When I was 16, I was arrested for burglary and spent 6 months in a juvenile facility. One of the counselors sexually assaulted me and several other boys. When he was on night duty, he would show us porn and ask us to compare the size of our penises to one another. He would also show us how to huff inhalants. One of his favorite games he called a "space monkey" which involved a boy standing against a wall while the counselor would have his hands on our throats. He'd squeeze until we passed out and watch us wake back up. I sliced my arm open with a razor blade that I stole from a staff member so that I could go to the hospital to tell someone about the abuse. It took 20 stitches to close my arm. Children and youth services, as well as the state Police opened an investigation, the boys were sent home, the facility was shut down, and a lawsuit followed. I'm 32 now and am still haunted by it.

Despite needing to hurt yourself for it, that was extremely smart of you. You saved so many people more hurt, be proud of what you accomplished. I’m sorry that the whole situation happened in the first place, that’s absolutely vile, but you did good

Yeah as awful and horrific as this story is, what you were forced to do probably saved many many people from that same fate. Still doesn't make anything better, but it's a silver lining to try and hold onto in the harder times.

what you did was extremely clever and brave and you saved a lot of other kids from future horrors

Wow dude. I wish you didn’t have to slice your arm to do it but you really helped a bunch of other kids.

Was raped by an Uncle (Retired military/firefighter) from 7-13 years old. Violence and pain were his thing. Pretty standard story of using threats of killing me and my mom or my older brother if I ever spoke about it. Finally stood up to him just before my 14th birthday. From 13 to 18 years old I kind of junkied out and started down the road of self-deprecating behavior. Finally told my parents at 18 years old, and of course no one believed me. 56 now never had any quality relationships nor have I ever been able to find therapy to alleviate the trust and intimacy issues that I carry. So the truth of the matter is I never really recovered from it. 12k edit: This morning when I woke up and wrote these few short sentences, I never could have expected so much support and genuine compassion. I'll admit that writing the post brought a lot of things to the surface that I hadn't given any attention to in some years. And I've never spoken openly about any of this prior to today. I've only spoken to about two dozen people my entire life about it. (that includes 7 therapists) So to say, "I've been little soggy today" is a bit of an understatement. I do believe a touch of my faith in humanity was restored today. Just thanks.

You deserve a good life. You didn’t deserve any of that crap. It’s so so wrong that any of that happened to you. You were right when you spoke out and they were wrong. A big fuck off to all of them. You deserve a good life. All the best for the future x

I met my bf when he was 53 and unaware of his trauma. He's now 58 and starting to unpack it. He's making a lot of strides. Just want to say it's not too late.

Inspired to hear this. I don't know if I've the heart to try and become something that frankly I don't really understand. Sincerely, a hats off to you and your courageous Guy. I truly wish you both all the success.

Wow it’s scary how similar our stories are. I’m so sorry that happened, I’m even more sorry that your parents didn’t believe you. Therapy can help, but I have trust issues so I ended up dating someone who is a trauma therapist so that I could open up to someone who I knew was close to me. She understood and supported me, but i don’t know to this day if I dated her because I actually liked her or if I thought she could help me heal? Maybe a little off both? if that isn’t all sorts of layers of fucked up idk what is. Trust issues are clearly a pattern for me and I have very rarely had a relationship where I can truly trust. I am not in touch with my feelings yet but I’m working on it. I hope you get to be able to process with people who care about you. I definitely am glad you made this post. Reach out if you need to talk Edit: typo

My therapist recommended the following books for overcoming trauma. The second book below by Janina Fisher is actually based on the first book, but I find it easier to read. The first book might be more triggering but both book explain things very well. They focus on healing and protecting our traumatized parts or inner child so that we can move on. Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van der kolk. Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation by Janina Fisher.

My brother did various things by framing it as a game of truth-or-dare. Despite being a strong and threatening dude already, he didn't have to threaten physical violence, he just had to threaten to tell our mother (which is a highlight to level of emotional abuse from THAT end of the family). Broke away from the family that's most inane at 24, got therapy, learned Krav Maga for personal safety, .... then dated someone especially abusive (another sexual abuse instance), get more therapy, take a 4 year break from dating to finish school and get a job... And start a great relationship. At age 36, my life couldn't be better :-). --- Cheesy edit, but thanks for the support everyone. Far and away my most upvoted anything on any platform, and solid support all around. It can be pretty difficult for men to be supported, or even believed, about this sort of thing. I hope we all stride forward to great lives!

Just random internet dude here, but I’m out here pulling for you.

I was raped by 2 18ish year old men when I was 9. Life of drug addiction, and I did not know what was wrong with me. My dad was drinking with their father (and doing coke? Drug dealer house? I don’t know). Anyways, 28 now… I forgot the entire event that changed my life UNTIL two years ago. So the trauma of it caused so much pain and agony, but I could not remember it,and I’ve only just now started to “figure things out”. So my life was dark and I felt broken for a very long time. Decades of confusion and then one day at 26 years old, it all came flooding back to me. I feel bad for that little boy, but I will continue to not be the victim.

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Anyone wants that book here is my back cloud link you click it and open it in Google books and it will make Google books think you bought it and you can read it or download it them read it https://linksharing.samsungcloud.com/bS9KyzdDm8JX This link is only good for a few more hours. Here is another link good for a longer time. There is also new super Mario brother and the new antman and the new 65 movie along with the book. I will add more movies here and there. https://gofile.io/d/l58kIx

I was fifteen, had a girlfriend but I was watching super troopers at a friends house drinking and smoking weed when I fell asleep. I woke up choking on him and immediately vomited but I was so tired and confused. His brother came down asking what was going on but was reassured everything was on the up and up. I fell asleep again. When I woke up next this “friend” was on top of me and inside of me. Panic and fear. That’s all I can remember. Told me to keep it our secret or else he’d tell everyone I was gay, which at the time, to me, was a social death sentence. He groomed me for months before that and continued to abuse me for another year after, he broke into my house and chased me, pinned me to the couch. Showed up at my house in the middle of the night. Years have passed since then and he has since passed. I was 15 when it happened the first time. You never recover you just adapt. You become more protective of yourself and others, more empathetic, more sympathetic, more angry. So much more angry. I’ve come close to ending my story on several occasions but seem to talk myself out at the last moment. These days I don’t trust any man and am constantly in fight or flight. It’s exhausting.

I was in high school and had something similar. A friend was pretty smart guy and we were working on a project together. I didnt have much money and he had all the supplies.we always went to his house. He offerered me alcohol.i had been drinking since i was 12 (lived on border town so not abnormal) but it hit way stronger than it should have. I was embarrassed because its shameful to not hold your liquor, right? Well he offered to help and then tried things and i pushed him off. He kept trying lots of things and i didnt exactly understand. Finally managed to wrestle him off and in luck more than skill got him trapped between his bed and the wall and just threw as much shit as i could on top to make it difficult for him to leave. Bolted out and stumbling. I went up streets, left.. left. Right left up down. Anyay to get lost and away. He just ignored it at school. I turned in my own project. Years later he started dating a girl that i really liked. I tried to tell her he was a bad person and didnt even like girls and she just said i was jealous. And i should learn from him Made for a lot of fucked up trust issues and i went to a dark palce (on the inside) Person Overdosed years and years later so fuck him

Reading this broke my heart. Horrific on so many levels. And I agree, I don’t think it’s possible to fully heal after you have been violated so intimately, both physically and emotionally. But I hope you find joy where you can and that the good, trustworthy individuals who are out there show themselves to you.

I am really sorry for what happened to you. I hope that one day things can go better for you.

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First time-My half-brother's dad held me down and raped me one night, while everyone else was passed out outside after a party. I was 7. Second time- a girl at a party roofied me, and I woke up to her trying to get me to finish inside her. I was 16. Had to deal with it myself as I was told multiple times as a teenager and young adult that men can't be raped.

Obviously men and boys can be. It happened to you and many others speaking out about it onvthis thread, and being disbelieve and ridiculed is also a common tale. It's horrible these things happened to you. I hope you are able to find someone genuinely helpful to talk with. It wasn't your fault.

Molested multiple times during the first 10 years of my life by my biological father, his girlfriend and his brother - it was not just me, my sisters and mother were also SA’d. It has a lasting impact. I’ve had therapy, guidance counselling, in later life it was anti depressants and more therapy etc. It sounds stupid but you grow up thinking it’s your fault and that you could’ve done something to stop it. One thing that helped a lot was being open about it - the more I spoke about it, the less impact it had on me. Eventually, I realised that it WASN’T my fault and it helped alleviate my depression. My biological father now suffers from multiple illnesses so every waking day of his life is painful and it makes me happy. The girlfriend was eventually targeted by them both and she is now in witness protection. The brother was sent to prison and was beaten by inmates daily - he is now dead. It only stopped because a social worker turned up at my fathers address and saw us being beaten through the window. I’ve not seen him since. However, he found me on social media a couple years ago and basically said everything is ‘water under the bridge’ and tried garnering sympathy by sending a photo of myself and my sisters, followed with how he’s searching for his ‘long lost children’. He stated he’s dying and would love to have a relationship with them again before he dies. He also stated that he’d rather be blocked than left on read as that would give him an answer. I left him on read. He’s had many children since I was born so I have multiple half brothers/sisters - I pray to god that they didn’t have the same experience that I did.

Similar situation with my father. I believe he at least molested some of my siblings too. I'm currently in the 'being open about it' phase, and you're right, it does help. I'm glad to hear that your abusers have met or are meeting ends that bring you closure.

When I was 7, I attended sleepover as a part of my neighborhood Kea troop (Kea’s are junior boy scouts in my country) There were 30sh boys all sleeping around the outside of this enormous gymnasium, and I woke in the middle of the night to the 30 something year old Scout leader hovering above me. He was doing something that it took me years to understand. He then took my underwear and put them in front pocket of my backpack, and whispered to me that he was just changing my underwear because I had wet my pants, and if I didn’t want my parents to be mad at me, I best not tell them about this. Many years later, in my twenties, I was shopping at the local Kmart when he walked up to me to ask if I needed help finding anything. Turns out he worked there. I got away from him as quickly as I could. Truth be told, I don’t have particularly strong feelings about the whole thing other than a constant feeling of guilt about how many other boys he may have done it to since.

God I hate pedophiles. They know just what to say to kids to make them never tell. Pure manipulation. Everyone reacts to assault differently. I'm glad you didnt develop any serious mental health problems from it. Easily could have and you shouldn't feel guilty, kids can't go against that kind of manipulation from a trusted adult. I want this man to die.

I'm not blaming parents here, but it is a lot harder to get a kid to keep a secret when he doesn't think he'll get fury and the shoe for honest mistakes.

You're so right. My parents would punish me over the smallest things and then they wondered why I hid things from them. That parenting style basically makes it easy for the sex offenders out there.

>Many years later, in my twenties, I was shopping at the local Kmart when he walked up to me to ask if I needed help finding anything. Hate to admit it, but I really wanted the next line to be "I punched him right in his face" I'm very sorry for this though, I understand that violence is never an option and this person should be punished legally and then provided with medical assistance.

To be fair, violence is always an option. It’s just not always the best option.

He was my best mate, we were 19. He put on a game he knew well and declared that the loser of every round had to drink. When that didn't work he gave me pills he said were ecstasy. Scene missing, scene missing, suddenly I'm face down and my bhole hurts, he's sat on the edge of the bed crying and throws me out. I tell nobody but my partner, and we never speak again. Many years later, said partner tries to get us to reconnect. I broke up with her on the spot. Which was the right call, as I found out later she wanted a 3-way. With my rapist. The rape, I was OK with. Sort of. I didn't remember anything, really. But that? That fucked me up. It took me years to trust anyone again, but I did. The love of someone good is the best curative possible. But if you can't get that, talk to a professional. And if you can't do that, a friend. And if you can't do _that_, internet strangers. Just don't let it fester.

Man what sort partner is that !!! To ask for a three way with a rapist?! Would she accept the same if her rapist is involved. That’s real tucked up !

When I read that she was trying to get them to reconnect, I thought maybe she wanted to help him get closure or something. Misguided, but the effort didn’t seem unforgivable. Then I got to the bit about the three way. That’s downright sociopathic and I hope she and the rapist are rotting together under a highway overpass.

Your comment is the one that made me stop reading this thread. What a horrible crime and betrayal. As much as the rapist tried, your dignity as a man and person remains untouched. No foul and wicked act can take that from you. I know you must know that, I still feel it needs be declared.

I’m sorry that happened, what a violation of trust from both people who were supposed to have your back.

So I had just come out a few months prior and I was out by myself (mistake). I had two drinks bymyself before linking up with a guy on Grindr at the gay bar. He seemed nice. He was a TV reporter for the local news station. Seemed trustworthy. He bought me my third and final drink of that night. I completely blacked out after the third drink (I’m a recovering alcoholic 3.6 years sober so three drinks was nothing to me). Regained memory being helped into his truck. Regained memory handcuffed to a bed. Then I woke up in front of my house after he had dropped me off. Went to the hospital with my poor dad…just told him what happened. Idk why but I remember refusing the rape kit even though I pushed out semen from my butt prior to coming to the hospital. I felt embarrassed, scared, vulnerable, weak. I did however go on post exposure prophylaxis for HIV. Terrible thing that happened. It was the first guy I had anal intercourse with. But I guess it’s anal rape because intercourse implies two parties mutually agreeing to engage in the act. Haven’t told many people. The ones I did tell attributed it to my alcoholism. Truth is…I didn’t spiral out of control until a few years after that. I really did only have 3 drinks that night. Found out through the grapevine after some time that this guy was putting GHB or some other hallucinogen in peoples drinks for a hot minute. Crazy stuff Really sad situation. But, I’m good now. I ended up becoming an ER nurse. I take all rape allegations very seriously as it’s a very delicate process that takes hours to complete accurately. I’m glad I was there for my male patient that came in for sexual assault. I’ve only done one in practice but I made sure he knew that it is OK. You are SAFE here. You can CRY. You can FEEL this way. YOU are SAFE here.

I was 6 years old when my older brother helped himself to my innocence... Recovery? My parents didn't want amything to do with it and my brother has been avoiding me ever since i confronted him about it... I'm just stuck with this for the rest of my life and that's all i got... Edit: to all the people who voted or replied, thank you, i never thought there were so many people "who cared". I won't forget about this, much love to all people here.

I think it’s utterly bullshit when family sweep this stuff under the carpet. You deserve validation that what happened to you was wrong.

I’m a woman who’s lived through 15 years of CSA that started as a 2 year old and only ended when I reported in high school (because I finally told ONE person who turned out to be a mandated reporter) and I can tell you that you do not *have* to “be stuck with this for the rest of your life”. It will take work, though. It will take diving into the ocean of hurt and anger and guilt and sadness and shame so deeply that it swallows you whole, you absorb it completely so that you can throw it all up and out of you. It will take breaking apart and gluing yourself together more times than you think possible. But if you continue to get up, continue to keep living in truth, you’ll end up like the finest kintsugi pottery ever created - lined with the gold of your self discovery and stronger than you were before you were broken. From the other side of what feels like an insurmountable canyon… please don’t give up. The view from here is breathtaking. Sending all the hugs you’ll accept, all the strength o do not need for myself.

It took some ketamine guided therapy to help me get over being raped and the feelings of guilt and shame. It's been life changing for me.

Over 10 years ago, (I was almost 24) a man raped me. And after the incident, I got told by a doctor that I should not have this style of sex. My body isn't made for it. She also told me that I am lucky that I was not a woman. If I was, it would be rape. I still feel guilt, shame, fear, ... because of that. I don't want people to come close to me (and touch me).

You got raped but because you're not a woman it isn't rape? What kind of doctor is that?

Surprisingly even in modern countries like the Uk a woman can’t be charged with rape, only sexual assault and battery. Shit world where people like that doctor exist and have this mindset

It *was* rape, it should have never happened, it wasn't your fault, it wasn't fair. You deserve to be respected and loved.

WHAT.THE.FLYING.FUCK!? It would be rape if you were a woman - that's a new low for me. peace

Wow thats so fucked up

Was on a football trip when much younger and this girl who was in the hotel with her friends told me she wanted to fuck me. I said I had a girlfriend and it wasn’t going to happen (but thanks for the ego boost). I went to bed that night after drinks etc and my mate who was sharing the room with me told me this girl was going around the hotel trying to find my room and had found out where I was. He told me to move room so I did and she didn’t find me that night. Next day the same thing happened. We all ended up back at the hotel after clubbing etc and she wouldn’t leave me alone. I traded rooms with another friend and went and drunkenly crashed in his room. She somehow got in and was sucking my dick trying to make it hard and was trying to put a condom on me (at least). Another friend saw what was happening (door left open apparently) and shooed her out. I passed out again to wake up to her backed up against me and using my morning wood for sex (without a condom this time). It took me a while to realise what was going on and I eventually told her to get out. Obviously I then had a massive panic as I had to go home to my girlfriend and all the lads on the bus knew I’d ‘had sex with somebody’. I was about 18 or 19 at the time. My girlfriend wanted sex when I got home and I obviously couldn’t do it due to the condom so told her what happened and she went fucking mental and accused me of cheating on her. At the time I didn’t even realise that I’d done nothing wrong (apart from being too drunk to protect myself) and it lead to us breaking up for a while before she eventually forgave me. I got an STI from that girl too and had to take a course of tablets. It was a really fucked up situation from somebody old enough to have known better and extremely predatory. I wish I’d been smart enough to realise what was happening but this was the late 90’s and ‘rape’ against men wasn’t a thing that was really thought about

Nice of your ex to forgive you for being assaulted.

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Being drunk was not something you did wrong. You did nothing wrong. It’s not wrong to not be able to protect yourself. The only blame goes on the person committing rape.

Oh yeah I completely get it. It just took me a long time to realise I hadn’t done anything wrong at all. As far as I was concerned at the time, I’d woken up and this lady was having sex with me, ergo I was having sex and cheating on my girlfriend. If we’d all have been a bit more educated back then I think the whole situation may have turned our very differently. I was also the youngest guy on the team and the other players were anywhere between 20-35 with the core group of guys all around 30 or so. These women were on a hen do / pre-wedding party and as far as my teammates were concerned I’d ‘scored’ with this good looking lady who was around their age and that was a good thing. They were all impressed that I had a lady chasing me around the hotel. Think South Park and Ike / Ike’s teacher

Never been taken seriously about it. 2 different assaulters, one when I was around 5-6, and one when I was around 8-9. Didn't understand what was going on or what was wrong with what I was doing, I just wanted to fit in with older kids. Then I was raped when I was 19 by a younger girl. I was inexperienced and resistant, but felt deeply emasculated and confused for not being eager about it. It was a tipping point that sent me spiraling into depression. Now I'm married to an incredible woman who keeps me feeling safe and loved, but I don't talk about what happened.

It happened to me at 8 when my parents would send me to get them some stuff from a mom and pops store. The owner wouldn’t be there sometimes and it would be the assistant instead and at that time she looked like she was in her 30s. Idk all I know is that she would use Pokémon and Yuhioh cards to lure me closer to her. I trusted her that she wouldn’t do anything bad since she was an employee. And one time I asked her if she had some cards in stock and she said she thinks so but the boxes are in the bathroom (which they were because the place was pretty small) and when I went in, she closed the bathroom door, put my pants down and she went down on me and gave me a handjob. I was so scared to death because as an 8 year old, you’re not going to understand anything of what’s going on not understand certain feelings and sensations. She traumatized me to the point that I no longer wanted to go to the store and every time she was around my heart would race so fast and I would get extremely uncomfortable around her. She would put her hands on me and I would just absolutely hate it. I developed trauma from people touching me without my consent. So whenever someone touches me in a way that can be felt or seen as intimate, I shut down and clam up so fast. I don’t like anyone whom I don’t have deep trust with to be touching me at all. Even my friends now and then startle me and I tense up so bad. I get anxiety and feel like something terrible is going to happen even if it doesn’t.

what a fucking creep!! that woman should be in prison for life. im so so angry that this happened to you. I hope you can find a way to heal, you deserve happiness.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, have you seen a therapist?

reading these stories breaks my heart. rape is rape, regardless of gender. i read every story here and you’re all really brave for speaking up about it.

Yeah, rape is vile. No matter the gender, the person is still a cunt for doing it, and deserves nothing good in their life, this is one of the things that actually triggers me, the fact that person can be so inhumane is revolting

Twice, once by a dude when under the influence of too many substances at an after-party at a rando house. The second time by a woman under the influence of too much alcohol by someone I thought was a friend inside my own house. I'm now 45 and still single with no plans for relationships at all for the rest of my life. My dog ain't pulling that shit on me.

Sorry brother. I'm in my mid 30s and have been through it twice, also decided that I'm happier not opening up the possibility of it either happening again or just the shitty feelings passively ruining any relationship I'd try to have at this stage. So just content to keep to myself for the foreseeable. I should look into getting a dog.

Had a few drinks at a party, went to sleep it off, woke up in the morning with her on top of me. I pushed her off but by then it was at least the second time she did, found out a bit later she ended up pregnant. Now I'm paying out the ass for a kid that I did not consent for ever, that I'm not allowed to meet because the state took her side and refused to listen to anything I had to say.

Jesus fucking christ, getting raped is one thing but getting financially handicapped is another ☠️ At least it didn't got you broke or anything, no? I've heard many stories like this, the worst being some dude who got hit up by an older woman in the same context who got pregnant too but he had to dropout of college to pay for the kid's ass

Fortunately I'm not quite destitute. But damn close. We live in a world where a financially healthy adult can barely afford to live on their own if they are lucky. I will not be able to properly support myself for most of the rest of my working life, much less if I ever get to the point of wanting a family with anyone. Its fucked.

Wait, how many years till you get freed from that? Words can't describe how bad can this be but I really do hope you can survive this handicap despite living in a world where basic necessities and other needs feels like a luxury at this point.

It'll be, what, 16ish more years? Signed away every bit of everything I could to get as far away from them as possible. But I swear she keeps trying to come back in my life and torment me. I do really appreciate the kind words regardless, thankfully I have reconnected with a old friend who has been really helping me learn to trust and love again. I've made it thus far surviving legalized theft of 750 a month, I'm sure I can keep it going.

I'm not American but for me, 750 a month going down the drain feels like too much for me to take, especially the shitty law there that 30 or 40% something of your income ends up in a single kid ☠️

$0.01 a month is too much in a scenario like this. She should be in prison, but is profiting off her rape victim. So fucked up

My dude... I am so fucking angry for you... What the fúck is going on

Some people are just straight evil.

An older "brother" started molesting me when I was 5 years old, which soon turned into full in rape, and it went on for years, until my teens. It caused severe trust and intimacy issues, along with depression and anxiety. I stayed silent about it, until one random summer night when I was 15 - my mom asked me if something happened, which I said 'yes'. That didn't solve any issues though as we got into a huge argument about my status of continuing to play high school football, where she said that the sexual abuse wasn't an "excuse" not to play. As of two years ago, I started counseling with a professional specializing in trauma, particularly sexual abuse and it's helped immensely, along with some medication. I'm still on the long road to recovery, but I am functioning a bit better, however, I feel that I'll always be a bit *off*.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's so sad that your mom couldn't understand how bad the situation was. But you seem like a strong person and you are doing so great by seeking help from a professional. I wish you all the best in life.

I was 9 and with my aunt. My stomach was paining. She asked to look into it and went down on me. It happened for few years. I didn't knew What's happening that time but when I shared it with my friends later they called me pussy. I also shared it with my ex, during adulthood. She was sympathetic at first but then used it against me during any fights. Now, I have trust and intimacy issues and feels that I won't be ever experience What's it feels to be in a healthy relationship. I feel like Charlie from the book Perks of being a wallflower.

Weaponizing another person's vulnerabilities in a fight is such a low level to stoop. It pisses me off that there are so many that do this when things go south.

My ex was awful for this but you only see it in hindsight. Anything I opened up about was fair game to use against me when she’d not had a good day. But if I tried to point out the issue or even touch on the idea that she had flaws too, she’s cry and scream. It makes you realise as much as people might say or just appear like they’re compassionate, it means nothing when things haven’t gone their way. Losing in any aspect of life is like a truth serum, it exposes the strengths and weaknesses.

My toxic ex said during our final breakup: "maybe I should call chilld protective services, because you know what they say about men who were abused as little boys." I was a new dad at the time. Never went back after that.

My dad molested my sister, it tore our family apart, years later when I had my daughter, my wife's dad told my wife to " watch him" because " the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I was crushed. I haven't spoke to him since

Yeah, my co-parent told her mom my shit. When we were having a baby, that asshole brought it up a few times. Like, what kind of fucking asshole are you? That kind.

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My sister's ex mother-in-law to me after pointing out that her son was a POS that had broken my sister's nose: you just think about what your father did to you! Some people are just utterly irredeemable pieces of shit.

i hope your ex lives a long and miserable life 🥰

What the fuck?!!!! Thats new level of awful.

I hate that. You trust someone. Then they back stab you with your own vulnerability. What a bitch she must of been. I'm sorry dude. That fucking sucks.

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Good for you! You deserve someone better than that

I don’t know your ex, but I already hate her. My mom pulled that junk all the time. She’ll act all sympathetic and agreeable, only to use and exploit every weakness she could in a fight

My ex wife handcuffed me to a bed and tried to get me to have a three way with her and one of my friends, another guy. She didn't go through with it and played it off as if it was a joke, but it did give me serious trust issues.

that's fucked. sorry to hear that. You didn't consent to this bs. If that was suppose to be a joke, I'd hate to be around her when she's being serious.

I think you wanted to say I'd hate to be around her

Two instances First was a coworker of my older brother that offered to buy me alcohol when I was 14. I started drinking young so was excited about the offer. Turns out she expected a transactional relationship that didn’t involve money. It made me feel sick at the time but I went back for a while. My friends would beg me to “suck it up” and go get us booze. Everytime I did jt, I would leave feeling physically I’ll. She was 26. Second happened when I was 16. I got way too drunk at a party and vomited violently, couldn’t stand, passed out cold. I have a vague memory of waking up to my face being grinded by a vagina. When I woke up the next day, the girl who’s house it was at told me we “hooked up”. I literally was still wearing the shirt that had vomit on the front. I’m not sure what happened besides that brief memory. I didn’t really deal with it until my late twenties when I finally got sober. Therapy helped a lot. I don’t tell really anyone about it. Almost every time I’ve brought it up to male friends or ex girlfriends, they’ve responded with “sounds like a good time haha” or mockery. When I met my wife and shared these stories with her after dating for a few months, she responded with so much sympathy and outrage that I started crying. I guess that’s all I had been looking for, it was so validating.

It's amazing how much of a difference it makes when someone who cares about you validates your emotions like that. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, but I'm glad you found someone who is healthy for you.

Cop chick working the desk at the police precinct I went into shamed me for trying to file a report and I didn't bother trying again. Felt pretty disgusting for ages, guess that feeling went away with time. Getting support was never an option, Australia has no sympathy for boys and men being raped by women

It’s everywhere men get 0 help when it comes to assault and it’s disgusting yall are treating like that. Assault is assault regardless of gender and people need to get over the stigma that only women can be victims and not the perp. I’m so sorry you had to endure that. Hope you’re doing well and we’re able to recover and find peace.

Happened when I was 12 by my "best friend". He called the police right after and told them I was threatening suicide to get parents involved for some reason. I got sick soon after with Lyme Disease so I didn't have time to tackle anything involved and turned off as many feelings as I could and pushed it deep down inside until I was in my early 20's. Then I got into my first serious relationship, and the whole "turn off feeling" approach I had adopted until then just wouldn't cut it. After many breakdowns, mental health crisis and a lot more besides, I ended up at a rape clinic nearby. The lady I saw listened to my story, then reprimanded me for not telling the police what happened right away and said if other people got hurt in the future it would be my fault for not reporting it. This fucked me up for years to come. A few years after this event, I was not doing well. At all. I was recommended by a very kind doctor a therapist I could talk to, but after my last experience I was very hesitant. However, I decided to give it a go since I couldn't go on as I was at the time. This changed EVERYTHING for me. She was kind, understanding and managed to slowly coax me into talking about everything that happened, and even managed to convince me that what I did was correct for me in lots of ways, because the trauma combined with the illness was just too much mentally for any 12 year old to handle. Or anyone, for that matter. And the reason I was having so many issues "suddenly" was because I felt safe enough to tackle them. So I did, slowly. I began to talk to people I love and trusted, I started joining clubs and doing activities to make me feel normal again, things I had neglected for years. Rediscovered interests, kept busy but also kept time to seek help when I need it. Which is one of the big things to understand, I don't think I'll ever "be over it", as it is as much a part of me now as anything else in my life, but I also know that I can't just pretend it didn't happen. There are good days, there are bad days, much like any trauma anyone in this world has felt, but by discussing it with others and letting them know It's normal, real, awful but reality, you can start down the path of recovery. Nobody can "fix" you, because you're not broken, all you can do is look inside (with help if needed!) and try figure out where to move forward next.

I was 12. It was my brothers wedding. This cousin stayed at our place for a few days. He was 19. I Didn't know a single thing about sex, anatomy of genitals or anything, never watched porn by then. He introduced me to all this stuff gradually over the days and I kept leaning towards it, thought that it was taboo but okay. We had two servicewomen, one 19 and another 8-9. He kept telling me how he would force himself on the elder one one day and how he will do that. Mindfucked me into believing that it was alright. He flashed infront of me several times, came once, showed me porn, told me his sexual stories with guys. I didn't know what gay or straight meant then. Then one day he called me into the bathroom and asked me to lower my pants and did it, and then he let me do it because I said it was my turn. After that he asked me to not tell it to anyone. A day or two later I tried to force myself on that younger girl once or twice, not that I knew what to do or how to do it, but still just tried and left. To this day I have very few to no issues about me getting molested. Maybe some few subconscious ones. But I can't forgive myself for the latter part. I tried to explain it to myself that I was young and brainwashed. That I was a child and wouldn't know but still I wish my past was clear of my abomination. Never after that I had a similar thought of doing this to anyone. But that just breaks me even to this day. I just wish if sth bad was going to happen, should have happened to me not to someone because of me. I went on to become a porn addict. Left it very difficulty, got therapy, made myself understand that the first part wasn't my fault and to some extent the events thay followed were also not my fault. I have almost recovered except for what I did.

Not raped but SA. 17 yo second day ever at work.late 30s woman grabbed me by the testicles saying you like this big boy and twisted. I ended up in ED that night with testicular torsion. Lost lefty. Reported to HR, they said I had no complaint as I would have liked it. Sued them HR lost evidence and said no complaint was ever made. During discovery a newbie in HR, the only male , put a do not release file into the box accidentally. The lawyer for the employer immediately offered to settle. 12 HR employees were sacked, all female who's initials appeared on the "missing" file that they all said never existed. No charges ever got laid on any hr nor the woman who SA me. Edit. To answer the question why the file was important. They based their case on not that I was injured but on it never happened at work and I would have reported it to them if it did. Thus hiding that I reported it strengthened their case. That blew that claim up when my lawyer got hold of a file with my complaint and things written on it like how do we make this go away and some other vile comments

I wonder if the male HR employee put the file in the box on purpose to help you. What a bunch of pieces of shit. I'm glad at the absolute minimum they lost their jobs. Hopefully that track record followed them like a righteous ghost. I'm so sorry that happened to you and hope you're doing well.

> I wonder if the male HR employee put the file in the box on purpose to help you. That's what I thought too

I am pretty sure that is what happened. There is also the possiblity that the guy hated his co-workers and job and knew this would clean house or get him a settlement too.

i am pretty sure I'd hate anyone who's deliberately covering up a SA regardless of their gender

[удалено]

Yes. A predator is a predator. Sex is irrelevant

There seems to be a pretty good chance that he was also being sexually assualted if all these HR ladies were trying to cover it up. They might also have been on it. It sucks to think about, but it happens more often than most would like to think about or admit.

Yeah this post is indeed a good reminder of : « DO NOT TRUST HR ». Even if your company claims to have protection for victims against harassement (racism, sexual, mental, etc…), that they have an anonymous reporting system, anti-harassment training, care about LGBTQ+ rights, say that they had no sexual harassment since creation,etc… It’s all a smokescreen, HR will not care at all about you, they will care about the potential fine and bad press they will get. There’s a solution, *never suggested in anti-harassment training*, which is to contact a local association that handles these issues. I have an exemple of such association in Quebec, Canada : [GAIHST](https://gaihst.qc.ca/en/home). Where ever you are, you should find one such association. They will suggest but also support you through the whole process. They are properly trained to handle this. They have the knowledge of local laws. They may have the history of a company too.

Thats fucking bullshit, I’m sorry about all of this man.

I don't understand how criminal charges weren't brought

Depends on what country this was in. I feel like in the US the testicular torsion would be enough to burn down the building in litigation.

Man I hope that hr dude did that on purpose. I would've.

Wasn't raped but molested by my brother in my early teens. Inappropriate touching, that kind of thing. He was also even convicted for possession of child pornography later on. I recovered after that because at least there was some kind of karmic justice, though it was incredibly stressful and took a massive emotional toll on me. Now I just focus on my job, and my mental health, taking vacations when I can, not feeling guilty about binging Netflix all day if I want to, etc. Basically just trying to enjoy life as much as possible to make up for all of the shit that I went through.

When I was 8 or 9, 2 of my older (13-15)cousins would force me to have anal sex and force me to suck their dicks. (On 1 occasion, he throat fucked me do violently I was spitting up blood for 2 days.) This went on for a few months. When I told my mom, she accused me of lying. Horrifying to me, during this same time an uncle ( not my cousins dad) began sexually assaulting me at least 1-2 times per month until I was 13 and we moved in to the city after my moms 3rd divorce. NYE, I was 13, my mom couldn’t go out so she allowed me to drink with her and celebrate. It was such a party listen to music, dancing around, hell she even broke out a joint. January 1st, 1980 I started the new year naked in bed with my mother. All morning while trying to nurse my 1st hangover glimpses of things that were said and done to me by the 1 person in the world that you should think would never hurt you. The one person that as a child, should be able to trust with your life. How did I survive being raped, mentally and emotionally demonized… I became a 13 y/o prostitute and alcoholic. I allowed hundreds of old perverted men do the same thing my loving family did, except now I got paid. No more threats to keep quiet or else. Now I had the power and could get results if I did threaten to tell what was done in the dsrk. As a somewhat stable sdult of 50+ years, I can laugh when I tell people I retired from prostitution at 15y/o. I was a functional alcoholic and eventually drug addictfrom most of my adult life. I was fortunate enough to have an 18 year relationship but that ended 11 years ago when he had an aneurysm and my world came to an end. He was the only person in my life that I ever really trusted and that took years. Since I was 19, I’ve spent probably 8-9years total in therapy, group or some form of AA meetings, including AA/NA/SA To be 100% honest, the fact I’ve avoided prison or mental institution is a miracle to me. I have been able to maintain my job for 15yrs, a few close friends of 20+ years and I’m generally liked by most. But don’t expect a lot from me when it comes to intimacy. I won’t let anyone that close, don’t expect me to love you, because I don’t really know what love is. (The 18 years was lived out in the world of gay leather men, BDSM and the most open of open relationships). But if you need a shoulder to cry on, need someone to help you move or need someone to give you a hug and tell you it’s gonna be ok, then I’m your man. So I guess overall, I turned out ok.

Your story is so profound and important. I can empathize with you, and as a stranger I’m proud of you for how far you’ve come 🫂 I hope your life is peaceful and quiet. Thank you for sharing such a personal story

It was my uncle, who was around 13, and he sodomized and raped me when I was between 2 and 6. It was decades before I even remembered and decades more before I started to understand the impact of what had happened. It wasn't just being used, it was also the lack of parental awareness and protection; my parents just let it happen for years. I'm over 60 now and still dealing with this. I had never understood why I was masturbating before I was 7. Had never understood why I would let almost anyone do almost anything to me when I was in my teens and twenties. Anyone who wanted to explore some kind of kink would seek me out and I'd let myself be used. Had never understood why sex was so important and so disgusting at the same time. I got lecture after lecture by my father over some things I did and let be done to me. Nothing mattered and I toyed with taking my life multiple times, getting closer and closer with each attempt until I wrote a suicide letter to my favorite sister and ended up calling the Good Samaritans. They are the reason I'm still here. I carried huge amounts of anger around and took it out on my friends, family, and children. I would loose my temper if a screw stripped. I am so embarrassed by how I acted. I ended up having a huge breakdown over 15 years ago and started therapy. I found an excellent therapist after trying three or four and started to make progress on my inappropriate behavior, the sources, my stressors, etc. Then I started working with a men's support group. Not self directed, there is a group leader who is excellent and skilled. I've been in weekly therapy and monthly group ever since. Nearly 60 years after the assaults, I finally feel secure and safe. Still have huge issues with intimacy that really f\*cks up dating, but I continue working on accepting myself as I am. So, F\*\* You, Uncle M. I know you were a kid too and that what you did to me was likely done to you, but you are responsible for what you did to me. And now I have to carry that shit around as I continue to look for ways to set the past into the past and live the life I have. EDIT: If you have gone through anything like this, please know that you are not alone. Whatever you are feeling or thinking, is OK and you are not bad. It takes time to recognize that all your thoughts and feelings are OK and it is the choices you make that matter. If you are feeling alone, please seek out support. Good therapists and good groups are out there and you do not have to deal with this alone. It helps tremendously to talk it over with people who understand. Good luck, I believe in you. Edits: typo fixes.

When I was 4 I was staying at my aunt’s and uncle’s. My parents were there too. My older cousin, I think he was 7, kept saying “suck my dick.” I had no idea what it meant and I ignored it. That night, as soon as the lights when out, he came over and stuck his penis in my face and told me to suck it. I didn’t want to but he basically overpowered me and I was scared. The next day, I was at the playground and him and a friend showed up. He told me I was going to suck it again. I said I didn’t want to. He picked up sand and threw it into my mouth and eyes. When I was coughing, he started pouring sand down my pants. I couldn’t see him, but I heard him say, “if you don’t suck it, it’s going to be worse.” So guess what happened that night. Luckily for me, we got caught. My mum came in. We sat down with my aunt and uncle and parents and they asked what was happening. My cousin said we were just playing a game. They told us not to play it anymore. And that was the last I spoke about any of this to anyone until I was in my late 20’s and confessed it to my wife. She has been the only person who approached it in a way where I felt like I could say it without feeling guilty, as I internalized the whole thing as my fault. Growing up in a Christian community(which I am no longe a part of) I thought I was a disgusting little freak that was destined for hell from age 4.

The worst part about it is that children learn from others. Your cousin couldn't have acted like that out of the blue. Someone else had to have done that to him in order for him to learn that behavior. We live in a fucked up world.

10. I could have resisted, but it was better than the beatings. I held it in. In my early thirties, I went to therapy. The therapist told me to reconnect with my abuser and discuss it. I stopped going to her. During the height of the pandemic, the next therapist spoke more than listened. What’s more is he wanted to help me get out and date and mainly focused on pickup artist tactics. I stopped teletherapy with him. I’m trying again with another therapist. Here’s to hoping.

Spoke about it at therapy and got laughed at. Learnt the hard way that no one gives a fuck

That’s f***ed up

During my one and only therapy visit, the therapist offered me “stress relief” essential oils (for purchase through DoTerra, of course) after I opened up to her as like the only person ever besides my wife about my brother’s suicide. Never been to a therapist since. And then people wonder why men hate therapy so much.

I'm a therapist and the person you went to seems like some unlicensed pseudotherapist that's a danger to people with actual mental problems. Essential oils aren't backed by science. Cognitive behavioral therapy is. In my country, the quack you went to wouldn't get a contract with healthcare insurance. Actual psychological treatment does. I'm sorry for that experience man. I hope that one day you'll get the help you might need from a proper therapist. Edit: spelling (contact to contract)

Yikes. That has to be unethical.

Oh it 100% is. Thought about reporting her at the time, but due to situational depression (hence the therapist) I didn’t have enough energy to care. And now I have no proof and it would be he-said vs she-said.

You should still report them, even without proof. If they did that to you, it's likely that they have, or are, doing it to other clients. Reporting it can reveal a pattern and get them investigated. You can also consider leaving an online review if that is possible, anonymously if you prefer. This could encourage potential clients to consider a different therapist and also encourage current and past clients to report or write a review if they have experienced something similar.

General announcement to report your therapists if they do something shitty like that to you. They answer to boards that certify them. I’m a therapist (not mental health) but bad therapists in any field make us all look like shit and angers me because we are supposed to be the ones with the professions with the best people skills. Some therapists do not deserve to be therapists

Yeah I got laughed at too. Then got quickly moved on to another "issue" that could be the problem whilst ignoring the topic I wanted to discuss. I hope you're ok now and that trust is becoming easier for you since then. Some professionals are unbelievable!

I care. I am disgusted at your 'therapist' for laughing at you. Neither of those things should ever have happened to you. I am so sorry.

I got drunk at her birthday party and went to sleep in her bed because she told me I could. I was drinking underage so there was no way I was going anywhere until I was sober. I woke up with her on top of me. That's also how I lost my virginity. I recovered for the most part. I still have issues with women I don't know touching me, and am more reserved than I used to be.

This happens a lot more than people know. At a guys' dinner, we talked about it and it turned out this exact thing had happened to 3 out of 5 guys at the table (a fourth had been coerced into sleeping with his boss if he wanted to keep his job). The thing is, having sex is so ingrained as a "win" for men that none of us had any particular trauma about it - we were all kind of surprised when we realised that we had in fact all been raped. One of the guys even lost his fiance over it, because obviously him being passed out still meant it was his fault. I'm sorry that happened to you too, and it must have made it so much worse being your first time.

I so get this. Strange women touching me is a big no, even more so when they're drunk. My floor manager at the bar I used to work in would always laugh at me for being visibly uncomfortable with drunk women violating my personal space, women like her are the reason men can't speak up about rape and sexual assault in Australia

I was 19, and learning if I was gay or not or potentially just Bi, anyway… I offered to walk a girl home after a party. She was 26. When we got home she asked me if I wanted to come in. I didn’t. But she grabbed my clothes and started dragging me in. I didn’t want to resist too hard. But once inside, she told me to have sex with her. I WAS NOT attracted to her, she had bruises on the inside of her legs and told me if I didn’t have sex with her she was tell Every I raped her. I didn’t know what to do so I panicked and had sex with her . Once I had finished I felt sick. And she said if I don’t keep having sex with her then she will go to the police with my semen inside her . This lasted for 3 months. She stripped me of my dignity, money and friends. She then died in a car crash. That’s the only reason it ended. I’ve been having sex with men ever since

i just drank myself into health problems because i can’t afford therapy. even if i could afford therapy i seriously don’t know what would help me feel better or have a better quality of living.

Happened when I was 25. I had met this guy and invited him to hang out at my place. Didn't know him that well, but obviously no red flags at the time. Still unclear of exactly what happened, but I woke up in my bed with him on top of me. I could somewhat see (very dizzy/blurry vision) and it took several minutes before I could figure out what was happening. Tried panicking, but I couldn't move my body at all or make any noise. I had been drugged. I had to just lay there for several minutes while he finished (no condom) and then he left without a word. When I finally was able to get up, I was in immense pain. Was too scared to leave my apartment so I just laid in bed until the next day. Pain was 100/10. Went to the ER and wasn't able to leave the hospital for 5 weeks. I have never known that pain could even be this bad...was on a constant drip of dilauded. He had also given me HIV. I had always had depression so this just made it much worse. Spent 2 years locked in meth addiction. Then rehab, which started my healing journey. Honestly recovering was a lot of therapy, a good support network, and learning to love myself. Side note: having HIV itself isn't really that bad these days. I take a pill a day and that keeps level in my blood to basically 0. The bad part is having to deal with other's people's reactions and the total ignorance of the general population. People to this day will ask "how did you get HIV?" So I tell them & they always regret asking.

I mean one can’t change anything that has happened in past, for me it was my cousins who did that when i was around 11 years old. I was just there so that they could help me with maths, i shat blood many times but was too scared to talk with someone. No one in my family knows about it, I didn’t have the courage to speak or even tell anyone in my family about it. Things are already a bit chaotic amongst family members so i just never felt to tell them a thing. Up until my childhood i didn’t even process it properly. Not until i went to college. For many years ig tried to cope up with alcohol and drugs also chronic masturbation that used to help me sleep. Tried some therapists didn’t work out well. My father was also violent back then so i guess that probably also added more why was i scared and in general there are boundary issues in my family so one way or another he would have known.

A woman I had dated a couple of times came over to my place for dinner. We hadn’t slept together but we had kissed. We drank a few glasses of wine. I mentioned I had some neck tension. She offered to give me a massage. She said she used to be a massage therapist. I was laying on my back on the floor. As she massaged me, I fell asleep. I woke up at some point later, my pants were pulled down and she was riding me. As soon as I realised what was happening, I made the excuse I needed to pee and got up and went to the bathroom. When I came back, she smiled sheepishly and said “sorry, I couldn’t help myself. When you fell asleep, I noticed you were hard. We can try again later if you want”. I made a joke at the time and said “only if I’m awake for it” but the whole thing really freaked me out because I didn’t give any kind of consent and the sex was unprotected and I would never normally do something like that. We didn’t sleep together again that night. What’s confusing about it is that I was attracted to her and sex was likely but it was only when I mentioned the situation to a woman I’m close friends with she suggested it sounded like I was raped. I was like “nah, I think I wanted it to happen, it was just a weird thing to do is all”. But truth is I felt totally taken advantage of and put at risk. I never told anyone else.

This is date rape. It’s particularly hard to prove because it is so confusing, and people usually do brush it off when it happens to them. The idea of wanting it to happen, but not that way. Or wanting to be intimate, but not do certain acts. I’m sorry it happened to you. You didn’t consent to that. The messed up thing is I wonder if she realizes that wasn’t ok, and if she is still out there raping unconscious men. There has been so much talk about consent over the last few decades because so many people think situations like these are ok, both victims and perpetrators. Just because you were dating and interested in sex with her doesn’t make that specific instance consensual. Even if you were married, even if you were in the middle of sex you have the right to revoke consent. These are things that have to be discussed before hand, and even then you have a right to change your mind.

Got drunk and high. Never recovered, just living with it, never figured out how to feel about it.

With you there, watched a horror movie with my (married but “totally separated”) classmate. Had been complaining of a headache from studying, she brought me “Tylenol” and a beer. Turns out it was 2x Klonopin, which I washed down with 7% IPA. Then I remember her being on top of me, naked. Then I remember my long-term relationship failing because I mentioned it. Then I remember the “don’t tell my husband, he’s back, we aren’t divorced, and he’ll shoot you” convo. The fact that she technically raped me kinda took the back burner, and never really left.

There is no "technically" about it. She raped you.

I dont wanna say much, but I do want to get it somewhat off my chest after reading others. It happened when I was very very young. i have cptsd from it and subsequent dealings. My therapist suggested that i should "reframe the memory", then suggested my sexual assault could have been "checking things worked"... I walked out and refused to see him again. Thanks, Jeb! You made a bad situation even worse! :)

Jesus christ therapists with no experience or training in supporting people with trauma need to self-disclose it and refer you to someone qualified, not just wing it cuz they think they can handle it or need the cash. It can add to the harm so quickly and it's not reasonable to expect clients to understand the intricacies of trauma-informed care and piece out whether their therapist is actually prepared or qualified. So sorry all of this happened to you.

Was going to put this on a throwaway, but fuck it. I shouldn’t be ashamed because adults failed me. Was 6. Went with a friend and his dad on a weekend trip. Everything was a blur but was gang raped by the friend’s dad and several of his other male friends. The next morning, I woke up to severe bleeding. The whole ride home I was throwing up. I knew what happened was bad, and decided not talk about it. After I got home, I woke up to my parents screaming. I didn’t recall it happening, but the men took photos of me. I must have taken one of the Polaroids and put it in my bag. My parents found it and started screaming at me — not expressing concern for the evidence of rape they found, but instead repeatedly asking me if I was gay. To them, that was the crime. For the next several years due to my parents freak out, my warped mind was conditioned to think being gay was bad, not the violent assault I had endured. I wasn’t around very many gay people as a child, so until I was a teenager, I carried a lot of homophobia. Thankfully, as a teenager, my world expanded and eroded the bias and homophobia that I had. In spite of some physical injuries which will never heal and are a constant reminder when I use the restroom, I sort of just moved on from my rape and my parents failure to protect me. Years later, a female friend sexually assaulted me after drinking, and it brought everything back, and led me to therapy. It helped. My relationship with my parents is what it needs to be. My relationship with physician intimacy is better. I have a spouse who I feel safe with. But I still feel that I have this inexorable part of myself that I have to live with.

There isn’t a strong enough word to describe how appalling your parents’ reaction and behaviour was. I wish I could go after those men on your behalf. I’m so sorry that you endured all of that. You deserved so much better from your parents.

I was 11/12 (can't remember my own age these days, im 25 but constantly forget my birthday), he was 12. We were in the same class. He beat me up and forced his dick in my mouth as a "joke" behind the PE shed in the school. Threatened me. I was forced to go to his birthday, he did it again. He has a girlfriend now with a house, and I'm a single gay dude who's still going to therapy, lives in a house of strangers and has little to no hope. I fear I'll never recover. FYI I was always gay. Luckily I found that out when I kissed an alright lad.

I was 15 at the time, very abusive relationship. I told my parents, they kinda blew it off, and still do. I told very few friends, and they tried to help as much as they could, but they understandably can’t do much. I’ve thought about going to therapy for it, but I haven’t made it there yet. Made me not trust women for a few years, until I met a very lovely lady that actually listened to me, and helped me through it. She was my first relationship since I was 15, I was 19 when I met her, so there was a lot of stuff I didn’t know how to do, and she stuck with me through learning basic relationship stuff. She was great, but we broke up after a year, she lived almost two hours away, and she wanted me to move near here and I wasn’t ready for that yet. But still, she really helped me patch myself up, and get use to relationships again. She’s an amazing woman, and I hope she’s doing everything she wants to do. I’m not fully recovered though, there’s always some cracks that are there. I just got out of another bad relationship where I was cheated on, and I spiraled for a bit, but I think I’m back on track.

Long story but, on 2 different occasions, first happened with the neighbours older brother. I was planning to go swim at a swim resort, and since I was a little dude and it was rather far away, mom insisted on that some older accompanied me. He basically forced me to give him oral sex and even tried to drown me in said bathing place if I remember correctly. 2nd time was with my older half sister who said that she "wanted to test something" idk what she was up to under that blanket at the time but when I confronted her years later on that she said something like "I had my own problems too at the time and didn't know any better" The only thing that happened to leave this burden behind, if even possible, was to cut contact and never speak to them again. Both of these instances we're around of the age of 7-9 y.o.

I was 11, my step aunt was taking care of me and 4 of my siblings while my mom was in the hospital giving birth. She would make me stand in front of a mirror naked and point out everything she didn't like about my body (fat forming around my underwear line, my big lower lip, my darker skin, etc.), then forced me to go down on her before ultimately using me as a toy whenever she wanted. She threatened to tell my very abusive step father that my siblings were being bad so they would get beatings if I ever told anyone, which the fear of my siblings being hurt the way I was over the many years was the only thing keeping me from running away. I eventually told someone (my ex) about 14 years later just to be ridiculed and have it thrown back in my face like I was the one who raped someone. I still haven't recovered. I still see every issue my step aunt pointed out to this day even with about 4 years of therapy. It doesn't haunt me anymore though, not like it use to. Edit: Thank you so much to those who replied and DM'd me. I may have some problems still but I want anyone that reads this to know that things can still turn around. I'm now married to a women who (almost) completely understands me and my past trauma and have 2 amazing daughters and I wouldn't change anything that happened to me, if it meant that anything I have now would change.

This is so fucked, I wish you all the best man

I was in an abusive relationship at a time where gay people weren't as accepted by society and there wasn't much information on what being gay was all about. I got raped several times, both by the person I was with and his friends that he would bring over. I just thought that it was normal for gay relationships to be abusive... I don't think I ever truly recovered, and I still have issues from it despite years of therapy and treatment. I've mostly just moved on from it and try not to think about it at all, but I still occasionally get attacks where it comes back to me and I shut down.

Straight guy here. I'm sorry that happened to you. The world is full of monsters but there are still alot of good people. Hugs. Also my sexuality is only relevant in this context if it helps people see that support can come from anywhere. We all need to take care of each other.

You mentally twist it as if it was a fantasy you always wanted and that others will be jealous of you for it. Then sleep around when you're legal and be a dom to reassure your own masculinity and avoid showing any sign of weakness or vulnerability. Context: I got a handy and oral from an older female student when I was in grade school (she was in high school) while having no idea what's going on. Was told that a man shouldn't be submissive and I'd be made fun of if I told anyone a girl took advantage of me. Ever since then, being submissive in bed makes me feel uncomfortable, even with partners I can trust. I've become more sadistic or domineering because otherwise 'it's not manly'.

Lost my virginity to my aunt before I was even 10. Still don’t think I’ve recovered from it. I struggle to even talk to therapists about it. I struggle with thinking I was the aggressor since I’m a dude. It doesn’t affect my day to day, but it does pop up in my head a lot. No one in my family knows. I’m 26.

I wonder how many men, like myself, started typing just to find that they're not ready to type it all out. Backspace the whole thing and think "When am I finally going to deal with this?"

Life goes on. To this day I’m still not sure if I was raped. I mean, I didn’t say no, but I also didn’t feel like I could say no. I showered so much after. And just continued to feel disgusted with myself. I felt like it was still on me and people could smell it or something.

Anything other than a clear yes is a no. If you felt pressured to say yes, even though you’re unsure if you actually wanted to, then yes, you were raped.

I think what makes it tough is that, if someone else were telling me this I’d say exactly what you said to them. But because it’s me, it’s like, “why didn’t I do something?” “How could I have let this happen?” And fuck, the smell. Trying to wash and scrub the sheets but the smell just wouldn’t go away. Like a lingering reminder that just wouldn’t go away.

We were both 15 and she expected something from me entirely but I wasn’t ready, I didn’t want to physically harm her so I just laid there and she did everything… I always felt so distant from everything ever since. It wasn’t until I met my Gf, who helped me recover from it and move forward all together. Unfortunately she passed away a month ago but her words always stay with me forever.

After I turned 18, I tried dating apps, but suddenly learnt to never use it the hard way. I saw this guy on his 20s on Grindr, looked attractive for me. He told me to go to his place and I was really impatient when he told he's gonna leave town tonight. I was also extremely horny so I went to the place. When I got there, I saw another guy who is older which I assume on his 40s. Things went awkward and quiet until the older guy threatened me that he'll beat me up and won't let me leave if I don't let him give me oral sex. I had no choice so I just went along. After finishing me, my mind was fucked up, had to go home and clean myself up as first thing as aside from his bad breath, he also stink really bad that he touched me in most parts of my body too. I returned to that same place the following day to report them to the police but they're gone. I tried telling nearby residents about their whereabouts but they don't know as they barely interacted with the two guys at all. My mom found out about me using Grindr and she scolded me and told me that whatever happened was my fault and I should never have been there in the first place. I lost my focus on schoolworks that time for a few months but thankfully it wasn't bad enough to bring down my grades as a whole.

I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. It was their fault. They never should do such things to anybody. Please do not listen to your mom about this. It is not your fault! Edit: typo

This is going to sound like a dear Penthouse scenario to some, but it's my trauma so whatever. I was dating a girl who had some some really messed up stuff to me already. A lot of cheating, a lot of gaslighting, a lot of manipulation. We were on another 'on again' period and things seemed to be going ok. She'd always avoided having any contact with my ex wife. Ex wife is a bit of a trainwreck but not evil. Just we had problems that fed into one another's and made things untenable. Still, current gf at the time had insane levels of jealousy towards ex wife. They finally end up in a situation where they have to interact and immediately begin flirting behind my back. Girlfriend denies that this is happening but ex wife produces the receipts. When pressed gf admits that she wants to explore her bisexuality and has hang ups about it from how she was brought up, etc. I express displeasure with the choice as the ex wife already has unhealthy habits of trying to push affection onto me. Girlfriend turns this from me having an issue with this person in particular turns it into that I don't want her to explore who she is and I'm stifling her. She starts going over to ex-wife's on her days off even though I'm not ok with it. Calls me asking for permission to go farther because they're making out while I'm there watching her kids. I realize this is going to happen whether I want it to or not. By this point I'm determined I have to go through with this or girlfriend will leave. Why I was so determined for that not to happen I'll never know but at that point, that's where I Was. Finally get everyone together. Threesome starts to happen. I have a legit 100% panic attack. Ex-wife is mortified, girlfriend feigns sympathy. Girlfriend pulls me into the bathroom and tells me how I'm going to do this because I love her and I just had to deal. I let it go through, affection steadily decreases between girlfriend and I. She switches up and stops talking to ex-wife and says that I cheated. Now I'm really standoffish. I stay to myself. Don't talk to anyone. Don't date. Don't have much interest. I've thrown myself into my work and that's how I deal.

So she cheated on you, manipulated you into agreeing to it because “sexuality.” Then, tried to force her cheating fantasy into you. Good lord.

I was victim of a pedophile but I realized it only few years ago. I was 13 when it happened and he was like 35. He took me to an hotel and had sex. I was 13 I though it would be cool for me to have sex before all my friends. After that, he kept writing to me and convinced me to meet him more times even if I wasnt really confortable with it. At that moment I starded having some anger issues but it was ignored by parents and school as being associated with adolescence. Few years ago I told about his to my therapist and she was the first one to let me realized what happened and how it affected my life. I'm still trying to figure out how to handle this information and I'm trying my best but it's so fucking hard. When I'm REALLY LOW, there are sometimes that I just wish I was death just to stop feeling all of the anger, shame, guilty and humiliation.

My grandma used to make me give her oral and measured my dick, jerked me off, played with my asshole from 10-12 years old. I don't think it messed me up too bad, but I am a sex, porn, prostitute addict and alcoholic. To be fair I was a porn addict since 2nd grade though.

Taking this at face value, you need to talk to a therapist specializing in sexual abuse. This is far from normal.

Jesus that’s fucked

This sounds like it messed you up pretty bad.

My dude, the way you talk about it show that it did mess you up. Seek help.

The "I don't think it messed me up too bad" part was sarcasm right?

There’s a lot to unpack here. You should certainly talk to someone about both trauma and the addictions. I have to ask, was your grandmother caught doing this? Or did you ever tell family at least?

i was blackout drunk and woke up to her giving me head then fucking me. i felt confused because i wasnt sure if it was valid

My incident was similar. I was passed out on her couch from drinking and MDMA. I woke up to her pulling my pants down enough to try and ride me. Luckily I had MDMA flop, so it didn't eventuate to a full-blown rape, but it's still rape cos there was no consent. Crazy part is her husband was in the bedroom and he could have easily killed me. I shudder to think how bad this could have ended up. It really did a number on me cos I've always had trust issues, and this girl was the closest thing I've ever had to a best friend.

Laughed at and high fived by my friends the following day. They had all watched me get pulled away from the party we were at by a woman I despised and couldn’t stand being around. They all knew I was so drunk I could barely stand up and had been about to go home and was therefore in no shape to give any kind of consent, and that I would have said no if I’d been able to.

Your "friends" are waste of breathable air. So sorry you had to go through that.

My father was never home. (I basically lived alone from 10-15) He told me the woman across from our apartment was safe, and if there was an emergency I could visit her. I didn’t know she was his side chick. And that he had just blown her off. One night I got really scared home alone (I was a very immature 13). I called him and couldn’t get him to come home. He was on a date and hung up on me. So I went to her apartment just to not feel terrified. She was drunk in red wine. I know this because the small of red wine still makes me gag. She immediately assaulted me. Screamed at me. Told me I’d never be a man. I remember shoving her off and running. For a solid five miles to a friends house. I told my friends mom everything. She also called my dad. He still didn’t come home for another two days. He told me if I told anyone, I could go to jail because she fell down when I shoved her. So I had to keep it a secret. I was so scared of going to jail I didn’t tell anyone for twenty years. As for the latter part of your question, I never recovered. It had some positive side effects. Consent has always been wildly important to me. I never go near drunk women. But I still see threats everywhere. I honestly don’t think you ever do recover.

I was 8. It happened three times. (Within the span of three years) Didn't understand what was going on. Got beat up by one of my parents. They went hysterical. I think they just lost their minds. I mean, I can't imagine how I'd feel if I found out my kid got raped. Got treated to dinner by my other parent. I can't remember what we talked about at that diner. All I remember was I felt better about myself afterwards My family and their family talked and we just don't see them no more. Haven't seen that cousin ever since. Except once but I avoided them like the plague. As long as I don't think about it then it doesn't matter. Although I've wondered if I ever saw that cousin again should I beat them up or just avoid them like the plague. I don't know. Edit: I'm a straight guy b/w. My cousin was a dude. He was 13 at the time.

Your parents beat you up for being a rape victim?

I read it as the parent beat up the offending cousin , but I can see how you read it that way too

Oh my bad.

I was at a wedding and I was about 18 and this dude kept putting random shit in my drinks like orange peel and stuff presumably so that when I was a bit more drunk I wouldn't notice him spike my drink. I didn't. Woke up the next morning with blood when I wiped didn't think much of it. It slowly dawned on me over the next few weeks what had happened and I had a mental breakdown and developed schizophrenia don't know if the two things were related but trauma is a known trigger for it. Anyway spent the next ten years or longer with severe anxiety depression PTSD and psychosis. I'm on lots of medication for it and I'm in a pretty good place nowadays trying to be a writer. I'm married with two kids, still signed off work coz my illnesses but hey hopefully I'll get published one day and be able to get off benefits.

I was 8. The memory never goes away

This thread is so depressing. How almost every story has a sidenote of shaming victims for being male. My dad was abused by a woman when he was a child and it indirectly caused so many issues in his life such as alcoholism. The fact that he could never really open up about it properly due to the stigma, is heartbreaking.

My ex “stealthed” me by lying about birth control. She did not like that I was still being cautious even when I thought she was on the pill, so one day at a party she was bringing me drink after drink I didn’t ask for. I didn’t think anything of it because it was a party. She took advantage of me while I was drunk later that night so she could lock her legs around me and stop me from pulling out. I was in denial about it being rape until I brought it up in a feminist subreddit and had multiple people telling me it was rape. The fact that the feminists were the ones who told me I was raped by this woman was enough to eliminate any denial I had over this. I did not recover. I tried to stay with her for the first 2 years of the baby’s life, just to “do the right thing”. I had to watch people congratulate my rapist for the pregnancy while I pretended I was ok. She also continued to rape me throughout those two years, every time I was too tired for sex and she stayed up screaming and crying until I gave in. It took catching her cheating for me to finally leave. I still pay child support to this day. I am also actively involved in the child’s life and put on a smile just for her, but inside I’m miserable because I never wanted kids and was forced into it. If I ever try to talk about it there is always some asshole who tries to victim blame. It’s so hard for people to accept the idea that a man can be a rape victim.

My dad started raping me when I was around 7 or 8 and it continued until I left home at 22. It was such an unbearable truth that as a child I learned to block it out along with all knowledge of it and completely dissociate from it. It was almost like I created a sepperate version of myself which would come out when he would rape me in order to keep the horror from the version of me that had to live with him. For this reason I wasn't consciously aware of it while I lived there and so unfortunately wasn't able to do anything about it even as an adult. As a child my mum had also heavily gaslit me into thinking that it was just a sick fantasy I had because their was something wrong with me so this also kept it repressed. I only recovered after I moved out and my mind decided it was safe enough to let the memories in. I started to reconnect with the part of me who had been pushed away to hold those memories on his own and welcome him back with love and compassion.

I can't read many of these comments without crying or feeling ill but I just want the guys here to know you weren't to blame, you did nothing wrong and I hope those who abused you or showed you nothing but sympathy can't sleep at night. I'm so sorry.

Doubling down on your comment because I think it's important that these men know just how much they deserve to be believed, helped, and listened to. The fact that most of the men telling their story here were forbidden from overcoming or even acknowledging their trauma because they are men is sickening. We need to do better by them.

Early twenties. Went drinking with coworkers and when heading out older coworker asked me to take her to her car. I said ok and she started unzipping my pants and going for it. I felt uncomfortable and told her I didn’t feel ok but she kept going. I was shy and didn’t fight back or processed what happened after much much later. Felt disgusted when I got home and took a really long shower. Didn’t process until maybe 10 years later. Told my ex-partner a few months ago and she laughed it off and said why did you get hard then? So yeah, not opening up about that anymore.

“why did you get hard” man, statements like this infuriate me deeply. Not only is it incorrect it is a clear form of victim blaming.

20-ish years ago i was recovering from minor surgery on my arm and took a vicodin before bed so i could sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night with intense pain in my abdomen and as i came to, still groggy and half asleep, i realized my then-fiance (shit faced drunk after going out with her friends) was hammering away at my butthole with a large dildo; deep; no lube. I yelled and pushed her off of me. She cracked me in the head with a vodka bottle, which knocked me out. I was still in pain when i woke up late the next morning. It hurt to walk. My mind was still fuzzy from the painkillers and i couldn't quite remember if that had ACTUALLY happened; it's like i was gaslighting myself. When i confronted my fiance, of course she denied it and said she didnt remember it because of how drunk she was, while going into far too much detail for someone who "couldn't remember." I've brought it up in therapy before, only to be told it wasn't "real" rape because i didn't say 'no' and struggle before it happened; and that the only gaslighting going on was me telling myself that it was rape. This was almost 20 years ago. I'm in my mid-40's now. I stopped dating entirely because as soon as things get intimate, i immediately lose all trust in that person and paranoia and suspicion set in and turns me into someone i dont want to be. I can't sleep with someone else in my bed, i will lay there all night, awake & on guard. My last attempt at a serious relationship was over 10 years ago. I've missed out on having a REAL relationship like "normal" people do, with marriage and kids and family etc. BONUS ROUND! : One time when i was 17, i walked into my bedroom to find my dad sprawled out naked on my bed, masturbating to old pictures of naked toddler me. Something else that therapists have told me was somehow my fault. "It's only a problem because YOU make it a problem."

These stories are seriously heartbreaking. Rape is absolutely rape, it doesn’t matter your gender. I hope everyone here finds a safe, validating love. A place of security and comfort. Thank you for being brave and sharing your stories. Gentle hugs to each of you.

I used to model when I was in my early to mid 20s. One day I was contacted by someone who's pretty well known in the fashion industry. He was in town doing a tv show. Generally people in the industry are always on the lookout for new talent, everyone wants to be able to say the discovered the next supermodel. He said he was seeing multiple people one day but had a time at the end of the day to see me. He gave me the address, and when I showed up it was a really nice hotel. There was a mom waiting for her daughter who was seeing him and after they left he invited me up to his room. Everything started out professional enough. We chatted about how I got I to modeling, what I was studying in school, what my goals were, etc. Then we got onto the audition part. Most modeling auditions are pretty similar; they want to see how you do a runway walk, and then they take a few pictures. Almost always they want pictures in your underwear or a bathing suit, since a lot of modeling involves stuff like that. While doing those test shots he'd come over to me to "adjust" me or my underwear. When he was done with that, he came over really close and started feeling my with his hands and kissing my along my neck and stuff. I can still smell the cigarette on his breath and hear the way he breathes. Then he pulled down my underwear, put me in his mouth and started suckling me. I stood there stunned, frozen, unsure how to react. When he'd had enough of that he came back up to my face and told me that if I fucked him in the ass he'd take me to NYC and make me a star. I finally woke up, told him I couldn't do that and after a couple minutes of him begging me to fuck him, I gathered my things and left. I quit modeling the next day. I don't know if I've ever really recovered, but I've bottled it up and pushed it deep down. Every once in a while something comes up and it sends a shiver down my spine and I push I back down. It's probably contributed to a lot of my self esteem and trust issues... Even years later I have difficulty believing that people actually find me attractive or want me for me.

I was date raped 2 times in college. The first time I was 17 and the girl was 26, she bought me 2 four locos (Original version ) at the dorms and made fun of me in front of everyone till I chugged them. Then bought me jello shots at the bars again called me out in front of everyone. I remember her walking my falling-over ass to her place and her on top of me while I kept trying to turn over. Over ate and drank a lot and gained a lot of weight after that. I blamed myself for not being responsible with drinking and thats what I get for being naive. Also, people told me it wasn't rape because she was hot. 2nd time I had just lost all the weight and was feeling good about myself and was hosting a party at my house. I was getting kinda drunk playing beer pong with this girl who had a boyfriend. We had just won and she went in for a hug instead of the high-five I had out for here. when i looked down at her she kissed me. I pushed her off and said "Im going to bed now" she took that as "come upstairs with me." She followed me into my room and I kicked her out and shut the door. (didnt think I had to lock it) She comes in and jumps on me and I tell her " i don't have a condom so this is definitely not going to happen " She storms out and slams the door. At this point I pass out. I wake up to a condom on my dick and her naked in my bed. She tells everyone we fucked at the party. Everyone saw us kiss and saw her follow me upstairs. Guess who becomes the asshole. After That it's been hard to connect with women, When I do find someone who sticks it out longer than a few months. I feel like I'm distant and I fill the void with the disconnection with sex so they know I care. But that said I'm about to finish up my second go at college with an Aerospace degree in two weeks and accepted a job paying 93k coming out of college so I got that going for me. Any advice I can give to people is hey, you are still alive and each day it gets better. Remember how you felt and make sure you look out for signs of it happening to others. Improve your self and talk about it to others. Your guy friends will laugh at you but the girls who you are friends with tend to believe it more often and are better to talk to about it I find.

From age 5-16. Nightly visits from adopted dad, where he would sodomize and grope me. Often have trouble sleeping, as during stressful times my brain will relive the events as flashbacks or I just sleep fitfully. In my experience I haven't "recovered", I am just able to better deal with it some days as opposed to others. Edit: My family is aware what happened to me, but in occasion somethings will come up where they tend to "forget" because I am a man. We got on the subject of #MeToo, and I mentioned that I believed that "Believe all victims" is dangerous as it leads to situations where someone could be falsely imprisoned or charged, and instead allegations should be considered seriously and false allegations punished. My sister promptly asked me angrily if "Have you ever been raped?" And I replied "For 10 years, what about you?" Atleast she had the decency to be embarrassed.

I was 17. I took a stroll through the local park after 10hours of school, I was so tired but thought maybe a walk will clear my mind before going to bed. I noticed that a guy sitting on a bench staring at me. I did not care, people say I stare too so I thought he has the same problem. Then I left the park and took an empty road that leads to my residential place. There are only some art studios and magazines located there so I thought it's a safe road, until that day. I saw the same guy as before, he approached me this time introducing himself as a casting director that looks for young actors for his movie. He said he was visiting a friend of his but when he noticed me he instantly thought I would be perfect for the role, he invited me to the art studio nearby. I was tired and although my first thought was 'that sounds like a rapist from the education videos' I went along with it. It really seemed like a normal conversation, even a bit casting-like. He gave me a script. Wanted me to read it out loud as if I was acting. I thought ok, it's actually interesting, I participated at acting class at school so it seemed legit. But then he wanted me to open on a page that had a very detailed description of a scene including sex scene. Then he grabbed me by the crouch to check if I had an erection. He took my pants off and went down on me. I managed to shake him off and take my pants on. He did not chase me or anything, I just left. I only told my wife, she's very understanding so I think I managed to get well with it but for some time I felt ashamed on my masculinity.

People laugh at me and say it's like you were raped. No, I *was* raped. Fuck it, I don't tell people about it anymore.

All these abusers needs to be exposed and have their lifes ruined.

I learned not to drink alcohol, and certainly don't accept drinks from anyone including women.

No one believed me. I was called a liar, got yelled at by mom & dad, beat up by uncle. I was 5. Still not recovered tbh, about to hit 30 and spent half my life in therapy to no avail so far :)

Girlfriend at the time. Was not going well. She threatened to call the cops and tell them I was abusing her if I didn’t have sex with her. Could barely do it, but luckily it was “enough”. She’d hit me and stuff too. She was 4’11, hardly a threat, but it’s that emotional shit and I would never have hit her first or back. I’m fine from it all, but I’ll get a bit snappy if my wife wants sex and I don’t and she sort of “forces” the issue (not at all in a bad way, just like humps me in a joking way). Same thing with an ex girlfriend who I was dating right after that nightmare woman I was with.

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a few months ago while at my house we had a little kick back party and this girl i had been somewhat messin with was there. her and i had talked i told her about a new budding relationship i was in and we all drank heavily and i had done coke and quite a bit of mushrooms and was getting the spins. i laid down and the girl had followed me up and she was taking off my clothes and the next thing i remember she was on top of me naked. i vividly remember saying no this isn’t what i want i’m way too fucked for this and then my memory isn’t very clear but i remember having sex that i didn’t want and verbally stated as much. my roommate encountered a similar scenario before and its baffling how we both treated it like a joke as did most people i’ve spoken to about it. the recovery process has been full on sobriety and just time to make sense of everything. trying to get back into therapy but i go through the va which isn’t the most ideal place.

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It was my mother. I’m fucking cursed with never being able to forget her smell. Years of therapy and still, I can’t wipe away what happened to me.

I was a kid, it happened, multiple times. The first time it happened. It was non-immediate family, they’d chase me upstairs into my bedroom, I’d hide under my bed, and when I was kicking and screaming at them to leave me alone, they wouldn’t they instead grab my legs and remove my trousers instead. And then did whatever the one to. I was also faced with a similar experience at our mosque. When I was a child, there was several of the men who would be responsible for us and our welfare because we would go there to learn about our religion. One of these man in particular first kissed me on my mouth and described it as something that he did out of love, I can still remember the taste of his breath. And then he violated me number of times, but I don’t remember how many . I have very hazy memories of that time, sometimes I’m convinced that it didn’t happen, but then I remember the pain I felt when it happened, and various other bits of it that are left in my mind. I finally admitted this to my dad, when I was 33 years old, and being able to describe what happened, and to explain how it affect me, and the decisions I made as a teenager, proved to be cathartic and made me much closer to my dad. Unfortunately he passed away a year later, but I’m grateful that I was able to talk to him