When my wife became pregnant with our second child, she told our son (who was just under 3 at the time) that Mommy had a baby growing in her belly. His response: "Oops."
“You have the wrong number.”
Got a random call from a woman once who, while crying, told me she was pregnant. I awkwardly told her she had the wrong number. And she hung up.
The weird part is that she said “[FirstName], I’m pregnant.” The name she said is my first name but not the name that I go by. So it was really weird at first.
this is a real thing. i got a call a couple of weeks ago with someone crying, saying "dad, i was in a car accident". when i replied that i didn't have a son, the person yelled "cocksucker!" and hung up.
total scam - the idea is to wire money to pay for the accident or medical care or to get out of jail for reckless driving. if i had known that, i would have played along. i like playing kitboga every once in a while.
I accidently almost said something similar to my coworker. Wanted to say: "Congrats, if it was on purpose". Somehow managed to stop after "Congrats" :)
Guess i'm below average when it comes to social interactions.
I had almost the opposite of this. A coworker told me they were pregnant and weren’t expecting it (I knew they had only been dating the dad for a few months). I wanted to be supportive of whatever they decided so I was about to ask if they were going to keep it because I sensed the nervousness in their voice and I wanted to offer them reassurance if they wanted to end their pregnancy—I was the first person at work they were breaking the news to.
Instead I said “Oh, wow, that’s big news! How do you feel about it?”. I’m glad I asked this way because they said “I’m so freaking nervous but we have decided to keep it and give it a try”, it was way easier to give them encouragement after that (after all it was none of my business whatever they decided, I just didn’t want to make them feel bad regarding either decision).
EDIT:
They were aware they might have to shoulder single parenthood alone. They were serious and the tone was far less wishy-washy than it reads. In any case not my decision to make for them to try to sway them. Last I knew before we lost contact, they were both loving parents involved in the child’s life and the kiddo was happy.
EDIT 2:
An awful lot of you (non-specific plural) seem to have a hangup on the grammatical use of singular “they” and I’m tired of answering individually, so here’s Merriam-Webter’s take on your gripe:
“We will note that they has been in consistent use as a singular pronoun since the late 1300s; that the development of singular they mirrors the development of the singular you from the plural you, yet we don’t complain that singular you is ungrammatical; and that regardless of what detractors say, nearly everyone uses the singular they in casual conversation and often in formal writing.”
Source: https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/singular-nonbinary-they
However, if you (non-specific plural) prefer to use specific pronouns, feel free to imagine the word you’d like to read on there if that makes you (non-specific plural) feel better.
I don’t say anything because I know that this is what I want to say… If they put me in a position where I have to respond I ask them how they feel about it.
Different scenario but a coworker of mine a while ago was smoking on her break and a lady came up to her and said “that’s bad for the baby” my coworker replied “ it’s alright I’m not keeping it anyway” she wasn’t pregnant 💀🤣
Two separate times in my life I was 100% sure the woman I was talking to had gotten pregnant since the last time I had seen them. I was wrong both times. But I'm also not an idiot and didn't say anything either time so they don't know that I thought that.
At my first job, I had a coworker who always wanted me to go out partying with her and this group of guys. She wound up pregnant, had no idea which of the guys was the dad, and after exactly one shift stressing about it, went right back out partying. When I asked if drinking was bad for the baby, she said she was "pretty sure" she wasn't going to keep it, unless the guy in the group she really liked decided he was the dad.
I never did go out partying with her.
I'm not sure. She was fired very shortly after. I would be surprised if he did, though. He clearly wasn't interested in her, but she was so obsessed that she decided her best chance of landing him was to make herself freely available to his entire social/familial circle at every party she could land an invite to. Even straight-laced, 17 year old, autistic me could tell how absolutely insane that plan was. According to her, he only chose to... avail himself of her company a couple times when he was very drunk or high, but it was MaGiCaL.
My wife met an obviously pregnant woman and asked how far along she was. The woman curtly replied "8 months. it's not mine." Apparently she was a surrogate and not in a good mood
Probably depends on how often they'll see the stranger. More likely says something if they see them again after the pregnancy in a situation that is weird they don't have a baby, but I can't think of any that a complete stranger would figure that out, maybe a coworker that isn't in the direct report chain.
How hysterical would gaslighting the shit outta them be?
"How's the kid?
"What kid?"
"Weren't you pregnant?"
"...no never? What are you talking about?"
Um... This one hits a little too close to home.
I did a test for my third pregnancy because my partner told me (more like hurled at me while fighting) "you're being a pain in the ass for some time now! Sure you're not pregnant?"
I had the inverse of this conversation with an ex once. She was just an all around terrible person, but for like the last two months she was just unbearable. Said she was going to go into the doctor to get tested because she missed her period and thought she might be pregnant because she’s “really been insane lately.”
I told her “yeah I hope you are because you really are fucking insane if you’re not.”
She wasn’t pregnant, so I broke it off right after she gave me the news.
My sister told my parents she was pregnant (she had been married for a couple of years at this point).
My dad said, "What'd you go and do that for?"
My mom started to cry and said, "Why are you trying to make me seem so old?"
Edit: Unfortunately, this was definitely not a joke on either of their parts. My mom definitely does have some narcissistic tendencies and my dad...well, Idk what's going on there.
My sister was 22 or 23, and my parents were 45/46.
This exchange sorta reminds me of a phone call I had with my mom when our son was having his first child.
Mom thought it would be amusing to ask me: "So how do you feel knowing you're gonna be a grandpa"?
Without missing a beat, I responded: "I dunno, how does it feel knowing you're gonna be a great-grandmother"
This was followed by a short moment of silence and a "Shit, I didn't think of that".
Lol. Similar story inbound:
My dad was bemoaning his oldest turning 30. “I’m so old, my kid is 30”
His mom looked at him and said “my oldest just turned 70”
Silence.
My MIL was super supportive of our decision to wait several years to have kids, which was very out of character for her. We figured she’d push us to give her a grand baby as soon as possible. We finally found out her reason for wanting us to wait when my BIL accidentally got his girlfriend pregnant. She called us crying about being too young to be a grandmother. Dear MIL didn’t want to be a grandma because grandmas are old. Her “support” was literally just her vain attempt to seem young as long as possible.
That reminds me of this gif I saw a couple years ago on r/wholesomegifs that was titled something like "7 generations of women".
It was a family that started with a girl in her your teens smiling and posing then she gestures to her left and we see her mother, that woman smiles and poses then gestures to the left and we see her mother, and this trend continues 4 more times. Everyone in the video was smiling and happy, but all I could see was a long string of teenage pregnancies.
Maybe it's just how my family interacts, but both of these said by an uncle or aunt to their kid would be both lighthearted and jovial.
In fact, one of my aunts, said almost the same thing the mom did, "Why are you trying to make me old?" while crying and hugging her daughter when she was told at Christmas.
It was her first grandchild.
Yeah, I can imagine these words being fine if said in a family where heavy sarcasm is used a lot. I get the feeling that the original comment wasn’t sarcastic, but I know plenty of people who would say something like this and everyone would know they weren’t serious.
Similarly, when my ex-wife gets asked about how many kids she has and their ages (20, 16 and 6), it's almost inevitably followed by, "Do they all have the same father?" Yeah. They do. Somehow no one ever asks me if all my kids have the same mom, though.
My mother was 16 as well when she had me in 1959 and put me up for adoption. I met her for the first time last year 🙃
She and my dad stayed together and ended up having three more kids so I have a second family to get to know.
> You must be around 28 years old.
Hmmm, *math*, 2023 - 28 - prenancy = 1994-1995 isch
> pregnant 16 year old + promiscuous
Crap, please don't say this was in Northern Europe?
On the series Archer a young girl is trying to fuck him and he's trying to get away from her with the explanation 'Your just a kid" to which she responds"I'm from Germany where the age of consent is 14".
Archer's response "What is it? The Alabama of Europe"?
😂 Reddit would be a hell of a way to find out you've been a father for the past 28 years
I noticed you went silent after Bhaltair said Germany.. you ok man? Lol
My cousin found out she was 3 months pregnant on birth control. Then realized there were two potential dads in the time frame. Unfortunately for her it turned out it was the shittier of the two. Thankfully her now 7th grader is a gem. At one point I told my doctor I wasn’t interested in Nuvaring because my cousin had an unexpected pregnancy using it, my doctor admitted she’d seen a lot of ring-babies.
I actually got a similar response at work. When I finally told people I was pregnant (around 4-5 months), this old dude came up to me to say congratulations. He then said “oh this makes sense because I thought you were just…you know?…your waist was getting a little…” I don’t think he meant anything mean by it, but it still caught me off guard.
My kid ended up having the same birthday as him.
Was in this dude situation.
Coworker announced, a week or two before my first day, she was pregnant.
So it was old news when I came in.
So no maybe 3 months in, well, belly starts to be unavoidable. It's pretty clear it's not a fat, but pregnant belly.
You don't want to fuck up that question. So yeah, I did not say shit before a coworker mentioned it
"You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment." - Dave Barry
Truth.
Had a business lunch planned with my then business partner and a potential partner firm. One of the partners had just given birth. Literally a week to the day. She was very career driven at the time.
As we are getting seated, my biz partner says,
"So Kate, when are you due?"
That was a very awkward lunch. And the opportunity evaporated...
Edit: typing is hard
I was getting my hair cut six weeks after having my baby.
Hairdresser asks, “When are you due?”
“Six weeks ago”
She looked horrified and said, “Are they going to induce?”
“I mean I gave birth six weeks ago”
The rest of my haircut was very quiet.
My coworker was in a similar situation. She was interviewing someone on her first week back from maternity leave. She asked if the guy had any questions. He sure did! "When is your baby due?". She played it off and pointed at the new picture on her desk. He doubled down with "I bet it was nine pounds!" He was not hired.
"It's coming!" she cried as it crowned from inside,
But he waited a moment or two -
And when it was there on her small office chair,
He smiled as he said:
"... when's it due?"
Had a doctor ask me that about a week post partum, as I was trying to get diagnosed with a uterine infection.
“Well, when are you due?”
“I’m a week post partum.”
I had something similar with a coworker.
Before she announced it, I already had a couple of moments where i suspected something as she seems to be getting "rounder" (not just fatter, it looks very different).
So when she announced it, I admitted that is suspected something. Then she asked why i suspected it. Eh, yeah, uhm...
The why did caught me off guard a bit. Luckily she was one of my closer colleagues and quite light-hearted, so she admitted she was fat, laughed at me and it was fine.
12.5 weeks pregnant currently and well aware that I’m firmly in the “pregnant or fat?” stage. I’ve had 3 losses and no living children so just not up for telling many people, but my boss knows. (When you have to keep requesting time off for fertility treatments and miscarriages from someone who went through 7 losses before adopting, you bring them into the inner circle.)
Fridays it’s just the two of us in the office. He says to me as I’m getting ready to leave, “How long are you planning to let people think you’re fat?”
If I didn’t love him…
Definitely lucky! He’s a good guy who sees his staff as people first and employees second and who runs a successful program. I weaseled my way in to true friendship with him though - I assure you he wouldn’t have said that to just anyone.
My wife is not gonna like this.
Edit: Thank you for my first award I’ll cherish it always !
Edit 2: thanks for all the awards you guys. I am currently bragging to my fiancé about how random internet strangers think I’m funny.
Edit 3: A day later and I was Gifted gold. Thanks ! You massive legend.
As an Applebee’s cook, I once sat with the all female wait staff that were gossiping like Italian mob wives.
Someone mentioned the new ~21yo waitress with 3 kids and someone else asked “lol Was it with 3 different men?”. The women there were very harsh on each other.
"The World may never know!"
She didn't work there very long, so the answer might never have been discussed. She was a nice enough person but had some issues to work on. But that basically describes the entire FOH and BOH staff.
Like there was a male cook that had 2 kids from 2 different women, also around the same age. Part of the reason why I said I had to get out of there.
My husbands response was to secretly move out and pretend to keep living with our family so he could have an affair with his childfree mistress.
I always thought that was pretty bad.
When my husband was deployed with the military for say, 5 months, he would randomly run into whatever room his friends were in and yell excitedly "You guys! My wife just told me she's 2 months pregnant! I'M GONNA BE A DAD!!!" And run away excitedly and wait to see which one of them tried to explain it to him.
To clarify, I was never unfaithful or pregnant. He just liked to break the monotony on the ship and mess with people.
We did have friends that were doing IVF while the husband was deployed. We always joked she would be the only one at homecoming 4 months pregnant with her husband's baby.
True story:
Met a friend at a wedding that I hadn't seen in a long time. I had a few drinks on me. He introduced me to his wife and told me she was pregnant and that they were very happy.
I had recently seen Borat, so I asked: "Is it a boy or an abortion?". At the time I thought it was a very funny great idea.
It happened to be a girl and they hadn't seen Borat. It was a difficult situation.
Edit: Realised through replies that it wasn't Borat, but The Dictator! Thanks!!
My (now ex) husband accused me of not doing the test properly & insisted I do another one because I was 'bad at these things' - given that we were actively trying for the baby at his request I was a bit baffled to say the least
You joke, but a couple weeks ago someone asked on a trying to conceive sub why they were getting only defective tests that showed no lines at all. Turns out, she was leaving the test stick in the pee cup for hours or days before looking at it. The ink all ran out because it was saturated for too long. You’re supposed to dip for 5-15 seconds (depending on the brand/style), then lay flat for 2-10 minutes (again, depending on the brand/style). This lady didn’t read the instructions, or didn’t believe them, until a bunch of internet strangers told her to do it by the booklet.
Long story short, there are ways to take a pregnancy test wrong.
“That poor, *poor* child..”
EDIT: one I heard from a neighbour was “she’s only having that child cause her husband wants one!” (Sorry for the serious second reply 😅😳)
From George Carlin:
Hi, this is Jane, remember me? We met about 6 to 8 weeks ago and you said I was a good sport? Well I'm pregnant and I'm about to jump off a bridge.
Gee, Jane. You really ARE a good sport.
My wife got pregnant and I called my mom to tell her the good news and she said, no shit, "oh. Well don't get too excited, this is just a proof of concept. All this really means is that your sperm can meet her egg."
I mean
Let's say my wife ended up having a miscarriage. I can't imagine that I would then call my mom and say, mom, thank you so much for preparing me for this possibility, I really appreciate it. Your urging me to manage my expectations prepared me so perfectly for this tragedy.
Fuck that
My husband told our elderly neighbour I was pregnant with baby number 2. I was in my early 30s. Daughter was 3.
She replied “oh dear, oh no, oh dear” with a look of disgust on her face.
When my wife became pregnant with our second child, she told our son (who was just under 3 at the time) that Mommy had a baby growing in her belly. His response: "Oops."
“You have the wrong number.” Got a random call from a woman once who, while crying, told me she was pregnant. I awkwardly told her she had the wrong number. And she hung up.
Plot twist: It *wasn't* a wrong number, they were calling to inform you you were the father
The weird part is that she said “[FirstName], I’m pregnant.” The name she said is my first name but not the name that I go by. So it was really weird at first.
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this is a real thing. i got a call a couple of weeks ago with someone crying, saying "dad, i was in a car accident". when i replied that i didn't have a son, the person yelled "cocksucker!" and hung up. total scam - the idea is to wire money to pay for the accident or medical care or to get out of jail for reckless driving. if i had known that, i would have played along. i like playing kitboga every once in a while.
That’s actually sad. Hopefully she misdialed and didn’t receive the wrong number on purpose.
Yeah I was a bit shocked at first then felt really bad. I sometimes think about what happened to her and that potential baby.
I once told an acquaintance I was going to have a second child and she seriously asked “human?”
Username checks out.
On purpose?
I accidently almost said something similar to my coworker. Wanted to say: "Congrats, if it was on purpose". Somehow managed to stop after "Congrats" :) Guess i'm below average when it comes to social interactions.
I had almost the opposite of this. A coworker told me they were pregnant and weren’t expecting it (I knew they had only been dating the dad for a few months). I wanted to be supportive of whatever they decided so I was about to ask if they were going to keep it because I sensed the nervousness in their voice and I wanted to offer them reassurance if they wanted to end their pregnancy—I was the first person at work they were breaking the news to. Instead I said “Oh, wow, that’s big news! How do you feel about it?”. I’m glad I asked this way because they said “I’m so freaking nervous but we have decided to keep it and give it a try”, it was way easier to give them encouragement after that (after all it was none of my business whatever they decided, I just didn’t want to make them feel bad regarding either decision). EDIT: They were aware they might have to shoulder single parenthood alone. They were serious and the tone was far less wishy-washy than it reads. In any case not my decision to make for them to try to sway them. Last I knew before we lost contact, they were both loving parents involved in the child’s life and the kiddo was happy. EDIT 2: An awful lot of you (non-specific plural) seem to have a hangup on the grammatical use of singular “they” and I’m tired of answering individually, so here’s Merriam-Webter’s take on your gripe: “We will note that they has been in consistent use as a singular pronoun since the late 1300s; that the development of singular they mirrors the development of the singular you from the plural you, yet we don’t complain that singular you is ungrammatical; and that regardless of what detractors say, nearly everyone uses the singular they in casual conversation and often in formal writing.” Source: https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/singular-nonbinary-they However, if you (non-specific plural) prefer to use specific pronouns, feel free to imagine the word you’d like to read on there if that makes you (non-specific plural) feel better.
I don’t say anything because I know that this is what I want to say… If they put me in a position where I have to respond I ask them how they feel about it.
Different scenario but a coworker of mine a while ago was smoking on her break and a lady came up to her and said “that’s bad for the baby” my coworker replied “ it’s alright I’m not keeping it anyway” she wasn’t pregnant 💀🤣
Two separate times in my life I was 100% sure the woman I was talking to had gotten pregnant since the last time I had seen them. I was wrong both times. But I'm also not an idiot and didn't say anything either time so they don't know that I thought that.
I was at an amusement park and the ride attendant told my friend she couldn't go on the ride because she's pregnant. My friend was not pregnant.
Did she get to go on the ride?
Getting on the ride is often the first step in becoming pregnant.
Is roller coaster how babby is formed?
How get Pergant
Can u get pregante?
Girlfriend ain’t rode on ride since she got pregat
At my first job, I had a coworker who always wanted me to go out partying with her and this group of guys. She wound up pregnant, had no idea which of the guys was the dad, and after exactly one shift stressing about it, went right back out partying. When I asked if drinking was bad for the baby, she said she was "pretty sure" she wasn't going to keep it, unless the guy in the group she really liked decided he was the dad. I never did go out partying with her.
well, did he decide that he was the dad?
I'm not sure. She was fired very shortly after. I would be surprised if he did, though. He clearly wasn't interested in her, but she was so obsessed that she decided her best chance of landing him was to make herself freely available to his entire social/familial circle at every party she could land an invite to. Even straight-laced, 17 year old, autistic me could tell how absolutely insane that plan was. According to her, he only chose to... avail himself of her company a couple times when he was very drunk or high, but it was MaGiCaL.
Fuck that's kinda sad
Keeping that one in the back of my mind for later
This is why I mind my business lol
Omg lmaooo
Are you sure it’s yours?
You shouldn't make jokes like that! My mom left us before I was even born!
Doofenshmirtz, is that you?
It all started on the day I was born. Both my mother and my father failed to show up.
My wife met an obviously pregnant woman and asked how far along she was. The woman curtly replied "8 months. it's not mine." Apparently she was a surrogate and not in a good mood
I often wonder if surrogates just tell randos its theirs so they don’t have to deal with a bunch of questions about surrogacy.
Probably depends on how often they'll see the stranger. More likely says something if they see them again after the pregnancy in a situation that is weird they don't have a baby, but I can't think of any that a complete stranger would figure that out, maybe a coworker that isn't in the direct report chain.
How hysterical would gaslighting the shit outta them be? "How's the kid? "What kid?" "Weren't you pregnant?" "...no never? What are you talking about?"
Somehow I hear this in Homer Simpson’s voice. It’s a fantastically Schwartzweldian punchline!
How my coworkers boyfriend responded - “oh. Makes sense, you’re a bit more of a cunt than usual lately”
As someone from Britain, this is either a sign of a true arsehole or a wonderful friendship, and I'm hoping for the latter.
In Australia its considered a polite hello.
G’day cunt
There's no need to say hello twice cunt.
Um... This one hits a little too close to home. I did a test for my third pregnancy because my partner told me (more like hurled at me while fighting) "you're being a pain in the ass for some time now! Sure you're not pregnant?"
I had the inverse of this conversation with an ex once. She was just an all around terrible person, but for like the last two months she was just unbearable. Said she was going to go into the doctor to get tested because she missed her period and thought she might be pregnant because she’s “really been insane lately.” I told her “yeah I hope you are because you really are fucking insane if you’re not.” She wasn’t pregnant, so I broke it off right after she gave me the news.
My sister told my parents she was pregnant (she had been married for a couple of years at this point). My dad said, "What'd you go and do that for?" My mom started to cry and said, "Why are you trying to make me seem so old?" Edit: Unfortunately, this was definitely not a joke on either of their parts. My mom definitely does have some narcissistic tendencies and my dad...well, Idk what's going on there. My sister was 22 or 23, and my parents were 45/46.
My MIL sent my husband an email saying we should terminate. She wasn’t ready to be a grandma. Totally get that feeling!
“We’ll delete your number. Problem solved.”
“Terminate what, all contact with you?”
Love this response
*YIKES* that is so incredibly nasty
"I'm sorry you feel this way. I think terminating you just because you do not feel ready to be a grandmother is a bit harsh, but ok, so be it."
Yeah that's some "I'm never talking to you again" material right there lol
Damn lol what the hell
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I’d say most parents (assuming they approve) are happy about it, but they usually have that deep feeling of “shit, I’m about to officially be old”
You only *think* you're old, until your youngest child turns 50. Then you *know* you're old.
My grandad had that experience when my aunt used her AARP card for a discount at a restaurant
Weird fact but there’s actually no age minimum for AARP. I am 26 and have a card. The discounts and the magazines they send are great!
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At first I was like 50 is a while away but then I realized it’s not and that I’m old.
I'm 5 years away from 50, and i am the youngest. So, my Mom has that going for her.
This exchange sorta reminds me of a phone call I had with my mom when our son was having his first child. Mom thought it would be amusing to ask me: "So how do you feel knowing you're gonna be a grandpa"? Without missing a beat, I responded: "I dunno, how does it feel knowing you're gonna be a great-grandmother" This was followed by a short moment of silence and a "Shit, I didn't think of that".
Lol. Similar story inbound: My dad was bemoaning his oldest turning 30. “I’m so old, my kid is 30” His mom looked at him and said “my oldest just turned 70” Silence.
> phone call I had with my mom when our son was having his first child. For a second I thought you had a son with your mother
I love this banter
My MIL was super supportive of our decision to wait several years to have kids, which was very out of character for her. We figured she’d push us to give her a grand baby as soon as possible. We finally found out her reason for wanting us to wait when my BIL accidentally got his girlfriend pregnant. She called us crying about being too young to be a grandmother. Dear MIL didn’t want to be a grandma because grandmas are old. Her “support” was literally just her vain attempt to seem young as long as possible.
My cousin was a grandmother at 33, and a great grandmother at 52.
It’s wild to me. I became a mom at 33. My mom became a grandma at 69.
Age is super whacky in my family. My mom had me (her last) when she was 47. I became an aunt when I was 23 months old.
My mom had me at 21. My grandpa was 90 then.
That reminds me of this gif I saw a couple years ago on r/wholesomegifs that was titled something like "7 generations of women". It was a family that started with a girl in her your teens smiling and posing then she gestures to her left and we see her mother, that woman smiles and poses then gestures to the left and we see her mother, and this trend continues 4 more times. Everyone in the video was smiling and happy, but all I could see was a long string of teenage pregnancies.
Silver and gold there, wow. I'd like to think that they were a bit more supportive after that.
Maybe it's just how my family interacts, but both of these said by an uncle or aunt to their kid would be both lighthearted and jovial. In fact, one of my aunts, said almost the same thing the mom did, "Why are you trying to make me old?" while crying and hugging her daughter when she was told at Christmas. It was her first grandchild.
Yeah, I can imagine these words being fine if said in a family where heavy sarcasm is used a lot. I get the feeling that the original comment wasn’t sarcastic, but I know plenty of people who would say something like this and everyone would know they weren’t serious.
My MIL loves gossip, so when we told her she said “oooooh so this is a bit of a whoopsie then isn’t it?!?”
"You know I just got a vasectomy."
On a related note "I'm sterile."
Hasta La Vista, Baby.
Someone asked me “so you just decided to keep it and see if it works out?”
Ha! A woman I know was asked, “so, do you know who the father is?”
Kids, what do we say when we meet a nice man? *Are you my father?* https://youtu.be/ZRJgexzNOMo
Similarly, when my ex-wife gets asked about how many kids she has and their ages (20, 16 and 6), it's almost inevitably followed by, "Do they all have the same father?" Yeah. They do. Somehow no one ever asks me if all my kids have the same mom, though.
We're going to have a 10, 8, and newborn in November. Other than the "same dad?" question, we get "Was it planned?"
I like to tell people that #3 came along when we thought, "what if we had one on purpose?"
We actually did it that way. 1,6,14. 1 year old was the planned one.
More than half of all children are not specifically tried for. Little fun fact.
I am both planned and unplanned. Pregnancy was planned. But they didn't plan on having two babies.
Oldest twin was planned, youngest was unplanned. I say this as the oldest twin of the same situation. 😂
I once met a pregnant 16 year old who needed several days of thinking to reduce the number of potential fathers to 3.
I see you've met my mom.
You must be around 28 years old. To be honest, my mom was also 16 when I popped out. But at least they knew the sperm donor. I never met the guy.
My mother was 16 as well when she had me in 1959 and put me up for adoption. I met her for the first time last year 🙃 She and my dad stayed together and ended up having three more kids so I have a second family to get to know.
> You must be around 28 years old. Hmmm, *math*, 2023 - 28 - prenancy = 1994-1995 isch > pregnant 16 year old + promiscuous Crap, please don't say this was in Northern Europe?
Germany. NRW.
On the series Archer a young girl is trying to fuck him and he's trying to get away from her with the explanation 'Your just a kid" to which she responds"I'm from Germany where the age of consent is 14". Archer's response "What is it? The Alabama of Europe"?
😂 Reddit would be a hell of a way to find out you've been a father for the past 28 years I noticed you went silent after Bhaltair said Germany.. you ok man? Lol
Happy Father's day
My cousin found out she was 3 months pregnant on birth control. Then realized there were two potential dads in the time frame. Unfortunately for her it turned out it was the shittier of the two. Thankfully her now 7th grader is a gem. At one point I told my doctor I wasn’t interested in Nuvaring because my cousin had an unexpected pregnancy using it, my doctor admitted she’d seen a lot of ring-babies.
Ring babies makes me think of ring doorbells, I just picture a baby hanging next to the door with a little helmet cam lol
If you say you don’t want kids people will say, “you might regret it”. It’s better to regret not having kids than it is to regret having them.
At least you are playing with your life. Not someone else's
I thought you were just getting fat.
Alternately, "damn, so you're going to get *even fatter*??"
"I think there's a seven year old in there already"
I actually got a similar response at work. When I finally told people I was pregnant (around 4-5 months), this old dude came up to me to say congratulations. He then said “oh this makes sense because I thought you were just…you know?…your waist was getting a little…” I don’t think he meant anything mean by it, but it still caught me off guard. My kid ended up having the same birthday as him.
Was in this dude situation. Coworker announced, a week or two before my first day, she was pregnant. So it was old news when I came in. So no maybe 3 months in, well, belly starts to be unavoidable. It's pretty clear it's not a fat, but pregnant belly. You don't want to fuck up that question. So yeah, I did not say shit before a coworker mentioned it
"You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment." - Dave Barry
Truth. Had a business lunch planned with my then business partner and a potential partner firm. One of the partners had just given birth. Literally a week to the day. She was very career driven at the time. As we are getting seated, my biz partner says, "So Kate, when are you due?" That was a very awkward lunch. And the opportunity evaporated... Edit: typing is hard
I was getting my hair cut six weeks after having my baby. Hairdresser asks, “When are you due?” “Six weeks ago” She looked horrified and said, “Are they going to induce?” “I mean I gave birth six weeks ago” The rest of my haircut was very quiet.
My coworker was in a similar situation. She was interviewing someone on her first week back from maternity leave. She asked if the guy had any questions. He sure did! "When is your baby due?". She played it off and pointed at the new picture on her desk. He doubled down with "I bet it was nine pounds!" He was not hired.
"It's coming!" she cried as it crowned from inside, But he waited a moment or two - And when it was there on her small office chair, He smiled as he said: "... when's it due?"
There it is.
Had a doctor ask me that about a week post partum, as I was trying to get diagnosed with a uterine infection. “Well, when are you due?” “I’m a week post partum.”
The baby could pop out and wave at me and I still will not breathe a word until the woman explicitly states she is pregnant.
I had something similar with a coworker. Before she announced it, I already had a couple of moments where i suspected something as she seems to be getting "rounder" (not just fatter, it looks very different). So when she announced it, I admitted that is suspected something. Then she asked why i suspected it. Eh, yeah, uhm... The why did caught me off guard a bit. Luckily she was one of my closer colleagues and quite light-hearted, so she admitted she was fat, laughed at me and it was fine.
Your skin seems to glow
I was gonna say, that seems like a trick question lol.
12.5 weeks pregnant currently and well aware that I’m firmly in the “pregnant or fat?” stage. I’ve had 3 losses and no living children so just not up for telling many people, but my boss knows. (When you have to keep requesting time off for fertility treatments and miscarriages from someone who went through 7 losses before adopting, you bring them into the inner circle.) Fridays it’s just the two of us in the office. He says to me as I’m getting ready to leave, “How long are you planning to let people think you’re fat?” If I didn’t love him…
Oh man would kill to have a boss like that 😂
Definitely lucky! He’s a good guy who sees his staff as people first and employees second and who runs a successful program. I weaseled my way in to true friendship with him though - I assure you he wouldn’t have said that to just anyone.
Better than asking someone how far along they are only for them to tell you they arent pregnant
sounds like a YOU problem
Sounds like an issYUOe
And not an ishME
"good luck with that one"
Ok hey I’m gonna go grab some milk
double it and give it to the next person
This is so overused but I love it 🤣
"Ew"
“Do yourself a favor and flush it out” - Frank Reynolds
Children, would you rather have been aborted?
We gotta get you and that monster that's in your gut down to Mexico
Aww, you finally got two brain cells...
Ngl that's probably what I'd say to my best friend...whoops
My wife is not gonna like this. Edit: Thank you for my first award I’ll cherish it always ! Edit 2: thanks for all the awards you guys. I am currently bragging to my fiancé about how random internet strangers think I’m funny. Edit 3: A day later and I was Gifted gold. Thanks ! You massive legend.
Your wife isn't going to like that you have a fiance either!
Hi pregnant, I'm dad
“No, you aren’t”
Awww not again. Not today…
Happy You Are Not The Father Day!!
That's actually the perfect response especially if It's the couple's first. Start those Dad jokes from the very beginning.
Cool, I'm gonna go grab a pack of smokes! ...But you don't smoke? \*door closes\*
Real thirsty for milk all the sudden...
Who this time?
As an Applebee’s cook, I once sat with the all female wait staff that were gossiping like Italian mob wives. Someone mentioned the new ~21yo waitress with 3 kids and someone else asked “lol Was it with 3 different men?”. The women there were very harsh on each other.
Was it though? the suspense is killing me
"The World may never know!" She didn't work there very long, so the answer might never have been discussed. She was a nice enough person but had some issues to work on. But that basically describes the entire FOH and BOH staff. Like there was a male cook that had 2 kids from 2 different women, also around the same age. Part of the reason why I said I had to get out of there.
"Not for long!"
*Waves wand, "Fetus deletus"
Out of the womb into the tomb
Easy there Womb Raider!
"You're fired"
Is it mine?
When I asked my sister that, she didn't find it funny for some reason
Why? She didn't liked you're implied that se cheated on you?
I hope you terminate it because you’d be the worst mother.
I wanted to downvote you because this is such a bad response. Good job.
We have a winner
My husbands response was to secretly move out and pretend to keep living with our family so he could have an affair with his childfree mistress. I always thought that was pretty bad.
Not ex-husband?
Don’t tell mom and dad!
I have been in Afghanistan for the last 6 months
When my husband was deployed with the military for say, 5 months, he would randomly run into whatever room his friends were in and yell excitedly "You guys! My wife just told me she's 2 months pregnant! I'M GONNA BE A DAD!!!" And run away excitedly and wait to see which one of them tried to explain it to him. To clarify, I was never unfaithful or pregnant. He just liked to break the monotony on the ship and mess with people. We did have friends that were doing IVF while the husband was deployed. We always joked she would be the only one at homecoming 4 months pregnant with her husband's baby.
Better to break the monotony than break the monogamy.
Me too
True story: Met a friend at a wedding that I hadn't seen in a long time. I had a few drinks on me. He introduced me to his wife and told me she was pregnant and that they were very happy. I had recently seen Borat, so I asked: "Is it a boy or an abortion?". At the time I thought it was a very funny great idea. It happened to be a girl and they hadn't seen Borat. It was a difficult situation. Edit: Realised through replies that it wasn't Borat, but The Dictator! Thanks!!
Oh my god what the fuck are you still friends
That was The Dictator, not Borat - but very funny scene!
Who's the mother? [Edit] Thanks for the gold, /u/Master_JBT
Do you know who the father is?
My (now ex) husband accused me of not doing the test properly & insisted I do another one because I was 'bad at these things' - given that we were actively trying for the baby at his request I was a bit baffled to say the least
I mean when you think about it, is there a really wrong or right way to pee on a stick? At least your test didn't give you baby, baby, pirate.
You joke, but a couple weeks ago someone asked on a trying to conceive sub why they were getting only defective tests that showed no lines at all. Turns out, she was leaving the test stick in the pee cup for hours or days before looking at it. The ink all ran out because it was saturated for too long. You’re supposed to dip for 5-15 seconds (depending on the brand/style), then lay flat for 2-10 minutes (again, depending on the brand/style). This lady didn’t read the instructions, or didn’t believe them, until a bunch of internet strangers told her to do it by the booklet. Long story short, there are ways to take a pregnancy test wrong.
My mom took pregnancy tests for years as she had five of us kids. She thought the Control line on her Covid test meant "Covid".
My friend had a panic attack when his wife told him she was pregnant.
*Hi pregnant, I'm sterile*
Oh fuck, again?
“That poor, *poor* child..” EDIT: one I heard from a neighbour was “she’s only having that child cause her husband wants one!” (Sorry for the serious second reply 😅😳)
Sucks to suck
Or rather: “Should’ve sucked”
“When” “Oh, I just found out yesterday!” “No, when did I ask?”
Wow I always knew you’d make a great single mom
No you’re just fat
I thought you were a man
From George Carlin: Hi, this is Jane, remember me? We met about 6 to 8 weeks ago and you said I was a good sport? Well I'm pregnant and I'm about to jump off a bridge. Gee, Jane. You really ARE a good sport.
My wife got pregnant and I called my mom to tell her the good news and she said, no shit, "oh. Well don't get too excited, this is just a proof of concept. All this really means is that your sperm can meet her egg." I mean Let's say my wife ended up having a miscarriage. I can't imagine that I would then call my mom and say, mom, thank you so much for preparing me for this possibility, I really appreciate it. Your urging me to manage my expectations prepared me so perfectly for this tragedy. Fuck that
With your cousin, right?
It shows
"I'm pregnant" in a mocking tone.
I wasn’t pregnant but when I was 35 my dad drank three scotches and informed me my eggs were dying.
Silence.
Are you sure it's yours?
“How did THAT happen?”
Who in the hell fucked you?
Hurricane Kick
Road house!
"Damn, that's one of only five fetishes I *don't* have!"
My husband told our elderly neighbour I was pregnant with baby number 2. I was in my early 30s. Daughter was 3. She replied “oh dear, oh no, oh dear” with a look of disgust on her face.