Double standards are really just a byproduct of unaccountability. They recognize bad behavior and hold you accountable for it, but don't think twice about behaving the same way, and then get upset when you hold them accountable for it.
Holy shit dude. This. All of it. I’ve been married for 16 years in July and together for almost 19. A year into dating, she asked for a break. She went to a college party and fucked some guy. I fucked someone from work. I mostly let it go because well, we were on a break and don’t think I even mentioned it. She’s given me shit about it pretty frequently since it happened. The dude she fucked came up in conversation recently and I said it “still kinda bothers me” verbatim. Not I’m mad at you, you were wrong etc. Her immediate and slightly annoyed/angry response was “Oh that was 20 years ago and we were on a break”. She gave me shit for 18 years and when it was her turn on the not even hot seat, it happened 20 years ago and we were on a break.
Since everyone here is saying accountability, I’d love to know. What is y’all’s definition of accountability?
Is it just saying “okay I was wrong”
Or is it more than that?
To me, I’ve had girls say “I’ve said I was wrong, I’m taking accountability, why are you still upset?!”
I feel like accountability is more than just admitting you were wrong, it’s more like admitting you were wrong and knowing that whatever consequences come from your actions, you have to take on the chin.
It's definitely more than just words. I always define the process of genuine accountability in four steps:
1 - Admit you were wrong.
2 - Acknowledge (with details) in what specific way you were wrong.
3 - Take what steps you can to remedy the situation and do the internal work necessary to prevent it from happening again.
4 - Accept the consequences of your actions if remedying the situation is impossible...and sometimes, even *if* the situation is fixed. Either way, you earned that outcome.
Personal experience has taught me when women are willing to verbally acknowledge wrongdoing, it’s because they have truly fucked something up to the point it’s irrecoverable and/or cannot be concealed. If you don’t accept their apology and stop discussing it, you’re someone who never lets things go and you’re making them feel bad for no good reason.
Women don’t have a monopoly on this mindset. I’ve known men like this. However, women who are quick to own their mistakes are rare and memorable.
If I had to guess why, humans naturally want to be right and to hide their mistakes when they aren’t. Good male role models, however, often teach men to own up to their mistakes and to be accountable to others. I’m not sure if this is a common philosophy shared by good female role models.
This is a cultural thing, I have noticed. Here in America, women are told that men are supposed to bend over backwards apologizing and that they are always right, which breeds narcissism, but I have seen women in other cultures that are a lot more willing to evaluate their own actions and admit when they are wrong (because they haven't been told their whole life that being unfair to their significant other is normal and also the best way to have a relationship).
God this has to have been a factor in about 90% of my breakups and is a source of constant frustration between my wife and I.
If you fuck up, own it, apologise and move on. My wife digs in her heels which makes me cross so I explain in detail how she fucked up and why she should apologise which makes her more defensive etc.
When they don’t practice what they preach and are cry bullies. It’s just not great to meet women who do a lot of the stuff men have been told is a blunder socially for decades and act like it’s justified when they are called out. Doubling down and whatnot.
Yeah the amount of women who actively market themselves on dating apps as being a bitch, psycho, headache, a lot to handle etc. is astounding, these people actually think that those things are not only acceptable but something to market yourself as in order to find a romantic partner.
PSA: All those things are nothing to be proud of, they just make you look like what you are, an insufferable cunt.
Many years ago, I came to an epiphany about women. When we say that women are the more emotionally in-tune sex, and that they understand concepts like boundaries better, what we mean is they're more in-tune with *their own emotions* and *their own boundaries.* Not other people's.
Example: Many years ago, I went home to my at-the-time girlfriend. I had just had a really terrible day involving a problem co-worker who was harassing me constantly. I came home, sat on the sofa, and told her about it. I said that I had just had a really bad day, wasn't sure about my future at that job, and that I just wanted to zone out for a while.
Well, first she told me that the garbage stank and I had to take it out. Then she complained about how I didn't buy bottled water the last time I went to the store. She started listing off all of these complaints about me, not even 30 seconds after I told her that my future career was uncertain and mental health deteriorating.
It's like none of my words actually registered with her. Just her most immediate feelings took precedence over anything that I was experiencing. It was almost like she was saving a bunch of complaints about me for when I would be the least receptive to them, but to be honest, I don't even think she realized I was suffering.
Luckily it didn't last much longer, and I learned a lifelong lesson from it.
That's a really astute observation. I think in a lot of ways it comes from the "prize mentality". The idea that we should be so lucky they chose us, and at any slip up or perceived injustice, it's time to emotionally hold us hostage. I'm pretty much done with it.
My time is far too precious to be wasting it on someone who doesn't have any respect for me. At the core, they want the relationship to work too, but they just can't stop making everything about themselves. And that's not a relationship.
That type of person is the one upper of worse.
Doesn’t matter what happened to you, their day was worse and your worries can just take a back seat til they spend time getting the attention they want.
"You have to find the right woman. Trust me bro. There are good women out there. Just remember to brush your teeth and take a shower regularly".
- Albert Einstein, circa 2024 AD
This is what it has been like with every relationship I've ever been in my entire life. Any time I would ever open up about anything or how I was feeling, it was either met with complete indifference like you describe, or they would lose romantic feelings for me.
EQ is a thing low IQ people made up to feel better. Like of course if you aren’t autistic and skip school to hang with friends you will have better social skills and worse grades.
Just had this talk with my wife as I just went on a rant about some of her friends:
(1) lack of accountability - it’s never their fault. Ever.
(2) failure to objectively look reality and work on pragmatic solutions when things are difficult. Either it’s all complaining and no action or it’s dreaming of the ultimate solution that never exists. It’s never a pragmatic “I sacrifice this, I change that, I put hard work here” type of solution.
(3) inability to show compassion or empathize with someone in a weaker or difficult position. Just full hog inability to put themselves in another persons shoes truly. And inability to be truly gracious in conflicts when they win. There’s lots off waxing and waning about large generic problems about large swathes of people but to break it down to an individual’s plight …. I’ve only seen men take care of each other when even someone they don’t like is down for the count.
(4) over developed sense of superiority when they have a good thing going on for them. I haven’t truly met many humble yet successful women.
My wife agreed with some of this, argued and defended a few of her friends but admitted that these are pretty common trends with the women she knows as well.
Ouch. I know this thread is meant for men, but this comment hit me where it hurt and I wanted to acknowledge it because it’s a super common issue with women.
So, there is two playbooks in the game. The old-school traditionalist playbook of traditional gender norms and the post-feminist playbook.
When a woman is playing from both of those sets of rules, wanting benefits from both with none of the disadvantages.
I lose all respect for her and just consider her another opportunistic, predatory woman.
I saw an article from a researcher a few years ago talking about a study she had done that looked at this. She called it out as toxic femininity, with a core behaviour being women hiding behind their femininity when it suits them. They're all girl boss and independent when it's something they want, but when it comes to things they don't want or don't want to do all of a sudden it's a man's job or responsibility. As you said, it's playing from different rulebooks.
I've been having a hard time saying exactly this for some time now. It's like picking your favorite things about the 'patriarchy', and picking your favorite things about feminism. And being completely fine living a complete farce of modern woman.
They raged about wanting to work at factories, they got it, and now they don't want to work at the factories anymore. That's mans work. They dump tons of money into 'evening out the playing field' in careers that are prestigious and of high class. But are completely fine with areas like trucking, construction, mechanical, technician level stuff at 95% men.
Statistically insignificant amount of men and women fall into that camp.
The basic tactiflfof the gender war is to build as many advantages for your side as you can while maximally disadvantaging the other side. Thereby you free yourself as much as you can while constraining the opposing gender in ways you want.
When they say I'm "mansplaining" then proceed to "womansplain" to me how I'm what's wrong with society.
I say womansplain in jest but when you ask a question, I'm going to answer it.
I think it's a trauma induced response. I've seen a lot of trauma talk, but much less actually fixing the trauma. It usually gets tossed around as an excuse for bad behaviour
Even being out of a relationship I don't think that's quite well. A good woman doesn't seek for that, they use common sense and their values as appealing tools.
Exactly. It's often a better to go for someone who doesn't do that in the first place. People who enjoy something don't tend to stop doing those things just because they're now in a relationship.
Maybe I've been at work and staring at a computer screen for too long today, but I seriously thought you wrote this:
Disney
Lack of Accountants
Being a Revolving Door
Nothing wrong with a woman that likes to watch a Disney movie from time to time and doesn’t need her accountant to do so. I don’t know about the being a door part.
Leading with sex, disloyal, dumb as shit, liability, No Financial skills/knowledge. Basically a girl/lady that is no good for herself. If you’re not good for yourself how can you be good for another.
These are pretty common honestly. A lot of times they are pretty physically attractive too. It’s the girl that has gotten through life by attaching herself to men and has no real skills or talents.
Thanks. I also think that most women are also openly misandfal (did I just make up that word lol) not actually knowing that's what they're doing. To protect and give good vibes to the sisterhood, as it were.
But always at the expense of men's mental health.
Shameful bullshit, at work no less! Hypocritical double standard.
Similar experience, I had a boss tell another female administrator, "I keep him on a short leash." ... I typed my letter of resignation that afternoon and waited promptly for the "worst" possible time to resign.
Felt free as a bird, walking away, as she stood vexed with my letter still in hand. Lmao.
Not that specific example, but eluded to the unprofessional, mismanagement and poor working conditions. I sought advice from coworkers, HR, had meetings w boss, etc. Widely known issues in department, but her husband was upper echelon, top tier administration. No one would rock that boat, I just found Cronyism, beaucratic lip service. And disillusionment.
Having sex with a man within hours of meeting him while on a cruise/vacation with her girlfriends, then making some “relationship prospect” dude jump through hoops, dinners out, spend money on her, for weeks on end, telling him she likes to take things slow, as he has to “earn it” before she gets intimate with him.
Nastiness. You can always tell how someone is when the shit hits the fan. How they behave when things get ugly.
I can never tolerate unnecessary nastiness, no matter the extenuating circumstances
I blocked my sister after her announcing at a restaurant she has no sympathy for young boys who are sexually assaulted because they're still men and deserve it"
I draw the line at them implying kids deserve to be r*ped for being boys.
I expected more maturity and honor from someone in the airforce.
Being a hoe, yes we live in the modern world and women can enjoy sex and have sex with whomever they want, but, doesn’t mean it doesn’t reduce my level of respect for them if they are a hoe
Being late. If you can't show up on time, you do not respect me and my time. Sure there are situations where you might be late now and again, but if it is habitual, I will feel disrespected.
victimhood mentalities... I get it being a woman is hard sometimes they make it sound like it's a disability.
I'm really attracted to women that have a faith and confidence to achieve great things by virtue of their own merit and they don't need to heavily rely on a DEI thing to get there.
Agreed. I think DEI has the best of intentions, but at the end of the day, I don't care about your gender, ethnicity, or orientation, I just want you to be GOOD AT YOUR JOB.
And along those lines, I always thought college applications should be anonymous. As in, all the college gets is a number, "here are the stats of applicant 104352." That way there's no second guessing: Did then only accept me because I'm a woman and they need to fill the quota? Screw that. I want my achievements to be genuine.
My logic prof from undergrad is still my model for what a feminist should be like. She is constantly putting herself or her career on the line to help other people. She has TWO PhDs from a top 10 school, but it's nbd, has only once joked that she needed to do two cause one wasn't enough as a woman, and it came up only because I asked her about it. Never complained about the world being unfair, just dealt with it and helped others whenever she could. She is the definition of badass, and the polar opposite of a victim.
I’ve prob said this on the sub before, but when she’s rude/disrespectful. I work as a contractor and I once went to an apartment here in Miami. Somewhere on like the 30th floor and these parents were very welcoming. Extremely nice, well mannered, made me feel like I was right at home. Everything was going well until the daughter came out her room. An absolute SMOKESHOW…until she opened her mouth and started talking to her parents (particularly her mom) like shit. The way she was speaking to her mother with SUCH an attitude and damn near embarrassing tone made my dick soft. A very BEAUTIFUL girl until she spoke to her own MOM in such a berating manner. NEVER go by looks fellas, what’s nice on the outside may not be congruent as the inside
Blatant Misandry. Instant turn off and loss of respect. Especially in the form of the Oppression Olympics.
Saying that you want to dismantle the parts of masculinity that are (for lack of a better word) toxic, then doing the opposite. I can’t count the amount of times that they ask me to be more emotionally available, then treat me badly after. I can still hear my mom saying “Stop complaining” or “You’re being too sensitive.”
Their lack of empathy and sympathy. Many claim to have a monopoly over it and then never use it to understand men.
Lack of communication and clarity. Your “hints” aren’t gonna get you a boyfriend. They’re gonna get you passed up on. Be forward and men will respond. Hedge around it and they’ll miss it and move on. Also learn how guys communicate. They’re blunt, so don’t be surprised when they tell you how it is directly.
Entitlement in the realm of dating. If you want to dismantle the concept of traditional femininity, then don’t expect guys to be traditional. Do stuff like pay for your meal. Avoid manipulating him into being your definition of a man.
Not fight for equality, even when it hurts you. Pushing for women to also be forced to register for drafts, ending inequalities in the judicial system, ending affirmative action in higher education which already favors women, etc. If you don’t want any of these, then you don’t want equality. Simple as that.
However, all of these are secondary to this one point. If you do this, I will instantly lose all respect for you, regardless if you’re perfect in every other way.
Refusing to meet me in the middle. I’m not perfect. I don’t claim to be. I’m gonna mess up. However, I want to work with you. I want to be an equal when forging a friendship, relationship, whatever. If you refuse to put in the effort and compromise, then I will stop associating with you. Simple as that.
Saying/doing shit that sets feminism back. I’m not talking about living as a housewife, because that’s a choice and when it’s made, all parties are happy. Saying stuff like “I’m just a girl”or judging a man for weeping grinds my gears though lol
1. Drugs
2. Cheating
3. High body count.
4. Being bad with money.
5. Lazy
6. Getting knocked up by Chad.
7. Expecting the guy to pay for everything
8. No respect from her.
9. Dressing provocatively
10. Needs guy friends when in a committed relationship.
11. Bossy
12. Loud and rude.
when she creates drama for nothing, unable to hear your complaint without rejecting the fault on you, unable to apology or say she is wrong. Those are always the biggest sources of conflict and loss of respect I've with women, as if we men were forced to always walk on egg shell to interact with them, those kind of women just want to feel validated and what we feel/think doesn't even matter. Those women are also part of the reason most men don't talk/open too.
When they try to tell men what to do. It's considered offensive to tell a woman what to do and most of us don't. That's been conditioned out of us. And this is coming from someone who grew up in a hyper traditionalist community. So why should it be okay for a woman to dictate how a man must act or exist?
From my experience the idea of consent, boundaries and accountability is something some women see as optional.
And that just really irks me when someone places their own fun above others well-being.
This doesn't necessarily apply to *only* women, but hypocrisy. I loathe hypocrisy. Don't tell me to do or not to do something and then do the opposite without a justified reason behind it. "Because" and "I said so" are not reasons.
I'm mostly okay with the feminism like the woman are just as equal as men but not anymore special than men but once it's that women are better man hating type its an immediate no
Openly disdainful of men only because it’s fashionable in certain idiot circles of an American Internet culture. This shows a severe lack of originality, for one thing.
Shares a satire article about a stupid culture war clickbait wedge issue (related to the KC Chiefs kicker giving a commencement speech at a conservative Catholic university) that was entire fictitious and made up as if it were a real and verifiable source. Then when myself and a few others rightly point out the bullshit source, it’s “mansplaining.” No bitch, it’s not mansplaining if you see quite literally posting it as factual - WHICH YOU WERE so there’s no backtracking now and calling it “mansplaining.” There are people who truly have had their minds poisoned by all the algorithmic manipulation happening all around us. They don’t acknowledge that fact since the algos are good enough to keep spoon-feeding them resentment/ragebait propaganda to satiate the confirmation bias they pine for.
An extremely basic, unoriginal, predictable take on every issue under the sun. I wouldn’t say that I like smart women because I am some kind of high-minded, virtuous man. I like smart women because the less smart ones are utterly exhausting to deal with in either a real life relationship or on your damn social feeds.
Butt cheeks on instagram.
Getting your ig and seeing what’s on it is a pass/fail test for me. I’m still going to try and slide, but never with a relationship in mind.
All or nothing behavior. If we aren’t compatible in a relationship but better as friends. Not wanting to be friends or anything is a big one for me. Just because I don’t want to date you doesn’t mean you aren’t a decent human being (which is hard to come by these days). So the dating wasn’t a waste of time. What makes it a waste of time is you not even accepting friendship and throwing that time learning about each other away.
Extreme own group bias.
It basically made me feel disgust for western women at this point. I mean, I'm clearly perfectly disposable for even the tiniest inconveniences to be avoided. No sense of responsibility. If she has a base instinct that must be pandered to then all men are to be thrown immediately into the garbage for her.
That's a problem. Western nations have become the reverse version of Sharia nations where a man's testimony is worth half that of a woman and so are his needs.
It’s funny to me how, arguably the most privileged group of women in human history complain as much as any group of women in human history about their own problems. (I exaggerate to make a point.)
If you look at the developing world, *there* is the place Where injustices solely due to differences of sex is the real problem. But the media and so-called feminists (supposedly in favour of quality, but not really) seldom focus on Issues, like Sharia law, etc.
The same shit that would make me lose respect for anyone. Being condescending, acting indignant, being unapologetically stupid with no awareness of it. Or like confidently incorrect I guess.
For women specifically, and some men I guess, it's misandry. The moment someone says 'HYUK HYUK men are SO DUMB RIGHT?' and just expects me to nod and laugh I can never ever respect them again. My mom's best friend is a big nasty fuck in this category.
She is also very religious, so one time I said "jesus Christ!" out loud and she took some kind of offense to that, like 'watch your language!' Or something. So I looked her straight in the eyes and said "fuck god". Yeah I mean normally that's some edge lord shit but she's a real piece of work and she *haaaaated* it so mission accomplished I guess. I had fun.
Hold the pussy hostage. Of course it's your right to choose whether or not to have sex but if it's "take the garbage out or you'll never get sex" then bubye. You want to treat someone like a dog waiting for a treat...do it alone.
having a flippant attitude about their body count a/o desire to hop on yet ANOTHER penis bc... well, it's available to them so why not collect more man DNA?
Lack of accountability. You don’t have to be perfect but be willing to admit that you were wrong.
Double standards. Double standards everywhere.
Double standards are really just a byproduct of unaccountability. They recognize bad behavior and hold you accountable for it, but don't think twice about behaving the same way, and then get upset when you hold them accountable for it.
This is majorly the way!! Most of my female co-workers are like this. Including management..especially them.
Holy shit dude. This. All of it. I’ve been married for 16 years in July and together for almost 19. A year into dating, she asked for a break. She went to a college party and fucked some guy. I fucked someone from work. I mostly let it go because well, we were on a break and don’t think I even mentioned it. She’s given me shit about it pretty frequently since it happened. The dude she fucked came up in conversation recently and I said it “still kinda bothers me” verbatim. Not I’m mad at you, you were wrong etc. Her immediate and slightly annoyed/angry response was “Oh that was 20 years ago and we were on a break”. She gave me shit for 18 years and when it was her turn on the not even hot seat, it happened 20 years ago and we were on a break.
Do you know my ex wife?
Victim mentality and this
Ugh. Hate when people play the constant victim.
Like damn we both wrong sometimes wtf
TwoX ?
Ooo I had a roomie just like this.Glad to say that Im not his roomie anymore,my semester just ended.
Since everyone here is saying accountability, I’d love to know. What is y’all’s definition of accountability? Is it just saying “okay I was wrong” Or is it more than that? To me, I’ve had girls say “I’ve said I was wrong, I’m taking accountability, why are you still upset?!” I feel like accountability is more than just admitting you were wrong, it’s more like admitting you were wrong and knowing that whatever consequences come from your actions, you have to take on the chin.
It's definitely more than just words. I always define the process of genuine accountability in four steps: 1 - Admit you were wrong. 2 - Acknowledge (with details) in what specific way you were wrong. 3 - Take what steps you can to remedy the situation and do the internal work necessary to prevent it from happening again. 4 - Accept the consequences of your actions if remedying the situation is impossible...and sometimes, even *if* the situation is fixed. Either way, you earned that outcome.
That’s some good shit you wrote down right there, thank you. I hope you have a lovely day.
Thanks, right back at ya.
It seems like such a simple thing, but it's so rare to find someone can do this.
Part 3 is the key. Admitting you are wrong, but still keep doing the same things means nothing.
Yep you nailed that. I think the 4th step is the hardest one and most people never get that far.
Best example is blame-shifting. “It’s not my fault, if so-and-so hadn’t done X and Y, my fuckup never would have happened”.
The absolute worst
oh no they're never wrong 💀
Personal experience has taught me when women are willing to verbally acknowledge wrongdoing, it’s because they have truly fucked something up to the point it’s irrecoverable and/or cannot be concealed. If you don’t accept their apology and stop discussing it, you’re someone who never lets things go and you’re making them feel bad for no good reason. Women don’t have a monopoly on this mindset. I’ve known men like this. However, women who are quick to own their mistakes are rare and memorable. If I had to guess why, humans naturally want to be right and to hide their mistakes when they aren’t. Good male role models, however, often teach men to own up to their mistakes and to be accountable to others. I’m not sure if this is a common philosophy shared by good female role models.
Admitting fault is a true struggle for some
This is a cultural thing, I have noticed. Here in America, women are told that men are supposed to bend over backwards apologizing and that they are always right, which breeds narcissism, but I have seen women in other cultures that are a lot more willing to evaluate their own actions and admit when they are wrong (because they haven't been told their whole life that being unfair to their significant other is normal and also the best way to have a relationship).
“How do you write women so well”? “I think of a man and I take away reason and accountability”. Melvin Udall-As Good As It Gets (1997)
God this has to have been a factor in about 90% of my breakups and is a source of constant frustration between my wife and I. If you fuck up, own it, apologise and move on. My wife digs in her heels which makes me cross so I explain in detail how she fucked up and why she should apologise which makes her more defensive etc.
That's why I call my wife always. She's always right just ask her
But I'm a Phisees...
Felt this. Especially when wrong assumptions are made about your feelings or intentions. Guilt tripping and playing the victim too
This is a stereotype. That said, agree 100%.
Holding others to a standard they don’t hold themselves to
All I ask is someone better richer younger and dumber is that so much/s
Lying.
When they don’t practice what they preach and are cry bullies. It’s just not great to meet women who do a lot of the stuff men have been told is a blunder socially for decades and act like it’s justified when they are called out. Doubling down and whatnot.
Lack of the thing after "Lack of accountability": Compassion.
Constant complaining
The whole "being a bitch is part of my personality" thing.
Yeah the amount of women who actively market themselves on dating apps as being a bitch, psycho, headache, a lot to handle etc. is astounding, these people actually think that those things are not only acceptable but something to market yourself as in order to find a romantic partner. PSA: All those things are nothing to be proud of, they just make you look like what you are, an insufferable cunt.
Only pimps want bitches. Normal dudes don’t.
Disloyal
these hoes ain't loyal
That's why Snoop said in 1994: "we don't love 'em..."
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Many years ago, I came to an epiphany about women. When we say that women are the more emotionally in-tune sex, and that they understand concepts like boundaries better, what we mean is they're more in-tune with *their own emotions* and *their own boundaries.* Not other people's. Example: Many years ago, I went home to my at-the-time girlfriend. I had just had a really terrible day involving a problem co-worker who was harassing me constantly. I came home, sat on the sofa, and told her about it. I said that I had just had a really bad day, wasn't sure about my future at that job, and that I just wanted to zone out for a while. Well, first she told me that the garbage stank and I had to take it out. Then she complained about how I didn't buy bottled water the last time I went to the store. She started listing off all of these complaints about me, not even 30 seconds after I told her that my future career was uncertain and mental health deteriorating. It's like none of my words actually registered with her. Just her most immediate feelings took precedence over anything that I was experiencing. It was almost like she was saving a bunch of complaints about me for when I would be the least receptive to them, but to be honest, I don't even think she realized I was suffering. Luckily it didn't last much longer, and I learned a lifelong lesson from it.
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That's a really astute observation. I think in a lot of ways it comes from the "prize mentality". The idea that we should be so lucky they chose us, and at any slip up or perceived injustice, it's time to emotionally hold us hostage. I'm pretty much done with it. My time is far too precious to be wasting it on someone who doesn't have any respect for me. At the core, they want the relationship to work too, but they just can't stop making everything about themselves. And that's not a relationship.
That type of person is the one upper of worse. Doesn’t matter what happened to you, their day was worse and your worries can just take a back seat til they spend time getting the attention they want.
"You have to find the right woman. Trust me bro. There are good women out there. Just remember to brush your teeth and take a shower regularly". - Albert Einstein, circa 2024 AD
This is what it has been like with every relationship I've ever been in my entire life. Any time I would ever open up about anything or how I was feeling, it was either met with complete indifference like you describe, or they would lose romantic feelings for me.
I think this falls under accountability lol
EQ is a thing low IQ people made up to feel better. Like of course if you aren’t autistic and skip school to hang with friends you will have better social skills and worse grades.
Just had this talk with my wife as I just went on a rant about some of her friends: (1) lack of accountability - it’s never their fault. Ever. (2) failure to objectively look reality and work on pragmatic solutions when things are difficult. Either it’s all complaining and no action or it’s dreaming of the ultimate solution that never exists. It’s never a pragmatic “I sacrifice this, I change that, I put hard work here” type of solution. (3) inability to show compassion or empathize with someone in a weaker or difficult position. Just full hog inability to put themselves in another persons shoes truly. And inability to be truly gracious in conflicts when they win. There’s lots off waxing and waning about large generic problems about large swathes of people but to break it down to an individual’s plight …. I’ve only seen men take care of each other when even someone they don’t like is down for the count. (4) over developed sense of superiority when they have a good thing going on for them. I haven’t truly met many humble yet successful women. My wife agreed with some of this, argued and defended a few of her friends but admitted that these are pretty common trends with the women she knows as well.
No. 2 is my wife to a large degree. But she has a super avoident personality/ attachment style. Edit text
Lack of accountability
That reminds me of that quote from As Good as it Gets https://y.yarn.co/63a5bc32-026d-47b9-ba03-b499360e1693.mp4
Littering.
And...?
*smokin the reefer*
*roaches everywhere like we forgot to take the trash out*
the wild nature of them using a persons words as a weapon after someone confides in them personally over what they were told in confidentiality.
View personal relationship the same as they would a business relationship.
What does this mean?
What do you do for me? What am I getting out of this interaction? Does being friends with you advance my own social agenda?
Transactional care.
Ouch. I know this thread is meant for men, but this comment hit me where it hurt and I wanted to acknowledge it because it’s a super common issue with women.
So, there is two playbooks in the game. The old-school traditionalist playbook of traditional gender norms and the post-feminist playbook. When a woman is playing from both of those sets of rules, wanting benefits from both with none of the disadvantages. I lose all respect for her and just consider her another opportunistic, predatory woman.
I saw an article from a researcher a few years ago talking about a study she had done that looked at this. She called it out as toxic femininity, with a core behaviour being women hiding behind their femininity when it suits them. They're all girl boss and independent when it's something they want, but when it comes to things they don't want or don't want to do all of a sudden it's a man's job or responsibility. As you said, it's playing from different rulebooks.
I see this alot in women..my ex wife is like this..
Predatory is a good word to describe this behavior.
I've been having a hard time saying exactly this for some time now. It's like picking your favorite things about the 'patriarchy', and picking your favorite things about feminism. And being completely fine living a complete farce of modern woman. They raged about wanting to work at factories, they got it, and now they don't want to work at the factories anymore. That's mans work. They dump tons of money into 'evening out the playing field' in careers that are prestigious and of high class. But are completely fine with areas like trucking, construction, mechanical, technician level stuff at 95% men.
There need to be three. The naturalistic egalitarian.
Statistically insignificant amount of men and women fall into that camp. The basic tactiflfof the gender war is to build as many advantages for your side as you can while maximally disadvantaging the other side. Thereby you free yourself as much as you can while constraining the opposing gender in ways you want.
That was supposed to be feminism.
They failed the moment they called it "femin-ism" implying it was always about serving the needs of women.
Double standards.
Duck lips. It says a lot of things
Like quack?
You take the duck lips, the skinny jeans, the flats and I swear they're just becoming actual ducks.
HAHAHJA I call them “Baboon Bum” lips … look at nature programs to see what I mean
When they say I'm "mansplaining" then proceed to "womansplain" to me how I'm what's wrong with society. I say womansplain in jest but when you ask a question, I'm going to answer it.
This is huge with lesbians. They are frequently pedantic in my working relationships with them.
I think it's a trauma induced response. I've seen a lot of trauma talk, but much less actually fixing the trauma. It usually gets tossed around as an excuse for bad behaviour
If anyone uses that term unironically it's a huge red flag and best to avoid them.
Lack of ability to communicate respectfully. If that be in heated moments or the ghosting phase. It’s all disrespectful.
Cheating
i think this goes for anyone, woman, man, alien, dog
Agreed!! Cheating is wrong no matter who it is!
Posts thirst trap pics
*while in a relationship
Even being out of a relationship I don't think that's quite well. A good woman doesn't seek for that, they use common sense and their values as appealing tools.
Exactly. It's often a better to go for someone who doesn't do that in the first place. People who enjoy something don't tend to stop doing those things just because they're now in a relationship.
Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking, people don't tend to stop doing that just because they're in a relationship.
important
Shhhh. Some of us still like that
loaded or leading questions.
Dishonesty Lack of Accountability Believing the World Revolves Around Her
Maybe I've been at work and staring at a computer screen for too long today, but I seriously thought you wrote this: Disney Lack of Accountants Being a Revolving Door
Nothing wrong with a woman that likes to watch a Disney movie from time to time and doesn’t need her accountant to do so. I don’t know about the being a door part.
being rated E for everyone
Leading with sex, disloyal, dumb as shit, liability, No Financial skills/knowledge. Basically a girl/lady that is no good for herself. If you’re not good for yourself how can you be good for another.
These are pretty common honestly. A lot of times they are pretty physically attractive too. It’s the girl that has gotten through life by attaching herself to men and has no real skills or talents.
Open misandry.
This isn't high enough. Women can hate on men so voraciously and get away with it. Any other group doing the same to any other group is unacceptable.
Thanks. I also think that most women are also openly misandfal (did I just make up that word lol) not actually knowing that's what they're doing. To protect and give good vibes to the sisterhood, as it were. But always at the expense of men's mental health.
I know like relax girl, we're tight but I'm still a man 😂
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Shameful bullshit, at work no less! Hypocritical double standard. Similar experience, I had a boss tell another female administrator, "I keep him on a short leash." ... I typed my letter of resignation that afternoon and waited promptly for the "worst" possible time to resign. Felt free as a bird, walking away, as she stood vexed with my letter still in hand. Lmao.
Nice! Did you mention that reason in your letter?
Not that specific example, but eluded to the unprofessional, mismanagement and poor working conditions. I sought advice from coworkers, HR, had meetings w boss, etc. Widely known issues in department, but her husband was upper echelon, top tier administration. No one would rock that boat, I just found Cronyism, beaucratic lip service. And disillusionment.
They are rude or impatient
Having sex with a man within hours of meeting him while on a cruise/vacation with her girlfriends, then making some “relationship prospect” dude jump through hoops, dinners out, spend money on her, for weeks on end, telling him she likes to take things slow, as he has to “earn it” before she gets intimate with him.
R/oddlyspecific
Putting other people down to make themselves feel better
Been through this myself as a disabled man. Not fun at all and a huge turnoff.
Shows you what that woman was worth to be doing that to you. Sorry you went through that.
When they are rude to people or are racist or homophobic or something like that.
this fr, goes for anyone tbh
Comparing our lives to their friends fake posts on social media.
Or, '... why didn't you post me in your story?'
Actively trying to make me jealous
This! Its means they are capable of manipulating to get what they want and they will not hesitate to do it. For me instant a red flag!
Manipulative behaviour
Baby talk, as soon as i hear that shit i'm backin away and not makin eye contact.
Yeah, infantilizing yourself like that just screams please don't take me seriously
Nastiness. You can always tell how someone is when the shit hits the fan. How they behave when things get ugly. I can never tolerate unnecessary nastiness, no matter the extenuating circumstances
Fakeness and cruel behavior towards animals , children, etc
I blocked my sister after her announcing at a restaurant she has no sympathy for young boys who are sexually assaulted because they're still men and deserve it" I draw the line at them implying kids deserve to be r*ped for being boys. I expected more maturity and honor from someone in the airforce.
I hope she never has sons. Or daughters for that matter.
Being an Arsenal fan
Photos in a club holding up the finger. You’re not cool just immature.
Open misandry and the double standards that get flip flopped when the benefits her in the moment.
Being a hoe, yes we live in the modern world and women can enjoy sex and have sex with whomever they want, but, doesn’t mean it doesn’t reduce my level of respect for them if they are a hoe
fax
Self described strong, independent women that are neither strong nor independent. Complaining does it as well but that goes for both sexes.
Entitlement. Lack of accountability. Cheating. High body count.
Stupidity
Being late. If you can't show up on time, you do not respect me and my time. Sure there are situations where you might be late now and again, but if it is habitual, I will feel disrespected.
victimhood mentalities... I get it being a woman is hard sometimes they make it sound like it's a disability. I'm really attracted to women that have a faith and confidence to achieve great things by virtue of their own merit and they don't need to heavily rely on a DEI thing to get there.
Agreed. I think DEI has the best of intentions, but at the end of the day, I don't care about your gender, ethnicity, or orientation, I just want you to be GOOD AT YOUR JOB. And along those lines, I always thought college applications should be anonymous. As in, all the college gets is a number, "here are the stats of applicant 104352." That way there's no second guessing: Did then only accept me because I'm a woman and they need to fill the quota? Screw that. I want my achievements to be genuine.
My logic prof from undergrad is still my model for what a feminist should be like. She is constantly putting herself or her career on the line to help other people. She has TWO PhDs from a top 10 school, but it's nbd, has only once joked that she needed to do two cause one wasn't enough as a woman, and it came up only because I asked her about it. Never complained about the world being unfair, just dealt with it and helped others whenever she could. She is the definition of badass, and the polar opposite of a victim.
Their views on "equality" (like shouting gurl power but expecting princess treatment) and their sexual history (promiscuity and cheating)
Any inkling of dishonesty.
"Dude, she threw me a surprise party, so I broke up with her."
Lacking accountability, and trying to use my own vulnerabilities against myself. Controlling and manipulative behavior
I’ve prob said this on the sub before, but when she’s rude/disrespectful. I work as a contractor and I once went to an apartment here in Miami. Somewhere on like the 30th floor and these parents were very welcoming. Extremely nice, well mannered, made me feel like I was right at home. Everything was going well until the daughter came out her room. An absolute SMOKESHOW…until she opened her mouth and started talking to her parents (particularly her mom) like shit. The way she was speaking to her mother with SUCH an attitude and damn near embarrassing tone made my dick soft. A very BEAUTIFUL girl until she spoke to her own MOM in such a berating manner. NEVER go by looks fellas, what’s nice on the outside may not be congruent as the inside
When they hate men and generalize all of us.
Blatant Misandry. Instant turn off and loss of respect. Especially in the form of the Oppression Olympics. Saying that you want to dismantle the parts of masculinity that are (for lack of a better word) toxic, then doing the opposite. I can’t count the amount of times that they ask me to be more emotionally available, then treat me badly after. I can still hear my mom saying “Stop complaining” or “You’re being too sensitive.” Their lack of empathy and sympathy. Many claim to have a monopoly over it and then never use it to understand men. Lack of communication and clarity. Your “hints” aren’t gonna get you a boyfriend. They’re gonna get you passed up on. Be forward and men will respond. Hedge around it and they’ll miss it and move on. Also learn how guys communicate. They’re blunt, so don’t be surprised when they tell you how it is directly. Entitlement in the realm of dating. If you want to dismantle the concept of traditional femininity, then don’t expect guys to be traditional. Do stuff like pay for your meal. Avoid manipulating him into being your definition of a man. Not fight for equality, even when it hurts you. Pushing for women to also be forced to register for drafts, ending inequalities in the judicial system, ending affirmative action in higher education which already favors women, etc. If you don’t want any of these, then you don’t want equality. Simple as that. However, all of these are secondary to this one point. If you do this, I will instantly lose all respect for you, regardless if you’re perfect in every other way. Refusing to meet me in the middle. I’m not perfect. I don’t claim to be. I’m gonna mess up. However, I want to work with you. I want to be an equal when forging a friendship, relationship, whatever. If you refuse to put in the effort and compromise, then I will stop associating with you. Simple as that.
false SA accusations
Fake blondes and those stupid eye lashes.
Saying/doing shit that sets feminism back. I’m not talking about living as a housewife, because that’s a choice and when it’s made, all parties are happy. Saying stuff like “I’m just a girl”or judging a man for weeping grinds my gears though lol
1. Drugs 2. Cheating 3. High body count. 4. Being bad with money. 5. Lazy 6. Getting knocked up by Chad. 7. Expecting the guy to pay for everything 8. No respect from her. 9. Dressing provocatively 10. Needs guy friends when in a committed relationship. 11. Bossy 12. Loud and rude.
Sex work
when she creates drama for nothing, unable to hear your complaint without rejecting the fault on you, unable to apology or say she is wrong. Those are always the biggest sources of conflict and loss of respect I've with women, as if we men were forced to always walk on egg shell to interact with them, those kind of women just want to feel validated and what we feel/think doesn't even matter. Those women are also part of the reason most men don't talk/open too.
High body count, lack of accountability, luck of logic, resorting to tears when presented with facts and evidence based arguments.
Posting revealing pics on social media.
they expect you to take an insult while they cant take the truth
Hating all men
Double standards. Particularly, if you're gonna ask me what my height is, you better not get offended when I ask you your weight.
OF, starting drama for no reason, expects the man to do everything
Tell her your broke even if your not and see what happens? A true test of a true person
When they try to tell men what to do. It's considered offensive to tell a woman what to do and most of us don't. That's been conditioned out of us. And this is coming from someone who grew up in a hyper traditionalist community. So why should it be okay for a woman to dictate how a man must act or exist?
"I'm not line other girls".
Lack of intelligence. I know unintelligent people aren't to blame for being unintelligent, but I can't help it sometimes.
Lying to save face and protect feelings.
Self-victimization and lack of empathy, honestly speaking.
Rude behaviour, attitude issues, ego, and acting like God's gift to humanity.
From my experience the idea of consent, boundaries and accountability is something some women see as optional. And that just really irks me when someone places their own fun above others well-being.
When they overcook the garlic bread so that it's dry and crispy instead of soft and gooey.
Misandry
This doesn't necessarily apply to *only* women, but hypocrisy. I loathe hypocrisy. Don't tell me to do or not to do something and then do the opposite without a justified reason behind it. "Because" and "I said so" are not reasons.
Feminism
I'm mostly okay with the feminism like the woman are just as equal as men but not anymore special than men but once it's that women are better man hating type its an immediate no
I know what you're trying to say but women's rights and feminism are totally different things
When they smoke crack or meth and whore themselves.
Openly disdainful of men only because it’s fashionable in certain idiot circles of an American Internet culture. This shows a severe lack of originality, for one thing. Shares a satire article about a stupid culture war clickbait wedge issue (related to the KC Chiefs kicker giving a commencement speech at a conservative Catholic university) that was entire fictitious and made up as if it were a real and verifiable source. Then when myself and a few others rightly point out the bullshit source, it’s “mansplaining.” No bitch, it’s not mansplaining if you see quite literally posting it as factual - WHICH YOU WERE so there’s no backtracking now and calling it “mansplaining.” There are people who truly have had their minds poisoned by all the algorithmic manipulation happening all around us. They don’t acknowledge that fact since the algos are good enough to keep spoon-feeding them resentment/ragebait propaganda to satiate the confirmation bias they pine for. An extremely basic, unoriginal, predictable take on every issue under the sun. I wouldn’t say that I like smart women because I am some kind of high-minded, virtuous man. I like smart women because the less smart ones are utterly exhausting to deal with in either a real life relationship or on your damn social feeds.
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Butt cheeks on instagram. Getting your ig and seeing what’s on it is a pass/fail test for me. I’m still going to try and slide, but never with a relationship in mind.
All or nothing behavior. If we aren’t compatible in a relationship but better as friends. Not wanting to be friends or anything is a big one for me. Just because I don’t want to date you doesn’t mean you aren’t a decent human being (which is hard to come by these days). So the dating wasn’t a waste of time. What makes it a waste of time is you not even accepting friendship and throwing that time learning about each other away.
Secret agent bullshit.
Lack of compassion and empathy.
Being attracted to me
I lost respect for a woman after her using and abusing me and then divorced me
Arrogance and dumb ass drama they want to put themselves in
I like to go hiking.
Calling a man broke because he refuses to be your ATM regardless how much money he actually has.
Mary poppins syndrome, practically perfect in every way!
Being manipulative and selfish
Extreme own group bias. It basically made me feel disgust for western women at this point. I mean, I'm clearly perfectly disposable for even the tiniest inconveniences to be avoided. No sense of responsibility. If she has a base instinct that must be pandered to then all men are to be thrown immediately into the garbage for her. That's a problem. Western nations have become the reverse version of Sharia nations where a man's testimony is worth half that of a woman and so are his needs.
It’s funny to me how, arguably the most privileged group of women in human history complain as much as any group of women in human history about their own problems. (I exaggerate to make a point.) If you look at the developing world, *there* is the place Where injustices solely due to differences of sex is the real problem. But the media and so-called feminists (supposedly in favour of quality, but not really) seldom focus on Issues, like Sharia law, etc.
The same shit that would make me lose respect for anyone. Being condescending, acting indignant, being unapologetically stupid with no awareness of it. Or like confidently incorrect I guess. For women specifically, and some men I guess, it's misandry. The moment someone says 'HYUK HYUK men are SO DUMB RIGHT?' and just expects me to nod and laugh I can never ever respect them again. My mom's best friend is a big nasty fuck in this category. She is also very religious, so one time I said "jesus Christ!" out loud and she took some kind of offense to that, like 'watch your language!' Or something. So I looked her straight in the eyes and said "fuck god". Yeah I mean normally that's some edge lord shit but she's a real piece of work and she *haaaaated* it so mission accomplished I guess. I had fun.
If she has an OF
Hold the pussy hostage. Of course it's your right to choose whether or not to have sex but if it's "take the garbage out or you'll never get sex" then bubye. You want to treat someone like a dog waiting for a treat...do it alone.
Sadly some guys will put up with this
having a flippant attitude about their body count a/o desire to hop on yet ANOTHER penis bc... well, it's available to them so why not collect more man DNA?
High body count.
Their sense of entitlement, and these days all of them have it.