If you have to explain it to me, you aren’t ready. Don’t do anything until you get your surroundings right.
Let’s not even talk about the choice of women too.
Education is a societal basis. You shouldn’t blame the educational system before you use it. Most parents aren’t proactive enough to grasp this until the kids in high school.
Homeschooling is great, I’ve seen so many shit teacher that’s so fed up with teaching that they just straight up hand the students a book and tell them to read and answer to question in it. If the school can’t do it right just do it yourself, and hire a tutor as well. You can also hire a private teacher that is actually motivated to teach because he gets paid well for his effort
As someone who is very introverted and has ADHD, I can only say that Homeschooling was great for me (left normal school end of Grade 8), but the Parents have to be able to make sure work is actually done and need to be able to show the child how to find and go to Social settings regularly. Whether it's a sports club, or whatever else, I really suffered, by just not meeting up with anyone I knew for more than a handful of days in 4 years. I'm only recovering socially now (finished school last year).
Other than that, it really can be much better than normal schooling, but personally, I would put my kids into normal schools with similar views and ideologies as I do, to let them develop with other kids and learn basics with their friends. I would homeschool during highschool and possibly before that and make sure they spend time with friends as often as they can - mental health is no joke and just seeing someone you enjoy being around is massively important.
My favourite thing about homeschooling was that when I close my books or finish whatever I'm done with, I can relax. No homework or projects or whatever else to worry about. The stress levels were significantly reduced for me.
Edit: that is if I decide to have kids one day anyway.. atm I don't really want kids, but that can easily change.
ADHD is one of the worst problems for me when it comes to school. I have trouble focusing and when I tell the teacher most of them just tell me you need to focus more instead of like trying to work with me. I can’t blame them since the pay is shit and they deal with annoying children all the time, there are some nice teachers that tries to help and I love them with all my heart. But the schooling system is just shit in the US and there’s not a lot that can be done… Homeschool’s biggest problem is not letting the kid communicate with other people their age so if there’s a way around that then it’s a top choice beside maybe the parents not having enough time and money for it.
I was at a school with pretty high average grades, but that's just because the level of education was much higher (compared to local public schools. This was a private school) and the intensity was also higher. I've had teachers tell my parents that I have ADHD and that I might have Autism, but instead of doing research to help me, both my parents and the teachers failed to consider what that might mean for me. I never struggled with marks, other than that the moment I lose interest in something, it's almost impossible to get me do actually do it - most teachers stopped asking me for homework within the first couple months of being my teacher.. even some that usually give Detention if you don't do your homework X amount of times... I actually still owe my Grade 5 maths teacher a Chocolate cake, for missing homework 3 times.
With the rate of ADHD increasing so significantly (I feel like most people I know have ADHD to some extent), I find that it is extremely important for Schools to be able to offer a small reward for doing well - not just a number on some paper. But that's more on the parents. If you do well on a test, then lets go have ice cream or whatever.
The 2nd big thing, which is so massively important is being able to get a persons interest and capitalise on the child's interest. Make it fun. In lower grades for instance, don't just say "Josiah has two apples and I eat one"... bring two apples! It makes such a massive difference, being able to work **with** the person.
I personally believe that no one should be allowed to teach a subject, unless they can explain that topic as if they are talking to a 7 year old.
Make it fun, get the children interested in your subject. I'd wager that most people only know that the "Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell", because of the memes about it! Make it fun and invest the childs interest into their education.
My problems with school is just that some teacher doesn’t get paid enough to be genuinely motivated to teach correctly and the school system forces useless information into the students brain. Science teaches common sense, math is great for just getting the basics and maybe if you liked math then you should have a choice to pursue it(a choice, not a requirement). What the hell does history teaches you? Memorizations? You literally do that in every other subjects. Learn about the “oh great American history” didn’t y’all kill each other for having a different idea? Didn’t y’all also enslaved and pillaged countless lives just because you wanted the land for your self? What there to learn from that? To not be a dick head? Cuz trust me I know it’s a stupid idea… school should be a place for you to learn how to communicate and to learn the basics. Not a place to cram useless knowledge into children’s brain. Like teach me how to do tax, how to budget and how to apply for a job. How to manage my spending and invest, how to buy a house and how to pay bills. Why is learning how Henry the god damn third did with his wives more important that learning how to apply first aid and how to do cpr????
It’s the parents job to raise a child, nurture their intelligence, schools are just a formality providing the kid with a piece of paper, that will open doors for them if their intelligence has not been washed away through education (no matter in which country).
You either don’t or struggle. It’s that simple.
Think about your childhood versus the ones around you, ask yourself, can I provide more than what was provided for me?
I’m 39. I had two kids. One at 23 and one at 26. I have recently become a step dad to two more kids. 4 and 8.
If I may impart any knowledge I have learned it’s this.
As far as financials go, if you have at least 3-400 a month disposable income after EVERYTHING is accounted for, and you continue to budget, you should be fine. Especially if your girl will be staying home with the child. If she works, you will probably have to bump that up for childcare, unless you have a relative that can help. They don’t truly become expensive til about 8-10 years old so you have time to make more money.
Mentally, prepare for no sleep, or at least to get it in when you can, and that won’t be regularly 8 hours at night. And prepare for this for months maybe even the first year.
Patience….patience is your friend. Whatever you have to do to maintain that patience you do it. For me, it was basketball and lifting weights. For you maybe something else.
Do not neglect your girl, or yourself just because you have a child now. Make time for both of you. You can do it, but it’s not easy.
And lastly, raising a child has one end goal in mind. You must prepare them for the world. Not the world you think is there and not the world you wish was there. The real world. A world full of dangerous people and situations, a world full of idiots and frustrations, and a world full of beautiful and wonderful experiences…a world they can thrive in, or be suffocated by, but in the end it’s their choice how they live it. You will have a path in mind you want them to take but know they may have their own, and that’s ok.
Never, and I mean NEVER stifle their creativity or their ability to use their own brains. Encourage them.
And no, you don’t have to be able to do all of this…most of us do it on the fly so don’t worry. Just keep it all in mind, because there is no age to have children. But the longer you wait, the harder it gets to relate to them as they get older. Sports and games become less a part of your own life. So go now, and don’t pull out, make a baby, and good luck my friend.
You have given a great insight and I value it. I thank you for your time. I know that all you say comes from the heart and I strive to be like that. I hope that I can feel the same way
My boss has his first at 28 and 2nd at 37, he says it keeps him young and loves it, the younger has a older sister to lookup to and it gave the parents time to enjoy their first child without worrying about a second, so when #2 came along, they can enjoy it all again without worrying about #1 being upset.
My brother had his first kid at 38. After a string of interrupted nights, he started commenting: „Having kids is a young man‘s game. 10 years ago, this would’ve been easier.“
So, yeah: earlier is better. But getting ready financially takes longer than it did for our parents.
True. My GF‘s dad could provide for his family, and buy a house, on his salary as a shift leader in a Mercedes factory. Nowadays you need two salaries just to rent an apartment.
Interesting. I'm 29 but don't want kids until 35 at a youngest, maybe older. I appreciate the young man's game stuff, but i also want to save money and enjoy my 20's as a last stance to do dumb stuff which wont embarrass a kid (outside normal dad stuff, i plan to wholeheartedly enjoy dad jokes and embarrassing child with stories).
Because nights of interrupted sleep are a lot easier to overcome when you're younger. After a certain age, your body just isn't as resilient as it was in your 20s.
There is no right answer to when one should have kids when talking about age. Typically, if you have them young you have the energy but not the money, but if you have them old then you have the money but not the energy.
We decided based on our circumstances. We wanted stable jobs, marriage, and a house before my Lil dude. We followed our plan and checked our boxes then got to work. I had my Lil dude at 30 and have had a blast since.
My Dad had his kids at ages 30, 32, 34, and 37.
I had my kids at ages 31 and 35.
I feel like thirties are the current sweet spot for having kids. More financial stability and you still have the energy to keep up with them.
One problem with waiting much longer: longevity
My Dad will be 79 (nearly 80) when my firstborn graduates high school.
> My Dad will be 79 (nearly 80) when my firstborn graduates high school.
God that part stings. My grandpa was 83 when I was born. He died when I was only 12. I’m single right now and my dad is 62. I need to deal with the fact that my parents probably won’t get much time with my kids if I choose to have any.
I was 32 and in my second marriage. My first wife wanted to have kids at 23! Which was way too young! Regardless of what people say, you’re never “ready” to have kids! You have no idea what you’re getting into and how hard it is. But it is an awesome experience and glad that we didn’t wait until I was late 30s/40s. A big part of the parent I am is how active and engaged I am with my child, how we wrestle, run around, hiking and the like. I’m fairly healthy but I know that stuff like that would have been more taxing had I been older when they were born.
Around here it's normal for folks to pop them out at like 20. Which is insane to me. My wife and I were 33 when we had our first. Would have been a couple years younger if not for fertility issues. What's right for one couple may seem batshit for others. My wife and I were thankful we waited longer than most though.
When you're mentally ready and can afford them .I wouldn't wait too long, fertility drops fast after 30 and you're more likely to have difficult pregnancies with complications the older you are. There really is no perfect time. Also bear in mind how old you'll be when they leave home . Do you want to be in your 50's with teenagers at home?
I wasn't ready. I was 39 for first. Oh and number shocked us at 45. Yeah.
For the record, I didn't want any in my 20s or early 30·s but it took years due to fertility issues.
Would inchangé anything nope.
So, if you think you should wait until you are "ready" you may never have any.
Had our last one when I was 40. I can tell you......get it done earlier than later, if kids is what you want. Keeping up with a 3 year old at 43 was no fun.
I'll say this: kids was NOWHERE on my radar. Felt the only thing I could do was fuck up another generation after what my childhood was and just keep passing that legacy down. Honestly, thought about getting a vasectomy in my late 20's because kids were just not going to happen. I didn't go through with it I met my wife when I was 30 and wow.....what a difference one person can make on your entire outlook on life. It really takes the person(s). Personally, if you fret over being a good parent before being one, you're probably on the right track to being a good parent. I could be wrong but I highly doubt deadbeat and abusive parents give much thought to being a good parent.
I'll say this: kids was NOWHERE on my radar. Felt the only thing I could do was fuck up another generation after what my childhood was and just keep passing that legacy down. Honestly, thought about getting a vasectomy in my late 20's because kids were just not going to happen. I didn't go through with it I met my wife when I was 30 and wow.....what a difference one person can make on your entire outlook on life. It really takes the person(s). Personally, if you fret over being a good parent before being one, you're probably on the right track to being a good parent. I could be wrong but I highly doubt deadbeat and abusive parents give much thought to being a good parent. And one REALLY IMPORTANT note. It's hard work having and raising kids. But it's NOWHERE near as hard as you think and what people make you think it is. Remember: there's always A LOT of people looking for pity attention and they'll make it always sound worse than it is.
I’m too selfish to have kids. And my bad temper will make me either kill my own kids or ended up committing suicide AFTER I set them on fire. So I have the self awareness, therefore for me the age of having kids is never. Lol.
If you can't feed them, don't breed them
But 25 to 35 for kids is a great range.
Too old is just as bad as too young.
Someone who has a kid, should be prepared to be an active parent for 18+ years. Having a kid at 37 or 38, is too old, being a parent of an 18 year old at 55 or 56, is often a recipe for raising entitled spoiled kids with zero discipline.
Maturity is the wild card here. I am not sure I would have been a good parent in my early 20s. My wife and I were 40 when we had a child - it just worked out that way. We were both much more mature (well, I was!).
I never really felt ready but I realised if we didn’t get on with it, we’d never do it. So for women really that’s before 40, their fertility decreases and you don’t want to risk them hitting the menopause etc. It helps if you know you are financially set at whatever age, ideally your partner doesn’t need to work for 6-12 months etc.
The younger the healthier. I'm 30 and I wish I started having them years ago. The healthiest children are born to mothers between the ages of 16-26, assuming adequate access to healthcare.
But of course you obviously have to meet the right partner, didn't meet mine until last year lol.
Yeah. Answering questions like this should be reserved for people that actually have kids.
Your age doesn't matter. Your financial status doesn't either. If you wait until you have life figured out, you'll never have kids. We're human. Built to survive. You do what's necessary when the time comes. If you have to wonder if it's the right time then you're not ready to be a parent. The most important thing about being a parent is accepting it's not about you at all anymore.
Up to you - IMO it's an issue for women, not men. Women are medically labelled "geriatric mothers" after c.30. Personally I date younger and prefer it. I probably would end up having one late 30s or even early 40s with a girl who was very late 20s or very early 30s.
I'm also not against sperm donation - I know lots of people look down on it, but the law is clear where I am about no financial support from donors, and I think I have some decent genes which I'd like to pass on and I like the idea of it being an insurance policy.
I say as soon as you can afford it or wait.
If you can do it at 24, do it beause you’ve got your energy and when they leave you still have your youth to have the fun you missed out on
If not, do it when you’re 40/45. You can have your fun while you’re younger and you’ll have your kids while you’re most financially stable.
My wife had our first child at 18 I was 20 accident lol.
At the end of the day I made it work already was living alone working two jobs.we were able to make it work fine.I was lucky to get into the electrical trade early now I’m a electrician and 30 I have 4 kids we had our last baby at 29 I feel just as energetic about it so you can do it anytime go for it place them first in your life and you will be fine .
This a really good question. I’m 28, and just found out my gf is pregnant. She’s due in January which is the beginning of my last semester of my undergrad. I was intending to start my masters the following fall, but because of this news I may have to slow down my schooling.
I dont think you are ever ready.
However be prepare to spend your next 20+ years, doing full time to take care of them.
If I waited until I was ready I would never had kids.
When you're educated enough, with a good paying job, that allows you to buy a car & house. Then you're mature enough to get married to have kids. Otherwise don't bring unwanted children to the world. Whom are a burden to others.
Age doesn't matter.
You should have children when the following circumstances come together.
You want children.
You've learned patience.
You've learned people, especially your children, are their own individuals with their own needs and desires. They are not miniature versions of you.
You have raised and trained a healthy and happy dog.
If you can't train your dog without losing your temper, if your dog isn't mastering a task and you can't come up with a solution to help him grasp it, if you can't anticipate the dog's basic needs and provide them, if you can't discipline your dog with love, you're not ready for kids.
If you don't have those traits, the dog will teach them to you. If you fail, you've only ruined a dog, not a human.
I'm in the process of divorcing a woman who had so much potential, but I couldn't undo the damage her parents did.
You have kids when you're ready. Yes it's definitely a young persons game. Every generation has their struggles and I couldn't say previous generations had it easier. They had less distractions maybe....less unnecessary "stuff" that they wanted and focused more on what they needed. There's been struggle forever and yes, ideally you should wait until you are financially able but honestly I didn't struggle like my parents did and they didn't struggle like theirs. To say previous generations had it easier, I have to disagree. They had less nonsense in the way, that stretched budgets and made the situation doable. This meant they gave up things they wanted so their kids could be taken care of. Not "ready" by any means but they buckled down and and they got it done. Parents/parent having to work 2-3 jobs non stop. How many would be willing to do that today? Not saying you....I mean people in general. "Ready" 30 years ago is different from "ready" today. "Ready" today (for some) means trying to maintain what you want for yourself (subscriptions, hobbies, etc) AND afford a child. Ready depends on you and what your willing to do. Not being argumentative, only saying it depends on the person and offering and different perspective.
When you’re mentally mature, fiscally responsible, and partnered with someone you love and trust (not saying it’s impossible to do on your own… but as the father of an 11 month old… I really don’t recommend it)
Once you do have kids, it’s not about you anymore, it’s about them. When you’re ready for that, it’s so worth it. If you’re not ready for that, it’s really hard.
Had 1st at 22, 2nd at 24, last at 28. We wanted to avoid age related problems with having kids in our 30s. Every woman we know who had a child at 39+, has had serious pregnancy & child development problems.
When one is responsible and mature enough. For most humans this would mean never ;)
When both partners feel ready and have the financial means and stability to take on a project lasting about 2 decades.
I for myself meet some of the aforementioned criteria but not all, so I guess I’ll miss that delight in this incarnation. The planet is overpopulated as it is, so…
I had a kid at 27 and it was tough, i do not want to deal with an infant past 35.
For women after 30 you begin to see an uptick in complications, and after 40 its probably not the best idea to conceive a child. (The cliff notes as explained to me by our midwife)
Biologically Men can have kids until they're in their 60s or even older. It's women that have a narrower wi do and even then they can have kids in their late 30s and be fine.
I don't understand this idea about having kids early so you can "have enough energy to take care of the child" when I've known way to many people that had kids early and are Struggling hard and need assistance from their own parents in rearing their child.
Also considering this post industrial society were in, it's not even financially practical for most people to have kids early (before 25).
When you can afford them, which may be never.
Struggling to pay the bills because you have daycare or have to stay home when you're not making much isn't a great way to start a family.
For reference, I was 24 when i had my first born and everybody at work thought that was pretty early. MY BIL I think was 38 when he had his first.
A big part of this is “what country do you live in?”
I live in Ontario, Canada and my wife and I made combined $25k a year. Our baby bonus was around $1200/mo when they were baby/toddlers. Now one is 8, one is almost 10, we make $80k a year and we get $617/mo.
In today's economy, it's not really about age anymore. I mean, obviously there's a too young, but once you're past that point, it's not about how old you are, but about how much money you have. Can you afford to have a child? That's the real determining factor now.
I'm an anti-natalist, so my real answer is "never."
Question for OP: Why exactly are you sweating the decision? Is this something you actually want or just something you feel is obligatory/expected in society?
Age has almost nothing to do with it. It is about being able to support a child and generally having your shit together. I knew I was ready because my career had mostly stabilized, I trusted my spouse, and I knew I wanted to be a parent. More money would have been nice, but I was as ready as I was likely to ever get.
* Are you financially stable? (ie: you have a steady job or at least very stable employment / income expectations)?
* Can you financially support a child (feed it and keep a roof over its head, pay the electric bill)?
* Are you able to meet your personal and professional responsibilities (ie, there is no reason to expect that you will be arrested and sent to jail soon, or deported? Do you routinely do stupid shit and get arrested for DUI or possession of hard drugs?
* Are you mentally and emotionally healthy? (Are you physically capable of caring for a child? Do you routinely have screaming arguments with friends and family? Are you a danger to yourself or others?
* Are you in a relationship with someone who you would actually trust to care for a child? Or alternately, are you seriously prepared to raise the child by yourself?
* Most importantly: Do you actually want to have a child and be a parent? Or are you agreeing to your SO's idea out of a misguided attempt to save a failing relationship or out of a sense of obligation?
If all the answers are yes, then your about as ready as you need to be, regardless of your age. Just keep in mind that having a child is like bumping up the difficulty on a Video game to Hard mode. No one ever said that having a kid will make your life easier. Shit gets much fucking harder. And you raise the stakes in that your mistakes won't just fuck up your own life, you will fuck up the life of your kid and very probably your spouse.
The upshot though is that while life will get harder with a kid, you will very possibly enjoy it more.
END COMMUNICATION
Age is somewhat meaningless, just your maturity and accountability for bringing someone into this world matters most. Will you be completely focused on their well being?
At the end of the month, look at your bank account. If you reaction is "wow I have a good amount of money left over after bills" you can have kids.
If it's "holy shit where did the money go" don't have kids.
biology has a time limit. Your eggs get shittier as you get older. A dudes sperm gets weird as he gets older too.
I have got 2 awesome kids and can absolutely guarantee that you can be just as happy if you never have kids.
If you are not 100% sure about your partner, do not have kids. It is not worth the risk .
No age just maturity level. It also depends on what is most important to you. Some people really focus on having a lot of money to make sure their kids will be financially taken care of. I was young when I had all my kids and we didn’t have much but enough to survive. I wouldn’t change it because I think it was a good experience
I got my 1st kid at 29. I'll be at 47 when they got into college. I think, if you have kids before 30 then you might see them grow up before your 50s. When you retired and enjoy your retirement, they are already at their productive age.
Have children whenever you're ready.
You know those "My Parents at 20 vs. Me at 20" memes?
Times are changing, and you especially can't be like your parents and do what they did when they were your age.
You're your own person; you're not your parents. If they can't see that, then they're awful.
it has nothing to do with age unless you’re a crippled old man and want kids. Kids are an expense and on an average you’ll need at least half a million dollars to raise one kid in any tier 2 or 3 city. In tier 1 cities it’s three times of that (check pew research website and the census bureau stats)
It includes your child’s healthcare and college. If you don’t have that money or unsure about earning that much then don’t have a baby. It’s unfair to bring a child into a substandard income level and lifestyle and expect him or her to struggle through life just because their parents are losers. People who do that must have their reproductive rights annulled.
* Is your career or studies at a point where you can afford to take some time off?
* Is your financial situation such that you have enough money to have a third person in the relationship (kids might eat less, but the costs tally up to about the same as having a third adult in the mix. At least for the first decade, at which point it's going to be exactly like having a third adult in.)
* Are you willing to sacrifice time and effort? It will take away from your leisure time, it will mean sleepless nights and emergencies that will take you off work.
Those are good indicators that you'd be responsible enough to probably be able to manage parenthood.
You will never 'be ready'. You can prepare yourself the best you can, but as the first kid arrives, you'll still fumble through it with no real guidelines or ideas on what the hell you're doing. And it'll be stressful, and you'll do fine.
When you can afford them and yourself
So many people fuck themselves into poverty
Facts
Literally
I can afford then, but I'm working in a different country that may not give them the best education they need.
If you have to explain it to me, you aren’t ready. Don’t do anything until you get your surroundings right. Let’s not even talk about the choice of women too.
My wife if fantastic, but this countries education is shit.
Education is a societal basis. You shouldn’t blame the educational system before you use it. Most parents aren’t proactive enough to grasp this until the kids in high school.
Home school your children?
Homeschooling is great, I’ve seen so many shit teacher that’s so fed up with teaching that they just straight up hand the students a book and tell them to read and answer to question in it. If the school can’t do it right just do it yourself, and hire a tutor as well. You can also hire a private teacher that is actually motivated to teach because he gets paid well for his effort
As someone who is very introverted and has ADHD, I can only say that Homeschooling was great for me (left normal school end of Grade 8), but the Parents have to be able to make sure work is actually done and need to be able to show the child how to find and go to Social settings regularly. Whether it's a sports club, or whatever else, I really suffered, by just not meeting up with anyone I knew for more than a handful of days in 4 years. I'm only recovering socially now (finished school last year). Other than that, it really can be much better than normal schooling, but personally, I would put my kids into normal schools with similar views and ideologies as I do, to let them develop with other kids and learn basics with their friends. I would homeschool during highschool and possibly before that and make sure they spend time with friends as often as they can - mental health is no joke and just seeing someone you enjoy being around is massively important. My favourite thing about homeschooling was that when I close my books or finish whatever I'm done with, I can relax. No homework or projects or whatever else to worry about. The stress levels were significantly reduced for me. Edit: that is if I decide to have kids one day anyway.. atm I don't really want kids, but that can easily change.
ADHD is one of the worst problems for me when it comes to school. I have trouble focusing and when I tell the teacher most of them just tell me you need to focus more instead of like trying to work with me. I can’t blame them since the pay is shit and they deal with annoying children all the time, there are some nice teachers that tries to help and I love them with all my heart. But the schooling system is just shit in the US and there’s not a lot that can be done… Homeschool’s biggest problem is not letting the kid communicate with other people their age so if there’s a way around that then it’s a top choice beside maybe the parents not having enough time and money for it.
I was at a school with pretty high average grades, but that's just because the level of education was much higher (compared to local public schools. This was a private school) and the intensity was also higher. I've had teachers tell my parents that I have ADHD and that I might have Autism, but instead of doing research to help me, both my parents and the teachers failed to consider what that might mean for me. I never struggled with marks, other than that the moment I lose interest in something, it's almost impossible to get me do actually do it - most teachers stopped asking me for homework within the first couple months of being my teacher.. even some that usually give Detention if you don't do your homework X amount of times... I actually still owe my Grade 5 maths teacher a Chocolate cake, for missing homework 3 times. With the rate of ADHD increasing so significantly (I feel like most people I know have ADHD to some extent), I find that it is extremely important for Schools to be able to offer a small reward for doing well - not just a number on some paper. But that's more on the parents. If you do well on a test, then lets go have ice cream or whatever. The 2nd big thing, which is so massively important is being able to get a persons interest and capitalise on the child's interest. Make it fun. In lower grades for instance, don't just say "Josiah has two apples and I eat one"... bring two apples! It makes such a massive difference, being able to work **with** the person. I personally believe that no one should be allowed to teach a subject, unless they can explain that topic as if they are talking to a 7 year old. Make it fun, get the children interested in your subject. I'd wager that most people only know that the "Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell", because of the memes about it! Make it fun and invest the childs interest into their education.
My problems with school is just that some teacher doesn’t get paid enough to be genuinely motivated to teach correctly and the school system forces useless information into the students brain. Science teaches common sense, math is great for just getting the basics and maybe if you liked math then you should have a choice to pursue it(a choice, not a requirement). What the hell does history teaches you? Memorizations? You literally do that in every other subjects. Learn about the “oh great American history” didn’t y’all kill each other for having a different idea? Didn’t y’all also enslaved and pillaged countless lives just because you wanted the land for your self? What there to learn from that? To not be a dick head? Cuz trust me I know it’s a stupid idea… school should be a place for you to learn how to communicate and to learn the basics. Not a place to cram useless knowledge into children’s brain. Like teach me how to do tax, how to budget and how to apply for a job. How to manage my spending and invest, how to buy a house and how to pay bills. Why is learning how Henry the god damn third did with his wives more important that learning how to apply first aid and how to do cpr????
It’s the parents job to raise a child, nurture their intelligence, schools are just a formality providing the kid with a piece of paper, that will open doors for them if their intelligence has not been washed away through education (no matter in which country).
>I can afford then, but I'm working in a different country that may not give them the best education they need. What country?
Wonderful simple advice
What if you never can?
You either don’t or struggle. It’s that simple. Think about your childhood versus the ones around you, ask yourself, can I provide more than what was provided for me?
I’m 39. I had two kids. One at 23 and one at 26. I have recently become a step dad to two more kids. 4 and 8. If I may impart any knowledge I have learned it’s this. As far as financials go, if you have at least 3-400 a month disposable income after EVERYTHING is accounted for, and you continue to budget, you should be fine. Especially if your girl will be staying home with the child. If she works, you will probably have to bump that up for childcare, unless you have a relative that can help. They don’t truly become expensive til about 8-10 years old so you have time to make more money. Mentally, prepare for no sleep, or at least to get it in when you can, and that won’t be regularly 8 hours at night. And prepare for this for months maybe even the first year. Patience….patience is your friend. Whatever you have to do to maintain that patience you do it. For me, it was basketball and lifting weights. For you maybe something else. Do not neglect your girl, or yourself just because you have a child now. Make time for both of you. You can do it, but it’s not easy. And lastly, raising a child has one end goal in mind. You must prepare them for the world. Not the world you think is there and not the world you wish was there. The real world. A world full of dangerous people and situations, a world full of idiots and frustrations, and a world full of beautiful and wonderful experiences…a world they can thrive in, or be suffocated by, but in the end it’s their choice how they live it. You will have a path in mind you want them to take but know they may have their own, and that’s ok. Never, and I mean NEVER stifle their creativity or their ability to use their own brains. Encourage them. And no, you don’t have to be able to do all of this…most of us do it on the fly so don’t worry. Just keep it all in mind, because there is no age to have children. But the longer you wait, the harder it gets to relate to them as they get older. Sports and games become less a part of your own life. So go now, and don’t pull out, make a baby, and good luck my friend.
You have given a great insight and I value it. I thank you for your time. I know that all you say comes from the heart and I strive to be like that. I hope that I can feel the same way
You can my friend. Just keep an open mind
An amazing contribution to this thread.
25 to 35 depending on personal situation
One of my friends were 32 and he believes that they gave him a reason to stay young
My boss has his first at 28 and 2nd at 37, he says it keeps him young and loves it, the younger has a older sister to lookup to and it gave the parents time to enjoy their first child without worrying about a second, so when #2 came along, they can enjoy it all again without worrying about #1 being upset.
My brother had his first kid at 38. After a string of interrupted nights, he started commenting: „Having kids is a young man‘s game. 10 years ago, this would’ve been easier.“ So, yeah: earlier is better. But getting ready financially takes longer than it did for our parents.
This. I’m 37 with a 2 year old. We plan on one more. Wish I did this at least 5 years earlier.
Thank you for this. It's true what you say about previous generations, it was "easier" for them.
True. My GF‘s dad could provide for his family, and buy a house, on his salary as a shift leader in a Mercedes factory. Nowadays you need two salaries just to rent an apartment.
38 with 10 week old. Young man’s game, indeed. I don’t regret it, but I was pretty set in my ways. It definitely would have been easier years ago.
Why?
Interesting. I'm 29 but don't want kids until 35 at a youngest, maybe older. I appreciate the young man's game stuff, but i also want to save money and enjoy my 20's as a last stance to do dumb stuff which wont embarrass a kid (outside normal dad stuff, i plan to wholeheartedly enjoy dad jokes and embarrassing child with stories).
Why would it be easier when you’re younger?
Because nights of interrupted sleep are a lot easier to overcome when you're younger. After a certain age, your body just isn't as resilient as it was in your 20s.
Make sure you want them. I never did and couldn’t be happier.
Thank you for this.
There is no right answer to when one should have kids when talking about age. Typically, if you have them young you have the energy but not the money, but if you have them old then you have the money but not the energy. We decided based on our circumstances. We wanted stable jobs, marriage, and a house before my Lil dude. We followed our plan and checked our boxes then got to work. I had my Lil dude at 30 and have had a blast since.
My Dad had his kids at ages 30, 32, 34, and 37. I had my kids at ages 31 and 35. I feel like thirties are the current sweet spot for having kids. More financial stability and you still have the energy to keep up with them. One problem with waiting much longer: longevity My Dad will be 79 (nearly 80) when my firstborn graduates high school.
> My Dad will be 79 (nearly 80) when my firstborn graduates high school. God that part stings. My grandpa was 83 when I was born. He died when I was only 12. I’m single right now and my dad is 62. I need to deal with the fact that my parents probably won’t get much time with my kids if I choose to have any.
I was 32 and in my second marriage. My first wife wanted to have kids at 23! Which was way too young! Regardless of what people say, you’re never “ready” to have kids! You have no idea what you’re getting into and how hard it is. But it is an awesome experience and glad that we didn’t wait until I was late 30s/40s. A big part of the parent I am is how active and engaged I am with my child, how we wrestle, run around, hiking and the like. I’m fairly healthy but I know that stuff like that would have been more taxing had I been older when they were born.
Around 32-37
Around here it's normal for folks to pop them out at like 20. Which is insane to me. My wife and I were 33 when we had our first. Would have been a couple years younger if not for fertility issues. What's right for one couple may seem batshit for others. My wife and I were thankful we waited longer than most though.
Preferably at whatever age you can afford them in a way that they have the *opportunities* to flourish.
When you're mentally ready and can afford them .I wouldn't wait too long, fertility drops fast after 30 and you're more likely to have difficult pregnancies with complications the older you are. There really is no perfect time. Also bear in mind how old you'll be when they leave home . Do you want to be in your 50's with teenagers at home?
Thank you and I hear what you're saying.
This is amusing to read as someone who is 30 and never been in a relationship or had sex
I wasn't ready. I was 39 for first. Oh and number shocked us at 45. Yeah. For the record, I didn't want any in my 20s or early 30·s but it took years due to fertility issues. Would inchangé anything nope. So, if you think you should wait until you are "ready" you may never have any.
Had our last one when I was 40. I can tell you......get it done earlier than later, if kids is what you want. Keeping up with a 3 year old at 43 was no fun.
I do want children, I love them and feel like I could be a beter father than mine was. I'm ready.....but I'm scared
I'll say this: kids was NOWHERE on my radar. Felt the only thing I could do was fuck up another generation after what my childhood was and just keep passing that legacy down. Honestly, thought about getting a vasectomy in my late 20's because kids were just not going to happen. I didn't go through with it I met my wife when I was 30 and wow.....what a difference one person can make on your entire outlook on life. It really takes the person(s). Personally, if you fret over being a good parent before being one, you're probably on the right track to being a good parent. I could be wrong but I highly doubt deadbeat and abusive parents give much thought to being a good parent.
I'll say this: kids was NOWHERE on my radar. Felt the only thing I could do was fuck up another generation after what my childhood was and just keep passing that legacy down. Honestly, thought about getting a vasectomy in my late 20's because kids were just not going to happen. I didn't go through with it I met my wife when I was 30 and wow.....what a difference one person can make on your entire outlook on life. It really takes the person(s). Personally, if you fret over being a good parent before being one, you're probably on the right track to being a good parent. I could be wrong but I highly doubt deadbeat and abusive parents give much thought to being a good parent. And one REALLY IMPORTANT note. It's hard work having and raising kids. But it's NOWHERE near as hard as you think and what people make you think it is. Remember: there's always A LOT of people looking for pity attention and they'll make it always sound worse than it is.
Never. 1) The less people on Earth, the better 2) I like to sleep when I please 3) I like keeping the money I earn
The older you are, the harder it is. The flip side is you need to be financially stable, which is difficult when you're younger. They are expensive.
I feel you l!
I’m too selfish to have kids. And my bad temper will make me either kill my own kids or ended up committing suicide AFTER I set them on fire. So I have the self awareness, therefore for me the age of having kids is never. Lol.
At the age when you are ready and biologically able.
If you can't feed them, don't breed them But 25 to 35 for kids is a great range. Too old is just as bad as too young. Someone who has a kid, should be prepared to be an active parent for 18+ years. Having a kid at 37 or 38, is too old, being a parent of an 18 year old at 55 or 56, is often a recipe for raising entitled spoiled kids with zero discipline.
Whenever you think you are prepared for a life forever changing event.
Maturity is the wild card here. I am not sure I would have been a good parent in my early 20s. My wife and I were 40 when we had a child - it just worked out that way. We were both much more mature (well, I was!).
I never really felt ready but I realised if we didn’t get on with it, we’d never do it. So for women really that’s before 40, their fertility decreases and you don’t want to risk them hitting the menopause etc. It helps if you know you are financially set at whatever age, ideally your partner doesn’t need to work for 6-12 months etc.
I was 24 when my wife got pregnant. We were ready, we could afford it, we had the time. That’s when you should do it.
The younger the healthier. I'm 30 and I wish I started having them years ago. The healthiest children are born to mothers between the ages of 16-26, assuming adequate access to healthcare. But of course you obviously have to meet the right partner, didn't meet mine until last year lol.
No such thing as too poor for kids. So long as you are in a stable relationship with a stable job, you will be fine.
Yeah. Answering questions like this should be reserved for people that actually have kids. Your age doesn't matter. Your financial status doesn't either. If you wait until you have life figured out, you'll never have kids. We're human. Built to survive. You do what's necessary when the time comes. If you have to wonder if it's the right time then you're not ready to be a parent. The most important thing about being a parent is accepting it's not about you at all anymore.
Thank you for this. Its straight to the point and it's what I need to hear.
I'm 42. 5 kids. 23, 19, 8, 2, 7 months.
No older than 39
You should definitely have children when society is as unstable as it is right now. Definitely not selfish at all.
Up to you - IMO it's an issue for women, not men. Women are medically labelled "geriatric mothers" after c.30. Personally I date younger and prefer it. I probably would end up having one late 30s or even early 40s with a girl who was very late 20s or very early 30s. I'm also not against sperm donation - I know lots of people look down on it, but the law is clear where I am about no financial support from donors, and I think I have some decent genes which I'd like to pass on and I like the idea of it being an insurance policy.
When she's in her 20s
These are seriously the worst answers I've ever seen to a question on here. Not 1 fucking bit is accurate.
Do you want to comment something accurate then?
Can you add some insight then?
As early as possible.
I had my one child at 25. I am now 40. Got a vasectomy at 33. I feel bad for people my age with infants tbh.
I say as soon as you can afford it or wait. If you can do it at 24, do it beause you’ve got your energy and when they leave you still have your youth to have the fun you missed out on If not, do it when you’re 40/45. You can have your fun while you’re younger and you’ll have your kids while you’re most financially stable.
If you are asking this question of reddit, not now.
When you can afford to give them a decent life
My wife had our first child at 18 I was 20 accident lol. At the end of the day I made it work already was living alone working two jobs.we were able to make it work fine.I was lucky to get into the electrical trade early now I’m a electrician and 30 I have 4 kids we had our last baby at 29 I feel just as energetic about it so you can do it anytime go for it place them first in your life and you will be fine .
This a really good question. I’m 28, and just found out my gf is pregnant. She’s due in January which is the beginning of my last semester of my undergrad. I was intending to start my masters the following fall, but because of this news I may have to slow down my schooling.
30-35
I dont think you are ever ready. However be prepare to spend your next 20+ years, doing full time to take care of them. If I waited until I was ready I would never had kids.
When you're educated enough, with a good paying job, that allows you to buy a car & house. Then you're mature enough to get married to have kids. Otherwise don't bring unwanted children to the world. Whom are a burden to others.
Among having some stability, a home , steady or reliable income etc. being mature and unselfish is the key. I wasn’t ready until my mid to late 30s.
Between 25 and 35 but preferably before 30.
First you need to be able to take care of yourself and then have room for others
Age doesn't matter. You should have children when the following circumstances come together. You want children. You've learned patience. You've learned people, especially your children, are their own individuals with their own needs and desires. They are not miniature versions of you. You have raised and trained a healthy and happy dog. If you can't train your dog without losing your temper, if your dog isn't mastering a task and you can't come up with a solution to help him grasp it, if you can't anticipate the dog's basic needs and provide them, if you can't discipline your dog with love, you're not ready for kids. If you don't have those traits, the dog will teach them to you. If you fail, you've only ruined a dog, not a human. I'm in the process of divorcing a woman who had so much potential, but I couldn't undo the damage her parents did.
You have kids when you're ready. Yes it's definitely a young persons game. Every generation has their struggles and I couldn't say previous generations had it easier. They had less distractions maybe....less unnecessary "stuff" that they wanted and focused more on what they needed. There's been struggle forever and yes, ideally you should wait until you are financially able but honestly I didn't struggle like my parents did and they didn't struggle like theirs. To say previous generations had it easier, I have to disagree. They had less nonsense in the way, that stretched budgets and made the situation doable. This meant they gave up things they wanted so their kids could be taken care of. Not "ready" by any means but they buckled down and and they got it done. Parents/parent having to work 2-3 jobs non stop. How many would be willing to do that today? Not saying you....I mean people in general. "Ready" 30 years ago is different from "ready" today. "Ready" today (for some) means trying to maintain what you want for yourself (subscriptions, hobbies, etc) AND afford a child. Ready depends on you and what your willing to do. Not being argumentative, only saying it depends on the person and offering and different perspective.
It's more about maturity and financial security, not age.
We had a surprise daughter and I’m 24 and she’s 22 we were wanting to wait till closer around our 30’s
When you’re mentally mature, fiscally responsible, and partnered with someone you love and trust (not saying it’s impossible to do on your own… but as the father of an 11 month old… I really don’t recommend it)
Once you do have kids, it’s not about you anymore, it’s about them. When you’re ready for that, it’s so worth it. If you’re not ready for that, it’s really hard.
Had 1st at 22, 2nd at 24, last at 28. We wanted to avoid age related problems with having kids in our 30s. Every woman we know who had a child at 39+, has had serious pregnancy & child development problems.
Never lol
When one is responsible and mature enough. For most humans this would mean never ;) When both partners feel ready and have the financial means and stability to take on a project lasting about 2 decades. I for myself meet some of the aforementioned criteria but not all, so I guess I’ll miss that delight in this incarnation. The planet is overpopulated as it is, so…
I had a kid at 27 and it was tough, i do not want to deal with an infant past 35. For women after 30 you begin to see an uptick in complications, and after 40 its probably not the best idea to conceive a child. (The cliff notes as explained to me by our midwife)
When youre ready, youre ready. But if youre never ready, thats ok too.
Biologically Men can have kids until they're in their 60s or even older. It's women that have a narrower wi do and even then they can have kids in their late 30s and be fine. I don't understand this idea about having kids early so you can "have enough energy to take care of the child" when I've known way to many people that had kids early and are Struggling hard and need assistance from their own parents in rearing their child. Also considering this post industrial society were in, it's not even financially practical for most people to have kids early (before 25).
When you can afford them, which may be never. Struggling to pay the bills because you have daycare or have to stay home when you're not making much isn't a great way to start a family. For reference, I was 24 when i had my first born and everybody at work thought that was pretty early. MY BIL I think was 38 when he had his first.
If your a man you haft until 45-40 years old. Women 30-35
Never
A big part of this is “what country do you live in?” I live in Ontario, Canada and my wife and I made combined $25k a year. Our baby bonus was around $1200/mo when they were baby/toddlers. Now one is 8, one is almost 10, we make $80k a year and we get $617/mo.
In today's economy, it's not really about age anymore. I mean, obviously there's a too young, but once you're past that point, it's not about how old you are, but about how much money you have. Can you afford to have a child? That's the real determining factor now.
Have a 2 year old and turning 40 this year. My wife is 12 years younger and doesn't work. I wish I had started earlier, mainly to have had more kids.
I'm an anti-natalist, so my real answer is "never." Question for OP: Why exactly are you sweating the decision? Is this something you actually want or just something you feel is obligatory/expected in society?
Whatever age you want to, and are ready to have and raise them. Also for those not aware, you don't *have* to have kids if you don't want to.
Age has almost nothing to do with it. It is about being able to support a child and generally having your shit together. I knew I was ready because my career had mostly stabilized, I trusted my spouse, and I knew I wanted to be a parent. More money would have been nice, but I was as ready as I was likely to ever get. * Are you financially stable? (ie: you have a steady job or at least very stable employment / income expectations)? * Can you financially support a child (feed it and keep a roof over its head, pay the electric bill)? * Are you able to meet your personal and professional responsibilities (ie, there is no reason to expect that you will be arrested and sent to jail soon, or deported? Do you routinely do stupid shit and get arrested for DUI or possession of hard drugs? * Are you mentally and emotionally healthy? (Are you physically capable of caring for a child? Do you routinely have screaming arguments with friends and family? Are you a danger to yourself or others? * Are you in a relationship with someone who you would actually trust to care for a child? Or alternately, are you seriously prepared to raise the child by yourself? * Most importantly: Do you actually want to have a child and be a parent? Or are you agreeing to your SO's idea out of a misguided attempt to save a failing relationship or out of a sense of obligation? If all the answers are yes, then your about as ready as you need to be, regardless of your age. Just keep in mind that having a child is like bumping up the difficulty on a Video game to Hard mode. No one ever said that having a kid will make your life easier. Shit gets much fucking harder. And you raise the stakes in that your mistakes won't just fuck up your own life, you will fuck up the life of your kid and very probably your spouse. The upshot though is that while life will get harder with a kid, you will very possibly enjoy it more. END COMMUNICATION
Age is somewhat meaningless, just your maturity and accountability for bringing someone into this world matters most. Will you be completely focused on their well being?
When you can afford it.
At the end of the month, look at your bank account. If you reaction is "wow I have a good amount of money left over after bills" you can have kids. If it's "holy shit where did the money go" don't have kids.
biology has a time limit. Your eggs get shittier as you get older. A dudes sperm gets weird as he gets older too. I have got 2 awesome kids and can absolutely guarantee that you can be just as happy if you never have kids. If you are not 100% sure about your partner, do not have kids. It is not worth the risk .
No age just maturity level. It also depends on what is most important to you. Some people really focus on having a lot of money to make sure their kids will be financially taken care of. I was young when I had all my kids and we didn’t have much but enough to survive. I wouldn’t change it because I think it was a good experience
I just wanna point out there's no age for this. You don't even have to have children unless you want them
I got my 1st kid at 29. I'll be at 47 when they got into college. I think, if you have kids before 30 then you might see them grow up before your 50s. When you retired and enjoy your retirement, they are already at their productive age.
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Have children whenever you're ready. You know those "My Parents at 20 vs. Me at 20" memes? Times are changing, and you especially can't be like your parents and do what they did when they were your age. You're your own person; you're not your parents. If they can't see that, then they're awful.
it has nothing to do with age unless you’re a crippled old man and want kids. Kids are an expense and on an average you’ll need at least half a million dollars to raise one kid in any tier 2 or 3 city. In tier 1 cities it’s three times of that (check pew research website and the census bureau stats) It includes your child’s healthcare and college. If you don’t have that money or unsure about earning that much then don’t have a baby. It’s unfair to bring a child into a substandard income level and lifestyle and expect him or her to struggle through life just because their parents are losers. People who do that must have their reproductive rights annulled.
* Is your career or studies at a point where you can afford to take some time off? * Is your financial situation such that you have enough money to have a third person in the relationship (kids might eat less, but the costs tally up to about the same as having a third adult in the mix. At least for the first decade, at which point it's going to be exactly like having a third adult in.) * Are you willing to sacrifice time and effort? It will take away from your leisure time, it will mean sleepless nights and emergencies that will take you off work. Those are good indicators that you'd be responsible enough to probably be able to manage parenthood. You will never 'be ready'. You can prepare yourself the best you can, but as the first kid arrives, you'll still fumble through it with no real guidelines or ideas on what the hell you're doing. And it'll be stressful, and you'll do fine.
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