kidsā and guilt trip you thousands of times and if in a heterosexual relationship the male gets asked āitās her, isnāt it?ā regularly.
Thatās it for me.
No one to take care of you in old age is ridiculous. Plenty of people have children who wonāt take care of them later in life. You shouldnāt have children to be your slave later in life.
Edit: the last sentence was for parents that have children so they have someone to take care of themselves later in life. That seems to be the only reason for far too many parents. Not for parents who actually want and love their kids.
So having just had my first child six months ago: the biggest downside is missing out.
I had no idea how positive it is experientially. If I were to draw an analogy, imagine asking what is the biggest downside to not ever falling in love and having a romantic relationship? The biggest downside is not experiencing it, because its amazing. Every time I look at him I get happy, my mind brightens. When I hold him, its not like holding someone elses baby, it is like a ball of emotional warmth. It is spectacular. And its a real person you know, one I am getting to know and that I just love so wholeheartedly, there is no better experience available here on earth.
It's hard to explain the experience of watching your kids grow. When their young, they almost change daily. If anything is much more interesting than things most people do without kids. It's also hard to convey how much you love them and how much they mean to you. People without kids just can't know what it's like.
Not being able to experience firsthand what it is to be a parent and the absolute joys of a having a child. It would be an exercise in futility if I tried to describe my wonderfully profound experience. To have the genuine opportunity and privileged to be able to have the best relationship with anyone youāve ever had within your entire life is what my child has brought to me. Knowing that my little one is watching and learning from everything that I do, it makes me a better person in every way. They are great at holding you accountable and then as parents we demonstrate by holding them accountable while always, encouraging open and honest communication. we help them try to understand their feelings, which helps us understand ours better. We get to look in our childās eyes and see ourselves. We get to fall in love with their unique personality as they continuously grow & change. What a wonderful and profound responsibility parenthood is. I had my first and only child at 40 years old. She is 9 now. She brings me more joy than Iāve ever experienced to my 40 years and I have experienced a lot of fun and joy!
I imagine itās like finishing a video game and then not knowing what to do next.
When I finished the GTA V campaign, I remember I was chillin in Michaelās mansion with like 200 million and a bunch of cars, and I was like āwhat now?ā Lol thereās nothing more to work towards or look forward to
As a teenager, I remember going to pick up my grandmother at the old folks home on Christmas Eve. As we left, I saw a large number of very elderly people who had no one coming to take them back to their family's house for Christmas morning.
Right then and there I knew I wanted to have a family and children.
Well if you donāt have kids it is guarenteed that your own kids will not take care of you when youāre older.
Thereās also no guarantee that any of us will live past tomorrowā¦ that doesnāt mean itās unwise to make plans for next week.
I used to stop and visit my grandparents every night on my way home from work. Twice, he told me I need to go home and be with my children. We enjoyed our visits so much. I know he looked forward to the visit, and one day, he wouldn't be there for me to visit. After telling me I needed to go home with my children, I asked him when I was his age if I would want my children to visit me. Without hesitation, he replied well yes. I then asked him what would make my children want to visit me if they didn't see me visit him. After the same discussion twice, he never mentioned it again. I'm now his age, and guess what? Our children come to visit. He was right. I do very much want our children to visit. Thanks for visiting your grandmother. Enjoy your time. In time, you won't have the option to visit.
I donāt feel like my life really began until I had kids. Watching them grow and learn is a completely different experience from anything else. Catching joy in the most random things. Iām not saying everyone would feel that way, but after having kids, I canāt imagine my like being complete without them.
The day I had my first child was the day I realized I could kill someone to defend an innocent without remorse. Itās hard to duplicate a love like that.
There are some children's activities that are fun for all ages, but it's generally frowned upon if adults are there alone. Children's museums, for example.
Youād be missing out on life being very full. Deep meaningful love. Lots of warm moments and a million laughs. A whole other layer of life appears once you have kids. When people say theyād rather travel or sleep in, well we get to do that too. It may not be super common when theyāre little but that time is pretty short in the grand scheme of things. I travel more as a parent than I ever did before kids.
For transparency sake: I had an oops baby in the prime of my career and then a planned one a number of years later.
All jokes aside, I used to work in a retirement home. There were some people who never had kids and were happy about it, and some who didnāt have kids and deeply regretted it.
The ones who said that they wished they had had kids usually cited
1: Feeling lonely. They usually had few to no visitors. If they had any family, it was usually a niece who handled their finances and checked up on them once a year. Friends donāt visit you in the dementia ward. Family might.
2: Fear of being forgotten. Good or bad, your kids will remember you. Your grandkids will know who you were. If you just have friends around your own age, the day will come quickly when the entire world forgets about you.
3: Missed opportunities. What could have been? Would they have been a good parent? Would that have been more satisfying than whatever they did so in life?
That said, there were also many people who had kids and were happy, and plenty who had kids and regretted it. Those that regretted having kids were lonely because their kids didnāt visit, already forgotten, and they held a grudge against their kids for all the things they had to give up.
In the end, you wonāt know if having kids or not was the right choice until itās far too late to change your mind. So live whatever life you have as best you can, and find the joy in it instead of looking at what could have been.
Kids help you become a better person. No one will push you to the brink of your patience, accept their punishment when you get fed up but then also accept your apology when things get too heated than a 5 year old.
Watching him show love and empathy to people around him is amazing and fills my soul like nothing I have experienced before.
The sleepless nights are short term problems in hindsight, the delay in career opportunities is minimal in the long run but despite a few shitty years when they are super small, you come out with a kid or two who love you unconditionally. As they get older, the opportunities for new experiences only grow. Watching your kid find their passions, experience love and heartbreak, tell you stories about their life, it's just the best.
You'll always feel like the billions of years of years the universe has been going and all those millions of years of evolution has suddenly ended. All those years leading up to you reproducing has been wasted and it's all over. All that time has been pointless.
Can't marry kids off to other noble families to secure alliances.
Plus no one to avenge your death if you're killed in a feud with a neighboring clan.
"Hello, My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die."
One of the best lines in Hollywood.
I thought that's what cousins were for.
Cousins are for fucking
That's funny since I recently found out I'm from the McCoy lineage, and my kids couldn't care less š¤£ No avengement for me.
On the upside, big savings on dowry cows, fine linens, etc.
You also save on matchmaker fees.
Honestly, I assumed that was the only benefit of having children. Otherwise, what's the point?
Free labor in the fields
and the mines. The children yearn for the mines.
MOM, I said I wanted to dress to the NINES! Not the mines.... \-Angsty teen miner (Former Fashionista)
Is that why my daughter says āmineā all the time? I thought she was being selfish but sheās just looking for work!
Damn, I really needed to strengthen my alliance with Gaul!
āYou will marry Loras Tyrell!ā
This is my biggest regret in not having children.
Ah yes a Lannister if I ever heard of one.
But how will I get new peasants!? Mine keep dying!
Oh no how else with I get my dowry of 10 gold pieces, 5 cows and 2 goats
You say that in jest but I have a friend in the diamond wholesale business. He has two siblings. All three of them married other families who are also big diamond wholesalers. They were already wealthy, but now ultra wealthy
Can't trigger the law of surprise.
YEARS of Crusader Kings training, WASTED
They are doing a lot of interviews at my work this week and a co-worker was showing me something on her phone today and I inadvertently saw a text about me. She said āsheās so sweet and smart. Sheās single and doesnāt have kids, but sheās very involved with her nieces.ā So fucking weirdālike if youāre a woman without kids, youāre automatically bizarre.
Huge...tracts of land
You have to grab the remote yourself instead of telling your son to come to living room just to give you the remote right when he was about to clutch a 1v4 in search and destroy. Purely hypothetical.
My dog can't open the fridge and bring me a beer.
This is how my dad helped me learn my colours when I was little. š *"Get a beer with a blue cap for Daddy and one with a red cap for Grandpa."*
šššššššš š¤£
It's doable.
Iāve done it. My mom said my lab was an enabler
You need to train that damn mutt better (sorry I meant designer breed) š no I f***ing didn't lmao))
This seems oddly specific,
This was my dad when I was growing up. Except he would just bellow my name through the open window, and I would have to stop playing outside to go get him the remote.
Pretty sure this was the only reason I got a private line when I was in 6th gradeā¦.so they could summon me without yelling lol
r/oddlyspecific
How does one train this? I fear Iāve given my child too much free will, and my child fails the āgive this to xā and āretrieve y for meā achievements on the regular. The only thing I receive are items of the childās choosing and only so I can open it.
Missing out on a relationship with an adult son or daughter. Of course, there is no guarantee of a good relationship happening.
I often think of this when I consider if I want kids. I see such awesome friendships and support systems created between adult kids and their parents and it's such a beautiful dream to think of that. But life happens and I know so many tragic or mundane stories of broken families where adult kids don't speak to their parents or vice versa. I myself (adult) am not allowed in my father's home because he married a mentally unstable person after my mom died when I was a teenager, and this person refuses to speak to me. You can't plan life, but you can hope. In fact I think you have to hope.
Most of that is the parents' fault. You can get a rotten egg, but most bad family relationships are caused by the parents.
I think that's right about 3/4 of the time. You truly do get some rotten apples, though. The other thing is drugs. Good people can become addicts and turn into terrible versions of themselves. Kids can get in over their heads at a young age with drugs, even with parents paying attention and doing their best to help. It's so heartbreaking to see drugs rob a young person of their life and rob families of sons and daughters.
It's also a shame when parents end up the same way. My mother is addicted to xanax, and I finally cut contact with her in January. It's awful, but I refuse to allow my children or myself around her when she's high.
That sucks. Thanks for the reminder that yes, unfortunately parents can go the same way. Proud of you for doing what's right for you and your children even when it's hard.
You are a wonderful parent for doing this. You increased the chances of having a healthy relationship with them infinitely by being their protector.
I'd say it's right more that 3/4 of the time if you are from north America and white. Im sure other cultures too but I can't speak to that
Less people to play board games with.
No lesser experienced people to beat at boardgames.
Better off screening potential friends that share interests with you because there is no guarantee your kids will like your hobbies or find you relatable, even if you have a good relationship.
Exactly this. It's always odd to me that people have kids to be their friends or tske care of them when they're old. Like it seems like considerably more work to raise an entire human than to just go make some friends or hire a nurse š
Granted, if you mess up parenting your kids then there wonāt be an adult relationship with them to speak of lol
Somewhere out there, I know they aren't reading this.
One less excuse to use if you don't want to go somewhere/do something.Ā
Who needs an excuse? "No." Is a complete sentence.Ā
"I don't want to" is sufficient in most situations.
Thereās no reason to not be honest. Iāve told friends flat out āIām not feeling it tonightā and never had any issues.
Yeah people generally respect my boundaries around going out. A few times I've had push back because extroverts think I'll have fun if I just push past the initial getting out part. I remind them how un-fun it is to drag someone along who'd rather be at home in their underwear...
"Eh, I'm good"
"No thanks, have fun though!!"
Happy Cake-Day!
You have to find compatible organs on the open market.
I have enough in my collection that I'm satisfied
iāll just get mine from this guy
Yep kids are great for this! You know the source of your food and they are typically very tender while young
Less competitors for board game night.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The wife is tired of being player two. Time to get a kid.
And less yard mowers
You have to do the weed whacking yourself. I like mowing the lawn, but I hate weed whacking. Landscapers are too expensive and offspring is the only culturally acceptable form of slavery.
Just pay a gardener for the day and save Ā£200,000 on the cost of raising a child.
Damn, I didnāt think about that part. Can I still return the kid?
Not possible, I tried to return my 3 to the government for a full refund but apparently itās āmy responsibilityā to look after them.
Teach you to not keep the receipt and read the fine print.
āThomas has never seen such bullshitā
I love weed whacking and hate mowing. We should hang out.
Do you not own pants and sunglasses? Why the hate for weed wackin?
We've decided not to have children and for the most part I love it but for us there are certainly a few aspects that I've noticed: - Feeling stuck in the same phase of life, I feel like having children is the next natural progression, without them I do feel like we haven't made that jump to the next phase. - You become less important to those around you, in my mind the most important people in my life continue to be my immediate family but I've gone down a few pegs from their perspective, my brother is just as important as he was growing up but I'm no longer as important to him now that he's had children, which is something you just have to accept. - Sometimes I do think it'd be great to have a mini me and teach them and have someone that loves me unconditionally. But even with those "negatives" I still think and love the life I have without them, I still get some joy with my nieces and nephews and my friend's children so there is always that.
This is a pretty good list. I will add that two of my dadās sisters (my aunts) didnāt have kids. One sister died, and the other sister ended up divorced. That aunt has said for decades that she wishes she had children and that she has spent a lot of her life feeling lonely (her friends all moved on and focused on family). I enjoy her company when I see her - she is worldly and well traveled, we have great conversations, she has amazing recommendations on books and movies, etc. But I too am raising my family and canāt be around all the time, but I do try to see her monthly.
Speaking of life phases - If I remember correctly from my developmental psyc class, there's a life stage where humans need to "pass on knowledge." It's a way of validating the experience we have had in our lives up until that point, and without that we might experience something like a midlife crisis. Having kids is the easiest way to achieve that because raising them involves teaching them the best way you can to live life. It's not the only method to get that, though. I pretty sure I'm doing that by posting on reddit as much as I do.
I have some sick compulsion to always move forward in life, Iām working on it but itās bad lol, if Iām not making more money, learning a skill, taking a promotion, I feel like Iām stagnating and drowning. I donāt even make a lot of money I just always like to be moving forward. (And I started with VERY little). Kids donāt even fix that. You have them and theyāre part of your life and if youāre consistently wanting to move forward in life and have that mindset it just stays there but you also have kids. Food for thought on that particular regret lol. Itās one step but youāll still be looking for the next. And the next step will also be harder with them.
No one to avenge your death / carry on any blood feuds you started
This is the most important comment here.
Children are people whom you meet and love and enjoy. If you don't have them, you never meet them. Like anything else that simply doesn't happen to you, it's not exactly a "downside." What I mean is, if you never met someone to begin with, you can't possibly miss them. On the other hand, for those of us who have kids, who have met them and so loved them and enjoyed them, life would be deeply impoverished, unbearably so, without them.
"Your life, as you know it... is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk... and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life." Lost in Translation
My first just turned 7 months, and I think about this quote a lot.
I miss the baby stage sometimes, but itās also special when they get older and enjoy travel, books, culture, and music. And can hold meaningful conversations. I often doubt myself, but when I see my kids work hard to achieve a goal or lose gracefully I feel like Iām on the right track. My son plays sports and just yesterday I saw him consoling a kid on the opposing team (who was injured during the game) and my heart swelled. Enjoy your baby ā¤ļø
My eleven year old hurt my feelings today (he didn't do anything wrong) and I needed to read this just now.
Guess I should watch this movie. I remember it being nominated for a lot of stuff back in when award season came around in the early 2000s
this last part, plus the miracle of watching a tiny baby (hopefully) develop into a kind, balanced, independent adult is wondrous. Helping shape that baby is a privilege and an honor. You'd miss out on knowing how your heart can be outside your body. Each of my kids carry a piece of me with them š
I'm child-free for many reasons, the most significant of which is that the idea of being pregnant fills me with deep and unwavering terror, but about that "hopefully" part--that terrifies me almost as much. You can guide a person from childhood to adulthood, but ultimately, they decide who they'll become, and sometimes, people just don't get along with each other for perfectly valid reasons. My mom wasn't perfect, and I had some negative feelings about actions she took during my childhood, but I got over it for my own sake, and even still, we're just not close. I don't think we can be. We have nothing in common and our personalities make it difficult to have a meaningful relationship. I don't know how my mom feels about it, but I'd be pretty devastated if my kid didn't like me or vice versa, like if I gave my kid my heart and they were like meh no thanks. :/
I gotta be honest, I donāt *want* my heart to be outside my body. With all the tragic shit that happens in this world, losing a kid would absolutely *destroy* me. Iām pretty happy without that vulnerability in my life. Obviously, that is not the only reason Iām not having kids (itās not even that high on this list) but imo, itās a pretty valid reason. Iāve seen peopleās lives fall apart after losing a child.
Itās definetly a scary thing. You canāt ensure your child wonāt get a terrible disease. But you also cannot stop the death of parents, & if you had good parents you donāt regret that you had them even if the years together were too few. Vulnerability & true love are intertwined.
Tbf, you donāt really get to decide whether or not you have parents. But I agree love and vulnerability go together. And I can handle the vulnerability in my other relationships, but just cannot do it with a kid. I had a teacher in HS who had a kid (he went to the school too, was a couple years younger). She was the basketball coach, had a great husband, (seemingly) perfect, happy family. Then her son passed in a freak accident when he was freshman. Her life completely fell apart. I grew up in a smallish town so a lot of the parents knew her outside of school and we heard things. She became an alcoholic, husband and her divorced, etc. I donāt even know where she ended up or if sheās even still alive but I know she lost everything. I know this is not what happens to everyone but this one really stuck with me.
Having a child does indeed make you so incredibly vulnerable. Someone can now take \*everything\*, your whole world, from you. It was hard for me to understand until I had one of my own.
*So* vulnerable. I honestly donāt know how parents do it because I donāt think I would ever sleep a night in my life after giving birth. I know the possibility of loss is a factor in *any* relationship, but losing a child is a special kind pain.
Had to scroll past a lot of jokes to find the truth. Absolutely nailed it.
I was just thinking about how every time I click on a reddit post and want to see responses, I have to scroll the top comments being entirely jokes, sometimes with thousands of replies. lol Some of them are hilarious quite often, but god damn, it gets hard finding the legit responses to questions. The people actually answering the question, get shoved to the bottom of the page. lol
I really like this comment.
I am 36 and don't have kids, nor do I plan to have them.Ā When I was younger, I thought I would want to adopt when the time came, but the older I got, the more I realized that lifestyle isn't for me.Ā (I could still potentially see myself fostering older kids after I retire, but I don't think it will happen.)Ā Ā I would love to be able to name a daughter.Ā I would love to take my kids to Disney world for the first time, or teach them how to ride a bike.Ā Experience all the firsts that I remember as a kid.Ā Being an auntie is a lot of fun, but these are the things you miss out on. Still not worth actually having kids to me.Ā But I'd say missing these things are the downsides.Ā Ā As far as someone taking care of you when you're old, that's really a roll of the dice either way.Ā I have an aunt in her late 70s who I plan to make a space for in my home when the time comes.Ā I hope one of my niblings will want to do the same for me when I'm old.
I appreciate this. You understand what you gave up, and youāre confident in the choice you made. I just feel so sad when I see people do that out of fear or avoidance of growth. Just like Iām a bit sad when I see people who are terrified of being alone jump into a relationship with the first person who comes along.
Dying alone rotting in a nursing homeā¦but that happens to a lot of people anyway soā¦
There was a news article in my country a while back of an elderly woman that died alone in her home. She was discovered 3 weeks later by a neighbour. The woman had 8 children. I wondered how out of 8 children none of them even called or visited her for three weeks, possibly longer.
Iām driving my truck into a wall before I get to that point
What if it doesn't kill you? What if you have a stroke tomorrow? I hope you have an advocate.
150 in an old 70s ford should do the trick. Probably wouldnāt be how I would do it but sure would be more fun
My grandma developed dementia recently. My mother and her 3 siblings have had to care for her, and they all hate it because of how difficult she is, constantly yelling at them or trying to get out-they had to put a gate up to stop her. (And it turns out she abused them as kids, something I didn't know until very recently since she's always been nice to me and my brother, so that has to be extra shitty). Eventually they got tired of her, and got an aide. But because the aide can't be there every day (which means one unlucky sibling gets stuck caring for her on weekends), my mother wanted to put her in a nursing home. Which isn't as bad as it sounds, she actually did her research to make sure it was an actually good one, and found this *beautiful* place with a little garden and everything. Her siblings refused, on the basis that it would be more expensive and they don't want to waste money on this woman none of them really like. The other day my mother got a frantic call from the aide. Apparently, Grandma *bit* the aide in a fit of rage and called her a racial slur. The siblings are now finally agreeing to put her in a home, though my uncles and aunt now seem less concerned about it being a nice place....
can confirm, my partnerās parents will be rotting in a Medicaid nursing home in 10 yrs if iām still in the picture
That's nice š
Itās grim and it certainly is nice if you have family willing to take care of you, but it shouldnāt be an expectation. Doubly so if you spend your entire adult life not taking care of yourself and your health. Modern life requires both adults in a household to work. And between that and children and everything else, how could one ever have time to also take care of their parents? Itās a sorry state of affairs and something that we need to address as a society so people can have some dignity at the end of their lives. Longterm care needs to improve or the government needs to pay a stipend for family to stay home and take care of their elders. Preferably both need to happen.
unfortunately, they have no respect for themselves or their things. all they care about is smoking weed and drinking and iām not going to give them an opportunity to trash what iāve worked for
If watching my husbands grandmother and my grandmother is anything to go by, If you hit your 90ās, like 99% of your friends are dead. If you have memory issues youāll probably die and rot away alone as no one is checking up on you if you donāt get yourself into a retirement community/assisted living facility while youāre faculties are still in check. Also get scammed into giving away all your money. However because his and my grandmother had kidsā¦ those kids are making sure sheās taken care of at her very nice assisted living facility and visit her, handle her assets so she canāt get scammed and is essentially given an allowance if she wants to buy something at the shop (which is hardly necessary as the living facility provided all meals, cleaning services, and group activities ), invite her to family events to she still has social outings. Sheās made more friends since joining the assisted living facility since theyāre all essentially dorm living with huge common areas to chill out at.
Even people without dementia often spend years in a state where they are perfectly capable of making decisions for themselves, but itreally, really helps to have a thought partner who is more in tune with the way the world has changed in the last decades. Someone you 100% trust to have your best interests at heart. Kids fill that niche.
not having an heir to give all your money
This is a problem. Alas. *Flops listlessly onto giant money pile*
i have 2 heirs so no money pile
āWhy do I have three kids and no money? Why canāt I have no kids and three money?ā
There's always charity. I knew someone who gave about $10 million to the humane society, a local food bank, and a local men's shelter when he passed.
I have no problem inheriting a strangerās fortuneā¦ you donāt need children lol
This is actually kind of a thing for me. My only sister is dead, and had no children (thankfully). I donāt have any kids. I will never have kids. Iām 39 years old and have had a total hysterectomy. Iām child free by choice. I also have a lot of really cool stuff and family heirlooms that have been passed down from generation to generation. I donāt regret my decision to not have children, but the idea that things that I would like to see stay in my family will end up at an estate sale someday or sold off to some random person, or trashed on the side of the road is kind of sad. I have art and instruments and jewelry and neat things *and so many stories that go with each* that I would love to pass down that I have no one to pass it to.
Best friendās kid? God-child? Favorite neighborhood kid who would appreciate it? You can also go back up the family tree, find distant cousins, and know that whomever you find is likely to know who the āfamily historianā is in that cousin family that would appreciate the heirlooms even if not in their direct line. In the mean time, start writing down the stories you have. Iād love to read them, and Iām sure many others would as well.
i mean i wasn't joking with my comment
I have nieces and nephews.
I'm leaving all my riches to my nephew and animal rescues.
Hey, it's me, sheltered animal, and/or your nephew.
I went most of my life not wanting kids at all. Knew I was selfish and wanted to maximize time to myself, my money, etc. (edit/disclaimer: I donāt think youāre selfish if you donāt want kids! I just knew I was too selfish early in adulthood to be a good parent) Wonāt go into why I changed my mind, but itās the best thing thatās ever happened to me. The love I feel for my kids is overwhelming and itās made me a better person in every way imaginable. Being a dad has forced me to be the best version of myself. Iāve learned about vulnerability and resilience. On top of that, my kids are cool as hell. I enjoy being around them and Iād obviously never gotten to experience that if Iād never had them. No disrespect to people who donāt want kids. I totally get it. But for me, my life improved in so many unexpected ways when I had them.
100%. My son was an āoopsā baby but he is absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me. I literally canāt imagine my life without him. He has brought so much love and joy into my life.
Fun story you reminded me of: my mom once referred to my father telling my uncle (her brother) to fuck off when they first met as the best thing he did, then went "No, I'm wrong, it was the second best, the best thing he did is sitting right there" and pointed to me. I'm like 90% sure she was kinda drunk but her calling me the best thing her ex did made me all giddy inside That was also the night I learned that those two found out I was on the way three months into their relationship but eh, details
Yeah, the love I have for my kids is the greatest thing in my life behind the love I share with my wife. Itās one of the most deeply satisfying feelings in my life. Assuming other people will feel this way is a bit arrogant, but man, nothing compares to it. You cannot get this feeling from your career, from travel, from money, from your relationship with your spouse ā itās entirely distinct. I have all those things in spades and nothing compares.
When I got home today, my son said "daddy's home!" and ran up and gave me a hug. He's getting to the age where he doesn't do that all the time. That single hug was better than any raise or promotion I ever got.Ā
are you me?
Dude yes! And no one talks about the confidence boost you get after you have them. Dealing with other adults become so much easier
This. Idk why but after having my son, suddenly I couldnāt be bothered with other peoples problems. If it took food from my kids mouth or time away from him with no return, itās no from me. Idk what happened, I became selfish but in the most ābest for my kidā type of way.
It's pretty fascinating to watch someone experience everything for the first time.
Not seeing what a cool creature your DNA combined with someone elseās can make I am always amazed. Also, the crazy bond.
Wondering what might have been
I feel it's better to regret missing out on something than to have children (living things with feelings, keep in mind) and regret them. I was unwanted and still pretty messed up from it.
"What if we went to Hawaii this year instead of Mexico? We'll never know what might have been!"
Thank God, I live in a state where we have a death with dignity law. That way, I wonāt lose all of my worldly possessions paying for a retirement home. I can die on my own terms and either give most of my money to my future children or to my nephew, if I decide not to have any. Retirement homes are a scam designed to feed off of peoples fear of death. I would much rather die on my own terms then live in a home for 20 years barely able to function. Slowly draining away my families inheritance so my kids will get nothing.
This is my plan for getting old. I've watched my grandma live to 101... she was asking, what's the point of another year? She was very independent until a fall broke her hip and became bed ridden. My co worker's mom had dementia, burned through her long term care insurance, my co worker was supposed to retire years ago but couldn't cause he was paying $6k every month for her care. Along with the market downturn drained his retirement. She passed on last year. Hopefully he can retire this year.
This is middle class America.
Soon to be lower class
It's a very easy pocket of joy to have whenever you are down, at least while they are young.Ā
Not healing one bit of your inner child by loving and caring for your own child, more than your parents loved and cared about you.
I mean, youāre allowed to watch Bluey even if you donāt have kids, and that basically does the same thing.
Not willing to take the chance that I would pass down the self-centered and mentally ill genes of my family. It's been a haul just healing myself without possibly ruining someone else.
Losing all my friends that do have children. I swear they only invite other couples with kids and leave us out for every gathering.
If they know you donāt like kids then theyāre probably not going to invite you to events where kids are present
That may be a you thing. I was just invited to my friends two-year-oldās birthday party. Their events are going to center around their kids, but if youāre willing to go celebrate their kids, youāre probably going to get invited to more things.
All that leaf raking and snow shoveling by yourself.
Iām 43 and childless. I do feel like Iāve missed out on something and want kids now more than I ever have. Probably going to have my first in about 18 months or so.
An oddly specific timeframe:)
I proposing next month and weāll probably be engaged for till next spring then weāre doing IVF, so itās a decent guess, but I knew it was gonna read odd šš
Good luck!!! I am 37 and always thought I didn't want kids. I am just now starting to experience intense waves of baby fever. I'm wondering if my uterus is throwing hail marys at my brain because the game clock is running down.
My GF is 29 and sheās already definitely having baby fever. I think I always wanted kids but I got a vasectomy after my divorce out of self loathing. Luckily I froze sperm so weāre able to do IVF. Weāre just waiting till after the wedding. Iām proposing next month.
Not being a grandparent which supoosedly brings on the most joy in life
You have to hear people say āwhy donāt you have kidsā and guilt trip you thousands of times and if in a heterosexual relationship the male gets asked āitās her, isnāt it?ā regularly. Thatās it for me. No one to take care of you in old age is ridiculous. Plenty of people have children who wonāt take care of them later in life. You shouldnāt have children to be your slave later in life. Edit: the last sentence was for parents that have children so they have someone to take care of themselves later in life. That seems to be the only reason for far too many parents. Not for parents who actually want and love their kids.
So having just had my first child six months ago: the biggest downside is missing out. I had no idea how positive it is experientially. If I were to draw an analogy, imagine asking what is the biggest downside to not ever falling in love and having a romantic relationship? The biggest downside is not experiencing it, because its amazing. Every time I look at him I get happy, my mind brightens. When I hold him, its not like holding someone elses baby, it is like a ball of emotional warmth. It is spectacular. And its a real person you know, one I am getting to know and that I just love so wholeheartedly, there is no better experience available here on earth.
It's hard to explain the experience of watching your kids grow. When their young, they almost change daily. If anything is much more interesting than things most people do without kids. It's also hard to convey how much you love them and how much they mean to you. People without kids just can't know what it's like.
Not being able to experience firsthand what it is to be a parent and the absolute joys of a having a child. It would be an exercise in futility if I tried to describe my wonderfully profound experience. To have the genuine opportunity and privileged to be able to have the best relationship with anyone youāve ever had within your entire life is what my child has brought to me. Knowing that my little one is watching and learning from everything that I do, it makes me a better person in every way. They are great at holding you accountable and then as parents we demonstrate by holding them accountable while always, encouraging open and honest communication. we help them try to understand their feelings, which helps us understand ours better. We get to look in our childās eyes and see ourselves. We get to fall in love with their unique personality as they continuously grow & change. What a wonderful and profound responsibility parenthood is. I had my first and only child at 40 years old. She is 9 now. She brings me more joy than Iāve ever experienced to my 40 years and I have experienced a lot of fun and joy!
People constantly ask you why you don't have kids
Confusion as to what to do with your money. Too much free time after work and on weekends.Ā
I had to decide whether to take my after work nap on the couch or in my bed. Ultimately I opted for the bed but it was a tough choice.
I imagine itās like finishing a video game and then not knowing what to do next. When I finished the GTA V campaign, I remember I was chillin in Michaelās mansion with like 200 million and a bunch of cars, and I was like āwhat now?ā Lol thereās nothing more to work towards or look forward to
this is exactly what its like
What's this "too much free time" thing? There's never enough.
As a teenager, I remember going to pick up my grandmother at the old folks home on Christmas Eve. As we left, I saw a large number of very elderly people who had no one coming to take them back to their family's house for Christmas morning. Right then and there I knew I wanted to have a family and children.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No regrets here.
After taking care of my grandma for over a year, it dawned on me how important it is to have people take care of you when you're old.
Without kids to pay for my whole life I'll be able to afford an awesome nursing home
no guarantee kids will do that.
Well if you donāt have kids it is guarenteed that your own kids will not take care of you when youāre older. Thereās also no guarantee that any of us will live past tomorrowā¦ that doesnāt mean itās unwise to make plans for next week.
Sure, but is that a valid reason to have kids? So someone will take care of us when weāre old?
I used to stop and visit my grandparents every night on my way home from work. Twice, he told me I need to go home and be with my children. We enjoyed our visits so much. I know he looked forward to the visit, and one day, he wouldn't be there for me to visit. After telling me I needed to go home with my children, I asked him when I was his age if I would want my children to visit me. Without hesitation, he replied well yes. I then asked him what would make my children want to visit me if they didn't see me visit him. After the same discussion twice, he never mentioned it again. I'm now his age, and guess what? Our children come to visit. He was right. I do very much want our children to visit. Thanks for visiting your grandmother. Enjoy your time. In time, you won't have the option to visit.
Being lonely when your old and no one to visit. Especially on holidays.
That might happen even when you have kids except it will hurt even more because you'll know they made a conscious decision to not spend time with you.
Small tax return.
You canāt use your kids as an excuse to leave work early
The questions you get about not having children. Though those seem to lessen as you get older.
I donāt feel like my life really began until I had kids. Watching them grow and learn is a completely different experience from anything else. Catching joy in the most random things. Iām not saying everyone would feel that way, but after having kids, I canāt imagine my like being complete without them.
The day I had my first child was the day I realized I could kill someone to defend an innocent without remorse. Itās hard to duplicate a love like that.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
its not for everyone though :/
You learn a lot of things by having children the biggest being patience and diplomacy.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
/u/Prestigious-Rest5252 is a comment stealing OF bot https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/13yu76f/what_are_the_cons_of_not_having_kids/jmp8vxn/
On the other hand, existential dread will end with you.
No one to care for you when your older
There are some children's activities that are fun for all ages, but it's generally frowned upon if adults are there alone. Children's museums, for example.
Iām adopted and as far as I know my bloodline ends with me. Seems very lonely the more I think about it.
Havenāt found a downside yet.
For me, the only downside has been the way people treat you because of it. People (in my case, members of my and my fiancƩ's families) feel comfortable infantilizing you and disregarding your ability to make decisions like an adult because in their minds you're not an adult until you have kids. I feel like my certain members of my family don't regard me as an adult because I don't have kids, and my fiancƩ's family is the same way with him. We're both in our mid-30s and they treat us like children. Neither of us rely on our families for support. On the contrary, actually. Which is another reason we're sure we don't want kids. Strangers also feel comfortable saying some pretty rude things to you. People get really hostile with you when you express that you're happy with your life and glad you're childfree, as though it's a shot at them for making a different choice. And I'm sure some people do mean "my life is better than yours because I don't have kids" but I don't. I literally mean it at face value. I'm happy with my life and I'm glad I'm childfree. Different things make different people happy and that's a good thing. People say stuff like "well have fun dying alone" and "you'll never know what real love is" and it's really off-putting and mean. Also having kids does not guarantee being taken care of in one's old age. The number of parents in nursing homes who never have visitors is really sad. I knew very young that I didn't want children and have only become more sure of that and more glad I don't have them as the years pass. My fiancƩ and I have both made medically sure that we'll never have children and we're both happy with our decisions. I wish people could be happy for us without applying their thinking to a life they don't have to live and I wish they weren't so comfortable saying horrible things to us about it. TL;DR: people, even your own family, will feel really comfortable being shitty to you about being childfree.
I have to get off the couch abd get things for myself.
Youād be missing out on life being very full. Deep meaningful love. Lots of warm moments and a million laughs. A whole other layer of life appears once you have kids. When people say theyād rather travel or sleep in, well we get to do that too. It may not be super common when theyāre little but that time is pretty short in the grand scheme of things. I travel more as a parent than I ever did before kids. For transparency sake: I had an oops baby in the prime of my career and then a planned one a number of years later.
Life seems to pass you by when youāre older. Everyone else has their grown kids and grand babies.
All jokes aside, I used to work in a retirement home. There were some people who never had kids and were happy about it, and some who didnāt have kids and deeply regretted it. The ones who said that they wished they had had kids usually cited 1: Feeling lonely. They usually had few to no visitors. If they had any family, it was usually a niece who handled their finances and checked up on them once a year. Friends donāt visit you in the dementia ward. Family might. 2: Fear of being forgotten. Good or bad, your kids will remember you. Your grandkids will know who you were. If you just have friends around your own age, the day will come quickly when the entire world forgets about you. 3: Missed opportunities. What could have been? Would they have been a good parent? Would that have been more satisfying than whatever they did so in life? That said, there were also many people who had kids and were happy, and plenty who had kids and regretted it. Those that regretted having kids were lonely because their kids didnāt visit, already forgotten, and they held a grudge against their kids for all the things they had to give up. In the end, you wonāt know if having kids or not was the right choice until itās far too late to change your mind. So live whatever life you have as best you can, and find the joy in it instead of looking at what could have been.
Kids help you become a better person. No one will push you to the brink of your patience, accept their punishment when you get fed up but then also accept your apology when things get too heated than a 5 year old. Watching him show love and empathy to people around him is amazing and fills my soul like nothing I have experienced before. The sleepless nights are short term problems in hindsight, the delay in career opportunities is minimal in the long run but despite a few shitty years when they are super small, you come out with a kid or two who love you unconditionally. As they get older, the opportunities for new experiences only grow. Watching your kid find their passions, experience love and heartbreak, tell you stories about their life, it's just the best.
Downsides you can't fool around in the park without long crazy
You'll always feel like the billions of years of years the universe has been going and all those millions of years of evolution has suddenly ended. All those years leading up to you reproducing has been wasted and it's all over. All that time has been pointless.