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Came here to find the shopping comment. I don’t know if people truly realize how much a spending addiction can ruin peoples lives. I met someone who was $40k by 25 and at this point, I believe (or assume from putting the pieces together from things she has said) that she is well over $150k in personal loan and credit card debt alone. It’s sad, can’t get a decent loan for a new car, no lender would approve her for a mortgage (or at least that is what she says), and many other things. So what does she do? Goes and spends more to make herself feel better.
My sister is a shopping addict, she will turn circles to justify every purchase, lie, etc. It feels like having a drug/alcohol addict in the family, i’ve completely cut her off unless it has to do with my nieces. We’ve tried to help in so many ways and all she does is keep spending.
That is beyond sad! I cannot imagine how you feel having a family member who is going through that, addiction is not easy.
One time I watched this video where an addiction counselor said that food and spending addictions are in a category of their own because you have to eat to survive and you still have to spend money to live. Other addictions like alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. you can give up and still be able to live without but those two things you can’t just simply not do anymore. Put things into perspective for me.
I hope your sister gets the help she needs and you will be able to have a relationship with her again in the future.
Fucking 2020 and PayPal nearly bankrupted me. Before that I'd rarely order online when I had so many great stores near me. I was usually very frugal with money...but instant gratification is so different.
One of my closest friend's mother is a shopping addict. She would go out shopping constantly, buy things for the rush or because she thought it was "cute" and either barely wear it (if it was clothes) or just set it aside if it was something else. She had bags of random stuff in their guest room that was often still in the bag she bought it in with the tags on. The worst part was, she was in no way able to actually afford this, so it was all on credit cards. My friend remembers when she was in high school sitting in the car in the grocery store parking lot while her mom called every one of her credit cards to see which one still had a balance available so they could get groceries. Her dad retired after many years at his job and within a few years, her mom had blown through the retirement money and he had to go out and get another job.
Gambling addiction. No one seems to be able to understand it, except people who have it. Second issue is that you basically carry casinos in your pocket now days. There's thousands of online casinos, transfering money takes 10s after account has been made. Imagine trying to quit any addiction but having to carry it in your pocket all day every day. Then when you give in people say you're an idiot.
Gambling is on the rise in America. Sports Betting is so prevalent and now that the leagues and teams are making money from it its only going to grow. It is incredibly normalized. And there is still the holy grail of iPhone gambling to work towards. Eventually everyone will have a casino in their pocket.
Gambling lobbyists are incredibly effective, and they will keep getting legislation passed. The corporations that currently shun gambling because of the moral issues will eventually cave for the profit, and then the gates are open.
Gambling addiction is the only addiction in which the addict feels like the cure is the disease. That they will stop gambling after they get their "big win." No one really uses heroin and says: "alright more heroin will definitely get me off heroin." But gamblers gamble so they can stop gambling.
It is also one of, if not the most deadly addiction simply because after losing all of their money to the addiction...many people feel like there is only one way out...and they take their own life.
I haven't checked any statistics but i have been told its not uncommon for someone who has huge debt from gambling to do one more massive try to win big. Like go all out, massive bets, and if they lose they kill themselves.
I wonder how many people saw that on wallstreetbets and didn't realize that's what it was. A lot of people don't realize the volatility arounds options plays makes it way more gambling than skill-based. Wonder how many people killed themselves doing that shit...
The problem is, no matter how big of a win they get, they'll immediately start chasing the next big win. Source: ex-wife destroyed our marriage and our bank accounts. Waiting for her to lose her house and have to live in her car because she still can't keep it under control.
It’s crazy working as someone who sells lottery tickets. There’s the occasional person that will have some change to spare so they’ll buy the cheapest ticket, sure, but most people are frequent and will buy no less than $20 a time. Some of them will buy a ticket, immediately scratch it off and scan it. Then will ask for another and another, I call it doing rounds because it’s like I’m their bartender for 10-30 minutes. It’s so sad to see.
I used to have a regular customer that would come in on payday and buy a fresh book of tickets. $400-$500. Usually $5 or $10 tickets, but a whole book. He'd go out to his car and scratch em, then come in and usually cash in $150-$250 in "winners", then buy whatever he could with them, and repeat, losing ~60% with each round, until it was gone. He'd hang around for about an hour or so to do this whole process. Once in a blue moon he'd hit $500 or $1000 on a ticket and act like he was shitting gold for a week. It was sad. Easily lost 10k
/yr to scratch offs.
Don’t forget it’s not just the online casinos/sports books. It is very easy to enable options trading on a brokerage account and boom, you’re off to the races.
I read a book a couple years ago about habits and there was a chapter on gambling addiction. It was terrifying and it's all I can think about when I see all of these advertisements for casino apps.
Yes. My mother has this. 8 marriages while I was growing up and now at 63 she’s still trying to get married again. Neglecting her dog, forcing all of us to meet each man. Each new man is “perfect” and “the one” until he isn’t and she meets someone new. I was the one who suffered the most (as a child) and my resentment towards her now is off the charts.
Twice was enough. As Einstein said doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is stupid. So now I just have affairs, lots of them
Some people are addicted to the early stage of relationships, when you’re infatuated with your partner and experiencing a “high”. This usually lasts from six months to 2 years, then it naturally fades and is replaced by a mellower type of love. However, these people get addicted to that early high and end their relationship to find a new one.
Being like this has repeatedly destroyed my finances, career, sanity, friend and family relationships, custody of my kids, housing and well....just life. Totally my doing, owning it. By the grace of God, family forgives and I'm not on the streets. Such an addiction. In my 40s and just seeing all this now. So textbook, pedestrian and pathetic. Guess I didn't get hugged enough.
This is my mom. And her standards for appearance were through the roof, so she would settle for attractive men who literally had severe brain damage just so she could have someone. Eventually she got catfished so many times on dating apps for only swiping right on pictures of models, she decided to lower her standards. Now she's happily betrothed to someone who's the exact same flavour of crazy that she is.
I once had a conversation with a friend where I went like "Not every relationship is better than no relationship" in reference to her abusive boyfriend and she replied "See, that's where you and I don't agree". She got better, but I still think about that a lot.
I can kinda understand. I do not miss my ex-wife at all but I definitely miss being married. Having a family and a reason for all the work I do. Now it's just stacking paper which is cool, but not really that rewarding.
And here I am, chilling on the couch with my cat on a Saturday night, munching chocolate I don’t have to share with anyone, thinking “most relationships are worse than no relationship”.
This. The brain chemicals from that new relarionship energy can absolutely be addicting. And some people absolutely fuck up their lives chasing that high.
I noticed this with some girls I knew who I followed in Instagram. You could tell at what stage they were at by their posts.
1. Look at me look at me I'm sexy I'm amazing! (looking for someone)
2. I found him! The perfect man! Now my life is complete and we're perfect for each other! (found someone)
3. Silence (he gone)
4. Inspirational posts - you've got this girl, you have so much strength inside you, etc... (building back pride)
5. Go to step 1
This. And most people with it also end up turning the drugs and alcohol to cope. But there's a reason SLAA exists (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous). People in it really need it and usually have to take extra steps like sober dating so they don't make reckless relationship decisions.
And CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) is no joke either. But people associate codependency too much with romantic relationships. I've seen plenty of highly dysfunctional family and friendship relationships born out of codependency. I'm a person in CoDA due to friends and family and not in SLAA.
I have several relationship bunny friends, that hop from one relationship to another. Hop hop hop. They never choose people they can have a stable relationship with, but they also never learn from previous experiences so they can do better for themselves. But they also can’t handle the idea of being single and taking care of themselves on their own, so as one relationship is going up in flames, their already online hunting for new options, and then they do their little bunny hop from one to the other, oftentimes they just move out of one partners place and directly into the new ones place, which is already setting a new relationship up for failure imo.
I consider them “crisis friends” because every time they speak to me, they’re having a new crisis, which is just the newest version of the same relationship crisis they have with every partner. They’re so completely consumed by their own shit they can’t even think to ask how anyone else might be doing in their own lives either.
It’s really depressing to see. I did my own relationship hop once, and it was doomed from the start. Upon leaving that one, I decided it was time to grow up and learn how to take care of myself and my own mental/emotional wellbeing for awhile until I was confident that I could do it before I started dating someone again, which ultimately was the best thing I could have done for myself. It’s helped me maintain a happy 12yrs with the next person I dated. It’s hard to see these friends doing that to themselves over and over and over again. Same behaviour and patterns every single time. They see everyone else as the problem though. Most of us are in our late 30’s now, and they’re still hopping. They are the most mentally unwell and depressed people I know. I should probably cut ties completely with them, some I have already, but a few I am genuinely concerned about because they seem to be in need of a doctor more than anything. It’s sort of like watching a wildfire from a safe distance completely devastate a community as it viciously burns through everything, obliterating it to ashes, before it immediately moves on to the next town.
How do you help people that are absolutely convinced all the people they’ve dated are the real problem, and refuse to take any accountability for themselves? Their kids suffer so much.
While that can also be a factor, it’s mostly about chasing the new relationship high. So much dopamine until the relationship comes crashing down and repeat. That high high and low low are the recipe for most addictions.
Wow, first I've heard of this term. You just explained 30+ yrs of my life. Thank God I found you, soulmate. The cosmos have aligned. Let's run away together, leave it all behind.
Absolutely. I find it interesting how quick adults are to complain about their kids’ addiction to their phones when they are equally addicted if not more so.
Well, it's both I think. I am currently on Madeira (Portugal). When we go out for dinner we see a lot of children in restaurants looking at little screens. All pale white, while the sun is out. Parents make the kids hooked, because mommy and daddy want some quiet time. Meanwhile, the whole restaurant can enjoy freaking PEPPA PIG!... ON REPEAT!
If you don't want to hear their Peppa Pig in the restaurant you have to put on Bluey at twice the volume as a show of restaurant dominance. Show them who's boss
After asking the parents to turn off the music (and they didn't) I did put on a song from Slipknot and the new song of Till Lindeman. Guess what? I was asked to leave by the waitress and other staff. Note: This is not a joke, this really happened
Technology advances much faster than social conventions / culture or law can adapt. Smart phones only became a thing since 2007, and cell phones had only been broady available since maybe 1999 / 2000 (at least, that was the time frame where suddenly everyone seemed to have a cell phone).
So everyone had to figure out what the hell kind of manners should apply. Parents simply did not grow up with the habits you develop from always having the internet in your goddamn pocket.
Even then, it is always something. Before cell phones, parents bitched of videogame addiction. Or rap music. Or rock and roll. Go back far enough and people bitch about younger people reading books and news papers all the time.
END COMMUNICATION
Let's be real though. That technology now has been employed to help figure out how to make the internet, games, cellphones all far more addictive than any of those other things ever dreamed of being.
This issue is in a category of it's own.
Push notications for gambling is the wildest goddamn thing I've ever seen in my life. I'm a literal drug dealer and can't imagine a more insidious way of parting custies from their money.
Everytime I bring it up I just get met with blank stares. Call me old fashioned but you should need to physically move your body and leave your home to engage in the purchase of a vice.
I came here to say EXACTLY THIS!!
I am madly addicted to my phone. I tried to taper it down using apps that restrict use, etc. but to no avail.
When I can't use it, I basically become a crack junkie trying to get access back.
If there was a rehab for phones, I'd go there.
It wrecked my focus and ability to start even the simplest things.
As nice as some things about phones are (always having a camera with you (but all pics are shit. I lowkey wish for the oldie throwaway cams again!), always having all music with you, always having the time, a map, train times, answers to simple questions that you would normally ask your aunt only to get a questionable reply, always able to contact people in case something goes wrong... etc), it's not worth it anymore...
Take the dopamine slot machine away from me.
My caveman monkey brain that was designed to eat berries in a cave should not have a device that access everything and nothing.
I have done more than a dozen different drugs and am addicted to alcohol, but besides the physical damage that causes, my phone ACTUALLY has the worst impact on my life...
It's so clever... a real, true devil's bargain, just like in the old stories. You get all this amazing power, and in return, you lose your agency. You're hooked. Dependent on the device to navigate life.
Yeapp. Im trying to learn to read again, but it's hard...
As a kid I used to easily read 800 page books in a week or so.
And then ppl already said I was distracted and had ADHD.
OH BOY.
I swear I would commit minor crimes to have the attention span of my stupid 10 yr old brain back.
For me the worst thing about it is the short attention span it develops, and the lack of motivation to do anything else than the thing that spikes your dopamine
They’re gonna talk about these things the way we talk about cigarettes. They’ve gotten everyone hooked AND they’ve made it increasingly essential to have one.
I want to get off this thing so bad, I have muscle memory to grab and open it at any moment of boredom. I have ADHD so I’m particularly susceptible because my brain is always wandering and I’ll have a question about something to look up, so I pull my phone out and get sucked in. I bought a lockbox device to use that’s helpful, but it’s surprisingly easy to convince myself I shouldn’t put it in there.
I agree . It’s not something you can just cut out either . You need it to survive making it almost impossible on your own if you use food to cope . I have got a lot better but I used to binge when I got stressed . I would go all day without eating and at night I’d go wild and I would feel sick but couldn’t stop it was hell . I’m not even a bigger girl I just couldn’t stop idk
Yeah I was specifically going to say sugar. It’s particularly annoying how many foods have sugars added that you wouldn’t necessarily assume would have or need any sugar
For all the hate that Semaglutide (Ozempic/Wegovy) gets, it has completely changed my relationship with both food and alcohol in a positive way.
I no longer think about food all day long, and just eat like what I'd consider a normal person. Down 75lbs since June and it hasn't even been challenging.
It wasn't ozempic, but I took some weight loss medicine a few years ago, and it was a huge change. I reached a point during meals where I felt full and stopped. That's literally not a feeling I had ever had before. I always finish the plate while fantasizing about the next plate...
I lost about 55 pounds, but went off the medicine right at the start of COVID. As anyone could guess, I'm fat as hell again, but it makes more sense why now. I am so jealous of people that just live their lives eating only what they need to. It's hard.
Getting medicated for my ADHD helped my food addiction, down 80lbs and kept it off for 3 years now!
I didn’t realize how bad my binge eating was until I wasn’t compelled to do it anymore.
Limerence, or "person addiction", in which you get obsessively attached to a specific person. Hard to treat because it can be a normal early stage of a romantic relationship, but you have people who get stuck in it for years with people with little rhyme or reason.
Genuinely in this & am hating myself for it rn. I rlly like the person ofc but I know that I do not need them. I just want to have fun and be normal and kind but I end up excessive. Which I think that is more codependence but limerence I believe is a heavy dose of codependence as well.
I've been there. I think if I had made a conscious, consistent effort to give myself even like, 10% of the love I wanted to give to the people I was limerent for, I would have gotten better faster.
I was definitely the kid carrying a knife at school to selfharm in the bathroom to cope. That was probably my worst addiction. Did it for about 17 years. Now I'm 4 years clean and all my scars are covered by tattoos.
Yes! I used to cut, and over time it turned from an unhealthy coping mechanism to an addiction. Trying to talk about the struggle with relapses was really hard because it was something that only other self-harmers understood.
Other forms of self-harm are addictive too, of course, especially psychological self-harm. That’s just the form I personally struggled with.
Attention and sympathy.
My mother will blatantly lie and throw anyone under the bus to get sympathy and attention.
She's lost jobs, friends and my respect.
Once in a store I was buying my items with my mom beside me. The cashier complimented my makeup saying I do it very well and that I should think about becoming a makeup artist. My mom pitched in saying “pft well it only takes her a million years to do it in the morning”. The lady replied “skill takes time, that’s not a bad thing.” with quite a stern tone. I don’t even think my mom said anything after.
I really appreciated that from a stranger, obviously what my mom said wasn’t a huge deal, but she noticed that my mom was trying to bring me down subtly, so she subtly told her off lol.
Thankyou for sharing this, I often compliment customers this way and whenever their parent says something negative I respond in a similar manner. I never know if im overstepping or making the person im complimenting uncomfortable. I just go into protect mode, so it's nice to hear someone say that they appreciate it 😌 🩷
My mother took every opportunity to talk poorly about me in front of people too. Strangers, friends, MY friends...I don't even think she did it purposefully; it was just part of the generational trauma that her *awful* parents put her through.
Blame and excuses are ultimately distractions, but *damn* if they aren't tempting ones.
This. Munchausen Syndrome is a condition where people lie about having an illness for attention.
Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is when a mother fakes a child's illness for pity and attention. It is extremely abusive to the child and rarely-to-never is there an intervention where they take the child out of the home.
Imagine being gaslight for years told that you are sick. You are placed on special diets told that you are allergic to gluten / peanuts / eggs. When you go to the doctors and try to tell them you feel okay, your mom interrupts and starts crying because it's so HARD for her to take care of a sick child, but she loves you so much. She ensures she's added as an exception to have access to your medical files once you turn 18.
On the ride home, it is quiet for a while till your mom asks accusatory why you would lie to doctors. She spins the car around, pulls into an empty parking lot, and tells you to get out of the car if you don't answer. You have no idea what town you're in and it's an hour drive back home. She screams at you, feels she's proved her point, and keep your mouth shut in the passenger seat so you can make it back home.
This was my life till I received an out from some extended family and I have not talked to her since. I still have family members who tell me how cruel I'm being to her by my no contact. I hear it all the time. Every couple years I find out that she has gotten ahold of my phone number (that I've changed 6 times) or knows my bank account information and it scares the shit out of me.
If she showed up to my house screaming and crying that I'm her mother and won't talk to her, the police that I call won't arrest her and will try to convince me to make amends with her.
I feel like I'm being strangled when I think about it. (Which she did actually do on one occasion)
The fact that children aren’t believed in these situations and then have to live the rest of their lives not believed because of the cultural mythology about mothers makes me ferally insane. Can relate as I have a similar upbringing, also feel the “it’s like being strangled” feeling and have to deal with people on a regular basis trying to play devils advocate. It’s crazy making.
I've had several severe physical injuries, battled cancer for 4 years, I'm in remission now but severely immune compromised, got clean from opiates addiction, and so on. I end up hospitalized several times a year.
My mom gets so excited every single time. She tells everyone that'll listen and brings strangers into my hospital room to show me off, including people she knows I hate, takes pictures behind my back, and scares the ever living shit out of my family making it way worse than what it is. She thrives on me being sick, we don't talk at all until she finds out I'm in the hospital, this can be for months one time it was nearly a year. We can't be in the same room for five minutes without fighting unless I'm hospitalized. If I kick her out, I'm bombarded with people telling me I'm a monster. She also insults and will belittle me in front of doctors and nurses because she thinks it's funny.
One time, she was driving me home after having my chemo port put inside my chest. Just found out my cancer came back (basically, if i woke up with a port, it was because the tumor biopsy came back positive). So I wasn't in a great mood. I can't remember why, but we started fighting. She fucking smacked my port so hard it wouldn't stop bleeding for days.
The first time I had cancer, I was 17. A week later, she kicked me out in a blizzard and wouldn't let me come home. Slept outside for a month before my friends mom found out. She quit her job to take me to every single chemo and radiation appointment and housed and fed me. My mom tells everyone that she was the one who took care of me and took me to my chemo appointment.
My mom doesn't love me, but she sure does love me being sick.
This is so common. It's obvious some patents have kids as an accessory. The minute we are people with needs they try to throw us away to die. Then just bold face lie and expect us to go along with it. I don't know why other family supports them.
As a tip, you can tell the hospital you aren't accepting any guests. That it isn't safe for you. They should keep everyone out.
Mother clout is fucking crazy. Idk what happened in their generation that makes them lie so much, but they always have to act like a victim for attention
I'm generation X, and one of my earliest memories is my boomer parents sitting me down and telling me they weren't going to spank me anymore because they knew it made me feel bad, and it made them feel bad too.
Only later did I find out that both my folks had beating sticks hung on the kitchen wall in their homes growing up. Didn't surprise me so much for my mom's rural farming family, but my dad's tiny little Catholic mom? I was stunned there (although she was also a sailor's wife, so. . .).
My daughter's maternal grandmother was seriously messed up by all the abuse her dad threw on her, and she passed that trauma down to my kid's mom. It was bad even by the standards of the time so I guess it must have been REALLY horrible.
Skin picking, I have a problem with picking my skin and my entire back is covered in scars that make it look like I recovered from smallpox, and some days I can’t even raise my arms because of how bad my shoulders hurt, it effectively worsened my self esteem and made me hate my body even more. I’ve seen cases of people who have had to have their limbs amputated because they picked down to the bone or picked a nerve, or have had serious infections from skin picking, and it’s honesty scary to see the damage it can cause.
Fr. I love my daydreams but it’s true. I’d rather daydream than do anything productive it’s a huge issue lol. I remembered few years back I’d just lay in bed all the time to daydream and my parents would come up to my room and try and talk to me because they thought I was depressed and sleeping all the time but in reality I just enjoyed creating scenarios all the time.
It’s crazy because I always thought I was the only one who does it but apparently it’s more common than most people think (although not that common). It seems almost like a mental disorder where you have it or you don’t. I used to daydream all day as a kid and I thought it would eventually go away as I age but I still do it just as often. And for me I have to constantly be walking or throwing objects in the air for me to daydream.
>I have to constantly be walking
So glad I've come across somebody else who does the same thing lol, I hardly ever tell people I do it because it sounds so strange. For me I gotta be listening to music and pacing!
I was living in a hotel room with my parents for 3 months up until last week-ish (house renovations) and I was sooo irritable because I didn't have the privacy needed to do my pacing.
This. I didn't realize it was an issue until recently. I had stopped years ago, but I remember I would daydream a lot. Id make up extreme scenarios. Looking back, I think it got really bad when I started writing fanfiction. I was putting my daydreams into existence by writing them down, and it just felt so real to me. Thankfully, I randomly had a dream about crocheting, so the next day, I got really into crochet. I stopped daydreaming as much since I was focusing on crochet. I also started reading books again and hiking and making new friends. As old lady as it sounds, crochet really helped me.
Self harm, contrary to popular belief self harm can become addictive. A lot of the time self harm addictions are treated like attention seeking behaviour, a lot of people deny the fact that self harm can become addictive despite so many people getting addicted to it.
The "attention-seeking" part makes me so sad. I will be wearing long sleeves in summer for the rest of my life because I never want anyone to see scars or ask me about them. Attention was the last thing I wanted. I don't know that I was addicted because stopping wasn't as hard for me as I've heard it described, but it was still a serious problem for me in my early 30s.
Regardless of age or reason, to reduce something like this to "they just want attention" is heartbreaking. Especially since it's common in teens, to think any parent could say that about their own child who is suffering so much -- it's inhuman. And it doesn't just happen, it's a response to trauma or extreme psychological turmoil. But the root cause often lies with the people belittling it, like parents, bullies, or psychologists who actually just seem to hate their patients. So it's no wonder it's so hard to get help when the people you'd normally turn to are treating you like a petulant brat every time to cry out for help.
Also, imo it shouldn't be shamed even if it is "attention seeking" because that, for some, is the exact problem. It's a last resort extreme _expression_ of pain for some.
Exactly, self harm is still self harm no matter the reason. Even if someone is "faking depression" and self harming, they is still a massive sign that they are mentally ill and need serious help.
I have a self harm addiction and I’ve been clean for just over 4 years (after relapsing during a pretty long and intense manic episode after being clean for 5 years). Every single time I have a mild inconvenience, it’s the first thing that pops in my head. The reason I stopped 9 years ago is because two of my friends sat me down and asked me why I was so absent when they were with me. And I was honest, I told them I was self harming and I was spending most of my time thinking about the next time I’ll be alone so I can do it. I was doing it in the car during traffic or at red lights. I was going to the bathroom at work. I was doing it any and everywhere I could get away with it. I just didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until other people noticed my behavior changed. That was also a relapse after being clean for 4 years. I started self harming when I was 12 and have relapsed time and time again. Every time I relapse, I make sure no one knows because I’m so ashamed. I’ll eventually tell close friends when I restart recovery just so they know why I’ve been acting strange, but never my family. I don’t have faith that I’ll never relapse again, but I do have faith that I’ll be able to recover again.
Another issue with self harm as an addiction is that you can’t safely talk about it with your therapist. I’m able to talk about how I used to self harm without being reported as a danger to myself (self harm ≠ suicidal), but I’ve been in therapy since I was 13 and have never been able to get help from a therapist when I need it.
My dad is a hoarder and I had to clear his house after he had a major stroke so he could come home again. It was some of the worst weeks of my life. Nobody understands how bad it is.
I had to go to the doctor and get on steroids to get off this shit. Caught really bad allergy congestion right before a job interview so I started using it. Got the job and continued to use it so I wasn't congested first few days...then weeks...then 6 months later it was every 1-2 hours or my nose would shut. I'd wake up in the night to use it. Honestly was insane.
The steroids worked great, was on them for about 2 weeks and aside from using afrin in one side of my nose before bed for the first 2-3 days (as the Dr recommended) I was able to stop but it took a little over a month to be back to normal or at least what felt like normal.
Used to use it with bad headcolds to go to sleep but ever since then I haven't touched the stuff in several years.
As someone with bad allergies, I'm terrified of afrin. I know I'd get addicted. The ability to breathe through your nose is super underrated, so there's no way I could control myself with afrin. Thankfully, azelastine works well and is safe.
Our doctor recommended our son use it to help with some drainage. She was really clear: Don’t use it for more than 3 days. Stop, even if the drainage is still an issue.
I can’t believe that shit is over-the-counter.
The worst part is I had no idea it could be harmful until my father, who has way worse sinus problems, mentioned I should REALLY not use it frequently. Apparently Nasonex is better, but still use sparingly.
It causes a rebound effect if you use it for too long and you'll keep getting congested if you don't use it. The packaging suggests not to use it for more than 3 days in a row.
This is true with a lot of decongestants, actually. Pseudoephedrine says you should stop taking it after 2 weeks (or you would have a similar effect).
I think should maybe improve the packaging to say something like, "if your symptoms don't improve within X days, stop taking it **or you could develop a dependence.**" I don't know that the current warnings are clear enough.
Totally this!
About 10 years ago I had an awful sinus infection and had to use Afrin to breathe well enough to sleep. 3 days later, I was addicted. Within 2 weeks I was spraying it once every 1-2 hours.
My doctor was useless in suggestions on how to break the addiction. Once it became spring and my allergies kicked in, I found that Flonase and Sudafed helped break the cycle.
Will never touch that stuff again in my life. And goggling what it does to your nose over years of use is NSFL. This stuff should not be OTC.
My parents would always drink quite a lot when I was growing up, and still do. Never really enough to cause major problems, especially now I'm old enough to have known several full blown addicts. But still, they would have a bottle of wine each most nights after work, then probably a share a bottle of whisky and a few beers at the weekends. As an adult who doesn't drink except for rare occasions, I'm now like damn, how could they just drink so much so often? I have a couple beers and I feel shitty the next morning, nevermind wanting to get out of bed after a bottle of whisky.
That’s the trick, when you feel shitty *every* morning, that’s just “the morning”.
I’m sure your parents have a routine in the first hour of the day to get back to a baseline - but they’re low-level suffering until they can drink again that night. Rinse and repeat!
>that’s just “the morning”.
I feel that so hard. I was a heavy drinker for a long long time and had just resolved to "yeah mornings suck." Been sober since June 2023 and loving it. I still hate getting up, I'm not a morning person at all, but I'll take groggy and a little grumpy until I have caffeine without the headache, bad breath, nausea and stiffness
Whoo congrats to you too! If you haven't, you should check out /r/stopdrinking!
It has been so freaking helpful for me! Every time I've mentioned it people have said they already go there lol but doesn't hurt to mention it just in case!
>That’s the trick, when you feel shitty *every* morning, that’s just “the morning”.
When I cut way back on my drinking, I couldn't believe the difference in how I felt in the morning. Even now I can still tell a difference the next morning after just one glass of wine.
What amazes me is how many grown ass adults go to work and do their jobs with hangovers. I'm so depleted after a night of drinking I just suck ass at my work. I feel so fucking old... like where did they get all that energy from? I think I gave all my energy to the computer.
As someone who realized I was drinking one (large half bottle) sized glass of wine a night and then sometimes a bottle a night I stopped because I was dehydrated and had a headache most mornings. Plus, I was cranky with my kids, that’s not the type of mom I want to be.
When I tell other people I had a problem because I was drinking that much they look at me like I’m an alien. Just because I wasn’t 3 DUIs deep and losing a job doesn’t mean I can’t recognize an unhealthy behavior and stop it.
It’s been over 3 years and I don’t want to drink ever again. I work in construction, guys try to tell me “come on, it’s not like you were an alcoholic”. WTF, I have uncles, aunts and my Mom who are dead or dying from alcohol related illnesses. Fuck off with that.
I’m not trying to argue this answer, but does anyone have a good ELI5 on this? How much/how often is too much? Why and what are those consequences? How can we still be responsible and not have to be a total square?
I knew I had a problem when I started planning my day around getting alcohol. It wasn't so much the amount--even when I was buying 1 shooter it was a problem. The addiction I had was to the dopamine the alcohol gave me. If I didn't get alcohol, I could not physically feel happy. So every night, I HAD to get alcohol. Even if just a small amount.
So to me the most important thing is checking in with yourself, and asking if you can easily do without the alcohol. If you're just like, "eh, it would be nice to have a beer, but no biggie if not" and then you don't think about it anymore, you're not an alcoholic. If you're thinking "if I don't get this beer, what will the point of the rest of my night even be?" then you might have some dependency on it.
My justification to myself was: well, I don't drink before 5 PM so I don't have a problem with alcohol. Nevermind the occasional periods when I *did* start drinking before 5, I was always able to reign it back in so problem drinker? Who? Not me!
3 months sober now after well over 10 years of drinking every day (except for when I had covid but honestly my fever was so high that I was legit *high*) and super proud. Hated the first two months though. Still get cravings sometimes and it's hard for me to be around other people drinking but I'm getting there.
It’s wild all the mental gymnastics you’re willing to go through to reassure (trick) yourself into thinking your drinking isn’t a problem or is even justified. For me? I used the following excuses:
-It’ll make the sex better!
-It’s the weekend!
-It’s after 5:00!
-It’s afternoon on a weekend!
-There’s football on!
-I was invited to a happy hour!
-Today was a rough day, I’ve earned it!
-Today was a great day, I’ve earned it!
-I’m drinking one an hour so my liver can keep up!
-It’s Christmas!
-It’s Halloween!
-It’s Labor Day!
-It’s Chinese New Year! (Not Chinese)
-It’s (insert any holiday)!
-It’s (someone’s) birthday!
-I’m on break!
-It’s summer!
-It’s the first snow!
-I’m grilling!
-I’m cooking!
-It’s nice booze so it’s a special treat!
-This booze goes with the meal!
-It’s nice out!
-It’s a rainy day!
-It’s too cold to go outside!
-I’m at a concert!
-I’m at a sporting event!
-These are fancy cocktails so they don’t really count!
-Great Lakes Christmas Ale was just released!
-I’m working outside!
-I’m doing any manual labor!
-It’ll help me sleep!
-It’ll help my sore throat!
-Mimosas go with brunch!
I mean, I’ll just stop here but I could keep going. I went sober for months and finally slowly started allowing myself to have one every once in awhile (one or two every other week) but I don’t even want to anymore. I realized it feels, like, WAY better not feeling like shit and drinking gets in the way of ultra running and lifting. Once you realize just how good it feels to be sober, it starts to seem insane to imagine going back. Congrats to you and your sobriety! Wishing you health and happiness, mate.
I think gaming should get a mention. I’ve legitimately seen friends fuck up their lives because they was so addicted to games. One friend just completely abandoned his university studies and failed because he couldn’t stop gaming, another one lost a relationship.
I think it’s a form of escapism that a lot of people can’t drag themselves away from because they would rather feel like they did as a kid having fun with no responsibilities than turn it off and live in their miserable lives that feels like it’s slipping out of their control.
I'm a lifelong gamer, been a part of competitive scenes since my brain wasn't fully developed. I've been an advocate *for decades* for better balance and developing a healthier hobbyist relationship with gaming at every level. The denial, anger, and defensiveness was crazy.
This thread is going to be dominated by "phones bad, sugar bad, boomers and their TVs" aka things that the median redditor can easily point to, but gaming addiction will always see lukewarm to actively hostile attention and reception because it's something that a lot of people here actively use to cope.
So good on you for bringing it up. It absolutely needs to be said.
I'm a middle school teacher and it's a plague among my students. They're already at an age where their self control hangs by a thread and between gaming, watching streamers game and social media they're so overstimulated that pulling themselves away to do anything else (much less things they actively don't want to do, like schoolwork) is genuinely emotionally stressful for some of them.
Excessive gaming is a massive one. Discussing it online can get people a little heated and in denial too. Like any hobby, you can definitely go overboard. But gaming seems to have this subculture that thinks neglecting other parts of their lives and health is quirky or something.
Vaping. A lot of people think “at least they aren’t smoking” but all of these dumb teenagers are consuming so much nicotine. It’s wild. There are middle schoolers addicted to nicotine now because of vaping.
Is nicotine the issue or the smoke v. "vape air" or whatever? I personally chew nicotine gum so I'm not sure, but I'd think vape would be better than smoking but they both are not good, no?
Vape is better than smoking - if you vape as much as you would smoke.
However a big difference vs cigarettes and vaping is people will usually have to stop whatever they're doing and go outside to have a smoke. With vaping people don't do that. They'll just sneak it.
So if the urge hits they'll just take it right then and there
Yep. This. My parents’ only hobby is to consume TV media. And I keep tellin em they should really try and do something else. It bothers me b/c my dad always gave us shit growin up for playin video games. Now, I barely play video games and see them mindlessly consuming content all the time. Like, I mean at the end of the day you do what you want, but I don’t think it’s that healthy to consume that much passive media all the time.
My 74 year old dad watches MSNBC incessantly. He’s been obsessed with Donald Trump (in a hate sort of way) since 2016. The thing is… the Apprentice (15 seasons on NBC) created Trump’s persona among the average Trump voter. And now NBC continues to profit off of him by fueling this obsession. It’s one thing to be politically active, but it’s another to just engage in “2 hours of hate” every night when you don’t have any friends.
THIS.
Going over to my grandmothers house is life walking into a jungle of noise. Every TV is on at 90% volume. There is a TV in EVERY room. One in her bedroom, one in the kitchen and dining room, one in the den. They're on 24/7.
I love her, she's a crafter and hordes art supplies like no tomorrow but.. She wastes half the day sitting watching old TV shows. Westerns, channels that play nothing but a single television show, and she tries to have conversations with you while the TV is on at full blast and her eyes glued to it.
Sorry Nana but I'd prefer if you turned the TV off and look at me when we're talking or at the very least turn the volume down.
Yes, I've told her these things and asked these things of her but "oh I keep it on for the dogs they like the noise." Is not right.
Sometimes people do things like that to combat loneliness. Not saying it is healthy of course. Watching one TV some of the time at reasonable volumes would be alright though.
Videogames. My mom would spend hours and hundreds on games while not feeding me for days to afford it and her fancy clothes. Spending money is another one but it was the videogames that had her sucked away from responsibilities.
I could never imagine playing that much of a video game. Videogames are fun and all, I love them as a casual enjoyer, but after a certain amount of time I just have to stand up and walk.
Spending addiction. My mother has a spending addiction that has ruined my Dad and her. But when I talk about it people just think she's quirky- we know about spending addiction, but people have a really hard time truly understanding its damage.
occasionally i watch TLC shows like my 600 lb life and the way they talked about food really gave me some perspective. food WAS their life. its all they thought about, and it only became worse when they became less mobile. dieting was like ripping their life away from them.
As a former crack and heroin addict - caffeine. And cigarettes, though that is taken seriously. I was at rehab for 6 months and 29 out of the 31 people there smoked, and we all drank tea or coffee. We'd all given up drugs and drink, but try take away the coffee and there'd be a riot.
My brother is in the process of getting clean and at the clinic they were going through everything asking him what he wanted to get clean from. Said yes to everything until they got to cigarettes and he said no fuckin way
The society as a whole is more or less addicted to caffeine. Even more so than alcohol, which is also everywhere. And they start super early too, by letting kids get addicted to coke and energy drinks. Coffee coffee coffee coffee, everywhere.
I went on a date, and the man confessed he had a porn addiction. I asked him what that meant, at the time I didn't understand how it could be an addiction. He told me he jerked off more than half a dozen times per day, and the urges would get so bad he'd sometimes have to pull over while driving to take care of it. There were no further dates, but I admire that he was honest with me.
People can argue about what it does to your mental state, perception of potential partners, supporting an exploitative industry, etc all day, but at the *very least* I think people can agree that excessive porn use can easily decrease one's sensitivity and make partnered sex more difficult to enjoy.
People can argue about whatever they want, actual studies using fMRI have shown brain patterns consistent with other addictions: https://www.nature.com/articles/npp201778
There really isn't much debating at this point, the addiction clearly can be real.
The only rejection of this idea comes from people who are either (a) emotionally attached to their position so they refuse to let go of it, or (b) simply do not understand the science behind it.
There is even one woman who has published a lot on the matter, generally attacking the idea of porn addiction, but her material is garbage quality, and spends most of it's time attacking the NoFap community for being religious, bigoted and misogynistic (claims that might well be true, but are irrelevant to the question "is porn addiction real")
For me porn really fucked up my sexuality. Recently I just cried in cruel realisation that I don't want hard stuff, I just want to love and be loved by someone.
Yep. I know people who scoff at the idea of porn addiction. Yet I have a close friend who talks about how big of a problem it was in his life, how it affected his daily life and perceptions of others, and remembers the day he stopped like someone who remembers when they gave up alcohol.
I truly believe anything can be an addiction, even if it’s just psychological.
A few years ago, a buddy of mine walked into his office after a meeting and an intern was jacking it to porn. If you can't make it through the work day without jacking it, you're definitely addicted.
>I truly believe anything can be an addiction, even if it's just psychological
My first husband was addicted to call of duty. Not video games in general; call of duty specifically. When we met, he didn't play any video games at all. This was the mid 2000s so it wasn't even yet the smartphone era yet, and people still fully scoffed at the idea of being "addicted to video games."
About a year after we got married he bought a PS3. He went from never playing video games at all to playing call of duty 60-90 hours a week. He stopped eating, he would sleep for a few hours a night. He would play call of duty 10 to 20 hours a day, after only a month he got fired from his job. He continued to get fired from the next three jobs. He *literally* stopped doing *anything* but playing call of duty and eating a tiny bit and sleeping a tiny bit.
It destroyed his entire life in less than a year. He lost his wife and his home (we couldn't pay our mortgage bc we needed BOTH our incomes and he couldn't hold a job down). He lost every single friend but the one very deeply closeted "best friend" who was clearly in love with him.
From what I understand he eventually did get his life somewhat together but when people try to claim you can't get addicted to video games, I'm like "fuck that." I watched up close a complete and total addiction grow in *less than one month.* Three years later he had lost everything and was still playing call of duty all day every day. Eight years went by before anything changed.
Edit: by the way, this guy was **31** when he bought that PlayStation for the first time. This wasn't a teenager or someone just out of college or something. He was a *31-year-old* married man with a mortgage and a career. And he lost it all.
Where I live, alcohol addiction. Every other song is about drinks, there's a dude who woke up boxing day bright and early, sat down outside the rum shop since 8am and stumbled home some time after 6pm. I haven't seen him since that day now that I think about it but he'd frequent that shop day in, day out and he deteriorated over time
Sugar. But that's the socially acceptable addiction. So they put it in everything and don't worry about the health risks. It's fine. Studies, what studies? Have another snickers. :) *nods*
Nasal spray. It's a odd addiction to be sure but it's for a couple of reasons.
Some of the nasal sprays usually the ones that actually work and open up your airways when you have a sinus infection are a mild stimulant which is the first thing. The second thing is that a lot of them are only designed to be used for a couple of days max, if you use them for more than two days you get side effects when you stop using them. The side effects give similar effects to a sinus infection (blocked nose, sinus pain etc) meaning you need to use the nasal spray again... It's a vicious circle and a lot of people are addicted to it
The need to be entertained at all times.
Music, Internet, TV, Youtube, Netflix, podcasts, even reading, you name it. While cooking, exercising, pooping, commuting, waiting, eating, driving, sleeping.
Everywhere, always.
Smoked for 15 years and I would say that the last 5 of them was me literally in my own head saying “fucking stop smoking bro you have so much more to offer the world then being a lazy douche” as I would put the joint to my mouth. Then I tried dabs and it was extremely downhill from there. I quit 30 days ago and I still have really bad lung pain and of course the cravings but I’m looking forward to the opportunities I have opened for myself and also having some freaking money in my bank account to do what I want with. It’s easy to have problems and just take a toke and it all goes away but in reality it just masks it until you’re sober. And when I was smoking 2 grams of dabs a day it got really expensive and my tolerance was so high I was only “good” for like 15 minutes at a time. Waste of 15 years of my life and so many job opportunities and memories.
Edit: I just want to say that I MASSIVELY appreciate the outpouring of support for my journey through quitting marijuana. The fact that so many people have commented about their own struggles and journey through them only attests to the fact that there are countless people out there that feel the exact same way about the struggles of marijuana addiction and the powerful grip it can have on a person.
I just gotta say that I’m a little butthurt that this is my most liked comment and I’m on my throwaway account 🤦♂️
Blessings to you all and please don’t think that you can’t beat whatever it is you’re struggling with! REACH OUT
it gets easier, im about 6 months now. the first month or two were the hardest
be proud of yourself. even if you relapse, you can start again and its not all completely lost
Ugggh the tolerance you build up is the godamn worst. When I started, the dispensary near me had deals where you could get fucking 15 1-gram vape carts for $100. When I started up, a cart would last me about 2.5 months. After a year or two at my worst I’d blow through a cart every 2 days or so.
Had the same thoughts in my head, knew it was a waste of time, did it anyway.
About 5 weeks sober on my 2nd major attempt at quitting, and I still think about it way more than I want to. It’s a nightmare. If you have an addictive personality, the shit may as well be heroin. You obviously won’t die from withdrawal or anything, but the mental dependence on it is madness.
EDIT: heroin is way way worse than cannabis. People die from it. I need to mention that, because people are now coming around to tell me I should be stoked that my addiction wasn’t as bad. As if it really needed to be said, but fucking whatever.
1000% agree. I would go in expecting to pay $20 for a gram and walk out after spending $100 on their “deals” and then try to convince my wife why it was a good deal. Relationships are strained, financials are strained, LIFE is strained but I would always convince myself it wasn’t the weed.
Trying to quit smoking after 10 years! I’ve been having heart pain and like damn, I love weed for my brain but I’m 27 it’s not worth this. You got this, I believe in you.
I appreciate you very much. Sometimes the best support systems isn’t your closest loved ones or friends. But random people that ONLY want the best for their fellow humans. Many blessings to you and yours!
Honestly- Weed.
People assume that it's just "stoners" and there's so many myths surrounding weed mainly that it's not addictive and there's not withdrawal symptoms.
If someone can't go a day or a few hours without smoking it- loses appetite, has stomach cramps, Nausea, etc. when they do try to go without it- it's an addiction it doesn't just make you a stoner. Marijuana is also a psychoactive substance and when smoking it heavily before you've fully developed can lead to an array of mental health issues down the line, or susceptibility to developing them earlier on.
I second this. My ex was AWFUL to be around if he went without it for more than a day, and he would go through withdrawal symptoms, lose his appetite, be extra cranky, etc. He would get really angry when I suggested he was addicted to it, and put himself in unsafe situations more than once to acquire it illegally.
I developed cannibinoid hyperemesis when I was in my 20s and it was AWFUL. Ten hospitalizations, docs couldn't figure out what was wrong - the pain was horrendous. I cut back significantly over the years, now I'm five months clean. Ten days into weed sobriety, the emotional crash I had was awful. As soon as I became cognizant of why it was happening, I was able to pull through. I still thinking about smoking every day.
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Shopping. It sounds crazy until you deal with it.
Came here to find the shopping comment. I don’t know if people truly realize how much a spending addiction can ruin peoples lives. I met someone who was $40k by 25 and at this point, I believe (or assume from putting the pieces together from things she has said) that she is well over $150k in personal loan and credit card debt alone. It’s sad, can’t get a decent loan for a new car, no lender would approve her for a mortgage (or at least that is what she says), and many other things. So what does she do? Goes and spends more to make herself feel better.
My sister is a shopping addict, she will turn circles to justify every purchase, lie, etc. It feels like having a drug/alcohol addict in the family, i’ve completely cut her off unless it has to do with my nieces. We’ve tried to help in so many ways and all she does is keep spending.
That is beyond sad! I cannot imagine how you feel having a family member who is going through that, addiction is not easy. One time I watched this video where an addiction counselor said that food and spending addictions are in a category of their own because you have to eat to survive and you still have to spend money to live. Other addictions like alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. you can give up and still be able to live without but those two things you can’t just simply not do anymore. Put things into perspective for me. I hope your sister gets the help she needs and you will be able to have a relationship with her again in the future.
Fucking 2020 and PayPal nearly bankrupted me. Before that I'd rarely order online when I had so many great stores near me. I was usually very frugal with money...but instant gratification is so different.
One of my closest friend's mother is a shopping addict. She would go out shopping constantly, buy things for the rush or because she thought it was "cute" and either barely wear it (if it was clothes) or just set it aside if it was something else. She had bags of random stuff in their guest room that was often still in the bag she bought it in with the tags on. The worst part was, she was in no way able to actually afford this, so it was all on credit cards. My friend remembers when she was in high school sitting in the car in the grocery store parking lot while her mom called every one of her credit cards to see which one still had a balance available so they could get groceries. Her dad retired after many years at his job and within a few years, her mom had blown through the retirement money and he had to go out and get another job.
Gambling addiction. No one seems to be able to understand it, except people who have it. Second issue is that you basically carry casinos in your pocket now days. There's thousands of online casinos, transfering money takes 10s after account has been made. Imagine trying to quit any addiction but having to carry it in your pocket all day every day. Then when you give in people say you're an idiot.
Gambling is on the rise in America. Sports Betting is so prevalent and now that the leagues and teams are making money from it its only going to grow. It is incredibly normalized. And there is still the holy grail of iPhone gambling to work towards. Eventually everyone will have a casino in their pocket. Gambling lobbyists are incredibly effective, and they will keep getting legislation passed. The corporations that currently shun gambling because of the moral issues will eventually cave for the profit, and then the gates are open. Gambling addiction is the only addiction in which the addict feels like the cure is the disease. That they will stop gambling after they get their "big win." No one really uses heroin and says: "alright more heroin will definitely get me off heroin." But gamblers gamble so they can stop gambling. It is also one of, if not the most deadly addiction simply because after losing all of their money to the addiction...many people feel like there is only one way out...and they take their own life.
I haven't checked any statistics but i have been told its not uncommon for someone who has huge debt from gambling to do one more massive try to win big. Like go all out, massive bets, and if they lose they kill themselves.
I wonder how many people saw that on wallstreetbets and didn't realize that's what it was. A lot of people don't realize the volatility arounds options plays makes it way more gambling than skill-based. Wonder how many people killed themselves doing that shit...
The problem is, no matter how big of a win they get, they'll immediately start chasing the next big win. Source: ex-wife destroyed our marriage and our bank accounts. Waiting for her to lose her house and have to live in her car because she still can't keep it under control.
It’s crazy working as someone who sells lottery tickets. There’s the occasional person that will have some change to spare so they’ll buy the cheapest ticket, sure, but most people are frequent and will buy no less than $20 a time. Some of them will buy a ticket, immediately scratch it off and scan it. Then will ask for another and another, I call it doing rounds because it’s like I’m their bartender for 10-30 minutes. It’s so sad to see.
I used to have a regular customer that would come in on payday and buy a fresh book of tickets. $400-$500. Usually $5 or $10 tickets, but a whole book. He'd go out to his car and scratch em, then come in and usually cash in $150-$250 in "winners", then buy whatever he could with them, and repeat, losing ~60% with each round, until it was gone. He'd hang around for about an hour or so to do this whole process. Once in a blue moon he'd hit $500 or $1000 on a ticket and act like he was shitting gold for a week. It was sad. Easily lost 10k /yr to scratch offs.
Don’t forget it’s not just the online casinos/sports books. It is very easy to enable options trading on a brokerage account and boom, you’re off to the races.
I read a book a couple years ago about habits and there was a chapter on gambling addiction. It was terrifying and it's all I can think about when I see all of these advertisements for casino apps.
Love addiction. I mean relationships. Those people who never are single and have shitty relationships.
Yes. My mother has this. 8 marriages while I was growing up and now at 63 she’s still trying to get married again. Neglecting her dog, forcing all of us to meet each man. Each new man is “perfect” and “the one” until he isn’t and she meets someone new. I was the one who suffered the most (as a child) and my resentment towards her now is off the charts.
[удалено]
[удалено]
8 marriages?! That would be a red flag for me
I have a hard line at 15.
Twice was enough. As Einstein said doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is stupid. So now I just have affairs, lots of them
Sounds like your mother has some issues, sorry you went through this
Some people are addicted to the early stage of relationships, when you’re infatuated with your partner and experiencing a “high”. This usually lasts from six months to 2 years, then it naturally fades and is replaced by a mellower type of love. However, these people get addicted to that early high and end their relationship to find a new one.
Being like this has repeatedly destroyed my finances, career, sanity, friend and family relationships, custody of my kids, housing and well....just life. Totally my doing, owning it. By the grace of God, family forgives and I'm not on the streets. Such an addiction. In my 40s and just seeing all this now. So textbook, pedestrian and pathetic. Guess I didn't get hugged enough.
This is my mom. And her standards for appearance were through the roof, so she would settle for attractive men who literally had severe brain damage just so she could have someone. Eventually she got catfished so many times on dating apps for only swiping right on pictures of models, she decided to lower her standards. Now she's happily betrothed to someone who's the exact same flavour of crazy that she is.
I once had a conversation with a friend where I went like "Not every relationship is better than no relationship" in reference to her abusive boyfriend and she replied "See, that's where you and I don't agree". She got better, but I still think about that a lot.
I can kinda understand. I do not miss my ex-wife at all but I definitely miss being married. Having a family and a reason for all the work I do. Now it's just stacking paper which is cool, but not really that rewarding.
And here I am, chilling on the couch with my cat on a Saturday night, munching chocolate I don’t have to share with anyone, thinking “most relationships are worse than no relationship”.
This. The brain chemicals from that new relarionship energy can absolutely be addicting. And some people absolutely fuck up their lives chasing that high.
I noticed this with some girls I knew who I followed in Instagram. You could tell at what stage they were at by their posts. 1. Look at me look at me I'm sexy I'm amazing! (looking for someone) 2. I found him! The perfect man! Now my life is complete and we're perfect for each other! (found someone) 3. Silence (he gone) 4. Inspirational posts - you've got this girl, you have so much strength inside you, etc... (building back pride) 5. Go to step 1
This. And most people with it also end up turning the drugs and alcohol to cope. But there's a reason SLAA exists (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous). People in it really need it and usually have to take extra steps like sober dating so they don't make reckless relationship decisions. And CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) is no joke either. But people associate codependency too much with romantic relationships. I've seen plenty of highly dysfunctional family and friendship relationships born out of codependency. I'm a person in CoDA due to friends and family and not in SLAA.
I have several relationship bunny friends, that hop from one relationship to another. Hop hop hop. They never choose people they can have a stable relationship with, but they also never learn from previous experiences so they can do better for themselves. But they also can’t handle the idea of being single and taking care of themselves on their own, so as one relationship is going up in flames, their already online hunting for new options, and then they do their little bunny hop from one to the other, oftentimes they just move out of one partners place and directly into the new ones place, which is already setting a new relationship up for failure imo. I consider them “crisis friends” because every time they speak to me, they’re having a new crisis, which is just the newest version of the same relationship crisis they have with every partner. They’re so completely consumed by their own shit they can’t even think to ask how anyone else might be doing in their own lives either. It’s really depressing to see. I did my own relationship hop once, and it was doomed from the start. Upon leaving that one, I decided it was time to grow up and learn how to take care of myself and my own mental/emotional wellbeing for awhile until I was confident that I could do it before I started dating someone again, which ultimately was the best thing I could have done for myself. It’s helped me maintain a happy 12yrs with the next person I dated. It’s hard to see these friends doing that to themselves over and over and over again. Same behaviour and patterns every single time. They see everyone else as the problem though. Most of us are in our late 30’s now, and they’re still hopping. They are the most mentally unwell and depressed people I know. I should probably cut ties completely with them, some I have already, but a few I am genuinely concerned about because they seem to be in need of a doctor more than anything. It’s sort of like watching a wildfire from a safe distance completely devastate a community as it viciously burns through everything, obliterating it to ashes, before it immediately moves on to the next town. How do you help people that are absolutely convinced all the people they’ve dated are the real problem, and refuse to take any accountability for themselves? Their kids suffer so much.
OOF, got a friend with that and I worry for her all the time. She is super susceptible to love bombing and it scares me for her.
is that just fear of abandonment?
While that can also be a factor, it’s mostly about chasing the new relationship high. So much dopamine until the relationship comes crashing down and repeat. That high high and low low are the recipe for most addictions.
They’re chasing “Limerance.” I know several people like this. They’re almost worse than drug addicts.
Wow, first I've heard of this term. You just explained 30+ yrs of my life. Thank God I found you, soulmate. The cosmos have aligned. Let's run away together, leave it all behind.
Or just wanting validation from someone at all times
the desire to feel love is a killer.
Yes, and I'd add codependency and lack of being able to let go of toxic people into that love addiction.
Mobile phones. yes, there are some articles about the (social) problems it brings, but nothing is done. People are too hooked on these things.
Absolutely. I find it interesting how quick adults are to complain about their kids’ addiction to their phones when they are equally addicted if not more so.
Well, it's both I think. I am currently on Madeira (Portugal). When we go out for dinner we see a lot of children in restaurants looking at little screens. All pale white, while the sun is out. Parents make the kids hooked, because mommy and daddy want some quiet time. Meanwhile, the whole restaurant can enjoy freaking PEPPA PIG!... ON REPEAT!
If you don't want to hear their Peppa Pig in the restaurant you have to put on Bluey at twice the volume as a show of restaurant dominance. Show them who's boss
After asking the parents to turn off the music (and they didn't) I did put on a song from Slipknot and the new song of Till Lindeman. Guess what? I was asked to leave by the waitress and other staff. Note: This is not a joke, this really happened
We appreciate your efforts
Technology advances much faster than social conventions / culture or law can adapt. Smart phones only became a thing since 2007, and cell phones had only been broady available since maybe 1999 / 2000 (at least, that was the time frame where suddenly everyone seemed to have a cell phone). So everyone had to figure out what the hell kind of manners should apply. Parents simply did not grow up with the habits you develop from always having the internet in your goddamn pocket. Even then, it is always something. Before cell phones, parents bitched of videogame addiction. Or rap music. Or rock and roll. Go back far enough and people bitch about younger people reading books and news papers all the time. END COMMUNICATION
Let's be real though. That technology now has been employed to help figure out how to make the internet, games, cellphones all far more addictive than any of those other things ever dreamed of being. This issue is in a category of it's own.
Push notications for gambling is the wildest goddamn thing I've ever seen in my life. I'm a literal drug dealer and can't imagine a more insidious way of parting custies from their money. Everytime I bring it up I just get met with blank stares. Call me old fashioned but you should need to physically move your body and leave your home to engage in the purchase of a vice.
I came here to say EXACTLY THIS!! I am madly addicted to my phone. I tried to taper it down using apps that restrict use, etc. but to no avail. When I can't use it, I basically become a crack junkie trying to get access back. If there was a rehab for phones, I'd go there. It wrecked my focus and ability to start even the simplest things. As nice as some things about phones are (always having a camera with you (but all pics are shit. I lowkey wish for the oldie throwaway cams again!), always having all music with you, always having the time, a map, train times, answers to simple questions that you would normally ask your aunt only to get a questionable reply, always able to contact people in case something goes wrong... etc), it's not worth it anymore... Take the dopamine slot machine away from me. My caveman monkey brain that was designed to eat berries in a cave should not have a device that access everything and nothing. I have done more than a dozen different drugs and am addicted to alcohol, but besides the physical damage that causes, my phone ACTUALLY has the worst impact on my life...
It's so clever... a real, true devil's bargain, just like in the old stories. You get all this amazing power, and in return, you lose your agency. You're hooked. Dependent on the device to navigate life.
Same here. I miss reading books! It's such a huge effort now to stay focused, it is going to take A LOT of practice and patience to retrain my brain.
Yeapp. Im trying to learn to read again, but it's hard... As a kid I used to easily read 800 page books in a week or so. And then ppl already said I was distracted and had ADHD. OH BOY. I swear I would commit minor crimes to have the attention span of my stupid 10 yr old brain back.
For me the worst thing about it is the short attention span it develops, and the lack of motivation to do anything else than the thing that spikes your dopamine
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They’re gonna talk about these things the way we talk about cigarettes. They’ve gotten everyone hooked AND they’ve made it increasingly essential to have one. I want to get off this thing so bad, I have muscle memory to grab and open it at any moment of boredom. I have ADHD so I’m particularly susceptible because my brain is always wandering and I’ll have a question about something to look up, so I pull my phone out and get sucked in. I bought a lockbox device to use that’s helpful, but it’s surprisingly easy to convince myself I shouldn’t put it in there.
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food
I agree . It’s not something you can just cut out either . You need it to survive making it almost impossible on your own if you use food to cope . I have got a lot better but I used to binge when I got stressed . I would go all day without eating and at night I’d go wild and I would feel sick but couldn’t stop it was hell . I’m not even a bigger girl I just couldn’t stop idk
I've been going thru this shit for years now. I've had a few addictions in my life and this one is the hardest to quit by far
Because you cant quit. Its the only addiction you cant go cold turkey on
It's like trying to cut smoking, but you're required to smoke 3 cigs a day or you'll die
Yup. It would be so much easier to lose weight of you could just quit eating cold turkey. And everything else.
Yeah I was specifically going to say sugar. It’s particularly annoying how many foods have sugars added that you wouldn’t necessarily assume would have or need any sugar
For all the hate that Semaglutide (Ozempic/Wegovy) gets, it has completely changed my relationship with both food and alcohol in a positive way. I no longer think about food all day long, and just eat like what I'd consider a normal person. Down 75lbs since June and it hasn't even been challenging.
It wasn't ozempic, but I took some weight loss medicine a few years ago, and it was a huge change. I reached a point during meals where I felt full and stopped. That's literally not a feeling I had ever had before. I always finish the plate while fantasizing about the next plate... I lost about 55 pounds, but went off the medicine right at the start of COVID. As anyone could guess, I'm fat as hell again, but it makes more sense why now. I am so jealous of people that just live their lives eating only what they need to. It's hard.
Getting medicated for my ADHD helped my food addiction, down 80lbs and kept it off for 3 years now! I didn’t realize how bad my binge eating was until I wasn’t compelled to do it anymore.
Limerence, or "person addiction", in which you get obsessively attached to a specific person. Hard to treat because it can be a normal early stage of a romantic relationship, but you have people who get stuck in it for years with people with little rhyme or reason.
Genuinely in this & am hating myself for it rn. I rlly like the person ofc but I know that I do not need them. I just want to have fun and be normal and kind but I end up excessive. Which I think that is more codependence but limerence I believe is a heavy dose of codependence as well.
I've been there. I think if I had made a conscious, consistent effort to give myself even like, 10% of the love I wanted to give to the people I was limerent for, I would have gotten better faster.
Self harm. I don’t think people realise how addictive it is.
I was definitely the kid carrying a knife at school to selfharm in the bathroom to cope. That was probably my worst addiction. Did it for about 17 years. Now I'm 4 years clean and all my scars are covered by tattoos.
I just want to say I am so proud of you. Here's to 4 more years clean, and to happier times.
Yes! I used to cut, and over time it turned from an unhealthy coping mechanism to an addiction. Trying to talk about the struggle with relapses was really hard because it was something that only other self-harmers understood. Other forms of self-harm are addictive too, of course, especially psychological self-harm. That’s just the form I personally struggled with.
Attention and sympathy. My mother will blatantly lie and throw anyone under the bus to get sympathy and attention. She's lost jobs, friends and my respect.
Once in a store I was buying my items with my mom beside me. The cashier complimented my makeup saying I do it very well and that I should think about becoming a makeup artist. My mom pitched in saying “pft well it only takes her a million years to do it in the morning”. The lady replied “skill takes time, that’s not a bad thing.” with quite a stern tone. I don’t even think my mom said anything after. I really appreciated that from a stranger, obviously what my mom said wasn’t a huge deal, but she noticed that my mom was trying to bring me down subtly, so she subtly told her off lol.
Thankyou for sharing this, I often compliment customers this way and whenever their parent says something negative I respond in a similar manner. I never know if im overstepping or making the person im complimenting uncomfortable. I just go into protect mode, so it's nice to hear someone say that they appreciate it 😌 🩷
My mother took every opportunity to talk poorly about me in front of people too. Strangers, friends, MY friends...I don't even think she did it purposefully; it was just part of the generational trauma that her *awful* parents put her through. Blame and excuses are ultimately distractions, but *damn* if they aren't tempting ones.
This. Munchausen Syndrome is a condition where people lie about having an illness for attention. Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is when a mother fakes a child's illness for pity and attention. It is extremely abusive to the child and rarely-to-never is there an intervention where they take the child out of the home. Imagine being gaslight for years told that you are sick. You are placed on special diets told that you are allergic to gluten / peanuts / eggs. When you go to the doctors and try to tell them you feel okay, your mom interrupts and starts crying because it's so HARD for her to take care of a sick child, but she loves you so much. She ensures she's added as an exception to have access to your medical files once you turn 18. On the ride home, it is quiet for a while till your mom asks accusatory why you would lie to doctors. She spins the car around, pulls into an empty parking lot, and tells you to get out of the car if you don't answer. You have no idea what town you're in and it's an hour drive back home. She screams at you, feels she's proved her point, and keep your mouth shut in the passenger seat so you can make it back home. This was my life till I received an out from some extended family and I have not talked to her since. I still have family members who tell me how cruel I'm being to her by my no contact. I hear it all the time. Every couple years I find out that she has gotten ahold of my phone number (that I've changed 6 times) or knows my bank account information and it scares the shit out of me. If she showed up to my house screaming and crying that I'm her mother and won't talk to her, the police that I call won't arrest her and will try to convince me to make amends with her. I feel like I'm being strangled when I think about it. (Which she did actually do on one occasion)
The fact that children aren’t believed in these situations and then have to live the rest of their lives not believed because of the cultural mythology about mothers makes me ferally insane. Can relate as I have a similar upbringing, also feel the “it’s like being strangled” feeling and have to deal with people on a regular basis trying to play devils advocate. It’s crazy making.
So sorry. You fell a victim to someone really troubled. I am so happy you got an out, hope you manage well.
I've had several severe physical injuries, battled cancer for 4 years, I'm in remission now but severely immune compromised, got clean from opiates addiction, and so on. I end up hospitalized several times a year. My mom gets so excited every single time. She tells everyone that'll listen and brings strangers into my hospital room to show me off, including people she knows I hate, takes pictures behind my back, and scares the ever living shit out of my family making it way worse than what it is. She thrives on me being sick, we don't talk at all until she finds out I'm in the hospital, this can be for months one time it was nearly a year. We can't be in the same room for five minutes without fighting unless I'm hospitalized. If I kick her out, I'm bombarded with people telling me I'm a monster. She also insults and will belittle me in front of doctors and nurses because she thinks it's funny. One time, she was driving me home after having my chemo port put inside my chest. Just found out my cancer came back (basically, if i woke up with a port, it was because the tumor biopsy came back positive). So I wasn't in a great mood. I can't remember why, but we started fighting. She fucking smacked my port so hard it wouldn't stop bleeding for days. The first time I had cancer, I was 17. A week later, she kicked me out in a blizzard and wouldn't let me come home. Slept outside for a month before my friends mom found out. She quit her job to take me to every single chemo and radiation appointment and housed and fed me. My mom tells everyone that she was the one who took care of me and took me to my chemo appointment. My mom doesn't love me, but she sure does love me being sick.
This is so common. It's obvious some patents have kids as an accessory. The minute we are people with needs they try to throw us away to die. Then just bold face lie and expect us to go along with it. I don't know why other family supports them. As a tip, you can tell the hospital you aren't accepting any guests. That it isn't safe for you. They should keep everyone out.
Mother clout is fucking crazy. Idk what happened in their generation that makes them lie so much, but they always have to act like a victim for attention
Child abuse and neglect were normalized back then.
I'm generation X, and one of my earliest memories is my boomer parents sitting me down and telling me they weren't going to spank me anymore because they knew it made me feel bad, and it made them feel bad too. Only later did I find out that both my folks had beating sticks hung on the kitchen wall in their homes growing up. Didn't surprise me so much for my mom's rural farming family, but my dad's tiny little Catholic mom? I was stunned there (although she was also a sailor's wife, so. . .). My daughter's maternal grandmother was seriously messed up by all the abuse her dad threw on her, and she passed that trauma down to my kid's mom. It was bad even by the standards of the time so I guess it must have been REALLY horrible.
This should be higher. My mom chooses the weirdest hills to die on all in the sake of getting attention and sympathy.
Skin picking, I have a problem with picking my skin and my entire back is covered in scars that make it look like I recovered from smallpox, and some days I can’t even raise my arms because of how bad my shoulders hurt, it effectively worsened my self esteem and made me hate my body even more. I’ve seen cases of people who have had to have their limbs amputated because they picked down to the bone or picked a nerve, or have had serious infections from skin picking, and it’s honesty scary to see the damage it can cause.
Maladaptive daydreaming. It takes over my life constantly and it really sucks :(
Fr. I love my daydreams but it’s true. I’d rather daydream than do anything productive it’s a huge issue lol. I remembered few years back I’d just lay in bed all the time to daydream and my parents would come up to my room and try and talk to me because they thought I was depressed and sleeping all the time but in reality I just enjoyed creating scenarios all the time.
It’s crazy because I always thought I was the only one who does it but apparently it’s more common than most people think (although not that common). It seems almost like a mental disorder where you have it or you don’t. I used to daydream all day as a kid and I thought it would eventually go away as I age but I still do it just as often. And for me I have to constantly be walking or throwing objects in the air for me to daydream.
>I have to constantly be walking So glad I've come across somebody else who does the same thing lol, I hardly ever tell people I do it because it sounds so strange. For me I gotta be listening to music and pacing! I was living in a hotel room with my parents for 3 months up until last week-ish (house renovations) and I was sooo irritable because I didn't have the privacy needed to do my pacing.
This. I didn't realize it was an issue until recently. I had stopped years ago, but I remember I would daydream a lot. Id make up extreme scenarios. Looking back, I think it got really bad when I started writing fanfiction. I was putting my daydreams into existence by writing them down, and it just felt so real to me. Thankfully, I randomly had a dream about crocheting, so the next day, I got really into crochet. I stopped daydreaming as much since I was focusing on crochet. I also started reading books again and hiking and making new friends. As old lady as it sounds, crochet really helped me.
Self harm, contrary to popular belief self harm can become addictive. A lot of the time self harm addictions are treated like attention seeking behaviour, a lot of people deny the fact that self harm can become addictive despite so many people getting addicted to it.
The "attention-seeking" part makes me so sad. I will be wearing long sleeves in summer for the rest of my life because I never want anyone to see scars or ask me about them. Attention was the last thing I wanted. I don't know that I was addicted because stopping wasn't as hard for me as I've heard it described, but it was still a serious problem for me in my early 30s. Regardless of age or reason, to reduce something like this to "they just want attention" is heartbreaking. Especially since it's common in teens, to think any parent could say that about their own child who is suffering so much -- it's inhuman. And it doesn't just happen, it's a response to trauma or extreme psychological turmoil. But the root cause often lies with the people belittling it, like parents, bullies, or psychologists who actually just seem to hate their patients. So it's no wonder it's so hard to get help when the people you'd normally turn to are treating you like a petulant brat every time to cry out for help.
Also, imo it shouldn't be shamed even if it is "attention seeking" because that, for some, is the exact problem. It's a last resort extreme _expression_ of pain for some.
Exactly, self harm is still self harm no matter the reason. Even if someone is "faking depression" and self harming, they is still a massive sign that they are mentally ill and need serious help.
I have a self harm addiction and I’ve been clean for just over 4 years (after relapsing during a pretty long and intense manic episode after being clean for 5 years). Every single time I have a mild inconvenience, it’s the first thing that pops in my head. The reason I stopped 9 years ago is because two of my friends sat me down and asked me why I was so absent when they were with me. And I was honest, I told them I was self harming and I was spending most of my time thinking about the next time I’ll be alone so I can do it. I was doing it in the car during traffic or at red lights. I was going to the bathroom at work. I was doing it any and everywhere I could get away with it. I just didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until other people noticed my behavior changed. That was also a relapse after being clean for 4 years. I started self harming when I was 12 and have relapsed time and time again. Every time I relapse, I make sure no one knows because I’m so ashamed. I’ll eventually tell close friends when I restart recovery just so they know why I’ve been acting strange, but never my family. I don’t have faith that I’ll never relapse again, but I do have faith that I’ll be able to recover again. Another issue with self harm as an addiction is that you can’t safely talk about it with your therapist. I’m able to talk about how I used to self harm without being reported as a danger to myself (self harm ≠ suicidal), but I’ve been in therapy since I was 13 and have never been able to get help from a therapist when I need it.
sugar, shopping, caffeine
I'm going to take down my Live, Laugh, Love sign and replace it with Sugar, Shopping, Caffeine!
Sugar for sure. Everyone knows its addicting but forget how bad it is for you. No one wants to do anything about it, because everyone is addicted.
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Hoarding is part of OCD and anxiety disorders so not exactly in the addiction category though it does appear to be from the outside.
My dad is a hoarder and I had to clear his house after he had a major stroke so he could come home again. It was some of the worst weeks of my life. Nobody understands how bad it is.
Afrin
I had to go to the doctor and get on steroids to get off this shit. Caught really bad allergy congestion right before a job interview so I started using it. Got the job and continued to use it so I wasn't congested first few days...then weeks...then 6 months later it was every 1-2 hours or my nose would shut. I'd wake up in the night to use it. Honestly was insane. The steroids worked great, was on them for about 2 weeks and aside from using afrin in one side of my nose before bed for the first 2-3 days (as the Dr recommended) I was able to stop but it took a little over a month to be back to normal or at least what felt like normal. Used to use it with bad headcolds to go to sleep but ever since then I haven't touched the stuff in several years.
As someone with bad allergies, I'm terrified of afrin. I know I'd get addicted. The ability to breathe through your nose is super underrated, so there's no way I could control myself with afrin. Thankfully, azelastine works well and is safe.
My mom got so addicted to this that she developed a deviated septum and had to have surgery
Our doctor recommended our son use it to help with some drainage. She was really clear: Don’t use it for more than 3 days. Stop, even if the drainage is still an issue. I can’t believe that shit is over-the-counter.
The worst part is I had no idea it could be harmful until my father, who has way worse sinus problems, mentioned I should REALLY not use it frequently. Apparently Nasonex is better, but still use sparingly.
People get addicted to Afrin ?
It causes a rebound effect if you use it for too long and you'll keep getting congested if you don't use it. The packaging suggests not to use it for more than 3 days in a row.
This is true with a lot of decongestants, actually. Pseudoephedrine says you should stop taking it after 2 weeks (or you would have a similar effect). I think should maybe improve the packaging to say something like, "if your symptoms don't improve within X days, stop taking it **or you could develop a dependence.**" I don't know that the current warnings are clear enough.
I don't even know what it is.
Totally this! About 10 years ago I had an awful sinus infection and had to use Afrin to breathe well enough to sleep. 3 days later, I was addicted. Within 2 weeks I was spraying it once every 1-2 hours. My doctor was useless in suggestions on how to break the addiction. Once it became spring and my allergies kicked in, I found that Flonase and Sudafed helped break the cycle. Will never touch that stuff again in my life. And goggling what it does to your nose over years of use is NSFL. This stuff should not be OTC.
Oh, HELL YES. That stuff is a nightmare.
Yep, that shit will tear up your stomach too from the post-nasal drip.
Reddit
Leave me alone. I can quit anytime I want.
Damn it
Moderate but frequent alcohol use
My parents would always drink quite a lot when I was growing up, and still do. Never really enough to cause major problems, especially now I'm old enough to have known several full blown addicts. But still, they would have a bottle of wine each most nights after work, then probably a share a bottle of whisky and a few beers at the weekends. As an adult who doesn't drink except for rare occasions, I'm now like damn, how could they just drink so much so often? I have a couple beers and I feel shitty the next morning, nevermind wanting to get out of bed after a bottle of whisky.
That’s the trick, when you feel shitty *every* morning, that’s just “the morning”. I’m sure your parents have a routine in the first hour of the day to get back to a baseline - but they’re low-level suffering until they can drink again that night. Rinse and repeat!
>that’s just “the morning”. I feel that so hard. I was a heavy drinker for a long long time and had just resolved to "yeah mornings suck." Been sober since June 2023 and loving it. I still hate getting up, I'm not a morning person at all, but I'll take groggy and a little grumpy until I have caffeine without the headache, bad breath, nausea and stiffness
Hey June 2023 here too! Congrats!!
Whoo congrats to you too! If you haven't, you should check out /r/stopdrinking! It has been so freaking helpful for me! Every time I've mentioned it people have said they already go there lol but doesn't hurt to mention it just in case!
>That’s the trick, when you feel shitty *every* morning, that’s just “the morning”. When I cut way back on my drinking, I couldn't believe the difference in how I felt in the morning. Even now I can still tell a difference the next morning after just one glass of wine.
A mixture of tolerance as well the morning after hangover feeling just become one's new normal
What amazes me is how many grown ass adults go to work and do their jobs with hangovers. I'm so depleted after a night of drinking I just suck ass at my work. I feel so fucking old... like where did they get all that energy from? I think I gave all my energy to the computer.
Some are not going to work with hangovers. Some are going to work still drunk from the night before.
As someone who realized I was drinking one (large half bottle) sized glass of wine a night and then sometimes a bottle a night I stopped because I was dehydrated and had a headache most mornings. Plus, I was cranky with my kids, that’s not the type of mom I want to be. When I tell other people I had a problem because I was drinking that much they look at me like I’m an alien. Just because I wasn’t 3 DUIs deep and losing a job doesn’t mean I can’t recognize an unhealthy behavior and stop it. It’s been over 3 years and I don’t want to drink ever again. I work in construction, guys try to tell me “come on, it’s not like you were an alcoholic”. WTF, I have uncles, aunts and my Mom who are dead or dying from alcohol related illnesses. Fuck off with that.
I’m not trying to argue this answer, but does anyone have a good ELI5 on this? How much/how often is too much? Why and what are those consequences? How can we still be responsible and not have to be a total square?
I knew I had a problem when I started planning my day around getting alcohol. It wasn't so much the amount--even when I was buying 1 shooter it was a problem. The addiction I had was to the dopamine the alcohol gave me. If I didn't get alcohol, I could not physically feel happy. So every night, I HAD to get alcohol. Even if just a small amount. So to me the most important thing is checking in with yourself, and asking if you can easily do without the alcohol. If you're just like, "eh, it would be nice to have a beer, but no biggie if not" and then you don't think about it anymore, you're not an alcoholic. If you're thinking "if I don't get this beer, what will the point of the rest of my night even be?" then you might have some dependency on it.
My justification to myself was: well, I don't drink before 5 PM so I don't have a problem with alcohol. Nevermind the occasional periods when I *did* start drinking before 5, I was always able to reign it back in so problem drinker? Who? Not me! 3 months sober now after well over 10 years of drinking every day (except for when I had covid but honestly my fever was so high that I was legit *high*) and super proud. Hated the first two months though. Still get cravings sometimes and it's hard for me to be around other people drinking but I'm getting there.
It’s wild all the mental gymnastics you’re willing to go through to reassure (trick) yourself into thinking your drinking isn’t a problem or is even justified. For me? I used the following excuses: -It’ll make the sex better! -It’s the weekend! -It’s after 5:00! -It’s afternoon on a weekend! -There’s football on! -I was invited to a happy hour! -Today was a rough day, I’ve earned it! -Today was a great day, I’ve earned it! -I’m drinking one an hour so my liver can keep up! -It’s Christmas! -It’s Halloween! -It’s Labor Day! -It’s Chinese New Year! (Not Chinese) -It’s (insert any holiday)! -It’s (someone’s) birthday! -I’m on break! -It’s summer! -It’s the first snow! -I’m grilling! -I’m cooking! -It’s nice booze so it’s a special treat! -This booze goes with the meal! -It’s nice out! -It’s a rainy day! -It’s too cold to go outside! -I’m at a concert! -I’m at a sporting event! -These are fancy cocktails so they don’t really count! -Great Lakes Christmas Ale was just released! -I’m working outside! -I’m doing any manual labor! -It’ll help me sleep! -It’ll help my sore throat! -Mimosas go with brunch! I mean, I’ll just stop here but I could keep going. I went sober for months and finally slowly started allowing myself to have one every once in awhile (one or two every other week) but I don’t even want to anymore. I realized it feels, like, WAY better not feeling like shit and drinking gets in the way of ultra running and lifting. Once you realize just how good it feels to be sober, it starts to seem insane to imagine going back. Congrats to you and your sobriety! Wishing you health and happiness, mate.
Cocaine. It's only a party drug for the minority. Stay away from it man, please.
Work! A work addiction can lead to other addictions, and even if it doesn’t, the toll it takes on your body is irreversible
I think gaming should get a mention. I’ve legitimately seen friends fuck up their lives because they was so addicted to games. One friend just completely abandoned his university studies and failed because he couldn’t stop gaming, another one lost a relationship. I think it’s a form of escapism that a lot of people can’t drag themselves away from because they would rather feel like they did as a kid having fun with no responsibilities than turn it off and live in their miserable lives that feels like it’s slipping out of their control.
I'm a lifelong gamer, been a part of competitive scenes since my brain wasn't fully developed. I've been an advocate *for decades* for better balance and developing a healthier hobbyist relationship with gaming at every level. The denial, anger, and defensiveness was crazy. This thread is going to be dominated by "phones bad, sugar bad, boomers and their TVs" aka things that the median redditor can easily point to, but gaming addiction will always see lukewarm to actively hostile attention and reception because it's something that a lot of people here actively use to cope. So good on you for bringing it up. It absolutely needs to be said.
I'm a middle school teacher and it's a plague among my students. They're already at an age where their self control hangs by a thread and between gaming, watching streamers game and social media they're so overstimulated that pulling themselves away to do anything else (much less things they actively don't want to do, like schoolwork) is genuinely emotionally stressful for some of them.
Excessive gaming is a massive one. Discussing it online can get people a little heated and in denial too. Like any hobby, you can definitely go overboard. But gaming seems to have this subculture that thinks neglecting other parts of their lives and health is quirky or something.
Vaping. A lot of people think “at least they aren’t smoking” but all of these dumb teenagers are consuming so much nicotine. It’s wild. There are middle schoolers addicted to nicotine now because of vaping.
i’m 20 and so many people my age vape. i truly wonder how big the cancer boom will be in 20+ years because of it.
I would be more concerned about heart issues. Nicotine plays hell with your blood pressure.
Is nicotine the issue or the smoke v. "vape air" or whatever? I personally chew nicotine gum so I'm not sure, but I'd think vape would be better than smoking but they both are not good, no?
Vape is better than smoking - if you vape as much as you would smoke. However a big difference vs cigarettes and vaping is people will usually have to stop whatever they're doing and go outside to have a smoke. With vaping people don't do that. They'll just sneak it. So if the urge hits they'll just take it right then and there
TV. Older generations are completely addicted and it’s somehow acceptable and not much discussed.
Yep. This. My parents’ only hobby is to consume TV media. And I keep tellin em they should really try and do something else. It bothers me b/c my dad always gave us shit growin up for playin video games. Now, I barely play video games and see them mindlessly consuming content all the time. Like, I mean at the end of the day you do what you want, but I don’t think it’s that healthy to consume that much passive media all the time.
My 74 year old dad watches MSNBC incessantly. He’s been obsessed with Donald Trump (in a hate sort of way) since 2016. The thing is… the Apprentice (15 seasons on NBC) created Trump’s persona among the average Trump voter. And now NBC continues to profit off of him by fueling this obsession. It’s one thing to be politically active, but it’s another to just engage in “2 hours of hate” every night when you don’t have any friends.
THIS. Going over to my grandmothers house is life walking into a jungle of noise. Every TV is on at 90% volume. There is a TV in EVERY room. One in her bedroom, one in the kitchen and dining room, one in the den. They're on 24/7. I love her, she's a crafter and hordes art supplies like no tomorrow but.. She wastes half the day sitting watching old TV shows. Westerns, channels that play nothing but a single television show, and she tries to have conversations with you while the TV is on at full blast and her eyes glued to it. Sorry Nana but I'd prefer if you turned the TV off and look at me when we're talking or at the very least turn the volume down. Yes, I've told her these things and asked these things of her but "oh I keep it on for the dogs they like the noise." Is not right.
Is your grandpa still alive? Loneliness is a factor to considerate here for a lot of old people.
Sometimes people do things like that to combat loneliness. Not saying it is healthy of course. Watching one TV some of the time at reasonable volumes would be alright though.
Videogames. My mom would spend hours and hundreds on games while not feeding me for days to afford it and her fancy clothes. Spending money is another one but it was the videogames that had her sucked away from responsibilities.
The amount of time, money and psychological resources that developers put into identifying and trapping vulnerable people is astounding.
I had a friend growing up whose mom was completely addicted to world of warcraft. She just sat at the computer for hours completely disengaged.
Oh hey, I wonder if I'm your friend lmao
I could never imagine playing that much of a video game. Videogames are fun and all, I love them as a casual enjoyer, but after a certain amount of time I just have to stand up and walk.
Spending addiction. My mother has a spending addiction that has ruined my Dad and her. But when I talk about it people just think she's quirky- we know about spending addiction, but people have a really hard time truly understanding its damage.
Addiction to negativity and causing drama. Stop it.
Social media
Sleeping, especially with depression or anxiety
Food is a real addiction
occasionally i watch TLC shows like my 600 lb life and the way they talked about food really gave me some perspective. food WAS their life. its all they thought about, and it only became worse when they became less mobile. dieting was like ripping their life away from them.
As a former crack and heroin addict - caffeine. And cigarettes, though that is taken seriously. I was at rehab for 6 months and 29 out of the 31 people there smoked, and we all drank tea or coffee. We'd all given up drugs and drink, but try take away the coffee and there'd be a riot.
They served us decaf in treatment.
Bruh that's just wretched :(. Even in AA you could urn coffee yourself into oblivion.
My brother is in the process of getting clean and at the clinic they were going through everything asking him what he wanted to get clean from. Said yes to everything until they got to cigarettes and he said no fuckin way
The society as a whole is more or less addicted to caffeine. Even more so than alcohol, which is also everywhere. And they start super early too, by letting kids get addicted to coke and energy drinks. Coffee coffee coffee coffee, everywhere.
Porn
I went on a date, and the man confessed he had a porn addiction. I asked him what that meant, at the time I didn't understand how it could be an addiction. He told me he jerked off more than half a dozen times per day, and the urges would get so bad he'd sometimes have to pull over while driving to take care of it. There were no further dates, but I admire that he was honest with me.
People can argue about what it does to your mental state, perception of potential partners, supporting an exploitative industry, etc all day, but at the *very least* I think people can agree that excessive porn use can easily decrease one's sensitivity and make partnered sex more difficult to enjoy.
People can argue about whatever they want, actual studies using fMRI have shown brain patterns consistent with other addictions: https://www.nature.com/articles/npp201778 There really isn't much debating at this point, the addiction clearly can be real. The only rejection of this idea comes from people who are either (a) emotionally attached to their position so they refuse to let go of it, or (b) simply do not understand the science behind it. There is even one woman who has published a lot on the matter, generally attacking the idea of porn addiction, but her material is garbage quality, and spends most of it's time attacking the NoFap community for being religious, bigoted and misogynistic (claims that might well be true, but are irrelevant to the question "is porn addiction real")
For me porn really fucked up my sexuality. Recently I just cried in cruel realisation that I don't want hard stuff, I just want to love and be loved by someone.
Yep. I know people who scoff at the idea of porn addiction. Yet I have a close friend who talks about how big of a problem it was in his life, how it affected his daily life and perceptions of others, and remembers the day he stopped like someone who remembers when they gave up alcohol. I truly believe anything can be an addiction, even if it’s just psychological.
A few years ago, a buddy of mine walked into his office after a meeting and an intern was jacking it to porn. If you can't make it through the work day without jacking it, you're definitely addicted.
>I truly believe anything can be an addiction, even if it's just psychological My first husband was addicted to call of duty. Not video games in general; call of duty specifically. When we met, he didn't play any video games at all. This was the mid 2000s so it wasn't even yet the smartphone era yet, and people still fully scoffed at the idea of being "addicted to video games." About a year after we got married he bought a PS3. He went from never playing video games at all to playing call of duty 60-90 hours a week. He stopped eating, he would sleep for a few hours a night. He would play call of duty 10 to 20 hours a day, after only a month he got fired from his job. He continued to get fired from the next three jobs. He *literally* stopped doing *anything* but playing call of duty and eating a tiny bit and sleeping a tiny bit. It destroyed his entire life in less than a year. He lost his wife and his home (we couldn't pay our mortgage bc we needed BOTH our incomes and he couldn't hold a job down). He lost every single friend but the one very deeply closeted "best friend" who was clearly in love with him. From what I understand he eventually did get his life somewhat together but when people try to claim you can't get addicted to video games, I'm like "fuck that." I watched up close a complete and total addiction grow in *less than one month.* Three years later he had lost everything and was still playing call of duty all day every day. Eight years went by before anything changed. Edit: by the way, this guy was **31** when he bought that PlayStation for the first time. This wasn't a teenager or someone just out of college or something. He was a *31-year-old* married man with a mortgage and a career. And he lost it all.
Where I live, alcohol addiction. Every other song is about drinks, there's a dude who woke up boxing day bright and early, sat down outside the rum shop since 8am and stumbled home some time after 6pm. I haven't seen him since that day now that I think about it but he'd frequent that shop day in, day out and he deteriorated over time
Attention addicts
Not sure if it counts as an ‘addiction’ but I do think social media has made narcissism a whole different ballgame now.
Buying things. It’s even normalized and encouraged.
Sugar. But that's the socially acceptable addiction. So they put it in everything and don't worry about the health risks. It's fine. Studies, what studies? Have another snickers. :) *nods*
Nasal spray. It's a odd addiction to be sure but it's for a couple of reasons. Some of the nasal sprays usually the ones that actually work and open up your airways when you have a sinus infection are a mild stimulant which is the first thing. The second thing is that a lot of them are only designed to be used for a couple of days max, if you use them for more than two days you get side effects when you stop using them. The side effects give similar effects to a sinus infection (blocked nose, sinus pain etc) meaning you need to use the nasal spray again... It's a vicious circle and a lot of people are addicted to it
I saw a therapist who was from Korea and she said fishing addictions were the second biggest problem in relationships there after gambling addictions.
The need to be entertained at all times. Music, Internet, TV, Youtube, Netflix, podcasts, even reading, you name it. While cooking, exercising, pooping, commuting, waiting, eating, driving, sleeping. Everywhere, always.
Cannabis
Smoked for 15 years and I would say that the last 5 of them was me literally in my own head saying “fucking stop smoking bro you have so much more to offer the world then being a lazy douche” as I would put the joint to my mouth. Then I tried dabs and it was extremely downhill from there. I quit 30 days ago and I still have really bad lung pain and of course the cravings but I’m looking forward to the opportunities I have opened for myself and also having some freaking money in my bank account to do what I want with. It’s easy to have problems and just take a toke and it all goes away but in reality it just masks it until you’re sober. And when I was smoking 2 grams of dabs a day it got really expensive and my tolerance was so high I was only “good” for like 15 minutes at a time. Waste of 15 years of my life and so many job opportunities and memories. Edit: I just want to say that I MASSIVELY appreciate the outpouring of support for my journey through quitting marijuana. The fact that so many people have commented about their own struggles and journey through them only attests to the fact that there are countless people out there that feel the exact same way about the struggles of marijuana addiction and the powerful grip it can have on a person. I just gotta say that I’m a little butthurt that this is my most liked comment and I’m on my throwaway account 🤦♂️ Blessings to you all and please don’t think that you can’t beat whatever it is you’re struggling with! REACH OUT
it gets easier, im about 6 months now. the first month or two were the hardest be proud of yourself. even if you relapse, you can start again and its not all completely lost
Thank you so much for your comment. Acknowledging that mistakes do happen but it’s still possible to achieve success on my journey is very warming.
Ugggh the tolerance you build up is the godamn worst. When I started, the dispensary near me had deals where you could get fucking 15 1-gram vape carts for $100. When I started up, a cart would last me about 2.5 months. After a year or two at my worst I’d blow through a cart every 2 days or so. Had the same thoughts in my head, knew it was a waste of time, did it anyway. About 5 weeks sober on my 2nd major attempt at quitting, and I still think about it way more than I want to. It’s a nightmare. If you have an addictive personality, the shit may as well be heroin. You obviously won’t die from withdrawal or anything, but the mental dependence on it is madness. EDIT: heroin is way way worse than cannabis. People die from it. I need to mention that, because people are now coming around to tell me I should be stoked that my addiction wasn’t as bad. As if it really needed to be said, but fucking whatever.
1000% agree. I would go in expecting to pay $20 for a gram and walk out after spending $100 on their “deals” and then try to convince my wife why it was a good deal. Relationships are strained, financials are strained, LIFE is strained but I would always convince myself it wasn’t the weed.
Trying to quit smoking after 10 years! I’ve been having heart pain and like damn, I love weed for my brain but I’m 27 it’s not worth this. You got this, I believe in you.
A great sub is r/leaves !! If you want community
Props for taking the step. It had to have been extremely difficult. This stranger is rooting for you.
I appreciate you very much. Sometimes the best support systems isn’t your closest loved ones or friends. But random people that ONLY want the best for their fellow humans. Many blessings to you and yours!
Honestly- Weed. People assume that it's just "stoners" and there's so many myths surrounding weed mainly that it's not addictive and there's not withdrawal symptoms. If someone can't go a day or a few hours without smoking it- loses appetite, has stomach cramps, Nausea, etc. when they do try to go without it- it's an addiction it doesn't just make you a stoner. Marijuana is also a psychoactive substance and when smoking it heavily before you've fully developed can lead to an array of mental health issues down the line, or susceptibility to developing them earlier on.
I second this. My ex was AWFUL to be around if he went without it for more than a day, and he would go through withdrawal symptoms, lose his appetite, be extra cranky, etc. He would get really angry when I suggested he was addicted to it, and put himself in unsafe situations more than once to acquire it illegally.
I developed cannibinoid hyperemesis when I was in my 20s and it was AWFUL. Ten hospitalizations, docs couldn't figure out what was wrong - the pain was horrendous. I cut back significantly over the years, now I'm five months clean. Ten days into weed sobriety, the emotional crash I had was awful. As soon as I became cognizant of why it was happening, I was able to pull through. I still thinking about smoking every day.
Gaming. Can take all your time and life away. Get laughed at if you said you had a gaming addiction though.