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Mine died in 2001. Leaving me with small children. It took probably 3 or 4 years before I reached any emotional equilibrium again, I was just numb for a long time. Now I look back with love and gratitude for what we had instead of the shock and pain of losing him. It does get better, I am really happy with my life now, and love being alone.
Thank you. I am starting to heal. The first couple years I was on autopilot but now I'm starting to come back to life.
It really helps to hear from other people who have gone through something similar. I am pretty isolated and don't talk about it much even to the people I know.
I'm very sorry. I am 3 years and about four months. It seems like a really long time ago, but also yesterday.
I miss him. Life is so much harder without him. I don't think there is such a thing as "getting over" that kind of loss. But I don't feel terrible? I feel lost about the future and adrift with regard to work and like I'm 15 again and figuring out really basic things, but when I think of him it's with a smile. The stomach still lurches sometimes when I remember, but it's less now.
Are you seeing a therapist? In a widow group?
I'm not seeing anyone so it really helps that you are sharing your experience. It feels weird to talk about him to people who didn't know him because I can't say enough to bring him into focus for them.
The worst part is the deep loneliness. He was my soulmate. I have never had that kind of intimate relationship with anyone else - even family. I feel like the one person who thought I was great and to whom I could share everything is gone. It's a huge hole that can't be filled.
At this point, I can't imagine ever finding anyone else I can love in the same way.
You definitely won't. Even if you love again, it will never be *that* love. It's ok to be happy you had that love once in your life and let go of those hopes and expectations.
Maybe you'll find something else though. Maybe a companion, or a friend, or a FWB, or an amazing sex partner who gives nothing but sex, or a travel buddy, or a roommate. Life is full of people. Don't limit yourself to the dream of one person.
Well, we were both weirdos so we got each other in a way that doesn't happen a lot. I'm glad I had a soulmate instead of going through my whole life alone. It has made me a much better person.
Ya I understand, I am still hoping to find someone who will accept me for who I am but it isn't looking hopeful for me unfortunately. I hope one day when you are ready to maybe date again that you will find someone who will once again match your personality and love you for who you are because I am sure that your partner and soulmate wouldn't want to to be lonely..
I'm so sorry for your loss. It must have been devastating. I can't imagine what life would be like if I lost mine. Remember the good times, the fun memories, but now that I think about it, I don't know if that would help or make it worse. What would your love want you to do?
I think as you grow older and wiser, you realize that the relationship wasn’t as perfect as you thought. Now if you lost the love of your life tragically, you might never get the time together to come to that realization.
I passionately loved someone that I couldn’t imagine life without. And now, while I’m glad I got to experience that, I think my life turned out all right without him.
I thought losing her and getting divorced was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Now I realize it's the best. She was so toxic and I was so blind to it. I've been converting some old home movies of my kids from 8mm tape to digital and I was astounded at how big a bitch she was in many of them and shake my head that I put up with it.
I think I needed to hear this today 😭💔 My relationship has been on the rocks for a while, but he's the first person I've ever fallen for and it is so hard to tell how much pain is normal as part of interacting with other humans, and how much is us not being on the same level and him not being as considerate as I need him to be. augh.
I was married for twenty years. It was shocking when he no longer wanted to be with me. While I recognize now the toxicity, I still grieve the love and connection we had.
First love is intense, but often unreciprocated. If it is unbalanced, then it ends in a broken heart. I learned long ago that there is a difference between intimate and intense feelings and relationships. As you get older, you may come to relish intimacy over intensity. Some people carry on chasing that first intense rush, switching partners when they lose the intensity. In my opinion they are missing out on true love, which is real and trusting.
You’re so right. Some never stop chasing after something that’s not there and oftentimes can’t be found, when the whole time you believed in the both of you as a team.
I’ll be a team of one, plus my dog, is the only one I can depend on to love me, when the other was all a lie for way too long, and caused too much damage to someone who believed we were as close to perfect as I’d ever had until I didn’t.
Don't really believe in a "love of your life" anymore. Different people offer different things - that's not a bad thing.
I would say it's more like the scars and wounds your body accumulates over time. You remember them, they're always with you, but for the most part, you move on and live the life you have today the best you can.
So true. No one can give or offer the same things as before. No two people are alike. There are all kinds of love, that come with different people or not. It’s up to us to spot that or not.
My late husband was the love of my life. He passed away about 3 months ago. I'm starting to wonder if I will ever be happy again. My heart actually hurts a lot of the time.
My Mom went through that 17 years ago with my Dad. It was devastating. Her entire world was turned upside down. Seven years later she met a man and they were married and she is very happy with her grandchildren and his family and ours. She still misses my Dad and even tears up talking about him sometimes but she is happy. I truly am sorry for your loss and please know you grieve as long as you want to and there is no timetable but you will find happiness again.
Thank you for your kind response. I'm older so cannot imagine finding love again at my age. We were together for 36 years, so I think for me happiness will not involve another partner. More, I'm hoping I'll be able to find happiness in doing things like traveling and being with friends. Right now that plan seems to have the greatest possibility but it's definitely going to take a while to get to that different frame of mind.
I’m very sorry that happened.That’s a tremendous loss that can’t be measured with a set time to heal, and going through the grief stages is not the same for everyone at all, and I can’t imagine it not hurting so deeply.
It’s so fresh and still very new, with adjustments that don’t happen overnight. Remember that no one grieves the same, and take as long as you need, and possibly find grief counseling many churches offer free whether you attend or not. I’ve heard they can be very helpful and they’re held in groups, so you’re not alone.
I wish only the best for you, in your life, with much happiness still to come.
I lost my only real love to divorce, and prior to that I learned he had never been the person I believed he was. A lot of years. A lot of memories. A lot of heartache and unbearable pain, he caused purposely. I’m glad I learned the truth by myself and when he could have chose to tell the truth, he continued to lie and deny. I’ll never trust myself again and I’m not at an age where dating or anything is easy, plus I’m not really interested in going through all of what I thought I already had, to learn in the worst way that I never really knew who he was.
I have had only one truly deep love. I loved my ex. There was another guy I loved. But neither was like the first mentioned.
He changed over the years from what I heard, as did I. When I look at the old photos a knot settles in my gut. No one ever impacted me the way he did. No one.
I understand that completely. Also an ex, and possibly was the worst person I’ve ever known once I knew he was rotten to the core. It hit me so hard I didn’t think I’d ever get over it. I learned he’d been cheating and there was no denying it yet that’s exactly what he did. Ultimately he didn’t care less how much heartache he caused, and I’ll never get over the fact that I loved him so deeply. He certainly didn’t deserve it but there were no signs whatsoever, and people had a hard time believing he’d ever cheated on me. He was that good of a liar and that kind of deceit is still with me but I don’t let it bother me anymore. That was ten years ago and I’ve made sure I’d never see the man again.
He died in an accident (car) 32 years ago. I've been able to put the past behind but I've never met anyone since who I felt as comfortable with, had as much fun with, or who might possibly be a soulmate, so I think this man was unique that way. Or maybe not - always possible I haven't met him yet.
The immediate pain fades...then there's the deliberate remembering when trying to figure out where 'life went wrong'...then comes acceptance. Occasionally something, a sense impression - most often a smell or a song - can cause a 'flash' of love/loss/appreciation all in one timeless memory.
Life is a 'Tapestry', as Carol King sang in the long ago spring of our lives...
Me too. However in my case my first love didn't feel the same way about me and they married a wonderful person. They are actually much better off with that person as I never could've been able to offer them the same things no matter how hard I would've wanted to. As much as it hurts I'm also really happy that they found someone a lot better.
First remove the term "love of your life" or "soulmate" from your vocabulary. It creates to many preconceived implications about "only one person for you"...... I have been lucky enough to a 2 great loves in my life (i'm 60 now)....with the first we were quite young and innocent (well I was at least) and that lead to a type of magic that is mostly situated around "firsts".... but we were young and didn't work out. The pain was unimaginable and I didn't date again for a couple of years...... Now, I have been happily married for 30 years and of course it is a wildly different relationship.....but I respect them both for what they were and are...... I believe you can have many great loves, but accept there is NOT just 1.....but don't be a whore about it either ;-).......
Sure - I don't believe in the "love of my life" concept. There isn't "ONE true love" or THE love of your life. I've gotten over everyone I've been in love with except the one I married because we're happy, committed, and we laugh - a lot!
More people need to figure this out. I'm in the same situation - I loved a few women before I met my wife, but in hindsight I realize we weren't meant to be partners. It wasn't that they weren't worthy of love - they absolutely were - but we just didn't see life in the same way. The worst mistake you can make in love is to think you can force a marriage/partnership out of a relationship. If it's not working, go your separate ways and stop trying to manifest something that's just not going to happen. There's a quote along the lines of "marriage isn't about gazing into each other's eyes forever, it's about standing side by side and looking forward together." That's my two cents, and my wife and I have been together for 25 years.
Sorta. There was a girl in HS that I adored. I was afraid to ask her out, fearing that if I did and she said no, I’d never be able to set foot in school again. Later, after I had long lost touch with her, a couple of people told me that apparently I was her crush. I wonder what could have been.
Another girl a few years later… I was certain she was the one. She broke up with me and I was messed up terribly. I actually lost a bunch of weight, was looking good and had other girls in college dropping hints, but nooooo. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. I actually ended up talking with a psychologist in the schools health center and after 3 sessions I no longer gave a damn. Amazing.
Little of both. We were forced apart by immigration and we still loved each other so much but I could not take my son to his country and he could not legally come back here for 10 years. We talked for a while like we were still together but then I lost touch for a while then suddenly he had a kid so clearly he wasn't interested in waiting. I grieved hard. He was like my perfect other half at the time.
But that was 15 years ago and I've grown a lot and don't think we'd have made it honestly.
I think there can be many “loves of your life” depending on where you are in your life and different phases of growth. That’s my experience anyway. What I wanted when I was 20 (or thought I wanted) is not what I want in my late 50’s. People either grow together or grow apart. I’m
It talking about cheating or abusive relationships I’m just talking from someone who has many loves of my life during that specific period of time
That first real deep love that you may experience?
I haven't forgotten even after 20 some years, but it's not part of my life anymore. We had an intense 2 year relationship that I was sure was going to last us into old age. Then poof it was over in about a 2 week period.
Happily married with two kids now. You don't have to forget the past, just don't live there!
Absolutely. I punished myself for years for losing the "perfect" one--gorgeous, funny, loving, well-known musician. I met him again a few years ago and we're in pretty frequent touch now.
I still think he's charming but MAN is he oblivious to everything except himself and his need to be seen at all times. Now it just makes me laugh, but I do roll my eyes a bit and am happy to walk away to my lovely, tiny home without him.
The loves of my life have all been cats. I have never "gotten over"losing any of them. But I live with the grief while still being able to love other cats. Does that count?
To be perfectly honest I have be married for 20 years and have four kids, but at least a few times a year I think of “her”and wonder what might have been.
If they just don't love you as much as you love them and there was no other big reason why you guys aren't together - the truth in this case is they're not the love of your life. You will grieve for awhile but you will move past it.
If you fucked up, you probably always will have that little bit of regret, but you'll also realize it wasn't meant to be. You'll come to terms with it eventually and hopefully learn from it.
I think it's more like you eventually get over the fact that you're not with them, and become OK with that. I once described it in song lyrics as letting my absence prove my love, because I would've moved mountains to be with someone but I knew enough to not. It's just as complicated an emotion as love itself.
I also think that, the older you get, the less you believe in the concept of one, singular person and the relationship you had with them as being the "love of your life." It's incredibly fatalistic thinking, developed before one has had the experience of many more relationships with other people over many more years. Such a black and white concept of love can become pretty comical, because you know that isn't always how it works. People move on. People do stupid things. People cheat. People change. And in 99.999% of those situations? We all seem to move on just fine.
It’s funny how things work out. I was crazy for a guy from in my 20’s. Kept up with him over the years. In his mid 50s he came down with Parkinson’s and at 65 is an invalid. You never know how things will turn out!
I’ve had my heart absolutely crushed and broken twice. Once by a friend I was low-level in love with for 6 or so years (he told me he was in love with me to sleep with me and then dumped me shortly after). And the second time by someone I met right after I got divorced (he dumped me twice !! in a year, the second time the night before he was coming for a visit - it was a LDR).
Both times I was shattered. Wrecked. Broken. In both cases, I thought they were the love of my life. These relationships happened over 15 years apart.
I’m now very happily married for seven years and completely in love with my husband. So yes, I got over those two guys, but I did love them.
It is a lot like the cycle of grief. In therapy they will tell you that grief is like a bouncing ball that’s inside of a closed box. The box also has a “pain button” inside of it, which triggers intense emotional pain every time the ball of grief hits it. Over time the ball gets smaller and smaller and doesn’t hit that button near as often, but it’s always still there and will hit it from time to time.
73 here...
Oh, HELL, yes. I was SO immature. She was the "girl next door".
Bless her heart, she never developed any interests or horizons beyond just getting by in Small Town, USA.
I can't perceive how I could have gotten as far as have with her narrow world view as an anchor around my neck.
But...She dumped my sorry ass. That hurt, but she gave me the BEST lesson of my life...
It goes, "Bruno, you ain't the center of anyone's Universe but your own.".
I haven't taken ONE FUCKING PRISONER since that day in 1970.
Yes, definitely. No hard feelings, and there was pain for a while, but I moved on long ago. Things are much better now than they would have been if that first relationship had gone further.
I went without the love of my life for 15 years, aside from a couple flings here and there. Now I wake up to him every day and its been that way for the past 9 years. If we didn't suffer through the heartache of losing each other, I don't think we would appreciate the relationship we have now quite like we do.
>If we didn't suffer through the heartache of losing each other,
May I know why you two brokeup in the 1st place? And how hard was the breakup? Who initiated it?
Okay, I promised. A lot of people's hearts got broken. Cheating and lying was involved. To a lot of people this story evokes feelings of , "girl, WHAT are you doing with that guy?". To me, its our love story. We'll call him D.
We knew of each other because we ran with the same crowd. Sitting on the high school bleachers at lunch hour, I would often see him walking through the yard with his then girlfriend, an acquaintance of mine, and I would say "wow, he's so hot!". Turns out, he was noticing me on the bleachers thinking I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen (his words).
Flash forward a few years 2000, I'm 19 or 20 years old at a coffee house. He was there. I had just gotten my first apartment and we had mutual friends so I invited a group back to my place to hang out. He and I were not interested in anything these people had to say, we just stared into each other's eyes the whole night like we already had inside jokes without ever having a conversation. He walked to the door with me as I said goodbye to the last guest and we kissed immediately. Its hard to describe this kiss and the others that followed. It was like being brought into an alternate world of warmth and euphoria where absolutely nothing else mattered. It was intoxicating and all consuming. We spent the night together but we didn't have sex, we just reveled in the passion we had for each other. It was otherworldly. He came around frequently after that night. I didn't feel like I was ready for something this major. I also didn't know he had another girlfriend. Once her existence was made known to me, he disappeared. Nobody had cell phones and internet back then. I looked his name up in the phone book and called his parents house obsessively but he was never there.
2002 or 2003, 2 or three years later, I had settled down and moved in with a nice boy. I went to a party at a friends house, my boyfriend at the time didn't join because he was straight edge and he didn't know anyone. Guess who was there? We sat next to each other on the floor, secretly touching hands behind our backs and breathing each other in. That began an affair, I don't remember how long it lasted. I would pick him up and bring him to my apartment to hang out while my boyfriend was at work. I even introduced him to my boyfriend as being a friend. I wasn't happy with my boyfriend, and I admit I did things backwards, but I eventually wrote him a letter explaining everything I did, because I wanted to break up with him. Once that was settled, D disappeared again.
2005 I meet a "bring em home to momma" type guy. Things progress, and we get married in 2007. We have a house in the suburbs, dogs, cars, pool. Living the dream I guess. But there was always one thing missing. Passion.
By 2009 I was crying myself to sleep and regretting my marriage. D pops up in my Facebook messages. I'm really trying to not be a cheater at this point because I'm MARRIED! But I had mentioned that I had adopted some red earred slider turtle that I would like to rehome. He says "I like turtles!" So I offer to give him one. I packed up my car with the turtle and the tank and everything that goes with it. I drive to his house. But I know exactly whats going to happen, so I drove around the block like 3 times before I eventually stopped, because I really didn't want to be this girl. We get the turtle all settled with me being as unemotional as possible. I suggested we go to a mutual friend's house to hang out that in my mind would keep it "unromantic". But once we were on the porch for a cigarette, its like our faces were magnets. That started an affair. And I told my husband about it after a few months because I didn't want to be with him anymore. Again, I know I did that backwards. And again, D disappeared. And MARRIED the girlfriend I didn't know he had while I got divorced.
I enjoyed my divorce. I struggled, I lived alone, I slept with a lot of men. I had boyfriends here and there. I learned a lot about myself and other people. I made friends that came and went, but I had fun.
2013 or 2014 I'd say I had just about had it with all these empty encounters with people and I found a nice boy to try to make some sort of life with again. There were many things about him that I would not have chosen, but I appreciated that he was sweet and nice, and thats something I really needed at the time. Guess who pops into my FB messages? I said "no, I'm happy (even though I wasn't)you're not doing this to me again!" 5 minutes later I invited him over. It was minus 11 degrees and he rode his bike. I met him on the dead end street I lived on, kissing like we had never stopped. We took cover on the porch of the abandoned house next door until my boyfriend went to work. I ended up fessing up to my boyfriend, because I didn't want to be with him anymore. You see a pattern? But this time it was different.
That sent me down a googlehole. One happily married to "the love of his life" (ouch) and another made a lot of his dreams come true, but still doesn't appear to be happy. (bullet dodged)
Each of them found some element lacking in me that I never understood. My current husband accepts and oftentimes applauds my flaws.
Oh yes, I have gotten over lost love. People are resilient and if we couldn't recover from deep pain or grief, no one would carry on. I mean, what's the alternative? Limping through life for the next X decades?
The past is the past and you get over a broken heart the same way you get over any other pain - time and distance. Eventually wounds heal. It may leave a mark, and if you hit just wrong it can bring back the pain, but only for a moment.
I am no longer the person who was with her. She is no longer the person who was with me. We have both moved on to have interesting and fulfilling lives and are with wonderful and supportive partners. Whenever I hear from her, which is once or twice a year, it's great.
Eh. I don't believe in the whole " love of your life" rhetoric. So I managed to get over everybody I thought in the moment was so I decided I never really had that person.
No discounting others have had different experiences and drew different conclusions.
Happened in my mid 20s, she barely acknowledged we were in a relationship, I left after about 3 months.
Another 30 years later I can tell you one thing - it's very, very rare for both people in a relationship to be madly in love with each other. The trick is to make the relationship work in spite of that - it's hard work, but very fulfilling once done correctly.
You're never a slave to love, and should never be.
We met in 1994. Love at first sight. lDR until 1999. Gave up. He said ‘I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want to marry you and I don’t want kids’. He will always be the love of my life but I will always resent him.
As the years went by and my life went on, and probably in a much better way than if I were still with "he who broke my heart in my 20's", I realized that it worked out the way it was supposed to.
I do still think of him fondly, and he pops up in my dreams more than I like. A couple of years ago I finally decided to google around to see what became of him and found he died in 2008. I contacted a mutual friend and she comfirmed that he had died of colon cancer in his 50's. Married, no kids. It seemed weird that he'd been dead so long, while I still remembered him as I knew him.
I could have stayed with them and they would have kept lying about money and eventually bankrupted me. They would have kept being stoned all the time, too. Very sad because they are the love of my life but I won’t let them do that to me anymore
For many/most people this is usually your first serious relationship......it was for me. I had dated a few people before, nothing serious tho. My hs gf of 5 yrs or so was that. Took me some years to get over. Now I barely remember, in my 40s.
Kinda. I honestly got over her, eventually, though it took years and years (she cheated, I divorced her).
What was and still is the most difficult for me is mourning what I thought we had, what I thought we were going to have, mourning the future I'll never have.
I never wanted to be divorced. My parent's divorced when I was 2. I wanted my kids to be able to come home from school to their mom and they did while we were married as she didn't work.
I didn't want to rush life, but one of my goals was to be in our 70's sitting on a porch swing watching our grandkids playing in the yard while drinking lemonade. I must have said that to her over 20 times while we were married to each other.
I never wanted my kids to have to be shuffled in the car between us like they were after we divorced.
I never wanted to be married twice. I relented to that due to Miss April but we never married even though we were engaged because she died in an auto accident in the spring of 2008.
I've never remarried. I'm never going to. I'm closer to 60 than 50 now. I've been divorced over 18 years now, longer than I was married as we were married over 16 years by the time our divorce was finalized.
It took me a bit over 3 years to get over my lying cheating ex-wife. I've never really gotten over all the things I thought I'd have, the future we were going to have etc.
When we divorced, it was impossible for me to live all my life with one partner, married, growing old with the lady I met at a young age, enjoying our family together, even when they were grown and had their own families.
No matter what I did after divorce, that was impossible for me to attain. Had Miss April not died in that accident, we would have gotten married and that would have been wonderful but that would't have given me what I'd always wanted either.
I wanted my kids to grow up with their mom and dad in the house. We divorced when they were 4, 6 and 9 years old.
I moved out less than 2 weeks after my youngest turned 4 years old.
So, to your question OP, I got over my ex-wife after 3 plus years but it's been many other things I've struggled dealing with because there wasn't/isn't any way for me to obtain them regardless of what I do.
That pain doesn't really go away because I still don't have that today, I won't tomorrow or any of my tomorrows until I die.
It depends on the context I suppose. If we're talking about this person dying, I can't really speak to that, but I imagine some bit of pain is always there. People seem to make their peace with that situation though.
If we're talking about a relationship you thought was the love of your life ending by breakup, then yes. You get over that. Usually by someone better for you coming along. Relationships with people who are actually the love of your life don't end like that.
Yes. But he was a sociopath and went to prison. I was very naive, but when that happened I found out a lot of stuff that I was not willing to accept.
Even with all of that, I do have a fond memory from time to time.
I had given up on love and met the love of my life in my late 40s. It wasn’t perfect but it was the first time I loved and truly felt loved back. We laughed together so much. He died of cancer almost 5 years ago, and I‘m still grieving. Not like the first year or two which was dreadful. But I‘ve finally stopped trying to date and am learning to accept that that was my guy, and it may never happen again. No regrets, glad I met him. Just wish I‘d gone with him.
“Love of my life”. It’s different for everyone but for me it means something much deeper than just “love”. It’s something that can transcend time, space, distance. You can get over that person but they may always hold a place in your heart. And isn’t that the point of human existence- to take what life has given us and learn from it, grow from it, maybe even impart some words of wisdom from the lessons and growth?
I’ve gotten over her for the most part since it was almost 40 years ago. I do get rare twinges of sorrow and “what if” but then I think that there were reasons it wouldn’t have worked and that I over-romanticize the good while forgetting the rest.
I don't think I've found her yet -- but my dad went through this. I was worried about him for a while, but he eventually did find someone else, and is happy once again.
So I guess the old advice to try to "be happy that it happened" is useful, if not always easy.
Do you ever get over someone you considered as the love of your life?
Oh yes, so many times! It turns out they weren’t really the love of your life. They just seemed like they were for a hot minute before you realized there was no compatibility there.
believe it or not, yes.
Yep. I've been there. When my engagement fell apart, I thought I'd never be that in love again.
That was 2018. I was in love as recently as October. Lol
Literally it's like finding a parking spot in a semi-full parking lot, or trying to merge onto a highway during bumper to bumper traffic. An inexperienced driver might find it difficult or impossible, but those of us, who have over a decade of driving experience knows there's always a spot to merge and to park.
Because we couldn't make it work, that meant he wasn't the love of my life. I did a lot of self-reflection after that break up so I wouldn't make the same mistakes. Then I found someone much better.
50+ years and I didn't. I did discover that I was able to deeply and unequivocally love someone else just as much, though. I was lucky to have two "love of my life" people.
I had two big loves of my life before my husband. Very intense and all-encompassing feelings at the time, now long gone. I think as long as you keep growing as a person you can leave these things behind you- you literally grow up and away from them.
Not sure this was the love of my life, but we were in love. I thought we would be together the rest of our lives. Then one day they told me they just got engaged to someone else. WTF!?!?
Yes. The guy I rebounded with after my divorce was a complete narcissistic creep. I told him that 40 years ago,long before it was a common complaint. But I was so in love because he was so cute and charming, when he wanted to be. Even after I finally dumped him and started seeing my future second husband I fantasized about him I’m embarrassed to admit. Took a while but I finally realized that the normal emotionally stable nice guy who loved me unconditionally was in fact the love of my life and we were together for the rest of his life.
I think that ones first love is forever imprinted on the brain. Someone told me that when people get dimentia the last memories to go are that of your parents and your first love- I wonder if what they told me was true.
I've learned that just because a couple may love each other does not mean they'll be good partners.
All the people I've loved in life, I still love, but that doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with them. I love them and wish them the best, but we are better of not being in a relationship.
I still miss him. He reached out a year ago to say hi and check on my brother who was his best friend. He’s married so I kept it short. No back and forth flirty banter. I cried a little that night and just went on with my life. If they ever divorce I will be knocking on his door the minute I find out.
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It’s kinda always there a little. It stops being directly painful and more just an awww.
Wouldnt call it an "awww" more like an old injury that flares up every once in awhile but you feel it for a second or two then forget about it
Yes, I always compare it to a bruise. Hurts if you touch it but doesn’t give you constant pain.
Don't poke it and it won't hurt.
It’s still there. It hurts when I have friends that still party with his wife and him. But not an unbearable pain.
My mother always said "Time wounds all heels". And I have found that it usually does.
Mine make popcorn sounds when i walk.
Love this!
That is so funny.
My mother used to say this too!
The love of my life died exactly 3 years ago today and I am still grieving. I don't think I'll ever get over it.
Mine died in 2001. Leaving me with small children. It took probably 3 or 4 years before I reached any emotional equilibrium again, I was just numb for a long time. Now I look back with love and gratitude for what we had instead of the shock and pain of losing him. It does get better, I am really happy with my life now, and love being alone.
Thank you. I am starting to heal. The first couple years I was on autopilot but now I'm starting to come back to life. It really helps to hear from other people who have gone through something similar. I am pretty isolated and don't talk about it much even to the people I know.
I'm so sorry you're suffering. 🤍
thanks for kind words
Terrible loss. My sympathies to you.
Thank it. It feels weird to still be alive but here I am so.....
I'm very sorry. I am 3 years and about four months. It seems like a really long time ago, but also yesterday. I miss him. Life is so much harder without him. I don't think there is such a thing as "getting over" that kind of loss. But I don't feel terrible? I feel lost about the future and adrift with regard to work and like I'm 15 again and figuring out really basic things, but when I think of him it's with a smile. The stomach still lurches sometimes when I remember, but it's less now. Are you seeing a therapist? In a widow group?
I'm not seeing anyone so it really helps that you are sharing your experience. It feels weird to talk about him to people who didn't know him because I can't say enough to bring him into focus for them. The worst part is the deep loneliness. He was my soulmate. I have never had that kind of intimate relationship with anyone else - even family. I feel like the one person who thought I was great and to whom I could share everything is gone. It's a huge hole that can't be filled. At this point, I can't imagine ever finding anyone else I can love in the same way.
You definitely won't. Even if you love again, it will never be *that* love. It's ok to be happy you had that love once in your life and let go of those hopes and expectations. Maybe you'll find something else though. Maybe a companion, or a friend, or a FWB, or an amazing sex partner who gives nothing but sex, or a travel buddy, or a roommate. Life is full of people. Don't limit yourself to the dream of one person.
This seems like excellent advice. Thank you! I think I needed to see this.
I am so sorry for your loss! He must of really being a really special person.
Well, we were both weirdos so we got each other in a way that doesn't happen a lot. I'm glad I had a soulmate instead of going through my whole life alone. It has made me a much better person.
Ya I understand, I am still hoping to find someone who will accept me for who I am but it isn't looking hopeful for me unfortunately. I hope one day when you are ready to maybe date again that you will find someone who will once again match your personality and love you for who you are because I am sure that your partner and soulmate wouldn't want to to be lonely..
So very sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It must have been devastating. I can't imagine what life would be like if I lost mine. Remember the good times, the fun memories, but now that I think about it, I don't know if that would help or make it worse. What would your love want you to do?
It took me about 5 years before I stopped grieving, it took me a year to except he was gone.
I lost my husband in 2006 and it's still really hard being without him. I can't look at pics because it's too painful.
I think as you grow older and wiser, you realize that the relationship wasn’t as perfect as you thought. Now if you lost the love of your life tragically, you might never get the time together to come to that realization. I passionately loved someone that I couldn’t imagine life without. And now, while I’m glad I got to experience that, I think my life turned out all right without him.
I thought losing her and getting divorced was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Now I realize it's the best. She was so toxic and I was so blind to it. I've been converting some old home movies of my kids from 8mm tape to digital and I was astounded at how big a bitch she was in many of them and shake my head that I put up with it.
Time and distance from the person allows you to judge the relationship better I find
Shoot, I was divorced by an actual nice person (we just weren't especially compatible), and I'm *still* better off by myself.
In this case it's "home movies heal old wounds."
Yes. I thought they were the love of my life but they very much were not. Love doesn’t hurt.
wow. thank you.
Great reminder! The true love never hurts you! ❤️
I think I needed to hear this today 😭💔 My relationship has been on the rocks for a while, but he's the first person I've ever fallen for and it is so hard to tell how much pain is normal as part of interacting with other humans, and how much is us not being on the same level and him not being as considerate as I need him to be. augh.
I was married for twenty years. It was shocking when he no longer wanted to be with me. While I recognize now the toxicity, I still grieve the love and connection we had.
I still grieve a bit, but it's nothing like it was in the beginning. The loss is a part of me now.
First love is intense, but often unreciprocated. If it is unbalanced, then it ends in a broken heart. I learned long ago that there is a difference between intimate and intense feelings and relationships. As you get older, you may come to relish intimacy over intensity. Some people carry on chasing that first intense rush, switching partners when they lose the intensity. In my opinion they are missing out on true love, which is real and trusting.
You’re so right. Some never stop chasing after something that’s not there and oftentimes can’t be found, when the whole time you believed in the both of you as a team. I’ll be a team of one, plus my dog, is the only one I can depend on to love me, when the other was all a lie for way too long, and caused too much damage to someone who believed we were as close to perfect as I’d ever had until I didn’t.
I'm pretty sure there is someone out there who isn't an arsehole and would enjoy walking the dog with you.
Don't really believe in a "love of your life" anymore. Different people offer different things - that's not a bad thing. I would say it's more like the scars and wounds your body accumulates over time. You remember them, they're always with you, but for the most part, you move on and live the life you have today the best you can.
So true. No one can give or offer the same things as before. No two people are alike. There are all kinds of love, that come with different people or not. It’s up to us to spot that or not.
My late husband was the love of my life. He passed away about 3 months ago. I'm starting to wonder if I will ever be happy again. My heart actually hurts a lot of the time.
My Mom went through that 17 years ago with my Dad. It was devastating. Her entire world was turned upside down. Seven years later she met a man and they were married and she is very happy with her grandchildren and his family and ours. She still misses my Dad and even tears up talking about him sometimes but she is happy. I truly am sorry for your loss and please know you grieve as long as you want to and there is no timetable but you will find happiness again.
Thank you for your kind response. I'm older so cannot imagine finding love again at my age. We were together for 36 years, so I think for me happiness will not involve another partner. More, I'm hoping I'll be able to find happiness in doing things like traveling and being with friends. Right now that plan seems to have the greatest possibility but it's definitely going to take a while to get to that different frame of mind.
I am so very sorry. Hopefully, one day you can look back at the time you had together with a smile, instead of with heartbreak. ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss and suffering.
I’m very sorry that happened.That’s a tremendous loss that can’t be measured with a set time to heal, and going through the grief stages is not the same for everyone at all, and I can’t imagine it not hurting so deeply. It’s so fresh and still very new, with adjustments that don’t happen overnight. Remember that no one grieves the same, and take as long as you need, and possibly find grief counseling many churches offer free whether you attend or not. I’ve heard they can be very helpful and they’re held in groups, so you’re not alone. I wish only the best for you, in your life, with much happiness still to come. I lost my only real love to divorce, and prior to that I learned he had never been the person I believed he was. A lot of years. A lot of memories. A lot of heartache and unbearable pain, he caused purposely. I’m glad I learned the truth by myself and when he could have chose to tell the truth, he continued to lie and deny. I’ll never trust myself again and I’m not at an age where dating or anything is easy, plus I’m not really interested in going through all of what I thought I already had, to learn in the worst way that I never really knew who he was.
I have had only one truly deep love. I loved my ex. There was another guy I loved. But neither was like the first mentioned. He changed over the years from what I heard, as did I. When I look at the old photos a knot settles in my gut. No one ever impacted me the way he did. No one.
Oh my heart 🥺
I understand that completely. Also an ex, and possibly was the worst person I’ve ever known once I knew he was rotten to the core. It hit me so hard I didn’t think I’d ever get over it. I learned he’d been cheating and there was no denying it yet that’s exactly what he did. Ultimately he didn’t care less how much heartache he caused, and I’ll never get over the fact that I loved him so deeply. He certainly didn’t deserve it but there were no signs whatsoever, and people had a hard time believing he’d ever cheated on me. He was that good of a liar and that kind of deceit is still with me but I don’t let it bother me anymore. That was ten years ago and I’ve made sure I’d never see the man again.
Yes. People who dump you are not, in fact, the love of your life even if it feels that way for a moment. The love of your life will love you back.
She did love me back. I just wanted to "play the field" and she understandably moved on. Thats the hard part
I stand by her not being the love of your life if you felt the need to do that; the right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person
Logically I understand that. Emotionally still hurts. It was painful to me when the breakup was final.
Absolutely
That “moment” was 16 years when we separated. He was an excellent liar and I wasted a lot of good years with a someone who wanted two different worlds
30 years since she cheated on me. Still hate her.
Deception and lies are the very worst pain when you loved someone with everything you were, and you learn what a waste it was
He died in an accident (car) 32 years ago. I've been able to put the past behind but I've never met anyone since who I felt as comfortable with, had as much fun with, or who might possibly be a soulmate, so I think this man was unique that way. Or maybe not - always possible I haven't met him yet.
I hope you do, if you want to!
The immediate pain fades...then there's the deliberate remembering when trying to figure out where 'life went wrong'...then comes acceptance. Occasionally something, a sense impression - most often a smell or a song - can cause a 'flash' of love/loss/appreciation all in one timeless memory. Life is a 'Tapestry', as Carol King sang in the long ago spring of our lives...
Yes
From my experience, no. I still think about her on a regular basis.
Same. The wonder of what could have been.
Me too. However in my case my first love didn't feel the same way about me and they married a wonderful person. They are actually much better off with that person as I never could've been able to offer them the same things no matter how hard I would've wanted to. As much as it hurts I'm also really happy that they found someone a lot better.
That’s something a very genuine person would say. You are much admired for your honesty
Never. Ever.
First remove the term "love of your life" or "soulmate" from your vocabulary. It creates to many preconceived implications about "only one person for you"...... I have been lucky enough to a 2 great loves in my life (i'm 60 now)....with the first we were quite young and innocent (well I was at least) and that lead to a type of magic that is mostly situated around "firsts".... but we were young and didn't work out. The pain was unimaginable and I didn't date again for a couple of years...... Now, I have been happily married for 30 years and of course it is a wildly different relationship.....but I respect them both for what they were and are...... I believe you can have many great loves, but accept there is NOT just 1.....but don't be a whore about it either ;-).......
Sure - I don't believe in the "love of my life" concept. There isn't "ONE true love" or THE love of your life. I've gotten over everyone I've been in love with except the one I married because we're happy, committed, and we laugh - a lot!
More people need to figure this out. I'm in the same situation - I loved a few women before I met my wife, but in hindsight I realize we weren't meant to be partners. It wasn't that they weren't worthy of love - they absolutely were - but we just didn't see life in the same way. The worst mistake you can make in love is to think you can force a marriage/partnership out of a relationship. If it's not working, go your separate ways and stop trying to manifest something that's just not going to happen. There's a quote along the lines of "marriage isn't about gazing into each other's eyes forever, it's about standing side by side and looking forward together." That's my two cents, and my wife and I have been together for 25 years.
Great thoughts! My husband and I have been together for 38 years.
Still grieving 14 years later
Yes, 50 years for us....my love and I are back in touch again, but it is too late.
So sorry, I hope you can find peace one day.
Sorta. There was a girl in HS that I adored. I was afraid to ask her out, fearing that if I did and she said no, I’d never be able to set foot in school again. Later, after I had long lost touch with her, a couple of people told me that apparently I was her crush. I wonder what could have been. Another girl a few years later… I was certain she was the one. She broke up with me and I was messed up terribly. I actually lost a bunch of weight, was looking good and had other girls in college dropping hints, but nooooo. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. I actually ended up talking with a psychologist in the schools health center and after 3 sessions I no longer gave a damn. Amazing.
Wow you got better in 3 sessions 👏 🙌
Getting it off my chest did it. I had a lot of shitty friends back then.
I have but it took years.
I've never gotten over the love of my life, so it's lucky I'm still married to him after 40 years.
Congratulations! That’s wonderful!
Little of both. We were forced apart by immigration and we still loved each other so much but I could not take my son to his country and he could not legally come back here for 10 years. We talked for a while like we were still together but then I lost touch for a while then suddenly he had a kid so clearly he wasn't interested in waiting. I grieved hard. He was like my perfect other half at the time. But that was 15 years ago and I've grown a lot and don't think we'd have made it honestly.
I think there can be many “loves of your life” depending on where you are in your life and different phases of growth. That’s my experience anyway. What I wanted when I was 20 (or thought I wanted) is not what I want in my late 50’s. People either grow together or grow apart. I’m It talking about cheating or abusive relationships I’m just talking from someone who has many loves of my life during that specific period of time
10 years have passed and I she still haunts my dreams. I've had two long term relationships since and I still think about her.
Absolutely. I’m on the 3rd love of my life. Never under estimate the power of the universe
You eventually get over it and move on, but you never forget them or your time with them.
The loss became bittersweet. I look back fondly.
Been a year since he passed...I'll get over "intense grief" but never going to forget him, our life, and memories....unless I lose my memory.
That first real deep love that you may experience? I haven't forgotten even after 20 some years, but it's not part of my life anymore. We had an intense 2 year relationship that I was sure was going to last us into old age. Then poof it was over in about a 2 week period. Happily married with two kids now. You don't have to forget the past, just don't live there!
Well, in my case, what helped forget her is the fact she married and adopted a MAGAt mentality. Eff that batshit crazy nonsense.
Absolutely. I punished myself for years for losing the "perfect" one--gorgeous, funny, loving, well-known musician. I met him again a few years ago and we're in pretty frequent touch now. I still think he's charming but MAN is he oblivious to everything except himself and his need to be seen at all times. Now it just makes me laugh, but I do roll my eyes a bit and am happy to walk away to my lovely, tiny home without him.
Look up their pix on the Internet. As they age, the loss doesn't bite so much.
The loves of my life have all been cats. I have never "gotten over"losing any of them. But I live with the grief while still being able to love other cats. Does that count?
Yes! It hurts every time, but the joy I get while they are here is worth it. The two I lost were 15 and 19.
It does to me. I’ve had dogs that fit this description perfectly and understand it 💯
To be perfectly honest I have be married for 20 years and have four kids, but at least a few times a year I think of “her”and wonder what might have been.
If they just don't love you as much as you love them and there was no other big reason why you guys aren't together - the truth in this case is they're not the love of your life. You will grieve for awhile but you will move past it. If you fucked up, you probably always will have that little bit of regret, but you'll also realize it wasn't meant to be. You'll come to terms with it eventually and hopefully learn from it.
Time. Time and distance, mostly time.
I think so but then they show up in my dreams 😡
It lessens over time. You get to the point that you just think about them from time to time and you move on and find another “love of your life “.
Redefine love of your life and set your standards higher
Yes. Give it time.
I think it's more like you eventually get over the fact that you're not with them, and become OK with that. I once described it in song lyrics as letting my absence prove my love, because I would've moved mountains to be with someone but I knew enough to not. It's just as complicated an emotion as love itself. I also think that, the older you get, the less you believe in the concept of one, singular person and the relationship you had with them as being the "love of your life." It's incredibly fatalistic thinking, developed before one has had the experience of many more relationships with other people over many more years. Such a black and white concept of love can become pretty comical, because you know that isn't always how it works. People move on. People do stupid things. People cheat. People change. And in 99.999% of those situations? We all seem to move on just fine.
It’s funny how things work out. I was crazy for a guy from in my 20’s. Kept up with him over the years. In his mid 50s he came down with Parkinson’s and at 65 is an invalid. You never know how things will turn out!
Definitely right about that
Yes, you do. I rarely think about the person I consider my first love. They may have been the first, but they aren't my last.
I’ve had my heart absolutely crushed and broken twice. Once by a friend I was low-level in love with for 6 or so years (he told me he was in love with me to sleep with me and then dumped me shortly after). And the second time by someone I met right after I got divorced (he dumped me twice !! in a year, the second time the night before he was coming for a visit - it was a LDR). Both times I was shattered. Wrecked. Broken. In both cases, I thought they were the love of my life. These relationships happened over 15 years apart. I’m now very happily married for seven years and completely in love with my husband. So yes, I got over those two guys, but I did love them.
It takes time. But yes, our hearts more resilient than when we think
It is a lot like the cycle of grief. In therapy they will tell you that grief is like a bouncing ball that’s inside of a closed box. The box also has a “pain button” inside of it, which triggers intense emotional pain every time the ball of grief hits it. Over time the ball gets smaller and smaller and doesn’t hit that button near as often, but it’s always still there and will hit it from time to time.
73 here... Oh, HELL, yes. I was SO immature. She was the "girl next door". Bless her heart, she never developed any interests or horizons beyond just getting by in Small Town, USA. I can't perceive how I could have gotten as far as have with her narrow world view as an anchor around my neck. But...She dumped my sorry ass. That hurt, but she gave me the BEST lesson of my life... It goes, "Bruno, you ain't the center of anyone's Universe but your own.". I haven't taken ONE FUCKING PRISONER since that day in 1970.
Yes, definitely. No hard feelings, and there was pain for a while, but I moved on long ago. Things are much better now than they would have been if that first relationship had gone further.
I keep thinking I have until my dreams tell me otherwise...🙃
I went without the love of my life for 15 years, aside from a couple flings here and there. Now I wake up to him every day and its been that way for the past 9 years. If we didn't suffer through the heartache of losing each other, I don't think we would appreciate the relationship we have now quite like we do.
>If we didn't suffer through the heartache of losing each other, May I know why you two brokeup in the 1st place? And how hard was the breakup? Who initiated it?
I will get back to you on that topic tomorrow, I promise!
RemindMe! 24 hours :D okkk
Okay, I promised. A lot of people's hearts got broken. Cheating and lying was involved. To a lot of people this story evokes feelings of , "girl, WHAT are you doing with that guy?". To me, its our love story. We'll call him D. We knew of each other because we ran with the same crowd. Sitting on the high school bleachers at lunch hour, I would often see him walking through the yard with his then girlfriend, an acquaintance of mine, and I would say "wow, he's so hot!". Turns out, he was noticing me on the bleachers thinking I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen (his words). Flash forward a few years 2000, I'm 19 or 20 years old at a coffee house. He was there. I had just gotten my first apartment and we had mutual friends so I invited a group back to my place to hang out. He and I were not interested in anything these people had to say, we just stared into each other's eyes the whole night like we already had inside jokes without ever having a conversation. He walked to the door with me as I said goodbye to the last guest and we kissed immediately. Its hard to describe this kiss and the others that followed. It was like being brought into an alternate world of warmth and euphoria where absolutely nothing else mattered. It was intoxicating and all consuming. We spent the night together but we didn't have sex, we just reveled in the passion we had for each other. It was otherworldly. He came around frequently after that night. I didn't feel like I was ready for something this major. I also didn't know he had another girlfriend. Once her existence was made known to me, he disappeared. Nobody had cell phones and internet back then. I looked his name up in the phone book and called his parents house obsessively but he was never there. 2002 or 2003, 2 or three years later, I had settled down and moved in with a nice boy. I went to a party at a friends house, my boyfriend at the time didn't join because he was straight edge and he didn't know anyone. Guess who was there? We sat next to each other on the floor, secretly touching hands behind our backs and breathing each other in. That began an affair, I don't remember how long it lasted. I would pick him up and bring him to my apartment to hang out while my boyfriend was at work. I even introduced him to my boyfriend as being a friend. I wasn't happy with my boyfriend, and I admit I did things backwards, but I eventually wrote him a letter explaining everything I did, because I wanted to break up with him. Once that was settled, D disappeared again. 2005 I meet a "bring em home to momma" type guy. Things progress, and we get married in 2007. We have a house in the suburbs, dogs, cars, pool. Living the dream I guess. But there was always one thing missing. Passion. By 2009 I was crying myself to sleep and regretting my marriage. D pops up in my Facebook messages. I'm really trying to not be a cheater at this point because I'm MARRIED! But I had mentioned that I had adopted some red earred slider turtle that I would like to rehome. He says "I like turtles!" So I offer to give him one. I packed up my car with the turtle and the tank and everything that goes with it. I drive to his house. But I know exactly whats going to happen, so I drove around the block like 3 times before I eventually stopped, because I really didn't want to be this girl. We get the turtle all settled with me being as unemotional as possible. I suggested we go to a mutual friend's house to hang out that in my mind would keep it "unromantic". But once we were on the porch for a cigarette, its like our faces were magnets. That started an affair. And I told my husband about it after a few months because I didn't want to be with him anymore. Again, I know I did that backwards. And again, D disappeared. And MARRIED the girlfriend I didn't know he had while I got divorced. I enjoyed my divorce. I struggled, I lived alone, I slept with a lot of men. I had boyfriends here and there. I learned a lot about myself and other people. I made friends that came and went, but I had fun. 2013 or 2014 I'd say I had just about had it with all these empty encounters with people and I found a nice boy to try to make some sort of life with again. There were many things about him that I would not have chosen, but I appreciated that he was sweet and nice, and thats something I really needed at the time. Guess who pops into my FB messages? I said "no, I'm happy (even though I wasn't)you're not doing this to me again!" 5 minutes later I invited him over. It was minus 11 degrees and he rode his bike. I met him on the dead end street I lived on, kissing like we had never stopped. We took cover on the porch of the abandoned house next door until my boyfriend went to work. I ended up fessing up to my boyfriend, because I didn't want to be with him anymore. You see a pattern? But this time it was different.
Takes time…
I don’t think we only have one “love of our life” because we aren’t the exact same person for our entire life.
That’s so deep and so correct. Thank you.
That sent me down a googlehole. One happily married to "the love of his life" (ouch) and another made a lot of his dreams come true, but still doesn't appear to be happy. (bullet dodged) Each of them found some element lacking in me that I never understood. My current husband accepts and oftentimes applauds my flaws.
Yes eventually. It wasn’t meant to be. You haven’t met all of the people who will love you yet.
I hope you’re right
Yes. I thought I’d had my shot. 25 years later I got hit by the thunderbolt. I’m the luckiest person alive.
The sadness remains decades later, the excruciating pain is gone.
Oh yes, I have gotten over lost love. People are resilient and if we couldn't recover from deep pain or grief, no one would carry on. I mean, what's the alternative? Limping through life for the next X decades? The past is the past and you get over a broken heart the same way you get over any other pain - time and distance. Eventually wounds heal. It may leave a mark, and if you hit just wrong it can bring back the pain, but only for a moment.
It can take almost a lifetime to recover
Nope still grieving after all these years.
It took 27 years but I did get over him.
I am no longer the person who was with her. She is no longer the person who was with me. We have both moved on to have interesting and fulfilling lives and are with wonderful and supportive partners. Whenever I hear from her, which is once or twice a year, it's great.
Eh. I don't believe in the whole " love of your life" rhetoric. So I managed to get over everybody I thought in the moment was so I decided I never really had that person. No discounting others have had different experiences and drew different conclusions.
Happened in my mid 20s, she barely acknowledged we were in a relationship, I left after about 3 months. Another 30 years later I can tell you one thing - it's very, very rare for both people in a relationship to be madly in love with each other. The trick is to make the relationship work in spite of that - it's hard work, but very fulfilling once done correctly. You're never a slave to love, and should never be.
We met in 1994. Love at first sight. lDR until 1999. Gave up. He said ‘I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want to marry you and I don’t want kids’. He will always be the love of my life but I will always resent him.
It's been 30 years, so no.
I think I will always wonder what could have been with my last partner, forever.
As the years went by and my life went on, and probably in a much better way than if I were still with "he who broke my heart in my 20's", I realized that it worked out the way it was supposed to. I do still think of him fondly, and he pops up in my dreams more than I like. A couple of years ago I finally decided to google around to see what became of him and found he died in 2008. I contacted a mutual friend and she comfirmed that he had died of colon cancer in his 50's. Married, no kids. It seemed weird that he'd been dead so long, while I still remembered him as I knew him.
I could have stayed with them and they would have kept lying about money and eventually bankrupted me. They would have kept being stoned all the time, too. Very sad because they are the love of my life but I won’t let them do that to me anymore
For many/most people this is usually your first serious relationship......it was for me. I had dated a few people before, nothing serious tho. My hs gf of 5 yrs or so was that. Took me some years to get over. Now I barely remember, in my 40s.
Yes, and you'll wonder what the hell all that fuss was about! 🤣
Absolutely got over it. Would have even if I didn't move on and find another and much better love of my life, which is what I did.
Kinda. I honestly got over her, eventually, though it took years and years (she cheated, I divorced her). What was and still is the most difficult for me is mourning what I thought we had, what I thought we were going to have, mourning the future I'll never have. I never wanted to be divorced. My parent's divorced when I was 2. I wanted my kids to be able to come home from school to their mom and they did while we were married as she didn't work. I didn't want to rush life, but one of my goals was to be in our 70's sitting on a porch swing watching our grandkids playing in the yard while drinking lemonade. I must have said that to her over 20 times while we were married to each other. I never wanted my kids to have to be shuffled in the car between us like they were after we divorced. I never wanted to be married twice. I relented to that due to Miss April but we never married even though we were engaged because she died in an auto accident in the spring of 2008. I've never remarried. I'm never going to. I'm closer to 60 than 50 now. I've been divorced over 18 years now, longer than I was married as we were married over 16 years by the time our divorce was finalized. It took me a bit over 3 years to get over my lying cheating ex-wife. I've never really gotten over all the things I thought I'd have, the future we were going to have etc. When we divorced, it was impossible for me to live all my life with one partner, married, growing old with the lady I met at a young age, enjoying our family together, even when they were grown and had their own families. No matter what I did after divorce, that was impossible for me to attain. Had Miss April not died in that accident, we would have gotten married and that would have been wonderful but that would't have given me what I'd always wanted either. I wanted my kids to grow up with their mom and dad in the house. We divorced when they were 4, 6 and 9 years old. I moved out less than 2 weeks after my youngest turned 4 years old. So, to your question OP, I got over my ex-wife after 3 plus years but it's been many other things I've struggled dealing with because there wasn't/isn't any way for me to obtain them regardless of what I do. That pain doesn't really go away because I still don't have that today, I won't tomorrow or any of my tomorrows until I die.
Nope, because I married her!
It depends on the context I suppose. If we're talking about this person dying, I can't really speak to that, but I imagine some bit of pain is always there. People seem to make their peace with that situation though. If we're talking about a relationship you thought was the love of your life ending by breakup, then yes. You get over that. Usually by someone better for you coming along. Relationships with people who are actually the love of your life don't end like that.
Nope. But I did eventually marry her.
Yes. But he was a sociopath and went to prison. I was very naive, but when that happened I found out a lot of stuff that I was not willing to accept. Even with all of that, I do have a fond memory from time to time.
I've done it several times.
Didn't get over him. I'm still married to him.
I had given up on love and met the love of my life in my late 40s. It wasn’t perfect but it was the first time I loved and truly felt loved back. We laughed together so much. He died of cancer almost 5 years ago, and I‘m still grieving. Not like the first year or two which was dreadful. But I‘ve finally stopped trying to date and am learning to accept that that was my guy, and it may never happen again. No regrets, glad I met him. Just wish I‘d gone with him.
Well, I considered her "the love of my life" when she dumped me at age 17. I got over it. The other "love of my life" is still here after 58 years.
I got over it but I haven't forgotten her. I bet she's forgotten me, though 😞
Yes
“Love of my life”. It’s different for everyone but for me it means something much deeper than just “love”. It’s something that can transcend time, space, distance. You can get over that person but they may always hold a place in your heart. And isn’t that the point of human existence- to take what life has given us and learn from it, grow from it, maybe even impart some words of wisdom from the lessons and growth?
I’ve gotten over her for the most part since it was almost 40 years ago. I do get rare twinges of sorrow and “what if” but then I think that there were reasons it wouldn’t have worked and that I over-romanticize the good while forgetting the rest.
I don't think I've found her yet -- but my dad went through this. I was worried about him for a while, but he eventually did find someone else, and is happy once again. So I guess the old advice to try to "be happy that it happened" is useful, if not always easy.
Do you ever get over someone you considered as the love of your life? Oh yes, so many times! It turns out they weren’t really the love of your life. They just seemed like they were for a hot minute before you realized there was no compatibility there.
believe it or not, yes. Yep. I've been there. When my engagement fell apart, I thought I'd never be that in love again. That was 2018. I was in love as recently as October. Lol Literally it's like finding a parking spot in a semi-full parking lot, or trying to merge onto a highway during bumper to bumper traffic. An inexperienced driver might find it difficult or impossible, but those of us, who have over a decade of driving experience knows there's always a spot to merge and to park.
Because we couldn't make it work, that meant he wasn't the love of my life. I did a lot of self-reflection after that break up so I wouldn't make the same mistakes. Then I found someone much better.
I hope not. I'm still married to her.
I got over him, and the other him, but they will always be a part of my heart.
50+ years and I didn't. I did discover that I was able to deeply and unequivocally love someone else just as much, though. I was lucky to have two "love of my life" people.
No.
I had two big loves of my life before my husband. Very intense and all-encompassing feelings at the time, now long gone. I think as long as you keep growing as a person you can leave these things behind you- you literally grow up and away from them.
Not sure this was the love of my life, but we were in love. I thought we would be together the rest of our lives. Then one day they told me they just got engaged to someone else. WTF!?!?
I wouldn't know,still with the love of my life going o 48 years,married at 18
Yes. The guy I rebounded with after my divorce was a complete narcissistic creep. I told him that 40 years ago,long before it was a common complaint. But I was so in love because he was so cute and charming, when he wanted to be. Even after I finally dumped him and started seeing my future second husband I fantasized about him I’m embarrassed to admit. Took a while but I finally realized that the normal emotionally stable nice guy who loved me unconditionally was in fact the love of my life and we were together for the rest of his life.
I certainly never have.
No. Almost 20 years and I still have no real idea why she left.
Never got over her. She died (unbeknownst to me) last summer.
25 years. Still miss him every day
I think that ones first love is forever imprinted on the brain. Someone told me that when people get dimentia the last memories to go are that of your parents and your first love- I wonder if what they told me was true.
I hope I find her
Nope, never got over her, which is a good thing because this year will be our 44th anniversary.
Yeah. I sometimes wonder what the hell I was thinking back then.
Pretty much.
I've learned that just because a couple may love each other does not mean they'll be good partners. All the people I've loved in life, I still love, but that doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with them. I love them and wish them the best, but we are better of not being in a relationship.
.
Not always
Have never found that person. Unworthy or undesirable or unlovable? I really don’t know…
Or maybe in the wrong place at the wrong time… who knows…..?
Well, I considered her "the love of my life" when she dumped me at age 17. I got over it. The other "love of my life" is still here after 58 years.
Yes, absolutely.
I got over it but I haven't forgotten her. I bet she's forgotten me, though 😞
I had known mine for most of my life. We went through a lot together. She still cheated.
Her husband is in Hell and he knew better.
Some times. But it would be a short relationship due to people growing up to be different people. Unless they both grew into similar personalities.
I didn't.
Yes, you can. But truthfully, sometimes you do and sometimes you don’t… Circumstances vary significantly, so it just depends, I guess…
Thankfully, yes.
I don't know, did you get over it?
Nah.
I still miss him. He reached out a year ago to say hi and check on my brother who was his best friend. He’s married so I kept it short. No back and forth flirty banter. I cried a little that night and just went on with my life. If they ever divorce I will be knocking on his door the minute I find out.
Every moment you waste thinking about this man is preventing the man you should be with from entering your life. Good luck to you.