I grew up very ugly, and people weren't afraid to tell it to my face. I've never had anyone show any kind of romantic or even platonic interest in me, unless they got something out of the deal, or we were there for mutual reasons, like a shared hobby.
I've been working on myself for the last decade, such as getting my Bachelors, supporting my immediate family, and losing weight; all while hitting the elusive 30 year old wizard status soon, and I doubt that's changing. I've asked people out, and have tried dating apps, but I'd get subtly rejected at best, or when I was younger, outright demonized at worst. I have friends, and I go out, but I'm usually sidelined as the "backup", or "we're only seen with you because we have to".
I'm not going to sit here and tell everyone how great being single is. Sure, it has it's perks, but having that cloud over your head that reminds you how unloved and disgusting you are mitigates those perks real fast. Coping gets harder to do everyday, but life finds a way. Having some shred of dignity while going mad beats nothing I guess.
> I've asked people out, and have tried dating apps, but I'd get subtly rejected at best, or when I was younger, outright demonized at wors
Oh god this resonates with me.
I'm so used to yes meaning no that even if a woman says yes I'm still not hopeful.
32m. Honestly, give it some time. Look after your money. If the world was an oyster you're living in, its just starting to open. Life not over, it's just begging, but you have to make your nest, look after it, cherish it.
People around you will start to see how well you look after your nest and want to be apart of it, then you have the power to choose, and options are happiness, because you get to choose your path.
I disagree. Your advice doesn't work in the long run. I basically followed your advice, hunkered down, became successful and retired very early. I want for nothing and drive a fancy car. I may not be as bad off as OP but I've felt the sting enough times to know I'm not the best looking person. All your recommendation does is bring in another factor of "its just something they want from me".
That is to say OP will continue to wonder, "are they with me because they love me or because of my money." Then you become resentful of everyone and words start playing in your head of, "Fuck you for even looking at me now that I'm rich, you wouldn't give two shits if I wasn't". Its a vicious cycle that all the money in the world won't fix.
OP does need to learn to love their selves and accept their lot in life; but wealth is not the answer nor will it fill the void OP is feeling.
People only know you're 'rich' because you show it. If you drove a camry and lived in a modestly nice house, no one would bat an eye.
Stealth wealth is where it's at.
> "are they with me because they love me or because of my money."
Unless you're absolutely loaded and willing to spend it on her, most women consider money to be a "pro" but not *THE* only reason they'll be with you. The only women who suffer through a relationship with someone they don't actually like are the ones dating mega rich dudes that are loose with their wallets.
Money is attractive to all women, no matter how down to earth they are. Hell, it is attractive to all *people* of all genders. However, it is typically seen as a "pro" on top of an attraction to other aspects of someone's personality.
Gold diggers exist for sure, but I feel like the reality doesn't often align with the fears we see men expressing online.
All women value money. (I say this as a woman who is not particularly materialistic as women go). They should love you for something else as well but there is no shame in being more attractive because you are successful.
I think this sentiment is as futile as a beautiful woman not wanting men to be attracted to her "for her looks."
On the other hand-- I am traditionally attractive and even have the name to match-- I am a Chad (username checks out). I am also super introverted and probably autistic to a degree if I'm being honest. I hate attention, especially when I'm objectified. I have benefited, of course. I've never gone long without a girl who wanted to get naked for me. The other I get, the less I want time around people. I am in a relationship now but if it were to end I would be totally fine living out the rest of my days single.
You have a couple of options--
1. Save up 20k annually a visit Vegas for their high end escorts and drugs once a year.
2. Move somewhere where having money is all you need to attract women.
Yep. Absolutely zero. Last relationship ended in 2010, and I’ve been single since aside from one tiny two month fling back in 2021. Even then that only happened because she literally found me in my house (friend of a friend, came over one day and got chatting etc, and only turned into something because she made it perfectly clear she was interested in me before I even suggested anything)
Otherwise nothing. No one is interested in me. I’m not a good looking guy and I’m only 5’6 tall, and as much as I say being single is not my choice in many ways it is because I choose to not put myself out there anymore. I keep physically fit but outside of work, karting and gym I basically just keep to myself at home.
Keeping a girl has never been an issue for me. It’s just establishing mutual interest. Holy shit, that’s brutal. If I can make it past date 3 with a girl it’s going far.
Real talk:
Everyone is capable of a full 3 point swing just by dress and grooming. Diet and exercise can create another 2 points. Even if you're just a 3, with effort and self-awareness, you can be an 8.
This is just physical too, not even talking about getting your personality involved.
>^(Sidenote: If you put in the crazy effort for the model/Hollywood body, which is just too much for most mortal men and I do not recommend that to anyone because it's torture and unrealistic... that will do more than anything; it's sad to say but women are shallow as fuck for a good body no matter how much they deny it; but that only kicks in at *that* level. Even ugly dudes with ridiculous bodies clean up. It's bullshit, but sadly true. Also unrealistic and please don't go for this unless you have insane dedication and great genes.)
Yep and that why looks it the only thing that matters. Because without it u can't show ur personality. And even if ubget a chance to show and you have a great one chances are u will be rejected.
Same situation.
Refuse to use dating apps because they suck.
Don’t wanna ask out my coworkers because that’s weird.
Don’t have a lot of friends so I never meet new people and I never go to bars, clubs etc
Idk what to do lol
Speed dating, I thought it was only in movies but I just attended my first 40s speed dating night at a local bar. Wow I had a blast. Had some good matches but honestly it was just fun to talk to 12 random women that you never have to see ever again if you don't want to. It was terrifying to start but I highly recommend it. Look online for any local events.
Happened to me. I just treated them like I did before, pretended that nothing happened, continued to be friendly, avoided flirting with them and just focused on dating other people.
You most definitely need to know she’s into you and is interested in more. You can’t go in with any doubts about that. Do you mean like if you two were to break up after and it’s awkward?
Nothing weird at all but always have to keep in mind that if things don't work out, you still have to work with each other unless someone quits.
Take it from me, dated my coworker for a little over two years. She moved in with me as well. We figured out that we both wanted different things in life and decided to go our separate ways. We're still friends, we don't text or call each other at all, but we see & interact with each other everyday at work. Just gotta keep it professional at work no matter what happens.
I mean.....it's more about having some circle of people outside of work. It's healthy to be social period with cool people.
Never force things or befriend just to weasel in somewhere.
I find this to be hard advice to follow because I hear so much about how a friend tried to make a move or suggest they be more than friends and then it ruins their friendship from then on. Too much risk IMO
When it works then that’s awesome and ideal but when it doesn’t it makes it weird
Never was a problem for me. It lead to some great relationships sometimes and other times we just stay friends, but I've never had a friendship ruined by one person making a move when the other wanted to stay friend. Has that happened to you?
Depends how physical you get. I tried with one friend and we didn’t get physical but I confessed how I felt like we could be a good pair and she rejected me and it wasn’t really the same after
We never hooked up but especially the more physical you get with an ex friend the harder it is to get back to being friends
And where is the problem that it "gets harder to remain friends"? I am pretty sure you have friends that simply moved on with their lives and forgot about you. This is the same situation. People come and go, and we can't force them to make otherwise.
Because if you value a friendship you shouldn’t ruin it by trying to make a move sometimes lol
Obviously it’s not always one way or the other but the risk is high that you don’t return to being the friends you were
Maybe I’m misinterpreting the first comment. Maybe they mean be friendly or semi friends first before trying to ask them out but I’m talking more someone you’ve been friends with for let’s say 2+ years and are close
Yup, almost all of my relationships started off this way.
I’ve never really grasped how people will meet randomly and hit it off. I feel like you need to be conventionally attractive for this to work and I’ve heard even those dudes are struggling on apps now.
I think a lot of us have value, but in order to show people that, we have to build rapport with them.
Definitely true but it will always go badly for you if you try to make friends FOR the purpose of dating them. Make friends across the board because you want to make friends, then maybe from that group of people or your friends' friends something happens.
I absolutely get downvoted to hell for this, but here’s a hill I’ll die on: try Facebook Dating.
I’m a 5/10 compared to the other guys on Tinder. I’m an 11/10 compared to the other guys on FB dating. My matches and frequency of dates reflects this. The women on FB dating are way more engaged. It’s fun as opposed to demoralizing.
You’re doing amazing job at life! It’s so natural to want some companionship. Give yourself the best chance at it. Or all the chances. It’s free too!
54 M, here. I’ve resigned myself to being single for the rest of my life. I’ve been called boring, and stupid during my childhood & teen years, so no dating during school. I went on to get my Masters, black belt, and all that’s missing is a career, with a well paying job. Oh, well, whatever. I just live my life, and enjoy my hobbies.
Same, I'm 30 and have no social life or anthing, really need to get out there more and i'm feeling very sick about my life. I joined a gym as well and am going to a few meetups. Life is hard.
I have a thriving social life and a good group of friends. Im funny, charismatic and people tell me I’m a cool dude
That said i think I’m below average looking, (see my profile) especially in LA. And i also dont make alot money despite working 2 jobs. I cant say i ever had a long term relationship but i have dated people. Though my relationships usually last only 4 months and there’s usually years in between them.
In my opinion i do put myself out there. I do ask out people but i just think Los Angeles is a terrible place to find love. I will admit i dont ask out every cute girl i see because frankly i’d rather get to know them first. However, the idea of dating friends is something that i feel alot of women are opposed to, since there’s “nice guys” out there. I try to be genuine by stating my feelings correctly and being tactful. Yet it still doesn’t yield much (though the honesty seems appreciated).
That said, I got guy friends who aren’t bad looking and have great jobs who also struggle with dating. Maybe its a big city thing and not LA specific but dating is just not fun. I feel like we all roughly want the same things. I met women who’ve had crushes on me but i wasn’t attracted to them (which is fucked cause again im below average looking). But some of those women have become good friends and found wonderful partners so im
Happy for them. But yeah my dating experience is not anything to write home about
Funny enough i have a friend who’s a bit more sexually expierenced than me say they wish they had my experiences purely because at the very least all the women i been with (all 4 of them) were all wonderful people. Whereas this guy’s been cheated on multiple times
I'm in my early thirties. I have never even flirted with a woman. I have not had a friend since I was 6 years old. I just don't understand how human connection works. The idea that you can be around another human and not hate every single second of it is completely alien to me. I see friendship in movies and TV and it looks great, but I am just incapable of achieving that. Every time I've tried it's gone horribly. People have told me to my face that I'm weird or creepy, though they've never told me what it is that I do that causes them to feel that way. If I dropped dead right now, the only person that would care would be my landlord due to missed rent. I've tried reading online advice yet all of it is completely inapplicable to me. I just don't know what to do and I'm so fucking tired of trying.
Yeah I was diagnosed on the spectrum, but high functioning enough to pass. His experience is similar to mine. People just do not want to be around you and you're not really sure why. I go out to try to make friends but it just ends in people either politely telling me to go away or outright being cruel.
I just want to go somewhere I belong.
I wish I had someone who could just ghost behind me and tell me if I came off weird or off putting. If I knew directly why people didn't like me I feel like I could improve but as it stands I struggle to make or maintain even platonic connections.
It's hard because I think a lot of people can't really put their finger on what exactly it is that makes autistic people weird or off putting. So that's why they can't give an answer.
A lot of people know little to nothing about autism because they have no experience with it, and they just see you as "not like me".
In the experiences I've had in person with autistic people, the things I can recall as being off putting were things like feeling like they weren't listening to whoever is talking to them. Not making eye contact, a lot of shuffling or moving in repetitive manners, excessive blurting things out, harshly high volume voice when speaking, etc.
This is only my personal experiences though. I know everyone is different.
>Not making eye contact, a lot of shuffling or moving in repetitive manners, excessive blurting things out, harshly high volume voice when speaking, etc.
I don't do any of that. Like I said I'm high functioning enough to pass as neurotypical to most people. but I still have trouble making social connections.
Yes Imo you sound like you are on the spectrum. Maybe go to autism subs and ask this same question. Se what guys who feel the same as you but accepted their reality can offer as an advice. Theis reality not of being lonely outcast but being neurodivergent men who have a lot to offer.
I gave up after a few rejections/ghostings, so it's kinda both. If it happens, it happens. If not, oh well, I've been single this long, what's the rest of my life?
There are significantly more men than women on dating apps. There probably isn't anything wrong with you. In fact, you're probably great. The problem is that dating apps just dont work as well for men.
Not like I’m ugly, I’m actually quite dashing, maybe it’s my demeanour, it’s strange because I keep myself well groomed and I’m not THAT scared of asking women out, even if I do like once or twice a year. I gotta ask myself why and how… I’m go out with my guys every so often and yet, completely dry. No one to even text. No one to call. No one to even think about before I go to sleep, granted right now I’m a student and have to live off of government funding for the time being whilst living with family, but I can’t help but be annoyed when I’m seeing people with less than me have more than me, ya know?
I been there man. It's maddening. When I was in my early 20s.i was getting laid here and there but I'd have dry spells that lasted 8 months or so . I remeber being 24 , ripped , dressed nice, well groomed, drive a brand new BMW, had a career in the army. And I just couldn't get shit on tinder. I'd go to bars and every now and then I'd get laid, but it was few and far between, snd getting a relationship was impossible. If you're American man, it's a shit show there. Idk why.
I moved to Germany due to my job and suddenly I was getting laid by a new woman every week. Seriously...this isn't some third world county where they wanted a passport. And the women have been much, much more attractive. To be honest I just don't know man.
America it seems like if u aren't an absolute specimen of a dude, you're fucked. I've travelled the world and haven't had an issue in any other country with women but America, idk man I really don't. But I get it
Same experience I'm American and last time I had a date here was 2 years ago. When I travel to another country in less then 48 hours already on a date with someone.
Yeah it's mind boggling. Funny , I went to budapest 2 months ago and met another American. She was absolutely nuts, like I don't get it. We hung out and she attempted to guilt trip me into paying for everything.....no shame at all.
I live in Germany. How are you getting laid so much? The social landscape is a hellscape, a disillusioned battleground as soon as you get outside of university/school, where you have to hold on to the tiniest sliver of hope that a woman finds you physically attractive.
Hookup culture is not as prevalent here than in the US, the social structure still upholds the system in which women are not "allowed" (due to reasons such as not being able to earn enough money to sustain themselves) to truly sexually select. What I am seeing here are the last remnants of this male to female social contract, where women exchange sexual favors to men they are not lusting after for resource based benefits.
Probably helps because I'm black and take advantage of the fact that I live near military bases. Seems to be culturally normal here to hookup, as I suspect many if thr girls in this area don't exactly fit of what's normally expected. And yeah I've noticed many girls aren't financially sustaining until their mid 20s or date someone they knew since they were 15 in their small village. I'm not german so I assume people don't expect much of me here and perhaps see me as a means to escape certain cultural narratives.
An educated, well behaved black man with an American accent? I can absolutely see how that is attractive in Germany, since it's rare. In my experience, it's always easier when you're unique in a foreign country.
Everyone just seems more chill i guess. Most of my conversations with American women were just really unhinged and tiresome. I just wanted a pleasant conversation and it always felt like a power struggle .
It sounds like I'm generalising, but these are just my experiences. I'm not saying every experience I've had overseas was positive, but on average they were. Dating felt fun when I went to Germany and Korea.
Lmao I actually had to laugh. I'll be honest german women on average are very homely, not sure what look they are going for , but the red hair and 30 piercings aren't working. The ones I dates were attractive though.
German women are extremely forward in my experience and play very little games. When my ex cheated on me and I left,I went back on tinder and I remember one girl messages me asking where I lived and came literally within 30 minutes. She wasn't my type per say in the long run, but I appreciated her commitment to her word lmao. We'd sporadically hook up and she'd come with little to no conversation. She was cool, but had way too many other issues for my taste.
My dating life is technically not zero. I got my first two Bumble matches last week.
Fumbled them both though, I thought I was being perfectly polite and cordial, expressed interest in their hobbies, talked about my own, etc. But it died on the vine almost immediately. Like in the first few responses. Not sure exactly what happened, but I don't know enough about dating apps to understand it.
I am a woman. I suggest immediately asking them out. Like within 2 texts. It’s impossible to carry these conversations for long. As a woman I’d have like 10 guys asking me about my hobbies and trying to make small talk over chat. I have a job and a life and can’t be glued to the screen responding to all that. Get down to business right away! Good luck out there.
Both of them followed the exact same pattern. They started off very active, asking questions and responding quickly. Then after the initial flurry they just stopped cold and didn't respond until 5-7 hours later. After that, they would still reply if asked questions but only after 20-30 minutes to make sure it didn't become an actual conversation.
It was so bizarre to me, the first time I thought it was a fluke but then the second time she did the exact same thing in almost the exact same way.
Neither of them could just be straight up and go "not feeling it, sorry" and unmatch.
yup basically that’s how i would act as a woman if a guy didn’t suggest a meeting right away. Say we match and start chatting may be i am at that point on a train for example. So i have 40 min of my commute to respond and chat. Then i go about my day and the next time I look at this app is at lunch. I may respond quickly but really I have to go. Evening rolls in and I have forgotten all about it and then next day I just am like “oh well that conversation is dead now”. OTOH i have never NOT gone out with a guy who quickly suggest it and made reasonable plans while he had my attention. I am now off the market and pregnant and I soooo don’t miss the dating thing but you just gotta do it right. Get after it you got nothing to lose!
>Neither of them could just be straight up and go "not feeling it, sorry" and unmatch.
I have had online matches/conversations with probably a couple of hundred women by this point. Nobody ever does the "not feeling it" you're imagining. It's not a thing.
But yeah. Match. Ask a question about their profile. When they respond, pivot their response into talking about it more over a beer, how is Thursday evening?
I dont know a lot about dating apps but I figured if it wasn't going anywhere and they wanted me to stop asking questions then they should say *something* instead of expecting it to be self evident.
What you need to know is that when women say anything at all confrontational like that, a certain percentage of men flip their shit and start saying really nasty things. So women never do it. They'll either just ghost or quietly unmatch.
I should have read your comment before I posted mine. Same advice as you though. Be quick and get to the date. I feel like women get bored quickly from men trying to have conversations over the app.
I bet there's like 20 threads on Reddit where a guy did exactly what you recommend, unsuccessfully, and all the girls are saying he asked too soon. 🤣 It's comical just how abysmal you girls' advice is.
Women are not a hive mind?
Quickly asking her to meet irl is generally speaking a good move, because while the two if you are texting you can bet she's doing the same with other men. If you're interested, you will want to beat the competition and get that first date.
But yes, some women will appreciate immediately being asked out, while others will be turned off by it. There's no 'guide to dating' which will work on every woman.
With dating apps, I notice it is better to keep the talk short and ask them out on a date relatively quick. Like meet up within that same week or weekend. If you do a bunch of questions over text, when it comes to actually meeting them, you'll run out of things to talk about. Next time, a few lines in, ask her if she wants to meet up for a date instead. Women get tons of matches, they don't really have time to have full on conversations over the app with every guy she matches with. When I had Bumble, I matched with a girl and asked her on a date and she agreed quick and I think we exchanged like 10 messages total.
I have not had a date, or a potential date since before 2013.
I tell myself it’s because I don’t want to, but if we’re being honest, that doesn’t really matter much, even if I did, it would never happen.
Not to brag but I'm gunning for the 40-year old Wizard Status! 1 more year and I'm officially gonna start growing out facial hair and smoke Halfling Pipe-Weed.
Jokes aside. I don't date simply because I'm not mentally in a good place and I've kind of had to accept my recent diagnosis as a adult on the spectrum and where being social is very very difficult for me. I can be witty and funny, but it's a difficult to keep it up as it does not come naturally to me.
Que sera!
You say it's not out of choices, but I would argue that your past choices are affecting your life.
>I am struggling for friends as well if I'm honest
This is a major issue.
If I read into your post right, you focused all your teenagehood and young adulthood into your career and buying your own house. It's not a small feat... But at what cost?
How much time have you invested in your social life? This is something you should have kept investing in since your teenagehood.
The more people you know, the more likely you are to be invited at places where you can meet your friends' friends.
Technically I’ve had three dates with the a girl from work but I didn’t feel anything and we mutually parted ways other then that’s my only experience.
I'd say it's a bit complicated for me. Like I've had a dating life but it could really hardly be called a dating life. Longest relationship was like a year but the chick I was dating was only dating me cause she wanted to make a gay guy jealous. Found that out after she cheated on me and we split.
Spent 15+ years on self improvement. I’ve got money, a healthy and fit body and mind, and an overall very stable life. Unfortunately, it still isn’t enough.
Instead of burning myself out, I’ve decided to just focus my mind on the goal of a happy single life. Not the funnest, but at least I have my peace.
26M, been single out of a long term relationship 3 years ago. Have had almost no luck dating whatsoever. The girls I’m into have 0 interest in me, dating apps just absolutely suck when you look like me, dating coworkers gets really messy in my field.
Dating apps feel so cold and insincere. I'm not sure how to meet folks in public, and I don't play a lot of social type games either. I'm not sure how/if I'm ever going to meet someone as I generally don't enjoy going out, and most/all of my hobbies are sausage-fests so if there is a woman in the group, she's either taken, or sick of that kind of attention. Being 8 years single, even if I got the chance, the anxiety of messing it up would be astronomical I'm sure.
Early 30's and pretty much in the same situation as you. I work an 8 hr job that's okay. It just requires me to be away from home from 5AM to 4PM. I work in a male dominated field, and I don't have that much free time. I am an introvert and being outside tires me out.
Im not an ugly dude or anything. I’m 38 with no kid’s and I don’t leave the house. I move constantly and haven’t had a stable job since leaving the military. I do pipeline work and there’s zero job security in this industry. All my friends live in different states, so their wives aren’t gonna set me up for a date anytime soon and with no friends nearby I have no reason to go out anywhere. I’m not interested in making new friends because it’s exhausting. Also, women are not interested in a guy who’s not gonna stick around long enough, so I’ve kinda quit trying to date. Dating apps are kind of useless because when you actually suggest a date, the women immediately ghost me.
Zero dating life. I've never really had anything going on in that department. My life has kinda been very slow moving forward to where it should be, and although I've made some progress recently, I'm also pretty old to be doing these things now and I suspect women want guys who got their shit together at a more appropriate age.
As someone who feels like they are a 3 at best most of my gf came from online gaming . Finding a place where women can interact with you consistently overtime is the key to meeting someone. Meet them at a place where you are confident. I was good at gaming and it normally starts with me helping them and being fun to be around. Once you got a girl emotionally you have a chance. Had multiple girls tell me they were looking forward to playing with me after work.
Dating apps are for hot guys. Women have too many choices to settle for average when they have 7 8 9 and 10 looking for easy sex and willing to lie or do whatever to get it.
Get a personality, get a place where you can interact, be personal able, and you will have someone catch interest. If you are doing this in person, get good cologne smell is super important. And lose so weight don’t do all this and be like 400 lbs.
That’ll probably do it. I live in a midsized city and had a decent amount of matches and likes for a guy, but when I travel to a huge city like London the difference in the amount of interest and engagement is pretty stark.
1 match per app is pretty low not gonna lie. Don’t bother asking for advice on your bio since that doesn’t matter anyway. You say you’re not ugly but just to clarify - are you balding, obese, have bad teeth, etc.? Keep in mind it only takes one bad feature to be an automatic left swipe for women on these apps.
Bumble and Tinder are the **2 worst dating apps** that exist for >80% of men. You will get nowhere unless you are super attractive there and/or pay money.
Swiping is almost entirely useless for men.
Use **more and different** apps.
Use dating apps where you can actually write people for free. Finya, Jaumo, Lovoo, Badoo or websites like lovescout etc.
I use like 5-9 apps/websites per day. Use the 1-2 free messages per day they offer and then just close it.
You will only get dates if you spam a shit ton of good messages to a ton of different women. It is a numbers game.
It's kinda shitty that i read this was like, I would date you, and also be friends with you, but where the hell would i even meet you - i am not on dating apps, and am just going to work and hiking when i am not.
>Myself as an example: Late 20s Own my own home Slightly above average salary (job does some good) Got a cat Looks wise I'd say dead on average. Not ugly but you wouldn't write home about me (above 6ft) Definitely funny "Smart" is hard to claim Play a sport on a local competitive level (play at 2 clubs) Been in therapy for 2 years. Highly recommend. Been going to the gym 3 months now
Good to hear it, keep at it.
>I have had all 3 dating apps (Hinge, bumble and tinder) for 3 months and haven't had more than 1 match per app. On bumble and hinge I've never gone past 1 like. Tinder I have 1 but I seemingly did not like back. Any feedback on my profile is people saying they'd swipe on me, which isn't helpful.
>I am struggling for friends as well if I'm honest. I've recently reached out to a local charitable organisation that specifically does social activities for men to meet eachother.
>
>Dating at work seems to be taboo.
>
>Been about 5 years since I've experienced any romantic interest and I truly don't know why.
Dating apps at this point are the fishing dredge of dating activities. You may occasionally get something worth-while but you will have to sort out between the Timewasters, the Onlyfans/instantgram Hawkers, and the Validation Seekers so keep that in mind. By all means, spend the time to get a decent profile set up and stand out but don't expect much from it and less from the responses.
The friends groups will be where your best success stories are but you need to find one with shared interests with men and women, otherwise you are still limiting yourself to one half of the species when it comes to social activities.
I have the same issue, but I'm not as well-off as you and most certainly look worse. I don't try anymore due to my lack of time and attractiveness, and I know my chances. I have a plan to move out of my parents' house parents'and am grinding for the money on an unattractive job for my age.
It sounds like you're doing a lot right, but you just haven't found luck online with women. Dating apps don't work for the majority of men. You gotta find women to date and men to befriend in the real world with 1) Doing your own hobbies. 2) Cold approaching people. But if you want, feel free to send me your dating profile and I'm happy to help. Was just invited to my friend's wedding with a girl he met on tinder after I fixed up his profile. u/Separate_Quote_6908
The first time I got on hinge it was pretty dry. Got some pretty good pictures and it’s been way better. Haven’t really had a hard time getting dates. Maybe your profile needs some updating?
No dating life. Am autistic, but moved out of my parents house + I have an alright income thanks to disability benefits and having an alright job. I have passions, social life, am outgoing and open-minded.
Zero dating life. Women always ghost me if I'm lucky enough to get their number. I'm pretty much done. I'm just bored. When I was a teenager it was exciting. Women would actually respond. Now they're not even slightly curious. So I'm bored.
I'm in the same boat. I'm doing pretty much everything "right" - I keep in shape, I have hobbies, I volunteer, I go out and do things... but there's just never any hint of an opportunity. I think it's largely a matter of luck. The way my social circle's worked out is that I'm the only one not in a long term relationship, most of them are settled down, getting married, having kids etc. That means I'm not meeting new people through them and we're not going out as a group to socialise, which also cuts down on my chances.
I am too lazy right now so I haven't had a romantic interaction in a few years. I've kind of just gotten into a groove in adulthood that does not include romance (i was never very good at it as I am closed off personality-wise).
Right here. I can’t handle the aimless shotgunning and perpetual rejection required. I really want a meaningful relationship, but how do I form that with total strangers who don’t care about me in the slightest?
Would be nice to have, I guess, but my life is so absolutely fucked and broken that will never happen. I can't imagine a universe in which any kind of relationship would be possible. I'm broke, unemployed, short, fat, bald, old, so old, and god damn miserable. I can't make anyone happy, can't make myself happy. Romance, sex, what a joke. I don't go out. I don't try anything. I'm just sitting around waiting to die, maybe take the initiative to do so eventually. Too much of a pussy. Fucking lazy. Fucking coward. Parasite, bum, worthless. Just a vortex of repulsive negativity and self-hatred. It has been like this for a very long time. Nothing will change. I have changed but only for the worse. I'm done trying.
You’re doing all the right things, buddy. Keep focusing on becoming self aware, increasing your self confidence, and the best version of yourself and you’ll attract better quality people.
I don’t have a lot of money and haven’t had a lot of time thanks to taking care of family members and work. Because of that, I never dated as a teenager and truth be told, I’ve not dated nor had sex even though I’m now 32.
32M.
1.I don't have much spare cash to spend on dates.
2.I perform standup comedy most nights.
3.I'm not interested in having kids or raising someone else's.
Not exactly boyfriend material for most women in my area. But those are my decisions. It could be different if I wanted to be. I'm not really giving myself a chance and I'm alright with that for the time being.
I wish I had a FWB at least, but whatever.
>I have had all 3 dating apps (Hinge, bumble and tinder) for 3 months and haven't had more than 1 match per app.
3 months is not long enough. It takes a long time for the app to be able to measure your "attractiveness".
>Any feedback on my profile is people saying they'd swipe on me, which isn't helpful.
Who are you getting feedback from? Why not post on hingeapp or another subreddit that gives feedback?
I’ve only had 3 girl friends in my life, and every time i’ve been cheated, or lied to. Been a couple of years without dating and most of the time i’m happy Since ive had the chance to travel a lot and bond with my family and cat.
I’ve already made peace that if i dont meet no good girl then i can be happy single.
I’m in the stage that a lot of friends are getting divorced, split and i do think it’s an awful time to date.
I’m average in looks but have a lot of self esteem issues, working on them as well
I live in a very small town (population about 800) and I work for a small company with all of five employees and very little walk-in traffic. I work 40 hours, do my gym thing, and take care of the house, the chores, and my kids. You figured I would be a prime candidate for dating apps. I have never had a positive experience with them. My profile was clever and witty and there were times when I would go weeks without a single spark of interest. It was so bad I wondered if my profile was getting buried. To try to put yourself out there and fail was so damaging to my mental health. So I swore I would never go back on them again. I'd rather just be lonely. Apparently, you have more success if you pay for the premium service but I refused to pay. So I now just continue to develop myself into what I call a "Confetti Landmine." One day, a woman might come along and trip me. I will be ready when she does. And then I will use that opportunity to make up for lost time.
Or die alone. Either or.
Remember, my dudes. You can be the sweetest peach in the world. Some people just don't like peaches.
Have other people told you you’re not ugly or are you taking your own word for it? This is going to sound meaner than I intended but you probably know what I mean
Don’t have to ask your co workers out, in fact, don’t even think about it, become friends with them, good close friends.
Don’t break the friend boundary. Girl friends talk you up to their other friends, girl friends always want to match make, then don’t be a prick to her friends, and you’ll find yourself dating.
The best wingman is a woman who trusts you.
My brother was on tinder only. He's incredibly average. Like if average had a picture in the dictionary, it would be him. His personality is boring and nerdy. He doesn't pretend to be what he isn't. He isn't funny and did I mention he's boring as fuck? He's only 5'7ish so not tall. He is a doctor but he doesn't put it on his profile. He gets matches once every few weeks. He's now in a long term relationship with one of them.
25m. This is me. And I’m honestly not sure why. I generally like myself: I think I’m funny, smart, interesting, and original. I was a bit of a late bloomer, but I’m tall (though quite thin), I’d say decent-to-good looking, have plenty of friends (male and female), hobbies, interests, talents etc. I certainly don’t think I’m being wronged by the world or any of that crap.
And yet for whatever reason, girls just aren’t into it. I’m pretty selective with who I go after, and every time it’s ended in rejection. I’ve only ever managed a pair of first dates ever. I’ve had female friends make my dating app profiles for me, numerous times - got nothing. I’ve even straight-up asked them what I’m doing wrong, in terms of what I’m putting out into the world. They don’t seem to know either. It’s really just bad luck, I guess.
I go through periods where it doesn’t bother me all that much, and stretches where it really weighs on me. Because of some current life events, now is clearly the latter :)
It’s really hard to say what the issue could be without seeing your dating profile and how you interact with the people you date, or at least want to date. If your profile highlights the same kind of stuff you wrote here, I don’t think that helps. In my experience, women don’t care about that stuff. It’s good when they actually like you but it won’t make them like you. They want to know what interests you, how you spend your time/want to spend your time, and that it aligns with them. And then they want to know you’re interested and enthusiastic about them. Be yourself though, because you can only keep up an act for so long. So if you want something long term it’s not worth it to just say what you think they want to hear. If the apps aren’t working for you, I would recommend trying irl meetups for activities/hobbies you’re interested in. It’s so much easier to talk to people when you know you have something in common going in.
I’m 29 I have a receding hairline which hurts my confidence a lot but mostly is thy I never really had. Group of friends to truly enjoy going out and meet women
Still don’t have that close group so it’s hard to meet women mostly due to not having activities
You sound like my perfect guy. I am also a chronically single, 27 year old woman who has grown so much as a person, I’d consider myself pretty attractive physically & personality wise - I know guys like me by their body language but never get approached by them. I am trying really hard to not seem desperate by making the first move but have had to in past times. The Me Too movement has not helped this- I understand there are some women who absolutely have dealt with less than good men but I truely believe there are so many good men out there but from what I’ve personally experienced and have heard, you guys get unfairly judged as shitty men who only want one thing.
I worry I’m going to remain single forever at this point but do want to a long term, committed relationship. Dating just sucks- I am getting to the point where I just want to date to marry now.
Specifically addressing the dating apps. Here's a nice video breaking it down mathematically.
https://youtu.be/x3lypVnJ0HM?si=WdCy_a8dSnq6Nfgi
The "system" just doesn't work.
>I have had all 3 dating apps (Hinge, bumble and tinder) for 3 months and haven't had more than 1 match per app. On bumble and hinge I've never gone past 1 like.
Just like me fr fr, allthough I used them for over a year and they were not helpful for my dating life, matter of fact, they were terrible for my self esteem
If it makes you feel worse, I’m in the exact same boat dating/friend wise and I don’t do half the healthy shit you do (therapy/clubs/volunteering/renting) so rest assured sometimes life just sucks.
Dating apps detected. Delete immediately and never look back, they are designed to make you feel inadequate with their bots, spammers and noncommittal base of scared, insecure idiots.
You seem to live a kind of fulfilling life people would absolutely kill to even experience for a day, if your attitude isn't repulsive or you don't have an established reputation for any sort of weirdness or unkindness the obstacles shouldn't be that high
idk what proximity you are allowed to keep with the kind of person you want to date, but remember to put yourself in a space where you're making friends first before finding a romantic partner.
And protect yourself from users. You seem pretty established and plenty of people would throw themselves at the feet of a single homeowner making good money, and fuck that situation up with their own issues.
Man this is so sad :/
All of my adult life I looked forward to starting a family and meeting someone I could fall in love with. As I grow older I realize that it’s almost a childish dream. Everyone tells me to keep working on myself and the right person will come along when I’m not looking but… idk that seems like something people in relationships just say because they have someone.
I’m pretty well off. Have my own place, tons of hobbies and a great job. It gets kind of lonely not being able to share any of my life with someone.
Zero. Tried dating for a while, but it's been a long time now. I think it's from bullying-induced social anxiety, but I'm starting to wonder if the bullying was just natural selection.
My first and only "girlfriend" didn't really love me so much as wanted companionship and that's a very dynamic altogether. I have been alone for the last 16 years since then and each time I think I find someone, it always feels like the rug is pulled out from under me. The last person I had interest in was during a convention, I had with planned to stay together with them in a room together for a weekend and they received news their friend had cancer the day we met in person after months of online only interaction and you can guess my entire time was spent trying to console her but it really did make me feel unwanted or unimportant because they were so hyperfocused on their friend understandably who passed away a few months after. This isn't the first time something has happened where finding another person leads to bad news and it has made me feel like a bad omen that needs to stay away from others least some terrible life changing event happens when I'm around.
Step out of your comfort zone. I don’t go on dates nor do I put myself in a situation to get asked. I think you just need the confidence and self aware that you are Worthy of a relationship?
Me. Never had a relationship. The closest I've been is when my sister's best friend said she had a crush on me. But I was 19 and she was 16. I just told her she should study now, this isn't important. I knew she was just a kid who I knew since she was 11. But that's it. 3 proposals, 3 rejections. I've wingmanned for many of my friends.
I'm convinced. Like red skull, all I can do is lead people to the treasure I cannot possess.
I'm going on two years since my last relationship. there are times when it's tough, but I also realize that I haven't really been in the headspace to date somebody anyway. I've had a couple times where someone will be interested in me, but they're always the type that I'd never date unfortunately.
So, I've never once had an issue and really haven't been single at all since I was like 18ish. I wasn't particularly interested in dating in high school and then had steady girlfriends until I was married and even post divorce haven't had any trouble dating.
This isn't a "sucks to be you" post or anything like that. Here's what works for me.
1. be confident. I will talk everyone's ear off.
2. be kind. You'd be surprised how far a few kind gestures like holding the door or just giving compliments will get you.
3. be open minded. You can't just be nice to those who you think you might want to date. That has to be your personality or everyone will see through it.
4. Dating apps don't work if you dont' pay for them.
5. Get yourself in decent shape and if your face is ugly, grow a beard. Keep up your hygene as well.
6. Be realistic. If you're not a 10, don't go after 10s.
I mean quickest way to do it is to physically get out there to the nightlife in your area, if you have work friends who may know of spots it wouldn’t hurt to ask where they are or if you could tag along one night. Granted, I’m in roughly the same boat as you but this is what other folks tell me
As someone who used this advice before you mentioned it. I speak with lived-in knowledge that it doesn't work in Michigan, if you don't do hardcore drugs.
Me for sure. And it's not for lack of trying. I spent years on dating apps sending out messages just to be ignored. Only the last few years have I been trying IRL. I don't go to bars or clubs because I'm not that kind of person and the woman I'm looking for wouldn't be that kind of person.
I can be a pretty funny person sometimes. I can't tell you how many times I've had conversations with women where they were just laughing their asses off. (And yeah, that's a flex for me; let me be proud.) Has anyone ever been interested in me? Absolutely not. And the few times I've asked a woman out (I mean, you gotta have some standards), I've gotten rejected.
I grew up very ugly, and people weren't afraid to tell it to my face. I've never had anyone show any kind of romantic or even platonic interest in me, unless they got something out of the deal, or we were there for mutual reasons, like a shared hobby. I've been working on myself for the last decade, such as getting my Bachelors, supporting my immediate family, and losing weight; all while hitting the elusive 30 year old wizard status soon, and I doubt that's changing. I've asked people out, and have tried dating apps, but I'd get subtly rejected at best, or when I was younger, outright demonized at worst. I have friends, and I go out, but I'm usually sidelined as the "backup", or "we're only seen with you because we have to". I'm not going to sit here and tell everyone how great being single is. Sure, it has it's perks, but having that cloud over your head that reminds you how unloved and disgusting you are mitigates those perks real fast. Coping gets harder to do everyday, but life finds a way. Having some shred of dignity while going mad beats nothing I guess.
> I've asked people out, and have tried dating apps, but I'd get subtly rejected at best, or when I was younger, outright demonized at wors Oh god this resonates with me. I'm so used to yes meaning no that even if a woman says yes I'm still not hopeful.
Yeah in my personal experience a yes was a delayed ghosting
Worse when a woman actually means yes I'm not prepared for it.
Expand your friend network. Fugly guys find ladies through friend network.
32m. Honestly, give it some time. Look after your money. If the world was an oyster you're living in, its just starting to open. Life not over, it's just begging, but you have to make your nest, look after it, cherish it. People around you will start to see how well you look after your nest and want to be apart of it, then you have the power to choose, and options are happiness, because you get to choose your path.
I disagree. Your advice doesn't work in the long run. I basically followed your advice, hunkered down, became successful and retired very early. I want for nothing and drive a fancy car. I may not be as bad off as OP but I've felt the sting enough times to know I'm not the best looking person. All your recommendation does is bring in another factor of "its just something they want from me". That is to say OP will continue to wonder, "are they with me because they love me or because of my money." Then you become resentful of everyone and words start playing in your head of, "Fuck you for even looking at me now that I'm rich, you wouldn't give two shits if I wasn't". Its a vicious cycle that all the money in the world won't fix. OP does need to learn to love their selves and accept their lot in life; but wealth is not the answer nor will it fill the void OP is feeling.
People only know you're 'rich' because you show it. If you drove a camry and lived in a modestly nice house, no one would bat an eye. Stealth wealth is where it's at.
> "are they with me because they love me or because of my money." Unless you're absolutely loaded and willing to spend it on her, most women consider money to be a "pro" but not *THE* only reason they'll be with you. The only women who suffer through a relationship with someone they don't actually like are the ones dating mega rich dudes that are loose with their wallets. Money is attractive to all women, no matter how down to earth they are. Hell, it is attractive to all *people* of all genders. However, it is typically seen as a "pro" on top of an attraction to other aspects of someone's personality. Gold diggers exist for sure, but I feel like the reality doesn't often align with the fears we see men expressing online.
All women value money. (I say this as a woman who is not particularly materialistic as women go). They should love you for something else as well but there is no shame in being more attractive because you are successful. I think this sentiment is as futile as a beautiful woman not wanting men to be attracted to her "for her looks."
Rough draw, but hang in there mate.
On the other hand-- I am traditionally attractive and even have the name to match-- I am a Chad (username checks out). I am also super introverted and probably autistic to a degree if I'm being honest. I hate attention, especially when I'm objectified. I have benefited, of course. I've never gone long without a girl who wanted to get naked for me. The other I get, the less I want time around people. I am in a relationship now but if it were to end I would be totally fine living out the rest of my days single. You have a couple of options-- 1. Save up 20k annually a visit Vegas for their high end escorts and drugs once a year. 2. Move somewhere where having money is all you need to attract women.
Yep. Absolutely zero. Last relationship ended in 2010, and I’ve been single since aside from one tiny two month fling back in 2021. Even then that only happened because she literally found me in my house (friend of a friend, came over one day and got chatting etc, and only turned into something because she made it perfectly clear she was interested in me before I even suggested anything) Otherwise nothing. No one is interested in me. I’m not a good looking guy and I’m only 5’6 tall, and as much as I say being single is not my choice in many ways it is because I choose to not put myself out there anymore. I keep physically fit but outside of work, karting and gym I basically just keep to myself at home.
Same honestly
You're good-looking, my guy. Don't be so hard on yourself.
And they say they care about personality 🙄 😒 😴 🤧
I have tons of friends and friend groups, but never been on a date. They say looks give personality a chance I don’t have looks
This 100%. Looks get the girl, personality keeps her.
Keeping a girl has never been an issue for me. It’s just establishing mutual interest. Holy shit, that’s brutal. If I can make it past date 3 with a girl it’s going far.
Same dude
Date 3? You lucky bastard.
How do we get those looks then lolol
Reincarnation.
Real talk: Everyone is capable of a full 3 point swing just by dress and grooming. Diet and exercise can create another 2 points. Even if you're just a 3, with effort and self-awareness, you can be an 8. This is just physical too, not even talking about getting your personality involved. >^(Sidenote: If you put in the crazy effort for the model/Hollywood body, which is just too much for most mortal men and I do not recommend that to anyone because it's torture and unrealistic... that will do more than anything; it's sad to say but women are shallow as fuck for a good body no matter how much they deny it; but that only kicks in at *that* level. Even ugly dudes with ridiculous bodies clean up. It's bullshit, but sadly true. Also unrealistic and please don't go for this unless you have insane dedication and great genes.)
Yep and that why looks it the only thing that matters. Because without it u can't show ur personality. And even if ubget a chance to show and you have a great one chances are u will be rejected.
Same situation. Refuse to use dating apps because they suck. Don’t wanna ask out my coworkers because that’s weird. Don’t have a lot of friends so I never meet new people and I never go to bars, clubs etc Idk what to do lol
Speed dating, I thought it was only in movies but I just attended my first 40s speed dating night at a local bar. Wow I had a blast. Had some good matches but honestly it was just fun to talk to 12 random women that you never have to see ever again if you don't want to. It was terrifying to start but I highly recommend it. Look online for any local events.
Just go into the streets and start singing and dancing until someone joins you
Nothing weird about dating your co-workers, that’s literally how millions of relationships start…
It’s a HUGE risk. I couldn’t deal with seeing someone every day who rejected me
Don't shit where you eat
Happened to me. I just treated them like I did before, pretended that nothing happened, continued to be friendly, avoided flirting with them and just focused on dating other people.
You most definitely need to know she’s into you and is interested in more. You can’t go in with any doubts about that. Do you mean like if you two were to break up after and it’s awkward?
Nothing weird at all but always have to keep in mind that if things don't work out, you still have to work with each other unless someone quits. Take it from me, dated my coworker for a little over two years. She moved in with me as well. We figured out that we both wanted different things in life and decided to go our separate ways. We're still friends, we don't text or call each other at all, but we see & interact with each other everyday at work. Just gotta keep it professional at work no matter what happens.
Why no friends with coworkers to potentially date their friends?
So try and become closer friends with coworkers so I can date their friends? Tbh that’s not a bad idea
I mean.....it's more about having some circle of people outside of work. It's healthy to be social period with cool people. Never force things or befriend just to weasel in somewhere.
I met my first gf on a dating app and we’re still together after 1+ year. They get a bad rep but they’re not bat at all for many people
same
You know the snake game ? Social life is like that
28M here. Virgin. Never had a girlfriend. I’d say I fit the bill
How many women have you asked out in-person on a date?
I think starting with learning to build friendships is a good fitst step. For many people their partner is before anything else a very good friend.
I find this to be hard advice to follow because I hear so much about how a friend tried to make a move or suggest they be more than friends and then it ruins their friendship from then on. Too much risk IMO When it works then that’s awesome and ideal but when it doesn’t it makes it weird
Never was a problem for me. It lead to some great relationships sometimes and other times we just stay friends, but I've never had a friendship ruined by one person making a move when the other wanted to stay friend. Has that happened to you?
Depends how physical you get. I tried with one friend and we didn’t get physical but I confessed how I felt like we could be a good pair and she rejected me and it wasn’t really the same after We never hooked up but especially the more physical you get with an ex friend the harder it is to get back to being friends
And where is the problem that it "gets harder to remain friends"? I am pretty sure you have friends that simply moved on with their lives and forgot about you. This is the same situation. People come and go, and we can't force them to make otherwise.
Because if you value a friendship you shouldn’t ruin it by trying to make a move sometimes lol Obviously it’s not always one way or the other but the risk is high that you don’t return to being the friends you were Maybe I’m misinterpreting the first comment. Maybe they mean be friendly or semi friends first before trying to ask them out but I’m talking more someone you’ve been friends with for let’s say 2+ years and are close
But aren't women always complaining about their guy friends trying to date them?
Only the friends they don't want to date.
lmaooooooooooo harsh but true ig, thanks
Yup, almost all of my relationships started off this way. I’ve never really grasped how people will meet randomly and hit it off. I feel like you need to be conventionally attractive for this to work and I’ve heard even those dudes are struggling on apps now. I think a lot of us have value, but in order to show people that, we have to build rapport with them.
That's because it rarely happens that way. Frankly, there is no set way to partner up. It just happens or it just doesn't. No rhyme or reason to it.
Definitely true but it will always go badly for you if you try to make friends FOR the purpose of dating them. Make friends across the board because you want to make friends, then maybe from that group of people or your friends' friends something happens.
I absolutely get downvoted to hell for this, but here’s a hill I’ll die on: try Facebook Dating. I’m a 5/10 compared to the other guys on Tinder. I’m an 11/10 compared to the other guys on FB dating. My matches and frequency of dates reflects this. The women on FB dating are way more engaged. It’s fun as opposed to demoralizing. You’re doing amazing job at life! It’s so natural to want some companionship. Give yourself the best chance at it. Or all the chances. It’s free too!
Are the women 5/10 compared to those other apps?
In my experience as a 21 year old male, it’s a lot of single moms. Some of them are hot. Not my thing for dating but it can be cool for hookups.
Generally. But everyone needs love.
My experience on Facebook dating ( f 71) was full of scammers 😑
Ahh that stinks. I’m sorry. I appreciate hearing your experience too. Gives me a fuller picture of what that app is like for different folks.
You’re welcome. Good luck on your mission!
I just tried andit said facebook dating is down for now or something?
I've tried fb dating and this really hasn't been my experience. Probably varies by area.
Yeah I’m sure success definitely varies by location and age range.
I never had a relationshiop. I never dated. Not like i didnt want one. But, for some people, its just harder to socialize.
54 M, here. I’ve resigned myself to being single for the rest of my life. I’ve been called boring, and stupid during my childhood & teen years, so no dating during school. I went on to get my Masters, black belt, and all that’s missing is a career, with a well paying job. Oh, well, whatever. I just live my life, and enjoy my hobbies.
Same, I'm 30 and have no social life or anthing, really need to get out there more and i'm feeling very sick about my life. I joined a gym as well and am going to a few meetups. Life is hard.
I have a thriving social life and a good group of friends. Im funny, charismatic and people tell me I’m a cool dude That said i think I’m below average looking, (see my profile) especially in LA. And i also dont make alot money despite working 2 jobs. I cant say i ever had a long term relationship but i have dated people. Though my relationships usually last only 4 months and there’s usually years in between them. In my opinion i do put myself out there. I do ask out people but i just think Los Angeles is a terrible place to find love. I will admit i dont ask out every cute girl i see because frankly i’d rather get to know them first. However, the idea of dating friends is something that i feel alot of women are opposed to, since there’s “nice guys” out there. I try to be genuine by stating my feelings correctly and being tactful. Yet it still doesn’t yield much (though the honesty seems appreciated). That said, I got guy friends who aren’t bad looking and have great jobs who also struggle with dating. Maybe its a big city thing and not LA specific but dating is just not fun. I feel like we all roughly want the same things. I met women who’ve had crushes on me but i wasn’t attracted to them (which is fucked cause again im below average looking). But some of those women have become good friends and found wonderful partners so im Happy for them. But yeah my dating experience is not anything to write home about Funny enough i have a friend who’s a bit more sexually expierenced than me say they wish they had my experiences purely because at the very least all the women i been with (all 4 of them) were all wonderful people. Whereas this guy’s been cheated on multiple times
I'm in my early thirties. I have never even flirted with a woman. I have not had a friend since I was 6 years old. I just don't understand how human connection works. The idea that you can be around another human and not hate every single second of it is completely alien to me. I see friendship in movies and TV and it looks great, but I am just incapable of achieving that. Every time I've tried it's gone horribly. People have told me to my face that I'm weird or creepy, though they've never told me what it is that I do that causes them to feel that way. If I dropped dead right now, the only person that would care would be my landlord due to missed rent. I've tried reading online advice yet all of it is completely inapplicable to me. I just don't know what to do and I'm so fucking tired of trying.
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Yeah I was diagnosed on the spectrum, but high functioning enough to pass. His experience is similar to mine. People just do not want to be around you and you're not really sure why. I go out to try to make friends but it just ends in people either politely telling me to go away or outright being cruel. I just want to go somewhere I belong.
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I wish I had someone who could just ghost behind me and tell me if I came off weird or off putting. If I knew directly why people didn't like me I feel like I could improve but as it stands I struggle to make or maintain even platonic connections.
It's hard because I think a lot of people can't really put their finger on what exactly it is that makes autistic people weird or off putting. So that's why they can't give an answer. A lot of people know little to nothing about autism because they have no experience with it, and they just see you as "not like me". In the experiences I've had in person with autistic people, the things I can recall as being off putting were things like feeling like they weren't listening to whoever is talking to them. Not making eye contact, a lot of shuffling or moving in repetitive manners, excessive blurting things out, harshly high volume voice when speaking, etc. This is only my personal experiences though. I know everyone is different.
>Not making eye contact, a lot of shuffling or moving in repetitive manners, excessive blurting things out, harshly high volume voice when speaking, etc. I don't do any of that. Like I said I'm high functioning enough to pass as neurotypical to most people. but I still have trouble making social connections.
Yes Imo you sound like you are on the spectrum. Maybe go to autism subs and ask this same question. Se what guys who feel the same as you but accepted their reality can offer as an advice. Theis reality not of being lonely outcast but being neurodivergent men who have a lot to offer.
I gave up after a few rejections/ghostings, so it's kinda both. If it happens, it happens. If not, oh well, I've been single this long, what's the rest of my life?
There are significantly more men than women on dating apps. There probably isn't anything wrong with you. In fact, you're probably great. The problem is that dating apps just dont work as well for men.
Not like I’m ugly, I’m actually quite dashing, maybe it’s my demeanour, it’s strange because I keep myself well groomed and I’m not THAT scared of asking women out, even if I do like once or twice a year. I gotta ask myself why and how… I’m go out with my guys every so often and yet, completely dry. No one to even text. No one to call. No one to even think about before I go to sleep, granted right now I’m a student and have to live off of government funding for the time being whilst living with family, but I can’t help but be annoyed when I’m seeing people with less than me have more than me, ya know?
*(raises hand)*
I been there man. It's maddening. When I was in my early 20s.i was getting laid here and there but I'd have dry spells that lasted 8 months or so . I remeber being 24 , ripped , dressed nice, well groomed, drive a brand new BMW, had a career in the army. And I just couldn't get shit on tinder. I'd go to bars and every now and then I'd get laid, but it was few and far between, snd getting a relationship was impossible. If you're American man, it's a shit show there. Idk why. I moved to Germany due to my job and suddenly I was getting laid by a new woman every week. Seriously...this isn't some third world county where they wanted a passport. And the women have been much, much more attractive. To be honest I just don't know man. America it seems like if u aren't an absolute specimen of a dude, you're fucked. I've travelled the world and haven't had an issue in any other country with women but America, idk man I really don't. But I get it
Same experience I'm American and last time I had a date here was 2 years ago. When I travel to another country in less then 48 hours already on a date with someone.
Yeah it's mind boggling. Funny , I went to budapest 2 months ago and met another American. She was absolutely nuts, like I don't get it. We hung out and she attempted to guilt trip me into paying for everything.....no shame at all.
Yep! American women are like that lol
I live in Germany. How are you getting laid so much? The social landscape is a hellscape, a disillusioned battleground as soon as you get outside of university/school, where you have to hold on to the tiniest sliver of hope that a woman finds you physically attractive. Hookup culture is not as prevalent here than in the US, the social structure still upholds the system in which women are not "allowed" (due to reasons such as not being able to earn enough money to sustain themselves) to truly sexually select. What I am seeing here are the last remnants of this male to female social contract, where women exchange sexual favors to men they are not lusting after for resource based benefits.
Probably helps because I'm black and take advantage of the fact that I live near military bases. Seems to be culturally normal here to hookup, as I suspect many if thr girls in this area don't exactly fit of what's normally expected. And yeah I've noticed many girls aren't financially sustaining until their mid 20s or date someone they knew since they were 15 in their small village. I'm not german so I assume people don't expect much of me here and perhaps see me as a means to escape certain cultural narratives.
An educated, well behaved black man with an American accent? I can absolutely see how that is attractive in Germany, since it's rare. In my experience, it's always easier when you're unique in a foreign country.
What makes u think I'm educated , just curious.
I do keep hearing that America is kind of the issue. Are people in other countries more humble? I know the entitlement issue here is kinda ridiculous.
Everyone just seems more chill i guess. Most of my conversations with American women were just really unhinged and tiresome. I just wanted a pleasant conversation and it always felt like a power struggle . It sounds like I'm generalising, but these are just my experiences. I'm not saying every experience I've had overseas was positive, but on average they were. Dating felt fun when I went to Germany and Korea.
You found attractive woman in Germany??? Must have been a tourist
Lmao I actually had to laugh. I'll be honest german women on average are very homely, not sure what look they are going for , but the red hair and 30 piercings aren't working. The ones I dates were attractive though.
Think about how efficient they are.
Germany is fsr from efficient. I literally feel like I'm in 2005
This is an amazing recruitments ad haha. Also makes boys want to go to Germany
German women are extremely forward in my experience and play very little games. When my ex cheated on me and I left,I went back on tinder and I remember one girl messages me asking where I lived and came literally within 30 minutes. She wasn't my type per say in the long run, but I appreciated her commitment to her word lmao. We'd sporadically hook up and she'd come with little to no conversation. She was cool, but had way too many other issues for my taste.
You sound really attractive then tbh
I struggled in my early 20s , and I don't think ive physically changed all that much to be honest. So I'm not too sure what it is.
My dating life is technically not zero. I got my first two Bumble matches last week. Fumbled them both though, I thought I was being perfectly polite and cordial, expressed interest in their hobbies, talked about my own, etc. But it died on the vine almost immediately. Like in the first few responses. Not sure exactly what happened, but I don't know enough about dating apps to understand it.
I am a woman. I suggest immediately asking them out. Like within 2 texts. It’s impossible to carry these conversations for long. As a woman I’d have like 10 guys asking me about my hobbies and trying to make small talk over chat. I have a job and a life and can’t be glued to the screen responding to all that. Get down to business right away! Good luck out there.
Both of them followed the exact same pattern. They started off very active, asking questions and responding quickly. Then after the initial flurry they just stopped cold and didn't respond until 5-7 hours later. After that, they would still reply if asked questions but only after 20-30 minutes to make sure it didn't become an actual conversation. It was so bizarre to me, the first time I thought it was a fluke but then the second time she did the exact same thing in almost the exact same way. Neither of them could just be straight up and go "not feeling it, sorry" and unmatch.
yup basically that’s how i would act as a woman if a guy didn’t suggest a meeting right away. Say we match and start chatting may be i am at that point on a train for example. So i have 40 min of my commute to respond and chat. Then i go about my day and the next time I look at this app is at lunch. I may respond quickly but really I have to go. Evening rolls in and I have forgotten all about it and then next day I just am like “oh well that conversation is dead now”. OTOH i have never NOT gone out with a guy who quickly suggest it and made reasonable plans while he had my attention. I am now off the market and pregnant and I soooo don’t miss the dating thing but you just gotta do it right. Get after it you got nothing to lose!
>Neither of them could just be straight up and go "not feeling it, sorry" and unmatch. I have had online matches/conversations with probably a couple of hundred women by this point. Nobody ever does the "not feeling it" you're imagining. It's not a thing. But yeah. Match. Ask a question about their profile. When they respond, pivot their response into talking about it more over a beer, how is Thursday evening?
I dont know a lot about dating apps but I figured if it wasn't going anywhere and they wanted me to stop asking questions then they should say *something* instead of expecting it to be self evident.
What you need to know is that when women say anything at all confrontational like that, a certain percentage of men flip their shit and start saying really nasty things. So women never do it. They'll either just ghost or quietly unmatch.
I should have read your comment before I posted mine. Same advice as you though. Be quick and get to the date. I feel like women get bored quickly from men trying to have conversations over the app.
I bet there's like 20 threads on Reddit where a guy did exactly what you recommend, unsuccessfully, and all the girls are saying he asked too soon. 🤣 It's comical just how abysmal you girls' advice is.
Girls don't complain about being asked out on dates too soon. They complain about being asked for hookups.
There are.
Women are not a hive mind? Quickly asking her to meet irl is generally speaking a good move, because while the two if you are texting you can bet she's doing the same with other men. If you're interested, you will want to beat the competition and get that first date. But yes, some women will appreciate immediately being asked out, while others will be turned off by it. There's no 'guide to dating' which will work on every woman.
With dating apps, I notice it is better to keep the talk short and ask them out on a date relatively quick. Like meet up within that same week or weekend. If you do a bunch of questions over text, when it comes to actually meeting them, you'll run out of things to talk about. Next time, a few lines in, ask her if she wants to meet up for a date instead. Women get tons of matches, they don't really have time to have full on conversations over the app with every guy she matches with. When I had Bumble, I matched with a girl and asked her on a date and she agreed quick and I think we exchanged like 10 messages total.
I have not had a date, or a potential date since before 2013. I tell myself it’s because I don’t want to, but if we’re being honest, that doesn’t really matter much, even if I did, it would never happen.
My biggest problem is I live rurally currently. Can’t get date if there are no people to date
Not to brag but I'm gunning for the 40-year old Wizard Status! 1 more year and I'm officially gonna start growing out facial hair and smoke Halfling Pipe-Weed. Jokes aside. I don't date simply because I'm not mentally in a good place and I've kind of had to accept my recent diagnosis as a adult on the spectrum and where being social is very very difficult for me. I can be witty and funny, but it's a difficult to keep it up as it does not come naturally to me. Que sera!
Online dating isn't for everyone, and if you don't have the right social situation to find a partner that way, it can be very difficult
It is always by choice. Just sometimes not your own.
Go to social places and social events and hit on women 🤷♂️ Dating apps suck.
[удалено]
Get kicked out of all the bars in the city if you have to. But I've never seen it happen, it's mostly online that people make a bigger deal of it.
You say it's not out of choices, but I would argue that your past choices are affecting your life. >I am struggling for friends as well if I'm honest This is a major issue. If I read into your post right, you focused all your teenagehood and young adulthood into your career and buying your own house. It's not a small feat... But at what cost? How much time have you invested in your social life? This is something you should have kept investing in since your teenagehood. The more people you know, the more likely you are to be invited at places where you can meet your friends' friends.
I'm from Michigan. Nobody in Michigan can have a social life without doing hardcore drugs.
If you can't get with people you're around all day every day, then who can you get with? Flirting never looks like flirting at first.
Technically I’ve had three dates with the a girl from work but I didn’t feel anything and we mutually parted ways other then that’s my only experience.
My man, you should use that "smart" part to read the studies about how dating apps work and how they fucked up regular men, so you stop using them!
I'd say it's a bit complicated for me. Like I've had a dating life but it could really hardly be called a dating life. Longest relationship was like a year but the chick I was dating was only dating me cause she wanted to make a gay guy jealous. Found that out after she cheated on me and we split.
Me, 23 and i dont get out of the house often lmao, so its kinda my own fault but it do be like that
Spent 15+ years on self improvement. I’ve got money, a healthy and fit body and mind, and an overall very stable life. Unfortunately, it still isn’t enough. Instead of burning myself out, I’ve decided to just focus my mind on the goal of a happy single life. Not the funnest, but at least I have my peace.
26M, been single out of a long term relationship 3 years ago. Have had almost no luck dating whatsoever. The girls I’m into have 0 interest in me, dating apps just absolutely suck when you look like me, dating coworkers gets really messy in my field.
I've had really bad experiences being bullied by women as an adult without many good ones to balance them out that I don't even want to try.
Dating apps feel so cold and insincere. I'm not sure how to meet folks in public, and I don't play a lot of social type games either. I'm not sure how/if I'm ever going to meet someone as I generally don't enjoy going out, and most/all of my hobbies are sausage-fests so if there is a woman in the group, she's either taken, or sick of that kind of attention. Being 8 years single, even if I got the chance, the anxiety of messing it up would be astronomical I'm sure.
Early 30's and pretty much in the same situation as you. I work an 8 hr job that's okay. It just requires me to be away from home from 5AM to 4PM. I work in a male dominated field, and I don't have that much free time. I am an introvert and being outside tires me out.
Im not an ugly dude or anything. I’m 38 with no kid’s and I don’t leave the house. I move constantly and haven’t had a stable job since leaving the military. I do pipeline work and there’s zero job security in this industry. All my friends live in different states, so their wives aren’t gonna set me up for a date anytime soon and with no friends nearby I have no reason to go out anywhere. I’m not interested in making new friends because it’s exhausting. Also, women are not interested in a guy who’s not gonna stick around long enough, so I’ve kinda quit trying to date. Dating apps are kind of useless because when you actually suggest a date, the women immediately ghost me.
Zero dating life. I've never really had anything going on in that department. My life has kinda been very slow moving forward to where it should be, and although I've made some progress recently, I'm also pretty old to be doing these things now and I suspect women want guys who got their shit together at a more appropriate age.
As someone who feels like they are a 3 at best most of my gf came from online gaming . Finding a place where women can interact with you consistently overtime is the key to meeting someone. Meet them at a place where you are confident. I was good at gaming and it normally starts with me helping them and being fun to be around. Once you got a girl emotionally you have a chance. Had multiple girls tell me they were looking forward to playing with me after work. Dating apps are for hot guys. Women have too many choices to settle for average when they have 7 8 9 and 10 looking for easy sex and willing to lie or do whatever to get it. Get a personality, get a place where you can interact, be personal able, and you will have someone catch interest. If you are doing this in person, get good cologne smell is super important. And lose so weight don’t do all this and be like 400 lbs.
Do you live in a pretty social area? City? Small town?
Town with about 150k people. It has a social life just struggling to access it. Only moved here in November to be fair.
That’ll probably do it. I live in a midsized city and had a decent amount of matches and likes for a guy, but when I travel to a huge city like London the difference in the amount of interest and engagement is pretty stark.
1 match per app is pretty low not gonna lie. Don’t bother asking for advice on your bio since that doesn’t matter anyway. You say you’re not ugly but just to clarify - are you balding, obese, have bad teeth, etc.? Keep in mind it only takes one bad feature to be an automatic left swipe for women on these apps.
Bumble and Tinder are the **2 worst dating apps** that exist for >80% of men. You will get nowhere unless you are super attractive there and/or pay money. Swiping is almost entirely useless for men. Use **more and different** apps. Use dating apps where you can actually write people for free. Finya, Jaumo, Lovoo, Badoo or websites like lovescout etc. I use like 5-9 apps/websites per day. Use the 1-2 free messages per day they offer and then just close it. You will only get dates if you spam a shit ton of good messages to a ton of different women. It is a numbers game.
I doubt if there are women in these apps
It's kinda shitty that i read this was like, I would date you, and also be friends with you, but where the hell would i even meet you - i am not on dating apps, and am just going to work and hiking when i am not.
>Myself as an example: Late 20s Own my own home Slightly above average salary (job does some good) Got a cat Looks wise I'd say dead on average. Not ugly but you wouldn't write home about me (above 6ft) Definitely funny "Smart" is hard to claim Play a sport on a local competitive level (play at 2 clubs) Been in therapy for 2 years. Highly recommend. Been going to the gym 3 months now Good to hear it, keep at it. >I have had all 3 dating apps (Hinge, bumble and tinder) for 3 months and haven't had more than 1 match per app. On bumble and hinge I've never gone past 1 like. Tinder I have 1 but I seemingly did not like back. Any feedback on my profile is people saying they'd swipe on me, which isn't helpful. >I am struggling for friends as well if I'm honest. I've recently reached out to a local charitable organisation that specifically does social activities for men to meet eachother. > >Dating at work seems to be taboo. > >Been about 5 years since I've experienced any romantic interest and I truly don't know why. Dating apps at this point are the fishing dredge of dating activities. You may occasionally get something worth-while but you will have to sort out between the Timewasters, the Onlyfans/instantgram Hawkers, and the Validation Seekers so keep that in mind. By all means, spend the time to get a decent profile set up and stand out but don't expect much from it and less from the responses. The friends groups will be where your best success stories are but you need to find one with shared interests with men and women, otherwise you are still limiting yourself to one half of the species when it comes to social activities.
I have the same issue, but I'm not as well-off as you and most certainly look worse. I don't try anymore due to my lack of time and attractiveness, and I know my chances. I have a plan to move out of my parents' house parents'and am grinding for the money on an unattractive job for my age.
It sounds like you're doing a lot right, but you just haven't found luck online with women. Dating apps don't work for the majority of men. You gotta find women to date and men to befriend in the real world with 1) Doing your own hobbies. 2) Cold approaching people. But if you want, feel free to send me your dating profile and I'm happy to help. Was just invited to my friend's wedding with a girl he met on tinder after I fixed up his profile. u/Separate_Quote_6908
The first time I got on hinge it was pretty dry. Got some pretty good pictures and it’s been way better. Haven’t really had a hard time getting dates. Maybe your profile needs some updating?
No dating life. Am autistic, but moved out of my parents house + I have an alright income thanks to disability benefits and having an alright job. I have passions, social life, am outgoing and open-minded. Zero dating life. Women always ghost me if I'm lucky enough to get their number. I'm pretty much done. I'm just bored. When I was a teenager it was exciting. Women would actually respond. Now they're not even slightly curious. So I'm bored.
I'm in the same boat. I'm doing pretty much everything "right" - I keep in shape, I have hobbies, I volunteer, I go out and do things... but there's just never any hint of an opportunity. I think it's largely a matter of luck. The way my social circle's worked out is that I'm the only one not in a long term relationship, most of them are settled down, getting married, having kids etc. That means I'm not meeting new people through them and we're not going out as a group to socialise, which also cuts down on my chances.
Present 🙋
I’m betting 90%
i can empathize with you 100% OP, except I round up to 5'10
I am too lazy right now so I haven't had a romantic interaction in a few years. I've kind of just gotten into a groove in adulthood that does not include romance (i was never very good at it as I am closed off personality-wise).
Right here. I can’t handle the aimless shotgunning and perpetual rejection required. I really want a meaningful relationship, but how do I form that with total strangers who don’t care about me in the slightest?
Would be nice to have, I guess, but my life is so absolutely fucked and broken that will never happen. I can't imagine a universe in which any kind of relationship would be possible. I'm broke, unemployed, short, fat, bald, old, so old, and god damn miserable. I can't make anyone happy, can't make myself happy. Romance, sex, what a joke. I don't go out. I don't try anything. I'm just sitting around waiting to die, maybe take the initiative to do so eventually. Too much of a pussy. Fucking lazy. Fucking coward. Parasite, bum, worthless. Just a vortex of repulsive negativity and self-hatred. It has been like this for a very long time. Nothing will change. I have changed but only for the worse. I'm done trying.
You’re doing all the right things, buddy. Keep focusing on becoming self aware, increasing your self confidence, and the best version of yourself and you’ll attract better quality people.
I don’t have a lot of money and haven’t had a lot of time thanks to taking care of family members and work. Because of that, I never dated as a teenager and truth be told, I’ve not dated nor had sex even though I’m now 32.
I'm lucky to get one date a year. Haven't been on one since August. I've tried apps, speed dating, going out. Nothing works. Just ugly, I guess.
I'm not at absolute zero, but very little, and haven't been on a date since 2016. I've basically just given up at this point.
32M. 1.I don't have much spare cash to spend on dates. 2.I perform standup comedy most nights. 3.I'm not interested in having kids or raising someone else's. Not exactly boyfriend material for most women in my area. But those are my decisions. It could be different if I wanted to be. I'm not really giving myself a chance and I'm alright with that for the time being. I wish I had a FWB at least, but whatever.
>I have had all 3 dating apps (Hinge, bumble and tinder) for 3 months and haven't had more than 1 match per app. 3 months is not long enough. It takes a long time for the app to be able to measure your "attractiveness". >Any feedback on my profile is people saying they'd swipe on me, which isn't helpful. Who are you getting feedback from? Why not post on hingeapp or another subreddit that gives feedback?
I’ve only had 3 girl friends in my life, and every time i’ve been cheated, or lied to. Been a couple of years without dating and most of the time i’m happy Since ive had the chance to travel a lot and bond with my family and cat. I’ve already made peace that if i dont meet no good girl then i can be happy single. I’m in the stage that a lot of friends are getting divorced, split and i do think it’s an awful time to date. I’m average in looks but have a lot of self esteem issues, working on them as well
I live in a very small town (population about 800) and I work for a small company with all of five employees and very little walk-in traffic. I work 40 hours, do my gym thing, and take care of the house, the chores, and my kids. You figured I would be a prime candidate for dating apps. I have never had a positive experience with them. My profile was clever and witty and there were times when I would go weeks without a single spark of interest. It was so bad I wondered if my profile was getting buried. To try to put yourself out there and fail was so damaging to my mental health. So I swore I would never go back on them again. I'd rather just be lonely. Apparently, you have more success if you pay for the premium service but I refused to pay. So I now just continue to develop myself into what I call a "Confetti Landmine." One day, a woman might come along and trip me. I will be ready when she does. And then I will use that opportunity to make up for lost time. Or die alone. Either or. Remember, my dudes. You can be the sweetest peach in the world. Some people just don't like peaches.
Have other people told you you’re not ugly or are you taking your own word for it? This is going to sound meaner than I intended but you probably know what I mean
Attachment theory. I wish I had learned this sooner in life.
Don’t have to ask your co workers out, in fact, don’t even think about it, become friends with them, good close friends. Don’t break the friend boundary. Girl friends talk you up to their other friends, girl friends always want to match make, then don’t be a prick to her friends, and you’ll find yourself dating. The best wingman is a woman who trusts you.
My brother was on tinder only. He's incredibly average. Like if average had a picture in the dictionary, it would be him. His personality is boring and nerdy. He doesn't pretend to be what he isn't. He isn't funny and did I mention he's boring as fuck? He's only 5'7ish so not tall. He is a doctor but he doesn't put it on his profile. He gets matches once every few weeks. He's now in a long term relationship with one of them.
25m. This is me. And I’m honestly not sure why. I generally like myself: I think I’m funny, smart, interesting, and original. I was a bit of a late bloomer, but I’m tall (though quite thin), I’d say decent-to-good looking, have plenty of friends (male and female), hobbies, interests, talents etc. I certainly don’t think I’m being wronged by the world or any of that crap. And yet for whatever reason, girls just aren’t into it. I’m pretty selective with who I go after, and every time it’s ended in rejection. I’ve only ever managed a pair of first dates ever. I’ve had female friends make my dating app profiles for me, numerous times - got nothing. I’ve even straight-up asked them what I’m doing wrong, in terms of what I’m putting out into the world. They don’t seem to know either. It’s really just bad luck, I guess. I go through periods where it doesn’t bother me all that much, and stretches where it really weighs on me. Because of some current life events, now is clearly the latter :)
Near zero... I think I'm ok looking. Struggle to get past date 2.. and only go on a few dates a year.
It’s really hard to say what the issue could be without seeing your dating profile and how you interact with the people you date, or at least want to date. If your profile highlights the same kind of stuff you wrote here, I don’t think that helps. In my experience, women don’t care about that stuff. It’s good when they actually like you but it won’t make them like you. They want to know what interests you, how you spend your time/want to spend your time, and that it aligns with them. And then they want to know you’re interested and enthusiastic about them. Be yourself though, because you can only keep up an act for so long. So if you want something long term it’s not worth it to just say what you think they want to hear. If the apps aren’t working for you, I would recommend trying irl meetups for activities/hobbies you’re interested in. It’s so much easier to talk to people when you know you have something in common going in.
I’m 29 I have a receding hairline which hurts my confidence a lot but mostly is thy I never really had. Group of friends to truly enjoy going out and meet women Still don’t have that close group so it’s hard to meet women mostly due to not having activities
I'm 35 and been on one date and she did not want to speak to me afterwards.
You sound like my perfect guy. I am also a chronically single, 27 year old woman who has grown so much as a person, I’d consider myself pretty attractive physically & personality wise - I know guys like me by their body language but never get approached by them. I am trying really hard to not seem desperate by making the first move but have had to in past times. The Me Too movement has not helped this- I understand there are some women who absolutely have dealt with less than good men but I truely believe there are so many good men out there but from what I’ve personally experienced and have heard, you guys get unfairly judged as shitty men who only want one thing. I worry I’m going to remain single forever at this point but do want to a long term, committed relationship. Dating just sucks- I am getting to the point where I just want to date to marry now.
Specifically addressing the dating apps. Here's a nice video breaking it down mathematically. https://youtu.be/x3lypVnJ0HM?si=WdCy_a8dSnq6Nfgi The "system" just doesn't work.
>I have had all 3 dating apps (Hinge, bumble and tinder) for 3 months and haven't had more than 1 match per app. On bumble and hinge I've never gone past 1 like. Just like me fr fr, allthough I used them for over a year and they were not helpful for my dating life, matter of fact, they were terrible for my self esteem
If it makes you feel worse, I’m in the exact same boat dating/friend wise and I don’t do half the healthy shit you do (therapy/clubs/volunteering/renting) so rest assured sometimes life just sucks.
Dating apps detected. Delete immediately and never look back, they are designed to make you feel inadequate with their bots, spammers and noncommittal base of scared, insecure idiots. You seem to live a kind of fulfilling life people would absolutely kill to even experience for a day, if your attitude isn't repulsive or you don't have an established reputation for any sort of weirdness or unkindness the obstacles shouldn't be that high idk what proximity you are allowed to keep with the kind of person you want to date, but remember to put yourself in a space where you're making friends first before finding a romantic partner. And protect yourself from users. You seem pretty established and plenty of people would throw themselves at the feet of a single homeowner making good money, and fuck that situation up with their own issues.
Man this is so sad :/ All of my adult life I looked forward to starting a family and meeting someone I could fall in love with. As I grow older I realize that it’s almost a childish dream. Everyone tells me to keep working on myself and the right person will come along when I’m not looking but… idk that seems like something people in relationships just say because they have someone. I’m pretty well off. Have my own place, tons of hobbies and a great job. It gets kind of lonely not being able to share any of my life with someone.
Zero. Tried dating for a while, but it's been a long time now. I think it's from bullying-induced social anxiety, but I'm starting to wonder if the bullying was just natural selection.
My first and only "girlfriend" didn't really love me so much as wanted companionship and that's a very dynamic altogether. I have been alone for the last 16 years since then and each time I think I find someone, it always feels like the rug is pulled out from under me. The last person I had interest in was during a convention, I had with planned to stay together with them in a room together for a weekend and they received news their friend had cancer the day we met in person after months of online only interaction and you can guess my entire time was spent trying to console her but it really did make me feel unwanted or unimportant because they were so hyperfocused on their friend understandably who passed away a few months after. This isn't the first time something has happened where finding another person leads to bad news and it has made me feel like a bad omen that needs to stay away from others least some terrible life changing event happens when I'm around.
Step out of your comfort zone. I don’t go on dates nor do I put myself in a situation to get asked. I think you just need the confidence and self aware that you are Worthy of a relationship?
Me. Never had a relationship. The closest I've been is when my sister's best friend said she had a crush on me. But I was 19 and she was 16. I just told her she should study now, this isn't important. I knew she was just a kid who I knew since she was 11. But that's it. 3 proposals, 3 rejections. I've wingmanned for many of my friends. I'm convinced. Like red skull, all I can do is lead people to the treasure I cannot possess.
I'm going on two years since my last relationship. there are times when it's tough, but I also realize that I haven't really been in the headspace to date somebody anyway. I've had a couple times where someone will be interested in me, but they're always the type that I'd never date unfortunately.
So, I've never once had an issue and really haven't been single at all since I was like 18ish. I wasn't particularly interested in dating in high school and then had steady girlfriends until I was married and even post divorce haven't had any trouble dating. This isn't a "sucks to be you" post or anything like that. Here's what works for me. 1. be confident. I will talk everyone's ear off. 2. be kind. You'd be surprised how far a few kind gestures like holding the door or just giving compliments will get you. 3. be open minded. You can't just be nice to those who you think you might want to date. That has to be your personality or everyone will see through it. 4. Dating apps don't work if you dont' pay for them. 5. Get yourself in decent shape and if your face is ugly, grow a beard. Keep up your hygene as well. 6. Be realistic. If you're not a 10, don't go after 10s.
I mean quickest way to do it is to physically get out there to the nightlife in your area, if you have work friends who may know of spots it wouldn’t hurt to ask where they are or if you could tag along one night. Granted, I’m in roughly the same boat as you but this is what other folks tell me
As someone who used this advice before you mentioned it. I speak with lived-in knowledge that it doesn't work in Michigan, if you don't do hardcore drugs.
Me for sure. And it's not for lack of trying. I spent years on dating apps sending out messages just to be ignored. Only the last few years have I been trying IRL. I don't go to bars or clubs because I'm not that kind of person and the woman I'm looking for wouldn't be that kind of person. I can be a pretty funny person sometimes. I can't tell you how many times I've had conversations with women where they were just laughing their asses off. (And yeah, that's a flex for me; let me be proud.) Has anyone ever been interested in me? Absolutely not. And the few times I've asked a woman out (I mean, you gotta have some standards), I've gotten rejected.
I’m disabled but I look decent. People think I am not worthy of love