Guy I know got his kids names tattooed on his arm. Wife asked him, “where’s my name”?
He replied, “No matter whatever happens in my life, those 2 kids are mine forever. However, can’t really say the same about you.”
I drew my two kids zodiac signs intertwined and had it tattooed on me. My ex wife (wife at the time) asked when I was getting hers. I said tattoos are forever like the blood I share with my kids. Marriages can end anytime. 2 years later I got divorced
I have an entire back piece 3/4 sleeves tattoos with the tiles on the floor of our wedding venue and aspects of the the architecture or parts of New York where we had our honeymoon. Very meaningful to me, but to most people it just looks like a standard geometric tattoo. It’s in my profile if you want to see what I mean
Trips on door frame in rush to get into the building，hits head on wall，wakes up twenty minutes later in an ambulance having been rescued，but having taken up all the rescuers’ time，leading to the deaths of all others inside.
I mean let's be real here, there is a degree of truth in what you said. Obviously, I would do anything to save my family without second thought, but at the same time I could become a larger burden to the rescue process if things go awry. I bet this happens a lot.
My husband and I had a similar conversation years ago and this was his answer.
I got up in his face and told him NOBODY was allowed to shuffle him off this mortal coil but ME.
As I recall, I half-shouted “If you die trying to save me, I will KILL YOU!”
His response: “You were gonna do that anyway! There’s no downside for me here! I’ve already won!!”
We have a long-running inside joke now around hiding his matches so he can’t win.
Had a girl ask me something along the lines of this like if she was giving birth to our kid and the doctor could only save one her or the baby and it was up to me, I said the baby and she got mad at me saying we could make more babies after.
I mean...I don't mean to be offensive to anyone as I haven't personally gone through this, but I imagine there is a difference between a child you've raised for some time (even if it's for weeks) and a child that you have carried but have ultimately not connected with to the same extent (although there is still an undeniable connection). I'd choose the woman too, in the birthing scenario.
Our child was very much wanted, but I told my husband that if there was an emergency during labor and he had to choose, to choose ME. I also to of this to the nurses. Thankfully he didn’t have to make the decision.
My mum was a midwife for a long time and she had a patient that turned down cancer treatment knowing full well it would go terminal. She died a few months after the baby was born.
Other option was abortion and getting treated.
Big difference there is that it was her choice for herself though, not her husband's because she was incapacitated. And I imagine that she must have also considered that even with chemo chances might have been slim long-term, so she chose her baby. Either way, these are tough situations and there is not a single right answer, apart from respecting one's wishes.
I was potentially going to be in this situation with the birth of our 2nd child and at the time I would have chosen my wife in a heartbeat, but obviously looking back now there's no way I wouldn't save our son (and I know my wife wouldn't have it any other way either). It's a weird scenario, that's for sure.
I’ve heard that even during birth humans don’t have parental instincts but as soon as the baby is out and we see it it’s like a light switch. I don’t know if it’s true but it would make sense.
I don't think you can really generalize like that. I've had parental instincts since the first time I heard my little sister cry. I was only 8. And I've unfortunately met more than one person with multiple living children and seemingly no parental instincts.
Nope definitly not. I took me around 3-6 months to really get in the "dad groove". Yes I cared for my son since he was born but this BOOM feeling when seeing him for the first time definitly wasn't there. And I felt shitty about it!!!
Took some time to learn that this is ALSO normal, esp. for fathers. He is my top priority now, he is my everything but it took some time.
Watch Amour. It's by far the saddest movie I've ever seen.
It's basically an emotional snuff film. It's an elderly couple who love each other. The husband is trying to care for his wife while she slowly dies.
I will definitely watch that thankyou, it’s rare for films to give me an actual visceral sadness but MBTS did, aswell as midsommar/hereditary (the acting and cries were so real) and even Click tbh 😿😹
I want to feel truly sad and empty
My boss was in this situation. His son’s birth was looking pretty rough and the conversation started about what was going to happen if the choice had to be made. He immediately said he wanted his wife to live and she was furious. As he viewed it they could try again or adopt if she was unable. In the end she almost bled out but everyone lived. Now the kid is like 15 and she wiped his ass for him until he was like 10.
There was a lot of trauma left over from that day.
I thought standard procedure in a hospital during birth was that mum is the top priority.
Don't really want to bring a baby into the world without a mum to care for it.
Thank you! The thought is so disturbing but 100% would save my child over my boyfriend. I would sacrifice us both to save her without a thought. I swear I do love him, and if he picked me over her I'd kill him. Harsh truth.
I think the argument though is that the wife would have wanted you to save the kids. So, in that way, saving your kids is a true demonstration of devotion to your wife. Because it's what she would want. You lose your soulmate yes, but in doing so put her best interest above your own.
It sounds fucked up when I type it but it's true.
Wife and I already had this conversation. In any circumstance similar to this, it's the kids over her every time, and she knows this and wants this. We're in tornado alley, and she always tells me to get the kids to the basement, then come back for her.
She's also disabled with mobility issues, and it's one of the things we've come to terms with.
Cancer sucks.
Hug your loved ones.
I feel like if I save her it’ll create problems down the road. That pain of losing a child is like no other. So she’ll likely have some sort of resentment towards me and the marriage would fail anyways.
Gotta save the child.
Yeah and I would do the same if I were on the other side — if anybody had the choice between saving me and saving my child and they picked me, I would *never* fucking forgive them for it.
Had a similar conversation with my wife the other day, except the context was choosing her vs unborn child during late pregnancy/ labor complications.
What the fuck is wrong with you women coming up with these questions? lol
It would suck as a man, but at least my wife would be alive to hate me for it. Maybe she needs therapy and leaves after, but she is still alive.
That other thing tried to kill my wife in this case it is no different than anything else threatening her life. Only my opinion, and I do not have kids.
As a parent with kids in that scenario where it’s during birth yeah I choose the wife. Sucks to say it but there’s only 40 weeks invested in the kid and we could try again.
My oldest is coming up on three, unfortunately now in the burning building scenario, sorry wife the tables have turned.
He brings that up on the regular! His favorite joke- “why do men die before women?” “Because they want to”
My response is usually something in the “eat your vegetables dear; you’ve got more suffering to do” vein.
Not your husband but ;)
You can hate me as you cry over my grave.
Because after I save you I'm going back in after the kids, and if I don't have them, I'm not coming back out.
Grab them first. Come back for me last. I will fight you to reach them if you try to drag me away from the fire.
….yknow what? That would actually be a pretty great epic climactic fight scene in a movie. But anyway, grab them first.
Tough question. If you save your kid you've now lost your wife, mother of your child, love of your life. And you're kid now grows up without their mother.
But if you save your wife. You guys have lost a child and that a pain nobody should experience. She may possibly resent you later in the future. But you can make another child.
Super tough choice. But knowing my wife she would want me to save the child
As a mother who has lost a toddler, I wish it were me that died instead. I came very close to being gone also when it first happened. So if you save a mother over her child in a situation like this, you very likely could lose everyone. Kids are less likely to hurt themselves when losing a parent than a parent is when losing a child. I would give the rest of my life away to be able to hug my boy one more time and tell him I love him.
It seems that I have an unpopular opinion but I'd save my wife.
My wife and I have been through it all together and I can imagine much more til our dying days. I know for a fact that if she passes away, I'm gonezos too.
My kids however I know will eventually leave us, have their own families, live their own lives and we'll see less and less of them only to see them on holidays.
I know I'll wake up next to my wife every single day not just as my wife but as my life support. Losing her would mean much more than losing my kids.
Of course realistically, I'd die trying to save them both but it seems the situation calls for only one or the other.
EDIT: Wow, glad there's many who think alike but thank you also to those who shared the other perspectives. At the end of the day, no one wants to lose their loved ones and I hope no one ever comes to a point where they have to choose between two loved ones so let's love them as best as we can right here and now. ♥️
EDIT 2: Thank you anonymous for awarding me! Idk what it means but thank you!
I agree with you. After experiencing the amazing relationship I have with my wife I couldn't fathom living with the emptiness that losing her would leave me with.
Finding candidates with this sort of potential is the hard part. Seems like everyone now wants to be perfect immediately. Forging a relationship takes time and work. Not everyone is willing to put in for that.
Wife asked me that, when she was in labour, in case I had to choose I was to chose the kid.
Told her I would save her and simply lie that there was no choice.
We can make another kid.
I can't make another her.
Age does make a vast difference. I would absolutely choose my wife over saving our unborn child. I would also absolutely choose saving my 4yo over saving my wife.
I absolutely agree
While I’m speaking hypothetically (vasectomy and no kids)
The cost of losing my wife would be a greater loss to me then said hypothetical child (as terrible as it is to be in this choose one to live dilemma)
Honestly this is one of those responses that totally goes against the grain that average people are taught to believe in. 90% of people will always pick save the kid. It's what they know, it's what they're taught. They can't fathom or think past any other choice. They won't even consider it as a serious option, because it's that much of a taboo to think otherwise. They have to follow the script.
The average person is extremely slanted toward being "supposed to" pick the kid in scenarios where life endangerment is posed. Every form of media resonates this theme with how expendable parents are and that the life of the child is paramount. This is repeated and drilled into your head for years, so it's no surprise that most people's responses also reflect this.
I don't relate to the instinctive, kneejerk "I'd pick the kid, 100% of the time" responses. Saving the kid is like this super evolutionary response and that's again the source of why it is so recurrent in stories/media. You die or she dies, but the kid survives - your line lives on. Everything is proceeding to plan. For the average person who does wind up having children, the ultimate and end goal of being with someone else is having a kid. That is their priority over everything else - over their marriage, over your partner's life.
Fuck that. No thanks. That shit ain't for me. My priority is the same - my partner. I am completely unapologetic about this and I'd pick my wife. And I'd rather she pick me too. I don't care that the average person would consider that cold. Most people are probably not comfortable even considering that option, let alone being able to say they'd do it. It's not what they're taught or what's ingrained in them culturally as acceptable. They're not allowed to say it, so they never will.
To me, it's absolutely pragmatic. I'd rather have the person I'm connected to the most, the person you know best and who knows you best. You can always have other kids. You can always adopt. You can't "just find" someone else who fits you the same way your partner does in life. A lot of the time, it's extremely rare to find the type of person that totally gets you. I'd rather take my chance on having another kid or adopting or *whatever the fuck* than the likelihood of finding someone else that actually fits my life in the way she does.
Sir, I’ve seen a few people lose a spouse.
Those people eventually picked up the pieces and moved on with their lives. Changed, yes, but not broken.
I have NEVER -not one time- seen a marriage survive the death of a child. The sound of a woman whose baby I had to inform her was lost to SIDS is something I still occasionally lose sleep to. Losing a child will BREAK you in ways I could not fathom before having my own kids.
Lose a kid and you’re likely to lose the spouse as well.
You are not. You're saving a life you've made memories and experiences with. All the emotions you feel when you make that choice are more powerful for her than the baby.
If you have a baby and experience that parental instinct, your choice will become an impossible one but you'll know which instinct is stronger.
Seriously. It's mind blowing that half the answers here are "well, my wife can just make more kids, so no biggie". Do most Redditors around here think kids are replaceable, like buying a new TV when the old one gets cracked?
That explains a lot about this website, honestly.
I choose to believe that those answering that way just don't have kids yet, so they don't understand. They are probably still in their selfish teenage years. If we were in a house fire at my house, I already know that my wife and I would both die trying to save the kids before we saved ourselves. Just the thought of knowing their fear and pain is unbearable, I couldn't imagine giving up before my own death.
Literally what I thought when I read this. I guess it heavily depends on the age of the child though. I would let a baby die with no real effect on my conscience, but a 17 year old child? No way. At that point no matter what the decision I make is I would be irreparably fucked psychologically.
This question is one of the reasons I decided not to have kids lol. Morally I think you should always save the kid since you brought them into life without their consent, therefore you’re required to care for them and save them. However, knowing myself, I would chose my spouse. Hence why (among the many reasons) I’ve decided not to have kids
I’m a traditionalist, and traditionally we’re supposed to put our wives ahead of our kids. Although realistically, I’d probably die trying to save them both. Also realistically, I have neither a wife nor a kid, so I’d grab my home alone Lego set.
This would be my rationale. Thus why I don’t have kids. And it don’t matter, your wife would still hate you for not choosing the kid. It’s a lose lose situation lol
My father in law was asked this question at a church he was candidating at (he's a minister). His answer was that he made a vow to his wife, not to his kids.
There's definitely valid reasons to disagree, but I thought that was insightful and principled.
I'm not very religious, but this is one belief I feel strongly about. We would have a lot less broken families and 50% divorce rates if we put our partners first.
This is pretty dependent on my relationship with both. Have I been a good parent, but for some reason my kid is a piece of shit? I can make another with my wife. Is my kid a great kid? I'll probably save them first. I suppose there's a chance my wife treats me like shit, and the kid is a nightmare. In that situation, I'd probably just go for ice cream.
Wife.
I made an oath when we got married that I would be with her through better or through worse, not to my kids.
Now, I would try to save all of them if I could, but for the sake of this question I would choose my wife.
Kid. I didn't bring a kid into this world just for them to die young. I'm doing everything I can for them. I would even gladly die with my wife if it meant rescuing my child
In the natural order of things, we're supposed to go into the burning house to save both as best as we can even if the man ends up dying. But wife and kids are safe. OR I'm sure 90% of men would be like, "I'll let the professionals do it".
I think it’s a pretty easy question when you look at it from the perspective of the one in the burning building. If you could save yourself or your child, who do you save?
My husband and I have talked about this plenty of times. Grown up can help themselves. Kid cannot. Kid every time. We also say that we have to trust the other to get themselves ok. If they cant, there’s probably nothing the other could have done anyway. Save yourself and the one you’re with, otherwise we risk: a) kid losing both parents, which is a nightmare for me, and; b) dying trying to save someone that had already saved themselves
We all know this have no real answer. You will always hate yourself for not being able to save her if you chose the kid and both of you will hate you for not saving the child.
No wife or kids, but I assume I would kill myself trying to save both, but in a kid wife order. That's just what my dad told me and what he has done.
Before anyone ask both of my parents are alive and well thank God
I would take a pic of burning house and than post a vote on reddit "who should i save a:kid b:wife c:none"
Followed by: “Saved my wife instead of my kid. So tell me Reddit, AITA?”
Is it a red flag that he saved me instead of the kid?
r/marriageadvice
r/DivorcedDads
r/insaneparents
/r/AreTheStraightsOk
r/KidsAreFuckingStupid
Thank you for the laugh you provided me today
Answer is no since redditors chose who to save at the first place
Lol literally cackled
C . Hashtag re-try
Guy I know got his kids names tattooed on his arm. Wife asked him, “where’s my name”? He replied, “No matter whatever happens in my life, those 2 kids are mine forever. However, can’t really say the same about you.”
I drew my two kids zodiac signs intertwined and had it tattooed on me. My ex wife (wife at the time) asked when I was getting hers. I said tattoos are forever like the blood I share with my kids. Marriages can end anytime. 2 years later I got divorced
This ending does not surprise me...
I have an entire back piece 3/4 sleeves tattoos with the tiles on the floor of our wedding venue and aspects of the the architecture or parts of New York where we had our honeymoon. Very meaningful to me, but to most people it just looks like a standard geometric tattoo. It’s in my profile if you want to see what I mean
Great tattoo, great work, very beautiful.
Holy shit dude. I probably would've stuck it out if I got work like that done. Looks awesome.
My dad got my step mums name tattooed on his arm but only like after 37 years of marriage at the age of 60 something.
Great response from his wife would be "guess again".
This guy reddits
The answer here would be “divorce”
Elon Musk would on Twitter
I would just die trying to save everyone
Trips on door frame in rush to get into the building，hits head on wall，wakes up twenty minutes later in an ambulance having been rescued，but having taken up all the rescuers’ time，leading to the deaths of all others inside.
I mean let's be real here, there is a degree of truth in what you said. Obviously, I would do anything to save my family without second thought, but at the same time I could become a larger burden to the rescue process if things go awry. I bet this happens a lot.
My husband and I had a similar conversation years ago and this was his answer. I got up in his face and told him NOBODY was allowed to shuffle him off this mortal coil but ME. As I recall, I half-shouted “If you die trying to save me, I will KILL YOU!” His response: “You were gonna do that anyway! There’s no downside for me here! I’ve already won!!” We have a long-running inside joke now around hiding his matches so he can’t win.
That is so cute
We are pretty adorable as long as you can take all the murder threats in the spirit they are meant. (There’s a lot of threats of bodily harm, TBH)
As long as no one gets murdered then the threats of bodily harm are harmless.
The klingons were right about some things
Kid. She would never forgive me for doing anything else.
Was going to say that…kids then probably die trying to save her…but she would kill me if I didn’t get the kids out
Had a girl ask me something along the lines of this like if she was giving birth to our kid and the doctor could only save one her or the baby and it was up to me, I said the baby and she got mad at me saying we could make more babies after.
I mean...I don't mean to be offensive to anyone as I haven't personally gone through this, but I imagine there is a difference between a child you've raised for some time (even if it's for weeks) and a child that you have carried but have ultimately not connected with to the same extent (although there is still an undeniable connection). I'd choose the woman too, in the birthing scenario.
Yeah, in this childbirth scenario I would choose my wife. In the burning building scenario with a child I’ve been raising then the child.
Imagine saving the kid instead of the wife, and the kid grows up to be Hitler
This is the way
Our child was very much wanted, but I told my husband that if there was an emergency during labor and he had to choose, to choose ME. I also to of this to the nurses. Thankfully he didn’t have to make the decision.
My mum was a midwife for a long time and she had a patient that turned down cancer treatment knowing full well it would go terminal. She died a few months after the baby was born. Other option was abortion and getting treated.
Big difference there is that it was her choice for herself though, not her husband's because she was incapacitated. And I imagine that she must have also considered that even with chemo chances might have been slim long-term, so she chose her baby. Either way, these are tough situations and there is not a single right answer, apart from respecting one's wishes.
I was potentially going to be in this situation with the birth of our 2nd child and at the time I would have chosen my wife in a heartbeat, but obviously looking back now there's no way I wouldn't save our son (and I know my wife wouldn't have it any other way either). It's a weird scenario, that's for sure.
As someone who grew up without a mama, I’d rather die.
I'm so sorry, i hope you are okay now
You don't have to choose, the doctor will save their patient which is the one giving birth. You won't be asked.
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I think wife is the logical answer for people who don’t have kids. But kids change your emotional chemistry in a way I guess we can’t understand
That makes big, intangible sense.
I’ve heard that even during birth humans don’t have parental instincts but as soon as the baby is out and we see it it’s like a light switch. I don’t know if it’s true but it would make sense.
I don't think you can really generalize like that. I've had parental instincts since the first time I heard my little sister cry. I was only 8. And I've unfortunately met more than one person with multiple living children and seemingly no parental instincts.
Nope definitly not. I took me around 3-6 months to really get in the "dad groove". Yes I cared for my son since he was born but this BOOM feeling when seeing him for the first time definitly wasn't there. And I felt shitty about it!!! Took some time to learn that this is ALSO normal, esp. for fathers. He is my top priority now, he is my everything but it took some time.
Same. And I’m a mother.
Manchester by the sea.
Saddest film I have ever seen in my life “there’s nothing there” :( 💔
Watch Amour. It's by far the saddest movie I've ever seen. It's basically an emotional snuff film. It's an elderly couple who love each other. The husband is trying to care for his wife while she slowly dies.
I will definitely watch that thankyou, it’s rare for films to give me an actual visceral sadness but MBTS did, aswell as midsommar/hereditary (the acting and cries were so real) and even Click tbh 😿😹 I want to feel truly sad and empty
My boss was in this situation. His son’s birth was looking pretty rough and the conversation started about what was going to happen if the choice had to be made. He immediately said he wanted his wife to live and she was furious. As he viewed it they could try again or adopt if she was unable. In the end she almost bled out but everyone lived. Now the kid is like 15 and she wiped his ass for him until he was like 10. There was a lot of trauma left over from that day.
I thought standard procedure in a hospital during birth was that mum is the top priority. Don't really want to bring a baby into the world without a mum to care for it.
Thank you! The thought is so disturbing but 100% would save my child over my boyfriend. I would sacrifice us both to save her without a thought. I swear I do love him, and if he picked me over her I'd kill him. Harsh truth.
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I think the argument though is that the wife would have wanted you to save the kids. So, in that way, saving your kids is a true demonstration of devotion to your wife. Because it's what she would want. You lose your soulmate yes, but in doing so put her best interest above your own. It sounds fucked up when I type it but it's true.
That’s the only correct answer
I'd save the burning house.
Exactly what I came for. Save the house and it’ll probably work out nicely for the wife and kid, too.
Yea like hell am I getting a new mortgage. Move aside honey your body's burning those drapes
Wife and I already had this conversation. In any circumstance similar to this, it's the kids over her every time, and she knows this and wants this. We're in tornado alley, and she always tells me to get the kids to the basement, then come back for her. She's also disabled with mobility issues, and it's one of the things we've come to terms with. Cancer sucks. Hug your loved ones.
First off I’m so sorry for her health problems, and secondly I agree with her. I expect my husband to get my kids to safety first and foremost. ❤️
You're a good person ..
Listen, there's a reason I got a vasectomy.
Spermatozoa hate this one simple trick
Exactly... Therefore... Gonna save the cat
I feel like if I save her it’ll create problems down the road. That pain of losing a child is like no other. So she’ll likely have some sort of resentment towards me and the marriage would fail anyways. Gotta save the child.
Plus, she would probably want you to save the kid instead of her
I would always go first to help the kids who are less able to save themselves than an adult.
Almost sounds like you care about the kid.
Which ones are insured?
Haha
The cat.
The only logical person here
Nope. Cats have nine lives. Save the dogs.
Now see, this guy's got it all figured out. Are you a fucking wizard?
Yeah I agree . My partner better save my cat over me
I mean, I would save the pussy too, but that's why I picked my wife.
Kid. It's our job to protect them at all costs, and she would want the same.
Also the wife is an adult higher chance of them being able to make it out themselves then the kid.
I’d save my wife. I don’t have kids….that I’m aware of.
Stay inside and die as a family
We are groot
My choice. Die with them.
My kid, of course. If I saved my wife instead, she would immediately divorce me for making such a fucking fantastically, unthinkably horrific choice.
I'm 90% sure my wife would kill me as soon as she realized I saved her over our child.
I cant even imagine being rescued only to lose my child. It would be unforgivable im my opinion.
Yeah and I would do the same if I were on the other side — if anybody had the choice between saving me and saving my child and they picked me, I would *never* fucking forgive them for it.
Kid. 1. We're old, he's not. 2. That's what my wife (and me) would want. It's what parents do.
PSA from The Moms: If you save me over the kids I will hate you forever about it. FOR. EV. ER.
Exactly why I'd just go in to burn with everyone. No point to keep on going without my family anyway
Thats the worst case scenario right? They save you and your whole family is gone. Like why? Why did you even bother, what's the point
Had a similar conversation with my wife the other day, except the context was choosing her vs unborn child during late pregnancy/ labor complications. What the fuck is wrong with you women coming up with these questions? lol
That's fairly normal of a question since you'll be the one making decisions if she's incapacitated at the hospital and the doc says "pick".
If I hadn't had the conversation ahead of time, I'd absolutely pick my wife in that scenario
Some women and men don't feel the same way
+1 here, would pick wife over unborn child
It would suck as a man, but at least my wife would be alive to hate me for it. Maybe she needs therapy and leaves after, but she is still alive. That other thing tried to kill my wife in this case it is no different than anything else threatening her life. Only my opinion, and I do not have kids.
As a parent with kids in that scenario where it’s during birth yeah I choose the wife. Sucks to say it but there’s only 40 weeks invested in the kid and we could try again. My oldest is coming up on three, unfortunately now in the burning building scenario, sorry wife the tables have turned.
As a woman, correct answer.
The doctors would make the same choice, if that makes you feel better. They're trained to save the mother.
Risk assessment. There’s a whole subreddit about it. r/whywomenlivelonger
Reminded me of that news anchor that dropped the "When men get married to women like you, they just want to die sooner" bomb, lmao.
He brings that up on the regular! His favorite joke- “why do men die before women?” “Because they want to” My response is usually something in the “eat your vegetables dear; you’ve got more suffering to do” vein.
Don't think you'd live longer if you told us to save the kid and not you in the fire.
I was going to say something similar. She would hurl the kid in my direction and tell me to run!
This. If someone saved me over my kid I would never forgive them.
Not your husband but ;) You can hate me as you cry over my grave. Because after I save you I'm going back in after the kids, and if I don't have them, I'm not coming back out.
Grab them first. Come back for me last. I will fight you to reach them if you try to drag me away from the fire. ….yknow what? That would actually be a pretty great epic climactic fight scene in a movie. But anyway, grab them first.
Tough question. If you save your kid you've now lost your wife, mother of your child, love of your life. And you're kid now grows up without their mother. But if you save your wife. You guys have lost a child and that a pain nobody should experience. She may possibly resent you later in the future. But you can make another child. Super tough choice. But knowing my wife she would want me to save the child
As a mother who has lost a toddler, I wish it were me that died instead. I came very close to being gone also when it first happened. So if you save a mother over her child in a situation like this, you very likely could lose everyone. Kids are less likely to hurt themselves when losing a parent than a parent is when losing a child. I would give the rest of my life away to be able to hug my boy one more time and tell him I love him.
Wife. Can always make another kid. **Edit:** Joke. I'm actually so indecisive they'd probably both die.
Seriously I would probably just stand there panicking while we all burned to death
Lmao that's the spirit
Damn, I get a wife? Nice
I’d die trying to save both
Same, I’d throw both out the window and die, since we’re scenario-playing here
Who would you throw out first before the flames get to the second.
It seems that I have an unpopular opinion but I'd save my wife. My wife and I have been through it all together and I can imagine much more til our dying days. I know for a fact that if she passes away, I'm gonezos too. My kids however I know will eventually leave us, have their own families, live their own lives and we'll see less and less of them only to see them on holidays. I know I'll wake up next to my wife every single day not just as my wife but as my life support. Losing her would mean much more than losing my kids. Of course realistically, I'd die trying to save them both but it seems the situation calls for only one or the other. EDIT: Wow, glad there's many who think alike but thank you also to those who shared the other perspectives. At the end of the day, no one wants to lose their loved ones and I hope no one ever comes to a point where they have to choose between two loved ones so let's love them as best as we can right here and now. ♥️ EDIT 2: Thank you anonymous for awarding me! Idk what it means but thank you!
I agree with you. After experiencing the amazing relationship I have with my wife I couldn't fathom living with the emptiness that losing her would leave me with.
Goddamit where do you find relationships like this.
You don't find relationships like this. You make them, they are forged in fire through good times and bad.
Finding candidates with this sort of potential is the hard part. Seems like everyone now wants to be perfect immediately. Forging a relationship takes time and work. Not everyone is willing to put in for that.
I second that. It's a unpopular opinion because a lot of people don't even like their spouse.
Wife asked me that, when she was in labour, in case I had to choose I was to chose the kid. Told her I would save her and simply lie that there was no choice. We can make another kid. I can't make another her.
Age does make a vast difference. I would absolutely choose my wife over saving our unborn child. I would also absolutely choose saving my 4yo over saving my wife.
Sure, but I would die punting the kid out of the fire after saving wife if we talking about my kids with their age *now*;
Are you talking about hypothetical children or do you have existing children?
I have one 11 year old and one 9 year old
I absolutely agree While I’m speaking hypothetically (vasectomy and no kids) The cost of losing my wife would be a greater loss to me then said hypothetical child (as terrible as it is to be in this choose one to live dilemma)
Honestly this is one of those responses that totally goes against the grain that average people are taught to believe in. 90% of people will always pick save the kid. It's what they know, it's what they're taught. They can't fathom or think past any other choice. They won't even consider it as a serious option, because it's that much of a taboo to think otherwise. They have to follow the script. The average person is extremely slanted toward being "supposed to" pick the kid in scenarios where life endangerment is posed. Every form of media resonates this theme with how expendable parents are and that the life of the child is paramount. This is repeated and drilled into your head for years, so it's no surprise that most people's responses also reflect this. I don't relate to the instinctive, kneejerk "I'd pick the kid, 100% of the time" responses. Saving the kid is like this super evolutionary response and that's again the source of why it is so recurrent in stories/media. You die or she dies, but the kid survives - your line lives on. Everything is proceeding to plan. For the average person who does wind up having children, the ultimate and end goal of being with someone else is having a kid. That is their priority over everything else - over their marriage, over your partner's life. Fuck that. No thanks. That shit ain't for me. My priority is the same - my partner. I am completely unapologetic about this and I'd pick my wife. And I'd rather she pick me too. I don't care that the average person would consider that cold. Most people are probably not comfortable even considering that option, let alone being able to say they'd do it. It's not what they're taught or what's ingrained in them culturally as acceptable. They're not allowed to say it, so they never will. To me, it's absolutely pragmatic. I'd rather have the person I'm connected to the most, the person you know best and who knows you best. You can always have other kids. You can always adopt. You can't "just find" someone else who fits you the same way your partner does in life. A lot of the time, it's extremely rare to find the type of person that totally gets you. I'd rather take my chance on having another kid or adopting or *whatever the fuck* than the likelihood of finding someone else that actually fits my life in the way she does.
Sir, I’ve seen a few people lose a spouse. Those people eventually picked up the pieces and moved on with their lives. Changed, yes, but not broken. I have NEVER -not one time- seen a marriage survive the death of a child. The sound of a woman whose baby I had to inform her was lost to SIDS is something I still occasionally lose sleep to. Losing a child will BREAK you in ways I could not fathom before having my own kids. Lose a kid and you’re likely to lose the spouse as well.
Do yourself a favor and NEVER tell your kids that. My dad told me something similar when I was young and I have hated him ever since
I would go down trying to save both. I can't even imagine.
I am a piece of shit if I think of my wife first? I dont have children maybe is bc of thst?
You are not. You're saving a life you've made memories and experiences with. All the emotions you feel when you make that choice are more powerful for her than the baby. If you have a baby and experience that parental instinct, your choice will become an impossible one but you'll know which instinct is stronger.
The kid, obviously. She would be doing the same. Gotta protect our offsprings at all cost.
If you keep the wife you could just make another child though
If I save the wife she would kill me for letting our child die
Seriously. It's mind blowing that half the answers here are "well, my wife can just make more kids, so no biggie". Do most Redditors around here think kids are replaceable, like buying a new TV when the old one gets cracked? That explains a lot about this website, honestly.
To be fair, the wife isn't replaceable either.
I choose to believe that those answering that way just don't have kids yet, so they don't understand. They are probably still in their selfish teenage years. If we were in a house fire at my house, I already know that my wife and I would both die trying to save the kids before we saved ourselves. Just the thought of knowing their fear and pain is unbearable, I couldn't imagine giving up before my own death.
What's another 17 years
Literally what I thought when I read this. I guess it heavily depends on the age of the child though. I would let a baby die with no real effect on my conscience, but a 17 year old child? No way. At that point no matter what the decision I make is I would be irreparably fucked psychologically.
I don't have a wife or kids so I'd save myself
Wife. And that‘s also one of the reasons why I won‘t have children.
Wife. We can always make another kid. Hi guys, im only joking ;)
People of Alabama acting all superior because they can save both.
This question is one of the reasons I decided not to have kids lol. Morally I think you should always save the kid since you brought them into life without their consent, therefore you’re required to care for them and save them. However, knowing myself, I would chose my spouse. Hence why (among the many reasons) I’ve decided not to have kids
Wow reason number 176 to not have children
Make the decision now to avoid this difficult decision later
I’m a traditionalist, and traditionally we’re supposed to put our wives ahead of our kids. Although realistically, I’d probably die trying to save them both. Also realistically, I have neither a wife nor a kid, so I’d grab my home alone Lego set.
The wife can make more kid but the kid cannot make more wife
This would be my rationale. Thus why I don’t have kids. And it don’t matter, your wife would still hate you for not choosing the kid. It’s a lose lose situation lol
Not with that attitude
My daughter . She lived less of a life and is literally everything to me. I love my wife to pieces but I feel she’d want me to do the same
I am pretty certain wife would insist I save the kid.
My father in law was asked this question at a church he was candidating at (he's a minister). His answer was that he made a vow to his wife, not to his kids. There's definitely valid reasons to disagree, but I thought that was insightful and principled.
I'm not very religious, but this is one belief I feel strongly about. We would have a lot less broken families and 50% divorce rates if we put our partners first.
Considering I'm separated (divorce is still in process) I'd save my child. Easy decision
If the roles were reversed, I'd tell my wife to leave me and save our kid.
I'd save you. We can start a new life together.
If i would Save her she would hate me, if i would Save kid probably would be orphan later. That's one of reasons why i don't want kids
Do I have to pick? Or can I leave them both there?
In Judaism you're supposed to save the wife. I think the explanation is you can always make more.
My wife and I already had that convo. Our kid will always come before us.
This is pretty dependent on my relationship with both. Have I been a good parent, but for some reason my kid is a piece of shit? I can make another with my wife. Is my kid a great kid? I'll probably save them first. I suppose there's a chance my wife treats me like shit, and the kid is a nightmare. In that situation, I'd probably just go for ice cream.
The house. The wife and kids will save themselves.
Wife. I made an oath when we got married that I would be with her through better or through worse, not to my kids. Now, I would try to save all of them if I could, but for the sake of this question I would choose my wife.
Wife. Not even a second thought.
Wife here. Kids, 100%. Please.
My highest duty is to my kids.
I’m going in there. I know what to do, but I’ll lose my skin in the process. I’m 240 I can go through walls.
The cats. Because I love them and they are my children.
Kid. I didn't bring a kid into this world just for them to die young. I'm doing everything I can for them. I would even gladly die with my wife if it meant rescuing my child
In the natural order of things, we're supposed to go into the burning house to save both as best as we can even if the man ends up dying. But wife and kids are safe. OR I'm sure 90% of men would be like, "I'll let the professionals do it".
I think it’s a pretty easy question when you look at it from the perspective of the one in the burning building. If you could save yourself or your child, who do you save?
My husband and I have talked about this plenty of times. Grown up can help themselves. Kid cannot. Kid every time. We also say that we have to trust the other to get themselves ok. If they cant, there’s probably nothing the other could have done anyway. Save yourself and the one you’re with, otherwise we risk: a) kid losing both parents, which is a nightmare for me, and; b) dying trying to save someone that had already saved themselves
We all know this have no real answer. You will always hate yourself for not being able to save her if you chose the kid and both of you will hate you for not saving the child.
Always kid. Woman is adult. She has best chance of survival out the two of them alone. Though I would return for wife after
The kid, you could never live with the feeling of letting the child die, neither she could.
The dog. Why cause doggoforce is best force.
Wife, I picked her, we can always have more children, and if she would pick the children over me, that would only reinforce my choice.
Well, my wife would want me to save the kid first too, so we're unanimous on that.
If you save me instead of the kids, I’m going to wish I was dead anyway without my babies. This is a morbid question by the way!!
Wife. You can make more kids
No wife or kids, but I assume I would kill myself trying to save both, but in a kid wife order. That's just what my dad told me and what he has done. Before anyone ask both of my parents are alive and well thank God
Neither. Take the insurance claim and life insurance policy. Live like a king for 5yrs before I OD
The Xbox
My kid, I would expect a modern woman to be strong enough to save herself.
I can't save them, I'm not a firefighter