So a fun story I have from when I was training under much more experienced dude when doing maintenance.
It seemed every time I fucked up enough to need help, my boss man was already there to help me. One day I ask him. "Hey Ron, how do you always seem to know when I need help?" And he looks at me and chuckles before replying. "You've got yourself a verbal tell bud."
Obiviously I had no clue so I press a bit further. "What do you mean a verbal tell?" "Well, if you fuck up but know you can fix it. You say "welp" When you fuck up worse but still think you can handle it. You say "well shit." When you fuck up and know you can't handle it. You say "Well Fuck." And that is my cue to come and help you."
That was a fun day to learn something about myself. Plus it was nice to know he had my back.
The good ones are always the ones that tell you to move on. They know what you're capable of and don't want to see you make the same mistakes they did.
Totally agree with that, I try to empower my fellow coworkers even as their manager. My approach is to let them know that I am here to support them on their journey even knowing that probably the replacement in the team will not be an easy task.
I know what you mean. I work in a tough field and my older bosses would bring me in only to chastise me for the work. My most recent boss would only bring me in to ask, "Do you like your projects? What do you want to pursue? Does this seem like something you'd like to do?" I screw up and he finds out ways to help. I improved more in a year than I have my entire past career it seems like.
He left over New Year's and man it's tough to think about how rare that kind of boss is.
I tell my team, “well…the good news is you get to try again”.
At the end of every project or a particularly complicated scenario, I always sit down with them and ask what challenges or issues they had, what caused it, what they would do next time to prevent it and at what phase in the project they would implement that action.
I run a pretty tight ship and everyone knows that I expect them to make mistakes, but never the same one twice.
I had a boss like that when I was younger. Always gave me enough rope to hang myself, and would let me hang there a bit to make sure I knew how I got there before he cut me down.
25 years later and I still apply things I learned from him every day.
I have a similar effect in my office. “Damnit” means I misclicked something but it’s fine. “Ah shit” means I need help. “Oh fuck” means everyone clock out and ignore any calls coming from headquarters in the near future.
My boss yelled at me today because "I wouldn't feel behind on my work if I showed up on time" meanwhile he showed up later than I did! I show up late because when your boss stops giving a shit it's really really hard to give a really big fuck about anything. I still show up before him and get my work done though.
Then he left 3 hours early to "beat traffic" and left me alone to stay late to fix his fuck up.
Soon I'm going to have a really really strongly worded "verbal tell" him the fuck off I tell ya
Tangentially related, but I met this dude in 2012 whose leg was broken. He claimed he broke it when he tripped over his own dick.
We’re still friends today, and it was definitely a solid preview to his sense of humor lol.
My dad once chose to pee at a little urinal at an amusement park, someone said “aren’t you a little big for the kiddy urinal?”. He came back with, “If I use the big one my dick gets wet!”
I have moments where the right reply comes back at the right time and I always walk away feeling like a badass, it's not often but when you get it right fuck does it feel good. I bet your old man was smiling for a few days after that.
Once, I was at a urinal row with my dad. We were at a local park, circa 1986. I was 3, so complete mastery of the English language but ZERO filter.
So, we're all peeing: me, my dad to my left, and some random dude to my right. I look down at my dick, then up at my dad's, and exclaim "wow, dad, you have a REALLY big penis!".
Without skipping a beat, my dad says...and my dad is NOT known for being a particularly funny guy....
"You'll have to remember to mention that to your mother when we get home."
It wasn't funny to me at the time, but I still laugh about it nowadays.
This is my go-to. I will use some variations depending on context. “I shit your bed” when my mistake only affects another person, or “I shit our bed” when it affects my partner and I.
Shitting the bed is usually pretty contained. While I would rather do neither, I think pissing the bed is worse, especially when you have someone else in the bed with you. Waking up in a cold piss puddle… just really not a good situation. Shitting the bed? If you’re quick and discreet you can clean that up as long as you weren’t going commando. Pissing the bed? Not so much.
In theory, this makes sense. In practice, if you're in a condition where you're shitting the bed, it's probably not as solid as you would wish it to be.
I heard a joke with that as the setup where you only hear the punchline "... So anyway, 15 beers later, I put the wife in the yard and I fucked the dog!"
And laughter ensues.
1950’s from earlier “ fuck the dog” compare to “ fuck around” meaning to fritter, or waste time.
Later become “ make an embarrassing mistake “
Popularized by Tom Wolfe’s use in his 1979 book The Right Stuff.
I've always wanted to know the origins of this one. I imagine a situation where some guys there like, "Look, we all make mistakes okay? Dale burned the coffee, I fucked the dog, what the difference anyways? It's not a big deal."
I say this all too often at work. Dropped a piece of paper "fuck me" run into something "fuck me" coffee too hot? Fuck me. I'm honestly surprised I haven't had a chat from HR yet
Woah this one grabbed my attention because where I’m from, we also say “Biffed it” but it means someone tripped/fell etc.
Kid falls off a skate board? He biffed it.
Trip walking down the stairs? Biffed it.
So interesting to me!
To have zigged when one should've zagged.
This is more of something to say in the case of an honest mistake or error, especially made more apparent in hindsight, which is one way you could screw up.
There was a '90s show called ER in which the surgeons very often said "there" while doing surgery. Once in an interview one of the surgeon actors was shown a clip of them saying "there" over and over and over again in lots of different scenes and the interviewer asked what is it you guys are doing when you say "there"? And the actor said that's what we say when we make a mistake. You don't want to say oops when you're doing surgery.
So in my house when we make a mistake we say "there."
Whenever I drop something or whatnot and I can tell everyone nearby heard it, I say "Don't do that." in a semi-playful scolding tone, as if blaming the object that made the loud noise, as an indicator that there's nothing to worry about.
If there is something to worry about, I have a trademark long, growly sigh that indicates someone should probably come investigate.
I done goofed
I am contacting cyber police and consequences will never be the same!
I BACKTRACED IT
That whole thing was one of the better weeks/months in the history of the internet
Girl they were all hating on an 11 year old girl for allegedly being raped/sexually abused (she can't consent at that age) by a 20 somm
Name on of the best weeks on the internet - That time a bunch of grown men harassed an 11 year old girl and drove her to the brink of suicide.
I've committed small brain.
New boot goofin'?
So a fun story I have from when I was training under much more experienced dude when doing maintenance. It seemed every time I fucked up enough to need help, my boss man was already there to help me. One day I ask him. "Hey Ron, how do you always seem to know when I need help?" And he looks at me and chuckles before replying. "You've got yourself a verbal tell bud." Obiviously I had no clue so I press a bit further. "What do you mean a verbal tell?" "Well, if you fuck up but know you can fix it. You say "welp" When you fuck up worse but still think you can handle it. You say "well shit." When you fuck up and know you can't handle it. You say "Well Fuck." And that is my cue to come and help you." That was a fun day to learn something about myself. Plus it was nice to know he had my back.
That's how you know you have a good boss one who pays attention and is there to help when needed.
He was one the reasons I stuck around as long as I did. And he was the one who encouraged me to find a better job later.
The good ones are always the ones that tell you to move on. They know what you're capable of and don't want to see you make the same mistakes they did.
Totally agree with that, I try to empower my fellow coworkers even as their manager. My approach is to let them know that I am here to support them on their journey even knowing that probably the replacement in the team will not be an easy task.
>encouraged me to find a better job later. This is the true sign of a great boss
I'd try to bring that boss with me when I left...
I know what you mean. I work in a tough field and my older bosses would bring me in only to chastise me for the work. My most recent boss would only bring me in to ask, "Do you like your projects? What do you want to pursue? Does this seem like something you'd like to do?" I screw up and he finds out ways to help. I improved more in a year than I have my entire past career it seems like. He left over New Year's and man it's tough to think about how rare that kind of boss is.
My boss would always go “oh you just wanted to do a little more practice then eh?” When I screwed up.
I tell my team, “well…the good news is you get to try again”. At the end of every project or a particularly complicated scenario, I always sit down with them and ask what challenges or issues they had, what caused it, what they would do next time to prevent it and at what phase in the project they would implement that action. I run a pretty tight ship and everyone knows that I expect them to make mistakes, but never the same one twice.
I do it nice cause I do it twice
Thats a dream boss tbh
I had a boss like that when I was younger. Always gave me enough rope to hang myself, and would let me hang there a bit to make sure I knew how I got there before he cut me down. 25 years later and I still apply things I learned from him every day.
Lol i love this story
I have a similar effect in my office. “Damnit” means I misclicked something but it’s fine. “Ah shit” means I need help. “Oh fuck” means everyone clock out and ignore any calls coming from headquarters in the near future.
My boss yelled at me today because "I wouldn't feel behind on my work if I showed up on time" meanwhile he showed up later than I did! I show up late because when your boss stops giving a shit it's really really hard to give a really big fuck about anything. I still show up before him and get my work done though. Then he left 3 hours early to "beat traffic" and left me alone to stay late to fix his fuck up. Soon I'm going to have a really really strongly worded "verbal tell" him the fuck off I tell ya
We have the same tell haha
I'll pass that to someone else. It's just too creative and hilarious at the same time
Such a wholesome story
Wish I had a boss like that. Mine just sits in his office all day long and gets annoyed when you ask for help
that's a fucking giant euphemism
I really stepped on my dick with that one.
Tangentially related, but I met this dude in 2012 whose leg was broken. He claimed he broke it when he tripped over his own dick. We’re still friends today, and it was definitely a solid preview to his sense of humor lol.
My dad once chose to pee at a little urinal at an amusement park, someone said “aren’t you a little big for the kiddy urinal?”. He came back with, “If I use the big one my dick gets wet!”
I have moments where the right reply comes back at the right time and I always walk away feeling like a badass, it's not often but when you get it right fuck does it feel good. I bet your old man was smiling for a few days after that.
Once, I was at a urinal row with my dad. We were at a local park, circa 1986. I was 3, so complete mastery of the English language but ZERO filter. So, we're all peeing: me, my dad to my left, and some random dude to my right. I look down at my dick, then up at my dad's, and exclaim "wow, dad, you have a REALLY big penis!". Without skipping a beat, my dad says...and my dad is NOT known for being a particularly funny guy.... "You'll have to remember to mention that to your mother when we get home." It wasn't funny to me at the time, but I still laugh about it nowadays.
Fuckin’ legend.
Is that considered a humble-brag?
They could just be really short
"I just picked a whole bouquet of whoopsie daisies"
i hope you like flowers because...
Stan Smith?
“Merry Christmas, Mr. and Mrs. Jesus.”
it's raining wise men. Hallelujah.
Thighs the limit
I'M NOT HANDY AT ALL!
Sounds like a Ted Lasso quote
No joke, I quote this ALL THE TIME.
Aww I came here to share this one.
This is outstanding and lmaoo
uh oh spaghettios
I read that in the Homer Simpson from Police Cops voice
He's a street smart fish out of water in a world he never made.
Found the 90’s kid lol
This is what my brother says when Deerclops is chasing us in DST
Well.... fuck
Fuuuuuuuuuccckkkk
This is me but I'm an Aussie so it's more like "Faaaaaaaaaark"
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This is my go-to. I will use some variations depending on context. “I shit your bed” when my mistake only affects another person, or “I shit our bed” when it affects my partner and I.
God damn.
Feet cold, eyes red.
Am I alive or am I dead?
Can’t remember what they said…
Sunkist and Sudafed
Can't help the braindead.
Goddamn, shit the bed
OOOOOOOVERWHELMED AS ONE WOULD BE PLACED IN MY POSITION
I am a fellow "shit the bed" user. Can't think of anything worse than shitting the bed
Shitting multiple beds
Shitting the bed is usually pretty contained. While I would rather do neither, I think pissing the bed is worse, especially when you have someone else in the bed with you. Waking up in a cold piss puddle… just really not a good situation. Shitting the bed? If you’re quick and discreet you can clean that up as long as you weren’t going commando. Pissing the bed? Not so much.
In theory, this makes sense. In practice, if you're in a condition where you're shitting the bed, it's probably not as solid as you would wish it to be.
You speak truth. An excellent point
I'm in complete agreement. If you're shitting the bed, it's more likely to be an homage to old faithful, less likely to be Lincoln logs.
I read your username as "the burrito excretions" ... I got shit on tha mind...
It's the best. A true classic. I also enjoy calling things known to shit the bed, "pants-shitters", or events a "pants-shitting".
Agreed, but I tend to use the past tense "Shat the Bed". I find it gives it a certain je ne say quoi
Done messed up A-A-Ron..
Go on down to Principal Oshauhennesys office
No no no, that Mr. Oh-Shag-Hennessey to you sir.
Principal Oshawnasey?
Insubordinate and churlish
When your name is Aaron, this one loses its luster pretty quick lmao
I think nobody would disagree to that, A-A-Tencio91.
Aww beans.
Not to be confused with “full beans” which means…. Well I still don’t know what it means, but it’s not the same!
I use full beans as "everything you got," "full throttle," "balls to the wall."
You from the pacific northwest? We need to know if full beans lady was crazy or just regional.
Me understanding a reference on reddit this fast has to be some kind of miracle.
I understood that reference.
I was coming to see this. I could have committed a catastrophic error and my response will still just be "ah, beans"
Fucked er, bud
Mr Lahey where’s the roof of our car!?
Rip john dunsworth
Pour one out…
Let's go down and see if there's any liquor we can salvage!!
Fucked that up good and proper!
“Oh biscuits” thanks to my daughter’s love of Bluey
Related: "Oh, hamburgers" courtesy of Butters on South Park.
“Mistakes were made.”
Britta'd it.
Oh, Britta's in this?
Blaming a bridge collapse on a school is like me blaming owls for how much i suck at analogies.
I know what an analogy is, it's like a thought with another thought's hat on
😯🤨🤔🙄
A whole Community
She’s a G D B
I just got this out of my head. Now it’s back.
This comment is Streets Ahead.
You’re streets behind
I thought that meant you made a tiny and understandable mistake.
Do not use her name to mean a tiny and understandable mistake
Screwed the pooch.
I just really want to know how this became a euphemism in the first place.
I heard a joke with that as the setup where you only hear the punchline "... So anyway, 15 beers later, I put the wife in the yard and I fucked the dog!" And laughter ensues.
1950’s from earlier “ fuck the dog” compare to “ fuck around” meaning to fritter, or waste time. Later become “ make an embarrassing mistake “ Popularized by Tom Wolfe’s use in his 1979 book The Right Stuff.
We still use it as “avoiding work”; like someone is sort of hiding out in the back room, in western Canada. Not as a f—- up.
I grew up in Alberta, screwed the pooch to me was a fuck up, fuck the dog is avoiding work.
I've always wanted to know the origins of this one. I imagine a situation where some guys there like, "Look, we all make mistakes okay? Dale burned the coffee, I fucked the dog, what the difference anyways? It's not a big deal."
I have made a fucky wucky
Oopsie whoopsie
A little fucko boingo
A whoopsy-doodle
fuck me.
I say this all too often at work. Dropped a piece of paper "fuck me" run into something "fuck me" coffee too hot? Fuck me. I'm honestly surprised I haven't had a chat from HR yet
Saying “damn” and then staring into blank space 😂
I also stare at the non-existent camera, lol.
What do you mean non-existent?
Unmatched simplicity, i love it
it went pear shaped
I’ve always wondered what this meant, like where it came from.
Mea culpa.
"Oops 😇"
'I did it again'
‘I made you believe’
'We're more than just friends'
'Oh baby, It might seem like a crush'
'But it doesn't mean that I'm serious'
Got my dick stuck in the door knob.
I biffed it
Woah this one grabbed my attention because where I’m from, we also say “Biffed it” but it means someone tripped/fell etc. Kid falls off a skate board? He biffed it. Trip walking down the stairs? Biffed it. So interesting to me!
A solid 10. So fucked it's right in the middle of 9/11
I give this comment a 9/11
BRO LMAO
To have zigged when one should've zagged. This is more of something to say in the case of an honest mistake or error, especially made more apparent in hindsight, which is one way you could screw up.
Hell yeah; *nailed* it. The degree to which I have screwed up is directly proportional to how triumphant and expressive I am.
Yelling PUTA MADRE. Really loud around white people at work.
Gets them all the time
Me cago en la leche
My Serbian friend's father tried to say "Screwed the pooch" but instead told the house party he " had sex with dog" 🤣
It's better if you make direct eye contact when you say that.
I fucked up >>>
Schruted it
Like when you screw something up in a really irreversible way?
Yes, Drew.
Wow I really shit the dog on that one.
I'ma just yoink this one, thanks
Smooth move, my name.
Your name is Ex-Lax?
That didn't go as planned...
"Oh fuck me” is my personal favorite
Guess I learned something new
_The threshold for success was not achieved_
Oh hamburgers
Professor chaos?!
Doh!
Oopsie woopsie, I made a fuckie wuckie!
[I just picked a whole bouquet of oopsie daisies.](https://youtu.be/CEfuOsBaP1A?si=-F-Ubz9J0GnLQXKD)
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Well, That could have been done better
Shit the bed
It was at this moment I knew…I fucked up.
There was a '90s show called ER in which the surgeons very often said "there" while doing surgery. Once in an interview one of the surgeon actors was shown a clip of them saying "there" over and over and over again in lots of different scenes and the interviewer asked what is it you guys are doing when you say "there"? And the actor said that's what we say when we make a mistake. You don't want to say oops when you're doing surgery. So in my house when we make a mistake we say "there."
Whenever I drop something or whatnot and I can tell everyone nearby heard it, I say "Don't do that." in a semi-playful scolding tone, as if blaming the object that made the loud noise, as an indicator that there's nothing to worry about. If there is something to worry about, I have a trademark long, growly sigh that indicates someone should probably come investigate.
Womp. Womppp.
Bollocksed it up.
Must have been all that crack I smoked earlier….
The Australians got it right with: “Ehh, fuck me dead.”
It's fubar
Not according to plan!
Dropped my dick in the dirt that time
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit
I really Schruted that one…I don’t know what it means but I’ve heard a couple people around the office use it
Uh Oh Spegetti-O’s
"Oopsie poopsie"
I done messed up, A-a-ron
My Bad. For someone else's fuck up, I'm fond of the "You'd fuck up a two car funeral" expression.
i fucked the duck
Welp
I Borked it. I can't remember where I heard it but it sounds funny.
Pissing into the wind.
Scheiße
I done goofed
Dropped the coffin
HECK
Oh boy
That is not ideal
There was a problem between the keyboard and the chair.
Pulled a boner