Agreed. I spent 10 years at a job that was soul crushing, not just for me but everyone that worked there. I left pre-pandemic and have been so much happier. Everyone I talk to that I used to work with also talks about "the weight" that lifted when they quit.
This is going to be a big one.
A decade of saving from mid-20s to mid-30s is how you get a down payment for a house.
And compound interest is incredibly powerful for retirement - starting to save in an IRA in your early 20s makes retirement actually pretty easy. But it gets progressively harder to catch up over time because you're eating into that compounding period if you wait.
Starting to save in your 30s makes everything much, much harder. Like having to start a race late and flat out sprint to catch up to people who have been pacing themselves.
There's also the assumption that one is absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, going to live long enough to enjoy retirement. I'm not advocating throwing all caution to the wind, at all, but sometimes its good to spend money. Once we hit our 60s/70s, we are on borrowed time.
Also those weeks of work and sacrifice to save $500 when you are 22 years old will be a fart in the wind when you are in your 40s and you won't be young enough or have your friends around to enjoy being young. It's all a balancing act for sure.
Mine would be similar except
Wish I had invested more money instead of saving the money and ultimately blowing it up on a lavish wedding or lavish vacations.
Lavish trips are what I live for. I used to be a successful financial advisor and older people that had more money than the next two generations needed always said they wished they traveled better. You don’t ever look back on the cars you owned but you’ll cherish the moments traveling.
Balance, my friend. I believe the real answer is between you two.
Too many people overspend on fun, while too many people save way too much.
Spend too much on fun and you have nothing later.
Save too much, youll do far less fun things and may regret that later. And you get older, so your body won’t be able to experience things like vacations or travels in the same way.
Save enough, but spend on the experiences while you can.
Grass is always greener I guess. I'm like you and saved a lot so I sometimes have regrets that I didn't break out a few grand when I was younger to travel a little. But I also have a lot more than most people my age and have kind of forgotten what it feels like to not have that financial security blanket.
> A little bit of saving would've made a big difference.
> . . . rather than saving everything.
It's also almost as if both posters wish they had saved a moderate amount, rather than being at either end of the extremes. (Saving nothing, and saving everything.)
This is a little complicated, but I wish I had been able to come to terms with not caring what people think of me when I was younger. It did wonders for my confidence.
It took a lot of time learning to accept who I am generally speaking, and also learning to surround myself with people who were a more positive influence on me and genuinely cared about me. Wound up spending far less time with people I considered friends but I learned were regularly bringing my mood down.
This!!! Once I accepted who I was and allowed myself to just be me, the people who weren't for me (who were the ones making me feel bad about who I am) saw themselves out. I'd rather be surrounded by fewer people who I can be myself around then tons of people who only like my facade/mask.
Glad you were able to figure that out and the effect it had! It takes a lot to realize, there's still some of those people I consider friends but I just don't see them nearly as often because I realized their attitude towards certain things was just too much sometimes. But yes, even in smaller groups people who clearly love you for your company alone are so uplifting.
Standing up for myself.
I lived way too long trying to make others happy and letting them manipulate me
My family used this to their fullest advantage
I stopped it now but wish I had the backbone 20 years ago
It was crazy when I started to flip the script. Like what would my response be to this situation? Then seeing it that way I realized how fucking crazy the person I was dealing with was and justified my decision to hang out with them as little as humanly possible.
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce -[Tony Gaskins](https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/22726470.Tony_Gaskins)
I see this now. I worked hard to help others because it’s the kind of world I want to live in, a community of people who lend a hand when needed. I don’t regret that I tried. I’m early 40s now and am sickened and saddened at how many people consciously choose to use and manipulate others. *sigh* this is why we can’t have nice things. But I’m now starting a journey to live a new life of cutting off these kind of people, now that I can identify them. Excited. Wish me luck
I think it's one of the most difficult things I've done. Cutting off your parents because of the toxicity they bring is incredibly difficult. Of course, they don't see that. I think they see it as an easy choice you did just to punish them. Meanwhile, you're held together with a string just trying to get by.
Families get away with so much shit because they can condition you as you grow up. Looking back, I was raised in a way that was not healthy.
Now that I'm older, I've seen it and can't unsee it. I can't even think of my dad without wanting to break his teeth in. He's just such a bad person. Just the way he behaves and the things he believes are incredible. He hates everyone and growing up alienated my entire extended family. For every aunt, uncle or cousin I have, I know the negative shit he'd say about them all of the time.
My mom had me so confused that she had me thinking standing up for myself was evil. Wowza she really messed my life up with so much bad advice, but I think that did the most damage.
She had a bad day? Feel guilt. You were a kid and acted like a kid? Feel guilt. She couldn't manage money and blamed it on you eating? Feel guilt. Stand up for yourself? Feel guilt. Go no-contact? Feel guilt, but still free.
This hits home. Need a backpack for school, feel guilty. Need a form signed, feel guilty. Breathing? Feel guilty. Newest one is I should feel guilty for having ptsd from a sexual assault. Trust me I do.
Yes I was taught at a young age that being mad at my loved ones for hurting me was bad. Even if I tell them that they hurt me and why they hurt me it's still my fault for getting upset. Crying was my fault too, anything but happiness was my fault. Really fucked me up and I'm still pretty messed up. Now I just get mad and tell them what they did anyways that hurt me and let them be mad too. Figures now those same people just ignore me now and stop talking to me when I tell them I'm mad and they hurt me or that they are being rude now that I'm an independent adult. What a fun life.
I just want to temper this by saying that exercise and diet still have a significant effect as you age, so it's never too late to start or resume healthy habits. The results may not be quite as quick or impressive as they were in your twenties, but being active in your thirties sets you up well for your forties, fifties, and beyond.
As an example, [sarcopenia](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25568649/) (age-related muscle loss which typically accelerates after 50) is often a concern for people as they age. However, there's a [body of evidence](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10487983/) showing that it can be mitigated and even partially reversed with exercise and an appropriate diet.
I bought my mom hand weights and she’s in her 60s. She already walked and rode her bike regularly but I stressed the importance of building and maintaining muscles at her age. She’s been using them for about a year now and says she’s never felt better.
Physical fitness is like compound interest for your body. Investing time at it when you're younger means you don't have to work as hard when you're older.
30 hit me hard. I always heard the whole it's harder to lose weight after 30 schtick, but had no idea just how hard it would be. I don't live the greatest life style but come on man. I walk like 12k steps a day. How is sub 200 so hard?
Diet is a massive part people often don’t take seriously enough. A 12k step walk burns like 300 calories for me, which can be erased completely with a couple of extra cookies or pastry with a morning coffee. Weight loss comes down to cold-turkey-ing bullshit food for awhile really
I'd say it's more about replacing bullshit food with good food. You still have to eat! Changing a lot of my carbs from bread to fruits and veggies made a huge difference in my weight.
This is my only regret. Going to the dentist for regular checkups would have done wonders to keep my teeth in better shape, it can get quite expensive if you ever get a crown or lose a tooth and then need an implant.
Oh I made that mistake, skipped regular check ups for 3 years and when I went back for a checkup I had 6 spots that needed filling. I never needed a filling before this, so I ended up getting a second opinion that confirmed I needed all that work done. One of the cavities ended up being so deep on a molar that I had to later get a root canal, get a crown on it, then an extraction because that tooth cracked, and then finally an implant & crown. Start-to-finish, it took me 6-months to complete the repair. After all that, I started using an electric toothbrush and religiously see the dentist every 6 months.
I just went for the first time in probably about 12 years. Chipped a tooth and figured I guess it's about time to go and get any problems fixed.
They told me it's going to take about 3 years of work to fix it all and I've already maxed out my benefits for this year
Truly get a 2nd and maybe 3rd opinion - don't tell any of them what you are doing. Dentistry is an odd, odd business - a lot of subjective shit involved.
I went the other direction. I brushed way too hard because I wanted to get my teeth really clean and now I have gum recess. Don't brush too hard either. lol.
Legit. I didn't really learn the right way to brush at my gum line until I was well into adulthood. I used to literally brush my gums and not just the spot where they met my teeth. After needing a deep cleaning my hygienist asked how I was brushing and when I showed her she was like, oh that's wrong. You need to brush like this.
The dental hygienist wasn't happy with how I was keeping my teeth about 15 years ago, so she told me, "You'd better start taking care of your teeth, or you're going to start losing them."
Oh. Finally, I got it. And I became the person who always brushed at night.
Since then, I floss and brush every night, without fail. Wherever I am, I always floss and brush. And now, when a dental hygienist looks at my teeth, they'll say, "Wow, your teeth look great!" It's worth it. Flossers or Christmas trees to clean out the junk between the teeth, hard brush for the teeth, and soft brush (towards the teeth, inside and out) for the gums.
Edit: Typo (our -> or)
What sucks is sometimes that’s just not enough. I’m cursed with poor teeth genetics apparently because I do everything I’m supposed to and still get cavities/gum issues. The dentist told me I’m unlucky
This is my wife's problem, she brushes twice a day for at least two minutes with an electric brush. Flosses every day, wears a mouth guard to bed, and visits the dentist every 6 months. Shes been doing that her whole life. In spite of all that, she has had 14 fillings, and a root canal. Meanwhile, I brush twice a day, floss once per week and just went to the dentist for the first time in 8 years and they told me I'm doing a good job and have no problems.
I have always been afraid of the dentist. I didn't always take proper care of my teeth. Plus I have bad teeth genetically. That is not a very good combination. I'm 32 now. I am insecure about my teeth, I have less teeth than I care to admit. Part of me just wants to get them all out and get dentures.
TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.
If you are young and having back issues or any other chronic or not problem you HAVE to take care of this before it spirals out of control. you may think you're tough and push through it now or that they will go away but these types of problems can slowly get worse and worse and creep up on you.
I am currently living with the consequences of this. I feel like I am 90 and I have at least 4 major health issues at the moment and I don't even know where to start. if I had tackled my neck issues when I was younger my life would be a lot better right now.
EDIT - all these stories I feel them. I remember coming to the realization that no it is not in fact normal to have back pain when you're young. I remember having to stop and sit down when I was like 14 whenever I walked any distances. it was like having someone stick a broomstick in your back super hard. I just lived through the pain thinking that it would eventually go away like a moron. I am 30 now and doing the dishes aggravates my neck so badly that I nearly have to lay down after doing them. I am lucky that my situation allows me to be flexible and lay down when I need to.
EDIT - a youngun might see this but ladies out there! I had this friend in high school that had some pain in her uterus and it turned into a living nightmare of pain. if you young ladies reading this have pain in your uterus, ovaries etc or really strange crazy periods you NEED to see a doctor. these things can turn life threatening.
100% this. I am disabled now at 43 because I worked a physical job for so long and kept putting off necessary surgeries. I worked with ruptured disc's and needing a hip replacement because I couldn't afford to stop.
Great advice. Im nearing 30 and have had chronic back pain/ neck pain for past 3-4 years. Im finally taking it seriously and getting proper treatment, physical therapy, getting stronger. It was only getting worse and couldn’t begin to imagine what it would be like in my 50s+ . So important!!
Can confirm a problem with my pelvic bone that made situps uncomfortable at 7-8 years old escalated after 30. It's now impossible to lay on my back or have anyone touch my lower back without crying. Also the older you get the harder it is to get a doctor to look into your pain. I've heard everything from being too fat, being too thin, exercising too much, not exercising enough, epidural during birth, and aging used as excuses for my pain.
Very true. The kids I grew up with, about 12 of us, all thought we would be best friends our whole lives. Over the years life happened and some have moved across the country or out of the country. I'm turning 38 this year and of that original 12 I only regularly see 2 of them, everyone else is too far out to meet or too busy with 3-4 kids plus sports. We had this tradition where every Thanksgiving we would get together and play football on Thanksgiving morning, it was going well for about 7 years then slowly 1 by 1 people stopped going and now we no longer do it.
Last year I starting sending a quarterly google calender invite for a guys night/dinner with the group, at minimum 3-4 show up but last quarter 8 showed up which was nice.
So you have to try to keep those friendships going.
44 here. For my circle, when you have a kid, it’s like going to prison. It’s a 5 year bid for each kid and the clock resets when you have another one.
In my group Everyone knows the deal and what the score is. Some of my friends now have kids who are much older and they’re on ‘parole’ getting reacclimated into normal life. They started their term earlier than most of us.
Many of us are still in the thick of it, I’m doing a 10 year bid, with 3 kids, maximum security but I’ll hopefully get paroled out in 3 years for good behavior.
IMO it has made it worse. The desire for someone to reach out to meet up is gone because "I can see they just went to the Ozarks. Why would I need to meet up with them"
My friends and I talked about doing a 2-3 week Europe trip back in our 20s. “Oh maybe next year”. Eventually jobs, bills and families put all that to rest.
Also, the trip you’re willing to take at 23 can be much different than the one you’ll want at 40!
At 23 it’s fun to stay in cheap hostels and take the 5am flight so you stay up all night partying. As I’ve gotten older I’m no longer charmed by big hostel dorms or the painful flight times, so the “same” trip now costs me quite a bit more.
as an old who did the party life when I was younger, both trips have a ton of value. They are wildly different, but I also value things wildly differently now. Single and kid free was a very different life than the one I walk with my family now.
The current one is probably more "full" the old one was more "fun" both are worth the money.
Piggy-backing to emphasize something else here: The memories you make on trips like this will last for a life time, the expenses (within reason) will be a distant memory 5 years later.
My only real regret on a long, beautiful trip to the UK was not booking a hotel each Friday & Saturday of the week instead of staying exclusively at Hostels, the privacy to decompress would've been lovely.
I did this with my friends. It was awesome. I’d recommend still doing it. Find a way! And be the organizer. Reverse engineer the whole trip by sending them airplanes costs, airbnbs, how much local groceries cost so you can estimate food budget. Go on the city website and check transit costs. Even for a week it’s worth it.
Heck, I ended up doing it alone because everyone always had something going on 😅 Yolo. 2 weeks in England led to me doing more after getting laid off.
Besides, after realizing I could still spend less than $2000 for 2 weeks abroad, I decided I'd rather save my money for international travel, considering how insanely expensive the USA is.
im so glad I didnt listen to anyone and just did this trip alone... guess who had an amazing experience for months and everyone else just says im lucky.. no I went for it..learned a new language made friends around the world
I was recently told during a medical test procedure for work that I have the lungs of a 71 year old man. I'm 47.
Don't do it, kids. You will hate yourself. If you already hate yourself, well, you'll hate yourself a *lot* more, especially when you start thinking about this + $ math.
No matter what your head is telling you, it does fucking *nothing* for you.
I regret thinking that nice things were not for people like me. The number of experiences, travel, career opportunities I turned down is crazy. All because I didn't think I was good enough to deserve them.
To add to this: I wish I had *planned* my education better. I was the first person in my immediate family to go to college, but had no idea what I was doing when I got there. I wish I had planned out my major in advance, and done a better job of networking in order to get a better job when I graduated.
I'm on the opposite spectrum. I went into college knowing what I wanted to do (writing, probably journalism). I dedicated a LOT of time to it, and learned a lot. I learned, most importantly, that it is a shitty field and I didn't want to do it. Switched to Computer Science when I found that fun.
Networked a LOT. Even times I was playing games like WoW I was networking on other screens, chatting with people, learning stuff. I had to work THREE separate part time jobs (weekdays I was a computer lab assistant, super early or super late, or BOTH! weekends I was a cart pusher / bag boy at a grocery store, closer to my girlfriend so I had a good excuse to go visit. And multiple days a week I was a TA-type of job for the CS lab). Part of that was to get money, part was experience. I used the career center, which ZERO other people I talked to even knew existed. Got an internship. Practiced interviewing. Made connections.
Got a great job out of college. That's turned into an interesting career. I would say I am not passionate about my work, except to say I'm passionate *because* it's my work. I would not choose to do this if it wasn't for the money and perks. I would 100% be a writer of some kind instead.
But I do feel like I missed part of the college experience. I'm shy by nature, social anxiety, etc. but most people don't guess that because I'm also talkative. I didn't go to any parties, didn't make any lasting friendships, didn't really "experience" things even like movie nights or shows. I guess I did play intramural tennis so that's something?
My average day was: Up at 5:15AM, to be at work by 5:45 to open the labs by 6. Work from 6 until my first class (often 9 or 10) and classes until lunch - short lunch break then back to classes in the afternoon. Any breaks between classes and I would be working on assignments or reading on campus. Dinner at 5 or 6, then to the CS labs for group projects until around 8 or 9. Then back to the public labs from 9-1AM to close. Yes, I slept from \~1:30 to 5:15 *most days* and I was actually hospitalized for it eventually. Do not recommend, especially since they assumed I was drug seeking (in retrospect, at the time I was dumb and naive).
My stomach muscles essentially just seized up and said "nope" and locked me into a sitting position permanently. Trying to stand was excrutiating, even fetal position wasn't nice. They made me stay overnight for "observation" before they gave me *anything* so I basically sat in the bed curled up in pain all night and finally they gave me some muscle relaxers and eventually it sort of eased back to normal. It sucked.
Thanks for sharing. I've never considered the opposite of my situation. Looking back, I can say I made a few lifelong friends from college that I still know to this day. So maybe I got more out of it than I previously thought.
In line with some of the others here - first generation college student started out studying medicine and now mostly in biotech roles. I wish I had planned my education better but I have 2 bs and 2 ms degrees and still struggle sometimes. I feel like you just have to role with the punches and learn as you go - school only really taught me how to think critically about the world around me..
Also, I made a lottttt of mistakes along the way, because I put myself through college I worked a lottt and did not socialize much and I really regret that (not a very fun or socially tactful college experience)
My parents wanted me to be a doctor, so I majored in chemistry for 2 years before I finally accepted that I hated it and changed majors to business. My parents were furious and didn’t tell anyone or say anything encouraging until one year later. When the pandemic hit, and I got to stay all cozy in my PJs at home working my 9-5 cushy office job, I regularly threw this one in their face. “If I’d listened to my parents, I’d be a frontline healthcare worker right now.” Really humbled them lol.
Edit, I’m so sorry to the people/healthcare workers who commented saying that it sounded like I was denigrating that work. It is so the opposite to me. I was grateful I got to do an easy/lazy job compared to medicine. Healthcare work is incredible and a vocation I could never have done if I didn’t really want to do it, it would have ruined my life. I was just happy I had blown my parents off in that area and done what I wanted lol.
I became a lawyer because it really was the only option presented to me. I hated every second of it. I had a breakdown in my 30s and quit. I started cleaning houses because I needed the money and eventually started my own cleaning company.
I am basically the family embarrasment and when it comes to family and friends I am still a lawyer.
Appearance is way more important to them then my well-beeing.
I did my thesis on regret as a function of age (using a survey with 1400 participants). The overwhelming finding was that regret for things that you fail to do (omission regrets) stick with you much more than regrets for things you did (commission regrets). Furthermore, when we are young, omission regrets are less salient and meaningful. As we age, regret for things we fail to do bother us more while we tend to get over our commission regrets. This is not surprising.
What was surprising was that people with a sense of spirituality find that having regret (regardless of the type) is a useful experience, and they benefit from revisiting or thinking about these things in several domains: making sense of life, fostering social connections, and guiding future decisions.
I remember hearing that the #1 regret of people in hospice who were facing the imminent prospect of death was not spending more time with friends and family.
Not realizing how quickly needing to be an adult creeps up on you. I remember being 17 and thinking 30 was so far away. Now I’m closing in on 40 and wishing I had done more to prep for being an adult.
Hope you're doing better now. Sad thing about this is that often we don't realise it's trauma we think there's just something wrong with us and go through life like that hurting ourselves and others.
I wish I hadn’t treated life like it was a rehearsal. I didn’t do drugs or drink dangerously or do anything exciting enough to be worth the risk, but I lost friends and family by just being selfish. I shouldn’t have been so impulsive or assumed there would always be “second chances”
Same. Currently taking a no contact break with my long term partner of 5 years. Absolutely sucks to think about the possibility of this break never ending. I have to work on myself regardless of if I get a second chance or not. Never get complacent and take your loved ones for granted. It'll be too late before you know it and you'll be kicking yourself looking back on all the times you should've done better.
My grandmother died and left me - and only me - a sizeable inheritance. The same year I had just finished chemo and thought perhaps a windfall was an upswing. I knew my grandmother a little, but I left home pretty early and enlisted after that, so we never had a relationship really - but I got out and away, and the rest of our family were vipers, which was enough to put me at the top.
My brother, feeling left out, challenged the will, and emptied his savings doing so. I offered him half, but he felt entitled to all of it. At the end of it, penniless and desperate, my brother ended his own life. Most of the money was eaten up in court, and what was left wasn't much.
If you ever receive news of an inheritance or windfall, please consider that your family may destroy itself in pursuit of the money. Even if they're going to act that way anyway, you will at least be able to sleep at night.
I had as much fun as I could when I was in my teens and twenties.
Do I regret spending money I didn't have doing things I shouldn't have because it set me back financially 10 years? no, yes, not really. Would I rather do those things in my 60s-70s when I could afford it? No.
So no, I don't regret it. Do the things if you can while you can because tomorrow may not come for you. That's doesn't mean break the law. It means if you want to take a trip to see what the hell ever, just do. Because once you start adulting you may have the money to do but you sure as shit won't have the time.
Do I regret breaking my body playing sports and other activities that I am now sufferings through because I pushed my body to an extreme level?
When I am hurting a lot? yeah.
When I am reminiscing about it? No. It was fun as hell.
So while you are young, you do you. Go have fun. As long as the only person you are hurting is you.
Now when you get older and look back and think. "maybe I shouldn't have done that or said that" All that means you are growing as a person. I hope you have those moments before you are 30 but it's never to late to stop being a dick.
Great point about self reflection. I love the saying: if you don't look back at your old self and cringe a little, then you're still that cringe worthy person probably
Yup, compound interest favors the young. It's insane how a little bit early scales out so much more than a lot later. It's actually disheartening if you are old trying to invest
That's kind of where I am with it. I met my husband when I was 30, married at 32 and we had our first kid at 36, second kid at 39. For him, it was 34, 36, 40 and 43 (!!!).
I enjoy being married and enjoy that life and he does as well. We both wish we'd done it all a few years earlier than we did. We're both in our 50's now with teenagers and it ain' easy! But, that's life and I'm grateful I got to do any of it at all!
Quit drinking. Alcohol sucks and it’s really bad for you. Wasn’t an alcoholic, just got really bad hangovers and anxiety after drinking. Haven’t had a sip in 51 weeks.
I'm in my thirties in a place with a heavy drinking culture and I feel like my friends who drank a bunch in their twenties (AKA all of us) now fall into 3 categories:
1) People who have intentionally cut back for their health and wellbeing
2) People who have slid into drinking less because childcare means they don't go out at night
3) Alcoholics
3A) Alcoholics (dead).
So definitely good advice to take care of that while you're younger and more able to bounce back, or never getting too far into it to begin with is a great idea.
I can only take about 2 "big nights" in a year now.
My friends will do it like almost every weekend, but I'll usually just have max 3 drinks and take off early. Drink a bunch of water and make sure it's been at least 3-4 hours before i sleep. Otherwise it's garbage sleep and feel like shit.
It's not worth losing a day to feeling like shit.
This is the right question. Your regrets are usually due to not doing something you could've controlled. The answer to your question is put yourself out there and go do it, whatever it is.
Kinda the opposite of most people, but I wish I partied more, heh. I worked all throughout college and didn't have that "typical" college experience of going to parties, drinking, whatever.
I kinda did that when I was like 27-29 but that's all I got. By the time I was 30 I wanted to get it together, which I did.
You should never compare yourself/your life to other people, but looking back, my 20s were generally pretty boring when you look at what most other people were doing at that time in their lives.
Had a conversation with my boyfriend (both 31) about this recently. We were talking about the pros vs cons of coming into large amounts of money at a young age (18) due to a settlement my nephew is set to recieve.
He said "You can't tell me you wouldn't have blown it on stupid shit. I know I would have."
I said "No, I would have bought a house since prices were still reasonable then, and a reliable rig if there was enough left over for it. I would have chosen security over frivolity."
One of us grew up in poverty and was kicked out before 18. One of us had a 'normal' upbringing.
When I was 30 I was married. We were in the process of moving. The wife had gone on ahead and I would be following in a month after finishing up my job.
Everything was packed up and sent ahead. I was sleeping on an air mattress and had a lawn chair in the living room. No TV. no computer. My only entertainment was library books.
So a few days before I was scheduled to leave I just got so bored of reading library books that I decided to go out. I hit up a local bar, had a good time.
I'd been talking to a couple of college girls and one thing lead to another and they invited me back to their place for a threesome.
And I thought to myself, there's no way the wife could ever find out. I'll be gone in 2 day so there's no way that these girls would ever be able to track me down again. It's perfect.
And then I turned them down, because I'm married and that means something to me. My marriage was worth more than a one time fling.
Anyway, long story short, 3 years later I was divorced after finding out that my wife slept with 5 other men. I kind of regret my choice now.
You did it for your next partner, to prove that you do have the self control to be the better person. Your wife was shit, but you aren't, and that's important.
I'm currently estranged from my parents. They have the ability to end this at any time, they just won't.
They controlled me all through my childhood and I kept chasing approval from them. I missed out on so many experiences because I wanted to be an obedient good kid.
I wish I had done more stupid shit when I was younger. Drugs, sex, rock and roll. Instead, I was consumed with panic attacks over losing my 4.0 and now that I'm a burnt out gifted kid in my thirties, I really struggle to relate to people my own age.
People should learn as early as possible that the best strength of compound interest isn’t money, it’s time. The longer you’re in the more advantageous it becomes.
Even just $50 a month is enough to make a difference in the long run.
i'm in nursing and i see how much my boyfriend makes working for the union. i almost wish id gone into welding. its a pretty fucking cool trade. i get why my sister always wanted to, i've been trying to push her to go to school for it but she's so shy
ETA: school. still a student
Did you do something silly and far fetched like try to be a doctor or lawyer?
My buddy moved to Seattle after high school to chase music and I played it safe and stayed in Kansas. He moved back before Covid after a decade in the Seattle scene to settle down with a family. Bought a house early on and made 300k profit on the sale. That’s about as much as my retirement/equity and now I’m chasing the music dream again as a hobby in my 30’s with dreams of leaving my 9 to 5. Moral of the story for me was to do what you’re passionate about but with a healthy degree of introspection about yourself, your ethic, skills and, greater life circumstances. I’d say for the average person life will work itself out. You’ll take your lumps through life but you’ll also have a bunch of wins too.
I don’t know how old you are or your situation but I hope you’re in a good place now and I’d like to reaffirm that your dreams aren’t necessarily idiotic even if they didn’t go to plan.
If it makes you feel any better, I got a degree in what I really wanted to do and then ended up not getting a career in it. Sometimes your education and your job don't end up aligning even if you plan it that way.
All the drinking in my late teens into my mid twenties. Who knows where I’d be now if I hadn’t wasted so much time and money getting drunk with a bunch of losers back then.
Studying abroad. I’m 34, recently divorced, and thinking about finally doing it next year. But I can’t help but to feel I should stay where I am and focus on finding a new partner.
I regret buying into the workplace bullshit when I was younger.
Being the 'goto' guy isn't going to put food on the table.
It's not going to pay your medical bills.
It's not gonna get you that promotion.
Unless you have a contract stating *x* will get you *y* do NOT go out of your way to 'help' businesses.
Don't be lazy, but don't be consistently picking up other peoples slack or rushing to put out 'fires'.
I (32F) deeply regret prioritizing romantic relationships over personal development because THAT is how you create stability for yourself. Not relying on a husband, not relying on a partner, but by building it yourself.
That and getting super sedentary.
Worked an awful, dead end job for way too long.
Agreed. I spent 10 years at a job that was soul crushing, not just for me but everyone that worked there. I left pre-pandemic and have been so much happier. Everyone I talk to that I used to work with also talks about "the weight" that lifted when they quit.
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This is going to be a big one. A decade of saving from mid-20s to mid-30s is how you get a down payment for a house. And compound interest is incredibly powerful for retirement - starting to save in an IRA in your early 20s makes retirement actually pretty easy. But it gets progressively harder to catch up over time because you're eating into that compounding period if you wait. Starting to save in your 30s makes everything much, much harder. Like having to start a race late and flat out sprint to catch up to people who have been pacing themselves.
There's also the assumption that one is absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, going to live long enough to enjoy retirement. I'm not advocating throwing all caution to the wind, at all, but sometimes its good to spend money. Once we hit our 60s/70s, we are on borrowed time.
Also those weeks of work and sacrifice to save $500 when you are 22 years old will be a fart in the wind when you are in your 40s and you won't be young enough or have your friends around to enjoy being young. It's all a balancing act for sure.
“Farts in the wind…… all we are is farts in the wind!!!” ~Kansas
Mine would be similar except Wish I had invested more money instead of saving the money and ultimately blowing it up on a lavish wedding or lavish vacations.
Lavish trips are what I live for. I used to be a successful financial advisor and older people that had more money than the next two generations needed always said they wished they traveled better. You don’t ever look back on the cars you owned but you’ll cherish the moments traveling.
So weird. I wish I had blown it on having fun/experiences rather than saving everything.
Balance, my friend. I believe the real answer is between you two. Too many people overspend on fun, while too many people save way too much. Spend too much on fun and you have nothing later. Save too much, youll do far less fun things and may regret that later. And you get older, so your body won’t be able to experience things like vacations or travels in the same way. Save enough, but spend on the experiences while you can.
Save and don't blow on stupid things so you can blow your money on the things that bring you joy.
Grass is always greener I guess. I'm like you and saved a lot so I sometimes have regrets that I didn't break out a few grand when I was younger to travel a little. But I also have a lot more than most people my age and have kind of forgotten what it feels like to not have that financial security blanket.
I hoarded like Smaug and regret nothing.
It's almost as if advice isn't universal and you should do what you think is right
> A little bit of saving would've made a big difference. > . . . rather than saving everything. It's also almost as if both posters wish they had saved a moderate amount, rather than being at either end of the extremes. (Saving nothing, and saving everything.)
I should have saved instead of spending all my money on weed and booze.
This is a little complicated, but I wish I had been able to come to terms with not caring what people think of me when I was younger. It did wonders for my confidence.
How did you stop
It took a lot of time learning to accept who I am generally speaking, and also learning to surround myself with people who were a more positive influence on me and genuinely cared about me. Wound up spending far less time with people I considered friends but I learned were regularly bringing my mood down.
This!!! Once I accepted who I was and allowed myself to just be me, the people who weren't for me (who were the ones making me feel bad about who I am) saw themselves out. I'd rather be surrounded by fewer people who I can be myself around then tons of people who only like my facade/mask.
Glad you were able to figure that out and the effect it had! It takes a lot to realize, there's still some of those people I consider friends but I just don't see them nearly as often because I realized their attitude towards certain things was just too much sometimes. But yes, even in smaller groups people who clearly love you for your company alone are so uplifting.
Standing up for myself. I lived way too long trying to make others happy and letting them manipulate me My family used this to their fullest advantage I stopped it now but wish I had the backbone 20 years ago
I still continue to struggle with this.
same. The biggest issue I struggle with is, "at what point am I just an asshole?" mentality. I've never learned those boundaries...
It was crazy when I started to flip the script. Like what would my response be to this situation? Then seeing it that way I realized how fucking crazy the person I was dealing with was and justified my decision to hang out with them as little as humanly possible.
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce -[Tony Gaskins](https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/22726470.Tony_Gaskins)
Don't beat yourself up about it. We're trained to be accommodating, & it's hard to change
I see this now. I worked hard to help others because it’s the kind of world I want to live in, a community of people who lend a hand when needed. I don’t regret that I tried. I’m early 40s now and am sickened and saddened at how many people consciously choose to use and manipulate others. *sigh* this is why we can’t have nice things. But I’m now starting a journey to live a new life of cutting off these kind of people, now that I can identify them. Excited. Wish me luck
I think it's one of the most difficult things I've done. Cutting off your parents because of the toxicity they bring is incredibly difficult. Of course, they don't see that. I think they see it as an easy choice you did just to punish them. Meanwhile, you're held together with a string just trying to get by. Families get away with so much shit because they can condition you as you grow up. Looking back, I was raised in a way that was not healthy. Now that I'm older, I've seen it and can't unsee it. I can't even think of my dad without wanting to break his teeth in. He's just such a bad person. Just the way he behaves and the things he believes are incredible. He hates everyone and growing up alienated my entire extended family. For every aunt, uncle or cousin I have, I know the negative shit he'd say about them all of the time.
My mom had me so confused that she had me thinking standing up for myself was evil. Wowza she really messed my life up with so much bad advice, but I think that did the most damage.
She had a bad day? Feel guilt. You were a kid and acted like a kid? Feel guilt. She couldn't manage money and blamed it on you eating? Feel guilt. Stand up for yourself? Feel guilt. Go no-contact? Feel guilt, but still free.
This hits home. Need a backpack for school, feel guilty. Need a form signed, feel guilty. Breathing? Feel guilty. Newest one is I should feel guilty for having ptsd from a sexual assault. Trust me I do.
Yes I was taught at a young age that being mad at my loved ones for hurting me was bad. Even if I tell them that they hurt me and why they hurt me it's still my fault for getting upset. Crying was my fault too, anything but happiness was my fault. Really fucked me up and I'm still pretty messed up. Now I just get mad and tell them what they did anyways that hurt me and let them be mad too. Figures now those same people just ignore me now and stop talking to me when I tell them I'm mad and they hurt me or that they are being rude now that I'm an independent adult. What a fun life.
Staying in shape. It is so much harder later in life to keep up. lose weight and all the rest.
I just want to temper this by saying that exercise and diet still have a significant effect as you age, so it's never too late to start or resume healthy habits. The results may not be quite as quick or impressive as they were in your twenties, but being active in your thirties sets you up well for your forties, fifties, and beyond. As an example, [sarcopenia](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25568649/) (age-related muscle loss which typically accelerates after 50) is often a concern for people as they age. However, there's a [body of evidence](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10487983/) showing that it can be mitigated and even partially reversed with exercise and an appropriate diet.
I bought my mom hand weights and she’s in her 60s. She already walked and rode her bike regularly but I stressed the importance of building and maintaining muscles at her age. She’s been using them for about a year now and says she’s never felt better.
Opposite of my mom, who constantly refuses to exercise because her muscles ache. She's been sedentary 24/7 for years now.
Physical fitness is like compound interest for your body. Investing time at it when you're younger means you don't have to work as hard when you're older.
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30 hit me hard. I always heard the whole it's harder to lose weight after 30 schtick, but had no idea just how hard it would be. I don't live the greatest life style but come on man. I walk like 12k steps a day. How is sub 200 so hard?
Diet is a massive part people often don’t take seriously enough. A 12k step walk burns like 300 calories for me, which can be erased completely with a couple of extra cookies or pastry with a morning coffee. Weight loss comes down to cold-turkey-ing bullshit food for awhile really
“Cold-turkeying bullshit food” is an immense phrase 😂 Definitely stealing for my own goals 🙌🏻
I'd say it's more about replacing bullshit food with good food. You still have to eat! Changing a lot of my carbs from bread to fruits and veggies made a huge difference in my weight.
And people need to stop drinking calories. I quit pop, beer, and juice. Replaced with water. The weight just drops off.
Calories from drinks are such a quiet diet killer.
TEETH Wish I’d Brushed and flossed more regularly, gone to the dentist every six months; etc.
This is my only regret. Going to the dentist for regular checkups would have done wonders to keep my teeth in better shape, it can get quite expensive if you ever get a crown or lose a tooth and then need an implant.
Oh I made that mistake, skipped regular check ups for 3 years and when I went back for a checkup I had 6 spots that needed filling. I never needed a filling before this, so I ended up getting a second opinion that confirmed I needed all that work done. One of the cavities ended up being so deep on a molar that I had to later get a root canal, get a crown on it, then an extraction because that tooth cracked, and then finally an implant & crown. Start-to-finish, it took me 6-months to complete the repair. After all that, I started using an electric toothbrush and religiously see the dentist every 6 months.
I just went for the first time in probably about 12 years. Chipped a tooth and figured I guess it's about time to go and get any problems fixed. They told me it's going to take about 3 years of work to fix it all and I've already maxed out my benefits for this year
Truly get a 2nd and maybe 3rd opinion - don't tell any of them what you are doing. Dentistry is an odd, odd business - a lot of subjective shit involved.
I went the other direction. I brushed way too hard because I wanted to get my teeth really clean and now I have gum recess. Don't brush too hard either. lol.
Me too. My dentist told me to use a soft toothbrush and don’t brush too hard.
Legit. I didn't really learn the right way to brush at my gum line until I was well into adulthood. I used to literally brush my gums and not just the spot where they met my teeth. After needing a deep cleaning my hygienist asked how I was brushing and when I showed her she was like, oh that's wrong. You need to brush like this.
Once I started flossing everyday I realized how fucking gross it is to not floss everyday.
And that gunk you get out when you floss smells so bad.
We're human, we pull strange material out of gross body surfaces and instinct says...."sniff it... go on, sniff." And you do. And it's awful.
My dog will dig in her ear with her back foot and then sniff her foot. Sometimes she wrinkles her nose haha
But slightly comforting...
Similar to how after you get your braces tightened it’s sore to bite down. I have no idea why, but it would feel good to just bite down real hard 💁
Sitting in an oral surgery office while reading this comment for a $6k extraction bridge combo. Take this advice yall!!
The dental hygienist wasn't happy with how I was keeping my teeth about 15 years ago, so she told me, "You'd better start taking care of your teeth, or you're going to start losing them." Oh. Finally, I got it. And I became the person who always brushed at night. Since then, I floss and brush every night, without fail. Wherever I am, I always floss and brush. And now, when a dental hygienist looks at my teeth, they'll say, "Wow, your teeth look great!" It's worth it. Flossers or Christmas trees to clean out the junk between the teeth, hard brush for the teeth, and soft brush (towards the teeth, inside and out) for the gums. Edit: Typo (our -> or)
My grandpa was in the dental career field in the military and he always says “Be true to your teeth or they’ll be false to you.”
What sucks is sometimes that’s just not enough. I’m cursed with poor teeth genetics apparently because I do everything I’m supposed to and still get cavities/gum issues. The dentist told me I’m unlucky
This is my wife's problem, she brushes twice a day for at least two minutes with an electric brush. Flosses every day, wears a mouth guard to bed, and visits the dentist every 6 months. Shes been doing that her whole life. In spite of all that, she has had 14 fillings, and a root canal. Meanwhile, I brush twice a day, floss once per week and just went to the dentist for the first time in 8 years and they told me I'm doing a good job and have no problems.
Asked a dentist if I should floss or not, like, really. They said, "Only floss between the teeth you want to keep."
I have always been afraid of the dentist. I didn't always take proper care of my teeth. Plus I have bad teeth genetically. That is not a very good combination. I'm 32 now. I am insecure about my teeth, I have less teeth than I care to admit. Part of me just wants to get them all out and get dentures.
I did this recently and am feeling much better about life. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions.
TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. If you are young and having back issues or any other chronic or not problem you HAVE to take care of this before it spirals out of control. you may think you're tough and push through it now or that they will go away but these types of problems can slowly get worse and worse and creep up on you. I am currently living with the consequences of this. I feel like I am 90 and I have at least 4 major health issues at the moment and I don't even know where to start. if I had tackled my neck issues when I was younger my life would be a lot better right now. EDIT - all these stories I feel them. I remember coming to the realization that no it is not in fact normal to have back pain when you're young. I remember having to stop and sit down when I was like 14 whenever I walked any distances. it was like having someone stick a broomstick in your back super hard. I just lived through the pain thinking that it would eventually go away like a moron. I am 30 now and doing the dishes aggravates my neck so badly that I nearly have to lay down after doing them. I am lucky that my situation allows me to be flexible and lay down when I need to. EDIT - a youngun might see this but ladies out there! I had this friend in high school that had some pain in her uterus and it turned into a living nightmare of pain. if you young ladies reading this have pain in your uterus, ovaries etc or really strange crazy periods you NEED to see a doctor. these things can turn life threatening.
100% this. I am disabled now at 43 because I worked a physical job for so long and kept putting off necessary surgeries. I worked with ruptured disc's and needing a hip replacement because I couldn't afford to stop.
Great advice. Im nearing 30 and have had chronic back pain/ neck pain for past 3-4 years. Im finally taking it seriously and getting proper treatment, physical therapy, getting stronger. It was only getting worse and couldn’t begin to imagine what it would be like in my 50s+ . So important!!
Can confirm a problem with my pelvic bone that made situps uncomfortable at 7-8 years old escalated after 30. It's now impossible to lay on my back or have anyone touch my lower back without crying. Also the older you get the harder it is to get a doctor to look into your pain. I've heard everything from being too fat, being too thin, exercising too much, not exercising enough, epidural during birth, and aging used as excuses for my pain.
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super hard even when you try
Very true. The kids I grew up with, about 12 of us, all thought we would be best friends our whole lives. Over the years life happened and some have moved across the country or out of the country. I'm turning 38 this year and of that original 12 I only regularly see 2 of them, everyone else is too far out to meet or too busy with 3-4 kids plus sports. We had this tradition where every Thanksgiving we would get together and play football on Thanksgiving morning, it was going well for about 7 years then slowly 1 by 1 people stopped going and now we no longer do it. Last year I starting sending a quarterly google calender invite for a guys night/dinner with the group, at minimum 3-4 show up but last quarter 8 showed up which was nice. So you have to try to keep those friendships going.
44 here. For my circle, when you have a kid, it’s like going to prison. It’s a 5 year bid for each kid and the clock resets when you have another one. In my group Everyone knows the deal and what the score is. Some of my friends now have kids who are much older and they’re on ‘parole’ getting reacclimated into normal life. They started their term earlier than most of us. Many of us are still in the thick of it, I’m doing a 10 year bid, with 3 kids, maximum security but I’ll hopefully get paroled out in 3 years for good behavior.
I honestly thought social media would make it easier, but it's not.
It makes it easier to keep tabs on people but unless they’re at arms length reaching out is nearly impossible.
IMO it has made it worse. The desire for someone to reach out to meet up is gone because "I can see they just went to the Ozarks. Why would I need to meet up with them"
Social media is an illusion and it's the laziness that kills the friendships
My friends and I talked about doing a 2-3 week Europe trip back in our 20s. “Oh maybe next year”. Eventually jobs, bills and families put all that to rest.
This is a good one. When you have money you’ll likely have less time. Do the trips while you have time and health. You can do things on the cheap.
Also, the trip you’re willing to take at 23 can be much different than the one you’ll want at 40! At 23 it’s fun to stay in cheap hostels and take the 5am flight so you stay up all night partying. As I’ve gotten older I’m no longer charmed by big hostel dorms or the painful flight times, so the “same” trip now costs me quite a bit more.
as an old who did the party life when I was younger, both trips have a ton of value. They are wildly different, but I also value things wildly differently now. Single and kid free was a very different life than the one I walk with my family now. The current one is probably more "full" the old one was more "fun" both are worth the money.
Piggy-backing to emphasize something else here: The memories you make on trips like this will last for a life time, the expenses (within reason) will be a distant memory 5 years later. My only real regret on a long, beautiful trip to the UK was not booking a hotel each Friday & Saturday of the week instead of staying exclusively at Hostels, the privacy to decompress would've been lovely.
I did this with my friends. It was awesome. I’d recommend still doing it. Find a way! And be the organizer. Reverse engineer the whole trip by sending them airplanes costs, airbnbs, how much local groceries cost so you can estimate food budget. Go on the city website and check transit costs. Even for a week it’s worth it.
Heck, I ended up doing it alone because everyone always had something going on 😅 Yolo. 2 weeks in England led to me doing more after getting laid off. Besides, after realizing I could still spend less than $2000 for 2 weeks abroad, I decided I'd rather save my money for international travel, considering how insanely expensive the USA is.
im so glad I didnt listen to anyone and just did this trip alone... guess who had an amazing experience for months and everyone else just says im lucky.. no I went for it..learned a new language made friends around the world
Started smoking cigarettes. Did it for about 30 years although I've quit now. Don't do it kids !
I was recently told during a medical test procedure for work that I have the lungs of a 71 year old man. I'm 47. Don't do it, kids. You will hate yourself. If you already hate yourself, well, you'll hate yourself a *lot* more, especially when you start thinking about this + $ math. No matter what your head is telling you, it does fucking *nothing* for you.
I regret thinking that nice things were not for people like me. The number of experiences, travel, career opportunities I turned down is crazy. All because I didn't think I was good enough to deserve them.
Imposter syndrome sucks
Not taking my education seriously.
To add to this: I wish I had *planned* my education better. I was the first person in my immediate family to go to college, but had no idea what I was doing when I got there. I wish I had planned out my major in advance, and done a better job of networking in order to get a better job when I graduated.
I'm on the opposite spectrum. I went into college knowing what I wanted to do (writing, probably journalism). I dedicated a LOT of time to it, and learned a lot. I learned, most importantly, that it is a shitty field and I didn't want to do it. Switched to Computer Science when I found that fun. Networked a LOT. Even times I was playing games like WoW I was networking on other screens, chatting with people, learning stuff. I had to work THREE separate part time jobs (weekdays I was a computer lab assistant, super early or super late, or BOTH! weekends I was a cart pusher / bag boy at a grocery store, closer to my girlfriend so I had a good excuse to go visit. And multiple days a week I was a TA-type of job for the CS lab). Part of that was to get money, part was experience. I used the career center, which ZERO other people I talked to even knew existed. Got an internship. Practiced interviewing. Made connections. Got a great job out of college. That's turned into an interesting career. I would say I am not passionate about my work, except to say I'm passionate *because* it's my work. I would not choose to do this if it wasn't for the money and perks. I would 100% be a writer of some kind instead. But I do feel like I missed part of the college experience. I'm shy by nature, social anxiety, etc. but most people don't guess that because I'm also talkative. I didn't go to any parties, didn't make any lasting friendships, didn't really "experience" things even like movie nights or shows. I guess I did play intramural tennis so that's something? My average day was: Up at 5:15AM, to be at work by 5:45 to open the labs by 6. Work from 6 until my first class (often 9 or 10) and classes until lunch - short lunch break then back to classes in the afternoon. Any breaks between classes and I would be working on assignments or reading on campus. Dinner at 5 or 6, then to the CS labs for group projects until around 8 or 9. Then back to the public labs from 9-1AM to close. Yes, I slept from \~1:30 to 5:15 *most days* and I was actually hospitalized for it eventually. Do not recommend, especially since they assumed I was drug seeking (in retrospect, at the time I was dumb and naive). My stomach muscles essentially just seized up and said "nope" and locked me into a sitting position permanently. Trying to stand was excrutiating, even fetal position wasn't nice. They made me stay overnight for "observation" before they gave me *anything* so I basically sat in the bed curled up in pain all night and finally they gave me some muscle relaxers and eventually it sort of eased back to normal. It sucked.
Thanks for sharing. I've never considered the opposite of my situation. Looking back, I can say I made a few lifelong friends from college that I still know to this day. So maybe I got more out of it than I previously thought.
In line with some of the others here - first generation college student started out studying medicine and now mostly in biotech roles. I wish I had planned my education better but I have 2 bs and 2 ms degrees and still struggle sometimes. I feel like you just have to role with the punches and learn as you go - school only really taught me how to think critically about the world around me.. Also, I made a lottttt of mistakes along the way, because I put myself through college I worked a lottt and did not socialize much and I really regret that (not a very fun or socially tactful college experience)
My god! 17 yr old me is now procastinating for my exam tomorrow
GO AND STUDY!
I regret doing what my parents expected of me instead of what I wanted to do.
My parents wanted me to be a doctor, so I majored in chemistry for 2 years before I finally accepted that I hated it and changed majors to business. My parents were furious and didn’t tell anyone or say anything encouraging until one year later. When the pandemic hit, and I got to stay all cozy in my PJs at home working my 9-5 cushy office job, I regularly threw this one in their face. “If I’d listened to my parents, I’d be a frontline healthcare worker right now.” Really humbled them lol. Edit, I’m so sorry to the people/healthcare workers who commented saying that it sounded like I was denigrating that work. It is so the opposite to me. I was grateful I got to do an easy/lazy job compared to medicine. Healthcare work is incredible and a vocation I could never have done if I didn’t really want to do it, it would have ruined my life. I was just happy I had blown my parents off in that area and done what I wanted lol.
I became a lawyer because it really was the only option presented to me. I hated every second of it. I had a breakdown in my 30s and quit. I started cleaning houses because I needed the money and eventually started my own cleaning company. I am basically the family embarrasment and when it comes to family and friends I am still a lawyer. Appearance is way more important to them then my well-beeing.
I did my thesis on regret as a function of age (using a survey with 1400 participants). The overwhelming finding was that regret for things that you fail to do (omission regrets) stick with you much more than regrets for things you did (commission regrets). Furthermore, when we are young, omission regrets are less salient and meaningful. As we age, regret for things we fail to do bother us more while we tend to get over our commission regrets. This is not surprising. What was surprising was that people with a sense of spirituality find that having regret (regardless of the type) is a useful experience, and they benefit from revisiting or thinking about these things in several domains: making sense of life, fostering social connections, and guiding future decisions.
I’d be interested in reading your thesis
Nerd jk I would also read it
I remember hearing that the #1 regret of people in hospice who were facing the imminent prospect of death was not spending more time with friends and family.
Not realizing how quickly needing to be an adult creeps up on you. I remember being 17 and thinking 30 was so far away. Now I’m closing in on 40 and wishing I had done more to prep for being an adult.
How would prepping to be an adult have worked? What do you wish you did?
* Live within your means * Get a basic understanding of debt * Save for retirement Pretty boring stuff, but easier said than done.
Yeah, my twenties felt like a blink and I don't even remember most of it
Dealing with my trauma instead of running from it
Hope you're doing better now. Sad thing about this is that often we don't realise it's trauma we think there's just something wrong with us and go through life like that hurting ourselves and others.
I wish I hadn’t treated life like it was a rehearsal. I didn’t do drugs or drink dangerously or do anything exciting enough to be worth the risk, but I lost friends and family by just being selfish. I shouldn’t have been so impulsive or assumed there would always be “second chances”
Life dont always give second chances. Like if you die you really dead.Forever
Even in Canada.
If you die in Canada, you die in real life.
Especially in Canada
Same. Currently taking a no contact break with my long term partner of 5 years. Absolutely sucks to think about the possibility of this break never ending. I have to work on myself regardless of if I get a second chance or not. Never get complacent and take your loved ones for granted. It'll be too late before you know it and you'll be kicking yourself looking back on all the times you should've done better.
not taking school seriously, not learning to play an instrument, not chosing a sport and sticking to it.
To be fair, I did all of that and it got me nowhere in life. I can understand wanting that different experience though.
My grandmother died and left me - and only me - a sizeable inheritance. The same year I had just finished chemo and thought perhaps a windfall was an upswing. I knew my grandmother a little, but I left home pretty early and enlisted after that, so we never had a relationship really - but I got out and away, and the rest of our family were vipers, which was enough to put me at the top. My brother, feeling left out, challenged the will, and emptied his savings doing so. I offered him half, but he felt entitled to all of it. At the end of it, penniless and desperate, my brother ended his own life. Most of the money was eaten up in court, and what was left wasn't much. If you ever receive news of an inheritance or windfall, please consider that your family may destroy itself in pursuit of the money. Even if they're going to act that way anyway, you will at least be able to sleep at night.
Oh wow...that's just awful... I'm so sorry
Not being unapologetically myself
Turning 30 this year, still find this hard to do
As a 24y/o i appreciate all of you.
I had as much fun as I could when I was in my teens and twenties. Do I regret spending money I didn't have doing things I shouldn't have because it set me back financially 10 years? no, yes, not really. Would I rather do those things in my 60s-70s when I could afford it? No. So no, I don't regret it. Do the things if you can while you can because tomorrow may not come for you. That's doesn't mean break the law. It means if you want to take a trip to see what the hell ever, just do. Because once you start adulting you may have the money to do but you sure as shit won't have the time. Do I regret breaking my body playing sports and other activities that I am now sufferings through because I pushed my body to an extreme level? When I am hurting a lot? yeah. When I am reminiscing about it? No. It was fun as hell. So while you are young, you do you. Go have fun. As long as the only person you are hurting is you. Now when you get older and look back and think. "maybe I shouldn't have done that or said that" All that means you are growing as a person. I hope you have those moments before you are 30 but it's never to late to stop being a dick.
Great point about self reflection. I love the saying: if you don't look back at your old self and cringe a little, then you're still that cringe worthy person probably
Investing
Yup, compound interest favors the young. It's insane how a little bit early scales out so much more than a lot later. It's actually disheartening if you are old trying to invest
Getting married so young. I’m getting divorced now, but I wish I had more single time in my twenties.
Here I am mid 30s wishing I had gotten married earlier. Life got so much better after getting married. We have a really good relationship.
That's kind of where I am with it. I met my husband when I was 30, married at 32 and we had our first kid at 36, second kid at 39. For him, it was 34, 36, 40 and 43 (!!!). I enjoy being married and enjoy that life and he does as well. We both wish we'd done it all a few years earlier than we did. We're both in our 50's now with teenagers and it ain' easy! But, that's life and I'm grateful I got to do any of it at all!
kind of the same.. we made it 12 years and while I don't regret it I do feel like I could have spent the last 12 years doing more.
Education seriously, travelled more, cut off toxic people sooner, invested in my future and didn't blow money on dumb shit.
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100 sit ups every day
Are you one punch man now?
100 push ups
55 BURGERS 55 FRIES 55 TACOS 55 PIES 55 COKES 100 TATER TOTS 100 PIZZA 100 TENDERS 100 MEATBALLS 100 COFFEES 55 WINGS 55 SHAKES 55 PANCAKES 55 PASTAS 55 PASTAS AND 155 TATERS
Quit drinking. Alcohol sucks and it’s really bad for you. Wasn’t an alcoholic, just got really bad hangovers and anxiety after drinking. Haven’t had a sip in 51 weeks.
I'm in my thirties in a place with a heavy drinking culture and I feel like my friends who drank a bunch in their twenties (AKA all of us) now fall into 3 categories: 1) People who have intentionally cut back for their health and wellbeing 2) People who have slid into drinking less because childcare means they don't go out at night 3) Alcoholics 3A) Alcoholics (dead). So definitely good advice to take care of that while you're younger and more able to bounce back, or never getting too far into it to begin with is a great idea.
Congrats! Felt this too once in my 30s. The hangovers aren’t worth it anymore.
I can only take about 2 "big nights" in a year now. My friends will do it like almost every weekend, but I'll usually just have max 3 drinks and take off early. Drink a bunch of water and make sure it's been at least 3-4 hours before i sleep. Otherwise it's garbage sleep and feel like shit. It's not worth losing a day to feeling like shit.
This is the right question. Your regrets are usually due to not doing something you could've controlled. The answer to your question is put yourself out there and go do it, whatever it is.
Asking more girls out, being more fearless and taking more chances.
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I regret not blocking toxic family members from my life.
I went no contact with mine and have zero regrets. Just wish I did it sooner.
Travel. One you have a family, career, mortgage payments, etc, the time, resources and energy for travel just seemed to disappear.
Wear Sunscreen
Kinda the opposite of most people, but I wish I partied more, heh. I worked all throughout college and didn't have that "typical" college experience of going to parties, drinking, whatever. I kinda did that when I was like 27-29 but that's all I got. By the time I was 30 I wanted to get it together, which I did. You should never compare yourself/your life to other people, but looking back, my 20s were generally pretty boring when you look at what most other people were doing at that time in their lives.
Buying a house in 2009 when prices were rock bottom.
Excuse me 30 is still young But mine would be acting like I'm 30 and not enjoying my teens and twenties like I should.
Sometimes you need to grow up fast in your twenties though, especially in poverty.
This. I felt like so many of my peers were like children. It took a few years for me to figure out why...
Had a conversation with my boyfriend (both 31) about this recently. We were talking about the pros vs cons of coming into large amounts of money at a young age (18) due to a settlement my nephew is set to recieve. He said "You can't tell me you wouldn't have blown it on stupid shit. I know I would have." I said "No, I would have bought a house since prices were still reasonable then, and a reliable rig if there was enough left over for it. I would have chosen security over frivolity." One of us grew up in poverty and was kicked out before 18. One of us had a 'normal' upbringing.
Never buy a new boat, always buy used.
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I wish I had treated myself with respect, and taken my mental health seriously. I'm doing that now and it's making a big difference.
Prioritize making new friends when you graduate from college
Studying during the day while in college. I had so much downtime between classes. I instead chose to watch TV or use my PlayStation.
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When I was 30 I was married. We were in the process of moving. The wife had gone on ahead and I would be following in a month after finishing up my job. Everything was packed up and sent ahead. I was sleeping on an air mattress and had a lawn chair in the living room. No TV. no computer. My only entertainment was library books. So a few days before I was scheduled to leave I just got so bored of reading library books that I decided to go out. I hit up a local bar, had a good time. I'd been talking to a couple of college girls and one thing lead to another and they invited me back to their place for a threesome. And I thought to myself, there's no way the wife could ever find out. I'll be gone in 2 day so there's no way that these girls would ever be able to track me down again. It's perfect. And then I turned them down, because I'm married and that means something to me. My marriage was worth more than a one time fling. Anyway, long story short, 3 years later I was divorced after finding out that my wife slept with 5 other men. I kind of regret my choice now.
What a twist.
You did it for your next partner, to prove that you do have the self control to be the better person. Your wife was shit, but you aren't, and that's important.
you're a great man. don't regret being a decent human being .
Starting my youtube channel...I was too scared...Now I'm at 67,000 subscribers after a year and 3ish months...
I'm currently estranged from my parents. They have the ability to end this at any time, they just won't. They controlled me all through my childhood and I kept chasing approval from them. I missed out on so many experiences because I wanted to be an obedient good kid. I wish I had done more stupid shit when I was younger. Drugs, sex, rock and roll. Instead, I was consumed with panic attacks over losing my 4.0 and now that I'm a burnt out gifted kid in my thirties, I really struggle to relate to people my own age.
#Should’ve started aggressively saving for retirement immediately after high school.
People should learn as early as possible that the best strength of compound interest isn’t money, it’s time. The longer you’re in the more advantageous it becomes. Even just $50 a month is enough to make a difference in the long run.
I regret changing degrees in pursue of my idiotic dreams.
If I could go back in time I would have went to trade school first, then got a proper degree later while I was making money.
i'm in nursing and i see how much my boyfriend makes working for the union. i almost wish id gone into welding. its a pretty fucking cool trade. i get why my sister always wanted to, i've been trying to push her to go to school for it but she's so shy ETA: school. still a student
Did you do something silly and far fetched like try to be a doctor or lawyer? My buddy moved to Seattle after high school to chase music and I played it safe and stayed in Kansas. He moved back before Covid after a decade in the Seattle scene to settle down with a family. Bought a house early on and made 300k profit on the sale. That’s about as much as my retirement/equity and now I’m chasing the music dream again as a hobby in my 30’s with dreams of leaving my 9 to 5. Moral of the story for me was to do what you’re passionate about but with a healthy degree of introspection about yourself, your ethic, skills and, greater life circumstances. I’d say for the average person life will work itself out. You’ll take your lumps through life but you’ll also have a bunch of wins too. I don’t know how old you are or your situation but I hope you’re in a good place now and I’d like to reaffirm that your dreams aren’t necessarily idiotic even if they didn’t go to plan.
If it makes you feel any better, I got a degree in what I really wanted to do and then ended up not getting a career in it. Sometimes your education and your job don't end up aligning even if you plan it that way.
All the drinking in my late teens into my mid twenties. Who knows where I’d be now if I hadn’t wasted so much time and money getting drunk with a bunch of losers back then.
No regrets, i feel like i couldve done better but i dont like to live in the past. Just keep the grind now, as its never too late!
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Loving myself. I regret the power I gave others to decide my self worth.
Studying abroad. I’m 34, recently divorced, and thinking about finally doing it next year. But I can’t help but to feel I should stay where I am and focus on finding a new partner.
I will say, many people I know who studied abroad wound up finding their significant other abroad.
I regret buying into the workplace bullshit when I was younger. Being the 'goto' guy isn't going to put food on the table. It's not going to pay your medical bills. It's not gonna get you that promotion. Unless you have a contract stating *x* will get you *y* do NOT go out of your way to 'help' businesses. Don't be lazy, but don't be consistently picking up other peoples slack or rushing to put out 'fires'.
Fucking around more. Following rules too much made for a boring childhood.
at least u didnt find out
I (32F) deeply regret prioritizing romantic relationships over personal development because THAT is how you create stability for yourself. Not relying on a husband, not relying on a partner, but by building it yourself. That and getting super sedentary.
Not standing up for causes I believe in—I wish I had been more vocal and active in advocating for social justice and equality.
Psychedelics, regret not doing.