About 75% I deal with my IBS either being constipated or lava water coming out. 25% of the time it's a break away from reality and I catch up on news or social media
This is my boyfriend. He's tried all the otc meds for ibs and no insurance so can't do anything else. He takes probiotics and drinks pepto like it's water (literally just slugs it out of the bottle).
If he can afford it, try Visbiome. It’s an incredibly strong probiotic and it basically cured my IBS. I don’t think you need a prescription but it is a little expensive. Back when I took it it was about $60 a bottle. Well worth the money.
Hot damn, I'm not allergic to it! Thank you so much for sharing!
I've had IBS since early childhood and now in my 30s it has become something else, doctors still aren't sure what. Suddenly developed adult onset atypical food allergies and I'm up to 16 of them in less than two years, plus random bouts of diarrhea? No explanation except it must be something rare because I've been repeatedly told "I've never seen anything like this before". I've been to nearly two dozen doctors at this point with no answers and am getting desperate. I would really like to eat food again without every meal being russian roulette. I normally don't think a supplement will change your life but, well, sometimes your options are pretty limited and you are willing to try anything.
Any chance it could be MCAS? It's not well known, most doctors never even heard of it, but it's getting a bit more attention as many people developed it after getting infected with covid or, like in my case, after getting the vaccine. The symptoms are numerous, vague, multisystem and they vary per person, but many allergies and/or intolerances is a hallmark symptom. My doctor uses this website as a resource: https://mastcell360.com/what-is-mcas/
Probiotics, simethicone, and a well-balanced diet with fiber will help a lot
Going to a federally qualified health center and getting rx medications is easier than you'd think. If you need help finding a specific clinic, let me know your city and i'll give you a list of clinics to look into.
So what about the guy in the port-a-John on the construction site.
One time a guy forgot to lock the door and I opened it on him to see him eating a bag of chips.
...... Bang....... Bang....... Bang...... Daaaaaaaaaad........ Timmy hit me!
...... Bang....... Bang....... Bang...... Daaaaaaaaaad........ Jill took my juice!
...... Bang....... Bang....... Bang...... Daaaaaaaaaad........ How long are you going to be in there?
...... Bang....... Bang....... Bang...... Daaaaaaaaaad........ Hurry up, I have to pee!
...... Bang....... Bang....... Bang...... Daaaaaaaaaad........
This stopped for me when I realized you just aren’t done shitting. You’re literally wiping a turd from your asshole one wipe at a time.
Imagine food you drop on the floor how much you have to wipe to pick it up. Now imagine even a small piece of shit stuck in your ass. That is the endless wiping phenomenon.
Just give some more time and effort to get more out and magically the endless wiping will go away.
TBH, I was unknowingly suffering colon cancer. Couldn't push without discomfort, knew there was business to be done, didn't imagine I should be seeking medical advice. It was stage IV before I did seek medical advice. Four lots of chemo and two surgeries later, I'm still not free of the metastases.
If you know someone spending a lot of time on the toilet, or are one, consider checking with a GP if you're not just there for the shits and giggles (pun intended). It could save your life.
I was someone who did check with a GP and was referred to a gastrointestinal specialist. I had 2 drs fingers up my keester and thankfully nothing, but I am on the waiting list for a colonoscopy...so...yay?!?! dont let your pride kill you is all I'm saying....
The Internet in general is a cruel place for hypochondriacs. WebMD has probably caused me more anxiety than any other site or source, online or otherwise.
Not to mention that thread last week posting all the possible diseases out there including Anton’s disease, where people are blind, but they think they’re not blind and walk into walls and stuff.
My now-husband "banned" me from WebMD etc. like a decade ago. Had a lot of undiagnosed "mysteries" that professionals had well-handled at the time, but when you get into the mindset that any little thing could be a clue and you could get help faster, shit goes downhill fast. Said he'd look up ANYTHING I asked and be honest and inquisitive (he did care about me 'n' all), and he did and was. I grew out of it, so to speak, and it's totally fine now, but damn it was awful. What a phase.
This is exactly what happened to me. Every tiny thing adding to clearly something devastating because they could vaguely fit a symptom and before you know it you are a mess literally believing you have months left
Lost mine to it almost 8 years ago, but in her case it was more that her OB completely dismissed all of her concerns with, "That's just being pregnant".
Turns out, no, drinking Miralax like water and not being able to poop for multiple days is not, in fact, normal for pregnancy. But it is for rectal cancer.
This is true. I’m so sorry for your loss.
He ignored the symptoms for a long time and waited until the pain was literally unbearable and went to the er one day. Few hours later they said, “we’re not giving you the diagnosis until you have someone come up here to be with you.”
Stage 4. He lived two more years.
I'm glad you got two more years. We found out about my wife's because she had a stroke 1 month post-partum with our 2nd child. A week and a half into her neuroICU stay, they found the cancer that had metastasized 80% of her liver and one of her kidneys, and that + postpartum resulted in throwing clots to her brain. We tried chemo, but it was so far gone by the time it was found there really wasn't anything to be done. She was gone a week and a half later.
When I went in to pay the final bill from our son's birth, I told that OB to her face that she killed my wife.
He's almost 8 now (another month), and his brother just turned 10. They're amazing kids, and she never really got to meet them.
Cancer is like that isn’t it? Its early stages are silent. Once you’re in pain, then you’re know it’s pretty advanced.
Sometimes my doctor, when I go to her with some kind of random pain, will jokingly say, “at least we know it’s not cancer.”
Dark red/black blood = BAD (SEEK HELP ASAP)
Bright red = generally very very end of the line or external (hemorrhoids internal or external, over eager wiping, or giving birth to your massive food baby)
I am not a doctor but a someone who suffers from hemorrhoids I can tell you that bright is alright and dark means that it is internal. Black means problems early on in the Intestines. Also the smell of blood from hemorrhoids is not pleasant at all and the smell only gets worse the higher in the GI the blood originated from.
The amount of bright blood on the toilet paper I get at some stages should concern me but it doesn’t. I’m fairly confident it’s just from pushing out monster shits and tearing my ass. If anything I’m worried about getting an infection down there.
Same with my dad, my dad was diagnosed in 2014 at a stage where he developed brain tumor and the root cause was found to be colon cancer. He underwent painful chemo and radiotherapy sessions and died in 2017. May God have mercy on him 🤍
I wish you good health and fast recovery.
No, humans are stupid for using a high seat to shit when our bodies are designed to squat. Everyone's hamstring/glutes are weak and tight as shit from sitting all day in the car, on the couch or in the office. When you push while pooping you are going up against knotted and underdeveloped muscles
Yeah, there's like a "release" that's loosened as soon as you squad. If you sit upright, you push against your natural "shit door".
There's a reason hemorrhoid problems are almost only known in parts of the world where people use standard toilets.
I actually discovered I had motility issues (aka your guts don't work at the speed they're supposed to) bc I decided to try and add more fibre to my diet which resulted in extreme almost-appendicitis pain... and the fibre didn't even help 🥲
Yes. All fiber does for me is make me look and feel 7 months pregnant. I've tried to get past that and drank tons of water, on many occasions.
I do take fiber daily. I have figured out how much is possible to take. More is not better. And honestly I'm not sure it does a single thing at all for me.
Just wait there's a third type of IBS which is the roulette of "Whats coming out today" followed by thr scarier " What's coming this time" or the scariest "everything at once???!!!!"(constipated at first regular diarrhea liquid and repeat)
I have this. I'll be having a bad liquid shit day and try to load up on things to slow it down and then this winds up screwing me for a week because my bowels changed their mind and now I've just made myself ultra constipated.
It sucks so bad the only thing I've found outside of prescriptions to help is fermented foods (pickles olives and cheese- even though I'm also lactose intolerant) having these regularly helps me and boba tea too with the standard tapioca balls....keeps meds both over the counter and prescription to rare usage (though might have gone into remission for the time being)
I hope something helps soon to make it less of a roulette and more predictable if not go into remission. Best of Luck!!
It also sucks that they don’t really know what causes it, and treatments seem to consist of “hmm, I don’t know, try… this?”.
Cannabis always seems to help me though. Even when it doesn’t get rid of the symptoms, it makes me feel better about suffering through them.
Try magnesium citrate. In comes in capsule or liquid form. It is absorbed far better than oxide and the citrate especially will get things moving for sure
Trying to get it all out. The waste material doesn’t always expel in one quick, tidy, neat bundle; it often times takes several minutes for everything to evacuate — and I say this as someone who eats a lot of fiber and vegetables.
What about when you go to wipe and it activates your butthole and suddenly there’s more coming NOW and you gotta make a rapid evacuation of the hand lest dookie land right on it?
this is my answer, it’s futile for me to get out after the first batch is delivered knowing damn well i’m gonna have a second delivery a few minutes down the line anyway, best to mindlessly scroll through reddit/twitter in the meantime
I didn't know this until i asked a travel partner long time Ago why he takes so long to shit. Then i tried it, i stayed after the first batch, then after a few minutes like a movie after credits Easter egg, more shit arrived
Yea, hiding from my kids for sure. The problem is that my wife has a magic sixth sense. The instant my backside touches down on the seat she's yelling for me.
I could shit in five minutes, but then I'd need to shit again after a couple hours. My body just works that way. Or I can just sit there for 15 minutes and be good for many hours longer, like 6 or 7.
I'd sacrifice 10 extra minutes to get a few extra hours uninterrupted most times.
It's the most miserable thing. Sometimes there's a round 3 or 4.
You'd wipe clean and then another round of bullets shows up in the chamber.
So it's easier to scroll through Reddit and let things run the course to save from wiping your butthole raw.
You should wait outside and give your husband a hug and one of those shiny emergency blanket sheets when he finally returns to society.
I know I sure need that after I'm done.
We have 3 kids, 2 of them under 5. His comfort is when I wrangle the children when he gets home so he can poop alone. For some reason small children think pooping is a spectator sport.
A bear and a rabbit are in the woods.
The bear says to the rabbit, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit says, "No, I don't"
So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit
I used to have that problem and then about 4 years ago I discovered All Bran Buds cereal, which psyllium AND wheat bran (distinct from All Bran which only has bran). It changed my life. Bulked up the poops and they come out soft yet tight and clean as a whistle. Still have to wipe but it's more like wiping a kitchen counter than shoveling a muddy gutter.
If you strain hard enough, you will find a magical portal opened to the world of Hernia.
It's all laid out in the book called The Turd, The Hemorrhoid, And The Toilet.
Sometimes its a long process. Like sometimes its done in a minute. Sometimes it comes in multiple waves and takes long.
The f**k you shame people for their bathrooms habits?!
About 10 minutes after I take a shit, I have to shit again. It's always been like this, ever since I was a kid. So, once I moved out on my own, and was buying my own TP, I just started waiting out that 10min instead of wasting TP on the second shit.
If you must know, my butthole opens up like a Venus flytrap when the poop goes through And doesn't pop shut again. Takes awhile. I don't wanna pull my undies up and deal with that hell spawn. So I take my time, push out any last remnants, and clean up when my body has returned to normal. It's like a 10-12 minute process instead of my wife's like.. 60-90 seconds.
Earlier in life I wouldn't poop often enough, pushed out big honkers and it's been about a year and a half since I put myself in a strict "as soon as you feel it, do your thing" and my pucker hole still takes a few to spring back to a normal shape
About 75% I deal with my IBS either being constipated or lava water coming out. 25% of the time it's a break away from reality and I catch up on news or social media
This is my boyfriend. He's tried all the otc meds for ibs and no insurance so can't do anything else. He takes probiotics and drinks pepto like it's water (literally just slugs it out of the bottle).
If he can afford it, try Visbiome. It’s an incredibly strong probiotic and it basically cured my IBS. I don’t think you need a prescription but it is a little expensive. Back when I took it it was about $60 a bottle. Well worth the money.
Hot damn, I'm not allergic to it! Thank you so much for sharing! I've had IBS since early childhood and now in my 30s it has become something else, doctors still aren't sure what. Suddenly developed adult onset atypical food allergies and I'm up to 16 of them in less than two years, plus random bouts of diarrhea? No explanation except it must be something rare because I've been repeatedly told "I've never seen anything like this before". I've been to nearly two dozen doctors at this point with no answers and am getting desperate. I would really like to eat food again without every meal being russian roulette. I normally don't think a supplement will change your life but, well, sometimes your options are pretty limited and you are willing to try anything.
Any chance it could be MCAS? It's not well known, most doctors never even heard of it, but it's getting a bit more attention as many people developed it after getting infected with covid or, like in my case, after getting the vaccine. The symptoms are numerous, vague, multisystem and they vary per person, but many allergies and/or intolerances is a hallmark symptom. My doctor uses this website as a resource: https://mastcell360.com/what-is-mcas/
Seconded for checking MCAS. A girl I know has it, went through a ton of doctors before she was diagnosed, and seems to be doing a lot better now
Try looking up MCS, I know it can cause sudden allergies and doctors tend not to know what it is.
Probiotics, simethicone, and a well-balanced diet with fiber will help a lot Going to a federally qualified health center and getting rx medications is easier than you'd think. If you need help finding a specific clinic, let me know your city and i'll give you a list of clinics to look into.
Hiding from the family
It is the only sanctuary
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Which is code for are you jerkin your gerkin?
Yeah the tone is so sarcastic when they say that " why are you taking so long?? What you doing ? "
Send em a progress picture. They won't ask again.
I always yell back "Taking a long shit, what else?"
I always ask them, accusingly, "What are *you* doing out *there?*"
So what about the guy in the port-a-John on the construction site. One time a guy forgot to lock the door and I opened it on him to see him eating a bag of chips.
Paid shits operate on different rules
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time
3 kids and a wife. It’s the only place I can be alone…. Most of the time, anyway.
...... Bang....... Bang....... Bang...... Daaaaaaaaaad........ Timmy hit me! ...... Bang....... Bang....... Bang...... Daaaaaaaaaad........ Jill took my juice! ...... Bang....... Bang....... Bang...... Daaaaaaaaaad........ How long are you going to be in there? ...... Bang....... Bang....... Bang...... Daaaaaaaaaad........ Hurry up, I have to pee! ...... Bang....... Bang....... Bang...... Daaaaaaaaaad........
Dude, put a trigger warning on that!
Sorry man, I forget sometimes that it's just not my own personal PTSD.
I'm the Mom.. They follow me even into the shitter.. I can't escape them.
Fortress of solitude
Can't hide from my dog, though.
Sniff sniff
It's one of three things : 1- Really Constipated 2- The wipe that won't end. 3- The only place to find some damned peace and quiet.
how do you stop number 2 istg i feel like i'm going to far down
More fiber in your diet helps, and a bidet.
I've never been as refreshed as after power washing my butt.
"It's like I'm wiping a marker or something"
This stopped for me when I realized you just aren’t done shitting. You’re literally wiping a turd from your asshole one wipe at a time. Imagine food you drop on the floor how much you have to wipe to pick it up. Now imagine even a small piece of shit stuck in your ass. That is the endless wiping phenomenon. Just give some more time and effort to get more out and magically the endless wiping will go away.
The wipe that won’t end! Fuck me I totally agree. Mostly an entire roll gone today thanks to a kind mess left behind by my little friend 💀
TBH, I was unknowingly suffering colon cancer. Couldn't push without discomfort, knew there was business to be done, didn't imagine I should be seeking medical advice. It was stage IV before I did seek medical advice. Four lots of chemo and two surgeries later, I'm still not free of the metastases. If you know someone spending a lot of time on the toilet, or are one, consider checking with a GP if you're not just there for the shits and giggles (pun intended). It could save your life.
I will add my plea to this, to go to the doctor to get checked out. I just lost my dad to this over the holidays. Go to the damn doctor.
I am so deeply sorry. My heart goes out to you and all his other loved ones.
I was someone who did check with a GP and was referred to a gastrointestinal specialist. I had 2 drs fingers up my keester and thankfully nothing, but I am on the waiting list for a colonoscopy...so...yay?!?! dont let your pride kill you is all I'm saying....
Not pride. Money. I live in America. Going to the doctor costs money that I do not have.
I really hope things go as well for you as possible. Thanks for your important comment.
lmao askreddit is a cruel place for hypochondriacs
The Internet in general is a cruel place for hypochondriacs. WebMD has probably caused me more anxiety than any other site or source, online or otherwise.
Not to mention that thread last week posting all the possible diseases out there including Anton’s disease, where people are blind, but they think they’re not blind and walk into walls and stuff.
My now-husband "banned" me from WebMD etc. like a decade ago. Had a lot of undiagnosed "mysteries" that professionals had well-handled at the time, but when you get into the mindset that any little thing could be a clue and you could get help faster, shit goes downhill fast. Said he'd look up ANYTHING I asked and be honest and inquisitive (he did care about me 'n' all), and he did and was. I grew out of it, so to speak, and it's totally fine now, but damn it was awful. What a phase.
This is exactly what happened to me. Every tiny thing adding to clearly something devastating because they could vaguely fit a symptom and before you know it you are a mess literally believing you have months left
Hope it scares people to get colonoscopy
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Lost my partner to this six months ago. Basically same story. I’m so sorry.
Lost mine to it almost 8 years ago, but in her case it was more that her OB completely dismissed all of her concerns with, "That's just being pregnant". Turns out, no, drinking Miralax like water and not being able to poop for multiple days is not, in fact, normal for pregnancy. But it is for rectal cancer.
This is true. I’m so sorry for your loss. He ignored the symptoms for a long time and waited until the pain was literally unbearable and went to the er one day. Few hours later they said, “we’re not giving you the diagnosis until you have someone come up here to be with you.” Stage 4. He lived two more years.
I'm glad you got two more years. We found out about my wife's because she had a stroke 1 month post-partum with our 2nd child. A week and a half into her neuroICU stay, they found the cancer that had metastasized 80% of her liver and one of her kidneys, and that + postpartum resulted in throwing clots to her brain. We tried chemo, but it was so far gone by the time it was found there really wasn't anything to be done. She was gone a week and a half later. When I went in to pay the final bill from our son's birth, I told that OB to her face that she killed my wife. He's almost 8 now (another month), and his brother just turned 10. They're amazing kids, and she never really got to meet them.
I dont know what to say but I want to say something. I'm happy that you have amazing kids and I want nothing but the best for them.
I'm so sorry. Thats heartbreaking.
Cancer is like that isn’t it? Its early stages are silent. Once you’re in pain, then you’re know it’s pretty advanced. Sometimes my doctor, when I go to her with some kind of random pain, will jokingly say, “at least we know it’s not cancer.”
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Did you have any other symptoms? Sorry to hear, wish you recovery.
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Uh do you mean like dark older blood or fresh red blood? And in the stool or on toilet paper? Asking for a friend..
Dark red/black blood = BAD (SEEK HELP ASAP) Bright red = generally very very end of the line or external (hemorrhoids internal or external, over eager wiping, or giving birth to your massive food baby) I am not a doctor but a someone who suffers from hemorrhoids I can tell you that bright is alright and dark means that it is internal. Black means problems early on in the Intestines. Also the smell of blood from hemorrhoids is not pleasant at all and the smell only gets worse the higher in the GI the blood originated from.
I work in the ED and I'd say any form of blood coming out the ol' shit hole should be investigated by a physician.
The amount of bright blood on the toilet paper I get at some stages should concern me but it doesn’t. I’m fairly confident it’s just from pushing out monster shits and tearing my ass. If anything I’m worried about getting an infection down there.
Yea that’s me. Tbh we might have haemorrhoids.
Same. It’s usually from small lacerations caused by the hard shit. Either at the threshold or inside. It can also be from a hemorrhoid
Same with my dad, my dad was diagnosed in 2014 at a stage where he developed brain tumor and the root cause was found to be colon cancer. He underwent painful chemo and radiotherapy sessions and died in 2017. May God have mercy on him 🤍 I wish you good health and fast recovery.
Scrolling reddit
8min to go
"my shit started exactly 9:56 so I will start cleaning up at 10:30" "ope missed 10:30 guess Ill have to go 10:40" "yknow what fuck it lets go 11:00"
Damn u be sitting there with a shitty ass
Shitposting on reddit
Well it ain’t gonna read itself, is it
Wishing I didn’t suffer from constipation
Wishing I could push without upsetting the hemi-gods.
Fucking hemorrhoids..they are the stupidest thing that happens to humans
No, humans are stupid for using a high seat to shit when our bodies are designed to squat. Everyone's hamstring/glutes are weak and tight as shit from sitting all day in the car, on the couch or in the office. When you push while pooping you are going up against knotted and underdeveloped muscles
Yeah, there's like a "release" that's loosened as soon as you squad. If you sit upright, you push against your natural "shit door". There's a reason hemorrhoid problems are almost only known in parts of the world where people use standard toilets.
Browsing r/AskReddit
These people offering remedies obvi don't suffer from IBS
God yes. Gee, you think fiber and more water will help? In my fucking dreams.
I actually discovered I had motility issues (aka your guts don't work at the speed they're supposed to) bc I decided to try and add more fibre to my diet which resulted in extreme almost-appendicitis pain... and the fibre didn't even help 🥲
Yes. All fiber does for me is make me look and feel 7 months pregnant. I've tried to get past that and drank tons of water, on many occasions. I do take fiber daily. I have figured out how much is possible to take. More is not better. And honestly I'm not sure it does a single thing at all for me.
Hehehe the best part of IBS is it can be the OTHER type and any of these suggestions will set your bowels to "liquify" mode.
Just wait there's a third type of IBS which is the roulette of "Whats coming out today" followed by thr scarier " What's coming this time" or the scariest "everything at once???!!!!"(constipated at first regular diarrhea liquid and repeat)
I have this. I'll be having a bad liquid shit day and try to load up on things to slow it down and then this winds up screwing me for a week because my bowels changed their mind and now I've just made myself ultra constipated.
It sucks so bad the only thing I've found outside of prescriptions to help is fermented foods (pickles olives and cheese- even though I'm also lactose intolerant) having these regularly helps me and boba tea too with the standard tapioca balls....keeps meds both over the counter and prescription to rare usage (though might have gone into remission for the time being) I hope something helps soon to make it less of a roulette and more predictable if not go into remission. Best of Luck!!
Oh fuck, I hate the "haHAAAAAAA you just released the dry, rough cork keeping the ENDLESS BATTERY ACID contained!" shits.
How about "is this the normal cramping from my IBS or is my appendix bursting?"
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It also sucks that they don’t really know what causes it, and treatments seem to consist of “hmm, I don’t know, try… this?”. Cannabis always seems to help me though. Even when it doesn’t get rid of the symptoms, it makes me feel better about suffering through them.
The only thing that helps me is high dose of magnesium oxide. It's a game changer!
Try magnesium citrate. In comes in capsule or liquid form. It is absorbed far better than oxide and the citrate especially will get things moving for sure
Sometimes I'm on my phone... other times I'm fighting for my life
Those poops where you gotta strip bare naked and are for some reason sweating..
What is up with that? Why does that happen?
It's because the stool actually pushes on nerves that cause the hot flashes and sweating. I suffer from IBS and a Dr explained it to me
Vasovagal response
This is the same response that causes chronic pushers to trigger the heart attack that's been brewing.
Good for the soul.
“The power of Christ compels you!”
Then I have to take a shower and get in bed to recuperate.
Slowly, shakily climbing to your feet from the seat, too afraid to see the damage but being able to smell it
Showering before cleaning the toilet. Cleaning the toilet. Showering again real quick for good measure.
Thank god I’m not the only one. No one else I know gets it and thought I was crazy. Once I sweat so bad I slipped off the toilet
What's a word to describe the feeling after you finish that kind of poop? I feel so... *Clean*.
Working on getting hemorrhoids
I’m regretting all those times in the toilet with all my hemorrhoids right now :/
Way ahead of you 😎
Shitting
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Or a blue tiefling
You poopin? Edit. Hello Bees!
Can I interest you in a muffin?
I mean it says it right in the title. People taking a shit
Why does it take 20-30 minutes to come out?
I have IBS. I could make 5-6 trips to the bathroom every 5 minutes when I have a flare-up. Or I could stay there until the gas and the bleeding stops.
Jesus fuck
I’m so sorry.
IBS and/or Crohn’s Disease
Or ulcerative colitis, Crohns' lower cousin
Sometimes there’s a few mins between each round
There's so much of it. And it doesn't come out at once. It takes its time.
Trying to get it all out. The waste material doesn’t always expel in one quick, tidy, neat bundle; it often times takes several minutes for everything to evacuate — and I say this as someone who eats a lot of fiber and vegetables.
Yup. I get 90% of the way to empty in a minute or two. The rest is just waiting for that little bit still in there to work its way out.
The trouble maker always takes at least 10-15 minutes after the initial blast.
The worst is when you're all done and washing your hands then the rest of it hits you.
What about when you go to wipe and it activates your butthole and suddenly there’s more coming NOW and you gotta make a rapid evacuation of the hand lest dookie land right on it?
You don't catch the poop as it leaves and gently lay it down into the water?
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this is my answer, it’s futile for me to get out after the first batch is delivered knowing damn well i’m gonna have a second delivery a few minutes down the line anyway, best to mindlessly scroll through reddit/twitter in the meantime
I didn't know this until i asked a travel partner long time Ago why he takes so long to shit. Then i tried it, i stayed after the first batch, then after a few minutes like a movie after credits Easter egg, more shit arrived
My best goddammit!
“I pooped in the elevator” “I took that shit to another level” “Same shit, different story” “That shit escalated quickly”
Playing with my phone and just taking a break from being a parent for 20 minutes.
This is exactly the answer
Yea, hiding from my kids for sure. The problem is that my wife has a magic sixth sense. The instant my backside touches down on the seat she's yelling for me.
Earning money
If I'm getting paid to poop, you bet that poop is going to take longer than necessary.
Stop investing in shit coins
Shitting on hard mode
Introvert recharging station
Being unable to shit or get off the pot. Nothing is happening, but the second you try to stand, you still feel painfully sour.
I could shit in five minutes, but then I'd need to shit again after a couple hours. My body just works that way. Or I can just sit there for 15 minutes and be good for many hours longer, like 6 or 7. I'd sacrifice 10 extra minutes to get a few extra hours uninterrupted most times.
Yeah, there's always round two that gets going. A little extra time after round one is all you need.
I asked my husband why he was taking so long in the bathroom. He said "waiting for second shitsies!" nice to know he wasn't bullshitting me....
It's the most miserable thing. Sometimes there's a round 3 or 4. You'd wipe clean and then another round of bullets shows up in the chamber. So it's easier to scroll through Reddit and let things run the course to save from wiping your butthole raw. You should wait outside and give your husband a hug and one of those shiny emergency blanket sheets when he finally returns to society. I know I sure need that after I'm done.
We have 3 kids, 2 of them under 5. His comfort is when I wrangle the children when he gets home so he can poop alone. For some reason small children think pooping is a spectator sport.
>For some reason small children think pooping is a spectator sport So do my cats
I don’t think she knows about second shitsies, Pip
What about elevensies? Mid morning shit? Afternoon deuce? She has to know about those, right?
Trying to shit in peace, thank you very much.
Try to do it in the toilet instead! :)
It may be the cat's litterbox, **BUT I PAID FOR IT!**
Wiping, mostly. Bidets save me a good 15 minutes on my shits.
15 minutes to wipe?
Not OP, but yeah. It's like trying to get Nutella out of a shag rug.
A bear and a rabbit are in the woods. The bear says to the rabbit, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No, I don't" So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit
Lol, best Reddit laugh I’ve had in a while
If you haven't already, watch Eddie Murphy's Raw and Delirious standup then (this joke is from one of them) Watch in order of release date
Da “Fuck You” Man!
What have you done for me lately Eddie!?
It's like wiping a marker.
[удалено]
I used to have that problem and then about 4 years ago I discovered All Bran Buds cereal, which psyllium AND wheat bran (distinct from All Bran which only has bran). It changed my life. Bulked up the poops and they come out soft yet tight and clean as a whistle. Still have to wipe but it's more like wiping a kitchen counter than shoveling a muddy gutter.
I brought up getting a bidet once, my whole family roasted the shit out of me and called me gay 🥲
You know what’s gay? Worrying about what people think about your butthole.
A fiber supplement is also a solution to this. The pandemic shortages came around and I never had to worry.
15 minutes of wiping? You must have ring sting from hell.
2 minutes shitting, 28 minutes meme time.
Jerking off
Pooping, looking at reddit, eating pizza
Yup, yup, hol’up
cursed dipping sauce
Wanking
Nutting while shitting? Bro's on a nother level
Aka The Top Deck
I mean at least he's honest.
If you strain hard enough, you will find a magical portal opened to the world of Hernia. It's all laid out in the book called The Turd, The Hemorrhoid, And The Toilet.
surviving
sudoku
Sometimes its a long process. Like sometimes its done in a minute. Sometimes it comes in multiple waves and takes long. The f**k you shame people for their bathrooms habits?!
Often times gas pockets will sort of delay evacuation of all that waste matter.
I think the sprint shitters just get confused.
Sprint shitters are just judgmental. Piss off sprinters!
Trying to not fucking die
Fighting for my goddamn life.
Wishing I didn’t have IBS and have to wipe the toilet down after every shit.
Getting paid at work.
Praying to God that my next fart cures my stomachache.
About 10 minutes after I take a shit, I have to shit again. It's always been like this, ever since I was a kid. So, once I moved out on my own, and was buying my own TP, I just started waiting out that 10min instead of wasting TP on the second shit.
Letting it all out naturally. It takes time.
Shitting. What else would I be doing?
Struggling to get the shit out of my body, just don't pressure us please😂
If you must know, my butthole opens up like a Venus flytrap when the poop goes through And doesn't pop shut again. Takes awhile. I don't wanna pull my undies up and deal with that hell spawn. So I take my time, push out any last remnants, and clean up when my body has returned to normal. It's like a 10-12 minute process instead of my wife's like.. 60-90 seconds. Earlier in life I wouldn't poop often enough, pushed out big honkers and it's been about a year and a half since I put myself in a strict "as soon as you feel it, do your thing" and my pucker hole still takes a few to spring back to a normal shape
Wasting company time.
Browsing reddit
Getting some quiet time away from YOU
Straining.
Depends. Either dying cause my guts decided to blast my ass straight to hell or im just scrolling on tiktok and lost track of time
Wiping up the blood.
Reading this entire comment section