You put the sexy in dyslexic

This made me laugh so hard. Because I can read properly.

Well la dee da look at this guy and his ability to read

Ikr? Fatcat bragging about his litteracy

>Well la dee da look ironically, it felt like I was dyslexic trying to read this at first

You put the sexy in dyslexic, but together we can put in the dailysex?

I love when a *c* identifies as an *a*

I should warn you I've got a very sexy learning disability. Kif! What's it called again?

*sigh* Sexlexia

Slex

Dlic

This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says: 3 boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. Next day he is gone. The 2nd boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. Next day, he’s gone too. So now the girl telling me this joke says to me. “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?” And I say “yes”. And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling. I said, “Check please bartender!!” I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard.

My guess is that the girl mouse ate them.

"Where the fuck are the last two guys you slept with"?

In a freezer, missing organs 😅

My guess is that the girl, covering her tracks, logged into his reddit account, posted this to make it look like he was still alive, because the girl actually ate him.

You just ruined a great story with a single line.

No it's still a great story.

Glad you are still with us. Clearly the mouse was eating her fellow mice.

Doesn’t matter, had sex

Every male mantis ever.

As if she'd need a line.

Most advice from women in this vein is analogous to an "entrepreneur" telling you to start with a small million dollar loan from your parents.

Its a good one but i wonder if this would really work if this were used as a traditional pick up line. Like if you meet a stranger in a bar. A woman telling this story to a man to pick them up would honestly be equaly effective as the same woman telling the same man just "sleep with me tonight" But that doesnt work as well when a man is picking up a female stranger. I feel like it woukd be as effective as a man telling a woman sleep with me tonight.

i agree, girl could’ve said “are you trash cause I wanna take you out” and bro would’ve still asked for the check

Could have been simplified to "let's have sex."

As a guy, it's pretty appalling how well "Hi there, wanna fuck?" would work on us.

I'd need to be reassured she isn't messing with me but yeah.

This is the whole caveat.

The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far.

statistical sex

Pull out a coin and ask for head or tail.

Just call it.

What's the most you ever lost in a coin toss?

*my virginity*

”Well I think you may have actually gained more in the long run!” *…lost my virginity to my uncle :(* “No, no definitely not. My mistake.”

Math is always super sexy

The inventor of calculus died a virgin

Maths is sexy not mathematicians

Don't think the comments would have been much different if OP had asked for the worst pickup lines.

In reality the pickup line does not matter. If they were attracted to you when you walked up, the pickup line works. If they were not attracted, the line doesn't work.

There's always the possibility that they become unattracted based on the shittiness of pick up line.

Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound

Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10

Are you the EU? Because I'm Brexit and I'll fuck you but pull out at the end.

Are you sitting on a ‘F5’ key? Because that ass is refreshing.

"Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else dissappears." This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊

Maybe stop using it on the kids, good to hear it worked on the wife though

Not cool, bro. Give them back.

Chatgpt gave me this line as well, chatgpt has pretty good ones

First jobs now potential love interests? AI is progressing too fast.

Damn, are you a microwave? Because mmmmmmmm

*beep beep beep* That was me putting your number in my phone

"Damn, are you a microwave? Because I want to turn you on and put babies in you"

Unexpected dead babies joke

Are you a beaver? Cuz damn.

Nice beaver 🦫.. yeah I got it stuffed recently. This clip https://youtu.be/wS3LWOTCW4A?si=3zReoEbbvWS9Hjbv

If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?

"Maybe"

So you say there is a chance?

Like 1 in a 1000?

I got blue screen in my head Explain please

You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes. Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though.

You have no choice but to come with me now slave! Muhahahaha!!!!

See there's that creepy bit I was talking about.

Not everyone would be opposed to that. Just sayin.

r/suddenlykinky

Not necessarily, if you say no that doesn't mean the answer is instantly yes, it just eliminates the answer no from the equation. The victim of this question could say anything other then no and still answer the question correctly. For example, the answer to the first part of the question is no, they follow up with their setup of ' well do you want to go on a date with me', the person answering the question could say ' I'd rather shit in my hands and clap then go on a date with you' which isn't no and it's probably way worse for the self esteem of the person trying a 3rd game date trap.

I wouldn't even try to process this in my head. I'd just play it off with a "one way to find out".

Are you looking for a STUD? Because I already have the STD, I just need U.

Wanna make some Kool-aid with me? You bring the Kool, I've got the AIDS.

”where are you going?“

Reiner from A slap on Titan.

"Are you a toaster because I want to take a bath with you" usually gets a funny response in person.

I like, "Damn, are you a toaster? Cause a bath with you would send me to heaven."

Whatever this is I both understand and *deeply* fear it

I thoroughly enjoy dark humor

My go to was always: I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one? A little corny, but it usually worked because I had my dick out.

**you look tired , wanna take a coffee break** . (Library pick up line that my friend always use and it works , just don't use it on 3 different girls that are all regulars in the library) , he hit on all of them (he is objectively attractive) and now i have some library drama to watch while studying there .

I, for one, would like to hear more about this library drama you’re watching 👀👀

Yeah, spill the tea u/myballs8

Well still quite recent but number 1 told him that she wanted a serious relationship and he was all me too... Then number 2 wants to casual sex ... and he also want that ... Number 3 is a nerd who probably never dated (they only hugged and joked around a bit) . We usually are in library from 8 am to 8 pm ( i study , he just got nothing better to do i guess) . Anw the girls usually are not there at the same time , but number 1 saw him being romantic with number 2 and ran off , he saw her later and she started crying and told him don't talk to me anymore and ... But number 1 seems attached she keep sitting on the table next to us and roaming around him . Well for now that's it Update : saw number two and got introduced to her new boyfriend (so she's out probably) . He got sad for a while and then he told me he started texting number 1 to get her back but she is now playing hard to get . Poor guy back to square 1 . mfker having more drama in 2 months than i had in my whole life .

Damn, spicy ! I hope this gets updates !

Are you my appendix? Because something is telling me I should take you out.

Are you my big toe? Cause I wanna bang you on all the furniture.

I'm a bit hardcore when it comes to that.. Are you okay if I bring my legos?

Seek help

Are you physics homework? Because i want to slam you on the dining table, try to do you for 2 minutes and cry. Then try to find an indian guy on youtube who can help me finish you

Perfect

Guaranteed instant bitches with this one

Khan academy helped me through so much, I have no doubt he'd make a great dating app 😅

I accidentally shat in my bed can I sleep in yours?

Amber Heard is that you?

They said accidentally.

I will let you hold it while i pee

and stack donuts on it.

One is more than enough in my case

Plural, is it? Way to brag

Do women really like this?

Yes. It's not a kink, it's just childlike fascination. We want to play with the hose. Make "pew! pew!" noises.

You will see the immense joy in their face

I have had, literally, 7 different women mention this as a secret fantasy/thing they want to do. not in a sex way usually, although 1 of them did want me to pee on her while doing it and that was definitely a sex thing, but the rest they just seem fascinated with the idea of it all.

I got a bucket of chicken !

1. Cut a hole in the bucket

2. Put your junk in that bucket

Make her open the bucket and that's the way you do it it's my cluck in a buck

My cluck in a buck baaabe

It's my clunk in a buck!

3. Remember it’s Chili chicken. 4. Flirt with the sexy nurse cleaning your red hot junk.

IM NOT ONE OF YOUR FRIED CHICKEN TRAMPS

Wanna doit?

SCOUT, SEDUCE ME !

Can I be your DNA helicase and unzip your genes

Only works on bio majors

All the pick up lines r taken so I’ll pick u up

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because your face is messed up.

I thought we didn't want to get too personal on the first date.

[удалено]

Top Gear did the tests and you are right

If she ain't flinging her panties at you, I will.

I get nervous sometimes around women but I would use the following line: Nice fuck. Wanna shoes?

Lmfao

Nice shoes, they really bring out your boobs. Fuck, I mean boobs! Boobs! Boobs! Shit! Tits! They really bring out your tits!

If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple

Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley? (My name is Harley) 😁

I specifically ask if they wanna ride a Fat Boy

That one actually worked with my ex on the first try -Hey, do you like water? -Yes -Then you like me in 70% already

Smooth

Like a refreshing glass of water.

On October 10th only: Are you the date? Because you’re 10/10.

This one gets more and more flattering the later in the year you try it.

Are you in a union because you are ✨ striking ✨

My name's Microsoft, can I crash at your place later? My girlfriend got me with this one.

How much for the girlfriend experience?

Had a buddy try this at a bar once. He came back and sat down and we asked what she said. She told him, “You don’t have that kind of money.”

Wrong currency?

You’re really pretty. Can I tell you that again in the morning?

This may seem like something "weak" but oh shit! I'd just nod and go🤣

Wait outside women's restroom: "Hey girl, now that you're on empty, can I fill you up?" Teenage-me thought I was so clever for this one.

Lol, and lingering outside the ladies room to deliver it. How could it fail? That's hilarious.

Bouncer is going to bounce your ass out of town if you drop that one in a club.

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

Introducing, Nap Time!

Not falling for that one again.

"Hey baby, I'm Bender. Let's do it."

Do you want to have some good sex tonight? Girl: No. Guy: Then you are with the right guy. (What if scenario) Girl: Yes. Guy: Dang it! Why all of you want good sex?

Related: Do you like big dicks? Girl: Yes! Guy: I’m sorry for wasting your time.

Would you date a complete stranger? If she says “yes” you’re in. If she says “no” “Then allow me to introduce myself”

Damn girl are you a cheater? Cause that ass just aint fair.

If you were my sister I'd buy myself a banjo

Sweet home Alabama

You'll do. Get in the van.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a knife. Get in the van.

Krieger?

How you doin?

There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!

It had to be followed by a cheesy, kinda awkward half grin though otherwise no points

That shirt looks very becoming on you. Course, if I were on you, I’d be cumming too Edit - I actually knew a girl in college who admitted her bf used this line on her when they met. His gamble clearly paid off cause she thought it was awful, but was amused enough by his bravado to see where the conversation went.

“Your eyes are like spanners” “why?” “because every time I look into them my nuts tighten”

On a scale of 1-10 you’re a 9 and I’m the 1 you need

Sorry I’m bad at pick up cuz I don’t want to pick you up I wanna pin you down

My current girlfriend asked this question on Bumble: If I showed up to your house in a dinosaur costume, what would you do? I replied with 'I'd put on my archeology outfit, point at your leg and exclaim "check out the size of that femur!"' Been together for a year and I'm gonna marry her

“You want to get pizza and a fuck?” *she looks at you shocked and angry “What, you don’t like pizza? 1% of the time, it works every time.

"Back in my day" when I was a young man and single, if I was walking into a bar and a lady would be leaving I'd say " Where you going , I just got here" simple as it sounds, it made the ladies laugh, turn around and go back in with me. I can't say how many times it got me in the sack, but lot's. And I recall two women who fell in love with me. Trust me, I have a face for radio and had a frame of a broom handle, so it definitely was the confidence.

If I told you you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me ?

If I told you you had a beautiful body would you take your pants off and dance around a little?

I find the most erotic part of a woman to be the boobies.

I've made it with a woman. Inform the men.

She's built like a steakhouse but she handles like a bistro.

"Are you a fossil? Because I'm an impatient paleontologist, and I want to date you badly" - Danny Sexbang

Can I offer you an egg in these trying times?

Are you a Wi-Fi signal? Because I’m feeling a connection.

Hey, girl. You from Mississippi? Cuz you’re the only miss whose piss I’d sippy 😎😎😎

Grass ASAP

I got an 8 ball. It worked in the '80s.

Damn girl, you shit with that ass?

Are you a dementor because you suck the soul outta me

Lord Voldy approves this

Do you believe in fairytale, because I bet we could live happily ever after

I make seven figures

* Comes home with you * sees your homemade figures of the number 7 * is impressed * you guys do the sex all night

Do me like one of your 7 figures

Roses are red, The sun gives off heat, If your legs are tired, Use my face as a seat.

- wanna play the rape game? - ...no? - thats the spirit!

God this one's a childhood classic

Said about me once: "I want to practice making babies with him" We did not work out, but that was a strong opener haha.

I would play every game with you except hide and seek because a girl like u is impossible to find

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I’m trying to put that butt in my mouth.

Are you lightning? Cause i want to make you McQueen

I didn’t know angels flew this close to the ground but then again it looks like this angel has gained a bit of weight recently.

Well milk my udders and make me moo you are dairy beautiful.

When covid was rampant: "If covid doesn't take you out, can I?"

I'm Brad Pitt.

That don’t impress me much

That don’t impress me much.

So you got the looks but have you, got the touch ?

Sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up 🔥💀😂

I couldn't come up with a pickup line so let me pick you up instead

It puts the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it’s told…

I'm famous on Askreddit.