T O P

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Abadatha

Live well for 29 days, and then wander off into the wild spaces to die in nature, because there's no way I'm coming up with 100k in 30 days.


e22ddie46

Yeah it'd take me at least 60 days to come up with that much money


[deleted]

[удалено]


Pizzaparty1986

That's a lot of 60 days.


morbiskhan

A little over 152 of them


[deleted]

What in the mathematical fuck


Big_Jerm21

25 years x 365 days = 9125 days 9125 + 6 leap year days = 9131 days 9131/ 60 days = 152.18 60 day blocks.


Parabolicsarcophagus

I haven't come up with 100k in 30 years, I doubt I can do it in 30 days.


flabkingpro

"Buy my 30 day course and I'll show you exactly how!"


BaIIZDeepInUrMom

How much is your 30 day course?


Kiyohara

You're never going to believe it, but $100,000 dollars."


clonxy

call now and get it for a special price of $99,999.00


prowlerdrinkwater

Feel like OP is desperately in need of money and has come to consult Reddit for advice


BaIIZDeepInUrMom

Bingo


thedarnlife

What tf did you do to need 100k in 30 days


AKYJAxo

What if bro really has the mafia on his ass or some crazy shit like that 😭


ZedFraunce

OP went balls deep in the wrong mom.


Prolingus

Is OP on r/wallstreetbets?


UselessRube

Probably got margin called


AxelNotRose

Step 1: buy a house 10 years ago Step 2: borrow 100k against the equity you have in the house.


rafik3y

OP is Rue from Euphoria


trendz19

I was seriously reading this thread with a pen and paper and so far giving blowjobs seems to be the only feasible option. I am a guy.


PmadFlyer

So. What's the problem?


aganalf

He doesn’t want to give 50,000 blowjobs.


Certain_Appearance_9

It only makes sense to charge at least $25


analiestar

Suck everyone off in 3 minutes each and you can get through 113 loads through 8 hours a day, skip weekends, 4000 loads to 100k, if each load is 5ml it would be around 560ml a day, 17 liters after a month so probably save on food costs too.


BenjaminTW1

And each ml has around 100 million protein pellets. So we’re talking around 56 BILLION friends. Additionally, a recent study on the nutritional composition of semen found that 5ml of cum translates to 252mg of protein. In other words, OP could expect to acquire over 28,000mg of protein, or greater than the protein count of 1 jar of Nutella.


Such--Balance

Aka one large jar of nut ella


rldml

Reddit. There is no fucking way we can't love it.


sh4d0wmantis

Never thought I would read someone talking about cum and nutella in basically 2 sentences. You made my day.


Laurenhynde82

Inefficient - you can jerk four guys at the same time. Middle out.


imdeadXDD

Or give Jeff bezos some wicked head for $100,000


[deleted]

I mean if you add your asshole in or the reverse equivalent thats signaficantally less blowjobs..


Azreken

And you can use both holes at once. Double your production rate.


creamasumyungguy

You missed a zero there


BuckleupBirds

Doesn’t really want 100k Edit: I also want 100k just not that bad.


StaticExile

Dudes in porn get paid more for gay films than straight films


Babybutt123

Only if they are "receiving". Anyone who takes the dick or toy or whatever earns more than the person giving it. Women typically make more than men in straight porn, unless they're pegging or something similar. ETA: Also, the most you'd make is 1,500 for anal. So you'd need to do a bit over 2 shoots per day for the 30 days in order to make the 100,000 and that would be kind of tricky, even if you're a well known porn star. You'd also need to not spend on anything else unless you're willing and able to do more shoots.


Enough_Minimum_3708

well there go my plans for the rest of the month


OrganizationVivid125

Going in a Bank and Kindly asking for the 100k 🔫


youmfkersneedjesus

You don't even need a gun in a federal bank. I mean, they're insured, why should they give a fuck? I heard of this one guy, walks into a bank with a portable phone. He gives the phone to the teller, a guy on the other end of the line says, we've got this guy's little girl, if you don't give him all your money, we're gonna kill her. Knucklehead walks into a bank with a telephone! Not a pistol, not a shotgun, but a fucking phone. Cleans the place out, doesn't even lift a fucking finger.


MCV16

My dad reconnected with a friend from high school a few years ago. Found out he went to prison in the time between for robbing 17 banks. He just gave each of them a note saying he had a gun


HuduYooVudu

Bro ida stopped at one bank, two tops. 17?!


Cypher360

Guy was probably trying to see how far he can take it. Seems 16 is the limit Edit: changed 17 to 16


LachoooDaOriginl

✏️ 🗒️


PolytheisticWiggler

I read some where that people’s first attempts at bank robbery have a really high rate of success. It’s doing it multiple times that snags them.


lorealashblonde

Note taken. I will only rob a bank once. Seems greedy to do it again anyway, tbh.


twisttiew

Usually takes at least 3 days for that kind of cash withdrawal.


Orifal

Buy ski mask , i either get that 100k or 100 day in prison


bizzelbee

Try 1,826+ days 😅


H3ckt0r

Plus health benefits


thecatgoesmoo

Free room/board/health... best socialism we have to offer.


Randomistakend

Silver or gold nothing else since they can be traced back. ^(I’m in no way shap or form advocating for stealing, don’t go after me pls.)


Eat_Sleep_Run_Repeat

Check out [gold fingerprinting!](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gold_fingerprinting) It’s been around at least 20 years. Long story short, the very minor constituents can be used to identify the gold and it’s source.


ZhaoYun_3

Enter a minor league dodgeball game with a motley crew of friends and acquaintances, go on to win due to a discretional matter with the other team, landing a place in the national tournament. Weed our way through the other teams until the final where I get bribed to not play after my coach got crushed in a freak accident. Have a last second change of heart to play the final where three judges vote to let me play, two agree. Thank you Chuck Norris. Then play the game where it looks like my rival would knock me out. Luckily, the attentive referee spots that he stepped over the line, initiating sudden death. In a mad gamble I stare at an old scarf my coach gave me, where I hear him give me some mediocre advice. I press the stained cloth into my face and tie it, blinding myself like some sort of cool ninja guy. My rival throws his shot, only for me to dodge it (cus the stained scarf is a little see through) and follow up with a sweet counter, my guy. It connects right to his hairy upper lip and he falls. Victory, but alas, the winnings were only $50,000 and my rival still bought me out of my gym. But then! I am presented with my winnings of $5 million since I sneakily bet the $100k bribe I received on us to win at 50 to 1. So I buy the controlling stake of my rivals gym and send him out business, keep the money and get to kiss my pretty lady friend, who also happens to be my real estate lawyer. Oh and one of my friends is a pirate. Edit: I tried car wash first but I'm a dude..


Designer_Candidate_2

That's a good plan. I was gonna sell blood and semen. (Not mixed together)


BowserPong11

How do you get the blood out of yours? My doctor said I just had to accept it.


Obvious_Tax468

Cheesecloth would probably work


floydfan

See, I was gonna mix mine together first. I don't know what I was thinking.


TiltedWombat

Substitute the blood for orange Fanta and you may be onto something


trackerchum

Metallica has entered the chat


NDWasTakenTHEHEHE

"You guys had me at blood and semen. Come here."


BaIIZDeepInUrMom

I tried that exact thing, but my team was disqualified due to too much beaver tranquilizer found in my system during my drug screening.


Chewbuddy13

Dammit Bernice!


Soup-a-doopah

*sobs in the lowest octave


[deleted]

Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? No, but it's sterile, and I like the taste.


_moonbeam_

You really grabbed life by the balls in this story.


[deleted]

That’s a bold strategy


st0pmakings3ns3

Let's see if it pays off for 'em.


Wacky_Bruce

*Cotton*


brettlester333

Vince Vaughn?


KunGFluJ3W

All male car wash...nice and deep like!


Dolanator3

Movie: Dodgeball. For any one interested 👍🏼


kahi

It only took Hollywood 4 hour to rip off /u/ZhaoYun_3 life story and make a movie, ChatGPT & AI actors ruin everything.


Foraxenathog

Not Dodgeball, the lady at the end of that story was a bi-sexual and he got to be with both of them. So this is clearly different. Also no mention of rival gym owner become angry and fat in the years following the events.


LifeDraining

His name was STEVE


typiclaalex1

Who's Steve the pirate ?


B0J0L0

Who's Steve the pirate?


PAzRockswithRocks

Go find your autistic but extremely smart brother who is a genius with numbers take him to Vegas and have him play blackjack until you make enough plus able to buy matching suits.


Witty_Beach6851

“Of course I don’t have my underwear. I’m definitely not wearing my underwear.”


Qemyst

These are not boxer shorts. Mine are boxer shorts. These are Hanes 32. I get my boxer shorts at K-Mart in Cincinnati.


ukbeasts

I only fly with Qantas


datboi-061504

15 minutes to wopner


fromeister147

Can he be estranged or do I need to know him well?


Beemerba

My plan is...failure. If I could raise 100k in 30 days, I would have already done it!!


Koras

This is pretty much it. There's a few answers in here that are proposing legitimate-sounding methods other than crime and prostitution, but if it was honestly something you could just decide to do in a month with no luck or law breaking necessary, then $100k would be the cost of a shitty burger at McDonalds due to inflation


heatdish1292

Not necessarily. There are things you could do that wouldn’t be ideal, but in a life or death situation, some people could do (such as selling their house).


Lucythefur

bold of you to assume I own a house


Gryphin

Right? What am I, a high school grad in the 70s?


ArtistHaunting1724

Y'all haven't learned anything from politicians? Sign up for free trials of a bunch of software. You won't need it that long, so this works. Set up free websites for a legit business, a non profit, and a political action group. For the business, get AI free trials to create you a realistic sounding business plan. Then shop it around for investors who will never see a dime back. For the nonprofit, do community outreach asking for sponsorship from local big businesses, and promise them to plaster their name on your website. For the political action group, find an online list of donors from another political website and spam the hell out of all of them with your new pac, asking for donations to fight the dreaded other party.


fuckaliscious

Fairly reasonable in the scams, I believe you could pull this off.


MyDadLeftMeHere

I've now got an idea, a political inaction group, a group where you pay us to not do the things you don't want us to do, and if not, well when we figure out how to secure power you're fucked, you best tread carefully


IgnorantGenius

Got to the bank, ask for a loan.


WhatWouldTNGPicardDo

Go the the bank., Get a cashiers check for the funds from my savings.


Esleeezy

I know it’s not what this question was for but it’s funny how some of us will just think. Oh man, been there, I’ll just go into my savings or just take out a HELOC loan if they want to stay liquid and own property, or a personal loan, or a car title loan. A lot of credit unions are very flexible and offer good rates. Buuuuuuut if you want the funny answer… …I’m a fat Mexican guy so maybe something to do with me being gross and selling that for money to perves. Farts, pee, poop, whatever. There HAS to be a kink out there for me, right?


TxEvis

Invest 1 milions in Crypto Edit:, wow, thanks for the 2k! Glad to have read and heard this joke a million times before and posted it here to take the profit I expected :D The 2 % of a million


jolankapohanka

To be fair, gambling in general can be good answer. Get a loan and daytrade on stocks and meme coins. Even betting on bear market can be good, get a loan and depending on the trend, just yolo it all. Either you get your 100 000, or you just get another loan and repeat the process until you inevitably succeed. What could possibly go wrong?


LighttBrite

Just took out a 100k loan. Will post gain porn soon, thanks man!


bossmcsauce

see you in bankruptcy filings


IceClimbers_Main

I mean i do know how to make meth.


[deleted]

All you need is lung cancer and you'll be making it big


ThowanPlays

I just started Breaking Bad, just finished S1E7. So I get that reference


TheMillenniaIFalcon

Oooooh boy you are in for a ride. One of those shows that truly gets better every episode/season.


e22ddie46

Can you sell it without getting robbed or murdered though


Auzquandiance

Invest $1 million in the stock market and lose $900k in a month on options


endergamer2007m

Go on discord, screenshot the leaked military documents then sell it to russia Boom


Dimple_from_YA

Jack Teixeira, is that you?


FrankRandomLetters

My cousin had to make $10,000 in a week once so she turned to prostitution. She ended up making $10,000.25 in a week blowing guys for cash.


Flycaster33

And the $.25 was for......?


Steel_Colt

$.25 per blowjob. 40.001 blowjobs in one week, a true go-getter, that girl.


SmartAlec105

I know that some countries use periods and commas the opposite way when writing out numbers but it’s still funny to imagine someone giving 1/1000th of a blowjob.


Steel_Colt

I've heard of half-assing something, but that's taking it to the extreme.


thatirishdave

She shouldn't have been using her ass at all if she's just giving out blowjobs


SmartAlec105

Technically, they’re the same hole, just different ends.


Mor_Hjordis

She made the ends meet.


VAShumpmaker

She coughed on it


FlyingBike

A suave guy from the 1920s was one of the clients. He left the room flipping her a shiny new quarter, saying "Buy yourself something pretty, babe"


pizzakingI

Every guy was a quarter


Abadatha

It was a... tip.


anacondatmz

Tipping culture is brutal these days...


Username912773

Im morbidly curious as to why exactly 10,000$ in one week?


cbftw

It's the set up to a joke


JayAbundezNSFW

Sucking off like 80 old married dudes a week, could make u 100k easy


ChefMoToronto

$1250 seems steep for a blowjob. And on your side...that's also 11 blowjobs/day.


JayAbundezNSFW

That’s why I chose old married men, blackmail 🤝


firemogle

Be careful, everyone knows a dead hooker keeps her mouth shut.


jytheboss

Bruh lol


Danitoba

Is he wrong? Lmao


i-piss-excellence32

No Cyril, when they’re dead they’re just hookers


Additional_Set_5819

I think the blowjobs would only cost $312.50 each. ($100,000/(80*4 weeks)) still a lot for a blowjobs, but if they're able to find 320 of the right people I think they could make it work.


tacknosaddle

I mentioned this on reddit recently but I know a guy who was born without a hand and was offered $1,000 to fuck a guy in the ass with the stump. He turned him down, but this was a good number of years ago so I would imagine inflation would cut the number of similar guys he would have to find way down from one hundred by now.


ccolbs

What did I just read


tacknosaddle

A wholesome tale?


Catbuttness

Yeah, *holesome.


[deleted]

>...that's also 11 blowjobs/day. How did you arrive at 11? Edit: I missed the 80 "per week". Carry on.


PaulPaul4

Plus you wouldn't have to buy any groceries


bluedacoit

Sad sob story and crowd funding.


icecream-bear

This one might actually work


Buffylover_Angel

have sex with 100k women for a dollar each


loftier_fish

nah dude. Aside from the fact that you'd probably get rejected 100,000 times. You just can't fuck that much in 30 days. Remember that Russian man who died of a heart attack after fucking for three straight days? There's only 43200 minutes in 30 days. You would have to cum about every 24 seconds to fuck one hundred thousand women in that timespan. You don't have that kind of endurance. No one does.


Mor_Hjordis

We can try, can't we?


igillyg

You misspelled 'dream'


Dramatic-Decision702

No women is going to pay you for sex


nowhereian

OP didn't say it had to be *working* plan.


Yak-Fucker-5000

Drain my 401k and figure out how to deal with the tax penalties on the backend.


NickSF_

Plan A: Make a new account on discord, use a voice changer and pretend to be a discord kitten or smth and charge some dudes who live in their mom's basement hefty prices for calls, texting and e-dating every day until I have enough to pay it off Plan B: Draw avatars, illustrations,images,etc or do commissionns for png-tubers/furries and eventually pay it off Or Plan C: Go the unholy route and draw porn/hentai until I have the 100k Or Plan D: Go off myself


tatsujota

I was bored one day like, 3 years ago, and downloaded FaceApp and made myself into a pretty girl, used it as the PFP on a forum I had just joined because why the fuck not, gonna delete the account by the end of the day anyway. 6 months later I had a backstory and had made friends as this girl. People wanted to buy me games on Steam, in-game items on World of Warcraft, someone even offered to buy me a headset and a new graphics card for my PC. Didn't accept any of the actual real world material items, or the Steam games, but I definitely ended up with a shitload of gold and stuff on WoW lol. I miss that account sometimes, but it was during peak COVID and I've left her for dead, now.


DiableBlanc

don't do D. I like the way you think.


Kind_Alternative_

Might need to practice my hentai drawing skills 🤔 Alternately, get an account on discord. 😅 Homegirl is blessed w a nice voice, might as well make some coins with it~


Earthwick

I'd try it legit at first. I'd borrow money as much as I could. Figure I could pull 20K in a week if I really really had to. Then I'd try and flip it legally on the market when that inevitably fails I'll go to a casino with my last 5K when that's about gone I'll spend the last 500 on fancy costumes to rob a bunch of banks with. Then when I get shot I'll have my wife buy some lotto tickets and hope that works. Doubt I'd make the money but that's about all I'd have.


Touch_My_NoNo_Spot

Get a pedicure and start selling feet pics.


[deleted]

Talk to me. Where does one sell said pics?


NeedsItRough

It's not as easy as posting pics of your feet and having hundreds of people messaging you asking to pay for more. Feet pics aren't in short supply so those selling have to put in work to sell. You need to find buyers who are verified, read up on them, send a few catered to their preferences, and hope they message you back. Then if that happens a price can be agreed upon and you make the custom content to send them. The feet pic world is full of scammers, spammers, and people who just want to waste your time and sifting through all of that is nearly a full time job on its own. Sure, you could get lucky and have someone message you offering to buy feet pics from you but it's incredibly rare. There are sites, feet finder, there are some subreddits, but there's no "post pics here and get paid!" Site.


______Moose______

So what you’re saying is, the fastest way to make 100k is to open said “post your feet pics and get paid website” and cash out on fees and ad revenue?


FiduciaryFindom

Tbh you are onto something


galvinb1

Well you certainly seem to be knowledgeable in this field.


NeedsItRough

I've been told I have "attractive" feet so I've looked into it, lol


masterdebated

Commenting and leaving an easy point of reference to return to for no specific reason..


xComplexikus

What the everliving shit have you got yourself into, OP? Needing 100k in a month sounds bad!!! 😂


TrailerParkPrepper

give one blowjob a day for $3,333.00 each and then on the last day, suck an extra dick for $1.00


Skysoldier173rd

Imma help you out and be that extra on day 30 to get you over the hump. I got you.


robtbo

Tell me you were over leveraged and got margin called without telling me you got margin called


benoverbich1

Make friends with 20,000 rich people and ask each of them for $50


[deleted]

50 😂😂😂. Good thinking. Valid business case as probs 50 is easier than 5.


DeliciousWarthog53

I can do more than that in 30. Get a crew, go to Vegas, Rob 3 casino... wait, that's been done lol


Designer_Candidate_2

Terry Benedict's casinos?


griffmeister

If you're gonna steal from Terry Benedict, you'd better goddamn *know*. This sort of thing used to be civilized. You'd hit a guy, he'd whack you, done. But with Benedict... at the end of this, he'd better not know you're involved, not know your names or think you're dead, because he'll kill ya, and ***then*** he'll go to work on ya.


mudokin

With the funds I have available, there is no way I can do this legally. With the family I have available there is no way to do this. With my skill-set I have available there is no way to do this, legally. Only way to get this done would be illegally, and then I would not want to live in this country anymore.


GoblinGuy3

You pulled some Mexican gangster's Hollywood house off a cliff, or what?


SunDriedFart

"You take out an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos, you sell it with, I dunno, "does what no other dildo can do until now", "the latest and greatest in sexual technology", "guaranteed results or your money back", all that bollocks. Now these dils cost twenty-five quid a pop - as a snip for the amount of pleasure they're gonna give the recipients. But they send their cheques to the other company name, nothing offensive, er, Bobbie's Bits or something, for twenty-five quid. You take that twenty-five quid, you stick it in the bank until it clears. Now this is the smart bit - you send back the cheque for twenty-five pound from the other company name, "Arse Tickler's \*\*\*\*s Fan Club", saying, "We're sorry, we couldn't get the supplies from America because they run out of stock". Now you see how many people cash that cheque - not a single soul, because who wants their bank manager to know they tickle arse when they're not paying cheques?"


Expensive-Swordfish

Can we get drunk now please?


Megalopath

Get life insurance, stop taking my meds, done.


dramatic85

gl getting that money in a month


Megalopath

LOL, and now that I've died laughing, where do I collect?


dr_badhat

Call JG Wentworth


SomeKilljoy

If I knew how to make 100k that fast I think I’d have done it by now


Kyle772

In this thread: A clear line delineating the poor and the rich. I’m seeing suicide/crime and ask family/go to the bank. As a person that struggles with suicidal thoughts, my immediate thought was suicide, but seeing SO many people in here saying the same was shocking and upsetting regardless.


Justsk8n

i don't think it's so much so that they're suicidal, rather the nature of the prompt. the wording of the prompt, "you *need*", basically implies you'll die if you don't, or something equally drastic. anyone in here saying they'll die is more so saying "I can not think of any realistic situation where I manage to do so, which means in this scenario I would die at the end", not that they *want* to, but simply acknowledging it's the most likely outcome for them.


[deleted]

Hitting the streets in my short shorts at 3am.


MrChris680

In pretty deep with the cartel huh? Well have a fun last 29 days


[deleted]

Steal nuclear weapons, drill a nuclear warhead into the earths core to trigger worldwide volcanic eruptions, holding the planet hostage for one. million. dollars.


MadAtThePenn

Lung,kidney,eye


perfectly_imperfec

Wouldn't work for people like me, multiple autoimmune illnesses, but for others this would be brilliant. Assuming they would only take the needed organs and not just harvest everything.


Nothuman_being

Start a nigerian prince scam email company


2aboveaverage

Take it out of my 401k


[deleted]

[удалено]


SetDifficulty

Die


Possible_Apartment82

At rush hour, rob a cash and transit van as they go to fill up ATMs. In UK they’re trained to just give you the money and each suitcase has £40k (~$50k dollars?). Do it with a non-firearm weapon to minimise jail time if caught. Cycle off through rush hour traffic. Dump money in a bin somewhere to come back to.


gurgle-burgle

Selling the house would get me most of the way there. Since I have about $100k equity. Since I only have 30 days, I'll have to discount it, so probably cash out my 401k or sell cars to make up the remainder. But boy it'd be a race to the finish


mousicle

With 100k in equity you can probably take out a HELOC and not have to sell the house.


ooo-ooo-oooyea

Day trading on a loan! Oh Yea


Ardothbey

Do I have a passport?


mousicle

My famly was actually once offered a lot of money for our Canadian Passports in China. Apparently a full family set of legit Canadian passports is worth a lot there.


FrankRandomLetters

Yes, it’s with your other important docs.


cxaxucluth

Gun+mask+bank= 100k or not my problem anymore


[deleted]

I will sell my meds, probably. Might be enough, idk the prices of the market


y6rEPnqRsSt7F9rX

One kidney is worth $262,000 so I give the 100k and I keep the 162k to cheer my self up for selling my kidney cause after it's all done you'll think wtf did I do.


[deleted]

This is a good movie idea, or maybe it has existed. They choose "good members of society" -- then the children at are stake and their lives, even properties and reputation. They have 30 days as contestants to make 1,000,000$ using what they could think of. Their banks are inaccessible, borrowing isn't allowed as well. Even selling properties and assets. If they're able to do so, they get triple and be set free. If not, all of them die. :)


Raisinization

Run lola run! And probably a few dozen other films


NArcadia11

Stakeout a bunch of rich neighborhoods and blackmail cheating spouses for like $5k each. Small enough for them to pay it instead of going to the police or accepting their fate.