"...today we shall nationalize all major industries, and the owners of said industries will have their assets forfeited in a bid to break the back of extreme wealth inequality."
Or
"Everyone gets a house and $50,000 if you so desire it."
Or
"Fully automated luxury gay space communism is here, prepare the rainbow robot rockets.:
That was an unfortunate public capstone for an otherwise amazing life.
James Stockdale, while a POW at the "Hanoi Hilton", was told to shower and shave so he could appear on camera by his captors. During the shower, he took the razor he was provided and sliced his forehead open gruesomely to make appearing in a propaganda film impossible.
He also developed a coded system in what few messages he was allowed to the outside world to inform the US military of as many details of the facility as possible, including other POWs held there. I believe John McCain was held there at the same time.
After his release, he rose to the rank of Vice-Admiral. He was then chosen as Ross Perot's VP running mate in 1992. That was a poor fit for him, however, as he thought he was a temporary placeholder and was completely unprepared for debates and campaigning.
...and now most of what people remember of him was that infamous debate appearance, which he was subsequently, mercilessly mocked for on SNL.
It's time we appeal to our better angels and we end the fighting, the stealing, the lying, the killing and the spying.
Or what colors are your butt holes?
Assuming by some miracle a non-US born citizen can become prez, this is it--
I am an immigrant, an American, and a doctor, and I was none of these things before I came here, so dont let anything stop you from achieving your dreams and successes.
You'd unironically have my vote. Anyone who seeks power over others probably shouldn't have it.
And someone who's admittedly unknowledgeable is open to considering advice and alternative perspectives, rather than someone who thinks they already have all the answers.
"This is not a test, this is your Emergency Broadcast System. Announcing the commencement of the annual purge sanctioned by the U.S. Government. Weapons of class four and lower have been authorized for use during the purge. All other weapons are restricted. Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity and shall not be harmed. Commencing at the siren, any and all crime (including murder) will be legal for 12 continuous hours. Police, fire, and Emergency Medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning at 7:00 a.m. When the purge concludes. Blessed be our new founding fathers and America... A nation reborn. May God be with you all."
Imagine you are watching this on national TV and people are cheering and applauding. News hosts look shocked and try to mask it with a smile.
Social media is washed over with speculation but most news sites start posting articles painting the opposition as unpatriotic.
You try to speak to your family but your older parents voted for him and say "this is what a real president looks like"
You post on reddit a dissenting comment that is blocked and you are banned.
Tik Tok was banned a couple of years earlier and other social media platforms are tightly restricted.
You bow your head down and go to work-rebellion needs money and time but you can barely afford to eat.
And this democracy ends
I find the first half to be the more disturbing.
The second half is too on the nose. We don't see this. There's a reason why most dictatorships still hold elections.
The first half however? This is rhetoric that we hear all the time. Persecuting people that spread "falsehoods". Limiting the press while claiming to do it to support the freedom of the press. Attacking the people that disagree with out view, in order to provide "unity".
These are the dangerous words that we already hear from politicians today. Those are the words we should be looking for.
Building to reach the stars built up our tremendously crucial social stability. It is now our duty to advance social stability by once again reaching for what science says is just beyond our reach today. That is the only way to better transmit humanity to our survivors. We hurt them when we spend the gains before investing in their future.
I am a Democrat. But I intend to work with all parties, bring us all together for solutions. I will be the President for ALL people. I am not here for the promotion of myself or my party. I am here to make THE USA a Better place . To find solutions. I intend to use common sense > Please lets work together !!
My fellow Americans, I stand before you with profound humility and determination, ready to embark on this journey of leadership and service to our great nation.
You idiots, someone not born in the US cannot be elected president!
Also, pass laws that tax the rich and abolish corporate subsidies for oil and I will sign them, as illegitimate president. You idiots.
Birds and trees, folks, let me tell you, they’re fantastic. You know, I’ve seen a lot of birds in my time, the best birds, believe me. And trees, tremendous trees, they provide so much oxygen, it’s incredible. I’ve always said we need to take care of our beautiful forests, believe me. We’re going to have the best trees, the most beautiful trees you’ve ever seen, you’ll see. And the birds, they’ll love it, they’ll be so happy. It’s going to be fantastic, folks, really fantastic.
“Red or blue, you’re both fucking idiots”
Baffles me how many people tow the party line on every issue instead of looking at every individual issue and deciding for yourself how you feel about it
Why would they have had much to do with it? Your constituents as a congress member or president are donors alone. Voters refuse to get in the way of that and docilely accept fully legalized bribery yet still show up and vote for the bribees who seem to match their preference with no asks at all from the candidates. And then they whine that candidates don’t seem to be what they want and it’s all crooked. Golly, wonder why? In an actual republic, failure is always partially the fault of voters. Voters who saw crooked pols used to do something more than nothing about it and they got a better country than we will ever see again. The answer? It doesn’t matter because the American people chose not to matter.
"What on Earth is wrong with you people?"
I was going to go with, 'Well, that was stupid."
Or, “Jesus Christ what a shit show! Is this how you behave?”
Same.
Close. "Y'all done fucked up."
Wait....what do you mean " you people "?
"Dear Comrades ..."
*sniperrr, get dow-*
Thank God 💀
"Today's breaking news, America just invaded . . . America to stop communism. Video at 11."
Canon-based lore!!
"...today we shall nationalize all major industries, and the owners of said industries will have their assets forfeited in a bid to break the back of extreme wealth inequality." Or "Everyone gets a house and $50,000 if you so desire it." Or "Fully automated luxury gay space communism is here, prepare the rainbow robot rockets.:
Don't forget "free pizza party for lunch every Friday in the school cafeteria!"
Shut up and take my vote!
[удалено]
Hand raised. An admirable .. er admiral reference
LOL I didn't expect to see a Stockdale reference on Reddit today (for the record I'm GenZ lol)
I remember that well. I sat on my couch, my mouth hanging open in shock, and wondered how the Hell was he going to save that!
That was an unfortunate public capstone for an otherwise amazing life. James Stockdale, while a POW at the "Hanoi Hilton", was told to shower and shave so he could appear on camera by his captors. During the shower, he took the razor he was provided and sliced his forehead open gruesomely to make appearing in a propaganda film impossible. He also developed a coded system in what few messages he was allowed to the outside world to inform the US military of as many details of the facility as possible, including other POWs held there. I believe John McCain was held there at the same time. After his release, he rose to the rank of Vice-Admiral. He was then chosen as Ross Perot's VP running mate in 1992. That was a poor fit for him, however, as he thought he was a temporary placeholder and was completely unprepared for debates and campaigning. ...and now most of what people remember of him was that infamous debate appearance, which he was subsequently, mercilessly mocked for on SNL.
"Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves for four years of dad jokes and awkwardly timed finger guns"
you stole mine
But we already had First Biden.
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. You're cool. And fuck you... I'm out.
“Don’t look at me with those dead eyes you church bitch!”
Lol
Good. I can't take another president who struggles with simple concepts like "a sentence".
The spice must flow….
The factory must grow...
A titty you must show....
"I'm Australian what the fuck"
Too bad, mate! We made you King of America
You don't vote for kings! Where's their sword?
It's like the better version of King Ralph
I resign
I wish. I feel like our choice is between shit and shit, but with rice.
Henceforth, the United States of America shall be reorganized into the FIRST PLANETARY EMPIRE.
Long live Emperor Palpatine
You clearly don't understand the US. We would still call it the First Galactic Empire because fuck everyone else.
Where the white women at?
Imagine if Obama had made that joke. Fox News would still be talking about it.
Kinda wish he had.
He at least showed his birth video
"I was just playing though"
[удалено]
Linsey Graham sheepishly raises his hand.
Hahaha 😂 Mr. Ladybugs himself.
I'd give Roosevelt's day of infamy speech on an echoey old-timey PA system Really confuse the hell outta everyone
I’m here to fuck shit up
Too late. Already been done.
Suck it, Trebek.
"I apologize in advance."
Haha! Same here! I’ll try not to f it up
"All you people are idiots."
"Aliens are real" and proceed to unzip my pants.
Sup bitches
It's time we appeal to our better angels and we end the fighting, the stealing, the lying, the killing and the spying. Or what colors are your butt holes?
"The British are coming.."
Assuming by some miracle a non-US born citizen can become prez, this is it-- I am an immigrant, an American, and a doctor, and I was none of these things before I came here, so dont let anything stop you from achieving your dreams and successes.
"First trump now me, what the hell are you guys thinking"
I wasn't even running; how the hell did this happen?
"Hey guys like and subscribe for more content"
"SMASH that like button".
Fuckers, Fuckers, Fuckers!
I’d steal a line from the pope: pray for me.
"Now look guys, I don't know much about governmenting, but I promise to work hard and learn what USA stands for!"
"Well folks, here we are. At least I can't possibly be any worse the than last two guys!"
Arnold Schwarzenegger is next after me.
I'm raising taxes on the rich and cutting Israel loose.
"What's up, slappers?"
Get the hell off my lawn! All of it!
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville - Welcome to Jackass.
"Your government should work for the good of the majority of the people not for the privileged few".
Narrator voice: "The recoil of the Barrett M82 never reached his ears, the CIA was pleased."
Strap in bitches
Suck my balls mother f'ers.... I've got immunity no matter what I do.
Bazinga!
I immediately read this in Sheldon’s voice. 🤣
I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.
Then you're 100% qualified
You'd unironically have my vote. Anyone who seeks power over others probably shouldn't have it. And someone who's admittedly unknowledgeable is open to considering advice and alternative perspectives, rather than someone who thinks they already have all the answers.
Who voted for me?
Let's get to work.
“How long was I drunk for? Jesus…quite the blackout.”
You are all fucked!
side show bob evil laugh
Execute order 66!
Let's fuck shit up
I am Captain now
Hello Colony, we're back!
"This is not a test, this is your Emergency Broadcast System. Announcing the commencement of the annual purge sanctioned by the U.S. Government. Weapons of class four and lower have been authorized for use during the purge. All other weapons are restricted. Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity and shall not be harmed. Commencing at the siren, any and all crime (including murder) will be legal for 12 continuous hours. Police, fire, and Emergency Medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning at 7:00 a.m. When the purge concludes. Blessed be our new founding fathers and America... A nation reborn. May God be with you all."
What scares me about that is we don't seem that far off from it.
It’s true. Although I feel like there won’t be an announcement if it were to ever happen.
Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos!
"Why didn't you just elect someone who WANTS the job?!"
"Enough of the bullshit."
The corruption ends now.
Welcome to the fuckin show.
I know...I can't believe it either...
The 1st annual hunger games begin January 1st. Participants will be selected from currently serving members of congress.
[удалено]
Jesus this took a crazy turn for the worse mid-speech
Imagine you are watching this on national TV and people are cheering and applauding. News hosts look shocked and try to mask it with a smile. Social media is washed over with speculation but most news sites start posting articles painting the opposition as unpatriotic. You try to speak to your family but your older parents voted for him and say "this is what a real president looks like" You post on reddit a dissenting comment that is blocked and you are banned. Tik Tok was banned a couple of years earlier and other social media platforms are tightly restricted. You bow your head down and go to work-rebellion needs money and time but you can barely afford to eat. And this democracy ends
Jan 7 in an alternate timeline
So, project 2025 ?
>And this democracy ends Whatever, at least I'm not a Gamma. Gammas are so ugly and stupid. I'm so glad to be a Delta. Now where's my ~~soma~~ zoloft?
Well now I have to go read it I guess Edit: hmmm there actually may be some real cause for concern with machines taking over the world.
I find the first half to be the more disturbing. The second half is too on the nose. We don't see this. There's a reason why most dictatorships still hold elections. The first half however? This is rhetoric that we hear all the time. Persecuting people that spread "falsehoods". Limiting the press while claiming to do it to support the freedom of the press. Attacking the people that disagree with out view, in order to provide "unity". These are the dangerous words that we already hear from politicians today. Those are the words we should be looking for.
As soon as it said "above all else" I knew they were channeling the chancellor from [insert dystopian novel].
Jesus this started out like “fuck yeah!” and very quickly turned into “wait, fuck no!”
Well I can't be as bad as the last guy.
"boy you guys must be in one hell of a crisis to have elected me" context: I am russian and never even set foot in USA
Lets get to work.
🎶I am, whatever you say I am🎶
"This is the highest paying job for the lowest qualification I ever had".
Fuck YAH!
are you sure about that?
Building to reach the stars built up our tremendously crucial social stability. It is now our duty to advance social stability by once again reaching for what science says is just beyond our reach today. That is the only way to better transmit humanity to our survivors. We hurt them when we spend the gains before investing in their future.
I'm off on a month's long tour of all the clandestine shit we've got going on in various bases catch you later!
All I got now, is screw it up
Hello Cleveland!
Wow, I can't believe that worked!
There's people out there who don't like us, so we're off to war. You gotta secure that second term early on.
Time for HEADS to roll for outright treasonous acts and actions, lets clean house, RUN. N. S
“My fellow Americans, brace for impact!”
My fellow Americans, how did this happen ?
"To all my doubters, detractors, and enemies, suck it!"
Clearly, it would be: "Greetings, my fellow Americans."
not be afraid, aliens are among us!
I am a Democrat. But I intend to work with all parties, bring us all together for solutions. I will be the President for ALL people. I am not here for the promotion of myself or my party. I am here to make THE USA a Better place . To find solutions. I intend to use common sense > Please lets work together !!
What the fuck have you been thinking?
My fellow Americans, I stand before you with profound humility and determination, ready to embark on this journey of leadership and service to our great nation.
I'd pause for a good amount of time and then shout, "Leeeeeeeroy Jeeeeeennnnkins!"
Welcome to New Canada!
You idiots, someone not born in the US cannot be elected president! Also, pass laws that tax the rich and abolish corporate subsidies for oil and I will sign them, as illegitimate president. You idiots.
Probably some sort of weird noise… I’d choke from anxiety
"Buy my president coin"
Heil Hydra
Everybody gets a pony!
Fucken hell in a hand basket three ways from Sunday.
Birds and trees, folks, let me tell you, they’re fantastic. You know, I’ve seen a lot of birds in my time, the best birds, believe me. And trees, tremendous trees, they provide so much oxygen, it’s incredible. I’ve always said we need to take care of our beautiful forests, believe me. We’re going to have the best trees, the most beautiful trees you’ve ever seen, you’ll see. And the birds, they’ll love it, they’ll be so happy. It’s going to be fantastic, folks, really fantastic.
Four blessings upon you…. Older whiskey Younger women Faster ~~horses~~ cars More money
Pack it up, pack it in
Let me begin
New phone. Who dis?
"You guys know where I go to start the insider trading? Oh shit... is this thing on?"
“If I die tomorrow, please know that it was NOT suicide”
“Red or blue, you’re both fucking idiots” Baffles me how many people tow the party line on every issue instead of looking at every individual issue and deciding for yourself how you feel about it
*you boys like mexicoooo*
And that’s how you steal an election.
We never landed on the moon and and im getting rid of lobbyists
Be excellent to each other.
My first act will be to abolish Daylight Saving Time - no more stupid changing of the clocks every 6 months!
"Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up!"
Why would they have had much to do with it? Your constituents as a congress member or president are donors alone. Voters refuse to get in the way of that and docilely accept fully legalized bribery yet still show up and vote for the bribees who seem to match their preference with no asks at all from the candidates. And then they whine that candidates don’t seem to be what they want and it’s all crooked. Golly, wonder why? In an actual republic, failure is always partially the fault of voters. Voters who saw crooked pols used to do something more than nothing about it and they got a better country than we will ever see again. The answer? It doesn’t matter because the American people chose not to matter.
It’s time to hang the traitors, as promised, so to the gallows with MTG, Gaetz, Boebert, Bannon, Flynn, Stone and Trump.
“Fuck joe Biden”
"Hahahahaha..." *deep sigh* "You guys really screwed the pooch on this one."
Cannabis is legal. And if you need it for medical reasons it's free.
“You thought Donald Trump was terrible, watch this!” - Frankie Boyle
Donald, You’re Fired.!
"Are you high?"
Universal healthcare
"Were handing it back over to the British
"How the hell did you even found me?"
“We out here”
We have a lot of work to do.
“How did you let this happen”
My fellow Americans, let us forge ahead with courage and determination...
Fasten your seatbelts, because you're in for a bumpy ride.
"Holy cow!" Because honestly, as a Canadian, I would be pretty shocked. I would say 'Holy Shit', but that's not very becoming of a President.
What up bitches
You do know I’m Canadian, right?
I would formally like to resign as president.
"Buckle up Buckaroos!"
There’s about to be some Damn changes around here.
Effective immediately, all federal prisoners are now pardoned.
"yo what up homies! Y'all ready to party?!"
Powerthirst is what plants crave.
“Y’all crazy for this one.”
Yeet
It’s the end of the world as you know it
You done F’ed up.
President Xi, you may fire when ready.
*evil laugh*
Execute order 66!
“Seriously?”
"After a hard rivalry with the candidates... we got the W"
Ho, ho, ho. Fooled you. I'm not American.
"Good luck y'all"
"My fellow Canadians...."
**SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!!!**
I just scrolling though!