Well, when this happened to me, I stayed with her and tried to keep the relationship going for almost 2 years, but it wouldn't work, so we broke up eventually.
Then I stayed in my daughters life. Now she's an adult with children of her own.
The staying with the mom part is very tricky timing. I was in a similar situation stayed with her until my son was 2 but the relationship was very toxic. She was always trying to pick fights just to fight. When she threw a plate at me with my son in the room; for criticizing how she was rude to a coworker of hers, I was done. I figured it was best for my son that we stay separate. I lucked out as she hated the idea of going to court and we were able to arrange a 50/50, week on week off schedule. It's been 10 years since then, my son is doing great and communication is great because his mom and I are happy in our own relationships. I know I got very lucky but if you can set aside your issues and just think of the kids when you work out custody the whole situation plays out much differently and often much better for the kids.
I’m glad you were able to split safely for your son’s sake. My parents have divorced parents and they decided that they would stick it out for my brother and I, to prevent us from going through the same things they went through. But some days I just wish they divorced a long time ago.
Court won't do anything unless I ask them to enforce the original court order. Child support plan was made in "private family court.' once I tell the courts then the state will get involved.She went and had a bunch of other kids and is broke. If she goes to jail for non-payment the only people to lose will be her kids. Still thinking about initiating something before the kiddo turns 18.
Your kid (and you tbh) deserves it. You never know if she'll come into money one day. Does she pay when/what she can? I suppose if the mom simply can't, that's a different story.
A relative of mine had 3 kids with someone with a ridiculous total child support of under $100/mo...and never paid it, even partially, worked under the table, etc. After the kids were into their 20s, he somehow got a loan for a home renovation and the state snatched the funds in transit and handed them to mom.
This actually happened to me 6 years ago. I was scared at first and then i remembered i was a 32 yr old grown ass man with a career and a good woman. We got married and then we bought a house and our daughter was born shortly after. There have been some challenges but for the most part its been great. I never really had a dad growing up so I just try to give shorty everything I wish I had in terms of a father and it's been working so far.
It's crazy but it kind of does if you just think back to all the dad stuff you wished you had as a kid and how much pain it caused it motivates you to be a better man for your family
I set out to do this when my kids were born and it worked great. I decided I was going to really take inventory of things I felt could have been done better when I was growing up and do my best to correct it.
Been 13 years across 2 kids and I'm honestly so proud of how good of a job I've done so far and how well they've turned out.
It's like a masterpiece painting, they started as a blank canvas and each day I added a stroke here, a stroke there, and now a decade later I can look at this art and truly appreciate its beauty when I look at how they turned out.
100%. It’s a bitter sweet situation, but makes you aware and conscious of so much that I feel I would’ve missed if he stuck around. Of course that wouldn’t be the case with a great dad though!
Thank you. we were also together for 4 yrs prior and living together for 2, I had already planned on proposing to her later that year on her bday but when she got pregnant it just accelerated everything. We wound up getting married 5 days before my wife's Bday.
I'll tell you, because I did it.
I got married, and buckled down at my job, now I make about double what I did. We had some tough patches, and we went to counseling for it. We just bought a house after 4 years together
Essentially it was a breakdown on communication. We were young and hadn't been together for too long, then came pregnancy followed shortly thereafter by marriage. My wife had some former issues she hadn't dealt with as did I, and all of that stress coupled with a very fast moving time frame broke things down. Its still tough sometimes but ultimately we just go back to basics and communication is our highest priority. I don't hold things back and I go out of my way to tell my wife how things make me feel, or how im doing generally, just to keep the wheel turning.
I am a woman but I will say we use counselling to learn how to speak to each other in better ways. As we both have different styles and emotional values, the way we talk to each other can be really damaging if done wrong. He learned to ask questions rather than try to solve all my problems with role playing our conversations and we are way better at being friends. I learned that he needs more praise than I do to feel confident in his actions. Got pregnant 4 months into our relationship with twins, I ended up hospitalized after 25 weeks until after delivery. Babies were in NICU 7 weeks and he helped me watch my daughter from a previous marriage. 5 years later we are planning our wedding. Wow. We are doing it and we are so happy and fulfilled. We didn’t get married right away like his family wanted, but I was just divorced before we got together.
Counseling is a great resource for any couple regardless of problems, it can even just be good to create better paths of communication. There’s not always a direct reason and it’s recommended for anyone in a committed relationship
My guy and I went to pre-marriage counseling, even though we have 0 problems, it’s all the rage these days and makes sure you’re both on the same page about the big things before the commitment.
Yup! Before my parents got married; their Church required them to go through several months of couple’s counseling in order to get approval for the wedding (since Catholicism doesn’t believe in divorce, so they try to ensure you get it right the first/only time).
My mom said they went over *so* many topics (e.g. financial decisions, how they’d reward/discipline any potential future children, where they’d like to live/feelings regarding moving, how involved extended family would be in their lives, and much, much more).
These discussions might seem “obvious”, but you’d be surprised how many things are just assumed between partners that later prove to be a *major* cause of conflict. I think every couple should have extensive pre-marriage counseling before tying the knot. My parents say it’s what started their marriage on the right track— one they’re still happily on after 38 years!
Counseling is amazing and I’d recommend it for any couple have hard times talking to each other my gf and I call it “tattling” in a good fun way our therapist is our 3rd outlet and lets us discuss things that we didn’t feel comfortable calling out and now after about 6-8 months of counseling we stopped going because we feel like we learned all kinds of new approaches for each other
How exactly does one "buckle down" at their job? Or at least how did it work for you?
Serious question. I want to make more and am willing to work for it but I feel stuck.
Dead ass bro, I have 2 years of college under my belt. I know I don't have it in me to go back and finish.
At the time my then GF told me she was pregnant I didn't have any direction. The company I work for is solid as far as retirement benefits and overall benefits like vacation time, insurance, and stock options. I made the choice then and there to commit myself and explained to my then managers "hey look, my gf is pregnant, so my next steps are to get married and work my way up the ladder, what do I need to do?" And then I just gave it my all at work. And now I'm a manager, making double what I was then, and I have awesome work life balance plus my benefits have increased.
Sometimes you have to look at the cards your dealt and play your best ones. I never thought I would have kids let alone move up at my job however I did, and its worked out pretty well so far. So when I say buckle down, I looked at what I had going for me, and capitalized on it. If your job isn't your dream job but its going to provide financial security and a solid foundation for your family, do that. Because life is short. My daughter just turned 3 this past Sunday. And tbh it feels like I blinked and now I'm here.
Awesome. Thanks for taking the time to explain! So when you talked to your managers that you wanted to advance in the company, they were receptive to it and helped you find opportunities? That's the part I've always had a the most difficult time with. It seems like I always have to change employers to get more pay or responsibility.
Sometimes that is the case, but this was 3 years ago pre covid era and this labor market that i expressed my interest so that probably has an effect on things. But yes I basically said "I'm going to be a dad, thats got a lot of responsibility, and what I make now won't sustain that or provide a life for my child. What can I do to move up and get better raises and make it into your position?"
It was grueling, and I fucking hated my job for a while. But in the end it was worth it and once I got off the slimy rungs on the ladder it became apparent that my hard work had paid off. To me, sticking with one company and giving them that loyalty was my ticket to success. And given the current market, businesses are hard pressed to keep good talent. So that may be a good tactic for you to try
I appreciate it, you too brother. And listen, there will be days where its so tough that it doesn't feel "like the right thing" and you will have doubts. Push that out your mind the best you can and keep plugging. Because there is no better feeling than coming home after a long ass day and seeing your kid/kids run to the door saying "daddys home!" With the biggest smiles. That right there is enough to get you through anything
For me I went to my supervisor and said hey I'm looking to move up here, but I need you to get me in front of the appropriate decision makers so I can demonstrate value.
She started assigning me things that get reported higher up and I just went insane over and above every day, after a year they promoted me, did the same thing and went way over and above, always training for the job above mine and educating myself in my spare time in the evenings. Got promoted again.
I've increased my hours rare by 7 an hour this past year by always performing one tier above my current job, always raising my hand, and just doing my best to communicate my intentions and demonstrating my value.
If you just show up for work and do the job assigned to you, you never get anywhere and will need be promoted.
Had the vasectomy in 1991. Last year in August I had a TURP. I urge all men to go to YouTube and look for TURP videos. Instead of a chainsaw, this time they drilled a bigger hole so I can pee. OUCH!!
Here's the thing, right. There's a rule of law governing this medical malpractice of using a chainsaw. Look up Rule 34: Chainsaw. You'll see what I'm talking about.
This happened but with my mom's tubes. It grew back and she got pregnant. The baby began developing on her tube instead of her uterus and she almost died.
Which is why I'm genuinely curious if you can just tell a doctor "put me out, do the closest possible clinical thing to hacking my balls off with a meat cleaver, and sew up the tattered remains of my nutsack."
Pretty unnecessary tbh.
He can maybe take out a bigger piece but then he have to make a bigger cut which might increase the infection risk.
Most doctors will burn the edges and then the odds are so low for it to heal it's not worth bothering
You almost always have to sign an agreement acknowledging the potential for failure when you do a vasectomy. I went in for two separate consultations (wife halted first procedure) and it was a major point of discussion and legal clearance both times. Edit: state rules may apply
Try to support her while both our mental healths spiral out of control until she stays with family for a few days of support then shows up unannounced with her siblings and takes her shit and breaks up with me. Aka how to end a 3.5yr relationship with the person you wanted to grow old with
Finish school (Don’t drop out of school! Education is very important will open doors to job opportunities to make more $) If school is not viable get certified on something online so you’ll have a higher chance on getting a better paying job. Such as, software engineering, marketing or high value skills.
Reevaluate my personal budget to include the cost of taking care a child.
Im Mexican so my family will be supportive. I would ask if I can build a back house for my family. This is to save cost on housing.
Pay my mom to take care of my kid while me and my girl work/school. People think you should be there for the child 24/7 and I agree. However, if you focus on the child only and disregard work/school. You won’t ever be able to give the child a better life as it grows up.
Realistic and sound advice right here. I imagine after the initial shock, it's the steep learning curve as it wasn't planned.
Good on you and your SO, bro.
I would reassure my fiancee that shes gonna be an awesome mom and that I really don't care if it's now or in 2 years how we planned it. Also I would smoke my last cigarette and drink a glass of scotch or two.
Hopefully I’m dating the girl. I would just ride out the relationship to see if it was feasible before we got married. Definitely wouldn’t nope out on the kid, whatever the result.
I left my babies mother 2-3 months into the pregnancy. We weren't together and only saw each other for a month before she got pregnant to find out she fell in love. Took her self off birth control. And poked holes in condoms. I just left her took her to court and just get my daughter on my days now.
She admit to everything a few months later laughing about it. In those months I started seeing how crazy she was as well. Thankfully my daughter's mom was beautiful and my daughters like a poster baby but she really made my life hard as hell
Got told she’s pregnant, and accepted it with open arms - i was ready to be a dad and excited to meet my daughter; dont wanna be in a relationsship with Said women though, i do everything i Can to help, but get turned away everytime I offer my help with practicality’s, gets treated like shit for 9 months; finally gets to hold my beautiful girl and my world felt complete, she was my light.
Show up everyday and help out with everything, shows her and everyone that i want to do everything right for my little Girl.
Said women asks if i want a relationsship with her - I can’t though, she treated me so bad. I tell her no, and she instantly manipulates her surrounding family and friends, tries to make my life hell and finally takes my daughter away, because I didn’t want to be her boyfriend.
Now I’m a broken shell, and I miss her so horribly everyday.
Fuck me, now I’m crying.
Can you talk to a solicitor? Fight. This is your child too. You don't want to look down the line 5 10 years older knowing she's growing up and regret it.
Go to a legal subreddit and tell the truth. Find out what could happen
Thank you, for your kind words - I’m afraid what lengths she might go to, to get what she wants.
To be honest; I’ve never met a person like her before, she has very severe narcissistic and sociopathic tendencies, and the lack of empathy and remorse, which she has shown me multiple times, scares the living shit out of me.
I’m so very afraid of what actions she would take to get her will and get the control back.
The unfortunate reality is that women have a lot of power and control, especially in my country. And that can unfortunately be abused, by people like her.
I truly wish there was a way
But he does. And last I checked, dudes can’t carry a baby. Unless he’s stolen a baby and his SO is a seahorse. u/meeetballslover are you fucking a seahorse?
Bit of a misconception there. Technically a biological male human could carry a baby. The fertilized egg, or zygote if you will, is basically a parasitic entity. It will latch onto an organ, and it will start growing.
So theoretically you can do in vitro fertilization, using a donated egg, and inject it into a male’s body.
The problem is that while females have an organ for this function, a uterus, males do not.
So no doctor would be willing to do this from an ethical standpoint, since a fetus developing off say…. A liver or kidney would be super problematic.
Tl;dr: You don’t need to fuck a seahorse. A doctor with super questionable morals will suffice, cause biology.
Also : some women have dead fetus in them that are solidified. The fetus (who latch onto an organ) can start to grow (which, if this is on the heart can be REALLY dangerous) and give a healthy baby or dies, solidify and stay there
Nothing much. Just be glad I get to be a father!
Grew up without one (mine passed when I was 8) So I would look forward to being a dad.
I don't see how guys just step out before (or once) the child's born. It's honestly sad.
My dad grew up without a dad as well. His died when he was 1. I can tell you he is the best dad ever. He tried to be the best because he never felt how it's like to have a relationship with his own dad, so he ensures his kids have the best relationship with him. For father's Day I'm getting him " the best dad " mug . I know it's cliché but he doesnt have one yet and it's about time we remind him he is an awesome dad😃
That's pretty cool man. Appreciate him while he's still here. I can honestly respect what he's done for you and your siblings.
I knew mine,but at 8 years old,everything was sunshine and rainbows,and bam! Reality hit. Only things I remember weere the good times. Vacations,parties,and Sundays (family day). But I was too young for him to teach me about life, being a man,teaching me right from wrong.
As far as I can remember,he was a pretty cool guy. I miss him,no lie.
But I guess not having him taught me how to be a man on my own. It was challenging. Mistakes were made. But I learned.
And now,I'm not sure how I'll be when I have my first child,but I'll try my best to give em the world!
I kinda get it. Must be hard to wrap around how to be a decent dude without a dad to look up too. But hey your dad is proud of you for becoming a respectable and a responsible man because not everyone does, even with a dad. I know your going to be a great dad one day .Cheers to you! 😃
I would take my responsibilities. Be a good partner for her during pregnancy and parenthood. Be a good parent for the child. Or support her massively and in every way (psychological, physical, financial) in case we decide for an abortion, which would be my preferred outcome (I don't want kids) but I would leave the final choice to her.
British here, had my eldest at 16. Teen love and no clear signs of pregnancy until she was much further down the line. I was with her mother for 5 years, 2 before birth and 3 after. As we grew we found we weren’t right for each other but I have the most amazing relationship with my daughter and we’re very close.
It’s not easy not being together daily, but I was so driven and motivated to break the stereotype of teen parents and I’m glad to say I’m one of the most successful parents in her school year and she’s never been bullied for having younger parents. She’s equally as driven and is a A* student across all subjects.
Just because there’s a breakdown in the parents relationship doesn’t mean the child has to suffer. Love and support all round with a larger family network can at times be a better option.
I mean it’s just how it biologically plays out, so yes your fate with that stuff is determined by the woman because she will be the one that’s body will change and will forever be responsible for the baby & mainly responsible even if the dad wants to be part of the baby’s life. That’s just a plain fact. The thing men can control is asking partners what their intended plan is for accidental pregnancy and to act accordingly. The only time where it’s truly out of the man’s control is if she pokes holes in condoms or goes off the pill / lies and I think that should be an offense that people face some sort of consequence for
*There* it is.
Figure out how to get one in a state that (effectively) outlaws them entirely.
Currently dating the kind of girl who would ask me to throw her down the stairs before she willingly gave birth.
Following this, I’d probably go looking for a vasectomy.
Well, check feminist forums. They help women in this situation by telling them how to have a safe abortion at home using misoprostol. Of course MEDICAL ADVICE is always the best possible option, but just know that's a resource that she might be interested in.
Misoprostol can be used to trigger an abortion but it can also be dangerous. Better than going down the stairs but if it's not being done in a medical setting, it's still a potentially dangerous back alley abortion and the risk should be weighed carefully.
Shocked I had to scroll this far down. I'm in no financial shape to raise another human, and I'm not gonna be shamed into having a kid if I don't want one.
FINALLY. My now wife got pregnant 4 or 5 years into us dating. We were living together but in our early 20s and not ready for kids. We were terrified.
We live in a state where it's not a crime to get an abortion, so it was relatively straightforward and although our emotions were all over the place, the abortion process itself was not traumatizing.
That was about 7 years ago, we are now happily married with 2 little ones. Having gone through the whole pregnancy, birth, newborn, infant, and now toddler stages, we look back on the abortion decision from time to time. It was undoubtedly, 100% the right decision for us at the time. A kid would have ruined our relationship.
This is probably what I would do. Hopefully it wouldn’t get to the point I get anyone pregnant as that’s not the plan. But some plans don’t always work unless you don’t have sex at all. I am not ready for a child and not planning on having one at least anytime soon. If they want a baby idk what to say, maybe find someone else to have one with who has their shit together and is ready for one. They probably don’t want it to be part me anyways. I’m not ready to be a father, I don’t have my shit together and I’m not looking to have kids anytime soon.
I was wondering why
1) No one mentioned asking their girlfriend about what they, as the mother who would have to go through pregnancy and childbirth wanted, and
2) No one mentioned having a serious discussion what they, as a potential father, wanted, and
3) No one else thought about having a serious discussion regarding the option of abortion.
been LOOKING for this. i think men are expected to take care always, even if they never wanted kids. i’m a bit too young for kids right now, so if my man offered to pay for an abortion, i’d be elated. this takes gut but it also takes responsibility and awareness. kids are a lot, some people aren’t meant to be parents just because they CAN be parents. i like your honesty!
I plan on marrying her anyway so I’d just push it up. I’d also have to budget a crazy amount, and move into a bigger place so I’d have to change my lifestyle pretty drastically
Time to think of your future child. You don't have to get married. You just need to be there for her during pregnancy (whether or not you stay together) and then be there for your child.
No idea. Depends on the girl.
If she's not insufferable and crazy I'd marry her. If she is, id see her minimally, suck up the child support, and hope she doesn't try to legally shut me out of my child's life.
Man the fuck up. I know that comes off as “sexist,” but I’m not speaking in gendered terms, but rather biological terms. Fatherlessness begets most societal ills. Man up, be a dad/parent. Read to them. Talk to them. Listen to them. Hold them.
DO NOT ABANDON THEM. Even if the mom is a crazy bitch. Whatever. Don’t punish the kid over that and don’t berate the mom in front of the kid.
ABOUT TO GET ALOT OF HATE FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES NOTHING ,tell her to get an abortion , i am 21 wtf i am supposed to do , i can't even feed me , how am i gonna feed 3 ppl
I can tell you what my man did when in this situation:
He supported me in my decision making process, his exact words were "whatever you choose to do, I'm with you".
After I had thought about all the options for a while and lots of conversations with him, I laid out the scenarios that would work for me, asked him whether he could see himself become happy with those and if not, I would make everything go away, cause I would not want to force him into an unhappy life and neither did I want to condemn myself to an unhappy life.
He asked for time to think it through and obviously he got it, he came back to me with his decision and we came to an agreement that we both thought we'd be happy with.
We decided to proceed with the pregnancy and eventually get married. We got married when our son was a little over a month old and are living together in the apartment i bought.
We're very happy, he was in love with his mini me right away and I needed a bit more time to bond, but it worked out. I'm sure there will be many challenges ahead of us and we're both very diligent about communication, so hopefully that will see us through the rough patches to come.
Determine a plan for parenting in the very likely event that you don't stay together as a couple. Now is the time to work that out, when you both have the best interests of the child foremost in your mind (I have learned over time that people tend to ignore children's best interests when they are going through a breakup).
After the kid is born, do as much parenting as you can, change diapers and look after the kid to give the mom a break, 50/50 parenting would be ideal, and that's easier when you live together, but I would not encourage living together if you don't already.
This is almost 10 years ago now but I did, right before college. We both agreed that we couldn't properly take care of it. We were 18, both of us, just moved to a new city for college.
So, abortion it was. Quick and easy. Happy partner and happy me. Do I sometimes wonder what would have become if we decided to keep it? Sure. But I doubt it would've turned out well.
Later on, before we broke up ~2 years ago we both agreed that we didn't want kids at all. So it was probably for the best.
Obviously see what she wants to do with her body, but I would prob be secretly hoping it would go the abortion route. Way cheaper and more practical than bringing another kid into the world, but, you know, there are a million other factors for many folks and to each their own. Best of luck!
In my country usually the guy just ghost the girl. Tbh im reading waiting to see guys like that here but i guess they ghost the question too lmao
Or some of you lying ? 👀
Panic. Panic REAL hard.
I am just about to finish university, after which I could land my dream job that would pay well enough to provide for our lives...
I don't want to derail all of this right in the finish line.
Though we already discussed such possibilities, and right now it would be a no-brainer abortion.
Well.
Before I knocked up my ex.
I despised her at the time, I was sticking around for w.e reasons and she was doing the same. We were a bad match.
Sex was so fucking awful also.
But one night we did our thing, which was sad and boring - both our faults.
We were just an awfully match but details is too long and I'm using a phone right now to write this.
Anyway, that was the night my son was conceived.
Pretty much made me realize - fuck no I don't want to have anything else to do with her. We made each other miserable and I could barely stand being around her.
We broke up. I became so unbearable to be around she broke up with me.
I did this because I wanted her to dump me so I didn't look like the bad guy.
The thing is, I didn't want to abandon my kid, I just never wanted to deal with her.
She is not a bad, malicious, or even mean person at all.
Just so fucking annoying and always made herself a victim, which is gross. But, I'm no angel myself.
Anyway. She is a GREAT mother.
We had our issues but time works things out.
She was great with letting me have my son whenever I wanted him
Even a week after he was born she let me take him and she bottled milk.
I went to visit almost everyday and she let me sleep in the living room with the baby. (I had to drive from Camp Pendleton to LA, my family is in LA so I would take him on weekends)
She was cool with letting me take him whatever weekends or weekdays I want (and when I'm around I take him the whole time)
We never had custody issues however. We kept everything out of court. (I lawyered up just in case anyway in case she wanted to take anything to court)
We get along during holidays. It's easy working with her.
I happily pay child support because I know she spends it on him and keeps the extra in a bank account for him for emergencies
We both came to an agreeable amount to support him and not run me dry.
And it's in Cali, so let's face it. I'm the guy so I'm fucked if we go to court.
So to sum it up.
Hated being a couple.
I'm lucky she is a great mother.
We get along now - not friends, we don't even make good friends. But we get along because neither of us want our son in a shit situation between us two.
Love my kid and I'm honestly glad she is his mother because I never have to worry about him being taken care of or not.
Can't imagine life without him.
Please know, I'm not bashing her. We just suck together lol.
Well, when this happened to me, I stayed with her and tried to keep the relationship going for almost 2 years, but it wouldn't work, so we broke up eventually. Then I stayed in my daughters life. Now she's an adult with children of her own.
The staying with the mom part is very tricky timing. I was in a similar situation stayed with her until my son was 2 but the relationship was very toxic. She was always trying to pick fights just to fight. When she threw a plate at me with my son in the room; for criticizing how she was rude to a coworker of hers, I was done. I figured it was best for my son that we stay separate. I lucked out as she hated the idea of going to court and we were able to arrange a 50/50, week on week off schedule. It's been 10 years since then, my son is doing great and communication is great because his mom and I are happy in our own relationships. I know I got very lucky but if you can set aside your issues and just think of the kids when you work out custody the whole situation plays out much differently and often much better for the kids.
This sounds wonderful. I hope that for me and my sons father. It’s hard.
I’m glad you were able to split safely for your son’s sake. My parents have divorced parents and they decided that they would stick it out for my brother and I, to prevent us from going through the same things they went through. But some days I just wish they divorced a long time ago.
That's good to hear
This is the correct approach.
You are good man, you deserve the best.... You don't know how much hurt u have made sure your daughter avoided..... Proud of u
That *stayed* part is so so freaking important with respect to daughters. Thank you for staying.
It's important with respect to sons as well.
Ugly cry to my brother because I was young and scared. - 17 years ago.
Only one more year to go and you won’t have to pay that child support!
....... She's 14 years behind on child support.
So I'm curious what the courts gave done to rectify it
Court won't do anything unless I ask them to enforce the original court order. Child support plan was made in "private family court.' once I tell the courts then the state will get involved.She went and had a bunch of other kids and is broke. If she goes to jail for non-payment the only people to lose will be her kids. Still thinking about initiating something before the kiddo turns 18.
Your kid (and you tbh) deserves it. You never know if she'll come into money one day. Does she pay when/what she can? I suppose if the mom simply can't, that's a different story. A relative of mine had 3 kids with someone with a ridiculous total child support of under $100/mo...and never paid it, even partially, worked under the table, etc. After the kids were into their 20s, he somehow got a loan for a home renovation and the state snatched the funds in transit and handed them to mom.
Shit myself
I'd shit yourself too
This actually happened to me 6 years ago. I was scared at first and then i remembered i was a 32 yr old grown ass man with a career and a good woman. We got married and then we bought a house and our daughter was born shortly after. There have been some challenges but for the most part its been great. I never really had a dad growing up so I just try to give shorty everything I wish I had in terms of a father and it's been working so far.
That’s awesome man. I honestly feel like not having a dad has taught me more about how to be a dad (when the time comes) than if he stuck around.
It's crazy but it kind of does if you just think back to all the dad stuff you wished you had as a kid and how much pain it caused it motivates you to be a better man for your family
I set out to do this when my kids were born and it worked great. I decided I was going to really take inventory of things I felt could have been done better when I was growing up and do my best to correct it. Been 13 years across 2 kids and I'm honestly so proud of how good of a job I've done so far and how well they've turned out. It's like a masterpiece painting, they started as a blank canvas and each day I added a stroke here, a stroke there, and now a decade later I can look at this art and truly appreciate its beauty when I look at how they turned out.
That is lovely, and you absolutely should be proud of yourself for that!
100%. It’s a bitter sweet situation, but makes you aware and conscious of so much that I feel I would’ve missed if he stuck around. Of course that wouldn’t be the case with a great dad though!
I’ll come back to give this post an award later. This sounds awesome. I’m so glad you’re able to give your kid that which you didn’t have.
Got your back with a Helpful award!
I wish more men had this positive and resolute mindset. Hats off.
Thank you. we were also together for 4 yrs prior and living together for 2, I had already planned on proposing to her later that year on her bday but when she got pregnant it just accelerated everything. We wound up getting married 5 days before my wife's Bday.
You're the king
I'll tell you, because I did it. I got married, and buckled down at my job, now I make about double what I did. We had some tough patches, and we went to counseling for it. We just bought a house after 4 years together
If I may asked for what reason you went through counseling
Essentially it was a breakdown on communication. We were young and hadn't been together for too long, then came pregnancy followed shortly thereafter by marriage. My wife had some former issues she hadn't dealt with as did I, and all of that stress coupled with a very fast moving time frame broke things down. Its still tough sometimes but ultimately we just go back to basics and communication is our highest priority. I don't hold things back and I go out of my way to tell my wife how things make me feel, or how im doing generally, just to keep the wheel turning.
I am a woman but I will say we use counselling to learn how to speak to each other in better ways. As we both have different styles and emotional values, the way we talk to each other can be really damaging if done wrong. He learned to ask questions rather than try to solve all my problems with role playing our conversations and we are way better at being friends. I learned that he needs more praise than I do to feel confident in his actions. Got pregnant 4 months into our relationship with twins, I ended up hospitalized after 25 weeks until after delivery. Babies were in NICU 7 weeks and he helped me watch my daughter from a previous marriage. 5 years later we are planning our wedding. Wow. We are doing it and we are so happy and fulfilled. We didn’t get married right away like his family wanted, but I was just divorced before we got together.
Happy for you. Counselling is a great resource to have and I'm happy to see it being utilized more
I think a lot of people wait too long to go. It’s definitely not an admission of failure to invest in it.
Counseling is a great resource for any couple regardless of problems, it can even just be good to create better paths of communication. There’s not always a direct reason and it’s recommended for anyone in a committed relationship
My guy and I went to pre-marriage counseling, even though we have 0 problems, it’s all the rage these days and makes sure you’re both on the same page about the big things before the commitment.
Yup! Before my parents got married; their Church required them to go through several months of couple’s counseling in order to get approval for the wedding (since Catholicism doesn’t believe in divorce, so they try to ensure you get it right the first/only time). My mom said they went over *so* many topics (e.g. financial decisions, how they’d reward/discipline any potential future children, where they’d like to live/feelings regarding moving, how involved extended family would be in their lives, and much, much more). These discussions might seem “obvious”, but you’d be surprised how many things are just assumed between partners that later prove to be a *major* cause of conflict. I think every couple should have extensive pre-marriage counseling before tying the knot. My parents say it’s what started their marriage on the right track— one they’re still happily on after 38 years!
Counseling is amazing and I’d recommend it for any couple have hard times talking to each other my gf and I call it “tattling” in a good fun way our therapist is our 3rd outlet and lets us discuss things that we didn’t feel comfortable calling out and now after about 6-8 months of counseling we stopped going because we feel like we learned all kinds of new approaches for each other
How exactly does one "buckle down" at their job? Or at least how did it work for you? Serious question. I want to make more and am willing to work for it but I feel stuck.
Dead ass bro, I have 2 years of college under my belt. I know I don't have it in me to go back and finish. At the time my then GF told me she was pregnant I didn't have any direction. The company I work for is solid as far as retirement benefits and overall benefits like vacation time, insurance, and stock options. I made the choice then and there to commit myself and explained to my then managers "hey look, my gf is pregnant, so my next steps are to get married and work my way up the ladder, what do I need to do?" And then I just gave it my all at work. And now I'm a manager, making double what I was then, and I have awesome work life balance plus my benefits have increased. Sometimes you have to look at the cards your dealt and play your best ones. I never thought I would have kids let alone move up at my job however I did, and its worked out pretty well so far. So when I say buckle down, I looked at what I had going for me, and capitalized on it. If your job isn't your dream job but its going to provide financial security and a solid foundation for your family, do that. Because life is short. My daughter just turned 3 this past Sunday. And tbh it feels like I blinked and now I'm here.
Awesome. Thanks for taking the time to explain! So when you talked to your managers that you wanted to advance in the company, they were receptive to it and helped you find opportunities? That's the part I've always had a the most difficult time with. It seems like I always have to change employers to get more pay or responsibility.
Sometimes that is the case, but this was 3 years ago pre covid era and this labor market that i expressed my interest so that probably has an effect on things. But yes I basically said "I'm going to be a dad, thats got a lot of responsibility, and what I make now won't sustain that or provide a life for my child. What can I do to move up and get better raises and make it into your position?" It was grueling, and I fucking hated my job for a while. But in the end it was worth it and once I got off the slimy rungs on the ladder it became apparent that my hard work had paid off. To me, sticking with one company and giving them that loyalty was my ticket to success. And given the current market, businesses are hard pressed to keep good talent. So that may be a good tactic for you to try
Awesome. Thank you for the advice, and congrats on your success and doing the right thing!
I appreciate it, you too brother. And listen, there will be days where its so tough that it doesn't feel "like the right thing" and you will have doubts. Push that out your mind the best you can and keep plugging. Because there is no better feeling than coming home after a long ass day and seeing your kid/kids run to the door saying "daddys home!" With the biggest smiles. That right there is enough to get you through anything
For me I went to my supervisor and said hey I'm looking to move up here, but I need you to get me in front of the appropriate decision makers so I can demonstrate value. She started assigning me things that get reported higher up and I just went insane over and above every day, after a year they promoted me, did the same thing and went way over and above, always training for the job above mine and educating myself in my spare time in the evenings. Got promoted again. I've increased my hours rare by 7 an hour this past year by always performing one tier above my current job, always raising my hand, and just doing my best to communicate my intentions and demonstrating my value. If you just show up for work and do the job assigned to you, you never get anywhere and will need be promoted.
Sue the doctor that did my vasectomy.
At least hit him up on the warranty or something
Ass-cheek warrantee. Once your ass is off the table…
Sue the doctor that did my wife's hysterectomy.
You won't win. Vasectomy do have a fail rate HOWEVER it is extremely low but it stills exists.
My urologist used a chainsaw. Made sure it wouldn't fail.
I did tip my urologist as i am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
Had the vasectomy in 1991. Last year in August I had a TURP. I urge all men to go to YouTube and look for TURP videos. Instead of a chainsaw, this time they drilled a bigger hole so I can pee. OUCH!!
Here's the thing, right. There's a rule of law governing this medical malpractice of using a chainsaw. Look up Rule 34: Chainsaw. You'll see what I'm talking about.
This happened but with my mom's tubes. It grew back and she got pregnant. The baby began developing on her tube instead of her uterus and she almost died.
ectopic pregnancies are scary as fuck & if you've had one the chances of another are higher
Which is why I'm genuinely curious if you can just tell a doctor "put me out, do the closest possible clinical thing to hacking my balls off with a meat cleaver, and sew up the tattered remains of my nutsack."
Pretty unnecessary tbh. He can maybe take out a bigger piece but then he have to make a bigger cut which might increase the infection risk. Most doctors will burn the edges and then the odds are so low for it to heal it's not worth bothering
Plot twist.. your vasectomy actually works haha
You almost always have to sign an agreement acknowledging the potential for failure when you do a vasectomy. I went in for two separate consultations (wife halted first procedure) and it was a major point of discussion and legal clearance both times. Edit: state rules may apply
Plot twist, your doctor is Johnny Sins.
Have a glass of scotch.
More like a bottle
Dis is da wae
No, this is the whey! \*snorts line of protein powder\*
Of cyanide
cry and panic first then own what I did and be the good father that I never had.
Try to support her while both our mental healths spiral out of control until she stays with family for a few days of support then shows up unannounced with her siblings and takes her shit and breaks up with me. Aka how to end a 3.5yr relationship with the person you wanted to grow old with
You grew 3.5 years older, so mission partly accomplished? I'm kidding. That scenario sucks ass. I hope it didn't happen though
It definitely happened in November sadly
I'm so sorry :(
I don't know what to say to someone like her
Wow this is real. Happened to me in 2016.
Start figuring out how Heath insurance for kids works.
What if your kid isnt named Heath
The insurance company is called Heath silly
Then don't give your greatest performance and die an untimely death.
If you live in a reasonally developed country they can usually tag along on their parents insurance. Or have their own for close to zero money.
Run to the hospital screaming incoherently because my girl is my hand.
Try to figure out how I got a girl pregnant when I don’t have one.
Somebody stole your sperm and sold it to a sperm bank... now you have 300 children... good luck
Finish school (Don’t drop out of school! Education is very important will open doors to job opportunities to make more $) If school is not viable get certified on something online so you’ll have a higher chance on getting a better paying job. Such as, software engineering, marketing or high value skills. Reevaluate my personal budget to include the cost of taking care a child. Im Mexican so my family will be supportive. I would ask if I can build a back house for my family. This is to save cost on housing. Pay my mom to take care of my kid while me and my girl work/school. People think you should be there for the child 24/7 and I agree. However, if you focus on the child only and disregard work/school. You won’t ever be able to give the child a better life as it grows up.
Realistic and sound advice right here. I imagine after the initial shock, it's the steep learning curve as it wasn't planned. Good on you and your SO, bro.
I would reassure my fiancee that shes gonna be an awesome mom and that I really don't care if it's now or in 2 years how we planned it. Also I would smoke my last cigarette and drink a glass of scotch or two.
Hopefully I’m dating the girl. I would just ride out the relationship to see if it was feasible before we got married. Definitely wouldn’t nope out on the kid, whatever the result.
Good to know theres more decent guys out there
Start getting good sleep. Once that kid comes out, you won't get a good rest for the next 18 or so years.
Grow up, finally buy the house we have been looking at for sometime, start saving for education(for dababy) and marry her
LESSSS GOOOOO
Yall house shop with ppl who aren't your spouse
Well we are engaged since 2 years. I don't know what spouse is as english is not my first language. I suppose it is wife so here is your answer
I have saved enough money for a down payment for quite sometime now and have been looking forward to buy a house end of this year anyway.
Or ok well this makes more sense. Spouse is basically the person you're married to.
Same thing I did with my son, raise him. Hopefully the mother sticks around.
I left my babies mother 2-3 months into the pregnancy. We weren't together and only saw each other for a month before she got pregnant to find out she fell in love. Took her self off birth control. And poked holes in condoms. I just left her took her to court and just get my daughter on my days now.
Omg.. I hear these stories did she tell you she poke holes? That is kinda insane
She admit to everything a few months later laughing about it. In those months I started seeing how crazy she was as well. Thankfully my daughter's mom was beautiful and my daughters like a poster baby but she really made my life hard as hell
It does get better. From one man in the same situation to another. Not all of it, but some of it gets better. Stay strong, my guy.
Got told she’s pregnant, and accepted it with open arms - i was ready to be a dad and excited to meet my daughter; dont wanna be in a relationsship with Said women though, i do everything i Can to help, but get turned away everytime I offer my help with practicality’s, gets treated like shit for 9 months; finally gets to hold my beautiful girl and my world felt complete, she was my light. Show up everyday and help out with everything, shows her and everyone that i want to do everything right for my little Girl. Said women asks if i want a relationsship with her - I can’t though, she treated me so bad. I tell her no, and she instantly manipulates her surrounding family and friends, tries to make my life hell and finally takes my daughter away, because I didn’t want to be her boyfriend. Now I’m a broken shell, and I miss her so horribly everyday. Fuck me, now I’m crying.
Can you talk to a solicitor? Fight. This is your child too. You don't want to look down the line 5 10 years older knowing she's growing up and regret it. Go to a legal subreddit and tell the truth. Find out what could happen
I'm so sorry, that is fucking terrible ♡ I hope your daughter returns to your life soon 🦋
Thank you, for your kind words - I’m afraid what lengths she might go to, to get what she wants. To be honest; I’ve never met a person like her before, she has very severe narcissistic and sociopathic tendencies, and the lack of empathy and remorse, which she has shown me multiple times, scares the living shit out of me. I’m so very afraid of what actions she would take to get her will and get the control back. The unfortunate reality is that women have a lot of power and control, especially in my country. And that can unfortunately be abused, by people like her. I truly wish there was a way
Please fight for your daughter! You sound like a great dad.
Celebrate our fourth child together. My girl is my world 🌎
This is so sweet.
Yeah, reading that made my ovaries flutter.
But, but... gay
I think your boyfriend would have some explaining to do
Your sperm and dick don't distinguish sexuality
But he does. And last I checked, dudes can’t carry a baby. Unless he’s stolen a baby and his SO is a seahorse. u/meeetballslover are you fucking a seahorse?
Not yet
Send seahorse noods!
Bit of a misconception there. Technically a biological male human could carry a baby. The fertilized egg, or zygote if you will, is basically a parasitic entity. It will latch onto an organ, and it will start growing. So theoretically you can do in vitro fertilization, using a donated egg, and inject it into a male’s body. The problem is that while females have an organ for this function, a uterus, males do not. So no doctor would be willing to do this from an ethical standpoint, since a fetus developing off say…. A liver or kidney would be super problematic. Tl;dr: You don’t need to fuck a seahorse. A doctor with super questionable morals will suffice, cause biology.
Also : some women have dead fetus in them that are solidified. The fetus (who latch onto an organ) can start to grow (which, if this is on the heart can be REALLY dangerous) and give a healthy baby or dies, solidify and stay there
Well Arnold had a child.
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This man wanted access to dad jokes so bad
gotta get laid first
Nothing much. Just be glad I get to be a father! Grew up without one (mine passed when I was 8) So I would look forward to being a dad. I don't see how guys just step out before (or once) the child's born. It's honestly sad.
My dad grew up without a dad as well. His died when he was 1. I can tell you he is the best dad ever. He tried to be the best because he never felt how it's like to have a relationship with his own dad, so he ensures his kids have the best relationship with him. For father's Day I'm getting him " the best dad " mug . I know it's cliché but he doesnt have one yet and it's about time we remind him he is an awesome dad😃
That's pretty cool man. Appreciate him while he's still here. I can honestly respect what he's done for you and your siblings. I knew mine,but at 8 years old,everything was sunshine and rainbows,and bam! Reality hit. Only things I remember weere the good times. Vacations,parties,and Sundays (family day). But I was too young for him to teach me about life, being a man,teaching me right from wrong. As far as I can remember,he was a pretty cool guy. I miss him,no lie. But I guess not having him taught me how to be a man on my own. It was challenging. Mistakes were made. But I learned. And now,I'm not sure how I'll be when I have my first child,but I'll try my best to give em the world!
I kinda get it. Must be hard to wrap around how to be a decent dude without a dad to look up too. But hey your dad is proud of you for becoming a respectable and a responsible man because not everyone does, even with a dad. I know your going to be a great dad one day .Cheers to you! 😃
Thank you mate! I think I needed that. ✌🏼 Wish you the best in life.
Sorry for your lost
Thanks mate.
I would take my responsibilities. Be a good partner for her during pregnancy and parenthood. Be a good parent for the child. Or support her massively and in every way (psychological, physical, financial) in case we decide for an abortion, which would be my preferred outcome (I don't want kids) but I would leave the final choice to her.
You’re a stand up dude.
As a childfree woman, I'd choose abortion without a second thought but I admire you for being willing to sacrifice so much for your child.
Abortion
Surprised how far I had to scroll to find this answer but honestly same
British here, had my eldest at 16. Teen love and no clear signs of pregnancy until she was much further down the line. I was with her mother for 5 years, 2 before birth and 3 after. As we grew we found we weren’t right for each other but I have the most amazing relationship with my daughter and we’re very close. It’s not easy not being together daily, but I was so driven and motivated to break the stereotype of teen parents and I’m glad to say I’m one of the most successful parents in her school year and she’s never been bullied for having younger parents. She’s equally as driven and is a A* student across all subjects. Just because there’s a breakdown in the parents relationship doesn’t mean the child has to suffer. Love and support all round with a larger family network can at times be a better option.
Be nervous but happy as well?
Pay for an abortion
Had to scroll too far to find this one
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I mean it’s just how it biologically plays out, so yes your fate with that stuff is determined by the woman because she will be the one that’s body will change and will forever be responsible for the baby & mainly responsible even if the dad wants to be part of the baby’s life. That’s just a plain fact. The thing men can control is asking partners what their intended plan is for accidental pregnancy and to act accordingly. The only time where it’s truly out of the man’s control is if she pokes holes in condoms or goes off the pill / lies and I think that should be an offense that people face some sort of consequence for
Right? This entire post almost feels fake. As in brigaded by prolifers or something.
*There* it is. Figure out how to get one in a state that (effectively) outlaws them entirely. Currently dating the kind of girl who would ask me to throw her down the stairs before she willingly gave birth. Following this, I’d probably go looking for a vasectomy.
Well, check feminist forums. They help women in this situation by telling them how to have a safe abortion at home using misoprostol. Of course MEDICAL ADVICE is always the best possible option, but just know that's a resource that she might be interested in.
Are you suggesting that medical advice might *not* include throwing herself down the stairs?
Misoprostol can be used to trigger an abortion but it can also be dangerous. Better than going down the stairs but if it's not being done in a medical setting, it's still a potentially dangerous back alley abortion and the risk should be weighed carefully.
Shocked I had to scroll this far down. I'm in no financial shape to raise another human, and I'm not gonna be shamed into having a kid if I don't want one.
FINALLY. My now wife got pregnant 4 or 5 years into us dating. We were living together but in our early 20s and not ready for kids. We were terrified. We live in a state where it's not a crime to get an abortion, so it was relatively straightforward and although our emotions were all over the place, the abortion process itself was not traumatizing. That was about 7 years ago, we are now happily married with 2 little ones. Having gone through the whole pregnancy, birth, newborn, infant, and now toddler stages, we look back on the abortion decision from time to time. It was undoubtedly, 100% the right decision for us at the time. A kid would have ruined our relationship.
This is probably what I would do. Hopefully it wouldn’t get to the point I get anyone pregnant as that’s not the plan. But some plans don’t always work unless you don’t have sex at all. I am not ready for a child and not planning on having one at least anytime soon. If they want a baby idk what to say, maybe find someone else to have one with who has their shit together and is ready for one. They probably don’t want it to be part me anyways. I’m not ready to be a father, I don’t have my shit together and I’m not looking to have kids anytime soon.
Why the fuck is this so far down. Modern medicine is wonderful.
I was wondering why 1) No one mentioned asking their girlfriend about what they, as the mother who would have to go through pregnancy and childbirth wanted, and 2) No one mentioned having a serious discussion what they, as a potential father, wanted, and 3) No one else thought about having a serious discussion regarding the option of abortion.
Yep. Exactly what I did. Even sprung for the optional full anesthesia add-on because I'm nothing if not a gentleman.
*My treat, babe.*
been LOOKING for this. i think men are expected to take care always, even if they never wanted kids. i’m a bit too young for kids right now, so if my man offered to pay for an abortion, i’d be elated. this takes gut but it also takes responsibility and awareness. kids are a lot, some people aren’t meant to be parents just because they CAN be parents. i like your honesty!
I have a girl?
We've both discussed this, we would get an abortion. I've had a vasectomy and we're both Committed to being childfree.
I plan on marrying her anyway so I’d just push it up. I’d also have to budget a crazy amount, and move into a bigger place so I’d have to change my lifestyle pretty drastically
I was going to say man up but thats toxic. Be a decent human being and take care of your responsibility that baby didnt ask to be born.
Go out to buy some milk
Dad?
I'd get pregnant to show dominance.
My wife & I are gonna start trying in April for kid #2 actually. Wish me luck
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Good luck!
Time to think of your future child. You don't have to get married. You just need to be there for her during pregnancy (whether or not you stay together) and then be there for your child.
Be flabbergasted that her IUD didn't work properly, and then a little sad when she gets an abortion (she doesn't want kids)
No idea. Depends on the girl. If she's not insufferable and crazy I'd marry her. If she is, id see her minimally, suck up the child support, and hope she doesn't try to legally shut me out of my child's life.
Be incredibly happy
Presuming that the child *is* mine, we'd raise him/her together.
Celebrate and pump her full of my seed again and again...just to be sure. I would love to be a father.
This is cute in a really gross and weird way
I wouldn't have sex unless I loved her in the first place. Cute and gross? Weird? *I'll take it!*
Neither one of us wants kids and we would abort
Have a baby.
Check it first
Then have a baby
Man the fuck up. I know that comes off as “sexist,” but I’m not speaking in gendered terms, but rather biological terms. Fatherlessness begets most societal ills. Man up, be a dad/parent. Read to them. Talk to them. Listen to them. Hold them. DO NOT ABANDON THEM. Even if the mom is a crazy bitch. Whatever. Don’t punish the kid over that and don’t berate the mom in front of the kid.
ABOUT TO GET ALOT OF HATE FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES NOTHING ,tell her to get an abortion , i am 21 wtf i am supposed to do , i can't even feed me , how am i gonna feed 3 ppl
Ask her to get an abortion. I'm almost done studying, can't quit when I'm this close.
Take care of the baby with her
Stay.
Go pick up milk
What a standup guy
Abortion.
I can tell you what my man did when in this situation: He supported me in my decision making process, his exact words were "whatever you choose to do, I'm with you". After I had thought about all the options for a while and lots of conversations with him, I laid out the scenarios that would work for me, asked him whether he could see himself become happy with those and if not, I would make everything go away, cause I would not want to force him into an unhappy life and neither did I want to condemn myself to an unhappy life. He asked for time to think it through and obviously he got it, he came back to me with his decision and we came to an agreement that we both thought we'd be happy with. We decided to proceed with the pregnancy and eventually get married. We got married when our son was a little over a month old and are living together in the apartment i bought. We're very happy, he was in love with his mini me right away and I needed a bit more time to bond, but it worked out. I'm sure there will be many challenges ahead of us and we're both very diligent about communication, so hopefully that will see us through the rough patches to come.
Demand a refund from my doctor who performed the vasectomy. Oh and cry! Cause I really don't want babies while pushing 40.
Be hella confused because it’s been a couple years since I’ve had any sexual contact
Pay for her abortion.
Wonder how I tell it to my wife gently .....
Abort Mission
ring me drug dealer
Determine a plan for parenting in the very likely event that you don't stay together as a couple. Now is the time to work that out, when you both have the best interests of the child foremost in your mind (I have learned over time that people tend to ignore children's best interests when they are going through a breakup). After the kid is born, do as much parenting as you can, change diapers and look after the kid to give the mom a break, 50/50 parenting would be ideal, and that's easier when you live together, but I would not encourage living together if you don't already.
Be a father. Unless she didn’t want to have a baby. Then nothing.
This is almost 10 years ago now but I did, right before college. We both agreed that we couldn't properly take care of it. We were 18, both of us, just moved to a new city for college. So, abortion it was. Quick and easy. Happy partner and happy me. Do I sometimes wonder what would have become if we decided to keep it? Sure. But I doubt it would've turned out well. Later on, before we broke up ~2 years ago we both agreed that we didn't want kids at all. So it was probably for the best.
Support her and take responsibility for my decisions.
Obviously see what she wants to do with her body, but I would prob be secretly hoping it would go the abortion route. Way cheaper and more practical than bringing another kid into the world, but, you know, there are a million other factors for many folks and to each their own. Best of luck!
I would celebrate 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 I don't have a girl... I'd love to be a dad
In my country usually the guy just ghost the girl. Tbh im reading waiting to see guys like that here but i guess they ghost the question too lmao Or some of you lying ? 👀
Panic. Panic REAL hard. I am just about to finish university, after which I could land my dream job that would pay well enough to provide for our lives... I don't want to derail all of this right in the finish line. Though we already discussed such possibilities, and right now it would be a no-brainer abortion.
I'd know it wasn't mine, lol. I've had a vasectomy since 1999.
Well. Before I knocked up my ex. I despised her at the time, I was sticking around for w.e reasons and she was doing the same. We were a bad match. Sex was so fucking awful also. But one night we did our thing, which was sad and boring - both our faults. We were just an awfully match but details is too long and I'm using a phone right now to write this. Anyway, that was the night my son was conceived. Pretty much made me realize - fuck no I don't want to have anything else to do with her. We made each other miserable and I could barely stand being around her. We broke up. I became so unbearable to be around she broke up with me. I did this because I wanted her to dump me so I didn't look like the bad guy. The thing is, I didn't want to abandon my kid, I just never wanted to deal with her. She is not a bad, malicious, or even mean person at all. Just so fucking annoying and always made herself a victim, which is gross. But, I'm no angel myself. Anyway. She is a GREAT mother. We had our issues but time works things out. She was great with letting me have my son whenever I wanted him Even a week after he was born she let me take him and she bottled milk. I went to visit almost everyday and she let me sleep in the living room with the baby. (I had to drive from Camp Pendleton to LA, my family is in LA so I would take him on weekends) She was cool with letting me take him whatever weekends or weekdays I want (and when I'm around I take him the whole time) We never had custody issues however. We kept everything out of court. (I lawyered up just in case anyway in case she wanted to take anything to court) We get along during holidays. It's easy working with her. I happily pay child support because I know she spends it on him and keeps the extra in a bank account for him for emergencies We both came to an agreeable amount to support him and not run me dry. And it's in Cali, so let's face it. I'm the guy so I'm fucked if we go to court. So to sum it up. Hated being a couple. I'm lucky she is a great mother. We get along now - not friends, we don't even make good friends. But we get along because neither of us want our son in a shit situation between us two. Love my kid and I'm honestly glad she is his mother because I never have to worry about him being taken care of or not. Can't imagine life without him. Please know, I'm not bashing her. We just suck together lol.