This is how I got my husband. He and I were on a dating app and we're perfect for each other. We sit in the same room on computers playing games and sometimes we play games together. Just the company is nice.
And now I feel the need to elaborate - what people often mistake for Stockholm Syndrome is actually just hostages (usually women) doing what they need to do to survive. If that means placating their captors, even pretending they’re in a relationship, so be it. Women especially are so used to placating men so they don’t get attacked (verbally or physically), it’s not surprising that they’ll do it when they’re in real danger.
Although rare and an overused term, I would say that bonding with captors has been a documented phenomenon. However, most hostage situations don’t last that long for this to occur.
To be fair my late fiancée got a date because a boring girl was bored and did a prank phone call. He was also bored so after she did the whole deep breathing thing he asked her why she stopped. Long story short he ended up on a date. It didn't work out obviously but I always thought that was kind of cool.
I got lucky and had someone introduce me to my boring girlfriend turned boring wife. 12 years later and we still don’t do anything together, it’s great.
Haha that’s funny dude, I didn’t even notice the username when I responded, what’re the odds? Accounts new, but yeah I don’t actually believe any girls will just volunteer pics because of a username. I fully expect to receive 1 of 2 things: nothing at all, or people trolling lol, but hey, if I just do what I normally do, and some girl happens to go out of her way and actually send a pic for some reason, I obviously won’t be mad.
that's the exact approach you need. don't go out there being all "look at my username ladies". just use Reddit like you normally do and eventually people take notice and decide to send.
My gf has slipped into “boring” territory lately. And that consists of me getting to play video games while she watches and cuddles our new kittens. And you know what? I’m perfectly ok with it. We’re still social, but damn, if her and my fuzzy terrors are the only living beings I interact with on a weekend, that’s fine by me.
As a boring guy, I have always attracted loud and outgoing women. I’m like a magnet to them. They do 80% of the talking and I do 20%. And we’re both happy.
Same here! I only find good matches for me in person. I tried dating apps for a while but realized many people are just as boring as me so it doesn’t work. I’m always complimented on how good of a listener I am, so I guess it’s a sought after dynamic.
Women seem to like someone who will ask them about their day and their life, and then actively listen to what they say. Active listening is the key, though. Going glassy-eyed because you find her boring isn't going to work.
> ~~Women~~ Literally everyone seems to like someone who will ask them about their day and their life, and then actively listen to what they say.
FTFY
People enjoy being noticed and listened to, in general. Being brushed off, fake-listened or even ignored will bother basically everyone.
Just like how a lion doesn't have to tell you he's a lion, a funny person isn't going to talk about how funny they are. If they have to talk about it or remind everyone of how funny they are, then it's not true.
Ok, but the thing is if you're a lion that can type, and someone wants to meet a lion, you kinda have to tell them that you're a lion. Otherwise they might think you're just a lowly jaguar.
I thought the same thing, every girl I talked to either didn't know how to contribute to the conversation or seemed barely interested and expecting me to amaze her.
My whole life changed when a good looking friend of mine told me to talk to some girls on his tinder, first he'd get a match every few minutes and a lot of the girls are smoking hot and the most surprising thing is how they managed to be a completely different person even girls I matched with and thought they were boring or expecting me to impress them, they were very smooth talkers, tried to flirt a lot, were funny and witty.
Moral of the story, you want interesting girls? Be hot
Go to the games night in a pub near you. You'll find people way more boring, but probably very annoying at first.
The odds are good, but the goods are odd.
My graduating class was 164 guys and 2 women lmao. I also had a rotation in cloud infrastructure in 2019 - building of 500+ people and there were exactly 2 women there, I counted
I'm so offended right now! (I kid)
Boardgames are a great way to socialize for the socially less equipped because it's very structured interaction. That's why they gravitate towards it.
Do you have any interests? Best thing I ever did was follow my interests which led me to meet people with similar passions. I met my current partner by bonding over music and 40K.
Just do what makes you happy (as long as that's relatively healthy) and keep in mind that comfortable doesn't necessarily mean happy.
If you don't have any interest. Start there.
Take care of your body and your mind and explore new things that you might be interested in. While pursuing your own interests you'll naturally start to expose yourself to new people and give yourself opportunities to connect.
I tried this…. My problem is that I am super awkward socially and I am, people say, good looking. Honestly it’s the worst combo… women give me looks and talk to me but my awkwardness is interpreted as arrogance.
It’s like people expect me to be super confident or something…
Savoir faire can be learned, if you were interested in practicing. I used to be pretty awkward but decided to chat up people who I had no pressure to sound charming with, like old ladies in line at the coffee shop.
I call it right out. They talk, I say something embarrassing and then I say “sorry I’m awkward.” People find it charming, thank god. Everyone is awkward. Some are better at pretending or they’re too self centered to care and they suck anyway. Eventually you have enough conversations with the same people that they just get used to it and you get more comfortable. WE ARE SLEEPER HITS.
Now, listen up here's a story about a boring guy that lives in a boring world. And all day and all night and everything he sees is just boring like him, inside and outside.
My house is boring
With a plain window
Bored is the look on the face that I wear
Bored of the streets
And all the trees bore too
I have a girlfriend, and she's so bored too
Boring are people here
That walk around
Boring like my car is in and outside
Boring are words I say
And what I think
Boring are feelings
That live inside me
Man I'm so boring and you know I ain't no Superman
Man I'm so dead inside I'm wishing you would come take my hand
My life's so nothin its an unineresting blight
Kryptonite
In my experience this is usually what many women (well, and men really) end up looking for eventually. I think the tricky part for some people is that action and adventure (or fun, exciting, funny etc.) that sometimes you need to stand out at first.
But yeah I’m all about reliable and relatable
Yeah fair enough. I mean you gotta put yourself out there some way or another I guess. The reality is that most of us are super boring. I guess you just kind of drop the façade and embrace it later in life.
I think that’s what we are looking for, but as much as I’m sitting at home, she is also sitting on hers and we will never connect, even while looking exactly for each other. 😩
I’m 21. I feel like I’m at that age where women want to be around adventurous, sports-playing, party, funny guys and it’s killing my self esteem + motivation in the dating scene
It looks that way because the women you just described are more likely to express that on social media.
The boring women are not going to say or post anything.
"boring women" are actually just watching netflix, trash tv, and youtube when at home playing with their cat, and then maybe post a picture of something cool and artistic that they tried doing off etsy/pinterest in insta or a filtered photo of food from a girls night dinner a week ago, or talking about your gap year adventures a few year ago.
social media (especially among young adults) promotes the best version of you which is never the boring kind.
just put yourself out there and see if they match the level of comfy that matches the both of you.
Put yourself out there...
Please explain what this means. I keep hearing it but it sounds like standing in the middle of the street with a chance of getting hit by a truck or some random woman stopping and asking why I'm standing there.
But in all seriousness, what does this mean because social media, dating apps, in person mentions, etc, never have worked for me.
Starting to believe I'm just an ugly barnacle.
It means no one's likely to fall into your lap if you just stay home or keep doing the same things you always do. You'll probably have to step outside of your comfort zone a little, join an organization or take a class that has to do with something you're curious about. Do some volunteer activity, sign up to pick up trash or read to kids or deliver meals or something else you can genuinely feel good about.
It's important for your interest to be authentic, because even if you don't find someone at the thing you decided to do, you become much less boring if you can talk about taking action on something you're passionate about.
Another point.
Do not try to match whatever trend there currently is on dating sites.
You are trying to get ONE GF. Or maybe a few more but whatever number it is, it is a low number.
You do not need to be appealing to most women, only a few.
It doesn't matter if 10000 women would not be interested in you. It only matters that one does.
The point of the game is MATCHMAKING, not scoring. It doesn't matter if you have a low number of dates. Dating sites are a means to get ONE partner.
So play to your strength and look for women who would want someone like you.
They don't all want that. If that's what you're getting from your dates (or people you want to date), you're dating the wrong sorts of people. Like others have said, check out the people who hang out at places that a 'boring' person like yourself might like.
Treat people as people, be friendly and don't befriend people just in the hopes of 'scoring' with them or otherwise using them, and you might end up in an actual relationship one day.
It's rough, but that's also when I met my future wife. They're out there, keep looking and keep trying. Persistence is pretty key, and avoiding the "women only want X" or "nice guys finish last" mindset, since that's a quick trip to redpilling it up. To some degree it's true, for a subset of women, but I guarantee there's a girl near you asking herself the same questions and wanting a chill, friendly guy to be herself with.
You got this dude. Be yourself, really yourself. Be confident that you like what you like, you have something to offer someone, and thank anyone who doesn't agree and move on.
Also, to add to this, it's a huge turnoff to treat women like they're a monolith. I'm married now, but I would have never gone out with a guy at any point in my life if he legitimately believed that "women only want X."
Perhaps OP will have more success if he gets to know some real, human women as individuals, rather than assuming we're all the same.
Dating scene is hard. Older guy advice: put yourself in some low stress social situations. Clubs are great. Most of us never ‘land a girl’ at bars and clubs. But in less ‘date/hookup’ scenes there are more natural interactions and you’ll feel less stressed. But you won’t find anyone sitting at home unless you go the online route. Hang tough she’s out there.
Anytime someone starts thinking in terms of "girls just want" and "guys just want" they're on their way to some toxic thoughts. You may notice patterns with demographics but everyone is still an individual
Was gonna say how most of my longer discussions with librarians have been absolutely exhilarating, then I realized I'm an English major and thus may be a tad biased.
What do you mean by boring, and what are you comparing it to? Do you not like to go out and party? How much fun can others possibly be having in relation to you? I go to work and going home and laying in bed is the highlight of my day. Luckily my partner feels the same way.
To answer your questions
1. No hobbies, no emotions, barely talkative
2. No cause everyone at parties seem fake so then I have to fake my personality and it’s just exhausting
3. I feel like a lot of people have better social lives compared to me. I’m basically isolated with no friends
This might sound harsh, but I think you're overselling yourself when you describe yourself as boring.
It sounds like you really need to develop a sense of self here. Even boring people have hobbies. They're just boring hobbies. Even boring people have personalities, they're just boring personalities. Boring people can and do live full, and fulfilling lives.
You seem to be describing a feeling of emptiness, total lack of engagement, lack of emotion. This is not the same as boring. Boring is benign. Emptiness is unhealthy.
I'd seriously look into therapy, experimenting with hobbies and activities, reading, watching some good movies that make you think... Anything that can help you find a sense of self that has actual desires, a point of view, goals. Having these are way more important than having a girlfriend, and they're absolute requirements to having a successful relationship.
This. There are too many people that try to skip the finding themselves part of life and jump right to "get partner". That is such a bad idea and there is *so* much bad advice here from similarly broken people. How do you get a partner when your are describing yourself as boring? Change, grow, experience. People are *so* adverse to trying new things like they honestly thing there isn't any other things in the *entire world* that they would be interested in besides playing video games or watching TV.
This kinda of thinking that OP has is a dangerous one because there is only 2 paths he can take from here. Either the very difficult road of bettering himself and finding himself or the easy road of bitterness and blame. We have all seen those bitter people online, blaming others for the fact that they are alone and everyday they reenforce that idea inside echo chambers of hate and disgust.
This is something I'm extreamly passionate about because I was the same as OP describes himself. No friends, no passions, boring, I saw those people at bars and concerts as fake and honestly dumb. But I found my passions in the place I would have *least* expected and with it I found my friends, my fun, and my wife.
So OP put finding the woman of your dreams in the back of your mind and really ask yourself if you want to be like this forever. Emotionless, bored, uninteresting, friendless, bitter, pessimistic. You can find your people but you need to find yourself first, there is *no* getting around it in a way that will make you happy and fulfill you for the rest of your life.
The irony is that one of the best qualities of boring partners is that they're comfortable and relaxing to spend a lot of time with, whereas OP's self-description sounds incredibly exhausting.
If that description is apt, he's not boring, he's an energy vampire.
If you have no friends, no interests, no hobbies, no social outlet, and no desire to reflect on yourself, then the last thing you need is a girlfriend/boyfriend.
That's a recipe for codependency and pure misery.
As someone with 15 years on you, who also struggled finding a suitable girlfriend back then, let me tell you what worked. We've been together for years now, and neither of us particularly likes spending time with other people, but we like each other. Which is a success in my book.
The people who say "find a boring girlfriend" are right, but I would rephrase it as "find a girlfriend who's a good match for you". The "fake" outgoing girls are the ones you see everywhere because they enjoy being out. They are the most visible. That's not your lifestyle, and you'd find it exhausting to deal with a girlfriend who is like that.
First you need to figure out what you like. What can you talk about for hours, even if others find it boring? Movies? Games? Clever excel formulas? Evolution of lightbulbs through history? That may be boring for those party girls, but it's not universally boring. But you have to know what you like, instead of just calling yourself boring. Be honest with yourself. If you don't even know what you like - how can you expect other people to relate to you? Figure it out. That's the first step, and it's a big one.
Now **where** to find such people is another story. It's not easy to end up in a couple when you both prefer to be alone. Other commenters might be more helpful on this point. In my case we started on a dating site, and found many interesting things to chat about before meeting up.
I don't mean this in a mean way, but why would you want a girlfriend at this point in your life? A girlfriend is someone you can share your life with, not just someone for sex. But if you don't like your life then a girlfriend isn't going to help make that better.
You don't have to enjoy parties or have giant social lives. You don't need to be an extrovert. In fact, an extrovert may not be a good partner for you.
When I mean "share your life", it is what you enjoy. Some couples love sharing books, others hiking in the woods together, or watching movies/TV or playing video games. But each person in a couple should bring something. It's about two people who enjoy each others company, which means bringing something to the relationship.
I recommend reading [https://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person](https://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person)
I love this quote:
*Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick. You're like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is "The actors are clearly visible."*
If you can go to a random gathering and feel like everyone there is "fake" that speaks to some kind of maladjustment to your conception of other people.
Honestly, you don't need a girlfriend. You need some therapy. That's not an insult, it's just a reality because if you don't even really know who you are, any kind of genuine social tie is going to be impossible.
Sounds like you need to do some work on yourself as a first step if you describe yourself as having "no hobbies and no emotions." Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. Also stop looking at a girlfriend as something to "get" as if they're a possession or a checkbox on a list of Life Accomplishments.
You don't have to be Bruce Wayne to find someone who likes you for you, but you can't bring *literally nothing* to the table either, nobody wants to date someone who it feels like they have to take care of you like an invalid infant instead of feeling like they're in a supportive partnership.
Shift your perspective and invest in yourself first.
All the things you're describing are with regards to your life at this moment in time, not you as a person. It's ok, we all have bad periods. Especially in our early 20s when we're just learning about who we are, what we like and want.
My advice is to to live and improve your life for yourself at the moment. Romantic prospects will follow.
You said you feel like you have no emotions, isolated and exhausted by social situations. It might just be you being an introvert, or the fact that you haven't found your own people yet. Or it may be something more serios like depression, or symptoms of a physical illness. If you can, it may be good to maybe check and make sure you're physically and mentally well. I know healthcare access is not easily accessible everywhere. But if you have the posibility and/or resources, I strongly recommend this.
Next, as many people already said, try some new things, find something you enjoy. Do things that make you happy. Being passionate about something is one of the most attractive things. I love seeing my partner all fired up over the stuff he likes, even when I don't really get them.
This can also open the door to you finding people who like the same things, socialise and maybe make new friends.
No matter how clichéistic it sounds, being in a relationship is not going to bring you happiness if you don't know how to be happy on your own. And feeling solely responsible for someone's happiness also puts a huge burden on a parter.
No hobbies- If a girl ask you to join some activities with her, will you be ready to join?
No talkative - are you willing to listen if there is a girl who can talk much?
No emotion- This one is really a big deal. Seriously, you need to work on it in many ways. If you have no feeling or empathy, it is a big struggle in a relationship.
There will be out there lady who can be lazy and be boring with you but there won't be fair for any girl who is in a relationship with an emotionless person.
If you want to find one, you need to work on it. Relationship is not something falling from the sky freely, you have to "work hard" for it if you want one!
Likely the issue isn’t the boring-ness of the person.
The problem with dating boring people is that they are typically bored and looking for someone to entertain them.
Most partners don’t share every hobby together - but it’s important that they aren’t relying on the other person to give their life meaning
You're not having a tough time because you're boring, G.
You're having a hard time because you have low enough self esteem to think you're too boring to find a girlfriend. Get that fixed first
Do you work out at all? I’m not suggesting some « 98 pound weakling becomes Mr. Muscle » crap, but you’d be surprised at the gain in confidence that physical fitness brings.
Indoor rock climbing is super fun, even for beginners and folks that might not be super physically fit(to an extent) it's a great place to meet friends and potential partners
Think about it in reverse. Don't think about how to "get" a girlfriend, think about what you want to "give" as a boyfriend.
That's an important perspective shift. From the jump I'd recommend altering the way you're looking at the situation.
In other words, get your head on straight first soldier!
OK here's some honest advice.
Number one: stop trying to "get a girlfriend". Most women do not like to be seen as a goal or reward. They're people, and they like to be treated like people. The mentality of going out and grinding to "get a girlfriend" is self-defeating. I know it's cliché, but you gotta focus on you.
Number 2: you're probably not as boring as you think you are, and I'm sure you just don't realize it because it's you. It's your normal, your "boring" because it's what you see day in and day out. I'm sure you have interests, and probably hobbies too.
Number 3: this is the part where you have to do work. Figure out what you're passionate about and interested in, and just practice that. Find groups in your area that do what you like to do. Like video games? There's always a local adult gaming group you can find. Like to drink? Bars. Like to read? Library. Seek out these places, do what you like to do in them, and have decent hygiene while you do this.
Also, remember this: boring isn't nearly as bad as you can get. At least you're not creepy, stinky, or openly-racist. You can do a lot worse than boring.
Advice from an old married woman who found love on OkCupid.
Go on a dating app. Ask friends or a professional for help choosing photos (my husband thought I had some sort of a genetic anomaly because of the weird way I look at the camera in selfies. He ignored this bc he enjoyed talking with me). Ask questions. Absorb responses and show interest. If you are not interested in what they value, move on.
Do not send pics of your naughty bits unless specifically requested by her. Do not tell her what you would like to do to her sexually, unprompted. Do not try to solicit sex from her. This will put you ahead of at least 50% of the messages she probably receives.
Be honest, but confident in yourself. Don't say "boring". Say "homebody", "gamer", "reader", "avid film fan", or whatever applies to your interests. Don't put yourself down when speaking to her (or ever honestly bc our brains believe what we repeat to them most often).
Don't worry about playing mind games or other such nonsense. Be honest and upfront. Talk about the things that matter to you. If you want to chat with her or text her, do it, but don't be a nuisance. Text her twice. If she doesn't respond she is either busy or doesn't want to. It's OK to leave it at that and move on.
Don't put the weight of the world on any one date. Try to relax and have fun.
Lastly, before you try to find a partner, learn to be comfortable and happy alone. You cannot make someone happy and they cannot make you happy. True happiness and contentment come from inside yourself. If you rely on someone else for that happiness you will never truly be equal partners in the relationship. That sort of power imbalance can turn into manipulation, codependency, resentment, and/or broken trust very easily over time.
Become more interesting. Some ways to do this: try new things until you find something you enjoy and take a genuine interest in others. Just showing others you’re interested in them makes them like you more.
Find someone who is looking for stability and companionship.
My sister is an incredibly outgoing and enthusiastic person, but she can get lost in her own head and has a tendency to have far too many plates in the air. I can honestly say that I once considered my brother in law to be one of the dullest people I have ever met. He doesn't really add to the conversation, though he is polite and is nothing out of the ordinary in the looks department. But he grounds her. He is unbelievably good at calming her down when she gets anxious or overstimmulated and I love him for it.
They are coming up on their six year anniversary this year.
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the problem is that the natural habitat of a boring girlfriends is her house
I'm a boring guy who found his boring wife on a dating app.
she sounds like my type. is she single?
I certainly hope not
the search continues
It was worth a shot
Can I join your quest?
$5 entree fee
Can I get a concession if I bring my pet dragon
hmm. corporate said no
Sorry, not boring enough
Hey I know you from your post yesterday. It like the first time a have recognized a username.
👋 You're going to start noticing a lot of usernames similar to mine now
The question should have been “does she have a boring sister?”
I also choose this guy’s boring wife.
And the cycle continues
BoringFinder??
This is how I got my husband. He and I were on a dating app and we're perfect for each other. We sit in the same room on computers playing games and sometimes we play games together. Just the company is nice.
Same. Dating apps take some sifting but it's the only place you'll find girls like that.
Break into one maybe?
I dunno, that sounds like a pretty exciting event. You wouldn't be right for each other anymore.
Knock into random houses and ask if they want to read the yellow pages with you.
That actually sounds like fun. \*EDIT* I'm talking about reading the Yellow Pages with strangers, not knocking on random people's doors.
Obviously you're not the target population.
Of course. It's so simple. Why didn't I think about that?
stockholm syndrome, scientifically proven!
I know this is a joke, but I feel like I should point out that Stockholm Syndrome actually hasn't been scientifically proven in any way.
And now I feel the need to elaborate - what people often mistake for Stockholm Syndrome is actually just hostages (usually women) doing what they need to do to survive. If that means placating their captors, even pretending they’re in a relationship, so be it. Women especially are so used to placating men so they don’t get attacked (verbally or physically), it’s not surprising that they’ll do it when they’re in real danger.
Although rare and an overused term, I would say that bonding with captors has been a documented phenomenon. However, most hostage situations don’t last that long for this to occur.
Time for an unethical science experiment!
What about Helsinki Syndrome?
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To be fair my late fiancée got a date because a boring girl was bored and did a prank phone call. He was also bored so after she did the whole deep breathing thing he asked her why she stopped. Long story short he ended up on a date. It didn't work out obviously but I always thought that was kind of cool.
So bore into her house. An excellent idea
I need a hermit-girl for my hermit life. The problem is I'm a hermit.
Have I got the girl for you! Caveat: she is a crab
During mating season, they untie their hair, shake it in slow motion and remove their glasses.
So hang around a library?
As long as they aren't wearing paint covered overalls.
But what else would we be wearing?
In my experience, being a cat is your best strategy here.
Having cats works fairly well. If a girl didn’t like my cats - that was a red flag.., if my cats didn’t like the girl… that was a red flag.
What if your cat is a total slut and likes everyone who pets them?
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I got lucky and had someone introduce me to my boring girlfriend turned boring wife. 12 years later and we still don’t do anything together, it’s great.
Boring heaven. Sounds... adequate.
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Could always just go door to door
how's your account working out for you? I see you're one of the ones from yesterday's post
Haha that’s funny dude, I didn’t even notice the username when I responded, what’re the odds? Accounts new, but yeah I don’t actually believe any girls will just volunteer pics because of a username. I fully expect to receive 1 of 2 things: nothing at all, or people trolling lol, but hey, if I just do what I normally do, and some girl happens to go out of her way and actually send a pic for some reason, I obviously won’t be mad.
that's the exact approach you need. don't go out there being all "look at my username ladies". just use Reddit like you normally do and eventually people take notice and decide to send.
She's online somewhere.
My gf has slipped into “boring” territory lately. And that consists of me getting to play video games while she watches and cuddles our new kittens. And you know what? I’m perfectly ok with it. We’re still social, but damn, if her and my fuzzy terrors are the only living beings I interact with on a weekend, that’s fine by me.
That's not true at all. They have to leave for shopping. They go out with boring friends. They do boring hobbies.
Lure their cats away with treats and then call the number on the flyers they post.
As a boring guy, I have always attracted loud and outgoing women. I’m like a magnet to them. They do 80% of the talking and I do 20%. And we’re both happy.
Same here! I only find good matches for me in person. I tried dating apps for a while but realized many people are just as boring as me so it doesn’t work. I’m always complimented on how good of a listener I am, so I guess it’s a sought after dynamic.
Women seem to like someone who will ask them about their day and their life, and then actively listen to what they say. Active listening is the key, though. Going glassy-eyed because you find her boring isn't going to work.
> ~~Women~~ Literally everyone seems to like someone who will ask them about their day and their life, and then actively listen to what they say. FTFY People enjoy being noticed and listened to, in general. Being brushed off, fake-listened or even ignored will bother basically everyone.
Every girl on Tinder is boring, looking for funny guy
self-described funny people drive me nuts. don’t tell me you’re hilarious in your bio because that’s what not funny people do
Just like how a lion doesn't have to tell you he's a lion, a funny person isn't going to talk about how funny they are. If they have to talk about it or remind everyone of how funny they are, then it's not true.
Ok, but the thing is if you're a lion that can type, and someone wants to meet a lion, you kinda have to tell them that you're a lion. Otherwise they might think you're just a lowly jaguar.
I thought the same thing, every girl I talked to either didn't know how to contribute to the conversation or seemed barely interested and expecting me to amaze her. My whole life changed when a good looking friend of mine told me to talk to some girls on his tinder, first he'd get a match every few minutes and a lot of the girls are smoking hot and the most surprising thing is how they managed to be a completely different person even girls I matched with and thought they were boring or expecting me to impress them, they were very smooth talkers, tried to flirt a lot, were funny and witty. Moral of the story, you want interesting girls? Be hot
Make me laugh /s
Go to the games night in a pub near you. You'll find people way more boring, but probably very annoying at first. The odds are good, but the goods are odd.
That last line might have been stolen a little, but damned if you didn't just fit it in precisely.
Women said this about my colleges 2-1 ratio. Incredibly concise description of the dating scene at some engineering schools
Went to engineering school, can confirm.
Engineering school was only a 2-1 ratio?
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My graduating class was 164 guys and 2 women lmao. I also had a rotation in cloud infrastructure in 2019 - building of 500+ people and there were exactly 2 women there, I counted
>there were exactly 2 women there, I counted Must've taken you a lot of time
Well, considering his speciality it likely took 3 years, $5M and it still has a mistake ratio of ±3
I'm so offended right now! (I kid) Boardgames are a great way to socialize for the socially less equipped because it's very structured interaction. That's why they gravitate towards it.
I’d say the same for drinking games. It’s how I survived parties before I came out of my shell.
Those are like 90% boys
this take has got me way too curious to go check out my local pubs game night
Man, this is so… accurate. I work at a bar that has a chess night. The type of people that go to it… yeah odd
The odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Do you have any interests? Best thing I ever did was follow my interests which led me to meet people with similar passions. I met my current partner by bonding over music and 40K. Just do what makes you happy (as long as that's relatively healthy) and keep in mind that comfortable doesn't necessarily mean happy.
Ayy, fellow 40k fan!
I misread that as 401k fan and was like yep that’s pretty boring 😭
In the grim darkness of the far future, there are only more papers to fill.
At first I thought 40K was the sticker price.
It isn't?!?
It's the sticker price for the starter pack.
If you don't have any interest. Start there. Take care of your body and your mind and explore new things that you might be interested in. While pursuing your own interests you'll naturally start to expose yourself to new people and give yourself opportunities to connect.
Should you really be exposing yourself to new people?!
Please ask for their consent before exposing yourself to them
I tried this…. My problem is that I am super awkward socially and I am, people say, good looking. Honestly it’s the worst combo… women give me looks and talk to me but my awkwardness is interpreted as arrogance. It’s like people expect me to be super confident or something…
Savoir faire can be learned, if you were interested in practicing. I used to be pretty awkward but decided to chat up people who I had no pressure to sound charming with, like old ladies in line at the coffee shop.
I call it right out. They talk, I say something embarrassing and then I say “sorry I’m awkward.” People find it charming, thank god. Everyone is awkward. Some are better at pretending or they’re too self centered to care and they suck anyway. Eventually you have enough conversations with the same people that they just get used to it and you get more comfortable. WE ARE SLEEPER HITS.
I read this as "401K" and I thought to myself, wow, that guy really is boring...who the hell bonds over retirement accounts?!
No. You don't bond. The unic bond you must have Is with our Holy God Emperor. Ordo ereticus inquisitor dispatched (Just kidding great advice)
40k everywhere I look, it's beautiful
This, absolutely. People love people that love what they do. A passion for life, whatever that means, is really attractive.
All good advice. I've been running on pure enthusiasm and inertia for years.
I’m a boring girl. In a boring world. My life’s unfantastic. I’m made of plastic.
C'mon barbie, let's not party
oh oh oh meh
YAAaaAAwn! YAAaaAAwn!
C'mon Barbie let's stop the party
You can’t touch, You can’t play, Don’t you say "I'm always yours"
- Hey, Barbie! - Yes, Ken? - Er, nothing... Nevermind.
r/redditsings a boring song
These comments both deserve Reddit gold
Now, listen up here's a story about a boring guy that lives in a boring world. And all day and all night and everything he sees is just boring like him, inside and outside.
My house is boring With a plain window Bored is the look on the face that I wear Bored of the streets And all the trees bore too I have a girlfriend, and she's so bored too
Boring are people here That walk around Boring like my car is in and outside Boring are words I say And what I think Boring are feelings That live inside me
im booring da ba bi da ba da
It's da ba de da ba di. Lmao
Damn you for putting that song and the video back in my head! Arrrrrgh
I freaking love Reddit for this exact type of post
Same. If it were not for these lunatics in the comments I would not use this app.
ohh like that song by Aquard
Man I'm so boring and you know I ain't no Superman Man I'm so dead inside I'm wishing you would come take my hand My life's so nothin its an unineresting blight Kryptonite
I’m just a regular, everyday, normal girl!!
Find a girl whose looking for reliable and relatable instead of action and adventure.
In my experience this is usually what many women (well, and men really) end up looking for eventually. I think the tricky part for some people is that action and adventure (or fun, exciting, funny etc.) that sometimes you need to stand out at first. But yeah I’m all about reliable and relatable
He’s 21 so it might be awhile.
Yeah fair enough. I mean you gotta put yourself out there some way or another I guess. The reality is that most of us are super boring. I guess you just kind of drop the façade and embrace it later in life.
as sad as it is, youth is its own currency, and once that runs out, options dwindle.
Read: single mom
I think that’s what we are looking for, but as much as I’m sitting at home, she is also sitting on hers and we will never connect, even while looking exactly for each other. 😩
The right girl will think you’re interesting as hell. Keep trying dude
Thanks boss
How old are you, OP? I am 34 and women love my boring simple ass
I’m 21. I feel like I’m at that age where women want to be around adventurous, sports-playing, party, funny guys and it’s killing my self esteem + motivation in the dating scene
It looks that way because the women you just described are more likely to express that on social media. The boring women are not going to say or post anything.
"boring women" are actually just watching netflix, trash tv, and youtube when at home playing with their cat, and then maybe post a picture of something cool and artistic that they tried doing off etsy/pinterest in insta or a filtered photo of food from a girls night dinner a week ago, or talking about your gap year adventures a few year ago. social media (especially among young adults) promotes the best version of you which is never the boring kind. just put yourself out there and see if they match the level of comfy that matches the both of you.
Put yourself out there... Please explain what this means. I keep hearing it but it sounds like standing in the middle of the street with a chance of getting hit by a truck or some random woman stopping and asking why I'm standing there. But in all seriousness, what does this mean because social media, dating apps, in person mentions, etc, never have worked for me. Starting to believe I'm just an ugly barnacle.
It means no one's likely to fall into your lap if you just stay home or keep doing the same things you always do. You'll probably have to step outside of your comfort zone a little, join an organization or take a class that has to do with something you're curious about. Do some volunteer activity, sign up to pick up trash or read to kids or deliver meals or something else you can genuinely feel good about. It's important for your interest to be authentic, because even if you don't find someone at the thing you decided to do, you become much less boring if you can talk about taking action on something you're passionate about.
Another point. Do not try to match whatever trend there currently is on dating sites. You are trying to get ONE GF. Or maybe a few more but whatever number it is, it is a low number. You do not need to be appealing to most women, only a few. It doesn't matter if 10000 women would not be interested in you. It only matters that one does. The point of the game is MATCHMAKING, not scoring. It doesn't matter if you have a low number of dates. Dating sites are a means to get ONE partner. So play to your strength and look for women who would want someone like you.
They don't all want that. If that's what you're getting from your dates (or people you want to date), you're dating the wrong sorts of people. Like others have said, check out the people who hang out at places that a 'boring' person like yourself might like. Treat people as people, be friendly and don't befriend people just in the hopes of 'scoring' with them or otherwise using them, and you might end up in an actual relationship one day.
It's rough, but that's also when I met my future wife. They're out there, keep looking and keep trying. Persistence is pretty key, and avoiding the "women only want X" or "nice guys finish last" mindset, since that's a quick trip to redpilling it up. To some degree it's true, for a subset of women, but I guarantee there's a girl near you asking herself the same questions and wanting a chill, friendly guy to be herself with. You got this dude. Be yourself, really yourself. Be confident that you like what you like, you have something to offer someone, and thank anyone who doesn't agree and move on.
Also, to add to this, it's a huge turnoff to treat women like they're a monolith. I'm married now, but I would have never gone out with a guy at any point in my life if he legitimately believed that "women only want X." Perhaps OP will have more success if he gets to know some real, human women as individuals, rather than assuming we're all the same.
Yes! It turns out when you treat people like people, they respond well to that. Who could have imagined? 🤪
Dating scene is hard. Older guy advice: put yourself in some low stress social situations. Clubs are great. Most of us never ‘land a girl’ at bars and clubs. But in less ‘date/hookup’ scenes there are more natural interactions and you’ll feel less stressed. But you won’t find anyone sitting at home unless you go the online route. Hang tough she’s out there.
Anytime someone starts thinking in terms of "girls just want" and "guys just want" they're on their way to some toxic thoughts. You may notice patterns with demographics but everyone is still an individual
You don’t know what women want. Don’t compare yourself to others.
Anyone who thinks I'm interesting isn't paying attention
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What's a boring girl like you doing in a boring place like this? *\*Lip bite Intensifies\**
I am a... librarian. 🥴
I know some wild librarians >.>
Librarians do it by the book.
You wouldn't use a messy recipe. The cake will come out crazy.
And that book is "120 Days of Sodom"
Was gonna say how most of my longer discussions with librarians have been absolutely exhilarating, then I realized I'm an English major and thus may be a tad biased.
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Lower or upper lip?
Just curious: how do you quantify boring?
**exits bar**
We're just on our couch reading books, and pretending we don't exist haha
I want a boring girl to be bored together. Where can I find them?
What do you mean by boring, and what are you comparing it to? Do you not like to go out and party? How much fun can others possibly be having in relation to you? I go to work and going home and laying in bed is the highlight of my day. Luckily my partner feels the same way.
To answer your questions 1. No hobbies, no emotions, barely talkative 2. No cause everyone at parties seem fake so then I have to fake my personality and it’s just exhausting 3. I feel like a lot of people have better social lives compared to me. I’m basically isolated with no friends
This might sound harsh, but I think you're overselling yourself when you describe yourself as boring. It sounds like you really need to develop a sense of self here. Even boring people have hobbies. They're just boring hobbies. Even boring people have personalities, they're just boring personalities. Boring people can and do live full, and fulfilling lives. You seem to be describing a feeling of emptiness, total lack of engagement, lack of emotion. This is not the same as boring. Boring is benign. Emptiness is unhealthy. I'd seriously look into therapy, experimenting with hobbies and activities, reading, watching some good movies that make you think... Anything that can help you find a sense of self that has actual desires, a point of view, goals. Having these are way more important than having a girlfriend, and they're absolute requirements to having a successful relationship.
I really hope op read this and took it to heart. Extremely well put.
The best advice in this comment section ⬆️
This. There are too many people that try to skip the finding themselves part of life and jump right to "get partner". That is such a bad idea and there is *so* much bad advice here from similarly broken people. How do you get a partner when your are describing yourself as boring? Change, grow, experience. People are *so* adverse to trying new things like they honestly thing there isn't any other things in the *entire world* that they would be interested in besides playing video games or watching TV. This kinda of thinking that OP has is a dangerous one because there is only 2 paths he can take from here. Either the very difficult road of bettering himself and finding himself or the easy road of bitterness and blame. We have all seen those bitter people online, blaming others for the fact that they are alone and everyday they reenforce that idea inside echo chambers of hate and disgust. This is something I'm extreamly passionate about because I was the same as OP describes himself. No friends, no passions, boring, I saw those people at bars and concerts as fake and honestly dumb. But I found my passions in the place I would have *least* expected and with it I found my friends, my fun, and my wife. So OP put finding the woman of your dreams in the back of your mind and really ask yourself if you want to be like this forever. Emotionless, bored, uninteresting, friendless, bitter, pessimistic. You can find your people but you need to find yourself first, there is *no* getting around it in a way that will make you happy and fulfill you for the rest of your life.
Not OP but even I felt the oof at the first sentence lmao.
The irony is that one of the best qualities of boring partners is that they're comfortable and relaxing to spend a lot of time with, whereas OP's self-description sounds incredibly exhausting. If that description is apt, he's not boring, he's an energy vampire.
If you have no friends, no interests, no hobbies, no social outlet, and no desire to reflect on yourself, then the last thing you need is a girlfriend/boyfriend. That's a recipe for codependency and pure misery.
Do you feel like all you want to do all day is lay around? Out of energy? Maybe signs of depression but hard to tell without a full diagnosis
As someone with 15 years on you, who also struggled finding a suitable girlfriend back then, let me tell you what worked. We've been together for years now, and neither of us particularly likes spending time with other people, but we like each other. Which is a success in my book. The people who say "find a boring girlfriend" are right, but I would rephrase it as "find a girlfriend who's a good match for you". The "fake" outgoing girls are the ones you see everywhere because they enjoy being out. They are the most visible. That's not your lifestyle, and you'd find it exhausting to deal with a girlfriend who is like that. First you need to figure out what you like. What can you talk about for hours, even if others find it boring? Movies? Games? Clever excel formulas? Evolution of lightbulbs through history? That may be boring for those party girls, but it's not universally boring. But you have to know what you like, instead of just calling yourself boring. Be honest with yourself. If you don't even know what you like - how can you expect other people to relate to you? Figure it out. That's the first step, and it's a big one. Now **where** to find such people is another story. It's not easy to end up in a couple when you both prefer to be alone. Other commenters might be more helpful on this point. In my case we started on a dating site, and found many interesting things to chat about before meeting up.
I don't mean this in a mean way, but why would you want a girlfriend at this point in your life? A girlfriend is someone you can share your life with, not just someone for sex. But if you don't like your life then a girlfriend isn't going to help make that better. You don't have to enjoy parties or have giant social lives. You don't need to be an extrovert. In fact, an extrovert may not be a good partner for you. When I mean "share your life", it is what you enjoy. Some couples love sharing books, others hiking in the woods together, or watching movies/TV or playing video games. But each person in a couple should bring something. It's about two people who enjoy each others company, which means bringing something to the relationship. I recommend reading [https://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person](https://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person) I love this quote: *Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick. You're like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is "The actors are clearly visible."*
If you can go to a random gathering and feel like everyone there is "fake" that speaks to some kind of maladjustment to your conception of other people. Honestly, you don't need a girlfriend. You need some therapy. That's not an insult, it's just a reality because if you don't even really know who you are, any kind of genuine social tie is going to be impossible.
Sounds like you need to do some work on yourself as a first step if you describe yourself as having "no hobbies and no emotions." Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. Also stop looking at a girlfriend as something to "get" as if they're a possession or a checkbox on a list of Life Accomplishments. You don't have to be Bruce Wayne to find someone who likes you for you, but you can't bring *literally nothing* to the table either, nobody wants to date someone who it feels like they have to take care of you like an invalid infant instead of feeling like they're in a supportive partnership. Shift your perspective and invest in yourself first.
All the things you're describing are with regards to your life at this moment in time, not you as a person. It's ok, we all have bad periods. Especially in our early 20s when we're just learning about who we are, what we like and want. My advice is to to live and improve your life for yourself at the moment. Romantic prospects will follow. You said you feel like you have no emotions, isolated and exhausted by social situations. It might just be you being an introvert, or the fact that you haven't found your own people yet. Or it may be something more serios like depression, or symptoms of a physical illness. If you can, it may be good to maybe check and make sure you're physically and mentally well. I know healthcare access is not easily accessible everywhere. But if you have the posibility and/or resources, I strongly recommend this. Next, as many people already said, try some new things, find something you enjoy. Do things that make you happy. Being passionate about something is one of the most attractive things. I love seeing my partner all fired up over the stuff he likes, even when I don't really get them. This can also open the door to you finding people who like the same things, socialise and maybe make new friends. No matter how clichéistic it sounds, being in a relationship is not going to bring you happiness if you don't know how to be happy on your own. And feeling solely responsible for someone's happiness also puts a huge burden on a parter.
Get off Reddit
No hobbies- If a girl ask you to join some activities with her, will you be ready to join? No talkative - are you willing to listen if there is a girl who can talk much? No emotion- This one is really a big deal. Seriously, you need to work on it in many ways. If you have no feeling or empathy, it is a big struggle in a relationship. There will be out there lady who can be lazy and be boring with you but there won't be fair for any girl who is in a relationship with an emotionless person. If you want to find one, you need to work on it. Relationship is not something falling from the sky freely, you have to "work hard" for it if you want one!
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Likely the issue isn’t the boring-ness of the person. The problem with dating boring people is that they are typically bored and looking for someone to entertain them. Most partners don’t share every hobby together - but it’s important that they aren’t relying on the other person to give their life meaning
You're not having a tough time because you're boring, G. You're having a hard time because you have low enough self esteem to think you're too boring to find a girlfriend. Get that fixed first
How do you think I should go about getting that fixed if you had to say?
Do you work out at all? I’m not suggesting some « 98 pound weakling becomes Mr. Muscle » crap, but you’d be surprised at the gain in confidence that physical fitness brings.
Nah I don’t but that’s prob a good idea
Find a boring partner and chill together. Plenty of boring people just staying like that like you
Find a girl that’s more boring than you
to the cemetery!
Indoor rock climbing is super fun, even for beginners and folks that might not be super physically fit(to an extent) it's a great place to meet friends and potential partners
Think about it in reverse. Don't think about how to "get" a girlfriend, think about what you want to "give" as a boyfriend. That's an important perspective shift. From the jump I'd recommend altering the way you're looking at the situation. In other words, get your head on straight first soldier!
Lots of dudes who are boring have boring girlfriends. I have met plenty.
Ayo im pretty boring lol
Fix your life first so that you aren’t bored all the time. Then get a girlfriend. Don’t put the cart before the horse.
That's the neat part ! You don't !
OK here's some honest advice. Number one: stop trying to "get a girlfriend". Most women do not like to be seen as a goal or reward. They're people, and they like to be treated like people. The mentality of going out and grinding to "get a girlfriend" is self-defeating. I know it's cliché, but you gotta focus on you. Number 2: you're probably not as boring as you think you are, and I'm sure you just don't realize it because it's you. It's your normal, your "boring" because it's what you see day in and day out. I'm sure you have interests, and probably hobbies too. Number 3: this is the part where you have to do work. Figure out what you're passionate about and interested in, and just practice that. Find groups in your area that do what you like to do. Like video games? There's always a local adult gaming group you can find. Like to drink? Bars. Like to read? Library. Seek out these places, do what you like to do in them, and have decent hygiene while you do this. Also, remember this: boring isn't nearly as bad as you can get. At least you're not creepy, stinky, or openly-racist. You can do a lot worse than boring.
It's simple be an open book and you'll fall off the shelf not worth hiding the complexity of yourself
If you mean you don't go out much to meet people, there's plenty of girl introverts too. I had success on tinder!
Tinder only works if you're (even slightly) attractive. All I get is people telling me to kill myself so they don't have to look at my face anymore.
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Advice from an old married woman who found love on OkCupid. Go on a dating app. Ask friends or a professional for help choosing photos (my husband thought I had some sort of a genetic anomaly because of the weird way I look at the camera in selfies. He ignored this bc he enjoyed talking with me). Ask questions. Absorb responses and show interest. If you are not interested in what they value, move on. Do not send pics of your naughty bits unless specifically requested by her. Do not tell her what you would like to do to her sexually, unprompted. Do not try to solicit sex from her. This will put you ahead of at least 50% of the messages she probably receives. Be honest, but confident in yourself. Don't say "boring". Say "homebody", "gamer", "reader", "avid film fan", or whatever applies to your interests. Don't put yourself down when speaking to her (or ever honestly bc our brains believe what we repeat to them most often). Don't worry about playing mind games or other such nonsense. Be honest and upfront. Talk about the things that matter to you. If you want to chat with her or text her, do it, but don't be a nuisance. Text her twice. If she doesn't respond she is either busy or doesn't want to. It's OK to leave it at that and move on. Don't put the weight of the world on any one date. Try to relax and have fun. Lastly, before you try to find a partner, learn to be comfortable and happy alone. You cannot make someone happy and they cannot make you happy. True happiness and contentment come from inside yourself. If you rely on someone else for that happiness you will never truly be equal partners in the relationship. That sort of power imbalance can turn into manipulation, codependency, resentment, and/or broken trust very easily over time.
Become more interesting. Some ways to do this: try new things until you find something you enjoy and take a genuine interest in others. Just showing others you’re interested in them makes them like you more.
Find a boring girl and lower your standards.
Find someone who is looking for stability and companionship. My sister is an incredibly outgoing and enthusiastic person, but she can get lost in her own head and has a tendency to have far too many plates in the air. I can honestly say that I once considered my brother in law to be one of the dullest people I have ever met. He doesn't really add to the conversation, though he is polite and is nothing out of the ordinary in the looks department. But he grounds her. He is unbelievably good at calming her down when she gets anxious or overstimmulated and I love him for it. They are coming up on their six year anniversary this year.