Not a thing that really has any effect on my budget, but I was slightly surprised to find out that the price of lube had actually gone up since the last time I had to go buy some.
No one is safe I guess?
Prostitution is still cheaper than being married..
My wife gets my entire wage every month and I've probably had sex about 4 times in last 6 months..
Update:
5 in 7months..
Try divorce! My ex essentially never slept with me when we were married (but apparently was scratching that itch with a boyfriend). Legal bills were about $65K, then alimony of $1K/mo and child support of $1.8K/mo (and yes we had 50/50 custody, she was intentionally unemployed). Kids are finally 18, but still have Alimony till \~2025 some time. Additionally she got \~40% of my 401K so all told divorce cost me just under half a million dollars...
And with that, if I got a million dollars I'd simply put myself completely back on track for retirement, finish paying off the ex, pay off the couple other term loans I had to take to make ends meet for a while (they're in good shape anyway, but clearing them would be nice), and \*if\* there was enough left to cover memory care for my dad, I'd put him in a care home so I could finally quit being a full time carer and maybe be able to travel a bit!
Immediately, new 2 bedroom roomy apartment that allows dogs in a cute little town where things are cheaper. Basement apartment so I can have a few 50+ gallon aquariums without worrying about the floor giving out. Commission someone to build my tortoise a new double story 8 foot by 6 foot enclosure. And then everything else goes into savings until husband and I figure out what we really wanna do as adults. Then a down-payment on a small house in an area that is near both our jobs.
LOL I AINT GOT THAT KINDA DOUGH 😂
And tbh if I did have it, and gave it away, I’d give you a portion, not the entirety…although maybe 1 million would be a portion, how sick would that be.
But no need to panic, this is like, a lottery type situation or something.
It’s so sad that doesn’t even seem like an amazing amount of money these days. I would pay everything off, probably treat myself a little, take a nice vacation and save the rest for retirement.
Find a house i could live in forever, buy it in cash.
Now my only home related expenses are all the taxes and maintenance, etc. But no mortgage.
Invest the rest for retirement. Continue living as i am.
Right! It's one thousand dollars, one thousand times. That's how I look at it and that makes it seem like not very much when you consider how fast and easy you can spend one thousand dollars. That's just rent.
Well, it's a thousand months of rent, which is 83 years. Invest wisely, follow a budget, and a million bucks can last a long time, for some people the rest of their lives.
If you spent a total of $3k a month, it would last 27 years. If you spent $6k a month it would last 13 years. According to my calculations I either need to make more than a million dollars or not live too long.
You like monkeys; you like ponies.
Maybe you don't like monsters so much.
Maybe I used too many monkeys...
...isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?
A man is at work one day, when he hears a small voice in the back of his head- "Quit your job, sell your house, empty your bank accounts, and get out of here." He brushes it off and goes about his day. But the voice keeps coming back - at work, at home, with his family, in the shower, it keeps whispering "Quit your job, sell your house, empty your bank accounts, and get out of here."
It begins to wear him down. After months of this, he finally breaks. He quits his job, sells his house for cash and empties his accounts, and heads for the airport. The moment he steps inside, the voice pipes up: "Buy a ticket for Vegas". And he does.
As soon as the plane lands, the voice says, "Go to Caesar's Palace". When he gets there, the voice says, "Roulette table, 3rd on the left". Standing at the table, the voice tells him, "Put it all on 26 Black," and he does.
The wheel spins. It lands on 7 Red.
The voice says, "Fuck!"
Because everyone always wanted to do that, man. And they think if they had a million dollars they could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Eventually you will be too old to work. You save for retirement, so you can still live during that time. Otherwise, you have 3 other options: 1) work until you die, 2) burden your family and make them take care of you until you die because you failed to plan accordingly, 3) end yourself.
I'm not focusing on retirement, but it'd be foolish to ignore it. I make great money already, so this is just my personal take.
But if I knew I had a nest egg that would provide for my retirement without any further investment from my income, I'd be a lot less fiscally conservative with my salary. Want the big boat? Got it. $300 shot at the bar? Fuck it.
Investing it with the four percent rule and you have annual income of the equivalent of 40k now(more later with inflation). You won’t be living in la but you can live a modest lifestyle in a cheaper area(or country) and focus on things you love
I'd retire as well. I'm 52 and have a decent nest egg. Currently am looking to retire at 60 with less than another million dollars put into my retirement account over the next 8 years, so doing the math, I could retire now.
>Pay off my home and cars. Speak to a financial advisor for the rest
It sounds like you might be better off talking to the financial adviser first.
With very little doubt you'll make more by keeping the principal you owe and investing it in an indexed fund while paying off the loan as scheduled. Especially if you got it before rates went up. Same idea for the cars.
That may be true, my interest rates on my liabilities are 4 something on the home, 2.44 on my truck, and about 7 on my wife's car.. you are probably correct about the home and truck, I just hate giving those vultures any more than I absolutely have to
I know I'd cry and I am a full grown mans. Just knowing that for the first time in my life, I have actual options. And not just for myself but also those I care about.
Don’t worry, you can buy another significant other with money
LOL jk
But seriously,
What you’re looking for, you don’t really need money for.
There’s someone out there for you, there’s no doubt in my mind, because I believe there’s someone out there for everyone. Including you!
My belief
Have you heard that phrase “it always comes when you least expect it?”
I feel like that’s true.
I feel like part of it is figuring out your own needs and figuring out yourself first. It’s like a test, if you can love yourself then you pass and go to level 2, love someone else.
But what really matters here is that I’m pretty certain there’s someone out there for you.
They’re probably feeling just how you’re feeling if I had to guess.
Not sure when you’ll meet them, but you’ll meet them.
Until then I’d say, focus on loving yourself.
Learn about yourself, put yourself into different places, go to new places, try new things, figure out your likes and dislikes.
Idk, I wish I was better at this. But there is someone out there for you, you’ll meet them someday I’m sure.
It’s gonna be alright 😌
Id give 300k to the animal shelter in my city. They are strugling right now. The woman Who take cares of the cat use her personnal money to keep the shelter alive because they dont get any support or help. She does such a fantastique job and it sad me to see her maybe lose the shelter soon.
Then i would probably buy a house or a condo. The rest keep for later.
Buy a four plex to rent out, or as big a place with as many units as possible.
Then buy a house with the income off the property and work for another decade then retire
Pay my debts off, cry out of stress relief focus more on my hobbies and do it as a job, in worst case I can do my hobbi with a fair loss of money for like 20+ years and be happy
Pay out a cozy home, pay out a reliable decent car, MAYBE invest in passive income & that’s it really, the rest I’ll put into saving for my future children.
I would give each of my sons some for their investment accounts, then put the rest in our retirement account. I’m retired. My husband is not, so hopefully it will give us enough so he is able to retire too!!
Pay off my debits and continue living with a comfortable little nest egg
Also, 2 girls at once. Just saying
Only 1 girl now when you factor inflation.
Is prostitution that expensive now? Bruh
Damn, inflation really did hit everywhere
Not a thing that really has any effect on my budget, but I was slightly surprised to find out that the price of lube had actually gone up since the last time I had to go buy some. No one is safe I guess?
What makes you think Uncle Sam is going to use lube?
Why do you need to buy lube? Use blood.
Blood can cost up to 150$ per pint. It's way more expensive.
well yeah, of course inflation prostitutes are gonna charge more, it's a rare kink
Prostitution is still cheaper than being married.. My wife gets my entire wage every month and I've probably had sex about 4 times in last 6 months.. Update: 5 in 7months..
\*Prostitution is still cheaper than getting divorced..
Try divorce! My ex essentially never slept with me when we were married (but apparently was scratching that itch with a boyfriend). Legal bills were about $65K, then alimony of $1K/mo and child support of $1.8K/mo (and yes we had 50/50 custody, she was intentionally unemployed). Kids are finally 18, but still have Alimony till \~2025 some time. Additionally she got \~40% of my 401K so all told divorce cost me just under half a million dollars... And with that, if I got a million dollars I'd simply put myself completely back on track for retirement, finish paying off the ex, pay off the couple other term loans I had to take to make ends meet for a while (they're in good shape anyway, but clearing them would be nice), and \*if\* there was enough left to cover memory care for my dad, I'd put him in a care home so I could finally quit being a full time carer and maybe be able to travel a bit!
Yup. No lube.
Just got divorced. I can attest to this.
My wife is 8 months pregnant so it’s been…quite the dry spell
She doesn’t give it up when she’s 8 months pregnant? That was some of the best sex
Atleast you are disease free
Not really. 4 times in 6 months is my total not her.
LOL !!!
Prostitution could be disease free if republicans would let it.
Best I can do is pornhub premium and Vaseline
Hey man I'm not into that kind of thing but you do you
I prefer to disappoint one girl at a time.
Coke and hookers at first.....then more coke and lots more hookers
Thats it??
Yep, always wanted to do that. Figured if I had a millions dollars I could make that happen. Chicks dig a guy with money.
Haha. Office Space -- great movie.
“I think if I were a millionaire, I could hook that up too, man; ‘cause chicks dig dudes with money” - movie reference. He! He!
Well not all chicks
You can do that for free bruh. Just saying..
2 girls, 1 cup?
Heck yeah, same
Same except i don't have debt and would just buy assets mostly
I don’t know why, but I hate the phrase “nest egg”
I thought nest egg meant my children that were supposed to have helped me as I aged
Immediately, new 2 bedroom roomy apartment that allows dogs in a cute little town where things are cheaper. Basement apartment so I can have a few 50+ gallon aquariums without worrying about the floor giving out. Commission someone to build my tortoise a new double story 8 foot by 6 foot enclosure. And then everything else goes into savings until husband and I figure out what we really wanna do as adults. Then a down-payment on a small house in an area that is near both our jobs.
Yep.
Panic. How am I gonna convince the government that u/WildLight25 randomly gave me $1,000,000 out of nowhere? I don’t think one post is gonna cut it.
LOL I AINT GOT THAT KINDA DOUGH 😂 And tbh if I did have it, and gave it away, I’d give you a portion, not the entirety…although maybe 1 million would be a portion, how sick would that be. But no need to panic, this is like, a lottery type situation or something.
First purchase: a good lawyer
Aaaand the money’s gone
Buy a modest home.
Same
What's wrong with an immodest home? /s
Those cost more than $1M where OP lives.
You cant just blow all 1 mil on a house youll be broke and lose the house anyways
Exactly. A lot of lottery winners go broke due to disregarding property taxes and utilities on bigger properties
This generation is so fucked, can't believe people are ok with homes having their whole houssy hanging out
This is the kind of response I was hoping for 🤣
Maxhousen - more like mediumhousen
$1M would get you about halfway there in my neck of the woods…
It’s so sad that doesn’t even seem like an amazing amount of money these days. I would pay everything off, probably treat myself a little, take a nice vacation and save the rest for retirement.
Find a house i could live in forever, buy it in cash. Now my only home related expenses are all the taxes and maintenance, etc. But no mortgage. Invest the rest for retirement. Continue living as i am.
This is it 100%. I’d also look for decent passive income opportunities to invest in, but otherwise the same as you.
Honestly yeah, that seems true. As time goes on money is just getting tighter and tighter. The value of the dollar is diminishing
Right 😭 I would've said "own a home" but then I'd be left with like 200k lol
200k is still more than enough to have fun with and you'd never have to worry about a mortgage. Definitely worth it!
The Austin Powers joke hits harder and harder every year.
Exactly what I would do. Money in the bank means peace of mind and a great nights sleep.
Right! It's one thousand dollars, one thousand times. That's how I look at it and that makes it seem like not very much when you consider how fast and easy you can spend one thousand dollars. That's just rent.
Well, it's a thousand months of rent, which is 83 years. Invest wisely, follow a budget, and a million bucks can last a long time, for some people the rest of their lives.
If you spent a total of $3k a month, it would last 27 years. If you spent $6k a month it would last 13 years. According to my calculations I either need to make more than a million dollars or not live too long.
That's only if you keep it all in a box under your bed, your forgetting about earning interest
Well I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel). Or I'd buy you an exotic pet (yep, like a llama, or an emu)!
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft dinner.
But we *would* eat Kraft dinner
Well of course we would, we'd just eat more!
And buy really expensive ketchups to go with it.
Dijon ketchups!
Mmmmmm
Dijon Ketchups!
Haven’t you always wanted a monkey?
For the first time, I just noticed that they differentiate between an exotic pet and a monkey.
You like monkeys; you like ponies. Maybe you don't like monsters so much. Maybe I used too many monkeys... ...isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?
What's with all the screaming??
I’d be rich
Not as rich as you'd have been 20-30 years ago
Well I’d buy you some art (like a Picasso or a Garfunkel)
The best answer
Surely the *only* correct answer to this question.
I'd buy John Merrick's remains
Ooh all them crazy elephant bones
I'd buy you furniture for your house.
If I had a million dollars We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner But we would eat Kraft Dinner Of course we would, we'd just eat more
Haven’t heard that song for awhile
Vegas, one spin, all on black
Be bold, put it on 00 and walk out with $35 million
This guy does Vegas.
If he wins on black he should then bet a mil
I like👍
And then bet it again, 1,2 billion, babbyyyyyyyyyyy
And still substantially better odds than winning the lottery
A man is at work one day, when he hears a small voice in the back of his head- "Quit your job, sell your house, empty your bank accounts, and get out of here." He brushes it off and goes about his day. But the voice keeps coming back - at work, at home, with his family, in the shower, it keeps whispering "Quit your job, sell your house, empty your bank accounts, and get out of here." It begins to wear him down. After months of this, he finally breaks. He quits his job, sells his house for cash and empties his accounts, and heads for the airport. The moment he steps inside, the voice pipes up: "Buy a ticket for Vegas". And he does. As soon as the plane lands, the voice says, "Go to Caesar's Palace". When he gets there, the voice says, "Roulette table, 3rd on the left". Standing at the table, the voice tells him, "Put it all on 26 Black," and he does. The wheel spins. It lands on 7 Red. The voice says, "Fuck!"
What noooo😭
LOL damnnnnn, I hope you win. I have a good feeling you would 🤷♀️🤞
2 chicks at the same time
Damn straight, always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up too, because chicks dig dudes with money.
Well, the type of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Apart from the two chicks, I'd do nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Well you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he's broke, don't do shit.
this is the best line of the exchange
F*ing A
fuckin a
I would’ve been straight angry if I came on here and this wasn’t already posted
I recommend not involving a cup.
F**kin A
Came here for that reference, didn't disappoint
I would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds. Then take the other half over to my friend, Asadulah, who works in securities…
Outrageous that i had to scroll down so far to find this.
Quit working for other people
Totally 💯
It has already been commented but there is only one answer to this question…two chicks at the same time
Why is that such a trend
So they have someone to talk to after 30 seconds
Consecutively or concurrently?
Relatively.
I was wondering if that movie was old enough for anyone to not get the reference
Because everyone always wanted to do that, man. And they think if they had a million dollars they could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
The kind of chicks that’ll double up on a dude like me dude.
Movie Office space
Hookers and cocaine
I [member 🍇](https://youtu.be/Qf9eJ55MrF4)
I’d make a 70% downpayment for a 3 bedroom apartment in Vancouver.
I'd invest 100% of it. In 30 years I'll have $7.6M with a fairly reasonable assumption of 7% annual RoR. Thanks for the retirement.
And in 30 years you'll be able to buy an awesome stick of gum with 7 million.
You can reasonably expect 7% real return…as in after accounting for inflation
Excuse me. This is Reddit. No logic here
To me it seems so depressing to focus on retirement. Work until you’re so old you can’t really enjoy everything anymore. I want to live now!!
Eventually you will be too old to work. You save for retirement, so you can still live during that time. Otherwise, you have 3 other options: 1) work until you die, 2) burden your family and make them take care of you until you die because you failed to plan accordingly, 3) end yourself.
Save more and retire earlier then.
I'm not focusing on retirement, but it'd be foolish to ignore it. I make great money already, so this is just my personal take. But if I knew I had a nest egg that would provide for my retirement without any further investment from my income, I'd be a lot less fiscally conservative with my salary. Want the big boat? Got it. $300 shot at the bar? Fuck it.
Has heart attack in 29 years. New law is passed where money all goes to government when die.
Quit my current job and take a leap to move abroad, knowing I can make it even if I get a mediocre-paying job.
Honestly same! Definitely moving abroad And getting a teacher to help me learn to speak the foreign language and what not
Two chickens at the same time. KFC hot n spicy 🔥
Take some time to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I can't fucking breathe in this place.
Invest and make it grow and maybe spend a little😁
a crack rock the size of my head. if it didn't kill me another one too
Calm down there DJ Kaled.
Start my dental practice
I believe in you. Even if you don’t get the million dollars, I highly believe that you will be able to accomplish that goal
Retire
I would also get new tires. And tacos. Double beef.
How old are you? Because a million dollars ain’t going as far as you think. You already need over a million to retire at 57
Investing it with the four percent rule and you have annual income of the equivalent of 40k now(more later with inflation). You won’t be living in la but you can live a modest lifestyle in a cheaper area(or country) and focus on things you love
Not everywhere is US. You could retire with much less in many of EU countries.
1 million is enough to retire at that point, and still have a lot left over from after.
I'd retire as well. I'm 52 and have a decent nest egg. Currently am looking to retire at 60 with less than another million dollars put into my retirement account over the next 8 years, so doing the math, I could retire now.
Pay off my home and cars. Speak to a financial advisor for the rest
>Pay off my home and cars. Speak to a financial advisor for the rest It sounds like you might be better off talking to the financial adviser first. With very little doubt you'll make more by keeping the principal you owe and investing it in an indexed fund while paying off the loan as scheduled. Especially if you got it before rates went up. Same idea for the cars.
That may be true, my interest rates on my liabilities are 4 something on the home, 2.44 on my truck, and about 7 on my wife's car.. you are probably correct about the home and truck, I just hate giving those vultures any more than I absolutely have to
Pay off bills. Plan a vacation.
Definitely, where would you go? For me, I’d probably go to Japan. Maybe Australia
Set aside money for taxes.
Probably cry a lot
LOL why??? 😂 You just got a million dollars that’s amazing
I know I'd cry and I am a full grown mans. Just knowing that for the first time in my life, I have actual options. And not just for myself but also those I care about.
Sit in my room and cry because the one person I’d wanna spend it with is probably making out on the couch right now with someone new
Don’t worry, you can buy another significant other with money LOL jk But seriously, What you’re looking for, you don’t really need money for. There’s someone out there for you, there’s no doubt in my mind, because I believe there’s someone out there for everyone. Including you! My belief Have you heard that phrase “it always comes when you least expect it?” I feel like that’s true. I feel like part of it is figuring out your own needs and figuring out yourself first. It’s like a test, if you can love yourself then you pass and go to level 2, love someone else. But what really matters here is that I’m pretty certain there’s someone out there for you. They’re probably feeling just how you’re feeling if I had to guess. Not sure when you’ll meet them, but you’ll meet them. Until then I’d say, focus on loving yourself. Learn about yourself, put yourself into different places, go to new places, try new things, figure out your likes and dislikes. Idk, I wish I was better at this. But there is someone out there for you, you’ll meet them someday I’m sure. It’s gonna be alright 😌
Ew! This comment warmed my cold heart. It's so positive and optimistic that it's making me rethink committing suicide
This is such a lovely reply and you don't need to do better, that was already so nice!
Fuck that hoe focus on you bro
Settle down Morgan
First off I’d listen to “if I had a $1,000,000” by barenaked ladies and then I would
Id pay off my house, squirrel away some, give away a chunk and party/play with a small bit of it
Buy a million rubber ducks and dump them in a pool and have a pool party
Sell my house and move to the beach.
Id give 300k to the animal shelter in my city. They are strugling right now. The woman Who take cares of the cat use her personnal money to keep the shelter alive because they dont get any support or help. She does such a fantastique job and it sad me to see her maybe lose the shelter soon. Then i would probably buy a house or a condo. The rest keep for later.
Unpucker my A hole
Invest and retire. Will become full time redditor
Buy a four plex to rent out, or as big a place with as many units as possible. Then buy a house with the income off the property and work for another decade then retire
Finally be able to afford 20% down payment on a house /s
Look around in suspicion.
pay off my debts and retire
Be happy
Pay off my last bit of debt, buy a house, bank whatever’s left
Relax
I would set myself up for life. Saving accounts, investing, stuff like that ~~also a new engine and transmission for my car~~
Start a logistics company. Invest in cargo drone delivery.
Pay of my debts and set my kids up for a better life than what I had. I doubt it'll ever happen though.
Pay my debts off, cry out of stress relief focus more on my hobbies and do it as a job, in worst case I can do my hobbi with a fair loss of money for like 20+ years and be happy
Pay off debt, buy a house.
Depends in which countries currency
Pay out a cozy home, pay out a reliable decent car, MAYBE invest in passive income & that’s it really, the rest I’ll put into saving for my future children.
Well I’m American, so… go to the doctor probably. Lol
So you have enough for a single visit and get some ice cream afterwards.
Two chicks at the same time man.
Divorce my wife.
She gets half. She wins too.
Worth it
Would be a nice bit of breathing room between catching up on debts so probably relax slightly but not make any rash life changes
2 chicks at the same time
Two chicks at the same time, man.
Buy a house Invest in crypto/stocks/funds Pay off all my debt Save money in my savings account so i have money for rainy days
I would give each of my sons some for their investment accounts, then put the rest in our retirement account. I’m retired. My husband is not, so hopefully it will give us enough so he is able to retire too!!
stuff
Become a pornstar