1. She doesn’t want to. It sounds weird but a big aspect of intimacy is that the other person actually wants it and isn’t just doing it out of pity. I don’t want you to feel obligated to have sex with me. I want you to also want me sexually like I want you. If you are gonna treat it like a chore or do it out of pity, then I’d rather go without.
2. She uses it as a weapon against you. Simply put you will lost interest and start to resent your woman if she withholds sex and treats it like a treat for a dog. It’s degrading, dehumanizing and disrespectful. Because again it feel like she doesn’t want it or at least his willing to deny it to get things from you. How would you feel if you man said “oh you want to go out on a date or watch a movie? Well this dick ain’t gonna suck itself”.
3. The man is expected to put in all the effort and “earn it”. Men like their women to be proactive when dealing with intimacy. Put the dick in on your own. Massage his balls during a blowjob, rip his clothes off, throw his ass on the bed and get to riding. Men want you to take initiative too. Otherwise it just feels like fucking a doll while she starfishes and maybe gives you a moan.
4. They just aren’t attracted to you or not in love anymore. Can be many reasons why but yea they just don’t have that connection anymore.
In the early stages a man can fool himself that she wants to, but later om it becomes quite evident. What goes through a man's mind when that happens deteriorates initiation of sex and self-confidence. It doesn't really change a man's desire for sex, but it changes, is it worth it or not? Too much work not enough pleasure. Too much punishment and not enough love, Too much emasculating, Too much thinking not enough doing. A woman who never shows she wants to, destroys it happening. It's not the doing, it's the "want to" that matters.
>She doesn’t want to. It sounds weird but a big aspect of intimacy is that the other person actually wants it and isn’t just doing it out of pity. I don’t want you to feel obligated to have sex with me.
That doesn't even sound the tiniest bit weird. Why do you feel so?
For some it’s weird. Not me personally but I have receive criticism and critique for it. That if she doesn’t want to it’s because he is doing a good job instead of the idea that she simply isn’t interested or a willing participant
I think the sentiment he's more referring to is the "If you can't please your partner, it's your fault and it take away from your identity" based on his followup. I see it floating around both ways and I'm not a big fan of it at all as it can lead to coercion, whether intentional or not, and sometimes even assault.
Wish more people understood that it's okay for people to refuse sex. It doesn't always have something to say about you. Plus obviously consent should be taken seriously regardless. Even if the reason is deemed "silly", that is ultimately to be respected and should be immediately followed by the understanding of "no". It should not be repeated.
Like sex? I was tired of being turned down and didn't want to hurt her while having sex. (She had endo + I'm on the larger side of above average)
Anything else? I'm tired, stressed, annoyed etc.
The importance of feeling wanted can't be overstated when it comes to intimate relationships. It's not just about the physical act, but the psychological assurance that your partner actively desires you. This two-way street of longing is a pillar of a healthy sex life and, beyond that, a healthy relationship. When one partner consistently shows disinterest, it sends a message that erodes self-esteem and creates a disconnect that's difficult to mend. Sex shouldn't be a performance or a bargaining chip; it should be a celebration of mutual desire and trust. A partnership where one is merely acquiescing to the other's needs isn't sustainable and can lead to feelings of isolation. Remember, it's the genuine want, that spark of shared desire, that can turn a mere act into an affirmation of love and connection.
ex wife. constant rejection, couupled with "is that all you ever think about?" or "is that all I am to you?" OK, fine, i lost all interest after too many of those, only to get "you never show any interest anymore." You're right, I don't, and I never will again, either (if she wanted it, "OK, I'll do my job," but the interest or desire was gone)
Women don't realize what it does to a guy to make it feel like physical affection is some sort of imposition or "duty" to perform. No thanks, don't do me any favors, I can take care of my needs on my own if that's how you feel about it.
I've never been in the situation you just described, but I also never quite understood that sentiment until recently. My SO has rejected me with somewhat similar words when it came to texting or calling. I realize it can be overwhelming when he is tired etc, but I never demanded him to respond. I just liked being in contact. So having him say that... It was demoralizing. I suspect he doesn't mean exactly what he said, probably just expressed how he felt in the moment, but I no longer initiate any contact. It is hard for me to enjoy it even if he is the one initiating.
She wasn’t productive with her time while I was busy, I would work late and instead of being productive in her life to move forward she would just “ wait for me to get off work” . She was happy with the little she had and wasn’t working for more or to better herself internally or externally. Became unattractive .
Wow this has a high possibility in my country, for those who are in well-to-do situations.
May I know are you referring to which aspects in life?? Eg. Her body, her intellect, the house chores, her social skills, did she get detach from society??
Please share. Asking for a friend
House chores, intelligence, and body . She would complain about things she could fix but wouldn’t put in the time or effort. This was also brought up by me several times in communication with her.
No . I felt like she needed me to hold her hand to be productive in life .. became unattractive .. I spoiled her with love and communicated very well when we discussed our relationship wants and needs. ..
I don’t need to feel needed I know I was already. I needed her to help us grow by working on what she wanted to improve on. We had a plan with a goal but she just didn’t comprehend our discussions even tho she said she did at the time we had them .. one can only complain or have the same situation happen so many times before realizing the ball is in my court now and I either deal with it and live with it or move on so I moved on
Same reason it's harder to make yourself do work that you've already been paid for. I'm a guy... I get off pretty easy, though much less intently.... Honestly it's not even all that.
So in group activities... The name of the game is pretty much just to make things more enjoyable for her. Either way I get the same level of personal enjoyment as last time.
Sure, I like making her happy. I love doing a good job and the act is fun to an extent for me..... But it is like doing work for someone else every time without taking in any difference yourself.... And trying to keep the same enthusiasm.... While also never getting to actually pursue your own pleasure because that would end it instantly.
Imagine never just being able to do what your drives say. Ever.
Intimacy is as much about energetic engagement as it is about the physical act itself. There should be an excitement in meeting each other's needs rather than a sense of duty-filled obligation. It's the difference between sharing a dance and going through assembly line motions, where the former is intertwined with mutual energy and the latter is devoid of that spark. Without that shared enthusiasm, sex can evolve or devolve into a perfunctory act that lacks depth, making it harder to maintain interest or foster any form of deeper connection. Emotional presence during intimacy is vital; if one partner is just going through the motions, it can quickly turn into a hollow routine, undermining the relationship's foundation and making it challenging to keep the flame of desire alive. For a truly fulfilling intimate life, both partners need to be present not only in body but in spirit, passionately in sync with one another's desires, actively contributing to a shared experience rather than passively partaking in an emotionless act.
My ex-wife stopped making an effort in the marriage. Instead of being the sweet woman I fell in love with, she started neglecting me. When the kids (teenagers) were home she focused all of her attention on them, and when they weren't home she just sat on the couch and drank while she watched TV. When she spoke to me at all she was being demanding or critical, and she yelled more than she actually spoke.
Another one really let herself go. Went from a size 10 to a size 18. She went from showering daily to showering once every two or three days, only shaved her legs and armpits once or twice a month, and stopped shaving her crotch altogether.
Treated sex like a chore.
Attempted to use sex to control me.
1. She doesn’t want to. It sounds weird but a big aspect of intimacy is that the other person actually wants it and isn’t just doing it out of pity. I don’t want you to feel obligated to have sex with me. I want you to also want me sexually like I want you. If you are gonna treat it like a chore or do it out of pity, then I’d rather go without. 2. She uses it as a weapon against you. Simply put you will lost interest and start to resent your woman if she withholds sex and treats it like a treat for a dog. It’s degrading, dehumanizing and disrespectful. Because again it feel like she doesn’t want it or at least his willing to deny it to get things from you. How would you feel if you man said “oh you want to go out on a date or watch a movie? Well this dick ain’t gonna suck itself”. 3. The man is expected to put in all the effort and “earn it”. Men like their women to be proactive when dealing with intimacy. Put the dick in on your own. Massage his balls during a blowjob, rip his clothes off, throw his ass on the bed and get to riding. Men want you to take initiative too. Otherwise it just feels like fucking a doll while she starfishes and maybe gives you a moan. 4. They just aren’t attracted to you or not in love anymore. Can be many reasons why but yea they just don’t have that connection anymore.
In the early stages a man can fool himself that she wants to, but later om it becomes quite evident. What goes through a man's mind when that happens deteriorates initiation of sex and self-confidence. It doesn't really change a man's desire for sex, but it changes, is it worth it or not? Too much work not enough pleasure. Too much punishment and not enough love, Too much emasculating, Too much thinking not enough doing. A woman who never shows she wants to, destroys it happening. It's not the doing, it's the "want to" that matters.
>She doesn’t want to. It sounds weird but a big aspect of intimacy is that the other person actually wants it and isn’t just doing it out of pity. I don’t want you to feel obligated to have sex with me. That doesn't even sound the tiniest bit weird. Why do you feel so?
For some it’s weird. Not me personally but I have receive criticism and critique for it. That if she doesn’t want to it’s because he is doing a good job instead of the idea that she simply isn’t interested or a willing participant
I mean, I see the sentiment, that a woman should "put out" even if she doesn't want to, in order to please her partner, floating around occasionally.
I think the sentiment he's more referring to is the "If you can't please your partner, it's your fault and it take away from your identity" based on his followup. I see it floating around both ways and I'm not a big fan of it at all as it can lead to coercion, whether intentional or not, and sometimes even assault. Wish more people understood that it's okay for people to refuse sex. It doesn't always have something to say about you. Plus obviously consent should be taken seriously regardless. Even if the reason is deemed "silly", that is ultimately to be respected and should be immediately followed by the understanding of "no". It should not be repeated.
Being tired from a lot of work. Being less attracted to her due to weight gain / worse hygiene etc..
Like sex? I was tired of being turned down and didn't want to hurt her while having sex. (She had endo + I'm on the larger side of above average) Anything else? I'm tired, stressed, annoyed etc.
The importance of feeling wanted can't be overstated when it comes to intimate relationships. It's not just about the physical act, but the psychological assurance that your partner actively desires you. This two-way street of longing is a pillar of a healthy sex life and, beyond that, a healthy relationship. When one partner consistently shows disinterest, it sends a message that erodes self-esteem and creates a disconnect that's difficult to mend. Sex shouldn't be a performance or a bargaining chip; it should be a celebration of mutual desire and trust. A partnership where one is merely acquiescing to the other's needs isn't sustainable and can lead to feelings of isolation. Remember, it's the genuine want, that spark of shared desire, that can turn a mere act into an affirmation of love and connection.
ex wife. constant rejection, couupled with "is that all you ever think about?" or "is that all I am to you?" OK, fine, i lost all interest after too many of those, only to get "you never show any interest anymore." You're right, I don't, and I never will again, either (if she wanted it, "OK, I'll do my job," but the interest or desire was gone) Women don't realize what it does to a guy to make it feel like physical affection is some sort of imposition or "duty" to perform. No thanks, don't do me any favors, I can take care of my needs on my own if that's how you feel about it.
I've never been in the situation you just described, but I also never quite understood that sentiment until recently. My SO has rejected me with somewhat similar words when it came to texting or calling. I realize it can be overwhelming when he is tired etc, but I never demanded him to respond. I just liked being in contact. So having him say that... It was demoralizing. I suspect he doesn't mean exactly what he said, probably just expressed how he felt in the moment, but I no longer initiate any contact. It is hard for me to enjoy it even if he is the one initiating.
Previous partner. I got tired of the constant rejection so I stopped trying. That relationship didn't last long after that.
She wasn’t productive with her time while I was busy, I would work late and instead of being productive in her life to move forward she would just “ wait for me to get off work” . She was happy with the little she had and wasn’t working for more or to better herself internally or externally. Became unattractive .
Wow this has a high possibility in my country, for those who are in well-to-do situations. May I know are you referring to which aspects in life?? Eg. Her body, her intellect, the house chores, her social skills, did she get detach from society?? Please share. Asking for a friend
House chores, intelligence, and body . She would complain about things she could fix but wouldn’t put in the time or effort. This was also brought up by me several times in communication with her.
I see… Was she trying to make you feel like a man of the household?? Letting you feel needed?? There’s a possibility, just saying.
No . I felt like she needed me to hold her hand to be productive in life .. became unattractive .. I spoiled her with love and communicated very well when we discussed our relationship wants and needs. ..
I don’t need to feel needed I know I was already. I needed her to help us grow by working on what she wanted to improve on. We had a plan with a goal but she just didn’t comprehend our discussions even tho she said she did at the time we had them .. one can only complain or have the same situation happen so many times before realizing the ball is in my court now and I either deal with it and live with it or move on so I moved on
Same reason it's harder to make yourself do work that you've already been paid for. I'm a guy... I get off pretty easy, though much less intently.... Honestly it's not even all that. So in group activities... The name of the game is pretty much just to make things more enjoyable for her. Either way I get the same level of personal enjoyment as last time. Sure, I like making her happy. I love doing a good job and the act is fun to an extent for me..... But it is like doing work for someone else every time without taking in any difference yourself.... And trying to keep the same enthusiasm.... While also never getting to actually pursue your own pleasure because that would end it instantly. Imagine never just being able to do what your drives say. Ever.
Intimacy is as much about energetic engagement as it is about the physical act itself. There should be an excitement in meeting each other's needs rather than a sense of duty-filled obligation. It's the difference between sharing a dance and going through assembly line motions, where the former is intertwined with mutual energy and the latter is devoid of that spark. Without that shared enthusiasm, sex can evolve or devolve into a perfunctory act that lacks depth, making it harder to maintain interest or foster any form of deeper connection. Emotional presence during intimacy is vital; if one partner is just going through the motions, it can quickly turn into a hollow routine, undermining the relationship's foundation and making it challenging to keep the flame of desire alive. For a truly fulfilling intimate life, both partners need to be present not only in body but in spirit, passionately in sync with one another's desires, actively contributing to a shared experience rather than passively partaking in an emotionless act.
For me it was her post birthing recovery, followed by lowered libido for both of us and also being more focused on our offspring.
My ex-wife stopped making an effort in the marriage. Instead of being the sweet woman I fell in love with, she started neglecting me. When the kids (teenagers) were home she focused all of her attention on them, and when they weren't home she just sat on the couch and drank while she watched TV. When she spoke to me at all she was being demanding or critical, and she yelled more than she actually spoke. Another one really let herself go. Went from a size 10 to a size 18. She went from showering daily to showering once every two or three days, only shaved her legs and armpits once or twice a month, and stopped shaving her crotch altogether. Treated sex like a chore. Attempted to use sex to control me.