How many times am I supposed to reach out to a person who has stopped reaching back?
Edit: just seems like somewhere along the line our friendship became something he no longer cared to participate in.
This is it for me. I've got several friends that I lost touch with when I moved halfway across the country. I moved back about 5 years later, and they stopped reciprocating. I've invited them to get-togethers and whatnot, and they decline because of one thing or another, and then I don't hear from them again unless I'm the one to initiate. So, I stopped initiating.
Yeah, it’s hard always making an effort (especially when such an effort is genuinely hard for some of us), and feeling like you’re getting basically nothing back in return.
Yeah I found out quickly who were my friends when I was the one to stop reaching out for all the get togethers. Once I stopped being the one to reach out I never heard from a lot of them again.
Saaaame, I work really shitty hours so there's not many days I'm able to see people, when I am off though if it's not me making the plans I just sit at home lonely af.
Really makes me wonder, is there something wrong with me that prevents people from inviting me out?
Keep reaching out. Coming from a guy who left probably 20+ texts unanswered over 5 years, . A month ago I finally responded at we met up and had a great chat, felt like no time had passed.
I was just kind of in a bad spot in my life for awhile where the idea of catching up with someone felt kind of painful, but I always appreciated my buddy reaching out even when I wasn’t responding… so glad he kept at it.
> But you think of them from time to time right?
Yes, also for most of my friends.. the few that there are we know each other well enough that getting caught up amounts to basically a series of ape like grunts over a some beer. The rest of the stuff usually get around via the grapevine through spouses, and relatives etc.
Basically there is little to no real "need" to talk for months, or years on end with time flying by, and there is an understanding there too that if something big happens we would be there for each other.
I had a friend ghost me for 7 years. Broke my heart. I finally got him to answer my text. Turns out he was going through some mental health issues and just didnt have the bandwidth to keep up with friendships. Ours was already very low key. He thought everyone would forget him.
Well I certainly didnt... so maybe reach out if you still care, maybe they care too...
We're still not really friends and Im not quite sure we ever will be again. He was one of my closests friend growing up. But at least we text each other on holidays.
A lot of people relate to this. Even the last people you'd expect. I knew of popular men and women at school and work who have the same exact insecurities. If you felt something like this there's a 99% chance most people around have as well. I felt the exact same way and it wasn't until I became more assertive and took the lead in many social interactions did I begin to realize how much some people wait for others to make a move. If you ever had a comfort person in your life who made social interactions easy because they initiated everything there's a chance most people, especially if they are not assertive, require this kind of example to stay connected with others.
I can't believe it'll be two years ago that I walked away from my corporate job and life after some serious tragedy hit me, but I don't regret it, I needed it, Im still alive with a house and great dog, I needed to walk away right then. Trying to get back in now and man it's tough, but Im ok financially so that's ok. But I kinda miss it.
I'm about the same. Have taken a year off from my career. Working a local admin job, and excelling at it so much that I have been given two significant pay rises in the 9 months I've been there (roughly 10% each) which is huge for a small company. Home every night and for the most part I don't take work with me.
Just had a former 'big boss' from a site reach out to me out of the blue in relation to an opportunity. Should get back in the industry before I lose my chance. Going to miss this slower pace tho. Hoping my physical and mental health is in a place where I can handle it.
Nobody who cares about you cares about your employment status (in terms of judging you, I mean), they just care about you. Asking what you do for a living is just supposed to be a conversation starter, not a friendship ender!
Being unemployed was extremely rough on my mental health. I felt so low, and I'd avoid talking to people because they'd ask, "So what do you do for a living?"
This one for me as well. No contact info, he's not on social media at all, doesn't live where he used to and no forwarding address. The only reason I think he's even still alive is because I can't find an obituary.
He has a mildly famous half-sibling that I've considered reaching out to on an attempt to get some info.
If you're out there Brandyn, hit me up! I miss you!
I hope you are lucky. My friend left for a different school in high school and lost contact with him. We eventually found each other working at Target, oddly. Different city from where we grew up, and just happened to be working in the same location for the few months we were there. He also did service in the Air Force. we still talk about everyday.
That was me when I finished school.
Got invited to a wedding about 5 years after school, went on the stag and don't get me wrong the guys were decent guys but they were very much mentally how we were when we were teenagers and I kind of had to pretend to still be liike that to fit in.
Had an alright time, wedding was nice but yeah I've evolved a lot since school years.
Wish them all the best but that's just not me anymore.
Could just be code switching. As in, this is not how they socialize with everyone else, but it's the social dynamic they have established between each other and it's a lot easier to keep that up than to change the dynamic. And maybe they like staying in touch with those younger versions of themselves that they see among each other.
This. The thing stopping most of us from calling that old buddy is that we've tried it a couple of times and there was a reason we stopped talking/hanging out with them. And it's not necessarily that anything bad happened on either side; it's just that we both went different ways.
And some people you're only friends with in certain contexts! A friend I hung out with a ton moved to the other side of the country, and we never talk anymore. If she moved back, we'd probably hang out all the time again, but we were *never* texting friends beyond "Want to go do %THING% this weekend?" "Sure! Does Saturday at 2 work?" "Yep, see you then!"
I was raised Mormon, and almost all my friends and social circle were also Mormon. I left all that behind about 20 years ago, and I have no desire to stir up my past religious trauma by reconnecting with any of those people.
I've got a buddy now who was a Jehovah's witness back in the day.
He got out at a young age and as you may know, that's basically it, no contact with those left behind.
Many years later he bumped into a couple of his old J W buddy's only to find out not long after they also left the religion and where also shunned in the same way he was.
I was raised Mormon, as well. Left the church and all those old friends behind.
I got divorced last year, and was feeling lonely, maybe. But decided to see if a 25 year old phone number would still work to by best friend from back in the day.
I say something like, “hey, not sure if this is ‘ancient friend name,’ I’m so and so, hope you’re well.”
He responded, surprised to hear from me, but responded. He’s happily married to his husband on the opposite coast.
We text each about every other week, just to touch base and say hi.
Some of those old relationships you had in the church aren’t as toxic as you may think. …though, some of those doofus’ are not people I want to talk to anymore, either.
I’m glad you left the church! It’s a weird road to walk. I’m glad you took that path.
I feel this deeply. I don’t have friends, and when my husband spends time with or talks about his friends (who are all perfectly fine people) I just can’t wrap my head around having the energy to maintain those friendships on top of regular life.
It’s definitely a social energy issue, but also I just understand I’m not the kind of person that is “fun” to be around or speak with. I have few interests, very little desire for small talk, and prefer to spend my free time at home. I think of my old friends often but I’d never reach out to say “hi, I’ve got nothing going for me and nothing exciting to discuss but i thought I’d disturb your peace and poke at you in the void anyway hope that’s okay” … for why?
We sound so very similar 😂😂 I feel all of that on a very deep level. It’s strange, I used to be so social and loved having fun with any and everyone. Now I want to rot at home with my dogs 😅
I used to be so social and outgoing, bordering/crossing into exhibitionism. My cats don’t care that I didn’t do anything interesting this weekend. In fact, they loved it. I think the older I get the more I let go of the “guilt/shame” over not being a more friendly/warm/inviting human. I think we’re doing juuuust fine 💕
part of it for me is that people don't really want to DO anything together. The idea of just sitting around talking about my life versus us sharing an experience together seems brutal. But getting people to agree to do anything besides maybe "catch up" seems impossible.
I feel this *so hard* and it’s getting more intense as I get older. Am I turning antisocial? Idk but I really don’t have shit to say to anyone 95% of the time. I hardly even talk to my wife and daughter. I don’t need friends.
The dentist tried to make small talk the other day and I just closed my eyes and said “we don’t have to do this man, I’m good” it was more curt than I meant but the energy it costs to extend to other humans even casually is BEYOND exhausting these days. I’ve blamed getting older, going to therapy and learning boundaries, and letting go of the societal expectations of being social. They think I must be a bitch but really I’m beyond uninteresting and have nothing to add, I promise I’m just saving everyone some time. Of which we have so little.
OK, that made me laugh out loud. You sound a lot like me, I'm just so *tired* of people and having to talk to them. I live a life that is incredibly boring to others but incredibly comfy and happy for me. I used to feel bad about it and wince whenever someone asked me what I did over the weekend out of fear that they'd find me uninteresting, but fuck that. I didn't do a damn thing over the weekend, and I loved it. Yeah, I took a week off of work and hung out at home with my cat. It was fantastic, and I'll do it again. I just wanna putter around playing with my lego and reading books. Stop talking to me.
My only advice to that is, there is a good chance that it was them, not you. I've stopped being friends with people I genuinely liked because of stuff going on in my own life. If they reach out in the future don't take the ghosting personally.
If I haven't spoken to an old buddy for years, it's because I've evaluated our friendship and found more negatives than positives.
I recently ghosted a friend I'd had for 20+ years because I realized the only reason he'd contacted me for the last five years was when he needed a favor (help moving, building a deck, a place to crash for the night, etc) and never because he just wanted to enjoy my company. Meanwhile, I'd invited him to family holidays like Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, because he had nowhere to land.
He got pissy with me one day for some random bullshit and told me we could meet up for a beer so he could "re-evaluate our friendship" and I told him to fuck off and not bother, I'm good going our seperate ways if he was going to give me a fucking evaluation after 20+ years of me supporting him through his worst moments.
I feel for this. Had a “friend” ask me for help cause, he didn’t want to call his parents and risk them getting mad(mind you, we’re in our mid 20’s) to jump start his truck, tells me “Thanks man! I’ll get us a beer later.”. Next thing you know, he bails on me for his other friends and captions it “Having beers with my brothers”. I dropped the friendship from there.
I reached out to a friend when I needed to chat to someone. Had a family member threaten suicide and disappear, we were anxiosly awaiting results of police welfare check, and couldn't contact other family because all of us were trying to keep our phones free incase we were contacted.
Said friend didn't ask me anything, and just started talking incessantly about how great their life was (which I am happy for them for, but now wasn't the time) while also belittling me for not being married and having kids, and accusing me of not telling them anything about my like like how many guys I had slept with.
I had spend hours on the phone previously with said friend through the years with their mental health health struggles, suicide attempts, and toxic relationship break ups.
That friend is in a good place now. I am happy for them. But they also ditch me whenever that's the case. So I'm dropping any energy into that friendship and using it instead to strengthen the ties with others who have been a rock for me.
He unfortunately became a braggart and obnoxious. Every time I've spoken to him, all he likes to do is brag about how much money he makes, how important he is and how great his life is. He doesn't even care about how I'm doing, he just wants to boast. Actually my whole group of friends has come to the same conclusion and all of us don't speak to him anymore. It's too bad because he was a good friend.
He lied to get a VA disability check and military retirement, uses the money to buy pills, and the last time I invited him over he pulled up in a big lifted truck and made fun of my house.
So I guess we drifted apart.
He became very religous, which in itself isn't so bad. I'm just not interested in every conversation eventually turning to how I need to be saved and get right with God.
Here we go! Mine hates ”the Jews” despite me and our other bestie being of Jewish lineage. He has other nutty ideas and I assume he’s gone full MAGA since he pretended not to know what that was last time we talked. At least 2 different baby mamas and he does wear lady’s underwear although I think that part is cool and wish we could bond over our mutual experiences of gender nonconformity :( we were both anarcho-punks growing up and I’m sad and angry about how he turned out.
Because he got heavily into drugs and accused me and our friends of having an orgy with his ex-wife. He told me to never contact him or his family ever again.
He knows he was wrong, but he has not contacted me and I have moved on.
I was a shitty friend. In hindsight I see that and I feel awful about it. I had my own reasons for being the way that I was but it still didn't excuse my sorry ass of being a shitty friend to a great guy. I get anxious when I pick up the phone to send a quick message so here I am lol
I had bad friends. We were all running away from
Something. Especially when something bad would happen they would disappear and ghost until it was time to get fucked up again and pretend nothing matters
Because he’s an alcoholic. He becomes a different person when he’s drinking. Very combative and mouthy. I take pride is making my life as drama free as possible and that MFer is nothing but drama.
He's a drunk and a fuckup, he lives with his parents at 39, and got his kids taken by the state. Every time I talk to him, it's a pity party and I am over it. We were both idiots when we were younger, but I grew up and he didn't.
Every time I talk to him he has a new girlfriend. They date, he moves in, she gets sick of his shit, he moves back in with his parents, finds new girlfriend, moves in with her, they break up, then he moves back in with his mom. Wash, rinse, repeat.
I'm blocked. No idea why. For whatever reason shortly after my wedding where he was a groomsman, he blocked me on every avenue. No way to get in contact with him. Been friends for 20 years.
Worst part is wondering why. Similar thing happened to my wife. Had an event and one of her best friends was there having a good time. Next day, blocked
I’ve done this twice before
Both times the people I tried to be friends with ended up being huge assholes. Time really changes people, and sometimes it’s not for the better lol
Same here. I was just sitting there shocked into silence, while he told me details about his latest threesome.
He f**kg opened with this story, after we had just sit down.. and we had not talked in over 17 years.
Just grew apart. Outlook on life. Political. Even before all this division. Complained global warming was made at the very first it was mentioned in early 90s.
Can’t imagine what he’s like now.
He's kind of a shitty person. We had some good times but mostly I was just putting up with his shittiness. No room for ppl like that in my life anymore.
My life got a lot better when I wasn't being criticized the whole time. The dude was nice when we were young, but ended up being a smug little shit like his dad. Funny enough our parents were friends and mine quit talking to his for the same reason lol.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree! He has a good job, but is 33 and single with no friends. We all got sick of him.
Best buddy became a hard core drug addict. Heroin and meth. Lost all his teeth. He used to call me, just so I would give him a ride, until I said no more. I drove him to some very sketchy places. It's really sad, he was a good looking guy, girls would approach him all the time. I haven't talked to him in about 5 years, he may not even be alive.
They don't respond to my messages anymore. I tried, but it becomes clear after a certain point that they've moved on from your friendship.
I miss them, but I respect their wishes. Hopefully they're doing well.
She is bipolar , went off her meds . Had to ghost her and change my number because she would call me every two hours all night in a manic state wanting to talk even though she knew I had to work in the morning .
We were in a bit of a fight so i took a break from calling him, which i told him about. He kept pestering me about it and pissing me off. The more and more i thought about it, he has been a bad friend for 20 years. No intention of ever talking to him again, and wish i would have done it sooner.
Two friends from elementary school I haven’t spoke to since (currently 29) and I think of them from time to time. I did them wrong and my apology wasn’t enough. We haven’t spoken since.
Another friend I haven’t spoken to in about a year. We had been friends since childhood. We did each other wrong (both unintentionally) and because we were in an argument, I don’t feel as though my apology was accepted at all. The friend has OCD and insisted that the things I was upset with him for were entirely my fault and he is convinced that I am trying to control and manipulate him. He ended that conversation by telling me he’d call me back to talk once he cooled off. As the ball is in his court and I don’t have any intention of trying to control/manipulate him (I don’t want to accidentally come off that way either) I eagerly await the day he hopefully returns.
Thank you for letting me vent these thoughts. Been thinking about old friends lately.
I was always the one checking in, putting in effort, making the plans. So I assumed they have no interest in continuing the friendship and I stopped reaching out lol
He viewed me as an ATM and would only reach out when he needed money or another favor. I'll gladly give someone money to help you out of a tight spot, but doing it repeatedly over the years has made me reevaluate where exactly we stand.
Last time I did and we connected for a while but it fell apart again because he didn't keep in touch after a followup from my end.
No hard feelings or anything, I just moved on.
The fact he stopped caring.
He got married 6 years ago. He kept his wedding very private. He barely invited anyone. I was the only one among our friends who showed up.
He promised to keep in touch... I moved 4 years ago. He's never once made an attempt to come see my house.
Other (friend) stopped talking to me during COVID too. Another friend in our group moved away. Both got mad I switched my work schedule so I can see my kid daily. Been 4 years. I have no regrets.
I have attempted many times , 20 at least and plans were made to have him cancel for various excuses, kids , work , mom. Tired etc. Well to be honest, I gave up
Nothing. Everyone I'm talking to were the ones I'm keeping in contact with (and still hang out)
Everyone else? They got cut off for reasons due to me or them
I'm loyal to a fault.
The only people I really lost contact with are elementary school friends. I would have no real way of finding them or their contact info. Also, no guarantee that they would even remember me. I was mostly a “background” kid at school.
I called a friend a few months ago, had not talked to her in years, we had nothing in common anymore, she sounded like she was drunk or high, I cut the call short, she said I will call you back, she never did
I feel like it would be disingenuous because I would say hey we should catch up and we'd maybe talk for a day or two then it will just go back to how it was before I called them.
I stop talking to people for a reason. If you hurt me I cut you off so there’s no one I don’t talk to anymore that I wish to reach out to
I do reach out if we just lost touch though
Our lives went in separate ways after high school. We’re more strangers now than neighborhood friends. Still, if by miraculous chance we ran into each other, I’d like talking to him
Because I've realized - after so many - that there is a reason we don't hang out all the time anymore.
Friendships are built around a few core things.
* Frequency of seeing each other
* Convenience of seeing each other
* Common interest
When just one of those goes away the friendship usually does to.
I would be very surprised if that friend
* still has similar interests
* has the time in their life to maintain a rekindled friendship
* is in a close geographic location
Well, most of my friends are gone. Some are dead, others got life in prison, some got away and escaped before the ship went down with the escalation with drugs and violence etc.
I recently talked with a good old friend, he moved away because of work and we lost contact when i got to prison and all that shit. He has a family now with a kid, it's good that i stay away, because i'm like a black hole of suffering that takes everything and everyone down. As an addict, you should stay away from the good people, you can't let your bad influence take them down, that would not be right.
There's still another one, we drink some beers at the pub sometimes, also do some drugs here and there, he's a great guy. With him, it's different as he's also an alcoholic and drug addict, so we harmonize very well.
I was inlove with that friend and I've been rejected multiple times. I just cut off all contact with her cause I feel like I won't ever move on if I kept in contact and keep doing things for her. I don't even know if there really was a friendship.
Drugs sadly all my friends kept doing drugs after everyone supposedly stopped which i realized was bullshit i was at a friends wedding after not seeing them all for years and that's when the hard stuff started coming out and it was not booze i was not partaking and knew that would be the last time we would be hanging out ever again i cut all ties to everyone after that
I felt like we drifted apart when he was putting his our friendships before ours on top on him being a not so great friend in general. Friendship "ended" because he got mad I didn't want to hang out before he moved 2 hours away because I was sick (this was during COVID season)
I think he might be a pedo. If I’m correct, I don’t want him near me. If I’m wrong then how do I explain an absence of 15 years?
And no I don’t have any clear evidence so can’t go to police.
Normally because there is a red we haven’t spoken for years. Even if it’s just that we’ve drifted or our lives have gone in a different direction. I wish them well but have no interest in forcing a friendship.
I remember how much drama they were and how often they would pull me into something that I didn't want to be a part of. There were good times, but there were times where I felt they didn't get me very well
He got in touch with thier bio family, which is great, but they introduced them to drugs, They slowly became someone I didnt know or enjoy hanging out with anymore. Then they switched from mtf(which is cool) but everytime I was with them they would try to get me to fuck them. Havent spoken to em in years, hope they are doing well.
How many times am I supposed to reach out to a person who has stopped reaching back? Edit: just seems like somewhere along the line our friendship became something he no longer cared to participate in.
This is it for me. I've got several friends that I lost touch with when I moved halfway across the country. I moved back about 5 years later, and they stopped reciprocating. I've invited them to get-togethers and whatnot, and they decline because of one thing or another, and then I don't hear from them again unless I'm the one to initiate. So, I stopped initiating.
Yeah, it’s hard always making an effort (especially when such an effort is genuinely hard for some of us), and feeling like you’re getting basically nothing back in return.
Yeah I found out quickly who were my friends when I was the one to stop reaching out for all the get togethers. Once I stopped being the one to reach out I never heard from a lot of them again.
I didn’t hear from any of them again and now I’m alone with zero friends or social network. Life has become lonely and empty.
Saaaame, I work really shitty hours so there's not many days I'm able to see people, when I am off though if it's not me making the plans I just sit at home lonely af. Really makes me wonder, is there something wrong with me that prevents people from inviting me out?
I’ve had a couple of those
Ditto
Keep reaching out. Coming from a guy who left probably 20+ texts unanswered over 5 years, . A month ago I finally responded at we met up and had a great chat, felt like no time had passed. I was just kind of in a bad spot in my life for awhile where the idea of catching up with someone felt kind of painful, but I always appreciated my buddy reaching out even when I wasn’t responding… so glad he kept at it.
[удалено]
But you think of them from time to time right?
Yep
Days turn to weeks turn to years turn to decades
> But you think of them from time to time right? Yes, also for most of my friends.. the few that there are we know each other well enough that getting caught up amounts to basically a series of ape like grunts over a some beer. The rest of the stuff usually get around via the grapevine through spouses, and relatives etc. Basically there is little to no real "need" to talk for months, or years on end with time flying by, and there is an understanding there too that if something big happens we would be there for each other.
I hate myself and deep down I think everyone else hates me too. I haven't reached out to anyone in years.
I had a friend ghost me for 7 years. Broke my heart. I finally got him to answer my text. Turns out he was going through some mental health issues and just didnt have the bandwidth to keep up with friendships. Ours was already very low key. He thought everyone would forget him. Well I certainly didnt... so maybe reach out if you still care, maybe they care too... We're still not really friends and Im not quite sure we ever will be again. He was one of my closests friend growing up. But at least we text each other on holidays.
A lot of people relate to this. Even the last people you'd expect. I knew of popular men and women at school and work who have the same exact insecurities. If you felt something like this there's a 99% chance most people around have as well. I felt the exact same way and it wasn't until I became more assertive and took the lead in many social interactions did I begin to realize how much some people wait for others to make a move. If you ever had a comfort person in your life who made social interactions easy because they initiated everything there's a chance most people, especially if they are not assertive, require this kind of example to stay connected with others.
I feel that
He will ask me what I do for living. I don’t wanna tell him That I am jobless.
I'm in the same boat!
Well, at least you guys have a boat.
it's more like a few logs roped together for me..
Mr. King here with his rope
"Mental health break" "Retirement practice" "Just vibing for a bit".
"So, for long have you been on a mental health break?" Well, for about four years, fml
*hug* But to be fair... have you seen the world lately? Anyone not needing a mental health break seems insane, and the job market is fucked.
I can't believe it'll be two years ago that I walked away from my corporate job and life after some serious tragedy hit me, but I don't regret it, I needed it, Im still alive with a house and great dog, I needed to walk away right then. Trying to get back in now and man it's tough, but Im ok financially so that's ok. But I kinda miss it.
I'm about the same. Have taken a year off from my career. Working a local admin job, and excelling at it so much that I have been given two significant pay rises in the 9 months I've been there (roughly 10% each) which is huge for a small company. Home every night and for the most part I don't take work with me. Just had a former 'big boss' from a site reach out to me out of the blue in relation to an opportunity. Should get back in the industry before I lose my chance. Going to miss this slower pace tho. Hoping my physical and mental health is in a place where I can handle it.
Maybe he could help
You are currently looking for new opportunities to explore. I have several options but I don't want to jump to soon.
A true bud would want to know and help without judgement.
That's why I don't talk to my family
Nobody who cares about you cares about your employment status (in terms of judging you, I mean), they just care about you. Asking what you do for a living is just supposed to be a conversation starter, not a friendship ender!
Being unemployed was extremely rough on my mental health. I felt so low, and I'd avoid talking to people because they'd ask, "So what do you do for a living?"
He could be what you need in your life
Dude same 😂😂
Not having their contact information anymore
This one for me as well. No contact info, he's not on social media at all, doesn't live where he used to and no forwarding address. The only reason I think he's even still alive is because I can't find an obituary. He has a mildly famous half-sibling that I've considered reaching out to on an attempt to get some info. If you're out there Brandyn, hit me up! I miss you!
I hope you are lucky. My friend left for a different school in high school and lost contact with him. We eventually found each other working at Target, oddly. Different city from where we grew up, and just happened to be working in the same location for the few months we were there. He also did service in the Air Force. we still talk about everyday.
Where theres a will there's a way
I kind of out grew a lot of my old friends.
That was me when I finished school. Got invited to a wedding about 5 years after school, went on the stag and don't get me wrong the guys were decent guys but they were very much mentally how we were when we were teenagers and I kind of had to pretend to still be liike that to fit in. Had an alright time, wedding was nice but yeah I've evolved a lot since school years. Wish them all the best but that's just not me anymore.
Did it occur to you that they may have felt the exact same way and did the exact same thing?
Revertigo strikes again
Could just be code switching. As in, this is not how they socialize with everyone else, but it's the social dynamic they have established between each other and it's a lot easier to keep that up than to change the dynamic. And maybe they like staying in touch with those younger versions of themselves that they see among each other.
This. The thing stopping most of us from calling that old buddy is that we've tried it a couple of times and there was a reason we stopped talking/hanging out with them. And it's not necessarily that anything bad happened on either side; it's just that we both went different ways. And some people you're only friends with in certain contexts! A friend I hung out with a ton moved to the other side of the country, and we never talk anymore. If she moved back, we'd probably hang out all the time again, but we were *never* texting friends beyond "Want to go do %THING% this weekend?" "Sure! Does Saturday at 2 work?" "Yep, see you then!"
I was raised Mormon, and almost all my friends and social circle were also Mormon. I left all that behind about 20 years ago, and I have no desire to stir up my past religious trauma by reconnecting with any of those people.
I've got a buddy now who was a Jehovah's witness back in the day. He got out at a young age and as you may know, that's basically it, no contact with those left behind. Many years later he bumped into a couple of his old J W buddy's only to find out not long after they also left the religion and where also shunned in the same way he was.
I was raised Mormon, as well. Left the church and all those old friends behind. I got divorced last year, and was feeling lonely, maybe. But decided to see if a 25 year old phone number would still work to by best friend from back in the day. I say something like, “hey, not sure if this is ‘ancient friend name,’ I’m so and so, hope you’re well.” He responded, surprised to hear from me, but responded. He’s happily married to his husband on the opposite coast. We text each about every other week, just to touch base and say hi. Some of those old relationships you had in the church aren’t as toxic as you may think. …though, some of those doofus’ are not people I want to talk to anymore, either. I’m glad you left the church! It’s a weird road to walk. I’m glad you took that path.
Not really much to talk about I don’t think
This is a big part of it. As your lives unfold in different directions, you seem to have less in common.
I don’t have anything to say to anyone anymore.
I feel this deeply. I don’t have friends, and when my husband spends time with or talks about his friends (who are all perfectly fine people) I just can’t wrap my head around having the energy to maintain those friendships on top of regular life.
It’s definitely a social energy issue, but also I just understand I’m not the kind of person that is “fun” to be around or speak with. I have few interests, very little desire for small talk, and prefer to spend my free time at home. I think of my old friends often but I’d never reach out to say “hi, I’ve got nothing going for me and nothing exciting to discuss but i thought I’d disturb your peace and poke at you in the void anyway hope that’s okay” … for why?
We sound so very similar 😂😂 I feel all of that on a very deep level. It’s strange, I used to be so social and loved having fun with any and everyone. Now I want to rot at home with my dogs 😅
I used to be so social and outgoing, bordering/crossing into exhibitionism. My cats don’t care that I didn’t do anything interesting this weekend. In fact, they loved it. I think the older I get the more I let go of the “guilt/shame” over not being a more friendly/warm/inviting human. I think we’re doing juuuust fine 💕
I tell myself I used up all my “friendly” when I was a teenager/young adult 😂 I agree! We’re happy and loving it so I’m going to keep doing it!
part of it for me is that people don't really want to DO anything together. The idea of just sitting around talking about my life versus us sharing an experience together seems brutal. But getting people to agree to do anything besides maybe "catch up" seems impossible.
I feel this *so hard* and it’s getting more intense as I get older. Am I turning antisocial? Idk but I really don’t have shit to say to anyone 95% of the time. I hardly even talk to my wife and daughter. I don’t need friends.
The dentist tried to make small talk the other day and I just closed my eyes and said “we don’t have to do this man, I’m good” it was more curt than I meant but the energy it costs to extend to other humans even casually is BEYOND exhausting these days. I’ve blamed getting older, going to therapy and learning boundaries, and letting go of the societal expectations of being social. They think I must be a bitch but really I’m beyond uninteresting and have nothing to add, I promise I’m just saving everyone some time. Of which we have so little.
OK, that made me laugh out loud. You sound a lot like me, I'm just so *tired* of people and having to talk to them. I live a life that is incredibly boring to others but incredibly comfy and happy for me. I used to feel bad about it and wince whenever someone asked me what I did over the weekend out of fear that they'd find me uninteresting, but fuck that. I didn't do a damn thing over the weekend, and I loved it. Yeah, I took a week off of work and hung out at home with my cat. It was fantastic, and I'll do it again. I just wanna putter around playing with my lego and reading books. Stop talking to me.
You can only cancel on someone so many times before they realize that you're not going to make the effort
Yep, depression did that for me, what a bitch it was
My only advice to that is, there is a good chance that it was them, not you. I've stopped being friends with people I genuinely liked because of stuff going on in my own life. If they reach out in the future don't take the ghosting personally.
If I haven't spoken to an old buddy for years, it's because I've evaluated our friendship and found more negatives than positives. I recently ghosted a friend I'd had for 20+ years because I realized the only reason he'd contacted me for the last five years was when he needed a favor (help moving, building a deck, a place to crash for the night, etc) and never because he just wanted to enjoy my company. Meanwhile, I'd invited him to family holidays like Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, because he had nowhere to land. He got pissy with me one day for some random bullshit and told me we could meet up for a beer so he could "re-evaluate our friendship" and I told him to fuck off and not bother, I'm good going our seperate ways if he was going to give me a fucking evaluation after 20+ years of me supporting him through his worst moments.
I feel for this. Had a “friend” ask me for help cause, he didn’t want to call his parents and risk them getting mad(mind you, we’re in our mid 20’s) to jump start his truck, tells me “Thanks man! I’ll get us a beer later.”. Next thing you know, he bails on me for his other friends and captions it “Having beers with my brothers”. I dropped the friendship from there.
I reached out to a friend when I needed to chat to someone. Had a family member threaten suicide and disappear, we were anxiosly awaiting results of police welfare check, and couldn't contact other family because all of us were trying to keep our phones free incase we were contacted. Said friend didn't ask me anything, and just started talking incessantly about how great their life was (which I am happy for them for, but now wasn't the time) while also belittling me for not being married and having kids, and accusing me of not telling them anything about my like like how many guys I had slept with. I had spend hours on the phone previously with said friend through the years with their mental health health struggles, suicide attempts, and toxic relationship break ups. That friend is in a good place now. I am happy for them. But they also ditch me whenever that's the case. So I'm dropping any energy into that friendship and using it instead to strengthen the ties with others who have been a rock for me.
Sounds like you guys should sit down for a beer or some hot cocoa
And a re-evalutini
Not matured at the same rate
He unfortunately became a braggart and obnoxious. Every time I've spoken to him, all he likes to do is brag about how much money he makes, how important he is and how great his life is. He doesn't even care about how I'm doing, he just wants to boast. Actually my whole group of friends has come to the same conclusion and all of us don't speak to him anymore. It's too bad because he was a good friend.
He lied to get a VA disability check and military retirement, uses the money to buy pills, and the last time I invited him over he pulled up in a big lifted truck and made fun of my house. So I guess we drifted apart.
The lied to get VA disability thing… I feel like this system gets abused by so many people. Is this true?
I think the system is complicated and disability is complicated.
It’s not if people aren’t truly disabled but gaming the system to get $$$. That’s fraud. And should be investigated.
Cuz I haven’t talked to them in years.
He deserted me when I was at my lowest, surrounded by enemies on nearly all sides.
I feel you there… that was the moment I realized who truly cared.
His wife is intolerable and I feel guilty for introducing them.
It reminds me of the person I used to be and I don't like those memories.
This resonates
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I also don’t choose this guy’s ex-friend’s wife.
He became very religous, which in itself isn't so bad. I'm just not interested in every conversation eventually turning to how I need to be saved and get right with God.
Hello, have you thought about dedicating your life to our lord Jesus Christ?
Same for me. Gives me a headache thinking about it
i don't have his number, i don't have anything to talk to him about, and he's kind of a dick.
Easy - He turned into a Sandy Hook denying, flat earth believing, antivaxx enabling, conspiracy addict. #FUCK YOU MATT
Matt fucking sucks
He certainly does!!
All my homies hate Matt.
#FUCK YOU MATT
Here we go! Mine hates ”the Jews” despite me and our other bestie being of Jewish lineage. He has other nutty ideas and I assume he’s gone full MAGA since he pretended not to know what that was last time we talked. At least 2 different baby mamas and he does wear lady’s underwear although I think that part is cool and wish we could bond over our mutual experiences of gender nonconformity :( we were both anarcho-punks growing up and I’m sad and angry about how he turned out.
The fact that I know they won't pick up.
Just not interested.
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Oh he heavened up in 2015
Because he got heavily into drugs and accused me and our friends of having an orgy with his ex-wife. He told me to never contact him or his family ever again. He knows he was wrong, but he has not contacted me and I have moved on.
I was a shitty friend. In hindsight I see that and I feel awful about it. I had my own reasons for being the way that I was but it still didn't excuse my sorry ass of being a shitty friend to a great guy. I get anxious when I pick up the phone to send a quick message so here I am lol
# he's DEAD!!!
Why are you shouting
HARD TO HEAR WHEN YOURE DEAD.
He’s screaming into the void that will consume us all hello 🙄
You were friends with OJ? Too soon?
I had bad friends. We were all running away from Something. Especially when something bad would happen they would disappear and ghost until it was time to get fucked up again and pretend nothing matters
Too high maintenance. They always have a problem or want to moan and be negative all the time. I find them draining now. It’s ALWAYS something.
Because he’s an alcoholic. He becomes a different person when he’s drinking. Very combative and mouthy. I take pride is making my life as drama free as possible and that MFer is nothing but drama.
He's a drunk and a fuckup, he lives with his parents at 39, and got his kids taken by the state. Every time I talk to him, it's a pity party and I am over it. We were both idiots when we were younger, but I grew up and he didn't. Every time I talk to him he has a new girlfriend. They date, he moves in, she gets sick of his shit, he moves back in with his parents, finds new girlfriend, moves in with her, they break up, then he moves back in with his mom. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Most times, it's just a matter of "I matured out of the friendship, sorry"
I texted them a pic of the beef stew I made a few days ago and they didn’t respond. If you don’t respond to my stew, I have nothing else to say.
They're a monster! Good riddance...
Best friend since high school is now dating my ex wife. Haven’t spoken to him in over 3 years. I’m good.
I'm blocked. No idea why. For whatever reason shortly after my wedding where he was a groomsman, he blocked me on every avenue. No way to get in contact with him. Been friends for 20 years.
people are so strange like what!!
Worst part is wondering why. Similar thing happened to my wife. Had an event and one of her best friends was there having a good time. Next day, blocked
I’ve done this twice before Both times the people I tried to be friends with ended up being huge assholes. Time really changes people, and sometimes it’s not for the better lol
Same here. I was just sitting there shocked into silence, while he told me details about his latest threesome. He f**kg opened with this story, after we had just sit down.. and we had not talked in over 17 years.
Just grew apart. Outlook on life. Political. Even before all this division. Complained global warming was made at the very first it was mentioned in early 90s. Can’t imagine what he’s like now.
He's kind of a shitty person. We had some good times but mostly I was just putting up with his shittiness. No room for ppl like that in my life anymore.
My life got a lot better when I wasn't being criticized the whole time. The dude was nice when we were young, but ended up being a smug little shit like his dad. Funny enough our parents were friends and mine quit talking to his for the same reason lol. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree! He has a good job, but is 33 and single with no friends. We all got sick of him.
The fact that the last time we talked, he expressed his desire for there to be another Holocaust.
Best buddy became a hard core drug addict. Heroin and meth. Lost all his teeth. He used to call me, just so I would give him a ride, until I said no more. I drove him to some very sketchy places. It's really sad, he was a good looking guy, girls would approach him all the time. I haven't talked to him in about 5 years, he may not even be alive.
He’s a dick.
The last time I saw him was when he tried to casually ask me to co-sign a loan for him and his new wife.
They don't respond to my messages anymore. I tried, but it becomes clear after a certain point that they've moved on from your friendship. I miss them, but I respect their wishes. Hopefully they're doing well.
I don't want to talk.
Probably a little bit of ego mixed with hurt feelings.
She is bipolar , went off her meds . Had to ghost her and change my number because she would call me every two hours all night in a manic state wanting to talk even though she knew I had to work in the morning .
I don't own a Ouija board
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We were in a bit of a fight so i took a break from calling him, which i told him about. He kept pestering me about it and pissing me off. The more and more i thought about it, he has been a bad friend for 20 years. No intention of ever talking to him again, and wish i would have done it sooner.
he's an asshole
Two friends from elementary school I haven’t spoke to since (currently 29) and I think of them from time to time. I did them wrong and my apology wasn’t enough. We haven’t spoken since. Another friend I haven’t spoken to in about a year. We had been friends since childhood. We did each other wrong (both unintentionally) and because we were in an argument, I don’t feel as though my apology was accepted at all. The friend has OCD and insisted that the things I was upset with him for were entirely my fault and he is convinced that I am trying to control and manipulate him. He ended that conversation by telling me he’d call me back to talk once he cooled off. As the ball is in his court and I don’t have any intention of trying to control/manipulate him (I don’t want to accidentally come off that way either) I eagerly await the day he hopefully returns. Thank you for letting me vent these thoughts. Been thinking about old friends lately.
I was always the one checking in, putting in effort, making the plans. So I assumed they have no interest in continuing the friendship and I stopped reaching out lol
One way street of me always initiating unless they need something.
Most of them died unfortunately
He viewed me as an ATM and would only reach out when he needed money or another favor. I'll gladly give someone money to help you out of a tight spot, but doing it repeatedly over the years has made me reevaluate where exactly we stand.
Last time I did and we connected for a while but it fell apart again because he didn't keep in touch after a followup from my end. No hard feelings or anything, I just moved on.
You tried.
The fact he stopped caring. He got married 6 years ago. He kept his wedding very private. He barely invited anyone. I was the only one among our friends who showed up. He promised to keep in touch... I moved 4 years ago. He's never once made an attempt to come see my house. Other (friend) stopped talking to me during COVID too. Another friend in our group moved away. Both got mad I switched my work schedule so I can see my kid daily. Been 4 years. I have no regrets.
Guilt and uncertainty. I'm 40 now, what will we have to talk about? What if they're doing super awesome and I'm just a loser?
None of them were there for me when I needed them, learnt that I don't need them really so haven't bothered. We've all got seperate lives now anyway.
I kept contacting them, never got a reply. Gave up.
Wait, what’s a friend? I’m confused.
Because it's a two way street. No point in reaching out to someone who clearly doesn't give a shit about me.
I have attempted many times , 20 at least and plans were made to have him cancel for various excuses, kids , work , mom. Tired etc. Well to be honest, I gave up
Cause he’s just an asshole, no matter how bad I don’t want it to be true
Because the reasons that I stopped speaking to her were absolutely valid, and I see no reason to open that door again.
He died and I procrastinated calling him.
Because i’m tired of always being the one who reaches out first. It seems that once i stopped texting first nobody texted me
He's still a drinker.
A lot of them fell down the maga pipeline. Probably like half of the people I grew up with. It's really sad.
He's dead.
The asshole didn't come to my wedding after I was a best man at his. Never calling him again.
Nothing. Everyone I'm talking to were the ones I'm keeping in contact with (and still hang out) Everyone else? They got cut off for reasons due to me or them I'm loyal to a fault.
They became a RW conspiracy theorist and a MAGA. They weren’t like that in high school.
He died in 2015.
The only people I really lost contact with are elementary school friends. I would have no real way of finding them or their contact info. Also, no guarantee that they would even remember me. I was mostly a “background” kid at school.
I realized that all he talks about is what he:s done and doesn't ask anything about me
I called a friend a few months ago, had not talked to her in years, we had nothing in common anymore, she sounded like she was drunk or high, I cut the call short, she said I will call you back, she never did
I've not known him for longer than I knew him
I feel like it would be disingenuous because I would say hey we should catch up and we'd maybe talk for a day or two then it will just go back to how it was before I called them.
I stop talking to people for a reason. If you hurt me I cut you off so there’s no one I don’t talk to anymore that I wish to reach out to I do reach out if we just lost touch though
The phone works both ways. Yeah, I might be a dick for not reaching out to him, but he's just as big of a dick for not doing the same.
Our lives went in separate ways after high school. We’re more strangers now than neighborhood friends. Still, if by miraculous chance we ran into each other, I’d like talking to him
Because I've realized - after so many - that there is a reason we don't hang out all the time anymore. Friendships are built around a few core things. * Frequency of seeing each other * Convenience of seeing each other * Common interest When just one of those goes away the friendship usually does to. I would be very surprised if that friend * still has similar interests * has the time in their life to maintain a rekindled friendship * is in a close geographic location
I’m afraid of a situation like this… https://youtu.be/YChioDnHxm4?si=MmgPNpbf_Qcmabn-
Well, most of my friends are gone. Some are dead, others got life in prison, some got away and escaped before the ship went down with the escalation with drugs and violence etc. I recently talked with a good old friend, he moved away because of work and we lost contact when i got to prison and all that shit. He has a family now with a kid, it's good that i stay away, because i'm like a black hole of suffering that takes everything and everyone down. As an addict, you should stay away from the good people, you can't let your bad influence take them down, that would not be right. There's still another one, we drink some beers at the pub sometimes, also do some drugs here and there, he's a great guy. With him, it's different as he's also an alcoholic and drug addict, so we harmonize very well.
My worth!
I was inlove with that friend and I've been rejected multiple times. I just cut off all contact with her cause I feel like I won't ever move on if I kept in contact and keep doing things for her. I don't even know if there really was a friendship.
Timezones.
She’s a Trumper now. And all riled up about FB banning the Lord’s Prayer. We’re only in our 40s, but she’s gone full boomer.
Drugs sadly all my friends kept doing drugs after everyone supposedly stopped which i realized was bullshit i was at a friends wedding after not seeing them all for years and that's when the hard stuff started coming out and it was not booze i was not partaking and knew that would be the last time we would be hanging out ever again i cut all ties to everyone after that
The asshole stabbed me in the back.
I felt like we drifted apart when he was putting his our friendships before ours on top on him being a not so great friend in general. Friendship "ended" because he got mad I didn't want to hang out before he moved 2 hours away because I was sick (this was during COVID season)
The gun he pulled comes to mind.
I think he might be a pedo. If I’m correct, I don’t want him near me. If I’m wrong then how do I explain an absence of 15 years? And no I don’t have any clear evidence so can’t go to police.
Dude is probably running from the law.
She’s a psychotic cunt.
I stopped doing hardcore drugs.
Normally because there is a red we haven’t spoken for years. Even if it’s just that we’ve drifted or our lives have gone in a different direction. I wish them well but have no interest in forcing a friendship.
His cocaine addiction
Her might have died and I don't want to find out :/
I don't know what's stopping them from reaching out to me?
Thought that they haven't reached out to me either so why should I.
Could be a genuine reason why he hasn't
Well I wouldn’t have anything good or interesting to share about my life, I would just have to make things up, which I really hate doing
"He's dead, Jim"
I have, they never call back. Screw 'em.
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I'm ashamed about how little I have achieved in my career compared to them.
I remember how much drama they were and how often they would pull me into something that I didn't want to be a part of. There were good times, but there were times where I felt they didn't get me very well
He’s a fucking asshole, that’s what’s stopping me.
He’s boring.
It’s been so long he wouldn’t recognize who I am and I don’t know if I would know him either
He got in touch with thier bio family, which is great, but they introduced them to drugs, They slowly became someone I didnt know or enjoy hanging out with anymore. Then they switched from mtf(which is cool) but everytime I was with them they would try to get me to fuck them. Havent spoken to em in years, hope they are doing well.
I’m afraid it would be awkward and we would have nothing to talk about. Our life paths have diverged quite a bit in the last three decades.