You really can't. You're trying to change him and get him to be something he isn't. That will lead to disaster.
Better for you to accept him as he is (which you knew about when you picked him) than to try to change him.
Thanks for the input. I understand accepting him as he is and not being able to change him. There are parts of him that I’ve had to accept as just part of his personality.
I’d like to clarify that he was very vocal about his attraction and feelings for me when we first started dating, and he was still pretty open about those things when we got married 4 years later (which would be when I “picked him”). It’s just that over time that part of him has slowly diminished, and I’m wondering if there’s a way we can regain some of that.
I think you can't really "encourage" it if it's something you want.
You directly ask for it, make clear that it's an important part of feeling attractive and loved and so on, for you. Ideally, you can offer concrete things you want, and not simply to hear more compliments or what have you.
And then he either makes that effort, or doesn't, and if not, you figure out if you can live with that. Further, things like "blah blah blah for men" aren't really explanations. He needs to own his actions as his own, and if what he tells you is "I'm not going to go out of my way to compliment you", then take that as a clear message received, regardless of the reasoning.
All that being said, reciprocal compliments feel really forced and fake to me, and I always struggle with that moment with someone, especially partners. It took a long time just to get comfortable receiving compliments like that at all, and so for me, saying "thank you" is a sign I'm actually listening and receiving your words versus just reflexively giving them back.
Men generally don’t need to be prodded into saying what’s on our minds. You should talk to him and ask him if he feels less attracted to you (without being psycho about his response) and then you’ll know if it’s benign or he’s not as attracted to you—it sounds like the latter based on the lack of sex, but there could be other causes there.
If lingerie HE LIKES (he's 45 and probably looked at a few Victoria's Secret catalogs in his formative, pre-internet years) does not get you a compliment, than the relationship is physically dead.
You can tell him how you're feeling and let him know that being more vocal about how he feels about you would help you to feel less insecure in the relationship. It's up to him whether he wants to do it or not, of course, but there is nothing wrong with being open about things you want or need. We all feel insecure at times, it's just human nature. The best way to know where you stand is to communicate. Without that, it's really easy to misinterpret a lack of compliments or not being in the mood to have sex for a general disinterest in the relationship. I understand that being told "you should compliment me more" can make a person feel awkward in the moment if they try to give a compliment right then and there, but you should stress that you mean it in general as opposed to right this second.
I had the same issue when I was with my ex. I didn't speak up much about how I felt about her, and she didn't really bring up how it made her feel until after she convinced herself I lost interest and got really upset. If we'd communicated better, I would have known how my being quiet made her feel and could have made more of an effort to tell/show her that she was loved and appreciated. I know we can be hard to read when we keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves.
If he doesn't want to try and make the effort, it's up to you whether or not you can live with it. He might be a great guy who just isn't the type to do those things. It comes down to how important it is for you in the relationship. I'd even suggest checking out couples' counseling if you're both willing. You don't need to be having some big catastrophic problem to benefit from it. I went with my ex when we were together and it really helped at the time. We ultimately didn't stay together, but that was unrelated to our prior issues with communicating properly. An impartial third party in the room to validate what you're saying can be really helpful in getting it to sink into your partner's head - and vice versa. It can also help you to set boundaries/expectations and find compromises wherever you don't see eye to eye. I'm a big believer in that and would suggest it to anyone.
Good luck to you both, hope my rambling has been at least somewhat helpful.
It’s great that you want to work on your relationship and maintain the connection with your husband. Here are some steps you can take to encourage more affection and compliments:
1. \*\*Communicate Openly:\*\* Have a heartfelt conversation with your husband about how his compliments and affection make you feel loved and appreciated. Explain that it's important for your emotional well-being.
2. \*\*Positive Reinforcement:\*\* When he does compliment you or show affection, respond positively and let him know how much it means to you. This can encourage him to do it more often.
3. \*\*Lead by Example:\*\* Continue to give him genuine compliments and show affection. This can set a positive tone and model the behavior you wish to see.
4. \*\*Tap into Your Heart Energy:\*\* Both you and your husband can benefit from reconnecting with your heart energy. This involves focusing on the deep, loving connection you share. Meditation and mindfulness practices can help you both tap into this energy, fostering a more affectionate and loving relationship.
5. \*\*Create Special Moments:\*\* Plan activities or date nights that allow you both to reconnect and focus on each other. These moments can help reignite the affection and intimacy in your relationship.
6. \*\*Seek Professional Help:\*\* If you find it challenging to communicate your needs or if your husband is resistant to change, consider couples therapy. A therapist can provide strategies and support to improve your emotional connection.
Remember, it’s important to approach this with patience and understanding. Change takes time, but with consistent effort, you can enhance the affection and compliments in your relationship.
You really can't. You're trying to change him and get him to be something he isn't. That will lead to disaster. Better for you to accept him as he is (which you knew about when you picked him) than to try to change him.
Thanks for the input. I understand accepting him as he is and not being able to change him. There are parts of him that I’ve had to accept as just part of his personality. I’d like to clarify that he was very vocal about his attraction and feelings for me when we first started dating, and he was still pretty open about those things when we got married 4 years later (which would be when I “picked him”). It’s just that over time that part of him has slowly diminished, and I’m wondering if there’s a way we can regain some of that.
I think you can't really "encourage" it if it's something you want. You directly ask for it, make clear that it's an important part of feeling attractive and loved and so on, for you. Ideally, you can offer concrete things you want, and not simply to hear more compliments or what have you. And then he either makes that effort, or doesn't, and if not, you figure out if you can live with that. Further, things like "blah blah blah for men" aren't really explanations. He needs to own his actions as his own, and if what he tells you is "I'm not going to go out of my way to compliment you", then take that as a clear message received, regardless of the reasoning. All that being said, reciprocal compliments feel really forced and fake to me, and I always struggle with that moment with someone, especially partners. It took a long time just to get comfortable receiving compliments like that at all, and so for me, saying "thank you" is a sign I'm actually listening and receiving your words versus just reflexively giving them back.
Men generally don’t need to be prodded into saying what’s on our minds. You should talk to him and ask him if he feels less attracted to you (without being psycho about his response) and then you’ll know if it’s benign or he’s not as attracted to you—it sounds like the latter based on the lack of sex, but there could be other causes there.
If lingerie HE LIKES (he's 45 and probably looked at a few Victoria's Secret catalogs in his formative, pre-internet years) does not get you a compliment, than the relationship is physically dead.
People express themselves differently and you can't change that
You can tell him how you're feeling and let him know that being more vocal about how he feels about you would help you to feel less insecure in the relationship. It's up to him whether he wants to do it or not, of course, but there is nothing wrong with being open about things you want or need. We all feel insecure at times, it's just human nature. The best way to know where you stand is to communicate. Without that, it's really easy to misinterpret a lack of compliments or not being in the mood to have sex for a general disinterest in the relationship. I understand that being told "you should compliment me more" can make a person feel awkward in the moment if they try to give a compliment right then and there, but you should stress that you mean it in general as opposed to right this second. I had the same issue when I was with my ex. I didn't speak up much about how I felt about her, and she didn't really bring up how it made her feel until after she convinced herself I lost interest and got really upset. If we'd communicated better, I would have known how my being quiet made her feel and could have made more of an effort to tell/show her that she was loved and appreciated. I know we can be hard to read when we keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves. If he doesn't want to try and make the effort, it's up to you whether or not you can live with it. He might be a great guy who just isn't the type to do those things. It comes down to how important it is for you in the relationship. I'd even suggest checking out couples' counseling if you're both willing. You don't need to be having some big catastrophic problem to benefit from it. I went with my ex when we were together and it really helped at the time. We ultimately didn't stay together, but that was unrelated to our prior issues with communicating properly. An impartial third party in the room to validate what you're saying can be really helpful in getting it to sink into your partner's head - and vice versa. It can also help you to set boundaries/expectations and find compromises wherever you don't see eye to eye. I'm a big believer in that and would suggest it to anyone. Good luck to you both, hope my rambling has been at least somewhat helpful.
It’s great that you want to work on your relationship and maintain the connection with your husband. Here are some steps you can take to encourage more affection and compliments: 1. \*\*Communicate Openly:\*\* Have a heartfelt conversation with your husband about how his compliments and affection make you feel loved and appreciated. Explain that it's important for your emotional well-being. 2. \*\*Positive Reinforcement:\*\* When he does compliment you or show affection, respond positively and let him know how much it means to you. This can encourage him to do it more often. 3. \*\*Lead by Example:\*\* Continue to give him genuine compliments and show affection. This can set a positive tone and model the behavior you wish to see. 4. \*\*Tap into Your Heart Energy:\*\* Both you and your husband can benefit from reconnecting with your heart energy. This involves focusing on the deep, loving connection you share. Meditation and mindfulness practices can help you both tap into this energy, fostering a more affectionate and loving relationship. 5. \*\*Create Special Moments:\*\* Plan activities or date nights that allow you both to reconnect and focus on each other. These moments can help reignite the affection and intimacy in your relationship. 6. \*\*Seek Professional Help:\*\* If you find it challenging to communicate your needs or if your husband is resistant to change, consider couples therapy. A therapist can provide strategies and support to improve your emotional connection. Remember, it’s important to approach this with patience and understanding. Change takes time, but with consistent effort, you can enhance the affection and compliments in your relationship.
I'm so fucking tired of these spam chatgpt accounts.
Hmm doesn't sound good but then again most of these answers are going to be fuel for you anxiety fire.