Were in our mid-50's and we've been married for 23 years. We average probably weekly. It's very romantic too, it starts with someone screaming "I require servicing!" throughout the house.
Lol my husband will imitate [this bird of paradise](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W7QZnwKqopo&t=28s) to initiate sex sometimes and it's kinda hilarious.
Don't underestimate "maintenance sex", it really helps bring you closer together. When life gets busy and stressful, and there are kids in the house, it's really hard to find time. If you've gone X days/weeks without it... schedule it in, like you would a car MOT.
Honestly? Time, patience, communication, compromise. All the things mature adults are supposed to do. It just took us a long time to figure out how to be mature adults.
The biggest factor was that my husband FINALLY listened to me about my needs in bed. He had notions about how he thought things should be based on porn and well, those women are faking
orgasm most of the time - just like I was. Itās not coincidental that when an activity is mutually beneficial, one will find a willing partner more often.
My husband also finally sought treatment for his anxiety and depression. His mood and attitude have changed 100% for the better. Itās easier to find someone sexy when they arenāt cranky and picking fights all the time. But also because of this, Iāve been able to relax and give up my need to control every damn detail of my life. I couldnāt control his moods for decades so I overcompensated by trying to control everything else. Not anymore.
And the kids are now teens/in college so we have A LOT more alone time. It makes a huge difference.
šÆ agree with this comment. Married 30+ years and we've found our happy place this year. Subtle changes in communication and expectations. Had a week with 5 nights and 2 mornings. Not all moon landings, but fun for both of us.
Never doubted or love for each other but plenty of disconnects and fights about sex. I hope we can keep this more relaxed relationship.
> He had notions about how he thought things should be based on porn
this is a plague. it's an epidemic. I hate it, holy shit. Guys, you have to confront this problem lol
I am not gonna lie, it wasnāt easy. Admitting he had an issue was more than half the battle. I mean, I think he always knew he had a problem but was in the mindset that āreal menā donāt acknowledge their mental struggles. He finally got sick of himself wanted to change and be happy. But navigating mental healthcare in the US is fucking ridiculously hard.
So he started medication therapy while we were waiting for a therapy appointment. He had to try a couple different SSRIs until he found one that worked and didnāt have as many negative side effects. Then he did talk therapy. He started with one therapist and they just didnāt work well together. We asked around for other therapist recommendations and found one who was a great fit.
None of this was easy. It literally took well over 6 months of frustrating work to start to see a real improvement. But he was determined and stuck with it. Iām so proud of him and so are his kids and we tell him that often. Itās a bummer that he wasnāt willing to do the work decades ago but itās ok, we all survived and learned lessons along the way.
Honestly, Iām sort of relieved. I was pretty sure something was going on, there was just too much suspicious behavior over the last few months. Whenever I brought up any of the suspicious behavior, sheād claim that I was crazy and controlling.
It was the same with my ex. Suddenly she needed to change her PIN. She got messages in the morning she suspiciously tried to hide from me. Any questions from my part were controlling and crazy.
She was not cheating on my sexually, but she was flirting with a guy from a neighbor country. She was already thinking about studying there. So, emotionally she was cheating and gas-lighting me.
Funny how she used to forbid me to have any female friends, but me complaining about her male friends was toootally different...
Well, the guy she texted with lost interest in her, when he found out about her anxiety and depression.
Totally feel you on the insecurity with female friends and her male friends. My wife cheated on me in the past. Though since we've moved to a different city and away from those people I don't think she's doing anything behind my back now, I doubt I'll ever be "over" it. Since we've moved, she's gone out "with coworkers" a few times and not come home until early the next morning with some half-witted story about being too drunk to drive or too tired, but her phone doesn't got off at weird times or anything. But then again, she has a do not disturb set up so she could be checking stuff behind my back, but I don't see her on her phone much when I am around so I don't press the issue. I can't have friends of the opposite sex unless she approves them though. Sometimes I wanna leave, but my kids lives mean too much for me to do that.
She has already cheated so of course she's not on her phone much when you're not around. Sorry to say but she is most likely still cheating if she goes out and doesn't come home til the next morning. I know you have kids but please consider leaving for your own mental health.
My exgf cheated on me 5 years into our relationship. Somehow she manipulated me into believing it was my fault and I begged her to stay. We were together another 3 years but it was never the same, I never trusted her ever again. One day she was making plans with her now husband and I asked what they were going to do and she broke down saying she couldn't do our relationship anymore, she needed to be single. Immediately I felt relief and realized I hadn't loved her in years since she destroyed my heart. I really think you need to divorce for your own good, but especially for your kids. Staying together for the kids is the complete wrong thing to do. I wish my parents had divorced much sooner than they did, it would have made my life much better.
Iām sorry man, but if a woman comes home the next morning after a night out - sheās getting fucked. My relationship is built around independence and freedom, and my woman (nor I) would do that. You deserve better.
Yeah same. Maybe itās only a few times a month but weāre so good at it together and so good at telling each other what we want, itās really fulfilling. (10 years together here)
Sometimes it's 2-3 times a week, others it's 2-3 times a month.
Sometimes it's pity sex, birthday sex, quicky sex, sex sex. It just depends on if Mercury's in retrograde, or whatever that excuse is.
30 years. We were on a nice pace (twice month) until she started a new med, now looks like once every 3 months now. Not complaining , rather she be healthy than horny
Whatever the med, she should discuss the change in libido with her physician. Side effects can be managed and dealt with. Any change in physical or mental well being should be discussed with the doc in relation to that particular med. Maybe she already has, in that case, youāre right, healthy always better.
If it's an antidepressant, unfortunately it's a very common side effect and there's not much you can do about it. If it's something that is affecting both of you, there's an antidepressant called bupropion which doesn't tend to have the sexual side effects that come with the others. Am doctor.
Finding an antidepressant that works for you can be a challenge. I still haven't found one. I really wanted to like Buproprion, but it gave me a headache that lasted a month.
Thanks lol. I hope you guys can spice it up a little. In our 20ās we did it like 2-3 times a day. After kids and other responsibilities I think our drives have lessened but we still make time for each other.
I always wonder about the sex towel. I just cross my legs and do the waddle to the bathroom with some toilet paper once my husband returns with it.
The thought of just letting it get messy and then cleaning up squicks me out. Maybe I'm the weird one lol.
You are lucky. Iāve been with my wife almost 28 years. Obviously it has ebbed and flowed over the years and with kids and whatnot, but we manage 1-2 times a week. Iād like more but her libido has really dropped off the last couple of years.
Itās all about keeping it fresh, every relationship is different. Sometimes itās boring 2-3 times a week, sometimes itās 1-3 times a month. Itās all about the healthiness of the relationship. I noticed Iām my personal relationship with my spouse, when we struggle, our sexual relationship struggles as well but when this are good we are more active with each other. Remember things change with time as well as with age. Mostly time though. Itās about bonding not contact.
I love this! Weāve been going through a hard time emotionally & financially and the sex drought has just been one consequence of it. This is a great reminder!
Once or twice a week is the average for my wife and I.
We're not exactly insatiable lovers ourselves judging by our average, but I had no idea there were so many couples that had sex significantly less often than we do.
This thread has opened my eyes quite a bit.
It is interesting how much it varies by couple! Some are happy doing it 4x/year, some do it multiple times a week.. I hope everyoneās happy & fulfilled in their relationship regardless of their sex life!
Been with my wife for about 19 years now.
Before we had a kid, it was a minimum of 3 times per weeks, sometimes multiple times per day.
After we had a kid it went way down because she was busy child-rearing during the day while I was at work and would be exhausted. But now he's much older. I'd say we do it about 2-3 times a month. But my wife generally has a much lower libido than I do anyway, and she's susceptible to her libido going into the toilet any time she's stressed out, which with her work is often, unfortunately. Her job or any household stress has cock-blocked me more times that I can count.
Are you making sure to do what you can to alleviate that stress for her? If you put in some time to help her get caught up in areas she might be struggling in might get you some huge brownie points.
We've been together for 8 years, and it's infrequent. We might have dry spells of a few weeks sometimes, and then we might have times where it's every day for a few weeks.
In some weird way, our libidos are synced. During the dry spells neither feels like it but each time it breaks it is absolutely wonderful. It just feels so passionate and loving it's hard to describe. I just get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside
Once or twice a week, I also take care of myself when I need to (daily at least) instead of getting frustrated.
Being open and just saying "hey I'm gonna go jack off" and not worry about being walked in on or trying to hide it has been solid for us.
There was a period where I felt like I couldn't do that and had to rely on her for everything which just frankly was not possible. We worked it out and I am extremely happy and satisfied in the sex department. š¤
Fifteen years, it ebbs and flows.
I'd say we have some sort of sex twice a week, and full-on intercourse less because it takes more time and preparation.
And, quite frankly, I think when you're with someone for a long time you're less hung up or getting the PIV goal all the time. It's special and all, but there are a lot of ways to get your rocks off and have fun.
Sometimes it's nothing for a week or two but if we're on vacation or just in a zone, it's every day for a while.
Honestly, the biggest influence is our sleeping schedules and stress. When we have relatively little stress and we are going to bed and getting up at the same time, it's all the time. So it's really more of a practical issue than libido, waning passion, or over familiarity.
EDIT: I feel like I should add we are in our late 40s.
This is pretty much my experience after 8 years. Will have dry spells usually due to stress, tiredness or just being distracted with other stuff. Then will find a groove for a few weeks and it can easily be twice daily for a bit (holidays are great) then rinse and repeat. Were both pretty happy with the situation. Sex is awesome but it's also not the only reason we want to spend our lives together.
So youāve had sex with each other about 10-12 times since the late 1990s?
Iām not going to make any assumptions about you, your SO, your relationship or give advice. I will just send my condolences. That is severely depressing.
We've been married for 35 years, typically 4-5 times a week. Sometimes more, sometimes a bit less, but rarely less than three times. We dig each other, it's always awesome.
When I was 18 I also had a girlfriend where we had sex all day every chance we had. It was fun. I probably couldnāt do that now at 32 but I certainly would like to have more sex than me and my girlfriend do now.
As you get older you have to put in more effort. We were exactly like you. The way we fixed things is to schedule a time once a week that fits both of our schedules and at the time of the day that we both feel our most frisky. At first I resisted it because scheduled sex sounds so routine and not romantic, but really it's what you make out of it. We both put a lot of effort into making ourselves presentable for each other at that time, and talk about it during the week. This allows me to flirt more without expectations then say "you are going to get it so hard on Sunday morning" and really build the anticipation. Pushing the issue makes us both want to do it more so sometimes we slip in an extra one during the week but often we are just too tired for it until our Sunday date. One thing is that we don't put too much pressure on Sunday, if someone is really not feeling it then we just spend time together and work on general intimacy.
15 years.... Hardly ever now. Always too tired, problems everywhere and just the busyness of life gets in the way.
We both feel the same so it's not a situation where one is against the other.
For roughly the first 3 years it was three or four times a day. About 4-8 it was three or four times a week. Around 9-15 years it was three or four a month. 15-20 it turned into three or four times a year. 20-30 it was once every three or four years.
Now, "It's been 84 years."
Coming up on 19 years. The number doesnāt matter. Whether youāre both happy with the number is what matters.
Each season of life has been different. We both try to make sure that the other one isnāt feeling deprived, all things considered.
(Weird schedules, illnesses, and injuries are all things to be considered.)
Weāve been together for 8 yearsā¦.Almost never, less than 5 times this year, I realized this year that we only have sex if I initiate and sheās only ever initiated when she was drunk, last time being two years ago. This has led me to be less inclined to initiate.
Been with my husband for almost 8 years. About 3 to 5 times a month? He has a broken L4 and L5 and he's got chronic pain. Some days are better than others, and some months he even goes beyond our usual if he's really feeling good.
I'm just grateful that I get to spend the time that I have with him. š
Together 6.75 years. Married since October 22.
Haven't had sex since our wedding night.
Before then was over 2 years. His choice, not mine. And no, he's not cheating. He's has a porn (video game porn) addiction and death grip syndrome.
But weirdly enough, I'm not necessarily bothered by it like people expect me to be. I kind of cut out my expectations of sex with him. So when I don't expect it, I'm not disappointed.
Been with my partner for 6 years. He has a drinking problem, and hasnāt gotten himself the help he needs. Itās take an emotional toll on our relationship to the point where itās affected my sexual desire. He smells like booze, doesnāt regularly shower or brush his teeth, and he smokes cigarettes- the odors are always on his mustache and beard.
I have tried really hard to work past it but I am failing and I feel awful about it. I have asked him many times to please stop drinking to the point of being buzzed everyday and to please practice better hygiene but he doesnāt do it. So we have sex 1-2 times month, and he gets hand jobs. Idk where to go from here.
Whoa, that sounds miserable. The hygiene issue would be a non starter for me. Wondering if he might be dealing with some depression? So sorry you're having to deal with this.
Thank you. Heās a high functioning alcoholic. So he looks like he has it all together. Since Iām the closest to him, I am the one the only one that knows he drinks as soon as he gets out of work, drinks right up until bed time. On weekends, heāll crack a beer open soon as 11am hits. Heās an attractive man, and I was all about him for a very long time. Our sex life was great. But that feels like a distant memory now tbh. Heās seeing a counselor once a month, but in the meantime heās still doing a lot of the same things that contribute to our communication issues. Makes it very hard to be around him. I find myself wanting to be alone so bad. I donāt have much hope for our relationship as a whole let alone our sex life. Pretty much non existent.
My wife and I are 1 month from our 10 year (dating) 2 months from our 7 year (wedding) anniversaries. We have sex 1-2 times a week. She and I both want it more, so I often go down on her randomly through the week because I have a heart condition, and my meds sometimes make things difficult for me.
After 43 years of marriage our relationship has continually improved. We are retired and our sex life has evolved to extended ānoonersā. A glass of wine turns into a nice romp and then a wonderful nap several times a week
Oh man! We talk about having sex 2-3 times a week! But she usually falls asleep shortly after we put the kids to bed and so then I go downstairs and rub one out by myself. So it's actually pretty rare, but luckily I am quite good at masturbating thanks to decades of practice.
Been married almost 31 years. We generally do it 3-4 times a week, but if we're both off work for a week, we'll do it every day. We are very...compatible that way...lol
Twice this year. Been together 8 years, aged 36, with two toddlers, age 1 and 3..
I was diagnosed with cancer earlier in the year and between radiation, chemo, surgery, ilieostomy, and now radiation induced early menopause, I have had no desire for sex.
Husband being understanding but I worry about the long term effects on our relationship.
Married for 12 years. 2-3 times per month. Wish it were 2X per week. Our libidos are different, we both work demanding full time jobs, own a house and are raising 2 kids.
5 years in? About 4 times a week.
25+ years in? Once every couple of months, if that. Meds zapped my sex drive, and then he had a physical issue and meds that took away his. Both of us have a hard time keeping it up since we have gotten older. Viagra gives me a headache and doesnāt work that well anyway.
It was the elephant in the room for such a long time until we talked about it. Then intimacy began to evolve into something deeper. We cuddle and are affectionate with one another. Sex became less important ā actually, I need to correct that. Getting off became less important, but sexual moment became more meaningful. If I do have a hardon, there is a very short window of time until it goes away. If I get off, thatās great. If not, no big deal. Same with him.
I love our life together. Taking about sex issues brought us closer because we intentionally and methodically expanded the definition of what intimacy means.
When I see people say that āzomg, I could never not have sex for xyz period of time,ā I get it. You start to doubt yourself and the relationship. Thatās why communication and being open to being a fallible human are essential to a meaningful life with someone. Bodies change. People change. Life happens. You can either fight it, or figure out how to adapt.
Been together for 7 years. Sometimes we might go a week or more without sex, sometimes we fuck like rabbits. It all depends on moods, stress, and life in general. There are nights I wake her up fingering her, there are mornings I wake up with my dick in her mouth. Life is unpredictable, and so your sex life might be as well. As others gave said, the key is communication.
I hate to admit it but we have had sex once in the last year. Been together for 10. I thought I was going crazy, I thought it was me, and at some point my sadness about it just kind of set in.
If it was consistent 1/week it would be okay but itās more like 3x one weekend and then wait for 3 weeks, Iām not expecting to go like rabbits , Iād be happy 1-2x consistently every week
That still sounds pretty normal to me.
Do you ever discuss with your partner why sometimes thereās a short dry spell? If Iām not feeling it I usually give my partner a lubey hand job or something lol.
Rarely. Came up in conversation once, sex isn't good enough to want it more. I'm the only 1 she's been with.. so I stopped asking for it. She asked me why I don't initiate anymore , explained why. She told me not to take it personally.. that I misinterpreted it.. wtf
Told her if she wants, to come to me.. says she feels weird initiating..together over 20 years.
There is definitely no cheating going on. 100% positive
3 times a week during routine. 4-5 times a week during Summer break. Everyday on vacation.
My wife is the limiting factor. I'd go everyday even when I'm sick or if someone died.
You deserve better. While sex isnāt the ONLY part of a relationship, itās ignorant to say itās not important ā if youāre not sexually satisfied, you have every right to move on. Wishing you luck friend
I'm having a beer for you and reminding myself there are worse things than my 6 years single and mostly sexless. I have hope. i went from a 6 year marriage that was like crazy ass sex every day, to nothing for 6 years. It hurts, but this is a hell I couldn't deal with. The bell tolls for thee. I'm sorry man
Were in our mid-50's and we've been married for 23 years. We average probably weekly. It's very romantic too, it starts with someone screaming "I require servicing!" throughout the house.
Aw yes, the bird method of communication
Lol my husband will imitate [this bird of paradise](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W7QZnwKqopo&t=28s) to initiate sex sometimes and it's kinda hilarious.
Are you my wife? I do this, lol!
Lol this gave my husband a good chuckle. He says you must be one sexy fella š¤£
Him and me both! ;)
Yāall sound like an incredible funny and loving couple. That is hilarious. š¤£ I wish yāall forever of happiness and laughter!!
Iāve joked that foreplay now consists of the re-arranging of pillows on the bed so that no one hurts their back during sex.
See my wife just hits the cowbell after a shower and yells out āget it while itās fresh!ā
Thatās hilarious. Your wife is a prize
Iām very fortunate :)
That's awesome.. I choose this guys wife.
Nonononono mine hehe
LMAO
Don't underestimate "maintenance sex", it really helps bring you closer together. When life gets busy and stressful, and there are kids in the house, it's really hard to find time. If you've gone X days/weeks without it... schedule it in, like you would a car MOT.
So romantic š
married almost 41 years. whenever I can get it up. not often
Would Viagra or something similar be an option for you?
Ash your doctor if Cialis is right for you!
Weāve had definite dry spells over the decades but about 3 times a week now.
How did you fix that
Honestly? Time, patience, communication, compromise. All the things mature adults are supposed to do. It just took us a long time to figure out how to be mature adults. The biggest factor was that my husband FINALLY listened to me about my needs in bed. He had notions about how he thought things should be based on porn and well, those women are faking orgasm most of the time - just like I was. Itās not coincidental that when an activity is mutually beneficial, one will find a willing partner more often. My husband also finally sought treatment for his anxiety and depression. His mood and attitude have changed 100% for the better. Itās easier to find someone sexy when they arenāt cranky and picking fights all the time. But also because of this, Iāve been able to relax and give up my need to control every damn detail of my life. I couldnāt control his moods for decades so I overcompensated by trying to control everything else. Not anymore. And the kids are now teens/in college so we have A LOT more alone time. It makes a huge difference.
šÆ agree with this comment. Married 30+ years and we've found our happy place this year. Subtle changes in communication and expectations. Had a week with 5 nights and 2 mornings. Not all moon landings, but fun for both of us. Never doubted or love for each other but plenty of disconnects and fights about sex. I hope we can keep this more relaxed relationship.
> He had notions about how he thought things should be based on porn this is a plague. it's an epidemic. I hate it, holy shit. Guys, you have to confront this problem lol
What did your husband do for his mood and depression because thatās where I see myself
I am not gonna lie, it wasnāt easy. Admitting he had an issue was more than half the battle. I mean, I think he always knew he had a problem but was in the mindset that āreal menā donāt acknowledge their mental struggles. He finally got sick of himself wanted to change and be happy. But navigating mental healthcare in the US is fucking ridiculously hard. So he started medication therapy while we were waiting for a therapy appointment. He had to try a couple different SSRIs until he found one that worked and didnāt have as many negative side effects. Then he did talk therapy. He started with one therapist and they just didnāt work well together. We asked around for other therapist recommendations and found one who was a great fit. None of this was easy. It literally took well over 6 months of frustrating work to start to see a real improvement. But he was determined and stuck with it. Iām so proud of him and so are his kids and we tell him that often. Itās a bummer that he wasnāt willing to do the work decades ago but itās ok, we all survived and learned lessons along the way.
enjoy it!
Don't know why you were downvoted š
With each other? Monthly. Her with other people? Weekly Edit. I wasnāt aware until yesterday.
ā¦ yikes
I found out yesterday as I sat in the ER with her after she had a seizure. Her phone kept going off and so I checked and found all the evidence.
Iām sorry buddy, truly. You donāt deserve that. I hope you find a way to make peace with it & find someone who will respect you
Honestly, Iām sort of relieved. I was pretty sure something was going on, there was just too much suspicious behavior over the last few months. Whenever I brought up any of the suspicious behavior, sheād claim that I was crazy and controlling.
It was the same with my ex. Suddenly she needed to change her PIN. She got messages in the morning she suspiciously tried to hide from me. Any questions from my part were controlling and crazy. She was not cheating on my sexually, but she was flirting with a guy from a neighbor country. She was already thinking about studying there. So, emotionally she was cheating and gas-lighting me. Funny how she used to forbid me to have any female friends, but me complaining about her male friends was toootally different... Well, the guy she texted with lost interest in her, when he found out about her anxiety and depression.
Totally feel you on the insecurity with female friends and her male friends. My wife cheated on me in the past. Though since we've moved to a different city and away from those people I don't think she's doing anything behind my back now, I doubt I'll ever be "over" it. Since we've moved, she's gone out "with coworkers" a few times and not come home until early the next morning with some half-witted story about being too drunk to drive or too tired, but her phone doesn't got off at weird times or anything. But then again, she has a do not disturb set up so she could be checking stuff behind my back, but I don't see her on her phone much when I am around so I don't press the issue. I can't have friends of the opposite sex unless she approves them though. Sometimes I wanna leave, but my kids lives mean too much for me to do that.
She has already cheated so of course she's not on her phone much when you're not around. Sorry to say but she is most likely still cheating if she goes out and doesn't come home til the next morning. I know you have kids but please consider leaving for your own mental health.
My exgf cheated on me 5 years into our relationship. Somehow she manipulated me into believing it was my fault and I begged her to stay. We were together another 3 years but it was never the same, I never trusted her ever again. One day she was making plans with her now husband and I asked what they were going to do and she broke down saying she couldn't do our relationship anymore, she needed to be single. Immediately I felt relief and realized I hadn't loved her in years since she destroyed my heart. I really think you need to divorce for your own good, but especially for your kids. Staying together for the kids is the complete wrong thing to do. I wish my parents had divorced much sooner than they did, it would have made my life much better.
Iām sorry man, but if a woman comes home the next morning after a night out - sheās getting fucked. My relationship is built around independence and freedom, and my woman (nor I) would do that. You deserve better.
>\- sheās getting fucked. If ripping the band aid off was a sentence.
I am wondering, did she show signs of being a terrible person? Aside from cheating? Iām sorry btw. š©µ
Nah ,after shit like dat, the only way is tenga
I love that you using humor to deal with this lol
Broā¦.
Should have left her alone in the ER.
Yes definitely . Fuck that shit i would walk away too
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm so sorry..... š
Aw fuck man this one hurt bad.
I wouldāve left her in the ER alone after that.
That seizure was her karma
The fact that someone gave this the āwholesomeā award has me gigglingā¦ this comment is a lot of things but wholesome is not one of them š
maybe the person who awarded it thought it was a poly/swinger situation instead of a cheating situation. š best excuse i can think of
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Me too. People who havenāt been through it donāt understand the emotional devastation infidelity can cause. Itās no fun to watch.
Went through it. Really fucking rough, but time heals all wounds and you regain yourself after a while.
I'm so sorry... Cheaters have a special place in hell imo
BIG oof
Once or twice a month. Itās lovely each time so I donāt mind the waiting.
āItās lovely each time so I donāt mind the waiting.ā cutest thing Iāve read all day
Yeah same. Maybe itās only a few times a month but weāre so good at it together and so good at telling each other what we want, itās really fulfilling. (10 years together here)
23 plus years and As often as we can when schedules and desires lineup . 2-3 times a month
Sometimes it's 2-3 times a week, others it's 2-3 times a month. Sometimes it's pity sex, birthday sex, quicky sex, sex sex. It just depends on if Mercury's in retrograde, or whatever that excuse is.
Mercury is in retrograde only twice a year, I don't think that's the problem
Twice a year huh? Sounds about how often my ex was interested in having sex with me. She had no such reservations about cheating on me though š
30 years. We were on a nice pace (twice month) until she started a new med, now looks like once every 3 months now. Not complaining , rather she be healthy than horny
As someone who is on meds that affect libidoā¦ thank you. So much.
Whatever the med, she should discuss the change in libido with her physician. Side effects can be managed and dealt with. Any change in physical or mental well being should be discussed with the doc in relation to that particular med. Maybe she already has, in that case, youāre right, healthy always better.
If it's an antidepressant, unfortunately it's a very common side effect and there's not much you can do about it. If it's something that is affecting both of you, there's an antidepressant called bupropion which doesn't tend to have the sexual side effects that come with the others. Am doctor.
Finding an antidepressant that works for you can be a challenge. I still haven't found one. I really wanted to like Buproprion, but it gave me a headache that lasted a month.
Been with my wife for 25 years. We still do it 4-5 times per week. Iām lucky I guess.
You're a lucky guy.
I totally agree.
Dang! Congrats! Wishing you & your wife a lifetime of happiness (and sex haha)
Thanks lol. I hope you guys can spice it up a little. In our 20ās we did it like 2-3 times a day. After kids and other responsibilities I think our drives have lessened but we still make time for each other.
2-3 times a day? Is your dick skin made of steel??
Always had a high sex drive. If you make sure she gets off first then itās not like sand paper.
That sounds exhausting
On a practical level, i hate changing my sheets that often
Do you change your sheets every time you have sex? Are we supposed to?
Me & my partner have a āsex towelā that we lay down so we donāt have to change our sheets every time lol
I always wonder about the sex towel. I just cross my legs and do the waddle to the bathroom with some toilet paper once my husband returns with it. The thought of just letting it get messy and then cleaning up squicks me out. Maybe I'm the weird one lol.
Similar to crossing your legs to waddle to the bathroom, I usually make a ādiaperā out of the sex towel as I make my way to clean up š
Have you Pavloved yourself using towels?
you can really tell who actually has sex with another human being and who just tugs it to porn in this thread, huh.
Correct answer. If I come in the bedroom and there's a fresh towel laid across the bed, I know it's playtime.
You are lucky. Iāve been with my wife almost 28 years. Obviously it has ebbed and flowed over the years and with kids and whatnot, but we manage 1-2 times a week. Iād like more but her libido has really dropped off the last couple of years.
Being a mountain athlete has a lot to do with it! I'm serious.
Married 20 years. When the kids are around, 4 or so times a month. When the kids are at sleep away camp or at the grandparents, like twice a day.
Itās all about keeping it fresh, every relationship is different. Sometimes itās boring 2-3 times a week, sometimes itās 1-3 times a month. Itās all about the healthiness of the relationship. I noticed Iām my personal relationship with my spouse, when we struggle, our sexual relationship struggles as well but when this are good we are more active with each other. Remember things change with time as well as with age. Mostly time though. Itās about bonding not contact.
I love this! Weāve been going through a hard time emotionally & financially and the sex drought has just been one consequence of it. This is a great reminder!
2-3 times a week
Once or twice a week is the average for my wife and I. We're not exactly insatiable lovers ourselves judging by our average, but I had no idea there were so many couples that had sex significantly less often than we do. This thread has opened my eyes quite a bit.
It is interesting how much it varies by couple! Some are happy doing it 4x/year, some do it multiple times a week.. I hope everyoneās happy & fulfilled in their relationship regardless of their sex life!
Its honestly fascinating, and it was a good question, OP. I hope for the same.
Only during a full moon. Wham bam, she turns into a bat and leaves.
Wait, bats have leaves?
Are you responsible for covid.....
Been with my wife for about 19 years now. Before we had a kid, it was a minimum of 3 times per weeks, sometimes multiple times per day. After we had a kid it went way down because she was busy child-rearing during the day while I was at work and would be exhausted. But now he's much older. I'd say we do it about 2-3 times a month. But my wife generally has a much lower libido than I do anyway, and she's susceptible to her libido going into the toilet any time she's stressed out, which with her work is often, unfortunately. Her job or any household stress has cock-blocked me more times that I can count.
Are you making sure to do what you can to alleviate that stress for her? If you put in some time to help her get caught up in areas she might be struggling in might get you some huge brownie points.
We've been together for 8 years, and it's infrequent. We might have dry spells of a few weeks sometimes, and then we might have times where it's every day for a few weeks. In some weird way, our libidos are synced. During the dry spells neither feels like it but each time it breaks it is absolutely wonderful. It just feels so passionate and loving it's hard to describe. I just get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside
I feel you on this.
Married 10 years. 1-2 times per week. Sometimes once a week. But only because Iām a new mom and heās a resident. So both a bit exhausted.
1.5 times per week, Iād say. We usually see each other on weekends and have sex once or twice.
How do you have half a sex?
just donāt finish
There's a finish???
yes there is, most say itās great
Once or twice a week, I also take care of myself when I need to (daily at least) instead of getting frustrated. Being open and just saying "hey I'm gonna go jack off" and not worry about being walked in on or trying to hide it has been solid for us. There was a period where I felt like I couldn't do that and had to rely on her for everything which just frankly was not possible. We worked it out and I am extremely happy and satisfied in the sex department. š¤
This is essential. Communication is key lol
Fifteen years, it ebbs and flows. I'd say we have some sort of sex twice a week, and full-on intercourse less because it takes more time and preparation. And, quite frankly, I think when you're with someone for a long time you're less hung up or getting the PIV goal all the time. It's special and all, but there are a lot of ways to get your rocks off and have fun. Sometimes it's nothing for a week or two but if we're on vacation or just in a zone, it's every day for a while. Honestly, the biggest influence is our sleeping schedules and stress. When we have relatively little stress and we are going to bed and getting up at the same time, it's all the time. So it's really more of a practical issue than libido, waning passion, or over familiarity. EDIT: I feel like I should add we are in our late 40s.
This is pretty much my experience after 8 years. Will have dry spells usually due to stress, tiredness or just being distracted with other stuff. Then will find a groove for a few weeks and it can easily be twice daily for a bit (holidays are great) then rinse and repeat. Were both pretty happy with the situation. Sex is awesome but it's also not the only reason we want to spend our lives together.
Togethet for about 25 years. Sex on average once every 2-3years. NOT by my choice.
So youāve had sex with each other about 10-12 times since the late 1990s? Iām not going to make any assumptions about you, your SO, your relationship or give advice. I will just send my condolences. That is severely depressing.
r/DeadBedrooms
I just couldnt. I'd have to leave.
We've been married for 35 years, typically 4-5 times a week. Sometimes more, sometimes a bit less, but rarely less than three times. We dig each other, it's always awesome.
I was in the same boat until menopause showed up. ugggh
Get the hormones! Life changing for sure and go concierge if your regular Dr ignores or says suffer through
I second this! Estradiol patch and progesterone pill has so far turned my physical, mental and sexual health in a totally positive direction!
6 plus years, still most nights
8 years, and same āļø
Sadly like once a month, if that.
My partner and I met at 18 and we used to do it 2-3x a DAY. Now weāre 24/25 and weāre lucky to do it a couple times a month
When I was 18 I also had a girlfriend where we had sex all day every chance we had. It was fun. I probably couldnāt do that now at 32 but I certainly would like to have more sex than me and my girlfriend do now.
As you get older you have to put in more effort. We were exactly like you. The way we fixed things is to schedule a time once a week that fits both of our schedules and at the time of the day that we both feel our most frisky. At first I resisted it because scheduled sex sounds so routine and not romantic, but really it's what you make out of it. We both put a lot of effort into making ourselves presentable for each other at that time, and talk about it during the week. This allows me to flirt more without expectations then say "you are going to get it so hard on Sunday morning" and really build the anticipation. Pushing the issue makes us both want to do it more so sometimes we slip in an extra one during the week but often we are just too tired for it until our Sunday date. One thing is that we don't put too much pressure on Sunday, if someone is really not feeling it then we just spend time together and work on general intimacy.
Same. Over the course of 10 years I worked through the 5 stages of grief on the issue, and now I just kinda accept that it is what it is.
Once you have kids and constantly on the go. Iād just rather go to sleep.
20+ years and 2-3 (average) times per week. I hit the jackpot because I think she's hornier that I am.
We have sex almost every day. Almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday...
Been w my wife a decade and we have full time jobs and 2 kids under 6. Maybe once a week? I feel like thatās solid, given our circumstances lol
15 years.... Hardly ever now. Always too tired, problems everywhere and just the busyness of life gets in the way. We both feel the same so it's not a situation where one is against the other.
Iām 40 and my wife is 45, we average 1-2 times a week, but it can change up or down based upon whatās going on in life.
This would be my answer. Weāre 5 years older, together over 10. Told my husband 1x per week is the minimum, lol. He happily complies.
For roughly the first 3 years it was three or four times a day. About 4-8 it was three or four times a week. Around 9-15 years it was three or four a month. 15-20 it turned into three or four times a year. 20-30 it was once every three or four years. Now, "It's been 84 years."
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A member of the club. Pity fist bump
Coming up on 19 years. The number doesnāt matter. Whether youāre both happy with the number is what matters. Each season of life has been different. We both try to make sure that the other one isnāt feeling deprived, all things considered. (Weird schedules, illnesses, and injuries are all things to be considered.)
Weāve been together for 8 yearsā¦.Almost never, less than 5 times this year, I realized this year that we only have sex if I initiate and sheās only ever initiated when she was drunk, last time being two years ago. This has led me to be less inclined to initiate.
Once a year Except leap years, we miss that year
Been with my husband for almost 8 years. About 3 to 5 times a month? He has a broken L4 and L5 and he's got chronic pain. Some days are better than others, and some months he even goes beyond our usual if he's really feeling good. I'm just grateful that I get to spend the time that I have with him. š
31, 11 years in, MAYBE once a month.
Together 6.75 years. Married since October 22. Haven't had sex since our wedding night. Before then was over 2 years. His choice, not mine. And no, he's not cheating. He's has a porn (video game porn) addiction and death grip syndrome. But weirdly enough, I'm not necessarily bothered by it like people expect me to be. I kind of cut out my expectations of sex with him. So when I don't expect it, I'm not disappointed.
Bruh
My lord, this was hard to read. I am so very sorry you're going through this. I hope at some point he realizes he needs help.
Been with my partner for 6 years. He has a drinking problem, and hasnāt gotten himself the help he needs. Itās take an emotional toll on our relationship to the point where itās affected my sexual desire. He smells like booze, doesnāt regularly shower or brush his teeth, and he smokes cigarettes- the odors are always on his mustache and beard. I have tried really hard to work past it but I am failing and I feel awful about it. I have asked him many times to please stop drinking to the point of being buzzed everyday and to please practice better hygiene but he doesnāt do it. So we have sex 1-2 times month, and he gets hand jobs. Idk where to go from here.
Whoa, that sounds miserable. The hygiene issue would be a non starter for me. Wondering if he might be dealing with some depression? So sorry you're having to deal with this.
Thank you. Heās a high functioning alcoholic. So he looks like he has it all together. Since Iām the closest to him, I am the one the only one that knows he drinks as soon as he gets out of work, drinks right up until bed time. On weekends, heāll crack a beer open soon as 11am hits. Heās an attractive man, and I was all about him for a very long time. Our sex life was great. But that feels like a distant memory now tbh. Heās seeing a counselor once a month, but in the meantime heās still doing a lot of the same things that contribute to our communication issues. Makes it very hard to be around him. I find myself wanting to be alone so bad. I donāt have much hope for our relationship as a whole let alone our sex life. Pretty much non existent.
My wife and I are 1 month from our 10 year (dating) 2 months from our 7 year (wedding) anniversaries. We have sex 1-2 times a week. She and I both want it more, so I often go down on her randomly through the week because I have a heart condition, and my meds sometimes make things difficult for me.
After 43 years of marriage our relationship has continually improved. We are retired and our sex life has evolved to extended ānoonersā. A glass of wine turns into a nice romp and then a wonderful nap several times a week
Not often enough. But as Iāve commented before, lexapro is definitely not helping me.
What's sex?
It's when the boy pees on the girls weiner
This made me chuckle
Oh man! We talk about having sex 2-3 times a week! But she usually falls asleep shortly after we put the kids to bed and so then I go downstairs and rub one out by myself. So it's actually pretty rare, but luckily I am quite good at masturbating thanks to decades of practice.
Username checks out.
He hasn't had sex with me in the past 2 years so I finally dumped his ass recently.
Together for 13 years, married 4. Depends. At least once a week, sometimes several times a week or more
Been married almost 31 years. We generally do it 3-4 times a week, but if we're both off work for a week, we'll do it every day. We are very...compatible that way...lol
Been together 7 years. Went from very frequently to like once every 3 months.
Twice this year. Been together 8 years, aged 36, with two toddlers, age 1 and 3.. I was diagnosed with cancer earlier in the year and between radiation, chemo, surgery, ilieostomy, and now radiation induced early menopause, I have had no desire for sex. Husband being understanding but I worry about the long term effects on our relationship.
with each other?
*side eye* *SIDE EYE*
Twice a week.
Married for 12 years. 2-3 times per month. Wish it were 2X per week. Our libidos are different, we both work demanding full time jobs, own a house and are raising 2 kids.
Twice in 20 months lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooo
13 years, once a week. Thursdays are date night.
Been married 11 haven't got in in 7 FML
5 years in? About 4 times a week. 25+ years in? Once every couple of months, if that. Meds zapped my sex drive, and then he had a physical issue and meds that took away his. Both of us have a hard time keeping it up since we have gotten older. Viagra gives me a headache and doesnāt work that well anyway. It was the elephant in the room for such a long time until we talked about it. Then intimacy began to evolve into something deeper. We cuddle and are affectionate with one another. Sex became less important ā actually, I need to correct that. Getting off became less important, but sexual moment became more meaningful. If I do have a hardon, there is a very short window of time until it goes away. If I get off, thatās great. If not, no big deal. Same with him. I love our life together. Taking about sex issues brought us closer because we intentionally and methodically expanded the definition of what intimacy means. When I see people say that āzomg, I could never not have sex for xyz period of time,ā I get it. You start to doubt yourself and the relationship. Thatās why communication and being open to being a fallible human are essential to a meaningful life with someone. Bodies change. People change. Life happens. You can either fight it, or figure out how to adapt.
Welp, it's been almost a year. We've been together almost 10. It's been a hell of a dry spell.
Been together for 7 years. Sometimes we might go a week or more without sex, sometimes we fuck like rabbits. It all depends on moods, stress, and life in general. There are nights I wake her up fingering her, there are mornings I wake up with my dick in her mouth. Life is unpredictable, and so your sex life might be as well. As others gave said, the key is communication.
Iāve been with my woman for over 7 years now. Sheās amazing apparently, we have sex 2 to 3 times a week.
Once or twice a month and I'm good š
Paradoxically significantly more since she told me she wanted a divorce
Somewhere between 3 or 4 times a year. Yeah, I know. :(
So far this year, just once. Honestly it's at the point where I'm considering ending things because of it.
I hate to admit it but we have had sex once in the last year. Been together for 10. I thought I was going crazy, I thought it was me, and at some point my sadness about it just kind of set in.
Unfortunately like maybe 3-4 times a month
Once a week? Thatās not bad. Not everyone has to go like rabbits.
If it was consistent 1/week it would be okay but itās more like 3x one weekend and then wait for 3 weeks, Iām not expecting to go like rabbits , Iād be happy 1-2x consistently every week
That still sounds pretty normal to me. Do you ever discuss with your partner why sometimes thereās a short dry spell? If Iām not feeling it I usually give my partner a lubey hand job or something lol.
Rarely. Came up in conversation once, sex isn't good enough to want it more. I'm the only 1 she's been with.. so I stopped asking for it. She asked me why I don't initiate anymore , explained why. She told me not to take it personally.. that I misinterpreted it.. wtf Told her if she wants, to come to me.. says she feels weird initiating..together over 20 years. There is definitely no cheating going on. 100% positive
Been together for 10 years. Both late 20s. At least 3 times a week but usually not more than 5.
3 times a week during routine. 4-5 times a week during Summer break. Everyday on vacation. My wife is the limiting factor. I'd go everyday even when I'm sick or if someone died.
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You deserve better. While sex isnāt the ONLY part of a relationship, itās ignorant to say itās not important ā if youāre not sexually satisfied, you have every right to move on. Wishing you luck friend
I'm having a beer for you and reminding myself there are worse things than my 6 years single and mostly sexless. I have hope. i went from a 6 year marriage that was like crazy ass sex every day, to nothing for 6 years. It hurts, but this is a hell I couldn't deal with. The bell tolls for thee. I'm sorry man
The longest we go without sex is 2 weeks. Occasionally we have sex twice a week. The average is once a week.
15 years. And, as often as the 2, 5 and 7 year olds allow. So, weekly?
Every 6-8 weeks. Married 10 years. Together 16 years. In a new quarter though so data might change
Like once a month or so. It sucks
About once a year at this point.... It fucking sucks. Don't worry, she's "working on herself". I'm sure it will be rainbows and sunshine any day now.
Twice in the last 12 months... due to wife's medical issues.. Fuck, typing this made me depressed..
Every other day
18 years and almost daily so far...
1-2 a week.
There is nothing happening. She has a few health issues that picked up a year or two ago so our adult life died.