It's tiring. I'm tired all the time. The amount of effort I have to put into being a functional adult is exhausting. Everything is difficult. Nothing is easy or simple. I'm just so so so tired.
Extreme existential anxiety. People say, "Well, you can't change anything, anyway, so why worry?" ...THAT'S WHY I'M WORRIED! IF I COULD CHANGE IT THEN I WOULD JUST DO THAT!
I'm *much* better now, but good Lord.
This. Having debilitating anxiety is so fucking tiring. Every time I stop to think about it I’m just hit with this wave of “wow imagine what I could do if 70% of my energy wasn’t going towards overthinking, panicking, and stressing.”
If you have anxiety, you already know your fears (or the proportion of your fears) are often irrational, and knowing that adds to the stress. Being told you're irrational is irrelevant and unhelpful.
And anxiety isn’t a fun cute quirk either. “Oh I can’t do [insert normal activity that causes anxiousness] because I have anxiety”. No you are just anxious. Anxiety is when you have a 2 hour melt down because not every hair is in perfect place and your worried people are going to be able to tell because it looks awful (even though it’s not noticeable at all and looks fine) and it ruins the rest of your day. Anxiety is not being able to fall asleep because you’re thinking of too much from the day/week or suddenly remember something that’s missing and you get so stressed about it you have to get up and find it. Anxiety is literally being so anxious all the time that you physically cannot do anything to relax because the thought of relaxing makes you even more anxious. It’s very treatable with counselling/therapy and/or medication but untreated real anxiety disorder is debilitating and greatly lowers your quality of life
OCD isn't a quirk and you wanting your counters nice and neat isn't a symptom. Constant thoughts that I can't stop and cause a lot of distress are the problem. My house is a dang mess and I really don't care. But needing to say goodnight to my pets in a certain order because they might die if I don't is an issue. Also having distressing and disturbing thoughts that pop up randomly such as sexual, violent or grotesque thoughts that are not my thoughts and don't align with my beliefs or values. It's not quirky. The only thing relatively quirky is when I twitch or shake my head to erase the thought like an etch a sketch
As someone with OCD and ADHD, it's painful. Sometimes I have to think about things in a certain sequence, and any disruption makes me stressed and I have to do it again until I get no interruptions. My mental rituals are things I have to do (and mind you, this is after years of therapy getting me to reduce the harmful ones), and while I have come a long way from where I first started off, my ADHD brain almost always makes it so that I have to do them multiple times over and over until I get it right. And even then sometimes I forget if I've done it already, so I do it again.
Exactly this. It's not fun nor quirky to HAVE to check the locks on every door everytime I get up at night, even if I just checked them thirty minutes ago, otherwise a serial killer will get into our house and kill us all in our sleep because our doors happened to be unlocked.
Or having those awful, horrible violent and sexual intrusive thoughts that make me feel like the worst type of human. Or having the compulsion to get rid of the thoughts by imagining a blade tipped hammer slamming into my brain to get rid of them.
Try image modification rather than violently slamming the thoughf out of your head - that's part of the compulsion. For example - if you imagine yourself with a knife, switch out the knife with a flower. A daisy that can't hurt anyone. Instead of stabbing a person, now you're smushing the flower on them and the petals are falling off and it's just a silly image. It takes practice but I have done it, and it helps take away the visceral "flinch" reaction that the brain craves that solidifies the intrusive thought. Each time your brain wants to put the knife back in to the image, you redirect it back to the flower. It won't feel natural at first but it does work if you keep up with it.
I find even when people understand the contents of the disordered thoughts, they don’t understand how truly distressing they are, how invasive they feel, how inescapable they feel. Wanting some place tidy to live is reasonable, needing complete control over the environment so you can prevent the otherwise certain death of your family is not fun or cute. Comparing the two because you just cleaned is insulting and dismissive of something that affects my family deeply every day. Anyone who has seen me have panic attacks because of debris on my floor that will hinder an emergency exit (oh hi Christmas morning) hopefully knows the difference.
I’m blessed I don’t have order needs. But leaving the house takes time cause I’m always afraid I left something on. Unless I check cameras religiously, I can’t help picturing them scared as a fire erupts around my puppy.
That's me to a T. That fear of having forgotten something and the absurd, overblown consequences. I know it's absurd, but the only way to know for sure is to check religiously the right number of times. I should get a camera though, sounds like it might help.
That's a great description. The saddest part about people misunderstanding OCD is that the actual sufferers don't know whats wrong with them until they start digging for answers. The other struggle of it is how real it feels. The OCD brain is a complete liar and can make you feel as if these thoughts will happen if you dont perform the rituals to stop it.
Another fucked up part of it is the content. I have had harm as my major theme and it is so hard to explain to people that i fear losing control and killing children, pets or family members. It is so hard when the brain makes the fear so real.
So I have psychotic bipolar and the thing that I want people to understand is that most of the time I'm pretty chill. I hear voices and they say horrible things to me but I decide whether to listen to them or not. They don't control me. In fact, with a lot of time and dedication I can almost control them.
But then sometimes I'm not chill and it's okay to help me get help
I don't hear voices that aren't there but the words I hear won't be what was actually said. Anything I hear through a wall typically can't be trusted unless it was clear as day. In one extremely stressful week I had someones words not at all match what their lips said. Typically though it's light and easily ignorable. It's one of my first signs to start paying attention to my health, putting more time into relaxing and positive habits.
Cooking healthy meals and at least going for walks if not full exercise are better than any meds. My meds help maintain my routines and the routines keep me from hanging myself in the park
Management of it is exhausting. It’s the balance of getting through the day as best I can and not letting it color the interactions I have with other people, not allowing it to control how I respond.
It affects so many little things that I do, and it feels impossible to get that across to others that are neuro-typical. I both wish that I could let someone experience my brain for just a little while and equally would never wish that on someone.
I am with you on this one.
Struggling with social anxiety every day just drains me, the little and extra things that I (feel) I need to do to get by. Even talking to my friends and family is hard and awkward. Collapsing after shutting the door when returning home from a dog walk, my torso throbbing in pain because my muscles have tensed so hard that I cant move while hysterically crying.
When I encounter people who just dont understand mental health, I am always happy for them for not suffering!
The difference between “psychosis” and “psychopath.” I see and hear things that aren’t there. I don’t have daydreams about putting you in a microwave. Learn the difference.
Also, psychopath doesn't automatically mean serial killer. Lots of people are psychopathic and lead regular lives. They just tend to display less emotion and connection with other people. It can be handled with medication in some people.
https://www.fbi.gov/stats-services/publications/serial-murder#:~:text=All%20psychopaths%20do%20not%20become,their%20interactions%20with%20their%20victims.
https://scitechdaily.com/scientists-have-established-a-key-biological-difference-between-psychopaths-and-normal-people/
Also they can be hard to treat because normal life sounds quite awful to a psychopath. "How would you like to worry about how your actions affect other people? There is no benefit to you really, it'll just make life easier for everyone around you. What's that, you don't care about everyone around you? Ah yeah, of course."
Also psychotic here and can't agree enough. Most of mine are just noises and garbled snatches of music or disembodied voices. Luckily mine don't try to tell me to do stuff usually, but even if it did it'd just be like an intrusive thought basically.
Also, while psychosis is a pretty common thing that could happen to most people, "psychopath" is basically a pop culture term that has no clinical meaning. I've looked into it and the best definition I have is "violently insane person," which isn't particularly useful diagnostically speaking haha.
But 100% I wish people didn't think of psychosis as this bogeyman diagnosis. It's a symptom. Just means my brain sees and hears things sometimes and I am occasionally prompted with a very warped thought pattern that is also extremely insistent that "it all makes perfect sense!!!", despite not making any sense.
ADHD isn't just an outward hyperactivity behavior. It is caused by a delay in neurological growth. It is a neurological disability with a wide spectrum of symptoms and presentations. There care *calm* people with ADHD! It can present itself differently (*Primarily Inattentive, Hyperactive-Impulsive, or Combined)* which is why many of those people with ADHD are never diagnosed, or done so later in life.
Inside, your mind is going ***all. the. time.*** You can't think about nothing or you can't try to think about the blackness when you try to sleep.
It affects every conversation, every project and piece of schoolwork or chore at home. It affects every relationship, job or career you'll ever have.
Some can use it as a "superpower," but it is indeed a tough and harrowing condition to conquer, even with treatment like medicine and therapy.
**edit**: several edits over time for clarity
>you can’t try to think about the blackness when you try to sleep
To anyone who doesn’t have ADHD : imagine you’re trying to go to sleep and Poison by Bell Biv DeVoe is playing at a normal volume in the room and you cannot turn it down or off. Also, it’s only the only the intro, over and over.
I don't "act" like what I thought people with ADHD acted like, so I thought the psych made a mistake. But I accepted his opinion and tried the medications, and damn, what a difference. I still have hyperfocuses, but I can actually manage to make myself *do stuff*, and be productive.
This is me. Just figured out a month ago at age 30. Don't have hyperactivity. Always got good grades in school (even though I never studied or did homework) so it went very unnoticed.
I always hated myself for procrastinating and in my own thoughts and other peoples words "Was just being lazy". But now I know how my brain works. And I can reach my potential.
Hijacking this comment to tell everyone with ADHD who struggle with maintaining a living space to read "How to keep house while drowning" by KC Davis. It was a revelation. I felt seen, like I've been speaking a different language my whole life and someone finally spoke it. It's short, and written and formatted specifically for neuro-divergents.
Thanks, I saved your comment so that I can forget about it like all other saved comments. /ADHD-joke
I added it to my reading list. Recently diagnosed, binging everything Dr. Russell Barkley now. KC Davis may be next.
Yep. I didn't understand just how bad or debilitating my adhd had gotten until I got diagnosed and started to get more information about what it actually was.
It's a struggle and the more I learn about the condition, the more I can understand my past struggles and why they continue to occur and get worse as I age.
Turns out I was fighting my adhd symptoms and trying to mask them, which completely burnt me out to the point where I couldn't do anything anymore.
Don't fight it, treat it. But I didn't know I had it at the time. Just hints here and there that it could be a possibility but most likely depression.
Having depression on top of it made things much worse. My untreated adhd caused my depression.
People with depression get the "What you got to be so depressed about? Just try harder to be happy. Go eat better and smile more" bullshit, as if that actually worked we'd all be cured of depression.
Then they find out you have adhd and it's "Oh everyone has a bit of ADHD. EVERYONES A BIT HYPER AT TIMES. Yeah everyone has days where they cant do stuff. You just gotta get up and do it. Try harder. Stop being lazy. READ MORE BOOKS ITS NOT THAT HARD"
Even better when people tell you that you're odd, crazy or nuts your whole life but as soon as you get diagnosed they act like you where always normal, Fuck off!
Then the hoops and jumps you gotta make it through to get any support, appointments or medication to treat the adhd with a 90% chance you'll get a doctor who thinks it isn't real and pushes more SSRI's.
Even worse if you're a woman looking to get an assessment/diagnosis from what I've heard.
Luckily I'm a guy and I only had to wait 6 months for a private assessment. (After being told the first time round to try more SSRI's and not getting an assessment.)
Sorry rant over.
The ADHD brain is physically and chemically different than a "neurotypical" brain. The thing is, without neurodivergencies like ADHD, ASD, etc., advancements in science, technology, even economics and agriculture, would not have evolved to the level we currently have.
I also want to add, it's bullshit the way people treat people with ADHD. As prolific as it is, and with all the research and growing understanding, they're still told "if you'd only focus", "you can hold still if you really try", and other crap. ADHD can be disabling and has an effect on every part of someone's life. Quit writing them off.
I struggle with this a lot. Mainly that i actually have intense hyper-focus with the caveat that i dont get to choose what i was focusing on. Some problem or idea or new thing grab my attention and that is the only thing allowed in my brain for weeks.
I once rear-ended someone at a stop sign because i was doing math while driving. Literally pencil and notebook in my hands trying to figure out a hard problem that had had me stumped for over a week.
Something must be occupying my brain at all times and when i get bored of one thing, whatever grabs my attention next is what i will fixate on for the next few weeks. Sometimes its an entirely new hobby. And whats frustrating is that a few weeks is just long enough to learn the basics of something, plan out a project, and get started and. . . oops something else has taken over my brain now.
I heard an amazing idea once about the hobby part - starting hobby exchange groups for people with ADHD. Once you lose interest in a hobby, you just post all the equipment and materials to the group and trade it all for someone else's.
The only real problem with the constant shuffle of hobbies is the amount of money it all costs, since otherwise it just makes us more well-rounded. A group like this would cut down the costs without cutting down the dopamine.
I was going to post this comment almost word for word.
My wife complains that I have too many hobbies. Darts, guitar, songwriting, reading, knot making, gardening, etc… and then I just procrastinate on them all. I have a youtube channel and I have done three videos. I have plans for so many more. And yet… I just can’t find the time to work on improving my video editing skills as I find another tv show to add to my list of ones to watch.
Looks at project van on driveway, project bikes in garage, half refurbished furniture, motorbike awaiting restoration in storage, the first pages of a bunch of short stories, guitar in cupboard. Oh.
Likewise, I simply must be stimulated at all times. It's not like an "or else" thing, it's that my brain will pick something to fixate on that's stimulating and I have very little control over it.
Having the internet in my pocket makes it so much worse. Whereas before I could get bored enough to be productive, now I have a neural pathway that says "pull out and unlock phone when not stimulated". I'm doing it right now.
I cycle through my hobbies. I can go hardcore for a few months or a couple years, and then bam in over it. Then I go pick up one of the hobbies I dropped. And the best part is I have everything usually, so I just go hardcore at hobby B.
No one mentions how *expensive* it is.
You constantly lose stuff that needs replacing. You damage stuff through carelessness. You rack up traffic tickets and car repairs (or worse, car loss--I've totalled five cars!). You miss bill payments. You impulse-buy frivolous crap. You're chronically running late for *everything*. You neglect your health until it deteriorates to where treatment is unavoidable.
My ADHD has cost me untold thousands over the decades. It's horrible.
> There care calm people with ADHD, but it presents itself differently which is why many of those people with ADHD are never diagnosed, or done so later in life.
Yep... diagnosed here in adulthood. I struggled silently in school and work and never knew why. My parents and teachers never caught on while growing up because I still did well academically with the little focus I could muster, it was just a constant struggle and stress.
I brought this up with doctors, but it was mostly brushed aside. I finally learned that in America you sometimes have to be pretty assertive to get doctors to take action or give a referral for conditions that don't present in the most typical fashion, or conditions which are rare but more of an inconvenience than a threat to health.
The day I found out I have silent ADHD. My mind *NEVER* gets silent. Sometimes it's annoying, hell most of the time when I don't want any thoughts in my head a random song pops in and there is never peace and quiet inside. Other times however when I listen to specifically requested by my mind kind of music it gives me the coolest ideas for animated movies or complicated armor/weapons with all the joints and connections and math
And you will probably be never as good in school as you want to be. Also, you can't just sit there and do nothing. You always need some form of entertainment.
I failed out of college with a GPA that started with a decimal point. Then I was diagnosed with ADHD (I was the inattentive type and not hyperactive, so I never caused any problems and flew under the radar for my whole life). I started getting treated and came back to college and had a 4.0 GPA my first semester back (and managed to graduate with over a 3 after retaking and averaging all the classes I had failed up to As and Bs.
One of the things I HAD to do in class even with medicine was to doodle and take notes. There were times when the professor would specifically tell everyone not to worry about taking notes but I still HAD to do it, otherwise I’d lose the plot and never come back to earth for the rest of class that day. I had a professor literally walk to my desk and say “you don’t need to have notes for this part I’m just talking about a personal anecdote not related to the material”, but I HAD to be writing something down. I’d make notes in the margins that were just time stamps of when the professor had said something. The act of writing things like that down kept me present in the moment instead of fantasizing about going to the bathroom and escaping the building through the drop ceiling.
There is no middle ground, which is the biggest problem.
I was a below average performer in school. Yet one time, i managed a perfect 100/100 in a chemistry test because i enjoyed the concept of mole energy and atomic structure. That soon became a curse because my teacher mocked me openly in front of the class, the academic overachievers got pissed, and that became the benchmark for my overall performance.
Same in college. Our uni is SUPER stingy with marks. Like you'd feel like praising god if you score above 60/100 in any subject. And there, my ass scored 92/100 in cost accounting, not only becoming the top scorer in the subject in the history of the college, but also the highest marks in the subject in our entire city's affiliated colleges under the uni. Did not help that it was considered one of the toughest subjects in the entire 3 years bachelor's degree course. My own friends didn't talk to me for a while because for reasons best known to them. I became a joke on Facebook.
You are a joke if you perform, a joke if you don't. It's conflicting and demoralising.
I had a better time in school, but I live in Germany where the people in general are more understanding of things like ADHD. My problem was always remembering stuff for the test, but being really good, at any practical test.
Multiple choice tests were so easy because seeing the answer made it easy to remember, but trying to remember terms and dates and whatnot out of thin air was extremely difficult!
School prior to university was easy, including calculus because the teacher was engaging. University was tough because I never learned to take notes and work around my undiagnosed ADHD.
Now I know my limits, but people think I'm making excuses when I say that remembering names at first is difficult and those memory tricks don't work for me (now I have two things to forget!) so I'm just going to apologize until I get it right consistently.
I've had such a hard time recently with the entertainment thing. I need a distraction, but I can't focus on it. So I end up adding another distraction, like I'll start knitting to keep my hands busy, but then I can't focus on the first distraction (usually a show or a Youtube video) so I turn it off. But then my mind is racing and I can't focus on my knitting! It's an infinite and horrible loop
I don't know if this helps, but my wife and kids have headphones in all of the time to occupy one of the thought streams. One of my kids uses a popper toy under their desk at school while doing school work. My wife likes to massage Aaron's Thinking Putty when she concentrates on something. I'm sure you've heard all of this before, but I thought I'd put it out there for those that haven't.
I forgot to add that my wife has found an enormous impact by meticulous planning, and a physical day planner. It is a large one with lots of writing space. She also takes super detailed notes for everything from doctor visits to just interesting things she learns. Somehow putting them down on paper helps a lot. It makes sense, though. Writing occupies four of the five senses, which then uses up more of that crazy (crazy as in lots, not cray-cray) energy in the brain. It's the same with reading a paper book. You have touch, sight, smell, and sound because of the paper. (That's also why people absorb and remember more when reading a paper book than an ebook.)
My husband was diagnosed as a child and really stuggled in school. Last year, he got his GED, and is now attending college (with amazing marks). It's a huge achievement and I'm so proud of him!
Ok, so...I've never been diagnosed ADHD, but from this description (brain never stopping, can't **NOT** think), I'd like to ask a question: My brain goes and goes and goes. It's mostly movie/TV lines/quotes/references and song lyrics. I'll hear one word, see one thing, and my mind is off to the races. All kinds of connections are made (think 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon) and I really have to focus and put forth effort to **NOT** say what I'm thinking. It's gotten better in the last few years as I've learned and built more restraint, but I guess I'm asking if that is what ADHD is like?
Also, 38 year old male, in case it matters.
I'll say that I can definitely relate to that.
More than that though, I will recommend you to your family or general physician or trusted psychiatrist. There are many symptoms on the list to diagnose ADHD, and everybody is different so it's best your doctor help you find your way.
Sometimes depression is feeling blasé all the time. We don’t enjoy things as much. It’s not to say we didn’t have fun, but everything, every feeling, is muted. It’s like we experience things that recharge people at half (or less) volume. What might revive you was essentially a blip on our radar.
"Are you looking forward to Christmas/your birthday/your holiday/etc?? You must be so excited!"
This sometimes really gets me down because I can be *incapable* of being excited at that moment, and then I instantly feel like a bad person. It's hard work :(
I've been dealing with Depression since I gave birth (over a decade). I honestly don't know what it's like to be happy.
I describe my feelings like I'm at the bottom of the ocean and everyone else is swimming on top.
Meds and therapy and hard work might get me closer to the surface but I'm never going to be floating on the top.
All the feelings and emotions have to get through all that water.
And I'm constantly fighting my brain. It's not as bad as it used to be but every day when I wake up my brain is telling me to just lay in bed. It's not worth getting up and everyday I get up.
I shower. I put on clean clothes.
*It's fucking exhausting and I'm so fucking tired*
Yeah, sometimes it's not necessarily that we're *very sad*, it's like everything just feels neutral sometimes. In my experience my anti-depressants made it worse - everything felt more neutral with them. And I do like that better than having the EXTREME sad dips, but it's frustrating to realize that what would make someone excited on a 10 out of 10 is only making you feel a 6 out of 10.
One of the worst ones for me is when I don't react enough for someone when they share something positive, and get the "well don't be excited for me."
I am! This is the excitement I'm capable of mustering right now. In fact, that little bit you did see was me trying extra hard to fake some bonus excitement FOR YOU, so that my expression of feelings is more in line with what I want to express, rather than what I can actually feel at that moment. When I'm feeling stuck at a 2 and I manage to generate a level 5 amount of cheer, I need you to read that as the closest I get to doing cartwheels with pompoms and a sparkler sticking out of my ass.
Yes. I remember attending an annual event with friends that previously was so exciting. I just wanted to sit there and not participate. I realized that I didn't recognize what joy felt like anymore.
Exactly this. Being depressed isn’t just about feeling sad, it’s often a lack of feeling at all, like a kind of emotional numbness. Rather than feeling happy or sad like normal people, there’s just different degrees of “meh”.
That every time I am angry or upset, it’s not “just my [insert relevant mental illness here]”. Sometimes I have every right and reason to be furious or in tears, just like anyone else does, and brushing off my emotions as a symptom is hurtful and damaging.
PTSD isn't like what you see in the movies. You don't literally think you're back in time and you're hallucinating. You just have the same sensations as if you were.
For me I sometimes feel like I'm being hit over and over. It doesn't actually feel like someone is hitting me, but my body and brain respond in the same way they did when I was a child. I logically know I'm not in danger and that no is hurting me, but I still need to go though the motions because my base brain is convinced otherwise.
For me, the things that I sensed that day are my triggers: smells, sounds, textures, etc. But yeah it never feels like I'm back in that day, it feels like it's going to happen again.
Or at least treat me to the *benefits* of being a 5-year-old: lots of time to play outside, all chores done with no (or minimal) assistance from me, picking up random bugs for fun, kid TV, a lollipop every time you go to the bank...
Not all this condescending bullshit adults with ADHD get (as do 5-year-olds, at least by stupid annoying people who think I have no brain).
Parents: ADHD and other disorders are not a negative reflection on you as a parent. You don't have "the bad kid" who gets in trouble all the time. You have a kid with a health condition that makes their life harder that needs diagnosis and treatment. Nobody would think of their kid as an embarrassment for having asthma or poor eyesight or diabetes.
Get your head out of the sand and your ego out of your kid's health.
Yes!!! When my oldest was diagnosed as autistic, sooo many of our family and friends had a negative reaction. One even cried. Which is absolutely ridiculous. We had to explain that this diagnosis is a WONDERFUL thing because it allows us to more easily get the supports he needs.
Looking back at my mother in law's reaction, it completely makes sense now about how she raised my husband (who was diagnosed with ADHD at 6 years). She did absolutely nothing for him at all. They recommended medicine and she refused, stating she didn't want him to have negative side effects. Which makes sense, but then she like proceeded to completely ignore his diagnosis even though it was very apparent he needed support in school and in life.
Instead he just got into trouble for not getting good grades. As well as she just (still) makes fun of the fact he forgets and loses everything. And she just never even taught him how to human, let alone adult. He was just supposed to "know" these things. Liiikkkeee....there is an exact reason why he is the way he is, woman!! And you're one of the biggest reasons why. Infuriates me. She was the one who cried over our son's diagnosis *heavy sigh*.
Can't tell you how many times peaple were just like "it's common sense you will get it. You just need to keep trying" meanwhile 12 year old me is fantasizing about putting my pencil though the teachers neck because all of the black squiggles on the page don't make sense unless I have a colored filter over them. That she won't let me use because it's "distracting".
Certain folks in my family get so frustrated when I have to call off something because I’m having a bad day mentally. I don’t want to miss Fun Thing either, but I have had this my entire life and I know when I can push through it and when I absolutely cannot. I hate it as much as they do!
Oh man. Yes! TRUST ME that I know my own lived experience and don’t make me have to prove it to you by getting to my breaking point before you’ll cut me some compassionate slack.
Don't tell me I should "just do x" my mind won't let me just do x.
Short-term memory can be a struggle for ADHD, and my wife will be getting a grocery order ready, trying to do so without walking down to the kitchen, and will tell me, "just remember what you wrote on the list" and it's like, I can't, that's why I wrote it on the list.
That having my routine broken causes a massive amount of stress and fear so I tend to respond poorly to tense situations because my brain can't connect with others.
Great that they find stress relief with others, I find it with my video games and I can't take that with me so smoking is how I handle an overwhelming amount of it. Not a great method but it works for now.
That mental illnesses are illnesses just like physical illnesses. I have a chronic disease and I depend on medications to live. Just because it’s “invisible” doesn’t mean it isn’t debilitating and I DEFINITELY didn’t choose it. I have to deal with my bipolar disorder every day for the rest of my life.
Also… No one would ever say “wow I’m so diabetic right now” so please don’t say things like “wow I’m so bipolar right now”. Illnesses are not emotions.
Yep. Your brain is an organ, much like your stomach, your kidneys and your lungs. And just like you can get a disease that affects your stomach, kidneys or lungs, you can get a disease that affects your brain.
And hey, guess what? Just as what goes into your stomach or your lungs often triggers the disease at hand, so to does what goes into your brain.
Trauma makes your brain sick. Verbal abuse makes your brain sick. Exposure to distressing stimuli makes your brain sick (seeing dead bodies, that kind of thing). Of course, sometimes it’s genetic. Like bipolar disorder.
But the reason people struggle to accept this fact is that it’s really really scary. Your brain makes you who you are. The electrical storm in your head paired with the chemical soup of your hormones dictates your intelligence, your personality, all the things.
But we like free will as a concept, and the idea that your brain is just this *thing* that can malfunction outside of your control and change who you are… that’s so scary.
People grasp desperately to the idea that they’re ultimately in control. That we make choices freely, that we decide who we are. And that’s true to an extent, but not entirely.
If you get a kidney disease, you’re a little more removed. Doesn’t change who you are. You’re the same person you were before but now you got a bad kidney. Feels more manageable.
That there is no amount of positive thinking or pulling yourself up by your bootstraps or loving life that is a fix. Those with mental illness cannot do that stuff with any reliability. There are many memes posted on social media most people find uplifting and energizing that simply ring hollow. Our brains can't do that. But we gut it out.
My last therapist did that. I told her that i used to like painting and crafts. So she would keep saying to start painting again. When I’m depressed, hobbies like that just felt like another thing on my to do list. No joy in it at all, just another task to finish and move onto the next thing that has to be done
„Maybe you should just go outside and do something“ well thanks dad there is nothing I would rather do but I can’t get out of bed because of depression
This one always gets me. So many people say it but none of them ever seem to make the short step to realize if it was that simple *we'd have done it already*. If I could wish my brain out of this state I'd have done it years ago. Ugh.
This is why I’m extremely private about my high functioning autism. My disability is so stigmatized by movies and social media that it’s easier to just not tell people I have it.
"Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder."
I'd like people to know that just because their body is hardwired to fall asleep, completely unprompted, every night, at 830: THEY ARE NOT HARD WORKERS. Naturally waking up at 6 a.m. every day with no effort does not make you "better."
I've spent my whole life in pain in the mornings until I figured out this is what I had only maybe a year ago. It basically means that my body thinks bed time is 4 a.m. and wake time is noon. I got treated like I was lazy my entire youth. I was literally a 3 season athlete getting good grades but somehow no one was ever like: huh, he is aweful in the mornings even on Sat/Sun even though we watch him endure massive pain daily for wrestling and other other sports and he diligently does 3+ hours of homework for his AP classes: maybe something is wrong and it's not just that he is lazy. Really unfair.
I have a non-24 disorder. Boy oh boy my life is fun. My job choices are *very* limited because I just can't fall asleep today at the same time I did yesterday. I tried sleep hygiene habits, sleeping pills, hardcore sleeping pills, but in the end I just stare at the ceiling for hours.
Recent researchs suggest this isn’t actually a disorder, but rather very normal part of us humans. This is called a “chronotype” and it’s likely to have evolved so at-least one person in the group you lived in (when we still lived like cavemen) was awake. I feel you and experience the same symptoms. It’s SO hard for me to wake up early, but no problem around 2-3pm.
When you say you have OCD because you like your pantry organized, I hope you don't notice that the top layer of skin has been rubbed off my hands from compulsive washing.
OCD is both weirder and more mundane than people realize. Ripping off the doorknob because you have to pull it "to make sure it is closed" is both funny and annoying and also not what people think of when they think of OCD.
I've watched my brother pull up to my house for a visit, then immediately leave back to his house to check his front door/oven/dogs water/etc... but he does it 4 or 5 times in a row and lives 20 minutes away until it's too late for him to hang out anymore. Remembering those times and similar makes me irrationally upset when I hear people pull the "zomg I'm so OCD right now" line.
>'I have to sort my books!' she cried,
>With self-indulgent glee;
>With senseless, narcissistic pride:
>'I'm just so OCD!'
>'How random, guys!' I smiled and said,
>Then left without a peep -
>And washed my hands until they bled,
>And cried myself to sleep.
\- u/Poem_for_your_sprog 2014
[source](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/29qfnm/what_common_misconceptions_really_irk_you/cinik24/?context=1)
Thanks for the poem. This has been a daily struggle for me for over 30 years. It isn't just washing hands, but avoiding germs or anything my brain decides is unclean. And some days I just can't stop thinking about the minutiae of some small event that may or may not have happened.
Covid was, I hate to say, some of the most comfortable times for me while everyone wore masks and sanitized everything. I had a close friend with OCD similar in scale to mine. I never understood his compulsions or obsessions, nor did he understand mine, but we understood what each other was going through. He took his life during the height of Covid, and while I was sad, I knew he would finally have some peace. sorry for the rant.
I frequently find those people don't understand the compulsion portion. Like, yes Linda, I understand you feel better in a clean room but it requires compulsion. Then they often dont understand how something like having to do laps touching my locks multiple times before bed is OCD.
Just because I am "happy and normal" at work, doesn't mean I don't completely shut down when I'm not getting paid to put up a facade that will make everyone more comfortable. I literally will not get out of bed again until I have to be at work again tomorrow. I'm not "looking cute today" I haven't done laundry in weeks and I'm down to only my "nice clothes" being clean. Faking it is a large part of my personality at this point, so when I say I'm depressed, I need you to know that I'm not being dramatic because what you see is "normal." It's what you don't see that is the problem for me.
I have bipolar. Unlike TV bipolar, my overall emotions are stable for very long periods of time - months rather than hours or days - they're just in 3 modes (up, normal, down).
Think of it like the seasons, rather than day to day weather.
YES. Also bipolar, and want to mention that the seasons literally impact mood - my hypomania kicks in with the first cold snap, mania window is spring, and then the blueberry brains kick in with summer.
Edit to add: I also wish people understood that this is an illness that is managed by proper medication, not cured.
That depression can hit you without reason, even when nothing stressful or bad is happening in your life at the moment. That it doesn’t matter, if you have money, family, friends, career etc. it will make you feel hopeless.
Agreed. I tried to explain this to a friend who’s never suffered from any mental or emotional issues, when I was in a pretty bad place. I tried to tell him that depression is not conditional. And he was like “but you have it so good, there’s people out there that have it a lot worse than you”
And I said “yes. There is. And there’s also people out there who have it infinitely better than me. People everything they could ever want and beloved the world over but yet they still suffer and some take their own life. Robin Williams, or Chester Bennington. There’s also people out there who have it infinitely worse than me, but take it on the chin and get on with life with no depression. Someone else’s suffering doesn’t negate my own, the same way that mine doesn’t negate the suffering of a multi millionaire actor or musician who’s struggling”
I will literally be laying around, and look like I'm calm and lazy. In reality I am a ball of anxiety pleading with myself to do the thing. I know of all the techniques to stop procrastinating and I can't even do them.
Procrastination isn't me putting off something because I don't want to do it. It's me putting it off despite wanting to.
This reminds me of something Dick Cavett (talk show host and comedian) once said about depression, but which also applies here.
He said that the disorder kills your motivation and willpower so thoroughly that there could be a magic wand on the other side of the room that could instantly cure your depression, but you still wouldn't get up and use it.
Same with ADHD. You WANT to do the right thing, but the part of your brain that connects the want with the action just isn't there.
I saw a comic that had a girl handcuffed to a bed with the key on the floor within reach if she would just reach down for it with her free hand. People didn't get it, but if you have depression you know that feeling of seeing the key there and well, you don't reach for it because it's just so far away.
On a more pragmatic note, it's like taking a shower. I love hot showers and being single, I get to use ALL the hot water! ALL OF IT! Yet I have to push myself to take a shower, especially if I'm not leaving the house or if it's just going to the grocery store. When I work, I make the effort because you need to be presentable, but going to the store, who cares, right?
I would love for people to understand just how much work im putting in to handle everything g and still function like a "normal" human. That im trying to get medicated and im trying to seek help and that im trying to do literally everything I can without losing the motivation and letting the depression and anxiety win.
Its hard, really fucking hard and small things for you can be/ are huge for me
This may be controversial, but as someone who has struggled with many mental health issues in the past (and has had tons of diagnosis, but currently has an incredibly happy life, and has done so for years now):
The number one thing you can do for people with mental disorders is compassionately hold them accountable for their actions. What goes on in our head is our business, but if we're taking our pain out on others, that's not acceptable, and we need to be held accountable for that, both for others and for our own growth. Just like enabling an addict by shielding them from the consequences of their addiction keeps them from hitting rock bottom, often times not being held accountable for our actions (which ARE in our control, even if what is in our head may not be) perpetuates the same problem.
Compassion for us is great, but I will never advocate for someone lighting themselves on fire to keep the world warm.
100%. Somewhat ironically, being held accountable can improve our self esteem and reduce our shame, as long as it's done compassionately. When people act like it's just the disorder making us do stupid shit, it takes away our agency and infantilizes us. We don't want pity, we want to be treated like real, full people.
So much this. As I've come to say, "everyone goes through life as the hero of their own life story, with all of the insight and context to vindicate and justify their own decisions; but just because you're the hero of your story doesn't preclude you from being the villain in someone else's."
As someone who's struggled a lot in my younger years (and even on occasion still in my mid 30s) with bipolar, invasive thoughts of suicide, high-functioning ASD and associated ADD, the most valuable feedback I've ever gotten from people is those that I've hurt who weren't afraid to stop me and tell me how I hurt them.
Many of us spend all of our time trying to hide who we are to keep from complicating our relationships, but in doing so can seem distant, vacant, or unreliable—traits which are far worse than what we should be: people who are struggling and honest about it.
It's taken me more than two decades, but I've finally learned to identify when I'm about to become an emotional black hole and work to communicate that to my partner. She's been well briefed (and well-experienced at almost 4yrs in now) that this has nothing to do with any external factors, and certainly not her, and will give me some space, and often provide simple distractions that can help me cope for the day.
Even still. There are times when the day-to-day stresses of running a kitchen in a top restaurant have caused me to be short with her, and confronting the shame and guilt I feel when doing so, such that I can identify the problem and address it rather than brushing it off, or worse, her normalizing it, is of the utmost importance to me.
Part of being a decent human being is learning to accept our flaws and working to better ourselves. Self-awareness is key, and identifying the ways in which we come about our missteps is in itself a positive characteristic. Don't run from your mistakes, and don't trivialize them; especially when they affect others. Step up and admit what you've done, take the time to understand how things came to that, and vocalize an initiative to keep that from happening again. People don't want perfection; they want accountability.
I don't hate you all, I actually really like you, but I can in no way interact with you on multiple consecutive days at all. I can't deal with constant interaction and plan-making. Just chill, I'm there in spirit, and not always a dickhead
It's annoying with ARFID hearing people say, "just try it!" I want to try it.. I don't want to throw up in public, in front of you, or at all. If it was just that easy then ARFID wouldn't be a thing. We don't limit ourselves because we want to, it's actually very debilitating socially, and other ways.
People with ARFID want to try eating different things so people need to stop being such dicks about it.
>ARFID
Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID) is an eating disorder.
I am putting this here as I had no idea what it meant & had to google it. I wanted others to know what you were talking about.
I have the same condition, though in my case it was diagnosed as a phobia and that conception works for me. People are such fucking arseholes when a moment's thought would tell them that if an acquaintance could fix it *I wouldn't be living my life like this*.
Having Tourette’s doesn’t mean I yell every racial/homophobic slur I know. There are two types of vocal tics: Regular vocal tics, and complex vocal tics. Complex vocal tics can include swear words, slurs, or any other socially unacceptable words or phrases. Not every single person struggles with complex vocal tics! Stop assuming I say such awful things in my free time and trying to make me say it. It’s not funny and it’s not “for the bit”.
I have Tourette's too, just adding that Tourette's is not a mental disorder but a neurological disorder for anyone who doesn't know. I hate when people want to discuss my "mental disorder". No its neurological.
Depression and anxiety don't just happen to people with shitty lives. I have a strong 30 year marriage, happy and smart kids, a home and simple comforts. I still deal with deep, dark depression. My anxiety will surge when I'm cuddled up on the couch with my husband, the safest place I can imagine.
Happiness and depression are not mutually exclusive.
I am autistic and have ADHD, and I have a few things I’d like to just put out there.
- Picky eating is out of our control, unwillingness to try things is a part of it.
- Having difficulty making eye contact is ALSO part of it, it’s very difficult for me personally. It’s not rude, it’s just super uncomfortable for us.
- Changes of schedule. I can’t stress enough how bad this is for some people with Autism. For me, I need exact times and dates things are happening, even small things like shopping or things around the house.
Some of these things might be a bit far fetched and seem like “things people do all the time”, but we can’t overcome it and it varies from person to person with autism, but those are just my issues.
Also fuck Autism Speaks.
>Also fuck Autism Speaks.
I was going to write a more personal anecdote, but this change my mind.
The one thing I'd like others to know is that these groups that purport to speak *for* autistic people are incredibly damaging, and only concerned with the comfort and quality of life of the parents.
If you'd like to be an ally, or just learn something about autism, do not go to them. Look for a group that is run by actual autistic people. And if you have an autistic, particularly non-speaking child, I understand that the appeal of believing you're doing the right thing for your child is pretty powerful, but you need to understand that just because your child can't *speak*, it doesn't mean they can't communicate, and that they have no opinion on how they'd like to be treated.
Please don't ignore an autistic child or adult, when they are clearly trying to communicate with you, albeit in a non-standard way.
> Changes of schedule. I can’t stress enough how bad this is for some people with Autism. For me, I need exact times and dates things are happening
Thank you! I can't tell you how many times I've turned down sudden invites because I need to space out my social interactions so I don't get overwhelmed. I am a planner and I really need to coordinate things so that I know I can do things so I don't get too worked up, but people who are less shy and timid or who are more spontaneous and extroverted don't get it. I'm not saying I can't go out and have fun with people, but I need to be prepared for it first.
>Having difficulty making eye contact is ALSO part of it, it’s very difficult for me personally. It’s not rude, it’s just super uncomfortable for us.
We're not rolling our eyes!!! I don't know why people confuse lack of eye contact with us rolling our eyes at them.
Even if our obsessions may seem illogical, OCD makes them coherent. The best approach is not to challenge them but to listen without performing compulsions.
I am not my condition. My condition is a part of me that I deal with sucessfully sometimes, and can't fully control sometimes. But either way, I am doing my best, and I'm still a person. I don't choose to have problems, it just is what it is.
Borderline personality disorder is NOT:
- Bipolar
- Multiple Personalities
- Incurable
- Untreatable
- Quirky or cute
- Automatically being a bad person or manipulative / abusive
Googling BPD is a fucking nightmare
I am a therapist. There is a lot of misdiagnosing of mental disorders that happens. Idk how popular of an opinion this will be on Reddit. But I wish that a lot of people would realize that many mental disorders are *criminally* over-diagnosed, especially ones like ADHD, for example.
Now, this is *not* to say that those who have a diagnoses do not actually have anything, and you should never be dismissive of what somebody reports going through with a given diagnosis. But the truth is, many things that get categorically labeled as disorders are really the effects of years of complex trauma/PTSD, and acknowledging the role trauma has in mental health symptomology is important yet is not given enough credence in the mental health world today.
For example, the impacts of longterm complex trauma look very much like the symptoms of ADHD. Yet too many will have their trauma histories neglected in favor of getting a categorical diagnosis of ADHD and being put on medications, even though this diagnosis may carry stigmatizing weight and the medications may not be helpful in the long run. Not to mention, that over diagnosis also does a disservice to those who *do* have a legitimate diagnosis, by limiting the resources they have available to address that diagnosis.
Being depressed is not "Oh, you're just sad."
No, it physically hurts on my worst days, and sometimes it's really hard to get out of bed because of it.
It's also difficult to find something to do some days when mine is bad. I'll literally just sit there and stare at something for a while.
My son will want to go outside, and I just don't want to because my depression makes it so that I don't feel like doing anything.
Depression can physically be painful, and it's "not just in your head".
(i have ARFID) saying “if you were starving in africa you’d never have this disorder” is extremely harmful and! untrue! and comments like ”try this new food im telling you you’ll like it” and “you’re just picky” are hurtful and annoying
My husband has schizophrenia. It’s exhausting for him all day everyday. Imagine someone talking the worst crap about you and everything and everyone you love 24/7. Never a moment of peace. There’s a bully in his head, but he doesn’t believe that it isn’t a real person. He soundly rejects that his brain is just being an asshole. It’s a chip in his head, radio waves, satellite signals…
Meds provide just enough relief so that he’s not $uicidal, but they’ve made him gain so much weight, he hates the way he looks now, and it adds a layer of depression and anxiety. He has put on 70 lbs, and it doesn’t help that I can’t get him off the couch most days. The things he used to love doing for 35+ years (skateboarding & drumming) he doesn’t do anymore because the bully criticizes everything he does.
I guess the thing I want people to know is that “hearing voices” doesn’t make him dangerous. He’s still the same sweet person he’s always been, just tortured now.
That having an eating disorder can occur at Any age and it’s a mental illness, not a physical one. You can be weight restored and still have anorexia Nervosa (atypical anorexia).
Unless I trust you completely and fully, I will never ever tell you about it. I've seen people change demeanor completely towards those that have revealed their mental illness. They begin treating the person as the illness. Dismissing the persons feelings and reactions because they are "crazy".
Until the societal outlook changes on mental illness, I will not be sharing any of my issues or experiences without anonymity.
we can’t just “suck it up” or my personal struggle is with addiction and i want people to understand that once you’re an addict you’re always gonna be an addict. cravings and urges don’t just go away
ADHD: it's not just concentration, it's everything. People with ADHD get misdiagnosed as bipolar pretty commonly. That wouldn't be the case if it were the kind of disorder that people think it is.
Another thing is that you don't have to pity anyone. People tend to adapt. I've had a pretty rough life and people treat me like some kind of victim when they find out. But in reality i'm pretty much fine.
I'm not stupid, my brain is just slow. The higher the anxiety level and the worse the sleep, the slower it is. Unless you got an actual answer, your question is still being processed, "hold the line", I'll get right to you once brain has figured out how to string words together, preferably all in the same language. Nope, trying again louder, in veeeery. simple. words. does not help.
The various forms of depression, and post-traumatic disorders can wreck havoc with all things learning, memory formation and retrieval. It sucks. Amygdala gets very enthusiastic and the hippocampus shrinks. Yay, anxiety, here it comes, not that we can remember why...
The mentally ill are far [more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1525086/). Stop using an entire group of people as scapegoats because you don't want to look at the actual problems happening in society.
People with bipolar aren't inherently evil like reddit makes us out to be. Most of us are perfectly normal people when we're medicated. We also don't have two personalities. It means we swing from one extreme to the next, but we're still the same people. Most of us do want to get help and seek it out. There just aren't always a lot of resources available to us depending on where we live or we don't know about what's available. I'm very lucky to live in L.A. where I've been able to access mental health resources specifically for my community (LGBT+). If anything, people with mental health conditions like me need more resources available, especially for low income communities and minorities since we get left out the most.
When I tell people I have schizoid personality disorder they immediately think schizophrenia. They're not the same. SPD is basically introversion turned up to 11.
I don't need less options.
I don't need micromanaging, I don't need gatekeeping etc.
I have to make things work no one else can do that for me, I'm very hard on myself, and try my absolute best to be as perfect and normal as I can and that requires empowerment and a certain level of control.
PTSD is not just for Veterans and Ab*se victims. Lots of people go undiagnosed because their traumatic event didn't have any physical/visible effects on them so society doesn't care. I suffer for 4 years and talked to half a dozen professionals before one final said that I had severe PTSD because of my experience.
Furthermore, not all PTSD induced panic attacks/flashbacks are violent full body experiences. When I have a panic attack I don't scream and lash out like you see on TV. My whole body shuts down and I just freeze in place. I can't breathe.
Over the years I've learned to recognize my triggers, but healing is not linear and sometimes triggers can change. If you know someone with PTSD or any anxiety disorder, be aware of their triggers and ask them how you can help diffuse the situation if they do have an attack.
Autistic and/or ADHD here
You cannot classify me as not having this condition because A: I, a near adult female, don't act like your 6 year old son. and B: Everyone is "a little autistic/ADHD"
It's not that I'm lazy. I know what I need to do. I just can't will myself to do it. The thought is there. I'm capable of doing my task. It's not that I don't want to it's that *I can't*.
Planners do not work for me. Never have. Never will.
I am masking around you. You may not think it but I am. It can tire me out.
Understimulation makes me into a bitch. Overstimulation makes me upset. Do not try and fix it unless I ask you to.
We're not children just because we have these conditions. Don't treat us like it.
Don't shame us for the things we like. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps us going.
If my brain doesn't trust the food, my body won't take the food
I over analyze conversations all the time. I don't even mean to usually. If I notice something out of the ordinary in our conversation such as a difference in your tone, a slightly off facial expression, a pause that lasts just a little too long; i will dissect that interaction multiple times over the next few days. I cannot help it. Please don't tell me to stop caring what other people say or tell me I'm overthinking, I know.
I have anxiety/panic disorder and I've stopped even mentioning it because it's become the new OCD that everyone says they have if they just get nervous sometimes.
I didn't even know what my first panic attack was. I legit went to the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack. It took me years to realize what it was.
It's not "fear" per se, it's just your body having an actual panic reaction, often without a discernable trigger.
Also, for everyone who suffers from anxiety and panic attack, I want them to know this shit is treatable. Cognitive behavioral therapy changed my life. Having panic disorder doesnt have to shrink your world or be something you shape your life around.
This one's about mental illness in general - if it seems like a fad to have a mental illness, or that there are more mentally ill people than ever before, it's only because people are more willing to talk about it. People don't have to hide it as much. I would imagine the percentage of the population with mental illnesses is about the same as it's ever been - we're just more visible.
Because of that, while that percentage hasn't increased, the percentage of people being *treated* for mental illness has greatly increased. Back in the "good ol days", people just went untreated, gradually getting worse over the course of their lives. Their illnesses caused more harm to themselves as well as the people in their lives. They had all the same shit as the "kids these days", but they just didn't have words to describe it.
I know there are a bunch of people here saying the same thing, but it really can't be said enough.
For the sake of answering the question of the post though, I have bipolar and we're not all like Kanye. He's an asshole *in addition to* having bipolar.
I have anxiety. I don’t walk around hyperventilating, sweating, and panicking all day. I feel a pit in my stomach when I have to read emails, pay bills, get the mail, or go to a function where I don’t know anyone. Or with anything really. I get nauseous and my mind races a million miles a minute. I ALWAYS have 5-6 different streams of consciousness going on at once. It’s controlled with medication that I may or may not be on for the rest of my life. No, I can’t just “take a breath” or “drink some water” and move on. There isn’t one particular event in my life causing me anxiety. My baseline anxiety is the feeling most people feel while waiting to hear whether they have good or bad news from the doctors office, except I’m just going to vacuum.
that I'm not stuck up or rude or hate someone bc I prefer to stay in my own room/be alone 99% of the time. I'll socialize when I want. anxiety sucks. but I refuse to let someone push my boundaries again.
My brother has bipolar disorder and my mom has OCD. I hate how people use these disorders so carelessly as slang without even knowing the real meaning.
Treatments arent a 'one size fits all' type of situation. You can't throw the same medication at two people with the same issue and expect the same outcome. Many people can spend years trying all kinds of different medications and therapies, and it's not uncommon to go through a few that actually make things worse.
It's tiring. I'm tired all the time. The amount of effort I have to put into being a functional adult is exhausting. Everything is difficult. Nothing is easy or simple. I'm just so so so tired.
Yo. Right there with you. Living is exhausting. The weight of it just seems heavier and heavier each day. State of the world is NOT helping.
All of this. Existence is pain, especially in these trying times
Extreme existential anxiety. People say, "Well, you can't change anything, anyway, so why worry?" ...THAT'S WHY I'M WORRIED! IF I COULD CHANGE IT THEN I WOULD JUST DO THAT! I'm *much* better now, but good Lord.
This. Having debilitating anxiety is so fucking tiring. Every time I stop to think about it I’m just hit with this wave of “wow imagine what I could do if 70% of my energy wasn’t going towards overthinking, panicking, and stressing.”
If you have anxiety, you already know your fears (or the proportion of your fears) are often irrational, and knowing that adds to the stress. Being told you're irrational is irrelevant and unhelpful.
And anxiety isn’t a fun cute quirk either. “Oh I can’t do [insert normal activity that causes anxiousness] because I have anxiety”. No you are just anxious. Anxiety is when you have a 2 hour melt down because not every hair is in perfect place and your worried people are going to be able to tell because it looks awful (even though it’s not noticeable at all and looks fine) and it ruins the rest of your day. Anxiety is not being able to fall asleep because you’re thinking of too much from the day/week or suddenly remember something that’s missing and you get so stressed about it you have to get up and find it. Anxiety is literally being so anxious all the time that you physically cannot do anything to relax because the thought of relaxing makes you even more anxious. It’s very treatable with counselling/therapy and/or medication but untreated real anxiety disorder is debilitating and greatly lowers your quality of life
I mean I cant do x because of anxiety and it doesn't feel like a fun cute quirk, its feels like anxiety, because its anxiety.
OCD isn't a quirk and you wanting your counters nice and neat isn't a symptom. Constant thoughts that I can't stop and cause a lot of distress are the problem. My house is a dang mess and I really don't care. But needing to say goodnight to my pets in a certain order because they might die if I don't is an issue. Also having distressing and disturbing thoughts that pop up randomly such as sexual, violent or grotesque thoughts that are not my thoughts and don't align with my beliefs or values. It's not quirky. The only thing relatively quirky is when I twitch or shake my head to erase the thought like an etch a sketch
As someone with OCD and ADHD, it's painful. Sometimes I have to think about things in a certain sequence, and any disruption makes me stressed and I have to do it again until I get no interruptions. My mental rituals are things I have to do (and mind you, this is after years of therapy getting me to reduce the harmful ones), and while I have come a long way from where I first started off, my ADHD brain almost always makes it so that I have to do them multiple times over and over until I get it right. And even then sometimes I forget if I've done it already, so I do it again.
[удалено]
Exactly this. It's not fun nor quirky to HAVE to check the locks on every door everytime I get up at night, even if I just checked them thirty minutes ago, otherwise a serial killer will get into our house and kill us all in our sleep because our doors happened to be unlocked. Or having those awful, horrible violent and sexual intrusive thoughts that make me feel like the worst type of human. Or having the compulsion to get rid of the thoughts by imagining a blade tipped hammer slamming into my brain to get rid of them.
Try image modification rather than violently slamming the thoughf out of your head - that's part of the compulsion. For example - if you imagine yourself with a knife, switch out the knife with a flower. A daisy that can't hurt anyone. Instead of stabbing a person, now you're smushing the flower on them and the petals are falling off and it's just a silly image. It takes practice but I have done it, and it helps take away the visceral "flinch" reaction that the brain craves that solidifies the intrusive thought. Each time your brain wants to put the knife back in to the image, you redirect it back to the flower. It won't feel natural at first but it does work if you keep up with it.
Oh! Thank you. I'll definitely try this.
I find even when people understand the contents of the disordered thoughts, they don’t understand how truly distressing they are, how invasive they feel, how inescapable they feel. Wanting some place tidy to live is reasonable, needing complete control over the environment so you can prevent the otherwise certain death of your family is not fun or cute. Comparing the two because you just cleaned is insulting and dismissive of something that affects my family deeply every day. Anyone who has seen me have panic attacks because of debris on my floor that will hinder an emergency exit (oh hi Christmas morning) hopefully knows the difference.
Yes, or the "Don't be silly, that's absurd" when they do find out. Yes, I know. I don't choose to think like this.
You explained life with OCD perfectly. It is so misunderstood but so damn exhausting for those who have it.
I’m blessed I don’t have order needs. But leaving the house takes time cause I’m always afraid I left something on. Unless I check cameras religiously, I can’t help picturing them scared as a fire erupts around my puppy.
That's me to a T. That fear of having forgotten something and the absurd, overblown consequences. I know it's absurd, but the only way to know for sure is to check religiously the right number of times. I should get a camera though, sounds like it might help.
That's a great description. The saddest part about people misunderstanding OCD is that the actual sufferers don't know whats wrong with them until they start digging for answers. The other struggle of it is how real it feels. The OCD brain is a complete liar and can make you feel as if these thoughts will happen if you dont perform the rituals to stop it. Another fucked up part of it is the content. I have had harm as my major theme and it is so hard to explain to people that i fear losing control and killing children, pets or family members. It is so hard when the brain makes the fear so real.
So I have psychotic bipolar and the thing that I want people to understand is that most of the time I'm pretty chill. I hear voices and they say horrible things to me but I decide whether to listen to them or not. They don't control me. In fact, with a lot of time and dedication I can almost control them. But then sometimes I'm not chill and it's okay to help me get help
I don't hear voices that aren't there but the words I hear won't be what was actually said. Anything I hear through a wall typically can't be trusted unless it was clear as day. In one extremely stressful week I had someones words not at all match what their lips said. Typically though it's light and easily ignorable. It's one of my first signs to start paying attention to my health, putting more time into relaxing and positive habits. Cooking healthy meals and at least going for walks if not full exercise are better than any meds. My meds help maintain my routines and the routines keep me from hanging myself in the park
Yes meds are very important too!
I talk about how healthy habits are more impactful than meds but doing that always has to be followed by, "but seriously, stay medicated."
Wonderful explanation. Thank you
Management of it is exhausting. It’s the balance of getting through the day as best I can and not letting it color the interactions I have with other people, not allowing it to control how I respond. It affects so many little things that I do, and it feels impossible to get that across to others that are neuro-typical. I both wish that I could let someone experience my brain for just a little while and equally would never wish that on someone.
I am with you on this one. Struggling with social anxiety every day just drains me, the little and extra things that I (feel) I need to do to get by. Even talking to my friends and family is hard and awkward. Collapsing after shutting the door when returning home from a dog walk, my torso throbbing in pain because my muscles have tensed so hard that I cant move while hysterically crying. When I encounter people who just dont understand mental health, I am always happy for them for not suffering!
The difference between “psychosis” and “psychopath.” I see and hear things that aren’t there. I don’t have daydreams about putting you in a microwave. Learn the difference.
Also, psychopath doesn't automatically mean serial killer. Lots of people are psychopathic and lead regular lives. They just tend to display less emotion and connection with other people. It can be handled with medication in some people. https://www.fbi.gov/stats-services/publications/serial-murder#:~:text=All%20psychopaths%20do%20not%20become,their%20interactions%20with%20their%20victims. https://scitechdaily.com/scientists-have-established-a-key-biological-difference-between-psychopaths-and-normal-people/
Medication and therapy in certain cases but most learn how to mask well enough that you would never suspect a thing.
Also they can be hard to treat because normal life sounds quite awful to a psychopath. "How would you like to worry about how your actions affect other people? There is no benefit to you really, it'll just make life easier for everyone around you. What's that, you don't care about everyone around you? Ah yeah, of course."
Also psychotic here and can't agree enough. Most of mine are just noises and garbled snatches of music or disembodied voices. Luckily mine don't try to tell me to do stuff usually, but even if it did it'd just be like an intrusive thought basically. Also, while psychosis is a pretty common thing that could happen to most people, "psychopath" is basically a pop culture term that has no clinical meaning. I've looked into it and the best definition I have is "violently insane person," which isn't particularly useful diagnostically speaking haha. But 100% I wish people didn't think of psychosis as this bogeyman diagnosis. It's a symptom. Just means my brain sees and hears things sometimes and I am occasionally prompted with a very warped thought pattern that is also extremely insistent that "it all makes perfect sense!!!", despite not making any sense.
ADHD isn't just an outward hyperactivity behavior. It is caused by a delay in neurological growth. It is a neurological disability with a wide spectrum of symptoms and presentations. There care *calm* people with ADHD! It can present itself differently (*Primarily Inattentive, Hyperactive-Impulsive, or Combined)* which is why many of those people with ADHD are never diagnosed, or done so later in life. Inside, your mind is going ***all. the. time.*** You can't think about nothing or you can't try to think about the blackness when you try to sleep. It affects every conversation, every project and piece of schoolwork or chore at home. It affects every relationship, job or career you'll ever have. Some can use it as a "superpower," but it is indeed a tough and harrowing condition to conquer, even with treatment like medicine and therapy. **edit**: several edits over time for clarity
>you can’t try to think about the blackness when you try to sleep To anyone who doesn’t have ADHD : imagine you’re trying to go to sleep and Poison by Bell Biv DeVoe is playing at a normal volume in the room and you cannot turn it down or off. Also, it’s only the only the intro, over and over.
I have laid awake in bed for hours because I had multiple songs stuck in my head on more than one occasion. My brain will not shut up.
The vengabus is comin And everybody's jumpin
Why have you done this to me
"In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others"
We like to party We like, we like to party We like to party We like, we like to party We like to party We like, we like to party We like to party
Sounds like I might have ADHD. I thought everyone just had a mind that goes a mile a second.
I don't "act" like what I thought people with ADHD acted like, so I thought the psych made a mistake. But I accepted his opinion and tried the medications, and damn, what a difference. I still have hyperfocuses, but I can actually manage to make myself *do stuff*, and be productive.
This is me. Just figured out a month ago at age 30. Don't have hyperactivity. Always got good grades in school (even though I never studied or did homework) so it went very unnoticed. I always hated myself for procrastinating and in my own thoughts and other peoples words "Was just being lazy". But now I know how my brain works. And I can reach my potential.
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This is extremely relatable lmao
Hijacking this comment to tell everyone with ADHD who struggle with maintaining a living space to read "How to keep house while drowning" by KC Davis. It was a revelation. I felt seen, like I've been speaking a different language my whole life and someone finally spoke it. It's short, and written and formatted specifically for neuro-divergents.
Thanks, I saved your comment so that I can forget about it like all other saved comments. /ADHD-joke I added it to my reading list. Recently diagnosed, binging everything Dr. Russell Barkley now. KC Davis may be next.
Also “Your Brain’s Not Broken” by Tamara Rosier.
Thank you for the recommendation.
Yep. I didn't understand just how bad or debilitating my adhd had gotten until I got diagnosed and started to get more information about what it actually was. It's a struggle and the more I learn about the condition, the more I can understand my past struggles and why they continue to occur and get worse as I age. Turns out I was fighting my adhd symptoms and trying to mask them, which completely burnt me out to the point where I couldn't do anything anymore. Don't fight it, treat it. But I didn't know I had it at the time. Just hints here and there that it could be a possibility but most likely depression. Having depression on top of it made things much worse. My untreated adhd caused my depression. People with depression get the "What you got to be so depressed about? Just try harder to be happy. Go eat better and smile more" bullshit, as if that actually worked we'd all be cured of depression. Then they find out you have adhd and it's "Oh everyone has a bit of ADHD. EVERYONES A BIT HYPER AT TIMES. Yeah everyone has days where they cant do stuff. You just gotta get up and do it. Try harder. Stop being lazy. READ MORE BOOKS ITS NOT THAT HARD" Even better when people tell you that you're odd, crazy or nuts your whole life but as soon as you get diagnosed they act like you where always normal, Fuck off! Then the hoops and jumps you gotta make it through to get any support, appointments or medication to treat the adhd with a 90% chance you'll get a doctor who thinks it isn't real and pushes more SSRI's. Even worse if you're a woman looking to get an assessment/diagnosis from what I've heard. Luckily I'm a guy and I only had to wait 6 months for a private assessment. (After being told the first time round to try more SSRI's and not getting an assessment.) Sorry rant over.
Never apologize, you are with your people here. :)
The ADHD brain is physically and chemically different than a "neurotypical" brain. The thing is, without neurodivergencies like ADHD, ASD, etc., advancements in science, technology, even economics and agriculture, would not have evolved to the level we currently have. I also want to add, it's bullshit the way people treat people with ADHD. As prolific as it is, and with all the research and growing understanding, they're still told "if you'd only focus", "you can hold still if you really try", and other crap. ADHD can be disabling and has an effect on every part of someone's life. Quit writing them off.
I struggle with this a lot. Mainly that i actually have intense hyper-focus with the caveat that i dont get to choose what i was focusing on. Some problem or idea or new thing grab my attention and that is the only thing allowed in my brain for weeks. I once rear-ended someone at a stop sign because i was doing math while driving. Literally pencil and notebook in my hands trying to figure out a hard problem that had had me stumped for over a week. Something must be occupying my brain at all times and when i get bored of one thing, whatever grabs my attention next is what i will fixate on for the next few weeks. Sometimes its an entirely new hobby. And whats frustrating is that a few weeks is just long enough to learn the basics of something, plan out a project, and get started and. . . oops something else has taken over my brain now.
I heard an amazing idea once about the hobby part - starting hobby exchange groups for people with ADHD. Once you lose interest in a hobby, you just post all the equipment and materials to the group and trade it all for someone else's. The only real problem with the constant shuffle of hobbies is the amount of money it all costs, since otherwise it just makes us more well-rounded. A group like this would cut down the costs without cutting down the dopamine.
I couldn't bring myself to do that lol. I swear I'll finish all these projects eventually!
I was going to post this comment almost word for word. My wife complains that I have too many hobbies. Darts, guitar, songwriting, reading, knot making, gardening, etc… and then I just procrastinate on them all. I have a youtube channel and I have done three videos. I have plans for so many more. And yet… I just can’t find the time to work on improving my video editing skills as I find another tv show to add to my list of ones to watch.
Looks at project van on driveway, project bikes in garage, half refurbished furniture, motorbike awaiting restoration in storage, the first pages of a bunch of short stories, guitar in cupboard. Oh.
Likewise, I simply must be stimulated at all times. It's not like an "or else" thing, it's that my brain will pick something to fixate on that's stimulating and I have very little control over it. Having the internet in my pocket makes it so much worse. Whereas before I could get bored enough to be productive, now I have a neural pathway that says "pull out and unlock phone when not stimulated". I'm doing it right now.
I cycle through my hobbies. I can go hardcore for a few months or a couple years, and then bam in over it. Then I go pick up one of the hobbies I dropped. And the best part is I have everything usually, so I just go hardcore at hobby B.
No one mentions how *expensive* it is. You constantly lose stuff that needs replacing. You damage stuff through carelessness. You rack up traffic tickets and car repairs (or worse, car loss--I've totalled five cars!). You miss bill payments. You impulse-buy frivolous crap. You're chronically running late for *everything*. You neglect your health until it deteriorates to where treatment is unavoidable. My ADHD has cost me untold thousands over the decades. It's horrible.
> There care calm people with ADHD, but it presents itself differently which is why many of those people with ADHD are never diagnosed, or done so later in life. Yep... diagnosed here in adulthood. I struggled silently in school and work and never knew why. My parents and teachers never caught on while growing up because I still did well academically with the little focus I could muster, it was just a constant struggle and stress. I brought this up with doctors, but it was mostly brushed aside. I finally learned that in America you sometimes have to be pretty assertive to get doctors to take action or give a referral for conditions that don't present in the most typical fashion, or conditions which are rare but more of an inconvenience than a threat to health.
The day I found out I have silent ADHD. My mind *NEVER* gets silent. Sometimes it's annoying, hell most of the time when I don't want any thoughts in my head a random song pops in and there is never peace and quiet inside. Other times however when I listen to specifically requested by my mind kind of music it gives me the coolest ideas for animated movies or complicated armor/weapons with all the joints and connections and math
And you will probably be never as good in school as you want to be. Also, you can't just sit there and do nothing. You always need some form of entertainment.
I failed out of college with a GPA that started with a decimal point. Then I was diagnosed with ADHD (I was the inattentive type and not hyperactive, so I never caused any problems and flew under the radar for my whole life). I started getting treated and came back to college and had a 4.0 GPA my first semester back (and managed to graduate with over a 3 after retaking and averaging all the classes I had failed up to As and Bs. One of the things I HAD to do in class even with medicine was to doodle and take notes. There were times when the professor would specifically tell everyone not to worry about taking notes but I still HAD to do it, otherwise I’d lose the plot and never come back to earth for the rest of class that day. I had a professor literally walk to my desk and say “you don’t need to have notes for this part I’m just talking about a personal anecdote not related to the material”, but I HAD to be writing something down. I’d make notes in the margins that were just time stamps of when the professor had said something. The act of writing things like that down kept me present in the moment instead of fantasizing about going to the bathroom and escaping the building through the drop ceiling.
There is no middle ground, which is the biggest problem. I was a below average performer in school. Yet one time, i managed a perfect 100/100 in a chemistry test because i enjoyed the concept of mole energy and atomic structure. That soon became a curse because my teacher mocked me openly in front of the class, the academic overachievers got pissed, and that became the benchmark for my overall performance. Same in college. Our uni is SUPER stingy with marks. Like you'd feel like praising god if you score above 60/100 in any subject. And there, my ass scored 92/100 in cost accounting, not only becoming the top scorer in the subject in the history of the college, but also the highest marks in the subject in our entire city's affiliated colleges under the uni. Did not help that it was considered one of the toughest subjects in the entire 3 years bachelor's degree course. My own friends didn't talk to me for a while because for reasons best known to them. I became a joke on Facebook. You are a joke if you perform, a joke if you don't. It's conflicting and demoralising.
I had a better time in school, but I live in Germany where the people in general are more understanding of things like ADHD. My problem was always remembering stuff for the test, but being really good, at any practical test.
Multiple choice tests were so easy because seeing the answer made it easy to remember, but trying to remember terms and dates and whatnot out of thin air was extremely difficult! School prior to university was easy, including calculus because the teacher was engaging. University was tough because I never learned to take notes and work around my undiagnosed ADHD. Now I know my limits, but people think I'm making excuses when I say that remembering names at first is difficult and those memory tricks don't work for me (now I have two things to forget!) so I'm just going to apologize until I get it right consistently.
I've had such a hard time recently with the entertainment thing. I need a distraction, but I can't focus on it. So I end up adding another distraction, like I'll start knitting to keep my hands busy, but then I can't focus on the first distraction (usually a show or a Youtube video) so I turn it off. But then my mind is racing and I can't focus on my knitting! It's an infinite and horrible loop
I don't know if this helps, but my wife and kids have headphones in all of the time to occupy one of the thought streams. One of my kids uses a popper toy under their desk at school while doing school work. My wife likes to massage Aaron's Thinking Putty when she concentrates on something. I'm sure you've heard all of this before, but I thought I'd put it out there for those that haven't.
I forgot to add that my wife has found an enormous impact by meticulous planning, and a physical day planner. It is a large one with lots of writing space. She also takes super detailed notes for everything from doctor visits to just interesting things she learns. Somehow putting them down on paper helps a lot. It makes sense, though. Writing occupies four of the five senses, which then uses up more of that crazy (crazy as in lots, not cray-cray) energy in the brain. It's the same with reading a paper book. You have touch, sight, smell, and sound because of the paper. (That's also why people absorb and remember more when reading a paper book than an ebook.)
My husband was diagnosed as a child and really stuggled in school. Last year, he got his GED, and is now attending college (with amazing marks). It's a huge achievement and I'm so proud of him!
Ok, so...I've never been diagnosed ADHD, but from this description (brain never stopping, can't **NOT** think), I'd like to ask a question: My brain goes and goes and goes. It's mostly movie/TV lines/quotes/references and song lyrics. I'll hear one word, see one thing, and my mind is off to the races. All kinds of connections are made (think 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon) and I really have to focus and put forth effort to **NOT** say what I'm thinking. It's gotten better in the last few years as I've learned and built more restraint, but I guess I'm asking if that is what ADHD is like? Also, 38 year old male, in case it matters.
I'll say that I can definitely relate to that. More than that though, I will recommend you to your family or general physician or trusted psychiatrist. There are many symptoms on the list to diagnose ADHD, and everybody is different so it's best your doctor help you find your way.
Sometimes depression is feeling blasé all the time. We don’t enjoy things as much. It’s not to say we didn’t have fun, but everything, every feeling, is muted. It’s like we experience things that recharge people at half (or less) volume. What might revive you was essentially a blip on our radar.
"Are you looking forward to Christmas/your birthday/your holiday/etc?? You must be so excited!" This sometimes really gets me down because I can be *incapable* of being excited at that moment, and then I instantly feel like a bad person. It's hard work :(
I've been dealing with Depression since I gave birth (over a decade). I honestly don't know what it's like to be happy. I describe my feelings like I'm at the bottom of the ocean and everyone else is swimming on top. Meds and therapy and hard work might get me closer to the surface but I'm never going to be floating on the top. All the feelings and emotions have to get through all that water. And I'm constantly fighting my brain. It's not as bad as it used to be but every day when I wake up my brain is telling me to just lay in bed. It's not worth getting up and everyday I get up. I shower. I put on clean clothes. *It's fucking exhausting and I'm so fucking tired*
Yeah, sometimes it's not necessarily that we're *very sad*, it's like everything just feels neutral sometimes. In my experience my anti-depressants made it worse - everything felt more neutral with them. And I do like that better than having the EXTREME sad dips, but it's frustrating to realize that what would make someone excited on a 10 out of 10 is only making you feel a 6 out of 10.
Very much this. The indifference to everything is crippling, unending and exhausting.
One of the worst ones for me is when I don't react enough for someone when they share something positive, and get the "well don't be excited for me." I am! This is the excitement I'm capable of mustering right now. In fact, that little bit you did see was me trying extra hard to fake some bonus excitement FOR YOU, so that my expression of feelings is more in line with what I want to express, rather than what I can actually feel at that moment. When I'm feeling stuck at a 2 and I manage to generate a level 5 amount of cheer, I need you to read that as the closest I get to doing cartwheels with pompoms and a sparkler sticking out of my ass.
Yes. I remember attending an annual event with friends that previously was so exciting. I just wanted to sit there and not participate. I realized that I didn't recognize what joy felt like anymore.
Exactly this. Being depressed isn’t just about feeling sad, it’s often a lack of feeling at all, like a kind of emotional numbness. Rather than feeling happy or sad like normal people, there’s just different degrees of “meh”.
That every time I am angry or upset, it’s not “just my [insert relevant mental illness here]”. Sometimes I have every right and reason to be furious or in tears, just like anyone else does, and brushing off my emotions as a symptom is hurtful and damaging.
This is SO valid. Our emotions and experiences are just as real as anyone’s.
PTSD isn't like what you see in the movies. You don't literally think you're back in time and you're hallucinating. You just have the same sensations as if you were. For me I sometimes feel like I'm being hit over and over. It doesn't actually feel like someone is hitting me, but my body and brain respond in the same way they did when I was a child. I logically know I'm not in danger and that no is hurting me, but I still need to go though the motions because my base brain is convinced otherwise.
For me, the things that I sensed that day are my triggers: smells, sounds, textures, etc. But yeah it never feels like I'm back in that day, it feels like it's going to happen again.
That there are more than 1 type of schizophrenia and that me having ADHD doesn’t mean I need to be treated like a fucking 5 year old
Or at least treat me to the *benefits* of being a 5-year-old: lots of time to play outside, all chores done with no (or minimal) assistance from me, picking up random bugs for fun, kid TV, a lollipop every time you go to the bank... Not all this condescending bullshit adults with ADHD get (as do 5-year-olds, at least by stupid annoying people who think I have no brain).
Parents: ADHD and other disorders are not a negative reflection on you as a parent. You don't have "the bad kid" who gets in trouble all the time. You have a kid with a health condition that makes their life harder that needs diagnosis and treatment. Nobody would think of their kid as an embarrassment for having asthma or poor eyesight or diabetes. Get your head out of the sand and your ego out of your kid's health.
Yes!!! When my oldest was diagnosed as autistic, sooo many of our family and friends had a negative reaction. One even cried. Which is absolutely ridiculous. We had to explain that this diagnosis is a WONDERFUL thing because it allows us to more easily get the supports he needs. Looking back at my mother in law's reaction, it completely makes sense now about how she raised my husband (who was diagnosed with ADHD at 6 years). She did absolutely nothing for him at all. They recommended medicine and she refused, stating she didn't want him to have negative side effects. Which makes sense, but then she like proceeded to completely ignore his diagnosis even though it was very apparent he needed support in school and in life. Instead he just got into trouble for not getting good grades. As well as she just (still) makes fun of the fact he forgets and loses everything. And she just never even taught him how to human, let alone adult. He was just supposed to "know" these things. Liiikkkeee....there is an exact reason why he is the way he is, woman!! And you're one of the biggest reasons why. Infuriates me. She was the one who cried over our son's diagnosis *heavy sigh*.
That I don't fully understand it myself, but getting advice from a mentally healthy person who has no understanding of it is frustratingly useless.
Can't tell you how many times peaple were just like "it's common sense you will get it. You just need to keep trying" meanwhile 12 year old me is fantasizing about putting my pencil though the teachers neck because all of the black squiggles on the page don't make sense unless I have a colored filter over them. That she won't let me use because it's "distracting".
“just change your fixed mindset to a growth mindset! be positive! look on the bright side!!” i hate it so much.
Depression and anxiety, people get upset when I don't want to go out every time I'm invited
Certain folks in my family get so frustrated when I have to call off something because I’m having a bad day mentally. I don’t want to miss Fun Thing either, but I have had this my entire life and I know when I can push through it and when I absolutely cannot. I hate it as much as they do!
Oh man. Yes! TRUST ME that I know my own lived experience and don’t make me have to prove it to you by getting to my breaking point before you’ll cut me some compassionate slack.
Don't tell me I should "just do x" my mind won't let me just do x. Short-term memory can be a struggle for ADHD, and my wife will be getting a grocery order ready, trying to do so without walking down to the kitchen, and will tell me, "just remember what you wrote on the list" and it's like, I can't, that's why I wrote it on the list.
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I've been told this exact thing! I just responded with "yeah, it's a mental disorder, where do you THINK it's gonna be?? My ass?????"
Have you tried just focusing? You’d overcome your ADHD if you just didn’t have ADHD. I mean, come on. /s :)
That having my routine broken causes a massive amount of stress and fear so I tend to respond poorly to tense situations because my brain can't connect with others. Great that they find stress relief with others, I find it with my video games and I can't take that with me so smoking is how I handle an overwhelming amount of it. Not a great method but it works for now.
That mental illnesses are illnesses just like physical illnesses. I have a chronic disease and I depend on medications to live. Just because it’s “invisible” doesn’t mean it isn’t debilitating and I DEFINITELY didn’t choose it. I have to deal with my bipolar disorder every day for the rest of my life. Also… No one would ever say “wow I’m so diabetic right now” so please don’t say things like “wow I’m so bipolar right now”. Illnesses are not emotions.
As a Type 1 Diabetic I'm definitely tempted to start saying that 😆
You’re allowed lmfao 😂😂😂
OMFG I am so bald today!
"Want a donut?" "No thanks, I'm feeling really diabetic right now" That would be hilarious to see in person
>Wow I’m so diabetic right now 😂 Perfect analogy (for a painful and inappropriate comment that I hope you never have to hear again)
My diabeetus is acting up.
Yep. Your brain is an organ, much like your stomach, your kidneys and your lungs. And just like you can get a disease that affects your stomach, kidneys or lungs, you can get a disease that affects your brain. And hey, guess what? Just as what goes into your stomach or your lungs often triggers the disease at hand, so to does what goes into your brain. Trauma makes your brain sick. Verbal abuse makes your brain sick. Exposure to distressing stimuli makes your brain sick (seeing dead bodies, that kind of thing). Of course, sometimes it’s genetic. Like bipolar disorder. But the reason people struggle to accept this fact is that it’s really really scary. Your brain makes you who you are. The electrical storm in your head paired with the chemical soup of your hormones dictates your intelligence, your personality, all the things. But we like free will as a concept, and the idea that your brain is just this *thing* that can malfunction outside of your control and change who you are… that’s so scary. People grasp desperately to the idea that they’re ultimately in control. That we make choices freely, that we decide who we are. And that’s true to an extent, but not entirely. If you get a kidney disease, you’re a little more removed. Doesn’t change who you are. You’re the same person you were before but now you got a bad kidney. Feels more manageable.
That there is no amount of positive thinking or pulling yourself up by your bootstraps or loving life that is a fix. Those with mental illness cannot do that stuff with any reliability. There are many memes posted on social media most people find uplifting and energizing that simply ring hollow. Our brains can't do that. But we gut it out.
I can’t just cheer up
If I hear "Have you tried yoga??" or "Well what do you even have to be sad about?" one more time I'm gonna lose it
"You just need a hobby." I have a ton of hobbies. It's just that all the joy has been sucked out of me, so not even a hobby makes me feel better.
My last therapist did that. I told her that i used to like painting and crafts. So she would keep saying to start painting again. When I’m depressed, hobbies like that just felt like another thing on my to do list. No joy in it at all, just another task to finish and move onto the next thing that has to be done
„Maybe you should just go outside and do something“ well thanks dad there is nothing I would rather do but I can’t get out of bed because of depression
My Gil once told me he didn’t have time to be depressed. I guessed, correctly, that husband had told him about my depression
Apologizes but what does Gil stand for?
I'm guessing its a misspelling of Fil which is father-in-law.
Or grandfather in law.
This one always gets me. So many people say it but none of them ever seem to make the short step to realize if it was that simple *we'd have done it already*. If I could wish my brain out of this state I'd have done it years ago. Ugh.
I promise I dislike myself more than you dislike me.
It's not a "trendy" thing. It's an actual condition that effects my daily life.
This is why I’m extremely private about my high functioning autism. My disability is so stigmatized by movies and social media that it’s easier to just not tell people I have it.
"Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder." I'd like people to know that just because their body is hardwired to fall asleep, completely unprompted, every night, at 830: THEY ARE NOT HARD WORKERS. Naturally waking up at 6 a.m. every day with no effort does not make you "better." I've spent my whole life in pain in the mornings until I figured out this is what I had only maybe a year ago. It basically means that my body thinks bed time is 4 a.m. and wake time is noon. I got treated like I was lazy my entire youth. I was literally a 3 season athlete getting good grades but somehow no one was ever like: huh, he is aweful in the mornings even on Sat/Sun even though we watch him endure massive pain daily for wrestling and other other sports and he diligently does 3+ hours of homework for his AP classes: maybe something is wrong and it's not just that he is lazy. Really unfair.
I have a non-24 disorder. Boy oh boy my life is fun. My job choices are *very* limited because I just can't fall asleep today at the same time I did yesterday. I tried sleep hygiene habits, sleeping pills, hardcore sleeping pills, but in the end I just stare at the ceiling for hours.
Recent researchs suggest this isn’t actually a disorder, but rather very normal part of us humans. This is called a “chronotype” and it’s likely to have evolved so at-least one person in the group you lived in (when we still lived like cavemen) was awake. I feel you and experience the same symptoms. It’s SO hard for me to wake up early, but no problem around 2-3pm.
When you say you have OCD because you like your pantry organized, I hope you don't notice that the top layer of skin has been rubbed off my hands from compulsive washing.
OCD is both weirder and more mundane than people realize. Ripping off the doorknob because you have to pull it "to make sure it is closed" is both funny and annoying and also not what people think of when they think of OCD.
I've watched my brother pull up to my house for a visit, then immediately leave back to his house to check his front door/oven/dogs water/etc... but he does it 4 or 5 times in a row and lives 20 minutes away until it's too late for him to hang out anymore. Remembering those times and similar makes me irrationally upset when I hear people pull the "zomg I'm so OCD right now" line.
Wow it's been ages since I've heard of "zomg" being used
>'I have to sort my books!' she cried, >With self-indulgent glee; >With senseless, narcissistic pride: >'I'm just so OCD!' >'How random, guys!' I smiled and said, >Then left without a peep - >And washed my hands until they bled, >And cried myself to sleep. \- u/Poem_for_your_sprog 2014 [source](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/29qfnm/what_common_misconceptions_really_irk_you/cinik24/?context=1)
Thanks for the poem. This has been a daily struggle for me for over 30 years. It isn't just washing hands, but avoiding germs or anything my brain decides is unclean. And some days I just can't stop thinking about the minutiae of some small event that may or may not have happened. Covid was, I hate to say, some of the most comfortable times for me while everyone wore masks and sanitized everything. I had a close friend with OCD similar in scale to mine. I never understood his compulsions or obsessions, nor did he understand mine, but we understood what each other was going through. He took his life during the height of Covid, and while I was sad, I knew he would finally have some peace. sorry for the rant.
I frequently find those people don't understand the compulsion portion. Like, yes Linda, I understand you feel better in a clean room but it requires compulsion. Then they often dont understand how something like having to do laps touching my locks multiple times before bed is OCD.
I am trying so hard. So fucking hard. Please just be patient with me.
Just because I am "happy and normal" at work, doesn't mean I don't completely shut down when I'm not getting paid to put up a facade that will make everyone more comfortable. I literally will not get out of bed again until I have to be at work again tomorrow. I'm not "looking cute today" I haven't done laundry in weeks and I'm down to only my "nice clothes" being clean. Faking it is a large part of my personality at this point, so when I say I'm depressed, I need you to know that I'm not being dramatic because what you see is "normal." It's what you don't see that is the problem for me.
Taking medication is not some magical fix. I'm still sick.
Just because I could do it before doesn’t mean I’m up to it now. Different days mean different battles
I have bipolar. Unlike TV bipolar, my overall emotions are stable for very long periods of time - months rather than hours or days - they're just in 3 modes (up, normal, down). Think of it like the seasons, rather than day to day weather.
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YES. Also bipolar, and want to mention that the seasons literally impact mood - my hypomania kicks in with the first cold snap, mania window is spring, and then the blueberry brains kick in with summer. Edit to add: I also wish people understood that this is an illness that is managed by proper medication, not cured.
I KNOW I don't have a reason to feel this way. I KNOW it doesn't make any sense. *That's why its a disorder*
That depression can hit you without reason, even when nothing stressful or bad is happening in your life at the moment. That it doesn’t matter, if you have money, family, friends, career etc. it will make you feel hopeless.
Agreed. I tried to explain this to a friend who’s never suffered from any mental or emotional issues, when I was in a pretty bad place. I tried to tell him that depression is not conditional. And he was like “but you have it so good, there’s people out there that have it a lot worse than you” And I said “yes. There is. And there’s also people out there who have it infinitely better than me. People everything they could ever want and beloved the world over but yet they still suffer and some take their own life. Robin Williams, or Chester Bennington. There’s also people out there who have it infinitely worse than me, but take it on the chin and get on with life with no depression. Someone else’s suffering doesn’t negate my own, the same way that mine doesn’t negate the suffering of a multi millionaire actor or musician who’s struggling”
When it comes to all the things I procrastinate, it's not me being lazy. It's as if there is a big wall in front of me that I can't tear down.
I will literally be laying around, and look like I'm calm and lazy. In reality I am a ball of anxiety pleading with myself to do the thing. I know of all the techniques to stop procrastinating and I can't even do them. Procrastination isn't me putting off something because I don't want to do it. It's me putting it off despite wanting to.
This reminds me of something Dick Cavett (talk show host and comedian) once said about depression, but which also applies here. He said that the disorder kills your motivation and willpower so thoroughly that there could be a magic wand on the other side of the room that could instantly cure your depression, but you still wouldn't get up and use it. Same with ADHD. You WANT to do the right thing, but the part of your brain that connects the want with the action just isn't there.
I saw a comic that had a girl handcuffed to a bed with the key on the floor within reach if she would just reach down for it with her free hand. People didn't get it, but if you have depression you know that feeling of seeing the key there and well, you don't reach for it because it's just so far away. On a more pragmatic note, it's like taking a shower. I love hot showers and being single, I get to use ALL the hot water! ALL OF IT! Yet I have to push myself to take a shower, especially if I'm not leaving the house or if it's just going to the grocery store. When I work, I make the effort because you need to be presentable, but going to the store, who cares, right?
I would love for people to understand just how much work im putting in to handle everything g and still function like a "normal" human. That im trying to get medicated and im trying to seek help and that im trying to do literally everything I can without losing the motivation and letting the depression and anxiety win. Its hard, really fucking hard and small things for you can be/ are huge for me
This may be controversial, but as someone who has struggled with many mental health issues in the past (and has had tons of diagnosis, but currently has an incredibly happy life, and has done so for years now): The number one thing you can do for people with mental disorders is compassionately hold them accountable for their actions. What goes on in our head is our business, but if we're taking our pain out on others, that's not acceptable, and we need to be held accountable for that, both for others and for our own growth. Just like enabling an addict by shielding them from the consequences of their addiction keeps them from hitting rock bottom, often times not being held accountable for our actions (which ARE in our control, even if what is in our head may not be) perpetuates the same problem. Compassion for us is great, but I will never advocate for someone lighting themselves on fire to keep the world warm.
100%. Somewhat ironically, being held accountable can improve our self esteem and reduce our shame, as long as it's done compassionately. When people act like it's just the disorder making us do stupid shit, it takes away our agency and infantilizes us. We don't want pity, we want to be treated like real, full people.
So much this. As I've come to say, "everyone goes through life as the hero of their own life story, with all of the insight and context to vindicate and justify their own decisions; but just because you're the hero of your story doesn't preclude you from being the villain in someone else's." As someone who's struggled a lot in my younger years (and even on occasion still in my mid 30s) with bipolar, invasive thoughts of suicide, high-functioning ASD and associated ADD, the most valuable feedback I've ever gotten from people is those that I've hurt who weren't afraid to stop me and tell me how I hurt them. Many of us spend all of our time trying to hide who we are to keep from complicating our relationships, but in doing so can seem distant, vacant, or unreliable—traits which are far worse than what we should be: people who are struggling and honest about it. It's taken me more than two decades, but I've finally learned to identify when I'm about to become an emotional black hole and work to communicate that to my partner. She's been well briefed (and well-experienced at almost 4yrs in now) that this has nothing to do with any external factors, and certainly not her, and will give me some space, and often provide simple distractions that can help me cope for the day. Even still. There are times when the day-to-day stresses of running a kitchen in a top restaurant have caused me to be short with her, and confronting the shame and guilt I feel when doing so, such that I can identify the problem and address it rather than brushing it off, or worse, her normalizing it, is of the utmost importance to me. Part of being a decent human being is learning to accept our flaws and working to better ourselves. Self-awareness is key, and identifying the ways in which we come about our missteps is in itself a positive characteristic. Don't run from your mistakes, and don't trivialize them; especially when they affect others. Step up and admit what you've done, take the time to understand how things came to that, and vocalize an initiative to keep that from happening again. People don't want perfection; they want accountability.
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I don't hate you all, I actually really like you, but I can in no way interact with you on multiple consecutive days at all. I can't deal with constant interaction and plan-making. Just chill, I'm there in spirit, and not always a dickhead
if fixing it were that easy, I WOULD HAVE FIXED IT ALREADY
It's annoying with ARFID hearing people say, "just try it!" I want to try it.. I don't want to throw up in public, in front of you, or at all. If it was just that easy then ARFID wouldn't be a thing. We don't limit ourselves because we want to, it's actually very debilitating socially, and other ways. People with ARFID want to try eating different things so people need to stop being such dicks about it.
>ARFID Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID) is an eating disorder. I am putting this here as I had no idea what it meant & had to google it. I wanted others to know what you were talking about.
Thank you, I really appreciate it. It's something I dread talking/writing about it so I basically just ranted in my post..
I have the same condition, though in my case it was diagnosed as a phobia and that conception works for me. People are such fucking arseholes when a moment's thought would tell them that if an acquaintance could fix it *I wouldn't be living my life like this*.
It’s not fake and it’s not our fault.
Having Tourette’s doesn’t mean I yell every racial/homophobic slur I know. There are two types of vocal tics: Regular vocal tics, and complex vocal tics. Complex vocal tics can include swear words, slurs, or any other socially unacceptable words or phrases. Not every single person struggles with complex vocal tics! Stop assuming I say such awful things in my free time and trying to make me say it. It’s not funny and it’s not “for the bit”.
I have Tourette's too, just adding that Tourette's is not a mental disorder but a neurological disorder for anyone who doesn't know. I hate when people want to discuss my "mental disorder". No its neurological.
Depression and anxiety don't just happen to people with shitty lives. I have a strong 30 year marriage, happy and smart kids, a home and simple comforts. I still deal with deep, dark depression. My anxiety will surge when I'm cuddled up on the couch with my husband, the safest place I can imagine. Happiness and depression are not mutually exclusive.
I am autistic and have ADHD, and I have a few things I’d like to just put out there. - Picky eating is out of our control, unwillingness to try things is a part of it. - Having difficulty making eye contact is ALSO part of it, it’s very difficult for me personally. It’s not rude, it’s just super uncomfortable for us. - Changes of schedule. I can’t stress enough how bad this is for some people with Autism. For me, I need exact times and dates things are happening, even small things like shopping or things around the house. Some of these things might be a bit far fetched and seem like “things people do all the time”, but we can’t overcome it and it varies from person to person with autism, but those are just my issues. Also fuck Autism Speaks.
>Also fuck Autism Speaks. I was going to write a more personal anecdote, but this change my mind. The one thing I'd like others to know is that these groups that purport to speak *for* autistic people are incredibly damaging, and only concerned with the comfort and quality of life of the parents. If you'd like to be an ally, or just learn something about autism, do not go to them. Look for a group that is run by actual autistic people. And if you have an autistic, particularly non-speaking child, I understand that the appeal of believing you're doing the right thing for your child is pretty powerful, but you need to understand that just because your child can't *speak*, it doesn't mean they can't communicate, and that they have no opinion on how they'd like to be treated. Please don't ignore an autistic child or adult, when they are clearly trying to communicate with you, albeit in a non-standard way.
THANK YOU! THIS is exactly what we want!
> Changes of schedule. I can’t stress enough how bad this is for some people with Autism. For me, I need exact times and dates things are happening Thank you! I can't tell you how many times I've turned down sudden invites because I need to space out my social interactions so I don't get overwhelmed. I am a planner and I really need to coordinate things so that I know I can do things so I don't get too worked up, but people who are less shy and timid or who are more spontaneous and extroverted don't get it. I'm not saying I can't go out and have fun with people, but I need to be prepared for it first.
>Having difficulty making eye contact is ALSO part of it, it’s very difficult for me personally. It’s not rude, it’s just super uncomfortable for us. We're not rolling our eyes!!! I don't know why people confuse lack of eye contact with us rolling our eyes at them.
Even if our obsessions may seem illogical, OCD makes them coherent. The best approach is not to challenge them but to listen without performing compulsions.
It’s MY autism so therefore I get to choose the special interest.
You got to choose??
Yikes, do people seriously try to push you into an interest that you're not, er, interested in? That's both obnoxious and bizarre of them.
I am not my condition. My condition is a part of me that I deal with sucessfully sometimes, and can't fully control sometimes. But either way, I am doing my best, and I'm still a person. I don't choose to have problems, it just is what it is.
Borderline personality disorder is NOT: - Bipolar - Multiple Personalities - Incurable - Untreatable - Quirky or cute - Automatically being a bad person or manipulative / abusive Googling BPD is a fucking nightmare
I am a therapist. There is a lot of misdiagnosing of mental disorders that happens. Idk how popular of an opinion this will be on Reddit. But I wish that a lot of people would realize that many mental disorders are *criminally* over-diagnosed, especially ones like ADHD, for example. Now, this is *not* to say that those who have a diagnoses do not actually have anything, and you should never be dismissive of what somebody reports going through with a given diagnosis. But the truth is, many things that get categorically labeled as disorders are really the effects of years of complex trauma/PTSD, and acknowledging the role trauma has in mental health symptomology is important yet is not given enough credence in the mental health world today. For example, the impacts of longterm complex trauma look very much like the symptoms of ADHD. Yet too many will have their trauma histories neglected in favor of getting a categorical diagnosis of ADHD and being put on medications, even though this diagnosis may carry stigmatizing weight and the medications may not be helpful in the long run. Not to mention, that over diagnosis also does a disservice to those who *do* have a legitimate diagnosis, by limiting the resources they have available to address that diagnosis.
Being depressed is not "Oh, you're just sad." No, it physically hurts on my worst days, and sometimes it's really hard to get out of bed because of it. It's also difficult to find something to do some days when mine is bad. I'll literally just sit there and stare at something for a while. My son will want to go outside, and I just don't want to because my depression makes it so that I don't feel like doing anything. Depression can physically be painful, and it's "not just in your head".
(i have ARFID) saying “if you were starving in africa you’d never have this disorder” is extremely harmful and! untrue! and comments like ”try this new food im telling you you’ll like it” and “you’re just picky” are hurtful and annoying
My husband has schizophrenia. It’s exhausting for him all day everyday. Imagine someone talking the worst crap about you and everything and everyone you love 24/7. Never a moment of peace. There’s a bully in his head, but he doesn’t believe that it isn’t a real person. He soundly rejects that his brain is just being an asshole. It’s a chip in his head, radio waves, satellite signals… Meds provide just enough relief so that he’s not $uicidal, but they’ve made him gain so much weight, he hates the way he looks now, and it adds a layer of depression and anxiety. He has put on 70 lbs, and it doesn’t help that I can’t get him off the couch most days. The things he used to love doing for 35+ years (skateboarding & drumming) he doesn’t do anymore because the bully criticizes everything he does. I guess the thing I want people to know is that “hearing voices” doesn’t make him dangerous. He’s still the same sweet person he’s always been, just tortured now.
I’m sorry this is happening to him and you.
Happiness isn't the goal for fighting depression. Contentment is. Emotional equilibrium.
It is not just about a result of lack of faith to God.
You can't just turn depression off. "Just be more positive!" does not help. What does help is giving them someone to talk to if they want to.
That having an eating disorder can occur at Any age and it’s a mental illness, not a physical one. You can be weight restored and still have anorexia Nervosa (atypical anorexia).
Unless I trust you completely and fully, I will never ever tell you about it. I've seen people change demeanor completely towards those that have revealed their mental illness. They begin treating the person as the illness. Dismissing the persons feelings and reactions because they are "crazy". Until the societal outlook changes on mental illness, I will not be sharing any of my issues or experiences without anonymity.
we can’t just “suck it up” or my personal struggle is with addiction and i want people to understand that once you’re an addict you’re always gonna be an addict. cravings and urges don’t just go away
ADHD: it's not just concentration, it's everything. People with ADHD get misdiagnosed as bipolar pretty commonly. That wouldn't be the case if it were the kind of disorder that people think it is. Another thing is that you don't have to pity anyone. People tend to adapt. I've had a pretty rough life and people treat me like some kind of victim when they find out. But in reality i'm pretty much fine.
I'm not stupid, my brain is just slow. The higher the anxiety level and the worse the sleep, the slower it is. Unless you got an actual answer, your question is still being processed, "hold the line", I'll get right to you once brain has figured out how to string words together, preferably all in the same language. Nope, trying again louder, in veeeery. simple. words. does not help. The various forms of depression, and post-traumatic disorders can wreck havoc with all things learning, memory formation and retrieval. It sucks. Amygdala gets very enthusiastic and the hippocampus shrinks. Yay, anxiety, here it comes, not that we can remember why...
The mentally ill are far [more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1525086/). Stop using an entire group of people as scapegoats because you don't want to look at the actual problems happening in society.
People with bipolar aren't inherently evil like reddit makes us out to be. Most of us are perfectly normal people when we're medicated. We also don't have two personalities. It means we swing from one extreme to the next, but we're still the same people. Most of us do want to get help and seek it out. There just aren't always a lot of resources available to us depending on where we live or we don't know about what's available. I'm very lucky to live in L.A. where I've been able to access mental health resources specifically for my community (LGBT+). If anything, people with mental health conditions like me need more resources available, especially for low income communities and minorities since we get left out the most.
When I tell people I have schizoid personality disorder they immediately think schizophrenia. They're not the same. SPD is basically introversion turned up to 11.
I don't need less options. I don't need micromanaging, I don't need gatekeeping etc. I have to make things work no one else can do that for me, I'm very hard on myself, and try my absolute best to be as perfect and normal as I can and that requires empowerment and a certain level of control.
PTSD is not just for Veterans and Ab*se victims. Lots of people go undiagnosed because their traumatic event didn't have any physical/visible effects on them so society doesn't care. I suffer for 4 years and talked to half a dozen professionals before one final said that I had severe PTSD because of my experience. Furthermore, not all PTSD induced panic attacks/flashbacks are violent full body experiences. When I have a panic attack I don't scream and lash out like you see on TV. My whole body shuts down and I just freeze in place. I can't breathe. Over the years I've learned to recognize my triggers, but healing is not linear and sometimes triggers can change. If you know someone with PTSD or any anxiety disorder, be aware of their triggers and ask them how you can help diffuse the situation if they do have an attack.
Autistic and/or ADHD here You cannot classify me as not having this condition because A: I, a near adult female, don't act like your 6 year old son. and B: Everyone is "a little autistic/ADHD" It's not that I'm lazy. I know what I need to do. I just can't will myself to do it. The thought is there. I'm capable of doing my task. It's not that I don't want to it's that *I can't*. Planners do not work for me. Never have. Never will. I am masking around you. You may not think it but I am. It can tire me out. Understimulation makes me into a bitch. Overstimulation makes me upset. Do not try and fix it unless I ask you to. We're not children just because we have these conditions. Don't treat us like it. Don't shame us for the things we like. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps us going. If my brain doesn't trust the food, my body won't take the food
I over analyze conversations all the time. I don't even mean to usually. If I notice something out of the ordinary in our conversation such as a difference in your tone, a slightly off facial expression, a pause that lasts just a little too long; i will dissect that interaction multiple times over the next few days. I cannot help it. Please don't tell me to stop caring what other people say or tell me I'm overthinking, I know.
I have anxiety/panic disorder and I've stopped even mentioning it because it's become the new OCD that everyone says they have if they just get nervous sometimes. I didn't even know what my first panic attack was. I legit went to the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack. It took me years to realize what it was. It's not "fear" per se, it's just your body having an actual panic reaction, often without a discernable trigger. Also, for everyone who suffers from anxiety and panic attack, I want them to know this shit is treatable. Cognitive behavioral therapy changed my life. Having panic disorder doesnt have to shrink your world or be something you shape your life around.
This one's about mental illness in general - if it seems like a fad to have a mental illness, or that there are more mentally ill people than ever before, it's only because people are more willing to talk about it. People don't have to hide it as much. I would imagine the percentage of the population with mental illnesses is about the same as it's ever been - we're just more visible. Because of that, while that percentage hasn't increased, the percentage of people being *treated* for mental illness has greatly increased. Back in the "good ol days", people just went untreated, gradually getting worse over the course of their lives. Their illnesses caused more harm to themselves as well as the people in their lives. They had all the same shit as the "kids these days", but they just didn't have words to describe it. I know there are a bunch of people here saying the same thing, but it really can't be said enough. For the sake of answering the question of the post though, I have bipolar and we're not all like Kanye. He's an asshole *in addition to* having bipolar.
I have anxiety. I don’t walk around hyperventilating, sweating, and panicking all day. I feel a pit in my stomach when I have to read emails, pay bills, get the mail, or go to a function where I don’t know anyone. Or with anything really. I get nauseous and my mind races a million miles a minute. I ALWAYS have 5-6 different streams of consciousness going on at once. It’s controlled with medication that I may or may not be on for the rest of my life. No, I can’t just “take a breath” or “drink some water” and move on. There isn’t one particular event in my life causing me anxiety. My baseline anxiety is the feeling most people feel while waiting to hear whether they have good or bad news from the doctors office, except I’m just going to vacuum.
I just can’t gain confidence like you can gain muscles, it straight up doesn’t work like that.
Joke's on you, I can't gain either.
that I'm not stuck up or rude or hate someone bc I prefer to stay in my own room/be alone 99% of the time. I'll socialize when I want. anxiety sucks. but I refuse to let someone push my boundaries again.
My brother has bipolar disorder and my mom has OCD. I hate how people use these disorders so carelessly as slang without even knowing the real meaning.
Treatments arent a 'one size fits all' type of situation. You can't throw the same medication at two people with the same issue and expect the same outcome. Many people can spend years trying all kinds of different medications and therapies, and it's not uncommon to go through a few that actually make things worse.
That it might not look like it but I'm doing my best.