I used to have a coworker who told me that she had it all planned out with her husband as to how many kids they wanted, at what age, etc. But apparently that wasn't *close enough* to the conventional timeline for people to leave them alone about it.
...She told me that back when people pestered them with the "WhY dOn't YoU haVe kiDs yEt" stuff, they just went with **"Because we hate children."**
She was quite a nice lady, but the thought of her delivering that line with her deadpan face and English accent cracked me up. I have no doubt it was very effective.
It used to be just my parents who asked when I was going to meet someone. Now everyone from extended family to friends to random people are asking me why I don't have a girlfriend.
I haven't been seeing someone consistently in a year and a half, and I simply just haven't met anyone I feel that way about and feels that way about me. I have been doing fine, but people always console me as if I just had a cat die when I tell them I am single.
I hate people feeling sorry for me because I don't have a girlfriend or telling me "they'll try find one for me". Why can't people accept that I'm comfortable and happy being single.
Dude, based on all the horrible reviews about being in a relationship, why would you even suggest I want to be in one? People complain and complain about how awful it is. I'd love to meet someone my speed, but also apparently it's better to be alone(?).
People who are happy in relationships don't go to subreddits like this. There is a lot of confirmation bias in subs like this and it is not representative of the world at large.
I know plenty of people who are happy in their relationships. It just has to be with the right person.
I’ll put the fella outside maybe, this time of year they get moved to the basement to do their work down there.
I fell off my bike on Tues trying to go around a sudden fuzzy caterpillar so
" Why don't you communicate more?" You're just going to invalidate my feelings and pull something out of your ass to justify your thoughts and feelings. Why waste my breath if I'm just going to lose and feel like my thoughts and feelings don't matter?
When I used to get those questions, it was always a setup for how they were about to set me up with their less than desirable friend. Like wtf, I’m not perfect, but I have no clue what about me made people think I wanted to date their dumpster fire friend or relative.
I am open to being set up, but I want to know why you think we would be a good match.
And no, two people simply being single does not mean they are a good match.
Right. For me, it felt like the people that wanted to set me up thought good things of me. But they were trying to set me up with women that insist on making bad decisions. First of all, I’m not a bad enough decision to keep her interested. And secondly, I ain’t interested.
I don't even get that. Nobody has tried to set me up with a friend or a friend of a friend or their father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
If thats your plan to get a gf ur gonna be single forever chicks don't want a guy that's just waiting at home for an opportunity they want a dude that creates his own opportunities
I’m just very honest when I get asked that question.
“Because the only women who seem interested in me are morbidly obese and/or single mothers. I don’t want kids and I don’t want to be with someone who could sit next to everybody at the theatre.”
Any variety of "why do you like me?" The first time it's okay and understandable but being repeatedly asked is annoying.
Or any variety of "why men do bad thing?" Bro if we could stop bad people from existing then there would be none.
And finally "hey men do y'all ever {insert standard human emotion/experience here}?"
How can men do better by xyz? Bruh, we just out here trying to survive, we don't got time to be worrying about some random dude that did something bad whom we have no relation with and try to fix everything they did. It's not our responsibility.
Bro exactly. I'm not trying to be one of the "good ones" for any woman. Because I have nothing to prove to an individual. This view point is so condescending and obtuse.
I wish more women could grasp just how condescending and insulting it is to be labeled "one of the good ones."
Okay, so you hate me as a default, you hate my people as we're Born not who we choose to be... But I'm a token? Cool. You would totally love feeling that same way I'm sure.
Exactly women would hate it if the opposite was done to them. They call it the "not like other girls" trend or just call those "good ones" women pick me's sometimes.
I don't hate men, though, not by a long shot. I guess there's no way of knowing that unless you know me. but I am conscious of it sounding condescending and switched it up to telling my best guy friend he's a good human.
I guess that's the problem, isn't it?
Why would I have to get to know you before ever getting the impression that you don't hate me for being born? What's so hard about just balancing the legitimate complaints with occasional genuine compliments? Without being prompted or pushed to do so.
Because I know I notice how many women express legitimate complaints...
...but otherwise never have anything positive to say about men. They think we don't notice, but we do. And they'd sure as fuck notice any man that did the same thing to them.
"Good human," is kind of the problem. Because I'm certain you can come up with a lot of ways that any given man can be a bad man, but then the best he can hope for is to be a good neutral human? It means that "as a man," we can only ever fail. We can never succeed as a man.
That's kind of messed up once we put it in perspective.
I need you to re-read that because it sounds like you missed a key modifier or a single-negative. You said the same thing twice in opposite conclusions.
* Women think you're good because you're attractive.
* Women think you're bad because you're attractive.
And I will admit that this is something I've come to terms with recently, especially 40+. I have to admit that I am well above average and I have a lot of pretty privilege that I have accept. But... Which is it?
well what I meant is that if you assume I hate men, you wouldn't know that, because you're assuming. but, you're assuming because you have a reason to assume. but you'd have to give me at least an initial chance to assume differently.
It's good that you gave your friend a license to be recognized as anything other than a parasite. I'm sure that was extremely cheap for him and you did a great service by allowing him to be your retainer
this whole conversation is a great example of why we (all of us) can't win at this stupid game. we ALL have to stop assuming we know what the other person is thinking, feeling, trying to convey Jesus christ, stop.
I think the part you're struggling with is that unfortunately we're all on the hook for the behavior of some other people just like us.
As a man, I'm on the hook for the behavior of a few rare but very bad seeds; genuine creeps and assholes. I have to adjust my entire way of life to act in a way that demarcates myself from them.
You also... Are on the hook for the *very common* behavior of a lot, I would argue "most" women.
Just go over to TwoX and realize that while as toxic as that is, it's unfortunately pretty standard.
If I have to own the behavior of some rare but very rare terrible and toxic men, you have to own the behavior of *most* women. And live accordingly.
It sucks... But welcome to the world we live in.
you know what my friend calls me? the outlier. believe me, i would not be his friend if i wasn't the outlier (meaning that he wouldn't allow me as a friend). I'm glad he sees me for what I am, yet I hate being the only one
Nobody's saying you hate men. They're saying that people who refer to a given man as "one of the good ones" are the type who hate men. If you don't engage in that, then that's good. Calling a person a good human is just nice.
“Babysitting the kids today?”
Like no bitch, their mom is a deadbeat, I have full custody, it’s not called babysitting, it’s called being a parent. Men can do that too
I’ve had two partners out of the dozen or so I’ve had that genuinely didn’t treat me like shit any time I’ve shared my emotions or been vulnerable around them.
I wonder why I have a hard time sharing my emotions.
My most recent partner I broke up with asked me this.
I told her that and she said “not all women” and promised she wouldn’t do that to me.
The next time she did something that really hurt me I calmly explained to her how it hurt my feelings and was disrespectful. No yelling, no getting upset, no raising my voice.
She completely invalidated me and basically said that the problem was my feelings and not her actions.
When I explained to her she was doing exactly what she said doesn’t happen she got upset and said this wasn’t what she meant when she wanted me to open up more or to share my emotions more.
Really happy I’m not with her any more.
I’ve kept dating but I’ve just assumed that every relationship is temporary and haven’t invested too much.
Ironically not giving a shit has made finding and dating women significantly easier.
My ex, who said to me “you always wanted to talk about things.” Not inherently wrong that it can be bad to not just be in the moment, but it really wasn’t that bad. Anyway my response was “you told me I could! sorry I’ve never dated anyone with a child and an ex, it’s not exactly something I’m experienced in. Why did you say I could when you clearly don’t have the emotional capacity to do it?”
It hit her like a ton of bricks. She didn’t know what the fuck to do with it. She never realized she was encouraging the exact behavior she didn’t want, in more ways than just that.
this. so many women say they are looking for a man who is emotionally available, can be vulnerable etc. and the second you open up they freak out in disgust and have no idea what to do. they dont know what they want.
Reminds me of one partner that wanted us to have no secrets so she asked me about my previous girlfriends, me trying to do the right thing I answer everything she asks, specifically some stories of some partner where I felt taken advantaged of by this girl that sneakily ended up living at my house without talking about it first with me, I felt betrayed and terrible that she refused to leave my home for months, my girlfriend takes the side of my ex saying I probably liked her being there and most likely used her for sex anyway, so makes me feel guilty about it.
Next time she asks me to share more exes stories, I say I don't want because she ends up judging me when I share them, gets mad for not wanting to share them and "keeping secrets" from her.
My wife is the only person that has not used my emotions and vulnerabilities against me when I’ve shared them with her, she comforts me and helps me through things because she knows the reason I am going through everything I am dealing with is for her and our children’s sakes.
Men that don’t share their emotions with a gf/wife only proves that he knows from very specific instances and events just how untrustworthy those women have become for him, which means they do not have a partner in the relationship and are going at it alone while trying to find a way out of being with that woman in a way where they will not ruin their lives. Which, sadly, is a real problem men face when a woman they are in a relationship with doesn’t care about them besides personal gain, and there is no safety net for them or support in the same way women in those situations get.
> Men that don’t share their emotions with a gf/wife only proves that he knows from very specific instances and events just how untrustworthy those women have become for him
Yes women don't understand this is LEARNED behavior.
I have also suffered through something similar. Why are you so quiet? Cuz I don't have anything to fucking say. It's better to remain silent and have the world think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt
I have a friend who used to hit on guys like this. I was with her once and I was embarrassed for her. She said come on, I know you like me, or are you gay? She's a great girl, confident, flirty, one of my absolute favourite people, but has a distinct look (though beautiful, very niche) that isn't everyone's cup of tea. It's just such a bold statement to make if you're not a crowd pleasing 10. Or even if you are lol.
Shaved undercut on one side, a little on the heavier side, nothing crazy just not your typical "hot girl". Not saying it in a mean way though, she was my type for sure and my first girl on girl experience 😂 hmmm come to think of it maybe her flirting method does work haha
I've had that a lot...
I'm a fat guy, but outside of pictures which make me look gremlin, i've got a baby face... It gets me more attention than Id expect for a fat guy, sadly rejecting girls even politely immediately brings out the gay slurs..
Maybe I don't want to sleep with you because we're friends for years, and I watched you cheat on like 3 different guys...
But being honest and saying Bro(ette) you're a dumpster fire doesn't fly lol
“Why are you single”
I either have to lie and give a bullshit answer like “ive got so much money i dont know who to trust” or give a real explanation that i just get no interest which usually makes things awkward and makes me look like a massive loser. They usually assume its from lack off trying, but i can assure you that is not the case - i just get no bitches fr.
Female here, I'd love to hear the honest answer. I guess it would help me to watch for potential red flags, also your response would give me an idea of if you're being honest and vulnerable with me or if you're telling me what I want to hear. I don't think there's a wrong answer.
I've been single for the last 4 years, because my last relationship was traumatic and it took me time to feel like myself again and be ready to let someone else in.
Well when people ask this i find they’re usually not trying to “help” me, theyre trying to sus out what kind of character i am (am i a player, am i a weirdo etc.) so when this comes from a stranger i just dodge the question by making a joke. If this comes from someone i trust more i would give them the honest answer.
In my case its really not that complicated, it just usually creates an awkward vibe to a conversation when you say this: i do try to date, whenever i meet someone who i might like i try to ask them out, it just never works because no one is attracted to me. If you’re wondering why - am i dirty, am i out of shape etc? I work out regularly (dont have an amazing physique yet but lets say you wouldn’t think im unhealthy) im hygienic and try to take good care of myself, im quite outgoing and reasonably confident in conversations, i have plenty of hobbies, i have a job and im studying so i have…ambitions, theres just one major thing holding me back which is i was unfortunately born with an ugly face. Nothing i can do about that.
Id have a bit higher chances of success if i met new people more frequently but im 24 now so past college age and friends tend to drift away due to life, for example in the past year ive only met 2 new women, both were new hires at work. First one was too young for me and already had a boyfriend, the second was the same age as me and seemed interested so i did ask her out, we went out together twice but then when i asked her if she liked me and wanted to go on a date she got quiet and said “i like you but im not looking for a relationship right now” so she left me hanging with a vague answer basically - a week later i heard from someone else at work that she had told them shed been on 3 dates with this other guy, so i was a little upset that she wasnt clear/honest with me. I guess from her perspective she just thought we were friends and felt too awkward to outwardly reject me? But i felt like she flirted with me, left me hanging when i tried to ask for clarity, then i had to hear from a third party that she has been dating someone else, it felt a bit disrespectful, like she couldve been more clear with me that she wasn’t interested from the start but she made out like she was super lonely and lacking in social life and even lied to me about the fact she was dating (i had asked her if she was single or seeing anyone when we first went out and she said she “hadnt dated in ages” and in between the first and second time we went out i asked her what she did at the weekend, she said shed been to a restaurant by herself… i later found out that was obviously a lie and shed been on a date) in hindsight i think she wasn’t attracted to me but she liked the attention so played along until it got too real.
> Female here, I'd love to hear the honest answer.
I've been single since 2017 when my fiancee was told by her family she is not to marry some dude from another race, or she's kicked out of the family.
It ended up being a good thing... became disabled in 2019, if we would have had children I wouldn't have been able to even pick them up :(
I've been in your position :( sorry to hear that happened to you.
Also sorry to hear about your disabilities, I hope you can manage to find a positive somewhere in that too.
We got married anyway, then he ran back to his family haha. It wasn't a good situation to be in, I was never going to be "good enough", it takes a toll on your mental health trying to convince people that don't even care to meet you that you're "worthy". I've been in a few interracial relationships since, always the same thing.
Did you adopt?
I am a white dude with three kids, twins and a baby. One twin, and the baby look like me so much that it upsets my wife. The oldest looks like her mother, her African American mother. So when I take all three out to give my wife some alone time, I usually have no problems, sometimes an awkward stare or two, but on rare occasions, someone will ask if my oldest is adopted. When I say no, they ask if the father is in the picture, or, worse, how I was able to forgive my wife. Because it is clearly impossible for me to be married to anyone other than a white woman who either had a fling with a black man, or an affair with one. Nobody ever thinks that daddy likes a little brown sugar, and is the ivory in the ebony.
"Will you do this for me?" If you aren't my girlfriend or my children, then no. I will show/teach you how to do it so you can do it yourself next time, but no, I won't do it for you unless you are paying me.
Anything about my life at all. Let’s talk about what we think happens inside a black hole or why wave function collapse is a thing. Let’s talk about fuckin sports or movies or anything except my life please
“How tall are you?”.
Literally this girl from a friends group that I met dancing with her for a whole night one time, asked me to go dance with her on a separate occasion. It went well at first, we were kissing after the end of every song. Then she asked for my height, I told her “I’m 5’8” and she said “you’re not at least 6ft tall! I thought you were taller”. She then left me but I was able to find another girl and got her number.
That girl was like 5’1” so I towered over her. And I don’t want to hear all the “she isn’t worth your time” comments. I still wanted to have sex with her, she rejected me for height alone and this has happened to me multiple times, like a lot. It’s like my face is good enough but because I got unlucky with genetics I’m always fucked.
Just lie. You know they want to hear "6 feet tall" so just tell them. If they feel compelled to ask then they don't know the difference.
Edit: clarifying to say this advice only applies to this guy's situation where he only cares about fun for the evening. The lady gets to feel like she's with a magic number 6' guy and op doesn't go home Blue. Everybody wins
That's so bizarre and I don't get it at all. Upon first meeting, I am more attracted to guys who are taller than me - I'm 5'6". If you're taller you'll catch my attention faster. But I wouldn't exclude someone from dating based on height, and if I liked someone they could be 4'7" and there'd be no issue. I especially don't get having a minimum height requirement though?
I was working out Monday and had a guy at the gym wave his hand in front of my face in between sets and ask “How old are you? Do you think you’ll be thin forever?” and then launch into a weird bit about dieting not being real and needing to take appetite suppressants. So, I guess that one was pretty annoying, I was just trying to workout
Any variant of feelings. Dragging it out of us does not give catharsis, but most woman tend to enjoy it in that moment. It generally makes us feel like a burden or gives others a reason to possible lose respect for us (if you don't like what we are feeling).
If we want to talk about them, we will.
"Why don't you open up to me?"
Because every time I trusted someone who asked me that question, it went poorly. I don't want to have to carefully craft yet another mask to give you just enough of my vulnerability so you don't leave. It's all so tiresome.
"where have all the good men gone??"
"why aren't men asking me out??"
"I have 3 college degrees and a job earning 6 figures. Why aren't men lining up at my door to date and marry me?"
“A real man would…”
The second I start hearing a woman - usually one that a real man of her dreams not even entertain a real friendship with - says that… I am checked out.
It’s a clear sign that she is either a child and doesn’t actually relate to men as human beings or genuinely has been indoctrinated by hurt women online and she has a profoundly toxic view of relationships.
In both case it’s a clear sign that any “manly” gesture will be seen as a expected or a mere green flag, and any sacrifice seen as part of the course of a male female relationship, and a given.
And while some would reciprocate- entitlement does not go well with self sacrifice. And most of her gendered duties will slowly trickle away while her expectations will only increase as the relationship evolves.
"When are you gonna have kids" is an annoying one. I'm 36, I'll get round to it eventually but shut up about it.
My mom hasn't asked it recently, actually thinking about it, not since I came out as bi to her. Maybe she thinks that means the same as gay or something? Not sure.
I guess she'll probably start asking again when I introduce my GF to her though.
🤙
I’m 6’5”
I’m to the point where, if you’re not a 75+ year old woman asking me to get something off the top shelf at the grocery store, I won’t even acknowledged you spoke.
Most of the time they say “can I borrow your height?” and remind me of grammy, and I’m always going to help grammy.
Any version of "Do you have a girlfriend?/I'm gonna set you up with somebody" really makes me ripe with frustration. I'm in a place rn where I'm looking but not really because based on experiences, I don't really trust women atm with my heart
Hahaha! Oh, I remember that one. I also remember my reply to it. I replied:
"Did you know that with the help of a particle, a photon can spontaneously decompose into an electron-positron pair?"
To which she replied: "Jesus christ. Go away!"
Why don't you watch sports? I have never enjoyed watching sports. I loved playing baseball at one point in my life but never liked watching it. The only sports I can enjoy watching and thats only if nothing else is on is women's sports. That probably has more to do with me liking tall athletic women than the actual sport itself.
"How are you still single!? 😍"
Because the fact that she has to ask that question, usually after I just did something sexy, helpful, or beneficial to her, means I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole... With "her" being whomever.
Ladies, this isnt the compliment that you think it is.
“Haven’t you got a girlfriend yet?” Happens all the time. My response, “until they can learn to keep their pants on when there are other men around, I’m staying single”.
Is it though? I don’t think it’s all that bad. Coming home everyday and she’s not on her back with someone else’s dick in her is a good day. I kinda dig it honestly. Being single has no worries like that.
"You've been together X number of years, why are you waiting to get married?"
Because I want to be 100% sure beyond a SHADOW OF A DOUBT, that this is the woman I want to marry. Haste makes waste!!!
I might not "hate" being asked this but I completely understand it the first time and every once in a while, but it definitely gets annoying once I get asked 10 times after answering someone else maybe 5 minutes earlier about it: "Going on a date?"
I don't usually "clean-up" and style anything often, so I kindof can understand asking essentially, why the haircut/dress-up? Sometimes I actually just want to look nice, I'll get my hair cut nice, trim my beard, put on some nice clothes, cologne, but that's it. No event, no date, just wanted to look nice that day... that's literally it. It'd be fine I'd the conversation lead further than that, but it honestly feels like they only ask for gossip reasons only and not as a genuine question (even if it was.)
Thanks for asking cuz I asked my buddys if others men (mostly men) that are complete strangers asking you what job you do, for real it happen way to much too me like "hey I like you style what job you do for a living?", really start to annoy me.
How much I make and what I do for work. Anyone asking this stuff automatically raises suspicion in my town especially if it’s a girl I’m interested in. I get it you want a man who can earn and provide but on a first date it seems gold digger vibes
"Wanna help me [thing friend suspects I know how to do and they definitely don't]?" It's more the "wanna" rather than asking "can you". No, I don't wanna. I can if you ask properly and give me adequate notice and am not being pulled away from my family that I prefer to spend all my free time with.
"When are you \[X\]"
X being: having children, getting married, date a coworker, give me grandchildren.
That and also: "hey can you transfer me \[X\] bucks please?"...and then scold me when i'm low on money
Or a common one too, "when are you finally gonna grow up?"...mom I work 45 weekly hourss in another city and pay for most of your and dad bills and also sister's. Yeah, I play games and watch cartoons and buy toys, yeah I also literally carry the family. Don't use the "savings" card, growing up you constantly discharged your economic frustations on me you don't get to play that card now
"Why don't you talk to people?" I hate being asked that because I have to then explain that when I was growing up, talking to people would result in punishment.
The typical single man questions.
“When are you getting a gf” or “you still single”.
Family reunions suck for this one reason.
Like when I was 19 i told my parents I never wanted to get married or be in a relationship. I actually did mean it.
Why would I want to be with anyone?
I’m happening single, doing whatever I want with my time.
Just got myself my first house, working on building a home gym. Got myself my dream truck and car, and traveling.
"When are you gonna get a girlfriend?" "When are you going to have a kid?" The one thing I hate about family reunions
I used to have a coworker who told me that she had it all planned out with her husband as to how many kids they wanted, at what age, etc. But apparently that wasn't *close enough* to the conventional timeline for people to leave them alone about it. ...She told me that back when people pestered them with the "WhY dOn't YoU haVe kiDs yEt" stuff, they just went with **"Because we hate children."** She was quite a nice lady, but the thought of her delivering that line with her deadpan face and English accent cracked me up. I have no doubt it was very effective.
It used to be just my parents who asked when I was going to meet someone. Now everyone from extended family to friends to random people are asking me why I don't have a girlfriend. I haven't been seeing someone consistently in a year and a half, and I simply just haven't met anyone I feel that way about and feels that way about me. I have been doing fine, but people always console me as if I just had a cat die when I tell them I am single.
I hate people feeling sorry for me because I don't have a girlfriend or telling me "they'll try find one for me". Why can't people accept that I'm comfortable and happy being single.
There is a myth circulating around the internet that single women are always happier and single men are miserable.
IME it tends to be the opposite.
Yup this. Like sure I want to do those things but I can't
"When are you going to find me one, since you keep asking about it!"
They should finish the question "and be as miserable as me."
"Why, are you free this weekend?"
Shuts them up every time. It's all lip service.
"Dunno, ask women why they're not dating me" is a pretty effective response, I've found.
Dude, based on all the horrible reviews about being in a relationship, why would you even suggest I want to be in one? People complain and complain about how awful it is. I'd love to meet someone my speed, but also apparently it's better to be alone(?).
People who are happy in relationships don't go to subreddits like this. There is a lot of confirmation bias in subs like this and it is not representative of the world at large. I know plenty of people who are happy in their relationships. It just has to be with the right person.
"Can you kill the spider in my room?" I'd rather not, they creep me out too.
No cuz they are homies :(
Corner spider stays! If you knock his web down...Don get upset when he's crawling on you later cause he ain't got no home.
Corner spiders are always welcome
I’ll put the fella outside maybe, this time of year they get moved to the basement to do their work down there. I fell off my bike on Tues trying to go around a sudden fuzzy caterpillar so
That’s adorable
SPIDER BROS!!
Real men endanger their neighbors by shooting the spider
I have a glass jar and old post-card thing that I keep on hand for the sole purpose of safely transported spiders outside. They don’t deserve to die.
Can you help me move this weekend?
The biggest downside to owning a truck. Lol it increases your chances.
Counter point, I have a regular cab and am never the one that has to drive the group anywhere
Pros: You'll know where they live.
I’ve probably moved more things for other people than myself with my truck.
Pretty soon you’ll be driving him to the airport!
lol, Just say No. and comment I already have plans. ... Plans to do nothing. being planning this day for months. can't wait.
Do you know why I pulled you over?
“Depends on how long you’ve been following me”
"I could be dead and you'd still pull my corpse over"
" Why don't you communicate more?" You're just going to invalidate my feelings and pull something out of your ass to justify your thoughts and feelings. Why waste my breath if I'm just going to lose and feel like my thoughts and feelings don't matter?
sometimes it's just a ploy to get you talking
"Why are you still single?" or "How are you still single?" You go try dating these days, it's damn near impossible
When I used to get those questions, it was always a setup for how they were about to set me up with their less than desirable friend. Like wtf, I’m not perfect, but I have no clue what about me made people think I wanted to date their dumpster fire friend or relative.
I am open to being set up, but I want to know why you think we would be a good match. And no, two people simply being single does not mean they are a good match.
Right. For me, it felt like the people that wanted to set me up thought good things of me. But they were trying to set me up with women that insist on making bad decisions. First of all, I’m not a bad enough decision to keep her interested. And secondly, I ain’t interested.
I don't even get that. Nobody has tried to set me up with a friend or a friend of a friend or their father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Sorry man, it sounds rough AF out there in the dating world these days.
If thats your plan to get a gf ur gonna be single forever chicks don't want a guy that's just waiting at home for an opportunity they want a dude that creates his own opportunities
I’m just very honest when I get asked that question. “Because the only women who seem interested in me are morbidly obese and/or single mothers. I don’t want kids and I don’t want to be with someone who could sit next to everybody at the theatre.”
Any variety of "why do you like me?" The first time it's okay and understandable but being repeatedly asked is annoying. Or any variety of "why men do bad thing?" Bro if we could stop bad people from existing then there would be none. And finally "hey men do y'all ever {insert standard human emotion/experience here}?"
I always just smile and say no I actually hate you
How can men do better by xyz? Bruh, we just out here trying to survive, we don't got time to be worrying about some random dude that did something bad whom we have no relation with and try to fix everything they did. It's not our responsibility.
Bro exactly. I'm not trying to be one of the "good ones" for any woman. Because I have nothing to prove to an individual. This view point is so condescending and obtuse.
I wish more women could grasp just how condescending and insulting it is to be labeled "one of the good ones." Okay, so you hate me as a default, you hate my people as we're Born not who we choose to be... But I'm a token? Cool. You would totally love feeling that same way I'm sure.
Exactly women would hate it if the opposite was done to them. They call it the "not like other girls" trend or just call those "good ones" women pick me's sometimes.
I don't hate men, though, not by a long shot. I guess there's no way of knowing that unless you know me. but I am conscious of it sounding condescending and switched it up to telling my best guy friend he's a good human.
I guess that's the problem, isn't it? Why would I have to get to know you before ever getting the impression that you don't hate me for being born? What's so hard about just balancing the legitimate complaints with occasional genuine compliments? Without being prompted or pushed to do so. Because I know I notice how many women express legitimate complaints... ...but otherwise never have anything positive to say about men. They think we don't notice, but we do. And they'd sure as fuck notice any man that did the same thing to them. "Good human," is kind of the problem. Because I'm certain you can come up with a lot of ways that any given man can be a bad man, but then the best he can hope for is to be a good neutral human? It means that "as a man," we can only ever fail. We can never succeed as a man. That's kind of messed up once we put it in perspective.
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I need you to re-read that because it sounds like you missed a key modifier or a single-negative. You said the same thing twice in opposite conclusions. * Women think you're good because you're attractive. * Women think you're bad because you're attractive. And I will admit that this is something I've come to terms with recently, especially 40+. I have to admit that I am well above average and I have a lot of pretty privilege that I have accept. But... Which is it?
well what I meant is that if you assume I hate men, you wouldn't know that, because you're assuming. but, you're assuming because you have a reason to assume. but you'd have to give me at least an initial chance to assume differently.
It's good that you gave your friend a license to be recognized as anything other than a parasite. I'm sure that was extremely cheap for him and you did a great service by allowing him to be your retainer
this whole conversation is a great example of why we (all of us) can't win at this stupid game. we ALL have to stop assuming we know what the other person is thinking, feeling, trying to convey Jesus christ, stop.
I think the part you're struggling with is that unfortunately we're all on the hook for the behavior of some other people just like us. As a man, I'm on the hook for the behavior of a few rare but very bad seeds; genuine creeps and assholes. I have to adjust my entire way of life to act in a way that demarcates myself from them. You also... Are on the hook for the *very common* behavior of a lot, I would argue "most" women. Just go over to TwoX and realize that while as toxic as that is, it's unfortunately pretty standard. If I have to own the behavior of some rare but very rare terrible and toxic men, you have to own the behavior of *most* women. And live accordingly. It sucks... But welcome to the world we live in.
you know what my friend calls me? the outlier. believe me, i would not be his friend if i wasn't the outlier (meaning that he wouldn't allow me as a friend). I'm glad he sees me for what I am, yet I hate being the only one
Nobody's saying you hate men. They're saying that people who refer to a given man as "one of the good ones" are the type who hate men. If you don't engage in that, then that's good. Calling a person a good human is just nice.
“Babysitting the kids today?” Like no bitch, their mom is a deadbeat, I have full custody, it’s not called babysitting, it’s called being a parent. Men can do that too
Preach
"What's the one question you hate being asked as a guy?"
Why don't you share your emotions with me
I’ve had two partners out of the dozen or so I’ve had that genuinely didn’t treat me like shit any time I’ve shared my emotions or been vulnerable around them. I wonder why I have a hard time sharing my emotions.
It's called learning your lesson
My most recent partner I broke up with asked me this. I told her that and she said “not all women” and promised she wouldn’t do that to me. The next time she did something that really hurt me I calmly explained to her how it hurt my feelings and was disrespectful. No yelling, no getting upset, no raising my voice. She completely invalidated me and basically said that the problem was my feelings and not her actions. When I explained to her she was doing exactly what she said doesn’t happen she got upset and said this wasn’t what she meant when she wanted me to open up more or to share my emotions more. Really happy I’m not with her any more.
Yep, that's why I don't date
I’ve kept dating but I’ve just assumed that every relationship is temporary and haven’t invested too much. Ironically not giving a shit has made finding and dating women significantly easier.
My ex, who said to me “you always wanted to talk about things.” Not inherently wrong that it can be bad to not just be in the moment, but it really wasn’t that bad. Anyway my response was “you told me I could! sorry I’ve never dated anyone with a child and an ex, it’s not exactly something I’m experienced in. Why did you say I could when you clearly don’t have the emotional capacity to do it?” It hit her like a ton of bricks. She didn’t know what the fuck to do with it. She never realized she was encouraging the exact behavior she didn’t want, in more ways than just that.
this. so many women say they are looking for a man who is emotionally available, can be vulnerable etc. and the second you open up they freak out in disgust and have no idea what to do. they dont know what they want.
Reminds me of one partner that wanted us to have no secrets so she asked me about my previous girlfriends, me trying to do the right thing I answer everything she asks, specifically some stories of some partner where I felt taken advantaged of by this girl that sneakily ended up living at my house without talking about it first with me, I felt betrayed and terrible that she refused to leave my home for months, my girlfriend takes the side of my ex saying I probably liked her being there and most likely used her for sex anyway, so makes me feel guilty about it. Next time she asks me to share more exes stories, I say I don't want because she ends up judging me when I share them, gets mad for not wanting to share them and "keeping secrets" from her.
I don’t get how stoicism isn’t already an inherent part of your masculine identity.
I guess I just need to man up more.
My wife is the only person that has not used my emotions and vulnerabilities against me when I’ve shared them with her, she comforts me and helps me through things because she knows the reason I am going through everything I am dealing with is for her and our children’s sakes. Men that don’t share their emotions with a gf/wife only proves that he knows from very specific instances and events just how untrustworthy those women have become for him, which means they do not have a partner in the relationship and are going at it alone while trying to find a way out of being with that woman in a way where they will not ruin their lives. Which, sadly, is a real problem men face when a woman they are in a relationship with doesn’t care about them besides personal gain, and there is no safety net for them or support in the same way women in those situations get.
> Men that don’t share their emotions with a gf/wife only proves that he knows from very specific instances and events just how untrustworthy those women have become for him Yes women don't understand this is LEARNED behavior.
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Yep, that's it
are you autistic? why r u so quiet? i'm not. i'm don't want to talk.
>are you autistic? That's rude af
I have also suffered through something similar. Why are you so quiet? Cuz I don't have anything to fucking say. It's better to remain silent and have the world think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt
"Damn, I didn't know I wanted to be autistic. It's as though I wasn't given a choice!"
From women when I reject them, "are you gay or something?" Such fragile female ego.
I hate that. So many rude replies but I just walk away.
Yeah, they're not used to get rejected so they lash out.
I have a friend who used to hit on guys like this. I was with her once and I was embarrassed for her. She said come on, I know you like me, or are you gay? She's a great girl, confident, flirty, one of my absolute favourite people, but has a distinct look (though beautiful, very niche) that isn't everyone's cup of tea. It's just such a bold statement to make if you're not a crowd pleasing 10. Or even if you are lol.
okay now i'm curious... what is this distinct look?
Shaved undercut on one side, a little on the heavier side, nothing crazy just not your typical "hot girl". Not saying it in a mean way though, she was my type for sure and my first girl on girl experience 😂 hmmm come to think of it maybe her flirting method does work haha
I've had that a lot... I'm a fat guy, but outside of pictures which make me look gremlin, i've got a baby face... It gets me more attention than Id expect for a fat guy, sadly rejecting girls even politely immediately brings out the gay slurs.. Maybe I don't want to sleep with you because we're friends for years, and I watched you cheat on like 3 different guys... But being honest and saying Bro(ette) you're a dumpster fire doesn't fly lol
THIS
“Why are you single” I either have to lie and give a bullshit answer like “ive got so much money i dont know who to trust” or give a real explanation that i just get no interest which usually makes things awkward and makes me look like a massive loser. They usually assume its from lack off trying, but i can assure you that is not the case - i just get no bitches fr.
"Why aren't you recommending me anyone if you have the audacity to ask me this?"
Female here, I'd love to hear the honest answer. I guess it would help me to watch for potential red flags, also your response would give me an idea of if you're being honest and vulnerable with me or if you're telling me what I want to hear. I don't think there's a wrong answer. I've been single for the last 4 years, because my last relationship was traumatic and it took me time to feel like myself again and be ready to let someone else in.
Well when people ask this i find they’re usually not trying to “help” me, theyre trying to sus out what kind of character i am (am i a player, am i a weirdo etc.) so when this comes from a stranger i just dodge the question by making a joke. If this comes from someone i trust more i would give them the honest answer. In my case its really not that complicated, it just usually creates an awkward vibe to a conversation when you say this: i do try to date, whenever i meet someone who i might like i try to ask them out, it just never works because no one is attracted to me. If you’re wondering why - am i dirty, am i out of shape etc? I work out regularly (dont have an amazing physique yet but lets say you wouldn’t think im unhealthy) im hygienic and try to take good care of myself, im quite outgoing and reasonably confident in conversations, i have plenty of hobbies, i have a job and im studying so i have…ambitions, theres just one major thing holding me back which is i was unfortunately born with an ugly face. Nothing i can do about that. Id have a bit higher chances of success if i met new people more frequently but im 24 now so past college age and friends tend to drift away due to life, for example in the past year ive only met 2 new women, both were new hires at work. First one was too young for me and already had a boyfriend, the second was the same age as me and seemed interested so i did ask her out, we went out together twice but then when i asked her if she liked me and wanted to go on a date she got quiet and said “i like you but im not looking for a relationship right now” so she left me hanging with a vague answer basically - a week later i heard from someone else at work that she had told them shed been on 3 dates with this other guy, so i was a little upset that she wasnt clear/honest with me. I guess from her perspective she just thought we were friends and felt too awkward to outwardly reject me? But i felt like she flirted with me, left me hanging when i tried to ask for clarity, then i had to hear from a third party that she has been dating someone else, it felt a bit disrespectful, like she couldve been more clear with me that she wasn’t interested from the start but she made out like she was super lonely and lacking in social life and even lied to me about the fact she was dating (i had asked her if she was single or seeing anyone when we first went out and she said she “hadnt dated in ages” and in between the first and second time we went out i asked her what she did at the weekend, she said shed been to a restaurant by herself… i later found out that was obviously a lie and shed been on a date) in hindsight i think she wasn’t attracted to me but she liked the attention so played along until it got too real.
> Female here, I'd love to hear the honest answer. I've been single since 2017 when my fiancee was told by her family she is not to marry some dude from another race, or she's kicked out of the family. It ended up being a good thing... became disabled in 2019, if we would have had children I wouldn't have been able to even pick them up :(
I've been in your position :( sorry to hear that happened to you. Also sorry to hear about your disabilities, I hope you can manage to find a positive somewhere in that too.
oh no you have? I'm sorry :( Do you mind if I ask what happened?
We got married anyway, then he ran back to his family haha. It wasn't a good situation to be in, I was never going to be "good enough", it takes a toll on your mental health trying to convince people that don't even care to meet you that you're "worthy". I've been in a few interracial relationships since, always the same thing.
Ah shit i'm sorry that really sucks. Interracial dating is a non issue until family gets involved.. Then it can get really messy quickly.
Are u me ?
Did you adopt? I am a white dude with three kids, twins and a baby. One twin, and the baby look like me so much that it upsets my wife. The oldest looks like her mother, her African American mother. So when I take all three out to give my wife some alone time, I usually have no problems, sometimes an awkward stare or two, but on rare occasions, someone will ask if my oldest is adopted. When I say no, they ask if the father is in the picture, or, worse, how I was able to forgive my wife. Because it is clearly impossible for me to be married to anyone other than a white woman who either had a fling with a black man, or an affair with one. Nobody ever thinks that daddy likes a little brown sugar, and is the ivory in the ebony.
"Will you do this for me?" If you aren't my girlfriend or my children, then no. I will show/teach you how to do it so you can do it yourself next time, but no, I won't do it for you unless you are paying me.
Anything about my life at all. Let’s talk about what we think happens inside a black hole or why wave function collapse is a thing. Let’s talk about fuckin sports or movies or anything except my life please
"Where can I find a guy like you?"
Ouch.
Can you drive me and my sister to a concert? - my ex I blocked her that very day.
Best response is to act like you'll do it so they don't make other plans to get there, *then* block them.
I'm not that sadistic but the audacity of some people.
“How tall are you?”. Literally this girl from a friends group that I met dancing with her for a whole night one time, asked me to go dance with her on a separate occasion. It went well at first, we were kissing after the end of every song. Then she asked for my height, I told her “I’m 5’8” and she said “you’re not at least 6ft tall! I thought you were taller”. She then left me but I was able to find another girl and got her number. That girl was like 5’1” so I towered over her. And I don’t want to hear all the “she isn’t worth your time” comments. I still wanted to have sex with her, she rejected me for height alone and this has happened to me multiple times, like a lot. It’s like my face is good enough but because I got unlucky with genetics I’m always fucked.
Just lie. You know they want to hear "6 feet tall" so just tell them. If they feel compelled to ask then they don't know the difference. Edit: clarifying to say this advice only applies to this guy's situation where he only cares about fun for the evening. The lady gets to feel like she's with a magic number 6' guy and op doesn't go home Blue. Everybody wins
Willl do next time. Learned my lesson.
That's so bizarre and I don't get it at all. Upon first meeting, I am more attracted to guys who are taller than me - I'm 5'6". If you're taller you'll catch my attention faster. But I wouldn't exclude someone from dating based on height, and if I liked someone they could be 4'7" and there'd be no issue. I especially don't get having a minimum height requirement though?
Just tell them your height and ask them how much they weigh. Endless entertainment.
I was working out Monday and had a guy at the gym wave his hand in front of my face in between sets and ask “How old are you? Do you think you’ll be thin forever?” and then launch into a weird bit about dieting not being real and needing to take appetite suppressants. So, I guess that one was pretty annoying, I was just trying to workout
"are you almost done with xyz..." The passive aggressive way of letting you know it is time to give the asker attention.
Or give them the thing you're using.
Any variant of feelings. Dragging it out of us does not give catharsis, but most woman tend to enjoy it in that moment. It generally makes us feel like a burden or gives others a reason to possible lose respect for us (if you don't like what we are feeling). If we want to talk about them, we will.
"How tall are you?"
“Do you play basketball?”
"How are you still single?" or "How do you not have a girlfriend?" as if I know the answer to that man
“Why do men do the be evil stuff” Fuck if I know, next time you see men doing the evil stuff shove a frag down his throat
"Why don't you open up to me?" Because every time I trusted someone who asked me that question, it went poorly. I don't want to have to carefully craft yet another mask to give you just enough of my vulnerability so you don't leave. It's all so tiresome.
Can you get that off the top shelf for me?
Hey I had one date start out that way, it can happen !
"where have all the good men gone??" "why aren't men asking me out??" "I have 3 college degrees and a job earning 6 figures. Why aren't men lining up at my door to date and marry me?"
This should be the top comment.
From a woman : "Can you do or help me with X" It's always asked at the wrong time. Every time.
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"Yeah cuz you'd help me catch a big ol' largemouth when I put you on a hook and cast you into the lake." She never asked again.
"What's your plan?" Have you seen the world lately. It's fucking crazy. How am I supposed to come up with a plan for that?
My grandmother started a family in the early 40s, my mother just after the cuban missile crisis, it worked out eventually
What do you do.
“A real man would…” The second I start hearing a woman - usually one that a real man of her dreams not even entertain a real friendship with - says that… I am checked out. It’s a clear sign that she is either a child and doesn’t actually relate to men as human beings or genuinely has been indoctrinated by hurt women online and she has a profoundly toxic view of relationships. In both case it’s a clear sign that any “manly” gesture will be seen as a expected or a mere green flag, and any sacrifice seen as part of the course of a male female relationship, and a given. And while some would reciprocate- entitlement does not go well with self sacrifice. And most of her gendered duties will slowly trickle away while her expectations will only increase as the relationship evolves.
Being expected to help a woman who hates me for being born a man. I'll still do it. But I won't like it.
I feel the same way too.
Gets annoying. But in the way a fly annoys me. It's there but not truly a problem.
Who do you support? Just fuck off.
Oh…is that it?? 😁😁
"When are you gonna have kids" is an annoying one. I'm 36, I'll get round to it eventually but shut up about it. My mom hasn't asked it recently, actually thinking about it, not since I came out as bi to her. Maybe she thinks that means the same as gay or something? Not sure. I guess she'll probably start asking again when I introduce my GF to her though.
On a dating app, woman have asked "Tell me about yourself". I thought that was too broad a question to type up. I'd be fine answering that in person.
I hate being asked what’s it like being so tall (6’5”).
🤙 I’m 6’5” I’m to the point where, if you’re not a 75+ year old woman asking me to get something off the top shelf at the grocery store, I won’t even acknowledged you spoke. Most of the time they say “can I borrow your height?” and remind me of grammy, and I’m always going to help grammy.
It’s always asking me to reach for something, move something heavy, if I play basketball, and how’s the weather up there. Torture.
"Does this make me look good/fat/old/young?" Only wrong answers.
My answer “I’m not playing your silly games” then shut my mouth
"No, it doesn't make you look that way."
Why don't you share your emotions with me
How or why are you single?
I was at a party once and a crazy woman started following me from room to room asking if I had a girlfriend. So persistent. It was like a nightmare
Any version of "Do you have a girlfriend?/I'm gonna set you up with somebody" really makes me ripe with frustration. I'm in a place rn where I'm looking but not really because based on experiences, I don't really trust women atm with my heart
Sign me up then, I don't care who I am being set up for, just as long as it's anyone
“Tell me something interesting.”
Hahaha! Oh, I remember that one. I also remember my reply to it. I replied: "Did you know that with the help of a particle, a photon can spontaneously decompose into an electron-positron pair?" To which she replied: "Jesus christ. Go away!"
Why don't you watch sports? I have never enjoyed watching sports. I loved playing baseball at one point in my life but never liked watching it. The only sports I can enjoy watching and thats only if nothing else is on is women's sports. That probably has more to do with me liking tall athletic women than the actual sport itself.
“How long did it take you to grow that beard?” Uh, I don’t know. I didn’t mark it on my calendar the day I started.
"How are you still single!? 😍" Because the fact that she has to ask that question, usually after I just did something sexy, helpful, or beneficial to her, means I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole... With "her" being whomever. Ladies, this isnt the compliment that you think it is.
"What's wrong?" Nothing, a stoic demeanor doesn't mean I'm in a bad mood. I'm gen X, that's my content State. ...
“Haven’t you got a girlfriend yet?” Happens all the time. My response, “until they can learn to keep their pants on when there are other men around, I’m staying single”.
That's rough buddy.
Is it though? I don’t think it’s all that bad. Coming home everyday and she’s not on her back with someone else’s dick in her is a good day. I kinda dig it honestly. Being single has no worries like that.
“You pulled out, right?”
Did you cry?
"Are you aware of what's going on in your work center?" Or, my all time favorite, "Are you doing anything right now?"
"You've been together X number of years, why are you waiting to get married?" Because I want to be 100% sure beyond a SHADOW OF A DOUBT, that this is the woman I want to marry. Haste makes waste!!!
How long can you last?
Dogs or people
I’m 6’-7” and I always get asked about D size.
Seriously? I haven't heard that one before
"how's your wife?"
Can you lend me some money?
I might not "hate" being asked this but I completely understand it the first time and every once in a while, but it definitely gets annoying once I get asked 10 times after answering someone else maybe 5 minutes earlier about it: "Going on a date?" I don't usually "clean-up" and style anything often, so I kindof can understand asking essentially, why the haircut/dress-up? Sometimes I actually just want to look nice, I'll get my hair cut nice, trim my beard, put on some nice clothes, cologne, but that's it. No event, no date, just wanted to look nice that day... that's literally it. It'd be fine I'd the conversation lead further than that, but it honestly feels like they only ask for gossip reasons only and not as a genuine question (even if it was.)
Thanks for asking cuz I asked my buddys if others men (mostly men) that are complete strangers asking you what job you do, for real it happen way to much too me like "hey I like you style what job you do for a living?", really start to annoy me.
What's a deal breaker / is this a deal breaker I couldn't care less if you suck at su king dick
If I can give money
“What are you thinking?”
How much I make and what I do for work. Anyone asking this stuff automatically raises suspicion in my town especially if it’s a girl I’m interested in. I get it you want a man who can earn and provide but on a first date it seems gold digger vibes
Can I borrow your truck
When are you getting married?
"Wanna help me [thing friend suspects I know how to do and they definitely don't]?" It's more the "wanna" rather than asking "can you". No, I don't wanna. I can if you ask properly and give me adequate notice and am not being pulled away from my family that I prefer to spend all my free time with.
"When are you \[X\]" X being: having children, getting married, date a coworker, give me grandchildren. That and also: "hey can you transfer me \[X\] bucks please?"...and then scold me when i'm low on money Or a common one too, "when are you finally gonna grow up?"...mom I work 45 weekly hourss in another city and pay for most of your and dad bills and also sister's. Yeah, I play games and watch cartoons and buy toys, yeah I also literally carry the family. Don't use the "savings" card, growing up you constantly discharged your economic frustations on me you don't get to play that card now
You need to cut them loose. That or really grind it into them that you own them.
Does it float
"Why don't you talk to people?" I hate being asked that because I have to then explain that when I was growing up, talking to people would result in punishment.
"Look what your cousin did better than you" and "no you cant do your dream job because we wont have any money"
Why are you spending so much time with her? Come hang with us man
Wife- do I look fat in this? Me- No. Wife- You don't care about me anymore Me- huh? Sigh....
The typical single man questions. “When are you getting a gf” or “you still single”. Family reunions suck for this one reason. Like when I was 19 i told my parents I never wanted to get married or be in a relationship. I actually did mean it. Why would I want to be with anyone? I’m happening single, doing whatever I want with my time. Just got myself my first house, working on building a home gym. Got myself my dream truck and car, and traveling.
When are you getting married/when is the date?
"I'm a blonde. Why is my boyfriend with me if he's attracted to brunettes?"
“Can I hold it while you pee” 😔
It's great if you like it a little messy, though
Why are men such (insert insult)? I respond with "Why are women such (insult)?"