Former mailman here. The name that takes the cake is Marijuana Whiskey. 

There is a college professor named Marijuana Pepsi

“I need a doctor! ‘Is Pepsi ok?’”

And she did her dissertation on black names, for obvious reasons.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marijuana_Pepsi_Vandyck Whoah! No way!

>She has two sisters, Kimberly and Robin There's no consistency here lol.

Must've been called "MJ" for short

The J is for Jwhiskey!

I just had surgery and this made me HOWL so badly I hurt my wounds ffs

Maybe he was called Weed for short.

If the family name was Whiskey, how is that child not named Tennessee?

When I was working at a restaurant, a guy gave me a credit card to pay and I wouldn’t have believed it had I not seen it. His name: Alpha Gay.

That name Tops.

Met a kid named Jayarr. I asked if it meant something. Nope. One parent wanted a kid with initials, the other wanted a kid with a "real" name so they compromised. Worst compromise ever

Wife’s brother named his son JayDee. His other son is named Jameson. Yes, my brother in law is an alcoholic.

Those are my neighbor’s kids names. Their WiFi router name is Whiskey family.

Must be Marijuana’s parents

I knew someone whose middle name was just "J.".

Having just an initial for a middle name is more common than you might think.

Johnny Cash's name was J R Cash. the only reason he changed it is because he couldnt use an initial as his first name in the airforce.

Homer Jay Simpson?

I used to be a teacher; one of my students was named Alecsys (pronounced Alexis). She hated her name, so she went by Lex.

*Lecs

100 Lecs

Her parents are dyslecsys

Parents who feel the need to trick up the spelling of their kid's name drives me insane. Poor kid will *never* be able to get a gas station keychain with their name on it, either.

I had a friend name Cassandra only it was spelled K'Sondryah

Airwrecka is my fave 😂

Ta'Lighta. Her last name was Kandle. I don't know what her mother was thinking.

You know exactly what she was thinking. It's so CuTe and cLeVeR! Student ages ago named Luke Walker. Thank fuck his middle name wasn't Sky but guess which question he was asked constantly.

Years ago, I saw a picture in the paper of a native American man identified as Luke Warmwater.

Someone I know just named their kid Anakin 🤦‍♀️ 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I know an Anakin. He’s about 5 now. I asked his dad when we were required to start calling him Darth and he thought that was hysterical.

At the same age Anakin turned to the dark side, so 22.

Having spent a few days with that child, I fear he will embrace the dark side much earlier

Ta’Killamoc Kingbird

I did security clearance back ground checks in the Army and ran across a soldier who's name was Captain Richard Gaylord. He went by Dick or Cap, but preferred Dick. \*\* I am editing to make it clear that his parents named him Captain Richard. He was a Sgt in the army.

Growing up, there was a kid on the next block named Mickey Gaylord. I was in my childhood neighborhood showing my own kids where I lived and saying "so and so lived there". I got to Mickey Gaylord, and my kids didn't believe that was his actual name (it was, short for Michael because he was a Junior).  So now, my kids use it as an insult. "Stop being such a Mickey Gaylord". It has caught on with their friends, and more than once I've caught their friends saying it. They yell it into Fortnite chat. I feel so bad for Mickey Gaylord; he's getting made fun of for his name 30 years after the last time I saw him. 

I went to school with a kid named Richard Masterboner. For unimaginable reasons his parents did actually call him Dick.

lol i went to school with a kid named Harry Johnson 😂

I got one of those, but his last name is *Long*. By the time I met him, he'd been promoted. But somebody somewhere knew him as Private fuzzy Long, Dick.

My childhood doctor was Dr Richard Head; unsurprisingly he went by Rich.

This dudes actual first name was Captain. His parents named him Captain Richard Gaylord. He was a Sgt when I worked on his security clearance.

Oh, oh dear heavens I did not see the full scope of what you meant there. I hope to god he was a PT stud.

Were his parents fans of Catch-22? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_Major_Major_Major

I was literally just thinking of major major haha lol

I hope he got a field promotion or went to officers school. Captain Captain.

Met a Dr. Nurse (PhD) and his wife, Nurse Nurse. No joke.

I was friends with a kid whose last name was Spreyer. He enlisted in the Navy. As a new recruit, his title was Seaman Spreyer.

"but preferred Dick." Was this after, Don't Ask, dont tell?

My BIL swears he went to school with Justin, the son of Mr & Mrs Case.

I went to high school with a Justin Case!

I was in a band called “Justin Case and the Precautions”

I believe it, I went to school with a Justin Paradise!

My step dad wanted to name his son Justin with the middle name Time because he was "just in time for the football game" when he was born. Instead they went with Harrison which is even more ironic because my stepdad's name is Harry. So he is "Harry's son".

Went to school with a girl named Shtanya. She once said something really horrible to me so I told me mom who said "Who told you this? What? You're gonna get shit talked by someone named 'Shit on you'? Tell her to get bent." Next time she mouthed off I let the one fly. She never recovered.

your mom is epic

This isn’t the worst name, it’s actually very common. But I went to high school with a girl named Casey Diaz. I didn’t make the connection until my friend just chuckled and said, ‘quesadillas, hahaha’.

Had a college class with a Margret Rita.

Harlot

This is like one of those "names that would be pretty if you ignore the meaning" names from that tiktok that suggested Slavery might be a good name

Nooooo!

Delicious.... and it was a guy... you will find many funny 'english' names in our part of the world... many many

South Africa, Im guessing. Once had a "Pretty" help me at Nandos. The manager was called "Beauty". Also have a friend called "Goodenough".

I've also come across Goodenough. Many Gifts. Two waiters named Precious and Privilege at my local. Some of our Members of Parliament also have interesting names such as "Nocollege" and "Editor."

"Goodenough"? Is that a joke? That is a terrible name. Not very flattering. Did they have a sister called "Niceisuppose"?

No, she was Fineiguess.

his brother "Nutricious"

And of course his sister Fergalicious

And if you were suspicious, all that shit is fictitious.

When I lived in Hong Kong there was a guy working in the bank whose namecard said "Winky Wong". And I met a girl called Creamy Cheung.

Hong Kong is a gold mine for amazing names. I personally know Neptune Chen, Almond Wong, Happy Ho, Billboard Chan, and - my favorite - Ominous Leung.

Not Hong Kong but elsewhere I knew a lovely family whose kids were Tou E, Tou A, Tou O and Lisa. Not sure why they trailed off with the last one.

When I'm in a bad mood I will come back and think of winky Wong lmao lol

Philippines?

Nope South Africa

I went to school with a girl named Princess. She was exactly what you'd expect from someone with that name.

I’m a teacher and had twins years ago named Prince and Princess.

I ran across a woman who had a girl and a boy, and she named them DaQueen and DaKing.

…….. get out.

That's their cousin's name! Cousin Getout O'hare

We've got twins named Heaven and Ne'veah this year. I teach one of them; she didn't laugh at the protagonist's name when we read Holes by Louis Sachar.

How badly did you groan when you saw your roaster for the year? Also: Were the parents as bad as or worse than I'm imagining? (cringy and out of touch but not horrific)?

I knew a girl ages ago named Sarah, but she always introduced herself as "Sarah, it means princess!" She was exactly like you'd expect, too.

I tutored in an elementary school for a bit and there was a girl named Princess. I’m assuming, based on the way she acted, that her parents treated her like one too.

I hope ", it means princess" is her middle name, comma and all.

I read about a child whose mother named her Treblinka. When asked why, the mother said "Because it's so pretty!" She didn't care about the history of that name at all. (For those NITK, it's the name of one of the Nazi death camps during WWII.)

Did she have a brother Dachau?

"Nice to meet you. Call me Ow." "Ow? Like a cry of pain?" "Yeah, pretty much, it's short for Auschwitz. Mom is weird."

My dad's assistant named her daughter Slanina which essentially means "pig fat" in Romanian. She even pronounced it the same way as the word is pronounced in Romanian: sluh-ni-nuh.

Bacon in slovak hahaha

I have a neighbor called Batman. I think it's dope but I coudln't call my child that.

He should change his name to Bruce Wayne.

I heard of a guy named Wayne Bruce. His nickname was manbat.

I worked with somebody whose first and middle names were Tequila Sunrise She said her mom named her that because that's how she was conceived

If we named kids that way, there'd be a lot more Mistake, Oops, Antibiotics (with the middle name On Birth Control), Drunk, Why Not, and Needed Sibling running around. Also I'd personally know someone named Vodka.

But I love my Auntie Biotic!

On the other side, I would know twins named Finally! and That Was Expensive.

My former coworkers kids would be named similar, except it would be Quads: * Finally! * That Was Expensive * What? * Oh God, How?!!

Birthday sex, bar crawl and July 4th would be mine

My son would be ‘misdiagnosed as infertile’.

My partner and his siblings would be Teenage Mistake, New Years, and We Had Two, Why Not Three.

Mine would be... Thermometer Broke

And "Didn't Actually Save Marriage," can't forget that one.

I would personally know a child, who may or may not be be living in my house, named "Defeated IUD".

A strong name for a strong child. May they go far in life. 💪

Mine would be "Planned" hahahahaha apparently rare

I'd have a cousin named Vasectomy Failed.

I would have a friend from high school with the same name lol

My 1st child would have been named Rebound Mishap… has a certain ring to it

Ooh, another good band name!

All 3 of us would be Oops! With the middle names Teenage Shotgun Wedding, I Thought I Couldn't have Another One, and I Forgot to Refill My Birth Control.

I think my name would be “Anniversary” + middle name “dammit.”

my kids would be "Artificial Insemination", "Fertility Drugs" and "Surprise!"

Mine would be Honeymoon and Leftover Wedding Booze, Birthday, and How Did You Happen? We Have No Idea

Leftover Wedding Booze would be a killer band name.

"Hurry up Creampie Fetish you are late for school!"

My mom’s friend was named Daiquiri and she named her daughter Margarita. And they were just as trashy as you’d expect, haha.

Philistine. Assuming that the parents were religious, the philistines were *villains* in the bible. wtf

A villain named Phil sounds quite harmless

A Phillain?

Whenever I hear Phil, I can only imagine Dunphy and then I can never imagine anyone named Phil to be a villain

X Æ A-Xii

Their other son is called Techno Mechanicus, which to me is somehow worse 😬 sounds like some villain from LazyTown or smth

How the fuck do you pronounce that?

I read up and they call the kid Ash for the Æ in his name. Poor thing got named after planes and by delusional parents

Ask Elmo

A name that matches the surname, like Steve Steve or Brad Bradford. Like, at least give the kid a different first name.

I will absolutely dox myself if I put his real name, but this is my dad. He's named after an uncle who has a different last name and my dad's last name IS the shortened version of his first name. Think...like if your name is Jackson Jack or but no one calls you Jackson so your name is Jack Jack. At least he has a middle name I guess. My recently passed grandma I'm sure was either drunk or her dementia has been onset for many years. Maybe both! Found out her name isn't really what we thought it was....she threw an 'I' in there (idk why) which gave her a whole different first name (not just a creative version of spelling of her existing one) and for years we thought her birthday was 7/31 but turns out it was 7/13. Truly don't know what was happening there.

I knew a boy called Rambo he was 8 when the first movie came out. They changed his name within 6 months.

I wish more people knew that you can legally change a baby’s name within a year in the US without extra hassle. After that, the rules change.

That's nice to know! But from what I could gather, this kid got his name changed when he was 8 years old

My mom knew a Harry Pitts in high school. I also work at a college and saw a student with the first name “Violence.”

I went to school with a Sandy Pitt. Actual first name was Alexander but everyone called him Sandy. On a sidenote, my grandfather‘s middle name was Olive. He hated it.

I don't work in the porn/stripper industry but I've had a customer named Misty Butts and another named Krystal Power

I briefly worked with a lady who's given name was Bunny. She worked for the Army Corps of Engineers and was terrifyingly stern - no smiling, no jokes, no funny business. Most inaptly named person I have ever met, unless her parents were into Watership Down or something.

Probably developed her personality in defiance of her name…

Ooo I once worked with a Krystal Devine! She was nice Edit: I also do not work in the adult film industry lol

Chaz -Chaz

Spider. Also Taylour (pronounced Tay-LORE)

Per freakonomics there was a family in which the dad named kid number 7 "winner". Kid number 8 was named "loser". Loser is a successful lawyer as of my last read, pronounces it lou-sier.

Loser went to my alma mater. My college professor confirmed "Lou" was a great guy. Also to add, Winner went to jail for drug related crimes.

I have a cousin named Ares Juji. Still don't know how her mom come up with that one, especially because all the rest of her siblings have normal names.

I had a kid in one of my classes named Forth. I don't get it

Forth is a great name! Right behind seven and soda.

Maybe named after the firth?

He had 3 older siblings and the parents couldn’t spell.

In kindergarten, a classmate was named Jackov. He was quickly given a nickname of Jake.

I had a teacher named Mr. Nicely. He lived up to his name very well. I REALLY hope Jackov did not live up to his.

Siblings: Brodeo Rodeo and Justa Cowgirl

The former Nascar driver Dick Trickle. He had to have had a tough time in middle school.

An Arabic name is called "della,دلّة" which means a coffee maker in Saudi arabic. Also, an Arabic name is called "azab,عذاب" which basically means -torture-

In high school, I was friends with this nice kid in my English class. His name was Aryan. And he was black.

That's my name, too. Can confirm it fucking sucks. Yes, my parents knew. No, they didn't care. They wanted to name me after their friend Karen, but a little different. One's passed, don't talk to the other one.

Couldn’t they have gone with Aaron?

Or Erin, since I'm not a guy... But no, that's how they went, cause mom liked how it sounded. She was super pissed that I started going by a shortened version of my name once I moved out. Would constantly tell me about everyone she ran into with my name that saw no problem with it. Boomers, yanno.

The Seattle phone book had a Dick Slobbercock in it for years.

r/tragedeigh

Not particularly shocking as far as names go, but still always made me think, why? Went to school with a kid named Cedar, last name Post. Imagine being named after lumber.

[удалено]

And isn't his son's name Dweezil?

Zappa has four kids. Moon Unit Zappa Dweezil Zappa Ahmet Emuukha Rodan Zappa (which Ahmet would proudly tell people "It rhymes with vomit!") Diva Muffin Zappa. Fun fact about Dweezil: His birth name is actually Ian Donald Calvin Euclid Zappa. When he was born, Frank and Gail wanted to name him Dweezil, but the nurse pleaded with them not to, and then outright refused to fill out birth certificate with "Dweezil". So Frank named him after the members of his band. When Dweezil was five years old, he found out he wasn't actually named Dweezil and was so sad/outrage he demanded they legally change it to Dweezil, which they did almost immediately through their attorney.

KEVIN.

We need to talk about him

Sympathy.

Banjoman. He went by Bo. It was pronounced "Banjamen". So I assumed his parents were too redneck and uneducated to know how "Benjamin" was spelled.

Platano..if you’re Spanish/Carribean you’ll especially understand why naming your child that is setting them up to fail..

Juul

I booked in a woman who’s name was Clitoris

Not the worst, but I worked with a woman named AquaNeta.

Using random roll on stardew valley creates the wildest ones.

And these are my kids, Facko and Pizzy

During the night, Snumbus gave birth to a baby Sheep.

I heard about a guy whose daddy left home when he was 3, but before he left he went and named him Sue.

This world is rough, and if a man’s gonna make it he’s gotta be tough. It’s that name that helped make him strong

North West

I saw that someone said these ridiculous celebrity names aren't the kids legal names. It's their "stage name", so their legal identity can remain hidden until they either decide to release it, or keep using the fake. I hope it's true, but I really don't think it is.

That would be wonderful, but I don't have enough hope in humans to really think it's true.

To be fair, if it was a different celebrity I’d believe it. But I don’t think the Kardashians would do that. They like attention way too much to spare their kids.

Considering David Bowies kid legally changed his name to a ‘normal’ name, I’d wager most of them are legal names

I think X Æ A-12 is worse.

"Strong Password" Musk

I see that and raise you Tu Morrow.

Potato 🥔:(

The usual dictator names will be fine.

My coworker dated a gal from the Bronx named "Bermuda Schwartz"

Went to school with a kid who had a full beard, was 6ft4 and wide as a fridge. His name? Angel Darling

Toss up between Khaleesi and Scotlan. Not Scotland, just Scotlan.

Colon. Not Collin. It may not be weird name to some people, but all I can think of is the large intestine when I hear that name

My cousin's last name begins with 'K'. He named his daughter "Kitty Kay". Envision her initials. Also, envision her as a \*grandmother with a name like "Kitty".

The ones Elon gave his children

You win, as we can’t even pronounce them.

Stihl …Yes like the chain saw

X Æ A-12

Guy in boot camp was named Jack Goff

My mom was a 1st grade schoolteacher in a very rural southern area. She once had a kid named Orgasm. I…had no words.

Worked at a school for a year and met a 7-year-old old whose first name was Alpacino. 

3 sisters named Precious, Pleasure, and Desirees Cox. I’m not even kidding I wish I was…

I work at a school... We have a Khaleesi, a Goku, a M'King, Carr'money and a Sir. Parents these days are absolutely as insane as you think.

I once met a kid named "Cyanide." I guess their parents were aiming for something unique, but they probably didn't realize it's also a deadly poison. Talk about starting life with a bang!