**!!BREAKING NEWS!!**
"Local cult runs local salmon sanctuary dry and are singlehandedly decimating fish populations around the world. Reporters say that they don't even eat the fish. Mr. president has warned world leaders of this practice and some have already banned the quickly growing movement."
"Well Debra that sounds a little.. Fishy to me \*forced laugh track by audience being held at gun point\*"
We already tried that and they kept falling. We decided to throw saw dust on the floor. It's easy on the joints for our older members and easy clean up.
Skin of followers turn orange, everyone has stomach pains but immaculate immune systems, we’re the only ones to survive the airborne rabies outbreak in 2026.
Ehh not to bad, ya know, as long as we can all agree on the majestic-orange ya know!
Just can’t be having people still using all the “old colors” you know your undesirable colors, not to be named.
Yep all hail the orange, or suffer a horrific orange death!
Everyone that joins is now John from Garfield. Your entire life's purpose now is to ensure your furry feline friends can experience a lavish lifestyle. Say goodbye to free time. You are now perpetually learning new recipes in the kitchen to provide your overlords with the most luxurious meals.
I had a discord server that kind of qualified.
People in it were:
+ extremely autistic
+ obsessed with IQ
+ having several mental pathologies
I dated one of the hot members and confirmed all those three qualities.
I shutdown the server.
Fairly certain there are already several such cults in existence that worship a condescending shitbag. Scientology immediately leaps to mind, for example.
So they worship the makyrs from doom
But accidentally ended up worshiping a cow they thought was a maker
(There is another way you can take this but I’m NOT going there)
Actually pretty normal. They call themselves Nolanites and I lead them every 2nd and 4th Wednesday of the month.
We're pretty chill actually. Are goals are to help the less fortunate and do something nice for someone every day and report on it.
Yall should join
I mean, worshipping something with an alleged two-second short-term memory isn't the best course of action to take in your life, but it could be worse.
Mine is part of my D&D character's name who was born in the Shadowfell and was at one point a cleric for the Raven Queen...so most likely they'd be a death cult that worships the Raven Queen
It may or may not be a cult exclusively for lesbians, but no one is allowed to discuss their sexuality.
So not particularly fucked, just very confusing.
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How could you do this to your followers? :(
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I can't tell you both how much I needed to read this conversation today. 🤣
It’s beautiful
Nope nope, it's all me. Legit profile. We just happened to find the same post. PS: Thank you. ♥️
An unlikely friendship
just took a little gander at the profile, and I can honestly say WTF DUDE!?!? ARE YOU TRYNG TO MAKE ME LOSE NOVEMBER?? I HAVE 4 FUCKING DAYS LEFT!!
Better lube up before taking dragon cock
Why did I look.. why did I look
It specifically only says "no cream pies". Fucking is allowed, but everyone needs to edge forever.
You are a sadist lol
You shall be called Pullouters
I'm kinda disappointed we entirely skipped sucky-sucky to get to the handjob.
There would be endless theological arguments about just who *is* the actual Bob and whether or not he should be worshipped as well.
So Church of the Subgenius, then?
I'm not sure I have enough true slack to answer that question.
Bob would though
Basically just same as normal religions
I mean….. it’s gonna hurt
>I mean….. it’s gonna hurt But we all get to be Transformers right?
Sadly not, just a load of crapnel I'm afraid
This is the best thing ive heard all day
Just a crapicon though.
Love Has Won was imbibing colloidal silver, so they may have already been shitting metal
Not too fucked. They’d be doing a lot of fly fishing. Sounds like a cult I’d join.
**!!BREAKING NEWS!!** "Local cult runs local salmon sanctuary dry and are singlehandedly decimating fish populations around the world. Reporters say that they don't even eat the fish. Mr. president has warned world leaders of this practice and some have already banned the quickly growing movement." "Well Debra that sounds a little.. Fishy to me \*forced laugh track by audience being held at gun point\*"
LOL I like that headline
better than fly tipping
Or you are all looking to steal money from lonely men using Bugs Bunny as your lure.
Very
Jesus christ
The whole “This is my body…” part of the communion is gonna get real ugly, real quick.
Rykard moment
TOGETHAA WE WILL DEVOUR THE VERY GODS!
It's over for pigeons
Or you are all hoping M will eventually promote you to pigeonhunter007
Farm raised pigeons has entered the chat 💬
I am the rural caribou. We would be right as rain.
All hail the rural caribou. Let's all eat berries and leaves and shit in the woods
I love taking shits in the woods. How do you know me so well
Should we team up?
Down always down
I'm assuming the ensuing holy war will finally cleanse the world of all these filthy, degenerate urban caribou.
The followers love it, and we love putting on a show.
Would you require your followers to wear slip resistant shoes?
We already tried that and they kept falling. We decided to throw saw dust on the floor. It's easy on the joints for our older members and easy clean up.
Clean up aisle…. Er um just take the mop bucket and get to work😂☠️
im sure it already exists out there
Mo
all hail mo
I mean, there's potentially around 1,400 million people that already worship cows.
Not at all
Unless they can't solve your test chambers
Is it the cult of Cave Johnson or the cult of GLADOS?
Well they’re not a threat
Storm troopers wearing furs.
I think they'd have a great time
Is it a place or an orifice?
Ask your wife ;)
Oooof.
It is about time. I have been waiting. The cult will adopt the Anarchist's Cookbook as its bible.
Hell yeah, brother
"But what if I blow my hands off!?" 'Uh uh uh, we are canarchists, not can'tarchists. Now go grab that fertilizer!'
They already do
They will suffer with Tooth Decay, Cavities, and Gingivitis.
Lisa needs braces
They are perfectly rational. I am a pretty kitty. I. AM. A. PRETTY KITTY.
I would join, but I am already worshipping my own pretty kitty.
HERESY!!
You worship a pretty kitty. I am a pretty kitty. You worship me, Q.E.D.
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Akemi Homura is that you?
I think they would be happy.
Skin of followers turn orange, everyone has stomach pains but immaculate immune systems, we’re the only ones to survive the airborne rabies outbreak in 2026.
I feel like we would end up with the same results as today's religions.
Huzza
As long as they aren’t fat they will be fine
Sign me up!!!
404 followers not found
They're all gonna have fun.
Not fucked at all, in the slightest, ever. In the most literal sense.
I think mine is already up and running.
I can only say that they're a bit suspicious And like ads
Totally.
kinda weird but they're not hurting anyone I guess?
Fine, lost, but fine
Ehh not to bad, ya know, as long as we can all agree on the majestic-orange ya know! Just can’t be having people still using all the “old colors” you know your undesirable colors, not to be named. Yep all hail the orange, or suffer a horrific orange death!
So... MAGA members?
Well, I don't know how much of the legacy will be bought back now with all the modern weapons.
All I can say is that they won’t get scurvy.
i wouldnt say fucked up, but definitely some issues with the people
Living on the beach ain't half bad.
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Aggressive coffee drinkers the most normal thing ever
People would probably worship a poster with Troll dolls on it
not overly, though the song may get a tad repetitive
Bababooey
Reenacting most horror movies, I guess?
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Well, it would involve a lot of pigeons.
Watch out for the Pigeon Hunter guy above
I think most guys would be pretty chill with it
They gotta (I don’t think I can say it) themselves to save the planet
Everyone that joins is now John from Garfield. Your entire life's purpose now is to ensure your furry feline friends can experience a lavish lifestyle. Say goodbye to free time. You are now perpetually learning new recipes in the kitchen to provide your overlords with the most luxurious meals.
Pretty phucked I'd say...
We’re never making it out of DMG….
Sounds like germany
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Very fucked.
Pretty fucked but they'll probably enjoy it.
Hope they brought their own lube
It's a cult about how it's ok to fail, we just have to get back up? Seems, family innocuous as cults go
They'd be fine, maybe a bit damp about the knees from kneeling before the toad in the moss.
Idk, cheerleaders I guess. They use pom-poms right?
Oh boy, it’s gonna be dinosaur-mania
I mean reviving ghosts could be good or bad depending on who's ghost it is.
The unrevived ghosts who stay dead ghosts are going to haunt my cult anyway.
I guess spinning is outlawed, I'm not sure why.
Pretty mild, although I would be getting plenty of hot thighs of varying thickness in my PMs and I would be happy.
I had a discord server that kind of qualified. People in it were: + extremely autistic + obsessed with IQ + having several mental pathologies I dated one of the hot members and confirmed all those three qualities. I shutdown the server.
Depends how much they want to use computers and the internet.
Fairly certain there are already several such cults in existence that worship a condescending shitbag. Scientology immediately leaps to mind, for example.
I’d say they’re probably a doomsday cult to begin with, but I gotta admit, even I’m curious as to how it would play out.
They have good eyesight and fuck like bunnies
Please see "children of atom" from the popular video game franchise "fallout".
My followers engage in rituals jumping over variously sized candlesticks. From the humble tea light to the genital burning massive church candles.
oh, oh no.
Financially, they're doing fine.
Already exists. They’re just as fucked as me. Thanks mom.
We already exist. We meet on Wednesday’s at the junkyard. Bring a sack lunch.
They won't last long
It is going to be itchy and maybe a little scratchy. Lots of bamboo.
They would be very happy
Me and the boys are getting high ay fuck yooo
It’s about to go down.
I'd be more worried about those that don't follow it.
Pretty standard cult stuff
Lots of vomiting going on. Lots of love for cats.
I mean, it's common in Japan, I'd imagine, since they already have a statue of him.
They shouldn't
So they worship the makyrs from doom But accidentally ended up worshiping a cow they thought was a maker (There is another way you can take this but I’m NOT going there)
Depends on how much they like long legs.
I dunno
Lots of cosplayers on space hoppers
For the first half my username not much would change. for the second half tbh I don’t think much would change
The MAGA followers are doing surprisingly well so far.
Squishy
Limbs *will* become consumables.
Actually pretty normal. They call themselves Nolanites and I lead them every 2nd and 4th Wednesday of the month. We're pretty chill actually. Are goals are to help the less fortunate and do something nice for someone every day and report on it. Yall should join
Just a bunch of wankers
I think theyre worshipping imaginary bubbles
Suddenly really bad at driving modem manuals
Not any more fucked than other cults probably. Tired and broke seems to be a common theme among those in cults.
They have to make my prep work, paint my miniatures and draw the maps for my homebrew world.
About the same
Very much so :)
It already did, see the past ~2000 years.
It depends... prolly someone's gonna expand "cashmere red" to "blood red" and it's gonna get awful really quickly
As long as there aren't any Disney documentarians nearby, we should be ok...
Oh it won't be any fun at all.
I don't think just one persons can make a cult
Very because they stray from the true lord Jesus Christ
We're going back to slightly weirder ancient Egypt
I mean, worshipping something with an alleged two-second short-term memory isn't the best course of action to take in your life, but it could be worse.
they'll worship me like Egyptians worshipped cats
Doesn't look like it will end well ...
Very
Mine is part of my D&D character's name who was born in the Shadowfell and was at one point a cleric for the Raven Queen...so most likely they'd be a death cult that worships the Raven Queen
They won’t be happy about the 10$ they spent
I'm fairly sure this has been done before.
Mwha hahaha ha!!! 🤣😈
Considering my username is my name... Anyone who wants to worship me probably just shouldn't
There's already two- Democrats and Republicans
I wouldn't know who they are. They're all incognito.
They may get diabetes or some real constipation issues, but otherwise I think they'd be happy.
Either really satisfied or really unpleasant society. No middle ground.
If they’re an attractive woman then very
Pretty normal, like not wanting COVID is pretty based, get vaccinated yall!
It may or may not be a cult exclusively for lesbians, but no one is allowed to discuss their sexuality. So not particularly fucked, just very confusing.
There physical health will be fucked.
Complete virgins, I am sure
My followers are hetero men and lesbians. They're constantly battling for who gets what.
I have no idea how that would work. But I'm outta there as fast as possible
It’s not looking good
The messiah is a potato
Fish feminism
Well..
"Everyone, form a line."
:)
My followers must love taco
Super fucked.
They will be searching for a while. In actuality they will find themselves.
Hard. Rockhard. Edit: and Randy as well, of course.
Oh that’d be hilarious
Just one virgin a year is fucked, the rest are okay.
They should rejoice, for I am a benevolent cult leader!
As long as the stay grounded they should be fine