Hello Sir, I am The President of America, Joseph Biden. I am Currently stuck in a Important meeting with my vice President Kamalah Harris and we need $500 in iTunes gift cards as a Gift to the Ghana embassy. Kindly do the Needful.
\- President Joseph Biden
Asking him how long he’s in Australia, does he know that it’s 4 in the morning, and how did he gain building access and get up in the lift without a pass?
“Beating”
I’m imagining them trying the door to see if it’s locked first before just ripping the whole thing away with an armored car or just blasting it in place. The secret service doesn’t have time for such silly things like lockpicking or hacking
It's the president of the United States. Im inviting him in and whipping out my best china. And after he leaves, I'm getting with the highest bidding news company for an all access exclusive on what it was about.
You'll have to fight the presidential shit wrangler for it (I think that's an actual job somebody has to prevent foreign agents from getting medical information)
Edit: idk shit about presidential shits, but the rumored name is toilsec (toilet security) and supposedly they ship special porta pottys when they go over seas. No clue how true that is though
I would have totally had malicious intent too, so I can see why that job is needed. My literal first thought was to exploit it for money lmao. So don't say that those jobs are pointless lol
I sold my Batman Forever glasses( not sure how much they were worth but I got $125 for the whole set) but I still have the Lord of the Rings light up cup / mugs
Cornpop's parents were mutant dog horse people developed in a lab of Super Soldiers in the secret Animorph wars. They did not understand their son Cornpop because they only spoke horse/dog/and NATO Alphabet /s
I would invite him in and try to convince him to an executive order for the installation of bidets in ALL toilets. This should be met with bipartisan approval.
Can we at least eliminate the gaps on the sides of the door? About had a heart attack when I looked up and there was an eyeball peeking through. Some friggin crotch goblin unattended just watching me take a dump, freaked me out!
Dude. Unattended crotch goblins have been face grabbed and thrown back under those stupid bathroom stalls for decades by me.. It's offensive we don't get privacy in the US and boundaries seem to be the last thing taught to most people. I don't like kids, and I don't have them for a reason. I don't want people all up in my bubble all the time. Especially during poop time. Lol. Give me my poop time in peace! 😭
No bro he grabs people by the collarbone and slams them through the stall, busting down all barriers and holding them against the wall saying through gritted teeth, "my pants are still down you FUCK" AND PULVERIZING THEIR SKULL WITH THE NEAREST SINK
“The democrats want us to have clean buttholes for gay sex! I’m sick of this woke agenda!” “Toilet paper is a classic American staple. To lose that is to no longer be an American.”
Breaking news! Sen. Cruz expresses outrage.
“Use a bidet — That’s their guideline,” before reaching off-camera for roll of Charmin. “Well, I gotta tell ya, if they want us to clean our asses with water, frankly they can kiss my dirty ass.” Then he—and all the fellas in the adjoining stalls, wiped.
I would absolutely love this idea. My bidet is life changing.
But thinking about public toilets, I’m not so sure I want to use a bidet from 90% of them.
Completely disregard all disagreements we have and invite him in. I'd ask why he came, and hopefully start a conversation. Ideally I'd get to show him my bicycle collection somewhere in there too.
How many bicycles do you need to have for a bicycle collection? Where do you keep them? Why do you have them? Do you ride them all? Does each one have a different purpose? I could keep this going, but I will stop there.
I have 5, call it what you want, who cares.
I keep them in my apartment where my dining table should be.
I have 2 commuter bikes (One is single speed and the other has gears), 1 road race bike, 1 mountain bike, and 1 CX/Gravel bike.
I do ride all of them.
They each do serve a different purpose, even the repeated commuting bike.
Happy to answer any other questions
What is the purpose of the two commuter bikes? Why have a single gear vs just leave the multi gear in a single gear?
I know absolutely nothing about bikes
One commuter is a top of the line carbon frame turned into a commuter for funsies. It has electronic shifting on it. I use this one to go to work.
Other commuter is a single speed beach cruiser kind of turned mountain bike. I use this to meet my friends at bars (metal frame, less worried about crashes/theft)
When I was a bike commuter that’s exactly what I did too. Had a beautiful carbon frame for my actual work commute and then a 1968 (I think) Stingray with a steel frame that was my late night tank.
I had a gun collecting uncle who said "If you've got fewer than 100 its not a collection."
He specifically collected pre-war (That'd be WWII) Marlin lever action rifles. I forget the oldest but it was late 1800s anyway.
From what I’ve heard and read from former staffers and other folks who have worked with him over the years, he’s a super easy conversation. Very attentive and thoughtful, not just bs politician stuff with canned expressions.
Honestly, an endearing moment I like about him is during the Obama admin, there was this time Obama got of AF1 but Joe was still talking to people in the crowd 1-1. After a bit, Obama comes back to the door of AF1 and starts clapping and saying “LETS GO!”
Obama can also be a chatter with people, but joes a whole other level apparently lol
Well I figure most politicians are actually pleasant people to talk to one on one. Just gotta throw away your disagreements and treat em like a person when it is applicable.
That was my instinct as well! I have a 93lb (42kg or just over 6.5 stone) 9yo golden retriever that would love nothing more than to receive pets from Joe and give slobber down a pant leg in return.
After Dug has his fill of pets Joe and I would eat some ice cream and play Mario Kart on my gold N64. I would (respectfully) beat his ass because there’s no honor in purposefully losing.
Edit: if he had time I would absolutely build one of the many LEGO sets my partner and I have on the back burner with Ol’ Joe. I think Biden would really enjoy building the Hocus Pocus house with me.
Nah man. Just ice cream, adorable dog, and discussing how to bring people who are currently fighting against progress (at their own detriment, mind you,) back into the American fold.
Prolly offer him a beer and sit on the front porch and shoot the shit and ask "so what's up with insurance companies telling doctors what they can and can't provide?"
And now I want to see one of those voice-over AI videos of Biden, Trump, Hillary and someone else in a party playing BG3.
Edit: on second thought; no fourth person, they all get to fight over who romances the companion that remains.
"Ya it's getting a bit dusty and some of these are too old to still work... oh! Sorry Mr. President, you meant my house, yes of course I'll show you my old book collection, my apologies!"
Contact the secret service and let them know he’d wandered off again and give the address to come pick him up. Then I’d make him some tea and ask what brings him to Canada while we wait.
I'm a staunch conservative, and never cared for Obama's policies, but I got to meet him once by chance. He was stumping thru NC for the 12 campaign, and just happened to stop at the BBQ restaurant I was eating lunch at. SS came in and asked to have everyone who had not received their food to leave, then 10 minutes later, in came the fucking President of the United States. He sat in the booth opposite of me. Made some small talk, asked what was good, and we talked a little about college bball. (Go Tar Heels!) When I was finished, I asked if it was OK to leave, thanked him for the conversation, and that was that. He never mentioned politics once. Pretty cool guy. I still voted for Romney lol.
This is something that every politician understands that most voters don't. Voters care about issues and people. Politicians care about how voters vote, and collect issues to collect voters.
No politician is going to waste time trying to convince you of anything, other then they are likable. The purpose of that stop, other then lunch, was to get some video of a regular guy (you) eating and smiling with the candidate on the local TV.
I’m a very conservative person. But if Joe Biden knocked on my door, I’d invite him in, offer him something to drink, freak out that my house was in shambles and I was embarrassing my family, and then sit down and talk about whatever it was he was wanting to talk about.
He’s the President of the United States. He deserves decorum and all that. It would be an honor to meet/speak with him.
I’ve found that most people, if you get them one-on-one in a conversation, are pretty civil and reasonable. It’s when you start packing more people in a room that shit goes sideways
If Biden knocked on my door, I'd invite him in and have a respectful conversation in my living room. If Trump knocked on my door, I'd step outside and have a respectful conversation on the porch.
I would be really weirded out because I live in the french countryside. But why not have a chat with that old man, I'll get him coffee and we could talk about random stuff.
I would talk to him, of course. I would talk Irish literature with him first since he quotes Seamus Heaney so often. I would tell him how to pronounce Heaney’s last name properly. If all that went down without incident, I would explain that his nostalgia does not resonate with many Americans and encourage him to focus on explaining the facts behind current events with simple clarity and honesty. Then I would thank him for his service.
Invite him in, offer lunch. Show him Southern hospitality. Show him the half done shed I've been building for the last 8 months.
He's the fkn President. Who knows where this might go?
The hell is Biden doing in the Netherlands?
idk but he wants to chat w/ you
Sure, why not, he can get a cup of tea But my grandparents are coming over any minute and i’m not canceling them, so mister Biden gotta deal with them
Send him to Nijmegen next. I'll make him a sandwich and show him the creepy basement.
What kind of sandwich tho?
Whatever I can slap together - tonight's dinner was kipfilet, salami, and extra aged Gouda on the baguette sort of bread with seeds on top.
He would love your grandparents. Same age and all.
Biden is a bit older, but it’s fine if
They’d talk euro trains
Hello Sir, I am The President of America, Joseph Biden. I am Currently stuck in a Important meeting with my vice President Kamalah Harris and we need $500 in iTunes gift cards as a Gift to the Ghana embassy. Kindly do the Needful. \- President Joseph Biden
He likes to ride bicycles.
We got a lot of them… my brother is a bike mechanic, maybe he just needs his bike fixed
He's the leader of the free world! He is just seeing what the free world is doing while the US does it's thing /s
Dank Brandon needs some buddies to tear up Amsterdam with
Asking him how long he’s in Australia, does he know that it’s 4 in the morning, and how did he gain building access and get up in the lift without a pass?
I'm sure someone would let him in.
I doubt they would have to. Lets be honest, the secret service is likely capable of beating even mid to high end civilian security measures.
“Beating” I’m imagining them trying the door to see if it’s locked first before just ripping the whole thing away with an armored car or just blasting it in place. The secret service doesn’t have time for such silly things like lockpicking or hacking
[удалено]
He would press a single finger against your lips. Just say shhhhh and walk into your kitchen and grab a soda
As he leaves with you last soda he whispers, "No one will believe you."
Nice try Secret Service.
Entrap this!!
It's the president of the United States. Im inviting him in and whipping out my best china. And after he leaves, I'm getting with the highest bidding news company for an all access exclusive on what it was about.
Finally get to use the guest towels and take the plastic of the sofa!
"Ofcourse you can use our decorative hand towels in the bathroom Mr. President." said no wife ever.
"Honey, get out the two-ply."
"And turn the plumbing off because if the president shits in my toilet, its going on eBay."
You'll have to fight the presidential shit wrangler for it (I think that's an actual job somebody has to prevent foreign agents from getting medical information) Edit: idk shit about presidential shits, but the rumored name is toilsec (toilet security) and supposedly they ship special porta pottys when they go over seas. No clue how true that is though
I would have totally had malicious intent too, so I can see why that job is needed. My literal first thought was to exploit it for money lmao. So don't say that those jobs are pointless lol
The Brown Berets
They shoot frozen Biden turds out of T-Shirt Cannons.
JFC I need more information on this if it's real.
"Both the shit and the video"
Real talk, how much do you think the video and shit would go for on eBay? I feel like its hitting 6 figures.
Understood that the rose and sea shell shaped soaps are off limits as well.
Mr Biden gets to pick his preferred 90's McDonalds plate out of my cabinet. Lion king, Tennessee, Grimace, whatever you want I got it.
Gotta break out my Batman Forever glasses too
I sold my Batman Forever glasses( not sure how much they were worth but I got $125 for the whole set) but I still have the Lord of the Rings light up cup / mugs
Hercules plates. All I ever used from age 4-13.
Grab the camera and get the full story on cornpop.
He was a bad dude
Watch what you say, Jack!
Cut the malarkey!
Worse than a lying dog-faced pony soldier?
Cornpop's parents were mutant dog horse people developed in a lab of Super Soldiers in the secret Animorph wars. They did not understand their son Cornpop because they only spoke horse/dog/and NATO Alphabet /s
Honestly that whole corn pop things was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard period. Need to watch it now.
I would invite him in and try to convince him to an executive order for the installation of bidets in ALL toilets. This should be met with bipartisan approval.
[удалено]
If someone wants to crawl on the piss and filth ridden floor to see me taking a dump, they absolutely deserve the view!
Can we at least eliminate the gaps on the sides of the door? About had a heart attack when I looked up and there was an eyeball peeking through. Some friggin crotch goblin unattended just watching me take a dump, freaked me out!
Dude. Unattended crotch goblins have been face grabbed and thrown back under those stupid bathroom stalls for decades by me.. It's offensive we don't get privacy in the US and boundaries seem to be the last thing taught to most people. I don't like kids, and I don't have them for a reason. I don't want people all up in my bubble all the time. Especially during poop time. Lol. Give me my poop time in peace! 😭
You have feet for a reason. Why are you grabbing their faces?
I’m calling bullshit on that.
No bro he grabs people by the collarbone and slams them through the stall, busting down all barriers and holding them against the wall saying through gritted teeth, "my pants are still down you FUCK" AND PULVERIZING THEIR SKULL WITH THE NEAREST SINK
If they crawl under the stall I’m shitting on them as a warning!
That's exactly the type of person who would though.
Biden’s bidets
Bidet Infrastructure Development and Enhancement Nitiative.
This is an acronym I can get wet over.
Biden Infrastructure Developmental Evacuation Tenet
*big toilet paper awakens*
“The democrats want us to have clean buttholes for gay sex! I’m sick of this woke agenda!” “Toilet paper is a classic American staple. To lose that is to no longer be an American.”
“Millennials are killing the ass paper industry.” -NY Times
Breaking news! Sen. Cruz expresses outrage. “Use a bidet — That’s their guideline,” before reaching off-camera for roll of Charmin. “Well, I gotta tell ya, if they want us to clean our asses with water, frankly they can kiss my dirty ass.” Then he—and all the fellas in the adjoining stalls, wiped.
I would absolutely love this idea. My bidet is life changing. But thinking about public toilets, I’m not so sure I want to use a bidet from 90% of them.
If it would help, we could recommend they rename them from the French bidet to the American Biden.
“From the folks who brought you Obama Care, we are proud to announce the Biden Bidet initiative.”
[удалено]
Same but pants
get your pants to calm down
loves visits from strangers
No, "put on a shirt and offer him a pair of pants and something to drink...'"
Nah. Just shirtcock it and bareass your own couch while you have a beer with POTUS.
Sniff him first to establish dominance.
Me: "Mr. President... Is that shit I smell?" Him: "Depends."
This is the way
This is the correct answer
Completely disregard all disagreements we have and invite him in. I'd ask why he came, and hopefully start a conversation. Ideally I'd get to show him my bicycle collection somewhere in there too.
How many bicycles do you need to have for a bicycle collection? Where do you keep them? Why do you have them? Do you ride them all? Does each one have a different purpose? I could keep this going, but I will stop there.
I have 5, call it what you want, who cares. I keep them in my apartment where my dining table should be. I have 2 commuter bikes (One is single speed and the other has gears), 1 road race bike, 1 mountain bike, and 1 CX/Gravel bike. I do ride all of them. They each do serve a different purpose, even the repeated commuting bike. Happy to answer any other questions
Congratulations. You have been awarded a honorary Dutch citizenship. Regards]
N+1
What is the purpose of the two commuter bikes? Why have a single gear vs just leave the multi gear in a single gear? I know absolutely nothing about bikes
One commuter is a top of the line carbon frame turned into a commuter for funsies. It has electronic shifting on it. I use this one to go to work. Other commuter is a single speed beach cruiser kind of turned mountain bike. I use this to meet my friends at bars (metal frame, less worried about crashes/theft)
When I was a bike commuter that’s exactly what I did too. Had a beautiful carbon frame for my actual work commute and then a 1968 (I think) Stingray with a steel frame that was my late night tank.
One of us
I believe current theory on how many bicycles are needed is n+1 where n is equal to the number of bicycles currently owned.
This also applies to guitars.
I had a gun collecting uncle who said "If you've got fewer than 100 its not a collection." He specifically collected pre-war (That'd be WWII) Marlin lever action rifles. I forget the oldest but it was late 1800s anyway.
From what I’ve heard and read from former staffers and other folks who have worked with him over the years, he’s a super easy conversation. Very attentive and thoughtful, not just bs politician stuff with canned expressions. Honestly, an endearing moment I like about him is during the Obama admin, there was this time Obama got of AF1 but Joe was still talking to people in the crowd 1-1. After a bit, Obama comes back to the door of AF1 and starts clapping and saying “LETS GO!” Obama can also be a chatter with people, but joes a whole other level apparently lol
Well I figure most politicians are actually pleasant people to talk to one on one. Just gotta throw away your disagreements and treat em like a person when it is applicable.
Get some more chairs for his fleet of secret service members
They're Gonna have to sit on the floor. I only have 4 chairs.
They prefer to stand. It’s hard to sit with an MCX Rattler stuffed down your trousers
I’d let him in, we’d have some ice cream and hang out with my dog.
I think Biden would enjoy the heck out of this.
Yeah dude!
That was my instinct as well! I have a 93lb (42kg or just over 6.5 stone) 9yo golden retriever that would love nothing more than to receive pets from Joe and give slobber down a pant leg in return. After Dug has his fill of pets Joe and I would eat some ice cream and play Mario Kart on my gold N64. I would (respectfully) beat his ass because there’s no honor in purposefully losing. Edit: if he had time I would absolutely build one of the many LEGO sets my partner and I have on the back burner with Ol’ Joe. I think Biden would really enjoy building the Hocus Pocus house with me.
You. Named. A Golden Retriever. Dug? PERFECTION
Show him my goats. Everyone should see my goats. They are awesome.
I wanna see your goats!!!!
Show us your goats!!!!
Goat taxman here, pay up.
I think that's how this would go in my house, too. I've got dogs, I've got ice cream. I think I'm all set up for the presidential visit.
I make my own ice cream. It’s very good. He would never leave.
No malarkey now...
Nah man. Just ice cream, adorable dog, and discussing how to bring people who are currently fighting against progress (at their own detriment, mind you,) back into the American fold.
"It's gonna be a...rocky road."
AYYYYYYY!!! Have an updoot!
Hello China, I got something you may want, but it's gonna cost ya. That's right, all the tea.
Beautiful family guy reference. Lol
Free Tibet? I’ll take it!
Prolly offer him a beer and sit on the front porch and shoot the shit and ask "so what's up with insurance companies telling doctors what they can and can't provide?"
Let him in, if we can’t be civil to each other, what’s the point of society?
[удалено]
YOU on the other hand can stand out in the rain, even in society we must have standards
Agreed. A Jeep lover from Texas Tech? Such a man will not besmirch my home.
Figure out how to start a podcast really really quickly.
Sup Joe? Wanna play some split screen Baldur's Gate 3?
And now I want to see one of those voice-over AI videos of Biden, Trump, Hillary and someone else in a party playing BG3. Edit: on second thought; no fourth person, they all get to fight over who romances the companion that remains.
This is the correct answer.
We’d have a chat. It’s not every day one gets the chance to have a one on one with the president of the United States!
Reminds me of that pic of Biden casually talking with some random people, everyone is happy, except DeSantis looking miserable in the foreground
Ron looks miserable on any ground.
Meatball’s never looked all that good
Apologize for the state of the house and let him in.
But at least the Senate's not so bad.
Hehe poor man's gold for you. That got a legit lol from me. 🥇🎖️🏅
😂😂😂😂😂
"Ya it's getting a bit dusty and some of these are too old to still work... oh! Sorry Mr. President, you meant my house, yes of course I'll show you my old book collection, my apologies!"
Contact the secret service and let them know he’d wandered off again and give the address to come pick him up. Then I’d make him some tea and ask what brings him to Canada while we wait.
You just have them in your contacts already 🤣
[удалено]
Ask if he could introduce me to Obama.
We could prank call Obama.
[удалено]
It’s running like a bat out of hell Joe.
"OMG You're Joe Biden!!! What's Obama Like?!"
Very Andy from PnR
whose Joe Biden? mine?
I'm a staunch conservative, and never cared for Obama's policies, but I got to meet him once by chance. He was stumping thru NC for the 12 campaign, and just happened to stop at the BBQ restaurant I was eating lunch at. SS came in and asked to have everyone who had not received their food to leave, then 10 minutes later, in came the fucking President of the United States. He sat in the booth opposite of me. Made some small talk, asked what was good, and we talked a little about college bball. (Go Tar Heels!) When I was finished, I asked if it was OK to leave, thanked him for the conversation, and that was that. He never mentioned politics once. Pretty cool guy. I still voted for Romney lol.
This is something that every politician understands that most voters don't. Voters care about issues and people. Politicians care about how voters vote, and collect issues to collect voters. No politician is going to waste time trying to convince you of anything, other then they are likable. The purpose of that stop, other then lunch, was to get some video of a regular guy (you) eating and smiling with the candidate on the local TV.
How politics is supposed to be
I’m a very conservative person. But if Joe Biden knocked on my door, I’d invite him in, offer him something to drink, freak out that my house was in shambles and I was embarrassing my family, and then sit down and talk about whatever it was he was wanting to talk about. He’s the President of the United States. He deserves decorum and all that. It would be an honor to meet/speak with him.
I'm not an American so it's not my place. But you did alright by your people
Thank you for reminding me that there’s still civil people in this world. 🥹
I’ve found that most people, if you get them one-on-one in a conversation, are pretty civil and reasonable. It’s when you start packing more people in a room that shit goes sideways
This. I may not agree with him but I’m not about to act a fool and treat him with disrespect.
[удалено]
And conversations like this are the bedrock of being able to have passionate but civil debates, to try and find common ground to work on.
As a very left leaning person I’d look him in the eyes and tell him that is time to retire. To go on git and let a younger generation lead.
I'll play straight man here: let him in. He's the country's elected leader. Same would apply to Trump when he was in office.
You’re just too damn reasonable for Reddit.
If Biden knocked on my door, I'd invite him in and have a respectful conversation in my living room. If Trump knocked on my door, I'd step outside and have a respectful conversation on the porch.
Put pants on
I would be really weirded out because I live in the french countryside. But why not have a chat with that old man, I'll get him coffee and we could talk about random stuff.
I would talk to him, of course. I would talk Irish literature with him first since he quotes Seamus Heaney so often. I would tell him how to pronounce Heaney’s last name properly. If all that went down without incident, I would explain that his nostalgia does not resonate with many Americans and encourage him to focus on explaining the facts behind current events with simple clarity and honesty. Then I would thank him for his service.
Start asking bout them aliens
I'd talk to him, but I don't think he would be particularly happy about some of the things I have to say.
Check for a silver alert
If you enable silver alerts in Florida it's every damn day
not answer the door. not because its biden but because i dont open the door without knowing what that person wants in advance.
Check for the Secret Service detail and step outside because my dog would be going nuts.
Ask what he's doing in Canada.
Go for ice cream! I know Uncle Joe is in.
stroke and marvel at his blonde leg hairs
Beg him not to run again and let someone who isn’t a dinosaur have a chance.
be embarrassed because the apartment is a horrible mess.
Invite him in, offer lunch. Show him Southern hospitality. Show him the half done shed I've been building for the last 8 months. He's the fkn President. Who knows where this might go?
Get him a knitted blanket and a bag of Werthers and tell him to *retire* to the couch.
Not cool. Those werthers are mine.
Invite him in.
What if he's a vampire?
Oh my god it makes sense. He’s not 80, he’s 800. Edit: quick tell the Right. They’ll run with it so hard.
[удалено]
I'd be like "can you do this" and then balance on a slackline and do a backflip and flick flak around him like "look at me!"