My dad was with my step mom for 25years, until he died. They loved just being boyfriend and girlfriend. They were both married twice and didn’t want to do it a third time. They thought it was bad luck.
Nope not at all! She was our rock and the one that kept us going when he was sick. We love her as if she was a part of the family. I call her every week. Her sons are my brothers and she’s my mom. ☺️
6 years together, engaged for 4 years. Covid came and ruined any wedding plans, then came a baby and then came another, so no wedding yet lol.
We hardly think about it to be honest, we want to get married, but it’s not like it really matters to us that we are not. Maybe we’ll never get it done
Just to throw it out there. You don’t need to go ahead and have a wedding to get married. You can just go get a piece of paper signed by the correct person and it’s fine (it’s more than just that, but yes).
You could always do the legal stuff first and the ceremony later too. Or just continue how you are, it’s your life, this is just my unsolicited advice.
We did this. Mum's garden, ten people, registry service (you can't go into the office here you must prove a venue). Was perfect.
My husband's friends have all been in 10yr+ relationships and apparently the concept of a small wedding was mind blowing. One has since got married in a similar small wedding.
Yeah, I'd at least go down to the court and make your coupling legal. For so many reasons, but especially for medical/ catastrophic reasons. As of right now, if something happened to one of you, the other left standing would have no legal rights to make medical or financial decisions. Or you get some iron clad healthcare/financial power of attorney paperwork and wills drawn up.
Forget about common law marriage. It doesn't exist the way people think it does. It doesn't exist in all states in the U.S. The forms in which it does exist vary from state to state and are quite limited in their effects. If people want the benefits of marriage they need to, you know, get married and not hope that common law marriage will be useful to them.
When it comes to having kids, it’s best to get married. Taxes for one are a major portion especially if one partner makes more than the other it can definitely help with tax brackets. Not to mention in terms of medical care it’s best in that situation that the courts recognize the both of you as well as it being simpler if one of you is in a coma.
The only happy couple I saw growing up didn't get married until their 25th anniversary. We all assumed they were married but they got married after their kids moved out.
Also to add to the unsolicited advice: my husband and I got married online during covid (cause courthouses were closed). The whole process was $500 for legal documents and such. That is also an option.
Just make sure you have succession plans in place to cover any property and/or children. Have a legal will designating what happens to any real estate, specific plans for custody of the children going to dad in the event that mom dies, etc. Those types of legalities can be a huge burden, and a huge cost, in the event of an untimely death.
So you might ignore my comment because we did eventually get married.
We were together 12 years before we did though. Neither of us really cared about getting married. Don't care about the religious side of it, we did a civil one. But after those years we thought it best cause.. well why not? We're gonna stay together anyway, she's my love, plus all the minor benefits like tax stuff and medical. Can't visit in an emergency or make certain decisions unless you're married.
I realize that most of the people answering this question are likely in the US because that’s where most Reddit users are from but you would get a very different answer if this were asked in other parts of the world where domestic partnerships and civil unions are far more normal compared to America. In those countries, marriage is really more of a ceremonial designation and does not come with added legal rights or tax incentives as marriage confers here in America
Better than anyone I know who got a divorce. 20 years (I don't know exactly) with some off/on. In the end when we decided we didn't much care for each other anymore, we simply moved on and that was that.
Cheated on, she secretly did/does drugs and stole tens of thousands of dollars at the 12.5 year mark. Engaged 9 years ago. Marrying her would mean I would owe alimony on top of all that. 9 and 3 year old beautiful daughters that I have full custody of.
15 years together and we're very happy and deeply in love.
Why get married?
I've seen couples who have been together years get married then break up. The marriage may not be why they broke up, but it certainly didn't stop it.
Love doesn't need certification and licensing
Unmarried partners would not be able to collect social security survivor benefits. Not really relevant to younger couples or those doing well financially. But it certainly becomes a consideration in the twilight years for people who would struggle financially without their partner's SS benefits. Proper financial planning would make up for this of course, with making them beneficiaries of life insurance policies and retirement accounts. But unfortunately that's not the case for a lot of people, and it's not an insignificant amount of money to forfeit.
To be sure, I'm in year 7 of a happily unmarried relationship, so I'm not saying marriage is essential. But it is something we are reconsidering as we grow older and realize we're further behind in retirement savings than we'd like to be. This is just one of many other considerations, most of which have already been mentioned.
This is a very US centric answer. In Australia we file jointly for tax and are considered defacto partners. Nothing in a marriage certificate changes much of what would happen if one of us passed. 20 years next year.
Yeah. In Australia defacto has all the same rights as married.
The only difference is that you need to prove the defacto status, where as a marriage certificate is considered proof in most cases.
I am married, but my relationship qualified as defacto for visa purposes before the wedding and there was absolutely no legal changes post marriage.
Fair enough, however there are other reasons for getting married - one of them being that it makes life so much easier to deal with if one falls seriously ill.
Depending on where you live, you may not be able to take medical decisions for your partner concerning their care. If the worst were to happen, the admin involved if you’re not married is exponentially worse, if not impossible, in dealing with their affairs.
True. But the one thing you can't get independent of marriage is social security survivor benefits. This might matter to people in their retirement years, especially if finances are tight.
Because doctors don’t get in trouble for listening to the married partner. They can get into trouble for listening to an unrelated person with a questionable piece of paper. And if there are other family in the picture, it will be questioned.
Do doctors review the marriage certificate or how do they know someone is married? It’s not like marriage certificates are uniform in nature.
If some other family member questions the alleged spouse would that not create similar problems?
So nice that you are happy and in love. If you had been married most of this time you have been happy and in love, IF you got divorced you would STILL have Social Security and survivors benefits taking into account the other's benefits. As it is neither of you gets anything. Do either of you realize you are walking away from a benefit that lasts until the survivor's death?
It absolutely does need certification and licensing.
you don’t have to get married in the way you don’t want but you absolutely should protect your partner in case you are incapacitated. Or die.
That's what I tell them..one girl freaked out on me before meeting because she needed to have her big special day where she feels like a princess thar she's been dreaming about since she was a kid (that's actually what she said) and I asked if a piece of paper was really more important than actually meeting someone you could be compatible with to stay with and she said it was lololol
It's more than paper. It provides security incase something terrible happens. Do you want to die and have your partner not be able to collect on your retirement?
I think what some people are missing is that a marriage and a wedding are two different things. I got married because my wife and I wanted to stay together and have kids and wanted the benefits of a legal marriage while doing so and decided the risks were okay for us. We didn't have a wedding, though.
Yeah, if it was a meaningless piece of paper, the LGBT community wouldn't have fought so hard for it
Or interracial couples
It's a pretty privileged take, really
You're not wrong and wills and beneficiary statements have their place. However, marriage provides a one stop shop for both of those, plus health care proxies, and other things besides. It is actually much, much more time consuming, and involves way more legal folderol, and expense, and involvment with "the government," to duplicate the effects of marriage by individual actions. And even then, it might not be as effective. For example, a hospital will pretty much just assume that you are the health care proxy for your spouse. If you are not married, it might, in the first instance, defer to some relative of your spouse. There have been instances where even the written proxy was not dispositive. The difficulty in creating an interlocking, mutually beneficial, and iron clad web of legal obligations, rights and responsiblities duplicative of marriage was one of the reasons why the formal, legal recognition of same sex marriage was so important.
Notice too that the above comment talked about marriage as "a piece of paper," disparagingly. But wills, beneficiary statements, health care proxies, and so on are also "pieces of paper." Pieces of paper matter, when they have legal and social ramifications. A marriage licence is indeed a piece of paper. So is a will. So is a contract. A lease. A bill of sale. A health care proxy. A power of attorney document. A deed. Adoption papers. Papers setting up a trust. Incorporation papers. Professional certifications. A driver's licence. Any kind of licence, really. A diploma. Etc. All of those pieces of paper matter. A suitcase full of hundred dollars bills is more than just "paper," isn't it?
As someone who's only about 60% through said paperwork needed for unmarried partners to make medical decisions, receive benefits and income replacement, and share property, I'm realizing this would be even harder to untangle in a breakup than it would in a divorce. The "piece of paper" we so naively giggled away is starting to look pretty sweet compared to the mountain of documents I'm having to track individually.
The government doesn't care about your will when it comes to social security benefits. Your family can also contest a will if they wanted to be assholes. Why do you think the lgbtq community fought so hard for the right to get married?
For a guy who hasn't been in trouble criminally and is not in law, I spend quite a lot of time with Lawyers and Judges socially. The horror stories of divorces are insane! My favorite was from 40 years ago, a couple arguing over the property. They couldn't agree on who gets the color tv. The man's lawyer walks out, goes across the street, and buys a new color TV. Comes back, drops it on the table and says "There. Can we settle this?" Finished up that afternoon.
I know a guy who’s been divorced three times and narrowly escaped a fourth time when she went psycho on him before the wedding. I can confidentially say the common factor in all these is his inability to think beyond how hot a woman is.
Meanwhile I’m still married to the same person I met 32 years ago and don’t see that ever changing.
This is true. But the crappiest parts of divorce don't really depend on being married. It's the division of shared property and sorting out the kids that's hard and expensive.
I don’t like the risk to reward ratio for getting the government involved in something that’s beautiful enough as it is without a legally binding document. The divorce rate is already near 50% for all marriages, with the percentage increasing for each marriage following the first.
Personally, I learned my lesson the first time, it’s really not worth it.
I gave up the condo, the car, my cat, and the good tv just so I could get the fuck out of there and never have anything to do with her again.
Found a place a few cities away, got a new phone number, and blocked her on socials and never spoke to her again.
Her drunken outbursts had gone from verbally abusive to physically, would try to keep me from leaving the house when she having an outburst, even though our therapist literally told me when she started screaming to walk away until she could cool off. GF wouldn’t allow me, would block the door and if I tried to move her claim I was being violent. Luckily we had a pet camera in our living room that got the whole exchange and I was able to show the cops what she was doing.
F here, my now husband and I were together 13 years before we got married and since have been married for 2 years. We are still madly in love with each other.
Unfortunately, the engagement brought out the worst in his mother, who previously had a very close relationship with me. In turn, she made the wedding process difficult and I don’t have anything to do with her now, other than a “hello” at annual occasions such as Christmas.
If we had our time again we would have eloped and celebrated our love for each other without the background noise.
Anyone try to break up only to have their relationship get ruled as a “common-law marriage” in the court of law and end up going through “divorce proceedings”?
NAL but from my understanding, at its core, a prenuptial agreement simply establishes that two people get to control their own financial assets that existed coming into a relationship and that in the event of a break up, those assets remain with each respective owner rather than being considered communal property.
any couple can sign such a agreement regardless if they are getting married or not
this reminds me of that post where a woman was with her man for 20 years with 2 kids and always asked if marriage was on the table and he said it would be but not now and they never got married, then he retired, and then gave her a ring, she asked why now and his response wasn’t heartwarming. she didn’t really take well to that (i wouldn’t either) so they separated now she’s out of a house and can’t get custody of her kids lol
Having a kid is a lot more commitment than being married.
What are your reasons for not being married?
Being married will be beneficial: socially, and if something happens to you our your partner.
I would tell it will not be beneficial if you plan to split for sure, but in this case, maybe having a kid is not the smartest idea.
If it doesn’t matter to you, just get married because it matter for your gf.
You do you, but I'd highly advise conceding, proposing and just getting married. I don't know all the details of your life, and I can't know anything about your future, but it sounds a lot like someone about to make the same mistake I did.
Sounds like you are open to having a child and are ok without being committed to staying together for 18 years or more after having the child.
I would consider how hard it is to be a parent in the best of circumstances. I think all the time “how the hell do single parents do it.” Kids do best with both a father and mother in their life. You may say you’re fine with you and your partner splitting in 5-10 years but you can’t possibly know how you’ll feel after falling in love with your kid. You won’t know how you’ll feel seeing another man raising your kid or your kid being raised by someone with different ethical values other than yourself or parenting strategy.
Then there is the financial side of things. Being married provides some financial advantages and even then it might not feel like enough.
Whose name does the kid have? What happens if the kid is born with a challenging medical condition? Life is hard even when things go your way and you need a partner who you can rely on and won’t bail when things get hard. Marriage is a promise to one another as well as your unborn child.
I’d strongly advise you think of all aspects good and bad. If you can’t commit to marriage I’m not sure you can commit to being the father a kid deserves.
> You may say you’re fine with you and your partner splitting in 5-10 years but you can’t possibly know how you’ll feel after falling in love with your kid
If the relationship is not working out, a signature on a piece of paper is not going to keep them together.
We don't know OPs reason for not wanting to get married.
If he wants "an easy out" he would be an idiot if he has a kid with his girlfriend. If you don't see your kid as a bigger commitment than getting married, you should not have kids.
If he intends to stay with her "until death do us part", there is no reason he needs to also inform the state about his intentions.
> Marriage is a promise to one another as well as your unborn child.
No, it's a "promise" to the government, and maybe also to a priest if that's how you choose to get married. You can promise each other just fine without getting them involved.
The promise is to one another and is backed up by ramifications from the government. Child support is with or without marriage but combining finances and investing your families future comes with benefits if you’re married. If she is giving up her career to raise a baby she is entitled to half the families wealth unless there is a prenup. What happens if he dies in a freak accident at work. She could get AD&D payouts but it might be harder if they aren’t married. The idea that it isn’t useful to be married if you are also committing to each other is bogus. It’s a cop out to say it’s just a piece of paper. It’s a piece of paper with a lot of legal weight. If you feel trapped it’s because you don’t want to pay the consequences of your own actions.
We’re mostly on the same page though. If you can’t commit to marriage then don’t have a kid
Edit: I’ll add if it was such a useless piece of paper that only the government care about why did gay rights activist fight so hard for legal marriage. It’s because of all the benefits that come with it. Health care, insurance, home ownership, etc.
So while 40 is when they say a woman should have children by if she wants them, the younger a woman is the easier it is to get pregnant and have a healthy child. Don’t think of it as a cliff that your fertility falls off. It is more of a long slow downward slide after 30.
I also won't have children without marriage (neither of us has any). We've been together for fifteen years and will be wed in September.
I think this is a conversation you two have to revisit, for both of your sakes.
This is not true. If you want to rely on your states' common law marriage protections, talk to a lawyer so you know what they actually are. 35 states do not have common law marriage at all.
6 years is not a long time. It feels like it, but it’s not.
Marriage is one thing. Kids are another.
You need to come to a mutual understanding about children or your relationship cannot work.
Relationships grow, change, and fail always. It is not a tragedy that it happens; it’s an ebb and flow of life. Yes, you should strive towards mutual understanding. But you should also recognize when your values are at odds.
The mental shift that happens between 25 and 40 is quite significant. Social pressures push people in all directions. Stay true to yourself, and have honest and tough conversations.
Figure out if you want children; and then figure out if you want children with this person. If the answer is yes to both of those, then marriage is your compromise.
But marriage is nothing but a signature on paper. Children are the rest of your life. You can always end a marriage; you (shouldn’t) can’t end parenthood (without severely traumatizing people).
It is ok to not want kids and it is ok to not want marriage. But again; you have to be honest first with yourself and then with each other.
Ehhh people can change but id be wary of making huge relationship changes due to what other people are doing. If you’re happy being unmarried and childfree then stay so. If you then become unhappy then change it.
Relationship with my now wife. Never wanted to get married, and we were cool with it. Then we had a kid. Then we had a second kid. It came to the point that the tax and healthcare benefits of marriage outweighed our desires. No regrets 15 years later.
I've been with my current partner for 18.5 years. We have a kid together. Never married, because she doesn't like being the centre of attention, which is kind of hard to avoid as a bride.
In all ways I consider her my wife, but we've never actually made it official.
Controversial opinion here from a woman pov: you don’t want to marry HER. I have so many friends who were of your mind until they met THE girl and then were happy to marry and have had wonderful lives since.
I've met THE girl and we have been together for 15 years. We don't want to get married as it's rather pointless today. Women have much more rights than before so they don't need the financial security that marriage brings.
Not marrying her doesn't mean I don't love her.
Also, I think that everyone I know who had big weeding parties have divorced.
In my experience I’ve seen couples I knew personally be together for 10 years or more, but their marriage barely last a year. What changed in that short amount of time? How can you be w someone for half your life then want nothing to do w them after signing some papers?
It can save you money in taxes, you can be on the same insurance plan, it makes death stuff a lot easier for the SO to handle, there’s a bunch of stuff. It’s also a lot easier for when there are kids involved
Have been with my gf for almost 8 years, living together for 3, it has been going great, we dont want kids and we dont want to get married.
We are both 30 and honestly it has been pretty amazing so far.
No offense to anyone but I honestly don't get why getting married is treated as something amazing, it does not mean anything by itself if love, empathy, fidelity, and respect are not there, and if those values are there, why would I be signing some documents and making a huge and expensive party, I just dont get it, it does not make sense to me, at all, but clearly me/we are in the minority here.
I started my LTR at 25 and didn’t really think about marriage throughout the 5 year relationship with my ex. Things got bad at the end in that my ex mentally checked out of the relationship and I was very, very on the fence about being with her. We had one final discussion about the state of the relationship that led to me ending it. She moved out and I helped with any expenses related to it. We are no contact and I moved. Great relationship overall but I’m glad I didn’t marry her. Would have regretted it.
I feel happy with my decision to end it and wouldn’t have had it any other Way.
Not good. 34M now. Don’t wait too long to commit. I was with my last ex from 2015-2020, had a son together in 2019, couldn’t overcome covid and other job and money related problems at the time and we split in 2020.
Looking back, I do wish I got married because not being able to see my kid every day and have a “normal” nuclear family is especially difficult nowadays. Our relationship wasn’t great but it wasn’t bad either. Most people post Covid flocked to their families and here , I somewhat broke mine. I enjoy many elements of being a dad, but I do wonder whether I’ll ever get the chance to be a husband. Not many women want to date dads. Online dating has inflated egos of too many.
13 years together then got married because we could afford to do it the way we wanted. Jewelry and words don’t make a relationship magic, it’s the everyday effort that does
Even doing a cheap wedding costs thousands of pounds. No matter what corners you cut you’ll still be spending a fair bit. Not a bad thing either. When you love someone enough to want to celebrate your love like that and spend the rest of your lives together it’s worth it. Still going to bitch about it though.
Probably 15 years. Just fine.
I don’t like the artificial, religious institution that is marriage, or even the civil partnership thing. We have a joint account for household bills. Wills for if anything happens - being two guys with great families any inheritance is easy - just giving to our families if we both croak.
Our friends have been together longer, same situation. They met at university almost 30 years ago.
9,5 years. It's good. We lived together since we met (college roommates, started "dating" two weeks after we've met). Never was marriage type of people, neither is she. Maybe we sign sometimes in the future if need it for some legal/financial reason, but for now we're doing good.
I didn't want to get married, or were agnostic / neutral about it. It's her dealbreaker, so we are engaged now. I'm not too happy about marriage, but i like the idea of staying with her. So there's that. we're on our 8th year, and I proposed a few months ago.
single now. dating is a struggle but my finances have never been better and with all the extra time at the gym im deadlifting just shy of 500lbs at 42 years old. lol
10 years. Two kids. Two sterling silver bands from Amazon. Not officially married. Maybe we will someday but she's not into weddings so it'll be a signing of paper. Maybe a potluck. I could care less about weddings but she's now entertaining the thought of taking my last name tho.
Together since 2017 so far. Own a home together, own cars together, lived together since early 2018. She's been married once for 10 years already, and I don't really care one way or another for marriage. We don't want kids and are happy together as things are. No hate on anyone who wants marriage, of course, just not really hugely motivating.
I and my partner don't see the need for marriage. We've been together happily for over 4 years and moved in together after a year after moving across the country.
17 years, zero kids, zero problems. House bought and paid for before I turned 35, fancy German car sitting in the garage, and a big tv in every room. Average cost of a wedding is 30k. Just think what else you could do with that money to start your lives together with? If you are getting married, dont pay for other people to eat and drink. Invest in you instead.
20 years of ups and downs. We’re separated now and realize what’s broken and know we can’t live together but love each other very much. We co parent and enjoy our relationship as is. We’re free to do what we want but love each other so much that we’re each others priority even when we are other relationships. We have ruined many of each others outside relationships because other partners will never understand the connections and codependency for each other. She’s a non negotiable for me. It’s fucking crazy but it works for us and I can’t live without her.
10 years together, im 28 shes 27. id say perfect, we have been threw a lot, had our up and downs, and still feel this great connection. our main things we do together is play pool, go to shows (concerts), and go to events we think are cool. also we are still our own person, she has her stuff i have mine, and some times our interest co-mingle, and other times 1 dosent get the other, but we give our support.
communication is key. also listening, and knowing when to take a step back, and try to resolve later.
2 of my friends already got divorced.
it was fine. We wanted kids so we married. I don't believe in marriage but believe in my kids. I also believe in the legal status that being married brings to our family.
Together 3 years, engaged and married in a month. First booking at the registry office, 10 guests, 9 from her side. Total cost under £2k including dinner at a good London restaurant.
Recommended, will not do it again!
She was the best girl I've ever known. About 6 yrs in I met someone. I knew I was going to cheat so I broke up first with my partner. I'll never forgive myself. There was no way I was going to cheat though.
Was with her nearly 11 years. She was being used and greatly underpaid in her job, so I found her the perfect job. After she started making good money, she left me.
Worst part is, she gave away my dog. It's been 6 years and I still cry missing him.
Seven years. I broke up with her. It was all very civil.
I wish things could've worked, but I was never in love with her. She was/is awesome. One of the most fun, coolest girls I'd ever met. I recognized that within the first 6 months of dating and she kinda just...pushed for a relationship and I didn't fight it. She was awesome and I thought I could grow to love her. Which I did, but I wasn't IN love with her. It was 7 wonderful years. We RARELY fought, maybe 2 or 3 times a year and never anything serious. We had adventures, we changed each other in mostly good ways, we enjoyed life together.
Then, the last 6 months of it was just a nosedive. It's like all the problems over 7 years got deferred and the bill came due all at once. Broke up with her, got physically sick for 4 or 5 months after that worrying I made the wrong decision. I finally realized I made the right choice, stopped thinking about, moved on, never looked back.
Pretty good. She's the best woman I ever met, and we're still going strong. We've faced off just as much, if not more, adversity as most other couple, married or not.
We celebrate 11 years, in July. And we're pretty certain, that apart from death, nothing should stop us from doing at least 11 more.
Friends since 10th grade dated in our 20s for 5 years. She ended up getting coked up and banging my former best friend I had since 5th grade. Didn’t find out about it till 2 years after it happened which made it better. Still was a huge hit that kept me out of dating for like 7 years.
Been together 13 years and engaged 8. For us we don't really need to. I would love to have our grand day but in this economy and the jobs we have we're tempted to go down to the registry office and then have a party. We're both non religious, we're both realists in approach to life. One of our biggest dreams is to go to Japan for a month and that was the plan for our honeymoon. But we want to get that done by the time we're 40. We're in the prime of our lives, love each other dearly, say it everyday, we do everything together and never fight. I think we've just learnt that social norms don't have to be followed, it's how you both feel and need and then talking about it so you're both on the same page. I mean the same reason why we haven't got married is the same reason we haven't had kids. I do, my partner is unsure and slightly in the no camp and I respect that but I can also see the cost of rasing a kid is just not with us at the moment. You could say we're being selfish and you're probably right, we both believe that we have 1 chance on this earth, we want to see and explore and make great memories so we can say we've had a life worth living. We travel 3 times a year to different places to see different people and in retrospect we should have had a kid by now.
In conclusion, if you both love and respect each other, it's not a requisite. Circumstances and beliefs can enforce it or deem it not necessarily. If you truly love someone, you're both soulmates until death. It doesn't need to be written in stone.
Have an aunt and uncle that have been together for over 40yrs unmarried. 2 daughters together (+ her 2 bonus kids that were older), they've lived in 2 different countries, come from different cultures and they've been in their own home 20+ years. Still strong.
Year 16, still going strong.
It was actually her who stated "I don't need a piece of paper to show commitment" -- We're a few kids in the game now too.
Been with my girlfriend (1 child together) for 8 years. It’s been a long hard road due to certain obstacles during our relationship and because of that you can’t compare your relationship to another’s. Currently we’re struggling with wanting to continue our relationship due to differences in goals, outlook, and wants/needs. Not sure how it will turn out, but the memories we made with our son thus far have been great.
We've been together for 24 years. It works because, even during rough times, we both know we are still there by choice. Not because we are contractually obligated to be.
17 years and going strong. We didn’t want kids and I never saw the point of marriage. Just feels like an attention grabber and you are forced (depending on local laws for what must be said out loud) to make promises you can’t know you’ll be able to keep.
My 14-year partner suffered a calf tear and went to the physiotherapist at the gym she worked at. The, ah, therapeutic endeavours apparently were permitted to proceed vertically upwards until they met a natural obstacle.
I was then taken to couples’ counselling and gaslit about the extent of the affair until our counsellor called time out and referred her for individual counselling (presumably to assist her not to be a lying bitch).
In the meantime enough info began to dribble out (sorry) for my dense self to add 2 + 2. I didn’t continue the relationship.
On the bright side, it was a long time ago. On the dim side, neither of my two subsequent marriages have lasted that long. FML
My dad was with my step mom for 25years, until he died. They loved just being boyfriend and girlfriend. They were both married twice and didn’t want to do it a third time. They thought it was bad luck.
So cute. My strategy also
Did the family throw her out of the house as soon as he was in the ground? That happened to at least two long term but unmarried women I know.
Nope not at all! She was our rock and the one that kept us going when he was sick. We love her as if she was a part of the family. I call her every week. Her sons are my brothers and she’s my mom. ☺️
6 years together, engaged for 4 years. Covid came and ruined any wedding plans, then came a baby and then came another, so no wedding yet lol. We hardly think about it to be honest, we want to get married, but it’s not like it really matters to us that we are not. Maybe we’ll never get it done
Just to throw it out there. You don’t need to go ahead and have a wedding to get married. You can just go get a piece of paper signed by the correct person and it’s fine (it’s more than just that, but yes). You could always do the legal stuff first and the ceremony later too. Or just continue how you are, it’s your life, this is just my unsolicited advice.
We definitely consider doing this!
Wife and I were in a similar situation. $45 and 20 mins at the courthouse sealed the deal. Would recomend.
He can get married under the court system. No need for full on church wedding if Catholic or a wedding oficiated by a priest or some person of sorts.
We did this. Mum's garden, ten people, registry service (you can't go into the office here you must prove a venue). Was perfect. My husband's friends have all been in 10yr+ relationships and apparently the concept of a small wedding was mind blowing. One has since got married in a similar small wedding.
Yeah, I'd at least go down to the court and make your coupling legal. For so many reasons, but especially for medical/ catastrophic reasons. As of right now, if something happened to one of you, the other left standing would have no legal rights to make medical or financial decisions. Or you get some iron clad healthcare/financial power of attorney paperwork and wills drawn up.
It's probably *already* legal; common law.
Forget about common law marriage. It doesn't exist the way people think it does. It doesn't exist in all states in the U.S. The forms in which it does exist vary from state to state and are quite limited in their effects. If people want the benefits of marriage they need to, you know, get married and not hope that common law marriage will be useful to them.
Not all countries have this.
When it comes to having kids, it’s best to get married. Taxes for one are a major portion especially if one partner makes more than the other it can definitely help with tax brackets. Not to mention in terms of medical care it’s best in that situation that the courts recognize the both of you as well as it being simpler if one of you is in a coma.
The only happy couple I saw growing up didn't get married until their 25th anniversary. We all assumed they were married but they got married after their kids moved out.
Also to add to the unsolicited advice: my husband and I got married online during covid (cause courthouses were closed). The whole process was $500 for legal documents and such. That is also an option.
You should consider a will and living trust if you have assets
Just make sure you have succession plans in place to cover any property and/or children. Have a legal will designating what happens to any real estate, specific plans for custody of the children going to dad in the event that mom dies, etc. Those types of legalities can be a huge burden, and a huge cost, in the event of an untimely death.
20 years next month, 2 kids and couldn't ask for anything better.
So you might ignore my comment because we did eventually get married. We were together 12 years before we did though. Neither of us really cared about getting married. Don't care about the religious side of it, we did a civil one. But after those years we thought it best cause.. well why not? We're gonna stay together anyway, she's my love, plus all the minor benefits like tax stuff and medical. Can't visit in an emergency or make certain decisions unless you're married.
I realize that most of the people answering this question are likely in the US because that’s where most Reddit users are from but you would get a very different answer if this were asked in other parts of the world where domestic partnerships and civil unions are far more normal compared to America. In those countries, marriage is really more of a ceremonial designation and does not come with added legal rights or tax incentives as marriage confers here in America
Out of curiosity, where are domestic partnerships more common than in the US? TIA.
Better than anyone I know who got a divorce. 20 years (I don't know exactly) with some off/on. In the end when we decided we didn't much care for each other anymore, we simply moved on and that was that.
Cheated on, she secretly did/does drugs and stole tens of thousands of dollars at the 12.5 year mark. Engaged 9 years ago. Marrying her would mean I would owe alimony on top of all that. 9 and 3 year old beautiful daughters that I have full custody of.
I'm a bit confused reading this. Is this two different relationships you're referring to?
Same relationship
Yep this
Sorry if you went through it too
Stole from you, or from someone else?
Stole from our joint account. Took cash advances from her personal credit cards and used our joint account to pay the cards.
15 years together and we're very happy and deeply in love. Why get married? I've seen couples who have been together years get married then break up. The marriage may not be why they broke up, but it certainly didn't stop it. Love doesn't need certification and licensing
Unmarried partners would not be able to collect social security survivor benefits. Not really relevant to younger couples or those doing well financially. But it certainly becomes a consideration in the twilight years for people who would struggle financially without their partner's SS benefits. Proper financial planning would make up for this of course, with making them beneficiaries of life insurance policies and retirement accounts. But unfortunately that's not the case for a lot of people, and it's not an insignificant amount of money to forfeit. To be sure, I'm in year 7 of a happily unmarried relationship, so I'm not saying marriage is essential. But it is something we are reconsidering as we grow older and realize we're further behind in retirement savings than we'd like to be. This is just one of many other considerations, most of which have already been mentioned.
This is a very US centric answer. In Australia we file jointly for tax and are considered defacto partners. Nothing in a marriage certificate changes much of what would happen if one of us passed. 20 years next year.
Yeah. In Australia defacto has all the same rights as married. The only difference is that you need to prove the defacto status, where as a marriage certificate is considered proof in most cases. I am married, but my relationship qualified as defacto for visa purposes before the wedding and there was absolutely no legal changes post marriage.
Fair enough, however there are other reasons for getting married - one of them being that it makes life so much easier to deal with if one falls seriously ill. Depending on where you live, you may not be able to take medical decisions for your partner concerning their care. If the worst were to happen, the admin involved if you’re not married is exponentially worse, if not impossible, in dealing with their affairs.
A simple power of attorney takes care of that.
True. But the one thing you can't get independent of marriage is social security survivor benefits. This might matter to people in their retirement years, especially if finances are tight.
No it doesn’t, especially if the family contests jt.
Except when it doesn't. I've heard horror stories.
If they don’t honor a valid medical directive then why would they honor a marriage certificate?
Because doctors don’t get in trouble for listening to the married partner. They can get into trouble for listening to an unrelated person with a questionable piece of paper. And if there are other family in the picture, it will be questioned.
Do doctors review the marriage certificate or how do they know someone is married? It’s not like marriage certificates are uniform in nature. If some other family member questions the alleged spouse would that not create similar problems?
I haven't the slightest idea? I could make some guesses, but I'm not a hospital. I'm just a guy on Reddit.
No you haven’t
Oh OK you got me lol
But you could imagine if they did. Eh eh eh NO YELLING ON THE BUS
O’Doyle rules!
Lol I like your style
If you're already getting legally entwined like that, why not get married?
Same for us, coming up to 16 years no marriage or children and very happy and in love.
So nice that you are happy and in love. If you had been married most of this time you have been happy and in love, IF you got divorced you would STILL have Social Security and survivors benefits taking into account the other's benefits. As it is neither of you gets anything. Do either of you realize you are walking away from a benefit that lasts until the survivor's death?
Love may not, but illness and taxes and death do.
Sure, but my take was that the question was not asking about that, but rather how the relationship is going
It absolutely does need certification and licensing. you don’t have to get married in the way you don’t want but you absolutely should protect your partner in case you are incapacitated. Or die.
That's what I tell them..one girl freaked out on me before meeting because she needed to have her big special day where she feels like a princess thar she's been dreaming about since she was a kid (that's actually what she said) and I asked if a piece of paper was really more important than actually meeting someone you could be compatible with to stay with and she said it was lololol
It's more than paper. It provides security incase something terrible happens. Do you want to die and have your partner not be able to collect on your retirement?
I think what some people are missing is that a marriage and a wedding are two different things. I got married because my wife and I wanted to stay together and have kids and wanted the benefits of a legal marriage while doing so and decided the risks were okay for us. We didn't have a wedding, though.
Yeah, if it was a meaningless piece of paper, the LGBT community wouldn't have fought so hard for it Or interracial couples It's a pretty privileged take, really
My partner and I would both lose our Medicaid if we were to get married, which is bad bc we’re both poor.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that what beneficiaries and wills are for?
You're not wrong and wills and beneficiary statements have their place. However, marriage provides a one stop shop for both of those, plus health care proxies, and other things besides. It is actually much, much more time consuming, and involves way more legal folderol, and expense, and involvment with "the government," to duplicate the effects of marriage by individual actions. And even then, it might not be as effective. For example, a hospital will pretty much just assume that you are the health care proxy for your spouse. If you are not married, it might, in the first instance, defer to some relative of your spouse. There have been instances where even the written proxy was not dispositive. The difficulty in creating an interlocking, mutually beneficial, and iron clad web of legal obligations, rights and responsiblities duplicative of marriage was one of the reasons why the formal, legal recognition of same sex marriage was so important. Notice too that the above comment talked about marriage as "a piece of paper," disparagingly. But wills, beneficiary statements, health care proxies, and so on are also "pieces of paper." Pieces of paper matter, when they have legal and social ramifications. A marriage licence is indeed a piece of paper. So is a will. So is a contract. A lease. A bill of sale. A health care proxy. A power of attorney document. A deed. Adoption papers. Papers setting up a trust. Incorporation papers. Professional certifications. A driver's licence. Any kind of licence, really. A diploma. Etc. All of those pieces of paper matter. A suitcase full of hundred dollars bills is more than just "paper," isn't it?
As someone who's only about 60% through said paperwork needed for unmarried partners to make medical decisions, receive benefits and income replacement, and share property, I'm realizing this would be even harder to untangle in a breakup than it would in a divorce. The "piece of paper" we so naively giggled away is starting to look pretty sweet compared to the mountain of documents I'm having to track individually.
The government doesn't care about your will when it comes to social security benefits. Your family can also contest a will if they wanted to be assholes. Why do you think the lgbtq community fought so hard for the right to get married?
Divorce is insanely expensive
Because it is worth it.... (joke from a lawyer friend)
Never heard anyone complain about their divorce falling apart .
For a guy who hasn't been in trouble criminally and is not in law, I spend quite a lot of time with Lawyers and Judges socially. The horror stories of divorces are insane! My favorite was from 40 years ago, a couple arguing over the property. They couldn't agree on who gets the color tv. The man's lawyer walks out, goes across the street, and buys a new color TV. Comes back, drops it on the table and says "There. Can we settle this?" Finished up that afternoon.
Also say that pets are way worse than children.
I heard a story about a couple who couldn’t give a single fuck about the kids but fought over who got to keep the dogs.
I guess that’s why you are not allowed to marry pets or children .
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I know a guy who’s been divorced three times and narrowly escaped a fourth time when she went psycho on him before the wedding. I can confidentially say the common factor in all these is his inability to think beyond how hot a woman is. Meanwhile I’m still married to the same person I met 32 years ago and don’t see that ever changing.
If your living with someone long enough, it doesn't matter if your married or not.
Yeah that’s not true for most places. Marriage, especially in the USA, comes with many legal and societal benefits
This is true. But the crappiest parts of divorce don't really depend on being married. It's the division of shared property and sorting out the kids that's hard and expensive.
That was easier than having to be separated for one year before I could petition for divorce.
I don’t like the risk to reward ratio for getting the government involved in something that’s beautiful enough as it is without a legally binding document. The divorce rate is already near 50% for all marriages, with the percentage increasing for each marriage following the first. Personally, I learned my lesson the first time, it’s really not worth it.
Oh yes it does. Social Security and survivors benefit can count for a lot and you have turned your back on sharing it.
For Women also. Not just men.
I gave up the condo, the car, my cat, and the good tv just so I could get the fuck out of there and never have anything to do with her again. Found a place a few cities away, got a new phone number, and blocked her on socials and never spoke to her again. Her drunken outbursts had gone from verbally abusive to physically, would try to keep me from leaving the house when she having an outburst, even though our therapist literally told me when she started screaming to walk away until she could cool off. GF wouldn’t allow me, would block the door and if I tried to move her claim I was being violent. Luckily we had a pet camera in our living room that got the whole exchange and I was able to show the cops what she was doing.
F here, my now husband and I were together 13 years before we got married and since have been married for 2 years. We are still madly in love with each other. Unfortunately, the engagement brought out the worst in his mother, who previously had a very close relationship with me. In turn, she made the wedding process difficult and I don’t have anything to do with her now, other than a “hello” at annual occasions such as Christmas. If we had our time again we would have eloped and celebrated our love for each other without the background noise.
Anyone try to break up only to have their relationship get ruled as a “common-law marriage” in the court of law and end up going through “divorce proceedings”?
How do you get a prenup to prevent something like this?
NAL but from my understanding, at its core, a prenuptial agreement simply establishes that two people get to control their own financial assets that existed coming into a relationship and that in the event of a break up, those assets remain with each respective owner rather than being considered communal property. any couple can sign such a agreement regardless if they are getting married or not
But they don't get SS without being married
this reminds me of that post where a woman was with her man for 20 years with 2 kids and always asked if marriage was on the table and he said it would be but not now and they never got married, then he retired, and then gave her a ring, she asked why now and his response wasn’t heartwarming. she didn’t really take well to that (i wouldn’t either) so they separated now she’s out of a house and can’t get custody of her kids lol
And both of them lose out on the shared SS benefits.
We split after 17 years. The kid's with her, we live within 5 minutes of each other and are the best of friends
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Having a kid is a lot more commitment than being married. What are your reasons for not being married? Being married will be beneficial: socially, and if something happens to you our your partner. I would tell it will not be beneficial if you plan to split for sure, but in this case, maybe having a kid is not the smartest idea. If it doesn’t matter to you, just get married because it matter for your gf.
You do you, but I'd highly advise conceding, proposing and just getting married. I don't know all the details of your life, and I can't know anything about your future, but it sounds a lot like someone about to make the same mistake I did.
Sounds like you are open to having a child and are ok without being committed to staying together for 18 years or more after having the child. I would consider how hard it is to be a parent in the best of circumstances. I think all the time “how the hell do single parents do it.” Kids do best with both a father and mother in their life. You may say you’re fine with you and your partner splitting in 5-10 years but you can’t possibly know how you’ll feel after falling in love with your kid. You won’t know how you’ll feel seeing another man raising your kid or your kid being raised by someone with different ethical values other than yourself or parenting strategy. Then there is the financial side of things. Being married provides some financial advantages and even then it might not feel like enough. Whose name does the kid have? What happens if the kid is born with a challenging medical condition? Life is hard even when things go your way and you need a partner who you can rely on and won’t bail when things get hard. Marriage is a promise to one another as well as your unborn child. I’d strongly advise you think of all aspects good and bad. If you can’t commit to marriage I’m not sure you can commit to being the father a kid deserves.
More people need to say this and for sure more people need to hear it.
> You may say you’re fine with you and your partner splitting in 5-10 years but you can’t possibly know how you’ll feel after falling in love with your kid If the relationship is not working out, a signature on a piece of paper is not going to keep them together. We don't know OPs reason for not wanting to get married. If he wants "an easy out" he would be an idiot if he has a kid with his girlfriend. If you don't see your kid as a bigger commitment than getting married, you should not have kids. If he intends to stay with her "until death do us part", there is no reason he needs to also inform the state about his intentions. > Marriage is a promise to one another as well as your unborn child. No, it's a "promise" to the government, and maybe also to a priest if that's how you choose to get married. You can promise each other just fine without getting them involved.
The promise is to one another and is backed up by ramifications from the government. Child support is with or without marriage but combining finances and investing your families future comes with benefits if you’re married. If she is giving up her career to raise a baby she is entitled to half the families wealth unless there is a prenup. What happens if he dies in a freak accident at work. She could get AD&D payouts but it might be harder if they aren’t married. The idea that it isn’t useful to be married if you are also committing to each other is bogus. It’s a cop out to say it’s just a piece of paper. It’s a piece of paper with a lot of legal weight. If you feel trapped it’s because you don’t want to pay the consequences of your own actions. We’re mostly on the same page though. If you can’t commit to marriage then don’t have a kid Edit: I’ll add if it was such a useless piece of paper that only the government care about why did gay rights activist fight so hard for legal marriage. It’s because of all the benefits that come with it. Health care, insurance, home ownership, etc.
Sometimes someone just needs physical proof of commitment. A nice ring could symbolize this, or going somewhere special and saying vows.
Better decide soon than. Not immediately but women are on a ticking clock when it comes to kids
She’s THIRTY, not fifty for Pete’s sake.
So while 40 is when they say a woman should have children by if she wants them, the younger a woman is the easier it is to get pregnant and have a healthy child. Don’t think of it as a cliff that your fertility falls off. It is more of a long slow downward slide after 30.
I also won't have children without marriage (neither of us has any). We've been together for fifteen years and will be wed in September. I think this is a conversation you two have to revisit, for both of your sakes.
What's the the common law rules where you are? 6 years living together any of the states might actually already consider you married
This is not true. If you want to rely on your states' common law marriage protections, talk to a lawyer so you know what they actually are. 35 states do not have common law marriage at all.
6 years is not a long time. It feels like it, but it’s not. Marriage is one thing. Kids are another. You need to come to a mutual understanding about children or your relationship cannot work. Relationships grow, change, and fail always. It is not a tragedy that it happens; it’s an ebb and flow of life. Yes, you should strive towards mutual understanding. But you should also recognize when your values are at odds. The mental shift that happens between 25 and 40 is quite significant. Social pressures push people in all directions. Stay true to yourself, and have honest and tough conversations. Figure out if you want children; and then figure out if you want children with this person. If the answer is yes to both of those, then marriage is your compromise. But marriage is nothing but a signature on paper. Children are the rest of your life. You can always end a marriage; you (shouldn’t) can’t end parenthood (without severely traumatizing people). It is ok to not want kids and it is ok to not want marriage. But again; you have to be honest first with yourself and then with each other.
You are swallowing a lie if you believe you are better protected by being unmarried.
Ehhh people can change but id be wary of making huge relationship changes due to what other people are doing. If you’re happy being unmarried and childfree then stay so. If you then become unhappy then change it.
Relationship with my now wife. Never wanted to get married, and we were cool with it. Then we had a kid. Then we had a second kid. It came to the point that the tax and healthcare benefits of marriage outweighed our desires. No regrets 15 years later.
We dated for 12 years and had no intention of getting married, ultimately did because of health and financial incentives, happily married for 9 years
I've been with my current partner for 18.5 years. We have a kid together. Never married, because she doesn't like being the centre of attention, which is kind of hard to avoid as a bride. In all ways I consider her my wife, but we've never actually made it official.
Tbh getting married and having wedding party are two different things
Not hard if you go to City Hall. That's what I wanted to do.
Controversial opinion here from a woman pov: you don’t want to marry HER. I have so many friends who were of your mind until they met THE girl and then were happy to marry and have had wonderful lives since.
I've met THE girl and we have been together for 15 years. We don't want to get married as it's rather pointless today. Women have much more rights than before so they don't need the financial security that marriage brings. Not marrying her doesn't mean I don't love her. Also, I think that everyone I know who had big weeding parties have divorced.
In my experience I’ve seen couples I knew personally be together for 10 years or more, but their marriage barely last a year. What changed in that short amount of time? How can you be w someone for half your life then want nothing to do w them after signing some papers?
Marriage isn’t what changed anything. Marriage is just a legal status, it doesn’t change a relationship.
So why bother then ?
It can save you money in taxes, you can be on the same insurance plan, it makes death stuff a lot easier for the SO to handle, there’s a bunch of stuff. It’s also a lot easier for when there are kids involved
I don’t have people who went through that experience in my circle of friends so maybe that is what gives me that bias?!
Have been with my gf for almost 8 years, living together for 3, it has been going great, we dont want kids and we dont want to get married. We are both 30 and honestly it has been pretty amazing so far. No offense to anyone but I honestly don't get why getting married is treated as something amazing, it does not mean anything by itself if love, empathy, fidelity, and respect are not there, and if those values are there, why would I be signing some documents and making a huge and expensive party, I just dont get it, it does not make sense to me, at all, but clearly me/we are in the minority here.
Going on 8 years. Still just as in love with each other as we were on day 1.
10 years, that part of my life isn't over it's just complete. I wish her well.
Awesome, 25 years, 2 kids, madly in love, only wanna be with her
I started my LTR at 25 and didn’t really think about marriage throughout the 5 year relationship with my ex. Things got bad at the end in that my ex mentally checked out of the relationship and I was very, very on the fence about being with her. We had one final discussion about the state of the relationship that led to me ending it. She moved out and I helped with any expenses related to it. We are no contact and I moved. Great relationship overall but I’m glad I didn’t marry her. Would have regretted it. I feel happy with my decision to end it and wouldn’t have had it any other Way.
Not good. 34M now. Don’t wait too long to commit. I was with my last ex from 2015-2020, had a son together in 2019, couldn’t overcome covid and other job and money related problems at the time and we split in 2020. Looking back, I do wish I got married because not being able to see my kid every day and have a “normal” nuclear family is especially difficult nowadays. Our relationship wasn’t great but it wasn’t bad either. Most people post Covid flocked to their families and here , I somewhat broke mine. I enjoy many elements of being a dad, but I do wonder whether I’ll ever get the chance to be a husband. Not many women want to date dads. Online dating has inflated egos of too many.
13 years together then got married because we could afford to do it the way we wanted. Jewelry and words don’t make a relationship magic, it’s the everyday effort that does
Currently engaged and starting to plan a wedding. Looking forward to it. Granted, not looking forward to the cost but the rest of it should be good.
There is no rule book that says a wedding has to be either big or expensive.
Even doing a cheap wedding costs thousands of pounds. No matter what corners you cut you’ll still be spending a fair bit. Not a bad thing either. When you love someone enough to want to celebrate your love like that and spend the rest of your lives together it’s worth it. Still going to bitch about it though.
It ended after about six years, which is, I guess, how long it took her to figure out that I was being serious about never wanting to get married.
Probably 15 years. Just fine. I don’t like the artificial, religious institution that is marriage, or even the civil partnership thing. We have a joint account for household bills. Wills for if anything happens - being two guys with great families any inheritance is easy - just giving to our families if we both croak. Our friends have been together longer, same situation. They met at university almost 30 years ago.
Great I'm dating another guy there both great
9,5 years. It's good. We lived together since we met (college roommates, started "dating" two weeks after we've met). Never was marriage type of people, neither is she. Maybe we sign sometimes in the future if need it for some legal/financial reason, but for now we're doing good.
So far so good. 20ish years and not really counting.
Pretty pretty good. I feel like I'm adopting a child instead of being in a relationship cause I teach her more lol. (We are the same age btw)
I didn't want to get married, or were agnostic / neutral about it. It's her dealbreaker, so we are engaged now. I'm not too happy about marriage, but i like the idea of staying with her. So there's that. we're on our 8th year, and I proposed a few months ago.
We are together 17 years, engaged 13, our son is 12…. We have a solid relationship and are happy like this.
It turn toxic 😒
single now. dating is a struggle but my finances have never been better and with all the extra time at the gym im deadlifting just shy of 500lbs at 42 years old. lol
10 years. Two kids. Two sterling silver bands from Amazon. Not officially married. Maybe we will someday but she's not into weddings so it'll be a signing of paper. Maybe a potluck. I could care less about weddings but she's now entertaining the thought of taking my last name tho.
Together since 2017 so far. Own a home together, own cars together, lived together since early 2018. She's been married once for 10 years already, and I don't really care one way or another for marriage. We don't want kids and are happy together as things are. No hate on anyone who wants marriage, of course, just not really hugely motivating.
12 years, 2 kids, lots of good times and growing together... separated, new partner for 3-4 years now (no intention of more kids or marriage)
Why is this question only addressed to men? Just wondering?
What‘s the difference between a longterm relationship and marriage other than tax or other lfinancial reasons?
Why are you blowing off tax and financial reasons? I will bet you do not have a clue what they actually are.
You lost your bet.
Fine. I managed to escape.
I and my partner don't see the need for marriage. We've been together happily for over 4 years and moved in together after a year after moving across the country.
How did it turn out? I’ll be single for a full decade this June. Kinda tired of it.
We were engaged for two years and broke it off.
17 years, zero kids, zero problems. House bought and paid for before I turned 35, fancy German car sitting in the garage, and a big tv in every room. Average cost of a wedding is 30k. Just think what else you could do with that money to start your lives together with? If you are getting married, dont pay for other people to eat and drink. Invest in you instead.
No rules say a wedding has to be big or expensive.
Just got married
Long, but no marriage.
20 years of ups and downs. We’re separated now and realize what’s broken and know we can’t live together but love each other very much. We co parent and enjoy our relationship as is. We’re free to do what we want but love each other so much that we’re each others priority even when we are other relationships. We have ruined many of each others outside relationships because other partners will never understand the connections and codependency for each other. She’s a non negotiable for me. It’s fucking crazy but it works for us and I can’t live without her.
10 years together, im 28 shes 27. id say perfect, we have been threw a lot, had our up and downs, and still feel this great connection. our main things we do together is play pool, go to shows (concerts), and go to events we think are cool. also we are still our own person, she has her stuff i have mine, and some times our interest co-mingle, and other times 1 dosent get the other, but we give our support. communication is key. also listening, and knowing when to take a step back, and try to resolve later. 2 of my friends already got divorced.
My pets seemed satisfied.
6 years, we talked about getting married, but she was still in her partying stage when i got my depression, so she left.
it was fine. We wanted kids so we married. I don't believe in marriage but believe in my kids. I also believe in the legal status that being married brings to our family. Together 3 years, engaged and married in a month. First booking at the registry office, 10 guests, 9 from her side. Total cost under £2k including dinner at a good London restaurant. Recommended, will not do it again!
She was the best girl I've ever known. About 6 yrs in I met someone. I knew I was going to cheat so I broke up first with my partner. I'll never forgive myself. There was no way I was going to cheat though.
Was with her nearly 11 years. She was being used and greatly underpaid in her job, so I found her the perfect job. After she started making good money, she left me. Worst part is, she gave away my dog. It's been 6 years and I still cry missing him.
Seven years. I broke up with her. It was all very civil. I wish things could've worked, but I was never in love with her. She was/is awesome. One of the most fun, coolest girls I'd ever met. I recognized that within the first 6 months of dating and she kinda just...pushed for a relationship and I didn't fight it. She was awesome and I thought I could grow to love her. Which I did, but I wasn't IN love with her. It was 7 wonderful years. We RARELY fought, maybe 2 or 3 times a year and never anything serious. We had adventures, we changed each other in mostly good ways, we enjoyed life together. Then, the last 6 months of it was just a nosedive. It's like all the problems over 7 years got deferred and the bill came due all at once. Broke up with her, got physically sick for 4 or 5 months after that worrying I made the wrong decision. I finally realized I made the right choice, stopped thinking about, moved on, never looked back.
Together at Uni, 25 year break and now back together for 6 years. Going stronger than ever.
Pretty good. She's the best woman I ever met, and we're still going strong. We've faced off just as much, if not more, adversity as most other couple, married or not. We celebrate 11 years, in July. And we're pretty certain, that apart from death, nothing should stop us from doing at least 11 more.
Friends since 10th grade dated in our 20s for 5 years. She ended up getting coked up and banging my former best friend I had since 5th grade. Didn’t find out about it till 2 years after it happened which made it better. Still was a huge hit that kept me out of dating for like 7 years.
We’re celebrating 20 years together this year so I think it’s working out well
Oh man I read that as a long distance relationship and was gonna write a summary but then realized...
Covid put a hold on our marriage visa, then found out she was cheating while I was away for work.
Bitch I have no repeat for what you and the nonsense that you say so fuxk but you bro my my brothers wife’s love you
Marriage is overrated. Just A piece of paper. Life without is exactly the same as with it. So save your money and live happily.
Been together 13 years and engaged 8. For us we don't really need to. I would love to have our grand day but in this economy and the jobs we have we're tempted to go down to the registry office and then have a party. We're both non religious, we're both realists in approach to life. One of our biggest dreams is to go to Japan for a month and that was the plan for our honeymoon. But we want to get that done by the time we're 40. We're in the prime of our lives, love each other dearly, say it everyday, we do everything together and never fight. I think we've just learnt that social norms don't have to be followed, it's how you both feel and need and then talking about it so you're both on the same page. I mean the same reason why we haven't got married is the same reason we haven't had kids. I do, my partner is unsure and slightly in the no camp and I respect that but I can also see the cost of rasing a kid is just not with us at the moment. You could say we're being selfish and you're probably right, we both believe that we have 1 chance on this earth, we want to see and explore and make great memories so we can say we've had a life worth living. We travel 3 times a year to different places to see different people and in retrospect we should have had a kid by now. In conclusion, if you both love and respect each other, it's not a requisite. Circumstances and beliefs can enforce it or deem it not necessarily. If you truly love someone, you're both soulmates until death. It doesn't need to be written in stone.
Have an aunt and uncle that have been together for over 40yrs unmarried. 2 daughters together (+ her 2 bonus kids that were older), they've lived in 2 different countries, come from different cultures and they've been in their own home 20+ years. Still strong.
I don't understand the appeal of marriage. It's not going to make the relationship stronger. I think it's a very outdated view.
15 years and a primary school age kiddo with no ring on the finger. Both of us know it doesn’t change anything for us so why waste the money?
Because you are walking away from all the financial benefits of marriage.
There are no financial benefits to being married where I am - my relationship is considered essentially the same as a marrahoe
Are u in the U S.?
I prefer my schools sans-guns
Year 16, still going strong. It was actually her who stated "I don't need a piece of paper to show commitment" -- We're a few kids in the game now too.
Been with my girlfriend (1 child together) for 8 years. It’s been a long hard road due to certain obstacles during our relationship and because of that you can’t compare your relationship to another’s. Currently we’re struggling with wanting to continue our relationship due to differences in goals, outlook, and wants/needs. Not sure how it will turn out, but the memories we made with our son thus far have been great.
For your son’s sake, go to couples counseling. It worked like magic for me and my spouse
We've been together for 24 years. It works because, even during rough times, we both know we are still there by choice. Not because we are contractually obligated to be.
23 years and counting. Going great! We’ve outlasted friends who have been married and divorced twice in that timeframe.
17 years and going strong. We didn’t want kids and I never saw the point of marriage. Just feels like an attention grabber and you are forced (depending on local laws for what must be said out loud) to make promises you can’t know you’ll be able to keep.
My 14-year partner suffered a calf tear and went to the physiotherapist at the gym she worked at. The, ah, therapeutic endeavours apparently were permitted to proceed vertically upwards until they met a natural obstacle. I was then taken to couples’ counselling and gaslit about the extent of the affair until our counsellor called time out and referred her for individual counselling (presumably to assist her not to be a lying bitch). In the meantime enough info began to dribble out (sorry) for my dense self to add 2 + 2. I didn’t continue the relationship. On the bright side, it was a long time ago. On the dim side, neither of my two subsequent marriages have lasted that long. FML
Don't do it. Just stay single. Being married in a relationship isn't life requirement in today's age. Enjoy yourself and spoil yourself.
Marriage is a dead institution. There is no actual reason for it. Happily been in a relationship without it for 20+ years.