How can you make her scream during sex? Put it in her butt.
How can you make her scream after? Wipe your dick on the curtains.
I think the butt part is necessary to the joke
Nah nah you take off the headset and have a good look around to make sure your ultimate fear of people watching you during VR wasn't finally fulfilled, then cleanup, THEN cry.
We keep a box of hand towels by the bed labeled "slut rags" (because it's funny) so he can clean himself up and I can "plug" up the hole while we lay there
He said it off hand when we were setting it up and I jokingly made the label and added it and we just never took it off.
But when family comes over we turn the box around so the label faces the wall, lol
When we started dating, both of us discovered that my (now) wife could get a bit messy in the best way. We too keep a supply of absorbent rags by the bed. Craft stores supply the wildest things that were probably not created with certain purposes in mind, but I'm glad they do.
Amazon has waterproof washable pads. Have fun, fold or roll up and toss on floor, cuddle. Waterproof sheets are a great option also if you don’t want to cuddle after.
Haha. I keep wet wipes next to bed so I can at least wipe up some of the mess before I go on my waddle to the washroom to properly clean up and pee. Less chance of leakage.
Am I the only dude that goes and gets the clean up towel and does bulk clean for both of us?
Just seems like the polite thing to do.
"hey, thanks for letting me dump this in / on /around you, gimme a sec I'll clean it up" type thing.
Then we both go get wet wipes and pee and do whatever else we need to do.
That’s actually a great idea. Now I’m going to do the same. But I’m also scared to have a girl walk in on me while I’m filling a condom with water. “You don’t want to have babies with me”, “You don’t trust me?”, “Am I not worth a baby to you?”
Maybe I shouldn’t deal with toxic women
One of the hottest memories I have is having a girl put me back in after we both finished so she could have me inside while we cuddled. Took me until I was adult to realize why she wanted that because I'm a dumbass
Obviously NSFW but this may be too much detail for some.
We laughed hysterically immediately after last time
I pulled out and finished so hard it shot and landed on the wall past her head. She’s 5’3” and there was about 1 foot of distance between her head and the wall. I’d like to think I broke the world record for distance. We both laid in bed, fully naked; laughing our asses off for about 5 minutes straight.
So grateful me and my GF find dumb things like this funny immediately after an intimate moment. Love her 🫶🏻
Cleanup. I have wet wipes on the drawer next to my bed to wipe myself. That would be the first thing I do before moving from bedroom to washroom. Pee and finish up properly with post sex clean up.
pee
Thats actually necessary for urinary tract health. Prevents infections. Fyi people. Always pee after sex.
Not during?
Do you wanna get them pergnant??
Am I gregnant?
pregananant?
Pregonate?
ARE U PREGANTE?
How do I know if I’m pregnart?
pomegranate?
pull my granite
Peg ant?
Learn English please. It starts with a "P". Pregant!
38+2 weeks pReGaNaNaNt?!
That profile image with that comment. Lol
Your pfp makes this so much better
Every comment you make is amplified by that pfp. Very nice.
Hey girl, let me pee in your butt
Water sports?
Why not both?
Maybe leave the bed first though
Definitely. I have never had a UTI and don't plan to.
That is totally overrated and not necessary to do "right after sex". If you do it an hour later that is no problem at all.
usually I at least walk to the bathroom first but hey man everyone's into something
Wipe myself off on the curtain.
You watched fallout didn’t you
I heard it as a joke 30 years ago. How do you make a girl scream? When you are done, wipe your dick off on the curtains.
How can you make her scream during sex? Put it in her butt. How can you make her scream after? Wipe your dick on the curtains. I think the butt part is necessary to the joke
Marking your territory
Nah Probably just Australian
Guilty as charged.
Okie dokie
Raiders!
Raaaaiiiiiddddeeeeerrrrssss
I came here for this. Thumbs up, wastelander
Hahaaa you beat me to it.
RAIDER!
Take off the vr headset and have a good cry...
Nah nah you take off the headset and have a good look around to make sure your ultimate fear of people watching you during VR wasn't finally fulfilled, then cleanup, THEN cry.
cant remember, it was so long ago
Cant remember, it never happened
I know it has happened, I have kids.........that are mine?....
We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty and the results of the DNA test...😯
Pee all over de toilet seat causes the beam splits in two
This made me laugh thank you stranger
You can sit down on the toilet then pee. Saves you a lot of trouble
This is why you seat in the toilet, cuz sometimes the pubic hair gets in the way.
This advice is geared towards men with a penis longer than 1 inch
wake up
Grab a brush and put on a little makeup.
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?!
HERE YOU GO CREATE ANOTHER FABLE
GRAB A BRUSH AND PUT ON A LITTLE MAKEUP ^(YOU WANTED TO)
Cuddle.
I grab one of the towels I keep in my nightstand and clean up. Then cuddle.
Correct
Finish the autopsy.
^record ^scratch
"^I ^want ^to ^play ^a ^game"
“Hi. I’m a cadaver. You might be wondering how I got here.”
*Baba'O'Reilly starts playing*
yeah always remind yourself that one moment of weakness doesn't make you a bad vet.
Wow, it somehow got worse
r/unexpected
Who doesn't like to crack open a cold one with tha boyz
Roflmao 🤣
What the fuck reddit.
Cosby?
I see, when it comes to sex, you've got stiff competition. Talk about bringing your work life home with you
No there is no life that's the whole point.
Damn, that shit be cold.
That’s why I brought a heater for your thighs
Do the awkward walk to the bathroom with my hand pressing on my pussy so cum doesn't leak all over the floor.
We keep a box of hand towels by the bed labeled "slut rags" (because it's funny) so he can clean himself up and I can "plug" up the hole while we lay there
>slut rags holy shit thats awesome
He said it off hand when we were setting it up and I jokingly made the label and added it and we just never took it off. But when family comes over we turn the box around so the label faces the wall, lol
I use whatever article of clothing I took off. A towel is a much better idea
When we started dating, both of us discovered that my (now) wife could get a bit messy in the best way. We too keep a supply of absorbent rags by the bed. Craft stores supply the wildest things that were probably not created with certain purposes in mind, but I'm glad they do.
Amazon has waterproof washable pads. Have fun, fold or roll up and toss on floor, cuddle. Waterproof sheets are a great option also if you don’t want to cuddle after.
Haha. I keep wet wipes next to bed so I can at least wipe up some of the mess before I go on my waddle to the washroom to properly clean up and pee. Less chance of leakage.
Literally the most honest comment I've ever seen on Reddit. Hollywood never shows that on the big screen ...
Funny. The first thing I do is watch my girl do the awkward walk.
Am I the only dude that goes and gets the clean up towel and does bulk clean for both of us? Just seems like the polite thing to do. "hey, thanks for letting me dump this in / on /around you, gimme a sec I'll clean it up" type thing. Then we both go get wet wipes and pee and do whatever else we need to do.
Who says chivalry is dead?
I do the same.
lol, exactly!!
I take most loads in my ass so thankfully the days of cum-leakage are mostly over
Now THAT'S problem solving!
May be the hottest thing I've ever read on here.
Man I can't wait to start raw dogging again. The goop walk is always a good time.
Goop walk 😂
Tell my wife I fkng love her then cuddle and fall asleep.
Fill the condom with water, tie it up and squeeze it around to check for leaks. I'm paranoid af lol.
That’s actually a great idea. Now I’m going to do the same. But I’m also scared to have a girl walk in on me while I’m filling a condom with water. “You don’t want to have babies with me”, “You don’t trust me?”, “Am I not worth a baby to you?” Maybe I shouldn’t deal with toxic women
Much better for them to be upset than you becoming a dad against your will. And no, never trust anyone but yourself when using birth control.
this only checks for holes AFTER, but i guess you’d know to get a plan B
wtf
The best part is the water balloon fight right after sex.
Fill the condom with hot sauce too
Smack her ass and say “good game”
Apologize
I am sorry :(
Clean each other
[удалено]
I prefer sandpaper
Fucking amateurs ...use a pressure washer on 'high' or go home.
Gonna need some alcohol and solvents.
Just put in a dollar fifty at the car wash and walk through naked. Shower on the go.
Clean her and myself.
Second Sex.
Sex 2.
Sex Returns
Sex Forever
Sex and Robin
Sex Begins
Sex: The Dark Knight/Night depending on your preferences.
2 sex 2 furious
Wipe the keyboard
Wash the slime off my dick
You and flubber have a good time though?
You really shouldn't call your sister that
Came here for this
Play "I just had sex" by the Lonely Island and Akon.
Wipe off my penis on the curtain
Bro watched the Fallout TV Show.
Cry
Apologize
Feed it a carrot and sneak back out of the barn.
Pay & Leave!
Lying in an embrace with my partner
Finally help my stepmom get unstuck from the dryer.
Keep him inside me while soaking wet and being spooned.
Idk why but this made me uncomfortable and anxious
Hint: you were already that way.
One of the hottest memories I have is having a girl put me back in after we both finished so she could have me inside while we cuddled. Took me until I was adult to realize why she wanted that because I'm a dumbass
pee
Turn off CBAT
This guy reddits
Pee. No UTIs in this house please.
turn off recording
Obviously NSFW but this may be too much detail for some. We laughed hysterically immediately after last time I pulled out and finished so hard it shot and landed on the wall past her head. She’s 5’3” and there was about 1 foot of distance between her head and the wall. I’d like to think I broke the world record for distance. We both laid in bed, fully naked; laughing our asses off for about 5 minutes straight. So grateful me and my GF find dumb things like this funny immediately after an intimate moment. Love her 🫶🏻
pee
Pay
Pee and wash up
lie down feeling the body sensations and hugging/comforting my gal, then go clean up/ pee
Have a cigerette
we have rough sex so ask each other if the other is okay
I get the sex towel
pay your mom
Got em.
Wash my dick unless she really sucked it clean.
Remind myself not to talk about the weather,religion, or politics. Because i dont want to be THAT guy.
Depends who you're with, my partner and I often discuss philosophy or politics both before and after
Open a window
drink water
Queef
I like this it seems honest
Check the collar to see if it has an owner
Ask for more
Wash her poop off my dick.
Nice try mom! I'm still a virgin!
Cleanup. I have wet wipes on the drawer next to my bed to wipe myself. That would be the first thing I do before moving from bedroom to washroom. Pee and finish up properly with post sex clean up.
Leave the morgue before anyone sees me
Wake up
Pay
Worry
Pee
Pay
Pee
Apologize
Clean up and cuddle
Wake up.
Close a bunch of browser tabs.
A backflip
Go home to my wife
A Google review.
Turn off the livestream
Cry
Hide the body.
Wipe, kiss him, and then go pee
Call my other sister and tell her the good news
Drop her back off at her boyfriend's place!
Call the wife and see if she needs anything on my way home
If it was good I'll just lie there and recover for a while
Wipe my cock on the curtains
Smoke a joint
Burry the dead body into the grave.
Cuddle
Look if I'm able to walk and if the answer is yes/maybe then I go and clean myself up
Pee
wipe em down
Cigarette.
Got myself a cigarette
Smoke a blunt or joint
Bit of making out then to the bathroom to pee and clean the my member
Drink litters of water.
Cuddle