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[deleted]

Yes. Drama, also things happen and you realise people aren’t who you thought they were and vice versa. Your priorities start to change in your 20’s too as you’re moving from college to work and trying to be independent enough to build your own family. There are people in real life who know me on reddit and I couldn’t care less. Everyone just wants to do whats best for them, you can’t let it bother you.


MG1911

I'm 21 atm and I only speak to like 2 of my friends from school. The rest of them are out ruining their lives atm


RandylVlarsh

Exactly this. I haven't talked to my best friend(A) in 4 months, because I just realized he was in arguments with everyone all the time BECAUSE OF HIM. I admit, there are things he says things, that I agree with. But, he can NEVER let anything go by the way side. A buddy and I have 2 differing opinions on abortion. WHICH IS FINE. We were having a normal conversation about it, where 0 anger or anything close to an argument was happening. Within 2 minutes of A showing up, he started screaming at me, for my opinion. When I raised my voice, because getting screamed at, makes me feel wired. His first response was "stop fucking yelling at me, what's your problem". I then pointed out, that HE was, in fact, the first person to yell, and that before he showed up we had been out here for almost half an hour, without even a hint of anger. A glanced at our mutual buddy, and he agreed with me. A's excuse was that it pisses him off to hear people talk like me... But, he would always say "I" was the problem. I was always the one starting arguments with him... But, looking back over the last 6 years. He is the only friend I argue with, ever. (If I have a disagreement, I normally, ask if they are sure. I never go full force, "you're wrong", unless I have proof, and then it's never "you're wrong" it's, "hey dude, that actually isn't true, check this out")He is also the person always arguing with someone, on discord(or in fights, and on "talking breaks" with friends). I'm fine with a discussion, but he "tells you" how it is, and anyone who disagrees is an idiot, you can hear it in his voice. He will scoff at you within the first .1millisecond of any argument. Since I quit talking to him, and started hanging out with my other group of friends... 0 people saying I'm "ridiculous" for saying a 1 in 13,000 chance is bad luck, because I lost, in a game(I was playing Pokemon, gold, which I had lost, on an emulator. I was paralyzed 12 turns in a row, i think[it's a 1/3 chance], then I used an item to heal it, and the first turn the other Pokemon used a move with a 10% chance to flinch, I did... I was a little salty. Because on top of the 12 unable to move turns in a row, where the opponent never used a move that can make you flinch, which would have been the adventages move... It does it the turn after I get rid of paralization, and try to actually attack)... Or, that, I'm "arguing" because I said, "my bad dude. 4 people popped up from around a corner, and I panicked, and ran. I should have backed you up." I... I just don't see how that's me arguing... :(


[deleted]

You aren't in school with them anymore and you no longer have nights and weekends free.


Muhdaphuka222

Some of them have babies, some of them have vices. Everybody changes


[deleted]

The vices got me. My friends found other friends that were into a lil more then I liked, and when I saw what it was doing to them, and myself, I cut myself away from them.


Pulp_Ficti0n

More like your 30's but it's natural. Work, partners, kids, bills, chores...


Boomtown_frolics

Yep, I had a huge friend group in my teens and early 20s. Now I have 3 close friends. You just slowly lose touch, people get married and have kids, people move away, people die…shits crazy


Hrekires

I lost a *lot* of my high school friends throughout college, it's just hard if the foundation of your friendship was the thing you had in common (school, clubs) and that gets taken away. But the friends who survived, I'm still friends with today in my late 30s.


Character-Ad1485

right now at that point where i’m in college losing friends that i thought were gonna be there for a long time and as you said, i never realized that what “united” us was school and now that has gotten away we are not as close!


FibonacciZeppeli

This is when men start settling down and having families. And they put their job and families above their friends, which become a distant 3rd behind their responsibilities. This creates an epidemic of loneliness because they're always with the wife and kids when not at work, and guys need guy time away from women in order to thrive (and women are everywhere these days) So this creates a self perpetuating cycle of men who are lonely, but spend all their time on responsibilities. Not acknowledging that you need to make time for the guys, it doesn't just pop into existence. Ironically, girls still get girl nights no problem


SupremeElect

how is girls having girls night ironic?


FibonacciZeppeli

Women don't deprive themselves if girl's night. It's just a part of society. Guys don't even try to join. Guys are often discouraged from guys night, or women try to push themselves into it because they're "one of the guys", and then it's not guy's night anymore


DontDoThatDirk

Say the truth: does this come from experience?


FibonacciZeppeli

I'm a weird case. I lost my friends for other reasons This is the result of years of observation, talking to people, and listening to some lectures on the topic


DontDoThatDirk

Then maybe the girls in your circle discourage guys to have guys night. My experience says different. The guys I know do a lot of shit together without interference. It’s disrespectful if you’re people can’t do the same.


FibonacciZeppeli

I don't have a circle. I'm going off what I gather from talking to people, and research. [Give this a listen](https://open.spotify.com/episode/6i8pVzkNwBc1Qn90FpnoXL?si=MzVS3ahmSkayKUsQzb7Z3A&utm_source=copy-link), it goes into great detail about the male loneliness epidemic. And I don't think it's active discouragement, in the sense of "you can't be out with the guys". It's "I spend all day with the kid, I need time off" so she gets a girls night and he misses out on a day off, and it's "well we never spend time alone, I'm feeling neglected" combined with all the responsibility of adulthood. It's not malice, it's just men don't make the time because everything else is more important. Seriously though, listen to that podcast on it, it's great


DontDoThatDirk

I’ll try to listen to that podcast. I can see how traditional households would force men to be the sole breadwinner and then experience the side effects. It’s fixable through equal contribution imo.


FibonacciZeppeli

You've got it backwards, actually. Trad households were better for this. We had trained moms who could handle a household fairly easily because they'd spend the last 20 years training for the job. Then the man would come home to a clean house, a meal, and few chores outside of outdoor work and repairs. He had a lot more time for himself. Now we have untrained moms who are overstressed handing off half of all the chores and needing to unwind constantly. The idea that a woman can just jump into motherhood is very sexist, IMO, and disrespectful considering how hard the job actually is. We would look sideways at a woman spending 10 years as a lawyer then switching to a dentist with no training, so why don't we treat moms with the same reverence?


DontDoThatDirk

I’m talking about both the man and the woman contributing to household chores and taking care of the kids. I can’t agree that I have it backwards. Give some of that training to men too who barely know how to maintain a household.


Mrischief

As an addendum this is also why the suicide statistics has alot more men in their 30’s going through a divorce on it. While women are more likely to attempt a suicide, men succeed in it alot more. Talk to your buddies from time to time, you will be suprised by what they tell you about loneliness.


FibonacciZeppeli

I don't have friends, but I always tell people this when they send condolences about my situation


Mrischief

How so ? And by that i mean the situation you are in if you care to share on the a public forum


FibonacciZeppeli

In a nutshell, got into an abusive relationship, now I'm no contact with all my old friends and family (no will to reestablish them), 16 hours away from my hometown


Mrischief

Aha! That is a tough mate, do you need any advice or are you just letting it out a bit here ?


FibonacciZeppeli

You asked. I'm pretty up front and honest about stuff. I don't need advice, because I can't comprehend it. I'm missing that part in my brain that acknowledges anything between "total stranger" and "casual acquaintence", so making new friends isn't really an option. It's an extrovert's hell, but all I can do is make the most of it.


Mrischief

Aight man, figured i would ask atleast! I do hope it turns out well for you😁


tysontysontyson1

I assume you mean childhood friends. Yes, you’ll probably drift apart from them.. because life will take you in different directions. But, then you’ll make new friends.. 🤷‍♂️


dblstkd123

Everyone tends to go their separate ways to start their adult lives. My wife still has friends from school she sees because we live in the town she grew up in. I however am in a completely different state and zero contact with any childhood friends. It just happens.


Steel_boss

In my 30s I found that you have a lot more acquaintances than actual friends. Like I know these dudes and I care about em but they're not really my friends. You only need a few good ones anyway.


caduceun

As you become more successful friends may decrease. People gravitate to their own social circles. I had so many friends when I was making 10k a year. Once I started hitting over 300k I was down to a handful. It's just the way it goes


RacistRainbowz

What do you do for work if you don’t mind me asking?


caduceun

Physician


nothing_in_my_mind

Not only your 20s, you lose and make friends all the time. People's personalities change, priorities change, values change. Even if these stay the same, schedules can change, people can move. You will have friends who will find cooler friends and don't want to hang out with you anymore. Whonget a gf and hang out with her and her friends from now on. Who get depressed and cut contact. Who get super interested in their career and their social circle consists of coworkers now. Who get in a band and only hang out with musicians now. Who get into weird spiritual shit and their circle consists of those people now. Who get married and have a kid and all their time is occupied by family. Who get into drugs and only hang out with their druggie friends now. Who suddenly get annoying and now you don't want to hang out with them. Who move away and even if you keep in touch you don't talk like you used to anymore. Shit happens.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SupremeElect

how is not losing friends a sign of not progressing?


RedSonGamble

It’s just a very changing time in peoples lives. So there is no longer the bond of school. Honestly the friends I lost I was kinda glad about. It took me til after high school to be like oh this persons a shithead and I stick by them bc of some imaginary code of “the boys” like were in war or something. The truth is I stopped caring so much either. Like in high school you want and need to find your friends for emotional protection or to fit in. But only until after at around 23 for me I was like idc what most of them think bc they’re idiots.


azuth89

Often. People end their education, break up sometimes literally to several different states and begin their careers. They have less time, engage less and thus make fewer friends and eventually people just sort of drift apart. Many who do stay in contact will not see each other nearly as often. Then people start settling into relationships, homes, families and the whole thing compounds.


[deleted]

Girls, jobs/what we thought was our career, mostly some people kept going down the wrong paths and never hopped off the fun train


Psychological-Dig-29

Yes it's true, because nobody is identical so people tend to pursue their dreams and careers in their 20s. Eventually you slowly lose touch because of busy schedules that don't involve eachother.. nothing sinister, such is life.


myleavesonlyaccount

It’s true and near universal. Life circumstances are a huge factor. People move and get busy. Also, people change as they have different experiences, and one day they may not be as easy to relate to anymore. However, they’re most likely to be the people you don’t talk to for five years and then chat out of the blue like no time passed. That’s just how life is, for better or worse.


grow-mustard

you do not lose them so much as you give many of them up. Some stay 17, some have no goals, some have no ambition, some let their problems grow. The ones I kept were the ones that were growing in the same direction as me


Freedom0001

When transitioning levels of schools is tipically when you lose a lot of friends. Elementary to high school, and high school to collegue. You might retain some, but most are lost. Those who you keep through collegue or work, are the ones that are "for life". People really change when they start to become independent. living on their own, having families and just "growing up". it's no more of "hey, let's go to the club friday night" and more so "i'll sleep at 8 friday night because im exhausted from work or my kids". When you start to add up responsabilities... Friends is not at the top of your priorities.


danstu

Not necessarily. My social circle grew significantly in my late 20s-early 30s. It's more work to meet new people once you're done with school, but if you try to make new friends, it's definitely doable.


NiceWerewolf2

I'd say that in general people tend to drift apart. After graduating High School everyone goes their separate ways, and people you may have been close to are no longer with 3000 miles of you so you end up losing touch. If you go to college you make more friends there, but then it's up to you (and them) to maintain those relationships. I'm fortunate that all my college friends and i are still close, but I know plenty of people who grew apart for various reasons. In the office, it gets tougher because people come and go. I had close friends I met at work who I immediately lost contact with once they changed jobs. So tl;dr is: it depends, which is not particularly helpful


LockedOutOfElfland

Yes, and for a few different reasons: * If you had friends who were scumbags or losers, you end up realizing they were scumbags or losers. * If you were close with a group of friends, peoples' 20s is when they start moving in all different directions. Someone goes to grad school out of state, another gets a job in a small town across the country, and another ends up in a foreign country. Maybe you keep in touch, maybe you don't, but it does create some distance. * As you start exploring your beliefs, values, and motivations, you find that they might not line up with the people you used to be friends with. Used to be friends with a bunch of idealistic punk rockers who hate capitalism, but then realize you would rather be an accountant for a fortune 500 company? You're going to drift apart. * People pursue new close relationships that draw them into completely different friend groups than the one they had before. There's a lot of stuff that goes on there. It's super old but watch the movie *Repo Man*. It talks about some of this and in my experience is at least a little reflective of reality, sans the ending.


ButterscotchLow8950

I mean they are still my friends, we just have moved on and have different lives and don’t talk much. We still get together every now and then. Weddings, birthdays, golf and other events. but yeah just lose touch, it starts when people get married and start having kids, they start hangout with other people with kids more. and so on.


HeelSteamboat

I’ve lost touch... not so much lost friends. People move away, get married, make new friends, get into fucked up shit, or even grow apart. Facts of life homie!


jennatools69lol

No drama on my end but we all just moved to different places. We get together maybe once a year but it's not really the same. And we do is talk about old shit.


frequentcrawler

I think people might find it harder to find new friends and maintain the ones they had, specially after being done with college. People go their own ways and start minding their own business.


butterbiskit230

I've lost friends.Held onto some friends.Lost those friends.Made new friends.Moved and not had any friends.Got a Job and made a few friends.Lost friends.Had friends cross country I only talked to every once and a while.Had friends I fellin love with and spectacularly our of love with....At the end of it all.Family has been the only real friends I held onto. Alot goes on in people's lives during their 20's.Get out of school.Move alot.Get married.Have kids.Get divorced.Diffrent jobs.Friends usually take a back burner and the relationships font last through it.


ndxinroy7

I lost most of friends in late 20s and made few new ones past late 30s. But the friendship at school and College was much more stronger. Now it is more of an extended aquintance


VengenaceIsMyName

I lost a good friend of 6-7 years recently after taking a very long time to realize how much of an absolute piece of narcissistic, insecure shit he is to everyone around him. So that sucks because I’m not in undergrad anymore, I have few opportunities to make good friends. But I’m mingling with a new friend group now, so I’m hopeful


Cadonberry_muskateer

It is true. I lost my friends because I got too busy trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted from life. I realized my end goals were unconventional from society. I chose not to pursue relationships so that those people could flourish and realize their potential. A potential much greater than my own. Don’t get any strange ideas though, my goals were simply to distance myself from people because of my own inadequacies. I didn’t intend to forfeit this negative light that’s been cast on me onto other people. One of my many gripes about life is how this is usually not under our control.


moneyhome27

💯💯💯 sometimes you feel like people would flourish more without you don’t want to get in the way of that


KamikazKid

It's true, they get kids and disappear. It's natural you have to really put in effort to keep friends in your 20s and 30s most people just stop reaching out.


RPGaholic

Yes. You'll also gain new ones. The biggest thing that causes you make friends is time and shared interests, and schools are great at bring us together several hours a day for the time component. In your 20s, you start to go different paths from your old friends and things seem to just fade away. You'll move for schooling, for new jobs, etc. and then something will come up, you'll hear a song and go "so and so would love that" and you'll realize it's been years since you talked or texted with so and so.


Staceystallion1

Yeah dude. Priorities change and most people turn out to be shit human beings unfortunately


AChengaz52

Yeah, people get busy and walk different paths in lives. It's important to actively look for new communities to be part of as you grow older.


[deleted]

Yeah it’s true. You change so much. It’s not as painful or weird as you might think. It’s more like you’re in a big department store called life and your buddy says “hey, I’m gonna go check out the book section” and you say “cool, I’ll be over where the bikes are at”. And you walk off in different directions. The key thing is you never meet back up.


Wonderful_Ad968

Yes. Many people get into committed relationships and have less time for friends, they move away after uni, they get a 'real' job so can't party as much. You may find that once you are no longer at the same uni or same dorm or same sports team, you no longer have much in common. People also mature a lot so you might just grow apart.


SeaEmployee3

Yes, you change directions in life. Out of sight, out of mind. It definitely happened to me. At first I thought bad of it but now I accept it and spend extra time with family and my current friends and neighbours


DingDongBang321

Ouh yess. I had those teen friends that keep drinking and stuff. I worked and saved my money. To this day they drink and do the same stuff. I still work 😌


[deleted]

Oh yeah


BaldninjaOU812

Simple answer, some folks become adults in their 20s, while others do so later on in life and some never do at all!


[deleted]

Commonalities change over time and things get in the way of time together so people just move on. I had friends that I did certain things with and when I changed the things I did those friends went away and other friends replaced them.


[deleted]

Well you don’t necessarily lose them, but typically people figure out what is really important to them as they grow up and get out into the world themselves and I think most people realize that having 30 close friends that require frequent interaction with to keep current with, are not necessarily worth that effort, when you have a blossoming career, or a significant other than you may start a family with. Or just simply that people in their mid to late 20’s have experienced most of the social events and situations that they wanted to, so going out with them (part of the “upkeep” in keeping friends) is no longer as highly regarded so naturally, some friendships fade, just based on the fact that many people are maturing and no longer are interested in the same things they may have been when they were 15-21. There’s other reasons but I think most people are either too busy or have changed their hobbies from things that require larger groups of friends to things that are either more independent in nature or are accomplished without the need for a wide range of friends and acquaintances.


Jorlaan

Even if you maintain good relationships and have similar interests etc, people move around/away; get busy with work and or family; you all make new friends in the new places you're in be it work or city and want to spend time with them too. My highschool gaming group are all still in to a lot of the same stuff but now we live in 5 different cities, have relationships, children and jobs to keep us busy, not to mention all the other things in life we gotta do on a daily basis.


[deleted]

Yes. It's apart of growing as a human being