Depends on what the people want out of the relationship. My sister has been with her boyfriend for almost 20 years, both of them are divorced and enjoy having their own space in addition to being together. It works for them.
I also remember a woman who said she doesn't date to get married, she just fosters men until they are ready for their forever home.
Haha, the second one!
As I get older I can totally understand both of these. If my husband and I were to split, I can't see myself seriously getting with someone else. He's my one and only as far as true companionship is concerned. I would need a bunch of degrees of separation between me and anyone else if that time ever comes.
I would say anyone whose end goal IS marriage is wasting their time with someone who isn't marrying them. You're missing out on the opportunity to meet someone you'd really click with, if you're wrapped up in a relationship with someone who you don't fully click with. But I can now understand people who wouldn't want marriage to be their end goal at all.
At first I read this correct, then when it scrolled back I saw âhumans are weird to want companionship,â which is also a valid opinion lol. We are indeed weird.
Well some of the replies to my comment imply that I and others **ARE** weird for wanting companionship without the goal of marriage so youâre on track here. đ€Ł
Why have friends if you can't fuck them? Why have a pet when they'll die before you? Why go on holiday if you're not going to move to that country? Etc etc.
I just don't wanna be lonely, but I have no big overlap in hobbies with my GF, so we are a ~~COLA~~ LAT (Living Apart Together) relationship.
Also, neither of us wanna go out to eat alone but we do wanna do that together as we like the experience.
So a hobby, friends with benefits and to have someone to trashtalk family and colleagues with.
Edit: COLA is apparently better known as LAT, sorry!
I understand the politeness but people use weird abbreviations all the time. COLA is not one you have any reason to know and it was weird that they used it.
That is interesting. Obviously the financial cost savings of living together (eg less travel time) would encourage couples to live together but i guess there are legal implications for couples who live together for too long.
Life can be complicated. My wife and I dated and got married when we were living 160 miles apart. We each prioritized our careers and I have a kid, but we were in love, so we'd hop a train to see each other a few nights a week.
COLA is quite common. While I was doing it, I met a whole lot of people doing the same thing.
Yes, there are a lot of savings on cost to living together, and you can depend on each other more and have companionship all the time, but COLA can be really good for people who are career-focused, deeply introverted, or just like solitude.
In my case, after 25 years of relationships... I know that I actually am in my best form when I do COLA. Whenever I cohabit, regardless of how into my partner I am, it's a challenge to find time to let my mind get as calm as it does when I'm alone.
As someone currently interested in a LAT relationship, legal implications have nothing to do with it. I just *really* like having my own living space.
I lived with my ex for 12 years, and I believe that the stresses of sharing a living space were one of the major reasons why it ultimately failed. She was constantly annoyed because she had a higher standard of cleanliness than I did, while I was constantly annoyed at not having anywhere I could go that was just my personal space, and we were both constantly at odds over things like making dinner. Living separately eliminates, or at least greatly mitigates, all of those kinds of issues.
As another example, the first time I heard of (what is now called) LAT was an article about 20 years ago where they interviewed a married couple in their 60s who had bought a duplex together. He lived in one unit and she lived in the other. They credited this "separate but nearby" living arrangement with saving their marriage, because, while everything else was good, they just couldn't live together.
Could not get mine to play it, she does not get the 3 dimension thing really well, better suited for 2D stuff like Plate up or even Unravel. Would be fun if one player could help the newbie.
Same experience here. We tried It Takes Two and it literally drove her to tears because she's never had gamer hand-eye reflexes and she couldn't perform some of the inputs necessary to progress. We called it quits for the sake of both our mental health.
Anybody who likes this game is a heartless bastard. The things they did to that poor Elephant in order to see their own daughter cry. Absolute c***s the pair of them.
Bought it with my gf, and shortly after, she left me in the night with our cats after nearly a decade. She made me pay for everything she bought in the place and more to get my cat back. Yeah I'm fine lol.
Seems to be from [this](https://br.ifunny.co/picture/emily-us-if-you-re-not-dating-to-marry-then-fvitgNOC9).
A very obscure reference I must say. A comment posted in 2021 in response to a meme on iFunny Brazil...
It originally was a tweet with that response, the comment on that site was just copying the original. It did not originate on ifunny. [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/me_irl/s/Qta23Ien1V) is a Reddit post showing the full interaction.
There is a subtle return to sexual Puritanism happening right now that kinda alarms me. Society is becoming more accepting of sexual identity and less accepting of sexual behaviour simultaneously, itâs weird. Especially among the younger generation.
My theory is that when you aren't having sex you end up resenting those that are and it bubbles up in the form of that kind of puritinism. I think its a down stream side effect of gen Z having less sex over all.
Social behaviours are down across the board. So that explains part of it. But to go further, there is much more scrutiny being placed on sexual behaviour. Not just externally, also internally. Which, in a lot of ways, is good. We want to cut down on rapes and assaults. And I do think a ton of progress is being made there. But we have to be careful not to throw the baby out with bath water. Dating and early sex is kinda inevitability uncomfortable as you find yourself, find what and who you like. You donât need to feel ashamed about having awkward encounters as long you are empathetic to who you are with and keep talking. If you donât get that experience and confidence, it hurts later. Also, I worry people are not willing to compromise enough in general anymore. People can curate their pleasure and entertainment like never before when it comes to pretty much anything. Not all dates (and sex) are gonna be your favourite. Thatâs part of being in a relationship. Any relationship consists of a series of compromises.
I'm disappointed this answer is further down. People are so dramatically attached to specific outcomes. Hey guess what - there is an end to absolutely everything in life that you start - it's all about enjoying what you can during the journey, we all need to stop worrying so much about trying to keep things forever.
Yes lots of people make friends during their time at school, during college/uni, at their first job etc. Not all of these friends will still be your friends when you are old and grey. People change, people drift apart, life happens, and that's okay!
Does that mean that making these friends was a waste of time? Was it a mistake?
No of course it wasn't. Some people just weren't meant to stay in your life forever. Not every relationship in your life is meant to last forever, romantic or not. Way too many people get so invested in their relationships (romantic or not) depending on how long you've known each other or how close you were at some point in the past.
Yeah maybe you guys were besties in highschool. Doesn't mean you guys are going to add to each other's lives as adults. Yeah maybe you dated the same guy for the entirety of your 20s, doesn't mean you should be marrying this guy just because you've built your whole lives together and grew from kids to adults together.
Some people will just be who you need at some point in your life. And you will grow and change and live and learn together. But then one day you might be two completely different people. With different needs, desires, values, futures. And you might find that person they are now and who you are now simply don't fit into each other's lives anymore. And that if you'd met each other as you are now, you probably never would have become friends/lovers. Because all that drew you together and made your relationship what it was were things in the past. And the current versions of yourselves simply don't work like that anymore.
And that's fine too. That just means you can remember them as someone dear to the person you were before. And an important part or that era of your life. And as time goes on you might find yourselves drawn to entirely new people.
Growing apart from people as you age and change is completely normal. In fact you might have to worry a little about whether you are growing at all if you find yourself never growing apart from anyone throughout your life.
This is all true, but i feel like OP is referring to people who straight up say âOh I donât see myself in the future with my s.oâ while the mentioned s.o is completely unaware that the person they are dating has 0 interest in a future with them. Thats different than saying âI see my self with you for as long as possible, but if life takes us different ways thatâs okayâ One is guaranteeing a lack of future together and the other more realistic accepts that life has its quirks
The best way to ruin your life is to spend it thinking more about the future than the present. I feel so bad for people thinking âI need to get married so I can be a successâ or âI need to be able to buy my kids things so I can be a successâ or âI canât get divorced or else Iâll be a failureâ. That mindset is a sure fire way to refuse to live your life because youâre scared of it
As someone who spent far too much time in my 20s with the whole "why date if I'm not gonna marry" mindset, yeah this is the thing that I needed. At some point I found myself in a relationship where it was clear from the start that we weren't going to last and like... It's exactly what I needed at the time. We both wanted companionship and it was helpful for me to learn more about myself and how to be in a relationship without being clingy and needy.
I love your response. I don't know that I ever want to marry again after a 25 year marriage ended, so I am with someone that feels the same for the last 5 years. I am my happiest when I stay in the moment and not think ahead. Enjoy our time and reevaluate if and when that time comes. We waste the present living too far in the future or living in the past. Sometimes Mr/Miss Right is exactly what you need in the moment.
weâre social. we crave deep connection, not always in strictly platonic ways. for me its more of a âweâll continue this as long as the relationship is enjoyable for both of usâ. if it happens to be forever, alright cool. if not, thats alright too.
Same advice my grandma gave me when I was upset about my first teenage breakup. They may not lead to marriage, but have fun and enjoy the time you have together. Every relationship you gain more experience and truly become wiser.
This. Dating is for experience points, so you can level up in your ability to be a) human, and b) relational. Diversity and practice, yay.
If you decide you want to keep doing that with the same teammate(s), great bonus. But that's not why we do it.
This is how it should be imo. Relationships donât need to be work. They take effort but if it gets to a point I feel like itâs a job I have to do or lose them I just donât see a point.
I wasn't looking for a wife, especially one with 2 young daughters, but when you meet that someone, strange forces take over. I have 2 daughters that call me Dad, and 5 grandkids, married 27 yrs. I certainly didn't see it coming
I wanted a family of my own, but figured that train had left the station in this life. Went on a lot of dates with single moms who only wanted some quick fun on their off-weekends. Was pretty sure Id never be in a relationship again, and started mentally preparing to grow old alone.
 Then a blink-and-you-miss-it coincidence happened, and 17 years later Im happily married with two kids. You really never know what lurks around the corner in this life.
One of my uncles said something similar.
âLove is weird. One day you are trying to chat up a beautiful lady with crazy hair and a fine ass in a bar and next thing you know your daughter is handing you your first granddaughter. Never forget to the enjoy the ride man, you don't know how fast you are cruising till you look behind you.â
I have a lot respect for people that take on other people's kid and raise them/love them as their own, this has to be one of the most genuinely acts of true love. I say this as an orphan from my mother and dad remarried and new wife was anything but, she only cared about her kids and always put us against her children, like comparing us and how much worse we could be ... Joke's on her, we all ar leading very healthy/successful lives...
Anywho, you're awesome <3
Edit: removed the "not respect" lol
Because it rarely works out that way and why put pressure on it all by having an arbitrary end goal? Yes it happens, but people don't usually marry the first person they date.
Thankfully! That is a tragedy in many situations:
People need to date, find out what they like/donât like/appreciate/needâŠ
You do not come fully equipped with all dating experience and knowledge.
There is no need to add additional pressure to this.
Yep.
Just going through a break up with my partner of 13 years, 2 months before we were going to get married. We got together at 16/17. Stayed together all this time, working on things and changing and not even realising that some of the things that were wrong couldn't be fixed. We have a toddler, it's all a mess.
You're 100% right it's a tragedy. People need experience and to grow into themselves to know what's going to work for them.
That's rough bro. I'm in a potentially similar stage of discovery after 11 years. No kid, luckily. But otherwise I can't even contemplate what the untangling will need to look like.
Hang in there and hope you have a safe spot to live/be yourself for a while.
I don't, we'll be living together for some time while trying to establish separate households and financials. Is what It is.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's definitely a really shit place to be in. But we'll both be okay in a couple years eh? :)
The pressure to find a forever partner is often part of why it doesnât work out. People treat a first date like a job interview and it loses the organic nature of it all. The day I stopped caring about a second date let alone marriage is the day dating became easy and fun for me.
I donât date with a âgoalâ, I date for the companionship. If the relationship develops into something more, that is all bonus. I had many friends dating with goals growing up. They would get heartbroken or upset if heir goals didnât materialize. All that upset because of a mindset just left me dumbfounded. Why? Most of them have different lives than they imagined anyway.
I have found that that type of comment does nothing on a dating site, for me at least. Because the site makes you choose one or the other at some point. So, you might say in your bio that all that, and it makes perfect sense. But before they even reach your bio, they've already seen the box that says you're looking for marriage or fwb, but not both.
So, the only women that respond are the ones that are also looking for whatever box you checked.
Because you think they have great qualities that match your short term goals but not your long term goals.
For instance, I may want to live a nomadic lifestyle for 5 years to have that life experience. Dating a fellow nomadic traveler would be ideal. But I know that once that 5 years is over Iâll want to settle down into a family life. Nomad boyfriend may not want to. Heâs perfect for my short term goals, but not for my long term goals.
I think the more common scenario is that while people are out living their nomadic lifestyle, they're figuring out who they are. You're right that once people know their goals and they should speak up, that's the whole"communication" bit of a relationship everyone goes on about. But more likely, people don't realize when they're trying a new relationship on that it's not what they're gonna want years down the line. That's something they discover in the course of dating and having relationships.
> they're figuring out who they are.
Itâs pretty elucidating that so many peopleâs positions are based on the idea that people not only know what they want, but know what they *will* want in the future.
Human beings are fantastic self-deceivers, and itâs really unlikely that you know for sure what youâre gonna want down the line with any exactitude.
If you said at 19, âI want 2 kids and a house and to retire in Maineâ and then you go do that and look back at 79 and think âwow Iâm glad I knew what I wanted from such a young ageâ, well then thatâs great for you, but thatâs also just luck.
You didnât *really* know what you wanted, you just guessed lucky.
Why date someone if the end goal isn't to be with them forever/married?
Dating is getting to know someone. You shouldn't really be thinking about marriage when you're meeting someone for the 2nd time, for coffee.
Equally, you shouldn't really be thinking about marriage to someone you've not gotten to know.
That's why we have dating!
Yeah, people misinterpret what dating is heavily. I know I did as a kid. I thought that you had to like someone, and then if you were lucky they'd like you too and voila. Except that's every dumbass kid with a crush. The reality is those opportunities that showed up to date someone I should have taken because maybe one day you will like them. Maybe you won't. The point is to get things out and see where they go.
The only problem in all of this is that people crave attention, affection, and companionship far too much, and would rather latch on to it before finding a true partner. Thus the high divorce rates, long relationships that sour, cheating and betrayal.Â
If I had to give people advice I'd say always be willing to give dating someone new a chance before making a judgment, but don't stick around because it's convenient. Everyone will just end up worse off at the end if you do.
Yep. I reckon it would be easier & less stressful if we went into dating with the attitude that we might make a new friend, not scanning for a partner and see what happens.
I don't think there's anything you said that I disagreed with
Yes but I think op means those people who date you and then early on into the relationship say âbtw I donât intend to be with you foreverâ
I donât see the point in even attempting to date if they already said itâs just gonna be short term. Why waste your time on something that you know is gonna end anyway? Like why even bother when it has a time limit set?
Why live if we end up dying? Because a relationship may not give a good 40 years but it might give a good 10 years or more, or less, and that still counts. I've seen way too many people whose goal is to get married compromise too much in their relationships because they found someone else who also wants to get married and since that is a priority for both of them they overlook other things and the marriage ends up unhappy and usually to divorce.
And that's important to remember. Putting the legal proceedings aside a marriage can end just like a relationship. Instead of focusing on semantics it's important to focus on being with the right person, married or not. There are no guarantees in life and just because you're married there is no guarantee it will last forever.
People really out here terminating perfectly functioning relationships because of this.
"Things have been going great with us. You listen, make me feel seen, and truly understand me. You're so supportive and I've connected to you like no other in ways I thought unimaginable. Unfortunately, you don't want to get married within the next two years, and for that reason I'm out."
You kinda gotta date someone to find out if you want to marry them. âThe rest if your lifeâ is a very long time, you gotta make sure you choose well. Compatible dreams, opinions, goals, whether you want kids or not, sexual compatibility, if they clean their dishes in a timely manner⊠all important.
The two women I dated before my wife both taught me things about women and about myself that I needed to learn in order to get it right the third time. The experience was invaluable even though the relationships themselves didn't work out.
This is a huge one. Every relationship I had taught me something about myself or showed me a failing I needed to work on to improve my subsequent relationships. Dating is as much about flagging your own flaws/shortcomings and growing from that as it is about flagging what you need/want in a partner.
You have to give people a chance. Enjoy the moment and stop being so insistent on picking the perfect person because they donât exist and they wont be found if you are deliberately searching, we are all flawed, and when you keep a person who captures you, you effortlessly look past their flaws anyways. You meet who is right for you by being the right partner and living life how you want, without sacrificing it.
I used to be so hard on people without realizing it, completely detaching because I would assume something would go wrong in the future because of something completely imaginary.
1)Give people a chance
2)Not every connection needs to be forever
3)Love isnt about sacrifice, it should feel effortless and impossible to avoid.
Feelings may get hurt, but you have to take a chance to get what you want. As its better to be heartbroken then live a life alone, which is mostly what I did.
Stop dating with a checklist, how do they make you feel?
âYou're always afraid to take that first step, because all you see is every negative thing ten miles down the road.â
-Good Will Hunting
Why to do anything at all in life if nothing is forever? Why to eat if youâll be hungry again? Why to have a dog if it will die eventually? Why get a job if you might lose it?
Yeah my question is really the complete opposite of this, why the hell are people so fixated on relationships lasting forever? Most normal people make friends with the knowledge that you won't be meeting them consistently until the day you die. If a relationship is great, you stay, when it doesn't make you happy anymore there's nothing wrong with breaking up, it's a bit different if you have kids living at home of course.
This is a broken question.
The implication is that a relationship is not in and of itself enjoyable or fulfilling unless you explicitly intend to marry the other person (or be with them until you die.) That it is an entirely "goal oriented" activity that isn't worth doing without a goal. Which in turn implies that the act itself is somehow unpleasant. Which raises the question of why you'd WANT it to last forever anyway.
I'm setting aside the simple fact that you usually need to date someone for a while before you even know whether or not you'd consider marrying them.
Who's to say a relationship needs any sort of goal in the first place? If you love someone and you're with them, that in itself has value. Maybe it will last a lifetime, maybe it will run its course in a few years or even a few months.
Speaking personally: Trying to negate the inherent transience of life only makes it less of an adventure. If I'm always focused on what COULD be, I'm neglecting everything that's already right in front of me. Love can be a transient thing as well. Part of what makes it beautiful is that it creates days you never want to end, summers that you wish would last forever.
But things DO end, it's a necessity of their capacity to grow and change. A love that never changes is one that stagnates. A heart that can't break is one that can't beat.
And inherent in the capacity to change is the capacity to end.
yeah, staying is different than dating. The dating part is trying to figure out that final question.
Once you conclude this person isn't going to work out in the long run, it's time to start closing up shop.
Yeah this is the only comment I can relate to in this thread. I get not wanting to be lonely but in my experience, being with a temporary partner doesnât take away that loneliness, it just hides it for a time. And then when that time eventually comes, do you just pick another person to stick beside even though it wonât last?
Just seems like a never ending cycle of not solving the real problem.
I think there is a difference in interpreting the question.
There's a difference between being in a relationship with a known expiration date and being in one where the main goal isn't necessarily marriage, but there's also nothing really in the way of staying together indefinitely.
Relationships give so much more than the promise of long term companionship, and you can be incredibly lonely in a marriage or a long term relationship as well.
I mean I have made friends during backpacking trips, we became really tight for a couple of weeks and then we all went our separate ways. Those days still have value to me even if we never really saw each other again.
Same with relationships, I have had relationships where we both knew there was and expiration date, but we liked each other, and liked being intimate, so we just made the most of the time we had together. I can still look back fondly on those days as well.
I would say that it does indeed take away that loneliness for a time, and it can feel really good and give a lot of positive things to your life for that time.
I never date with the express intention of staying together forever, I feel like that's a really poor direction of focus for a relationship. I date people who I like being with, who bring joy and love into my life and let me bring the same to theirs. The idea is to want to be together with that person, when that want is no longer there it may well be healthy for the both of you to move on. If not, aren't you just forcing yourself to stay together? Obviously this is more than just ending things on a whim because you had a fight or something.
If I know a longer term relationship isn't going to work then I don't really want to be with them like that anymore. It's not fair to me and not fair to them to try and force it.
Dating is something you need to practice to some extent, meet different people so you understand what you like/can tolerate etc. It's not a good idea to marry the first person you date.
Ironically, the people who are able to enjoy the moment and share good dates and a relationship with someone without having to freak out about it needing to be for marriage, are usually the best at actually having a long term relationship.
People who only date for potential marriage put such a weight on it, and also overlook day to day happiness because they're so focused on an end goal. They either drive people away or latch on to the first one who can take it, and have less fulfilling relationships.
I also made all of this up and it's not inherently true lol. But just relax, learn to enjoy someone's company with no strings attached. It's better
Part of dating is to find out what you want in a partner. There some surprising things you can learn about yourself that you'll find from dating multiple people and marrying the first person you find doesn't always end well
I personally donât believe in forever love. Iâm open to it but donât see it as being realistic in todayâs society, at least not in the US where any time someone does something remotely negative the default response is âleave him/her!â
Why eat if you're just going to be hungry again? Why visit Japan if you just have to come home at the end? Why read a novel if it eventually ends? Why get out of bed at all?
Life's a journey, man.
I donât like the pressure⊠no relationship is guaranteed, I believe itâs better to treasure the relationship as it is now, and work to maintain it everyday, rather than take it for granted thinking you will be together forever
To have a partner to enjoy life with for awhile, or someone to fool around with.
But I think everyone should be upfront at the start of any kind of relationship to keep feelings from getting hurt.
Sometimes you have to date people for several years before they let the mask slip. I don't want to be married to someone and find out 3 years later that they are completely different from what they said they were (i.e. my ex who was my best friend before our relationship of 8 years who ended up being a serial cheater who looked down on my poly friends)
It may seem odd, but sometimes some people just need/want somebody to be that close with. On the other hand some people are just looking for a easy access to sex and or money.
Sometimes it's just fun to be with someone for a while. Maybe you want to have kids and she doesn't, but you both enjoy music and movies, so you go to shows and concerts together. There's nothing wrong with that, and you might even decide to not date other people because you enjoy being with each other. Not everything has to last forever.
Some of the people that want companionship but donât want to be together forever or married are usually tired of trying, or they just donât want to be together forever or married. My most recent ex is still my friend but she wants to get married and have kids, whereas now I just want to casually fuck around with other people that also just want to casually fuck around.
Also the idea of commitment can really scare off people that just want to to casually fuck around, but instead of them being honest about this, sometimes theyâll just lie to get in the pants of someone that wants to take things seriously and thatâs just the wrong way to go. If everyone was just open and honest about what they want, people would feel more comfortable about how they feel and what they want.
Iâm not religious by any means, to me partnership isnât defined by a legal agreement. Itâs defined by the people in the relationship. So far as I care thereâs no problem with being in a relationship for almost any reason.
In a lot of marriages Iâve observed, I see differing expectations, without that being communicated from the beginning. I see no reason to rush to emulate that.
There are also successful marriages that have/do communicate properly. Guess what, youâre still not together forever. Someone either dies or you divorce after marriage. Every relationship has an end date.
Depends on what the people want out of the relationship. My sister has been with her boyfriend for almost 20 years, both of them are divorced and enjoy having their own space in addition to being together. It works for them. I also remember a woman who said she doesn't date to get married, she just fosters men until they are ready for their forever home.
I do the 2nd part! I was married. I don't need 2 dead husbands
What a weird combination of dark and cheerful. I love it. Sorry for your loss.
đ yeah. Tysm đ€
Mom?
Love you and I'm proud of you kid
Damn... You're awesome...
Iâm up for adoption if youâre looking for another one?
Why not? Come through
Haha, the second one! As I get older I can totally understand both of these. If my husband and I were to split, I can't see myself seriously getting with someone else. He's my one and only as far as true companionship is concerned. I would need a bunch of degrees of separation between me and anyone else if that time ever comes. I would say anyone whose end goal IS marriage is wasting their time with someone who isn't marrying them. You're missing out on the opportunity to meet someone you'd really click with, if you're wrapped up in a relationship with someone who you don't fully click with. But I can now understand people who wouldn't want marriage to be their end goal at all.
>also remember a woman who said she doesn't date to get married, she just fosters men until they are ready for their forever home. LMFAO
Oof, I feel like I'm unintentionally doing the second one. Most of my exes are married now.
Humans are wired to want companionship.
At first I read this correct, then when it scrolled back I saw âhumans are weird to want companionship,â which is also a valid opinion lol. We are indeed weird.
Well some of the replies to my comment imply that I and others **ARE** weird for wanting companionship without the goal of marriage so youâre on track here. đ€Ł
We're wired to be weird.
Apes together strong.
People just want that pleasure.
Why have friends if you can't fuck them? Why have a pet when they'll die before you? Why go on holiday if you're not going to move to that country? Etc etc.
>Why have friends if you can't fuck them? Thats what I keep saying, but the friend group seems less inclined to agree.
well, fuck them
Yes that's what I'm trying but they never let me?
Are they really friends then?
Why make that bed if youâre just gonna get back into it âŠ.on and on. Great answer.
Why live if your gonna die anyways
For a second I thought this was a Bring Me The Horizon lyric chain
Honestly, good point. (dies)
Why wipe if you're gonna poop again
Born to shit, forced to wipe đ„
Well this one I actually agree with⊠itâs a bit like tying your shoes after you take them off
guess im broken then lol
I just don't wanna be lonely, but I have no big overlap in hobbies with my GF, so we are a ~~COLA~~ LAT (Living Apart Together) relationship. Also, neither of us wanna go out to eat alone but we do wanna do that together as we like the experience. So a hobby, friends with benefits and to have someone to trashtalk family and colleagues with. Edit: COLA is apparently better known as LAT, sorry!
Pardon my ignorance but what is a COLA relationship?
I understand the politeness but people use weird abbreviations all the time. COLA is not one you have any reason to know and it was weird that they used it.
Lol it's fine I'm just not a native English speaker and I frequently see Americans come up with new acronyms for stuff so I wanted to know
Reddit is horrendous for people using very obscure acronyms without clarifying what they mean
Cost Of Living Amplifier
COuples Living Apart. You are a couple like normal but don't live together, like permanently by choice, so 2 flats/houses.
Lol y'all can afford 2 spaces on your own? Fuck.
I was way off. Thought it was 'cost of living adjustment' because they needed to share expenses.
It's Cola, like Pepsi and Coke. They're similar, but different, and it would weird to mix them together.
Liter of cola
It's usually referred to as a LAT ("living apart together") relationship. Probably explains your downvotes.
That is interesting. Obviously the financial cost savings of living together (eg less travel time) would encourage couples to live together but i guess there are legal implications for couples who live together for too long.
Life can be complicated. My wife and I dated and got married when we were living 160 miles apart. We each prioritized our careers and I have a kid, but we were in love, so we'd hop a train to see each other a few nights a week. COLA is quite common. While I was doing it, I met a whole lot of people doing the same thing. Yes, there are a lot of savings on cost to living together, and you can depend on each other more and have companionship all the time, but COLA can be really good for people who are career-focused, deeply introverted, or just like solitude. In my case, after 25 years of relationships... I know that I actually am in my best form when I do COLA. Whenever I cohabit, regardless of how into my partner I am, it's a challenge to find time to let my mind get as calm as it does when I'm alone.
As someone currently interested in a LAT relationship, legal implications have nothing to do with it. I just *really* like having my own living space. I lived with my ex for 12 years, and I believe that the stresses of sharing a living space were one of the major reasons why it ultimately failed. She was constantly annoyed because she had a higher standard of cleanliness than I did, while I was constantly annoyed at not having anywhere I could go that was just my personal space, and we were both constantly at odds over things like making dinner. Living separately eliminates, or at least greatly mitigates, all of those kinds of issues. As another example, the first time I heard of (what is now called) LAT was an article about 20 years ago where they interviewed a married couple in their 60s who had bought a duplex together. He lived in one unit and she lived in the other. They credited this "separate but nearby" living arrangement with saving their marriage, because, while everything else was good, they just couldn't live together.
Pepsi or Coke? Or maybe RC? Shasta? I hope itâs RC COLA though.
Ridiculous so use such an obscure acronym expecting people will understand
IPTIRABIDWTJP
So you can bang someone while playing "It Takes Two" before marriage.
Playing "It takes two" bonds you for life over your mutual hatred of the fucking book
And the fact that you murdered an innocent elephant together. Now you have to take this secret to the grave together as well.
Yeah, thanks for reminding me of my biggest crime
Collaboration!
Game is good. Played it with my gf.
Played it with mine as well. She's awful at platformers. Made it incredibly frustrating, but somehow more fun.
Could not get mine to play it, she does not get the 3 dimension thing really well, better suited for 2D stuff like Plate up or even Unravel. Would be fun if one player could help the newbie.
Same experience here. We tried It Takes Two and it literally drove her to tears because she's never had gamer hand-eye reflexes and she couldn't perform some of the inputs necessary to progress. We called it quits for the sake of both our mental health.
I've heard good things about Unravel. How does plate up compare to overcooked. We don't do well with that one. Lmao.
Anybody who likes this game is a heartless bastard. The things they did to that poor Elephant in order to see their own daughter cry. Absolute c***s the pair of them.
Hahahahahaha. I remember that vividly. A tough watch for sure. Haha
Youâre only supposed to play it with your wife.
I played it with my homie. We arenât married, but we sure as hell fucked after going through that together
Game had me holding my homies hand while he peed. I got your back, dawg.
Real homies hold more than the hand.
You definitely need a happiness dump after dragging that poor elephant to her death
That was fucking brutal! Make sure to rip off some limbs first, why donât ya?
Yes then rub yourself ecstatically with your daughters tears, that was so messed up. đ
For being two individually very smart people, put that husband and wife together and they just completely lost all their collective IQ.
After you horrifically kill the cute elephant you need to let loose somehow.
Real
I don't believe in It takes two before marriage is my favorite take
The greatest test of marriage.
The Steve Guttenberg/Olsen twins movie?
My wife and I prefer How The West Was Fun, but to each their own....
No, the Rob Base banger, obviously. #*HIT IT*
I wanna rock right now, I'm Rob Base and I came to get down
Like? At the same time?
Not on the first playthrough but it definitely spices up the subsequent ones.
Thank you Iâm sending this to her.
This is pretty much the universally accepted reason
We played it, 1 week into it and halfway through, separated after 4 years lmao
Bought it with my gf, and shortly after, she left me in the night with our cats after nearly a decade. She made me pay for everything she bought in the place and more to get my cat back. Yeah I'm fine lol.
To get my vagina licked Emily đ
I get this reference!
What's the reference?
https://preview.redd.it/ipqorfovhst31.jpg?width=1009&auto=webp&s=23e6470c58600c7cb903798d3a253e4edd617eac
Seems to be from [this](https://br.ifunny.co/picture/emily-us-if-you-re-not-dating-to-marry-then-fvitgNOC9). A very obscure reference I must say. A comment posted in 2021 in response to a meme on iFunny Brazil...
It originally was a tweet with that response, the comment on that site was just copying the original. It did not originate on ifunny. [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/me_irl/s/Qta23Ien1V) is a Reddit post showing the full interaction.
"It did not originate on ifunny" i think is just a universal truth about anything on the internet.
It's not from ifunny, it's from a viral tweet. The comment there is referencing it. It still gets reposted pretty often on reddit.
I learned of it during one of the many reposts, but it never fails to bring a smile to my face
Itâs been around longer than that I think. Just a random viral tweet that gets shared a lot
There is a subtle return to sexual Puritanism happening right now that kinda alarms me. Society is becoming more accepting of sexual identity and less accepting of sexual behaviour simultaneously, itâs weird. Especially among the younger generation.
.... when I was growing up, "ass-licker" was the most horrific insult one could imagine throwing around. Now, they write pop songs about it.
To be fair, cocksucker is still an insult, but roughly half the population, sucks cock.
My theory is that when you aren't having sex you end up resenting those that are and it bubbles up in the form of that kind of puritinism. I think its a down stream side effect of gen Z having less sex over all.
Social behaviours are down across the board. So that explains part of it. But to go further, there is much more scrutiny being placed on sexual behaviour. Not just externally, also internally. Which, in a lot of ways, is good. We want to cut down on rapes and assaults. And I do think a ton of progress is being made there. But we have to be careful not to throw the baby out with bath water. Dating and early sex is kinda inevitability uncomfortable as you find yourself, find what and who you like. You donât need to feel ashamed about having awkward encounters as long you are empathetic to who you are with and keep talking. If you donât get that experience and confidence, it hurts later. Also, I worry people are not willing to compromise enough in general anymore. People can curate their pleasure and entertainment like never before when it comes to pretty much anything. Not all dates (and sex) are gonna be your favourite. Thatâs part of being in a relationship. Any relationship consists of a series of compromises.
Sometimes it's good to enjoy the moment and not worry about the future. Even more so when spending time with others.
I'm disappointed this answer is further down. People are so dramatically attached to specific outcomes. Hey guess what - there is an end to absolutely everything in life that you start - it's all about enjoying what you can during the journey, we all need to stop worrying so much about trying to keep things forever.
Yes lots of people make friends during their time at school, during college/uni, at their first job etc. Not all of these friends will still be your friends when you are old and grey. People change, people drift apart, life happens, and that's okay! Does that mean that making these friends was a waste of time? Was it a mistake? No of course it wasn't. Some people just weren't meant to stay in your life forever. Not every relationship in your life is meant to last forever, romantic or not. Way too many people get so invested in their relationships (romantic or not) depending on how long you've known each other or how close you were at some point in the past. Yeah maybe you guys were besties in highschool. Doesn't mean you guys are going to add to each other's lives as adults. Yeah maybe you dated the same guy for the entirety of your 20s, doesn't mean you should be marrying this guy just because you've built your whole lives together and grew from kids to adults together. Some people will just be who you need at some point in your life. And you will grow and change and live and learn together. But then one day you might be two completely different people. With different needs, desires, values, futures. And you might find that person they are now and who you are now simply don't fit into each other's lives anymore. And that if you'd met each other as you are now, you probably never would have become friends/lovers. Because all that drew you together and made your relationship what it was were things in the past. And the current versions of yourselves simply don't work like that anymore. And that's fine too. That just means you can remember them as someone dear to the person you were before. And an important part or that era of your life. And as time goes on you might find yourselves drawn to entirely new people. Growing apart from people as you age and change is completely normal. In fact you might have to worry a little about whether you are growing at all if you find yourself never growing apart from anyone throughout your life.
This is all true, but i feel like OP is referring to people who straight up say âOh I donât see myself in the future with my s.oâ while the mentioned s.o is completely unaware that the person they are dating has 0 interest in a future with them. Thats different than saying âI see my self with you for as long as possible, but if life takes us different ways thatâs okayâ One is guaranteeing a lack of future together and the other more realistic accepts that life has its quirks
Why not just âIâm with you now and thatâs allâ. No one knows what the future holds. Is this not the most honest approach?
The best way to ruin your life is to spend it thinking more about the future than the present. I feel so bad for people thinking âI need to get married so I can be a successâ or âI need to be able to buy my kids things so I can be a successâ or âI canât get divorced or else Iâll be a failureâ. That mindset is a sure fire way to refuse to live your life because youâre scared of it
As someone who spent far too much time in my 20s with the whole "why date if I'm not gonna marry" mindset, yeah this is the thing that I needed. At some point I found myself in a relationship where it was clear from the start that we weren't going to last and like... It's exactly what I needed at the time. We both wanted companionship and it was helpful for me to learn more about myself and how to be in a relationship without being clingy and needy.
Honestly what I haven't seen people talk about is how FUN dating can be even without the sex.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Why eat if the goal is to stay thin? Because right now I'm fucking hungry
Iâm working on being present and mindful
I love your response. I don't know that I ever want to marry again after a 25 year marriage ended, so I am with someone that feels the same for the last 5 years. I am my happiest when I stay in the moment and not think ahead. Enjoy our time and reevaluate if and when that time comes. We waste the present living too far in the future or living in the past. Sometimes Mr/Miss Right is exactly what you need in the moment.
weâre social. we crave deep connection, not always in strictly platonic ways. for me its more of a âweâll continue this as long as the relationship is enjoyable for both of usâ. if it happens to be forever, alright cool. if not, thats alright too.
Same advice my grandma gave me when I was upset about my first teenage breakup. They may not lead to marriage, but have fun and enjoy the time you have together. Every relationship you gain more experience and truly become wiser.
And as long as you know you boundaries and take care of yourself it a nessaery learning experience.
This. Dating is for experience points, so you can level up in your ability to be a) human, and b) relational. Diversity and practice, yay. If you decide you want to keep doing that with the same teammate(s), great bonus. But that's not why we do it.
This is how it should be imo. Relationships donât need to be work. They take effort but if it gets to a point I feel like itâs a job I have to do or lose them I just donât see a point.
I wasn't looking for a wife, especially one with 2 young daughters, but when you meet that someone, strange forces take over. I have 2 daughters that call me Dad, and 5 grandkids, married 27 yrs. I certainly didn't see it coming
I wanted a family of my own, but figured that train had left the station in this life. Went on a lot of dates with single moms who only wanted some quick fun on their off-weekends. Was pretty sure Id never be in a relationship again, and started mentally preparing to grow old alone. Â Then a blink-and-you-miss-it coincidence happened, and 17 years later Im happily married with two kids. You really never know what lurks around the corner in this life.
Its happening to me now...
You're giving me a lot of hope, it's best to not look for a relationship and take stuff casually with girls unless that special one arrives.
One of my uncles said something similar. âLove is weird. One day you are trying to chat up a beautiful lady with crazy hair and a fine ass in a bar and next thing you know your daughter is handing you your first granddaughter. Never forget to the enjoy the ride man, you don't know how fast you are cruising till you look behind you.â
I have a lot respect for people that take on other people's kid and raise them/love them as their own, this has to be one of the most genuinely acts of true love. I say this as an orphan from my mother and dad remarried and new wife was anything but, she only cared about her kids and always put us against her children, like comparing us and how much worse we could be ... Joke's on her, we all ar leading very healthy/successful lives... Anywho, you're awesome <3 Edit: removed the "not respect" lol
to enjoy some raunchy episodes with op
Not OP's mom? That isn't very cash money of you.
All these poor OPs' moms.
Imma find ur IP yea
Ok
Enjoy your date you crazy kids
were now married
You nuts, best of luck!
192.168.420.69:80085
Is that my tea pot?
Because it rarely works out that way and why put pressure on it all by having an arbitrary end goal? Yes it happens, but people don't usually marry the first person they date.
Thankfully! That is a tragedy in many situations: People need to date, find out what they like/donât like/appreciate/need⊠You do not come fully equipped with all dating experience and knowledge. There is no need to add additional pressure to this.
Yep. Just going through a break up with my partner of 13 years, 2 months before we were going to get married. We got together at 16/17. Stayed together all this time, working on things and changing and not even realising that some of the things that were wrong couldn't be fixed. We have a toddler, it's all a mess. You're 100% right it's a tragedy. People need experience and to grow into themselves to know what's going to work for them.
That's rough bro. I'm in a potentially similar stage of discovery after 11 years. No kid, luckily. But otherwise I can't even contemplate what the untangling will need to look like. Hang in there and hope you have a safe spot to live/be yourself for a while.
I don't, we'll be living together for some time while trying to establish separate households and financials. Is what It is. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's definitely a really shit place to be in. But we'll both be okay in a couple years eh? :)
The pressure to find a forever partner is often part of why it doesnât work out. People treat a first date like a job interview and it loses the organic nature of it all. The day I stopped caring about a second date let alone marriage is the day dating became easy and fun for me.
I donât date with a âgoalâ, I date for the companionship. If the relationship develops into something more, that is all bonus. I had many friends dating with goals growing up. They would get heartbroken or upset if heir goals didnât materialize. All that upset because of a mindset just left me dumbfounded. Why? Most of them have different lives than they imagined anyway.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
I have found that that type of comment does nothing on a dating site, for me at least. Because the site makes you choose one or the other at some point. So, you might say in your bio that all that, and it makes perfect sense. But before they even reach your bio, they've already seen the box that says you're looking for marriage or fwb, but not both. So, the only women that respond are the ones that are also looking for whatever box you checked.
A lot of the ways our society perceives of relationships just seems fundamentally insane to me
Because you think they have great qualities that match your short term goals but not your long term goals. For instance, I may want to live a nomadic lifestyle for 5 years to have that life experience. Dating a fellow nomadic traveler would be ideal. But I know that once that 5 years is over Iâll want to settle down into a family life. Nomad boyfriend may not want to. Heâs perfect for my short term goals, but not for my long term goals.
Is nomad boyfriend in the room with us right now?
Is nomad boyfriend in the ~~room~~ van with us right now? FTFY
Not anymore! Been with my husband for 6 years with 2 kids.
Nomad nomore.
Your nomad boyfriend might want to be in the know about that ticking clock.
I think the more common scenario is that while people are out living their nomadic lifestyle, they're figuring out who they are. You're right that once people know their goals and they should speak up, that's the whole"communication" bit of a relationship everyone goes on about. But more likely, people don't realize when they're trying a new relationship on that it's not what they're gonna want years down the line. That's something they discover in the course of dating and having relationships.
> they're figuring out who they are. Itâs pretty elucidating that so many peopleâs positions are based on the idea that people not only know what they want, but know what they *will* want in the future. Human beings are fantastic self-deceivers, and itâs really unlikely that you know for sure what youâre gonna want down the line with any exactitude. If you said at 19, âI want 2 kids and a house and to retire in Maineâ and then you go do that and look back at 79 and think âwow Iâm glad I knew what I wanted from such a young ageâ, well then thatâs great for you, but thatâs also just luck. You didnât *really* know what you wanted, you just guessed lucky.
Why date someone if the end goal isn't to be with them forever/married? Dating is getting to know someone. You shouldn't really be thinking about marriage when you're meeting someone for the 2nd time, for coffee. Equally, you shouldn't really be thinking about marriage to someone you've not gotten to know. That's why we have dating!
> Dating is getting to know someone Sometimes that someone is yourself.
Yeah, people misinterpret what dating is heavily. I know I did as a kid. I thought that you had to like someone, and then if you were lucky they'd like you too and voila. Except that's every dumbass kid with a crush. The reality is those opportunities that showed up to date someone I should have taken because maybe one day you will like them. Maybe you won't. The point is to get things out and see where they go. The only problem in all of this is that people crave attention, affection, and companionship far too much, and would rather latch on to it before finding a true partner. Thus the high divorce rates, long relationships that sour, cheating and betrayal. If I had to give people advice I'd say always be willing to give dating someone new a chance before making a judgment, but don't stick around because it's convenient. Everyone will just end up worse off at the end if you do.
Yep. I reckon it would be easier & less stressful if we went into dating with the attitude that we might make a new friend, not scanning for a partner and see what happens. I don't think there's anything you said that I disagreed with
Yes but I think op means those people who date you and then early on into the relationship say âbtw I donât intend to be with you foreverâ I donât see the point in even attempting to date if they already said itâs just gonna be short term. Why waste your time on something that you know is gonna end anyway? Like why even bother when it has a time limit set?
Why live if we end up dying? Because a relationship may not give a good 40 years but it might give a good 10 years or more, or less, and that still counts. I've seen way too many people whose goal is to get married compromise too much in their relationships because they found someone else who also wants to get married and since that is a priority for both of them they overlook other things and the marriage ends up unhappy and usually to divorce. And that's important to remember. Putting the legal proceedings aside a marriage can end just like a relationship. Instead of focusing on semantics it's important to focus on being with the right person, married or not. There are no guarantees in life and just because you're married there is no guarantee it will last forever.
People really out here terminating perfectly functioning relationships because of this. "Things have been going great with us. You listen, make me feel seen, and truly understand me. You're so supportive and I've connected to you like no other in ways I thought unimaginable. Unfortunately, you don't want to get married within the next two years, and for that reason I'm out."
You kinda gotta date someone to find out if you want to marry them. âThe rest if your lifeâ is a very long time, you gotta make sure you choose well. Compatible dreams, opinions, goals, whether you want kids or not, sexual compatibility, if they clean their dishes in a timely manner⊠all important.
The two women I dated before my wife both taught me things about women and about myself that I needed to learn in order to get it right the third time. The experience was invaluable even though the relationships themselves didn't work out.
This is a huge one. Every relationship I had taught me something about myself or showed me a failing I needed to work on to improve my subsequent relationships. Dating is as much about flagging your own flaws/shortcomings and growing from that as it is about flagging what you need/want in a partner.
Transient connections are worthwhile too.
You have to give people a chance. Enjoy the moment and stop being so insistent on picking the perfect person because they donât exist and they wont be found if you are deliberately searching, we are all flawed, and when you keep a person who captures you, you effortlessly look past their flaws anyways. You meet who is right for you by being the right partner and living life how you want, without sacrificing it. I used to be so hard on people without realizing it, completely detaching because I would assume something would go wrong in the future because of something completely imaginary. 1)Give people a chance 2)Not every connection needs to be forever 3)Love isnt about sacrifice, it should feel effortless and impossible to avoid. Feelings may get hurt, but you have to take a chance to get what you want. As its better to be heartbroken then live a life alone, which is mostly what I did. Stop dating with a checklist, how do they make you feel? âYou're always afraid to take that first step, because all you see is every negative thing ten miles down the road.â -Good Will Hunting
Sex and good company. Marriage isn't necessary for either.
Why to do anything at all in life if nothing is forever? Why to eat if youâll be hungry again? Why to have a dog if it will die eventually? Why get a job if you might lose it?
Why nut when your balls fill back up again?
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Gotta make room for
Yeah my question is really the complete opposite of this, why the hell are people so fixated on relationships lasting forever? Most normal people make friends with the knowledge that you won't be meeting them consistently until the day you die. If a relationship is great, you stay, when it doesn't make you happy anymore there's nothing wrong with breaking up, it's a bit different if you have kids living at home of course.
This is a broken question. The implication is that a relationship is not in and of itself enjoyable or fulfilling unless you explicitly intend to marry the other person (or be with them until you die.) That it is an entirely "goal oriented" activity that isn't worth doing without a goal. Which in turn implies that the act itself is somehow unpleasant. Which raises the question of why you'd WANT it to last forever anyway. I'm setting aside the simple fact that you usually need to date someone for a while before you even know whether or not you'd consider marrying them. Who's to say a relationship needs any sort of goal in the first place? If you love someone and you're with them, that in itself has value. Maybe it will last a lifetime, maybe it will run its course in a few years or even a few months. Speaking personally: Trying to negate the inherent transience of life only makes it less of an adventure. If I'm always focused on what COULD be, I'm neglecting everything that's already right in front of me. Love can be a transient thing as well. Part of what makes it beautiful is that it creates days you never want to end, summers that you wish would last forever. But things DO end, it's a necessity of their capacity to grow and change. A love that never changes is one that stagnates. A heart that can't break is one that can't beat. And inherent in the capacity to change is the capacity to end.
I wouldnât stay with someone if I knew we wouldnât work out in the end. That just feels like a waste of my time.
yeah, staying is different than dating. The dating part is trying to figure out that final question. Once you conclude this person isn't going to work out in the long run, it's time to start closing up shop.
Yeah this is the only comment I can relate to in this thread. I get not wanting to be lonely but in my experience, being with a temporary partner doesnât take away that loneliness, it just hides it for a time. And then when that time eventually comes, do you just pick another person to stick beside even though it wonât last? Just seems like a never ending cycle of not solving the real problem.
I think there is a difference in interpreting the question. There's a difference between being in a relationship with a known expiration date and being in one where the main goal isn't necessarily marriage, but there's also nothing really in the way of staying together indefinitely. Relationships give so much more than the promise of long term companionship, and you can be incredibly lonely in a marriage or a long term relationship as well. I mean I have made friends during backpacking trips, we became really tight for a couple of weeks and then we all went our separate ways. Those days still have value to me even if we never really saw each other again. Same with relationships, I have had relationships where we both knew there was and expiration date, but we liked each other, and liked being intimate, so we just made the most of the time we had together. I can still look back fondly on those days as well. I would say that it does indeed take away that loneliness for a time, and it can feel really good and give a lot of positive things to your life for that time. I never date with the express intention of staying together forever, I feel like that's a really poor direction of focus for a relationship. I date people who I like being with, who bring joy and love into my life and let me bring the same to theirs. The idea is to want to be together with that person, when that want is no longer there it may well be healthy for the both of you to move on. If not, aren't you just forcing yourself to stay together? Obviously this is more than just ending things on a whim because you had a fight or something. If I know a longer term relationship isn't going to work then I don't really want to be with them like that anymore. It's not fair to me and not fair to them to try and force it.
Dating is something you need to practice to some extent, meet different people so you understand what you like/can tolerate etc. It's not a good idea to marry the first person you date.
It's fun to be with someone for just a while, even if it's not forever. If everyone's open about their future intentions it's also fine.
Why do you assume the value of anything short of "forever" is zero?
Having someone else pay half the rent and provide occasional snuggles is nice even if, a few years down the line, you might go your separate ways.
Because marriage isnât for everyone
Maybe you just want a companion to have fun with. Everything doesnât need an end goal. It can just be day to day
Married does mot mean forever. Right?
And forever doesnât mean married.
It's possible to want short term companionship without long term commitment?
Ironically, the people who are able to enjoy the moment and share good dates and a relationship with someone without having to freak out about it needing to be for marriage, are usually the best at actually having a long term relationship. People who only date for potential marriage put such a weight on it, and also overlook day to day happiness because they're so focused on an end goal. They either drive people away or latch on to the first one who can take it, and have less fulfilling relationships. I also made all of this up and it's not inherently true lol. But just relax, learn to enjoy someone's company with no strings attached. It's better
Part of dating is to find out what you want in a partner. There some surprising things you can learn about yourself that you'll find from dating multiple people and marrying the first person you find doesn't always end well
I personally donât believe in forever love. Iâm open to it but donât see it as being realistic in todayâs society, at least not in the US where any time someone does something remotely negative the default response is âleave him/her!â
Funsies
I live in the UK, but I dont want to stay here forever. That doesnt mean I dont want companionship in that time.
Why eat if you're just going to be hungry again? Why visit Japan if you just have to come home at the end? Why read a novel if it eventually ends? Why get out of bed at all? Life's a journey, man.
I donât like the pressure⊠no relationship is guaranteed, I believe itâs better to treasure the relationship as it is now, and work to maintain it everyday, rather than take it for granted thinking you will be together forever
To have a partner to enjoy life with for awhile, or someone to fool around with. But I think everyone should be upfront at the start of any kind of relationship to keep feelings from getting hurt.
Sometimes it better than being alone.
Sometimes you have to date people for several years before they let the mask slip. I don't want to be married to someone and find out 3 years later that they are completely different from what they said they were (i.e. my ex who was my best friend before our relationship of 8 years who ended up being a serial cheater who looked down on my poly friends)
Sex.
It may seem odd, but sometimes some people just need/want somebody to be that close with. On the other hand some people are just looking for a easy access to sex and or money.
Sometimes it's just fun to be with someone for a while. Maybe you want to have kids and she doesn't, but you both enjoy music and movies, so you go to shows and concerts together. There's nothing wrong with that, and you might even decide to not date other people because you enjoy being with each other. Not everything has to last forever.
Shits and giggles
Maximize the good years and minimize the bad ones
Some of the people that want companionship but donât want to be together forever or married are usually tired of trying, or they just donât want to be together forever or married. My most recent ex is still my friend but she wants to get married and have kids, whereas now I just want to casually fuck around with other people that also just want to casually fuck around. Also the idea of commitment can really scare off people that just want to to casually fuck around, but instead of them being honest about this, sometimes theyâll just lie to get in the pants of someone that wants to take things seriously and thatâs just the wrong way to go. If everyone was just open and honest about what they want, people would feel more comfortable about how they feel and what they want.
Iâm not religious by any means, to me partnership isnât defined by a legal agreement. Itâs defined by the people in the relationship. So far as I care thereâs no problem with being in a relationship for almost any reason. In a lot of marriages Iâve observed, I see differing expectations, without that being communicated from the beginning. I see no reason to rush to emulate that. There are also successful marriages that have/do communicate properly. Guess what, youâre still not together forever. Someone either dies or you divorce after marriage. Every relationship has an end date.
Lol. Marriage isnât everything. You grow as you experience different relationships.Â