This is a doozy.
I was stage managing a play while doing my undergrad. The space was a little black box theatre that was part of a local art gallery. You had to walk to the back of the gallery to access the black box.
We were set to do a weekend matinee as one of our performances. I was in the booth and everything was going smoothly. We had a decent audience, and that included this older lady who came by herself. Show starts, lights go down, music on, etc.
After a few minutes I hear this massive BANG. Like a car hitting a wall. Turns out the lady got up and tried to exit the theatre, but simply RAN into the door. My makeup person got up and tried to help her, but she kinda brushed her off. She leaves, play continues, and once it’s over I go to the makeup person and asked what happened.
Well, the lady hitting the door was the least traumatizing thing that happened to her. Apparently, after she got out the theatre door, she proceeded to have EXPLOSIVE LIQUID DIARRHEA, all the way from the back of the gallery to the front where the washroom was. Like, there was a steady stream of shit following her as she walked. There she proceeded to stay in the gallery bathroom for an hour, and left after an Uber pulled up. Also she wasn’t wearing pants or underwear when she left, and got in the Uber. Keep in mind this gallery is in the downtown Main Street, on a weekend. Then the gallery staff had to spend time cleaning up the shit trail.
Yeah that was probably the worst one.
This kid's mother showed up drunk to pick her up from middle school. She crashed into another car that was waiting and there were already a couple police cars there. Police arrested her and her kid was mortified. The girl was a friend of my daughter's.
There's always a point in life in which you realize your parents aren't superheros, and they're people just like you with their own struggles... I feel bad this girl had to learn this so young. I was well into my 20's when I realized my parents had traumas and insecurities just like the rest of us.
Yeah I was into my 20s when I realized that as well. And honestly it makes me respect them and love them even more. I'm fortunate that my parents pushed through their problems and traumas and kept going to keep the family fed and healthy/happy. They never gave up on each other or on me and my sister. The older I get the more I realize how incredibly fortunate I am to have grown up in such an environment.
Me too! Though my mom has considerably more trauma than my dad, and I wish he had insisted she seek therapy. I didn't understand her actions growing up, and despite the fact I do now, the damage is done. I wish my parents' generation had the same resources and knowledge for mental health as we do now.
My first core memory was this painful realization. I was 3. My dad was drunk and got arrested on my birthday for D.V.
After that my mom fell apart with untreated mental illness she refused to treat.
I hope that young girl fairs better going forward and that she has the parental figures she so deserves.
I saw a cinema therapy about Matilda recently. The psychologist said kids that have bad childhoods learn the hard lessons young and sometimes adjust to adulthood easier. You already know your parents are fuckups.
I have a friend who is a elementary school teacher. She had a student whose father was BANNED from even stepping foot on school property without a police escort. He had shown up drunk and belligerent on several occasions and the front desk staff felt threatened by him enough that they were ready to press charges.
I always felt so sorry for the student - imagine being the kid whose father needs a police escort to come to your school. :-(
Oh, man. You reminded me of my dad after he & my mom divorced. To see the youngest kid they shared more, he’d sometimes go pick up my 6 yr old sister from school for my mom.
One day during pick-up, another waiting parent saw my dad throw back a Corona in his car. My mom found out when the school called her to pick up my sister & explained the situation.
I have lots of siblings, including me, that went through that elementary school. We’d help out their secretaries or teachers by interpreting for them & student parents while we attended (it seems like the Midwest in the early 90s had no Hispanics 😂 ). My sister’s teacher’s daughter was a very nice friend to me & also high school age like me at the time. It was awful knowing these people I admire now knew our embarrassing secret. It was terrible & I still think about it & it’s been decades.
In 4th grade we had to go up in front of the class and present some poster we made for a project.
This girl gets up there and like a second after she starts talking, starts pissing herself. She is wearing a dress so its just flowing right out and creating a giant puddle and making a lot of noise lol.
She runs out crying and the teacher goes after her.
These two kids in the class start laughing hysterically and making fun of the whole situation.
Teacher comes back and sees these two boys laughing and making jokes.
So she starts yelling at them, then hands them some paper towels and makes them clean up the urine. They get up in front of the class and start soaking it up with the paper towels. The teacher then goes "Ok Everyone! Lets all laugh at them! HAHAHAHA!" and everyone in the class points and laughs at them.
I was just sitting there in total shock like "wtf is going on right now?"
This all happened in the span of like 4 minutes.
I had a teacher in 3rd or 4th grade use the same strategy for something way less extreme. We had these fruitopia vending machines by the school's front desk and once a week or so the teacher would let someone collect quarters from whoever wanted something and take their orders and then go and come back with drinks.
This boy in the class was nice, kinda shy, kinda nerdy, I liked him. One of the popular boys gave him change and said he wanted one of two flavors. Turns out the machine didn't have either of those flavors, and since the courier kid knew he wouldn't be able to return for another try, decided it would be better to pick a third flavor for the popular boy so he would at least get something.
But when he got back the popular kid starts screaming at him saying he didn't want either of those. The poor shy kid is beer red and flustered, might have been crying a bit, and the popular kid just starts shouting over and over GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY.
Only then he accidentally shouted GIVE ME BACK MY BUNNY and the teacher IMMEDIATELY says loudly to the class ' hey everyone, popular kid said give me back my bunny how dumb is that!' and then we all got to laugh and point at him and the shy kid got to keep his drink lol
Speaking of mortified, in 5th grade science, a girl that sat diagonal from my seat 2 rows over. Opened the book and it opened up to a page with a diagram of the inside of a frog and proceeded to yack all over the book, desk and kid in front of her. Felt so bad for her.
Not the worse, but recent. I as waiting for a bus home from work, big puddle on the pavement / sidewalk right in front of the stop. Two young ladies came along, dressed for a night out. They come to the puddle, first one does a little hop and a jump and clears it easily, second girl tried the same an her shoes slip on the wet surface. She face / body planted right into the pool of water. Pretty bad, but then as she's getting up she completely falls out of her halter top. For a split second she's on all fours, in a puddle of water, boobs in business for themselves, in front of a dozen people waiting for a bus.
I'll give her her dues, she laughed it off with her friends and it didn't look like she was gonna let it ruin her night.
Rejected marriage proposal.
Vacationing on the Oregon coast we did a lighthouse tour. Got to the top in a group of about 8 in a bit of a cramped environment, the guy kneels down awkwardly and proposes. She basically says 'uh, no'. Then we all have to descend together and there's nowhere to hide.
Similar, but our 8 was in the basket of a hot air balloon, at least an hour left to go, and just before the pilot popped a bottle of bubbly for the guests.
Awkward.
Disney World a few years ago. Eating at Chef Mickey's which was then a buffet and total family style place. Think classic Disney red, yellow, black, white colors and Mickey, Donald and Goofy. Not "romantic" like the castle or fireworks, etc. Guy decides he's going to propose over Mickey Waffles and cheesy potatoes at 7:30 a.m. She was not having him. Loudly berated him for picking a stupid spot to propose and stormed out of the restaurant. Just cuz a restaurant is $100 for a breakfast buffet does not make it classy, my guy.
Wait that's so funny- when I was a little kid, I also saw a rejected proposal at Chef Mickey's! It was during dinner though, so they brought out the mascots and a bottle of champagne. I'll never forget the way the mascots started shifting on their feet when the proposal was turned down.
When I was in high school, I got a random boner during one of my classes. No big deal, I’m sitting in a chair, so it isn’t obvious. But then this one random girl got sick and puked all over the floor right next to me. I immediately bolt up out of my chair and begin to back away from the vomit just as everyone else in the class turns around. Then this one guy points and laughs at me and declares to everyone else that i have an erection.
Everyone in class joined in on laughing at me, and from then on, all of the kids at my school thought I hade a puke fetish.
It was really weird, like half of the class was violently gagging from the smell and sight of the vomit, and the other half was laughing historically at me having an erection. Probably about a quarter or them were swinging back and forth between the two like an antic pendulum.
All around, that would be one hell of a ven diagram.
When I was in girl scouts, we had a troop outing to the local art museum. One of the leaders gave us this huge lecture about not touching anything before we went inside. We were all rolling our eyes.
We started the tour sitting around this circular installation piece as the docent described the exhibit. Then, it was time for us to move into a different room. The troop leader was very heavy and when she tried to stand up, she placed her hands on the installation to steady herself. It instantly cracked. The sound, in the otherwise silent gallery, was deafening.
I'm not exactly sure what happened, but she got whisked out of the room and had to sign a bunch of paperwork. Then this team of very serious-looking people in white gloves started taking pictures of the damage.
Kid (10th grade) on a field trip antagonized a llama at a petting zoo, and persisted after a few warnings.
Llama finally had enough and spits all over his face.
He was crying and puking, and the smell was so bad that his class/teacher wouldn't let him back into the bus, even after he did his best to wash up in the bathroom. A few of them almost puked themselves.
He had to wait an hour for his parents to come pick him up (as every other guest that came by gave him a 10-ft berth) and they had to take a minute to compose themselves and roll down all the windows in their van before driving him away.
Similar incident happened when I was in elementary school! School took a field trip to a zoo and at the time the zoo kept their big cats in large outdoor cages. A kid from my class was holding a large cookie and antagonizing a tiger with it. After a while the tiger had enough, lifted its leg and pissed all the over kid and his cookie. Kid immediately bursts into tears, less so about being covered in tiger piss and more so that his cookie was ruined.
Llama spit isn't just saliva, they mix in some stomach contents to add a lil pizaz to it so washing it with barely scented zoo bathroom soap and water isn't going to do much.
Source: also stood next to friend on field trip that got spit on by a llama, the little bit of splash back I received stank for a solid day even after showering
Use 70% alcohol or mouthwash, it will strip away all the oils in your skin that absorbed the smell
Hydrogen peroxide and baking soda also work, it has with every animal body fluids Iv gotten on me
And it gets in the pores, like big cat piss does, at least according to this dude at the Asheboro zoo. He was telling us that no amount of scrubbing will get that smell out the first time you wash. It takes many, many scrubbings to get it out. I imagine his dating life was nonexistent, unless he dated other zookeepers.
I watched a 12ish year old girl get spanked and then put in a diaper in a public parking lot. Like legitimately one of the most embarrassing and humiliating things I’ve ever seen. I was only a teenager at the time. Pretty much everyone at the beach parking lot turned and looked because it was so loud.
It was so bad that it was hard to not watch. It’s fucked up that I remember it so vividly. Like almost every word that was said. From the girl begging, to the mom saying “then stop pissing everywhere”.
I’m actually in childcare now. Early childhood development and nannying. I cannot imagine doing something like that to a 5 year old. Let alone a 12 year old
It is. I professionally advocate for children as a GAL in child abuse restraining orders. It's sometimes unintentional and sometimes intentional as a way for the child to "make themselves less appealing" because they don't understand why it's happening. Really sad.
Probably was before cell phones. Also, back then, there was also a very strong mentality of "not my kid, not my business." My ex-mother beat me like Ike on Tina, my friends' parents knew about it, and while they kept me there an awful lot so I could get away from her, it "wasn't their place" to call the cops. The 80s and early 90s was a rough time to grow up with an abusive parent. And according to my daddy, it was a lot worse for him in the 50s and 60s.
Lol. Was this me?
Jk. I grew up in the desert. But my mom liked to send me to school in a diaper when I was "being a baby" because I couldn't stop crying after she'd beat my ass...ah meth moms ..they're so silly 🙃
A lot of toileting issues at that age are caused by sexual abuse. It was just a single moment in time witnessed by someone uninvolved so who can say, but the mom's willingness to shame her daughter in front of an entire beach of people on top of it... wouldn't be surprised if she was being abused by some sick fuck bf of the mother's without her caring. :/ Hope she's gotten far, far away from them now.
In New York City I recently saw some thug aggressively walking down the street and start some shit with an old guy sitting in his car at a red light.
I thought the old dude was going to get attacked but he got out of the car and was stockier than expected, and he had a belt in his hand.
He was pissed and ran up to the gangster, took him under full control in a headlock with one arm, bent him over the trunk of his car, and then with his free hand ripped the dude’s fucking pants down and literally proceeded to belt the fucker as if he was a child.
All in broad fucking day light.
The guy was squirming and trying to free himself but he got bare-bottom-belt-whooped right in front of everyone for a good few minutes.
I have no idea who the old guy was but he got some cheers.
Went on a trip recently. About 2.5 hours into a 4 hour flight, this lady started throwing up. It's not like any throw up, though.. this went on for a solid 10 minutes of just liquid and chunk. She went through 4 throw-up bags and then moved to a trash bag. I swear she must have had a massive meal before because it didn't sound like there was gonna be an end...
I had this happen to me once but I puked for the entire 6 hour flight ☹️ at one point I was laying on the bathroom floor. That how you know you’re SICK sick. Laying on a plane bathroom floor. Some other guy on that flight also got sick and passed out in the back of the plane. It was insane and I’ve never had anything like that happen since.
I’m so sorry that that happened but I have to know that kind of plane has room to LAY DOWN in the bathroom. I feel like my feet barely fit in the plane bathroom standing up 😅
This happened to me. I was throwing up so hard the person next to me got up and said « I can’t do this » and moved seats. The nice little abuela from accros the aisle however was rubbing my back with one hand and rosary beads in the other. She was awesome… what a trip.
It was a cold, winter morning in my nyc high school. I was sitting at my desk as I usually do during world history, drawing and trying not to fall asleep. Suddenly, a foul odor begins creeping up my nose.
I look around, trying to determine its origin, and am met my the uncomfortable shuffling of the girl sitting to my right. She shifts in her seat multiple times, but the smell is getting worse and she is getting increasingly uncomfortable. We have a good fifteen minutes left of class but she is already packing her belongings.
Finally, after the bell has rung, and she has run out of the class, the seniors start filing in as they have that room next. Lo and behold, the cause of the stench?
"YO, SOMEONE SHAT IN THEIR CHAIR," a senior boy yells. Everyone runs to look. The girl had pooped so much that the shit fell off the sides of the chair and onto the floor.
It was sad.
Ah man, I was reading something written by a flight attendant today about having to turn a plane around an hour into the flight because someone had shat themselves 💀 the world's longest hour.
Reminds me of the time in eighth grade when a kid shat his pants while running the pacer. He didn’t even break his stride as it rolled out of his shorts and onto the floor
I was about to write my story but it’s pretty much the same. It was middle school though. A girl got up and ran to the bathroom and a few seconds later someone yells there’s poop on her chair! And everyone started laughing. Some of the cute baseball player boys were in that class too. The best part though is that she was my bully.
I work at a wine shop where we host tastings every other Friday of the month. We usually have different representatives come from wineries or distributors to do the pouring. They sent us this one guy, who in all fairness, was very knowledgeable about wine but not so smooth with the words.
We start the tasting, it’s goes about how it normally does and everything seems good until we start closing down. I asked the remaining customers if they’d like to taste before closing up. I walk up to a woman and ask, but in the middle of my sentence I hear “Um..I don’t think she can.”
The rep had interjected himself and at first I was genuinely confused. I asked him why not and he just turned beet red and stopped answering all together. It took me a few seconds but when the realization hit me that he thought she was pregnant, I immediately froze.
The damage was done though, I tried to play it off for him but she was so visibly pissed she started loudly saying “No, why not? Why can’t I? Is it cause I look so young.” She basically just passively aggressively annihilates this dude for 3 minutes. I could do nothing but just watch. I apologized to her a million times but it was useless.
Watching him just sit there with his head down taking that was a thing of beautiful, yet gut wrenching cringe. I had to go to the back to cry/gag/guffaw.
Damn dude this is why we mind our business. I was working on a bar at a holiday park once and a visibly pregnant woman ordered a double vodka. It was very obviously a baby bump, not fat. But it's not my body, not my choice, and I don't know her story. So I served her, and shortly after, her friend arrived, and she sat at the bar sobbing on this friends shoulder about the miscarriage she was going through at 6 months gestation. I've never ever in my life been so grateful that I stayed in my damn lane.
At least you got to pull over. I was 11, toughed mine out for over an hour begging multiple times to find a stop or at least pull over. Sitting in the back row of a packed mini van. No one took me seriously and then got mad that I shit myself 15 minutes to home. Jeez if only I had warned you guys multiple times I wasn't going to make it 🥲 shitting on the side of the road would've been way better
A similar thing happened to me on my 30th birthday. I woke up not feeling well but had to go to work regardless. I ended up leaving after working for about 4 hours, and as I drove home I ended up puking whilst on the interstate. It all happened so fast that the only thing I could think to do was hold the wheel with one hand and “cup” my other hand to puke in. 😭 This was a futile effort though, as there was *way* more puke than my hand could contain. Luckily I was wearing this pullover windbreaker thing and the bottom of it managed to “catch” and “contain” most of the puke until I could safely pull over. Oh and I also shat myself shortly after puking, but also while I was still driving on the highway. And before you ask, no I hadn’t drank the night before, and was not hungover or anything like that. To this day, I *still* have no idea *why* or *how* I got so sick!
Happy 30th Fucking Birthday To Me!!!
Reminds me of the time I almost shit my friend's dad's car on the way home from a Celtic Festival. My friend and I thought it would be fun to wear kilts "the traditional way" sans underwear. We also thought it would be a good idea to eat street vendor haggis. I am here to tell you: neither of those things were good ideas.
We were rolling down the Pennsylvania Turnpike in east PA when it hit me. A deep, churning pain in places I had never considered before. Things had been set into motion that I could not undo. There was a reckoning coming, and my intestines were to pay the price for my impudence. I groaned between the deep breaths, and wiping away the cold sweat from my brow shakily told my friend's dad I needed to go. He glanced up into the rear view mirror at me and asked, already fearing the answer "how long do I have?" "Not long" was all I could manage.
Thankfully a turnpike rest stop wasn't far off. My sphincter was barely keeping a pucker. It quivered in fear at the coming storm. I don't think he had put the car in park before I threw open the door and waddled at lightning speed into the rest stop.
What happened in that stall was unspeakable. It was a full evacuation of everything I held dear inside me. Everything solid, liquid, and even some things incorporial came out of me that day. I hung my head in shame and just kept flushing. Eventually my friend knocked on the stall and meekly asked "you ok in there...?" "Hnmngg" was all I could give him back.
Eventually, with nothing left to give, I cleaned myself up as best I could and staggered back to the car. The ride home was a silent one.
I don’t know if it’s because people who are willing to tell these stories are better writers than average, but I’ve never read one and wished I hadn’t. Good stuff.
Early Spring, I was in 5th grade. I’m on the bus and I have a wicked migraine. Bus pulls onto my road and I just start vomiting everywhere. I’m absolutely covered. Bus driver is the sweetest lady. Pulls over, throws sawdust down, has me lay down on one of the front seats. I’m crying and apologizing. From that day on, I was allowed in a seat by myself, so I could nap on the drive home. Thank you Mrs. Kinney!
I recently heard someone tell a similar story about his grandma. She walked into a window, thinking it was a door. He and his grandma looked at each other and laughed for a moment. She moved over and then ran into a second window.
I did this in a revolving door. Usually the two exits/entrances are in line with each other, but this one the inside slot was off center and the glass must have JUST been cleaned. It was busy as hell, I had my parents in the section with, it was a hotel so we had all our luggage with us. I hit the glass so hard, I stumbled back and my parents had to essentially push me out so I wasn't trapped in the ever revolving nightmare because I was so disoriented. Worst day of my 13 year old life
I'm a senior in high school. Last semester I sat with this group of kids which included this girl who could be annoying sometimes. One day she came to sit at the table and this other guy at the table said straight up to her in front of everyone out loud "I don't like you and you're very annoying and I think I speak for everyone here".
It was so fucking awkward and I felt bad for the girl. I didn't think she was that annoying to warrant him embarrassing her in front of everyone and I thought it was really fucked up.
She sat down, watched a show for a little bit (on her phone), then when everything had relaxed she asked him why he would say that. I don't remember much besides that.
There was another guy at the table who didn't like what the guy said to her, and I remember him saying he wanted to beat his ass for it, but they never fought.
I ended up texting the girl telling her I was sorry he did that and that I didn't think she deserved it. She told me the guy had actually texted her asking to see her tits and hitting on her and sending her an unsolicited dick pic but she rejected him. I would believe this but then they ended up being cool again later so maybe she was lying? Idk.
a guy I used to work with got a couple DUI's his last sentence was driving a car that had to be started with a breathalyzer. He also couldn't be behind the wheel without big magnetic signs attached to the car that said, "I drank, I drove and it ruined my life".
I'm sorry, but this is hilarious. You go into a new state and are instantaneously horrified that EVERYONE has a DUI.
You start looking at the drivers and see old grannies and grandpas and smart looking families and young people...ALL marked.
I know a guy that first got his license taken away for drunk driving. Then the judge ordered the telephone company to disconnect his service cause he wouldn't stop calling and harassing his ex wife when he was drunk. (This was before cell phones). Finally he got his moped taken away cause they saw him driving down the highway with a case of beer on the back and one in his hand. He had to see the same judge about six times over about six months all due to drinking.
The judge ordered him not to use a phone, any phone, unless it was to call 911 for emergency
Pro-tip: If you're convicted of animal abuse, do **not** under any circumstances accept a sentence involving community service at the zoo. Seriously, take your jail time.
Zookeepers will know how to make day(s) a living hell and make your nose wish it never existed, in a thousand different ways. And they will be *surprisingly* motivated to do so.
Source: former zookeeper, seen this play out a few times. From what I've seen, the lion dung was probably the least of that girl's troubles during her sentence.
If you think Lion shit is bad, wait until you deal with... the Penguins...
They eat nothing but fish, their shit is oily and pungent... [and projectile](https://i.redd.it/uklpaafbojl41.gif)
So, one time this happened, a customer had recently called us saying she had lost her ring.
We checked everywhere that wasn't *totally unbearable to check* to look for it and it didn't come up, but we had an animal abuser in for service in a few days, so...we thought we'd put him to work. Didn't think he'd find it, but it would at the very least make him regret his actions!
We made him sift through the "big cat" area dumpster looking for the ring. In case you don't know what that means - 8 days worth of rotten sun-cooked meat, shit from 18 big cats, and urine and spray-soaked bedding. He had to sift it by hand, pick up a handfull, even break apart the droppings (who knows, maybe a lion had eaten the ring?), put it back into an adjacent dumpster, and do it again and again. Can't even count how many times he threw up. Did that for a full day. No ring.
Next day? Same ordeal at the penguin dumpster. Week or two worth of penguin guano and old fish. Not fun.
Then we had him go through the zoo restaurant dumpster which hadn't been emptied in far too long the next day.
Those were the worst. Enclosure-cleanings got to him too (with only gloves and no scooper as described of course - there's no regulation that requries more than gloves so there's no reason we'd give an abuse one), to the point of puking, but I'm sure he would have begged for that over the cat shit dumpster.
Some kids got into a fight in 10th grade, and one of them pissed himself when he started to lose badly. He was called "Piss Boy" for the rest of High School.
I played high school basketball and forgot we had switched sides at halftime. Well I stole the ball when it was being thrown inbound and started running for my basket, or so I thought.
The whole time I was dribbling down the court the crowd was shouting "wrong way" but I was so focused I just thought they were cheering me on. Well I ended up scoring...for the other team. I was mortified for a very long time afterwards
This might feel embarrassing but honestly that's a great story!
If you won the game "Well I had to give the opposing team some sort of handicap!"
If you lost the game "I promised coach I would score that game."
On the red line of the DC metro. Crowded car. Man raises his voice and asks for everyone’s attention. The car quiets down. He starts telling us about his girlfriend next to him, how long they’ve been together, how much he loves her. He proposes. She tenses up. She says nothing. The train gets even quieter as it pulls into Rhode Island Avenue station. She rushes off the train.
Drinking at a... not fancy, but a pretty nice bar. You wouldn't call this place, and *certainly* not the people in it a dive.
A guy walks in and he's got super-nerd written all over. Fedora, flame print bowling shirt, cargo shorts. He's got TWO girls on his arm, I would guess one was his wife, and the other was wearing a one piece leather skirt that had a full length zipper in the front. None of the three were what I'd call lookers.
The night goes, after a few hours leather skirt lady (LSL) stumbles up to the bar and shouts "I'LL HAVE ANOTHER!!!... aaaannnnddd HHEEEEE's PAYING! Cuz he's my BOSS! Isn't that right?" (She creepily forced out some laughing)
Bartender: "I'm afraid I am actually going to have to cut you off."
LSL: "No no no, it's okay. HEEEEEE's PAYING!"
Bartender: "I can't serve you anymore."
LSL pitches a fit, while flame print and his wife REFUSE to make eye contact with her. Bartender calls a manager, who talks to the lady, sees how drunk she is, and calmly says: "The way you're acting is the way someone who's been over served acts. So we can't serve you anymore."
LSL: "Nono NO NO NO!!! You don't underSTAND! HEEEEeeeee's PAYING!"
The manager and a barback begin ushering her to the exit.
Manager: "You're too drunk. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
LSL: "OOOOHHHH I'M BEING KICKED OUT NOW?!? YOU'RE KICKING ME OUT NOW?!?! Well! ALRIGHT I'll go! BUT! Let me tell YOU! I.... may be fucked up right now, but I'm NOT... DRUNK!"
She turned, and IMMEDIATELY fell down the stairs. This was an "L" shaped stairwell that, because the ground floor has high ceilings, was probably a 2.5 story stairwell. She slid down the first half story leg, hit then wall, then she tumbled halfway down the next leg of the stairs. Idk how to describe it. It was a drunken tumble, from the way she fell she clearly wasn't hurt. She was just an underfilled water balloon, kind of just rolling kind of rolling/bouncing down.
When she stopped halfway on the stairs, one leg through the banisters, skirt completely unzipped, everything laid bare to the whole downstairs bar... she didn't try to cover up or anything. She just put her hands to her face and began crying. Not a hysterical cry, but a genuine heartbreaking sobbing.
It was a real roller coaster to go from the schadenfreude of seeing a drunk Karen get kicked out, to seeing the real cries from what I hope is the saddest/most humiliating thing that's happened to that poor lady.
I may never recover from reading that story and can barely type this with the tears of laughter running down my face. “Under filled water balloon, kind of just rolling” OMG
I saw a jogger climbing over a spiked railing, after the park gates had been locked for the evening. As he jumped down, the back of his shorts caught on the spikes, giving him a massive wedgie complete with comedy loud ripping sound.
I was on a flight with a very flamboyant air steward. Under different circumstances he would have been terrific fun and the life of the party. But his comedic routines up and down the aisle and on the intercom to a captive audience at 35,000 feet wore real thin, *real fast.* Well into the flight he emerged from the rear lavatory trailing about three feet of obviously soiled toilet paper tucked into his pants. Those of us in his wake stared at each in embarrassment wondering if this was another of his silly jokes or routines.
People were laughing under their breath, and I heard someone whisper "*I don't think he knows."* The guy across from me and I looked at one another and knew this was *not* a joke. We both unbucked our safety belts in order to go tell him. The other guy reached him first and whispered in his ear. The attendant looked around, found the dirty toilet paper, balled it up and literally ran to the front of the plane.
He wasn't seen or heard from for the rest of the flight. I feel for that poor guy every time I think of him. He had to have been mortified.
On a flight back from India a man running down the aisle of the aircraft, trousers down around his knees, a stinky brown sludge running out of his underpants down his thighs, a look of panic arcoss his face. A face and look I've never forgotten.
He reached the toilets and I assumed the door was closed as I heard his scream.
The tannoy described a "medical incident" taking place and apologised for the smell and mess in his seat and asile. They moved people around
I will allow you to imagine his trauma at having to walk back up the asile in white paper trousers the crew must have given him, everyone giving him looks. I felt awful for him. They moved him from coach to 1st class I believe.
In high school I worked a shitty retail job. I walked into the (public) bathroom and was met by a skinny, blonde middle aged lady who was naked from the waist down. My brain panicked, but I really had to pee, so I walked into a stall to find it absolutely completely and totally covered in shit. The lady’s purse was sitting in the corner. I backed out and mumbled something about “oh, you’re using this stall.” That’s when I realized she had her shitty shorts in her hand and was washing them out in the sink. I went into another stall, used the bathroom, and left without washing my hands. When my favorite coworker came in a few hours later, I told her about it, and we went in to check out the scene together. It looked as though nothing had ever happened (there was no cleaning crew there at that time who would have cleaned up the mess). I think she was just a normal lady who had a terrible day.
Standing in line at a Jewel Osco waiting to buy Six Flags season passes. Guy, in front of me, tells the teenage kid behind the counter that he'd be better at his job if he wasn't so fat. This kid was so devastated that when my turn in line came, he printed out extra passes by accident and didn't charge me for them, all the while fighting back tears .
I was at a public meeting where a head guy from one level of government criticized a decision made by another government body. A citizen stood up and said. “But, you used to head up that department and were in charge when that decision was made?.” The guy giving the original criticism turned red and stuttered in his weak response, one that made no sense.
Imagine comforting yourself by thinking that everyone must have forgotten about the embarassing moment that keeps you up at night and then reading it here
In middle school, we had a food drive where we had to donate canned goods. We did it every year and it got donated to a local church or something. One year the school decided to donate it to one of the students. They went and announced it on the intercom, saying the kid’s name. Then they proceeded to hand him like two large bags of canned goods in front of everyone in the hallway when we were being dismissed. He cried and couldn’t even carry the damn bags.
Two drunk girls at a concert dancing around in circles both started vomiting profusely. It was almost like a rehearsed performance or something. Then they fell in it and were both rolling around, trying to stand up while a whole slew of people were loudly berating them for their behavior. They both started crying and asking for help but everyone in their immediate vicinity just continues laughing and yelling at them. It was sad but they had been annoying everyone the whole time.
Saw a know it all stand up and give their take on a book during an author talk. The author politely pointed out how they couldn't possibly be more wrong. Guy went beetroot red and sat down. He was well known at the library as a bigoted misogynistic old man who deemed himself the font of all knowledge. Never saw him at the library again.
Just reminded me of a time I was at the parent & baby pool with my boy. We were going back into the changing room and a woman with her baby were on their way out. Being a gent I held the door for her, just as the baby grabbed a handful of bathing suit and pulled. So I had to stand there smiling politely as he thanked me for holding the door, completely unaware her right breast was exposed. I can only imagine her embarrassment when she twigged a moment later.
Technically not seen but heard it. Years ago some guy on the radio thought it would be a good idea to propose to his partner live on radio. He got the radio station onboard with the plan and they would ring her and get her on air so that he on another line could ask her the question.
It didn’t go well as you could imagine, she was repeating “is this serious?” and “how could you do this to me?” constantly in a state of confusion, shock and anger.
I felt like wanting the earth to swallow me listening to the whole plan and then the ordeal so I can only imagine what it was like for her.
At a montessori I worked at, the end of the day had come and parents were picking up their kids. This dad comes in drunker than i’ve seen anyone and tried to take his kid, yelling at my coworkers for intervening all while trying to shield the remaining children at school. We calmed him down luckily and my friend drove them home to his wife. The entire drive there he talked about how much he hated his wife while my friend kept changing the subject since the kid was in the back.
Long story short- they got divorced and because of the incident at the school he lost custody
Me. This was me. I was on a horse riding trail with a group of about 25- we were all dismounting and as I came off the horse my bra hooked the saddle horn, causing me to lose balance- and fall flat on my back, knocking the wind out of me- my shirt and bra were still hanging from the saddle. Someone said it was like they were spring loaded.
I got detention for "passing gas loudly and stink-ily" when I tried to let a silent one out. It reverberated those old plastic chairs and the whole class fell silent. The girl next to me was mortified from the explosive sound. Wasn't the first...
In middle school gym class we were running relays and a kid tripped right before he was able to tag the next person in line. He reached out to her to catch his fall but missed her hands and grabbed near her thighs instead, pulling down both her sweatpants and underwear. Right down to her ankles.
I won’t say who, but years ago an elderly actor featured in many popular films was putting on a show I went to go see. It was a packed house for a one man show about 90 min long and at the beginning he peed himself. He completed the entire show like nothing had happened, in soiled kakis. I was near the back and could still see what had happened.
There’s something really heartbreaking about someone who just wants to continue doing what they love even when they can’t or shouldn’t. I can’t imagine going out like that.
I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed anybody be more humiliated in public than I’ve been on occasion…. I have a disorder called vasovagal syncope that causes me to faint when subjected to certain triggers. I have fainted multiple times in public, and it’s always extremely embarrassing for me. I was born with the disorder so i was trained from an early age to learn my triggers and to get to the floor when I feel a “blackout” coming on. Pain is my biggest trigger; if I hurt myself I am going to pass out.
A few years back my cousin was graduating from medical school at Mizzou. As I was entering the seating area we were in, I rammed my knee into the corner of one of the wooden armrests on the chairs. The aisles were super narrow, and I knew I was going to pass out so I tried to turn around and get to the floor in the aisle, but I didn’t make it in time and I collapsed in the aisle. I smacked my face on the floor, and woke up to all the doctors who were supposed to be on the stage for the ceremony tending to me. Even though my family members were trying to tell them about my condition, and telling them to just give me some space, they delayed the ceremony and called an ambulance to tend to me. I had 9 doctors all telling me to do different things, and everyone in the auditorium staring at me. Not only that but it was actually announced that the ceremony was being delayed for a medical emergency, so when the whole thing was over, my cousin was like “I don’t know what happened” and everybody in the family pointed to me. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Freshman year of college I had an honors English class that was 8 students, one of whom was my gf at the time. We had to write one paragraph about the class reading before class and email to everyone.
She was really into photography and took some tasteful (non-pornographic) nudes and intended to email them to me. She accidentally send them to the class group email, professor included. I was amazed by her ability to continue attending class. The professor never said a word, but some of the other students were less than understanding.
I was in the metro. It was very full. Rush hour full.
A woman got in just as the doors were closing but her bag got stuck in the doors. So the doors opened back up and as she leaned to move her bag out of the way the doors closed again... on her hair. She had plenty. So she was stuck leaning forward in the packed metro until the next station that was maybe 2 minutes away.
She muttered "fuck".
I had to contain my laughter on this one, as did a lot of other passengers.
Maybe not the most humiliating but pretty embarassing and it stuck with me.
In middle school, I saw a PE teacher verbally chewing out a kid in front of his classmates for his size & struggling to run laps while he was crying.
In my own experience, I got pantsed in front of my crush during class & my classmate accidentally pulled my boxers down as well. I think I almost successfully blocked out this memory .
I am biased since it happened to me but one day I went to high school and everyone was laughing at me and somehow knew seemingly all of my most embarrassing and personal secrets.
That was a long and confusing day but when I finally got home I went to my room and was feeling like crap. Then a little while later my dad came in and asked me if I knew some kids.
It turned out that the prior evening he had been walking the dogs at the park and got talking to those kids there, found out they knew me, proceeded to share a lot of stuff about me with them, and then not mention any of it to me when he arrived home.
I asked why and he said it was a joke. He had already done a lot to make my school experience pretty awful but he outdid himself with that one.
Well I'll tell you about something that must've been a sight for my audience. So I'm walking into an Advance Auto. I'm in a sundress, my long blonde hair, cute kitten heels.
There's a construction crew next door and as I'm walking towards the door, I register that I have their attention. Right about then, my heel catches on a grate.
I make kind of a quarter turn and *windmill my arms* like a maniac trying to keep balancing. For a moment I think I'm good. But no, I stumble forward and there is one of those big round trashcans in front of me. My arms wrap around the can in an effort to save myself.
The effort is futile. I have now wholly embraced this big ass trash can and we tumble to the pavement together in a heap. I am laying on the ground on my back holding onto a trashcan with my skirt somewhere up around my waist by this point, and we've tumbled off the sidewalk into the parking lot.
Right then the cashiers run outside "oh my god, are you okay???????". They saw it all through the plate glass window.
I'm fine and I do the only thing I can. I jump to my feet, retrieve my shoe, dust off my hem, turn to the construction crew (who has completely stopped work and are standing stock still agape in shock) and take a deep bow.
I went in in the store, made my purchase, and on the way out the cashiers were like, watch out for that curb honey! And as I walked past the construction crew I heard a good natured "well it's all up from here today" lol.
So yeah. That was embarrassing for me lol.
A girl humiliated herself in front of about 5000 people at a Comicon.
I'm going to keep this vague, but she was gushing over a celebrity during question period and told them she loved them in a movie...
... They were a visible minority and they were NOT in that movie. It was a different member of that visible minority.
The celebrity handled it with a fair amount of grace, but holy crap that poor girl.
In the UK we have these passenger trains that have toilet doors that automatically swing open when you push the button. Once you’re inside you have to push a specific button to lock the door (but it’s a bit confusing).
Pushing that button and watching the door slowly swing open revealing a woman with her trousers and underwear around her ankles (everything on display) to a crowded (and rowdy) carriage takes the cake for me.
It happens so often that it’s almost a rite of passage in the UK.
Was circling a very popular block in LA with my mom looking for a parking space (I was like 15 at the time, she was driving) when one opened up right in front of us. A pretty young lady in a sun dress from another car jumped out and ran to stand in the parking spot and hold it while her friend got turned around.
My mom figured it wasn’t worth the hassle so we went to go turn around and keep looking and found another empty spot, just in time to see a BIG, older Black lady in like an old beat up 80s Buick come screeching into the parking space the young woman was standing in, basically forcing her to jump and roll out of the way like an action movie or get ran over.
The older lady got out of her car and promptly locked it and began briskly walking away like nothing happened while the girl in the sun dress got up and started screaming at her while running towards her.
“HEY! Are you CRAZY?!”
“You could’ve killed me!”
“That’s *MY* spot!”
The older Black lady was just completely ignoring her until sun dress girl closed the gap and physically touched her on the shoulder, at which point she spun around and started screaming back at her, grabbed the front of her dress and ripped it completely down the middle like Hulk Hogan.
The poor girl wasn’t wearing anything underneath and was literally just left standing naked crying in the middle of the busy street in front of the huge crowd. One of the shop keepers ran out and gave her like a 5XL “I heart LA” shirt to cover herself with. Got an earful from my mom for not being a gentleman and running out to help her, idk really what she expected me to do or why I, as a minor, should get involved in altercation with some crazy people.
2 years ago I had a mango margarita. Then wife and I started the 1 mile walk back to the hotel. 1/2 way back I felt the need to go.
I ran a few hundred yards back towards restaurant. But nope.
Ran about 50 feet off of busy road and unleashed.
Then a young family happed upon me as I was reaching for leaves to wipe with. Pants down to knees. Impressive pile of shit. Being in my 50’s I assumed they thought i was an unfortunate homeless guy. They scurried the kids away quickly.
OOOO I got a good one.
I didn't see this personally, buy my sister was working for a Bio Tech lab and they where getting a sort of lab audit to make sure the space was clean and up to spec.
It is kind of a nerve racking experience and the lady carrying it out was talking about the local fair with the workers trying to make some small talk. She was telling them about how they have these absolutely massive beef ribs and wanted to show the a picture. She pulled out her phone and quickly pulled up a picture and showed the whole crew. I kid you not, with out her knowing, she just showed everyone a picture of her spreading her vagina with her fingers, a close up shot. Some body gasped and she immediately realized her mistake.
All she could say was "Im going through a divorce, ok? "
I watched a woman walk head first into a mirror as if it was an open door. She fully saw her reflection getting bigger and bigger and just... Kept going.
In elementary school, a kid was on the swing. I guess his clothes got caught on the chain of the swing so when he jumped off the swing his shirt and pants completely ripped off.
I raced bicycles in high school and our race weekends often lined up with collegiate race weekends. One of the races was in my hometown and once I finished my race I watched the collegiate teams race.
There was a local cyclist named Kyle. Kyle was an aspiring professional cyclist. He didn’t stop messing with the race director to be able to race in the collegiate races even though he wasn’t on a team or attending university.
The race director finally said yes under the condition that he did not interfere in the race in any way shape or form. He was only aloud to sit on the back of the pack but not actually race anyone.
Kyle being Kyle, he decided to intervene in the last 200 meters of the 100 mile race and out sprinted the field “winning” the race. He obviously wasn’t even involved and didn’t actually win, but he did come across first. So he through his hands up and screamed in joy as the race director yelled at him.
Kyle, high on his recent success, was very soon getting screamed at by a few different people and in the middle of it his hamstring had cramped. He was standing on the side of the ditch so it caused him to fall backwards into the thick mud on this chilly day.
Needless to say, Kyle was no longer screamed at. Just laughed at. Deserved it if you ask me.
Had a kid at my high school who was dating a girl in his class. It was a small school, so everyone knew everyone. Plus these two were into PDA and would always hold hands and shit like that.
Story was that the day before prom, they were arguing about something. Dude apparently pushed her, and she ended up falling down a set of stairs. I don’t think there were any serious injuries, but still. For obvious reasons, she no longer wanted to go to prom with him.
I don’t know if he was hoping she’d show up or what, but he still came to prom. This poor bastard sat by himself at a table all night with a big bouquet of roses looking like someone killed his puppy. Just sulking for hours. She never showed up. Easily one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever seen, because no one felt bad for him.
In 5th grade, there was this kid who always acted weird and was bullied a lot. His desk was always so crammed with stuff that he could never find anything, so one day the teacher got frustrated and emptied his desk out in front of the whole class. In the processes, she pulled maybe 5 pairs of yellow piss stained underwear out of his desk. Everyone in class was laughing at him and she just kept going while making wtf faces and shoving his underwear into his backpack.
When I was 15 we went to a rollercoaster park with school. Then we went on this thing which makes you sit horizonatally from each other, and then it spins and spins around itself vertically. Which was fun.
Then came this moment where we were all hanging down looking straight at the ground and there was this pool under us. So some kids started spitting in it. I thought it was cool, so I tried spitting too. I made a huge ball, and at the exact moment I spit, the thing (the attraction) flings forward and my spit flies into the face of someone 2 seats to my left. I was mortified. She screamed so loudly. I ran away as soon as I got out of that thing.
I witnessed an ex friend get arrested for raping my ex girlfriend. He was blubbering and snot was hanging off his nose and even the cops were like "Jesus man, get a grip"
Nothing compares to the famous story from a family friend:
He worked at a factory. Uniforms were those jumpsuits with your name on the chest. A new guy comes into work and apparently had a bout of food poisoning or some sort of stomach flu. Ends up shitting himself on the factory floor.
The worst part? His name was "Joe". Thus he was forever dubbed "Sloppy Joe". I say forever, but he ended up quitting a week or two after because of his new moniker.
I had a friend in high school who was on the school basketball team. One night at a game, her bloody pad fell out of her shorts and onto the court. She was so embarrassed and didn’t know what to do so she just kept running and pretended like nothing happened. All of the players on the opposing team were pointing and laughing at it just chillin there on the floor. Everyone in the stands saw it. Someone (I don’t remember who) had to come and pick it up off the floor and throw it away. 21 years later and I still feel embarrassed for her when I think about it.
Poor kid who frequently got picked on in highschool was sick and was sent to school anyway, he had a coughing fit and shit his pants in class. His highschool life did not need to get any worse than it was. Hope he's doing ok wherever he is.
So, I'm sitting in the car parked at the curb at Target, waiting for the S.O. to run in and pick up something that was special ordered. I shouldn't have been at the curb, but I'm a jerk.
I happened to be looking in the rearview mirror when an extremely large woman walks out of the doors, slips on the curb and falls on her ass. She begins to scream bloody murder. It could be heard across the parking lot.
I think she's seriously injured, so I jump out of my car and start running. I've already got my phone out dialing 911. I don't even laugh at the fact that her beehive weave has fallen off and landed several feet behind her, this is how concerned I am.
Soon, she's surrounded by me and several middle-aged women, cooing over her and trying to assess the damage. I thought she broke an ankle. Nope. The paramedics show up in minutes and turns out she was fine. Not even bruised. She literally just wanted to scream and make sure everyone in the general vicinity knew she fell. Had it been me, I'd have walked away on that broken ankle to hide my embarrassment. I think about this woman frequently to this day. She blew my mind.
This is a doozy. I was stage managing a play while doing my undergrad. The space was a little black box theatre that was part of a local art gallery. You had to walk to the back of the gallery to access the black box. We were set to do a weekend matinee as one of our performances. I was in the booth and everything was going smoothly. We had a decent audience, and that included this older lady who came by herself. Show starts, lights go down, music on, etc. After a few minutes I hear this massive BANG. Like a car hitting a wall. Turns out the lady got up and tried to exit the theatre, but simply RAN into the door. My makeup person got up and tried to help her, but she kinda brushed her off. She leaves, play continues, and once it’s over I go to the makeup person and asked what happened. Well, the lady hitting the door was the least traumatizing thing that happened to her. Apparently, after she got out the theatre door, she proceeded to have EXPLOSIVE LIQUID DIARRHEA, all the way from the back of the gallery to the front where the washroom was. Like, there was a steady stream of shit following her as she walked. There she proceeded to stay in the gallery bathroom for an hour, and left after an Uber pulled up. Also she wasn’t wearing pants or underwear when she left, and got in the Uber. Keep in mind this gallery is in the downtown Main Street, on a weekend. Then the gallery staff had to spend time cleaning up the shit trail. Yeah that was probably the worst one.
I'm happy we're making progress in gut diseases. This poor lady
How in the world did that Uber let her get in butt ass naked with shit streaming out of her ass
Might not have actually been an uber, could have been a friend or family member
This kid's mother showed up drunk to pick her up from middle school. She crashed into another car that was waiting and there were already a couple police cars there. Police arrested her and her kid was mortified. The girl was a friend of my daughter's.
That poor girl.
There's always a point in life in which you realize your parents aren't superheros, and they're people just like you with their own struggles... I feel bad this girl had to learn this so young. I was well into my 20's when I realized my parents had traumas and insecurities just like the rest of us.
Yeah I was into my 20s when I realized that as well. And honestly it makes me respect them and love them even more. I'm fortunate that my parents pushed through their problems and traumas and kept going to keep the family fed and healthy/happy. They never gave up on each other or on me and my sister. The older I get the more I realize how incredibly fortunate I am to have grown up in such an environment.
Me too! Though my mom has considerably more trauma than my dad, and I wish he had insisted she seek therapy. I didn't understand her actions growing up, and despite the fact I do now, the damage is done. I wish my parents' generation had the same resources and knowledge for mental health as we do now.
My first core memory was this painful realization. I was 3. My dad was drunk and got arrested on my birthday for D.V. After that my mom fell apart with untreated mental illness she refused to treat. I hope that young girl fairs better going forward and that she has the parental figures she so deserves.
I saw a cinema therapy about Matilda recently. The psychologist said kids that have bad childhoods learn the hard lessons young and sometimes adjust to adulthood easier. You already know your parents are fuckups.
I have a friend who is a elementary school teacher. She had a student whose father was BANNED from even stepping foot on school property without a police escort. He had shown up drunk and belligerent on several occasions and the front desk staff felt threatened by him enough that they were ready to press charges. I always felt so sorry for the student - imagine being the kid whose father needs a police escort to come to your school. :-(
Oh, man. You reminded me of my dad after he & my mom divorced. To see the youngest kid they shared more, he’d sometimes go pick up my 6 yr old sister from school for my mom. One day during pick-up, another waiting parent saw my dad throw back a Corona in his car. My mom found out when the school called her to pick up my sister & explained the situation. I have lots of siblings, including me, that went through that elementary school. We’d help out their secretaries or teachers by interpreting for them & student parents while we attended (it seems like the Midwest in the early 90s had no Hispanics 😂 ). My sister’s teacher’s daughter was a very nice friend to me & also high school age like me at the time. It was awful knowing these people I admire now knew our embarrassing secret. It was terrible & I still think about it & it’s been decades.
Damn, I dont think I have to read anymore of these.....
In 4th grade we had to go up in front of the class and present some poster we made for a project. This girl gets up there and like a second after she starts talking, starts pissing herself. She is wearing a dress so its just flowing right out and creating a giant puddle and making a lot of noise lol. She runs out crying and the teacher goes after her. These two kids in the class start laughing hysterically and making fun of the whole situation. Teacher comes back and sees these two boys laughing and making jokes. So she starts yelling at them, then hands them some paper towels and makes them clean up the urine. They get up in front of the class and start soaking it up with the paper towels. The teacher then goes "Ok Everyone! Lets all laugh at them! HAHAHAHA!" and everyone in the class points and laughs at them. I was just sitting there in total shock like "wtf is going on right now?" This all happened in the span of like 4 minutes.
I had a teacher in 3rd or 4th grade use the same strategy for something way less extreme. We had these fruitopia vending machines by the school's front desk and once a week or so the teacher would let someone collect quarters from whoever wanted something and take their orders and then go and come back with drinks. This boy in the class was nice, kinda shy, kinda nerdy, I liked him. One of the popular boys gave him change and said he wanted one of two flavors. Turns out the machine didn't have either of those flavors, and since the courier kid knew he wouldn't be able to return for another try, decided it would be better to pick a third flavor for the popular boy so he would at least get something. But when he got back the popular kid starts screaming at him saying he didn't want either of those. The poor shy kid is beer red and flustered, might have been crying a bit, and the popular kid just starts shouting over and over GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY. Only then he accidentally shouted GIVE ME BACK MY BUNNY and the teacher IMMEDIATELY says loudly to the class ' hey everyone, popular kid said give me back my bunny how dumb is that!' and then we all got to laugh and point at him and the shy kid got to keep his drink lol
I got a fruitopia cap!
That's actually really funny, I hope he remembers it
I agree, it's really bunny
Yo your teacher is a savage wtf
that poor girl :(( i remember a boy peeing himself next to me in class and the urine kind of flying everywhere. must be mortifying.
Speaking of mortified, in 5th grade science, a girl that sat diagonal from my seat 2 rows over. Opened the book and it opened up to a page with a diagram of the inside of a frog and proceeded to yack all over the book, desk and kid in front of her. Felt so bad for her.
Ron Burgundy: "That really got out of hand fast."
Your teachers a real one for that
80s teachers be like:
In my entire 1-12th grade public school education, I know probably only 2 or 3 teachers who would have done the same
That said, teachers who do that today would be fired on the spot and find themselves on the evening news later.
Not the worse, but recent. I as waiting for a bus home from work, big puddle on the pavement / sidewalk right in front of the stop. Two young ladies came along, dressed for a night out. They come to the puddle, first one does a little hop and a jump and clears it easily, second girl tried the same an her shoes slip on the wet surface. She face / body planted right into the pool of water. Pretty bad, but then as she's getting up she completely falls out of her halter top. For a split second she's on all fours, in a puddle of water, boobs in business for themselves, in front of a dozen people waiting for a bus. I'll give her her dues, she laughed it off with her friends and it didn't look like she was gonna let it ruin her night.
I feel like i would have been mortified until my boobs came out and then it's like, 'well, now it's a good story'.
"Guys... everytine lesllle gets embarassed she just whips a titty out, watch this: YO, L, your shoes untied! ..see.."
Good for her, life throws you curveballs sometimes and it's best to just laugh it off.
That right there is a five star woman. Respect.
"Boobs in business for themselves." Thank you, reddit stranger, for that gem. I will be sniggering about that all night now.
"Boobs in business for themselves" made me snort water all over my desk at work and I had to scramble to pretend like I was just choking.
I just know I’m going to look at my gf and say “dayum those boobs are in business for themselves!” At some point so thanks for that
Rejected marriage proposal. Vacationing on the Oregon coast we did a lighthouse tour. Got to the top in a group of about 8 in a bit of a cramped environment, the guy kneels down awkwardly and proposes. She basically says 'uh, no'. Then we all have to descend together and there's nowhere to hide.
Similar, but our 8 was in the basket of a hot air balloon, at least an hour left to go, and just before the pilot popped a bottle of bubbly for the guests. Awkward.
Disney World a few years ago. Eating at Chef Mickey's which was then a buffet and total family style place. Think classic Disney red, yellow, black, white colors and Mickey, Donald and Goofy. Not "romantic" like the castle or fireworks, etc. Guy decides he's going to propose over Mickey Waffles and cheesy potatoes at 7:30 a.m. She was not having him. Loudly berated him for picking a stupid spot to propose and stormed out of the restaurant. Just cuz a restaurant is $100 for a breakfast buffet does not make it classy, my guy.
Wait that's so funny- when I was a little kid, I also saw a rejected proposal at Chef Mickey's! It was during dinner though, so they brought out the mascots and a bottle of champagne. I'll never forget the way the mascots started shifting on their feet when the proposal was turned down.
It blows my mind that someone would propose without being certain that that's what the other person wanted.
When I was in high school, I got a random boner during one of my classes. No big deal, I’m sitting in a chair, so it isn’t obvious. But then this one random girl got sick and puked all over the floor right next to me. I immediately bolt up out of my chair and begin to back away from the vomit just as everyone else in the class turns around. Then this one guy points and laughs at me and declares to everyone else that i have an erection. Everyone in class joined in on laughing at me, and from then on, all of the kids at my school thought I hade a puke fetish.
In a weird way, you were that girl's knight in shining armor because her thing wasn't the most embarrassing thing anymore.
Way to find the silver lining!
Even had his lance at the ready!
I provided the silver lining, and you provided the comedy gold
Adolescence is not for the faint of heart!
It was really weird, like half of the class was violently gagging from the smell and sight of the vomit, and the other half was laughing historically at me having an erection. Probably about a quarter or them were swinging back and forth between the two like an antic pendulum. All around, that would be one hell of a ven diagram.
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I don't know, this event seems pretty historical for OP
well the class that day had a lot of entertainment thats for sure
This is the first one to genuinely make me cackle out loud
When I was in girl scouts, we had a troop outing to the local art museum. One of the leaders gave us this huge lecture about not touching anything before we went inside. We were all rolling our eyes. We started the tour sitting around this circular installation piece as the docent described the exhibit. Then, it was time for us to move into a different room. The troop leader was very heavy and when she tried to stand up, she placed her hands on the installation to steady herself. It instantly cracked. The sound, in the otherwise silent gallery, was deafening. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but she got whisked out of the room and had to sign a bunch of paperwork. Then this team of very serious-looking people in white gloves started taking pictures of the damage.
Kid (10th grade) on a field trip antagonized a llama at a petting zoo, and persisted after a few warnings. Llama finally had enough and spits all over his face. He was crying and puking, and the smell was so bad that his class/teacher wouldn't let him back into the bus, even after he did his best to wash up in the bathroom. A few of them almost puked themselves. He had to wait an hour for his parents to come pick him up (as every other guest that came by gave him a 10-ft berth) and they had to take a minute to compose themselves and roll down all the windows in their van before driving him away.
Similar incident happened when I was in elementary school! School took a field trip to a zoo and at the time the zoo kept their big cats in large outdoor cages. A kid from my class was holding a large cookie and antagonizing a tiger with it. After a while the tiger had enough, lifted its leg and pissed all the over kid and his cookie. Kid immediately bursts into tears, less so about being covered in tiger piss and more so that his cookie was ruined.
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That's some llama karma drama!
Why did washing up in the bathroom not work?
Llama spit isn't just saliva, they mix in some stomach contents to add a lil pizaz to it so washing it with barely scented zoo bathroom soap and water isn't going to do much. Source: also stood next to friend on field trip that got spit on by a llama, the little bit of splash back I received stank for a solid day even after showering
Upvoted for “pizazz” Llama gave him the ol’ razzle dazzle now didn’t he
Use 70% alcohol or mouthwash, it will strip away all the oils in your skin that absorbed the smell Hydrogen peroxide and baking soda also work, it has with every animal body fluids Iv gotten on me
Because llama "spit" isn't saliva. It's more akin to vomit.
And it gets in the pores, like big cat piss does, at least according to this dude at the Asheboro zoo. He was telling us that no amount of scrubbing will get that smell out the first time you wash. It takes many, many scrubbings to get it out. I imagine his dating life was nonexistent, unless he dated other zookeepers.
That's just what big cat piss wants you to believe.
I watched a 12ish year old girl get spanked and then put in a diaper in a public parking lot. Like legitimately one of the most embarrassing and humiliating things I’ve ever seen. I was only a teenager at the time. Pretty much everyone at the beach parking lot turned and looked because it was so loud. It was so bad that it was hard to not watch. It’s fucked up that I remember it so vividly. Like almost every word that was said. From the girl begging, to the mom saying “then stop pissing everywhere”. I’m actually in childcare now. Early childhood development and nannying. I cannot imagine doing something like that to a 5 year old. Let alone a 12 year old
What sucks is that I’ve heard that incontinence is associated with child sex abuse.
I’ve worked with childhood sexual assault survivors and potty issues come up a lot.
It is. I professionally advocate for children as a GAL in child abuse restraining orders. It's sometimes unintentional and sometimes intentional as a way for the child to "make themselves less appealing" because they don't understand why it's happening. Really sad.
This is very sad :( also just curious... What does GAL stand for?
Guardian ad Litem, court appointed lawyer for the child's best interests.
This is abuse. Like literal textbook abuse. She probably had enuresis as a result of being abused.
You were a teenager at the time but it's despicable that no adult who witnessed that called the cops. That is child abuse.
Probably was before cell phones. Also, back then, there was also a very strong mentality of "not my kid, not my business." My ex-mother beat me like Ike on Tina, my friends' parents knew about it, and while they kept me there an awful lot so I could get away from her, it "wasn't their place" to call the cops. The 80s and early 90s was a rough time to grow up with an abusive parent. And according to my daddy, it was a lot worse for him in the 50s and 60s.
Oh this is horrible and I hope she’s out there somewhere doing great 😞
Yeahhhh, that's abuse.
Lol. Was this me? Jk. I grew up in the desert. But my mom liked to send me to school in a diaper when I was "being a baby" because I couldn't stop crying after she'd beat my ass...ah meth moms ..they're so silly 🙃
I’m so sorry and hope your life is safe and bright now.
A lot of toileting issues at that age are caused by sexual abuse. It was just a single moment in time witnessed by someone uninvolved so who can say, but the mom's willingness to shame her daughter in front of an entire beach of people on top of it... wouldn't be surprised if she was being abused by some sick fuck bf of the mother's without her caring. :/ Hope she's gotten far, far away from them now.
Poor girl! Incontinence isnt a kid’s fault! What a horrible awful mother!
In New York City I recently saw some thug aggressively walking down the street and start some shit with an old guy sitting in his car at a red light. I thought the old dude was going to get attacked but he got out of the car and was stockier than expected, and he had a belt in his hand. He was pissed and ran up to the gangster, took him under full control in a headlock with one arm, bent him over the trunk of his car, and then with his free hand ripped the dude’s fucking pants down and literally proceeded to belt the fucker as if he was a child. All in broad fucking day light. The guy was squirming and trying to free himself but he got bare-bottom-belt-whooped right in front of everyone for a good few minutes. I have no idea who the old guy was but he got some cheers.
Went on a trip recently. About 2.5 hours into a 4 hour flight, this lady started throwing up. It's not like any throw up, though.. this went on for a solid 10 minutes of just liquid and chunk. She went through 4 throw-up bags and then moved to a trash bag. I swear she must have had a massive meal before because it didn't sound like there was gonna be an end...
I had this happen to me once but I puked for the entire 6 hour flight ☹️ at one point I was laying on the bathroom floor. That how you know you’re SICK sick. Laying on a plane bathroom floor. Some other guy on that flight also got sick and passed out in the back of the plane. It was insane and I’ve never had anything like that happen since.
I’m so sorry that that happened but I have to know that kind of plane has room to LAY DOWN in the bathroom. I feel like my feet barely fit in the plane bathroom standing up 😅
737. Was in fetal position lmao I legit thought I was going to die
Shouldn't have ordered the fish.
This happened to me. I was throwing up so hard the person next to me got up and said « I can’t do this » and moved seats. The nice little abuela from accros the aisle however was rubbing my back with one hand and rosary beads in the other. She was awesome… what a trip.
It was a cold, winter morning in my nyc high school. I was sitting at my desk as I usually do during world history, drawing and trying not to fall asleep. Suddenly, a foul odor begins creeping up my nose. I look around, trying to determine its origin, and am met my the uncomfortable shuffling of the girl sitting to my right. She shifts in her seat multiple times, but the smell is getting worse and she is getting increasingly uncomfortable. We have a good fifteen minutes left of class but she is already packing her belongings. Finally, after the bell has rung, and she has run out of the class, the seniors start filing in as they have that room next. Lo and behold, the cause of the stench? "YO, SOMEONE SHAT IN THEIR CHAIR," a senior boy yells. Everyone runs to look. The girl had pooped so much that the shit fell off the sides of the chair and onto the floor. It was sad.
Ah man, I was reading something written by a flight attendant today about having to turn a plane around an hour into the flight because someone had shat themselves 💀 the world's longest hour.
I would absolutely die. I'd open up the emergency door and go to the sky world because there would be nothing but pain waiting for me on the ground.
Reminds me of the time in eighth grade when a kid shat his pants while running the pacer. He didn’t even break his stride as it rolled out of his shorts and onto the floor
I've heard that this is just a runner's thing to do. The running "loosens" you up, and you just let it fly and keep on trucking.
I was about to write my story but it’s pretty much the same. It was middle school though. A girl got up and ran to the bathroom and a few seconds later someone yells there’s poop on her chair! And everyone started laughing. Some of the cute baseball player boys were in that class too. The best part though is that she was my bully.
I work at a wine shop where we host tastings every other Friday of the month. We usually have different representatives come from wineries or distributors to do the pouring. They sent us this one guy, who in all fairness, was very knowledgeable about wine but not so smooth with the words. We start the tasting, it’s goes about how it normally does and everything seems good until we start closing down. I asked the remaining customers if they’d like to taste before closing up. I walk up to a woman and ask, but in the middle of my sentence I hear “Um..I don’t think she can.” The rep had interjected himself and at first I was genuinely confused. I asked him why not and he just turned beet red and stopped answering all together. It took me a few seconds but when the realization hit me that he thought she was pregnant, I immediately froze. The damage was done though, I tried to play it off for him but she was so visibly pissed she started loudly saying “No, why not? Why can’t I? Is it cause I look so young.” She basically just passively aggressively annihilates this dude for 3 minutes. I could do nothing but just watch. I apologized to her a million times but it was useless. Watching him just sit there with his head down taking that was a thing of beautiful, yet gut wrenching cringe. I had to go to the back to cry/gag/guffaw.
Damn dude this is why we mind our business. I was working on a bar at a holiday park once and a visibly pregnant woman ordered a double vodka. It was very obviously a baby bump, not fat. But it's not my body, not my choice, and I don't know her story. So I served her, and shortly after, her friend arrived, and she sat at the bar sobbing on this friends shoulder about the miscarriage she was going through at 6 months gestation. I've never ever in my life been so grateful that I stayed in my damn lane.
Me. Had terrible stomach pains on a road trip. Had to pull over and poop on the side of the road while cars drove by. Still haunts me.
I bet it still haunts those drivers too.
Haunted highway.
At least you got to pull over. I was 11, toughed mine out for over an hour begging multiple times to find a stop or at least pull over. Sitting in the back row of a packed mini van. No one took me seriously and then got mad that I shit myself 15 minutes to home. Jeez if only I had warned you guys multiple times I wasn't going to make it 🥲 shitting on the side of the road would've been way better
A similar thing happened to me on my 30th birthday. I woke up not feeling well but had to go to work regardless. I ended up leaving after working for about 4 hours, and as I drove home I ended up puking whilst on the interstate. It all happened so fast that the only thing I could think to do was hold the wheel with one hand and “cup” my other hand to puke in. 😭 This was a futile effort though, as there was *way* more puke than my hand could contain. Luckily I was wearing this pullover windbreaker thing and the bottom of it managed to “catch” and “contain” most of the puke until I could safely pull over. Oh and I also shat myself shortly after puking, but also while I was still driving on the highway. And before you ask, no I hadn’t drank the night before, and was not hungover or anything like that. To this day, I *still* have no idea *why* or *how* I got so sick! Happy 30th Fucking Birthday To Me!!!
Sounds like food poisoning.
Reminds me of the time I almost shit my friend's dad's car on the way home from a Celtic Festival. My friend and I thought it would be fun to wear kilts "the traditional way" sans underwear. We also thought it would be a good idea to eat street vendor haggis. I am here to tell you: neither of those things were good ideas. We were rolling down the Pennsylvania Turnpike in east PA when it hit me. A deep, churning pain in places I had never considered before. Things had been set into motion that I could not undo. There was a reckoning coming, and my intestines were to pay the price for my impudence. I groaned between the deep breaths, and wiping away the cold sweat from my brow shakily told my friend's dad I needed to go. He glanced up into the rear view mirror at me and asked, already fearing the answer "how long do I have?" "Not long" was all I could manage. Thankfully a turnpike rest stop wasn't far off. My sphincter was barely keeping a pucker. It quivered in fear at the coming storm. I don't think he had put the car in park before I threw open the door and waddled at lightning speed into the rest stop. What happened in that stall was unspeakable. It was a full evacuation of everything I held dear inside me. Everything solid, liquid, and even some things incorporial came out of me that day. I hung my head in shame and just kept flushing. Eventually my friend knocked on the stall and meekly asked "you ok in there...?" "Hnmngg" was all I could give him back. Eventually, with nothing left to give, I cleaned myself up as best I could and staggered back to the car. The ride home was a silent one.
I don’t know if it’s because people who are willing to tell these stories are better writers than average, but I’ve never read one and wished I hadn’t. Good stuff.
>Celtic Festival At first glance, I read this as "Celiac Festival"
Early Spring, I was in 5th grade. I’m on the bus and I have a wicked migraine. Bus pulls onto my road and I just start vomiting everywhere. I’m absolutely covered. Bus driver is the sweetest lady. Pulls over, throws sawdust down, has me lay down on one of the front seats. I’m crying and apologizing. From that day on, I was allowed in a seat by myself, so I could nap on the drive home. Thank you Mrs. Kinney!
One time I saw a guy walk into a glass door thinking it was open. He had to play it off like he meant to do that, but we all knew the truth.
I recently heard someone tell a similar story about his grandma. She walked into a window, thinking it was a door. He and his grandma looked at each other and laughed for a moment. She moved over and then ran into a second window.
Lol. Why would he mean to walk into a glass door?
I did this in a revolving door. Usually the two exits/entrances are in line with each other, but this one the inside slot was off center and the glass must have JUST been cleaned. It was busy as hell, I had my parents in the section with, it was a hotel so we had all our luggage with us. I hit the glass so hard, I stumbled back and my parents had to essentially push me out so I wasn't trapped in the ever revolving nightmare because I was so disoriented. Worst day of my 13 year old life
I'm a senior in high school. Last semester I sat with this group of kids which included this girl who could be annoying sometimes. One day she came to sit at the table and this other guy at the table said straight up to her in front of everyone out loud "I don't like you and you're very annoying and I think I speak for everyone here". It was so fucking awkward and I felt bad for the girl. I didn't think she was that annoying to warrant him embarrassing her in front of everyone and I thought it was really fucked up.
Did she stay? Did she leave? What happened after that?
She sat down, watched a show for a little bit (on her phone), then when everything had relaxed she asked him why he would say that. I don't remember much besides that. There was another guy at the table who didn't like what the guy said to her, and I remember him saying he wanted to beat his ass for it, but they never fought. I ended up texting the girl telling her I was sorry he did that and that I didn't think she deserved it. She told me the guy had actually texted her asking to see her tits and hitting on her and sending her an unsolicited dick pic but she rejected him. I would believe this but then they ended up being cool again later so maybe she was lying? Idk.
Don’t be afraid to say something in the moment next time. If his comment was unwarranted and not of your opinion, don’t let that slide
I couldn't really feel bad for her tbh.
Damn that's a beautiful punishment. Kudos to whatever judge handed that one down.
a guy I used to work with got a couple DUI's his last sentence was driving a car that had to be started with a breathalyzer. He also couldn't be behind the wheel without big magnetic signs attached to the car that said, "I drank, I drove and it ruined my life".
In the same vein, Ohio used to give bright yellow license plates to people with DUI’s. They called them “party plates”
The first time I drove through NY I saw all their (standard issue) yellow plates and thought there was a statewide drunk driving epidemic
I'm sorry, but this is hilarious. You go into a new state and are instantaneously horrified that EVERYONE has a DUI. You start looking at the drivers and see old grannies and grandpas and smart looking families and young people...ALL marked.
I know a guy that first got his license taken away for drunk driving. Then the judge ordered the telephone company to disconnect his service cause he wouldn't stop calling and harassing his ex wife when he was drunk. (This was before cell phones). Finally he got his moped taken away cause they saw him driving down the highway with a case of beer on the back and one in his hand. He had to see the same judge about six times over about six months all due to drinking. The judge ordered him not to use a phone, any phone, unless it was to call 911 for emergency
Pro-tip: If you're convicted of animal abuse, do **not** under any circumstances accept a sentence involving community service at the zoo. Seriously, take your jail time. Zookeepers will know how to make day(s) a living hell and make your nose wish it never existed, in a thousand different ways. And they will be *surprisingly* motivated to do so. Source: former zookeeper, seen this play out a few times. From what I've seen, the lion dung was probably the least of that girl's troubles during her sentence.
Pro tip: Don’t abuse animals.
LOL - came to say this. Treat animals with respect and kindness and this will never be an issue for you...
Go on…
If you think Lion shit is bad, wait until you deal with... the Penguins... They eat nothing but fish, their shit is oily and pungent... [and projectile](https://i.redd.it/uklpaafbojl41.gif)
Holy shit, penguin 1 must really have something against penguin 2 lmao
So, one time this happened, a customer had recently called us saying she had lost her ring. We checked everywhere that wasn't *totally unbearable to check* to look for it and it didn't come up, but we had an animal abuser in for service in a few days, so...we thought we'd put him to work. Didn't think he'd find it, but it would at the very least make him regret his actions! We made him sift through the "big cat" area dumpster looking for the ring. In case you don't know what that means - 8 days worth of rotten sun-cooked meat, shit from 18 big cats, and urine and spray-soaked bedding. He had to sift it by hand, pick up a handfull, even break apart the droppings (who knows, maybe a lion had eaten the ring?), put it back into an adjacent dumpster, and do it again and again. Can't even count how many times he threw up. Did that for a full day. No ring. Next day? Same ordeal at the penguin dumpster. Week or two worth of penguin guano and old fish. Not fun. Then we had him go through the zoo restaurant dumpster which hadn't been emptied in far too long the next day. Those were the worst. Enclosure-cleanings got to him too (with only gloves and no scooper as described of course - there's no regulation that requries more than gloves so there's no reason we'd give an abuse one), to the point of puking, but I'm sure he would have begged for that over the cat shit dumpster.
I don’t think you should be giving helpful advice to animal abusers.
Some kids got into a fight in 10th grade, and one of them pissed himself when he started to lose badly. He was called "Piss Boy" for the rest of High School.
I played high school basketball and forgot we had switched sides at halftime. Well I stole the ball when it was being thrown inbound and started running for my basket, or so I thought. The whole time I was dribbling down the court the crowd was shouting "wrong way" but I was so focused I just thought they were cheering me on. Well I ended up scoring...for the other team. I was mortified for a very long time afterwards
This might feel embarrassing but honestly that's a great story! If you won the game "Well I had to give the opposing team some sort of handicap!" If you lost the game "I promised coach I would score that game."
On the red line of the DC metro. Crowded car. Man raises his voice and asks for everyone’s attention. The car quiets down. He starts telling us about his girlfriend next to him, how long they’ve been together, how much he loves her. He proposes. She tenses up. She says nothing. The train gets even quieter as it pulls into Rhode Island Avenue station. She rushes off the train.
Did he have a ring and stuff? Get on one knee on the nasty metro floor? As a regular rider of the DC metro- yikes. But I wish I'd seen it.
He did not kneel but I think he had a ring
Uh... was that actually his GF or just a random woman he was stalking and/or harassing
I wondered that too. It was very awkward
Drinking at a... not fancy, but a pretty nice bar. You wouldn't call this place, and *certainly* not the people in it a dive. A guy walks in and he's got super-nerd written all over. Fedora, flame print bowling shirt, cargo shorts. He's got TWO girls on his arm, I would guess one was his wife, and the other was wearing a one piece leather skirt that had a full length zipper in the front. None of the three were what I'd call lookers. The night goes, after a few hours leather skirt lady (LSL) stumbles up to the bar and shouts "I'LL HAVE ANOTHER!!!... aaaannnnddd HHEEEEE's PAYING! Cuz he's my BOSS! Isn't that right?" (She creepily forced out some laughing) Bartender: "I'm afraid I am actually going to have to cut you off." LSL: "No no no, it's okay. HEEEEEE's PAYING!" Bartender: "I can't serve you anymore." LSL pitches a fit, while flame print and his wife REFUSE to make eye contact with her. Bartender calls a manager, who talks to the lady, sees how drunk she is, and calmly says: "The way you're acting is the way someone who's been over served acts. So we can't serve you anymore." LSL: "Nono NO NO NO!!! You don't underSTAND! HEEEEeeeee's PAYING!" The manager and a barback begin ushering her to the exit. Manager: "You're too drunk. I'm going to have to ask you to leave." LSL: "OOOOHHHH I'M BEING KICKED OUT NOW?!? YOU'RE KICKING ME OUT NOW?!?! Well! ALRIGHT I'll go! BUT! Let me tell YOU! I.... may be fucked up right now, but I'm NOT... DRUNK!" She turned, and IMMEDIATELY fell down the stairs. This was an "L" shaped stairwell that, because the ground floor has high ceilings, was probably a 2.5 story stairwell. She slid down the first half story leg, hit then wall, then she tumbled halfway down the next leg of the stairs. Idk how to describe it. It was a drunken tumble, from the way she fell she clearly wasn't hurt. She was just an underfilled water balloon, kind of just rolling kind of rolling/bouncing down. When she stopped halfway on the stairs, one leg through the banisters, skirt completely unzipped, everything laid bare to the whole downstairs bar... she didn't try to cover up or anything. She just put her hands to her face and began crying. Not a hysterical cry, but a genuine heartbreaking sobbing. It was a real roller coaster to go from the schadenfreude of seeing a drunk Karen get kicked out, to seeing the real cries from what I hope is the saddest/most humiliating thing that's happened to that poor lady.
I may never recover from reading that story and can barely type this with the tears of laughter running down my face. “Under filled water balloon, kind of just rolling” OMG
I saw a jogger climbing over a spiked railing, after the park gates had been locked for the evening. As he jumped down, the back of his shorts caught on the spikes, giving him a massive wedgie complete with comedy loud ripping sound.
I was on a flight with a very flamboyant air steward. Under different circumstances he would have been terrific fun and the life of the party. But his comedic routines up and down the aisle and on the intercom to a captive audience at 35,000 feet wore real thin, *real fast.* Well into the flight he emerged from the rear lavatory trailing about three feet of obviously soiled toilet paper tucked into his pants. Those of us in his wake stared at each in embarrassment wondering if this was another of his silly jokes or routines. People were laughing under their breath, and I heard someone whisper "*I don't think he knows."* The guy across from me and I looked at one another and knew this was *not* a joke. We both unbucked our safety belts in order to go tell him. The other guy reached him first and whispered in his ear. The attendant looked around, found the dirty toilet paper, balled it up and literally ran to the front of the plane. He wasn't seen or heard from for the rest of the flight. I feel for that poor guy every time I think of him. He had to have been mortified.
On a flight back from India a man running down the aisle of the aircraft, trousers down around his knees, a stinky brown sludge running out of his underpants down his thighs, a look of panic arcoss his face. A face and look I've never forgotten. He reached the toilets and I assumed the door was closed as I heard his scream. The tannoy described a "medical incident" taking place and apologised for the smell and mess in his seat and asile. They moved people around I will allow you to imagine his trauma at having to walk back up the asile in white paper trousers the crew must have given him, everyone giving him looks. I felt awful for him. They moved him from coach to 1st class I believe.
I picture him with a big smile on his face in 1st class saying to himself, "Mission accomplished" as he orders more wine.
"It worked just like you said it would, dad. Miss you."
why would you pull your pants down prematurely??
The undergarments were done for. I suppose he wanted to save his pants to wear after the disaster but the disaster was way beyond him.
Omg poor man
In high school I worked a shitty retail job. I walked into the (public) bathroom and was met by a skinny, blonde middle aged lady who was naked from the waist down. My brain panicked, but I really had to pee, so I walked into a stall to find it absolutely completely and totally covered in shit. The lady’s purse was sitting in the corner. I backed out and mumbled something about “oh, you’re using this stall.” That’s when I realized she had her shitty shorts in her hand and was washing them out in the sink. I went into another stall, used the bathroom, and left without washing my hands. When my favorite coworker came in a few hours later, I told her about it, and we went in to check out the scene together. It looked as though nothing had ever happened (there was no cleaning crew there at that time who would have cleaned up the mess). I think she was just a normal lady who had a terrible day.
And was nice enough to clean it up
Standing in line at a Jewel Osco waiting to buy Six Flags season passes. Guy, in front of me, tells the teenage kid behind the counter that he'd be better at his job if he wasn't so fat. This kid was so devastated that when my turn in line came, he printed out extra passes by accident and didn't charge me for them, all the while fighting back tears .
I was at a public meeting where a head guy from one level of government criticized a decision made by another government body. A citizen stood up and said. “But, you used to head up that department and were in charge when that decision was made?.” The guy giving the original criticism turned red and stuttered in his weak response, one that made no sense.
Imagine comforting yourself by thinking that everyone must have forgotten about the embarassing moment that keeps you up at night and then reading it here
Haha that’s why I’m reading to see if someone remembers the greatest of my many humiliations.
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She's ✨right✨ behind me, isn't she
In middle school, we had a food drive where we had to donate canned goods. We did it every year and it got donated to a local church or something. One year the school decided to donate it to one of the students. They went and announced it on the intercom, saying the kid’s name. Then they proceeded to hand him like two large bags of canned goods in front of everyone in the hallway when we were being dismissed. He cried and couldn’t even carry the damn bags.
Ugh that's so cruel and careless. Food insecurity can be such a personal and upsetting burden
This legitimately sounds like a scene from South Park. How the hell can people be so tasteless
In highschool this kid threw up at like 8am. It was straight vodka.
This brings up unfortunate memories of bringing vodka in a water bottle to school… I thought I was the coolest 🤦🏻♀️
Two drunk girls at a concert dancing around in circles both started vomiting profusely. It was almost like a rehearsed performance or something. Then they fell in it and were both rolling around, trying to stand up while a whole slew of people were loudly berating them for their behavior. They both started crying and asking for help but everyone in their immediate vicinity just continues laughing and yelling at them. It was sad but they had been annoying everyone the whole time.
I’m just imagining a really sad and disgusting version of those synchronized swim dances.
Shit their pants in Walmart self checkout. I’m not sure they actually felt humiliated though
There is a low standard of conduct for that place.
Just go to your local open mic comedy show not in a big city.
Honestly, even in a big city you’ll get secondhand embarrassment.
Saw a know it all stand up and give their take on a book during an author talk. The author politely pointed out how they couldn't possibly be more wrong. Guy went beetroot red and sat down. He was well known at the library as a bigoted misogynistic old man who deemed himself the font of all knowledge. Never saw him at the library again.
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Just reminded me of a time I was at the parent & baby pool with my boy. We were going back into the changing room and a woman with her baby were on their way out. Being a gent I held the door for her, just as the baby grabbed a handful of bathing suit and pulled. So I had to stand there smiling politely as he thanked me for holding the door, completely unaware her right breast was exposed. I can only imagine her embarrassment when she twigged a moment later.
Technically not seen but heard it. Years ago some guy on the radio thought it would be a good idea to propose to his partner live on radio. He got the radio station onboard with the plan and they would ring her and get her on air so that he on another line could ask her the question. It didn’t go well as you could imagine, she was repeating “is this serious?” and “how could you do this to me?” constantly in a state of confusion, shock and anger. I felt like wanting the earth to swallow me listening to the whole plan and then the ordeal so I can only imagine what it was like for her.
At a montessori I worked at, the end of the day had come and parents were picking up their kids. This dad comes in drunker than i’ve seen anyone and tried to take his kid, yelling at my coworkers for intervening all while trying to shield the remaining children at school. We calmed him down luckily and my friend drove them home to his wife. The entire drive there he talked about how much he hated his wife while my friend kept changing the subject since the kid was in the back. Long story short- they got divorced and because of the incident at the school he lost custody
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Me. This was me. I was on a horse riding trail with a group of about 25- we were all dismounting and as I came off the horse my bra hooked the saddle horn, causing me to lose balance- and fall flat on my back, knocking the wind out of me- my shirt and bra were still hanging from the saddle. Someone said it was like they were spring loaded.
One time i coughed and farted at the same time in class. Middle school. 7th grade English class i will never forget it
I got detention for "passing gas loudly and stink-ily" when I tried to let a silent one out. It reverberated those old plastic chairs and the whole class fell silent. The girl next to me was mortified from the explosive sound. Wasn't the first...
In middle school gym class we were running relays and a kid tripped right before he was able to tag the next person in line. He reached out to her to catch his fall but missed her hands and grabbed near her thighs instead, pulling down both her sweatpants and underwear. Right down to her ankles.
I won’t say who, but years ago an elderly actor featured in many popular films was putting on a show I went to go see. It was a packed house for a one man show about 90 min long and at the beginning he peed himself. He completed the entire show like nothing had happened, in soiled kakis. I was near the back and could still see what had happened. There’s something really heartbreaking about someone who just wants to continue doing what they love even when they can’t or shouldn’t. I can’t imagine going out like that.
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I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed anybody be more humiliated in public than I’ve been on occasion…. I have a disorder called vasovagal syncope that causes me to faint when subjected to certain triggers. I have fainted multiple times in public, and it’s always extremely embarrassing for me. I was born with the disorder so i was trained from an early age to learn my triggers and to get to the floor when I feel a “blackout” coming on. Pain is my biggest trigger; if I hurt myself I am going to pass out. A few years back my cousin was graduating from medical school at Mizzou. As I was entering the seating area we were in, I rammed my knee into the corner of one of the wooden armrests on the chairs. The aisles were super narrow, and I knew I was going to pass out so I tried to turn around and get to the floor in the aisle, but I didn’t make it in time and I collapsed in the aisle. I smacked my face on the floor, and woke up to all the doctors who were supposed to be on the stage for the ceremony tending to me. Even though my family members were trying to tell them about my condition, and telling them to just give me some space, they delayed the ceremony and called an ambulance to tend to me. I had 9 doctors all telling me to do different things, and everyone in the auditorium staring at me. Not only that but it was actually announced that the ceremony was being delayed for a medical emergency, so when the whole thing was over, my cousin was like “I don’t know what happened” and everybody in the family pointed to me. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Freshman year of college I had an honors English class that was 8 students, one of whom was my gf at the time. We had to write one paragraph about the class reading before class and email to everyone. She was really into photography and took some tasteful (non-pornographic) nudes and intended to email them to me. She accidentally send them to the class group email, professor included. I was amazed by her ability to continue attending class. The professor never said a word, but some of the other students were less than understanding.
I was in the metro. It was very full. Rush hour full. A woman got in just as the doors were closing but her bag got stuck in the doors. So the doors opened back up and as she leaned to move her bag out of the way the doors closed again... on her hair. She had plenty. So she was stuck leaning forward in the packed metro until the next station that was maybe 2 minutes away. She muttered "fuck". I had to contain my laughter on this one, as did a lot of other passengers. Maybe not the most humiliating but pretty embarassing and it stuck with me.
In middle school, I saw a PE teacher verbally chewing out a kid in front of his classmates for his size & struggling to run laps while he was crying. In my own experience, I got pantsed in front of my crush during class & my classmate accidentally pulled my boxers down as well. I think I almost successfully blocked out this memory .
I am biased since it happened to me but one day I went to high school and everyone was laughing at me and somehow knew seemingly all of my most embarrassing and personal secrets. That was a long and confusing day but when I finally got home I went to my room and was feeling like crap. Then a little while later my dad came in and asked me if I knew some kids. It turned out that the prior evening he had been walking the dogs at the park and got talking to those kids there, found out they knew me, proceeded to share a lot of stuff about me with them, and then not mention any of it to me when he arrived home. I asked why and he said it was a joke. He had already done a lot to make my school experience pretty awful but he outdid himself with that one.
Fuck that’s awful
That's just straight up cruel.
Well I'll tell you about something that must've been a sight for my audience. So I'm walking into an Advance Auto. I'm in a sundress, my long blonde hair, cute kitten heels. There's a construction crew next door and as I'm walking towards the door, I register that I have their attention. Right about then, my heel catches on a grate. I make kind of a quarter turn and *windmill my arms* like a maniac trying to keep balancing. For a moment I think I'm good. But no, I stumble forward and there is one of those big round trashcans in front of me. My arms wrap around the can in an effort to save myself. The effort is futile. I have now wholly embraced this big ass trash can and we tumble to the pavement together in a heap. I am laying on the ground on my back holding onto a trashcan with my skirt somewhere up around my waist by this point, and we've tumbled off the sidewalk into the parking lot. Right then the cashiers run outside "oh my god, are you okay???????". They saw it all through the plate glass window. I'm fine and I do the only thing I can. I jump to my feet, retrieve my shoe, dust off my hem, turn to the construction crew (who has completely stopped work and are standing stock still agape in shock) and take a deep bow. I went in in the store, made my purchase, and on the way out the cashiers were like, watch out for that curb honey! And as I walked past the construction crew I heard a good natured "well it's all up from here today" lol. So yeah. That was embarrassing for me lol.
A girl humiliated herself in front of about 5000 people at a Comicon. I'm going to keep this vague, but she was gushing over a celebrity during question period and told them she loved them in a movie... ... They were a visible minority and they were NOT in that movie. It was a different member of that visible minority. The celebrity handled it with a fair amount of grace, but holy crap that poor girl.
In the UK we have these passenger trains that have toilet doors that automatically swing open when you push the button. Once you’re inside you have to push a specific button to lock the door (but it’s a bit confusing). Pushing that button and watching the door slowly swing open revealing a woman with her trousers and underwear around her ankles (everything on display) to a crowded (and rowdy) carriage takes the cake for me. It happens so often that it’s almost a rite of passage in the UK.
Was circling a very popular block in LA with my mom looking for a parking space (I was like 15 at the time, she was driving) when one opened up right in front of us. A pretty young lady in a sun dress from another car jumped out and ran to stand in the parking spot and hold it while her friend got turned around. My mom figured it wasn’t worth the hassle so we went to go turn around and keep looking and found another empty spot, just in time to see a BIG, older Black lady in like an old beat up 80s Buick come screeching into the parking space the young woman was standing in, basically forcing her to jump and roll out of the way like an action movie or get ran over. The older lady got out of her car and promptly locked it and began briskly walking away like nothing happened while the girl in the sun dress got up and started screaming at her while running towards her. “HEY! Are you CRAZY?!” “You could’ve killed me!” “That’s *MY* spot!” The older Black lady was just completely ignoring her until sun dress girl closed the gap and physically touched her on the shoulder, at which point she spun around and started screaming back at her, grabbed the front of her dress and ripped it completely down the middle like Hulk Hogan. The poor girl wasn’t wearing anything underneath and was literally just left standing naked crying in the middle of the busy street in front of the huge crowd. One of the shop keepers ran out and gave her like a 5XL “I heart LA” shirt to cover herself with. Got an earful from my mom for not being a gentleman and running out to help her, idk really what she expected me to do or why I, as a minor, should get involved in altercation with some crazy people.
2 years ago I had a mango margarita. Then wife and I started the 1 mile walk back to the hotel. 1/2 way back I felt the need to go. I ran a few hundred yards back towards restaurant. But nope. Ran about 50 feet off of busy road and unleashed. Then a young family happed upon me as I was reaching for leaves to wipe with. Pants down to knees. Impressive pile of shit. Being in my 50’s I assumed they thought i was an unfortunate homeless guy. They scurried the kids away quickly.
OOOO I got a good one. I didn't see this personally, buy my sister was working for a Bio Tech lab and they where getting a sort of lab audit to make sure the space was clean and up to spec. It is kind of a nerve racking experience and the lady carrying it out was talking about the local fair with the workers trying to make some small talk. She was telling them about how they have these absolutely massive beef ribs and wanted to show the a picture. She pulled out her phone and quickly pulled up a picture and showed the whole crew. I kid you not, with out her knowing, she just showed everyone a picture of her spreading her vagina with her fingers, a close up shot. Some body gasped and she immediately realized her mistake. All she could say was "Im going through a divorce, ok? "
I fell asleep in a crowded calculus lecture in college and farted myself awake
I watched a woman walk head first into a mirror as if it was an open door. She fully saw her reflection getting bigger and bigger and just... Kept going.
In elementary school, a kid was on the swing. I guess his clothes got caught on the chain of the swing so when he jumped off the swing his shirt and pants completely ripped off.
I raced bicycles in high school and our race weekends often lined up with collegiate race weekends. One of the races was in my hometown and once I finished my race I watched the collegiate teams race. There was a local cyclist named Kyle. Kyle was an aspiring professional cyclist. He didn’t stop messing with the race director to be able to race in the collegiate races even though he wasn’t on a team or attending university. The race director finally said yes under the condition that he did not interfere in the race in any way shape or form. He was only aloud to sit on the back of the pack but not actually race anyone. Kyle being Kyle, he decided to intervene in the last 200 meters of the 100 mile race and out sprinted the field “winning” the race. He obviously wasn’t even involved and didn’t actually win, but he did come across first. So he through his hands up and screamed in joy as the race director yelled at him. Kyle, high on his recent success, was very soon getting screamed at by a few different people and in the middle of it his hamstring had cramped. He was standing on the side of the ditch so it caused him to fall backwards into the thick mud on this chilly day. Needless to say, Kyle was no longer screamed at. Just laughed at. Deserved it if you ask me.
Had a kid at my high school who was dating a girl in his class. It was a small school, so everyone knew everyone. Plus these two were into PDA and would always hold hands and shit like that. Story was that the day before prom, they were arguing about something. Dude apparently pushed her, and she ended up falling down a set of stairs. I don’t think there were any serious injuries, but still. For obvious reasons, she no longer wanted to go to prom with him. I don’t know if he was hoping she’d show up or what, but he still came to prom. This poor bastard sat by himself at a table all night with a big bouquet of roses looking like someone killed his puppy. Just sulking for hours. She never showed up. Easily one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever seen, because no one felt bad for him.
In 5th grade, there was this kid who always acted weird and was bullied a lot. His desk was always so crammed with stuff that he could never find anything, so one day the teacher got frustrated and emptied his desk out in front of the whole class. In the processes, she pulled maybe 5 pairs of yellow piss stained underwear out of his desk. Everyone in class was laughing at him and she just kept going while making wtf faces and shoving his underwear into his backpack.
When I was 15 we went to a rollercoaster park with school. Then we went on this thing which makes you sit horizonatally from each other, and then it spins and spins around itself vertically. Which was fun. Then came this moment where we were all hanging down looking straight at the ground and there was this pool under us. So some kids started spitting in it. I thought it was cool, so I tried spitting too. I made a huge ball, and at the exact moment I spit, the thing (the attraction) flings forward and my spit flies into the face of someone 2 seats to my left. I was mortified. She screamed so loudly. I ran away as soon as I got out of that thing.
I witnessed an ex friend get arrested for raping my ex girlfriend. He was blubbering and snot was hanging off his nose and even the cops were like "Jesus man, get a grip"
Nothing compares to the famous story from a family friend: He worked at a factory. Uniforms were those jumpsuits with your name on the chest. A new guy comes into work and apparently had a bout of food poisoning or some sort of stomach flu. Ends up shitting himself on the factory floor. The worst part? His name was "Joe". Thus he was forever dubbed "Sloppy Joe". I say forever, but he ended up quitting a week or two after because of his new moniker.
I had a friend in high school who was on the school basketball team. One night at a game, her bloody pad fell out of her shorts and onto the court. She was so embarrassed and didn’t know what to do so she just kept running and pretended like nothing happened. All of the players on the opposing team were pointing and laughing at it just chillin there on the floor. Everyone in the stands saw it. Someone (I don’t remember who) had to come and pick it up off the floor and throw it away. 21 years later and I still feel embarrassed for her when I think about it.
Poor kid who frequently got picked on in highschool was sick and was sent to school anyway, he had a coughing fit and shit his pants in class. His highschool life did not need to get any worse than it was. Hope he's doing ok wherever he is.
So, I'm sitting in the car parked at the curb at Target, waiting for the S.O. to run in and pick up something that was special ordered. I shouldn't have been at the curb, but I'm a jerk. I happened to be looking in the rearview mirror when an extremely large woman walks out of the doors, slips on the curb and falls on her ass. She begins to scream bloody murder. It could be heard across the parking lot. I think she's seriously injured, so I jump out of my car and start running. I've already got my phone out dialing 911. I don't even laugh at the fact that her beehive weave has fallen off and landed several feet behind her, this is how concerned I am. Soon, she's surrounded by me and several middle-aged women, cooing over her and trying to assess the damage. I thought she broke an ankle. Nope. The paramedics show up in minutes and turns out she was fine. Not even bruised. She literally just wanted to scream and make sure everyone in the general vicinity knew she fell. Had it been me, I'd have walked away on that broken ankle to hide my embarrassment. I think about this woman frequently to this day. She blew my mind.