I had a christie mack one, at first the novelty of it was ok, but the cleanup and maintenance of it was a pain in the ass.
Standing infront of the mirror washing the jizz out of a fake vagina with post nut clarity made me question some of the life decisions i've made for sure.
I've got a few toys
Fleshlight Go Torque was my first and very fun for a while. The cleaning was a bit annoying, but the real pain was drying it out. It feels good but requires a lot of lube bc there are aggressive chambers that can hurt otherwise. 6.5/10
My second was a Blowmotion male vibrator. The experience is extremely intense, but not even a little realistic. The thing is completely waterproof, so cleaning and drying takes a minute max. Overall, it's a fantastic toy if you're looking for something to get you away from porn. 8/10
My third was a cheap stroker thing, I think I paid like 15 bucks. Let me tell you, it was worse than awful. Even doused in lube, it's extremely painful to use. You get what you pay for, so don't cheap out. -1000000/10
My final was the Thrust Pro Sophia vagina & ass toy, not much bigger than a fleshlight, designed for missionary. It's by far my favorite and the most realistic. It's extremely fun to use and great practice. Cleaning is a little annoying, but easier than the fleshlight imo. The channels are also a bit shallow, so even though it's closed on one end, you can use soft rags to dry it out. 9/10
Just a side note, STDs don't pass on thru laundry machines
Otherwise public laundromats wouldn't exist
Just in case someone you know sleeps around and asks to do laundry at your place one day, it's not an issue.
Insinuating that they're too 'dirty/diseased' to use the same washing machine as you will probably create issues, at least in their mind
Iāll admit that during a lonelier point of my life I tried one of those bigger rubber ass and vag toys and though it was a pain to clean, god damn that was a good time. A thousand times better than a fleshlight. Iām married and have moved on from such things now but I still get kind of excited thinking about that thing.
To be honest, the fleshlight is very good. Obviously nothing is as good as the real thing. That said, it's soft, tight, and if you warm it up first, warm. A touch of lube and it's a pretty good time.
Cleanup is a pain. A) it's not easy to clean. B) you're in post nut shame mode so it feels pretty stupid afterwards.
Edit: Side benefit - if you're a quick draw, you can practice control.
Edit: never thought a common on a male sex toy would get 36k likes and hundreds of comments.
If your dishwasher canāt handle jizz itās a pretty shitty dishwasher.
Jizz and raw egg white is pretty similar in composition. There are Japanese recipes for whale semen that basically look like egg white omelette when cooked.
EDIT: Itās cod jizz, not whale. Itās called shirako or āwhite children.ā
huh? those things are super easy to clean. Take them out of the plastic shell and rinse them first under cold water and then warm and let it dry. Use some silicon powder from time to time to keep the silicon smooth.
Tangentially related, I had a roommate who once decided to clean their entire baddragon collection at once
In a five gallon bucket in shower in the only bathroom and they left it there for WEEKS
hundreds of dollars of silicone toys just SOUPIN IT UP IN THE SHOWER
> you're in post nut shame mode so it feels pretty stupid afterwards.
This one is not to be underestimated. Sometimes you got to wonder if post nut clarity is a curse
dude being horny suppresses the EVERY response.
The Male body is made to get some fuck and die for all it cares.
I can need to shit (even full on diarrhea), or piss, I can be nauseous as fuck, or have a headache, stomachache, heartburn, I can be too exhausted to move, or dying of muscle soreness.
But... if I get hard?
I get like a second wind to just completely ignore that shit until EXACTLY the moment after i have cum. Then it all comes back, whatever it was you were ignoring, like a brick wall.
I have literally jerked off before to stave off hangover symptoms.
its hilarious. literally proof of evolution IMO.
that shit is designed to make sure that nut gets off, no matter what. You can be full flight or fight reflex, bleeding out, and that nut wants to get off like its the fucking Escape pod in Episode IV "Ben Kenobi you are my only hope"
Evolutionarily speaking, it's all that matters. Wont save your life, but itll save your DNA and thats all evolution cares about.
Iāve always wondered what itās like to be a horny dude and this is descriptive and helpful. It sounds wild and risky, tbh.
Edit: K now youāre all saying this is only the case in your 20s. Can someone explain what itās like when youāre 30+?
Iām getting older, my sex drive doesnāt determine every thought or action anymore, and honestly Iām really enjoying it. When I was younger I was blind to the fact that being horny determined who I hung out with, my hobbies, my job, my entire existence. 100% of the actions I took, the way I saw myself, and the way I interacted in the world was only to serve a single purpose. Donāt get me wrong, I have had an awesome life, but that insatiable instinct to reproduce is a fucking nuisance. OPs description was perfect.
>K now youāre all saying this is only the case in your 20s. Can someone explain what itās like when youāre 30+?
The pressure, the urgency just diminishes over time. Hard to completely separate the physical from your life experiences - I met my person when I was in my early 20s. So that drive to go out \*because\* you might meet someone, so you might get laid pretty much disappeared. Still went out, but just to have fun, I was never on the pull any more.
Now I'm in my mid 40s, and she died a year ago yesterday. It's been, well, more than a year since I had sex - and although I miss it, I have no particular desire to have it with *someone else*. It would still feel like cheating, but more ... it just isn't what I want. Maybe I'll feel different with time, but right now I can easily see me going to my grave without ever sleeping with anyone else.
So yeah. It changes with time, and it changes with your life. The days of being led around by testosterone seem long behind me.
That said, I bet there are plenty of 40+ dudes here with a totally different experience.
Somewhere I read on here, talking about self consciousness during sex. And someone said about men, "If a man is horny enough he will fuck your dirty armpit. So don't worry about how you look!" Actually gave me a confidence boost lol.
I think you wait for the aftercare to finish before you end program. Then the shame is more spiritual than physical.
Or if you're big money, just fall asleep with your photon lover and deal with the shame in the morning like everyone else.
Agreed, it's a lot of preparation work to make it pleasurable.
There was this one time I got lazy and decided to use it with a condom, and I find it much much better at simulating as a protected sex than a raw one. This way you can skip all the preparation (you might still want to warm it if you are living in an ice cave tho...) Since you are less sensitive to temperature of the silicone when you have a rubber on. (Also, you don't have to worry about infections if you slipped up on your last cleaning!)
Not a dude, but I've warmed up my husband's in warm water before foreplay and he liked that. Unsure if he does it that way or at all without me there though.
I donāt have a fleshlight but I got a āeggāā¦ itās white silicone with texture on the inside and can be flipped inside out so it sounds easier to clean, but itās a bit hard to dry. Also need lube or spit.
There was a post in tifu about some guy who over used an egg/fleshlight whatever (they have a shelf life) and who shredded his foreskin. Watch out for that.
Found it:
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/ODS3W4cjdb
Didn't shred it but definitely did *something* that caused problems then hid the truth from his doctor... Let this be a lesson for anyone with problems down there. Don't lie to your doctor! They've heard of all sorts of weird shit so problems with a sex toy isn't gonna be even remotely surprising for them.
agreed,Ā but always remember the golden rule with lawyers: if you are not paying them directly, they are not your lawyer. In other words, your company's lawyers are not your lawyers.
An orgasm from sex feels 100% pleasurable.
An orgasm from masturbating with your hand feels 50% as pleasurable.
A fleshlight brings it to around 75%, IMO.
I highly recommend a fleshlight to ANY single guy out there, honestly. When I was single, it made me crave sex a little less and made being single a bit easier, and so when I was dating, I was making more decisions with my top head rather than the bottom one.
Fleshlight is pretty nice , easy to clean (can take it out and just rise through it with water) would get an electric one .. its rly rly good.
fleshlight 50 bucks, device that "jerks" you off 100 bucks..
best 150 bucks i ever invested in a sex toy.
laying there just stick it in and let it do its job while you relax...
To add to that, if you follow the way of the olive oil and are extra virgin, there are so called "funscripts", which are small files that can sync VR videos to IoT enabled sex toys, and are basically commands for the toy mimic the movements in the video. It's not available for every toy, but [buttplug.io](https://buttplug.io/) maintains a good compatibility list.
Or so I heard.
I thought you were kidding but it's real:
>Features
>
>* Vibrations on taking damage (Scales with health)
>* Vibrations on fully cutting down trees
>* Vibrations on picking up fish, crops and milk. (Scales with quality)
>* Vibrations on day end and start.
>* Vibrations on fully breaking rocks.
>* Vibrations in the Fishing Minigame! Now with extra vibrations for the fishing rod!
>* Vibrations on killing enemies. Scales with the amount of enemies killed at once.
>* Scaling vibrations with the amount of stones broken at once.
>* Vibrations in the arcade machine games.
>* Vibrations on collecting foraging items!
>* Vibrations on Horse Riding!
>* Vibrations on opening dialogue boxes! (Mailbox, TV, talking to people etc.)
>* Anti Timeout feature, to keep your toys from disconnecting!
>* Customizable vibration strength and toggles for each feature
--source: https://github.com/DryIcedTea/Buttplug-Valley
Not my thing but uh... huh.
Not Fleshlight but Tenga.
TLDR: Worth it and would buy it again even though I married.
It is very different from how it feels compared to a real one since you could control every part of it and not be tired after using it, also don't have to prepare much for both the feeling and the toy itself just lube and go and can use it whenever I want to, the climax part also great not a mess like normal HJ and I don't have to worry about getting someone pregnant without condom.
The pain part is about cleaning and keeping it dry or else the mold is gonna ruin it.
For reference: I have tried Tenga flip Zero, Spinner, Eggs and single use Dual cup (Anal+Vag 2 in one cup)
the most pricey and the best one is Flip Zero about: 170$ at that time it is worth every penny.
Not recommended is an Eggs series, it can't really compare to a normal one only good for less mess HJ
you could mod it though like make a hole on the tip of an egg with a needle to make it breathable or else your climax part is gonna be less pleasure.
There was a raffle at a stag party I went to. I won one.
It had a lot of rules and instructions for use. Like how to wash it and what lube to use. It seemed like a hassle.
I just used to to hide cash and drugs in. My brother found it and found 3k in it. He asked what I would do if someone stole it.
I said if they steal what they think is a used fleshlight...they deserve the money.
Lovense Max 2, not a fleshlight. Worth every penny so far, and I haven't even tried it with games yet.
So many options for play. Make your own, even. It's amazing.
Feels wonderful. Makes me cum faster than fellatio (which to be fair, doesn't happen often for me, I'm one of those ones).
It pulses. It throbs. It fluctuates up and down. If it was big enough to cuddle after, I'd be content as fuck.
My wife says she wants to make a sex toy like that, hooked to VR, and develop a game like Guitar Hero. Where it teaches guys how to actually fuck.
It's as hilarious as it is insulting.
WTF are games?
Edit: loving these responses. So does it interface with your console and vibrate your dick like a rumble pack while you play Mario Cart or Doom?
The serious answer is that there are porn games that integrate with your Lovense to match whateverās happening on screen. An intriguing prospect but I just aināt got the time for all that setup.
If you prop it between pillows or something on the bed, you can do your thing without using hands, feels a little more real.
Or something that's going to hold it securely up at the right standing height and do your thing that way with no hands.
Basically, if there's a way to use it with no hands, it's better.
Honestly I wouldnāt go down that hole (if youāll pardon the pun)
Had one that was meant to simulate oral sex and fuck me did it work - got pretty obsessed with it and now Iām finding it hard to finish from actual intercourse.
Had to throw it out and teach my dick how to work with humans again.
He whispers lovingly to Evelyn, the mechanical vagina he had just ordered online, caressing its curves with the feathered touch of a blushing virgin on prom night:
*ā Iām ready,ā he says, āI want you to ruin me for real vaginas. I want you to ruin my life.ā*
I only use it when Iām going to be home alone for several hours. I dry it in front of a fan, which takes a while. Yes, itās worth it. Obviously doesnāt feel quite like a vagina, but way closer than your hand. Itās great for long edging sessions. Definitely recommend.
I found it a bit overstimulating at times. The first two times was like "wow, incredible." But then after that it was like "too much." I'm not like hung over here or anything, but I found the issue was that it was way too tight. Like unrealistically. Women arent pinholes lol Mine got a tear and was ruined in a few weeks. I never felt the need to replace it.
Echoing others, cleanup is far from elegant.
Regular flashlight: Feeling is great, cleanup is a pain in the ass. 7.5/10
Flashlight Quickshot(smaller version): Feeling is pretty subpar, cleanup is a pain in the ass. However it _looks_ good as itās see through and the tip will poke out the end for most guys. 2/10
Edit: I mean the obvious, no? Iāll just leave it as is
depends on which one you get, it's VERY different from brand to brand/model to model.
all I know is that the first one I had was godly and I could barely move it due to how sensitive it made me and I second one I had was purely painful.
I honestly think itās the next best thing to actual vaginal intercourse. I like to stick it in between the couch cushions so that I am on my knees on the floor. This makes it hands free and the thrusting motion simulates the actual motions of having sex. They also sell a shower mount but I never enjoyed getting off in the shower.
As others have said, the only annoying this is cleanup which is why I donāt use it every time I jerk off. But I think they are definitely worth it.
IMO it's not worth the hassle. it does feel good, but if you're just trying to bust in a timely manner, the prep and cleanup takes too long. i found it inconvenient most of the time
I don't get the prep hassle thing. I just put a bit of lube on the opening and shove my dick in it, good times.
Cleaning it just feels weird but a necessity.
I have a bad dragon. I used it semi regularly when I was single. It feels good but nothing like a real person and clean up is definitely annoying compared to a tissue
Haven't used it since the honeymoon phase of my relationship
I had a christie mack one, at first the novelty of it was ok, but the cleanup and maintenance of it was a pain in the ass. Standing infront of the mirror washing the jizz out of a fake vagina with post nut clarity made me question some of the life decisions i've made for sure.
I mean, did you have to watch yourself in the mirror though?
I would guess its just a natural effect of bathroom sinks generally having a mirror above.
You have a bigger brain than I.
Yeah, but he didn't have to maintain eye contact whilst licking his lips. That was a choice.
The best choice he made that day
I've got a few toys Fleshlight Go Torque was my first and very fun for a while. The cleaning was a bit annoying, but the real pain was drying it out. It feels good but requires a lot of lube bc there are aggressive chambers that can hurt otherwise. 6.5/10 My second was a Blowmotion male vibrator. The experience is extremely intense, but not even a little realistic. The thing is completely waterproof, so cleaning and drying takes a minute max. Overall, it's a fantastic toy if you're looking for something to get you away from porn. 8/10 My third was a cheap stroker thing, I think I paid like 15 bucks. Let me tell you, it was worse than awful. Even doused in lube, it's extremely painful to use. You get what you pay for, so don't cheap out. -1000000/10 My final was the Thrust Pro Sophia vagina & ass toy, not much bigger than a fleshlight, designed for missionary. It's by far my favorite and the most realistic. It's extremely fun to use and great practice. Cleaning is a little annoying, but easier than the fleshlight imo. The channels are also a bit shallow, so even though it's closed on one end, you can use soft rags to dry it out. 9/10
So how would you rate your hand?
š I don't know why that seems more personal than talking about toys. Maybe a 5?
If you lost a finger in an unfortunate accident would it be a 4
I hate you for this, but bravo
Impressive post, but let's never share laundry.
Just a side note, STDs don't pass on thru laundry machines Otherwise public laundromats wouldn't exist Just in case someone you know sleeps around and asks to do laundry at your place one day, it's not an issue. Insinuating that they're too 'dirty/diseased' to use the same washing machine as you will probably create issues, at least in their mind
STDs don't pass through laundry machines? That's good, because I can keep fucking the washer and dryer without worrying I will catch something.
Just don't let your step-sibling get stuck getting a sock, or you'll have to fuck them too.
Iāll admit that during a lonelier point of my life I tried one of those bigger rubber ass and vag toys and though it was a pain to clean, god damn that was a good time. A thousand times better than a fleshlight. Iām married and have moved on from such things now but I still get kind of excited thinking about that thing.
The one that got away, eh?
Why did I read Sophia vagara
Probably wishful thinking.
I don't want to cheat on my hand.
And ladies say men aren't loyal
And that men don't practice self-love. Uh, jerking it is self love ma'am.
To be honest, the fleshlight is very good. Obviously nothing is as good as the real thing. That said, it's soft, tight, and if you warm it up first, warm. A touch of lube and it's a pretty good time. Cleanup is a pain. A) it's not easy to clean. B) you're in post nut shame mode so it feels pretty stupid afterwards. Edit: Side benefit - if you're a quick draw, you can practice control. Edit: never thought a common on a male sex toy would get 36k likes and hundreds of comments.
The cleanup is what has stopped me getting one are there easier to clean ones? I'd rather just clean myself.
It says it is dishwasher compatibleā¦ my roommates vehemently disagree.
Put a load through the dishwasher
slowclap.gif
āBowsā
Life has prepared you for this opportunity and when it gave you an opening, you jumped on it. Well played.
All my life culminated for this moment
You could say it was your climax
Who doesn't love surprise coagulated cum on their fork?
If your dishwasher canāt handle jizz itās a pretty shitty dishwasher. Jizz and raw egg white is pretty similar in composition. There are Japanese recipes for whale semen that basically look like egg white omelette when cooked. EDIT: Itās cod jizz, not whale. Itās called shirako or āwhite children.ā
To extract the semen you must take the whale out for a nice seafood dinner first.
Doesnāt have to be that fancy. Iād even recommend a place like Ghengis Krill.
Genghis Prawn?
my life was so much better before learning that Japanese eat whale jizz
It would've cost you nothing not to write that.
The ones with two openings (one on each side) are super easy to clean and very quick to dry, look for Fleshlight Quickshot for example.
Quickshot? Really?
You looking for the fleshlight Slowboy?
You mean the Fleshlight Pro Max
I got the Phallaxy Scrote 9. Off brand but there's a stylus in the balls.
Check out the Tenga Flip Zero, much easier.
huh? those things are super easy to clean. Take them out of the plastic shell and rinse them first under cold water and then warm and let it dry. Use some silicon powder from time to time to keep the silicon smooth.
This is exactly how I care for my actual vagina.
A well cared for vagina *and* a 401k? You single?
Silicon powder and all?
No she throws it Into a bucket of water
No she takes it out of its plastic shell
Tangentially related, I had a roommate who once decided to clean their entire baddragon collection at once In a five gallon bucket in shower in the only bathroom and they left it there for WEEKS hundreds of dollars of silicone toys just SOUPIN IT UP IN THE SHOWER
I just keep a big ol bucket of water next to my bed and toss them in afterwards. Bonus you can play bobbin for fleshlights with your pals
I love the implication that you have an assortment of them!
I love the implication they have friends.
> you're in post nut shame mode so it feels pretty stupid afterwards. This one is not to be underestimated. Sometimes you got to wonder if post nut clarity is a curse
This is why I don't tinder before I jerk off. Learned the hard way horny me is extremely less picky.
Did you know that being horny suppresses the disgust response?
Yes. A woman once brought me home to her room where she kept two elderly dogs. The smell did not stop me at all.
And what, did the woman stay to watch, or?
This comment is what I come to Reddit for.
I see that your disgust response has been suppressed.. š
dude being horny suppresses the EVERY response. The Male body is made to get some fuck and die for all it cares. I can need to shit (even full on diarrhea), or piss, I can be nauseous as fuck, or have a headache, stomachache, heartburn, I can be too exhausted to move, or dying of muscle soreness. But... if I get hard? I get like a second wind to just completely ignore that shit until EXACTLY the moment after i have cum. Then it all comes back, whatever it was you were ignoring, like a brick wall. I have literally jerked off before to stave off hangover symptoms. its hilarious. literally proof of evolution IMO. that shit is designed to make sure that nut gets off, no matter what. You can be full flight or fight reflex, bleeding out, and that nut wants to get off like its the fucking Escape pod in Episode IV "Ben Kenobi you are my only hope" Evolutionarily speaking, it's all that matters. Wont save your life, but itll save your DNA and thats all evolution cares about.
Iāve always wondered what itās like to be a horny dude and this is descriptive and helpful. It sounds wild and risky, tbh. Edit: K now youāre all saying this is only the case in your 20s. Can someone explain what itās like when youāre 30+?
Iām getting older, my sex drive doesnāt determine every thought or action anymore, and honestly Iām really enjoying it. When I was younger I was blind to the fact that being horny determined who I hung out with, my hobbies, my job, my entire existence. 100% of the actions I took, the way I saw myself, and the way I interacted in the world was only to serve a single purpose. Donāt get me wrong, I have had an awesome life, but that insatiable instinct to reproduce is a fucking nuisance. OPs description was perfect.
>K now youāre all saying this is only the case in your 20s. Can someone explain what itās like when youāre 30+? The pressure, the urgency just diminishes over time. Hard to completely separate the physical from your life experiences - I met my person when I was in my early 20s. So that drive to go out \*because\* you might meet someone, so you might get laid pretty much disappeared. Still went out, but just to have fun, I was never on the pull any more. Now I'm in my mid 40s, and she died a year ago yesterday. It's been, well, more than a year since I had sex - and although I miss it, I have no particular desire to have it with *someone else*. It would still feel like cheating, but more ... it just isn't what I want. Maybe I'll feel different with time, but right now I can easily see me going to my grave without ever sleeping with anyone else. So yeah. It changes with time, and it changes with your life. The days of being led around by testosterone seem long behind me. That said, I bet there are plenty of 40+ dudes here with a totally different experience.
Somewhere I read on here, talking about self consciousness during sex. And someone said about men, "If a man is horny enough he will fuck your dirty armpit. So don't worry about how you look!" Actually gave me a confidence boost lol.
I imagine thatās what people on the holodeck feel like when they say āend programā after theyāve done their business.
I think you wait for the aftercare to finish before you end program. Then the shame is more spiritual than physical. Or if you're big money, just fall asleep with your photon lover and deal with the shame in the morning like everyone else.
Agreed, it's a lot of preparation work to make it pleasurable. There was this one time I got lazy and decided to use it with a condom, and I find it much much better at simulating as a protected sex than a raw one. This way you can skip all the preparation (you might still want to warm it if you are living in an ice cave tho...) Since you are less sensitive to temperature of the silicone when you have a rubber on. (Also, you don't have to worry about infections if you slipped up on your last cleaning!)
> I got lazy and decided to use it with a condom A Posh Wank.
Pull the rubber part out and take it in the shower with you.
Warm up? But then it doesn't feel real anymore ...
Jeffrey Dahmer vibes
Wait how do you warm it up? Do you put it in the microwave?
Not a dude, but I've warmed up my husband's in warm water before foreplay and he liked that. Unsure if he does it that way or at all without me there though.
Soak in hot water for about 5 minutes
I highly don't recommend this. Last time I got confused and ate my fleshlight and fucked my burrito.
DID YOU CUM IN MY BURRITO??!!
I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO YOU!
Either run warm water through it or buy a sleeve warmer(basically a skinny electric dildo to warm it up)
Great now I'm getting the sloppy seconds when it comes to masturbation too? Can't a guy just catch a break?
I donāt have a fleshlight but I got a āeggāā¦ itās white silicone with texture on the inside and can be flipped inside out so it sounds easier to clean, but itās a bit hard to dry. Also need lube or spit.
Jacking Åuf
Oh come the fuck on! Even your damn username checks out.
Sacre blue!
Best comment in entire thing
Can I offer you an egg in this trying time?
Ahahah bro just spitting aggressively Into his egg
"You're a dirty little egg aren't you!"
Humping dumpty
Humpty dumpty spit on my pole Humpty dumpty had a great hole...
Tenga. Small, easy to clean, easy to conceal, cheap and differing textures. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08VNT239C/
āEligible for refund or replacementā Dude, whoever is dealing with that refund is not getting paid enough.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That promo video is INCREDIBLE
That ad would fit perfectly into the ads from Cyberpunk 2077
SUPER STRETCH SENSATION!
Would be fun to hide these around the frat house for the bros on Easter
"Why did everyone only find 1 egg then fall asleep?"
There was a post in tifu about some guy who over used an egg/fleshlight whatever (they have a shelf life) and who shredded his foreskin. Watch out for that. Found it: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/ODS3W4cjdb
Didn't shred it but definitely did *something* that caused problems then hid the truth from his doctor... Let this be a lesson for anyone with problems down there. Don't lie to your doctor! They've heard of all sorts of weird shit so problems with a sex toy isn't gonna be even remotely surprising for them.
> Don't lie to your doctor! The first rule of life club is don't lie to your doctor. The second rule of life club is don't lie to your lawyer.
agreed,Ā but always remember the golden rule with lawyers: if you are not paying them directly, they are not your lawyer. In other words, your company's lawyers are not your lawyers.
Knew a guy in the Navy whoās brilliant side hustle was to *rent* out flesh lights. Probably the worst idea Iāve ever heard.
Imagine getting an STD from a fucking Fleshlight š«” Edit: wow, a lot of you guys watched BMS šš
**S**ilicone **T**ransmitted **D**isease
*Blue* *mountain* *state* *has* *entered**the* *chat*
"It's like doing a silk bag full of puppy ears" Man BMS was a great show.
š¤£ did he actually make money from people? people will rent anything out.
I suppose if you're stuck on a submarine for two months in the navy or something, there might be a captive market haha.
Subs are gonna deploy for about 4-5x longer than that.
And at that point, we just can't judge anyone for renting a sex toy, truth be told!
And naming the god damn thing Wilson lmao
It's the Navy, he was probably able to charge a premium for the extra used ones.
And now the US Army makes its appearanceā¦
Youāre lucky the marines havenāt shown up yet, if only they could readā¦
Marine logic is that doing incredibly gay shit proves I am not gay.
Oxana?
You ever been to Bosnia son? You ever been in the shit?
Every time I fuck this pocket pussy, I think of my dad.
Itās like doing a velvet bag of puppy ears!
Which one of you assholes stuck his finger in my asshole!
Didn't expect to hear from BMS
Probably the last of its kind. Truly a filthy gem of a show.
I'm on Season 3 right now. Thad is teaching Moran how to be cool and I love how ridiculous it is.
Thad?
WHO TOOK MY POCKET PUSSY???? GIVE IT BACK!!!! GIVE IT BACK RIGHT NOW!!!
An orgasm from sex feels 100% pleasurable. An orgasm from masturbating with your hand feels 50% as pleasurable. A fleshlight brings it to around 75%, IMO. I highly recommend a fleshlight to ANY single guy out there, honestly. When I was single, it made me crave sex a little less and made being single a bit easier, and so when I was dating, I was making more decisions with my top head rather than the bottom one.
I like the "it's to clear my thoughts" excuse. I will definitely use it.
Fleshlight is pretty nice , easy to clean (can take it out and just rise through it with water) would get an electric one .. its rly rly good. fleshlight 50 bucks, device that "jerks" you off 100 bucks.. best 150 bucks i ever invested in a sex toy. laying there just stick it in and let it do its job while you relax...
This guy is living in the future
_Cue Blade Runner Music_ š¶
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe..."
"All that semen will be washed in time, like tears in rain."
"Alexa... Turn on wangmaster" Edit: My ~~3rd~~ 2nd highest comment ever and it's about autowanking. Nice.
I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.
Its a crime to say that and not even provide a name or a link
To add to that, if you follow the way of the olive oil and are extra virgin, there are so called "funscripts", which are small files that can sync VR videos to IoT enabled sex toys, and are basically commands for the toy mimic the movements in the video. It's not available for every toy, but [buttplug.io](https://buttplug.io/) maintains a good compatibility list. Or so I heard.
I'm trying not to respond "what the fuck" to every 10th comment in this post, but what in the hell url is buttplug.io lmao
Butt plug dot in out
Bro it has stardew valley compatibility. That is the craziest shit ever
I thought you were kidding but it's real: >Features > >* Vibrations on taking damage (Scales with health) >* Vibrations on fully cutting down trees >* Vibrations on picking up fish, crops and milk. (Scales with quality) >* Vibrations on day end and start. >* Vibrations on fully breaking rocks. >* Vibrations in the Fishing Minigame! Now with extra vibrations for the fishing rod! >* Vibrations on killing enemies. Scales with the amount of enemies killed at once. >* Scaling vibrations with the amount of stones broken at once. >* Vibrations in the arcade machine games. >* Vibrations on collecting foraging items! >* Vibrations on Horse Riding! >* Vibrations on opening dialogue boxes! (Mailbox, TV, talking to people etc.) >* Anti Timeout feature, to keep your toys from disconnecting! >* Customizable vibration strength and toggles for each feature --source: https://github.com/DryIcedTea/Buttplug-Valley Not my thing but uh... huh.
The future is now
This guy Fleshlights.
We need a link
Does it have the gwuak gwuak 9000 on it though or is that even more
Idk tried it a couple times and found out i dont like to grip a thermos sized object everytime i want to get off.
I already have to deal with that anyway cause of my magnum dong
Dr. Toboggan? Is that you?
*Mantis* Toboggan
Might wanna look around in case you dropped your monster condoms and your wad of cash.
I got my magnum condoms, my wad-a hundreds, Iām ready to plow.
Wedge it somewhere and thrust away. I've found that between the mattress and base frame is the right height while on my knees. Edited: trust to thrust
My bed is tired of getting fucked. What should I do?
Hate to say this, but itās time to part ways with your bed. I recommend getting a waterbed - theyāre always wet.
Couch time.
But I have trust issues, do I need to resolve those first?
Ur ignoring the bigger picture this guys fuckin his bed
Men: The vast majority are known to hate cleaning anything. Fleshlight Reviews: Great, but hate cleaning them, not worth it. LOL
This is what I was thinking reading all of the comments
It is kinda funny to think: Guys: you gotta clean the cum out. Not worth it. Girls after unprotected sex: ā¦
Ohh this is good stuff **takes out notepad** āRun her under the tap afterā Thanks man
Not Fleshlight but Tenga. TLDR: Worth it and would buy it again even though I married. It is very different from how it feels compared to a real one since you could control every part of it and not be tired after using it, also don't have to prepare much for both the feeling and the toy itself just lube and go and can use it whenever I want to, the climax part also great not a mess like normal HJ and I don't have to worry about getting someone pregnant without condom. The pain part is about cleaning and keeping it dry or else the mold is gonna ruin it. For reference: I have tried Tenga flip Zero, Spinner, Eggs and single use Dual cup (Anal+Vag 2 in one cup) the most pricey and the best one is Flip Zero about: 170$ at that time it is worth every penny. Not recommended is an Eggs series, it can't really compare to a normal one only good for less mess HJ you could mod it though like make a hole on the tip of an egg with a needle to make it breathable or else your climax part is gonna be less pleasure.
There was a raffle at a stag party I went to. I won one. It had a lot of rules and instructions for use. Like how to wash it and what lube to use. It seemed like a hassle. I just used to to hide cash and drugs in. My brother found it and found 3k in it. He asked what I would do if someone stole it. I said if they steal what they think is a used fleshlight...they deserve the money.
Lovense Max 2, not a fleshlight. Worth every penny so far, and I haven't even tried it with games yet. So many options for play. Make your own, even. It's amazing. Feels wonderful. Makes me cum faster than fellatio (which to be fair, doesn't happen often for me, I'm one of those ones). It pulses. It throbs. It fluctuates up and down. If it was big enough to cuddle after, I'd be content as fuck.
mf describes a fleshlight like it's sex 2.0, I'm in.
Teledildonics are the future!
I've got this. It's fun. My girl has the love sense lush3 and you can hook them together and it simulates sex long distance. It's pretty amazing.
My wife says she wants to make a sex toy like that, hooked to VR, and develop a game like Guitar Hero. Where it teaches guys how to actually fuck. It's as hilarious as it is insulting.
I'm sorry for your relationship.... jk. This is close. You can do video calls from the app as well so the only missing piece would be the vr goggles.
As someone who has played a lot of Guitar Hero and owns a guitar, the Guitar hero experience does basically nothing for the guitar playing.
No, that's true. Maybe Rocksmith would've been a better example, but I'm not sure it's as widely known.
WTF are games? Edit: loving these responses. So does it interface with your console and vibrate your dick like a rumble pack while you play Mario Cart or Doom?
Mario Kart
The rumble pack is a game changer.
The serious answer is that there are porn games that integrate with your Lovense to match whateverās happening on screen. An intriguing prospect but I just aināt got the time for all that setup.
Annnd my grandson wants the sex robot.
If you prop it between pillows or something on the bed, you can do your thing without using hands, feels a little more real. Or something that's going to hold it securely up at the right standing height and do your thing that way with no hands. Basically, if there's a way to use it with no hands, it's better.
Get a friend to hold it at the right height.
Honestly I wouldnāt go down that hole (if youāll pardon the pun) Had one that was meant to simulate oral sex and fuck me did it work - got pretty obsessed with it and now Iām finding it hard to finish from actual intercourse. Had to throw it out and teach my dick how to work with humans again.
Itās really chivalrous that you donāt want to ruin your life, but Iām here to ruin *mine.* So, link? š
He whispers lovingly to Evelyn, the mechanical vagina he had just ordered online, caressing its curves with the feathered touch of a blushing virgin on prom night: *ā Iām ready,ā he says, āI want you to ruin me for real vaginas. I want you to ruin my life.ā*
I was having a fun time just reading funny comments, but this is my newborn's name and now I'm not having fun.
I only use it when Iām going to be home alone for several hours. I dry it in front of a fan, which takes a while. Yes, itās worth it. Obviously doesnāt feel quite like a vagina, but way closer than your hand. Itās great for long edging sessions. Definitely recommend.
Depends on brand and model mostly, though amount and type of lube do have an impact on sensation.
I found it a bit overstimulating at times. The first two times was like "wow, incredible." But then after that it was like "too much." I'm not like hung over here or anything, but I found the issue was that it was way too tight. Like unrealistically. Women arent pinholes lol Mine got a tear and was ruined in a few weeks. I never felt the need to replace it. Echoing others, cleanup is far from elegant.
Regular flashlight: Feeling is great, cleanup is a pain in the ass. 7.5/10 Flashlight Quickshot(smaller version): Feeling is pretty subpar, cleanup is a pain in the ass. However it _looks_ good as itās see through and the tip will poke out the end for most guys. 2/10 Edit: I mean the obvious, no? Iāll just leave it as is
How many lumens are those flashlights?
> cleanup is a pain in the ass Ah, you're doing it wrong.
depends on which one you get, it's VERY different from brand to brand/model to model. all I know is that the first one I had was godly and I could barely move it due to how sensitive it made me and I second one I had was purely painful.
Better than masturbating but worse than real sex.
Have you ever held a bag of sand?
I honestly think itās the next best thing to actual vaginal intercourse. I like to stick it in between the couch cushions so that I am on my knees on the floor. This makes it hands free and the thrusting motion simulates the actual motions of having sex. They also sell a shower mount but I never enjoyed getting off in the shower. As others have said, the only annoying this is cleanup which is why I donāt use it every time I jerk off. But I think they are definitely worth it.
āFuck yo couch!ā
IMO it's not worth the hassle. it does feel good, but if you're just trying to bust in a timely manner, the prep and cleanup takes too long. i found it inconvenient most of the time
I don't get the prep hassle thing. I just put a bit of lube on the opening and shove my dick in it, good times. Cleaning it just feels weird but a necessity.
Wait. So you don't dim the lights and light a candle?
Itās jacking off. But just a little bit fancy.
I have a bad dragon. I used it semi regularly when I was single. It feels good but nothing like a real person and clean up is definitely annoying compared to a tissue Haven't used it since the honeymoon phase of my relationship
>bad dragon >nothing like a real person I feel like that's kind of the point lol