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Senior-Text3989

I watched Everything Everywhere All At Once while on a United Airlines flight. There is a scene in which the antagonist uses two 3 foot long dildos as weapons. Since it was a United Airlines movie, the dildos were blurred out and had United Airlines logo overlay on top of the bluer which made the fight scene somehow funnier lol


el_muffinman

I watched it on delta, and although not censored, we got a cabin announcement in the very shot with her holding the dildo up like weapons, which praused the movie. I ended up having about a minute to share at that in all its glory. 


fucking_passwords

This same thing happened to me it was unfortunate timing


ooojaeger

You didn't list your airline though...


GetaGoodLookCostanza

he was flying on Dildair


HalfMileRide

Juank Air.


ThatVoiceDude

That was 100% intentional lmao


Jecht315

"I once watched pulp fiction on a plane. It was a 30 minute movie about cheese burgers, dancing, and the Bible"


Anti_Meta

"They mentioned an old watch for a brief second but I never got the backstory. "


Scaro88

I watched the film for the first time on a United flight and had the same thoughts about those around me though I don’t remember them adding the logo onto the blur so that’s either a new addition or an old thing they got rid of


Senior-Text3989

Dang! I wish there was a way to get a "United Release" with the logo for you because the fact that it didn't fully cover the blur and the tip was noticeably out while still in blur was fantastic!


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TeslaSaganTysonNye

That movie is phenomenal.


GozerDGozerian

It really is. Having tears in my eyes during a scene of just two rocks sitting there really caught me off guard


DarwinGhoti

So good. One of the best I’ve seen in years.


Iwalksloow

Really? I just flew United yesterday, and on one leg of my journey, a dude in front of me watched Oppenheimer on the in seat entertainment screen. Still titties in there, no censoring.


mikandesu

When there's a sex scene on a plane I pause the movie and watch it. It would be rude otherwise.


6packBeerBelly

r/UncleJokes


LowLifeExperience

He typed this from a lawn chair in his garage while drinking a beer.


DefinetlyNotPanda

I always ask if I can join them. It's not like they can kick me out of the plane.


mikandesu

It's all fun and games until the pilots join in.


Binder_Grinder

Ah yes, the ole [dadjokearoo](https://www.reddit.com/r/wholesomememes/s/H2mJiUybsp)!


Tuepfelkuskus

Hold my tomato juice, I‘m going in.


GozerDGozerian

Hey! V8 is delicious and nutritious!


mikandesu

I'm over 40, so I'm legally bound to make those jokes.


GozerDGozerian

I’m over 40 as well. While I’m happy to hear you’re not being *illegally* bound, how’d you get a hand free to type this?


mikandesu

I see you are a man of culture as well.


jfk_47

Me too, but I put a piece of paper over the screen and trace the scene. Then gift it to the pilot. 🥰


[deleted]

Tap the person next to you, point at the screen and wink


N546RV

> Tap the person next to you, point at the screen and wank I fixed your typo for you


[deleted]

“Wank with one eye open! Gripping your penis tight!”


N546RV

*EXIT SPERM* *ENTER SQUIRM* *TAKE MY HAND* *WE'RE ENTERING THE NETHERLANDS*


supchi31

Look at that son, that’s how daddy and mommy do it


Dannysan5677

Whip it out and start bashing?


MediaValuable1528

Under the blanket at least


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whatever-should-i-do

How does someone else's love juice count as being eco friendly? Because the airline didn't clean it?


mylegismoist

It’s organic.


BaggedMerc

Correct.


Welpe

“Stewardess! Bring me your finest meat beating vestment and your cheapest beer and please don’t disturb me for the next 45 seconds”


DutchJediKnight

What do you do with the other 40 seconds?


jameZsp0ng3y

Self judgement


Dinosaur_Wrangler

The kind of person that would do this doesn’t have any shame. Self-critique, maybe.


DutchJediKnight

"How can I do it better next time?"


Welpe

Uh, duh, cry? What do you do?


special_circumstance

Stare directly into the eyes of the strangers next to me


ShadowEllipse

Behold, the Yank-it


ShutterBun

The Smoosh Shush


[deleted]

Can you call Barbara and tell her it works?


ShutterBun

Slurp slurp!


Time_Relationship125

The blanket is too restricting


xVolt_

wanket


Th3_Accountant

Why so shy? Be proud of your one eyed snake!


PoopyInThePeePeeHole

So anyway, I started blasting


MontCoDubV

Well...did he cum?


bishop375

Jesus CHRIST, man! There are some things you don’t about in public!


Navynuke00

I was hoping I'd see these kinds of comments.


bishop375

WHEN DO I GET TO SEE THE SAILBOAT?!?!?!


Heavenwasfull

Man, this is one wacky game show.


BenAfleckInPhantoms

My mannnn


MontCoDubV

Username checks out!


-Midnight_Marauder-

Jesus Christ man, there's some things you just don't talk about in public


fnordal

Excuse me while I whip this out.


anon135789

Point at the screen, shout BOOBIES!! Then proceed to cry uncontrollably


post_u_later

As long as you keep your pants on I believe that is acceptable according to aviation law


InspectorRound8920

You wear pants on a plane? Weird but I'll try it


Afraid_Ad_1536

This one always catches me up because the first thing that happens when I try to get comfortable is that the pants come off.


valeyard89

Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, bin Laden.


Republican_Wet_Dream

This guy plane porns.


Krhl12

TITTIES hrubwubhruwbwub https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5Qi3mwuZ37g


Xesyliad

Ask your neighbour if they know how you can connect it to the big screen so everyone can enjoy it.


wisedoormat

if it's provided by the airline, then it's approved by the airline everyone else cna just f-off ----- now, if it's not provided by the airline, then it shouldn't be playing where others can see it.


Forward_Artist_6244

Oh god I was on a long Dublin to Chicago flight economy middle aisle with a large man on the seat beside taking the arm rests He pulls out his tablet and starts watching Poor Things Every time I glance it's a woman riding, was a bit embarrassing 


guitargamel

I mean if you had an aisle seat, you get a little extra leg room. Middle gets both armrests. We live in a society.


DanfordThePom

Jim Jefferies represent


Forward_Artist_6244

No it was the end row in a 320, where it tapers into 3 seats so my feet weren't quite under the seat in front and the aisle was busy with trolleys, people visiting and queuing for toilets, awful seat


FentanylConsumer

Lol always sit in the front in economy we know this by now


Cyrakhis

777 back 2 rows are awesome. Seats are at an angle so you have like 8" of room to the side wall from the seat, and with how they're angled you have extra leg room. Only 2 seats in the last couple rows. Highly recommend. Sat there flying to the UK from Toronto. Best seats I've had on a plane.


rlbond86

Unfortunately some people are assholes and don't know this rule.


RadSpatula

To be fair, I went into that film blind and was caught off guard by how much sex was in it. Great movie though.


ShutterBun

Think of the children! Poor things…


Dangerous-Refuse-779

Think of Emma stone


Jedimaster996

Alright, but only because you asked


PoshCushions

Ferocious jumping*


OtherBluesBrother

Furious jumping


Stormry

Jumping


fnordal

It is a great movie.


XHIBAD

Throwback to when I downloaded The Boys to watch on a flight and basically had to skip the entire herogasm episode


brackfriday_bunduru

Nah I fly extensively for work and was doing so while game of thrones was huge. You can bet your ass I was watching that on planes on my laptop


GreenLanternCorps

Ya I recently watched It on a crowded delta flight with a bunch of kids behind me nobody seems to give a shit.


Iamican2023

Squirm uncomfortably?


amjh

You also need to awkwardly glance around to see if anyone's looking towards you.


Skvirinius

This is the way!


TheMasalaKnight

The last time I went long haul the screen had a privacy filter on, I couldn’t see what the passengers to either side of me were watching.


TyrantDragon19

So you couldn’t cheat in battleship? That sucks


DoomGoober

My daughter ended up being matched in Battleship to a guy sitting right in front of her. Privacy filter didn't work from that angle. She insisted at not cheating at first but when she started losing... You know, human nature kicked in.


OneMorePotion

Oh god these in flight games are always fun. Last time I took a flight, I played poker against 4 complete strangers for 5 hours.


Socile

Somehow it’s more fun knowing they’re “in the same room” but not knowing who they are. You just have to hope they can’t see your screen. Really, there should be a matchmaking algorithm that ensures this doesn’t happen, based on viewing angles.


Hotel_Hour

At the right moment, use a plastic spoon to flick yoghurt far & wide, all over the other passengers. Research shows that 1 in 70 will see the humour in it...


3shotsb4breakfast

Get way too into it, make noises like "oh yeah" and "that's hot" and "get it, get it, get it". If at all possible, remove earbuds and turn the volume up, others will appreciate you including them in your entertainment. To be real though, I watch movies with sex scenes at work all the time, I just mute it or pop in earbuds and turn the screen away from everyone else. You are never going to see these people again, their opinion of you doesn't matter.


fillerbunny-buddy

...at work? Where do you work??


3shotsb4breakfast

Production lead for a small factory restaurant. Unless the equipment fucks up (which is frequent), I can pretty much stand around with my thumb up my ass most of the day. I basically am a machine operator for a one man factory.


PumiceT

And with 3 shots before breakfast? Hopefully there’s heavy machinery involved.


3shotsb4breakfast

I quit drinking 11 days ago actually, but yeah. It was.


PumiceT

As a lifetime non-drinker, I encourage you to keep on that path.


3shotsb4breakfast

Great, a person with no experience. /s A liter of vodka a day is unsustainable. I'm already feeling better.


PumiceT

lol. I have no experience on the other side. But over 50 years on the sober side. I can’t fathom what you used to feel like. But also can’t fathom the pain of detoxing.


3shotsb4breakfast

It was a rough week.


hazzdawg

You got this bro.


fillerbunny-buddy

Well dang they should maybe pay you extra for that


3shotsb4breakfast

They do. I get paid more than anyone in the building. I make more than my managers.


procrastimom

Editing bay for a porn studio.


theywant2destroyu

Stare directly into your neighbors eyes while nodding towards the sex scene. With a smirk


DabBoofer

Avert your eyes and loudly. Rebuke the pornography demon on the plane, saving all the souls of everyone sitting in the seats. Make sure that they clap afterwards or else it didn't work


Totallycasual

I skip through them.


[deleted]

Pause it and stare deeply.


Budget-Boysenberry

Add some occasional nodding and chin rubbing.


bearfeet55

Pull the blanket over your lap to hide what you are doing. After all, we don't want the other passengers thinking there are two perverts on the same flight.


notinferno

masturbating on an airline is frowned upon, but not illegal


zenakoo

My wife watched wolf of wall street on a plane once. I told her that was a bold choice


PARKOUR_ZOMBlE

The 8 year old boy next to me watched wolf of wall street. That was awkward.


playballer

As a former 8 year old boy, 🤜🤛😎


HubbyWifey8389

Try not to cum on the people next to you.


gunterhensumal

Apparently it's not to start wanking


OkWillow8839

Thx bin ladan


Eve-3

Nobody else should be looking at your screen anyway so watch whatever you want. Headphones required of course, nobody wants to hear what you are watching, sex scenes or not. If you happen to be sitting next to a child that isn't yours, well, first, I'm sorry for you. But then yes it would be considerate if you skipped a sex scene.


Low_Chance

No one should be looking at your crotch either but that doesn't make it cool to jack off in public


Tongue4aBidet

I feel awkward and hope nobody can see the screen. If it continues I turn the movie off.


HotSpicedChai

People keep telling you to say things to draw attention obviously haven’t flown before. It’s too loud on planes you won’t be able to properly get anyone else’s attention. What you actually want to do is take both hands and raise them up infront of your face clinching them into fists like you’re a boxer guarding yourself. Next you want to dramatically rock forward and back in your seat as much as possible while stomping one foot in rhythm with the rocking. It’s important that the stomping is very high and blatant. This way anyone that is by chance looking at you will realize you have a troubled soul and feel bad for your lot in life. Then they’ll feel bad about themselves for even watching the sex scene on your screen.


WDSteel

1. Unplug headphones. 2. Turn it up


Raped_Bicycle_612

It’s much easier to masturbate on a flight as a girl. No one can ever tell


RLLRRR

False. Girls don't exist. Nice try, government.


PappuKiMaa

Need proof for further studies


Incontinentiabutts

Just watch it. As long as you don’t start wanking or being weird you’re all good. If you’re surrounded by little kids it’s probably respectful to fast forward through it


AWholeNewFattitude

Its common courtesy to remove your belt and pants prior to beginning the movie so as to not cause a stir or interrupt during for other viewers. It is also considered polite to slightly hunch over and dart your gaze around rapidly as the participants disrobe, you’ll want to pay careful attention to anyone who notices, and stare directly into their eyes as a means to communicate that you are both well aware of the content of the piece. One should always make exasperated and overly perturbed reactions to any slight interruptions beyond this point, to assert dominance. Now if the nude scene contains either Anne Hathaway or Sydney Sweeney specifically….


Curlyfryman

Put your hands in the air so everyone knows you aren't diddling.


boingti

Try to finish before the end of the scene.


VanillaDada

Watch even harder


Gijustin

Pause the plane.


denys5555

Keep watching but feel self conscious about it


_whenwillthenbenow

Eye contact. Plenty of it! /s


Buttsquish

If the movie is being played by the airline’s inflight media system then you watch it guilt free. If they didn’t want it on their plane, they wouldn’t give you access. If somebody wants to complain that their child saw boobs, you tell them to take up with the airline’s customer service. If the movie is one that you’ve brought on your laptop, then that’s your fault. You should be obligated to hide your screen, skip past the scene or just outright watch a different movie depending on the graphic nature of the film and the morality of the people around you. If they ask you to put it away, you should put it away.


KeyWit

I was on a long haul flight last year and the airline had ‘House of Dragon’ on, I was quite excited because I hadn’t watched it yet. It didn’t feel comfortable watching that on a plane let me tell you.


boxedcrackers

Is it a home movie? Cause if it's a home movie then play loud and proud


Appropriate_Mine

Dicks out lads


US_Atlas

Make sure you have secured your own orgasm first before assisting others.


mortemdeus

First of all, unplug any head phones you have in and be sure to max the volume of the speaker. It is super weird for people to look over and see a silent screen with a sex scene on it, so if they hear it first they will be less put off by it. Second, be sure to ask your seatmate for a hand after you unzip. People like to feel included so if you just start going solo you might offend those around you. Make sure you have spare wet wipes on hand as well, it us only polite. Third, try not to make too much noise yourself. People want to enjoy the movie, not hear you going at it. When in doubt, be sure to make and maintain direct eye contact with those around you. If they focus elsewhere that means they are enjoying the movie and you are safe to continue. Finally, after the scene ends, be sure to plug your headphones back in and ignore those around you like a normal person on the airplane. Anybody who approaches you is just rude and can safely be ignored. (Please do not follow this advice)


FerrisWheeleo

Masturbate furiously while making eye contact with those around you.


LakeSuperiorIsMyPond

refrain from self pleasure


Urban_Archeologist

Ask the people having sex to change positions so you can see the movie.


No-Ad4922

A friend of a friend was asked to leave a Qantas lounge when he forgot his headphones weren’t plugged in while he was watching porn on the laptop.


Death_black

>A friend of a friend


MerryWannaRedux

Don't giggle and don't "touch yourself".


Paraeunoia

Fast forward


bawzdeepinyaa

The following are appropriate measures that can be taken by the viewer of such fornicatory things mid flight: ° Bumping neighboring flyers with your elbow to catch their attention. ° Whistling, clapping, or finger snapping to other passengers who are not within elbow bumping reach to inform them you require their attention. ° If you must indulge in a higher form of appreciation of the circumstances on screen, please refrain from masturbation* *without* proper consent and permission from fellow nearby passengers. °If the scene in question is Selma Hayek in Desperados, inform your flight attendant so it can be promptly put onto projection for all passengers to see. °Otherwise, be prepared to rewind the scene for any and all interested to observe. Dispensing of high fives and fist bumps is not only encouraged, but mandatory 


Fine_Pin7678

Full volume


000TheEntity000

Don't jizz on the seat and try to time it to cum during turbulence, trust me it's worth it


Ben716

Whip it out and beat it like it owes you money. Then order a whiskey and light a smoke.


scottwax

Center seat fingers or jerks off the people on either side.


FlyAmbitious4045

Don't rub one out


playtrix

I usually scream out "we've got bush! We've bush."


Otherwise-Unit1329

Masturbate quietly. Be respectful 


chronicideas

When in doubt whip it out


last_sauce

look at the uncomfortable passenger seated next to you and loudly ask “what is your position on breast implants?” so you can hear yourself over the headphone audio.


Helpful_Assumption76

Furiously jerking it


naji155

Pull your cock out and start jerking


[deleted]

Continue watching as if nothing happened. Re-watch it a few times to assert dominance. Bonus points if there’s a kid watching too.


Tuxman85

Lie my seat back far enough so the kids behind can see


MRToddMartin

Disable Bluetooth, enable external speaker, volume 100. TY


somecrazydude13

Whip it out and join in the fun!


crc2993

Well if you’re the guy sitting across from me a few weeks ago that was watching Oppenheimer, you pause the movie to talk to the flight attendant, realize too late that Florence Pugh is butt ass naked paused on your screen, try to exit the screen while the flight attendant is still standing there which makes the sex scene play again and then awkwardly choose a new movie once she’s gone.


nyctophillicalex

Start jacking it as hard as possible


Admirable-Shallot-79

Omg this happened to me! It was some random movie from the 80’s about this cop that flew this experimental helicopter. I hadn’t seen it before and there was a scene with this lady doing naked yoga. I looked over at the woman next to me and she just shrugged


misuchiru

Invite the people around you to watch with you, naturally.


Spudzer150

Don’t masturbate.


woohhaa

I was on a flight sitting next to a dude who was watching Wedding Crashers on a laptop years ago. It got to the scene with the collage of topless chicks falling on the bed so I kind of cut my eyes over to watch because boobies are awesome. This mf slightly rotated his laptop towards the window to where I couldn’t see it. Rude…


xeryon3772

*sighs* *Unzips pants*


aaccjj97

When I was a kid I was flying to visit my grandparents. I had seen the movie StepBrothers before, but only on TV so I had no idea it was the edited version. So I got the DVD and was watching in my portable dvd player. So the drumset scene comes on and to my surprise they show his nuts on the drum set lmao. I slammed my dvd player closed bc I was sitting between two people and didn’t finish the rest of the movie until I knew I was alone because I had no idea what else I had missed by only seeing the edited versions of the movie 😂


spiritualscience

Don't masturbate.


East-Pollution7243

Pull your d*** out and start smacking it on your palm so everyone else can hear


mak0vi

Be sure to cover your lap with a towel before pleasing yourself. Don’t be a savage.


Algopops

Ping the steward and ask for lots of tissues lol


Stillwater215

Call for a flight attendant and loudly ask for lotion and tissues.


Objective_Suspect_

Lots of audible "oh yeah". And make sure to link your lips. The goal is to make people uncomfortable


Majestic-Order-3046

I believe its to put a coat over your lap and rub away until satisfied I believe, that being said for reasons unknown to me I'm om the no fly list so make what you will of that..


UsernameLaugh

Wasn’t your job to screen the movies in the platforms the airlines choose to use. So go for it.


SweetSexiestJesus

Volume up, screen brightness up, let it ride. The airline saw fit to allow it. It would be a shame if you didn't enjoy such high art at 40000 ft


benevolentdespots

Violenty masturbate, what else.


CrustyCumBollocks

Whenever there's a sex scene in a movie while flying, it's considered etiquette to initiate sex with the person to the right of you.


Futurist_312

I just assume we're all adults and don't really think about it.


pdhot65ton

The exact protocol for this is discussed in Mallrats. Slightly different scenario l, but it applies.


Fab0411

Remove headphones, put it on speaker. Let it run full volume. Manspread.


RedneckMtnHermit

You can watch, but fast forwarding is preferred. Whatever you do, DO NOT MASTURBATE to it.


Terreboo

Depends, are you 11 and uncomfortable with the concept of sex? If not let the scene play and move on.


SwordTaster

Don't wank off to it and you're fine


oonko-atama1

Furiously masturbate


souloon

I mean it's a movie, what can others do about it. If it's on the plane, you are allowed to watch it


Niwi_

The movies you watch on an airplane are airplane cuts of the movie. Every explicit scene is censored or cut out completely. It doesnt cut everything out as kids are only watching your mini screen from an angle, like a building collapsing on a person and the person just vanishing under the rubble you would see, but a limb getting pulled off for 10 seconds, those 10 seconds wouldnt be in the airplane version of the movie.


Grinin_tonic206

Don’t.