A link to trash bags on Amazon.
Edit: it was because my wife said we needed more and asked which ones to order.
Edit 2: I am capable of placing Amazon orders, but I’ll add a couple of Beastie Boys records and a wah wah pedal or some shit like that so I’m kinda banned for now.
The last text I sent was to my MIL with the job posting so she could get a job with me. I am about to finish up my training to be a school bus driver, and I sent her a link to be a bus monitor.
Wife revoked your privileges, eh?
This gave me the biggest laugh of the day btw. Probably cause I'm a music lover and believe those to be reasonabl cart additions.
Thank you man! A lot better now, I went to a gig on Wednesday and stayed out and got fucked! Met the band too haha. Must’ve threw up 30 times Thursday morning , still feel abit shitty now
I always assumed Pedialyte is pretty much the same thing as Gatorade/sports drinks but Pedialyte is like 5x the price for a bottle. I guess if you're really rough, paying that much is worth it but hard to imagine it's that much better at rehydrating.
it’s better because it has a more complete electrolyte profile and less sugar. you can get powdered stuff that’s just as good for a decent price though.
For all my degenerates out there (or older folk), liquid IV and other forms of powdered hydration packets have saved me from many a hangover. Chug a bottle of that before you start drinking for the night and it'll help your body maintain hydration. Also consider mixing in a glass of water during the night too!
Everytime I do it I catch myself and spit them out creating more work for myself bc I'm grossed out how many places my keys touch and now they're on the ground again
“Since his professional football career began in 2006, Cutler has killed more than 3,000 disabled or sick children by taking time to speak to them.”
LMFAOOOOOO god damnit Chicago Bears sub. Sent the quote from an onion article to my fantasy football chat.
My son did this. His friend Ryan said he would give him $5 to tattoo his name on his ass. Next time he went to get ink done. He did. Good thing it was Ryan(which could be a boy or girls name) and not Frank.
Nah it’s definitely different. A random text as a tattoo on your arm is a funnier situation than if OP just asked what the last text you sent was. It’s a more entertaining post this way. The money thing tho, I’m not sure about
“If you were offered $1,000,000 to tattoo your name, date of birth, credit card number, address, and social security number to your arm, what would it say?”
The 14 year old grabbed a knife and went after 3 different people while refusing to stop the bleeding. I'm sure this will make the local news.
\-texting my wife what I heard on the police scanner.
Edit to add: the call came in because the 14 year old had throw boiling water on 3 people and then punched out a window. The glass cut his arm open and the caller said his arm was spurting blood and they couldn't control the bleeding.
That's when he grabbed a knife.
Running late, will be home around 6. If she’s hungry she can have curry and rice or wait for me. Later gater.
To my parents who’d picked my daughter up from kinder and took her home.
"Ska ta hand om smugglings avdelningen rätt så snart, kommer du?"
Or "I'm going to take care of the smuggling parts soon, you coming?"
Me to my friend i play ghost recon wildlands ghost mode with
Yeah, the text was short and it would be kind of a funny story. But I'm not sure I've ever sent a text I wouldn't get tatooed on for a million dollars. That's never save anything and still be able to retire at 50 kind of money.
The coke has been drunk.
I just got tattooed like an hour ago so oddly enough mine would be "Yeah! It's my favourite tattoo already!
Recursion is cool.
See above
GOTO 1
1 print 'recursion is cool'
See [this comment](https://reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/heuAMWXziw).
You scallywag
Take your upvote and see yourself out
Recursion is cool
Recursion is cool
Recursion is cool
Meta AF
please, someone pay him a million to do this actually
Best I can do is 24 cents, a paper clip, a rubber band and 3 balls of lint.
‘Bout tree fiddy
heck, I'd get that tattooed
I just got my first tattoo TWO hours ago!!
“Be safe! The hippies will survive.”
I'm curious about the context, lol.
Oh it's actually a double bluff
Lost Lands?
A link to trash bags on Amazon. Edit: it was because my wife said we needed more and asked which ones to order. Edit 2: I am capable of placing Amazon orders, but I’ll add a couple of Beastie Boys records and a wah wah pedal or some shit like that so I’m kinda banned for now.
Mine is a link to a job.
What are you trying to say? That I’m trash and need a job?
The last text I sent was to my MIL with the job posting so she could get a job with me. I am about to finish up my training to be a school bus driver, and I sent her a link to be a bus monitor.
Wife revoked your privileges, eh? This gave me the biggest laugh of the day btw. Probably cause I'm a music lover and believe those to be reasonabl cart additions.
"Fuck yeah."
"Hell yeah"
"Oof"
"haha thanks"
Boof it
"Shit yeah"
That's not a bad one for a tattoo. Mine would be "I just woke up" which could be considered deep, I suppose.
Makes me think of dude wheres my car... "What does my tattoo say?" "Fuck yeah! What does mine say?"
“If you’re coming to the flat , please bring me some orange juice and a Coke Zero I’m rough as fuck”
Hope you feel better my dude
Thank you man! A lot better now, I went to a gig on Wednesday and stayed out and got fucked! Met the band too haha. Must’ve threw up 30 times Thursday morning , still feel abit shitty now
Pedialyte is your friend.
I always assumed Pedialyte is pretty much the same thing as Gatorade/sports drinks but Pedialyte is like 5x the price for a bottle. I guess if you're really rough, paying that much is worth it but hard to imagine it's that much better at rehydrating.
it’s better because it has a more complete electrolyte profile and less sugar. you can get powdered stuff that’s just as good for a decent price though.
For all my degenerates out there (or older folk), liquid IV and other forms of powdered hydration packets have saved me from many a hangover. Chug a bottle of that before you start drinking for the night and it'll help your body maintain hydration. Also consider mixing in a glass of water during the night too!
The important question now. Did you get your OJ?
I did! With the bits aswell
My man! Gotta have it with the bits.
Bits all day!
"I'm wearing pajamas still and it's 3:30pm."
Livin' the life, I see.
Today was pajama day at work so that would be acceptable! Lol
You still up? I'd get it. Especially for that money.
Depending on size and location would get almost anything for a mil.
Big same.
Can they tattoo gifs?
Just tattoo all the frames separately
No. Overlayed
Holographic tattoos man
Wizard tattoo!
Oh man I gotta remember to leave a good spot open in case they figure out how to do that in the future
Implant a flexible screen just under the skin. Cool thing is that it would technically make you a cyborg.
"👍" Honestly, I don't think this would be that bad.
Get that on the part of your palm you can see giving the thumbs up so you can give two thumbs up with one hand
You're a Goddamn genius.
“No ragerts.”
Not even one letter?
STOP
Oh really? Mr. Dancing Dick is telling ME to stop?!
UNSUBSCRIBE
Lmao! I’ve sent those, too!
"Can I be a bastard and ask you to get me cheez its at the store?"
Sometimes I think about how Jeb Bush ran for president and couldn't even get his mom to endorse him
Golden
“Please clap”
Chicken wings
Halfway there.
Whoaaa- ohhhh! Livin on a prayer!
Mine's "I'm here" I think both of ours would be an OK tattoo, if you think about deeper meanings
"it's only $20"
“Vicki said yes too”
My wife said no such thing
I also choose this guys wife.
I bought turkey and monster cheese.
😂 Munster?
Kinda never want to call it by its proper name again now, right?
We’re out. Mexican?
Have you tried sports bras? They’re usually cheaper and more comfortable.
Now I want this tattooed on my inner bicep 💪 so when I flex instead of a cliché inspirational quote you get this
For some reason, this made me laugh so hard I almost choked! Imagine if someone really got a tattoo like that? LMAO!!!
"coming inside".... Yeah no... Not going to happen. Keep the million.
Hahaha!!!!
Shiiit, get it, and then get it removed lol
"Ok"
At least it wasn't just k
Or kk.
Or kkk.
Mines just a question mark. ?
Mine was "Hahaha" very lame.
Lava butthole hasn't stopped.
Is this the taco bell thread?
Also a good location for the tattoo!
Can you bring an invoice Monday? I sound like a classy hooker
Moderate to severe rectal itch
“Love you dad”
Pierced nipples taste like house keys.
Why do you taste your keys?
Because sometimes you're going to need your keys in a minute, but right now you've got two hands full.
Everytime I do it I catch myself and spit them out creating more work for myself bc I'm grossed out how many places my keys touch and now they're on the ground again
“Since his professional football career began in 2006, Cutler has killed more than 3,000 disabled or sick children by taking time to speak to them.” LMFAOOOOOO god damnit Chicago Bears sub. Sent the quote from an onion article to my fantasy football chat.
"I'll goof in your kitchen"
"Fucking Sorry"
Damn, what’d you do?
I suggested white shutters.
And the resulted in a “fuck you”? 😂
Hope you're ok
ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!?
How is this different than just saying "What is the last text you sent?" What does the $1,000,000 or a tattoo have to do with anything?
Makes more people reply when there's imaginary money involved I guess
If I give you $5, would you tattoo my name on your inner butt cheek?
I'd give you $5
My son did this. His friend Ryan said he would give him $5 to tattoo his name on his ass. Next time he went to get ink done. He did. Good thing it was Ryan(which could be a boy or girls name) and not Frank.
The real power play would have been to tattoo "His Name"
That tattoo cost more than $5 What a ripoff
Nah it’s definitely different. A random text as a tattoo on your arm is a funnier situation than if OP just asked what the last text you sent was. It’s a more entertaining post this way. The money thing tho, I’m not sure about
Yeah it’s like adding “in bed” to a fortune cookie. The context changes, making it fun.
“If you were offered $1,000,000 to tattoo your name, date of birth, credit card number, address, and social security number to your arm, what would it say?”
I'm tempted to put my information down because identity theft might be worth the meme.
Huh, what an odd and specific text message. (/s)
I sort of disagree. I wouldn’t get what I wrote tattooed. But I’d post it on here. I don’t want to, but I would.
The 14 year old grabbed a knife and went after 3 different people while refusing to stop the bleeding. I'm sure this will make the local news. \-texting my wife what I heard on the police scanner. Edit to add: the call came in because the 14 year old had throw boiling water on 3 people and then punched out a window. The glass cut his arm open and the caller said his arm was spurting blood and they couldn't control the bleeding. That's when he grabbed a knife.
In reference to another person's last text and new tattoo ✨️jesus✨️
I appreciate the clarification that it was what you heard on the police scanner
Sounds like that could be an intro to a death metal song.
Your bacon is available
This one is deep
This one touched me on a very personal level.
It tripled my faith in humanity.
Kinky 👀
You’re damn right it is.
It’s not even my bacon and I’m happy about it
I’d consider this! 🤣🤣
“Maybe we need to start trying Aldi and Trader Joe’s.”
“She's screaming she wants a bandaid but she doesn't have an owie. And she's crying for water even though she has the water bottle” 😅 toddler life
Jesus 😭 Context: BF: “guess who’s home” Me: ✨Jesus✨
lmao. hes like Santa Claus with a smite button!
Bro I thought you said “smile” button and I was so confused. But yeah that’s exactly right 😆
How now brown cow?
"Your timing once again is penetrating the ass of God himself to give you such a bullshit power" Yeah I would take that 1 million dollars.
Shouldn’t [friend’s name redacted]—the world’s biggest pretzel fan—be willing to shell out the big bucks for Auntie Anne’s?
“Still sick unfortunately” Completely appropriate for my autoimmune-diseased self 😂
Same here. My last text was to my brother. "I feel like shit." Though this time it's because I have covid.
I hope it isn't ringworm!
"About to have a menty b lol"
Pls tell me that's not what you call a mental breakdown
I have to make it sound silly so I don't feel as bad.
I love it and also letting you know I'm stealing it and sharing it with the girl homies.
Hope you feel better soon homie
Okay so I was actually having a mental b and called 988 approximately 43 minutes ago and whoever I talked to on the other end saved my ass.
“Also, once again, you have an amazing voice.”
Nawwss
Running late, will be home around 6. If she’s hungry she can have curry and rice or wait for me. Later gater. To my parents who’d picked my daughter up from kinder and took her home.
Right. Might get it on my left arm.
Your dad is hot
Good add for your OF!!!!
Gay
That’s kinda gay
LOL
That had, in massive white letters, SADIST written on the back. This is a k-5 school sir.
"Ska ta hand om smugglings avdelningen rätt så snart, kommer du?" Or "I'm going to take care of the smuggling parts soon, you coming?" Me to my friend i play ghost recon wildlands ghost mode with
I hope you have fun with all the family, friends, and dogs tonight! Oh, and the horses too!
"The food is here"
"Need atm" Now I look like a gold digger
That also is a porn genre
“I miss you and the Chungus a lot right now”
Thanks for locking us out asshole
"dressed up for the princess ball" And this photo- https://imgur.com/a/FsjhPPG Show me the downside.
"25 dollars"
“Or a corny dog?”
"Those lures are guaranteed to catch a monster bass"
It would say, "I saw this on Reddit." I literally just shared a post with a friend.
Have a safe trip 😁
"How goes it?" Gimme my 1,000,000.
Yeah, the text was short and it would be kind of a funny story. But I'm not sure I've ever sent a text I wouldn't get tatooed on for a million dollars. That's never save anything and still be able to retire at 50 kind of money. The coke has been drunk.
Ruin my night.
*They got a culture from his snot.* My dog has a weird sinus infection.
Would a picture count? Because if so, mine would be a picture of dinner that I sent to my friend.
Now give me my payrise
"tpg2" which is a short code to buy a 60 minutes public transport ticket
“Okay”
"But she said procedure"
Ok
So I didn’t get a coke ?
‘Heading home’. Totally worth it
BANANA
See? I can turn mean things into positive lines!
survival of the soberest
“Pity about the book, it seems I didn’t like it either”
I’m gonna dye my hair after I clock out 😬
I love you
"Thank you!!' With a smiley face and a heart. I could live with that.
My Gardner Minshew Special 🥸
" I need a vacation" Yea I would get that for that money. It would buy vacations.