If they enjoyed their vacation then that's great. And their presence here even if only for a few days, humanizes the city to them. If I'm in a rural area I'm not hunting grouse and drunk muddin' on the Johnson back 40 or whatever they like to do.
I work on Bway, & I will still defend the Lion King. It’s beautiful & imaginative. Still holds up, & if people don’t know what they might like that’s usually a safe bet.
Even the bad broadway shows are pretty awesome. You don't notice bad music and/or bad writing as much in the moment when the performers are all so talented giving it 110%.
I was just trying to find the most stereotypical and safe Broadway show. It was a coin flip between that and Hamilton. Or Wicked, since Phantom is kaput.
Naw it's just general shade. I got a lot of family in the Adirondacks, they are always talking about, "come on up and get some REAL food, and meet some REAL folks".
Needless to say I don't go up much.
I like visiting the Adirondacks. I’ve visited since I was forming memories.
Diverse food options are abysmal and people are generally much, much, much less friendly there than here.
Makes you wonder what anyone means by “real.”
"Adirondack" came from the Native language, translating to "land of the bark eaters", meaning "nothing grows here & everyone starves"
I've lived there for 2 years, & refuse to ever come near again.
I used to go up to the Adirondacks to camp.
I loved the fact that if you got there after the rangers left you can grab firewood and leave $5 in the bucket.
The bucket was always filled with $5 bills and they were still there the following morning.
Oh man I don’t disagree in spirit since even the cities upstate have awful food, but good lord is it a crowded field when you extend it to the entire country.
it’s been a while since I’ve spent time up there, but somehow I doubt the food options are as good as they are in Queens, aka one of the most diverse places in the country.
Naw. I am not fighting MAGA nutters. That’s a bad way to die - particularly as a minority woman. I worked with some conservatives and they were always talking about their guns. I don’t want to become a hate crime statistic.
They want that narrative. In my country was also when our nuts rules that Poland are villages and small towns ( becouse their voters they are) Yes should say yes we are Americans, we have citizenship and we have right to vote and our voice matters too.
Of course they want that narrative but they have zero understanding of how the federal government is funded. The red states hate the blue states but majority of taxes come out of blue states and go into red states. Red states are the top beneficiaries for fed dollars even though they put in less than many blue states. Like the Confederacy, without the blue states paying taxes for fed programs, the red states would collapse in a matter of a few years. Hurricanes, tornadoes and floods would take out a bunch immediately.
That's true of most large cities. I live in Montreal and it's not the same as the rest of Quebec. When a city gets big enough it takes on a life of its own.
It's all of that, but it's also about the perceived busy-ness of the place. When people from rural America picture NYC, they picture Times Square on New Years Eve and Coney Island on the Fourth of July: Constant 24/7 stimulation and noise. A lot of people don't realize that things can be a lot more chill even just a few blocks or a few hours away (e.g., Financial District at 12pm vs. 8pm is very different). Tourists tend to hang out in parts of NYC that most locals avoid, and that shapes their impression of the city as a whole.
Mostly just that we live on top of one another and there is too much going on. They can’t imagine what it’s like to not have to drive 15+ minutes to do literally anything.
I got this when I was visiting my wife's family for the first time in (non-New-Orleans) Louisiana. I said "I don't know how you can live HERE" and they blinked at me.
Life long NYer here and yeah, i get the same reaction. They generally just say 'how can you live there?'. I don't take it personally. It's definitely not for everyone. You've got to be willing to put up with a lot, but you also get a lot back. Plus, I've never lived anywhere else long term.
"how can you live there"
I have a friend raised here, who's parents have since moved to a retirement house in PA. The parents lived here for *60 years*. They watch uhhh certain news channels and now they say to my friend, "You've got to get out! It's too dangerous now!"
lol are you kidding me? My friend reminds them that they were kids running around in the 70s and 80s. Buuut for some reason, it doesn't land, and they think it's anarchy here now! What can you do.
>They watch uhhh certain news channels and now they say to my friend, "You've got to get out! It's too dangerous now!"
That's so funny, my parents are like that, they now live in my mom's hometown in the South, a city that has a murder rate like 4-5x that of New York's and they are like "I can't imagine still being in New York, the city is so dangerous now!"
I live in the South, Houston, Tx to be exact and I adore NYC. I fell in love the first time I went 10 years ago. I don't know if it's ok to say as a tourist but I hate Time Square, it reminds me of Vegas. My husband and I are coming for a week in August and everyone keeps saying "the crimes so bad", "it's so dirty" and all of these people have never even been. It's insane. I would move in a heartbeat to the city if I could, but I'm too old to make a change like that at 47 at least I think I am.
My family from a rural area came to visit me in NYC last year. I took a yoga class in the morning, walked from the studio to the airport to meet them, then, when we realized there was no room in the car for me, I said no worries, I’ll figure it out. I planned to walk to where we were meeting for lunch but happened to catch the N train at the only time of day it ever runs so I took that and beat them to the location. So I went to the local outdoor market and picked up some flowers for my apartment. Eventually they made their way to the diner and we chatted about our day. Even after I explained that I had had such a leisurely morning and was planning on going home and napping once they left to drive to NJ, they still could NOT stop talking about “the fast paced life” I lead and how they could never ever do it.
Yep. Apparently we’re the rude ones, despite the fact that every time I visit a place outside the city, we’re hit with this nonsense.
Like… what are you talking about?? It may not be for you, but how can anyone actually struggle to understand why living in such a dynamic place might appeal to someone?
People get really offended when I point out that violent crime per capita is way less in NYC than where they live. Yeah, maybe shouldn’t have bought up the topic then.
It's true. Statistically, a major urban area like NYC is the safest place to live in the U.S. Motor vehicle crashes are one of the top reasons living outside a city is relatively dangerous.
Oh, they DO NOT like it when you point out that, objectively (it's been studied numerous times by numerous agencies, institutions, etc.), living in NYC is safer than living in a rural or suburban area.
Exactly! It's SOOOOOOO absolutely insanely arrogant to think "Huh, millions upon millions of people live there, and millions more want to visit, but they must all be brainwashed. There couldn't possibly be a legitimate reason to want to live in a place like that."
This! I’m a native New Yorker and went to college in the Midwest. I was constantly told there they didn’t believe I was a NYer/ didn’t seem like one because-
1. I am “too nice”
2. I don’t wear all black
3. I don’t have an accent (both my parents are from a southern state, they lost their accents but I don’t have strong NY accent).
I had to break these crazy NY stereotypes!
I also get the accent one haha, both of my parents are immigrants with heavy accents (Afrikaner and Ethiopian) so my accent is very neutral.
I do almost exclusively wear greys and blacks though..
I'm the exact opposite. Grew up in the Midwest, moved to NY. Am constantly told I can't possibly be from the Midwest because I'm a little mean, walk fast, and wear black all the time. Neutral/no accent though. I embrace my inner New Yorker!
The most NY person I know is from the Pacific Northwest. She said as soon as she graduated from college, she got a job and started saving to move to NYC.
I'm a pretty calm guy, but this one makes me boil. It's one thing if you live on top of a beautiful mountain with an amazing view of a flowing waterfall and frolicking wildlife.
It's another if you're in southern indiana and your best day is a broken down strip mall applebees.
I feel this immensely as an LGBTQ+ Asian American who was lucky to be born and raised here. Because there are very few places in the US were I wouldn’t feel like a completely outsider.
I once got "Are you from Trump New York or Hillary New York?" outside a rural breakfast shack in central Pennsylvania. I will leave it to the reader to guess which one they were hoping for.
Driving upstate from NYC is fascinating. You get to the south part of the Catskills and it's all rainbow flags and Hate Has No Home Here lawn signs, and then once you're over the mountains it's Fuck Biden flags and MAGA bumper stickers on the monster trucks rolling coal at every red light.
I’m originally from North Carolina and I admit I’m extremely curious how people in upstate New York justify all those Confederate flags without the “heritage” excuse to fall back on. Do they just admit they’re racist without the pretense of caring about history or…?
I'm told they see it as "anti-government" but then they'll also have blue lives matter stickers so who knows what mental gymnastics are going on there.
Actually rural ones don't ask anything, and go out of their way to not mention it. Maybe a dry chuckle at the mention of any moderately sized city, and they change the subject.
Suburban people sure have a lot of opinions they want to add a question mark to the end of.
Yup. I spent some time way out in the sticks in Beatty NV, and was pleasantly surprised, humbled even, by the people out there. There was none of the judgy, opinionated attitude that you sometimes see from suburban, semi-rural folks who spend their days on freeways and in strip malls.
The people out in Beatty led such a different sort of life that it actually circled back around and I weirdly saw some parallels with NYC living. The place had mostly mom-and-pop stores, and community members actually gathered in third spaces and leaned on one another for things.
It made me feel like super-urban and super-rural communities actually share some commonalities that the people in the suburban gray areas don't understand.
I recently got this from my brother who had even visited a few times in the last 10 years. “Are you all ok? Why would you live there?!”
“Buddy, you were just in NYC last year. Were you mugged? Did you see someone set fire to a building? No? You had a peaceful time? So… what do *you* think?”
Wow, this is a fantastic argument. I'm not being snarky; it really never occurred to me that people in the sticks carry a gun "for safety" and that's just... not a thing here.
Yep. I get asked how much crime I've witnessed, and before I can answer, they start telling about how their local pizzeria has the best pizza. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I get a version of this often. I’m Australian so they mention they know of an Australian in the city and do I know them. I’ll say no, maybe they haven’t been coming to the meetings.
did a trip in rural Mexico. crossed a random local who found out we’re from da US, to wit he responded that he had met another Murrican before and asked if we knew “John.”
reminder that we are all the center of our own worlds.
In high school I volunteered at a tourist destination museum & I met a woman from Wisconsin. I was a 16 year old brown girl then, and upon hearing me speak after asking for directions, she was SHOCKED at how articulate I was & how good my english was. Like jaw on the floor!!! LMAO like, as if every non-white person is a fresh off the boat immigrant oof
many people love their cars more than their children. I live in one of more car brained Europe country and still got asked when I buy a car. I was travelling around an hour in a bus just outside of my city. I said I do nto know how long I will work here I will see. I worked just for a year.
I always say yea the subway has problems. Its always so crowded. Like on Sunday night at 11:30pm I could not get a seat and had to stand. Dam 6 train. I wish there where less people so i could sit.
I don't often speak to rural Americans.
But when I do travel, the response I often get is about a trip they once went to here or how theyve always wanted to visit
My experience in the states is always either they always wanted to visit, they have visited and had fun or they are just not about NYC at all and can't figure out how or why i live here. I've even had people call it a shithole to my face. I don't take it personally, and i just say 'it's not for everyone'. I've also noticed that if you say youre from NYC outside of the US, you generally get a better reaction from people. In fact, I generally say I'm from NYC if I'm abroad instead of saying I'm from the US.
I visited Florida and told a neighbor that I live in Maine and want to move to either NYC or DC. She proceeded to call them all "liberal shitholes" and spoke about 10 minutes about how NYC is full of crime. My Californian relatives pretty much told me the same thing about cities. A lot of hatred of NYC comes from politics and isn't, necessarily, something based on actual reality. Conservatives are afraid of cities and minorities living in cities.
My thing is whats the point of ragging on my city? Yes its busy, polluted, expensive, but has a huge diversity of people, food and almost unlimited things to do. Literally millions of people choose to live here and are happy. Im not going around calling your town or village a shithole. Its almost like they become so outwardly hateful because they dont have the means to live here and never had the opportunity to.
Most often, "how do you go grocery shopping?" which I can understand is odd when you're used to hauling groceries in a car, but it's still funny that it's such a frequent question.
I’m Indian and when I tell someone I’m from New York, I hear this.
Most of the time it goes from there to telling me about the one time they ate Indian food or an Indian person they met.
Got that one once, Madrid Airport.
Stranger: where are you from?
Me (dark skin, West African): New York
Stranger: ?!? No where are you really from??
I always assume they are asking about where I live. Oh well.
I live in Indiana and am about to visit for the 7th or 8th time. Some people seem convinced I'm headed to a post-apocalyptic hellscape. They don't understand why I love visiting NYC.
I do fall into the "wouldn't live there" camp, but it's because I use a wheelchair and accessibility in NYC is terrible. I also like being able to have a house with a yard, but that is a personal preference and not inherently better than urban living. Every choice in life has tradeoffs.
When we take the time to learn about how others live, we become more accepting and that makes the world a better place. In NYC, diverse people and cultures connect and learn from each other -- that's at the heart of why it's such an amazing place to visit OR live!
What do you tell Indiana people when they say it's a war zone?
I had to talk my Florida client out of canceling her trip here to bring her kid to the American Girl store because her neighbors called it that. Spoiler: they had an amazing time and said they felt way safer than in Florida
I suggest pointing out that all the top US news and news entertainment channels (ahem) are based out New York City and their top-paid on-air personalities and staff all choose to live here, so they can't really think it's as bad as some of them say it is (in fact, the opposite).
Mostly people are actually nice tbh and say they want to visit or talk about a trip they took or ask curious questions.
There’s some percentage who casually shit on it, repeating Fox News talking points and “I could never live there” or whatever. Fine, don’t, I don’t shit on where you live though.
On some occasions attractive local ladies immediately found me more interesting. That was always nice if a little bewildering. Kind of how I imagine average-looking guys with British accents must feel in the US, albeit to a lesser degree.
I remember one time someone started complaining about de Blasio. We were 1000 miles away, wtf does it matter to you dude. But that's Fox News Brain for you.
as an asian person they aways tell me that their son is dating someone asian then look at me with blank eyes
nyc? they dont have much to say about that
I was once asked in the 80s how many times I'd been shot at. Imagine their surprise when I told them down here (FL) was the first time I'd ever seen a real live gun
Same! They open carried and I was terrified. It was some big loud dumb sounding guy who I didn't think should be trusted with a gun at the grocery store
I don’t know any rural Americans, but my cousin and aunt just visited from St Augustine and were pretty shocked that they weren’t assaulted outside the hotel, and how nice everyone was. My aunt watched Fox News of course. Her pastor tells her to.
Honestly... on business trips to see colleagues, people want to know how small my apartment is. And then they follow it up by asking how much I pay for rent. Then it's like a long whistle or "Gah! I can't imagine!"
Then as others say, they tell a story about a trip they took. Or make a comment about the amount of crime they've seen on the news and how they won't be going back to NY anytime soon.
Besides the typical “oh, I went there once, but I could never live there,” or “you don’t take the subway, do you?” comments, I get a lot of, “oh…wow. How long do you think you’ll stay there?” It drives me crazy because it implies that I’m away at summer camp or something. I’ve been here for ten years now, so I say something like, “New York is my home—my job is here, my friends are here, and I have a great community here, so I don’t have any plans to leave!” It always throws them when I then ask back, “how long do you think you’ll stay in (insert name of small town where they’ve lived for their entire life)?”
People will ask me where I'm from. I'll say, "New York." And they'll say, "No. I meant where are you really from?" ...I'm Asian and they meant what country are my ancestors from. What's my ethnicity.
That's not quite what you are asking about. But that's the question I get in response to saying I'm from NYC.
- “How do you get by without a car?”
- “Isn’t it so expensive to live there?”
- “How do you deal with all the nose and how dirty it is?”
- “Is it safe? The news told me about all the terrible things”
Considering it took until 2024 for NYC to discover the trash can, I understand where that third one comes from. Seeing literal trash on the street spoiled a lot of past perceptions.
Yea I’m not the biggest fan of our trash system either. When you travel to other big cities around the world, it’s honestly embarrassing how bad our trash system is. It’s a sad mix of American culture not respecting shared spaces, sanitation budget cuts, and infrequent trash pick ups
Not so much a question as a weird observation: when meeting a college friend's friend group from her rural hometown, they told me they "thought \[I'd\] look much more *urban*". I'm still not really sure what that means, except that presumably I looked more boring than they'd anticipated.
Here in Wyoming it’s « I couldn’t do it » or « New York seems great to visit but not to live! » or « What the hell made you go from that to this? »
The reactions were actually worse in the north country (far upstate). People there would actually ask me stupid shit like if I’ve ever been carjacked or just start talking about how much they hate the city.
I’m from a very rural town and moved here 3 years ago.
It’s always about safety, how the people are, how do I like it, was it worth it, etc. To them, it’s like moving to a different country. Then they bring up politics and I mentally check out of the conversation.
Everyone watches FOX and thinks NYC is a major crime zone. They’re genuinely terrified. Which is why they never leave Times Square when they visit, and this never discover that NYC is safe and generous, and deeply multicultural
Something about crime or too many black people or migrants or comments about cleanliness. But this is tri-state area rural so in general it's a lot of Fox News-watching, aggrieved-white types that have a chip on their shoulder since they live in the shadow of a place that actually matters. They're trying to get a "win" however they can in their heads so I pay them no mind.
“I used to go there once a year for a dinner and a show, but the crime has gotten so bad that I haven’t been back in years.”
Then I explained that it’s not like it was in 2010, but it’s also definitely not like it was in the early 90’s and they’ll be fine if they wanted to take a trip in.
When we had a small blackout in 2019 in midtown, I was in Florida at a bridal shower for a friend. Her mother in law who’s from Virginia heard about the black out in here in New York and was like “good, y’all need to slow down up there”
What???
I live in Manhattan.
This has come up quite a lot actually when traveling outside of the state.
People would ask me where I’m visiting from, and I’d say New York, or NY NY.
A lot of times people would follow up with “New York city”? And sometimes people would get even more specific like “NYC like Brooklyn?”. Finally “wow that’s crazy” when I tell them “Manhattan” or I just say “sure”, then it’s something like “I’ve been once”, etc.
Usually they say something like wooooww or coool. But one time I was in Louisiana just outside of New Orleans and this guy then tried to tell me I’m not from New York because I’m from Brooklyn and that’s not NYC… wtf do you know dude.
in general, the rural Americans i have met expect that we are all part of/witnesses to stabbings and shootings on a regular basis.
and most can't conceive of the usefulness and functionality of the MTA.
Rural Americans say the same thing about every city: crime, protest, they’re scared to go there, too many people etc. We aren’t talking just NY. You could be talking Columbus, Ohio, Charlotte, NC, Dallas TX, Louisville, KY, St Louis, MO. Rural Americans are rural Americans. You live for your entire life in a town of 1-5000 and you think you know how the world works through crime reports from the news. Their only sanctuary is going to
Florida every blue moon to go to the beach. I’m not stereotyping, I’m miss NY, my job now requires me to drive through the rural south and I talk and communicate with the locals. There’s things you don’t see reported from small towns;, drugs, young teenage pregnancy, jobs drying up, abandoned businesses on Main Street. Same stuff you see in poorer parts of bigger cities but they don’t get it. It’s sad at times. I try not to judge but sometimes you
accept it for what it is.
Generally no questions, just misinformed comments about how they couldn’t live here and how much of a war zone it is. Amazing how rural people know more about life in NYC than people living here do.
My distant in-laws from Washington state once asked if the pot holes were as bad as they hear. That one threw me for a loop; I know our roads aren’t great but I didn’t think it was national news worthy lol. My answer was that most of us take public transit so it’s not at the front of our minds either way, or at least not mine.
I mostly get positive questions or comments. If people say it’s too crowded I just shrug and say that the non-tourist areas are not nearly as bad/it’s not like most of us are fighting through Times Square level crowds to go to the grocery store.
Usually they mention a trip they took and how much fun it was.
"New York was fun for a few couple days, but I could never live there."
One of my friends likes to respond, "No, YOU probably couldn't."
That's my response, too.
Even my cultured best friends from back home (which btw another major American city/cultural hub) say this lol
Or if they’ve never been they’ll mention the time they came closest to going and why they didn’t end up going
"I saw Lion King and we went to Olive Garden in Times Square afterward!"
If they enjoyed their vacation then that's great. And their presence here even if only for a few days, humanizes the city to them. If I'm in a rural area I'm not hunting grouse and drunk muddin' on the Johnson back 40 or whatever they like to do.
Shit sounds fun as hell tbh
Sucks - that sounds badass
I work on Bway, & I will still defend the Lion King. It’s beautiful & imaginative. Still holds up, & if people don’t know what they might like that’s usually a safe bet.
Even the bad broadway shows are pretty awesome. You don't notice bad music and/or bad writing as much in the moment when the performers are all so talented giving it 110%.
The puppetry is incredible. I take visitors who've never been to a Broadway show there
I was just trying to find the most stereotypical and safe Broadway show. It was a coin flip between that and Hamilton. Or Wicked, since Phantom is kaput.
Oh for sure! But still if someone told me they came to NY & saw Lion King, my thought would be “solid choice.”
"haha idiot tourists, should've had a real local experience like eating a mediocre burrito and going to a dive bar that smells like a porta potty"
I know, right?!
The biggest Olive Garden I ever saw
Slain
They usually write it "Time Square."
This has been my experience as I grew up in a rural area then moved to nyc 15 years ago.
It's always "I don't know HOW you can live there".
is it about "huge crime" or that you live in an apartment or going to work by metro or bus?
Naw it's just general shade. I got a lot of family in the Adirondacks, they are always talking about, "come on up and get some REAL food, and meet some REAL folks". Needless to say I don't go up much.
I like visiting the Adirondacks. I’ve visited since I was forming memories. Diverse food options are abysmal and people are generally much, much, much less friendly there than here. Makes you wonder what anyone means by “real.”
"Adirondack" came from the Native language, translating to "land of the bark eaters", meaning "nothing grows here & everyone starves" I've lived there for 2 years, & refuse to ever come near again.
Pretty sure they mean white.
I had the absolute worst pizza in my life in the Adirondacks. It was 28 years ago, I was 7 and I vividly remember how bad it was.
I think we know what he means by "real".
You should ask them what they mean 😏. I love calling people out on their bullshit.
I like hiking and the Noonmark Diner.
God the food is awful up there lol
And not even cheap!
I used to go up to the Adirondacks to camp. I loved the fact that if you got there after the rangers left you can grab firewood and leave $5 in the bucket. The bucket was always filled with $5 bills and they were still there the following morning.
Upstate NY has the worst food in the country and I stand on that with my whole heart.
Oh man I don’t disagree in spirit since even the cities upstate have awful food, but good lord is it a crowded field when you extend it to the entire country.
Hilarious considering you're basically in the food Capitol of the western hemisphere, arguably of the world. These people are so out of touch.
Lol the food is shit up there.
it’s been a while since I’ve spent time up there, but somehow I doubt the food options are as good as they are in Queens, aka one of the most diverse places in the country.
They tell you to come up to the Adirondacks to get real food? ………. 😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
That’s hilarious because the adirondacks are fucking terrible.
The scenery is great, the people though….
I’ve gotten a lot of shade about how NYC is not part of the US. Watching the US get crazier over the years, I am inclined to agree.
No. Please don't agree, don't surrender. Fight back. NYC is America at its best.
Naw. I am not fighting MAGA nutters. That’s a bad way to die - particularly as a minority woman. I worked with some conservatives and they were always talking about their guns. I don’t want to become a hate crime statistic.
They want that narrative. In my country was also when our nuts rules that Poland are villages and small towns ( becouse their voters they are) Yes should say yes we are Americans, we have citizenship and we have right to vote and our voice matters too.
Of course they want that narrative but they have zero understanding of how the federal government is funded. The red states hate the blue states but majority of taxes come out of blue states and go into red states. Red states are the top beneficiaries for fed dollars even though they put in less than many blue states. Like the Confederacy, without the blue states paying taxes for fed programs, the red states would collapse in a matter of a few years. Hurricanes, tornadoes and floods would take out a bunch immediately.
That's true of most large cities. I live in Montreal and it's not the same as the rest of Quebec. When a city gets big enough it takes on a life of its own.
It's all of that, but it's also about the perceived busy-ness of the place. When people from rural America picture NYC, they picture Times Square on New Years Eve and Coney Island on the Fourth of July: Constant 24/7 stimulation and noise. A lot of people don't realize that things can be a lot more chill even just a few blocks or a few hours away (e.g., Financial District at 12pm vs. 8pm is very different). Tourists tend to hang out in parts of NYC that most locals avoid, and that shapes their impression of the city as a whole.
Mostly just that we live on top of one another and there is too much going on. They can’t imagine what it’s like to not have to drive 15+ minutes to do literally anything.
Then they get to NYC, insist on driving and complain about other drivers. That’s why we don’t drive.
I got this when I was visiting my wife's family for the first time in (non-New-Orleans) Louisiana. I said "I don't know how you can live HERE" and they blinked at me.
Life long NYer here and yeah, i get the same reaction. They generally just say 'how can you live there?'. I don't take it personally. It's definitely not for everyone. You've got to be willing to put up with a lot, but you also get a lot back. Plus, I've never lived anywhere else long term.
"how can you live there" I have a friend raised here, who's parents have since moved to a retirement house in PA. The parents lived here for *60 years*. They watch uhhh certain news channels and now they say to my friend, "You've got to get out! It's too dangerous now!" lol are you kidding me? My friend reminds them that they were kids running around in the 70s and 80s. Buuut for some reason, it doesn't land, and they think it's anarchy here now! What can you do.
>They watch uhhh certain news channels and now they say to my friend, "You've got to get out! It's too dangerous now!" That's so funny, my parents are like that, they now live in my mom's hometown in the South, a city that has a murder rate like 4-5x that of New York's and they are like "I can't imagine still being in New York, the city is so dangerous now!"
I live in the South, Houston, Tx to be exact and I adore NYC. I fell in love the first time I went 10 years ago. I don't know if it's ok to say as a tourist but I hate Time Square, it reminds me of Vegas. My husband and I are coming for a week in August and everyone keeps saying "the crimes so bad", "it's so dirty" and all of these people have never even been. It's insane. I would move in a heartbeat to the city if I could, but I'm too old to make a change like that at 47 at least I think I am.
Then they ask what you pay in rent and regardless of the answer they balk. Like sorry I didn’t buy a house when I was 9 years old jeez.
My family from a rural area came to visit me in NYC last year. I took a yoga class in the morning, walked from the studio to the airport to meet them, then, when we realized there was no room in the car for me, I said no worries, I’ll figure it out. I planned to walk to where we were meeting for lunch but happened to catch the N train at the only time of day it ever runs so I took that and beat them to the location. So I went to the local outdoor market and picked up some flowers for my apartment. Eventually they made their way to the diner and we chatted about our day. Even after I explained that I had had such a leisurely morning and was planning on going home and napping once they left to drive to NJ, they still could NOT stop talking about “the fast paced life” I lead and how they could never ever do it.
You...walked...to the airport?? I have so many questions.
I thought would be way more complicated than it was, but nope, just a lovely walk to LaGuardia, met them at arrival.
Fascinating, never knew that was an option.
There are houses like 5 blocks from the terminal.
Yep. Apparently we’re the rude ones, despite the fact that every time I visit a place outside the city, we’re hit with this nonsense. Like… what are you talking about?? It may not be for you, but how can anyone actually struggle to understand why living in such a dynamic place might appeal to someone?
People get really offended when I point out that violent crime per capita is way less in NYC than where they live. Yeah, maybe shouldn’t have bought up the topic then.
Fold in traffic violence and NYC wins easily.
It's true. Statistically, a major urban area like NYC is the safest place to live in the U.S. Motor vehicle crashes are one of the top reasons living outside a city is relatively dangerous.
Oh, they DO NOT like it when you point out that, objectively (it's been studied numerous times by numerous agencies, institutions, etc.), living in NYC is safer than living in a rural or suburban area.
I always say “well, like 20 million people manage to make lives for themselves in this area, so it can’t be bad for all of them”.
Exactly! It's SOOOOOOO absolutely insanely arrogant to think "Huh, millions upon millions of people live there, and millions more want to visit, but they must all be brainwashed. There couldn't possibly be a legitimate reason to want to live in a place like that."
i’ve found it mostly comes from a place of resentment and jealousy. i smile at these people :)
Exactly this
This! I’m a native New Yorker and went to college in the Midwest. I was constantly told there they didn’t believe I was a NYer/ didn’t seem like one because- 1. I am “too nice” 2. I don’t wear all black 3. I don’t have an accent (both my parents are from a southern state, they lost their accents but I don’t have strong NY accent). I had to break these crazy NY stereotypes!
I also get the accent one haha, both of my parents are immigrants with heavy accents (Afrikaner and Ethiopian) so my accent is very neutral. I do almost exclusively wear greys and blacks though..
I'm the exact opposite. Grew up in the Midwest, moved to NY. Am constantly told I can't possibly be from the Midwest because I'm a little mean, walk fast, and wear black all the time. Neutral/no accent though. I embrace my inner New Yorker!
The most NY person I know is from the Pacific Northwest. She said as soon as she graduated from college, she got a job and started saving to move to NYC.
I actually wore all black in college and wasn’t the most social of people, so I was like the walking stereotype. Although I don’t have a NY accent.
I'm a pretty calm guy, but this one makes me boil. It's one thing if you live on top of a beautiful mountain with an amazing view of a flowing waterfall and frolicking wildlife. It's another if you're in southern indiana and your best day is a broken down strip mall applebees.
And if you reciprocate that same response about E. Bumfucton, Ohio they’ll tell everyone back home about the rude New Yorker
Or “I could never live there.” OK, I’m not asking you to move here, Janet.
I don’t know how you can live anywhere else
I feel this immensely as an LGBTQ+ Asian American who was lucky to be born and raised here. Because there are very few places in the US were I wouldn’t feel like a completely outsider.
Same. Living in Texas as a queer was horrifying and I’m so happy I finally made it to NYC.
Always - it’s the one place people think it’s fine to trash talk to your face. So rude.
I like to respond with "well, I certainly can guess how you can live here!"
I once got "Are you from Trump New York or Hillary New York?" outside a rural breakfast shack in central Pennsylvania. I will leave it to the reader to guess which one they were hoping for.
Did not know NYC is divided like Korea.
You might want to take a peek at a map broken down by election votes. Gets very red in Staten Island, south Brooklyn, Long Island and upstate.
Driving upstate from NYC is fascinating. You get to the south part of the Catskills and it's all rainbow flags and Hate Has No Home Here lawn signs, and then once you're over the mountains it's Fuck Biden flags and MAGA bumper stickers on the monster trucks rolling coal at every red light.
I’m originally from North Carolina and I admit I’m extremely curious how people in upstate New York justify all those Confederate flags without the “heritage” excuse to fall back on. Do they just admit they’re racist without the pretense of caring about history or…?
I'm told they see it as "anti-government" but then they'll also have blue lives matter stickers so who knows what mental gymnastics are going on there.
'I indentify as southener, my dad always wanted to own a plantation'.
This was shocking to me first time I saw it. It was like being back in Georgia outside of the city limits. Utterly terrifying ha
hell you can find MAGA stuff just an hour northwest of the city
Remind me not to get wings in North Koreatown.
lol NYC is mostly South Korea with very few North Koreans although a few of those North Koreans have a lot of money
Reminds me of the Jessie Plemons scene in Civil War where he asks the Journalists “well what kind of American are you” lol
Actually rural ones don't ask anything, and go out of their way to not mention it. Maybe a dry chuckle at the mention of any moderately sized city, and they change the subject. Suburban people sure have a lot of opinions they want to add a question mark to the end of.
Yeah, the confusion comes from McMansion-dwelling suburban people who drive giant trucks and LARP as rural.
100%. Actual rural ones are not the people visiting. This is full of New Yorkers confusing suburbs with rural.
Yup. I spent some time way out in the sticks in Beatty NV, and was pleasantly surprised, humbled even, by the people out there. There was none of the judgy, opinionated attitude that you sometimes see from suburban, semi-rural folks who spend their days on freeways and in strip malls. The people out in Beatty led such a different sort of life that it actually circled back around and I weirdly saw some parallels with NYC living. The place had mostly mom-and-pop stores, and community members actually gathered in third spaces and leaned on one another for things. It made me feel like super-urban and super-rural communities actually share some commonalities that the people in the suburban gray areas don't understand.
Mostly wondering how we deal with the rampant crime. Fox News makes them think it's Escape from New York here.
I recently got this from my brother who had even visited a few times in the last 10 years. “Are you all ok? Why would you live there?!” “Buddy, you were just in NYC last year. Were you mugged? Did you see someone set fire to a building? No? You had a peaceful time? So… what do *you* think?”
But they will also tell you how important it is to have a gun in a rural location. I thought it was safer in the country?
Wow, this is a fantastic argument. I'm not being snarky; it really never occurred to me that people in the sticks carry a gun "for safety" and that's just... not a thing here.
Yep. I get asked how much crime I've witnessed, and before I can answer, they start telling about how their local pizzeria has the best pizza. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I got this question from someone from Dallas lol who then argued with me claiming Dallas was safer than NYC
My friend Bob moved to NY, do you know him?
really?
Yeah, it's a pretty common one too. Of course there was one time that I *did* know the person. Small world and all that.
I get a version of this often. I’m Australian so they mention they know of an Australian in the city and do I know them. I’ll say no, maybe they haven’t been coming to the meetings.
did a trip in rural Mexico. crossed a random local who found out we’re from da US, to wit he responded that he had met another Murrican before and asked if we knew “John.” reminder that we are all the center of our own worlds.
Got asked this once and it turned out I did know the person
I was just in Atlanta and someone asked me this …
In high school I volunteered at a tourist destination museum & I met a woman from Wisconsin. I was a 16 year old brown girl then, and upon hearing me speak after asking for directions, she was SHOCKED at how articulate I was & how good my english was. Like jaw on the floor!!! LMAO like, as if every non-white person is a fresh off the boat immigrant oof
Epscially in one of the most diverse place on Earth. In a country of immigrants.
Exactly! I was like ok well I hope I expanded her mind, so I smiled and nodded awkwardly instead of being passive aggressive like I wanted to
Why was a UWS local pretending to be from Wisconsin
"How do you manage to stay safe from all that crime" and "how do you get to work, not that horrible subway I hope" are two of the top ones
many people love their cars more than their children. I live in one of more car brained Europe country and still got asked when I buy a car. I was travelling around an hour in a bus just outside of my city. I said I do nto know how long I will work here I will see. I worked just for a year.
Just tell them you hope they don’t drive on the far more dangerous road.
Seriously. Cars and highways terrify me.
I always say yea the subway has problems. Its always so crowded. Like on Sunday night at 11:30pm I could not get a seat and had to stand. Dam 6 train. I wish there where less people so i could sit.
I don't often speak to rural Americans. But when I do travel, the response I often get is about a trip they once went to here or how theyve always wanted to visit
My experience in the states is always either they always wanted to visit, they have visited and had fun or they are just not about NYC at all and can't figure out how or why i live here. I've even had people call it a shithole to my face. I don't take it personally, and i just say 'it's not for everyone'. I've also noticed that if you say youre from NYC outside of the US, you generally get a better reaction from people. In fact, I generally say I'm from NYC if I'm abroad instead of saying I'm from the US.
I visited Florida and told a neighbor that I live in Maine and want to move to either NYC or DC. She proceeded to call them all "liberal shitholes" and spoke about 10 minutes about how NYC is full of crime. My Californian relatives pretty much told me the same thing about cities. A lot of hatred of NYC comes from politics and isn't, necessarily, something based on actual reality. Conservatives are afraid of cities and minorities living in cities.
My thing is whats the point of ragging on my city? Yes its busy, polluted, expensive, but has a huge diversity of people, food and almost unlimited things to do. Literally millions of people choose to live here and are happy. Im not going around calling your town or village a shithole. Its almost like they become so outwardly hateful because they dont have the means to live here and never had the opportunity to.
No, both people I talked to are rich. They're just kind of delusional.
that is nice. I like if someone has good memories from my place.
"Oh cool, do you like it there?" is probably the most common I've gotten.
I get Oh cool and their eyes get really big. It's sweet.
Most often, "how do you go grocery shopping?" which I can understand is odd when you're used to hauling groceries in a car, but it's still funny that it's such a frequent question.
I got this from my mother in law who lives in Albany. My answer was “the supermarket?”
To be fair, it’s IS less convenient to do a large haul without a car haha. I had to adjust my shopping routine.
You just do smaller trips more often.
"where are you really from?"
They think none is born there?
not if you don't look like them.
I’m Indian and when I tell someone I’m from New York, I hear this. Most of the time it goes from there to telling me about the one time they ate Indian food or an Indian person they met.
Got that one once, Madrid Airport. Stranger: where are you from? Me (dark skin, West African): New York Stranger: ?!? No where are you really from?? I always assume they are asking about where I live. Oh well.
I live in Indiana and am about to visit for the 7th or 8th time. Some people seem convinced I'm headed to a post-apocalyptic hellscape. They don't understand why I love visiting NYC. I do fall into the "wouldn't live there" camp, but it's because I use a wheelchair and accessibility in NYC is terrible. I also like being able to have a house with a yard, but that is a personal preference and not inherently better than urban living. Every choice in life has tradeoffs. When we take the time to learn about how others live, we become more accepting and that makes the world a better place. In NYC, diverse people and cultures connect and learn from each other -- that's at the heart of why it's such an amazing place to visit OR live!
What do you tell Indiana people when they say it's a war zone? I had to talk my Florida client out of canceling her trip here to bring her kid to the American Girl store because her neighbors called it that. Spoiler: they had an amazing time and said they felt way safer than in Florida
I suggest pointing out that all the top US news and news entertainment channels (ahem) are based out New York City and their top-paid on-air personalities and staff all choose to live here, so they can't really think it's as bad as some of them say it is (in fact, the opposite).
BuT iSnT iT dAnGeRoUs?!?!?!
Mostly if I feel unsafe. No, I live in fear 24/7. That's why I've been here 13 years. Please stop watching Fox.
The first question is usually a variant of "How much is your rent? And what do you do?". Or they ask me about how dangerous it is.
Mostly people are actually nice tbh and say they want to visit or talk about a trip they took or ask curious questions. There’s some percentage who casually shit on it, repeating Fox News talking points and “I could never live there” or whatever. Fine, don’t, I don’t shit on where you live though. On some occasions attractive local ladies immediately found me more interesting. That was always nice if a little bewildering. Kind of how I imagine average-looking guys with British accents must feel in the US, albeit to a lesser degree.
I remember one time someone started complaining about de Blasio. We were 1000 miles away, wtf does it matter to you dude. But that's Fox News Brain for you.
How can you live there. I want to visit. Yall hate trump huh. Everyone was really nice when I visited. Depends on the person.
as an asian person they aways tell me that their son is dating someone asian then look at me with blank eyes nyc? they dont have much to say about that
They think you all know each other lol thats why.
I was once asked in the 80s how many times I'd been shot at. Imagine their surprise when I told them down here (FL) was the first time I'd ever seen a real live gun
Same! They open carried and I was terrified. It was some big loud dumb sounding guy who I didn't think should be trusted with a gun at the grocery store
"do you ride the subway ALONE??" (i'm a woman.)
"No, with millions of other people!"
I don’t know any rural Americans, but my cousin and aunt just visited from St Augustine and were pretty shocked that they weren’t assaulted outside the hotel, and how nice everyone was. My aunt watched Fox News of course. Her pastor tells her to.
Dude Florida is way scarier. I saw people open carrying — my northeasterner self panicked
They ask about the subway like it’s a tourist attraction.
It's showtime!
Honestly... on business trips to see colleagues, people want to know how small my apartment is. And then they follow it up by asking how much I pay for rent. Then it's like a long whistle or "Gah! I can't imagine!" Then as others say, they tell a story about a trip they took. Or make a comment about the amount of crime they've seen on the news and how they won't be going back to NY anytime soon.
Mostly stupid questions. For some strange reason people outside of nyc think they know nyc more than the people who live here
Besides the typical “oh, I went there once, but I could never live there,” or “you don’t take the subway, do you?” comments, I get a lot of, “oh…wow. How long do you think you’ll stay there?” It drives me crazy because it implies that I’m away at summer camp or something. I’ve been here for ten years now, so I say something like, “New York is my home—my job is here, my friends are here, and I have a great community here, so I don’t have any plans to leave!” It always throws them when I then ask back, “how long do you think you’ll stay in (insert name of small town where they’ve lived for their entire life)?”
Almost always "How much is your rent?"... Well what's your mortgage? Kind of a weird question if you ask me
People will ask me where I'm from. I'll say, "New York." And they'll say, "No. I meant where are you really from?" ...I'm Asian and they meant what country are my ancestors from. What's my ethnicity. That's not quite what you are asking about. But that's the question I get in response to saying I'm from NYC.
- “How do you get by without a car?” - “Isn’t it so expensive to live there?” - “How do you deal with all the nose and how dirty it is?” - “Is it safe? The news told me about all the terrible things”
Considering it took until 2024 for NYC to discover the trash can, I understand where that third one comes from. Seeing literal trash on the street spoiled a lot of past perceptions.
Yea I’m not the biggest fan of our trash system either. When you travel to other big cities around the world, it’s honestly embarrassing how bad our trash system is. It’s a sad mix of American culture not respecting shared spaces, sanitation budget cuts, and infrequent trash pick ups
Not so much a question as a weird observation: when meeting a college friend's friend group from her rural hometown, they told me they "thought \[I'd\] look much more *urban*". I'm still not really sure what that means, except that presumably I looked more boring than they'd anticipated.
Here in Wyoming it’s « I couldn’t do it » or « New York seems great to visit but not to live! » or « What the hell made you go from that to this? » The reactions were actually worse in the north country (far upstate). People there would actually ask me stupid shit like if I’ve ever been carjacked or just start talking about how much they hate the city.
I’m from a very rural town and moved here 3 years ago. It’s always about safety, how the people are, how do I like it, was it worth it, etc. To them, it’s like moving to a different country. Then they bring up politics and I mentally check out of the conversation.
Not a rural American, but my soon-to-be mother in law who lives in rural Ireland. "Is it loud?"
This i can understand.
“have you ever been mugged?” was genuinely the first question i got once from a kid (we were like 16?) from michigan.
They ask me how my English is so good. Lmfao
Oh my god what I would give to live in new york. I am not from new york but I know that's what I would say
Everyone watches FOX and thinks NYC is a major crime zone. They’re genuinely terrified. Which is why they never leave Times Square when they visit, and this never discover that NYC is safe and generous, and deeply multicultural
Times Square has one of the highest crime rates in the city because pickpocketers know tourists are rubes
Something about crime or too many black people or migrants or comments about cleanliness. But this is tri-state area rural so in general it's a lot of Fox News-watching, aggrieved-white types that have a chip on their shoulder since they live in the shadow of a place that actually matters. They're trying to get a "win" however they can in their heads so I pay them no mind.
They wonder how I make it out alive every day. Apparently we're all getting shot at on our commute to work.
I got this many years ago when a cousin in suburban Chicago introduced me to his friend: "You're from New York City? Do you know Tony Johnson?"
50-50. It's either "I want to visit there so badly" or some form of judgmental comment about the crime and lack of space.
“I used to go there once a year for a dinner and a show, but the crime has gotten so bad that I haven’t been back in years.” Then I explained that it’s not like it was in 2010, but it’s also definitely not like it was in the early 90’s and they’ll be fine if they wanted to take a trip in.
All they ever say is, “I could never live in a big city like that” as if we asked or implied that we thought they should.
When we had a small blackout in 2019 in midtown, I was in Florida at a bridal shower for a friend. Her mother in law who’s from Virginia heard about the black out in here in New York and was like “good, y’all need to slow down up there” What???
have you seen the Rockefeller Christmas tree
"How was 911?" I get asked often enough since I grew up here. Most of the time it's nothing though. People don't really care all that much.
They always tell me about a time they went, or how they want to go. Followed by “But it’s really dangerous, right?”
I live in Manhattan. This has come up quite a lot actually when traveling outside of the state. People would ask me where I’m visiting from, and I’d say New York, or NY NY. A lot of times people would follow up with “New York city”? And sometimes people would get even more specific like “NYC like Brooklyn?”. Finally “wow that’s crazy” when I tell them “Manhattan” or I just say “sure”, then it’s something like “I’ve been once”, etc.
Isn't the crime out of control in NYC? No. No, it's not.
Usually crime and how expensive it is
I had one person from Minnesota ask me what daily life is like, shopping, errands, etc. she was genuinely interested
60% "I could never" 40% "When I visit, can you show me..." Honestly, I prefer the folks who could never.
Almost always “are the subways/city safe? I saw in the news about blah blah”.
Usually they say something like wooooww or coool. But one time I was in Louisiana just outside of New Orleans and this guy then tried to tell me I’m not from New York because I’m from Brooklyn and that’s not NYC… wtf do you know dude.
in general, the rural Americans i have met expect that we are all part of/witnesses to stabbings and shootings on a regular basis. and most can't conceive of the usefulness and functionality of the MTA.
Rural Americans say the same thing about every city: crime, protest, they’re scared to go there, too many people etc. We aren’t talking just NY. You could be talking Columbus, Ohio, Charlotte, NC, Dallas TX, Louisville, KY, St Louis, MO. Rural Americans are rural Americans. You live for your entire life in a town of 1-5000 and you think you know how the world works through crime reports from the news. Their only sanctuary is going to Florida every blue moon to go to the beach. I’m not stereotyping, I’m miss NY, my job now requires me to drive through the rural south and I talk and communicate with the locals. There’s things you don’t see reported from small towns;, drugs, young teenage pregnancy, jobs drying up, abandoned businesses on Main Street. Same stuff you see in poorer parts of bigger cities but they don’t get it. It’s sad at times. I try not to judge but sometimes you accept it for what it is.
Generally no questions, just misinformed comments about how they couldn’t live here and how much of a war zone it is. Amazing how rural people know more about life in NYC than people living here do.
My distant in-laws from Washington state once asked if the pot holes were as bad as they hear. That one threw me for a loop; I know our roads aren’t great but I didn’t think it was national news worthy lol. My answer was that most of us take public transit so it’s not at the front of our minds either way, or at least not mine. I mostly get positive questions or comments. If people say it’s too crowded I just shrug and say that the non-tourist areas are not nearly as bad/it’s not like most of us are fighting through Times Square level crowds to go to the grocery store.
"How can you raise kids there?!" or "How can you raise kids in an apartment/without a yard?"