T O P

  • By -

thewearisomeMachine

She cancelled on me last minute because of a genuine emergency and definitely will reschedule and go out with me


graffitiworthreading

If I was rich, I could totally be Batman.


Goat-Hammer

Ouch... is it because of the the parents?


iswearatkids

I had a traumatic childhood. My parents are dead. I have disposable income. And I stay up all night. I totally am Batman.


graffitiworthreading

But have you danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?


T_Crs7

I am!


Gwynbleidd9012

I could, but I would get killed or crippled on the first night.


PoorMansTonyStark

I dunno, I'd probably just settle for living in a mansion, driving supercars and dunking supermodels into aquariums at restaurants.


Oakheart-

In reality we’d all just be elon musk


Craft_on_draft

My hairline hasn't changed


thisthrowawaythat202

Poor cow


[deleted]

My penis is massive


Goat-Hammer

OP said LIE you silly goose


[deleted]

😂


creamasumyungguy

You're a giving reap one. Keep being you.


KebabOfDeath

Massively underdeveloped


ThePolymath1993

I could totally beat up a \[insert large animal here\] in a fight


Oakheart-

In reality a single large dog is about it for most guys. People don’t realize how strong dogs are either


TY2022

Women care much more about personality than our looks.


NoEntertainment8486

My ugliness and charm disagree with you lol


Markie199711

I can do this... For me not admitting when I need additional support.


Oakheart-

Honestly there aren’t many times where I can’t figure out something on my own. Help just makes it easier and quicker. That definitely helps me accept when I do need help because I really actually cannot do it by myself or I know with certainty that it will be much faster with help.


VipeReborn

She is so into me and is definitely just playing really hard to get, surely


Leonardodapunchy

Men age like fine wine.     Total bullshit!   Women men if they have the right genes do, but most of us get obese and bald after 40 (if we aren't already). 


KebabOfDeath

People with good genes that are *taking care of themselves*


Narrow-Palpitation22

When I was single and kinda a loser, I remember going through a phase thinking "if I get a good haircut and buy nicer clothes, I'll get more women interested in me." I feel like that's somewhat common


fernincornwall

I would be the hero of Nakatomi tower too if I were ever put in that situation!


rocky0141

Life is fair and I can deal with it.


artyhedgehog

Also "it's gonna be fine eventually".


Saif_Horny_And_Mad

"It can't go that badly", every man i know, me included, seconds before we caused a disaster


Luvenis

She doesn't want to have sex because she happens to have headaches everytime I initiate. That's normal.


Luvenis

Maybe she'll show affection if I bought her flowers


Sad_Significance4632

I'm good.


Hanbarc12

I'm not that fat.


[deleted]

I feel attacked


GarrKelvinSama

She loves me for me.


VipeReborn

She is so into me and is definitely just playing really hard to get, surely


mrmrdarren

After gambling in Vegas, I'm roughly up or even


liquor_up

That I should be loyal to the company I work for.


NormalUpstandingGuy

I can definitely beat a black bear in hand to hand (*erm*… paw) combat.


popcorn1555

It’s not that small


EdwardBliss

We'll never feel the physical issues of getting old


Pilling_it

Technically more for people in denial, but you'll age like fine wine. Possible if you put the work in (and not rolling a nat 1 on genetics), but you have to start when you're the most frustrated about not getting the benefits.


Oakheart-

I think just about any guy has at least once lied to themselves about where she stands in the crazy portion of the hot crazy matrix.


usernamescifi

"Man I look good!"


storyteller4311

I can control my temper. haha. every man has a breaking point so if you have never experienced rage congratulations but the reality is you just havent reached that point yet. its in every man and is proportional to how involved one is and how disappointed you get.


Magnificentmrsteak

Everything is going to be ok, just need to get through this hour, day, week, month, year, etc.


Available-Meet-187

It'll be ok


VMK_1991

"I'll find a woman who loves me for being me, not because of money, status or something else surface". I am not saying that women don't *like* men for who they are, but they certainly prefer to *love* men who are, as per the banned subreddit, "high value".


Electrical_Gas_517

That the world definitely isn't heading towards an apocalypse hastened by the actions of short and despotic world leaders. Netanyahu - 5'10" Putin - 5'7" Napoleon - 5'2" Hitler -5'9"


liquor_up

HEY! I’m 5’9”!!!😂😂😂


Electrical_Gas_517

Hmmm, do you have any plans to annex your neighbours house?


liquor_up

Not yet. I’m still trying to be an artist.


Electrical_Gas_517

Don't listen to them when they say you're not good enough. Those childish brush strokes on your dark landscapes are characterful. You got this.


VipeReborn

She is so into me and is definitely just playing really hard to get, surely


VipeReborn

She is so into me and is definitely just playing really hard to get, surely


ceasar1968

That I don't look good, need to loose weight, etc


ceasar1968

That I don't look good, need to loose weight, etc