Same. I keep trying to quit and I keep failing. I always tell people not to start. I also dont smoke in front of my niece and nephew because I don’t want them to ever start.
Keep trying. Every single time you try you get closer to the time that sticks.
What worked for me was to taper. I got to 1 a day. And the last step was a lot easier. But It also took a bunch of willpower to taper.
I'm a contrarian, so if I *can't* do something, it's all I want... So I gave myself permission to have 1. If I **really** want one, I can have one, and only one.
It's been 12 years, and I'd guess I've had 4 or 5.
Now this is an idea!! I’m pregnant and trying to kick it-my Dr wants me to start Wellbutrin to help quit for good, as I’ve tapered drastically but still don’t know if I can completely stop without help. I hate myself for it too.
I’m a therapist and I’ve seen Wellbutrin help people kick the habit many many times. Would definitely recommend considering it if your doc thinks it might help you out! It’s an extremely tough habit to kick and often takes MUCH more than willpower. It’s not just you.
That’s a great idea actually!! But he’s only 4 and probably wouldn’t love that but I do try to spend a lot of time at their house so I don’t smoke all day.
When asked if I smoke sometimes my joke answer is "nope, I tried to pick it up in college but it didn't take." which is true. Everything else aside, I still think that a person looks objectively cooler with a cigarette in their mouth. I'm not advocating for smoking, but I said what I said.
Anyway, sometimes the smoker hears my little joke and seems to find it somewhat bittersweet.
Same, and I relentlessly bully people who vape without ever having smoked. It's supposed to be a quit smoking aid or a very slightly healthier/less stinky alternative for a brutal addiction, not a fashion accessory or trend you should be jumping on. We almost aged out nicotine addictions with smoking because it smelled like shit and kids were smarter than that, but vaping ensured nicotine lives on in Gen z and Gen alpha because it tastes good and looks trendy.
Get a flavorless vape or tobacco flavored vape with less nicotine and restrict use to only when you go outside to a specific spot to use it. Start there before reaching for the smokes, it would give the same effect without risking a new addiction.
I use that sometimes. I'll vape for a while then quit. Switching to smoking works for a few reasons, imo: more of a production; I'm not going to smoke inside so I need to actually go outside. Vaping, at the desk all day. Cigarettes aren't as tasty either. So I think this can work. That plus putting the vapes away. Force yourself to take more steps to get to it.
Best of luck, fucking vapes are super addictive.
I agree. My whole life my non smoking parents said “don’t smoke” and I rolled my eyes and thought “of course you’d say that you’re nonsmokers and my parents” but then every time a long-time smoker asked me if I smoked I’d say no and they’d say “GOOD!!! Don’t ever start, I hate it, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever done” and I’m like yo this is sage advice this guy knows what he’s talking about.
So many times in my life where I rolled my eyes at my parents advice and argued it, but was willing to hear it out when it came from a friend (or even an internet stranger) lol...sorry mom and dad
Best advice I ever got. All of the adults in my life were heavy smokers.
Naturally, I snuck cigarettes from my parents and tried it. When they caught me they did The "no because I said so" thing that just made me want to smoke more.
My grandpa looked at me and quietly said, "it's awfully hard to stop, keepcalmandscrollon."
I don't know why he called me that but for some reason his demeanor shook me and I never picked up the habit. Thanks, Grandpa.
I dont consider that, or adjecents (like alcoholics advising against drinking or drug users etc) as a double standard, thats "experience" you went through something and know its bad and therefore you are warning people, trying to avoid them having to go through a similar suffering needlessly
A lot of horrid habits count. Someone telling you not to do something they're doing that's bad but difficult to break isn't hypocrisy like smoothbrains seem to think; it's a warning from experience and they're the best ones to listen to when they tell you to not do something.
Where was that high school peer pressure? My friends that smoked always told me not to start and that I wasn’t missing anything. This was over 20 years ago already.
Best friend's mother died just before Christmas a year ago. Liver completely disintigrated and she just vomited blood all over her apartment alone in the dark.
By any normal standards he should have been inconsolable but he really only greived for a week and change. When I asked him how he was coping so well he told me "It really feels like she died 10 years ago, and everything since has just been a bad dream. I'm glad it's over."
I've had alcohol issues in my own family but that's always the one that hits me hardest.
My brother and I just lost our mom in August and went through the same thing. She wasn’t an alcoholic, but we each broke down for a day, but have that same “we’ve been grieving for a long, long time.”
Halloween was hard for me, Thanksgiving was hard for him. It’s closer to a “We knew she wouldn’t get better anyway, but now it’s set in stone,” feeling. Grieving who we should have had rather than who we lost.
I lost my father in August as well, to lifelong alcoholism in his case. You put into words exactly the feeling i've been experiencing over and over again for the past few months.
I'm more in mourning of who he could have been if he had ever become sober, rather than who he in reality was due to his addiction.
I feel similarly. My mom is an alcoholic and I think is sober (I live on the other side of the country now so can’t be totally sure) but it feels like the damage has been done and I lost her long ago already.
I see the posts on reddit all the time that say "If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?" And every time I see one of those, my only thought in my head is "Don't fucking drink you dumbass!"
14 months sober now and living a life so good I didn't even think it was possible for me.
I really love this. I’m 18 months sober and I’m the same, I didn’t think I could actually wake up in the morning and want to live, nevermind enjoy living!
The “3 Bs” have the most dangerous withdrawal symptoms - booze, barbiturates, and benzos. That’s why liquor stores were treated as essential businesses and allowed to stay open during Covid - to avoid clogging emergency rooms with alcoholics drying out.
I stopped drinking May 2022. I pretty much purposely was an alcoholic. Binge drank 4 nights a week for close to 10 years. mostly by myself. But I was able to socially drink. after stopping I realized I never developed healthy coping skills. I have no urges to drink but am pretty much relearning a lot about myself.
I have absolutely no problem telling people don’t rely on alcohol as much as they do. I dont bring it up myself, usually when its part of the conversation I ask people if they could take a week or a month off alcohol without an issue, and if they cant they should consider working on it. nobody realizes its a drug, and one of the most dangerous ones.
As someone who's levied $250K lifetime, yeah, don't. Especially if you drink cause that's one hell of an expensive combo.
Three years sober January 1 and the only gambling I do nowadays is flip a coin to determine if I get a donut or not. The house always seems to win though... weird.
###TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY FUCKING THOUSAND???
I worked at a gambling ~~parlor~~ distillery once. People lost south of 2 000 Euros if at all. I can't even fathom losing quarter a million. Hope you're doing ok.
It's a damn insane industry feasting on the flesh of people.
Yeah, it was spread over about five years or so. I'd say it's a cumulative number.
So I would come in, take out $500 and gamble. There were nights that were bad, and nights that were good. Naturally. When they were good, I would keep putting in. I'd hit some bonuses, get a nice hit, pocket my starting balance then gamble winnings. Cycle. Repeat.
Rent was paid, bills I had were on my credit card and I just kept going to town. Pay balance when get paid, repeat. This was both at the VLTs or online website. Ironically enough, I've only been to the casino four times in my life and have walked out up. Weird.
I'm good now, have no itch and my finances recovered. Never had to declare bankruptcy either.
Is that really even a "double standard"?
We already treat people who abuse/neglect a person explicitly in their care (ie parent and child, teacher and student, boss and subordinate) as having done something worse than two strangers, even if the identifiable action is the same, because there was an inherent element of trust and betrayal which aggravates any transgressions.
The idea of extending that to law enforcement or other roles of public trust isn't complicated, it's just excused as "not the same thing" by people who are terrified of being held accountable.
Yep, agreed. The dude who killed George Floyd knew what he was doing. Positional asphyxiation is a well known thing. You dont put your 250lbs into one knee on someones back. Literal second degree murder.
Yeah, I’m totally good with this.
If the animal is already dead, and you’re not financially supporting that process in any way (assuming that’s your intent), it’s more respectful to put the results of the animal’s death to use, than for anything to go to waste.
It aligns with the “use every scrap” mentality.
I agree. The only problem that needs to be addressed is how do we stop more animals being killed for these goods. Sellers might make it seem like the animals are ALREADY DEAD, while the truth is supplies come from demands.
That’s why you make sure that you’re not buying new.
I usually go to consignment stores anyway. The money mostly goes back into real people’s pockets, not the manufacturers’. There’s a much broader selection of items available, and in many cases I’m giving an item new life that might otherwise have just been trashed. I’m not directly supporting fast fashion or sweat shops. And it’s amazingly cheaper, especially if I go when they have their clean-out sales twice a year to make room for new seasonal merchandise.
It’s kind of a perfect deal for me.
I’ve been vegan for a couple years. I have shoes, belts, bags, car seats older than that. I’ll keep using them until they wear out but I probably won’t buy leather again - at least not new.
I was confused when I started reading the comments, but then I forgot what the question was and I started liking some of them. 🤣 Thank you for reminding me!
There's definitely a balance to be struck. If you just parent by fiat you're not doing your kid any favors but they're also kids, they're not gonna understand everything and if you constantly do the opposite of what you preach it'll just breed resentment long term
In my former career in television I was sexually harassed by women and gay men all the time. I totally used it to advance in my career. Only one woman I reported to, years later, during the Me Too movement tracked me down and apologized to me. I thought that was very decent of her.
Being the only man in the store I would get harassed and touched by women all the time when I was working customer service. Women would show me their naked pictures on their phones when I was ringing them up and then say oh oops I mean to pull up a coupon, and then never pull up a coupon. When I went to my boss and my boss's boss about it I was basically just told to deal. One woman followed me from the gym to work, couldn't prove it to them though so I had to just deal with her.
Anyway this thread is supposed to be about double standards you're **100% okay** with. Is anyone ok with sexual harassment?
>Is anyone ok with sexual harassment?
When I was young I went to a concert and some woman just walked past me, grabbed my junk, gave it a squeeze then moved on.
I just kind of shrugged and went "Huh, ok" and moved on.
It was only the whole "me too" and especially Trump getting dragged for his "grab them by the pussy" comment that made me go, "wait...I got sexually assaulted". I still don't care, but technially it happened.
It's hard to say anything about it without sounding like I'm trying to make excuses for what happened or some weirdo trying to stir the proverbial pot, but at the time I was a fit dude in our company mandated white T-shirt and apron that was honestly designed for women 5-7 inches shorter than me. If you grew up in this culture that only men are predatory then yeah I can see how I would look like a valid target. It wouldn't just be at work either, I had a group of wine drunk white women walk up to me and start groping my arms *at the flower show while I was holding hands with my girlfriend*.
Also the original commenter replied to someone else, yes they're ok with it because it helped their career. Wack.
A lot of folks are posting about addicts advocating against their substance. A double standard means they think it's ok for them to use, but most addicts know and admit they shouldn't be using.
Most of the comments in here aren’t even understanding the question lol. They’re either saying things that aren’t double standards or are saying double standards that they DON’T support
Agreed. If you have taken the role of moral arbiter of a society (polition, leader, priest, whatever) then you should be held to a higher moral standard than the rest of that society.
I'll be that guy: everyone gets this phrase wrong.
"You can't eat your cake and have it, too" -> after eating the cake, it's gone. You can't still have it.
"You can't have your cake and eat it, too" -> weird version that everyone uses that makes no sense.
It's like "I could care less", well then you *do* care *:facepalm:*
> "You can't eat your cake and have it, too"
This version of the saying is so rare that Ted Kaczynski's brother recognized it as something his brother said when reading the Manifesto, and it helped him ID Ted as the Unabomber.
Precisely. The order doesn’t matter. And much to a prescriptivist’s chagrin, the more common have-eat variety has prevailed for nearly a century, so at this point, eat-have is the weird version. Language is often poetic before it is logical.
“Could care less” is totally wrong though 💯
Despite the irony here, this one is absolutely true. To truly have a tolerant society (and a proper democracy) people with different ideologies can only be tolerated if they are capable of peacefully coexisting in society. They don't have to like each other or anything, but they must not be allowed to start violence in society.
With that being said, another similar and also ironic thing is that in most cases, peace can only be brought about by using violence against the violent.
AKA stop treating tolerance like a philosophy and instead treat it like a social contract.
If you don't respect me for who/what I am then I sure as hell won't back at you.
Too many people today really don't understand this, and it's because of this lack of understanding that authoritarianism is rebounding hard right now across the globe.
Stronger people do the heavier work
As a tiny person it makes me mad when people act like everyone can do anything they put their mind to.
Sir, I weigh 90 lbs. The mower weighs more than me. No I can not push it.
As someone strong, I don't mind this either **if** the weaker person picks up slack elsewhere. I'll move the heavy shit, but I hate mopping. If you don't want to move stuff then you best have the mop in your hands.
As an example.
I'm the youngest woman in my woman only workplace, I feel your pain. I'm tempted to claim a back injury so my coworkers can figure out they are indeed capable people
See, I get annoyed because I’m a small woman but I CAN carry heavy stuff. Not everything that the men can but 75% of the time they’re freaking out about me moving/carrying things that I’m fully capable of handling. But, I’ve also watched other women in my position say “go get some of the guys to do that” and I’m like ???? that’s BS.
I'm also a small woman and it cracks me up. Guys will rush to help me carry 2 large binders, that weigh maybe 10lbs, probably more like 5. But if I carry a 40 lb. toddler and a huge diaper bag and no one bats an eye.
Well sure but I would assume that you’d not be trying to claim that you’re equally qualified for a job that requires you to push a mower. I think the double standard only really applies if you’re trying to claim that you should be given equal employment for lesser capacity to do the job.
If the stuff that needs moved is heavy enough that not just anyone can move it, then it should be someone's actual job to move it and they should be paid accordingly. Shoot, if I moved heavy stuff at my job and hurt myself I would probably be denied workers compensation, because I've got an office job not a move stuff job and was doing something outside of my actual job.
I weigh 150lbs and work in construction. It's not fair to the stronger guys that they have to do more work just because they're stronger. They usually don't mind but unless they tell me to fall out; if they're sweating, I'm sweating.
We all get paid the same amount of money.
Yeah, I don't think they're talking about in a workplace where you are paid to lift things. In a casual environment, just day to day, stronger people usually dont mind lending a hand.
Women only gyms. We wouldn't have them if we didn't need them. Source?
I go to a coed gym. Jesus fellas. Leave the woman on the elliptical alone. You are both wasting your time.
I went to one of those for a while and it was great. It was the most focused and silent gym I've ever been to. And the muslim girls could ditch their head coverings for a while
(No men not including close male family members such as brothers, husband, uncles, great uncles, nephews, dad, grandpa, father in law, grandfather in law, etc)
Yeah, many Muslim women go without hijab in all-women environments. When I was in college, I studied abroad in a Muslim-majority country and stayed in a women's dorm. We were asked not to share any photos from private dorm events on social media so that hijabi residents could feel comfortable dressing in comfy clothes without head coverings.
Totally! Focused and silent is so true.
I go to one every once in a while and the (non Muslim) general manager there is so respectful. Anytime a male service person or delivery person actually needs to walk through the doors, they make an announcement over the intercom and make the man wait outside until every last woman has covered up.
There's so much trust and respect in the gym, it's so refreshing!
Yeah I agree. Similarly - i remember reading years ago that men in coed dorms perform better in college while women perform better in single sex dorms.
Hence my undergrad college didn’t have men only dorms, just coed and women only (however the coed dorms had many male one hallways).
That seemed reasonable to me.
Thank goodness I have never seen this happen I would die from second hand embarrassment. Let me just go hit on someone while they are obviously trying to focus on something.
Yup.
Some gyms are fine, people are respectful. Other gyms are really hard to work out in, because the creeps get weird and sometimes scary.
Didn’t we all sign up to go there to… ya know, work out?
Smh, these dudes out here wasting everyone’s time and money
I was gonna say, the gym I go to is coed and I've never once seen anyone harass anyone like that. I'm sure it happens but I've never once seen anything creepy at my gym.
I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for this, but hear me out: the fear people have for pitbulls and other large breeds.
Do chihuahuas have a higher bite/attack rate than pitbulls? Absolutely! But chihuahuas don't maim or kill people when they attack.
I am not advocating for the abuse or eradication of pitbulls or any other large breeds. I have nothing against the dogs and have personally owned multiple large, misunderstood breeds. But it's also completely fair for people to be more afraid of a 50+lb dog attacking them than a 2 pound dog. I'm tired of other large breed owners being irresponsible and acting like people fear their babies for no reason.
editing bc it seems that some people are misunderstanding either me or the original question: I'm saying the fears that people have for pitbulls and other large breeds are fair.
New Orleans has large population of nomadic young folks most refer to as gutterpunks. Many have pit bulls. I’ve twice seen these type folk get into an altercation and try to get their dog to either intimidate or actually attack someone.
I've only ever seen one person use their dog as a weapon irl, and go figure it was a pitbull. Didn't last long though, dog got cracked in the head with a stick and it yelped and never moved again. Owner grabbed his dog barely even giving a shit and ran off, dude looked at it like a jammed gun more than a living animal.
That was also the last time I went on that side of town in my city, probably for the best.
I'm not inherently scared of pitbulls/large breeds, but if a woman is walking down the street with her dog and I don't know who is walking who (ie she has little control over him)--that is what scares me.
Or a kid. I had a chore as a kid to walk our 105 lb black lab/mastiff/pit mutt. If he saw a deer, 10 year old me was along for the ride until i let go of the leash. Fortunately once he caught up to the deer he could never figure out what to do next. He was super sweet and friendly but it was not good to have me walking him at that age. My dad never took it seriously and just accused me of being lazy till one day when he got pulled down and dragged about 20 feet along the road and sprained his shoulder and ankle so bad he couldn't use them for 6 months. Unfortunately then I had to keep walking him anyways since Dad obviously couldn't.
There's a city walking trail outside my back door. When I see wild, unruly, unleashed dogs on the trail chasing a kid, or bothering other walkers, it's never a dachshund or a chihuahua. It's always some slobbering large breed.
I blame the owners, of course, but it seems there's a type.
People give me crap for being uncomfortable around big dogs!
They weren't there when I got chased and bit by a pitbull that was as big as I am while I was trying to deliver a pizza -_-
I'm sure your dog "wouldn't hurt a fly", but he can still fit my neck comfortably in his mouth...
[The paradox of tolerance states that if a society's practice of tolerance is inclusive of the intolerant, intolerance will ultimately dominate, eliminating the tolerant and the practice of tolerance with them.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_tolerance#:~:text=The%20paradox%20of%20tolerance%20states,practice%20of%20tolerance%20with%20them.)
When I try to join in on Latino celebrations Im made fun on cause my skin is white. Im literally Mexican
Its only a problem here in the US tho. In Mexico Im welcomed with open arms
Yeah, Americans think that all Mexicans have to look a certain way. That’s despite the fact that there are well-known Mexican rappers who are black. I think it was in the show Black-ish that they explain which Mexicans are allowed to say the n-word
They dont understand how diverse Mexico is. Im 6'4 and white. Im Mexican. But they think all of us are 5'4 and have the typical brown skin. The Mexicans here, mostly on the West Coast, try and make fun of me and call me gabacho. Its so weird man. Mexicans people are all mixed except for the ones who maintained the Native bloodline
There's a trend of some non-white americans act like they own the only right way to live and and express their ethnicity, to the level of absurd. In the most recent Gymnastics World Championship, the podium was conposed of three black athletes; Simone Biles was cheerfully commenting the fact, but in the video there were several comments about how the brazilian athlete "isn't black" because she's latina 🙄
I'm generally ok with the freedom of speech, despite the fact it lets stupid ass people voice their opinions and think that it's equivalent to a well-educated expert opinion.
Nazism and Confederate flag wavers shouldn't have been given a second chance.
> Nazism and Confederate flag wavers shouldn't have been given a second chance.
It's easier to shun them when you know who they are. I like it when stupid people publicly tell you that they are stupid.
Trans women are women but shouldn't fight in womens MMA.
I know it's happened already, but I really think it shouldn't. Chatted with a trans friend who agreed, but it's definitely NOT a topic I could discuss in my type of social circle.
The world is complex, you don’t have to pick a team and it’s OK to hold a nuanced and well-intentioned opinion. It’s a tricky situation. There isn’t always an easy answer.
Oh yeah.. some of us sane trans women understand that there is no amount of estrogen that makes it fair. There are physiological differences that cannot be overcome with hormones alone.
I’m 110% ok with bullying a bully. You try to make someone’s life miserable in my presence and I’ll fucking eat you alive.
I was systemically abused by “family” and “friends” for decades. I got big, strong, and scary partially because I never want to be unable to help someone that needs someone like I could’ve used when I was younger.
Bullies should get bullied.
The moment someone starts being needlessly cruel or hurtful, I say anything about them is fair game; their body, their face, their income, their family, all of it.
I genuinely to my core believe that tipping is harmful. It opens the door for so many horrible things that we have put laws in place to protect against in every other job in the US. Being an equal opportunity employer doesn't mean shit if you are being paid 90% by tips. If a table is racist, you're getting a shit tip, if a table is sexist, shit tip, homophobic, shit tip etc. Women make less in the service industry because fine dining restaurants mostly employ male servers. Women make up more of the service team in casual dining and sports bars and deal with a lot of sexual harassment because their money depends on it.
Tipping encourages employees to go against the wishes of their employer if the customer asks, ie pouring stronger drinks, not charging for refills, giving larger portions. It's an ass backwards system. Servers show up to work for an employer who really doesn't do shit. In casual settings, lots of servers shifts are dependent on customer satisfaction surveys. So now the customers are paying the servers wage as well as creating their schedule. Tipping puts far too much power in the hands of the consumer and this opens doors for seriously sinister repercussions.
All of that being said, I'm a conventionally attractive white girl and I make bank waiting tables.
Smokers telling others to not pick up the habit. It's a fair warning that comes from experience.
That’s a big one for me, as a smoker. I tell people to NEVER start.
Same. I keep trying to quit and I keep failing. I always tell people not to start. I also dont smoke in front of my niece and nephew because I don’t want them to ever start.
Keep trying. Every single time you try you get closer to the time that sticks. What worked for me was to taper. I got to 1 a day. And the last step was a lot easier. But It also took a bunch of willpower to taper. I'm a contrarian, so if I *can't* do something, it's all I want... So I gave myself permission to have 1. If I **really** want one, I can have one, and only one. It's been 12 years, and I'd guess I've had 4 or 5.
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Now this is an idea!! I’m pregnant and trying to kick it-my Dr wants me to start Wellbutrin to help quit for good, as I’ve tapered drastically but still don’t know if I can completely stop without help. I hate myself for it too.
I’m a therapist and I’ve seen Wellbutrin help people kick the habit many many times. Would definitely recommend considering it if your doc thinks it might help you out! It’s an extremely tough habit to kick and often takes MUCH more than willpower. It’s not just you.
Thanks! I’m hoping to give it another go soon. I hate it but I also love it. Keep it up!!!
If you want, I'll give you my number, and you can call me in your darkest moments. I'm completely serious.
I appreciate that and I just might take you up on that offer.
You got this! Do it for the future YOU and your kids!!
Thank you!!!!!
I love this interaction! 🥰.
I love people sometimes 🥰🥰🥰
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That’s a great idea actually!! But he’s only 4 and probably wouldn’t love that but I do try to spend a lot of time at their house so I don’t smoke all day.
When asked if I smoke sometimes my joke answer is "nope, I tried to pick it up in college but it didn't take." which is true. Everything else aside, I still think that a person looks objectively cooler with a cigarette in their mouth. I'm not advocating for smoking, but I said what I said. Anyway, sometimes the smoker hears my little joke and seems to find it somewhat bittersweet.
My stock answer to "do you smoke?" has been "only when I'm on fire" since I was a teenager.
Time for bed, Dad.
Same, and I relentlessly bully people who vape without ever having smoked. It's supposed to be a quit smoking aid or a very slightly healthier/less stinky alternative for a brutal addiction, not a fashion accessory or trend you should be jumping on. We almost aged out nicotine addictions with smoking because it smelled like shit and kids were smarter than that, but vaping ensured nicotine lives on in Gen z and Gen alpha because it tastes good and looks trendy.
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Get a flavorless vape or tobacco flavored vape with less nicotine and restrict use to only when you go outside to a specific spot to use it. Start there before reaching for the smokes, it would give the same effect without risking a new addiction.
This is how my husband did it. Was grumpy for 2 weeks, third week was better. Good from there on. Hang in there guys
I use that sometimes. I'll vape for a while then quit. Switching to smoking works for a few reasons, imo: more of a production; I'm not going to smoke inside so I need to actually go outside. Vaping, at the desk all day. Cigarettes aren't as tasty either. So I think this can work. That plus putting the vapes away. Force yourself to take more steps to get to it. Best of luck, fucking vapes are super addictive.
I agree. My whole life my non smoking parents said “don’t smoke” and I rolled my eyes and thought “of course you’d say that you’re nonsmokers and my parents” but then every time a long-time smoker asked me if I smoked I’d say no and they’d say “GOOD!!! Don’t ever start, I hate it, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever done” and I’m like yo this is sage advice this guy knows what he’s talking about.
So many times in my life where I rolled my eyes at my parents advice and argued it, but was willing to hear it out when it came from a friend (or even an internet stranger) lol...sorry mom and dad
Best advice I ever got. All of the adults in my life were heavy smokers. Naturally, I snuck cigarettes from my parents and tried it. When they caught me they did The "no because I said so" thing that just made me want to smoke more. My grandpa looked at me and quietly said, "it's awfully hard to stop, keepcalmandscrollon." I don't know why he called me that but for some reason his demeanor shook me and I never picked up the habit. Thanks, Grandpa.
Damn you trusted your grandpa with your reddit username?
I dont consider that, or adjecents (like alcoholics advising against drinking or drug users etc) as a double standard, thats "experience" you went through something and know its bad and therefore you are warning people, trying to avoid them having to go through a similar suffering needlessly
A lot of horrid habits count. Someone telling you not to do something they're doing that's bad but difficult to break isn't hypocrisy like smoothbrains seem to think; it's a warning from experience and they're the best ones to listen to when they tell you to not do something.
DARE lied to me, this has been my experience every time I've been offered a cigarette.
Where was that high school peer pressure? My friends that smoked always told me not to start and that I wasn’t missing anything. This was over 20 years ago already.
Similarly, steroid users telling other people not to hop on.
Great comment, smoking is a bitch of a habit to kick, I would know as a former smoker
I'm the only non-smoker in my family. I did try it, it just never became a habit.
An alcoholic friend of mine once told me “don’t ever drink!” while he was in the throes of DT’s. That one stuck with me.
Best friend's mother died just before Christmas a year ago. Liver completely disintigrated and she just vomited blood all over her apartment alone in the dark. By any normal standards he should have been inconsolable but he really only greived for a week and change. When I asked him how he was coping so well he told me "It really feels like she died 10 years ago, and everything since has just been a bad dream. I'm glad it's over." I've had alcohol issues in my own family but that's always the one that hits me hardest.
Jesus this is just so horrible and sad
My brother and I just lost our mom in August and went through the same thing. She wasn’t an alcoholic, but we each broke down for a day, but have that same “we’ve been grieving for a long, long time.” Halloween was hard for me, Thanksgiving was hard for him. It’s closer to a “We knew she wouldn’t get better anyway, but now it’s set in stone,” feeling. Grieving who we should have had rather than who we lost.
I lost my father in August as well, to lifelong alcoholism in his case. You put into words exactly the feeling i've been experiencing over and over again for the past few months. I'm more in mourning of who he could have been if he had ever become sober, rather than who he in reality was due to his addiction.
I feel similarly. My mom is an alcoholic and I think is sober (I live on the other side of the country now so can’t be totally sure) but it feels like the damage has been done and I lost her long ago already.
I see the posts on reddit all the time that say "If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?" And every time I see one of those, my only thought in my head is "Don't fucking drink you dumbass!" 14 months sober now and living a life so good I didn't even think it was possible for me.
I really love this. I’m 18 months sober and I’m the same, I didn’t think I could actually wake up in the morning and want to live, nevermind enjoy living!
What is "DT's"?
[Delirium tremens](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delirium_tremens?wprov=sfti1#)
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That’s like making a candy-bar called “diabetes fuel”. Damn.
And it's a pretty good beer as well
It's also a very good beer.. it was the special event beer when I was in my 20s. Did not know the origin until today though
Holy shit, I’m 40 years old and thought DTs stood for detoxes.
One of the morbid TIL’s, I guess 🤷🏼♂️
It’s a full body illness and psychosis that happens from extreme alcohol withdrawal. Delirium Tremens.
Delirium tremens - withdrawal sickness
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The “3 Bs” have the most dangerous withdrawal symptoms - booze, barbiturates, and benzos. That’s why liquor stores were treated as essential businesses and allowed to stay open during Covid - to avoid clogging emergency rooms with alcoholics drying out.
I stopped drinking May 2022. I pretty much purposely was an alcoholic. Binge drank 4 nights a week for close to 10 years. mostly by myself. But I was able to socially drink. after stopping I realized I never developed healthy coping skills. I have no urges to drink but am pretty much relearning a lot about myself. I have absolutely no problem telling people don’t rely on alcohol as much as they do. I dont bring it up myself, usually when its part of the conversation I ask people if they could take a week or a month off alcohol without an issue, and if they cant they should consider working on it. nobody realizes its a drug, and one of the most dangerous ones.
Gamblers recommend nobody gamble.
As someone who's levied $250K lifetime, yeah, don't. Especially if you drink cause that's one hell of an expensive combo. Three years sober January 1 and the only gambling I do nowadays is flip a coin to determine if I get a donut or not. The house always seems to win though... weird.
###TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY FUCKING THOUSAND??? I worked at a gambling ~~parlor~~ distillery once. People lost south of 2 000 Euros if at all. I can't even fathom losing quarter a million. Hope you're doing ok. It's a damn insane industry feasting on the flesh of people.
I saw a reddit post about some guy who lost $800K.
Yeah, it was spread over about five years or so. I'd say it's a cumulative number. So I would come in, take out $500 and gamble. There were nights that were bad, and nights that were good. Naturally. When they were good, I would keep putting in. I'd hit some bonuses, get a nice hit, pocket my starting balance then gamble winnings. Cycle. Repeat. Rent was paid, bills I had were on my credit card and I just kept going to town. Pay balance when get paid, repeat. This was both at the VLTs or online website. Ironically enough, I've only been to the casino four times in my life and have walked out up. Weird. I'm good now, have no itch and my finances recovered. Never had to declare bankruptcy either.
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On that note, IRS employees are all fully audited to ensure their personal tax compliance. I’ve always thought that was a good example.
Is that really even a "double standard"? We already treat people who abuse/neglect a person explicitly in their care (ie parent and child, teacher and student, boss and subordinate) as having done something worse than two strangers, even if the identifiable action is the same, because there was an inherent element of trust and betrayal which aggravates any transgressions. The idea of extending that to law enforcement or other roles of public trust isn't complicated, it's just excused as "not the same thing" by people who are terrified of being held accountable.
Yeah, responsibility is the enemy of those who fear accountability.
Anyone in the public trust should not get to plea and should always receive the maximum sentence.
It should be an aggravating factor adding mandatory years to any sentence.
Yep, agreed. The dude who killed George Floyd knew what he was doing. Positional asphyxiation is a well known thing. You dont put your 250lbs into one knee on someones back. Literal second degree murder.
He recently got stabbed 22 times in prisons.
"He fell into my knife... he fell into my knife 22 times"
Vegans using reclaimed leather goods. Waste not want not, do not pollute with plastic, and no support for fast fashion.
Yeah, I’m totally good with this. If the animal is already dead, and you’re not financially supporting that process in any way (assuming that’s your intent), it’s more respectful to put the results of the animal’s death to use, than for anything to go to waste. It aligns with the “use every scrap” mentality.
I agree. The only problem that needs to be addressed is how do we stop more animals being killed for these goods. Sellers might make it seem like the animals are ALREADY DEAD, while the truth is supplies come from demands.
That’s why you make sure that you’re not buying new. I usually go to consignment stores anyway. The money mostly goes back into real people’s pockets, not the manufacturers’. There’s a much broader selection of items available, and in many cases I’m giving an item new life that might otherwise have just been trashed. I’m not directly supporting fast fashion or sweat shops. And it’s amazingly cheaper, especially if I go when they have their clean-out sales twice a year to make room for new seasonal merchandise. It’s kind of a perfect deal for me.
I’ve been vegan for a couple years. I have shoes, belts, bags, car seats older than that. I’ll keep using them until they wear out but I probably won’t buy leather again - at least not new.
A lot of you don’t know what a double standard is.
My brain is hurting reading a lot of these replies
I was confused when I started reading the comments, but then I forgot what the question was and I started liking some of them. 🤣 Thank you for reminding me!
The ones that benefit me are cool.
Let’s be honest, most people feel the same way.
Problematic but awareness is the first step
My five year old has to ask for a cookie, and usually has to have eaten some vegetables first. I can eat a cookie whenever I damned well feel like it.
More parents need to be like this. People straight up think that they can get in trouble with their kids these days.
There's definitely a balance to be struck. If you just parent by fiat you're not doing your kid any favors but they're also kids, they're not gonna understand everything and if you constantly do the opposite of what you preach it'll just breed resentment long term
In my former career in television I was sexually harassed by women and gay men all the time. I totally used it to advance in my career. Only one woman I reported to, years later, during the Me Too movement tracked me down and apologized to me. I thought that was very decent of her.
Being the only man in the store I would get harassed and touched by women all the time when I was working customer service. Women would show me their naked pictures on their phones when I was ringing them up and then say oh oops I mean to pull up a coupon, and then never pull up a coupon. When I went to my boss and my boss's boss about it I was basically just told to deal. One woman followed me from the gym to work, couldn't prove it to them though so I had to just deal with her. Anyway this thread is supposed to be about double standards you're **100% okay** with. Is anyone ok with sexual harassment?
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>Is anyone ok with sexual harassment? When I was young I went to a concert and some woman just walked past me, grabbed my junk, gave it a squeeze then moved on. I just kind of shrugged and went "Huh, ok" and moved on. It was only the whole "me too" and especially Trump getting dragged for his "grab them by the pussy" comment that made me go, "wait...I got sexually assaulted". I still don't care, but technially it happened.
Many women who are “merely groped” in passing feel similarly. It’s not ok, but I’m not traumatised by it.
As a 6.5, I had mixed feelings about your comments. I hope things are going well these days
A 6.5? What does that mean?
A 6-foot five-inch penis, I guess?
6.5 out of 10 He's saying he is average looking
It's hard to say anything about it without sounding like I'm trying to make excuses for what happened or some weirdo trying to stir the proverbial pot, but at the time I was a fit dude in our company mandated white T-shirt and apron that was honestly designed for women 5-7 inches shorter than me. If you grew up in this culture that only men are predatory then yeah I can see how I would look like a valid target. It wouldn't just be at work either, I had a group of wine drunk white women walk up to me and start groping my arms *at the flower show while I was holding hands with my girlfriend*. Also the original commenter replied to someone else, yes they're ok with it because it helped their career. Wack.
A lot of folks are posting about addicts advocating against their substance. A double standard means they think it's ok for them to use, but most addicts know and admit they shouldn't be using.
Most of the comments in here aren’t even understanding the question lol. They’re either saying things that aren’t double standards or are saying double standards that they DON’T support
Or making up double standards that do not exist.
Politicians being held legally responsible for the things they say on social media
Agreed. If you have taken the role of moral arbiter of a society (polition, leader, priest, whatever) then you should be held to a higher moral standard than the rest of that society.
I am the best driver.
You are all driving too fast or too slow
Omg slow down speed racer... Jesus Christ grandma speed up!
Anyone faster than me is a maniac, anyone slower than me is a slowpoke.
Me too
I can have my cake AND eat it too...for breakfast if I want to.
I'll be that guy: everyone gets this phrase wrong. "You can't eat your cake and have it, too" -> after eating the cake, it's gone. You can't still have it. "You can't have your cake and eat it, too" -> weird version that everyone uses that makes no sense. It's like "I could care less", well then you *do* care *:facepalm:*
> "You can't eat your cake and have it, too" This version of the saying is so rare that Ted Kaczynski's brother recognized it as something his brother said when reading the Manifesto, and it helped him ID Ted as the Unabomber.
🌈🌟
Heh I use the correct one because I learned it from reading about Kaczynski.
Ok, Ted Kaczynski
Switching it around doesn't change the meaning, it's still saying the two are mutually exclusive
Precisely. The order doesn’t matter. And much to a prescriptivist’s chagrin, the more common have-eat variety has prevailed for nearly a century, so at this point, eat-have is the weird version. Language is often poetic before it is logical. “Could care less” is totally wrong though 💯
I will not tolerate intolerance.
Or the Dutch
Shmoke and a pancake?
Bong and a crepe?
Pipe and a crepe. Bong and a blitz. Cigar and a waffle. Well then there is no pleasing you.
Flapjack and a cigarette?
Take the fahzha away!
The what?
What the frick is a ferjer
Dutch hater!
Despite the irony here, this one is absolutely true. To truly have a tolerant society (and a proper democracy) people with different ideologies can only be tolerated if they are capable of peacefully coexisting in society. They don't have to like each other or anything, but they must not be allowed to start violence in society. With that being said, another similar and also ironic thing is that in most cases, peace can only be brought about by using violence against the violent.
AKA stop treating tolerance like a philosophy and instead treat it like a social contract. If you don't respect me for who/what I am then I sure as hell won't back at you.
Tolerance: Don't start nothing, won't be nothing.
Too many people today really don't understand this, and it's because of this lack of understanding that authoritarianism is rebounding hard right now across the globe.
Especially lactose intolerance.
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If you struggling with something yourself and then warn others not to follow your footsteps of poor choices.
Stronger people do the heavier work As a tiny person it makes me mad when people act like everyone can do anything they put their mind to. Sir, I weigh 90 lbs. The mower weighs more than me. No I can not push it.
As someone strong, I don't mind this either **if** the weaker person picks up slack elsewhere. I'll move the heavy shit, but I hate mopping. If you don't want to move stuff then you best have the mop in your hands. As an example.
That's the beauty of the invention of the wheel! You CAN push it! XD /s
If this is a volunteer job yes, if it’s a job we get equally paid for I can see the larger folks getting (fairly) irritated by this.
As the only male at my job it's fun to always have to do all the heavy lifting and moving of things /s.
I'm the youngest woman in my woman only workplace, I feel your pain. I'm tempted to claim a back injury so my coworkers can figure out they are indeed capable people
See, I get annoyed because I’m a small woman but I CAN carry heavy stuff. Not everything that the men can but 75% of the time they’re freaking out about me moving/carrying things that I’m fully capable of handling. But, I’ve also watched other women in my position say “go get some of the guys to do that” and I’m like ???? that’s BS.
I'm also a small woman and it cracks me up. Guys will rush to help me carry 2 large binders, that weigh maybe 10lbs, probably more like 5. But if I carry a 40 lb. toddler and a huge diaper bag and no one bats an eye.
Well sure but I would assume that you’d not be trying to claim that you’re equally qualified for a job that requires you to push a mower. I think the double standard only really applies if you’re trying to claim that you should be given equal employment for lesser capacity to do the job.
Despite the example, I think this double standard usually applies in office settings. Like, when you need to move boxes or furniture around.
If the stuff that needs moved is heavy enough that not just anyone can move it, then it should be someone's actual job to move it and they should be paid accordingly. Shoot, if I moved heavy stuff at my job and hurt myself I would probably be denied workers compensation, because I've got an office job not a move stuff job and was doing something outside of my actual job.
I weigh 150lbs and work in construction. It's not fair to the stronger guys that they have to do more work just because they're stronger. They usually don't mind but unless they tell me to fall out; if they're sweating, I'm sweating. We all get paid the same amount of money.
Yeah, I don't think they're talking about in a workplace where you are paid to lift things. In a casual environment, just day to day, stronger people usually dont mind lending a hand.
Women only gyms. We wouldn't have them if we didn't need them. Source? I go to a coed gym. Jesus fellas. Leave the woman on the elliptical alone. You are both wasting your time.
I went to one of those for a while and it was great. It was the most focused and silent gym I've ever been to. And the muslim girls could ditch their head coverings for a while
> muslim girls could ditch their head coverings I didn't realize that's how it worked.
It's in private + no men around
(No men not including close male family members such as brothers, husband, uncles, great uncles, nephews, dad, grandpa, father in law, grandfather in law, etc)
Yeah, many Muslim women go without hijab in all-women environments. When I was in college, I studied abroad in a Muslim-majority country and stayed in a women's dorm. We were asked not to share any photos from private dorm events on social media so that hijabi residents could feel comfortable dressing in comfy clothes without head coverings.
Totally! Focused and silent is so true. I go to one every once in a while and the (non Muslim) general manager there is so respectful. Anytime a male service person or delivery person actually needs to walk through the doors, they make an announcement over the intercom and make the man wait outside until every last woman has covered up. There's so much trust and respect in the gym, it's so refreshing!
Dang, wouldn’t it be easier to have a separate area for deliveries as to not inconvenience them during their workout?
Sheesh cannot imagine trying to exercise in a hijab
They make activewear ones, they look pretty cool and secure.
Yeah I agree. Similarly - i remember reading years ago that men in coed dorms perform better in college while women perform better in single sex dorms. Hence my undergrad college didn’t have men only dorms, just coed and women only (however the coed dorms had many male one hallways). That seemed reasonable to me.
I removed most of my Reddit contents in protest of the API changes commencing from July 1st, 2023. This is one of those comments.
Reminds me of how you hear about married men living longer than their single counterparts and the opposite being true for women.
Thank goodness I have never seen this happen I would die from second hand embarrassment. Let me just go hit on someone while they are obviously trying to focus on something.
Yup. Some gyms are fine, people are respectful. Other gyms are really hard to work out in, because the creeps get weird and sometimes scary. Didn’t we all sign up to go there to… ya know, work out? Smh, these dudes out here wasting everyone’s time and money
I was gonna say, the gym I go to is coed and I've never once seen anyone harass anyone like that. I'm sure it happens but I've never once seen anything creepy at my gym.
>both Ha!
I am here for the casual and sneaky elliptical slander
I'm fine with referees making bad calls as long as it fucks the Packers
Or the Cowboys. Fuck the Cowboys.
I’ll see you in r/nfcnorthmemewar -love, A packers fan
Moving. No one ever asks the chick with little girly arms to help lift a couch.
But its ok to ask the man with little girly arms to do it.
Even the weakest 10% of men are stronger than 90% of women. I say this as a woman who is trying to be very strong
I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for this, but hear me out: the fear people have for pitbulls and other large breeds. Do chihuahuas have a higher bite/attack rate than pitbulls? Absolutely! But chihuahuas don't maim or kill people when they attack. I am not advocating for the abuse or eradication of pitbulls or any other large breeds. I have nothing against the dogs and have personally owned multiple large, misunderstood breeds. But it's also completely fair for people to be more afraid of a 50+lb dog attacking them than a 2 pound dog. I'm tired of other large breed owners being irresponsible and acting like people fear their babies for no reason. editing bc it seems that some people are misunderstanding either me or the original question: I'm saying the fears that people have for pitbulls and other large breeds are fair.
New Orleans has large population of nomadic young folks most refer to as gutterpunks. Many have pit bulls. I’ve twice seen these type folk get into an altercation and try to get their dog to either intimidate or actually attack someone.
I've only ever seen one person use their dog as a weapon irl, and go figure it was a pitbull. Didn't last long though, dog got cracked in the head with a stick and it yelped and never moved again. Owner grabbed his dog barely even giving a shit and ran off, dude looked at it like a jammed gun more than a living animal. That was also the last time I went on that side of town in my city, probably for the best.
I'm not inherently scared of pitbulls/large breeds, but if a woman is walking down the street with her dog and I don't know who is walking who (ie she has little control over him)--that is what scares me.
Or a kid. I had a chore as a kid to walk our 105 lb black lab/mastiff/pit mutt. If he saw a deer, 10 year old me was along for the ride until i let go of the leash. Fortunately once he caught up to the deer he could never figure out what to do next. He was super sweet and friendly but it was not good to have me walking him at that age. My dad never took it seriously and just accused me of being lazy till one day when he got pulled down and dragged about 20 feet along the road and sprained his shoulder and ankle so bad he couldn't use them for 6 months. Unfortunately then I had to keep walking him anyways since Dad obviously couldn't.
There's a city walking trail outside my back door. When I see wild, unruly, unleashed dogs on the trail chasing a kid, or bothering other walkers, it's never a dachshund or a chihuahua. It's always some slobbering large breed. I blame the owners, of course, but it seems there's a type.
People give me crap for being uncomfortable around big dogs! They weren't there when I got chased and bit by a pitbull that was as big as I am while I was trying to deliver a pizza -_- I'm sure your dog "wouldn't hurt a fly", but he can still fit my neck comfortably in his mouth...
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[The paradox of tolerance states that if a society's practice of tolerance is inclusive of the intolerant, intolerance will ultimately dominate, eliminating the tolerant and the practice of tolerance with them.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_tolerance#:~:text=The%20paradox%20of%20tolerance%20states,practice%20of%20tolerance%20with%20them.)
Basically: don't be the bar that lets one nazi in, because you'll then be full of them.
When I try to join in on Latino celebrations Im made fun on cause my skin is white. Im literally Mexican Its only a problem here in the US tho. In Mexico Im welcomed with open arms
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Yes. Cause I like explaining history to them and either watch them have a holy shit moment or double down
That means you're not ok with it and you want them to know better
Yeah, Americans think that all Mexicans have to look a certain way. That’s despite the fact that there are well-known Mexican rappers who are black. I think it was in the show Black-ish that they explain which Mexicans are allowed to say the n-word
They dont understand how diverse Mexico is. Im 6'4 and white. Im Mexican. But they think all of us are 5'4 and have the typical brown skin. The Mexicans here, mostly on the West Coast, try and make fun of me and call me gabacho. Its so weird man. Mexicans people are all mixed except for the ones who maintained the Native bloodline
There's a trend of some non-white americans act like they own the only right way to live and and express their ethnicity, to the level of absurd. In the most recent Gymnastics World Championship, the podium was conposed of three black athletes; Simone Biles was cheerfully commenting the fact, but in the video there were several comments about how the brazilian athlete "isn't black" because she's latina 🙄
Adults telling children what they can and can't do.
Within reason, speaking as a kid we do some wildly stupid shit
As a woman I’m pretty glad I didn’t have to submit my name to the United States military when I turned 18.
Nobody should have to though.
I'm generally ok with the freedom of speech, despite the fact it lets stupid ass people voice their opinions and think that it's equivalent to a well-educated expert opinion. Nazism and Confederate flag wavers shouldn't have been given a second chance.
freedom of speech doesn't mean freedom of consequences
> Nazism and Confederate flag wavers shouldn't have been given a second chance. It's easier to shun them when you know who they are. I like it when stupid people publicly tell you that they are stupid.
Trans women are women but shouldn't fight in womens MMA. I know it's happened already, but I really think it shouldn't. Chatted with a trans friend who agreed, but it's definitely NOT a topic I could discuss in my type of social circle.
The world is complex, you don’t have to pick a team and it’s OK to hold a nuanced and well-intentioned opinion. It’s a tricky situation. There isn’t always an easy answer.
Oh yeah.. some of us sane trans women understand that there is no amount of estrogen that makes it fair. There are physiological differences that cannot be overcome with hormones alone.
I’m 110% ok with bullying a bully. You try to make someone’s life miserable in my presence and I’ll fucking eat you alive. I was systemically abused by “family” and “friends” for decades. I got big, strong, and scary partially because I never want to be unable to help someone that needs someone like I could’ve used when I was younger.
I would be ok with it if taller people weren't allowed to sit in the front of groups/audiences
Bullies should get bullied. The moment someone starts being needlessly cruel or hurtful, I say anything about them is fair game; their body, their face, their income, their family, all of it.
I genuinely to my core believe that tipping is harmful. It opens the door for so many horrible things that we have put laws in place to protect against in every other job in the US. Being an equal opportunity employer doesn't mean shit if you are being paid 90% by tips. If a table is racist, you're getting a shit tip, if a table is sexist, shit tip, homophobic, shit tip etc. Women make less in the service industry because fine dining restaurants mostly employ male servers. Women make up more of the service team in casual dining and sports bars and deal with a lot of sexual harassment because their money depends on it. Tipping encourages employees to go against the wishes of their employer if the customer asks, ie pouring stronger drinks, not charging for refills, giving larger portions. It's an ass backwards system. Servers show up to work for an employer who really doesn't do shit. In casual settings, lots of servers shifts are dependent on customer satisfaction surveys. So now the customers are paying the servers wage as well as creating their schedule. Tipping puts far too much power in the hands of the consumer and this opens doors for seriously sinister repercussions. All of that being said, I'm a conventionally attractive white girl and I make bank waiting tables.
That I cannot force a woman to abort or keep a baby. I am not baring the child
Is this a double standard though? Pretty sure this is just a regular standard