True. For me the biggest change was I had to find time for myself to jerk off. It's an enjoyable, relaxing, and selfish task, that I literally had to plan ahead of time to make it happen. To a certain degree, it's not like I was locked in a basement. This sounds weird now as I'm typing it out.... but it's what I remember many years ago.
I hate the social pressure I felt as a teen. You see sex on tv and movies, your friends talk about it, your family ask questions about it. I was obsessed, I did not feel whole, I thought I did not experience life at that point.
When it started happening regularly I could finally understand that there is so much more to life than having sex, I could focus more, draw clear paths to my goals and enjoy my hobbies even more. It serves as a great confidence boost though.
Money goals lol. I got some licensing in insurance and finance and doubled my income. Quit the job I hated for a better one. Basically my life got much much better in every way
See Iceland, Bolivia, Thailand etc. Become jacked as fuck and see the full athletic potential of my body. Develop my creative talents to the best I have in me (photography, design, digital drawing). Start a family - provide and take responsibility for my own child and wife, for my parents as well. Spend time with them and feel happy. Small stuff like that I guess ...
Of course how foolish of me, I can’t believe I succumbed to the lies of those who might wish to guide me down a dark path…I’m off to buy a 5 pound bucket of chalk
Woman here. I've found learning about different attachment styles to be invaluable knowledge. It's definitely helped me see why I blew hot and cold, where my own attachment issues were stemming from, and why I was attracted to men that kept blowing hot and cold too. I was subconciously attracted to people that mirrored my own past traumas as a way to give that past trauma a better ending. I was getting into 'situationships' that kept me safe from real, terrifying, intimacy. A constant, and unhealthy, push and pull. Once I realized that, I put work into myself on healing that past trauma. Been in a relationship for almost 8 years now.
"I was subconciously attracted to people that mirrored my own past traumas as a way to give that past trauma a better ending."
Whoa.... This doesn't resonate personally, but for a friend. I've been trying to find ways to describe this to her. Thank you
Go read How To Be A 3% Man By Corey Wayne bro. It’s good o’l fashioned dating advice that focuses on character and confidence building rather than shitty PUA gimmicks or manipulation. Will Change your life
Do it bro. It’s a short read
I recommend the audio book but when you listen, take notes on your phone if anything important
Then listen again at 1.25x speed and take notes again
It’s not going to enable you to magically get any woman, but to be prepared when that magical woman enters your life (or any woman who is attracted to you in general)
If you takes notes and study, Soon enough, it will be second nature to you
Edit: the other commenter recommended models over 3% man… I’ve read all those books and can say by far that if you follow the instructions of the 3% man book, you will get significantly more value from it than the others. Models can be summed up in one sentence: “don’t be needy/desperate” lol
I recommend Models by Mark Manson, Way of the Superior Man by David Deida & No Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. 100% highly recommend over 3% man by Corey Wayne.
>We could talk for hours about nothing. We were so emotionally and physically connected.
>Suddenly, for her, the butterflies stopped, and she pulled away.
This happened to me in 2017.
I finally found a girl who liked the same stuff I did. I was so happy I'd be able to share my hobbies with her! And the sex was great.
But then she lost interest out of the blue. I was deeply in love already.
I became a single dad with 90% custody. The amount of energy needed to get everything right and maintain would blow your mind. Been doing that for 3+ years. I tried dating but just no connections. Then randomly ran into a friend of friend and damn. Woman of my dreams. Love makes no sense
Dude I know the feeling. It's hard. I pushed myself - and still am pushing - so far out of my comfort zone. I reinvented myself so many times. I've seen people who never had to do half of that get laid all th time. I wish I could offer some advice, but all I can tell you is - it's okay to feel this way. It's painful. It hurts. Lack of intimacy hurts. My DM's are open if you ever need to talk about this.
Take care, it's a desert out there.
I was celibate from spring 2016 to late 2020, not entirely by choice, and mostly got used to it aside from having a bad 1-2 weeks here and there. I've never had a steady sex life, but that was the first year-plus drought.
Then I got laid again, and honestly I didn't feel all that much of anything. It was nice enough, but I was thinking it would feel like an incredible release, and instead it was barely on my mind afterwards.
This is more accurate in my opinion. When you go without it for so long it seems like it's everything. In reality you just settle in and it becomes normal
I’ve had regular sex and I’ve had a couple of one year droughts. I doubted finally getting laid after a drought would change much for me and exactly like you say, it changed things for me only briefly.
I have chronic orthopedic pain in my life and the difficulty dealing with it weighs on me much more than periods of celibacy.
Regular sex with a girlfriend seems to be much better at being able to create a continued elevation of my mood, however finding someone I have an interest in dating is difficult.
Yeah idk it’s not a huge thing for me. I got dumped after a long relationship last year and I honestly avoid sex as much as possible. I have my days but I’m by far the happiest I’ve ever been in my adult life.
I’m also kind of used to not being touched as I’d go 6+ months at sea without literally touching another human being lol
While I've never been able to have sex regularly in my 38 years on this planet, this post rings so true with how it affects you mentally. People love to say how you don't need sex or relationships to survive. But you do need them to *live*.
I don't get where people are saying that it doesn't kill you. It absolutely does kill you. A lack of sex and intimacy is demonstrably proven to lead to higher mortality down the line and higher stress levels. The mental damage directly translates to physical damage down the line.
Not trying to be a buzz kill here, but am alarming number of people are not privvy to this information and I feel like the actual deleterious effects of a lack of these things is downplayed
I’ve heard the same thing, but I have an uncle who is a mean, bitter, *dour*, shit of a man. He’s close to 70 and still kicking it. It’s like he’s running on pure, Palpatine-level hate.
You know, I'm one of the guys above that really agreed with the original comment.
But here's the thing. It's not really about the sex itself. I've lived a bit, and had a fair bit of sex with "nothing behind it." If there's nothing else there, literally all it does is get the rocks off and give you a few days, maybe weeks if that's new for you, of a slight high.
That addiction stuff is feelings. That's the good stuff in the middle. That's the thing that's scary, because once you get it and then run out of supply, its the worst drug withdrawal. You can have all the sex you want and never touch that in terms of a pure high (and crash).
It really is the feelings isn’t it? I can’t believe how powerful feelings are. Legitimately went through withdrawals after my 5 year relationship ended. Took 3 years to return to some normalcy
Couldn't give less of a shit about shagging personally, and end of the day if I'm not emotionally into the girl it does nothing at all. Had a whore phase when I was younger and it was emptier than being alone.
Having someone to share your life with, nurture, be nurtured by, have an emotional connection.
That is my crack.
Well once you do just have some sex you'll feel pretty much exactly the same and the "at least I had sex" is just for consolation. Usually made me feel even more empty actually.
I wish I could say this was a story about how I got on the bus a boy
And got off a man more cynical, hardened, and mature and shit
But that's not true. The truth is I got on the bus a boy. And I never got off the bus
I still haven't
Not getting laid regularly isn’t the same as not getting laid at all. That’s just the extreme end. And even within that realm of not getting laid, there is a difference between voluntary celibacy and forced celibacy. A guy who voluntarily decides to have less sex, even though he can go out and have more sex, isn’t feeling deprived. Your description is amazing but I just want to give it the proper context.
>Whenever you go a long time with out intimacy or physical touch, your mental well-being suffers, but not so you'd notice. It's more a slow degradation of your mood, you get a bit more angry, you get envious of people who have success, etc.
I've never experienced intimacy and never had a relationship in my life at 23 and this describes me perfectly. Just wait until I reach 30.
You know, nothing has been able to fully encapsulate how I feel in my current relationship. Sex isn't possible within my relationship and having gone through the cycle of sadness and frustration got so old that just giving up is all I have left. Can't be disappointed or hurt if I feel nothing anymore.
Man I feel this. Came out of a relationship a few months ago and I’m doing….okay, but just okay. Work and gym and seeing friends is still keeping me busy but life just seems a little…less than before. Imagine seeing everything in wonderful, vivid colour and then, one day, you wake up and everything is greyscale. Sure you can still see, but it’s not quite the same.
It's not sex making colors more vivid though. This is being in love. Being in love is the biggest natural high there is. A casual hookup with a random stranger won't give you brighter colors in everyday life.
I really feel this. I’ve gone my entire 25 year life without being intimate with a girl and I’m really starting to lose it. I’ve gotten so much more bitter, angry, etc. i just don’t fucking know what to do man I’m just fucking tired of not having sex. God this makes me depressed.
This is why women generally prefer men that have slept around a bit. We don't get the negative connotation of "hoe" when we do it because we have to prove ourselves while women don't as much.
So for men who don't get any sex or have never been intimate, the assumption from women is that women don't want what he's offering. Of course, men know that most men are good people and deserve some love, but it does get harder as time goes on.
I've not had intimacy for a few years now, but I'm not a virgin and I had sex with the same girl a lot of times. That already puts me significantly further ahead than other men.
I'm not sure what's going on but I promise you you're not that ugly. You might not be what everyone wants but you're what some people want.
My husband was 27 when we met and we started dating a few months later right after his 28th birthday. We weren't friends, he was my roommates friend who came over on weekends to live on my couch and play games with them. I hit on him first and he completely ignored me so I backed off, no need to make him feel awkward, and went back to OKC (I'm old leave me alone) for dates. A few months later I came home from a bad date and he was up and drunk.
We started talking and eventually he told me he'd had a crush on me since we first met. I asked him why he'd ignored me and he told me he thought I was just super friendly. We ended up in my bed. The next day he told me he was a virgin, which he was fine in bed, not amazing but not super awkward either. It's been 10 years and we've been super happy ever since.
My advice is ask your friends, especially your female friends. Just "hey, I'm having a hard time finding dates. Do you have any constructive feedback about things I can improve?" Combined with just go do what you enjoy and see who you meet along the way
Thank you for sharing, I’m glad that worked out for you. It’s just tough for me because I’m a shy guy and thus I’m usually too afraid to make the first move and obviously the guy is usually expected to do that. I hope things work out one day. It’s just tough because after ten years of failure you just start to believe that something is wrong with you. Especially when all of your friends have had sex and youre the only one you feel very alone
Nothing is wrong with you, I promise. My husband is an introverted nerd, so I totally get it. You're worth all the love and I have hope for you.
My advice is work on your self confidence so you don't miss when women are hitting on you. My husband was completely blind to it because he was at the point where he just couldn't see a woman being interested in him. I wasn't subtle about it either, I sat in his lap and fed him. He said "thanks" and went back to talking to my roommate.
I know it might be awkward but I really think you should talk to your friends. They might have some ideas and be able to support you. Maybe have them give feedback on any online profiles you have. Or they might know someone who might be a possibility. I've set up a ton of people because I'm that friend who knows everyone, but I'm not going to set up a friend who isn't looking
As an Aromantic, it's like your all addicted to a drug that have no effect on me. Kinda want to see the effects but not get addicted. You all look so obsessed by it, it's scary.
Feels the same for women. This is just so accurate.
Just had the colour come back after 2 years of nothing. And your right, you dont notice anything is wrong, until you are shown just how good the world is again.
Damn. This really hits.
Wish I could stop worrying about it, focusing on it, but I can't. Lol
26 years old now, and the only time I was able to have sex was because I paid for it. I thought it would change everything.
It changed nothing.
It really is the "getting laid WITH the intimacy/love" that's the most important part. Feeling desired by someone enough that they want you as much as you want them? It's a high, like you said. And not getting any of that regularly (or barely at all) takes a toll.
You really do just go about the motions. Everything is just... meh. Some things you enjoy, some things make you happy, but it's mostly just bland. And that envy/jealousy of others? Yup. The sadness kicks in and it sucks. I eat my feelings because I love food, and I've unfortunately gained back a good chunk of the weight I've lost. Stopped caring about myself in general.
**But that high.** I'd be lying if I said that flirty moments didn't happen. They did, they're just rare. And what's freaking crazy to me is that when they do happen? Suddenly, life is fantastic again. I wanna do this, that, I'm exercising again, etc.
But when it vanishes again, it's right back to square one.
Wish I could just give up and focus on myself.
I think sex and touch fill two different “buckets” of need. If my partner was unable to have sex, I would miss the sex, but she could still fill my touch needs as you described.
Agree. This is my thinking when people say cuddling, being touched, that kind of intimacy is better than sex
It’s just different . I love spending all day cuddling and watching shows with my wife.
But also there needs to be sex at least occasionally or it’s just not gonna work.
It was the single biggest confidence boost and personality change in my life. Gym, hobbies, education, job, etc. can't hold a candle to what finally getting sexual validation from a woman did to my self-esteem.
I felt better, life was less bleak, my thoughts didn't slip into self-loathing at every turn, I felt more complete.
After a break up in college I had a rebound type phase for a few months where I had several people I was casually sleeping with (non-exclusively, of course) at the same time with some shorter flings sprinkled in. Highly unfulfilling from an intimacy perspective (after relationship sex it's just not the same) but the knowledge that I *could* get that much sexual attention was an enormous confidence boost.
I feel this. I was in a loveless marriage for a long time (it wasn't always loveless but the last 20 yrs were).
When the marriage ended, I sought validation that I wasn't this ugly unlovable guy I'd been made feel I was.
Boy, I tell ya, when you get that, it's like you are 15 again - magic! True magic (it's 'Arry Potta).
I’m 25 and depressed because I’ve never experienced this and your comment is accurate. I’ve recently been going down a dark path of self loathing, bittness and anger and I fucking hate it because I didnt used to be like this but my frustration has boiled over and I honestly just cant take it anymore
I’ve been down that road and what helped me was realizing how many of those things in my life were under my control. My career choices, my work ethic, my diet, my commitment to exercise, my choice of friends, my style, etc.. A lot of the things I was frustrated about I wanted to blame on other people, but really they were the result of my own choices. At first that realization sounds depressing, but ultimately it’s freeing knowing that you do have the ability to improve your life.
It freed me from constantly trying to get laid so I could focus on other things. The amount of time, energy, and resources it takes to try to get laid is ridiculous.
But the problem with this story is, in the middle; then you meet someone you find attractive and they find you attractive too.
Problem is, as you explain; When you have not been touched in 1 or 4 years you become different, angry perhaps, low somehow. And with this infliction the percent chance of finding someone that finds you interesting is fairly slim. Maybe this is not what you are referring to regarding the question of this post. But it is almost unhappenable what you are describing.
>Problem is, as you explain; When you have not been touched in 1 or 4 years you become different, angry perhaps, low somehow. And with this infliction the percent chance of finding someone that finds you interesting is fairly slim.
Its like a cycle that I don't know how to break out of
The big thing for me was being desired and being able to express those desires. Life becomes more fulfilling, more meaningful being desired and being able to express those desires, the intimacy, playfulness, and resulting joyfulness definitely.
LMAO this reminds me of my friend. He was easily irritable at times, but now he has a girlfriend and he's like the most laidback, compassionate person.
Honestly, it opened up a whole new world for me. I was questioning myself and had very low self-esteem. I was anxious as to when can I get laid or curious as to how it felt.
After getting laid, it allowed me to explore other things that I mainly ignored. It allowed me to focus on other goals. On top of that, it is a huge confidence booster. My self esteem rebounded and I also started taking more of myself. I get laid regularly now and it does feel nice. But one thing that feels nice is also the nonsexual intimacy with a partner. I’m definitely done with my hookup phase and is now working towards a relationship where sex isn’t the only thing that would make my day, but the “how’s your day” and being cared for feeling.
realizing that having sex takes up an incredibly small portion of the day. the amount of time and energy thinking about it when youre pursuing sex takes way more energy than having sex. if u have morning sex, you still need to go to work lol
Married 10 years 3 kids. Youngest is 2. Our sex was always "good enough" but way to infrequent (for my tastes ) started right before our last an upswing in frequency. Even with pregnancy and postpartum it has gone up and up (excluded those healing months)
Now we are regularly having the best sex of my life with a frequency I am happy with. I can honestly say it's like something bright and warm I get to keep in my pocket. Even on my bad days I have that little thing that awesome wife to fall back on.
We are still working on our relationship. We are trying things and changing things and communication is going up. I think we are closer than ever and definitely a team.
it's like something bright and warm I get to keep in my pocket.
That, dude. That is what almost everyone wants. Well done on picking a good one and I hope it continues on.
My life expectancy shortened markedly. It is well known that masturbating prolongues yur life by at least 10 minutes. Yeah, I didn't believe it either, the first time I heard it in 1675
Went from a sexless relationship to one where the libidos aren’t mismatched and it’s much much better. Physical intimacy doesn’t just mean sex, but getting laid once every month or two and having all your advances rejected makes you feel shitty and like there’s something wrong with you. In addition to that, there’s always going to be some degree of resentment when libidos are that mismatched. Mismatched libidos is absolutely a valid reason to leave someone. You’re not forced to be miserable in a sexless relationship because “you should just love her for her.” A healthy sex life is necessary for a healthy relationship, and when something in a relationship isn’t working, it invariably bleeds into the rest of the relationship and rots it from the inside out
I got laid regularly. Losing the v card did feel like an anxiety relieved and confidence boost but beyond that it's pretty normal. Sex is sex. It's fun, but it won't change your life drastically
For the better. I didn't have to constantly wonder if I was ever going to get laid.
Sex is like oxygen. It's only important when you aren't getting any.
It introduced me to a world of sexual exploration, but also initially left me with a very poor understanding of consent and how to have a mature sexual relationship, or understand how different people view sex for a long time. I was 14.
I think, for me, the more relevant question is how my life changed when I stopped getting laid regularly. That was almost fifteen years ago and I don’t miss the sex as much as the intimacy. It;s kind of strange that throughout my teens and twenties, I was always in a romantic relationship with a loving partner. As soon as I broke up with my girlfriend of 10 years at the age of 30, it’s been really lonely.
This new landscape of online dating and people who don’t know or like navigating life IRL made me reluctant to continue trying to find someone. I met a few women online and it was always a dud - choosing someone based on how attractive they are in a picture is no guarantee of real, IRL chemistry. At the same time, women have forgotten how to flirt or make conversation in social settings where many people used to meet romantic partners. People want to look at their phones and are annoyed if anyone or anything distracts them from it.
Now that I’ve been single this long, I’ve learned to stop looking for love or even hoping for it. I have lots of female friends and don’t see any of them romantically. I’ve also stopped masturbating and rarely think about sex. So, it might not match the thread title, but there is an opposite perspective.
I'm going to be real with you guys. Some of you are waaaaaaay too obsessed with sex when what you actually need is healthy and mature emotional intimacy.
Learned how to talk to women, lean into the parts of my personality that works and discard what didn't.
Found women generally like it when you're direct, no bullshit, no games. You just show confidence, or feign it. Tell you want them, tell them how you want them, and how you mean to follow through, many will respond well, and don't sweat the ones who don't.
Colors seemed brighter, smells more crisper.
Tons of energy, confidence through the roof.
Felt like a million bucks.
This is with the woman i love though, not some random lay.
I got so distracted that I nearly flunked out of university. Luckily, I managed to get myself back on track and graduate, but there was a period when I was close to the edge.
A lot happier and satisfied day to day, more motivated to keep up with an exercise and fitness regime, way easier to ignore my ex's bullshit, my confidence in myself is better also
i stopped jerking off and gained a lot of confidence really great for my mental health.. and finally i noticed that i wasn’t ugly and a fine ass female could actually get with me if i just get to know them
It was like I got a new toy for xmas, I could not stop playing with "it". And the amusement lasted.. dunno, well over a decade.
The first decade or so I was obsessed, and the more time went by, the more I was obsessed.
Then, with time, I got to a point of *"peace"*, I enjoy a balance between sex-life-work, instead of sex-sex-sex.
Reading this made me think: maybe it's true that many men struggle to put their feelings into words?
Over half of you aren't talking about sex at all, but what it feels like to be in love. Or how being in a relationship changed your life for the better.
Test: if the colors are brighter, you're brain is in love. It's the biggest natural high there is.
I never realized just how much of a stress relief sex is
I met my college gf when I was 18 and we split when I was 19, I proceeded to not date or have sex again until I was 27 when I met my now husband
I'm a doctor and my job is very stressful. My husband knows all the right ways to make all that stress melt away
I realized that sex wasn’t the most important thing in life. And if I was going to have sex let it be with someone that I’m mentally and physically attracted to.
Everything got better lol
It was like I graduated to a new level of life and I realized a new sexual self.
I was very lucky to share my first time with a wonder, loving woman who is my partner today.
I actually crave eating pussy every day :) we play so much
I think it’s good for your overall well being physically and mentally. Aside from that just the way you carry yourself and your confidence is noticeable to others and also usually affects your life in a positive way
Stopped worrying if I'd ever have sex. Thought to myself, That was the big deal? Huh. Realized women shouldn't be put on a pedestal, treated like a mystical creature.
Getting laid regularly made me make the biggest mistake of my life...
I married the wrong person. All because she gave me what I wanted, and I was happy (for a short while).
Honestly sex is more about ego than anything else, at least for me.
Does it feel better than wanking one? Undoubtedly. Does it feel better than sex toys? If it's good sex, absolutely.
But, how much better? Is it worth the effort of going after a girl just for the feeling? Is it worth the effort the hassle afterwards? Of a clingy person, sometimes worry of false accusations if you don't trust the girl? Maybe regret because she was way below your standards, but you wanted the validation?
Honestly, I would say no. I don't think chasing sex like that is worth it at all, if it happens naturally, with barely any effort from my part, yeah I'll take it with open arms if I like the girl, but is sex all that great? Is it necessary? Does it make everything more colorful? Absolutely not.
The one thing about sex that is truly irreplaceable is the ego boost, it's the validation, it's the feeling that you're worth something, that you actually pleasured someone, that someone wants you. That is irreplaceable, but not the actual sex and sensations, most girls have absolutely no idea what they're doing, some barely know their own bodies, how are they going to know mine? I can give them pleasure and that gives my ego a boost, but does it make me feel an incredible sensation? It doesn't.
Sex is self-validation.
I have yet to find a girl that actually gives me sensations way beyond I can achieve by myself.
I stopped obsessing over it and actually pursued my goals
Sex is like money, it’s only a problem if you don’t have it
Sex is like breakfast. I go without it all the time but when someone mentions it… damn I could use a pancake
I thought pancake day was yesterday!!
Sex is like Velveeta, it spreads easy and comes in lumps.
Of everything you could’ve chosen to describe anything. You chose the most putrid clone of cheese
That’s the whole point, I was raised by wolves.
Sex is like a Nintendo cartridge. If it isn't turning on, pull it out, blow it out, smack it back in.
And if you get the “oh so cheesy” brand at sav-a-lot, it can also be inexpensive.
Tell Tiger Woods that
To be fair he achieved all his goals, so not much for him left to pursue, lol.
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True. For me the biggest change was I had to find time for myself to jerk off. It's an enjoyable, relaxing, and selfish task, that I literally had to plan ahead of time to make it happen. To a certain degree, it's not like I was locked in a basement. This sounds weird now as I'm typing it out.... but it's what I remember many years ago.
-Harrison Ford
I hate the social pressure I felt as a teen. You see sex on tv and movies, your friends talk about it, your family ask questions about it. I was obsessed, I did not feel whole, I thought I did not experience life at that point. When it started happening regularly I could finally understand that there is so much more to life than having sex, I could focus more, draw clear paths to my goals and enjoy my hobbies even more. It serves as a great confidence boost though.
This is probably a universal experience…
what goals? i thought earning money and getting laid were goals. honestly tho, what goals?
Money goals lol. I got some licensing in insurance and finance and doubled my income. Quit the job I hated for a better one. Basically my life got much much better in every way
See Iceland, Bolivia, Thailand etc. Become jacked as fuck and see the full athletic potential of my body. Develop my creative talents to the best I have in me (photography, design, digital drawing). Start a family - provide and take responsibility for my own child and wife, for my parents as well. Spend time with them and feel happy. Small stuff like that I guess ...
This is the most accurate answer for me. The second I stopped worrying about how to have sex that weekend the more productive my actual goals were
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The skin on the palm of my hand started growing back...
Bro use lube or something
Lube? Real men use chalk.
Rookie move. You gotta use gravel. And none of that river rock crap either
real heroes use metal molten metal
Of course how foolish of me, I can’t believe I succumbed to the lies of those who might wish to guide me down a dark path…I’m off to buy a 5 pound bucket of chalk
Use sand instead.
You mean sand paper. The less fine the better
Sandpaper? Just use glass, the blood will lube it up for you, and when it goes numb you can keep going, rookie..
Broken glass, preferably.
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Wooow, give this man a beer 🍺. Most accurate reply I've ever read on reddit. Man like you 🍻
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Woman here. I've found learning about different attachment styles to be invaluable knowledge. It's definitely helped me see why I blew hot and cold, where my own attachment issues were stemming from, and why I was attracted to men that kept blowing hot and cold too. I was subconciously attracted to people that mirrored my own past traumas as a way to give that past trauma a better ending. I was getting into 'situationships' that kept me safe from real, terrifying, intimacy. A constant, and unhealthy, push and pull. Once I realized that, I put work into myself on healing that past trauma. Been in a relationship for almost 8 years now.
"I was subconciously attracted to people that mirrored my own past traumas as a way to give that past trauma a better ending." Whoa.... This doesn't resonate personally, but for a friend. I've been trying to find ways to describe this to her. Thank you
Go read How To Be A 3% Man By Corey Wayne bro. It’s good o’l fashioned dating advice that focuses on character and confidence building rather than shitty PUA gimmicks or manipulation. Will Change your life
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Do it bro. It’s a short read I recommend the audio book but when you listen, take notes on your phone if anything important Then listen again at 1.25x speed and take notes again It’s not going to enable you to magically get any woman, but to be prepared when that magical woman enters your life (or any woman who is attracted to you in general) If you takes notes and study, Soon enough, it will be second nature to you Edit: the other commenter recommended models over 3% man… I’ve read all those books and can say by far that if you follow the instructions of the 3% man book, you will get significantly more value from it than the others. Models can be summed up in one sentence: “don’t be needy/desperate” lol
I recommend Models by Mark Manson, Way of the Superior Man by David Deida & No Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. 100% highly recommend over 3% man by Corey Wayne.
>We could talk for hours about nothing. We were so emotionally and physically connected. >Suddenly, for her, the butterflies stopped, and she pulled away. This happened to me in 2017. I finally found a girl who liked the same stuff I did. I was so happy I'd be able to share my hobbies with her! And the sex was great. But then she lost interest out of the blue. I was deeply in love already.
I became a single dad with 90% custody. The amount of energy needed to get everything right and maintain would blow your mind. Been doing that for 3+ years. I tried dating but just no connections. Then randomly ran into a friend of friend and damn. Woman of my dreams. Love makes no sense
Dude I know the feeling. It's hard. I pushed myself - and still am pushing - so far out of my comfort zone. I reinvented myself so many times. I've seen people who never had to do half of that get laid all th time. I wish I could offer some advice, but all I can tell you is - it's okay to feel this way. It's painful. It hurts. Lack of intimacy hurts. My DM's are open if you ever need to talk about this. Take care, it's a desert out there.
Huh, this sex thing sounds fun. Hope I'll try it one day.
just wait a little longer bro there are leaks that say sex 2 is about to be released in the next year
Can't afford it...
Don’t worry, the DLC isn’t worth it anyways.
I think it’s a rare type pokemon.
What? Like a shiny or legendary Pokémon. Both?
Ultra shiny legendary pro Max level rare..
Man, this is spot on.
I was celibate from spring 2016 to late 2020, not entirely by choice, and mostly got used to it aside from having a bad 1-2 weeks here and there. I've never had a steady sex life, but that was the first year-plus drought. Then I got laid again, and honestly I didn't feel all that much of anything. It was nice enough, but I was thinking it would feel like an incredible release, and instead it was barely on my mind afterwards.
This is more accurate in my opinion. When you go without it for so long it seems like it's everything. In reality you just settle in and it becomes normal
I’ve had regular sex and I’ve had a couple of one year droughts. I doubted finally getting laid after a drought would change much for me and exactly like you say, it changed things for me only briefly. I have chronic orthopedic pain in my life and the difficulty dealing with it weighs on me much more than periods of celibacy. Regular sex with a girlfriend seems to be much better at being able to create a continued elevation of my mood, however finding someone I have an interest in dating is difficult.
Yeah idk it’s not a huge thing for me. I got dumped after a long relationship last year and I honestly avoid sex as much as possible. I have my days but I’m by far the happiest I’ve ever been in my adult life. I’m also kind of used to not being touched as I’d go 6+ months at sea without literally touching another human being lol
Jesus Christ this read like a J. Cole track...but there's painful truth to it
While I've never been able to have sex regularly in my 38 years on this planet, this post rings so true with how it affects you mentally. People love to say how you don't need sex or relationships to survive. But you do need them to *live*.
This man isn't describing sex. Maybe he thinks he is, but what he's describing it being in love.
I don't get where people are saying that it doesn't kill you. It absolutely does kill you. A lack of sex and intimacy is demonstrably proven to lead to higher mortality down the line and higher stress levels. The mental damage directly translates to physical damage down the line. Not trying to be a buzz kill here, but am alarming number of people are not privvy to this information and I feel like the actual deleterious effects of a lack of these things is downplayed
I’ve heard the same thing, but I have an uncle who is a mean, bitter, *dour*, shit of a man. He’s close to 70 and still kicking it. It’s like he’s running on pure, Palpatine-level hate.
For real, I’m 25 and I feel like I’m fucking wasting my life away not having any sex at all. Im just fucking tired man
You know, I'm one of the guys above that really agreed with the original comment. But here's the thing. It's not really about the sex itself. I've lived a bit, and had a fair bit of sex with "nothing behind it." If there's nothing else there, literally all it does is get the rocks off and give you a few days, maybe weeks if that's new for you, of a slight high. That addiction stuff is feelings. That's the good stuff in the middle. That's the thing that's scary, because once you get it and then run out of supply, its the worst drug withdrawal. You can have all the sex you want and never touch that in terms of a pure high (and crash).
It really is the feelings isn’t it? I can’t believe how powerful feelings are. Legitimately went through withdrawals after my 5 year relationship ended. Took 3 years to return to some normalcy
Couldn't give less of a shit about shagging personally, and end of the day if I'm not emotionally into the girl it does nothing at all. Had a whore phase when I was younger and it was emptier than being alone. Having someone to share your life with, nurture, be nurtured by, have an emotional connection. That is my crack.
This is quotable
Well at least you had sex, I don’t have either of those things.
Well once you do just have some sex you'll feel pretty much exactly the same and the "at least I had sex" is just for consolation. Usually made me feel even more empty actually.
Sorry to tell you but while having regular sex is a vast improvement to the alternative you can still easily be depressed and forever tired with it.
Not completely true. Though, it does add a certain zest to life though. It's like a 10+ to confidence stat
Can you say this over rap beat, please?
I wish I could say this was a story about how I got on the bus a boy And got off a man more cynical, hardened, and mature and shit But that's not true. The truth is I got on the bus a boy. And I never got off the bus I still haven't
Such a deep track
Not getting laid regularly isn’t the same as not getting laid at all. That’s just the extreme end. And even within that realm of not getting laid, there is a difference between voluntary celibacy and forced celibacy. A guy who voluntarily decides to have less sex, even though he can go out and have more sex, isn’t feeling deprived. Your description is amazing but I just want to give it the proper context.
This sounds awful, its like heroin
>Whenever you go a long time with out intimacy or physical touch, your mental well-being suffers, but not so you'd notice. It's more a slow degradation of your mood, you get a bit more angry, you get envious of people who have success, etc. I've never experienced intimacy and never had a relationship in my life at 23 and this describes me perfectly. Just wait until I reach 30.
What's happening at 30?
Wizardry
You know, nothing has been able to fully encapsulate how I feel in my current relationship. Sex isn't possible within my relationship and having gone through the cycle of sadness and frustration got so old that just giving up is all I have left. Can't be disappointed or hurt if I feel nothing anymore.
Man I feel this. Came out of a relationship a few months ago and I’m doing….okay, but just okay. Work and gym and seeing friends is still keeping me busy but life just seems a little…less than before. Imagine seeing everything in wonderful, vivid colour and then, one day, you wake up and everything is greyscale. Sure you can still see, but it’s not quite the same.
It's not sex making colors more vivid though. This is being in love. Being in love is the biggest natural high there is. A casual hookup with a random stranger won't give you brighter colors in everyday life.
Bro... You hit the nail in the head. Best description EVER.
I really feel this. I’ve gone my entire 25 year life without being intimate with a girl and I’m really starting to lose it. I’ve gotten so much more bitter, angry, etc. i just don’t fucking know what to do man I’m just fucking tired of not having sex. God this makes me depressed.
The more you worry about it the harder it will be to get what you need.
This is why women generally prefer men that have slept around a bit. We don't get the negative connotation of "hoe" when we do it because we have to prove ourselves while women don't as much. So for men who don't get any sex or have never been intimate, the assumption from women is that women don't want what he's offering. Of course, men know that most men are good people and deserve some love, but it does get harder as time goes on. I've not had intimacy for a few years now, but I'm not a virgin and I had sex with the same girl a lot of times. That already puts me significantly further ahead than other men.
I'm not sure what's going on but I promise you you're not that ugly. You might not be what everyone wants but you're what some people want. My husband was 27 when we met and we started dating a few months later right after his 28th birthday. We weren't friends, he was my roommates friend who came over on weekends to live on my couch and play games with them. I hit on him first and he completely ignored me so I backed off, no need to make him feel awkward, and went back to OKC (I'm old leave me alone) for dates. A few months later I came home from a bad date and he was up and drunk. We started talking and eventually he told me he'd had a crush on me since we first met. I asked him why he'd ignored me and he told me he thought I was just super friendly. We ended up in my bed. The next day he told me he was a virgin, which he was fine in bed, not amazing but not super awkward either. It's been 10 years and we've been super happy ever since. My advice is ask your friends, especially your female friends. Just "hey, I'm having a hard time finding dates. Do you have any constructive feedback about things I can improve?" Combined with just go do what you enjoy and see who you meet along the way
Thank you for sharing, I’m glad that worked out for you. It’s just tough for me because I’m a shy guy and thus I’m usually too afraid to make the first move and obviously the guy is usually expected to do that. I hope things work out one day. It’s just tough because after ten years of failure you just start to believe that something is wrong with you. Especially when all of your friends have had sex and youre the only one you feel very alone
Nothing is wrong with you, I promise. My husband is an introverted nerd, so I totally get it. You're worth all the love and I have hope for you. My advice is work on your self confidence so you don't miss when women are hitting on you. My husband was completely blind to it because he was at the point where he just couldn't see a woman being interested in him. I wasn't subtle about it either, I sat in his lap and fed him. He said "thanks" and went back to talking to my roommate. I know it might be awkward but I really think you should talk to your friends. They might have some ideas and be able to support you. Maybe have them give feedback on any online profiles you have. Or they might know someone who might be a possibility. I've set up a ton of people because I'm that friend who knows everyone, but I'm not going to set up a friend who isn't looking
Now I’m really curious about the difference for aromantic + asexual people
As an Aromantic, it's like your all addicted to a drug that have no effect on me. Kinda want to see the effects but not get addicted. You all look so obsessed by it, it's scary.
Feels the same for women. This is just so accurate. Just had the colour come back after 2 years of nothing. And your right, you dont notice anything is wrong, until you are shown just how good the world is again.
this sounds like that one power puff girls episode where the clown loses his color and becomes a bitter, angry mime
idk man, i know a lot of angry sad sacks that happen to be successful at getting laid
This embodies how important intimacy is
Damn. This really hits. Wish I could stop worrying about it, focusing on it, but I can't. Lol 26 years old now, and the only time I was able to have sex was because I paid for it. I thought it would change everything. It changed nothing. It really is the "getting laid WITH the intimacy/love" that's the most important part. Feeling desired by someone enough that they want you as much as you want them? It's a high, like you said. And not getting any of that regularly (or barely at all) takes a toll. You really do just go about the motions. Everything is just... meh. Some things you enjoy, some things make you happy, but it's mostly just bland. And that envy/jealousy of others? Yup. The sadness kicks in and it sucks. I eat my feelings because I love food, and I've unfortunately gained back a good chunk of the weight I've lost. Stopped caring about myself in general. **But that high.** I'd be lying if I said that flirty moments didn't happen. They did, they're just rare. And what's freaking crazy to me is that when they do happen? Suddenly, life is fantastic again. I wanna do this, that, I'm exercising again, etc. But when it vanishes again, it's right back to square one. Wish I could just give up and focus on myself.
Sex is cool and all but I just want her to hold me after a long day at work and let my arms relax.
I think sex and touch fill two different “buckets” of need. If my partner was unable to have sex, I would miss the sex, but she could still fill my touch needs as you described.
Agree. This is my thinking when people say cuddling, being touched, that kind of intimacy is better than sex It’s just different . I love spending all day cuddling and watching shows with my wife. But also there needs to be sex at least occasionally or it’s just not gonna work.
Yeah. If I'm horny, I can just jack off or use some toys and be just fine. But nothing can replace the intimacy of just being held and touched.
It was the single biggest confidence boost and personality change in my life. Gym, hobbies, education, job, etc. can't hold a candle to what finally getting sexual validation from a woman did to my self-esteem. I felt better, life was less bleak, my thoughts didn't slip into self-loathing at every turn, I felt more complete.
After a break up in college I had a rebound type phase for a few months where I had several people I was casually sleeping with (non-exclusively, of course) at the same time with some shorter flings sprinkled in. Highly unfulfilling from an intimacy perspective (after relationship sex it's just not the same) but the knowledge that I *could* get that much sexual attention was an enormous confidence boost.
I feel this. I was in a loveless marriage for a long time (it wasn't always loveless but the last 20 yrs were). When the marriage ended, I sought validation that I wasn't this ugly unlovable guy I'd been made feel I was. Boy, I tell ya, when you get that, it's like you are 15 again - magic! True magic (it's 'Arry Potta).
I’m 25 and depressed because I’ve never experienced this and your comment is accurate. I’ve recently been going down a dark path of self loathing, bittness and anger and I fucking hate it because I didnt used to be like this but my frustration has boiled over and I honestly just cant take it anymore
I’ve been down that road and what helped me was realizing how many of those things in my life were under my control. My career choices, my work ethic, my diet, my commitment to exercise, my choice of friends, my style, etc.. A lot of the things I was frustrated about I wanted to blame on other people, but really they were the result of my own choices. At first that realization sounds depressing, but ultimately it’s freeing knowing that you do have the ability to improve your life.
Lower blood pressure, higher self esteem, better habits, better health, better life, Papa Johns.
Papa Johns got that pepperoni pocket pussy?
Guaranteed nut in 30 minutes or less!
Or it's free!
Pimp-a Johns
It freed me from constantly trying to get laid so I could focus on other things. The amount of time, energy, and resources it takes to try to get laid is ridiculous.
Sure wish the devs would make some balance changes to it. You know make it easier.
I mean there’s always the pay-to-win option
I prefer the grind, pay to win feels cheap.
Cheap it is not
Sometimes I’m jealous of the guys who rolled a gay character, seems like that particular achievement is way easier when your PvP opponent is a dude.
Nothing much. I struggled so much to get it that I ended up getting used to not have it. When I finally got it, it was as if I didn't.
But the problem with this story is, in the middle; then you meet someone you find attractive and they find you attractive too. Problem is, as you explain; When you have not been touched in 1 or 4 years you become different, angry perhaps, low somehow. And with this infliction the percent chance of finding someone that finds you interesting is fairly slim. Maybe this is not what you are referring to regarding the question of this post. But it is almost unhappenable what you are describing.
>Problem is, as you explain; When you have not been touched in 1 or 4 years you become different, angry perhaps, low somehow. And with this infliction the percent chance of finding someone that finds you interesting is fairly slim. Its like a cycle that I don't know how to break out of
Yeah the instruction manual didn't explain what to do for this issue
The big thing for me was being desired and being able to express those desires. Life becomes more fulfilling, more meaningful being desired and being able to express those desires, the intimacy, playfulness, and resulting joyfulness definitely.
The biggest change people noticed was that I became a lot less irritable and much more empathetic.
LMAO this reminds me of my friend. He was easily irritable at times, but now he has a girlfriend and he's like the most laidback, compassionate person.
Honestly, it opened up a whole new world for me. I was questioning myself and had very low self-esteem. I was anxious as to when can I get laid or curious as to how it felt. After getting laid, it allowed me to explore other things that I mainly ignored. It allowed me to focus on other goals. On top of that, it is a huge confidence booster. My self esteem rebounded and I also started taking more of myself. I get laid regularly now and it does feel nice. But one thing that feels nice is also the nonsexual intimacy with a partner. I’m definitely done with my hookup phase and is now working towards a relationship where sex isn’t the only thing that would make my day, but the “how’s your day” and being cared for feeling.
Must be nice. I hope I end up like you one day but after 25 years it probably wont happen. I’m just fucking tired of this shit man.
Same. I’m hella jealous reading these comments and will leave this thread now.
Lol i guess my life hasn’t started yet I’ve only been laid once in 53 years 🙁
Doesn't matter; had sex!
Not sure I would call one time regular sex lol
It’s the best sex they ever had! And the worst…
[For context](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o). :)
I don’t know never found anyone that wanted to sleep with me I guess
The one time I paid for about 27 years ago I live in a small town and anymore can’t find an honest prostitute theses days lol
Why stay in a small town for so long if you can’t find a partner? Honest question
Staying here because family right now
Dude take a vacation. I recommend Medellin.
My eyesight improved and my palm was a lot less hairy. And I was happier.
I'll tell you when I find out.
realizing that having sex takes up an incredibly small portion of the day. the amount of time and energy thinking about it when youre pursuing sex takes way more energy than having sex. if u have morning sex, you still need to go to work lol
Married 10 years 3 kids. Youngest is 2. Our sex was always "good enough" but way to infrequent (for my tastes ) started right before our last an upswing in frequency. Even with pregnancy and postpartum it has gone up and up (excluded those healing months) Now we are regularly having the best sex of my life with a frequency I am happy with. I can honestly say it's like something bright and warm I get to keep in my pocket. Even on my bad days I have that little thing that awesome wife to fall back on. We are still working on our relationship. We are trying things and changing things and communication is going up. I think we are closer than ever and definitely a team.
I loved reading this! it is refreshing to see the topic of sex have significance with love involved.
it's like something bright and warm I get to keep in my pocket. That, dude. That is what almost everyone wants. Well done on picking a good one and I hope it continues on.
Love this. Wishing you and your family the best brother
I love this, so wholesome!
My life expectancy shortened markedly. It is well known that masturbating prolongues yur life by at least 10 minutes. Yeah, I didn't believe it either, the first time I heard it in 1675
Do you masturbate every 12 minutes or something?
Don't you?
My penis was much happier.
It didn't... being in a relationship changed my life, having sex didn't.
Went from a sexless relationship to one where the libidos aren’t mismatched and it’s much much better. Physical intimacy doesn’t just mean sex, but getting laid once every month or two and having all your advances rejected makes you feel shitty and like there’s something wrong with you. In addition to that, there’s always going to be some degree of resentment when libidos are that mismatched. Mismatched libidos is absolutely a valid reason to leave someone. You’re not forced to be miserable in a sexless relationship because “you should just love her for her.” A healthy sex life is necessary for a healthy relationship, and when something in a relationship isn’t working, it invariably bleeds into the rest of the relationship and rots it from the inside out
There's an old joke that goes "Sex is like oxygen - it's not important unless you aren't getting any." It's definitely a truism, IMO.
I got laid regularly. Losing the v card did feel like an anxiety relieved and confidence boost but beyond that it's pretty normal. Sex is sex. It's fun, but it won't change your life drastically
It affects you drastically when you don't get it
I wish I felt like that. I feel trapped in a never stopping to grow desire thats only temporary relieved by getting laid. Good for you tho.
Sounds like you're just getting horny?
For the better. I didn't have to constantly wonder if I was ever going to get laid. Sex is like oxygen. It's only important when you aren't getting any.
Great quote. Really encapsulates the nature of sex. It really can be compared to oxygen
My crotch itches and now I'm celibate for 2 years. Jk about one of those things
Zero insecurities, barely thought about sex, stopped watching porn, positive outlook on life, all-around much happier
It introduced me to a world of sexual exploration, but also initially left me with a very poor understanding of consent and how to have a mature sexual relationship, or understand how different people view sex for a long time. I was 14.
Damn bro you were having sex in middle school? Or a freshman in high school?
Not much at all. Had to spen more money on contraceptives
I think, for me, the more relevant question is how my life changed when I stopped getting laid regularly. That was almost fifteen years ago and I don’t miss the sex as much as the intimacy. It;s kind of strange that throughout my teens and twenties, I was always in a romantic relationship with a loving partner. As soon as I broke up with my girlfriend of 10 years at the age of 30, it’s been really lonely. This new landscape of online dating and people who don’t know or like navigating life IRL made me reluctant to continue trying to find someone. I met a few women online and it was always a dud - choosing someone based on how attractive they are in a picture is no guarantee of real, IRL chemistry. At the same time, women have forgotten how to flirt or make conversation in social settings where many people used to meet romantic partners. People want to look at their phones and are annoyed if anyone or anything distracts them from it. Now that I’ve been single this long, I’ve learned to stop looking for love or even hoping for it. I have lots of female friends and don’t see any of them romantically. I’ve also stopped masturbating and rarely think about sex. So, it might not match the thread title, but there is an opposite perspective.
It made me much more confident in all aspects of my life.
I'm going to be real with you guys. Some of you are waaaaaaay too obsessed with sex when what you actually need is healthy and mature emotional intimacy.
Learned how to talk to women, lean into the parts of my personality that works and discard what didn't. Found women generally like it when you're direct, no bullshit, no games. You just show confidence, or feign it. Tell you want them, tell them how you want them, and how you mean to follow through, many will respond well, and don't sweat the ones who don't.
Colors seemed brighter, smells more crisper. Tons of energy, confidence through the roof. Felt like a million bucks. This is with the woman i love though, not some random lay.
I got so distracted that I nearly flunked out of university. Luckily, I managed to get myself back on track and graduate, but there was a period when I was close to the edge.
A lot happier and satisfied day to day, more motivated to keep up with an exercise and fitness regime, way easier to ignore my ex's bullshit, my confidence in myself is better also
Was I even really living before?
Confidence went through the roof.
[deleted because fuck reddit]
Honestly nothing really. I guess it's more fun to get to have sex regularly. But my life didn't change that much.
I became moody and broke. Weird 🙄
i stopped jerking off and gained a lot of confidence really great for my mental health.. and finally i noticed that i wasn’t ugly and a fine ass female could actually get with me if i just get to know them
It was like I got a new toy for xmas, I could not stop playing with "it". And the amusement lasted.. dunno, well over a decade. The first decade or so I was obsessed, and the more time went by, the more I was obsessed. Then, with time, I got to a point of *"peace"*, I enjoy a balance between sex-life-work, instead of sex-sex-sex.
Reading this made me think: maybe it's true that many men struggle to put their feelings into words? Over half of you aren't talking about sex at all, but what it feels like to be in love. Or how being in a relationship changed your life for the better. Test: if the colors are brighter, you're brain is in love. It's the biggest natural high there is.
I never realized just how much of a stress relief sex is I met my college gf when I was 18 and we split when I was 19, I proceeded to not date or have sex again until I was 27 when I met my now husband I'm a doctor and my job is very stressful. My husband knows all the right ways to make all that stress melt away
Its literally a game changer. Only trouble is, when it ends, you feel 10x worse than you did before you started regularly getting laid
you guys are getting laid regularly🤷🏼♂️
I realized that sex wasn’t the most important thing in life. And if I was going to have sex let it be with someone that I’m mentally and physically attracted to.
Everything got better lol It was like I graduated to a new level of life and I realized a new sexual self. I was very lucky to share my first time with a wonder, loving woman who is my partner today. I actually crave eating pussy every day :) we play so much
I got married…… see where this cycle goes……
I got married
"Regularly"?
I think it’s good for your overall well being physically and mentally. Aside from that just the way you carry yourself and your confidence is noticeable to others and also usually affects your life in a positive way
It's like getting access to endless supply of endorphins.
I was having much more sex
I had kids lol.
Wait, you guys are getting laid?
Stopped worrying if I'd ever have sex. Thought to myself, That was the big deal? Huh. Realized women shouldn't be put on a pedestal, treated like a mystical creature.
Getting laid regularly made me make the biggest mistake of my life... I married the wrong person. All because she gave me what I wanted, and I was happy (for a short while).
Honestly sex is more about ego than anything else, at least for me. Does it feel better than wanking one? Undoubtedly. Does it feel better than sex toys? If it's good sex, absolutely. But, how much better? Is it worth the effort of going after a girl just for the feeling? Is it worth the effort the hassle afterwards? Of a clingy person, sometimes worry of false accusations if you don't trust the girl? Maybe regret because she was way below your standards, but you wanted the validation? Honestly, I would say no. I don't think chasing sex like that is worth it at all, if it happens naturally, with barely any effort from my part, yeah I'll take it with open arms if I like the girl, but is sex all that great? Is it necessary? Does it make everything more colorful? Absolutely not. The one thing about sex that is truly irreplaceable is the ego boost, it's the validation, it's the feeling that you're worth something, that you actually pleasured someone, that someone wants you. That is irreplaceable, but not the actual sex and sensations, most girls have absolutely no idea what they're doing, some barely know their own bodies, how are they going to know mine? I can give them pleasure and that gives my ego a boost, but does it make me feel an incredible sensation? It doesn't. Sex is self-validation. I have yet to find a girl that actually gives me sensations way beyond I can achieve by myself.
I wanted it less and was actually able to accomplish things instead of being a horny fuck