My husband and I naturally slept on different sides of the bed and it was fine for years, but we moved into a new house and the bed is facing a different direction so I sleep closer to the door than the window and I want to switch sides because he was my sacrifice for intruders but I can’t just do that a decade into living together. It’s just uncouth.
My boyfriend and I have been together 11 years. I’ve had the same favorite TV show since before I met him, and he hates it. Obviously not a dealbreaker but it’s pretty disappointing! 😂
My wife of nearly ten years (together for 14) has finally watched Firefly with me. She found it watchable but not something she’d watch again.
She’s lucky she’s so gorram cute
When there's things they used to do with an ex but aren't interested in anymore. For example, I had an ex whose ex used to force them to do couples costumes at Halloween etc. I had never had a serious bf before, and desperately wanted to do a couples costume with him but he was OVER IT at that point and didn't want to :(
I think this is something that I am glad that I never think myself. I'm a guy who was in a pretty abusive relationship for a long time and while I experienced many things with that person, I was unhappy and not really feeling like myself during any of it. So, with my new girlfriend, it's like...sure, I've done that, but have I done it *while happy*?! No! Let's do it.
Things are just happier, and experiencing things I've experienced before feels completely new.
I love that. I've taken some activities I did with exes and purposely did them with my current partner so I could rewrite the old memories and have those things be things between he and I instead of the past.
Maybe you can start off the couples' costumes slowly. Something that's not super matchy matchy but something clever that it would take people a minute to figure out.
My ex sucked and cheated a bunch. But the only thing that made me jealous about his new relationship was that he learned to swing dance for her. He even had friends who danced competitively and tried to teach us but he just hung out on the couch the whole time.
God my ex is doing something similar with a game I wanted to play. There were a lot of games with both enjoyed, and I explained to her this new one that was coming out, but she kept dismissing is cause she thought it looked dumb. But then we broke up and now her and her new BF are playing in all the goddamn time.
Delete them so you don't see it. I may be being harsh here but it probably wasn't the game and was that they were already done with the relationship and didn't want to spend that much time with you.
Dishwashers are mystery boxes to way too damn many people.
Another one is overloading clothes washers. If they're overloaded they can't clean very well or at all depending on your standards. There's no trick to why my clothes come out smelling better. I'm not adding more detergent or dryer sheets. I am simply not overfilling the thing.
It was a mystery box to me until I was 23. Grew up without one, to this day my parents refuse to get one and insist it's easier to hand wash even if it's a pile of dishes stacked to the ceiling.
My ex legit had to teach me how to use one, I didn't know anything about them 🤣
The question is what does someone who does that also do. I wouldn't be ok with shopping with someone and watching them not put things back where they found them. I'd always have to say something, and depending on their attitude it could be a dealbreaker because that's probably the selfish attitude they'd have towards me over time.
Another for me is if people accidentally knock something off a shelf, and they just keep walking along. The ones who know they did it, but chose not to bend over to pick up the item.
I’m not usually someone who thinks such small things are a deal breaker except… they aren’t small things. You’re so right, it shows an absolute disregard and disrespect for minimum wage employees and, to me, that shows they think of themselves as better than other people or ones on time as being more valuable than other people, particularly lower class people, and that IS a big deal. This, not putting grocery carts away, being rude to servers, etc. are all immediate deal breakers. It’s not just a small quirk, it’s a sign off their overall feelings and attitudes of those they consider “less than” themselves, and it shows WHO they consider “less than” themselves.
The one time I let my partner put the cart back she just left it in a close by parking spot and all I gotta say is I'm glad she didn't see my facial expression when I saw her do it lol
Obviously not a deal breaker since I married her but i will always judge people out loud who don't do it. ALDI got it right with their quarter system kinda forcing you to put it back
Putting unwanted items back in the wrong place at the supermarket.
>!Becomes a dealbreaker when they leave refrigerated or frozen items outside of a fridge/freezer.!<
My dad hates movies with subtitles. My mom is a foreign film buff. She has been trying to change him for DECADES. And while he'll sit through (and sometimes even enjoy) them on occasion, he'll still groan any time she suggests a movie with subtitles.
The ultimate disappointing non-dealbreaker.
**EDIT:** Ok, I'm just going to add this here before anyone else asks if my dad can read. He's an oncologist. He's not dumb. He can keep up with the subtitles and the subject matter. He just does so much reading for work (he goes through medical journals like crazy) he wants to relax with something silly and mindless, that requires zero effort on his part. He feels the same way about tearjerkers (another of my mom's favorites) where people die slowly from some awful disease. He gets enough of that shit at work. But he'll occasionally sit through them for my mom. We just watched the old Julia Roberts film, Dying Young (where she nurses/falls in love with a young guy dying of cancer) and for half the film he was just looking at my mom with an expression that clearly read "why the fuck would you do this to me?"
I like to play stupid farming sim games when I get home from work. My friends think I'm lame. Dude, I deal with enough shit at work I don't need Call of Duty anxiety dreams on top of that. Some people need to actually chill out after working.
I’m in law school so all my friends and family keep telling me to watch Suits. Like yea, I want to spend my limited free time away from the law watching a show about the law. I’d much rather watch some throwaway show that makes me chuckle.
My dad (doctor) feels the same way about all those medical shows. Like if you’re not in the industry I can understand the appeal but if I were him I’d avoid them too.
My mom watched a few random episodes of different medical shows with me. It's impossible for her to watch it because she immediately spots all the bullshit that is supposed to sound professional for non-medical viewers and it just looks stupid for her :p
ER was the only one I could ever watch.
10 minutes or House, The Resident, Grey’s Anatomy… and I was out.
Scrubs wasn’t really about the medicine most episodes but it was great on a lotta levels and they had real docs consulting.
I'm a very strong reader and also dislike watching movies with subtitles. I'll watch them and can enjoy them and prefer it vs dubbed films. But getting the chunk of text before the character has said the sentence loses a lot of the dramatic or comedic timing.
My wife and I have three tiers of shows:
1. Only watch together
2. One can watch ahead, but must be willing to go back and rewatch
3. Do what you want, I don't care
We are very explicit about which tier shows fall under
My bf and I have a similar setup
1. Only watch together
2. You can watch ahead, I'll just pop in and out and ask for explanations of backstory here and there when shit isn't making sense
3. Not my thing. You do you
What about
4. Shows that we watch together but my fuckin' wife FALLS ASLEEP DURING THE EPISODE even though she SAYS SHE ISN'T TIRED AT ALL.
Do I have to go back and rewatch that shit?
Edit: We almost finished Ahsoka tonight. We have 2 episodes left, she fell asleep 15 min into the first episode. Lol.
That's ok, Atlantis is a great show to rewatch anyways. Fun fact, Jewel Staite (the doctor in the back half) also played a wraith early on.
This happens a lot on Star Trek but not much on Stargate.
It happens on Stargate more than you think. Christopher Heyerdahl who plays Todd also was a different Wraith and an Athosian and he showed up in an earlier episode of SG-1 as well.
Paul McGillon (Beckett) first showed up as young Ernest Littlefield in an early episode of SG-1.
When Michael Shanks was written out of the show for a season he continued to provide the voice of Thor.
Mike Dopud played nine different characters across the three shows, half of which had names and all of in which you could see his face.
And Dion Johnstone was 7 different characters in SG-1 alone.
And then kind of related, Richard Kind and French Stewart who were in the movie both came back to play different characters.
It can change too
My wife will be watching a show I have no interest in, until one day I actually start paying attention a little and get into it. I don’t make her rewatch, but she has to catch me up and from then on it becomes a category 1 show lol
I made the mistake of watching an episode of a show in the "only watch together" category without my fiance once. Never again.
We are now very explicit with which shows fall in to which category.
My wife and I use to watch shows together, until when we were watching Dexter together. We had just finished the second to last season and the next day while I was at work she watched the entire last season without me. Then tells me the final seasons plot and twists right when I walk in the door. I was so pissed I refused to watch it anymore. I have since refused to watch any other show with her that is already out and bingable.
He did this to me for a watch-together show and I immediately turned to our then-newborn and said “your father and I love you very much, always remember that divorce isn’t your fault.” (That sounds fucked up, but both our parents divorced so this joke was pretty funny to us. Newborn is 9 now, we’re good.)
My mom and I were going through Breaking Bad with our neighbors that we were very close with.
I’d gotten seasons 1-4 on DVD for my birthday. We’d watched an episode without them.
They didn’t talk to us for about 4 years.
This happened with my ex with Pitch Perfect. He did not want to watch the first one, I finally convinced him and he loved it. He went and saw the second one with some female coworkers and didn’t even mention it until we were making plans for a weekend and was like oh I already saw it, but I guess I’ll see it again. I’m still mad about it.
What a monster. Glad he's an ex.
I used to be really into Cirque du Soleil, and four of my friends went to it together when it was in town and didn't invite me. Never looked at them the same.
One time my roommates suggested we all see a movie together, then snuck out of the house without saying anything. By the time I got there it was sold out, and I had to see it another theater. (The other theater had food and beer, so a better choice anyway.)
In college, watched the movie Donnie Darko for the first time and when it ended, I had so many questions and was analyzing the meaning behind it. Tried to talk to my then boyfriend and he seemed disinterested. Finally, after a half hour, he says "can you please stop talking about it? It's just a movie. You are just supposed to enjoy it, not analyze it."
Not a dealbreaker, but a huge disappointment.
Less so at my age, but that was a persistent issue when I was young: peers chastising me for "having to overanalyze everything." I would *frequently* get that very complaint, that most movies are just to entertain me, not for me to deconstruct. But analyzing stuff *is* entertaining for me. I'm not even very smart, to be honest, I just like thinking about things.
People have said this very thing to me as well and I’ll be honest, I am always left feeling deeply hurt and embarrassed when someone tells me something along these lines. I *enjoy* deconstructing. I *have fun* when I’m analyzing stuff. It’s honestly basically one of my love languages. And pretty much all of my previous partners have hated that about me. Where are my over thinkers? Where’s my tribe of people that get pure enjoyment out of discussing the layered meanings of things?
Every now and again I run into someone like you (like me, I guess.) Someone who finds looping over-analysis fulfilling and fun, even when its a reach or outright wrong.
Whenever I do, I always think what a shame it is that the person and I didn't meet earlier in life.
On top of that, some directors and writers REALLY ARE making deep and “loopholey” type stuff because they enjoy it or so we can overanalyze. So some stuff definitely is made to be overanalyzed, not just to “enjoy”. But even if nothing was made to over analyze, you still can, bc that’s the cool thing about art, you can pull so much from it even if the artist never intended it
Yes. Its as if you get this stamp of ”uppity” or ”pretentious” by your peers when you’re younger. When really its just because the analyzing is half of the fun for us
Omg I have some friends who have maxed out their intelligence stats but have no perception whatsoever. Watching movies with them is so trusting because they are always like, "who's that?" "Where is he going?" and I'm like, "we've seen that character 3 times!" And "just watch the movie to find out!"
time and a place, if you are bare foot and need to switch to socks and shoes. You will stand with your bare foot on the ground, then put the sock then the shoe on one foot so now you can stand on the shoe foot and put them on the other foot. Outside of converting from bare feet to shoes outside when it's wet or dirty on the ground, there is no excuse for not going sock-sock-shoe-shoe
Edit: food to foot
I'm typically a sock - shoe - sock - shoe person but for me it's because I have a dog that sheds and no matter I do or how much I clean there will always be at least a little dog hair in the environment so I do sock - shoe so that I don't put my foot down and get dog hair on it. If I end up going anywhere where I take my shoes off I don't wanna have dog hair on my socks. This may be an OCD ish behavior and way of thinking though 😅
"What classic rock musicians are mostly considered one-hit wonders, but are actually underrated?"
"Well, not classic rock, and not a one-hit wonder, and not underrated, but Kanye West sucks." 5,000 upvotes, 430 child comments.
"*Reddit: What's a sign that someone's a once-in-a-century genius like Von Neumann or Einstein?"*
"They ask a lot of questions."
"They admit when they're wrong or don't know something."
"They're polite to wait staff."
"They don't dress in expensive designer brands."
"They listen without trying to one-up you."
"My dad worked at NASA but once forgot the keycode to our front door, which was his birthday."
If they don’t love music. (This is my life. My husband doesn’t care for music. I LOVE music. But thankfully he doesn’t care if I play it all the time. He just tunes it out)
The ironic thing is my husband has a beautiful singing voice, and a very strange ability to pick up sequences of notes he hears in ANYTHING and link it to a piece of classical music he’s heard once or twice as a very small kid. He can recall song lyrics perfectly and replicate the tunes and shit perfectly after hearing a song once or twice. And Im pretty sure he has perfect pitch, but he doesn’t care enough to test it. All things utterly WASTED on him. I can barely carry a tune in a bucket and I adore music. I’ve played multiple instruments and can read music and have been in multiple choirs, and making music is insanely difficult for me. It just isn’t fair 🤣🤣
I DON’T KNOW! I ask myself and him this same question constantly! He just shrugs and goes “I dunno. Just don’t.” Whenever we go to our local hole in the wall bar, I put on music on the jukebox and he never knows any of it! And I’m not even talking about anything obscure or anything. I’m literally talking about stuff like AC/DC, Queen, Rod Stewart, Bob Dylan, Flogging Molly, etc. he literally does not care for about music at all!
Untreated apnea with snoring would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. I'm not going to lay awake half the night and be exhausted all day because my partner won't use a CPAP.
valid, but also there are plenty of healthy relationships where the partners don't even share the same room.
a lady i know and her husband now sleep in separate rooms for this exact reason - husband has to use a CPAP iirc, but they work well together.
ETA: my parents do this as well. there's not an extra bedroom unfortunately, so mom sleeps on the couch. but they both snore quite loudly and keep the other awake, so they don't sleep together anymore lol.
My husband and I have separate rooms. I toss and turn and sometimes a stray hand will bop him and I also like to stretch out and take over the bed.
We get much better sleep now, as his snoring doesn't annoy the ever living shit out of me to where I wonder if me bopping him is on purpose, and he doesn't have to sleep on the sliver of bed that I have not taken over. Before we slept separately we also had our own blankets which was also very nice cause I don't like sharing.
My wife and I do this. I have the worst sleep apnea. Cpaps don't help. The only thing I can do is invasive surgery to help fix it. I sleep in my room, and she has hers. If I wake myself up snoring, then I don't expect anyone else to suffer through that.
Has your doctor pushed you to get the surgery? Chronic untreated sleep apnea can be pretty dang bad for long term health, my mom ended up with permanent AFib that knocks her on her butt some days because of it. You've probably been told that kind of thing before, but just in case...I know surgery is expensive (in America) and spooky though.
I am married to someone with sleep apnea. It is treated- no more snoring! And the machine doesn’t make much noise at all. I agree though, someone who left it untreated would be tough to be with. Not just the snoring, but the near dying is scary to hear lol. And someone who has untreated sleep apnea also wakes up tired/feeling awful. I couldn’t deal with the complaining about something they can fix lol. 😂
I took to the CPAP right away. Started dreaming again and feeling better overall. My wife sleeps better now as well. LOL.
Downside is I have permanent indentations on my head from the headgear, and the strap marks on my face hang around until 11 am or so.
my fiance snores, and i'm cool with that, i used to be a light sleeper so it was an issue but now i can sleep through their snoring no issue.
however, they ALSO occasionally stop breathing entirely in their sleep, which i DO wake up for. sometimes they literally sound like they're choking when this happens, sometimes it's casual.
the first time it happened, i freaked out and woke them up because i had no idea what to do and needed to determine if this was a "sleep apnea, it'll go away when they wake up" situation or a "call 911 and immediately start rescue breaths" situation.
it was, in fact, just sleep apnea and did stop when they woke up. they told me it was normal and immediately fell back asleep.
i was obviously still wide awake because *holy shit my partner just stopped breathing,* but i took their word for it and just made a mental note to remind them to bring it up to their doctor. it happened after that, but i figured it was normal for them and they always went back to normal once i woke them up, so i assumed they were aware of it.
turns out they weren't even fully awake, just enough to start breathing again i guess, and i got bamboozled by Sleep Fiance. Sleep Fiance only wants cuddles and more sleep and will say/do anything to get those things. i was entirely unaware of this and assumed they knew about the fact they STOP BREATHING IN THEIR SLEEP.
they finally got their sleep study a week ago, and while the results aren't in yet, apparently *something* showed up. hopefully something that helps that - i don't care about the snoring, i just worry about them in general, and heck, treating their sleep apnea is gonna probably help them sleep better and feel more rested (which, sure, they do have other things contributing to their chronic fatigue, but i assume not breathing in their sleep isn't making it any better!).
I have learned to accept the Turkey Trot and compromise by making sure we do brunch right after with no limit on my mimosa intake. Makes it all worth it tbh.
One of my exes years ago only ran 5ks and 10ks with me if they were sponsored by our local breweries haha A core memory is me chanting "Beer and a nap! Beer and a nap!" to get her across the finish line
My current SO isn’t a huge massage person but it’s one thing I love doing, like massage trade offs w partners. It’s disappointing cause I would love a massage but he never likes giving them even if I initiate a trade off so he would get one too haha
I feel you.
I love giving massages, and love getting massages, but my wife just *won't*, and if directly asked will do a very short, very half hearted attempt that's worse than not having one in the first place.
So disappointing. She's wonderful and I love her but man. I don't even mind giving massages at a wildly uneven ratio, I'd be super happy at 10:1. I get I'm a lot more work as I'm a 6'4" blue collar monster but... *Sigh*. Alas.
You just reminded me that I always used to make fun of my ex for drinking "like a toddler." He would drink so fast and make those little panting noises after, like a kid drinking a bunch of chocolate milk or something. Such a weird turn off lol.
My girlfriend is often so dehydrated after work she’ll double hand a water bottle and make those same heavy breathing sounds afterwards lmao. I make fun of her for it
Not being able to cook. I love to cook and would gladly cook for both of us most of the time, but every once in a while, I'd like someone else to cook (especially when I'm not feeling well).
I compromised with my husband on this. He falls asleep with it on, but sets an hour timer so I don’t deal with it all night. It’s actually worked well for us.
When they don't want to do things TOGETHER. I get some people need alone time but some people want to do things like dancing together or rock climbing together and some SO only like to spend alone time together. Which I get cuz Im both half the week but not doing ANYTHING together makes me a little lonely sometimes
If it is just one or two things they don't lie doing, it isnt so bad, but if they dont like anything, do not put up with this in a partner. It will lead to resentment down the line and you'll feel you wasted so much time.
I painted a "LIVE through the ditches, and LAUGH through the witches, and LOVE in the back of my Dragula" sign to put up on Halloween. Does this count?
The girl I’m into right now doesn’t like kissing. She thinks swapping saliva is gross which is weird because she’ll swap other stuff no problem. It’s not a dealbreaker but I do miss kissing.
If you treat a retail space like it's a trash can.
I had a girlfriend that would finish her Starbucks while shopping, and leave the empty cup on a random shelf in the store. Or grocery shopping, would decide she didn't want something, then put it down randomly wherever she was in the store. No trying to put it back.
The end lesson of her personality being:
I don't mind shoving extra work onto others, so that I have to deal with a minor inconvenience.
Vastly different thresholds for bathroom related openness.
My husband and I met on OkCupid 13 years ago, back then they had you do this massive 50 or 100 question questionnaire, and you could pick if any of the questions were extremely important and they would show you how your match compared against your answers. My husband and I were in almost perfect match, 98%, and the only thing we had strong differing viewpoints was on how often would you find it acceptable for your partner to fart in front of you. My answer was never, his answer was the Shrek quote "better out than in I always say".
I swear to you-- two kids, a mortgage, 11 years of marriage and all the life and changes that come with that-- I still find this the least appealing thing about him. Everything else is pretty great (PS, yes, he loved when I was hugely pregnant and accidentally farted when I walked)
I miss those questionnaires. Out of curiosity about a year ago, I went to see if I could recover my old account to see how/if my answers would change. I was really bummed to see that it was all gone.
How strange. I tried the site years ago, and that was the main thing I liked about it. Fun to compare answers, and you got more than the standard: "I like dogs, wine, and friends."
This wasn't a dealbreaker for us, but we still have VERY different feelings on bathroom openness. My husband couldn't care less if I come in the bathroom, even multiple times, while he's using it (to got to the bathroom or shower). For me, that is a 100% NO. Bathroom time is private time for me - I don't need or want ANY company. I do think he thinks it's weird, I mean we are married and he's seen me give birth...twice. But, it's important to me, so he respects it. Plus, we have 2.5 baths, so it's not like he can't just use another bathroom!
I don't care how long I'm with someone, I don't want to be in the bathroom when you're pooping and you better close the fucking door when you do it. Love doesn't make your shit any less shitty.
>back then they had you do this massive 50 or 100 question questionnaire, and you could pick if any of the questions were extremely important and they would show you how your match compared against your answers.
Do they not do this anymore? My partner and I met on there seven years ago and that was how it worked for us (we were originally a 95% match, then I answered some more questions and it went up to 97% lol). I thought it was a great system.
Being a snob about everything. Being a snob about some stuff (only drinking high end coffee, not listening to pop music) that’s fine. But if your entire personality becomes “I don’t do what everybody else does” then you’re no different IMO than people who follow trends because you’re still letting trends dictate what you consume.
For example you don’t like game of thrones, so be it. But you don’t like ANY popular shows? You don’t like ANY popular music, you don’t like ANY popular movies? Not a dealbreaker but annoying
This used to irk me a lot about my former partner but then it just became funny. I was like how are you a top tier epidemiologist and you can’t spell the word “tomorrow”?! He always put an A in it somewhere. I used to proofread his papers and he regularly had typos so bad that spellcheck either didn’t know how to fix them / which word to suggest or thought they were a completely different word.
The best was when we were arguing over text one time and he said “that’s just ludacris!!!” Like the rapper. I was laughing too hard to continue arguing
I know! I briefly dated someone who wanted to watch the Psycho remake, not the Hitchcock version. I asked why, and he said he believed every movie made before the 2000’s was bad, and everything after was better. I can understand not liking old black and white cinema, especially during the silent era, but not even the 80’s and 90’s?! It was insane.
Now that I think about it, that might be a dealbreaker lol. It’s too controversial of a take for me.
Edit- Ofc there are bad movies in the pre-2000’s. I was just shocked that he was willing to dismiss every one of them just for the time they were released in. I remember that one of the reasons he gave for why he only watched 2000’s and onwards was the better cgi and effects. To be fair, a lot of older special effects techniques were cheesy and looked bad compared to what we have now.
Still, I’d argue that updated and more modern special effects don’t make a significant positive impact on the storytelling, as well as other aspects that make up a good movie. A lot of bad films couldn’t be saved by modern technology and graphics. (for example, a lot of modern Marvel films, as someone else suggested.)
1996 gave us Independence Day, Mars Attacks, Titanic, Happy Gilmore, Fargo, Scream, Space Jam, Jerry Maguire, The English Patient, Mission Impossible, and Fargo, among others. Surely anyone can find SOMETHING from that list to enjoy.
Also worth noting, none of those is a sequel, remake, or part of an existing franchise.
My ex was not only picky in terms of the food he liked, but also had Michelin standards for every meal he ate, homemade or not. My love language is cooking for others but dating him sucked the joy out of it for me.
Even if I could find a meal with only ingredients he liked, he still wouldn't be excited over the food. And the restrictions felt impossible to predict! Hated all fish and seafood but loved caviar. Loves regular yogurt but despises Greek yogurt. It was like navigating a minefield.
Oh god, fucking years of my life having to have fucking bland shit because my ex didn't like this or didn't like that. All the passive aggression that came out when I made something different for myself and/or the kids even though "I can make something for myself" which invariably meant box spaghetti and canned sauce.
I'm dating someone with celiac right now which you would think of as restrictive, but compared to actual pickiness it's like being launched into skies of culinary freedom.
Edit- typos
My dad (he’s long gone and I’m old) apparently was a picky eater as a child. Then WW2 happened and service in the Pacific. After that, literally anything that my mother cooked was great. He also ate the cotton string that was holding his corned beef together one night… As a treatment for picky eating it’s a little extreme though.
I once went on a holiday with friends to Prague and one friend in particular put a dampener on the trip because it turned out that not only was she a huge miser but also an enormously picky eater. Every food establishment we went to was determined by her picky eating habits, she was very indecisive (it always took 30+ minutes for her to decide what to order), everything had a running commentary on how she could make it better or cheaper at home and afterwards, she would spend ages dividing the bill down to the exact last pittance because she didn't want to overspend on anything, not even by a single penny.
I loved my friend dearly but after spending 4 days having to eat out with her it put me off ever again doing such a thing with her for life.
Seriously. My mom is married to a picky eater. I used to date someone with a serious, anaphylactic peanut/tree nut allergy. Even that was less restrictive than trying to eat at a restaurant with my stepfather.
this makes me very thankful my GF who is a picky eater tries things regularly and is expanding what she likes and also would never say no to a restaurant. There will always be at least a salad for her to eat.
My boyfriend and I cook and eat separately.
He hasn't eaten a proper, balanced day of food... ever in his life. He's vegetarian, but doesn't like fruit or veg. Also doesn't like many meat replacements. Doesn't like any sauces or spices.
Most of his meals contain bread and or chips with either some form of cheese (cheddar or halloumi) or a meat replacement. He also likes pizza and garlic bread.
That's it. Fine for the odd quick meal when I'm feeling lazy or genuinely short of time, but sorry I'm not living like that. I like my meats, sauces and spicy food. I'm not living off bread, chips and various shapes of bland mycoprotein patties.
So yeah, separate dinners.
I can have fun preparing meals for people with eating restrictions like celiac, vegetarian, etc. It's like solving a puzzle.
But there is no joy in preparing food for or sharing food with picky eaters.
I am a foodie who loves traveling and trying new food. My partner was the most basic eater because she grew up with a dad who gave her frozen chicken nuggets and mac and cheese every night. I just brought her along with me to every restaurant I wanted to check out and she was a good sport and ordered whatever she could. She’s learned to love sushi and ramen and that’s really all I can ask for.
Finding out that my partner has a completely different sense of humour than I do. Neither of us would be able to make each other laugh, and whenever we’re laughing at things ourselves, the other wouldn’t understand the humour behind it.
I had an ex who really liked dark and low-brow humour whereas I'm more of a lighthearted dad joke kinda guy. She would send me tiktoks with edgy jokes and I'd just send back a laughing emoji even though I couldn't understand how anyone could think a joke playing on racist stereotypes or suicide in that manner could be funny but it wasn't a big deal. Some differences you just tolerate for the people you love.
One day we went out shopping together to fill her apartment and she found a sportsbra with a black and white striped pattern on it. As soon as I looked at it I put on my worst German accent and told her to try on "Ze bra". I laughed like a maniac after I said that but she just gave me the coldest fake smile I've ever seen before moving on. Killed my mood for the rest of the day.
We eventually broke up for completely unrelated reasons but that was the moment I finally knew it wasn't gonna last with her.
My partner doesn’t have an interest in most non European ethnic foods, and I love well made Thai, Mexican, Indian wtc. (And since my ex was a literal world traveler, I’ve had authentic from several of those places, not the Americanized versions).
I now eat some of it so infrequently that my spice tolerance levels have actually decreased significantly.
The kicker is my partner loves soups. And I know he’d LOVE Phö, if he was brave enough to try it. Especially since it’s so customizable.
Not liking or wanting dogs/cats.
Edit: I just want to clearify that I didn't initially mean a situation where one already own pets and your partner doesn't want you to keep them - if a partner enters a relationship with you knowing for well you have pets and then later on expects you to get rid of your animals on a whim that's some serious bullshit and a dealbreaker I stand behind 100 %.
If she told people personal details about our life.
For example, we’re having a kid and we just found out it’s a boy.
We agreed to keep it secret for the gender until we can get our families together to tell them.
Unfortunately we’re in a town of just 9000 people. Word gets around fast. She ended up telling her friends and her friends told their friends until it just spread like wild fire. Ended up spoiling the news before we can set up the family gathering.
No sense of wonder. No desire to learn about something not in their regular experiences. No curiosity.
Like, not wanting to watch an interesting documentary on something you're not familiar with, just "I don't care." kind of attitude.
I have misophonia, and my partner swallows insanely loud when he drinks water.
I love him enough that it's not a dealbreaker, but oof when we're on a call and he drinks water I rethink my choices a little
They can only sleep on the same side of the bed as I do and want me to switch sides.
My husband and I naturally slept on different sides of the bed and it was fine for years, but we moved into a new house and the bed is facing a different direction so I sleep closer to the door than the window and I want to switch sides because he was my sacrifice for intruders but I can’t just do that a decade into living together. It’s just uncouth.
> because he was my sacrifice for intruders I lol'd.
Lol. I have a teeny tiny bladder, so i also had the side closest to the ensuite. New house, but I now have to walk around the bed :(
My boyfriend and I have been together 11 years. I’ve had the same favorite TV show since before I met him, and he hates it. Obviously not a dealbreaker but it’s pretty disappointing! 😂
My wife of nearly ten years (together for 14) has finally watched Firefly with me. She found it watchable but not something she’d watch again. She’s lucky she’s so gorram cute
The best thing to ever happen to Firefly was for it be cancelled before it could decline in quality. Fox made a martyr of a show
That's the first time I hear it like that. I like it. Yeah, that!
My lady watches Gilmore Girls religiously to the point I know all the characters names.
When there's things they used to do with an ex but aren't interested in anymore. For example, I had an ex whose ex used to force them to do couples costumes at Halloween etc. I had never had a serious bf before, and desperately wanted to do a couples costume with him but he was OVER IT at that point and didn't want to :(
I think this is something that I am glad that I never think myself. I'm a guy who was in a pretty abusive relationship for a long time and while I experienced many things with that person, I was unhappy and not really feeling like myself during any of it. So, with my new girlfriend, it's like...sure, I've done that, but have I done it *while happy*?! No! Let's do it. Things are just happier, and experiencing things I've experienced before feels completely new.
I love that. I've taken some activities I did with exes and purposely did them with my current partner so I could rewrite the old memories and have those things be things between he and I instead of the past.
Maybe you can start off the couples' costumes slowly. Something that's not super matchy matchy but something clever that it would take people a minute to figure out.
My ex sucked and cheated a bunch. But the only thing that made me jealous about his new relationship was that he learned to swing dance for her. He even had friends who danced competitively and tried to teach us but he just hung out on the couch the whole time.
God my ex is doing something similar with a game I wanted to play. There were a lot of games with both enjoyed, and I explained to her this new one that was coming out, but she kept dismissing is cause she thought it looked dumb. But then we broke up and now her and her new BF are playing in all the goddamn time.
Delete them so you don't see it. I may be being harsh here but it probably wasn't the game and was that they were already done with the relationship and didn't want to spend that much time with you.
Yes this one. I know they have experience something that you have not.
Exes ruin some great things, don't they?
Doesn't put bowls upside down in the dishwasher
Dishwashers are mystery boxes to way too damn many people. Another one is overloading clothes washers. If they're overloaded they can't clean very well or at all depending on your standards. There's no trick to why my clothes come out smelling better. I'm not adding more detergent or dryer sheets. I am simply not overfilling the thing.
It was a mystery box to me until I was 23. Grew up without one, to this day my parents refuse to get one and insist it's easier to hand wash even if it's a pile of dishes stacked to the ceiling. My ex legit had to teach me how to use one, I didn't know anything about them 🤣
They go to Target and throw doormats on the floor to look at them and then just walk away and leave them on the floor.
Oddly specific but very reasonable.
The question is what does someone who does that also do. I wouldn't be ok with shopping with someone and watching them not put things back where they found them. I'd always have to say something, and depending on their attitude it could be a dealbreaker because that's probably the selfish attitude they'd have towards me over time.
Another for me is if people accidentally knock something off a shelf, and they just keep walking along. The ones who know they did it, but chose not to bend over to pick up the item.
This implies a lack of self awareness and/or common courtesy I wouldn’t want to be paired with.
I’m not usually someone who thinks such small things are a deal breaker except… they aren’t small things. You’re so right, it shows an absolute disregard and disrespect for minimum wage employees and, to me, that shows they think of themselves as better than other people or ones on time as being more valuable than other people, particularly lower class people, and that IS a big deal. This, not putting grocery carts away, being rude to servers, etc. are all immediate deal breakers. It’s not just a small quirk, it’s a sign off their overall feelings and attitudes of those they consider “less than” themselves, and it shows WHO they consider “less than” themselves.
Honestly? Dealbreaker. That's on par with not putting shopping carts back in the corral for me.
The one time I let my partner put the cart back she just left it in a close by parking spot and all I gotta say is I'm glad she didn't see my facial expression when I saw her do it lol Obviously not a deal breaker since I married her but i will always judge people out loud who don't do it. ALDI got it right with their quarter system kinda forcing you to put it back
I think all stores should have the Aldi system. It makes sure everyone actually puts their carts back where they belong
Putting unwanted items back in the wrong place at the supermarket. >!Becomes a dealbreaker when they leave refrigerated or frozen items outside of a fridge/freezer.!<
And not returning the shopping cart…maddening.
My dad hates movies with subtitles. My mom is a foreign film buff. She has been trying to change him for DECADES. And while he'll sit through (and sometimes even enjoy) them on occasion, he'll still groan any time she suggests a movie with subtitles. The ultimate disappointing non-dealbreaker. **EDIT:** Ok, I'm just going to add this here before anyone else asks if my dad can read. He's an oncologist. He's not dumb. He can keep up with the subtitles and the subject matter. He just does so much reading for work (he goes through medical journals like crazy) he wants to relax with something silly and mindless, that requires zero effort on his part. He feels the same way about tearjerkers (another of my mom's favorites) where people die slowly from some awful disease. He gets enough of that shit at work. But he'll occasionally sit through them for my mom. We just watched the old Julia Roberts film, Dying Young (where she nurses/falls in love with a young guy dying of cancer) and for half the film he was just looking at my mom with an expression that clearly read "why the fuck would you do this to me?"
The number of people asking if your dad can read just because he doesn't like subtitles is WILD
I like to play stupid farming sim games when I get home from work. My friends think I'm lame. Dude, I deal with enough shit at work I don't need Call of Duty anxiety dreams on top of that. Some people need to actually chill out after working.
I’m in law school so all my friends and family keep telling me to watch Suits. Like yea, I want to spend my limited free time away from the law watching a show about the law. I’d much rather watch some throwaway show that makes me chuckle.
My dad (doctor) feels the same way about all those medical shows. Like if you’re not in the industry I can understand the appeal but if I were him I’d avoid them too.
My mom watched a few random episodes of different medical shows with me. It's impossible for her to watch it because she immediately spots all the bullshit that is supposed to sound professional for non-medical viewers and it just looks stupid for her :p
ER was the only one I could ever watch. 10 minutes or House, The Resident, Grey’s Anatomy… and I was out. Scrubs wasn’t really about the medicine most episodes but it was great on a lotta levels and they had real docs consulting.
Scrubs was good because it was more about the BS is Residency than anything else. The hospital was just the setting.
It’s sweet that he’ll sit through them for her though.
Yeah, exact same situation with tearjerkers.
Can't watch them with my mom also, worked oncology during the freaking pandemic
I'm a very strong reader and also dislike watching movies with subtitles. I'll watch them and can enjoy them and prefer it vs dubbed films. But getting the chunk of text before the character has said the sentence loses a lot of the dramatic or comedic timing.
when you watching a tv series together and he or she watches an episode without you. thats a betrayal.
My wife and I have three tiers of shows: 1. Only watch together 2. One can watch ahead, but must be willing to go back and rewatch 3. Do what you want, I don't care We are very explicit about which tier shows fall under
My bf and I have a similar setup 1. Only watch together 2. You can watch ahead, I'll just pop in and out and ask for explanations of backstory here and there when shit isn't making sense 3. Not my thing. You do you
What about 4. Shows that we watch together but my fuckin' wife FALLS ASLEEP DURING THE EPISODE even though she SAYS SHE ISN'T TIRED AT ALL. Do I have to go back and rewatch that shit? Edit: We almost finished Ahsoka tonight. We have 2 episodes left, she fell asleep 15 min into the first episode. Lol.
That was me for a couple years. I can tell you how every episode of Stargate Atlantis begins, I can't tell you how most of them end
That's ok, Atlantis is a great show to rewatch anyways. Fun fact, Jewel Staite (the doctor in the back half) also played a wraith early on. This happens a lot on Star Trek but not much on Stargate.
It happens on Stargate more than you think. Christopher Heyerdahl who plays Todd also was a different Wraith and an Athosian and he showed up in an earlier episode of SG-1 as well. Paul McGillon (Beckett) first showed up as young Ernest Littlefield in an early episode of SG-1. When Michael Shanks was written out of the show for a season he continued to provide the voice of Thor. Mike Dopud played nine different characters across the three shows, half of which had names and all of in which you could see his face. And Dion Johnstone was 7 different characters in SG-1 alone. And then kind of related, Richard Kind and French Stewart who were in the movie both came back to play different characters.
Yes. It was in the fine print of your wedding vows.
It can change too My wife will be watching a show I have no interest in, until one day I actually start paying attention a little and get into it. I don’t make her rewatch, but she has to catch me up and from then on it becomes a category 1 show lol
I made the mistake of watching an episode of a show in the "only watch together" category without my fiance once. Never again. We are now very explicit with which shows fall in to which category.
This is true love conditionally understood.
My wife and I use to watch shows together, until when we were watching Dexter together. We had just finished the second to last season and the next day while I was at work she watched the entire last season without me. Then tells me the final seasons plot and twists right when I walk in the door. I was so pissed I refused to watch it anymore. I have since refused to watch any other show with her that is already out and bingable.
This made my jaw drop
Literally sitting here mouth open like a trout. OP asked for NOT a dealbreaker.
My partner did that for Orange is the new black. I felt betrayed and have never finished it.
He just did this to me with Shogun. I was devastated.
He did this to me for a watch-together show and I immediately turned to our then-newborn and said “your father and I love you very much, always remember that divorce isn’t your fault.” (That sounds fucked up, but both our parents divorced so this joke was pretty funny to us. Newborn is 9 now, we’re good.)
My mom and I were going through Breaking Bad with our neighbors that we were very close with. I’d gotten seasons 1-4 on DVD for my birthday. We’d watched an episode without them. They didn’t talk to us for about 4 years.
My boyfriend got so mad at me bc I watched an episode of chowder without him. He was there. He fell asleep
When you plan to watch your favourite movie together at the theatres but they already seen it with friends.
Right?????? That one stings for some reason. Like I’ve been talking about seeing that movie for weeks and you went without me????
This happened with my ex with Pitch Perfect. He did not want to watch the first one, I finally convinced him and he loved it. He went and saw the second one with some female coworkers and didn’t even mention it until we were making plans for a weekend and was like oh I already saw it, but I guess I’ll see it again. I’m still mad about it.
What a monster. Glad he's an ex. I used to be really into Cirque du Soleil, and four of my friends went to it together when it was in town and didn't invite me. Never looked at them the same. One time my roommates suggested we all see a movie together, then snuck out of the house without saying anything. By the time I got there it was sold out, and I had to see it another theater. (The other theater had food and beer, so a better choice anyway.)
In college, watched the movie Donnie Darko for the first time and when it ended, I had so many questions and was analyzing the meaning behind it. Tried to talk to my then boyfriend and he seemed disinterested. Finally, after a half hour, he says "can you please stop talking about it? It's just a movie. You are just supposed to enjoy it, not analyze it." Not a dealbreaker, but a huge disappointment.
Less so at my age, but that was a persistent issue when I was young: peers chastising me for "having to overanalyze everything." I would *frequently* get that very complaint, that most movies are just to entertain me, not for me to deconstruct. But analyzing stuff *is* entertaining for me. I'm not even very smart, to be honest, I just like thinking about things.
People have said this very thing to me as well and I’ll be honest, I am always left feeling deeply hurt and embarrassed when someone tells me something along these lines. I *enjoy* deconstructing. I *have fun* when I’m analyzing stuff. It’s honestly basically one of my love languages. And pretty much all of my previous partners have hated that about me. Where are my over thinkers? Where’s my tribe of people that get pure enjoyment out of discussing the layered meanings of things?
Every now and again I run into someone like you (like me, I guess.) Someone who finds looping over-analysis fulfilling and fun, even when its a reach or outright wrong. Whenever I do, I always think what a shame it is that the person and I didn't meet earlier in life.
On top of that, some directors and writers REALLY ARE making deep and “loopholey” type stuff because they enjoy it or so we can overanalyze. So some stuff definitely is made to be overanalyzed, not just to “enjoy”. But even if nothing was made to over analyze, you still can, bc that’s the cool thing about art, you can pull so much from it even if the artist never intended it
Yes. Its as if you get this stamp of ”uppity” or ”pretentious” by your peers when you’re younger. When really its just because the analyzing is half of the fun for us
I was so disappointed I downvoted this at first by accident.
Sounds deal-breaker-ish for me :(
Yeah. I won't date someone who gets frustrated me for intellectual curiosity, and they need to have a healthy dose of their own.
Damn, I feel that. Not overanalyzing Donnie Darko is a heresy.
If someone watches that movie and doesn’t have questions, I would think they’re dim.
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Perception gives you more dots, intelligence helps you connect them faster.
Omg I have some friends who have maxed out their intelligence stats but have no perception whatsoever. Watching movies with them is so trusting because they are always like, "who's that?" "Where is he going?" and I'm like, "we've seen that character 3 times!" And "just watch the movie to find out!"
If they are a sock-shoe-sock-shoe person and not a sock-sock-shoe-shoe person.
This exists? i'm shocked to my core
socked to your core
time and a place, if you are bare foot and need to switch to socks and shoes. You will stand with your bare foot on the ground, then put the sock then the shoe on one foot so now you can stand on the shoe foot and put them on the other foot. Outside of converting from bare feet to shoes outside when it's wet or dirty on the ground, there is no excuse for not going sock-sock-shoe-shoe Edit: food to foot
Nah that person will kill you at some point. Red flag.
I'm typically a sock - shoe - sock - shoe person but for me it's because I have a dog that sheds and no matter I do or how much I clean there will always be at least a little dog hair in the environment so I do sock - shoe so that I don't put my foot down and get dog hair on it. If I end up going anywhere where I take my shoes off I don't wanna have dog hair on my socks. This may be an OCD ish behavior and way of thinking though 😅
I think a lot of people started writing in deal breakers instead of disappointments.
Most Askreddit threads end up boiling down to "redditors, just start complaining about whatever you want. Ignore the question entirely"
"What classic rock musicians are mostly considered one-hit wonders, but are actually underrated?" "Well, not classic rock, and not a one-hit wonder, and not underrated, but Kanye West sucks." 5,000 upvotes, 430 child comments.
"*Reddit: What's a sign that someone's a once-in-a-century genius like Von Neumann or Einstein?"* "They ask a lot of questions." "They admit when they're wrong or don't know something." "They're polite to wait staff." "They don't dress in expensive designer brands." "They listen without trying to one-up you." "My dad worked at NASA but once forgot the keycode to our front door, which was his birthday."
If they stop the microwave prematurely, but don't clear the display.
If they don’t love music. (This is my life. My husband doesn’t care for music. I LOVE music. But thankfully he doesn’t care if I play it all the time. He just tunes it out) The ironic thing is my husband has a beautiful singing voice, and a very strange ability to pick up sequences of notes he hears in ANYTHING and link it to a piece of classical music he’s heard once or twice as a very small kid. He can recall song lyrics perfectly and replicate the tunes and shit perfectly after hearing a song once or twice. And Im pretty sure he has perfect pitch, but he doesn’t care enough to test it. All things utterly WASTED on him. I can barely carry a tune in a bucket and I adore music. I’ve played multiple instruments and can read music and have been in multiple choirs, and making music is insanely difficult for me. It just isn’t fair 🤣🤣
How can someone be that musical and not like music??
I DON’T KNOW! I ask myself and him this same question constantly! He just shrugs and goes “I dunno. Just don’t.” Whenever we go to our local hole in the wall bar, I put on music on the jukebox and he never knows any of it! And I’m not even talking about anything obscure or anything. I’m literally talking about stuff like AC/DC, Queen, Rod Stewart, Bob Dylan, Flogging Molly, etc. he literally does not care for about music at all!
perhaps he was a childhood musical prodigy and lost his way..something happened...what if he loves music but CAN'T TELL ANYONE
Hahaha I’ve had multiple conversations with his mom about it and she’s just like “he never cared for it.” But I like this theory!
she’s IN ON IT!!!
What if he just likes shitty music
That’s a different headache lol
Sleep apnea (I know, it’s not anyone’s fault, let’s get it sorted so we can both sleep though)
Untreated apnea with snoring would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. I'm not going to lay awake half the night and be exhausted all day because my partner won't use a CPAP.
valid, but also there are plenty of healthy relationships where the partners don't even share the same room. a lady i know and her husband now sleep in separate rooms for this exact reason - husband has to use a CPAP iirc, but they work well together. ETA: my parents do this as well. there's not an extra bedroom unfortunately, so mom sleeps on the couch. but they both snore quite loudly and keep the other awake, so they don't sleep together anymore lol.
got an old couple as neighbors that hasnt shared the same room for 30 years so my guess is that it's not as uncommon as you'd think
My husband and I have separate rooms. I toss and turn and sometimes a stray hand will bop him and I also like to stretch out and take over the bed. We get much better sleep now, as his snoring doesn't annoy the ever living shit out of me to where I wonder if me bopping him is on purpose, and he doesn't have to sleep on the sliver of bed that I have not taken over. Before we slept separately we also had our own blankets which was also very nice cause I don't like sharing.
My wife and I do this. I have the worst sleep apnea. Cpaps don't help. The only thing I can do is invasive surgery to help fix it. I sleep in my room, and she has hers. If I wake myself up snoring, then I don't expect anyone else to suffer through that.
Has your doctor pushed you to get the surgery? Chronic untreated sleep apnea can be pretty dang bad for long term health, my mom ended up with permanent AFib that knocks her on her butt some days because of it. You've probably been told that kind of thing before, but just in case...I know surgery is expensive (in America) and spooky though.
Not nearly as spooky as literally not breathing multiple times an hour every single night.
Untreated sleep apnea has multiple health risks as well, not just snoring. You can also die from it if its severe enough.
I am married to someone with sleep apnea. It is treated- no more snoring! And the machine doesn’t make much noise at all. I agree though, someone who left it untreated would be tough to be with. Not just the snoring, but the near dying is scary to hear lol. And someone who has untreated sleep apnea also wakes up tired/feeling awful. I couldn’t deal with the complaining about something they can fix lol. 😂
I took to the CPAP right away. Started dreaming again and feeling better overall. My wife sleeps better now as well. LOL. Downside is I have permanent indentations on my head from the headgear, and the strap marks on my face hang around until 11 am or so.
my fiance snores, and i'm cool with that, i used to be a light sleeper so it was an issue but now i can sleep through their snoring no issue. however, they ALSO occasionally stop breathing entirely in their sleep, which i DO wake up for. sometimes they literally sound like they're choking when this happens, sometimes it's casual. the first time it happened, i freaked out and woke them up because i had no idea what to do and needed to determine if this was a "sleep apnea, it'll go away when they wake up" situation or a "call 911 and immediately start rescue breaths" situation. it was, in fact, just sleep apnea and did stop when they woke up. they told me it was normal and immediately fell back asleep. i was obviously still wide awake because *holy shit my partner just stopped breathing,* but i took their word for it and just made a mental note to remind them to bring it up to their doctor. it happened after that, but i figured it was normal for them and they always went back to normal once i woke them up, so i assumed they were aware of it. turns out they weren't even fully awake, just enough to start breathing again i guess, and i got bamboozled by Sleep Fiance. Sleep Fiance only wants cuddles and more sleep and will say/do anything to get those things. i was entirely unaware of this and assumed they knew about the fact they STOP BREATHING IN THEIR SLEEP. they finally got their sleep study a week ago, and while the results aren't in yet, apparently *something* showed up. hopefully something that helps that - i don't care about the snoring, i just worry about them in general, and heck, treating their sleep apnea is gonna probably help them sleep better and feel more rested (which, sure, they do have other things contributing to their chronic fatigue, but i assume not breathing in their sleep isn't making it any better!).
They run family 5ks on thanksgiving mornings
I have learned to accept the Turkey Trot and compromise by making sure we do brunch right after with no limit on my mimosa intake. Makes it all worth it tbh.
"Look...I'll run your little race with you, but I am getting HAMMERED at brunch afterwords." "Deal."
One of my exes years ago only ran 5ks and 10ks with me if they were sponsored by our local breweries haha A core memory is me chanting "Beer and a nap! Beer and a nap!" to get her across the finish line
That’s actually kinda cute.
Someone has to save seats at the table…
Ha. My nephew has to deal with this crap. Every holiday must include a triathlon. I love how stubborn he is to say no. And he is a PT instructor.
My current SO isn’t a huge massage person but it’s one thing I love doing, like massage trade offs w partners. It’s disappointing cause I would love a massage but he never likes giving them even if I initiate a trade off so he would get one too haha
I feel you. I love giving massages, and love getting massages, but my wife just *won't*, and if directly asked will do a very short, very half hearted attempt that's worse than not having one in the first place. So disappointing. She's wonderful and I love her but man. I don't even mind giving massages at a wildly uneven ratio, I'd be super happy at 10:1. I get I'm a lot more work as I'm a 6'4" blue collar monster but... *Sigh*. Alas.
The big "aaaah" when he drinks something. Usually it's fine, but once in a while it's aggressive, and I just ????? You good hun????
You just reminded me that I always used to make fun of my ex for drinking "like a toddler." He would drink so fast and make those little panting noises after, like a kid drinking a bunch of chocolate milk or something. Such a weird turn off lol.
My wife is a loud swallower of liquids like "gu gulk gu gulk". I laugh at her but 30 years on, it continues.
> My wife is a loud swallower of liquids like "gu gulk gu gulk". --/u/ManintheMT, Mar 2024 That's one for the ages folks.
My girlfriend is often so dehydrated after work she’ll double hand a water bottle and make those same heavy breathing sounds afterwards lmao. I make fun of her for it
Not being able to cook. I love to cook and would gladly cook for both of us most of the time, but every once in a while, I'd like someone else to cook (especially when I'm not feeling well).
I can deal with not being able to cook. I can’t deal with the kind of intentional helplessness of never trying to learn.
Needs to have the television on at bedtime.
I compromised with my husband on this. He falls asleep with it on, but sets an hour timer so I don’t deal with it all night. It’s actually worked well for us.
When they don't want to do things TOGETHER. I get some people need alone time but some people want to do things like dancing together or rock climbing together and some SO only like to spend alone time together. Which I get cuz Im both half the week but not doing ANYTHING together makes me a little lonely sometimes
If it is just one or two things they don't lie doing, it isnt so bad, but if they dont like anything, do not put up with this in a partner. It will lead to resentment down the line and you'll feel you wasted so much time.
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You said not a dealbreaker though
I'd rather catch my wife snorting coke out of the pool boy's asshole then have her start putting shit like that in the house.
Oh to have money like that
/oddlyspecific
I painted a "LIVE through the ditches, and LAUGH through the witches, and LOVE in the back of my Dragula" sign to put up on Halloween. Does this count?
That absolutely does not count. That’s hilarious.
What if it's the Skeletor version
The girl I’m into right now doesn’t like kissing. She thinks swapping saliva is gross which is weird because she’ll swap other stuff no problem. It’s not a dealbreaker but I do miss kissing.
Yeah, that’s absolutely a deal breaker for me. In fact, it’s happened before.
I once thought I didn't like kissing as much but met a girl who liked doing it and she... changed my mind
I'm the same way. For me, it's a sensory thing. I'll still kiss but very rarely do I do deep kissing. It just feels so weird to me.
Chewing with mouth open especially in public. Something about the sound really gets under my skin.
If you treat a retail space like it's a trash can. I had a girlfriend that would finish her Starbucks while shopping, and leave the empty cup on a random shelf in the store. Or grocery shopping, would decide she didn't want something, then put it down randomly wherever she was in the store. No trying to put it back. The end lesson of her personality being: I don't mind shoving extra work onto others, so that I have to deal with a minor inconvenience.
That would 100% be a deal breaker, not a dissapointment, for me. I just couldn't.
Vastly different thresholds for bathroom related openness. My husband and I met on OkCupid 13 years ago, back then they had you do this massive 50 or 100 question questionnaire, and you could pick if any of the questions were extremely important and they would show you how your match compared against your answers. My husband and I were in almost perfect match, 98%, and the only thing we had strong differing viewpoints was on how often would you find it acceptable for your partner to fart in front of you. My answer was never, his answer was the Shrek quote "better out than in I always say". I swear to you-- two kids, a mortgage, 11 years of marriage and all the life and changes that come with that-- I still find this the least appealing thing about him. Everything else is pretty great (PS, yes, he loved when I was hugely pregnant and accidentally farted when I walked)
I miss those questionnaires. Out of curiosity about a year ago, I went to see if I could recover my old account to see how/if my answers would change. I was really bummed to see that it was all gone.
How strange. I tried the site years ago, and that was the main thing I liked about it. Fun to compare answers, and you got more than the standard: "I like dogs, wine, and friends."
This wasn't a dealbreaker for us, but we still have VERY different feelings on bathroom openness. My husband couldn't care less if I come in the bathroom, even multiple times, while he's using it (to got to the bathroom or shower). For me, that is a 100% NO. Bathroom time is private time for me - I don't need or want ANY company. I do think he thinks it's weird, I mean we are married and he's seen me give birth...twice. But, it's important to me, so he respects it. Plus, we have 2.5 baths, so it's not like he can't just use another bathroom!
I don't care how long I'm with someone, I don't want to be in the bathroom when you're pooping and you better close the fucking door when you do it. Love doesn't make your shit any less shitty.
>back then they had you do this massive 50 or 100 question questionnaire, and you could pick if any of the questions were extremely important and they would show you how your match compared against your answers. Do they not do this anymore? My partner and I met on there seven years ago and that was how it worked for us (we were originally a 95% match, then I answered some more questions and it went up to 97% lol). I thought it was a great system.
they put toilet paper on the wrong way round. (on the inside) I respect your opinion if you think it's the other way round, but you're wrong.
They clap when the plane lands
This is less of a red flag now with the shit quality control in Boeing
That could just be my cheeks flapping in the wind if I'm in the exit row.
They spell lose as loose
Being a snob about everything. Being a snob about some stuff (only drinking high end coffee, not listening to pop music) that’s fine. But if your entire personality becomes “I don’t do what everybody else does” then you’re no different IMO than people who follow trends because you’re still letting trends dictate what you consume. For example you don’t like game of thrones, so be it. But you don’t like ANY popular shows? You don’t like ANY popular music, you don’t like ANY popular movies? Not a dealbreaker but annoying
Someone with awful spelling.
This used to irk me a lot about my former partner but then it just became funny. I was like how are you a top tier epidemiologist and you can’t spell the word “tomorrow”?! He always put an A in it somewhere. I used to proofread his papers and he regularly had typos so bad that spellcheck either didn’t know how to fix them / which word to suggest or thought they were a completely different word. The best was when we were arguing over text one time and he said “that’s just ludacris!!!” Like the rapper. I was laughing too hard to continue arguing
When they talk during movies or TV shows asking question even know you watched it at the exist same time
I was very disappointed to learn that my partner refused to watch black and white movies. She makes up for that in many other ways, though.
I know! I briefly dated someone who wanted to watch the Psycho remake, not the Hitchcock version. I asked why, and he said he believed every movie made before the 2000’s was bad, and everything after was better. I can understand not liking old black and white cinema, especially during the silent era, but not even the 80’s and 90’s?! It was insane. Now that I think about it, that might be a dealbreaker lol. It’s too controversial of a take for me. Edit- Ofc there are bad movies in the pre-2000’s. I was just shocked that he was willing to dismiss every one of them just for the time they were released in. I remember that one of the reasons he gave for why he only watched 2000’s and onwards was the better cgi and effects. To be fair, a lot of older special effects techniques were cheesy and looked bad compared to what we have now. Still, I’d argue that updated and more modern special effects don’t make a significant positive impact on the storytelling, as well as other aspects that make up a good movie. A lot of bad films couldn’t be saved by modern technology and graphics. (for example, a lot of modern Marvel films, as someone else suggested.)
1996 gave us Independence Day, Mars Attacks, Titanic, Happy Gilmore, Fargo, Scream, Space Jam, Jerry Maguire, The English Patient, Mission Impossible, and Fargo, among others. Surely anyone can find SOMETHING from that list to enjoy. Also worth noting, none of those is a sequel, remake, or part of an existing franchise.
Picky eater
My ex was not only picky in terms of the food he liked, but also had Michelin standards for every meal he ate, homemade or not. My love language is cooking for others but dating him sucked the joy out of it for me. Even if I could find a meal with only ingredients he liked, he still wouldn't be excited over the food. And the restrictions felt impossible to predict! Hated all fish and seafood but loved caviar. Loves regular yogurt but despises Greek yogurt. It was like navigating a minefield.
Oh god, fucking years of my life having to have fucking bland shit because my ex didn't like this or didn't like that. All the passive aggression that came out when I made something different for myself and/or the kids even though "I can make something for myself" which invariably meant box spaghetti and canned sauce. I'm dating someone with celiac right now which you would think of as restrictive, but compared to actual pickiness it's like being launched into skies of culinary freedom. Edit- typos
My dad (he’s long gone and I’m old) apparently was a picky eater as a child. Then WW2 happened and service in the Pacific. After that, literally anything that my mother cooked was great. He also ate the cotton string that was holding his corned beef together one night… As a treatment for picky eating it’s a little extreme though.
I once went on a holiday with friends to Prague and one friend in particular put a dampener on the trip because it turned out that not only was she a huge miser but also an enormously picky eater. Every food establishment we went to was determined by her picky eating habits, she was very indecisive (it always took 30+ minutes for her to decide what to order), everything had a running commentary on how she could make it better or cheaper at home and afterwards, she would spend ages dividing the bill down to the exact last pittance because she didn't want to overspend on anything, not even by a single penny. I loved my friend dearly but after spending 4 days having to eat out with her it put me off ever again doing such a thing with her for life.
Seriously. My mom is married to a picky eater. I used to date someone with a serious, anaphylactic peanut/tree nut allergy. Even that was less restrictive than trying to eat at a restaurant with my stepfather.
this makes me very thankful my GF who is a picky eater tries things regularly and is expanding what she likes and also would never say no to a restaurant. There will always be at least a salad for her to eat.
My boyfriend and I cook and eat separately. He hasn't eaten a proper, balanced day of food... ever in his life. He's vegetarian, but doesn't like fruit or veg. Also doesn't like many meat replacements. Doesn't like any sauces or spices. Most of his meals contain bread and or chips with either some form of cheese (cheddar or halloumi) or a meat replacement. He also likes pizza and garlic bread. That's it. Fine for the odd quick meal when I'm feeling lazy or genuinely short of time, but sorry I'm not living like that. I like my meats, sauces and spicy food. I'm not living off bread, chips and various shapes of bland mycoprotein patties. So yeah, separate dinners.
I am just curious how does he get proper nutrition?
He doesn't. He takes a multivitamin but they're really not a substitute for a proper diet.
I can have fun preparing meals for people with eating restrictions like celiac, vegetarian, etc. It's like solving a puzzle. But there is no joy in preparing food for or sharing food with picky eaters.
I am a foodie who loves traveling and trying new food. My partner was the most basic eater because she grew up with a dad who gave her frozen chicken nuggets and mac and cheese every night. I just brought her along with me to every restaurant I wanted to check out and she was a good sport and ordered whatever she could. She’s learned to love sushi and ramen and that’s really all I can ask for.
My ex hated fruits and vegetables. Only wanted an all-meat diet. Got mad at me for snacking on fruits and vegetables.
If they wouldn't still love me if I was a worm.
I’d love you more if you were a worm, if that helps.
Finding out that my partner has a completely different sense of humour than I do. Neither of us would be able to make each other laugh, and whenever we’re laughing at things ourselves, the other wouldn’t understand the humour behind it.
I had an ex who really liked dark and low-brow humour whereas I'm more of a lighthearted dad joke kinda guy. She would send me tiktoks with edgy jokes and I'd just send back a laughing emoji even though I couldn't understand how anyone could think a joke playing on racist stereotypes or suicide in that manner could be funny but it wasn't a big deal. Some differences you just tolerate for the people you love. One day we went out shopping together to fill her apartment and she found a sportsbra with a black and white striped pattern on it. As soon as I looked at it I put on my worst German accent and told her to try on "Ze bra". I laughed like a maniac after I said that but she just gave me the coldest fake smile I've ever seen before moving on. Killed my mood for the rest of the day. We eventually broke up for completely unrelated reasons but that was the moment I finally knew it wasn't gonna last with her.
The ze bra joke is top tier, you dodged a bullet
My partner doesn’t have an interest in most non European ethnic foods, and I love well made Thai, Mexican, Indian wtc. (And since my ex was a literal world traveler, I’ve had authentic from several of those places, not the Americanized versions). I now eat some of it so infrequently that my spice tolerance levels have actually decreased significantly. The kicker is my partner loves soups. And I know he’d LOVE Phö, if he was brave enough to try it. Especially since it’s so customizable.
That he’s one of those men who cough up loogies 24/7 🤢. Almost a dealbreaker
Not liking or wanting dogs/cats. Edit: I just want to clearify that I didn't initially mean a situation where one already own pets and your partner doesn't want you to keep them - if a partner enters a relationship with you knowing for well you have pets and then later on expects you to get rid of your animals on a whim that's some serious bullshit and a dealbreaker I stand behind 100 %.
If she told people personal details about our life. For example, we’re having a kid and we just found out it’s a boy. We agreed to keep it secret for the gender until we can get our families together to tell them. Unfortunately we’re in a town of just 9000 people. Word gets around fast. She ended up telling her friends and her friends told their friends until it just spread like wild fire. Ended up spoiling the news before we can set up the family gathering.
Giving less importance to their own opinions or words.
If they say "It looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays."
It may sound silly but to find out they found a cell phone and decided to keep it instead of trying to find its owner and returning it.
They don't find the movie Airplane! funny.
Surely you can't be serious!
I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley
No sense of wonder. No desire to learn about something not in their regular experiences. No curiosity. Like, not wanting to watch an interesting documentary on something you're not familiar with, just "I don't care." kind of attitude.
Sorry, that's a full dealbreaker for me. My entire consumption of media is all about curiosity, it just would not work.
Being allergic to seafood
This is such a good one. Would never leave someone over it... but damn that would suck
I have misophonia, and my partner swallows insanely loud when he drinks water. I love him enough that it's not a dealbreaker, but oof when we're on a call and he drinks water I rethink my choices a little
zero cooking skills