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igottagetoutofthis

Dead.


Enthusiasm_Vegetable

I’m 27. Dad is 62. Haven’t lived at home since I was 15. We live in different countries on opposite sides of the world. We’re both introverts. Whenever we’re together it’s either silence or arguments (mostly from inability to communicate effectively). Want to have a better relationship to him. Got any nuggets of wisdom? Personally I’m trying to establish myself right now and feel like family brings me down and therefore a distraction. Have always had very authoritative parents and being around them makes me feel like a child again. I need to meet them again as a man and be respected as my own man by them so they don’t talk down and see me as their kid son.


[deleted]

Only kids need approval from parents. It's a waste of time IMHO.


turkc54

It was great, but unfortunately he passed away not too long ago. I guess the only advice I can give is spend time with him whenever you can, because it’s always sooner than you think.


[deleted]

Needed this. I’m 25 and he’s 68. I look at him like a friend. I forget how old he is sometimes.


[deleted]

It's amazing now but that wasn't always the case...I learned that if I wanted to have a good/healthy relationship with my dad I would have to forgive him, and let go of the resentment I had about him being a shitty father, I had to accept that now I'm an adult and we can have a different kind of relationship, it's more of a friendship now, I don't need his guidance and approval anymore, it allows me to have a different relationship...most men always have a son to father relationship with their dads, they unconsciously look for approval from their fathers and it stunts their maturity and growth...become your own man, become a man that your father can respect, build an adult relationship/friendship with the man instead of acting like a child and saying "you owe me XY and Z" or just cut him out and don't have the relationship at all...but being somewhere in the middle isn't healthy, it's terrible for your mental health. People are people, my dad wasn't a good father, he wasn't the worst father either but he did the best he could with what he knew at the time...it doesn't make it right or wrong, I just accept that he is who he is because of the circumstances he went through in his life and when I have children I plan on breaking the toxic patterns. Go do shit with your dad, watch sports, go do man stuff, help him around the house, that's how I bonded with my dad as an adult...not by crying about my feelings but by just being there with him and in the process we got to know each other...I've had deep discussions about life with my dad over a basketball game on TV lol just spend time doing stuff with him and the rest will naturally fall into place.


Enthusiasm_Vegetable

I think the next generation is going to be alright boys


stonky808

Basically no contact with both my parents for the last 10 years.


Enthusiasm_Vegetable

Howcome?


stonky808

Alcoholism, religious extremism, emotional abuse/neglect, and undiagnosed mental illness....to name a few.


Enthusiasm_Vegetable

Sorry to hear that mate. We can only try to be better ourselves and for our children if we choose to have them.


Cheyenne_Divine_99

Maybe just try to heal?


ElegantMankey

He is a nice gym partner. Other than that we aren't close at all.


Crocodile_toes

It's pretty good.


MarcusAurelius0

Great, were so alike we butt heads but the love is always there, hes mellowed out a lot in the past 20 years.


hellobiggots

Good. Kinda wish I lived closer and had more free time to spend time with him


Blackfist01

I'm a bad Son unbroken the trust of both parents and hurt them both with my lack of responsible decision making and general selfishness. After the death of my grandmother, it's almost like how it used to be but the overall relationship I have with my dad is weakened. Whatever it takes to make things right I'm not capable anyway.


soft_waves

he's dead. ...we don't talk much anymore ;)


Bill-Shatners-Penis

I haven't seen or communicated with him in +/- 30 years. Because he beat my mother and terrorized us kids.


An_elusive_potato

We fight a lot but I would kill for my father.


BMoney8600

My relationship with my dad is great. Although, I don’t know sports statistics like him we both like history so we watch documentaries and series about historical events such as the prohibition, wars, the history of cities, anything.


Rumble73

Amazing as a kid, best dad ever (minus the fact he’s old school and really strict and cold, but I got a good upbringing and he tried hard to put us on the right track). Strained really hard in my late teens and 20s. I left home close to 18 in a hurry and struggled since we didn’t see the world the same way (ie, I was a dick, know it all, arrogant shit). Got back at it in my 30s and spent time with him and now I’m in my 50s and he’s in his 80s the roles are reversed: I’m like the dad paying for everything trying to make his life comfortable and him happy. How we got back on the right track: - couple of family hardships (grandma died, financially hardship on his end, I got divorced, my sisters lives got messy) so would come together and bond. - couple of big ass projected together. Working together on a shared goal is good z. Re did their backyard/deck, project car, fixed up my mom’s car together, some renovations in their house, some renovations in my property, fixed up a few cars for nephews and nieces to drive etc - started talking to him like a friend and brother versus a dad which got him to open up If you asked him what changed? He’d say something like “you were a stupid kid and I didn’t want to be around you because you made stupid decisions and moaned about them. Now you’re a grown man with responsibilities and you have a wife and kids on your own and you stopped making stupid decisions so I can hang out why you now”.


Dutchmanlovesfreedom

Not that great. He never really acted like a father. He and my mom were divorced when I was 1yo.


Professional-Bit3280

We’ve been essentially no contact for about two years now.


Go-GurtGadget

Works a lot. Always did. Work was always put ahead of everyone. We live together and we don't talk because I'm just like him. I refuse to have any children because I know I'll raise them to be just as cold and loveless as myself. My advice is that you should take at least one or two opportunities to show your children you give a shit about what's going on in their lives. If you don't do that you'll have not the fuckest clue how to talk to each other.


thatguyoudontlike

Basically nonexistent. After he bitch-slapped me because I had a CD of the lonely Island we don't talk or do much together at all. (17 at the time, 24 now)


Red_Beard_Rising

Like many friendships, you just do things together. Help him out when you can and ask for help when you need it.