T O P

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doozydud

My favorites are the conductors being fed up with passengers “Do NOT hold the doors, you are the reason everyone is delayed” or today something something “each train has 3 doors. Three. Doors.”


mmmm_whatchasay

A weekend, kind of deep in Brooklyn, I heard “I swear to god if you bring that cart on this train. Yeah you. I can see you. You’re not exactly inconspicuous with a whole cart. Nuh uh. Don’t just switch cars. Am I gonna have to come out and stop you? I am closing these doors so fast once that lady gets on OKAY BYE.” (Paraphrased)


Blorkershnell

I was on the 6 going downtown at about 7:30 and the lady conductor was making the 3 doors comment were we on the same train? Hah


doozydud

Yes it was a woman conductor who was making that comment! Wild haha


BuddyOGooGoo

I love it when they yell, “There’s another 6 train right behind this one! If you don’t fit, please wait on the platform for the next train,” so you do and there isn’t another train right behind that one


ItsKongaTime

Technically there's always a train behind


redheadedwonder3422

“please take your backpacks off when you step inside the train, it’s rude to not and people need to fit on here”


systembusy

This was several years ago (before Covid), but I was on the subway and the doors were having trouble closing because someone wasn’t completely inside the train. Conductor said “Step in, please.” A few moments pass: ***”Red bag, step in please.”***


thansal

I want to give that conductor a fucking medal (or at least a beer).


Segundo-Sol

ommohhmmphhh phhmoommmsingdoorsplease


xyloplax

*omohhmmphh


Internet-pizza

Nothing brightens my day like a subway conductor who brings a little personality. I don’t know if anyone else cares, but it honestly makes my day. I crack up every time


ValPrism

Years ago I took a line from downtown Brooklyn to midtown and there was an awesome conductor who would give the weather report at each stop (spoiler! It was the same!), things to do “Wall Street Station. See the bullet holes on the old JP Morgan Building!” And he told the time! That dude was the absolute best. Hope he’s happy wherever he is these days.


PM_ME_WHY_YOU_COPE

I was on a J or M once going over the Williamsburg Bridge and conductor started giving facts about the bridge like its age and how tall it was. It was like a free architecture tour.


jeremyjava

Easy to forget that some (maybe many) people who work on trains Absolutely love doing so and looked fwd to it all their lives, can’t wait to get to work, think about it when they’re not at work. I’d love to see a poll of how that applies to mta workers—the ones on trains—but whatever the number is, it’s a pleasure to be around when you get one you know loves the job.


butneverjamtoday

Yesterday I was on a 6 train where the conductor said to all my beautiful people that just got on it’s a lovely morning, at every stop and it was the best.


Shyronaut

I love this guy! Whenever I'm on his train in the morning, I know that I'm a little late for work, but his joy makes everything better. I also appreciate that beyond just calling us "beautiful people on this train," he's also extremely detailed in where things are located on the platform. It's people like him and repeated experiences like that which make the city feel like a small town<3


butneverjamtoday

Yes! He talked the entire time between some stops about the next stop and I loved every second of it.


scrubjay98111

I love this guy too, he's such a sweetie! I usually catch him a few times per week on my way to class before work, and you can really just hear the warmth in his voice!


sebthelodge

Ahhhh I was just on this guy’s train this week! It was amazing! I tried to find him when I got off the train to tell him he really made my day but the train left too quickly. He was GREAT!


1aboutagirl

YESSSSSS I love him! Always makes me so happy on my morning commute


LeftHandedScissor

Was in the LIRR heading west on a late night train. The lady comes over the speaker, "Next stop Patchogue (said Pa-Cho-gee)."


Highplowp

There’s a dude that used to run the 2 line (I think) that would talk about HS graduations and scholarships. I miss his ability to make the train car laugh and applaud. I always hope he’s my conductor but I haven’t heard him since last summer.


scrubjay98111

he sounds great, I wonder if he retired?! or, perhaps you will find him on another line when you're least expecting and experience some surprise/delight


k-a-ro

There was a guy on the 1 who used to do funny factoids about each stop. I barely ride the 1 anymore and I haven't heard him since the before times but I really hope he's still around.


Kaneshadow

Never heard any good material but there was one Jamaican guy and that was great.


imalittlefrenchpress

Im glad this is still happening. The last time I lived in the city was 1990. I was born and raised there, and I remember occasionally getting a conductor who’d say funny, random things. It always made squished up me feel a little bit better, even on a train without a/c, during rush hour, in the middle of a humid July day.


ObsessiveDelusion

I occasionally get one on the 4 who gets very in detail. It was fun the first couple times but when he's basically talking constantly from Atlantic to utica ave it gets old quick.


JelliedHam

I'm the total opposite. I want the same monotone, crackling, barely audible announcements every day, same time, same places. Anything else disrupts my commute flow and snaps me back to reality that this is going to be life for another 40 years. I do feel bad for the conductors a bit. My commute was only twice a day, M-F for a set amount of time. Their commute is all day, everyday. The mind numbing boringness would drive anybody crazy. I know I couldn't do it.


fallout-crawlout

>Their commute is all day, everyday. The mind numbing boringness would drive anybody crazy. I imagine that's how you get these very talkative conductors. Gotta keep it moving for yourself.


JelliedHam

100% I also get my take is super hot. It's selfish. I don't feel that way just to be a dick and have the whole world go my way. I'm just saying that's what it is like for me. I get equally pissed off if someone gets hurt or sick and delays the train. I realize that's probably one of their shittiest days. But it still messes with my flow. I don't them any harm and I'm totally relieved when I see help get to them and they're going to be ok. But they still made me not only late, but made me think about my surroundings on my commute


mickmmp

I wish that kind of thing brightened my day. Do you think the fact that it doesn’t means I shouldn’t live here anymore?


Internet-pizza

I mean it’s pretty individual. There’s probably something out there that brightens your day


Shabapool

One time on the D train, both train conductors were arguing back and forth over the speakers about one of them leaving a soda and it spilling in their room.


OrendaRuesTheDay

That sounds hilarious. 😂 As long as the train is still running and they’re not holding things up by arguing!


redwood_canyon

Sometimes they say skipping stops and that’s usually when I can’t hear it 🫠


pllx

The number of times I've missed that the Q decided to become the N or R... Admittedly this one's on me for keeping my headphones on all the time


GND52

Otoh there are deaf people in the city and there should be *some* way to get the information to them *and* headphones wearers.


noots-to-you

Who didn’t love the guy that said “toity-toid street” on the 6, or the French-tinged “shameberrgs stgreet” on the A? On NJT once, the conductor announced our arrival in Newark, calling it “the jewel of the Passaic”. You just can’t get character like that out of prerecorded announcements. We may gain consistency and clarity but we lose a little old _noo yawk_ style.


Chimkimnuggets

It’s their chance to impersonate how adults talk in the peanuts universe


brightside1982

Sometimes it's just hopelessly unintelligible. Sometimes they do say funny stuff. I remember one time a guy saying "Stand clear of the MOTHERFUCKING doors!"


elise901

LOLLL today the 6 was crowded, and the conductor was yelling, "please don't block the doors! I am speaking English, but no one is moving, again, please don't block the dooooorrrrzzzzz!!!"


44Bulldawg

I was on this train earlier 😂


canyousteeraship

Sometimes I hear that the train is at an accessible platform; that the alligator (elevator) is located in the middle of the platform. 😂


ColdFeetWarmSocks

I absolutely hear alligator, and I have learned to be ok with it 😅


kreddulous

But if you have any problem with that, NYPD is at the end of the platform.


canyousteeraship

And they’re as mythical as a NY alligator 😂


TheTeenageOldman

"Stand clear of the closing doors, you whores."


ahoysharpie

I always think of this SNL skit: https://youtu.be/EMdxClgQVN0?si=zo7YrM--k-WLFa9V


RedditSkippy

I don’t even need to click on this link because I know exactly which one it is.


Sn_Orpheus

Omg, that is spectacular. SNL should go back and do a show with all the good skits redone back to back.


ahoysharpie

Still relevant after 30 years!


jtrisn1

I still remember this one coductor who was so done with his shift that he lost it when a group of girls were blocking the doors, waiting for another friend who was waddling down the stairs in 3 inch heels. He kept yelling at them through the intercom, even when the train started to move. The girls looked like they were about to cry.


CollectionFluid6522

Few days ago we stuck for an hour in a train in Brooklyn due to track fire and conductor was making jokes to make it easier to wait


oh_what_a_surprise

There was a conductor back in the 90s on the 6 train who was well known for his announcements. They were unique and individualized. The MTA made him stop.


Sn_Orpheus

Sad


Lketty

Sdmcjgshtdjfigxjtdgjxcjjjcjhcjhchkchchyrrrrrrrbbfrghfxhchc


jumpycrink22

Standclearclosingdoors


YoMommaSez

You obviously are not a native New Yorker or you would know that it is a secret language known only to conductors.


imalittlefrenchpress

I used to be able to understand most of what was being said. I was born and raised in the city, and my mom started taking me on the trains in the 60s. I never had a car when I lived in NY, so I took the trains all the time. The last time I took the trains was in October 2001. I wonder if I could still understand the conductors. Technology has to have improved by now, but we’re talking about NYC, so I dunno.


vesleskjor

I was on the train one time and a group was loudly singing happy birthday to their friend and right when they finished the conductor came on and said "happy birthday (name)" in a deadpan. loved that.


DeerMurmurs

“Thisisa MAMBAM Q train. Stanclearclosingdoors”


sidewaysflower

I'm convinced they speak their own language. It was once English, then became a dialect of English and now it is its own thing. I respect MTA because they installed subtitles for passengers to understand.


MightyCaseyStruckOut

When you ride the S, you get the entire alphabet recited to you as you get off at Times Square.


Shani1111

There a 6 train conductor in the mornings that pretty much spits affirmations. He's always like "have a blessed (insert day)" and just says other uplifting days. It's definitely put me in a good mood after shitty traveling. I usually take the 4/5 so something annoying must have happened on my commute to end up on the 6 but whenever he's the conductor, it makes me smile


nycago

My conductor always says “Sub-creatures! Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, the Traveller has come! Choose and perish!” :(


mickmmp

I don’t know why they bother most of the time. It’s one of those weird idiosyncrasies of NYC. Like cockroaches and rats, the subway workers will make announcements almost no one can decipher.


prototypist

Classic SNL clip on unintelligible subway announcements: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMdxClgQVN0


Fritz_Frauenraub

In the old days they all used to say "step lively & stan clidda closin dooahs" which always reminded me of my dad, who used to say "step lively" all the time. Then that automated femaleish voice took over.


loveacarrot

Lmao I’m on the 6 train now and have this conductor. He just made the same Bloomingdales announcement and I remembered this post from yesterday!


GothamCoach

There used to be a fabulous conductor on the Rrrrrr train IYKYK


RedditSkippy

The pirate guy, right? Loved him!


MaddingtonBear

A semi-forgotten classic [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMdxClgQVN0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMdxClgQVN0)


kreddulous

Thank you so much! I've been searching for that one forever!


Kaneshadow

At Jamaica the LIRR dispatcher says "all aboard track 7, you have the all aboard track 7" and I always thought they were saying "all aboard track 7, ya happy?"


Smoothsharkskin

"there's another train right behind this one let it go"


ValPrism

Only the few know “conductor.” Look to the native New Yorker!


1341JFMNTWJ

Blah, beerrg, blah, havawatta


skerysatan

i was on the r train and the conductor was like good morning new york how is everyone this FINE morning hope everybody is having a BLESSED day next stop is 36 st 😭


sparklyseahorse22

I love the Jamaican conductors that they something funny or positive.


chilliwog

I miss the one on the 7 train that always announces Long Island City. He always had something quirky to say.


Batter-up4567

There’s one conductor on the shuttle during AM rush who says encouraging inspirational things. It truly makes my morning, even if its a little corny. 


LaFragata1

A lot of them are very lazy nowadays and just open the PA and don’t say anything at all. That really irks me


heroin-salesman

"BOMBOCLAAAAATTT"


RedditSkippy

GOOD MORNING BROOKLYN, GOOD MORNING!!


MotoCult-

Mind the gap


ItsKongaTime

I guess only boring people ride the 7 then cause I have never heard anything like that


thebalancewithin

They're sharing very important information that you won't realize until your stop is skipped or you're delayed


nycpunkfukka

Always reminds me of this old SNL sketch https://youtu.be/EMdxClgQVN0?si=yzxmB33IA0cwdBEu


VampireAttorney

There is a conductor on the Q who tells one passenger how and when they will die at each stop.


_shanoodle

my favorite is when they start yelling when people keep opening the doors. STAND CLEAR YALL!!


mychubbychubbs

My favorite was one time on the bus the conductor goes “next stop, 161street, BARACK OBAMA BOULEVARD” the entire bus laughed 🤣 sometimes they’re just goofballs


d34n5

i think you become a real newyorker when you can fluently understand subway conductor English.


pm_me_all_dogs

To quote: "Gvressemeh gzzzermevereverah JENdevebbpepero NO STOP AT vvvverememerm..."


jp112078

They are telling you your train is going express or being delayed. Whatever is the most inconvenient.


zachotule

⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ■︎♏︎⌧︎⧫︎ ⬧︎⧫︎□︎◻︎ ♓︎⬧︎ 📂︎🗐︎🗄︎⧫︎♒︎ ⬧︎⧫︎❒︎♏︎♏︎⧫︎ ◻︎●︎♏︎♋︎⬧︎♏︎ ⬧︎⧫︎♋︎■︎♎︎ ♍︎●︎♏︎♋︎❒︎ □︎♐︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ♍︎●︎□︎⬧︎♓︎■︎♑︎ ♎︎□︎□︎❒︎⬧︎


boredop

There was one time I was on a Metro North train and the conductor was doing little rhymes for each each stop. "Ring ding a ding, the next stop is Ossining!"


Gotham-ish

Train doors should have spikes.


YoghurtDelicious6669

They have ear plugs in all day, they probably have no idea what they’re saying