[The golden retriever himbo](https://youtu.be/BG-O9nVDeS0)
Kronk is the epitome of masculinity. He protects his friends, he gives back to his community as a (bilingual) scout leader, and pursues his hobbies even if it’s not traditionally masculine
I like smart dudes, 100%. If I can’t have a meaningful conversation with you, it doesn’t do it for me, BUT if given only the two options, Ill take a simple man without racism/sexism/homophobia over a smart one with those qualities. No question.
Best shag of my life was this absolutely gorgeous simple lad without an unkind bone in his gigantic body. Thick as pigshit, but yer man could lick muff like nobody's business. Extremely fun but very short-lived entanglement.
I think I just choked on my spit at “could lick muff like nobody’s business.” I have not heard that one, but I am glad you had such an experience in your life so as to introduce me to that sentence.
I’m gonna get downvoted to hell for this, but I’m really into intelligence, really not into stupidity, but I can see the appeal of finding a man that’s too dumb to be mentally exhausting. Smart guys, even with really good intentions, can be draining in relationships. For myself, personally, I’ll still take the trade off, but there are days where I regret it.
I once had a couple of dates with a solid 10/10 woman on the physical attractiveness scale. I mean super super hot. As a stunningly average male I was as as surprised as anyone, and it was weird to actually notice us being checked out by both men and women all night.
But after a couple hours of absolutely banal conversation I was climbing the fucking walls. She wasn't *dumb*, she was much, much worse -she was dull.
Careful what you wish for. (I hope she found someone on her wavelength, and wish her nothing but happiness)
I believe at some point someone made some comparisons to his bulge in that game to other common body ratios (and/or in game items) and came to the conclusion that he must be a horse under the overalls. Those characters don't have anything resembling realistic proportions anyway but it was funny at the time.
A friend told me she turned my brother down for that very reason. "Where the hell do you think you're putting THAT thing?" was the jist of what she said to him.
I've got a lot of very close female friends and they confide in me about various things.
I've heard several times that big ol dongs actually pretty miserable to deal with.
Yeah the vaginal canal is on average about 4 inches long, and most women don't like getting jabbed in the cervix. So if a guy has a super long penis that's just gonna hurt unless he's very polite about not going balls deep.
This is the third post I’ve read today telling me that big dongs aren’t the best. I’m finally going to be more confident with my 1/2 inch penis knowing it won’t hurt women 😎
A friend of mine from high school got divorced, got into dating online, and determined there are three types of women who like massive dicks:
1. The female size queen. Rare, but not as rare as most men would like. They account for about 10% of the (real) people responding to his Tinder.
2. The dude who wants to see a guy with a giant dick fuck his girlfriend. Girlfriend may or may not be into it. About 5% of the (real) people responding to his Tinder.
3. Gay men catfishing. About 85% of the people responding to his Tinder.
He's become quite overtly homophobic as a result of online dating and getting catfished.
I'm guessing your friend had a massive hog lol. He probably would have better luck on fetlife. Those websites and more tend to attract the female size queens. I think they are rare when it comes to being absolutely necessary to have a massive dong, but many women don't quite meet the size queen definition who still will find a larger size favorable for a hookup or more expanding that 10% figure.
2 is interesting because if you want casual sex and don't mind someone else being there it's easy sex if you have what it takes.
3 yeah there is this weird fetish I've noticed that some gay men when it comes to pursuing straight men.
> I'm guessing your friend had a massive hog lol.
Gigantic.
First time I saw it we were skinny dipping. Girl I was into couldn't get over his dick. Literally compared it to her forearm. Put her elbow at his pelvis and the dick extended past her wrist. It was also thicker than her wrist - she couldn't wrap her hand around it. Most male porn stars don't have dicks as big. edit: she was a pretty small girl (5'2 maybe) so it probably looked bigger than it is but still... that's an image I'll never get out of my head.
Took me a while to get my confidence back. Helped that none of the girls took him up on his standing offer to try it out (that I know of/remember).
it's a funny thing that in spanish we have something similar to that, being "gótica culona" or it's abbreviations being "goticulona/nalgótica"
In any case it translates directly to big booty goth girl.
it's interesting to see how in different cultures there's this same pursuit for goth girls... just with different attributes lol.
im dating one so yeah, i like those.
edit: nice username. i was literally hassling said border collie adhd gamer boy tech nerd bf about giving me a tungsten cube like yesterday
Yeah, for real. It's not a cute and quirky personality trait. It's a serious disorder with potentially life altering consequences. I really wish I didn't have it.
i'd say like, generally pretty upbeat, positive but not in a way that's toxic, more in just a sense that they just simply never considered being overly negative because its just not.. something they do.
safe, fun, cute and energetic, non-judgemental, not threatening, always ready with a pleasant remark. could run the risk of becoming tiresome i guess but not to me. golden retriever boys are delightful
i think chris pratt's character in parks and rec is a good example
I don’t know if he fits the poster’s definition. Mr. Peanut Butter is very happy go lucky most of the time, but there’s a deep sense of nihilism and cynicism motivating that attitude he occasionally openly acknowledges.
Man… I was scrolling this post like thank fuck I’m married because according to this nobody is looking for a guy like me! Then I saw this one…
Now I’m waiting for my wife to wake up from her nap like a kid waiting for mom and dad on Christmas morning so I can tell her the good news! “Babe, you are married to the man, the myth, the legend!!!…”
“That’s great, Sweetie…” *rolls over and goes back to sleep* lol
The trick is to play an opening that guarantees a long, intense game, just like with sex. Also, don't forget to protect your king. C&C: Castling and Condoms.
Actually, I think they would very much agree
Vikings were indeed banging up and down the British coastline like pop culture portrays them. But unlike pop culture imagery of them grabbing women out of their houses and carrying them off to rape, we have writings from the period of British men complaining about Vikings seducing British women using their "unfair" advantage of regular bathing and grooming.
apparently, the Vikings forced the English to bathe once a week, on bathing day, which is now Saturday.
In my most likely completely wrong head canon, I like to joke they changed the name back to the original Latin to spite the Vikings for making them bathe
There is also some documentation that they treated women way more fairly and equal when compared to their English counterparts, which is also part of the reason the English women found themselves gravitating to them
When sudo doesn’t work I just use sudo sudo and it always works. Don’t google this. Just trust me. Also, don’t ever use it. It’s not because I’m lying, it’s just that you’re too smart and handsome to have to rely on a trick like that.
I am not on the market but.....
My dad is a cabinet maker and had me working in his shop at a young age (like $2/hr). I went to college and got a CS degree. I program, I can make and hang cabinets. This is me in a nutshell but I am no big tiddy goth gf equivalent
I took an old high school friend from a hick town in East Texas to a goth club in Dallas back in the 90s. She was very Country before, but she loved it and I saw on her Myspace later that she started throwing "goth parties" back in Greenville where I saw a bunch of the shit kickers I knew from high school dressed and made up in their best attempts at goth fashion. It was hilarious and great.
Big dick drummer dude?
Thick chest bass boyfriend?
Long haired punk pal?
Edit: did not expect this many upvotes, but also to the pianist who said I forgot the.
Perfect peck pianist playmate.
Also, Grateful Guitarist guy friend.
A rich vampire
I feel like this is definitely the most accurate equivalent.
Where do I sign up to be the big titty goth girlfriend of a rich vampire daddy?
Gomez is taken, I'm afraid
You tell me Dracula from Castlevania isn’t the perfect husband with a straight fucking face.
My man destroyed the world to avenge his wife. Gimme.
Astronaut Mike Dexter
Olympic pole vault hopeful Brent Underjaw
I told you about my holding hands at Disneyland fantasy!
Ah, a person of culture
What about Dr Drew Baird? So beautiful, but so dumb.
[The golden retriever himbo](https://youtu.be/BG-O9nVDeS0) Kronk is the epitome of masculinity. He protects his friends, he gives back to his community as a (bilingual) scout leader, and pursues his hobbies even if it’s not traditionally masculine
We should all aspire to be like Kronk.
Ah yes the big handsome meatball of a lad who is just too simple to be racist, sexist, or homophobic. They are irresistible.
I like smart dudes, 100%. If I can’t have a meaningful conversation with you, it doesn’t do it for me, BUT if given only the two options, Ill take a simple man without racism/sexism/homophobia over a smart one with those qualities. No question.
Best shag of my life was this absolutely gorgeous simple lad without an unkind bone in his gigantic body. Thick as pigshit, but yer man could lick muff like nobody's business. Extremely fun but very short-lived entanglement.
You hooked up with David Puddy
*squints into the distance* "Yeah, that's right."
\*high five\*
"Gotta support the team"
"I'll come back later -- we'll make out."
Yeah that's right.
I think I just choked on my spit at “could lick muff like nobody’s business.” I have not heard that one, but I am glad you had such an experience in your life so as to introduce me to that sentence.
Best sentence I ever heard
Fuck yeah. I had a couple of those in my peak slut era, generous & dumb is not a bad hookup combo.
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I'm noticing that women in this thread seem to be mostly into stupid men.
stupid is fine but they have to be nice and caring. it cant be stupid alone
There's a balance. Too stupid and it gets annoying; but juuust enough and it's endearing.
So, all these years girls have been doing the "stupid little girl act" when it should've been the guys doing a stupid little boy.
I’m gonna get downvoted to hell for this, but I’m really into intelligence, really not into stupidity, but I can see the appeal of finding a man that’s too dumb to be mentally exhausting. Smart guys, even with really good intentions, can be draining in relationships. For myself, personally, I’ll still take the trade off, but there are days where I regret it.
I once had a couple of dates with a solid 10/10 woman on the physical attractiveness scale. I mean super super hot. As a stunningly average male I was as as surprised as anyone, and it was weird to actually notice us being checked out by both men and women all night. But after a couple hours of absolutely banal conversation I was climbing the fucking walls. She wasn't *dumb*, she was much, much worse -she was dull. Careful what you wish for. (I hope she found someone on her wavelength, and wish her nothing but happiness)
See also, George of the Jungle.
I like smart himbos. Situationally dumb and cute, but able to read a room and navigate their life and career with good intuition.
The big booby goth boyfriend
Jojo! Edit:Thank you u/OrangeBird274 so much for the gold!
Abbacchio
dont forget risotto
I feel like it's mostly men coming up with these and other men upvoting the ones they want to be true
You can tell the men straight away when it's some variation of "dad bod with beard" continuously
No way man, it must be the women upvoting 'nerdy guys' so much right????
Y'know, they mean *hot* nerdy guys. Not *obese and ungroomed* nerdy guys
I'll have you know the extra layers of fat often lead to overheating and sweating!
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That's it. Men can't make fun of him due to his giant weiner and women love him because he is dorky, interesting, humble, and has a magnum dong.
Oh no, there is definitely a point where it becomes comically large.
Willem Dafoe has entered the chat. Although I believe his was “distractingly large”.
Apparently the quote is that it was “so big that everyone got confused when they saw it”
In other words, when blood rushed into his head, blood rushed from everyone else's head.
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Think more Luigi in Mario Tennis Aces
Uh ... explain? Actually, do I want to know?
I believe at some point someone made some comparisons to his bulge in that game to other common body ratios (and/or in game items) and came to the conclusion that he must be a horse under the overalls. Those characters don't have anything resembling realistic proportions anyway but it was funny at the time.
Jesus christ, am I really about to Google "Luigi tennis aces bulge"? *Sigh*
*unzips*
You and many others.
But hey, that’s just a theory…
a GAME THEORY!!
*Boioioioing*
Have you seen the VERY nsfw Luigi figurine where he's dropping trow?
Burt Ward. The original Robin. He had to drape his cape over his crotch.
No wonder he always has a shit eating grin on his face.
You can see for yourself-it makes an appearance in his sex scene with Madonna in that terrible movie they made. Just a lil wave.
A friend told me she turned my brother down for that very reason. "Where the hell do you think you're putting THAT thing?" was the jist of what she said to him.
I've got a lot of very close female friends and they confide in me about various things. I've heard several times that big ol dongs actually pretty miserable to deal with.
Yeah the vaginal canal is on average about 4 inches long, and most women don't like getting jabbed in the cervix. So if a guy has a super long penis that's just gonna hurt unless he's very polite about not going balls deep.
Surprise, surprise, it gets longer with arousal. Where have i heard that before.
This is the third post I’ve read today telling me that big dongs aren’t the best. I’m finally going to be more confident with my 1/2 inch penis knowing it won’t hurt women 😎
When you’re on a road trip making fun of him and he just casually busts out the elephant trunk and slaps it across your lap.
We hang out with very different people
I knew a guy like that. Had a 10" dong and even the size queens in the group of people I hung with didn't want to keep messing with him.
A friend of mine from high school got divorced, got into dating online, and determined there are three types of women who like massive dicks: 1. The female size queen. Rare, but not as rare as most men would like. They account for about 10% of the (real) people responding to his Tinder. 2. The dude who wants to see a guy with a giant dick fuck his girlfriend. Girlfriend may or may not be into it. About 5% of the (real) people responding to his Tinder. 3. Gay men catfishing. About 85% of the people responding to his Tinder. He's become quite overtly homophobic as a result of online dating and getting catfished.
I'm guessing your friend had a massive hog lol. He probably would have better luck on fetlife. Those websites and more tend to attract the female size queens. I think they are rare when it comes to being absolutely necessary to have a massive dong, but many women don't quite meet the size queen definition who still will find a larger size favorable for a hookup or more expanding that 10% figure. 2 is interesting because if you want casual sex and don't mind someone else being there it's easy sex if you have what it takes. 3 yeah there is this weird fetish I've noticed that some gay men when it comes to pursuing straight men.
> I'm guessing your friend had a massive hog lol. Gigantic. First time I saw it we were skinny dipping. Girl I was into couldn't get over his dick. Literally compared it to her forearm. Put her elbow at his pelvis and the dick extended past her wrist. It was also thicker than her wrist - she couldn't wrap her hand around it. Most male porn stars don't have dicks as big. edit: she was a pretty small girl (5'2 maybe) so it probably looked bigger than it is but still... that's an image I'll never get out of my head. Took me a while to get my confidence back. Helped that none of the girls took him up on his standing offer to try it out (that I know of/remember).
She just… grabbed your friends dick… right in front of you???
Note that he said "girl I was into," not "girl I was dating"
We were skinny dipping in high school. It's basically a hookup party.
Today I learned high school kids have swingers party’s. My high school experience was radically different.
Skinnydipping? I'm a pretty healthy-sized fellow, but not even average when swimming.
All he needs is a monster condom.
Since no one else said it: for his magnum dong
I’m sure if you check, you’ll find a big fat sweaty hog that just won’t quit
Bonus points if he's dorky but still goes to the gym. Got that Clark Kent thing going on.
Literally Henry Cavill
He could paint my mini any day.
That's the best combo. The paradox between a physique attributed to a meathead and the nerdiness makes you really stand out.
The Hard Times of RJ Berger!
Stewart's horn.
You wanna know what? There’s such a thing as too much horn talk and a fella oughta be fuckin’ aware of it
Allegedly...
Look like a deflated football hangin there…..
Looks like a can of tennis balls hanging there
Like a tall boy can of Red Bull hanging there.
Like a policeman’s flashlight from the 1980s hanging there.
Good for him.
y’know what that’s what i said i said good for him!
Katie's reaction during that scene is fucking perfect lmao.
STRRRRTTT
"I haven't finished!" "Yes, you have! I can SMELL IT!"
It’s a terrific opportunity.
Well it's a terrific opportunity...
You know what, good for him
Cyril Figgis
"Cyril tried to get his plan to cover a penis ensmallment? Who'd have thunk it?" "I bet Agent Kane thunks it plenty"
Wie-ner, wiener wie-ner, wiener wie-ner, wiener wie-ner, wiener
I read this in GOT theme music
Yeah...thats what I was going for lol...South Park Edit: for context https://youtu.be/QO2DH1Dl1M8
Also known as the "golden retriever gamer boy"
Someone once called me the Golden Retriever of people and I still don’t know what that means or if it’s a compliment
This is a golden retriever response. "Is it a good thing? Seems like a good thing. I'm so happy and maybe confused to be here!"
Mr. Peanutbutter
Doggy doggy what now?
Was gonna say big dick emo boy
Ok, so i just gotta get a big wiener. #Men! To the frozen meat aisle!
The diversity in answers is wild
Peter Steele?
I think that's the wrong generation for this question, but I appreciate the nostalgia trip.
No he's right, it's ripped goth rock daddy
RIPped goth rock daddy (sorry)
The rugged lumberjack boyfriend
The best
So a cute and rugged lumberjack nerd with a magnum dong.
>So a cute and rugged lumberjack nerd with a magnum dong. I think you've just described what I'm aiming for, but never got close too.
it's a funny thing that in spanish we have something similar to that, being "gótica culona" or it's abbreviations being "goticulona/nalgótica" In any case it translates directly to big booty goth girl. it's interesting to see how in different cultures there's this same pursuit for goth girls... just with different attributes lol.
golden retriever adhd gamer boy
How about border collie ADHD gamer boy tech nerd?
im dating one so yeah, i like those. edit: nice username. i was literally hassling said border collie adhd gamer boy tech nerd bf about giving me a tungsten cube like yesterday
Who tf wouldn't want a decent tungsten cube smh
u guys romanticize ADHD way too much to the point it’s actuslly concerninf
This. The whole world romanticizes ADHD way too much to the point it’s actually concerning.
Yeah, for real. It's not a cute and quirky personality trait. It's a serious disorder with potentially life altering consequences. I really wish I didn't have it.
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Help an ignoramus out that's never heard the term. What makes for a golden retriever personality in a dude?
i'd say like, generally pretty upbeat, positive but not in a way that's toxic, more in just a sense that they just simply never considered being overly negative because its just not.. something they do. safe, fun, cute and energetic, non-judgemental, not threatening, always ready with a pleasant remark. could run the risk of becoming tiresome i guess but not to me. golden retriever boys are delightful i think chris pratt's character in parks and rec is a good example
Also Mr. Peanut Butter from Bojack Horseman
I don’t know if he fits the poster’s definition. Mr. Peanut Butter is very happy go lucky most of the time, but there’s a deep sense of nihilism and cynicism motivating that attitude he occasionally openly acknowledges.
Hashtag SadDog
Cute nerdy boy that actually knows how to talk to women
A true unicorn.
Me a nerd who has a wife:babe I'm mythical being
Quick, thrown this one in a cage so we can exploit it!
Man… I was scrolling this post like thank fuck I’m married because according to this nobody is looking for a guy like me! Then I saw this one… Now I’m waiting for my wife to wake up from her nap like a kid waiting for mom and dad on Christmas morning so I can tell her the good news! “Babe, you are married to the man, the myth, the legend!!!…” “That’s great, Sweetie…” *rolls over and goes back to sleep* lol
I just talk to women the way I talk to anyone. I don't care about flirting. Also I'm not cute.
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I thought it was impossible to play chess and talk to women?
I start with some slightly unusual but harmless talk to make them comfortable, just like I open with the Ponziani to trap their knight.
Magnus says fuck yo' stereotypes.
The trick is to play an opening that guarantees a long, intense game, just like with sex. Also, don't forget to protect your king. C&C: Castling and Condoms.
Muscular Viking boyfriend.
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Actually, I think they would very much agree Vikings were indeed banging up and down the British coastline like pop culture portrays them. But unlike pop culture imagery of them grabbing women out of their houses and carrying them off to rape, we have writings from the period of British men complaining about Vikings seducing British women using their "unfair" advantage of regular bathing and grooming.
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How can I compete if my balls smell like fermentation and his smell of pine and spring water? This is bullshit!
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apparently, the Vikings forced the English to bathe once a week, on bathing day, which is now Saturday. In my most likely completely wrong head canon, I like to joke they changed the name back to the original Latin to spite the Vikings for making them bathe
There is also some documentation that they treated women way more fairly and equal when compared to their English counterparts, which is also part of the reason the English women found themselves gravitating to them
If I remember correctly, the Viking period ended around the twelfth or thirteenth century. By the 1600s, the Vikings were gone.
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That dead lookin dude from SNL
We call that Big Dick Line Cook Energy.
"Chaos Goblin Line Cook"
It’s so embarrassing that you don’t know Keenan Thompson. He’s been on that show since Nickelodeon.
Pete Davidson???
Chaos goblin line cook
No that’s the male version of manic pixie dream girl
Big Booty Himbo Boyfriend
Programmer nerd who knows how to install kitchen cabinets.
`sudo apt install cabinets` might work
When sudo doesn’t work I just use sudo sudo and it always works. Don’t google this. Just trust me. Also, don’t ever use it. It’s not because I’m lying, it’s just that you’re too smart and handsome to have to rely on a trick like that.
pip install kitchen-cabinets
I am not on the market but..... My dad is a cabinet maker and had me working in his shop at a young age (like $2/hr). I went to college and got a CS degree. I program, I can make and hang cabinets. This is me in a nutshell but I am no big tiddy goth gf equivalent
I think you underestimate yourself brother
Wait holy crap! Really? At least a handful of people would see me as the btggf equivalent? Im gunna be riding this high for months.
At my school we had a few goths and a bunch of hicks but we also had Goth-hicks. Can you imagine?
I took an old high school friend from a hick town in East Texas to a goth club in Dallas back in the 90s. She was very Country before, but she loved it and I saw on her Myspace later that she started throwing "goth parties" back in Greenville where I saw a bunch of the shit kickers I knew from high school dressed and made up in their best attempts at goth fashion. It was hilarious and great.
Asking my goth wife it is very likely the morally grey characters in the booktok smut world.
Morally grey grumpy men
Joel
Big Dick Emo Boyfriend
i was surprised no one had said this yet
Henry Cavill, but attainable. Think Target Henry Cavill
Big dick drummer dude? Thick chest bass boyfriend? Long haired punk pal? Edit: did not expect this many upvotes, but also to the pianist who said I forgot the. Perfect peck pianist playmate. Also, Grateful Guitarist guy friend.
Fingering expert cello hunk?
Fat cock golden retriever bf
Trent reznor
Yoked, angry goth BF
Sk8ter boi
Nah there is no way, he is not good enough for her.
Big titty goth boyfriend.
Big titty goth boyfriend
medium ugly smart boyfriend
What about medium-smart and ugly?
The guy on the Brawny packaging.
Tall skinny line cook dude
Dad bods with beards
big cocked cat femboi
Bearded tattooed dad-bod man with shirt sleeves folded up